My name is Floreal, Emilio Guadiana don't bother trying to say my last name you wouldn't be able to pronounce it. I am a Sergeant for the U.S. Marines. As of 0900 of May 1st. My squad has been given temporary leave for 2 weeks. And for me I had a party waiting for me when i got home. Let me tell you it was one wild night. Their was girls, beer, music and food. Everything a boy needs for his birthday. The party ended with a bang. Even though the start of the next day began quite well. It all spiraled down hill after I found three images of the Fleur De Lis appearing on both sides of my hips.
Chapters (2)
Outside of the issues of your/you're, our/are, definitely/defiantly and they're/their/there, I have to note that there are a handful of stating questions, questioning statements and points of improper tense shifting. There's certainly a massive comma drought that will make it easy for proper sentence flow without necessitating to full stops. As far too many sentences come across as jilted in general, I'd recommend smoothing them out--fluffing, one might say. I'm also pretty sure that her name is spelt Fleur de Lis.
Anyways, I certainly could see a marine of this personality becoming Fleur! Please do continue.
I dont see a problem either.
*digs way out of plushies to reach door*
i'll be right back
i havent been COMPLETELY sane for the past 2 weeks ^_^ never felt better
I can honestly say i have never heard of Fleur de Lis before this story...
2606797
Do check out her fanon. I've seen her develop into a wicked duelist and sharp political entity in some circles. While indeed prim and proper, she's not just a pretty thing.
Do correct me if I'm wrong spetsnaz, but I believe that this story draws from that personality angle of her fanon.
PLEASE ADD MORE OH SWEET CELESTIA THIS IS AWESOME!!!!
P.S
PLEASE MAKE MORE!!!!
Fleur is the unicorn Rarity meets in Sweet and Elite, along with her husband, Fancy Pants. They invite Rarity to all the social gatherings in Canterlot.
2634020
No pony ever said they were married?
Fancy Pants could be Fleurs agent.
You never know.
moar "who i`ve become" storyes, pls
House keeping!
although this is overused it just keeps getting funnier. any idea why?
Also you said BRAKE not BREAK in that part with the bro breaking down the door.
I think it was kinda meh as well but still good ^_^ keep up the good work!
2660081
Honestly I think the chapter sucked but damn.
Cliffhanger!!
When I first saw this I thought "A sergeant becomes Fleur in the field while leading marines? Pure awsome!" Of course that's not what happened, but I still like the story.
There are some things that I think detract from the story though. You have many places where poor word choices detract from your intent, and some places with incorrect words or extra words. Minor distractions, but still noticeable.
There is also a lot of exposition. I mean there's a ton of it in here. You spend far too much time talking about everything instead of letting the characters show us.
But if there's one thing that I think needs some attention here, it's how you portray the Marines. I have known several, and they all have this certain aspect to their character that is completely missing from Floreal.
I think that this is a good story, but with a little help it could be amazing. I strongly suggest you get two people to assist. First get yourself a grammar Nazi to clear up the nitpicky details, then find yourself a Marine Brony to consult on that aspect of the story. Because to a Marine, they are Marines first and that mindset colors everything they do.
2827163
Yeah I'm thinking about re-writing everything.
You know what that's what I'll do.
-> you're
Should have a question mark instead of a period.
->HEARTBREAK is one word, dude
Not bad, man.
-> double quotes closed by a single quote. Since it is a thought, the double should be a single.
-> defines
2634131
so wait.. Im having a hard time processing this a bit. Is he black or is he white and only blake is black? What the.... 
WHY DID YOU CANCEL IT!!!!
3503015
I got bored with the five score universe.
3503111 how this was an amazing story!!!
HOW COULD YOU CANCEL THIS THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!
2634131 They have a comic called "The Secret Life of Fleur De Lis. She acts as a bodyguard for Fancy pants and ends up fighting a changeling Doppleganger of herself after the same changeling posing as a waiter offers a spiked beverage to Fancy Pants. Princess Luna drinks it and she gets drunk or in some stupor. Fleur investigates and finds the real waiter tied up and then attempts to expose the impostor.
Her doppleganger has fangs and wings, as well as green magic from its horn, even when it is posing as Fleur.