The Letter
My Beloved Sister, Princess Luna,
Tonight I tremble in our castle ruin
Amid the shards and scars of our battle,
Burdened by thoughts of three hundred more years
Without you, stained by cold guilt and hot tears.
Life’s promised joys and wonders to come
Are empty, wholly devoid of meaning.
My purpose is merely a hollow shell,
A beautiful perfume without a smell.
I thirst for your presence again, wilted
Like a flower from summer’s driest heat,
Which turns over outstretched leaves as it waits
For the storm to open its dark gates.
Never did I realize I wronged you,
Consumed whole as I was by the limelight.
They considered you merely history,
Like pale Moon, dim reflection of Sun’s glory.
What we accomplished, we did together.
Until that day, we were never apart.
How easily we forget things that last;
How easily we forget our own past!
We grew up together in bleak chaos
Enforced by Discord’s rule of tyranny.
Our parents wished for us a better world:
Equestria, before bleak despair whirled.
Together we clung for stability,
For some sense in a world without true sense.
You were the rock that kept my mind grounded,
And in me, your source of hope was founded.
Our fellow ponies lacked motivation,
Their spirits imprisoned, crushed, and weary.
We took solemn oaths for the good of all:
Our gifts would be wielded for evil’s fall.
Despite our potential, we lacked strength
To overthrow him with our own magic.
We scoured the land for hints, tales of old
Which could return us Nature’s loving fold.
Our friendship grew deep roots during our search
Through ages of rich, long-forgotten lore.
Communion and harmony filled our souls;
Magic coalesced the Elements’ Scrolls:
Secrets of the talismans’ history
And how they might be found by destined few,
Contained by the delicate yellowed rolls
In penmanship ornate and letters gold.
“Equestria was born under the blaze
Of Hearth’s Warming Eve’s bright Fire of Friendship.
Founders’ jewels to Elements were forged
In flames magical harmony had gorged.
When her time had come at last, they were sealed
By Venerable Clover the Clever.
If, by the Spark, the Fire is ignited,
There they will once again be united.”
A great deluge, as if by fate’s decree,
Soon separated us after our find.
Rain and wind washed us apart in a flood
Of howling gales and a river of mud.
I awoke at dawn battered by debris
And began my long search, calling your name.
Oh how frantic were my cries that rang out;
My mind was racing and was clouded by doubt.
I scoured the strange desolated land,
Driven by precious memories of you.
When night came after searching long and far,
I caught a glance of your bright guiding star.
That ray of hope gave me new direction
And fresh wind underneath my tired wings.
I trusted and followed your twinkling light
Full haste, for fickle was Chaos’s night.
The hot breeze at my back always slowed me,
Avalanches drifted up in my path;
Thus unnatural order resisted,
But by our strong bond, still I persisted
At last I came upon your safe haven:
A small cave nestled in the midland hills.
We called our names, running into sweet embrace
Our muddied forms quite a dirty disgrace.
Reunited safe with my dearest friend,
The ice of worry melted from my chest.
My one treasure, my precious cornerstone.
Filled by radiant warmth I’d never known.
It didn’t just come from inside myself;
It circulated within and without.
We looked around, for you felt it as well
And such a sight met us that our jaws fell.
Along the ground lay five great jewel orbs
With markings matching those in scrolls we read.
Straight out of the myth, a sign from the start,
Lighting the cave was the great flaming heart!
We were renewed by the glorious light,
Cleansed of filth, wounds, and new vitality.
The fire shone like a brilliant beacon,
Attracting old Discord to the region.
He mocked our efforts, told us to bow down,
But our sojourn had come too far to end.
We had five elements, missing just one,
But legends decreed the deed would be done.
We harnessed our love for all, great and small,
Unlocking the Elements’ sacred force.
Gathered creatures gasped in awe and wonder;
Timeless magic tore his reign asunder.
Though his rule was over, the war was won,
Nature, like a newborn must learn again
Its natural rhythms, its old refrains.
Our system of aid to this day remains.
Unrestricted by limits as never before,
Bounteousness in our talents grew clear.
We lavished them upon the entire land,
The expanse of sky was ours to command.
I brought forth Day, for I loved all things bright,
You, Night, loving its pliability.
The ponies rejoiced, insisting we lead.
We humbly refused until seeing need.
Through skirmish, famine, growth pains, and the storms,
We were confident in our commitment.
The nation soon enjoyed tranquility,
The symbol of hope and fertility.
As we matured as individuals,
Our bodies and manes morphed in reflection:
Mine like the Northern Lights, flowing pastel,
Yours, sparkling evening waves that softly swell.
You were loyal, honest, and generous;
Adorning evenings with such great splendor,
Such detailed design I couldn’t repeat.
Your thoughtful insight made our rule replete.
However, as the golden years kept on,
They adored me reverently for Day.
Though we shared the throne, habit stole your fame.
They slept through your wonders; great was the shame.
Regretfully, blinded to the patterns
Of daytime celebrations and events,
I did not see how their eyes only knew
Me, since you slumbered after morning’s dew.
Of course you were lonely, all on your own!
None but cold, stony guards for companions.
“Not now Sister; I have someplace to be.”
If life is not shared, is one truly free?
Fate struck again with news from the far north:
A lone rogue enslaved an ancient kingdom.
We marshaled our forces and took the lead,
For we could not stand for such blatant greed.
Marching forth were our Earth infantry
With winged cavalry and horned mages
As the epitome of martial might,
But we faced a different kind of fight.
As the battle waged against King Sombra,
His dark magic enveloped our forces.
Despite mages’ shields and your storms, even we
Could not tell between friend and enemy.
Visions of fallen nations filled my mind.
Only by my shield had I resisted.
When all seemed lost in his bleak corruption,
I released light in a fierce eruption.
The spell burned through his fog on our army,
Leaving him thunderstruck, a brief reprieve.
Filled with the spirit of desperation,
The Elements once more saved our nation.
When defeat neared, he sealed the Empire,
Which was quite a disheartening result,
But the dire consequence of winning
Was that your once firm resolve was thinning.
The whispers of demons during his spell,
Planted seeds of doubt in your fragile mind.
I should have listened to you, should have seen
How great the neglecting of you had been.
All the ponies said I broke the dark tide,
Yet hardly acknowledged you fought there too.
Had I listened to your words as before,
We would have avoided what was in store.
You had nowhere to turn, no shoulder firm,
Only my glory’s shadow to reside.
I see now what lead to your darker form
And confrontation that left our bond torn.
Our bitter conflict destroyed the town,
Crumbled the palace and ruined the peace.
What if that calamity’s energy
Had been used to nourish the harmony?
No lives were lost, for that I am thankful,
But I still lost you for what I had done.
Like the Elements, once bright sparkling orbs,
My heart has turned to a cold, grey, stone sore.
We rebuilt upon the tallest mountain
A great new capital: Canterlot.
Security is better, and the view.
I love more that I am closer to you.
From on high, on the regal mountain side,
The expanse of all we’ve worked for spreads out,
But all its honor, bounty, and treasure
I would give to be with you forever.
Tomorrow they will celebrate my rule
And adore me as “Princess of the Sun,”
Yet I hide behind my long practiced show
The gaping hole devoid of your soft glow.
I deserved no title, no glory, no fame,
For on my own it was hopeless to start.
I ask your forgiveness, humbly submit
For all the crimes I, not you, did commit.
I will not resist your future return,
For I know brute strength will not reach the heart.
I hope my words or this letter will speak
And break through the chains that made us so weak.
You remain my rock, my guardian moon,
A pearl in the core of my foundation.
I love you sister, more than I can say.
Indeed even more than the light of day.
May the gates open soon,
Celestia
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Very well done.
Very clever and emotional. Good work!
A wonderful, touching work. The relationship between the two sisters has always caught my imagination and this story handles it so beautifully. This was a great read, thanks for sharing it with us.
2690201
I'm of the opinion that, if there's one thing that must be in season four, it needs to be an episode that reveals more about the past and present relationship between the two sisters. There's so much potential there! I'm glad to see that you think I handled it well and that it had an impact on you.
New headcannon.
This would explain a lot.
...I don't know how to describe what I just read.
Amazing would be cliched and uninformative, outstanding would be much of the same, and unique... That's the best I can come up with. This is like a standard episode played in reverse, with the letter written by the princess and the lesson here, "don't take the simple joys in life, including family, for granted" coming together as it progresses. It feels like it knows what it is, more of an explanation and backstory than any real conflict, with the main focus on the emotion between Celestia and her past coming together beautifully and in a very poetic style (literally).
Reading this was an absolute joy all the way through, kudos to you. Your story left me feeling complete, not in the standard "I want more!" way, but in a way that feels so filling that I would be fine if you chose to leave this as it is. Very few stories conclude so well and have so much impact that I feel it would be fine for the author end it completely. So many stories feel lacking and underwhelming to a point where you want to hear more to finish the story, not simply continue it. Congratulations, you managed to make something out of a children's cartoon show about pastel ponies into a multi-dimensional work of art. Ten out of ten. Five stars. Absolutely Brilliant.
Always great to see more pony poetry here on the site. Long-form poetry is hard.
2700717
Aye, long poetry is quite difficult, but very rewarding so long as it is lengthy for a reason. I've seen short poems used as intros or as small parts of prose, and I would like to see it used more so long as it's not forced.
I would submit this to EQD to see what they think, but they only accept one-shots with 2500+ words. God bless whoever attempts a poem that long.
2694087
Well, thank you very much! You're also spot-on with your analysis: this story was based Celestia's internal conflict, whereas the other story I'm writing will focus on the specifics of the battles and other events that led up to her current state of mind.
I had received similar comments from my pre-readers saying that the conflicts could be fleshed out some, but that it would work well in its current state.That is my ideal scenario because it will allow the poem to mesh well into the time-skip of the story without being redundant. I hadn't originally planned on having such a thing as an intermission chapter, so it's good that this poem stands on its own.
Oddly enough I had tried to add another stanza or two about Luna's transformation, their conflict, or the resulting emotions, but I felt the poem had everything it needed and my muse just couldn't come up with any more fitting content, so I left it in it's current state. I guess that was for the best! I'd hate to have a forced stanza tarnish a good story.
Thank you for your generous comment and rating! I hope that my future works will be as high quality and as fulfilling to read as you've indicated this one is.
Pretty obvious the time put into this was ridiculous. Beautiful flow. Have a 'stache on me, poet.
2710453
2710852
Haha, yes, more than I'd like to admit. Let's just say it felt like I listened to my writing music enough times to account for half their views. My progress was probably slower than it should have been since I'm pretty new at creative writing (outside of a couple years of high-detail organized roleplay, if that qualifies). It feels nice to be done with it, though I do still enjoy it. I guess I couldn't ask for more!
Well, except the 'stache, which you so kindly provided!
Nicely done. And quite a bit of hard work put into it as well.
Also a neat bit of worldbuilding with the idea that the reason the ponies manage everything is due to the fallout of Discord making everything crazy for so long. That's a clever concept.
2710453
Mum's the word, but I understand there will actually be some poetry featured on EqD this weekend (though buried, unfortunately, in a nightly roundup). Keep an eye on my blog for more details once it goes live.
> I would submit this to EQD to see what they think, but they only accept one-shots with 2500+ words. God bless whoever attempts a poem that long.
I see you've already found the Poetry group — so it shouldn't come as a surprise that there are a few cool authors insane enough to have done just that. One thing that did surprise me to learn, though, is that you can't featurebox either until you hit 4,000 (!!).
As I discovered while writing my T.S. Eliot homage Melt — and as you've discovered here — 1000 words is already a gigantic sprawling mass of a poem. A hell of a lot more effort goes into it than 1000 words of yet another "Pony Verbs a Noun". Unfortunately, there's no simple objective way to measure writing effort the same way that there is to measure wordcount, and poetry is extremely high-effort writing relative to the number of words involved, so pony poetry as a genre faces a tremendous headwind above and beyond the general flinch reaction many readers seem to have to poems.
Anyway. Writing long-form poetry and long, thoughtful responses to comments — and the dedication to quality of insisting on prereaders and not wanting to compromise a piece with material that doesn't fit — are all awfully promising signs for your future fiction. Have a watch. Someday I'll be able to say I was following you back before it was cool.
2714483
2690802
Perhaps the pegasi have had to control the weather since before the founding of Equestria because of any damage past draconequus (or draconqui... whatever the plural form is) caused, or perhaps the windigos caused permanent damage to the ecosystem. Then again, it's also possible the pegasi control the weather to augment whatever weather patterns are already in place. Whatever the case, Discord didn't force the pegasi to have to control the weather, but I think he's the reason the ponies have to basically spoon feed every living thing and control day/night.
If you want to get super deep on canon debate, you could say that all the time the Elements spent in the Ancient Castle of The Royal Pony Sisters left a magical residue (or influence similar to how the Force can saturate areas in Star Wars) that preserved the natural order surrounding the castle. That would explain how the Everfree Forest grows without the aid of ponies in that area.
My personal theory on why they haven't been able to fix the land completely is that the two sisters didn't represent all the Elements, or to their fullest potential, and thus the Elements had limited power (which would explain how Sombra, Discord, and NMM all eventually broke free of their imprisonment despite having been sealed by the Elements). It we travel to the farthest reaches of possible canon, I think it's highly possible Celestia has invested so much in Twilight because she's the only one who will fully be able to understand and harness the magic of friendship to unlock the full potential of the Elements, which would allow the land to be fully restored to its natural order.
2717961
Will do! Is it your tumblr blog linked on your profile, or a different one? Even if it's only during a roundup, it's still something.
That's quite disheartening that you can't be featured at under 4k words, and frankly surprising. You'd think a popular story is popular for a good reason, regardless of length, and that they'd simply stick to the 1k word submission limit as their only restriction for those reasons.
Amen to that. I spent more time writing this 1500 word poem than the 9000 words and outline I've done so far for the main fic.
Excellent! I appreciate all the feedback from my readers and those who even take the time just to rate it. If I become at least semi-popular, I'll remember the encouragement you all gave at the start!
2724136 This is underrated.
2724136
I meant my FIMFic author blog, actually, but in case you missed it, here's the anthology I was hinting at with my last comment. (I've got four poems included.)
And it actually got a solo feature on EqD, which was better than we were expecting!
Beautiful!
Found this via The Underappreciated Story Society. There's far too little pony poetry here (partly because of the minimum word count) so I was really pleased to see this. I think, for me, it's a case of "nearly there". For quite a bit of the time, this felt great: suitably epic, interesting and, well, poetic. There were a few occasions on which ordinariness intruded too much, though: "Which was quite a disheartening result" is an example of that.
On a personal note, I don't much like tales where Luna's fall is held to be all/mostly/mainly Celestia's fault. I don't agree with that at all. But that doesn't affect the fact that this was a good poem to read. Just not, quite, a great one.