I thought that my 25th birthday wouldn’t be any special. Most of the day I would be busy with a report and in the evening I only had a small party planned with a friend. Well, it turned out that this day would be the start of something crazy. As far as I know human bodies don’t create tattoos out of nowhere. I liked MLP: FiM, though it had ended five years ago, but that’s not a reason to get a cutie mark, right?
A side fic in the universe of Five Score, Divided by Four written by TwistedSpectrum. A really awesome story worth your time.
Chapter 3 proofread by: Hywel and Robertsolution
Chapters (3)
more, please
2565533
Next week probably.
2566254 Okay
Good luck!
i1312.photobucket.com/albums/t534/unclebabe2010/37765340_zpsa5cd813f.jpg
2568497
I don't see a sign that you have to read this when you see it.
If you don't like the universe of five score then it's fine by me. However, saying that the amount is too high is not really useful feedback to improve my story.
2568497 It's almost sad that somebody had to create this...
How can there be too much of a story?
I prefer there to be too much but so far i haven't found that amount yet :/
yay i just got done reading your 3000 word chapter....
Wait why am i celebrating FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!
Anyways, good luck, good start and hello.
Wait i said that backwards... oh well
This fic seems alright, so I'll follow along for the moment.
One thing is bugging me though, why does Colgate have an hourglass cutie mark? I've never noticed Colgate in the show before, so I don't know.
Also, you might want to fix this:
2573869
Thanks. Funny that a typo can slip through, no matter how many times I have read it. I always appreciate when readers pick out the grammar/punctuation/typo issues.
I don't know why Colgate/Minuette has an hourglass as her cutiemark as little is known about her canon character. Just one of the many background ponies. But I like the fanon Colgate.
2570926
Thanks. Actually it is a almost 4000 word chapter.
Glad you like it.
2575658 Derp,
Probably doesnt matter anyways, XD
Wow you were 9 words off from 4k XDDDDDDDD nicely done
not bad, liking.
I'm a bit of a Grammar Nazi myself, but I won't waste your time with someone as pathetic as I...
I'm pretty good with finding grammar mistakes. But you'd probably get this sent back five times before all the mistakes are fixed.
2635215
2634233
Thanks for your responses! I will keep them in mind when I finish the third chapter.
I caught a lot of the mistakes in this chapter but the only real reason why I'd want to proofread is to get a sneak peek at whats in store.
Other than that, I would gladly do some proofreading. Though it might help to split the chapter into segments and different parts to each person who'd want to proofread. That way they would have something to come back for when the chapter is all done. Also it would take less time because of the work being spread out onto different individuals.
Have fun writing, your doing good!
2669320
I'm flattered that someone likes the story so much that he wants a sneak peek. Thanks!
Sneak peek? Well it's some kind of a reward for doing the proofread work.
Splitting the chapter is a great idea. I will surely consider it when I've finished chapter 3.
2671699
Your welcome. Also, sneak peeks can be charged money *hint hint*
I'm not saying you should (or shouldn't). I'm just saying its a perfectly viable option if it comes to that point.
I can't shove my spare change through the Internet so I guess your on your own. (Even if I could, it would take around 5 days. Bad Internet connections and what not.)
Question. Is commenting a lot, frowned upon?
2674255 Hi agian how many stories have I followed you to now how come this is happening it like celestia wants us to be together. I now that sounded odd but hey it fits and are you a guy I want to know to get this straitened out.
2671699 um I just wanted to tell you something.
girls aren't bronies they are pegasisters. a brony is a guy pony oor a guy MLP fan.
2675117
I have met female fans that prefer the term brony instead of pegasister. Brony isn't really gender biased.
2674255
Earning money with writing? Nah, I leave that to professional authors.
And what exactly do you mean by your last sentence?
2676561
Oh well, I don't care. As long as it is somehow relevant.
I have to say, the dialogue, along with some of the phrases throughout the chapters, seem kind of awkward and stilted, like in the last chapter when Nate said, "I worked hard today so I have a little extra time to waste. Furthermore, I have a sleeping pad, spare blanket and most important a spare unused toothbrush.” Usually, you'd only use furthermore in a formal setting, not casual conversation. Also when he says, "I will store this theory in my back mind," it's weird because the expression is usually, "I'll keep it in the back of my mind," and when you store something in terms of information, it's either on a computer or in your memories; otherwise, you keep it on your mind. There are a few other weird ones like that, but the biggest thing that's affecting the dialogue is the lack of contractions. You sometimes use more contractions in Nate's narrative that in his and Lucy's speech, which makes them sound formal and robotic. Aside from that, there are just a few verb-tense agreement issues.
But anyways, this story has such an odd choice for main characters. I'd never have thought to pair Colgate and Lightning Dust. I can't wait to see how it turns out!
2948350
Thanks for the feedback. I can always use it!
As your probably noted English isn't my native language. I have those times during writing in which I know what I want to write, but I don't know how. I hope I can avoid those weird sentences. One of my reasons for writing is to improve my English.
Contractions are a point I have focus on. I never paid much attention to it.
Mawr please
Will there be an update? Don't wanna sound pushy, but it's been like, a year...
Lolz
I always find it ending when it starts to get interesting... Please finish this.