• Member Since 13th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 12th, 2023

BlueAlicorn


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Happy that they turned twenty-five, three friends start having strange things happen to them. Dominic, being born one day earlier than the other two, starts to experience the strange occurrences first, but on the next day, Anon and Cynthia get them too. How will they cope with them? What will Cynthia's parents say to all of this? And why does Anon crack his vertebrae all the time? I mean, come on, I hate that bucking sound. Find out on all of this next time, on Changing Anatomies. But seriously now, this fanfic isn't all random, it has some serious moments. Inspired from the awesome fan-made fictional story Five score divided by Four. Teen for mild language

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 28 )

Moar?...
Also, first!

Of course moar, my friend, it just needs a little time :twilightsmile:

I like the separate birthdays but same thing happens part, makes it much more realistic.
:D

Anon must be a pretty common name in Iowa.

2553774 Yeah, Anon is just a placeholder name though, not his real one :)

2553540 Thanks, and rest assured, that will have some influence on the rest of the story

2555719
Will you be giving his real name?

2556879
Cool. I will and will not look forward to it. :pinkiecrazy:

Not a bad first attempt. If you could post the name of the ponies you are going to use here, it would be appreciated :raritywink:

No other farm could ever reach the quality of their food, ever, even if they tried. Hard.

(which is, by the way, the stupidest thing in connection with schools to be invented ever)

Really really rich.

(get it? A to Z? Horrible jokes for LIFE)

All of these quotes are obnoxious. For the first one you need to drop the repetition, say something like "No other farm can ever match the quality of their food" and leave it at that. The other three quotes are best deleted entirely. (I don't care that the last one is intentional, it's still annoying.)

I normally worked as a regular cashier, but my friend, Dominic, our designated strongman and box-picker-upper, had the day off, so it was up to me to lift all of the boxes that were in need of relocation.

Having so many commas in one sentence makes it awkward to read.

HUGE garden

I'm pretty sure you need a comma between those words.

One of the many, and perhaps the best thing about her

This is confusingly worded. Try instead something like:

“One of the many good things about her- perhaps the best- is that she didn’t play the ‘rich’ card out much”

2570525 Ok, you can see if the next chapter will be better. And many thanks for not just plainly hating, but giving constructive criticism :twilightsmile:

2551056 not bad and isn't Anon the guy who is turning into rainbow Dash in Five score?

2571214 No, Anon is just a placeholder name. It's short for Anonymous, so it's perfect.

2571641 ah thanks for telling me.:pinkiesmile:

Comment posted by Conflicted Squeaky Belle deleted May 13th, 2013

I'm loving this story :rainbowkiss: but i'm wondering who is Anon turning into :rainbowhuh:

It wasn’t a roll-on tattoo, the quality was just much too good and there were no corners peeing off.

:rainbowderp:

Such an improvement over the prologue. However, there is one outstanding issue:

The long hand had 3 quarters of its way towards the upward vertical stance complete. (Fancy way of saying that, huh? For those who are too lazy to think right now, that means 1:45)

Gah! So obnoxious! Do the only sensible thing and delete this awful line!

Lastly, some minor issues:

1999$

Why is the dollar sign on the right side?

the other things i said

The time, i mean.

Capitalization error on "I"

2575072 Ok, thanks for pointing it out. I'll fix it when I get back home.

Is this inspired by Five score divided by Four or is it supposed to be set in that universe`?

What is the fanfic you quoted?

When humans want answers, they tend to ask pretty hard.

Keep up the good work. Your story is enjoyable, even if your characters sleep a lot. :pinkiehappy:

2651421 Both.

2652034 Thanks. :twilightsmile: The story I qouted is Article II, also an excellent fanfic.

2572394 really?
Read Five Score, Divided by Four

“Initially I thought that it was a prank that one of you had in some way pulled on me, tattooing a cutie mark on me and all.”

You could almost see a light bulb turn on over Cynthia’s head. Before she had only stayed in the background, thinking, but now: “I got it!” she exclaimed as she got onto one of the laptops.

[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=roXJuJfbdG4]

I hope this story continues.

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