Briefing.
Hello. My name is Preston Stormer.
Ever since those three rookies were put onto Alpha Team-1, nothing has been the same.
When Breez, Furno, and Surge came out of the assembly tower, the first two went straight to the Training Sphere.
Surge, on the other hand, went to one of our internal power plants to suck electricity.
With the amount of electricity he consumes, plus the fact that he’s a robot, you would think that Surge would be good with machines.
Well, he’s not. He’s awful. Surge can reduce a well-oiled hovercraft into a scrapheap in one minute flat.
So that’s why we were all very surprised when Surge invented a teleporter somehow and teleported six quadruped organisms who called themselves “ponies” to Makuhero City, one of them being as hyper and energetic as Surge.
Joy.
Surge’s personality isn’t really like that in Hero Factory canon. I just figured, since his voice is kind of high-pitched in the Hero Factory episodes, why not have him be silly and ridiculous? Plus, his character in the episodes kind of lend to that, as Surge is often used for comic relief (at least, in the Rise of the Rookies.
Cover art is (hopefully) temporary. Because I'm a lazy butt on the shelf. 
Tags will be added as the story progresses.
This story was cancelled because of the amount of work that I'd have to put into it, and I don't have that kind of time. I might come back to this, but it's highly unlikely.
EDIT (11/2/16): If I ever do come back to this story, it will need a complete overhaul.
This entire chapter is choppy and confusing. You opted to have almost all of the story focused on the dialogue, with movements and expressions being the only thing explained, if at all.
A reader needs a scene for the characters to be in. I can't tell where they're at or how it affects them. They could be in an abandoned hospital or an inter-dimensional vortex, we need something to go off of here. You can't just throw the characters out there to us it doesnt make for a very exciting read.
These other characters, I didn't even know their names until three or four lines of dialogue in. Plus it suffers from the same problem, no scene. I have no idea what they're doing at all. Even if you were trying to be vague with it, you overshot it hardcore. I have no reason right now to see them as relevant, other than you're talking about them. You can only do so much with dialogue. This isn't a radio show, it's a story, and the reader needs a scene to build up a world for their imagination to get into the story.
As it is, it's just a choppy collection of dialogue that looks more like a script than an actual story.
Sorry.
I'm just used to writing stories about the HF characters in script form, and I guess I didn't pay much atten. to the surroundings. I'll try and fix that, but it'll be a few days. 
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Don't worry, as long as you're willing to improve, I'm willing to give it another chance. Practice makes perfect after all.
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Well, it's been 5 weeks, but I finished fixing the first chapter a bit! Tell me how I did! I'm all ears!
“Stop referring to the scripts!” Breez yelled. She tossed the cheese-covered contraption she had on to the ground. “You’re irritating the readers!”
Everyone stared at Breez.
“Way to break the fourth wall, Breez.”
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Glad you like it!