• Published 15th Jul 2013
  • 1,490 Views, 24 Comments

The Interdimensional Field Trip - Fussan



This is an HiE story as well as a brony in Equestria story. It has no real sex in it, but it does strongly imply it. Contains lots of swearing and some violence. It does not start in Equestria, but it does get there quickly.

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Chapter Four: Questions

Chapter Four: Questions

Equis, Equestria, Ponyville Hospital

"Do you have any type of nest back home?"

"No."

"Do you have retractable fangs or claws?"

"No."

"Do you have any kind of enemies? The kind that you and your family would feud with?"

"No."

It has been going on like this for nearly an hour now, and I was at my rope's end. The first couple of minutes were kind of fun. But now, it was extremely boring. I know that my boredom was showing on my features, and was detectable in my voice. But Twilight just kept talking, and talking, and talking... I think she enjoyed making my life hell.

At first, they all had questions. But I expected no less from them; after all, I would have questions too, if I didn't know just about everything already, that is.

Rainbow asked things like: "What kind of stuff you do in your spare time?", and "Is there any fun sports where you're from?". I answered her questions pretty easily.

Then Applejack started asking things about what I ate and what kind of place I lived at. Like, whether it was a farm or a city. I answered those questions even easier than I did Rainbow's questions.

It was Rarity's questions which I found the hardest to answer. They were questions about my hair, and my clothes and shoes. It seemed to me that she was interested in my fashion choices more than me actually being there. I don't know why, but that made me more than a little bit angry.

Pinkie Pie was shelling me with questions so fast I couldn't keep up. They were all about parties and cake and sweets and things like that. But that was to be expected of her. She is know as "The Party Pony", after all. I waited until she had stopped to take a breath and then talked as fast as I could to answer all of her questions. It came out in a jumble, and none of them could have possibly understood what I had just said, none of them, except Pinkie of course. When I was finished doing that for the third time, she ran out of questions. Finally! So I got a moment of peace before more questions were directed at me.

This time it was Fluttershy's turn to ask me some questions. I had a hard time understanding her, due to the fact that she was hidden behind the front of her mane. But after a while of me telling her it would be fine, she stepped forward. Then she re-asked all of the questions she had, and I gladly answered them. They were predictable questions, but I enjoyed talking with her all the same. They were questions involving animals and such, nothing really irregular for her.

Twilight's questions were simple at first. She asked things like: "What is your name?", "What is your planet called?", and "Are the others male or female?". I answered all of her questions happily. But even an emotionally and mentally disturbed teenager with anger problems has his limits.

After ten whole minutes of this it started to get old. But it got even worse the longer it went on, because after the normal questions, she started asking me questions that made me think things like: "What the fuck...?", and other things along those lines.

"Do you have thermal, or normal vision?"

I looked at her with a "the hell...?" expression, but I knew I had to answer her questions. "Normal," I said. "I don't think any Human has the ability to see things in thermal without special glasses or goggles."

"Your species has goggles to see in thermal vision?" she asked looked surprised.

"Yeah," I said, "We also have goggles to see in the dark, and some that don't just see heat, but they can even tell you how hot something is. We have more than that too, we sometimes combine goggles to make them see everything, and we can put technologies into them so we can see how far something is away too. And we can press a button on some specially made goggles to mark something that we see, and a machine in space will jot that down and send the information back to the headquarters that are in charge of receiving that information so they can send things, or people there. That's called 'laser targeting'. But there are more types than that, but they're all I can remember right now."

Twilight looked stunned. She obviously had not been expecting an answer like that. But that was the answer she got, and she will have to deal with it.

"Are you serious?!"

"Yep," I said, "sure am."

She took a deep breath after that, and fell into what looked like some really deep thought.

"Look," I started, "I would love to stay and answer your questions that are making me question my current state of sanity," she looked up at me then, "but I really think we should move past this. I mean, it's been just about an hour with your questions alone."

She looked surprised, then she turned around to look at the clock mounted on the wall above the door, and saw that I was right.

"Oh," she said sheepishly, "sorry, I guess I just got a little, you know, carried away..."

"No problem."

"But, I have only a few more questions left; can I ask them please?" She gave me a hopeful smile.

I gave a long-suffering sigh. "Fine, but only a few more, got it?"

"Okay, got it. I want to ask you what kind of government you have."

"Well," I started, "There are dozens of different governments all over our world, but where we're from, it's a democracy."

"Really?" she asked me.

"Yeah, really."

"Okay, now I have to ask you a personal question, and feel free not to answer if it makes you uncomfortable."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "What could you possibly want to know that would be considered personal?" I asked her.

She took on a mild blush. "Well, how do you, um... h- how do you... reproduce?"

"You're asking me about sex? Uh, well okay, I'm not a big fan of missionary, so I usually do it doggie style. But sometimes I like to let the girl sit on my lap and-"

She start to yell. "Aaaahhhh, nonononono! Stop talking, I don't want to hear anymore!" She put her hooves over her ears and started yelling "Lalalalalala, I can't hear you, lalalala..."

"Well you asked me!" I wasn't sure if she could hear me, but I yelled that anyway.

"I didn't ask you that! I wanted to know if you reproduced asexually, or just sexually!"

"Oh... Well I, er... I didn't know that."

She took her hooves off of her ears and looked at me with a huge blush. She opened her mouth to speak but could not find the words she was looking for and closed it again.

I noticed that all the other ponies had huge blushes and wide eyes. They were staring at me with jaws hitting the floor- literally, in the case of Pinkie. Even Celestia looked a bit flustered from the information I had just provided them all with.

I think maybe I took that bit too far...

"Wow." the silence was broken by Rainbow Dash. "How old are you?"

"I'm sixteen, why?"

Her eyes bulged at that. She had obviously thought I was older, but she was wrong. Way wrong by her reaction.

"What?! You're only sixteen and you do all that?! I didn't even kiss a stallion until I was seventeen, let alone have sex!"

"And just how old are you then?" I asked her.

"I'm twenty-two, why?"

"No reason, I'm just a bit surprised you waited until you were older to have sex."

Rainbow looked away, but not before I caught sight of a small blush on her checks.

"Well... I, uh..."

"Oh my god," I yelled, "You're a fucking virgin!"

She winced when I said it, but she nodded slowly in confirmation, and I heard her sniff a bit.

Her friends all gasped when she nodded, so I guess they all thought she was active in that area.

I saw that she was really embarrassed, and seeing that, I felt terrible. I had to do something to make this right; I couldn't just leave her like this.

"Hey." I said softly, "You know, being a virgin makes you special Rainbow. It means that you've still got a part of yourself that you can never get back no matter how hard you try once you lose it." she looked at me with teary eyes. "It makes you whole, and trust me, the first time you have sex, it should be with somebody you care about. You shouldn't rush it like I did, because if you do, it loses it's meaning."

"Wh- what do you mean?" she looked a little better now. All I had to do was try a bit harder, and she would recover from this.

"Well," I said, "sex is more than just an activity to do when you get bored, or just to say that you did it. Sex is a little bit like a- a symbol." she gave me an inquisitive look, a question in her eyes. "When you have sex for the first time with somebody you really care about, it means that the two of you are able to share something more than just regular feelings. It means that you can share a love with each other stronger than anything else. But if you have sex with somebody just because you want to be able to say that you did it, well, it loses that meaning, and you'll never have a chance to share a love like you would be able to if you had your first time with the one you love."

She thought about what I had just told her for a short while. But then Rainbow looked at me with a smile on her face. She was not teary anymore, not even a trace of moisture was in her eyes. What was more, she looked happy, like she had just accomplished something.

"Wow, I never thought about it like that before. When you put it like that, I feel a lot better that I didn't give into the pressure back in flight school." She took on her normal air of confidence, "Thanks Django. Ya know, you're all right." She extended her hoof at me and I made a fist with my left hand and punched her hoof in a half fist bump, half hoof bump.

I heard a sniff from my right, and we both turned to see Rarity holding a tissue in her hooves, crying.

"That- that was th- the m- most beautiful th- thing I've ever heard in m- my life," she said between sniffs.

We both looked back at each other and rolled our eyes. Rarity always was a bit over-dramatic. Well, okay, maybe a lot over-dramatic.

I heard a polite cough from my left, and looked to see Twilight looking at me.

"Well, since that's all cleared up, can we please continue where we left off?"

"Okay Twilight," I said, "what's your next question?"

"Actually, I only have one more. Then you can ask any questions you might have."

She cleared her throat, then began. "Okay then, last question. How technologically advanced is your species?"

This one made me think. I wasn't completely up to date with things, but I would tell her what I knew. Even if that answer may be wrong.

"Well," I said, "we've sent vessels into space to explore other planets, and we have the medical technologies to treat nearly any disease, sickness, or injury on the planet." I saw Twilight's jaw drop. "And we have devices that would allow me to talk to somebody on the other side of the planet at the push of a button." Her jaw got lower, and her eyes got wider. "And we've made machines that can transport people over land, water, or air without any problems." I looked to the other ponies in the room to see them with the same expression as Twilight on their faces. Even Celestia looked a bit shocked. "And we have way more advanced things than that, but I have to say, our weapon technologies are probably the most impressive." When I said this, I saw them all, including Celestia, tense up a bit.

Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say...

But it was too late now, "What sort of weapons does your species posses?" Celestia asked.

"Yes, are they powerful, and dangerous?" Twilight asked me.

I thought it best not to lie, they might be able to tell, and if they caught me in a lie, they would never be able to trust me.

"Well," I started slowly, "it depends on the type of weapon. We haven't used things like swords and spears in hundreds of years, but every once in a while, there is a person using a knife as a weapon. A good knife is usually about eight or nine inches, and has some weight to it."

Their eyes widened when I gave them the size of a what I considered "a good knife". But if that surprised them, they're going to be speechless for what's going to come next.

"But if we're talking about guns..." I trailed off after the word "guns". I hated bringing this kind of thing into this world.

"What are, 'guns' ? But more importantly, what do they do?" Twilight asked.

"Well, there are different types. Pistols are guns that can fit into one hand and shoot small caliber bullets such as twenty-two or nine millimeter rounds, but there are lots of sizes. Some are way small, but there are a few that could turn somebody's head into nothing but a splatter on the wall." They all gasped at what I had just said, but I was not finished there. No, not by a long shot.

"Then there are shotguns and rifles. Rifles shoot high caliber bullets, and small caliber bullets. I've seen them as small as a twenty-two, and even some bigger than a three-oh-eight. They're for long range precision shots. Shotguns are just the opposite, they're generally used for up-close shots. They don't use bullets though, they use things called 'shells'. Shells are casings that hold the projectile inside of it. There's bird shot- which is tiny pellets that aren't as dangerous as the other types of shot, but still deadly. Then there's buckshot- little metal balls packed into the shell that can take down a large deer no problem. But then there's slugs- a big metal chunk that goes into you and expands on impact, making them probably the most dangerous." Saying the ponies were "shocked" would win you the "Understatement of the Year" award. They could not believe their ears, and I did not blame them. If I did not know that what I was saying true, I would not believe it either.

"Then there are automatics," I continued. "They can shoot rifle and shotgun type ammo, but they can do it a whole lot faster. Some automatic rifles can empty out a thirty round clip in the same amount of time it would take you to think 'Oh shit!'. They send rounds as big as my middle finger flying at a few thousand feet per second- sometimes bigger than that even. But then you have auto shotguns; now those are really something. They can empty a clip of over ten rounds in a matter of seconds. Now think of that, but picture for every shot, there being a bunch of little metal balls flying at you. That, or those slug rounds I mentioned."

"That can't be true," Twilight said breathlessly, "It's impossible."

I looked at her. "If you think I'm bullshiting you, cast a truth spell, and I'll say the same thing I just did." I looked her straight in the eyes when I said that, and I knew from her expression after I did so that she was not going to cast the spell; she knew I was telling the truth.

"Then there are LMGs (Light Machine Guns). They fire high caliber bullets at an extremely high fire rate. They're belt fed, so they can shoot an infinite amount of ammunition, so long as it's continuously fed to it.

There are SMGs too (Small Machine Guns). they're a lot like automatic rifles, only smaller and they shoot faster. They're a bit easier to use too, but I'll take an M4 over an MP5 any day."

I took a deep breath to calm myself before I continued. I hated bringing this evil into a peaceful world like Equestria. But they had asked, so I was going to answer to the best of my ability.

"But sniper rifles are the most amazing guns we've ever created. They can shoot high caliber bullets at a rabbit from five-hundred yards away and turn it into a fine, red mist." I heard Fluttershy whimper when I said that last bit, and I felt horrible. But I wasn't quite done yet.

"Lastly we have our launchers and grenades. Grenades are metal balls about the size of apples, but vary in shape slightly. They all explode, but some shoot out gas that can knock you out or blur you vision and make you puke your guts out, others shoot out smoke smoke so a person could hide or get away. Then there's flash bangs. Those explode and make and ear bustingly loud 'bang' when the do, and if you're looking towards it, you'll be blinded for a few seconds. But some just violently explode so they take out anything in their blast radius. Now launchers, they can shoot explosives so you don't have to throw them, and also letting you hit any target accurately, making them even more dangerous than they already are."

I saw Twilight and the others look at me like I was a plague carrier, and it broke my heart. This was not what I had wanted them to think of me- a monster who just knew how to kill and nothing else. I could not stand seeing them looking at me like that anymore, so I turned away to look at the princess. I looked to Celestia to see what her expression was. If she was nervous, or worried looking, I might be in trouble. What I saw was not exactly reassuring. Celestia looked like I had just told her the sky was green and she had a giant spider crawling up her leg.

"Your people have made things like that? What are they used for?"

"Well," I said, "for the most obvious reason of them all, war. I don't think that there has ever been a time in history when somebody in my world wasn't at war. So we're constantly making new weapons, and improving our ways to kill each other."

Celestia took on a look of horror when I said that. She clearly does not think very highly of war. But I guess that is not too surprising, she had gone one thousand years with nothing but peace during her rule.

"If you think all of that's bad, I won't even tell you about the World Wars, atomic bombs, or chemical and bio-warfare. I already feel bad for talking about this kind of thing with you all. This world has know nothing but peace, and all we've been doing is getting better at killing each other."

"World Wars?" Twilight asked it as if she were afraid to know what they were.

"Yes," I said. "There were two of them, both of them killed millions of people. And the second war started just because one man thought it was a good idea to commit mass genocide." I said that with more than a bit a of disgust in my voice.

Twilight looked confused. "Why do your people do that to each other?"

I shrugged. "Probably just because they want to feel powerful. That, and they have the power to do it."

They all looked appalled, and I did not blame them. Humans were an amazing race, it is just a shame we have to be amazingly stupid too.

"Do you follow in the steps of your race Django?" Celestia asked.

I did not even have to think about my answer. "No, I don't. I think Humans are idiots. We have the power to do anything, but all we do is kill each other. But what most of us don't realize is, if we don't stop killing each other, then eventually, there won't be any of us left."

Celestia looked at me for a long moment, and she did something I never would have expected to do: she smiled.

"Why are you smiling? If I were you, I'd be barbecuing the Human with a ball of fire," I said.

"I'm smiling," she said, "because I now know for sure that you aren't a threat to me, or any of these ponies that live in this world."

I was stunned. "How can you think that after what I just told you?"

"Because you know that war isn't something to be practiced, but instead, something to be avoided at all costs. You are not a threat, only your history is."

"So," I said slowly, "you're not going to brutally and painfully destroy us?"

Celestia let out a small laugh. "No Django, I'm not."

I couldn't believe it; she was going to let us stay!

"But, if you revert to your species's violent nature, I will not hesitate to stop you from harming any of my subjects."

There's always a catch, isn't there...?

"Celestia, you have my word that we won't cause a problem. But if any of them," I pointed to the others I came here with behind me, "cause a problem, trust me, I'll deal with it personally, and they'll be wishing it was you who carried out their sentence." I finished the last part in a grim voice, to let Celestia know exactly what I would do if such a thing happened.

She gave me a hard look, and I was not sure what she was thinking. But I had a good idea of what was going through her head when she next spoke. "If they get out of line, be sure they don't do it again, or you'll be sharing in their punishment." She said the last part as less of a statement, and more of a threat.

"Don't worry princess, I'll do as you ask. They won't put a foot out of line if they know what's good for them."

"See that you do, but for now, I must take my leave. I need to think about the things you've told me about your history, and also tell my sister and my captain of the guard as well. Farewell Django, I hope to see you again."

"Goodbye princess. Until next time." I put my right hand over my chest where my heart was and gave a short bow, moving mostly my head and shoulders.

With that she walked out of the room, leaving me with a group of scared and confused Humans, and a group of ponies that were not sure if it would be better to stay or follow the princess out of the room.

Well, I thought, might as well start up the introductions...

End Chapter: Chapter Four: Questions