2. Blushing Brad
The Mixed-Up Life of Brad
by D. G. D. Davidson
II. Blushing Brad
Brad only dimly remembered what happened after the white unicorn walked into the room. He remembered that she glowed like the sun, and he remembered that, when he looked into her eye, he thought she was peering inside him and reading his soul like a book. He remembered how the strength left his body and he fell down flat.
He heard Twilight pleading with someone, someone he assumed was the white unicorn. He couldn’t remember what she was pleading for, but he remembered being afraid.
When he came back to himself, he was propped up on a red velvet pillow on a long, gilt chaise longue in a spacious chamber sparkling with jewels. A four-poster featherbed, a vanity, a coffee table, and an armoire, all coated in gold foil and encrusted with enormous rubies, sapphires, emeralds, and opals, stood in the room. It occurred to him that if he pried off just a few of those gems, he could be set for life: a blue diamond at least as big as the Hope jutted from the apex of the vanity mirror’s frame, and it was not even the largest stone in the room.
He quickly learned that he was a prisoner, albeit in a large and luxurious prison. The front door was locked, so he pounded on it until it fell open.
Brad gaped. In walked a pony with a body apparently made out of living blue crystal. The pony shimmered whenever he moved, and Brad could actually see right through him to the furniture in the hall outside. The pony wore boots, a helmet, and a breastplate that, from the way they fractured the light into rainbows, appeared to be diamond.
“May I help you?” the pony asked.
Brad shook his head to recover from the shock. “Yeah, you can let me out of here. Where’s Twilight?”
“The princess will see you soon. May I offer you some refreshment in the meantime? Food? A drink?”
“No, you can let me out.”
“That, I am afraid, I cannot do. Will that be all, sir?”
Brad scowled. “Are you a butler or a jailer?”
“For the moment, both. Good day to you, sir.” The pony backed out and closed the door.
Brad kicked the doorframe in frustration, prowled around for a few minutes, and then tried the two other doors in the room. As he had expected, one opened into a closet, and the other into a bath.
The floor and walls of the bath appeared to be inlaid with squares of quartz rather than ceramic. The sink was actually a fountain topped with what looked like a giant seahorse carved from topaz, spitting a stream of water from its mouth. The toilet was less impressive: it was merely a porcelain-lined hole in the floor. Brad saw no toilet paper, but a device beside the toilet appeared to be a bidet.
The tub was the size of a small pool and sunk into the floor. Deciding he didn’t smell too good after all he’d been through, he turned on the faucets and slid out of his clothes.
Beside the tub, he discovered an enormous rack of scented soaps, bath oils, and sprays. He read some of the labels and then, curious, poured a few vials into the bathwater—essence of lavender, juniper oil, almond milk, sassafras oil, and appleseed extract. He decided he’d overdone it, as the hot bath gave off a heavy, cloying, and decidedly unpleasant odor, but he climbed in anyway and soaked for several minutes. Leaning his head back, he stared up at the quartz tiles in the ceiling and let his mind wander.
While the fumes of the bath oils cleared his sinuses, he felt as if the rest of his head were clearing as well. The last few months had been crazy: Twilight Sparkle had appeared out of nowhere and literally crashed into him in the hall. Awkward, clumsy, and exceedingly weird, yet both incredibly smart and incredibly pretty, she had quickly carried his heart away.
When she had made her teary confession to him, telling him that she loved him more than she had ever loved anyone before, but that she couldn’t be with him because she was really a magic pony princess from another world, he had assumed that, as he had already halfway suspected, she was a nutjob. But he loved her, so he had chosen to believe her anyway.
Only after she had taken his hand, pulled him to her house, and opened the mirror portal had he finally lost all doubt. He had decided then and there that spending the rest of his life as a pony would be a better fate than losing Twilight.
Now he wasn’t so sure. He remembered that, when he had looked down at himself after passing through the mirror and had seen his human body intact, his first feeling had been one of profound relief.
He looked down at himself now. He was thin and bony, perhaps, but he was a man, and he liked being a man. Whenever he was around Twilight, he lost his head, but for the moment, his passions were cooled, and he knew one thing for certain: he did not want to be a pony. He very desperately did not want to be a pony.
With a long, low sigh, he reached for the rack again and rifled through its contents until he found the least girly-smelling soap, and then he scrubbed.
After his bath, he had no choice but to slip back into the same clothes he had taken off. Combing some “Goops for Stuff All-Natural Renewing Mane Gel” into his hair, he walked back into the bedroom. He gasped and dropped the comb when he saw a pink unicorn sitting on the chaise.
“I didn’t want to interrupt your bath,” she said. “Are you having a pleasant stay?”
He put a hand to his chest and struggled to even his breathing before he answered, “Sorry, but everything here is still catching me by surprise. Who are you?”
“Princess Cadance. Did Twilight mention me?”
“You’re her sister-in-law. Where is Twilight?”
“You’ll see her soon.”
“Why is the door locked?”
“As a precaution. Come sit down.”
He hesitated a moment, but finally walked over, sat in a chair, crossed his arms, and scowled at the unicorn.
He couldn’t hold the scowl long. Sitting near her, he felt his face flush, and his heart started pounding. Squirming in his seat, he put his hands to the chair’s armrests—hoofrests, maybe?—and gripped them hard.
Cadance raised one eyebrow, but appeared to be trying to ignore his reaction. Then she paused, frowned, and wrinkled her nose. “That’s an interesting scent you’re wearing—”
Brad felt sweat break out on his forehead. He tugged at the collar of his T-shirt as if it were tight. “Well, I found a bunch of stuff in the bathroom, and one of the bottles smelled like deodorant, so—”
“That’s actually a vaginal spray. A mare would wear it to mask her natural scent when she’s in season.”
“Oh.” Brad felt his face flush even harder.
Cadance, as if dealing with a mildly distasteful subject, looked down, took a deep, longsuffering breath, and said, “If I’m making you uncomfortable, why don’t you scoot your chair back a few feet?”
Feeling lightheaded, he nodded and said, “Thanks. I will.” Pushing with his feet, he shoved the chair backwards, and as the distance between himself and Cadance lengthened, he felt his face cool and his heart slow. He shook his head to clear it.
“You seem to be unusually sensitive to us,” Cadance said. “Interesting. Princess Celestia said your reaction to her was quite unexpected as well.”
Brad mopped at his forehead with the back of his hand. “I don’t understand. Sensitive to what?”
“Alicorn magic, I presume. Celestia has a certain aura of power around her, and anypony can sense it, but you’re the only one I’ve ever heard of actually fainting in front of her.”
“I didn’t faint. I just—okay, I sort of fainted.”
“And I’m the princess of love.” She lifted an eyebrow again. “I seem to cause you a pronounced physical—”
“No, no. Not at all.” His face heated again.
“Am I still too close? I can move to the other side of the room if you like.”
“You’re fine. It’s fine. Just don’t mind me. Tell me when I can see Twilight.”
“That matter is more complicated than you think. Do you know where you are?”
“Equestria, right?”
“Yes, and do you know what Equestria is?”
“The land of magic ponies?”
“More than that, it’s a kingdom. A pony cannot simply cross its borders whenever she pleases. You are here illegally.”
Brad dropped his hand to his lap, and his face fell. “Oh. She never mentioned—”
Cadance sighed. “I thought not. Listen, Brad, I’m going to get this sorted out for you—”
“Aren’t you a princess? Can’t you just wave your hoof over it and say, ‘Brad can be in Equestria’?”
She smiled. “It happens that you are in my domain, the Crystal Empire, but I am not the ultimate ruler here. I intend to make your stay as comfortable as I can, but your case will be decided in Canterlot. Princess Celestia has returned there to call the Cosmic Council, but it takes time to gather the members. In the meanwhile, ask me for anything within reason, and I will provide it.”
“How about a TV?”
“I don’t know what that is.”
“Okay, how about my backpack and my guitar?”
“I will send for them as soon as I leave.”
“Books?”
“I will select a shelf of my favorites, fiction and nonfiction, and have it brought here.”
Brad leaned forward and said very slowly, pronouncing each syllable individually, “And Twilight Sparkle.”
“I’m afraid that’s impossible.”
“Why? Don’t tell me she doesn’t want to see me. I won’t believe you.”
A warm smile settled on Cadance’s face. “The situation is difficult. Surely you have an inkling of that.”
“I don’t care. I want to see her.”
Cadance’s smile grew wider and softer, and her eyes moistened. She looked like a girl watching a sappy rom-com, but after clearing her throat faintly, she changed the subject. “Let’s discuss your diet, shall we? I notice you have small teeth—”
“Screw my diet. Let’s talk about my girlfriend. Where is she?”
“I will explain everything as soon as I can, Brad, but I must meet with the other sovereigns first. The situation is unusual, and we are having trouble figuring out the right way to handle it.”
“Locking me in a room is not the right way. Why don’t you ask Twilight how to handle it? Why don’t you bring her here?”
Cadance closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she pushed one foreleg away from her breast, apparently in an effort to calm herself. “Brad, Twilight spent a lot of time as a human, but now she’s a pony again. She fell in love with you, very much in love. Believe me, I can sense it from her. Her heart is like a . . . a bonfire! But she’s confused right now, and she needs time alone to sort things out. I know, because you love her, that you want to be with her, but you can also respect her when she needs to be alone, can’t you?”
Brad looked down to the floor and nodded. He felt his eyes watering, and that irritated him.
Cadance stood and deliberately drew close to him until he felt his heart begin to pound again. “Brad, I have one more thing to say to you, and I want you to listen closely. Do you know my special talent?”
“Making people flush?” Annoyed, he got out of his chair and backed away from her.
“Close. My talent is helping ponies fall in love.”
For a brief moment, Brad wondered wildly if she were hitting on him. He grabbed the chair and shoved it in front of himself like a shield. “Can’t they do that on their own without your help?”
“Usually. Most ponies choose their own spouses, but among the nobility, marriages are often arranged. They call on me to make sure the arrangements go smoothly.”
“Where I come from, we don’t much like arranged marriages.”
“Maybe you should reconsider. Ours, at least, are usually happy.”
“What does this have to do with me?”
Cadance twisted her mouth as if considering her words. “I can also, sometimes, help a pony fall out of love. When a relationship just isn’t possible, it can be easier that way. Twilight told me that the two of you were planning to marry after you came here, but seeing as how things didn’t work out as you thought—”
Brad leaned over the back of the chair and said, “Go to hell.”
“I let ponies decide for themselves whether or not they want to come to me for my services. I am not advising you, Brad. I am not urging you. I’m only letting you know I am here if you want me.”
“I don’t want you. I want Twilight, and you can go to hell. In my world, love isn’t something you can turn on and off like a faucet.”
“I know. It must be a very difficult place to live.” Cadance turned and walked again to the door. As her hoof touched the knob, fear suddenly gripped Brad’s heart.
“Wait!” he called. “Wait! Twilight, she didn’t . . . I mean, she wouldn’t have . . . did she ask you to . . . ?”
Cadance looked over her shoulder at him for a long minute before she said, “If you need to ask that question, Brad, you should consider whether the love between the two of you is really as strong as you think it is.”
With that, she left, and she closed and locked the door behind her.
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Man, I am growing really fond of fanfics that start in media res these days. You have the whole rest of the fic to flesh out fanon to events that haven't been described anywhere, and the interim ambiguity leaves me with some real suspense about how things will progress between the characters. At the same time, you did a really great job of introducing Brad last chapter, so it's not a string of non-sequitors where he's involved either.
I think this story is gonna make up for the demon slayer delay quite nicely, hah!
This is all part of the acceptance process of Equestria Girls, Fanfics of characters we don't know
2608124 Horace wrote to always start in media res in his Ars Poetica for a reason! It's better. usually.
I love the concept of a story featuring a character who's entire existence is based on preconceived notions.
It makes it kind of special knowing that these sort of gems are created on a time limit, and when the movie comes out, this interpretation of 'Brad' could well be swept away like so much S1 Luna.
2601908>>2601913'
Relevant Scout quote:
"Hey, look! He shape shifted into a dead guy!"
I was actually hoping that a story with a plotline just like this would turn up sooner or later. And whadda ya know, it actually happened. I'll have to read it sometime.
2608489
Reminds me of those short weeks when King Sombra appeared on the internet but his name wasn't revealed yet; a decent amount of old artwork shows him as a gryphon instead of a stallion.
Something keeps telling me that 'Brad' will turn out to be a human Shining Armor when the movie comes out. Probably because of the hair, and the unlikelyhood that Hasbro would actually make one of their ponies fall in love with a human, even while being a human themselves.
LOL. BEST PART EVER!
2608709
Do you mean "King Sombrero"?
t5ak.roblox.com/72f177ac059e2024ca53870997c6a429
There was even a fic about this before Season 3
2608726
Eeyup, that's what he looked like.
Except the pictures I saw didn't include a sombrero but you know what I mean.
ok the first chapter was good lets read the next one...
.
.
.
Brad leaned over the back of the chair and said, “Go to hell.”
i.imgur.com/BMvLxBy.gif
YES
I wonder if Celestia has some prejudice against humans ("because they are evil, make wars, pollute the ecosystem and don´t flush the toilet after peeing") or is simply that the clothed monkey is not good enough for her favorite ex-student.
Maybe she is merely testing their bond to discover if they are truly for each other.
2608743
Only a few hours in Equestria and he has already told a princess to get the fuck off. Twilight has too much to learn from him.
P.E: Brad keeps thinking "unicorn" when referring to Celestia and Cadence. Hasn´t he noted their wings, or didn´t Twilight mention the word "alicorn" to him?
And no mention to the recovered crown or Sunset Shimmer. Since the author is working with non-canon, he could make up that part too?
Ouch, dude.
I can actually see.. well, quite a bit of this story being in the movie itself. Knowing Hasbro and all, I doubt they would keep him as a human.. but like>>2608489 said, we could be interpreting this wrongly..
2608709
I remember the same thing happening in the run up to season 2.
All we knew was that there was going to be an 'evil pony' called Discord in the new episode and everybody was guessing what he was gonna be like.
Flash forward to the Return of Harmony... and we see how that description wasn't even slightly accurate.
Because of this, I'm going to hype up Brad as much as possible for the period of time in which he still exists!
2609134
I personally expect him to be the human Shining Armor. If he is actually her boyfriend, their romance will no doubt be short-lived and bubblegum.
Human-pony romance is as old as G1; in the episode "Through the Door," Heart Throb chases the man of her dreams, and I do mean man. The kids probably think it's hilarious, and only the adults start wondering about the implications.
Haha, you've gotten my attention with this one. Great plot line, and two great chapters so far.
You incorporated the vomit!!!!
You've earned a
gold starpink heart!Honestly this is probably the best possible thing for Twilight and for Brad. If you're told you can't or shouldn't have something you really want, then you are quite likely going to desire it even more. Princess Cadence takes advantage of the current events to accelerate Brad's decision making, and make it permanent rather than a wishy-washy one. He's going to be made highly uncomfortable by pony culture as many times as she can get away with, she'll do her best to elicit homesickness in him, and generally be a butt of a princess. If she didn't do this, then Brad and Twilight would probably end up with many of the same problems very young married couples have, but compounded by a very large factor.
Love, whether people admit it or not, is a choice. If Brad truly chooses Twilight, not just based on puppy-feels, but out of the depths of his being to love her, then a large chunk of the interpersonal issues that could potentially crop up are taken care of. If he doesn't, well, people make mistakes all the time! It's okay! He then can go back home, feeling kind of silly for attempting something he wasn't ready for.
2610733 what this person says
I love this personalization of Brad. You made me rage at the boy in my mind, and I applaud you for it.
2610733
I actually want to see Brad grow up by being thrown to this pit of political intrigue. This hapless boy that has been swooned by love should get some stab wounds from all the social-political elements that would conspire against him.
It will be delicious to watch his heart bleed! Star-crossed lovers is never overdone! More angst please!
I can't help but feel that Cadence set Brad up to ask that question. She basically said Twilight was questioning their relationship then told him she can turn off love. Plus she was very clinical with her questions and there wasn't a happy vibe coming off of her (at least to me). With Celestia's immediate negative reaction to him, I'm thinking the princesses don't like him (probably because he's human).
2612026
Or perhaps it was the author setting him up to ask that question.
So how does magic affect a creature from a non-magical world?
Oh, I think I just figured it out. Twilight's entire life has been dictated by someone else. Every choice Twilight has ever made was guided and manipulated by Celestia. She probably had a future suitor planned for Twilight in this story. She lost control when Twilight stepped beyond the event horizon to the other world. Now this scrawny alien is going to ruin everything!
2612207
2612074
Damn screwy human punk.
The first sign the clappers are coming.....
Question: Are you going to post this on EQD? I mean since you have success with your other fic why not? Or are you waiting until after EG is released so you can make any edits then post it?
2612561
I haven't submitted this to EqD. This story is a sort of "writing exercise"; I haven't put the care into it I've put into the work I've had posted to EqD, and I doubt they'd take it. I might submit it to see what they say, though. I expect they'll tell me to tell less and show more, as that's a common vice of mine, especially when I'm writing quickly as I am here.
I would have to submit before Equestria Girls comes out, though. The "joke" here is that this is based on fan speculations. I expect the real Equestria GIrls to have next-to-nothing to do with what this story is about. "Brad" is a fan creation, not an EG character.
2612463
"Teen" is the highest anything I write will ever get rated, and it's usually for violence and occasionally for language. I've rated this one "Everyone" and intend to keep it reasonably mild. There will be a lot of nuzzling, though.
His name is not revealed yet until "Equestria Girls comes out in theaters.
2609276
Wait, they actually did a human-pony romance in an earlier generation? Even if it was one-sided, I certainly wouldn't have expected to see that... well, anywhere.
2612463
Sorry, the clappers are already here, and they'll keep clapping when they see well-written chapters until their hands hurt. People applaud when they see something they like. Deal with it.
Oh, I was snooping around TV Tropes recently and I found that Lauren Faust was strict about making sure the mane cast would never be romantically involved with anyone, because apparently that causes a lot of girls' shows to go down in flames. Certainly not trying to kill Brad here, just saying it because I like to give out interesting information.
2613287
It was tongue-in-cheek, kid-show type stuff, about on par with Spike's infatuation with Rarity. It might weird out some adults who watch it now, but I doubt if it bothered much of anybody when it first aired.
Sheesh. Some real strict restrictions they are placing on him in regards to him eating meat. It is kinda messed up. I a pretty sure that they don't the other omnivorous races like that.
WOW HE SO NICE I"M SHIP GOING WITH TWILIGHIT!!!
Yeah no just no
2726352 BlueStar5...
...would Brad really know the gender of the pony before it spoke if he's never seen one before? I know I can't tell Earth-horse genders apart at first glance, and it seems to me that Brad wouldn't know what to look for.
2608489 The future called; it finds this speculation extremely ironic given current perceptions of Flash Sentry.