Discord got bored of Equestria after the events of "Keep calm and Flutter on" so he decided to go to a new world and spread chaos there ( without permission from Celestia of course). He discovers a club of super powered beings called the Justice League who do all types of crazy stuff on a everyday bases. So he figures ''Why not join them ?"
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I'll review the grammar concepts seeing as the plot is something I am not well versed in.
1. Indentation is your friend. You do so periodically, which makes it not so much of a wall of text, but still makes it very hard for readers to read it. A good rule of thumb is for every new idea, create a new paragraph indentation.
2. Work on dialogue. An example of correct dialogue would be:
Note the comma after the the spoken words before you describe who is doing the action.
3. Capitalization is a must. There are many places in here that need capitalization. There are also many things that do not require capitalization.
4. Try to pace yourself. You went a little fast in order to finish the chapter. It might just be me, but I require a bit more detail before I accept the surroundings to exist and for characters to be believable.
Anyway, just try to clean this up. I'm sure you have a great idea coming along, but without proper writing techniques, you aren't going to get very far in popularity. Let's see what you can do, eh?
AwkwardTaco has a point, but I think that these problems are, most of the time, not noticeable. Don't dwell too much on it, and keep up the good work
!
interesting... i will watch
You have my attention.
I love DC comics, and I can only hope you can make this cross over work.
This should be good.
When in the Justice League timeline will this start? Will any other DC crossover's appear in this story? Like Static Shock or Teen Titans.
That is assuming he end's up in the same universe as the Justice League show. He could end up in a DC comic universe, or Young Justice universe.
Well no matter what happen's this is sure to be good.
How will the DC world react to Discord? What will Discord think of the DC universe? Will he end up in a human form, or stay his classic self? Personally I hope he stay's his classic self. That or maybe a mixture between the two. Like maybe a human form to blend in. His Clark Kent form if you will. While using his normal form to do what he does best cause chaos.
DC comics? Darn, now he can't meet Wilson.
AKA Deadpool. Or can he?
Interesting. Has potential, as long as Discord doesnt completely overide the guiding conventions of the DC universe.
I say he becomes a hero and teams up with the witty flash to make Batman laghe
These days...
I've been playing Injustice: Gods Among Us a lot recently, so the timing of this is awesome.
Now, I shall read!
Alright, I've read it now, and admittedly my first thought was that you really need an editor or proofreader or something.
Other than that, pretty damn great. Like'd and fave'd.
Also:
Not sure if intentional or accidental random capitalisation. Either way, I really want to see what would happen if he met him now.
2638495 I think you mean laugh only what I think.
I would just like to take this moment to imagine a fight between Discord and The Joker. Nothing will ever make sense again...
There's way too many capitalization errors.
YES! I need more. I really liked it but there were errors in capitalization, other than that it was really good.
Poor poor batman......
And he thought the Joker was bad
2638667 you are correct
A brilliant premise and an original idea, but it feels like it should be longer.
Okay you must of already thought of this but MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER MEET THE JOKER. Please.
Discord meets the creeper. those two would hit it off also when is he going to the dc earth after justice league unlimited ended? because I find that to be the best point to put him in.
Discord, spirit of Chaos.
Who will he meet?
Probably some other hero who also uses magic.
Like Captain Marvel, Hawkgirl, Wonder Woman, or any other hero with magic.
Probably magic.
2638727 did you know that there was a time (a crossover of Batman/Hulk) where the Joker got reality warping powers, and he made that 2+2 were equal to FISH?
2638873
Batman knows too well how to deal with "comedians" after all, he has made team-ups with The Creeper who is a genetic altered-not murderous-green skinned-and heroic version of The Joker
2638428
What do you mean? super hero comics doesn't have much logic anyway
little known fact On the DC universe MAGIC is more potent than in Marvel universe
2642171 And somehow slightly creepier. Oh Jack Ryder, you funny.
Celestia help us all...
(I have not read the fic yet.)
Its nice, waiting for more
2638362 Exactly, Deadpool cares not for petty things such as 'trademarks' and 'lawsuits'.
2647509
Heck, Wade might be "in town" just so he can screw with his counter part Deathstroke, AKA Slade Wilson.
It's almost like Wade was based off of Slade.
NAAAAAH! Everybody knows he's supposed to be a Spiderman knock off.
2649793 Eyup.
Fear me, for I am Deadmacinpool.
Great story, but you really need to proof read this. Finish a chapter and then come back the next day to edit it. That way, you can find all of those silly mistakes. Now, I have a gold star to click............
You have a good idea, a very interesting idea right here. However, people won't pay attention to it if the grammar get's butchered faster than a pig in a meat shop. Pick up an editor, re-read through your chapter to see if you made any mistakes, make sure you know what exactly what you're doing. Otherwise this story will slip through the cracks and be ignored.
Shorter? They need to be longer!
I'm not sure what the league consists of but who make up the Justice League?
Like, I know Batman and Superman for sure.
And I think Green Lantern, The Flash and Wonder Woman too...
Am I missing anyone else?
Great story so far, but you need to work on your spacing and capitalization. Always put a space after a comma (,) or a period (.) never before. And never put a capital in the middle of a sentence, unless it's a name or the word I. And when you split up dialouge you always put a capital at the beginning.
2653484 martian manhunter/ john jones and hank girl and thats all of them.
please have discord become human it would make a lot more sense in my opinion.
2655753
I know Marthian Manhunter but not the hank girl person.
First time I've heard of her I think...
I just read the description and Am already exited!
P.S. poor batman
Now to see on what level discord will be put in the DC-verse.
If he is on a level with Mister Mxyzptlk (the guy joker got his reality warping powers from to screw over the world) it should be really fun.
And if we already are throwing in universe jumping Discord could go and visit the Marvel-verse and screw around a bit and annoy the Avengers together with Deadpool.
2656768
I think they meant Hawk Girl...
2660048
Okay, that person I do know.
personally I think you need to work on your grammar a bit.
And pacing, but not really.
Other than that, this seems very interesting :p
nice Percy Jackson reference.
please let discord be a hero
I think discord should rename it the fish leauge.
I really like this, and I really want to see where this goes, I hope the next update won't be too far away.
2696069 Ah Percy Jackson.... why is there not a crossover with that on here?
Moar?
Moar!
MOAR!
Oh man this is gonna be so much fun!!!
Oh god... The typos!! Makeitshtahp! Makeitshtahp! Makeitshtahp!