Chapter V: Snake Oil
Twilight opened the door to the Watch house only to be amazed by the sudden turn everything had made inside. No longer did it feel old and stuffy like someone's Gran's house just after the dog died. Now it felt vibrant, grand and clean. The wood of the desk looked as though it was polished nicely, the emblem for the Watch could be seen clearly with all the tarnish gone and the obnoxious "welcome" sign was discarded. It all looked professional.
Spike looked down from the front desk to Twilight and gave her a bright smile, seeing her reaction. He closed the Watch manual and scrambled down from the desk. Walking to her, he saluted smartly and had a grin on his face.
"Welcome back, ma'am, I've done everything you asked!"
"Yes, I can see that Spike, very well done," she said, nodding and still looking around in amazement.
"Oh, Captain, you had a letter from the princess come in," Spike said, reaching down into his breastplate and pulling it out. He unrolled it and read over it for a few moments. "She says she wants a report sent on how things are going here in Ponyville."
Twilight reeled a bit. At best she had one or two leads but nothing was concrete quite yet. She put a hoof to her head and rubbed it gently, trying to figure out what exactly she was going to say to the Princess. She knew she'd have to choose her words carefully. That was when she frowned. When did she become concerned? She canted her head upwards as that thought took a stranglehold on her brain.
She had been planning this whole time to do everything she could to dump this problem any way she could and get back to Canterlot. Now the thought of doing something like that made her shiver though. The tugging on her breastplate by Spike snapped her back out of her mind as she looked down to him standing ready with quill and parchment in hand. Reddening for a moment, she cleared her throat.
"Dear Princess Celestia," she began. "It has only been three days since I was sent here to Ponyville. Thus far there have been two more kidnappings. I believe, however, we may have a few suspects and leads for the case. Most of the citizens here believe these kidnappings have something to do with the Mare in the Moon myth, though I naturally have my doubts. I am keeping my mind open, however. As for the Watch themselves, so far we have had one injury, Sergeant Rainbow Dash. We've also had one addition, Lance Constable Spike. Would request possible plan to incorporate more members into the Watch as the current numbers simply do not stack up to what is required of the current case load. Signed, Captain Twilight Sparkle."
"So that reminds me," Spike said, finishing up the letter. "Am I getting paid for this job?"
Twilight frowned a bit. "Suppose I will have to pay you. You can take a fifth of what I make. I believe that's the proper amount for an LC."
Spike gave a bit of a cheer, having never really worked for pay before and with a plume of green flame the message was carried away into the air.
The front door opened as the message swirled its way through a window. Twilight was greeted by the sight of Applejack walking in with Big Macintosh in tow. He looked about as though he'd never seen the inside of the Watch house before. Either that or it looked miraculously different to him. Twilight moved towards him, studying him for a few moments. She could see his name sake wasn't purely ironic and that he was quite big as well as strong. Given his height, she thought, he could very well have been the hooded pony that knocked into her last night.
"Big Mac, this here is Captain Twilight Sparkle," Applejack said with a gesturing hoof.
"Delighted," Twilight said offering her own hoof.
"Eeyup," answered Big Macintosh, giving it a hardy shake.
"If you'll follow me over here, please," she said as she turned and walked to a room off to the side. The door opened revealing that room itself was bare save a table and two chairs set off to the side should the company need a chair. Twilight took a seat on the ground, resting her front hooves on the table and watching as Big Macintosh took the spot opposite her. Applejack in the meantime shut the door behind them and moved to the back of the room.
Twilight pulled from her pouch the trusty quill and notepad and set them on the table. Her eyes then settled onto Big Macintosh, studying him once again. She watched carefully as he looked around the silent room with the same stoic face he'd carried since he arrived. She wasn't entirely sure of him, straining over every detail until the clearing of her throat cut the silence.
"Last night you were out and about, correct?" she asked, keeping her gaze on him.
"Eeyup," he responded.
"Out fairly late?"
"Eeyup."
"What about the bar, make a stop there?"
"Eeyup."
Twilight began to feel her patience thinning a bit, expecting more than the answers she was receiving. "Is that all you can say?"
"Nope."
"Big Mac don't really speak much," Applejack said from the back of the room as Twilight looked to him again.
"He'd best find it within himself to start speaking because right now he's looking really good for a kidnapper," Twilight said, making sure her eyes never wavered from him. She watched his reaction to the kidnapping rap placed on him and could swear she'd seen him squirm a bit. This boded well.
"Big brother?" Applejack questioned, now settling her own eyes upon him as shifted slightly.
"I was makin' deliveries last night, I stopped at th' Dancin' Mare then made my way to Filthy Rich's place."
"Do you remember the time?" Twilight asked.
"I dunno, I didn't have a watch," Big Macintosh said as Twilight marked down a few things in her notebook.
"So you don't know when you arrived, I'm guessing you don't know when you left, when you got to Filthy Rich's home or even when you got home."
"It was about ten at night when he got home, ma'am," Applejack spoke up. "I know cause he scared th' daylights outta me comin' back so late."
Twilight nodded, scribbling more notes down before her gaze shifted back up to Big Macintosh, who was now looking like he was trying to invent a dance that involved tiny movements while sitting. This only made her smile devilishly. Not that she was getting enjoyment out of tormenting her colleagues big brother, but because of the break this could cause in the case.
"Well, according to the official report, several eyewitnesses, including the bar staff, place you at the bar around eight-fifteen to offload six barrels from a cart of ten. The last barrel got into the stock room about eight-forty, give or take. So why don't you take me through the next hour and twenty minutes?"
Big Macintosh looked ready to bolt out of the room as he cleared his throat. "I unloaded the barrels and walked off down the street to Filthy Rich's to give him the other four barrels then headed home."
"Don't lie to me, Macintosh," Twilight said in a low tone. "I've done that route before on a patrol. From that bar to that house is ten minutes, cart or not. It would have taken you about ten or fifteen minutes to offload last four barrels. Then the walk from that side of town to Sweet Apple Acres is at most thirty minutes. The way I see it, you still owe me another twenty minutes at the least, and let me tell you, a lot can happen in that span of time. What were you doing between eight-forty and nine o'clock?"
It was now that Twilight noticed Big Macintosh had all but silenced himself and turned his head away defiantly. Inside Twilight's head, a small victory party was being held as she knew she had him. Outwardly though, she kept same stern look she'd been giving him all night. She felt like grinning, just to show her defiance but a quick look to the horrified expression Applejack was wearing and the small glint of a tear running down her cheek brought Twilight down fast. The celebration was over.
Now all she could feel was pity welling up inside of her. She had been so adamant to pin this on Big Macintosh she'd forgotten all about the fact that this was Applejack's brother sitting right in front of her. She felt an absolute heel as she removed her helmet and ran her hoof through her mane, trying to find a way out of the awkward situation. The silence couldn't last forever, thankfully for Twilight, as a pounding on the door gave everyone a fright.
"Yes?" Twilight asked dryly.
Spike poked his head in and turned his eyes to Twilight urgently. "Captain, you gotta come here!"
"Is this really necessary right now, Lance Constable?" she asked with a huff.
There was a sudden sound filling the office and the room they sat in that sounded a lot like a steam whistle. Twilight planted the helmet back on her head and sighed, hefting herself away from the desk. Of course it was necessary. This town was full of crazies. As she moved to the door, she turned back to Applejack who kept silent but nodded, knowing just what the look was for. With that, Twilight walked out letting the door shut and leaving the brother and sister within.
Applejack stood in the back of the room for a moment, simply out of trying to come down from what had just happened. She wiped away the tears she'd suddenly shed and found herself now moving around the table slowly and planting herself in front of Big Macintosh. Her eyes were still wet as she gazed up to her brother. He, in the meantime, was trying to avoid eye contact with her were it at all possible.
"Big Mac, look at me, please," Applejack said as Big Mac reluctantly gave her a sidelong glance. "Please, it's yer sister Applejack talkin' to ya'll now. Just let me know what's goin' on. Forget fer two minutes I'm a member of th' Watch an' jus' talk."
Big Macintosh turned his eyes to the desk below him as they began to water as well. His sister's words resonated inside of his mind as he put both hooves to his head and began to openly weep. He hated crying in front of his sister, being the big brother and all, but this was one of those times it simply could not be helped.
"I'm sorry, sis," he sobbed. "I only did it to protect you an' th' family. Ya gotta believe me!"
Applejack reached over with a gentle hoof and stroked his mane, trying to calm him. "You know I trust ya' big brother."
Big Macintosh nodded, raising his head to finally look Applejack dead in the eye.
**********
Twilight galloped along the street towards a plume of smoke and the sound of a steam whistle crowing in the air. Her hooves carried her to town square where a mechanical cart was parked and a crowd of ponies circled it. Stragglers were clamoring towards the mob as Twilight slowed and frowned a bit, trying to figure out just what all of this was about. If it was a kidnapping, this was possibly the most overt kidnapping she'd ever seen.
From the cart rose two stallions, both very tall with coats of a pale yellow. Twilight took them in curiously, both with straw hats and vests. They were the sort of stallions you'd see peddling merchandise out of some gimmicky cart in the middle of a...oh. Twilight placed a hoof against her forehead. That was exactly what was happening, wasn't it?
"Well would you just look at the crowd, brother of mine?" the mustachioed one said.
"Looks like a lot of long faces in the audience if you ask me!" the other said.
"Seems like this is just the town we've been looking for!"
"Why, my brother, you can't possibly mean it!"
"Yes, just the town to use our particular brand of anti-kidnapping necklaces?"
The crowd gasped and muttered amongst itself as green magic sparked from both of their horns. Up from the middle of their cart rose a box, which then flung open. Contained within, hanging delicately from gold chains were emerald necklaces glittering in the sun. Twilight felt she'd seen more than enough of this display and took this opportunity to push her way into the crowd.
"Now, who wants one?" the stallion with the moustache asked. "We guarantee satisfaction! One hundred and ten percent kidnapping proof necklaces!"
The crowd began churning as ponies tried to force their way to the front. All of them with screams of "I'll take five" or "shut up and take my bits" and so on. Twilight finally muscled her way to the front and glared at the two stallions. They seemed to catch onto being stared at, however, now turning their attention to the armored purple mare and offering a hoof to her.
"How about you, miss?" the clean shaven stallion asked with a grin. The crowd had silenced upon seeing Captain Twilight before them. Memories of reports being sent to the princess still fresh in many of their minds.
"I'd ask what you think you're doing here in Ponyville and who you are," she said sternly.
"Why, I guess my brother and I just aren't famous here in Ponyville!" the pony with the moustache said. "For you see, he's Flim!"
"And he's Flam!" the clean shaven pony said suddenly.
"Together, we're the world famous Flim Flam Brothers!" they said together, striking a pose that was only really performed in front of large crowds or a mirror to get just right.
"How apt," Twilight said dryly. "And I suppose you're here to swindle the good ponies of Ponyville out of their hard earned bits in lieu of a tragedy."
"My dear lady!" Flam gasped.
"Captain," Twilight corrected.
"Captain Lady!" Flim said as Twilight huffed.
"My brother and I are here to bring protection to Ponyville!" Flam claimed proudly, offering a hoof to in the direction of their necklaces. "With these, nopony will be captured again, and that is our solemn promise to our consumers!"
The crowd muttered among themselves, not seeming to buy it. Twilight in the meantime quirked a brow, pleased to see that her fellow ponies didn't seem to be buying the sales pitch. It almost made her laugh, though their unwavering smug looks stifled any joy she got out of the situation.
“Perhaps there’s a way we can prove these wonderful things work?” Flim said.
“I’m sure there is, brother of mine!” Flam replied.
“Why we just happen to be wearing our product, aren't we, Flam?”
“We certainly are, Flim, and we’re both still here!”
This got the crowd muttering a bit louder. This was always the tricky part when it came to crowds. It seemed the more they muttered, the more hive-minded they became. Twilight was well aware of this fact of nature and thought quickly to try and cull the crowd back to the side of reason and sensibility.
“That’s all well and good,” she said with a slight smirk. “But I’m afraid I can’t allow you to sell anything to anypony without a proper license.”
Flim and Flam looked to one another with a smirk.
“Why my dear Captain Lady, I’d like to know under whose authority?” Flim asked defiantly.
“My authority,” Twilight said proudly, puffing her chest out. “I am Captain Twilight Sparkle of the Ponyville Watch and the law in this town. If I say you need a license to run a stand or a herring to walk backwards down the street in the middle of the night then the last thing I expect is lip!”
This was met with uneasy whispers in the crowds of ponies trying to figure out if that was a law or not and they had been unaware. Twilight rolled her eyes to the chattering behind her and climbed aboard the cart of Flim and Flam, giving them an incredulous glare as she awaited their response.
“We had no idea this would be such a hard sale,” Flim said.
“Indeed, we had figured this was a free trade sort of place, but as you wish Captain Lady,” Flam said.
They offered beckoning hooves to a curtain that hung over the side of the raised portion on the cart. The curtain was drawn, showing off several framed licenses and other papers. Some of them seemed rather excessive in nature. One that stood out was the “Allowance to trade glances while working a stall on a full moon while wearing hats” from Fillydelphia. Twilight winced as she’d read over that one, feeling slightly relieved she hadn’t been sent there to maintain order over such arbitrary laws.
Flim and Flam stood by, awaiting the confirmation to go ahead. The crowd in the meantime had thinned significantly. Many were ponies not wishing to wait around for something so silly and scampered back home. Twilight continued to run her eyes along the papers before leaning back and looking to the faces of the brothers.
Her eyes narrowed slowly before she got down from the cart and walked into the silent crowd. They parted, making way for her to pass before turning their attention back to Flim and Flam, who were more than happy to shake the whole thing off and once again present their merchandise.
“So who wants themselves a nice necklace that guarantees you’ll never be kidnapped a day in your lives?” Flim said.
“Why if they weren’t for the customers, I’d buy twenty!” Flam added.
The remaining crowd of folks more or less got on board immediately with shouts of “shut up and take my bits!” and “I’ll take twenty!” filling Twilight’s ears. An exasperated sigh tumbled out of her as she made her way back to the Watch house. It was an effort for her eyes not to roll out of her skull at how superstitious ponies seemed to be around here. A far cry from Canterlot to be certain.
As she entered the door, now far away from the insanity of the merchants and the ponies that remained, she pressed her back to the door and sank slowly to the floor. This day was half over, she just had to remember that important bit. Soon she’d be kicking down a door, rescuing ponies and being a giant bloody hero to boot. That lifted her spirits a bit. She came off the floor and moved to the interrogation room she’d left Big Macintosh and Applejack sitting in.
As she did, however, the atmosphere seemed different. She looked to Applejack, who was wiping tears from her eyes and seemed a shade lighter than before. Her eyes then moved to Big Macintosh who was even more dour than when she’d left. She settled down across from him, crossing her hooves on the desk and cleared her throat softly.
“So, I take it something happened,” she said, trying to cut the uncomfortable silence.
“Go ahead, brother,” Applejack said shakily.
“I just wanted them to be safe,” Big Macintosh muttered, sounding as though he were ready to burst into tears himself. “I was told that if I joined our farm would be safe when Nightmare Night came back. We’d have all the food we needed so long as I helped them and nothing bad would ever happen. They were threatenin’’ me, Granny Smith and my sisters.”
“Wait a moment,” Twilight said. “They threatened you because of Nightmare Moon’s return?”
“Eeyup.”
“Why do I keep hearing this nonsense about Nightmare Moon?” Twilight asked sternly.
“It’s the way ponies are ‘round here ma’am,” Applejack said. “Ya’ll won’t find many that don’t believe in it.”
“You gotta believe me, please!” Big Macintosh pleaded.
Twilight rested a hoof on her head and sighed softly. “Alright, so you’ve been kidnapping ponies for Filthy Rich and taking them to his home so he can hold onto them. Is he the one behind all of this?”
“Nope,” Big Macintosh said as her nervously glanced around and leaned forward. “There’s six of us including me. The lead pony is a mare. I’ve never seen her face, she keeps it hidden, but near as I can tell she’s a unicorn. She’s the one bent on us kidnapping these ponies and usin’ them for this ritual to bring Nightmare Moon back. Filthy Rich is holdin’ onto ‘em.”
“We need to get in there and rescue those ponies,” Twilight said as she rubbed her chin gently. “Until then, I’m afraid you’ll have to remain here under our custody, Big Macintosh.”
“No, I can’t!” Big Macintosh urged, now looking quite panicked. “If I don’t show up tomorrow night they’ll do somethin’ I just know it! They’ll know somethin’ is wrong and somethin’ might happen to my family!”
Twilight was taken aback just as Applejack had been from his reaction. This of course being the first time Applejack had ever seen her brother get so emotional over something, or indeed raise his voice that loudly. Silence fell on the room again as Twilight composed herself and cleared her throat.
“That could be an issue,” she said.
“What if we use him?” Applejack asked. “Why, he could be our inside pony!”
Twilight ran a thoughtful hoof under her chin. “That’s actually not a bad idea, Sergeant. We could use all the information we can get at this point. Perform admirably and I might just be swayed to look the other way on your charges. Until then I believe we’re done here. Sergeant, if you’d escort him home and grab Corporal Derpy while you’re about it. We’ll be paying Mr. Rich a visit.”
“Yes, ma’am!” Applejack said with a salute.
Twilight opened the pouch for her notebook and floated it in front of her as Applejack and Big Macintosh left. She hummed to herself as she jotted down a few things from the talk she’d just had. A mysterious figure controlling a cult of five other ponies. Big Macintosh was one, Filthy Rich was another, that only left the other four. Twilight stood and walked to the front door of the Watch house to take a step outside. Fresh air might do a bit of good to clear the head and shake the cobwebs loose.
As she stood outside, the sound of the cart of Flim and Flam pulling up to her made her suddenly wish she’d stayed inside and taken in all that nice stuffy air to shake out the cobwebs. They still looked incredibly smug despite, what Twilight assumed, were shoddy sales after her own song and dance. The cart creaked to a halt before her and she stared at them sternly.
“I believe you’ll be happy to hear we’re leaving for now, Captain,” Flim said with a smirk.
“The ‘for now’ part is disheartening, but at least you’re done swindling ponies out of their bits,” Twilight said incredulously.
“So droll, Captain, but don’t you worry,” Flam said with the same grin as his brother plastered on his face. “We’ll be back.”
Twilight rolled her eyes as they sputtered away on their cart. She felt relief however, glad that not everyone in Ponyville had been duped by such a shoddy business practice. That relief faded as soon as she caught sight of two ponies passing right in front of her wearing those necklaces. That was when she decided fresh air was vastly overrated and headed back into the Watch house to prepare for the visit they would pay Filthy Rich.
**********
Corporal Rarity sat in front of the a table just outside of Ponyville’s premier cafe. She rubbed her tired eyes, trying her best not to yawn. She was joined by Constables Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, who were enjoying a lunch break from their patrols. They were, of course, the same constables that banged on Rarity’s door not long ago and shook her from a lovely dream involving ice cream and a hot bath. Instead they brought her out to look at ghastly necklaces and two sales ponies that could not only do with a fashion makeover but perhaps some tips on actual entrepreneurship.
“I honestly do not see what makes these horrid necklaces so special,” Rarity said with a huff. “They look absolutely awful too, like they were made in a shop.”
“But you make your dresses in your shop,” Pinkie Pie said, tilting her head to one side.
“That’s different sweetie,” Rarity said. “I actually hoof stitch every seam and you can see the love and attention that’s in every last bit of thread. These are just wretched.”
“Do you think they actually work?” Fluttershy asked, watching another pony walk by staring at their necklace.
“Of course they don’t!” Pinkie Pie said. “I mean that would be like saying your hat keeps you from falling down cliffs!”
Fluttershy looked up to her helmet for a moment in thought.
“Well, if those snake charmers think they can just swoop in and steal business away from me, they’re wrong,” Rarity said. “Anypony who’s anypony will want what I’ve got cooking up for the Summer Sun Festival anyway. They’ll forget about those stupid necklaces and go straight for the quality and care that only Rarity can provide them.”
"You could sell it to that pony over there!" Pinkie said with a giggle. "Black in this heat has to be really hot!"
"Yes, very hot," Rarity said before she broke away from her thoughts. She turned her attention quickly to a set of bushes in the distance where a black cloaked figure was moving towards the edge of town. She nearly tumbled over as she got to her hooves and looked to the others.
"What do we do?" Fluttershy asked, shrinking behind Rarity nervously.
"I say we rush 'em and give 'em a good whumpin'!" Pinkie Pie suggested as she pulled her truncheon from its holder.
"No, we should follow them," Rarity said with a nod.
"Why?" Pinkie asked.
"If we can figure out where they came from, we'll figure out where the kidnapped ponies are!" Rarity said with a grin. "Then we whump them, drag them back to the Watch house with the kidnapped ponies and that’ll be that!”
"That sounds like a worse idea," Fluttershy said, peering around Rarity and watching as the figure nonchalantly strode along the back roads.
Rarity put a hoof to her mouth to silence them as she began to walk calmly towards the bushes the figure had just emerged from. Pinkie Pie bounded along soundlessly as Fluttershy tried to cling to Rarity as best she could. They crept along, stopping every once in awhile to press themselves against a wall and peer around it like they'd read somewhere in a mystery novel. Fluttershy slowly leaned up to Rarity’s ear.
"Where do you think they’re going?"
"Wherever it is, I have a bad feeling about it," Rarity said before the three of them slipped out of their cover and continued towards the shadowy pony. They were quickly running out of buildings to hide behind as the pony halted just before the entrance to the Everfree Forest. Rarity craned her head out, watching as the pony looked around suspiciously. Rarity nibbled on her bottom lip nervously before the pony sauntered into the forest and disappeared into the thick brush. Releasing a sigh of relief, she leaned back into the cover she and her companions had taken.
"We should leave," Fluttershy said through chattering teeth.
"It's just the Everfree Forest," Rarity said turning her head back towards the forest entrance. Her nerves began to take hold as she stared into the deepening darkness that lay before them. Suddenly she'd regretted putting on such a brave face and now having to stick by her word. Without a word, Pinkie Pie merrily skipped out of cover and bounded towards the entrance of the forest. Rarity then wondered if the pink pony knew just what subtlety exactly was.
Rarity turned back to Fluttershy and nodded, slipping out of the cover. Pinkie Pie had stopped just short of the forest entrance and bounced in place waiting for them. The three of them stared into forest as though it were a gaping maw prepared to close shut the moment they entered. Rarity took a gulp and moved her hooves forward to enter the forest with the others in tow.
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That should be "he"
You want a comma after "minutes"
Shouldn't there be an s at the end of "customer"?
Well, since you asked, there's no gap before this paragraph, and it's not indented
2682373
Thanks for the catches! No idea why everything got so muddied up when I transferred the text.
2682388
Just to let you know, I've actually lost small paragraphs during transfers.
2682478
Well that would be a bit of an issue. As far as I can tell nothing was lost in translation. I'll go back through and look if anything is missing. Thanks for that bit of info! Hopefully it doesn't bugger someone's reading of the new chapter.
I can imagine the final battle...
Everyone in the Watch fighting the cultists at the abandoned castle in the Everfree.
War raged there and it's full of awesomeness!
I've got a horrible feeling that Filthy has moved the kidnapped ponies by now. Twilight REALLY should have just opened that door. I've also a bad feeling those necklaces are some kind of mind control device or something, seeing as Flim and Flam are two of the members of this cult and all. I also have a bad feeling that Rarity and the others are just following Zecora, who just happens to wear a black cloak, and she turns out to be completely innocent. Man I have a lot of bad feelings about this uh?
Good chapter
this chapter really got me wanting more, good one
2682766
Oh just you wait.
2683683
Cling to those horrible feelings because it can only go downhill from here.
2689810
Thanks!
2691122
And you will have it. Always great to hear that more is wanted!
so i reaised something:
in discworld, Vimes was a street punk orphan who eventually married into wealth, a lifestyle that he disliked.
here, Twilight is from the more wealthy and opulent Canterlot and forced to move to the smaller, rustic country town of Ponyville, a lifestyle she dislikes.
just food for thought.
also I totally thougth Pinkie was gonna be Nobby, not Derpy.