5. The Long Way 'Round
The Conversion Bureau
HUMAN
in Equestria
By Chatoyance
5. The Long Way 'Round
"Children not in Masada master! Scootybutt sure! All diamond dog sure!" Gérard Hollande's butler wrung his paws in shame at failing to find his master's daughter. "Am sorry, master, please forgive Scootybutt?"
Hollande turned to Luigi Draghi, who had arrived with Sergey Brin and a fairly large pack of the clothed, troll-like canids. "Any luck?"
Drahgi gesticulated wildly "I can't find my daughter Isla anywhere! She's not even inside the walls, if these damn dogs can be believed!"
"Scootybutt nose good! All dog nose good! Tell truth! Tell truth!" The other diamond dogs were beginning to whimper and some were whining. The easiest way to win the loyalty of a diamond dog was to be dominant, and the easiest way to make them cry was to be disappointed for any reason.
"If they aren't here, then where in hell are they?" Sergey Brin gave his lead housedog a light kick with his foot. "Nobgobbler! Where is Asher? That's your job, to look after my boy! Now where..." Another kick "...the hell..." Nobgobbler was couched low, shielding his head behind large clawed paws as another kick was directed at him "IS HE?"
"Nob not know, master, Nob sorry, please master, please, Nob not know!" The normally immaculate diamond dog looked scruffy, with his golden coat mussed and his white suit stained with shoe prints. The kicks, of themselves, meant little to the creature. What mattered was that master was angry. Nothing was worse to a diamond dog than the displeasure of an Alpha.
Stefan Bettencourt marched towards the group, with numerous parents and other family heads following him. "My hunting dog sniffed out the story. There's a hole in the wall. It looks like they raided several pantries, including the Club. Left all the stuff under some bushes at the front of my land. I think they got spooked and left before they could reclaim their supplies."
"They can't be far, and they'll be miserable without food and water." Ophelia Sachs laughed. "Silly kids. I expected better of Oliver. He's normally very careful about details."
Andrew Cameron scowled. "Maybe at the shallow end of the pool..." Ophelia caught all too well that Andrew was referring to status and not water "...worrying about food is an issue. With Camerons, duty is what matters. Your déclassé sissy doubtless corrupted my Milo and the others." Andrew traded his scowl for a glare. "What are you even doing talking to any of us?"
"Enough!" The bickering of these petty social climbers was annoying Stefan. There was a Bettencourt out there, with that pack of insignificant brats, and the shame ate at him. "Grunthas! Round up every dog you can find and go after the children! Bring them directly back here! Do whatever you have to, as long as the children aren't harmed, understood?"
"Yes master!" The diamond dog wiggled his tail. He was given the order, so he was Alpha of the searching pack. "But me not Grunthas, me Grunthas! Grunthas is..."
The look on Stefan Bettencourt's face made Grunthas think of the business end of enraged dragons, and an enraged dragon was something no living creature ever wanted to see. "Me get dogs. Me and dogs go get children, bring back, fast, fast, master!"
Stefan watched Grunthas immediately begin growling and barking as he ran off, signalling the other dogs to join in under their new, temporary Alpha.
"What are you doing, Bettencourt? We should be out there going after..." Gérard Hollande went silent at a duplicate of the same look that had frightened the diamond dog.
"The dogs are faster, they know this insane realm, they can track with their noses, and they are utterly loyal and intelligent..." Stefan thought a moment. "...to a degree. If you can claim even one of those traits, please, be my guest."
Brin smirked at the dig. Sergey had always thought Gérard didn't belong in the upper tier.
Stefan gave Sergey a glance as he passed by him, feet directed towards the Club. "Get everyone to the Muleskinner, will you Brin? There's a good boy."
Gérard Hollande chuckled softly. Bettencourt wasn't playing favorites.
Oliver wanted to go north.
"It is the shorter distance, so we will get to Canterlot sooner! We could take the road that goes through the pass there. My mother told me about it. She rode there with Mrs. Prada and Mrs. Reinhart and the Klattens and the Waltons that time Celestia invited the..."
"I say we go south. They'll be expecting us to take the easy path. And nobody cares what your mother thinks, Sachs." Asher stood so that Oliver was blocked from view. Mostly.
"But mom told me that the pass is covered in these beautiful flowers, really big ones the size of dinner plates and..."
"Shut the hell up, pansy!" Asher Brin raised a hand as if he might slap the overweight, delicate boy. "Pansy. Pansy Flower. Now you have your pony name. You're welcome." Oliver had backed off and turned around, so none of the other children could see his face.
"Stop picking on him. What is your problem, anyway?" Seraphina Hollande walked over to the quietly weeping Oliver. "You've been nothing but mean since we left the Masada. I can't see you as a pony at all, frankly." She put a hand on Oliver's shoulder, but he didn't respond. She had wanted to put an arm around his shoulder, but he was taller than she was, even though he was significantly younger.
"I do not approve of your boorish behavior either, Asher." Petra stood up from where she had been sitting. The children had been resting in a hollow created by the rolling hills of grass. "Still, Asher has a point. Not about your mother, dear Oliver..." The poor boy still wasn't willing to turn around. "...rather, I mean about how they will expect us to take the shorter path. 'That is surely what a child would do' I think they will say, and they will expect us to go north."
"Like I said. We go south." Asher kicked at the grass in frustration.
Petra joined Seraphina, but walked around to face Oliver. He was wiping his eyes. Petra gave the boy a comforting pat on the shoulder. "I am certain that your mother was correct, and that the flowers in the pass are just lovely." This seemed to cheer the plump, pale child. "We shall go back, someday, and see them when we are ponies!"
"Oh, yes please!" Oliver beamed through the last of his tears. "Let's!"
Petra smiled her warmest Bettencourt smile and returned to Plantain, Crème and Isla. Isla had somehow become Crème's personal transport and grooming servant, much to Plantain's amusement. "She's popular with other bunnies too." Plantain had offered with regard to her fluffy-tailed partner.
The journey south would take several days, according to Plantain. "I've been down that way before with the Happy Pony troupe. We put on shows in Clydesdale and South Withers once, and Paine picked me up at my home and we just traveled south. That was a couple of years ago, but I remember it sorta okay."
Petra was hungry - all the children were - so it was best to think about anything else. "What is it like? Being on stage I mean, in front of so many people? I should be terrified in such a situation!"
Plantain shook her head so that her yellow mane swirled around her withers. "It's not scary at all, not if you've practiced and know your routine. It's super exciting though!" Plantain grinned and Crème, who was being carried by Isla beside them, nodded so hard her little top hat nearly came off.
"Really?" Petra stepped around a large mass of flowers and a bush "You don't feel afraid at all?"
"Well..." Plantain studied her hooves as they walked. She looked up again. "I was frightened the first time. Alright... the first few times. At the start. But once we were all into our performance, once the dancing started, all there is left to think about is not making any mistakes!" As she passed the flowers, Plantain took a big bite and chewed as they walked. "Mnnf... mnn... Basically... mnfff... once you're out there, mnn... mnnph.... it's like all the fun in the world all at the same time. The bunnies are dancing, or the spiders are doing that thing with the really complex rhythm..."
Plantain looked briefly sad "...Oh. I forgot, you've never even heard them. I know, I know, spiders. They eat bugs, they sit around on webs. Seriously, once they get clicking it sounds incredible! You wouldn't believe how good..." A tall patch of particularly juicy grass, laden with grain at the end of the stalks caught Plantain's eye. "...It's just... Mnnff... Nyumph... amazingly... mnff..."
Petra's stomach growled like some angry beast.
Plantain stopped chewing and swallowed. "Oh." The little earthpony looked utterly crestfallen. "I... I wasn't thinking. I mean... sorry."
"Please, Plantain, it's all right." Petra grabbed a handful of flowers and grass stems from another tall patch as they walked. "I suppose, for you, we are walking right through the middle of a banquet right now, aren't we?"
"It... is sorta good." Plantain's sheepish look suggested it might be better even than that.
"Worth a try, I suppose." Petra studied the palm-sized colorful flowers and the thick stems of grass in her hand. She cautiously nibbled one of the blossoms. After chewing, she swallowed. "Nothing is poisonous in Equestria, right? That is what we've been told."
"Correct!" Plantain smiled, then looked concerned. "For ponies, anyway. And diamond dogs and dragons and griffons. Probably humans too. I can't imagine Celestia not making it true for you too."
"If she was allowed to, I am certain it would be true for us." Petra nibbled one of the grass stalks, then spit it out. It was very hard to chew. "Father says that Celestia was forced by the Covenant to keep us completely human. As much as possible, anyway. I read an old book once that said that a lot of flowers on earth used to be really dangerous. You could eat some, and some people did. In the olden days they even put flowers in salads. But they had to be just the right sort of flowers. Some could stop your heart or make you very sick."
"Maybe you shouldn't eat the flowers, Petra." Plantain felt very worried now.
"Pity, really, because the grass is too tough for my teeth. The flowers at least are soft. They taste very odd, and not at all delicious." Petra threw her handful of foliage away. "They must taste much differently to a pony, I expect."
"Oh, they do!" Plantain grinned. "Most of the cast of the Happy Pony show are newfoals, you know. I was always hearing about how their tastes were changed when they became ponies. Argent and Topic - they were with the original cast, but they got married and settled down in Canterlot - the two of them just went on and on about hay. They had all these favorite blends of grasses, and specific strains they liked best and how best to prepare them and..."
"Prepare hay? How?" Petra was flabbergasted. Hay, as far as she had read in her old books, came in bales and serving hay consisted of throwing it at the ground.
"You can eat hay as is, of course, and it's very tasty fresh and green or dry. When it's dry, hay tastes completely different, and is... richer. More savory, with kind of a nutty aftertaste. Green is good too, though, kind of a lime bite to it, and of course it's juicy, too. And sweet."
Petra's stomach growled again. She tried to ignore it. She had always wanted to hear about what ponies ate directly from a living pony. Talking with Plantain like this reminded her of certain episodes of her beloved holoprogram.
"You can also cook with hay!" Plantain seemed happy talking about the subject. "Hay pancakes, hay almondine, hay fries, stir-fried hay and vegetables, spicy pan-seared hay with chillies, fried green grass, baked hay with cheese..."
"SHUT UP!" Milo Cameron's red face and angry eyes met Petra and Plantain's "I can't even imagine eating... this crap..." Milo smacked his hand through a tall mass of stalks "...but hearing you two go on about it is just too much! Stop it!"
Milo's stomach rumbled even louder than Petra's had. It was quite a sound.
"I wish I was a pony right now so much!" Isla walked grimly on, but even with Crème clutched close to her chest, it was clear she was not happy.
The children walked on in silence for a while, Petra and Plantain feeling very embarrassed. They really shouldn't have been talking so much about pony food. Especially when Plantain made it sound so wonderful. It was impossible for Petra not to invent new hay dishes in her head as she walked. The possibilities just seemed endless, and then, when one added in all the different types of flowers...
"STOP!" Asher walked briskly to the front. "I'm thirsty and hungry. We all are. But I need water the most. Pony!" Asher stared straight at Plantain. "You're supposed to have a sense of smell thousands of times better than a human. I've read that ponies back on earth could find water just by smell. You must be thirsty too! Find some water!" Asher put his hands on his hips and tried to look severe.
"Actually, that's what I've been doing all along." Plantain scraped the ground with a hoof. "Ponies need a lot of water, even more than you. I'm really painfully thirsty, myself. There's a stream just a ways ahead. I've been working us toward it from the moment we started south. It's just that I'm trying to keep us in the hollows between the hills, so that we're harder to spot."
Plantain looked from one child to the next. "Be patient, everypony, please! If we keep going this way, we can all drink our fill in just a half an hour. Try to hold on that long, alright?"
Milo's stomach made a horrific sound again. "What about food? When we left, you said everything would be okay if we ran. We should have brought the supplies! Who's stupid idea was it to leave the supplies there?"
Asher stood with his face close to Milo's, doing everything he could to look big. "It was my idea. Want to make something of it?"
Both boys found themselves pushed apart by a very annoyed Seraphina. "Just stop it! Now. If we start fighting, we might as well just turn ourselves over to our parents!"
That sent a shiver through all the human children.
"Not that we even could fight." Grumbled Milo.
"Maybe we can. I sure felt like I could take you." Asher stomped his footfalls as the group continued.
Seraphina glared at Asher. "I said, stop."
Milo and Asher grumbled in concert with their stomachs as the children and Equestrians marched on.
"Humans are very quarrelsome, aren't they?" Hamton whispered to Cutler, the pigs and chickens following well behind the children.
"Hmm..." Cutler thought for a moment. He was a very analytical pig. "Perhaps. We haven't seen them when they are fed. Everypig is different, after they're fed."
Tourt Pière was giving both Cluckalina and Beaktrice a ride on his back. "They are a predator species, like the diamond dogs and the griffons. Not like the dragons, though." Tourt was acknowledged as the intellectual of the group. The only pig smarter had already been eaten. "Dragons are dangerous, but very honorable. Humans are sneaky. I would say they are like both diamond dogs and griffons put together. They have the pack instinct and situational hierarchical loyalty of the dogs, but they also have the unpredictability and viciousness of the griffons."
"Humans sound scary." Penderloin was doing his best to follow all the big words. "I hope we don't run into any!"
Tourt Pière ignored the comment. "They seem most like ponies when they are young, I think. But only sometimes, and then only for short periods of time. I can understand why Celestia, in her wisdom, wanted them transformed."
Cutler considered that. "Why so, Tourt?"
"I have always thought that she made a mistake with the dragons, griffons and dogs. That generosity on her part has caused endless trouble throughout the history of Equestria." Tourt Pière snorted as he trotted. "Only the Pax Equestria sorted that, and even there she has been held hostage for the sake of her ponies multiple times. Don't get me wrong. I believe in the essential goodness of our beloved princess. I just think that in the past she let her generosity exceed her wisdom about some matters."
Hamton was a very shocked pig to hear such criticism of the princess of the sun. "Surely she had her reasons, Tourt Pière! Perhaps she felt keeping the dragons and griffons as they were was necessary in some way we mere pigs cannot..."
"You know what I think, Hamton?" Tourt Pière snorted again, this time so loudly that one of the primates, the boy named Oliver, looked back at him briefly. "I think that our dear Celestia finally wised up when it came to the humans!"
Hamton felt so upset by this near blasphemy that he found himself quite speechless all the rest of the way to the stream.
The Southern Trail was crawling with diamond dogs.
"Dammit!" Milo hit the dirt with a fist. Asher sat and brooded. Isla began sniffing, which made Crème, who had been laying on top of her head like a living hat, begin to try to stroke her ear with a little paw.
For three days the children, pony, bunny, pigs and chickens had been traveling cross-country. Plantain's unerring nose had led them from stream to pond, so that everyone had water to drink. Food for the humans, who did not find the land of Equestria the unending feast that the pigs, chickens, pony and bunny did, had been a problem.
The human children were always hungry, and they seemed to need a great deal of food. Plantain sniffed out groves of fruits and the occasional patch of vegetables growing wild that the children could eat. They grumbled terribly about anything she managed to find.
Apparently, many of the human children did not actually like vegetables, and were very clear on the point. The fruit they seemed to like well enough, though some claimed it sour for being unripe, or too mushy for being overripe. The pigs went to great trouble to use their special talent to find truffles - their main offering to the ponies that normally cared for them - yet the human children wouldn't even touch the delicacies.
"They're supposed to be cooked!" Milo also had not liked the fact that the enormous truffle was dirty and that there was no convenient water nearby to wash it. Pointing out that dirt wasn't 'dirty' in Equestria the same way soil was on the vanished earth had made little difference.
"I have to say I understand why the ponies keep you though." Asher also would not eat the fungus, but he did seem to marvel at it. "Back on earth, even before the Collapse? A truffle like this could have bought ten farms. No wonder ponies keep you pigs. You are like living gold mines."
Despite the compliment, none of the children were willing to devour the odd looking, basketball-sized mass, so the pigs gobbled it themselves, shaking their heads the entire time.
"You... mnnn... try so hard for them... mnphmmm..." Hamton adored truffles.
"I know. Mnnnph, ummnn, I thought humans loved truffles." Cutler took another snoutfull of succulent fungus.
"Best walkies ever!" Penderloin did not seem to grasp the situation, but no pig could disagree with his sentiment in the moment.
The group sat for a long time watching the diamond dog pack stationed at the entrance to the Southern Trail. There were at least ten dogs, and maybe fifteen. It was hard to tell exactly, because they kept separating into little squads and making sweeps of the area near them. Seraphina was sure one of the dogs worked for the Fontbona family, which amazed Milo.
"They all look different, you know. If you bother." Seraphina huffed and shook her head.
"I know! Mister Tumblebumble has the cutest little spot, right on top of his little furry head!" Oliver practically squealed at the memory. "I hope Mister Tumblebumble isn't angry with me for leaving. He's such a good doggie!"
Asher stared in disbelief at the rotund boy. "You're shitting me, right? He let you name him that? 'Mister Tumblebumble?"
Oliver beamed. "Oh yes! He would bring me breakfast in bed, and tell me a story every night. I miss Mister Tumblebumble so very much." Oliver looked sad at that. "I'm sorry, Mister Tumblebumble."
"You're a totally bent little prat, aren't you?" Asher spit on the ground in disgust. "Just lop it off and put on a dress already! God."
"First," Seraphina pointed a finger at Asher "you shut up. Second, Petra - what do we do now?"
Asher humphed and sat down. Oliver looked embarrassed, ashamed, and on the verge of tears, and also a bit like he had been caught with a pudgy hand in the cookie jar - Which was, truth be told, not an uncommon event for the boy. Quiet little Isla scootched over on the ground and gave Oliver a gentle hug.
Petra looked at the dogs in the distance, at the unclimbable mountain, and the forest beside it. The Southern Trail went between forest and mountain. Petra turned to Plantain. "Easy! Let us travel just a little more to the south, and then cut through the forest. We shall make our own trail!"
Crème Bûnnée hopped away from Isla's lap and stood in front of Plantain. The little rabbit waved it's forepaws while jumping up and down. It made little squeaks while pointing to the forest. Finally it drew a paw across it's throat in a dramatic fashion and finished by crouching down and shivering.
"You don't understand Petra. That's not just any forest. That's the Everfree." Plantain shook her own head, slowly.
"Great, it's got a name! So what?" Asher did not seem impressed.
"Shut up, Asher." Seraphina gave the boy a hard look. "What is the problem, Plantain? Is it a scary forest?"
Petra studied the distant woods for a moment. "It doesn't look terribly frightening to me. It quite looks like the Amazon - well, before it became the Amazon Desert of course. It looks just like those old pictures! As long as we are careful... the land looks flat... and I can even see the other side from here!" They had decided to rest on the top of a largish hill, which provided the group with a fairly good view.
"Petra, everypony, listen, you don't understand." Plantain rubbed her head with her forehoof. "The Everfree isn't normal. It's a magic forest. The plants grow on their own, the weather happens of its own accord. Nopony knows all the strange creatures that live in there. Some say that distance and even time doesn't work the same inside the Everfree. Why do you think my spiders are working so hard to gain citizenship - they're giant spiders and they think the Everfree is too scary for them to live in!"
"That... is a fairly compelling argument." Milo hadn't liked the thought of the pony entertainer consorting with gigantic spiders from the moment it had been mentioned in front of him. If this forest was worse than that...
"This forest is truly that dangerous?" Petra could not see any other alternative. Going back north would be ever so traumatic, going further south would take forever and only take them farther and farther from their goal. The Canterlot mountains were impossible to climb, they were all nearly vertical!
"Oh Petra, you have no idea... there are monsters in there that..." Plantain was unable to finish her statement because Asher had made a decision.
"We're cutting through the forest."
Tiny little pellets fell from the cotton puff behind Crème.
"You can't be serious Asher, as I was trying to explain..." Again Plantain was cut off.
"We can't go north, they're waiting for us there. They're waiting for us right down there, a whole pack of dogs! Forget the mountain, it's impossible. You wanna live on berries and rutabagas with human mouths forever? Wanna just go back to mom and dad and say 'Hi dad! Sorry for running away and taking all the meat with us but the fact is I really, really wanted to be turned into a pony! Are we okay? Still pals?'"
All the children stared at the ground. The pigs and chickens looked insulted at the 'meat' comment. Plantain shook her head. "Maybe we can... go south? It's only a week or two until we reach Greater Fetlock, and then we can..."
"I can't go on like this for a week or two." Seraphina shook her head slowly. She looked up at Plantain. "None of us can. Listen, Plantain... Equestria is a paradise, I get that, I really do - but it's a pony paradise." The girl looked at the rest of the group. "Maybe a pig paradise too. But it's not a paradise for humans. We can't live forever sleeping on the ground and eating berries and the odd turnip. We definitely can't live on grass. I'd kill, if I could, for some buffalo wings right now. No offense." She instantly felt bad after noticing the chicken's reaction to her words.
Plantain watched the chickens nervously backing up. The pigs seemed a little uneasy too.
Asher stood up and began storming off to the southwest, toward the boundary of the Everfree, far away from the patrol routes of the diamond dogs guarding the trail. "Nothing in that forest - I don't care how magical it is - is worse than my dad. You losers can join me or wait to be caught."
It was unthinkable. Plantain knew it was just crazy-talk. But what other choice was there? Besides, ponies ducked into and out of the Everfree forest all the time! The stories of terrible tragedies and monstrous horrors were not everyday things.
Of course, no pony tried to walk straight across the Everfree every day either. Or every year. Truth be told, Plantain couldn't remember the last expedition to try to cross, from one side to the other, the Everfree.
Primarily because attempting it would be insane.
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Well the title certainly tells you something about the story... I guess.
I always feel like titles these straightforward show a lack of confidence in the reception of a story, using niche appeal to get easy notice. I'm not accusing, it's just something I've seen often. Regardless of your intention, I would have to suggest a change. People on this site are big enough sticklers without something that big to jump on.
2847576
I have absolutely zero idea of what you are talking about. Which title? The title of the entire novel, or the title of this chapter?
The name of the novel - 'HUMAN in Equestria' is deliberate. It is a joke. The joke plays upon the fact that thirty percent (or so I hear) of all pony fiction is about humans appearing in Equestria in one form or another, and the majority of these stories are the worst sort of crap. Bottom of the barrel, beating only the worst clop and the most egregiously vapid shipping fics. And of course pony-murder stories.
I chose the novel title as a jest - and as a defiant stand. Literally, I do have a human, and they are in Equestria. But - being that this is the Conversion Bureau universe, and being that even having a human set foot in Equestria within that genre is all but unheard of (within the decent stories anyway), and being that it is my intention to blow the lid off the concept of a human in Equestria by writing a compelling and powerful and amazing story despite the bad reputation of 'HiE' stories in general.... I would say that my title for the novel is actually audacious rather than any lack of confidence.
I am effectively stating a challenge with my title: I am going to give you a story about a human in Equestria, it is going to be fabulous, and I am so damn confident about that fact that I am calling my story the most despicable thing ever - HUMAN in Equestria!
If that isn't confidence, frankly, I don't know what is!
Perhaps you mean the title of this chapter, then?
'Long Way 'Round'. Fair enough. I can't argue here. That is a very straightforward chapter title. But then again, my last novel was all influenced by Franz Kafka, and featured quotations and chapter titles derived from that great writer's works and words, and every little thing was designed to be so terribly clever and multi-leveled that one could almost claim it over the top about the whole cleverness thing.
After all of that hyper-intellectualized fussiness, I rather feel happy to put down simple chapter titles. Also, not to put too fine a point on it - I am going for an old storybook motif here, and simple chapter titles fit that motif perfectly and exactly.
So, arguably, I am still being clever-ish here, even so.
Now, unless you meant something utterly different than the title of this novel or the title of this chapter, I am at a complete loss as to your comment. Have I addressed things, or did you mean something else entirely?
2843572
She still used the thoughts and emotions of children as a weapon in her own private little battle, though. And cast them aside as soon as their purpose was completed. Maybe I could accept that as a necessary evil... maybe... but it's still pretty evil no matter its goal. And I can't see her ever admitting to that, let alone apologizing for it.
2847751 It seems that the reason she couldn't access the children was because this became part of the contract. It doesn't seem that Celestia thought "Now I've got the humans to agree on conversion centers, I don't need these children anymore!" Probably the parents insistent on this and Celestia gave in, to get some other concession. She might think that as everyone can be ponyfied later on any way, that this was an acceptable sacrifice.
2847913
I understand that, I truly do. But as you said: it was what she deemed an acceptable sacrifice. She might not have wanted to, she might not have liked it. But she still did it. A necessary evil is still an evil.
Justify it, sure. There's nothing wrong with justifications, and they can help others understand why you did what you did. But justifications by themselves are meaningless; you need to be willing to take responsibility for your actions, as well. And Celestia never quite seems willing to do that.
Ever see the West Wing? This is kind of what I'm talking about.
See what Bartlett does there? He does something, and he justifies it. But he also admits he screwed good people in the process, and that if they hate him for it, he understands completely and sympathizes. And I just... can't see Celestia doing that. Her powers, benevolence, and foresight are immense... but if they include a capacity for remorse, I'm not seeing it.
But I'm sorry, I'm kind of straying from the topic here and drifting more towards the meta-topic of conversion and the barrier as a whole. I'll drop it at this.
2848124 I don't think this train of thought is violating any rule, besides it started to become interesting. I admit I haven't read enough Chat's TCB stories to have any idea if or if not Celestia has taken responsibility for this decision (Chat may have not simply mentioned Celestia doing so), but the question remains how she is supposed to "own up" this.
I see two groups to whom Celestia would have to address: The Equestrians and the human children. The first can be told: "I had to decide between saving 19 billion lives, while causing pain to some, or to let them all die. I'm not happy with the outcome, but the alternative would have been worse." I suppose that speech is something all Equestrians would understand. Also it would happen at a time, where the children would never hear about it. This ties in with the fact that the Covenant forbids the contact with the children completely, so Celestia can't apology to them at this time. Also, I don't think Chat mentioned if or if not Celestia did explain the situation to the children before ceasing to accompany them. Don't forget that Petra proved to be an unreliable narrator already, the other children are likely the same, remembering only parts or even misremembering stuff.
Oh my, Lord of the Flies and Animal Farm all together with Alice in Wonderland and The Wizard of Oz.....
On the bright side, if they can blindside a Cockatrice, there's SOMETHING to eat.....
From very early on I can't help but think that including real people in the story is a bad idea. I mean, it's relatively unlikely that Mr. Brin, Msr. Hollande, &etc. will ever read these words left to their own devices, but on the other hand...
a) Famous people tend to be surrounded by large numbers of people who claim, pretend, or actually seem to have their best interests at heart, and thus are geometrically more likely to become aware of the existence of material referencing them than, say, a writer's high school English teacher.
b) Even aside from that possibility, giving real-life human faces and names to the previously fictional members of the Good Families, whose reputation has been so thoroughly established within the setting through this and other stories, feels more likely to alienate readers than it is to do... anything else, really. Your readerbase has, by this point, admitted (or else filed under "suspension of disbelief") that humanity can produce people like this, for whom profit is everything, true generosity is unbelievable, and conversion is a nightmare. And in the context of this story, which places the focus closer to them than ever before, it certainly benefits you to give these people names and faces, so that they can better serve as characters in the drama. But to use real names and real faces, rather than the comfortable fictional ones which sufficed for the introduction of Caprice, Petra and others, feels like it only adds to the weight of notions which must either be accepted as real or filed away, thus testing your readers' social and metaphorical tolerances further- and perhaps overcoming them.
Well this sounds incredibly dangerous... I have a feeling their imposed restraints on fighting will be thoroughly tested. Though again... A fight was defused by someone pointing out that it would be futile to try... It almost sounds more like a kind of hypnosis, or even an Emperor's New Clothes situation...
Maybe that's the case with all of it - It'd be interesting to see someone, pony or human, come up with some kind of training regimen to "re-rewire" newfoals, if for no other reason than to explore why it would or wouldn't work.
It'll be interesting to see what pony Asher is like, in any case. It might end up being a bit of a "Caprice" situation...
Looking forward to the next chapter - I had a feeling they'd face some mortal danger in the outside world before too long. I wonder if this is the part where it goes full-on Alice and they meet, say, a hookah-smoking Zecora, or the Cheshire Timberwolf.
2847751>>2843572
I read it mostly as her distracting the children while their parents freak out at what she's showing them, so they don't just suddenly find all the adults around them yelling at some strange giant lady only they can see.
Sort of like how in war or disaster movies some adult leading a group of children will tell them they're "going to play a game now!" that involves hide-and-seek from Nazis or The-Floor-Literally-Is-Lava or what have you. I always thought it was pretty unrealistic the kids don't call that person out for treating them like naive idiots (there are few things worse when you're a kid than being treated like one), but then kids aren't the ones making the movies. Maybe it's a "wink and nod" thing, in that they know it's really about an adult's comfort with themselves regarding their own behavior around children - I know I kept my mouth shut a lot for that reason.
2841687
It's true the stakes are a lot lower in this instance, but dominance and relative prosperity are inherently scarce. If one's acquisitiveness is about having more than the other guy, then it doesn't matter if there's an infinite amount of stuff to own, because it's the finite "slots" in the group that are being fought over.
I suppose setting aside a continent for people who want to play that game, and who are psychologically suited to it, would be all fine and dandy, but it would be pretty awful to force everyone to play it, unless you made sure that all the tiers ponies would be necessarily sorted into are equally pleasant...In which case dominance and hierarchy kind of lose their meaning, and you've just got plain old vanilla division of labor.
2847751
"Private little battle"... so, if the agenda is to get a bunch of ignorant fools to climb into a life boat before the ship they are sinks and kills them all, trying to get the children of the fools to help convince them to save themselves is 'evil'?
I don't think you understand the scenario at play here.
If Celestia fails, all the adults, all the children, all the remaining rats and dandelions and everything else alive on earth will be dead. Even if she hadn't arrived, they would all be dead in three generations no matter what. The whole world. Everyone and everything. The earth is toast with, or without Equestria arriving.
The ONLY reason Celestia is here is because she doesn't want to let an entire people just... die... from terminal stupidity.
Convincing children to nag their stubborn, selfish, greedy parents to not let all of humanity die is... evil manipulation that serves her own 'private battle'?
A 'private battle' to encourage billions of dangerous, unpleasant creatures to become refugees in her world, where she will be burdened with dealing with them, when it would be easier, and better for her to just sail on by and let them die off?
__________________________________________
A little crappy fishing boat with a man and his child is sinking in the middle of the cold pacific. Celestia pulls up in her golden yacht.
Celestia: "Man! You and your child are going to drown! Quick, climb onto my boat - and wear these life jackets!"
Man: "I don't wanna. What you gonna give me? You're rich, gimmie money!"
Celestia: "I said, you are going to drown, your child will die! Climb aboard. Here's the life jackets!"
Man: "I'll let my child drown if you don't promise to give me money, you rich yacht owner!"
THE EVIL PART!!!
Celestia: "Child! Please tell your father that you want to come on board. I want you to live. I want him to live. Hurry! Your little boat is sinking!"
Child: "Dad! She's just trying to help!"
Man: "HOW DARE YOU MANIPULATE MY CHILD!"
Celestia (To herself) "This... is not worth it."
Luna (To Celestia) "They are still people. We can't let them die!"
Celestia: "Sure... sure... I can't give you money, but... I'll give you your own cabin. And... the best food. Just get on board before your boat sinks, alright? Don't let your child die? Please?"
Man: "I'll think about it..."
2848953
You are under a mistaken notion.
I have not used a single real-life person.
Rather, I have selected names that are common to the richest and most powerful people on earth, then made up my own characters who could serve as the potential descendants of such people in the future. Or not. There are a lot of Sachs, and entire clans of Hollandes, Brins, and Drahgi's. I gave my characters unique names and personalities. To the best of my knowledge, there is no 'Nickolai Valeri Astor' in all the world. If there is, it would be a VERY surprising coincidence.
Every character here is my own creation. Using common last names that happen to also be the last names of some very wealthy or powerful people is a perfectly legitimate technique.
There are more 'Walton's' in the world than just the one family that owns Walmart.
But using names evocative of who is rich now, helps. Especially in a story set thirty to eighty years from now (deliberately not defined exactly)
I am sorry, but you are mistaken as to what I have done, and why I am doing it.
2849212
I'm not sure that's a fair comparison. Disregarding the broader conversion issue for a moment - that's a whole 'nother bucket of worms, even if it's related - let's just focus on the kids, who were the original point of contention. Was Celestia motivated by a higher moral purpose? Yes. Did it work? Seemingly, yes. Did she use children against their parents to do it, and then abandon them? Well... also yes. I'm not addressing the issue of why she did it, or the surrounding circumstances - just what she actually did.
Celestia was making the best of a bad situation, but she still hurt Asher and she knew exactly what she was doing when she did it. Maybe it was the best available choice, but it was her decision and hers alone, and she still owes him an apology at least. If I was being unduly harsh, it was because I wanted to show how someone in that position could (very reasonably, I think) perceive her actions.
2849246
Aha! Interesting!
In that case, I simply suggest you take the fact that I made this mistake as evidence that it might not be clear to everyone that this is what you're doing.
I seem to have grossly underestimated the scale of this journey up until now. I had not been imagining it in terms of multiple days, much less weeks... but then, that may have just been optimistic. And the really galling thing is, they don't even have to get to Canterlot directly- a single messenger reaching practically any kind of pony settlement could be enough to send an emergency flyer to the Princesses with the children's location, and from then on the matter becomes academic... but the story has organically led us to a point where the fastest of the party is Plantain (or perhaps Creme, though I'm not sure she's equipped to carry a message) and she estimates a journey of weeks to the nearest town.
I love it when the nature of a universe allows statements like these without exaggeration, and especially when people go ahead and make them.
In other news: oh dear. This is about to get even more interesting.
Still, "nothing in there could be worse than ending up having to face what we're running from" is a pretty solid argument, and one I'm starting to see the sense of.
2849382
I bet part of her motivation was also to leave them so abruptly that it would galvanize them to seek her out for closure, and so take her up on the offer to become ponies.
2849578
Interesting idea... Would be clever if it's true. As for adults pretending everything is all right for the childrens' sake in a disaster, I always interpret that as the kids knowing better but being so scared witless they WANT to believe it's true, and desperately latch to the adult's explanation as a way of not wetting themselves. Never underestimate the power of wishful thinking when things go bad enough, especially for someone so completely dependent on others as a child.
2849246
Discounting Steve Jobs in ID, you DID call Sergey Brin by name in this chapter; are you arguing that the choice of "Sergey" (particularly with the "y" spelling, as "Sergei" is a more common romanization) combined with the surname "Brin" is to be taken as coincidence and not a direct reference to the co-founder of Google? I'm not sure the real Sergey Brin would be too fond of being described as a puppy-kicker.
2850324
I didn't know there was a Sergey Brin. I was avoiding using the name 'David Brin' who is very, very famous, and so I went looking for a name that I thought did not fit with 'Brin' as a last name. I chose a baltic name thinking 'that is very far from 'David''.
I think the problem is that any name I choose, someone, somewhere, is going to have it, aren't they? I just did a google on my own name, and there are dozens of women with my name out there.
I think we are in an area here, with this issue, where no human name possible will not exist in some circle of fame or awareness.
Since this is the case, the issue becomes moot.
At least I didn't choose the last names 'Jones' or 'Smith'!
2850392
True enough, but in this specific example your arbitrary choice happened to be someone who wasn't just regionally famous or semi-influential... he's the head of one of the most powerful companies in the world.
2850408
Never heard of 'em.
2850608
No, but you've heard of the company he helped start -- Google.
The name Sergei Brin was definitely a "wait, what?" moment, but I'm sure we've all written things that coincidentally happen to be other things.
That's how I found out what "golden showers" means, one embarrassing afternoon in front of Mr. M's English class.
2850608>>2850768>>2850898
Huh. Try to not use one famous guy, and I end up with another.
You know what? Fuck it. There are a LOT of people named everything. Thirty to eighty years from now? I bet there will be another Sergey Brin, maybe even a descendant of any one of the Brins out there. Problem solved. End of issue.
Besides, my Sergey Brin is named 'Sergey Brendalthorpe Brin', and I know there isn't another one of those.
Listen... I've written a chapter where pigs act as a greek chorus and as the Statler and Waldorf of Equestria with their unique view of humanity from the outside, where the issues of food and water for humans is dealt with, where the children are fleshed out and we learn more about who they are and what motivates them, we gain a sense of the local geography AND we see how the adults are responding, PLUS we hear something of what the Everfree means within Equestrian culture - not to mention several references to previous stories in this series and not a few funny lines.
Oh - and another original drawing done in the style of turn of the century children's books is provided as a bonus. The image uses several unusual techniques which evoke the cartoon, yet stay true to the historical style. Consider that, just that right there.
Is the issue of rich sounding names really all that comes to mind with this chapter? This is the big discussion? Seriously?
2847644
I would recommend to you some GOOD HiE stories, then. While it may be true that 90% of them are crap, the same is true for all other pony stories, fanfiction and all stories in general. Sturgeon's Law spares noone.
16 Good HiEs. All of these are standard "Human goes to Equestria, stays Human or turns pony, and their adventures in the meantime." No huge twists that make the story about anything other than a human or ex-human's adventures in ponyland: Oh to be Old Again, The Best of All Possible Worlds, A Mighty Demon Slayer Grooms Some Ponies, The Sunflower Project, Xenophilia(Warning: contains some clop)*, Chains, When a Pony Calls(Warning: contains some clop), Miller, Arrow 18 Mission Logs: Lone Ranger**, Retired to Equestria, Gentleman for Ponies(Warning: contains LOTS of clop), Through The Eyes Of Another Pony(The rewrite, not the original), WD: The HiE Experiment, Machinations of a Trickster, Why Am I Pinkie Pie?, Displaced.
And this is just the stories that are only about a human in Equestria. I cut some pretty awesome Pony on Earth, Crossover, Pony/Earth diplomacy stories(which IMO most Conversion Bureau would fall under) and stories about MANY humans in Equestria.
(*)The best world-building story on FiMFiction, period. Very easy to skip the racy parts, and they don't figure much into the story.
(**)Sci-Fi take on HiE. More like Human ON Equestria, like Pony ON Earth.
I think my point is, as someone who has read a great deal of SIMPLY AWESOME HiE stories, the title of the story just comes across as shallow and belittling of the many great writers who have "dared" to write good HiE in this fashion.
ESPECIALLY now that I know the reasoning behind the name.
I figured it was just a silly reference to Humans not usually being able to enter Equestria in your CBverse, making the title just a little joke about the insistence for the past umpteen stories that it was utterly impossible. But this actually disappoints me.
Let your writing speak for itself, Chatoyance. You have a gift, and you are allowed to tout it, but this is just... I dunno. Stupid and mean in a way
I, for one, would support a change-of-name for the fic.
2850850
Chatoyance, I don't think you should take any of the poor comments here seriously. I know that critics are tough but you should use this to your advantage. I enjoy this story. And if one pony does, who cares what the rest think.
Yeah... their problem here is that you could.
2851000
Thank you, Cabal.
Just... thank you.
2851043
You're welcome!
*it's
2850408 Likewise, never heard of him.
2850898 I long ago learned to just look up things I've heard on the internet... on the internet. More dangerous, but less embarrassing.
And personally, I prefer honey garlic chicken wings.
2852479
FIXED! Thank you!
2852615 No problem at all with spotting the error, keeps my own skills sharp. Though thinking on the story and some of the comments, I do think that an extended conversation between Asher and Celestia would be riveting to read.
2850994
Chatoyance has already explained the reason for the title, which is firstly, a joke centered around the fact that most of the worst written stories on this site involve humans. You say this is mean, however, there is nothing mean about it because it is true, but even if you don't accept this as a fact, you will find that the stereotype is extremely prevalent. If the nature of this joke was mean spirited, it would target specific writers, use specific lines from bad stories in the mouths of stupid characters, or name chapters after particularly bad stories, however, other than the title there is no relation between this story and those, therefore the joke has been made in good humor.
Secondly, the book title, chapter titles, and cover art is purposefully designed to draw up images of children's story books, specifically The Pied Piper of Hameln. The reference to this story is utterly brilliant because there are two versions of the story depending on the point of view, which plays directly into the story. The version of the townspeople believes that the piper drowned the children in his rage for not being paid. This is the view point of the adults in HiE, who can't understand why their children would run off into an uncivilized world. The other version is from the view of the children who are escorted out of a place of abuse and neglect from their parents and peers to live with someone who cares for them as they are. This is the view point of the children in HiE. HiE could be a retelling of both sides either explaining how they never saw each other again or what would have happened if the townspeople tried to stop them.
The motif calls back to 27 Ounces where Dr.Pastern's only comfort in a world gone mad were the Little Golden Books children's books, which further solidifies the relationship between the completely harmless and dreamy world of children's books and the almost completely harmless and dreamy world of Equestria. For myself, seeing the wishes from one of the first books in the series be gently fulfilled in the current book touches my heart deeply.
In Chatoyance's TCB novels, there are many in and out of universe connections that double back on themselves in a truly elegant way. The reader does not need to know all of these references, but for the readers who do understand them, it turns a memorable story into a magical story.
That being said, by the end of this book I believe you will discover that your assumptions about this story being intended to be belittling are far from the truth.
2850912
I do owe you an apology, dear Chatoyance. I realize in retrospect that my tone came across much differently than my intent, and I realize I probably sounded critical and sarcastic -- the truth is I was actually amused by the coincidence, and I meant no offense.
2853323
You entirely misunderstood me. I like this story, and am a fan for Chatoyance's work(Code Majeste being a particular favorite). What I was criticizing was the title. I just feel that the reasoning for the title comes from the wrong direction, when there are so many counter-examples of Good HiEs. The fact that this is coming from a well-known HiE writer(albeit of a different slant) just makes it all the worse.
2856599
I am sorry for any insult, I did not mean to step on anyone's toes. I am sure there are many good HiE stories. That said, the perception, the common belief, is to the contrary. It simply is.
I am merely using that fact. I mean no harm by it.
Rather than focusing on my reasons for choosing the title, perhaps it is possible to recognize that I am writing, the best I can, within a genre you clearly enjoy? And my story genuinely is about a human, in Equestria. The name absolutely fits, regardless of the reasons.
2857168
I do enjoy this story, and the bit about the title really isn't that big a deal to me. At least not enough to ruin my enjoyment of the story.
Sure thing!
And I'm not so much a fan of HiE stories as i am a fan of good stories. All those stories I listed just happen to be HiEs, but they are on my Recommended List because of their quality.
2836293
I'm legitimately confused about something, and I would like to know your thoughts on it.
Say that you know a person who likes to give their opinion after reading stories, with either an upvote or a downvote. And, after reading this story, they found that they didn't really like it, in a way that is completely based on the story's own merits, and has nothing to do with your history with the site.
The thing I'm wondering about is, should your specific history with the site prevent these kind of people from downvoting if they legitimately don't like the fic itself, in fear that they'll suddenly be lumped in with these "brutes" you're talking about? Is their opinion suddenly not valid if they do so?
I'd just like a bit of clarification, that's all.
2857648
I don't think upvotes or downvotes help anyone. They don't provide genuinely useful information to anyone. They just cause trouble because all they amount to is politics and blind denial of access to the front page. Worse, they can be easily abused with sockpuppets, which they are. Upvotes and downvotes are empty gestures, easily falsified. That's the short answer.
- Petal Chatoyance
What? Still here? Ok. I'm impressed.
What if the person you suggest had something to actually say? What if they said it? To me? Your question implies some understanding of what I have been through, and what I have written about votes and criticism. I want to run with this, if I may. Stay or not, as you wish, but buckle in, because I am going LONGWINDED!!!
IF the above were true, and had absolutely nothing to do with the libelous falsehoods about my work, or about some imagined idea of my personal beliefs and attitudes, or about my personal history, or about the Conversion Bureau as a genre - if the dislike of my story here were honestly and genuinely original and heartfelt and real, then that would of course be acceptable to me, and I would be very interested to hear what the dislike was about, and and the how and wherefore of it.
Such an opinion would be instantly recognizable, if it were provided, by what it was NOT. It would be very easy to tell if it was just the same old lies and attack based purely on content. Therefore, such an opinion would be most intriguing.
Such an original opinion could NOT for a moment be about:
Misanthropy - the most common lie about me and my work, it is a hot button used to discredit me and is instantly to be dismissed. I write humanity as it is - both noble and terrible, brilliant and foolish, marvelous and brutish, both as angelic and devilish. Because humans are. Humans are complicated. What I do not write is that humans are perfect and that they can do no wrong - neither do I ignore the ways in which humans fail to live up to their ideals. I write real human beings, based always on people I have actually met in real life. Every single character.
Ignorance - another empty slur, every aspect of my future history is based upon events that are happening right now, in the real world, simply taken to the extreme. Whether it is inedible wheat, the extinction of most animal and plant life, the constantly growing population, the use of children as soldiers, the number of wars in the world, the desertification of the Amazon, the collapse of the planetary economy, the loss of jobs, the corporatization of government, or even the rise of independent, mercenary armies controlled by corporations, all are happening right now, in the real world and can easily be proven. Just Google. Those who claim this against me simply don't understand the world they live in.
Mary-Sue-ism - a laughable claim at best. My constant theme in every story is that the smallest person can make the biggest difference. Every character I create always has strong limitations, faults, failings, and is never the center of attention. Even my deific version of Celestia, based as she is off of Queen Elizabeth of England, is highly neurotic, capable of being fooled, and is vulnerable to the inverse-square law with regard to her powers. My most common character is a nobody. Petra Bettencourt is the single most famous, wealthy and powerful character I have ever written, and she is an essentially powerless child of thirteen who is only just beginning to learn to think for herself.
Spitefulness - I write purely and only from joy. I write to make people happy, to make myself feel happy, and to present stories which - mostly - offer happy endings in better places. Nothing I write is directed at anyone, especially those that have done me terrible wrongs. Rather, every story I write is simply the yearning of my heart for a happier, better, more fun life in a world with less cruelty and violence and suffering. I literally cannot write from anger or upset. The words won't come.
Now, if there is a legitimate dislike of HUMAN in Equestria that does not - in any way, or in any guise - touch on those four falsehoods, then I would be interested to hear it.
I should also mention one last item of instant dismissal on my part: objections to the setting, the universe, or the genre. I deliberately write Conversion Bureau stories because they make me happy, that isn't open to debate. Neither is the universe I paint - I deliberately make our universe out the way scientists agree it is (a mechanical, soulless, uncaring cosmos) and Equestria as a magical realm as part of my schtick. It is my gimmick, I chose it, and it also is not up to debate. For that matter, neither is my gender, my body, my personal history, or my favorite beverage.
I acknowledge that not everyone agrees on the use of dashes or semicolons, or other petty things, and that such matters can be a big deal to some people. I tend to ignore such complaints, simply because even the professionals cannot agree entirely on them.
What criticism will I listen to?
Perhaps my style of writing is too wordy, or perhaps too flowery, or perhaps it is not flowery enough? Maybe I am too consistent with my future history, and am missing opportunities for fantasy and wonder because I am constraining myself to a background that is too solid? There might be an argument that I concentrate too much on personality and not enough on action, making my stories too much talk and feelings, and not enough thrills? Or perhaps it is simply that I use too many deliberate jokes that are overly obscure, and such high-brow jests detract from the business of telling a story by being indulgent? I question myself about these matters, I would be surprised if no one else did.
Things of this nature, I can and will hear. Indeed, I have often changed my writing in reaction to such comments, as my long-time readers well know. I am an interactive author, and the comments of my readers can change and affect the very plot during writing. Sometimes this interactivity with my readers makes my stories better (The 800 Year Promise) and sometimes worse (The Taste Of Grass) but I care enough about my readers to work with them, rather than just for them.
There is one last thing which I feel compelled to add, I feel shouldn't have to include it, but experience has taught me otherwise:
I will not even bother one jot with anything that isn't polite, and which isn't written from a place of genuine kindness and respect.
Now, arguably, this one line should have been all that was needed here, and all the detail above is unnecessary, since anyone approaching me and my writing from kindness and respect would never be so rude as to even bother me with the four falsehoods. But, it has been a common tactic over the last two years for trolls to slip slowly in with honeyed words which catch me off guard before the poison is poured in. I have become very wary now. I am suspicious of anything the least bit ungenuine, and I have been well taught now to recognize the cloaked dagger.
Now, on a personal - and side - note, after looking you up, RingmasterJ5, I see that you are part of a number of groups involved in both criticism and doing MST3K's of stories. I've read a number of MSTies of my work, done by people who consider themselves my personal enemies (they openly decry me as a blight on the internet and as a horrible human being!) and I think they would be very, very surprised to find I found some of their work laugh-out-loud funny. I mean seriously, I actually laughed out loud. It's a pity they want to hate me, because frankly, I thought they were pretty funny - in one case more than half of the time, and that's hard to do with any piece of work. I respect a well done MST. It takes talent and skill to not just do boring jokes or bland mockery for its own sake.
This is likely more than you bargained for when you asked me your question, but I am not answering only you with this, but anyone else who would wonder the same thing. That is why I have been so very thorough. Also... it was fun.
Thank you for an interesting query.
2858085
I should mention that I personally do not have that much of an opinion on this particular story myself, the question just intrigued me. As such, I have neither upvoted or downvioted the story at the moment.
Your opinion on MSTs is quite surprising too, as quite a few authors here seem to absolutely detest them no matter what.
However, I have to say that the limitations you presented to possible reviewers are a bit... overly restrictive. Would you completely disregard a review if it touched upon instances of any of the points you made that the reviewer might have found in any of your stories, even if it was done so in the nicest way possible, never bringing any personal opinion of you into it?
It might be good to clarify that for anyone willing to try legitimately criticizing it themselves.
Also, if upvotes and downvotes are supposedly "empty gestures," then what would be the alternative?
2858353
I think, at this point in time, if one of the Four Falsehoods was raised, I would be very, very suspicious indeed. If it was somebody who I had come to trust - no problem. I expect a good friend to alert me to problems, including the issues described within the Four Falsehoods. But... after the abuse I have had, I am very raw about these matters.
On the other hand, if the Four Falsehoods were used in comedy, purely for comedy, and not as a true personal attack, no problem.
I'm basically really tired of the bullshit, is all.
Comments, participation, and discussion, of course! I think the very best fun both author and reader can have together is when they riff off of each other! In the very best moments I have ever had on Fimfiction, my readers and I had an ongoing dialogue during the actual creation of the story. Because I write fairly fast, sometimes - when I am at my best, and when I have the free time - I can do a chapter a day. That becomes a wonderful sort of writing, where every day the readers inform me of what is working and not working, and I can make adjustments and course corrections as I go. Audience and author become co-creators, after a fashion.
I LOVE that!
But in every case, I ask you, don't you like a comment better than just an anonymous thumb? Isn't it more interesting and more fun to see a comment than a statistic?
If I ran Fimfiction, there would be NO thumbs - up or down! There would only be comments. If a reader cares enough to bother, then let them actually say something and participate in the adventure of storytelling. If it is too hard to leave a comment, even just a short one, then... what the hell is the point?
Instead of making judgement a trivial matter of easily abused carelessness, let's own our opinions, and take a little time to think and post something real.
I think that sometimes less is more and gimmicks, like thumbs, only get in the way of the real reason we are all here - to communicate with others. That's the actual paycheck for writing a whole novel, isn't it? Comments from people, letting you know that what you wrote made them feel something? And just what that something was?
Thumbs are a terrible paycheck for writing. It's like tossing bottlecaps at a starving man, when what they need is at least pocket change!
Comments. Comments and no thumbs, because thumbs make it too easy to not bother.
2858085
> my favorite beverage
So... :squints, and loosens his holster:: ... what is it?
Waait. Wait. Reader-interactivity made Taste of Grass worse? How? What bad suggestions did you take?
Why am I not surprised to see Sergey Brin here XD I guess it just goes without saying that if there is life-extension tech available, he'd use it all. And the last time somepony went into this forest a beholder showed up. I hope they will be ok!
¡Not The EverFreeForest!
The only known friendly entities in the EverFreeForest are:
* Steven Magnet —— ¡Fabulous!
* Zecora
* The Tree of Harmony
The odds of coming across 1 of these is infinitesimal. The plants and animals in the forest are deadly.
You forgot a capital 'P'.
4752076 FIXED! Thank you!
No, children! Do not go into the big dark scary forest! It is not a happy place!
...who am I kidding? Big dark scary forests are kid magnets. I speak from experience.
If these are the creme de la creme of humanity, no wonder Celestia wanted to bar them from Equestria.
As we used to say down home on the farm: The cream rises to the top. So does the scum.
Celestia let hans keep as much as she could. She just couldn't allow another greedy, competitive race into Equestria. Even if she gave the humans all the Exponential Lands, sooner or later they would try to claim the others as well. Conquest, expansion and domination is...well, it's human nature. We can resist it, we can subvert it, but that's a lot of work and too many people don't want to make the effort.
Humans aren't monsters. Not as a general rule. Humans are herd animals. Most people want to be told what to do, and they will gather around those who do the telling. And you know what they say about power being corruptive.
As a lifelong misfit who challenges authority when it doesn't make sense, I have suffered the consequences of going against the herd.
What sets us apart from most species is that we can think. We can reason. We can empathize and go against what our base nature tells us to do. Sadly, that's too much trouble for too many people to bother with.
I'm trying to be understanding (all of these kids are damaged to one extent or another), but Asher is talking himself into getting bucked into a tree.
And we're about to find out why.
Sigh.
Kids.