This is a story about the events that happened, after the magic duel. We all know what happened; Twilight saved the day, with the help of her friends. But do we know what happened to Trixie, what was life for her before and after the duel? This story is a follow up of the events that occurred after the duel, in Trixies perspective. All the hardships, the happy times and the struggles she had to go through. How her life will turn up-side-down after she meets a stallion, with an interesting history.
Cover art by d-tomoyo
Looking for pre-readers.
I hope you like the story and have a nice day.
Chapters (1)
Please, for the love of little purple ponies, spelling and grammar check before posting.
2571819
I did and it said that it was all O.K.,so I am not sure what's the problem (it might be my computer). English isn't my first language so the sentence forming might be a little different.
I see the problem with spell check. You trust it. It doesn’t care if it is the right word, only if it is spelled right, examples.
(thou) where you meant [though]
(interlay) where you meant [entirely]
(all sorts of trick.) where you meant [all sorts of tricks]
(ware) to blame [were] to blame
(in their bodies (trough)) [through]
And so forth. I didn't look for everything, just enough for you to know what to look for.
Try reading your story out loud to yourself, go on line at this site and look for pre-readers. There are many authors on this site who are willing to help. Keep writing and good luck.
B.D.
Well I've certainly seen worse for a first fic. You have some good things going for you here. Let's start with those.
An interesting idea! I like how the chapter is from Trixie's point of view, almost as though she's telling an audience a story. It's not a form of narration you'll see a ton around here, but I think it's unique and can offer some opportunities. It's also nice to see some creative development for her backstory, her thoughts on justifying the canon events in Ponyville, and her aspirations, all of which you had to come up with. I like to see a flexing creativity muscle!
However, I felt like the whole discussion on magic was a bit too lengthy, distracting, and out-of-place. It was interesting to see your take on magic, but I feel like whipping all that out right at the beginning of a story isn't the best idea. For prologues especially, you want to set the story up as fast and concisely as possible. Sure, you can talk about how she wanted to be a doctor, that's good! But I think there's too much detail. I got distracted and, quite frankly, a tad bored.
There was also some technical issues here and there. My best advice is this: read your own work! Preferably out loud. Put down the rough draft, sleep on it for a night, then come back and read it to yourself. You should be able to catch most of the glaring errors (wrong words, misspelled words, etc.). The harder grammar stuff maybe, but honestly most readers aren't bugged too much by a misplaced comma or whatever. I know I've seen thousands of typos in my day, and the most frustrating ones are where the reader has to guess which word you actually meant because it was wrong/misspelled.
Not much more to say until there's more to read. Overall: tighten up the grammar a bit, and stay focused, especially early on! You need to grab our attention!
Oh, and I'd really recommend going through your description and perfecting it. That's the first impression most readers get and a bunch of typos there isn't a reassuring sign for most.