33w, 1dCheerilee is Best Pony
Chapter One: The Last Day of Class
Earth, America, Ohio, Cleveland
"Turn to page six twenty-three in your text books," Mrs. Jackson said. "Today, we'll be reading about immigration laws in the United States. You have twenty minutes to read through chapter thirty-six, and answer the questions on page six forty-four."
"Why," I asked. "Why do we have to read this boring ass book every day?"
"Watch your mouth!" Mrs. Jackson snapped at me. "You read this book because I tell you to! Be grateful that you don't have to do more."
I looked around the class, and I caught Lewis's eye. It was decided then, we sure as hell were not going to go through this again today. It was Friday, what were they going to do, give us a detention?
"Man," I said, "I don't know how to read, I'm still learning my shapes and colors."
"Yeah, Django's right Mrs. Jackson, we're still stuck on the color purple. It's like blue, but it's not blue. It's so confusing!" he said, finishing off with a fake, over-dramatic breakdown.
"I know, man," I said. "And I'm still stuck on the circle, it's so hard."
"Exactly," yelled Lewis. Then he looked straight at Mrs. Jackson and said, "Us retards don't know how to do big-boy work. Look, I'm still trying to draw a circle the right way."
And with that, he took out his pencil and started to scribble on his book yelling "Arrgghh! It's so hard!" He even added to the effect by putting on his "retard" voice.
"Stop writing in my book and get out of my classroom!" Mrs. Jackson was furious, and everybody in the room was laughing their asses off.
"See," I said to Mrs. Jackson "he really is trying, but his poor retard brain won't let him get schmart." I said the last word in my own retard voice, but doused it in sarcasm. I'm pretty sure that if Humans could explode from anger, Mrs. Jackson would have done so right there and then.
"Get out!" She was screeching at this point, but that just made it funnier. We got up to leave, but I had an idea. An idea that would probably get me a detention on Monday, but it was so worth it.
"You know Mrs. Jackson," I said, "you really need to relax. Here, try to play some Uno, it always helps us relax after you give us these bullshit lessons." Then I picked up the Uno deck off of the desk next to me and pulled out a draw four. "But we play Uno the fun way." Then I slammed the card on the desk as hard as I could and yelled, "Uno Attack!" I then threw the entire deck into the air above Mrs. Jackson and pounded out of the room as fast as I could, Lewis right behind me.
We ran down the hallway laughing so hard it hurt. But as we neared the room we would be in for our last period, we slowed down to a fast walk.
"Man, that shit was funny! I gotta give you that one!" Then he extended his hand in the universal "dap me up" gesture. But before I could, we were attacked.
"Get your little Spanish asses over here!"
But that was all I had time to think of before me and Lewis were put in a headlock that would break the neck of a weaker kid. We struggled at first, but we knew it was futile. Nobody could get away from Ms. Morrison.
"Ah! Ms. Morrison, I can't breath!" I yelled as best I could. Her response was to grip our necks harder.
"Now how many times have I told you little punks not to run in my halls?" It was a question, but for some reason, it sounded like a threat. We were both scared shitless of Ms. Morrison. Trust me, if you knew her, you would be too. The woman was a monster. She was way over six feet tall, and she was insanely strong, and not just for a woman, but I swear, this chick would impress Governor Arnold. But I think the worst part to her is that she can be running up on you, and you would not know it until it was too late. "Now," she said, "because I caught you two," she looked us both in the eye, "again, I'm going to have to teach you a lesson this time so you won't do it anymore."
Me and Lewis exchanged a nervous glance.
"Wh- what are you gonna do?" I asked.
"Well, since you two like to run so much, I thought we'd go on a little run of our own. You know, where nobody can see us." And with that, she started sprinting down the hallway with the two of us still in a tight headlock.
Now, I don't know if you have ever had a giant black lady put you into a headlock, and then make you run down the hallway of a school like that. But let me tell you, It is not all it is cracked up to be. For instance, when you trip and fall, she does not slow down to let you get back up, no that would be too easy. No, instead she keeps going and drags you along for a horrible, horrible ride.
But luckily, we only had to endure maybe ten minutes of this before the bell rang. And let me tell you, I don't think we have ever been so happy to go to class.
"Ms. Morrison," Lewis said in a voice that sounded as if he had swallowed a bucket of sand before he tried to talk. "we need to go to class! I don't wanna be late!"
"Oh, now you want to be in class? I thought y'all were too busy runnin' the halls, and causin' trouble."
"He's right," I managed to get out. "We can't be late again or we'll get a detention!" I put on my best puppy dog eyes, but I think the effect was lost on her. All the same she slowed down to a fast walk and turned in the direction of our classroom.
When we were outside of the room she kicked the door with her boots- why was she wearing big ass black boots?- to signal to our teacher, Ms. Francis that somebody was outside.
When the door opened, we didn't even get to see our teacher, because we were shoved violently into the room by our necks.
"If I ever see you two in my halls cuttin' class again, you'll wish this was all I did to you."
Me and Lewis shared another scared glance, then ran to the back of the room to busy ourselves with the ever-so-important task of trying to see what was so interesting in the bucket of work folders near the back of the room.
But before Ms. Francis could even ask what was going on, Ms. Morrison slammed the door shut and walked off in the direction of a group of kids we passed on our little stroll yelling something about lockers and their fingers.
Ms. Francis winced at the volume in which the door was slammed, then turned to us and opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again. She waited a second, then shook her head and yelled "What did you do this time?!"
I looked at her and said, "All I did was show Mrs. Jackson how to play Uno 'special ed.' style." And I put on an innocent smile and made puppy dog eyes at her. Lewis tried to stifle a snicker but failed completely, and ended up bursting out with laughter, and after a few more seconds of trying to look as innocent as possible, I started laughing as well.
"Keep it up, and you're going to lose your McDonalds. I'm being nice and buying it for you, but I could just as easily give you your regular math work."
"No, Ms. Francis! We worked hard for that," I said. It was totally true too. Me and Lewis bet Ms. Francis that we could go an entire period without causing any problems. And let me tell you something, it was hard as hell to do that, and not just regular "Oh, I forgot that I couldn't do that, I'm sorry Ms. Francis, can you please forgive me?" kind of hard, but the "I swear to god man, I can just go to McDonalds myself and steal some poor saps food and have a good time here." kind of hard.
"Fine, get your stuff from your lockers since we won't be back until after the bell rings."
"Alright, Ms. Francis," me and everybody yelled out.
It was only for the juniors of the class at first. We would each get five things from the dollar menu and a drink, but I haggled a bit, and got her to buy all fifteen of us two things from the dollar menu, and we could buy ourselves some soda from the corner store for about a dollar more each. So I had earned a favor from everybody in the room, and I sure as hell was gonna call in those favors when I needed them.
Once we had gotten our things and got into the van Ms. Francis had borrowed from the school- the same van she said if we ate inside of, she would throw our food out of the window- and were on our way to get some quality food from the worst fast-food joint on the planet: McDonalds.
Equis, Equestria, Ponyville Library
Twilight Sparkle was possibly the most talented unicorn in Equestria, maybe even the world. That was how she was put in charge of the task she was struggling with now. Even though she may be insanely powerful in magic, smarts, and the ability to solve problems, she was not sure she could pull this off, even with all the help she had.
"Is the relay set up correctly?"
"Yes, Ms. Sparkle."
"And the power levers, are they stable?"
"As stable as they'll ever be."
"And the primers? What about the positioning of the portal? Oh, be careful with the antennae!"
"Twilight, don't worry, everything is under control," a calm voice reassured her.
Twilight looked behind her to see a tall, majestic alicorn striding towards her. She instantly panicked, thinking she did something wrong, and that was why Celestia was here.
"Princess! What are you doing here? Did I do something wrong? Did I miscalculate the projections? Did-" She was cut short when Celestia put a hoof to her mouth, silencing her, and gave her a warm smile.
"Don't worry Twilight, you're doing perfectly fine."
Twilight blinked in surprise. Then she was able to talk again when Celestia remove her hoof from Twilight's mouth.
"Then- then what are you doing here," Twilight asked.
Celestia strode towards the large machine in the library- which was also Twilight's home- and said, "I'm just here to make sure you don't put yourself through too much unnecessary stress."
Twilight looked stunned, then she replied, "Me, stressed? Pffftt, I'm not stressed, I just have a lot of work that needs to be done, and my success or failure could possibly mean the end of Equestria as we know it," she said in a cheery tone, "so what's there to be stressed about?"
Celestia walked over to Twilight and put a hoof on her shoulder. "Don't worry, my faithful student, I'm sure you'll make me, and all of Equestria, proud."
And with that, Celestia walked away to let Twilight, and the team of the most highly qualified ponies she could ever hope to meet, get back to work. After all, they were working on the single most important project know to pony-kind: a way to look into other dimensions.
Earth, America, Ohio, Cleveland
To avoid having to yell at us for eating in the van, Ms. Francis made us eat in the parking lot outside of McDonalds. She sat in the driver's seat of the van with the heat on, while we stood outside in the freezing cold.
"Man, this is some bullshit," Lewis said between bites of his chicken sandwich.
"Oh, believe me, I know," I said, "Here, let's play a quick game of AK-47 while the little kids finish their food."
I pulled the cards out of my pocket and dealt out four hands, one for me, one for Lewis, one for T-boy- I still do not know if that is his real name or not, but whatever- and one for Tyrence. We were almost finished with the game when we heard a horn blare from behind us.
"C'mon, let's go!"
"God damn it," I said. "Show your hands, whoever's closest wins."
Turns out I was the closest, so I went home with the huge bounty of eight wrappers from our meal.
"Congratulations," said Lewis, "you earned that prize."
"Yeah," I said sarcastically, "this is the best damn prize I've ever won in my long years of livin'." Sarcasm was dripping from every word, but it was so cold, I could almost see it freeze as it did so.
Cards back in my pocket, I got back into the van so we could get back to school. Once everybody was in I took out my iPod and my charger and plugged it into the port in the dashboard. Ms. Francis did not seem to mind, so I took that as a sign that I could listen to some real music instead of this chips-and-dip muzak party bullshit she was into.
I had turned on one of my favorite songs and cranked the volume to the maximum. When my music is all the way up, I could be standing in the back of the classroom with the door closed, and you would be able to hear it outside in the hallway it is so loud. So it is no surprise I didn't realize what was happening until I felt the car getting picked up off the road.
Equis, Equestria, Ponyville Library
Twilight was focusing as hard as she could to fuel the spell that was working the portal open. She had to, for if she lost control of this spell, it could rip a hole in the fabric of reality, and if that happened, it could destroy Equestria, and any other world in existence.
She was fine-tuning the spell so they could see different dimensions when the current one was empty, and a lot of them were empty, so she was constantly working harder and harder filtering through dimension after dimension.
It had been nearly an hour since she had started the spell up, so she was nearly spent. She was just about to quit when one of the scientist ponies yelled out. "I think I've got a read on something," he said.
She nearly lost focus right there and then, but she caught herself before she could.
"You just need to go a little bit more, Ms. Sparkle," the scientist said. "Once we get an accurate reading on where it's coming from, we can go straight there."
She adjusted the spell ever-so-slightly, and waited for the scientist pony to speak up again. It seemed like a lifetime for Twilight since she was exerting herself so much.
"Just a tiny bit more," he yelled. "Just a bit more and we should have a lock!"
Twilight adjusted her spell one last time before the scientist pony yelled out again. "That's it! We have a lock!"
She heard a few quiet voices, and some machinery whirring, and data being processed on a device somewhere before he spoke again.
"You just need to go a little bit deeper, and we should find that reading," he informed Twilight. "Just put a little more juice into your spell, and we should be set!"
She didn't know if she could, but she sure knew she was going to try. She focused harder and pushed more, adding to the magical output of her horn. It started to hurt after a few seconds, but the pain was soon washed away when she heard somepony yell out in excitement.
"There, I can see it. I can see the other dimension!"
There was a lot of clamoring and yelling going on, but Twilight had her eyes closed with concentration, so she could not see anything that was going on. But she wanted so badly to see the new world. So she decided that it probably would not be to much of a loss of her focus to take a quick peek into the portal. After all, she was in charge of this assignment, it would only be fair for her to see what was on the other side of the portal. She opened her eyes a crack, and she saw something that she never expected to see. In the portal she could see what looked like a large moving hunk of metal with things inside of it. No, not "things", but people. She could see other beings in another dimension! She was so lost in her excitement that she lost focus. It was only for a fraction of a second, but it was enough for things to go horribly wrong, and quick. She saw the portal change from a light lavender color, to a dark shade a purple, and it started flickering sporadically.
She started to panic- wrong move. As it turns out, it was a really wrong move, for the large white object in the portal viewer started to rock back and fourth, and after a few seconds, it was violently torn from the ground. But it wasn't just lifted up off the ground, it started to get bigger, and Twilight saw that the object in the viewer was coming towards her!
She tried to close the portal before anything bad could happen, but it was too late, the large metal object she saw in the portal was barreling into the room at close to fifty miles per hour.
There was a loud "vroossh" as it flew over her head and crashed into the far wall of the library. But after that, it didn't move. There were strange sounds coming from the metal object in the far side of the room. Sounds like hissing, and puttering, and the odd knock, or bang.
But she wasn't worried about the sounds it was making for long, because she started hearing sounds coming from within the thing. Sounds that could only be made from something that was alive. Alive, and possibly dangerous.
Earth, America, Ohio, Cleveland
The van was lifted off of the ground quickly, and started rocking back and forth in the air. I was in the front with Ms. Francis, so I didn't have the pleasure of being squashed together so tightly in the back seat I could not get whiplash. I pulled off my headphones and looked around the van to see what the hell was happening. We were floating around in the air, that much was known, but you might think that was cool, right? No, it really, really, was not. You want to know why it was not cool? Well, I will tell you exactly why it was not cool. First off, we were going nearly fifty miles per hour on the road, so when we lifted off, we still had that momentum to carry us forward. So say, for instance, a giant fucking building gets in your way, and you can not turn because vans are not exactly made for flying, so you are pretty much screwed. The only thing there was to do at that point was to scream, so scream I did. I just hope it was a manly scream like "Aaaaahhhhhh!" and not all girly like "Eeeeeehhhhehehe!" But we were all screaming our lungs out so it was hard to tell if the manly scream was me or Ms. Francis, but I'm pretty sure Ms. Francis's voice can't go that low... Pretty sure, but not positive.
You know how when you talk about how you are going to die, and you say things like: "I'm going to die in bed with a bunch of hot girls." Or something equally stupid as that. Well, the only words I could say were along the lines of: "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!"
We were about to hit the building. We were only twenty feet away, ten feet, five, four, three, two, one foot away. And just as we hit the building... everything went bright. When I say bright, I don't mean bright as in "Hey look, I can stare into the sun longer than you can, huh, huh!" but bright as in "Aaahhhhh, my eyeballs are being boiled in their sockets!" So yeah, take a second to try to image what that is like. Got that image in your head? Good. Now amplify that by about a million and two.
We didn't hit the building, but I did hear a 'vroossh' after a second or two. I had time to wonder what that was before we did hit something, and hard. There was the sound of a crash, and then the shrieking of metal grinding against metal, then there was a ringing noise.
Is that in the car, or is that just in my own ears?
That was the only thought I had before it stopped.
I guess it was just me then. Glad it's over, it was damn annoying.
I looked back into the seats behind me and Ms. Francis. Nobody was moving. Not one of them, and it made my blood run cold.
Are they all dead?! Am I the only one who survived?!
But then I was able to hear breathing, and relaxed, realizing that they were not dead. At least, not all of them. I turned my head back forward to look at Ms. Francis, to check if she was alright, but all I saw was red.
What the fuck...?
I wiped my hand across my face, and when I pulled it away I could see. It was blood seeping into my eyes. A lot of blood. But I was not too worried, head wounds always bleed a lot, so chances are, that it was not to serious.
I looked at Ms. Francis, but she was not moving, I reached over and grabber her arm. I put my fingers to her wrist and waited. One second passed, then two, then five... I started to freak out, but then I felt it, her pulse. It was weak, but It was there.
I had about a second to relax before I heard a loud 'BANG', and then it felt like I was just hit in the face by a pillow case filled with concrete.
The airbags went off, and I could tell instantly, they just broke my nose.
Well, I thought, at least it can't get any worse.
Then I passed out from the pain, shock, and blood loss.
End Chapter: Chapter One: The Last Day of Class