I'm a random guy that claims to know how to write. I'm constantly being proven wrong.
Fluttershy4,013 stories ·2,924 members
Oh god! The FEELS!1,953 stories ·939 members
I Just Want a Comment15,688 stories ·3,667 members
It has been thirteen days since the fiasco with the swapping of Fluttershy's friends' destinies, thirteen days since it was all fixed and everything went back to normal, and thirteen days since Fluttershy felt anything other than being worthless.
Many thanks to Admiral Hoofsome, Jake R, Kitsunehero, Karrakaz, and Phaoray for all their help making this story what it is.
Featured on Equestria Daily.
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My favorite parts are Fluttershy's internal monologues. For example
"I'm never giving Angel another carrot as long as he lives."
Made me laugh.
Sadly this is in character for Fluttershy if you use the episode where she went off on Pinkie before.
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Some flankhole that trolls around on this site.
I really enjoyed it. It was very emotional and had some great dialogue. Nice job!
Whoops!
aww so cute but damn fluttershy has a temper but its a tad uncharacteristic of her to be that violent
This is barely recognizable as Fluttershy. If you hadn't added "um"s and ellipses to half the sentences, I would have thought you were talking about Gilda.
A lot of people are saying Flutters is OOC here, but I would disagree. Looking at the Gala episode, we can see that she definitely has the potential to be violent, and the Iron Will episode showed that she has an angry side. I think failing at something as simple as making ponies smile could definitely cause her to get depressed and even snap out in anger when she's being persistently bugged by Pinkie. Overall, I thought it was a great story, with expert storytelling and characterization.
3179497 It's not just the anger. it's also the passive-aggressive sarcasm. Furthermore, it just doesn't seem like something Fluttershy would pent up anger and hate. If she felt sad about that (and she has every reason to) she'd cry sooner than lash out. You have to earn an OOC moment by justifying the thought process of a character in prose, in a way you don't really have to in television. Yes, Fluttershy is capable of those moments when really, truly pressed (and there are many who think that Putting Your Hoof Down was just a terrible giant OOC moment for Fluttershy) but no, she doesn't just pull them out of nowhere when something upsets her.
I would also like to disagree with Fluttershy being OOC. Obviously she's pretty depressed over her lack of ability to make other ponies smile, and then out of nowhere the element of laughter comes and tries to make her happy. Obviously Fluttershy is going to hold a little resentment for Pinkie Pie considering how easy it is for her to make ponies laugh, and in Fluttershy's view it almost feels like Pinkie is taunting her by being her happy peppy self, and trying to make her smile. Add trapping Fluttershy against a wall, and wearing prank classes that bring up very bad memories, and I could see Fluttershy exploding in anger.
Also on a different note I thought the story did a very good job of bringing out emotions. I felt anger, sadness, and regret throughout as I was reading this. It had a few grammar and missing word issues here and there, but overall I liked it.
Very well written, but I must agree with the people saying that Fluttershy is out of character here. Not because she got angry, but because she got angry while she was depressed.
Notice that Fluttershy's canonical rage incidents both happened at times when she was feeling reasonably happy and self-confident. That's important. Getting angry requires self-confidence; you must be certain that whatever you're angry about is someone else's fault, and not something you caused yourself. Depression eats any anger that you might otherwise feel; if anything bad happens, it's entirely due to your own failings.
A more in-character response would be for Fluttershy to just lie on the couch throughout the whole incident, essentially ignoring Pinkie's presence. If Pinkie decided to physically drag her out of the house, Fluttershy would probably go along with whatever Pinkie wanted to do, but would be mopy and reluctant the entire time they were doing it.
It was an interesting take on the episode
And I do think Fluttershy was in character. She can be really angry and the story took tile to build it with Pinkie pie forcing herself on her.
In the end I do have to agree with the majority and say Fluttershy was somewhat OOC. All the same it isn't often I see Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy interaction in fics or even the show so I'll overlook that detail.
I really liked this, was a nice exploration of someone as introverted as 'Shy being subject to a situation where she had to be very extroverted and ultimately failing at it and the emotional fallout of such a situation.
I have seen others complain about 'Shy's anger being out of place, one saying such anger would require "self confidence" so being about being shy cannot be. To these however I say "bullshit" I've dealt with self confidence issues and I've managed to rage about my situation just as well. I think it's just people but hurt about 'Shy not being shy and being a little bit Flutterbitch.
One closing remark; consider changing the name. I've linked this to several friends, all of whom made a similar joke related to the title, one I admittedly thought of also. Just a suggestion is all.
This really hit me hard as I have been in a situation like Fluttershy before, I felt like an absolute failure and didn't want to see or speak to anyone.
I ended up lashing out at my girlfriend almost as hard as Fluttershy did towards Pinkie (I didn't hit my girlfriend, I punched the garage door instead. It had the same effect though) and it nearly cost us our relationship.
You did a great job conveying those feelings that are going on with Fluttershy and it actually seemed in character for her to act the way she did.
The only thing I have to complain about is the implied shipping that is occurring between Pinkie and Fluttershy, and inter-mane 6 shipping is something that I really don't like in the fanfics I read. And I also feel it could have been longer to give more of a build up/backstory to how Fluttershy started feeling this way.
Overall 8/10.
I very much enjoyed this. With the
and the
at
which made
and then
Fluttershy internalizes things until she hits a breaking point, so she isn't OOC. She does hit a breaking point in the series with Discord. He makes a fool out of her for an entire episode, and she removes the proposed friendship because of taking abuse to her kind nature. Fluttershy is taking this endless prodding to smile as harrassment, so she blows up.
Rage is usually hitting a breaking point, not being confident. I am not a self-confident person, but if I'm pushed continually I snap and act in anger.
Can't help but think the writing style deflates the emotions you were shooting for (I find heightened emotion needs a higher show:tell ratio), and Pinkie just didn't feel particularly Pinkie to me. I kinda wanted to smack her myself for being annoying, which may have killed my emotional investment.
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Ok, point taken. I was wrong about the depression and self-confidence thing. But Fluttershy's behavior still seems out-of-character.
After contemplating the story a bit more, I think the real problem is that Fluttershy is motivated by jealousy. When has Fluttershy ever been jealous? I cannot think of a single cannon instance. She gets angry when she thinks others are mistreating her, but never because she is jealous of them. Moreover, her conversation with Discord in "The Return of Harmony Part 1" strongly implies that she considers her friends more competent than herself, and isn't particularly bothered by that.
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Jealousy? I think of it more as feeling useless because it is something she views as simple. I mean think of her outburst at Pinkie in the Iron will episode, she says that it is trivial what she does. One would think that making someone smile is easy, but failing at something she knows that all her friends can do easily. A dyslexic person would think that they are useless for not being able to read when they see so many other people reading. She isn't jealous, she is tearing her self up over her failing a simple task. By tearing herself down she feels the need to lash out at those who try to fix her. She was at her lowest point, and it is hard to see past that when you have a inferiority complex like her.
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Fluttershy's outburst at Pinkie and Rarity in the Iron Will episode was because she thought they were trying to manipulate her. In her mind, they wanted her "to be a door mat"; she was angry because of the perceived abuse, not because they were criticizing her. Furthermore, her flaws were highlighted repeatedly during her conversation with Discord in "Return of Harmony Part 1", and it didn't bother her in the slightest. Direct criticism and exposure of her weaknesses are simply not things that make Fluttershy angry, regardless of what you call that type of anger.
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Obviously we are having a stubbornness competition. Last point I'll try to make is who is the one criticizing her in this story? Other people saying she is useless may not bother her, but her saying it to herself is very hurtful. Anyway we are all entitled to our opinions, and it seems a waste of time to keep this going. If you don't agree with this point either, then have a nice day maybe we'll argue about another fic sometime.
NOTE: I don't care about this stupid criticism, I just enjoyed the story.
>Ecocat<
P.s. Really guys?
I don't think either of these were out of character here. Though it does highlight why they are my least liked ponies. Pinkie as usual doesn't understand the concept of being to pushy, to loud, personal space, or the fact that sometimes you do need to be alone. And well I feel Flutterbutts rage was justified up to the point of taking a swing at Pinkie, had she kept it at just telling her to go away it would have been fully justified. I also think she was right about Pinkie not understanding because the situation Pinkie brought up wasn't even close to the same issue. She flipped over her best friends supposedly not being her friends anymore and it wasn't brought on by anyone other than her own self being utterly stupid and jumping to conclusions. Flutterbutt on the other hand went through something totally out of her control and went through the feeling of being utterly useless at what she thought she was BORN TO DO at the time. She failed at doing something as simple as making someone smile. Something that comes easily to Pinkie as it IS what she was born to do. So for Pinkie grasping the concept of not being able to make a pony smile is like Rainbow Dash not knowing how to fly, it just does NOT compute on any level for her.
3178001 Maybe it's like when somepony bottles up their feelings all the time Ned Flanders-style they can sort of erupt.
3177287 What the hell brought that up? BTW;
I never thought I would say this, but Fluttershy needs to go to anger management.
Pinkie and Fluttershy are both in character. Flutters DOES have anger issues-a result of her pathological anxiety and low self-esteem. Pinkie has a compulsion to make others happy. Their interaction was perfect and heartwarming.