Everypony knows that Sparkle Cola only comes in bottles and its always flat and warm. But what if it didn't have to be? More then two hundred years ago a war changed the face of Equestria and the neighboring lands. A little over two decades ago the Lightbringer and her friends began the process of rebuilding the Equestria wasteland with a return to the values of Friendship and Harmony.
We still aren't there yet but a group of misfits from Junction town are going to give the world a Sparkle Cola and see if they can't teach the wasteland that if you go for a soda that no pony hurts and no pony dies. Maybe if there is time they can get some cool souvenirs from the old world.
Chapters (1)
The grammar, punctuation, and formatting mistakes made it a bit of a headache to read, but it was funny nonetheless. I approve. Make moar!
Offer them an ice-cold Sparkle Cola, that'll calm them down!
Okay this premise sounded to good to be true so lets see if this story can live up to that, so what do I bring you? REVIEW TIME!
So any special reason to why you used italic to your dialogue? Because beside looking odd and out of the place do you also have many formatting mistakes because of that, so it is really not worth it.
Beside that are you right, it is clear as day that you are needing a pre-reader, and a training course or five in setting commas, if I had a penny for each missing comma in this story... Beside that could it really need some polish in general, your wordsings are not the best ones, and it is at times hard to really get what it is that you try to say.
Nitpicks:
"Story One: A Soda Jerk." You have a double space here.
"Scrambling down from his perch on top of the ranger’s head Sliced Cheese kicked at the door controls causing it to close and lock the ranger inside the old cafeteria." You have a double space in the start of this sentence.
"“Everyone buckled in?” “Check!” “Double check!!”" Each of these three should have their own line, after all, new speaker new line.
"“Ok helmets on” “Check!” “Double ch...oh hold on”" And the same thing here.
"“Cloud status?” “Soft and fluffy with a hint of grey.” Nodding to herself “good good.”" You have a command issue here, your first italic command eating your line, and you are missing a line between them all.
"A pink hoof came into her view as Pop reached over from behind her. “Um ok, why?” Again, your italic command ate your line, and this is happening often, so I won´t point out each instance that that happens. Just remember new line with each character that speaks
“oh no reason just want to see how far down escape from the angry group of rangers that is charging right for you was.” This should start with a capital letter.
"Reaching up to grab hold of her helmet Pop turned her head towards a group of angry rangers that were. Coming straight for them!" You do not need neither your period or capital letter at coming.
“Not…damnit!” You have forgotten a space after your ellipse here.
"A series of knocks followed by a creaking sound as the door slide open as a spectacle wearing unicorn filly stuck her head in side." Inside are one word.
"Sliced’s grandsire Processed Cheese managed with the help of local trader Ditzy Doo to obtain five of six jersey’s belonging to the not yet Ministry Mare’s from when they played for the Ponyville Golden Leafs" You have a double space between for and the right before Ponyville.
"not that everything wasn’t better after my scalp healed and my mane grew back in." Did you not mean back out?
"of course we didn’t get caught we are all here aren’t we." This is a question, so should end with a question mark.
"Sorry Pepper better luck next time.” You have a double space in the start of this sentence.
"Shaking her head at her grandson’s questions as he climbed out and help Stem out of the hole where she stood shakily on her hooves from the strain of using her magic for nearly five minutes straight." Should be helped instead of help.
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Trust me I know, but since I don't have an editor to actually catch them before they escape into the wild I had to hope someone found them so that I could beat all the errors into order.
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*hugs Doomande* Thank you for finding those. I suspect at some point people will tire of my lack of proper editing and someone will take up the roll of pre-reader before I unleash massive errors on to the vast number of ponies. I'll fix what you have pointed out. I honestly wish I was raised in a language other than english as most if not all of my problems come from the way I hear the dialog in my head so when I go back to read it again it still sounds correct. Taking a training course or five in comma usage won't help I've had at least six at this point it just does not stick.
As for it living up to it's own premise, probably not. I am horrible for setting goals for myself that never actually get achieved. That said I'm just trying to see if I can write something that can make the wastelands fun without having to say why the heck is this even in Fallout.