Interlude - Profiles in Ponytude 2 - Lazy Bones
Interview 2 - Lazy Bones
*Begin recording*
Von: Annnnd we’re back. Hey there, I bet you could use a little comic relief after that last part. I know I do. So I thought about my interview with Gilda and how it… didn’t go so well. I figure, Lazy Bones is much easier going than Gilda the murderqueen, so I’m going to try it again. What could she possibly do to me? Alright, here goes.
*BAMF!*
Von: Hello, there Lazy Bones!
LB: Holy cow, you’re real. I guess Gilda isn’t full of shit after all.
Von: What’s that?
LB: Gilda said she was taken to some weird room and asked questions by some crazy person. We all of us just thought she was hallucinating or making it up.
Von: Well I can assure you I’m quite real. None of this is canon though.
LB: Oh, wait. Now I’ve figured it out.
Von: Oh?
LB: This is another dream. Gilda had a dream about some guy and she told me about it. So I was thinking about it, and now I’m having a dream like that.
Von: No… No, that’s not it. You know what, let’s just move on to the questions. First question: What was your old name?
LB: Well, my birth certificate said, “Lawrence Steven Boon, but when I was a kid, people called me Larry. When I got older, I went by my middle name, Steve, though.
Von: Very good. So who are you now?
LB: I’m some random pony who was never on the show, named Lazy Bones. But I don’t really like that, so I just have people call me “LB” or “Bones”.
Von: Ah, seems like you have some sort of subconscious dislike for your given name, no matter what it is. Verrry interesting.
LB: Oh good, I’m being psychoanalyzed by a dream construct.
Von: I’m not- *sighs* Never mind. Moving on. What is your occupation?
LB: I used to be a librarian in the New York Public Library system. I also had aspirations of writing, but I never actually got around to doing any. I could still do both, I guess. It’s not like being a pony keeps me from being able to write or categorize books, but the “being out in public” part might be a smidgen problematic.
Von: Quite. What is your blood type?
LB: B positive. Get it? “Be positive”
Von: *groans* Oh my god, that’s so terrible, I think you gave me cancer.
LB: Nice Futurama reference.
Von: Thanks.
LB: Now I’m positive you’re just a figment of my subconscious. You sound an awful lot like me and you even have the same taste in pop culture references.
Von: Actually, that’d be the other way around. I’m the author here. You’re the figment of my imagination.
LB: Am I.
Von: You are. Your basic character is based on me. More specifically, my ego. Gilda’s my id.
LB: You claim I’m a self-insert character in some lousy fan fiction? UGH, is there any worse kind!?
Von: Anyway, getting back on track. *Sound of notecards shuffling* It looks like I skipped a couple questions here. Did you watch My Little Pony before this transformation? Would you cll yourself a brony?
LB: Yes and yes. I absolutely adored the show. …Sometimes to perhaps an unhealthy degree. I wasn’t sure why I was so obsessed with it, but I suppose now I have my answer.
Von: Looks like. So you just turned 25, right?
LB: Correct. On May 4th. That’s what precipitated this entire debacle.
Von: Technically, you could say I did, but whatevs. What is your height and weight?
LB: I was six feet tall and 95 kilos. But-
Von: For the folks playing at home who don’t know metric, that’s 210 pounds. So what about now?
LB: Isn’t it rude to ask a girl her weight? Also, I’ve sort of been on the run for a while, so you’ll forgive me if I haven’t exactly had a chance to go get a complete physical. If you’re so powerful and made me up, shouldn’t you know?
Von: Um, I really don’t have any idea what size a cartoon pony would be. I think I’ma just skip this question from now on. So yeah… okay.
*Silence*
Von: What would you say is your favorite food?
LB: Reuben sandwich, a dill pickle, a side of crisps, and a cold coke.
Von: Mmm. Me too. Except for the kraut. Disgusting. Also, Pepsi is the superior cola. But that’s fine if you don’t mind being wrong.
LB: You’re entitled to your opinion.
Von: Drink of choice?
LB: Dry vodka martini, shaken not stirred.
Von: For serious?
LB: You’re an idiot. I’m English, I’m legally obligated to respond that way. Really it’s a White Russian.
Von: You hipster, you.
LB: He abides.
Von: Hm.
LB: If I’m you, wouldn’t it be the same for you?
Von: No. Like I said, you’re BASED on me. I personally can’t stand alcohol.
LB: BLASPHEMER!
Von: Sure. Okay, well how about your favorite color?
LB: Uh oh. Gilda told me about this. She said you were weirdly obsessed with colors.
Von: I just think she didn’t show proper appreciation for the wide spectrum out there. She knows ROY G BIV and that’s it. So?
LB: Purple.
Von: Not y-
LB: Ha, gotcha! I like a deep blue-violet.
Von: You’re a disrespectful little whelp, aren’t ya? Well you’re lucky anyway, since that’s what color you mostly are.
LB: I suppose.
Von: Okay, now for an interesting one. Pick three songs to be your theme music, that best describe you as a person.
LB: Oh wow. Hmm, that’s a tough one. I’m going to have to think about that. Unmm…
*Tape fast forwards through seven minutes of silence, shifting noises and quiet muttering.
Von: Okay, I’m bored. Time’s up!
LB: But I barely had any time to think!
Von: Too bad. Your choices?
LB: Well if I’d more time, and a chance to look through my music collection, I’m sure I could make a better selection, but here’s what I have. To reflect my quiet, deep intensity: Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata”. My philosophy is to not care about most things, rather I just grin and bear it, so “Always Look On the Bright Side of Life” from Monty Python’s “Life of Brian”. And lastly, because I love to read, “I’m Reading a Book” by Julian Smith.
Von: Wrong, wrong and wrong!
LB: What? I put a lot of thought into those.
Von: I write you. I decide the music.
LB: But… then what was the point of all that then?
Von: You haven’t figured it out by now? I’m kind of a dick. My picks for you: “Blue” by Mai Yamane. It’s from the end of Cowboy Bebop. I’ll even throw the last couple lines of dialogue from the end of the series, because trust me, they’re relevant.
LB: “Throw in”? Throw in where? What’s relevant? I think you’re clinically insane.
Von: Bitch, I might be! Second, “Dream Again” by Franz Ferdinand.
LB: Why am I sensing a theme?
Von: You must be smarter than you look.
LB: What’s that say about you then?
*silence*
Von: Sh-shut up! Last, the version of “Que Sera, Sera” by Pink Martini.
LB: Actually, I have to agree with that one. I want to change one of my answers.
Von: Too late. This is already taking up too many pages.
LB: Pages? Seriously, are you alright?
Von: We have to keep moving!
LB: You’re starting to sound kind of manic.
Von: NEXT QUESTION! *panting* Describe a favorite childhood memory.
LB: Hmm. I used to love to go to the zoo with my family. My dad would put me on his shoulders so I could see the animals better. I remember one time where an elephant came right up to us and I wasn’t even eye level with him. And my older brother and I used to make faces at the tigers. It was-
Von: Fascinating. Let’s move it along. Name one hobby.
LB: I’m beginning to think you have some deep-seated psychological issues.
Von: We know you like to read. Wonderful. If you could meet one person, living or dead, who would it be?
LB: Oh, this old chestnut. Well I’ll just give my standard answer: Mark Twain. A sharper, funnier wit, there is not. What about you? Who woul-
Von: Ben Franklin. Keep moving. Super power. Which one? Why?
LB: Which power would I want to have? Oh, I think the manipulation of space/time would be amazing. Imagine if you could teleport anywhere you wanted or I could stop time so I could have as long as I wanted to read as mu-
Von: Last question: Describe your first kiss.
LB: M-m-my… Oh, uh. Right. Yes, first kiss. It was… uh. Yes. Um, it’s nothing to tell. I’m sure it’s boring compared to yours. Why are we talking about me, anyway? I’m nothing special. But you! You’re some sort of powerful extra-dimensional being! I’m sure you’re just brimming with amazing stories. So tell me; I’m dying to know. What was YOUR first kiss like?
Von: Actually, I’m an anomaly, really. You see-
*Tape is roughly edited. 18 ½ minutes are missing*
LB: Very good. Now tell me about your relationship with your mother.
Von: Well you see- Heeeey! Wait a minute! How did you…? That’s it, you’re out of here.
*BAMF!*
Von: Okay, well that was even weirder than the first one. I think maybe in the future I’ll have to limit these things to a written questionnaire or something, because this is just not working out. Anyway, I’m going to attach a little profile summary thing to the bottom of this. That way, you’ve got just the hard facts without any of that whatever just happened. Plus, I retconjured one into Gilda’s interview. I’m really good at retconjuring. In fact, Retconjuration is my caster discipline. That’s about it for now. See you next time, pony fans! Same griffon time, same griffon channel. …Or whenever I finish.
*Recording ends*
Name: Former: Lawrence “Larry” “Steve” Boon
Current: Lazy Bones
H / W: Former: 6’0”/210 lbs
Current: Unknown
Coat Color: Ultramarine
Mane Color: Royal indigo and periwinkle
Eye Color: Chartreuse
Cutie Mark: Pillow with sleeping eyes over two crossed feathers/quills
Blood Type: B+
Birthday: May 4, 1995
Occupation: librarian
Brony: yes
Favorite Food: Reuben sandwich, potato chips, dill pickle, Coca-Cola
Favorite Drink: White Russian
Favorite Color: deep blue-violet
Songs: Subject’s picks: Moonlight Sonata (Beethoven)
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (Monty Python)
I'm Reading Book (Julian Smith)
Author’s pick: Blue (Mai Yamane)
Dream Again (Franz Ferninand)
Que Sera, Sera (Pink Martini)
Meet One Person: Mark Twain
Super Power: time/space manipulation
Hobby: reading
Childhood Memory: family trips to zoo
First Kiss: question evaded
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3054207
Well immediately after this chapter was Lazy's interlude. So next is a chapter. Can't have two interludes in a row, can you? Then it's an, um, interinterlude? Interception? Actually, I'm going to have two in a row later down the line, but that's out of sheer necessity due to the plot. My goal was to put up each character's profile page after the chapter in which they're introduced or in the first two's case, the chapter after they finish changing. But that left the problem of either having LB and Sunny's together after this chapter or pushing Sunny to after next chapter, which will push (REDACTED) to after chapter 8. I chose the latter. I feel it's more important to keep the story moving. Not that the profile pages take any sort of time or effort. It's ~1500 words of pure stream of consciousness.
3056022
She would say so. But at this point, isn't she pretty much the only griffon?
Fantastic chapter and hilarious interview. That's the thing about self-insert characters; they came out of your head, so they know the way back in. Especially the ones based on the Freudian trinity. In any case, looking forward to more.
3054384
Well, it's more the continuation of the interlude. A continterlude, if you will.
3085273
Thanks for the feedback. I was especially proud of this chapter. I really went nuts on the dream sequence. I tried to think of the most horrible thing I could that could Discord could do to a pony. His M.O. is to turn things upside down and inside out. So it took it literally. I thought that was pretty horrible.
I'm so horrible to my characters. I'm like, "how can I fuck with them and make their lives just miserable?" And trust me, they've got such shit coming their way.
3104015
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m69a1g5C0u1rvzw0uo1_500.gif
3106865
I'm glad someone caught that. I basically fill ever chapter choc-o-bloc full of references and little in-jokes that probably no one will ever notice but me. For example, the first chapter was full of word choices referring to birds and Gayle's ringtone goes "Time keeps on slipping, slipping..." which is from the song, "Fly Like an Eagle".
By volume, 92.4% of my brain is pop-culture references and things I've watched/read/played.
Yea by a MILE!!!
(aka 18mins worth of evading)