Some say that his chest hair is actually steel wool, and that his natural prey are vegetarians. All we know is, he's called Rust.
88w, 12mHuman in Equestria
94w, 20hWriting Gold
70w, 6dThe Writer's Group
84w, 5dAussie Bronies
76w, 18hMy Second Life Fan Club
- Show All Groups
80w, 3dMLS' Creme de la Creme
79w, 3dUnique Transformation
78w, 3dThe Usual
78w, 2dChess Game of the Gods
71w, 16hbronys united
53w, 3dStories I've read
46w, 2dVillains of Equestria
45w, 4dCompleted Story Compendium
38w, 1dThe Pack
15w, 16hxbox bronies
34w, 4dThe Good HiE List
28w, 6dHumans turned ???
17w, 1dEQD Story Compedium
25w, 2dJanus's chat box
23w, 1dMy Queue
19w, 3dEquestria Daily
9w, 3dThe 1000 Up Vote Club
7w, 6dDriz's Fanfiction Emporium
11w, 1dHuman turns into X
8w, 3dOC Shipping
7w, 1dWhy am I _X_?
1d, 12hHidden library
Monday[Untitled] 19 comments · 174 views
5w, 22hRegarding My Absence 44 comments · 318 views
6w, 14mReturn Of The King 54 comments · 371 views
12w, 4dBrief Abuse of Power 12 comments · 259 views
15w, 4dGoodbye! 47 comments · 588 views
16w, 2dNo School But the Old School 37 comments · 343 views
18w, 3dStorytime With Rust 39 comments · 370 views
20w, 5dWorking on a One-Shot 13 comments · 211 views
22w, 1d"...Ha! Good 'ole fimfic." 32 comments · 414 views
25w, 3dActually Sorry This Time 15 comments · 218 views
AN OLD DOG LEARNS SOME NEW TRICKS
I woke up with the sun, contentedly slipping from the comforting blanket of unconsciousness as the first rays of light shone through my window. Daring had given me the room I'd woken up in before as my own for the duration of my stay. A thick, woven-rush mat now lay in the corner, serving as my bed. I don't know if it was my new body's preferences, but it really wasn't that bad of a place to crash.
I leaned up and stretched, yawning as I did. Big mistake. In my grogginess, I'd forgotten not to speak, and the flexing of my torn vocal chords to yawn sent a ribbon of sharp pain through my system. Any hope of dozing through the morning was now long gone, and I found myself anxious to begin the day.
Last night had been interesting, to say the least. I'd eaten my first meal in Equestria, a mix of small, seed-size sapphires and oatcakes, along with lots of water for my throat. Surprisingly, I could crush the gems between my teeth with ease, and I attributed this to the surprising jaw strength of the Diamond Dog. You'd think that the gems would taste like dirt, or like nothing, but no, the sapphires tasted like blueberries. Go figure. Maybe rubies taste like cherry or strawberry, and obsidian tasted like licorice? I didn't know, but I wanted to find out.
I rolled over and slowly got up, arcing my back like a cat, popping several vertebrae as I did. My sweatshirt was hanging up on the wall, so I took it down to examine it. It hadn't fared well, but it was still in good condition. I extended a claw and cut off the remaining sleeves, saving the cloth for later. The shirt I'd worn under it had been converted into a belt/rope, and I wore this around my hips, my switchblade tucked into it like a dagger.
I rolled my shoulders around in my newly modified clothing, intrigued by the feeling of cloth on my fur. Something wasn't right with it. I'd forgotten something. Ah! I pulled the hood up over my head. Just as I thought. I needed slits for my ears, so I could still hear when I had the hood up. Another round of custom tailoring provided such a comfort, and I decided to leave the hood up, my tufted ears poking out the top of the green cloth, occasionally swiveling to catch a bird call. I didn't know how to move them on my own yet, and I suspected that was because I'd never had movable ears before, so that meant I had to develop the muscle memory. The hood somewhat limited my peripheral vision, but I didn't care.
Sometimes, looking like a badass is worth the handicap.
I ducked over and crept through the small hallway into the gazebo. Something that struck me as interesting was that I was much bigger than Daring Do, who was a fully grown mare, and yet only came up to my stomach. As a result, some of the furniture in the treehouse was a little too small for me.
And don't get me started on the silverware. I had to learn how to hold utensils all over again. Daring seemed to be able to do so just fine, despite an obvious lack of thumbs. It seemed that pegasi were able to manipulate smaller objects using the feathers on the ends of their wings, which were surprisingly dexterous and worked almost as well as fingers. Think of having an extra pair of arms, and you can get what I mean.
The gazebo was still quiet, and Daring was asleep on her hammock, her face covered by her explorer's hat. The sound of none-too-feminine snoring brought a smug grin to my face. I decided to greet the day, so I took my backpack off of the hook on the tree and proceeded outside to the balcony. I ran a paw over the banister as I walked up the staircase running around the outside of the treehouse.
There was a fenced platform up here, roughly half the size of the one downstairs, that jutted out from the sloped roof. A rain barrel took up one corner, and a system of small pipes climbed from it up into the boughs of the tree. I took a seat on the worn planking, clumsily maneuvering my unfamiliar legs into a comfortable position. I let out a deep, contented breath of air as I took in the view, watching the sun rise. Up here, there was no roof; it was just you and the sky.
Inspired by the sheer immensity of the sight, I removed my backpack and began to dig through it until I'd gotten my psychology binder out, along with a pencil. Half of it was filled with detailed notes and diagrams about the human brain and how it worked (plus the usual doodles of dicks my friends put in there whenever I wasn't looking), but the other half was still blank paper. With a pencil held carefully between three of my large fingers, I began to study the list of words Daring had given me the night before.
Twilight Sparkle isn't the only one with a ravenous appetite for learning!
On Earth, I'd often been called lazy. This was usually true. I'll be the first to admit that I was a grade-A procrastinator.
Hell, if I ever worked for the Department of Defense, and someone launched a nuke at us, they'd call for a counter missile launch, but nothing would happen, because I'd probably be jerking off in the bathroom instead of being at my post.
But when I was interested with something, I would focus on it with so much intensity, it makes me think that there should be a new definition for the word "intensity." Applying this focus to my new world, I had already begun mastering the strange Equestrian alphabet.
Written Equestrian language is like a mix of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics and Chinese characters. Sometimes a symbol is used to describe something, or sometimes it's a shape that has nothing to do with the subject it's talking about. But without a doubt, it was beautiful to write, each letter comes out like a work of art. When you write something in Equestrian, you're also drawing a picture, I guess.
Anyway, by this point, I guessed that I had the literacy rate of a pre-schooler. Not bad for one night's work, eh?
I'd been writing for a while now, and the sun was at that point in the sky where it began to make it look the bright blue of a summer's day. I folded my binder back up and put on top of my backpack, standing up again for another round of cracking my joints.
It then occurred to me that I had to piss like the dickens.
I didn't remember seeing a bathroom in the treehouse, so I figured Daring just went off the side. It seemed more like a guy-ish thing to do, but then again, Daring Do is probably one of the most badass ponies in Equestria. If she wants to piss like a dude, I could care less. Shrugging off my thoughts, I sauntered up to the edge and let loose.
Ahhhhhh...... Sweeeeeeet relief!
I don't know about you, but taking a piss off a really high up place just makes it so much better. However, the family of wild boars down below the tree would probably disagree with that.
Did I aim for them? You bet your grandmother's tits I did! I even got a headshot on the leader. The look on his face was so hysterical that I almost fell off the platform, I was shaking so hard from the laughter.
After relieving myself, I began examining my body again. I knew absolutely nothing about Diamond Dogs beside what Daring Do and the TV show had told me, and that wasn't much at all. I decided to write a list of what I knew and what I didn't to help me out with the process. I sat back down and opened up my binder to a fresh page, thoughtfully chewing on the end of my steel pen before I began.
I bit through the metal pen with about as much effort as lifting a finger. Oddly, the metal tasted pretty good, kind of like bread. The pen was now ruined, so I thew caution to the wind and tossed the whole thing in my open jaws. Crunchy. The ink kind of spoiled it, but in all honesty, it wasn't bad at all. After grinding it up into a fine pulp, I managed to swallow it without too much trouble. The fact that I'd just completely eaten a steel writing utensil caused me to break into silent laughter again, and I shook my head in slight disbelief as I got a pencil from my pack.
This time scratching my neck with the pencil instead of chewing it, I sat down and wrote my list, combining my knowledge of the show and Daring's comments.
DIET: Gemstones, unknown types of metal, and unknown types of vegetation. Possibly a meat eater as well, given the tooth shape, but definitely omnivorous if that is true.
STRUCTURE: Tall, lanky, and surprisingly dense. Canine cranium, although I seem to have a more wolf-like skull. Large, muscular forearms, probably used for digging. Extendable claws, up to several inches. Capable of traveling on two or four legs, but much faster on all four. Very strong; capable of halting a several hundred-pound puma mid-pounce and sending them backwards with a single punch. Jaws are extremely strong as well, and may even be able to crush diamond. Bones are probably made of a very dense material. Female structure (or existence) is unknown, as one has never been observed.
BEHAVIOR: D-Dogs seem to be heavily mistrusted by ponies (potential racism?). They have a fondness for treasures and are willing to enslave others to get it. They seem to live underground in colonies ruled by a small group or a single alpha male. Are capable of metalwork, as seen by the presence of armored guards, equipped with spears. The spear seems to be the D-Dog weapon of choice. Dog whistles and intense whining are a possible source of mind control. It appears that they are completely illiterate, either unable or unwilling to advance remains to be seen.
I set the pencil down and reviewed the list. Not much, but it was a start. Now that I'd compiled a decent background, I'd either have to finish learning to read, so I could read a book about them, or meet some Diamond Dogs in person. That last option probably wasn't going to work out so well. I strongly doubted that they'd be able to understand my silent communication as well as a pony.
Turning around from my position, I saw Daring fly up from under the platform to land next to me. She wasn't wearing her shirt or her hat, and her resemblance to Rainbow Dash was almost frightening. Perhaps they were distantly related? I gave her a welcoming smile as she went over to the tree sticking out of the floor. Wait, why is she leaning forward like that? It almost looks like she's going to buck it... OH SHIT NO!
I swiftly stuffed my vulnerable binder inside my backpack as the intrepid mare slammed her hind legs into the thick tree. There was a few seconds delay, and then all the morning dew that had collected in the boughs overhead crashed down onto us like a flash flood.
I glared daggers at her once the downpour had subsided. She shrugged indifferently, water dripping off her soaked mane.
"What? A girl's gotta stay clean, and to be honest, you kind of smelled."
She then flicked out her wings and beat them downwards, taking off in a single stroke. The pegasus proceeded to do a corkscrewing dive over the edge, falling several stories, before pulling up and rising high above me, riding the thermals. Daring alighted onto the platform with a wicked grin, every inch of her perfectly dry.
"Awww, the doggy is all wet now!"
I proceeded to stand up and shake myself violently, spraying her with water and ruining the work of her aerial stunt. I pointed and silently laughed at her shocked expression. Ha!
Bitch please, don't start a gunfight unless you brought some extra ammunition!
"Yeah yeah yeah, laugh it up, furball," she grumbled.
Call me furball one more time and I'll toss you over the edge tied to an anvil.
She did another quick lap in the air, calling me down for breakfast as she flew. Showoff. Well, two can play at this game. I gave the edge an appraising glance and extended my claws. Would this work? Only one way to find out.
I sprinted forward and jumped high over the edge of the platform, but not far. The gaping maw of the jungle opened up beneath me, several hundred feet below. Quick as a rattlesnake, I whipped out my arms and sunk my claws into the very edge of the roof, swinging down and into the gazebo room from above, landing with a smooth little roll.
I stood up to find Daring staring at me from where she was sitting at the table, mouth wide open.
"Wha-how... that. Was... pretty cool," she stuttered lamely.
I took an eloquent bow, my nose brushing the bamboo flooring, and came up grinning. I was beginning to really like my new body.
We had more oatcakes for breakfast, and Daring Do whipped up some flapjacks on the small stove, adding some more of last night's leftover sapphires into mine. I showed her my progress on the Equestrian alphabet, and she was quite impressed, once again taken aback by how "strange of a diamond dog I was."
Eh, I don't blame her.
After breakfast, she showed me a map of the area, a real old-school looking treasure map that was rolled up like a scroll. She had marked the treehouse (or as she called it, "Paradise") with a large, red cross. There were small blue circles dotting the region, and she explained those as areas she'd already hit up for booty. There were larger green circles as well, sometimes alone, sometimes encircling the blue ones. Those were places where she had been, but couldn't get at the treasure. I assumed that I'd be going to many of these buried ruins later on, as part of our deal. In purple triangles, she'd identified the temples that she hadn't touched yet. There were surprisingly few of them, the Temple of Chaos included in this list.
The map told me quite a lot. It told me that, yes, the sun does set in the west, so the directions were the same. It also told me that Equestria was way, way, way bigger than I'd ever imagined. The area shown on her map covered several hundred square miles of this jungle, known simply as the Haysead Swamps, or The Great Southern Rainforest, to some. This jungle made up only half of Equestria's southern border, and from what I could tell from the map, that border alone was longer than the coast-to-coast distance of Australia, back on Earth.
I did a rough calculation, and put Equestria's actual size on something like the entire landmass of Africa, but that was on the small side of my guess.
This place was HUGE.
It then hit me that Equestria had a lot more to offer than just the familiar Ponyville and Canterlot area. In fact, I wasn't even sure I could get to Ponyville without a journey that would last several months, based on the level of technology I'd seen in the show. I scratched my chin thoughtfully, careful not to cut myself open on a claw. I came to a conclusion then, one that would come to define me.
I decided to travel Equestria on that day, to truly see what this land was like. What fantastical creatures, places, and ponies awaited me? I also decided that whatever happened, I would try to save Ponyville, the dream vacation of every brony in existence, for dead last.
The Elements of Harmony could wait. Once I pay back Daring Do, I'm going adventuring!