A mysterious entity begins attacking the poor innocent town of Ponyville, coming in the night in the form of a nightmare that never ends. Seen as a spreading disease by many, the continuation begins to spark fear in the hearts of many.
And when Rainbow Dash is brought to the hospital with this very illness certain ponies are forced to take action.
This is a story I started before I was really a competent writer and I wanted to get back it, but haven't had any reason to. I'm mostly ashamed of it, and any chapters after the one I have now promise to be better, but I'm going bats*** up the belfrey when I'm not posting anything...
Chapters (1)
What I like:
- Contrast of RD's loyalty and pride.
- Sinister talk of whatever the entity is detailing RD's failures and pony endangerment.
What I don't like:
- RD bucking Scootaloo out a window and not simply flying away if annoyed - very OoC (out of character)
- RD automatically not having a fighting chance against the entity. It is not completely necessary, but I like to see rises in conflict.
It would be nice to see where this goes. Right now, it seems average.
2662899 Better review than I expected at least, better than I would've given myself on it certainly. And just fair warning I think I've already given, you might not see where it goes because it may not go anywhere... sorry...
Not bad, I really don't think rainbow would buck scoots off her cloud. But over all I love the whole idea.
u can do this