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  • 101w, 17h
    A Eulogy For Blueshift on Thanksgiving Day

    Standing amidst a crowd of thousands, livestreamed to millions, a man of average build and dressed in military blues walks to the podium, stumbling a bit over the steps, The audience hears the fumbling of the microphone, takes this as a sign that the speech is about to start and quickly goes silent.

    "Hello, everyone. My name is Evenfall, and we are all gathered here today to celebrate the day of irritating birds and the passing of one of the greatest soldiers I have ever known." A shift of note cards, then he begins again. "Blueshift died today, on the twenty-second of November, to ensure that his comrades would have escaped that ship straight out of District 9 and that the Earth would be safe from the alien menace. Blueshift was funny man, that was for sure. A heavy weapons expert, Blueshift was a decorated colonel in the military and a part of the highly controversial XCOM project. He was a proud bearer of The Gift, and was selected by God or something to be the newest in a line of psionic candidates to combat what we now assume to be the impending Reaper threat."

    The crowd shifts a little in distress, but quickly becomes complacent when they bring their XCOM Incorporated Official Blueshift The Writer plushies -- trademark -- that they all were given at the entrance of the hall. They were told they were free, but a team of highly trained ninja elephants were presently picking the pockets of each and every audience member. They didn't suspect a thing. All the while, the speech went on, and Evenfall continued to ramble about.

    "... absolutely refused to wear any armor save for his grammy's sweater..."

    "... thought the Lorax was a perfectly acceptable military role model..."

    "... only known XCOM member to play a chess game with an Ethereal and win. There. I believe we've listed his accomplishments! In conclusion, Blueshift was also a homogay faggot brony who wasted his time in the barracks writing fanfiction instead of doing anything productive. However, deplorable as the act may be, I say that in honor of his sacrifice, we should all take out our XCOM brand tablets, trademark, and read all of his stories on repeat! Please leave a check for three thousand dollars as you leave, and thank you for coming out today!"

    Little did Evenfall know, many people in the world would heed his request. Three-quarters of those people committed suicide shortly after. Half of the remainder required medical treatment. The other half was perfectly fine. However, half of that masturbated furiously to every story of Blueshift's. The children thereby grew up thinking that ponies were the hottest shit ever and that other women weren't worth the trouble so long as they had napkins and a bottle of lotion. And all this was because Blueshift decided to get off on the left side of bed this morning.

    The End.

    3 comments · 183 views
  • ...
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AlChestBreach and his motley, do-or-die crew conquered the Wasteland, and now, they're in Equestria to conquer friendship itself. Join them on an epic quest to do what they've never done before: not use their weaponry to slaughter everything in sight.

Well, maybe not most things...

Picture from: unknown

First Published
10th May 2013
Last Modified
10th May 2013
#1 · 77w, 13h ago · 3 · ·

Hey, guess what I do instead of work with my old stories?

I resurrect dead ones. I'm a scumbag like that.

So, yeah! Return of the Brown Bear himself! Get 'er done!

#2 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

SO let me get this straight its a group composed of the Human AL, the Protectron Ballarms, the former Brain bot Janet, the zombie (or ghoul) Jerry, the radroach Steve and the Deathclaw Mister Cuddlesworth.

Correct or did i forget anything?

#3 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2556702 Nope. Dream team all there.

#4 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

DAYUM!

#5 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

Steve all the way!

#6 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

I think you captured Al and his companions perfectly, I was laughing for most of the chapter, i'll be awaiting more.

#7 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2556789

Steve is best Radroach. He should get a story to himself.

#8 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

"Hey, what happened to that, anyway?"

"You lost it."

Stupid thing teleported me to Primm and dissappeared, even the mod author says that this cannot be fixed. Fuck it.:facehoof:

#9 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2556941

Someone needs to write that story.

#10 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

I have no idea what I just read.

#11 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

*rubs eyes in disbelief*

Well it was bound to happen. And I'm glad

#12 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

Have Cuddles rip apart a Manticore and have Fluttershy witness it, that'd be funny.

#13 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

i give this all the fucks and all the wins i can muster

#14 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

''I did the only thing i could, I freaked the fuck out!  not like normal freaking the fuck out, this was like, omg there's 18 spiders in my shoes and the have BOMBS strapped to them!'' - AlChestBreach

''o-ho-ho bullet to the skull you say?'' best line ever:rainbowlaugh:

#16 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

Jesus christ, this is literally impossible to not read. First one to link the breacher of chests this wins.

#17 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

my god i LOVE AL

#19 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2554310 needs more chumpkins

#20 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

Oh my god I never thought I would see this.

Mr. Cuddlesworth is best pony.

Keep this going, you hussy!

#21 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

MOAR DAMNIT.

I DEMAND MOAR.

YOU STUPID BASTARD.

#22 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

"Did someone slip Niner's drugs in my Nuka Cola?"

#23 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

One regret about this story.

It wont let me hit the like button more than once.

#24 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

finally someone made a fic about Alchestbreach

#25 · 76w, 5d ago · · 1 ·

is alchestbreach still human or became a pony?

because it is cool if he became a pony

#26 · 76w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

someone should send Al this

#27 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2562125 I'd rather not. I'd personally hate it if people started shoving their fics in my face. Especially from a fandom that has a less-than-reputable reputation.

#28 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

I said microwave...

#29 · 76w, 5d ago · 8 · ·

I was waiting for this.

It was inevitable. (Like war, it never changes.)

Maybe the code will help somehow? (IT ALWAYS DOES!!)

...Wait.

WHO DISLIKED THIS?!

YOU WILL LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW!!

OR WE WILL FIND YOU!!

DON'T MAKE ME GET SLENDY'S BROTHER!!!!

#30 · 76w, 5d ago · 4 · ·

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I MUST READ THIS!!:raritydespair:

#31 · 76w, 5d ago · 5 · ·

>>2564029b I WILL PERSONALLY HUNT DOWN WHOEVER DISLIKED THIS DOWN AND SMACK THEM WITH A FISH!!! :twilightangry2:

#32 · 76w, 4d ago · · ·

:pinkiecrazy:  I find this amazing, and well kept to what I imagine his personality to be like:pinkiehappy:

#33 · 76w, 2d ago · · ·

Will you add things like console commands or something like that?:derpytongue2:

#34 · 74w, 4d ago · 8 · ·

You should have legion assassins come in like they always do everytime Al does a walkthrough on a mod lol

#35 · 69w, 3d ago · 7 · ·

You Sir need to continue this. NOW:flutterrage:

#36 · 64w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

still alive?

#37 · 63w, 4d ago · 10 · ·

WHY WERE WE NOT TOLD OF THIS STORY'S EXISTANCE?!?

#38 · 63w, 3d ago · 3 · ·

When the hell is the new chapter man?

#39 · 56w, 6d ago · 3 · ·

Where is the next chapter?

#40 · 54w, 3d ago · 3 · ·

Update. Blog give us something to show that you're not dead.

Comment posted by Razorblade11234 deleted at 10:43pm on the 18th of December, 2013
#42 · 38w, 6d ago · 3 · ·

this story is dead and that's a bad thing

#43 · 33w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Awww...no more Chapters?  :fluttercry:

#45 · 28w, 5d ago · 6 · ·

>>4090579 this is how the world works.

horrible fanfic: millions of chapters.

decent fanfic: some chapters.

awesome fanfic: one chapter

#46 · 28w, 5d ago · · ·

>>4223017 You speak many wise words sir.

#47 · 18w, 6d ago · · ·

is this guy even working on a new chapter??

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