"Hello friends how are you... no this dosen't feel right I mean I know your their reading but your not here. Umm... Derp... let me fill you brownies wait no is that right? bronies yes bronies, that's it well anyway the reagular author was about to do some writing but I kinda... may of... umm stopped him. okay let me go back a second I was buying my muffins from the store talknig to my friend Pinkie Pie. She was talking about how she always had a good time writting storys, I asked what she ment and she explained that she breaks the fourth wall to "help" writters write their storys, well anyway it sounded like a lot of fun and I like fun so I may of umm... stole the doctors Tardis found a authour and put him in equestria but I kinda... accidentally dropped him of a small cliff and he hasn't woken up yet so... wait hold on a second I think he is coming to".
The small stallions eyes slowly and mean slow as a snail opened up "wha..urgh my head...what hap... happened".
He looked around but their was nopony their
"Who said that, hello".
"oh can you hear me".
"umm... I don't what do you think?" He attempted to lift himself off the ground but was to weak, He then looked to ground a saw a small puddle of blood forming below him, his abilty to speak had also been slightly impared evidenced by the fact that he forgot to say know after he said "I".
"Ahh my head and who is narrating this". He looked towards the sky.
"WelI I am the authour so I am surpos" however I was cut short
"well your a arsehole watching me suffer and WAAAAAAH oh my head". He then place a hoof upon his head to stop the blood flow.
"Im s-sorry I didn't mean to upset you I just" I began to start crying, no really I did.
"Oh bugger off as if I give dam, anway answer my question who are you?"
"My name is Derpy umm hooves"
The previous authour then realised due his rather mean previous comments that he would most likely be shortly be recieving some rather angry messages from his fellow brownies no bronies how do I delete stuff again.
"Your asking me for advice?"
"Fine but can you at least tell me why I am" he looked around. In the distance he saw a apple orchard that strected on for achre's."I'm in equestria!, who, how, when, what, why?"
"Umm well you see I was trying to get you to equestria and well I just don't know what went wrong".
"Couldn't you could of just gone for the standard route. I wake up in the everfree forest then I get scared then I run into Fluttershy. She then introduces me to Twilight Sparkle and I then go home?"
"Yeah but I wanted to do something different."
"Well this is certainly different." He then sighed "also why is my head bleeding?"
"Umm I kinda messed up getting you here and you fell off a cliff and well then this happened nad then well I don't what happened."
"Okay their is just one small problem here I maybe dying, you know, just a little."
"Oh I have an Idea I can have somepony find you."
"Oh yes because that won't be akward. Hello their yuo are bleeding, why yes I am, I will help you, why thank you kind pony, what is your name, my is name is...see the problem here?"
"Okay I'll give you a name you can be called... Muffin."
"Because that wasn't predictable." I would of kept on talking to him but my completely amazingly genius plotdevice had seen him and was coming to help.
"Hello, are you okay? You look worse than a pig in the sun."
Muffin imediatly turned his head (something he immediatly regreted afterwards) to see an orange mare standing close to him. "Oh no I'm perfectly okay, I just fell off a cliff and cracked open my head, but besides that I has been a good day."
"well your obivously well enough to make jokes but I still think I should take ye' upto da' farm" She had a smile on her face. she felt sympathy for Muffin even though he had made a mean joke because she is a dependable pony.
"Derpy that makes no sense".
Applejack looked over to Muffin, still lying on the ground, worrying about his sanity slightly " Looky like you wanged' your head harder than you thought, Do you think you can walk?"
Muffin tried to stand up, well tried to figure out how to figure out how to try to walk but failed. He looked Applejack in the eye "No i'm pretty much bonned'."
"Well i'm not gonna leave you out here, i'll just have to carry you then" she walked over to muffin, who did't enjoy being marehandled' "come on I sure the rest of your family would love to meet you." Muffin probably would have tried to object but passed out from exhaustion.
" wait no I don't think I spelt that write, no I don't want this in my story. Argh stupid machine stop writting what I say."
Muffin awoke in a bed. He had a bandage over his head and a icepack and was laying comfortably. He examined the room that he was in. It was pretty simple but pratical, there was little in the way of creature comforts, the walls where faded orange but didn't need painting. Muffin then heard the sound of hoofsteps approaching. Applejack quitely opened the door and trooted in followed her friend Fluttershy. "oh hello it's nice to see your finally awake you have been out cold for a day now, we mended you up as best as we could but I wasn't as sure as i'd' like to be so I brought my friend with me to see if your okay. This Fluttershy" she pointed her hoof towards the yellow mare "and Fluttershy this is..." Applejack then blushed "I'm sorry but you never told me your name." Applejack then pointed her hoof towards Muffin
"Derpy I'm not gonna say my name is Muffin" Muffin said under his breath so that Applejack and Fluttershy couldn't hear him".
"Because it just sounds... well" He then stopped talking when he realised it wouldn't be a good idea to insult Muffins in my presence.
"Please, do it for me."
"Fine but I swear to god"
"Derpy you have already trapped me in your story, If I want to say god instead of celestia or luna I will"
"But won't that possibly offend some of your readers?"
"Okay, if you are reading this and you believe and you believe in a deity then you are really stupid and obviously have no common sense".
"Muffin stop insult my readers, isn't the brownies ,OH BUCKIN SERIOUSLY, now i'm swearing thanks Muffin".
"Your welcome" he said with a stupid smirk on his face.
"Anyway as I was saying the brown-bronies moto is love and tollerate".
"Yeah but their are to reasons why it's invalid. One, the message is love and tollerate not love and accept and ,Two, I don't give a fuck, so yeah".
Applejack and Fluttershy wear now intently watching Muffin, worried that he had sustained kind of brain damage".
"Hey thats not fair." He made no attempt to restrain his voice however it wasn't his grumpy human voice that came out of his mouth but a new pony voice, it was sweet and soft to but still retained masculinity.
"Whats not fair sugarcube?"
"Derpy stop cheating, your making me sound mad"
"oh you know Derpy maybe i'll just go and ask her for your name".
"My name is Muffin". Muffin then sulkly slammed his head into his pillow. "Happy now?"
"Extremely" I then decided to continue the plot.
"Whoa, calm down there is no ned to get angry now". Applejack said in a firm voice.
"Applejack wasn't the type of pony who liked ungratfull pony actually I think that their isn't a kind of pony that likes ungratfull ponys but who knows".
Muffin looked to Applejack and Fluttershy giving the best puppy dog eyes he could give. "I'm sorr" But he couldn't continue as he wasn't sorry.
"Hey this my story Muffin you don't get to decide the plot". I wasn't very happy.
"It's like this if you can understand, Me and Derpy are connected through the fourth wall,I can hear every thing she says and vice versa".
There was suddenly a pink poof nest to Muffins bed "Someponys breaking the fourth wall, can I join in?"
Applejack and fluttershy both backed up. " Pinkie Pie? what are you doing here"
Pinkie Pie looked over to her friends. " I'm always their when the fourth wall is broken, it's kinda' my thing".
Muffin was fed up with this story and rolled out of the bed."OW that was not my best idea". He rubbed his head.
Fluttershy then flew over to Muffin and attempted to pick him up"No you need to stay in bed and get your rest... I mean I thats okay with you". she then wimpered
"Fluttershy's right Muffin you need your rest" Applejack had no idea of what situation was unfolding before her but was trying to get a postion of power over Muffin.
"No" Muffin wriggled out of Fluttershy's grip and landed on the floor, hard. He lifted his mouth out of the carpet "fool me twice". He then tried to stand but again failed.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to drop you Muffin, oh please forgive me" Fluttershy said hovering in air above Muffin, she was almost about to burst into tears.
Applejack walked over to Fluttershy."It's not your flaut somepony is just a little grumpy thats all".
"A liitle grumpy? He's super duper mega big as a house grumpy". Pinkie was spearding her forehoofs wide to show how grumpy he was but fell on the floor instead.
"Pinkie Pie try to understand, he fell of a cliff, broke his skull and is hearing voices in his head". She then looked to Muffin "And somepony is going to behave themeself".
Muffin looked away from Applejack "Fine". The word rolled off his tongue quickly, he didn't want to taste the bitter taste of defeat.
Pinkie Pie then jumped over the bed, landed right next to Muffin and brought her face close to Muffin's "Do you Pinkie Promise?"
"Do you Pinkie promise?"
"Yes, I pinkie promise". Pinkie then moved away from Muffin, who then imediatly got up on his hooves and jumped out the window and started running away.
"Did he just?" Her mane looked as if it was about to set on fire.
"HE WOULD DARE BREAK A PINKIE PROMISE IN FRONT OF ME AFTER HE MADE IT, MUFFIN I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL". Pinkie Pie then ran out of the room to give chase.
"Applejack, should we help Muffin, I don't tihbk he realised what he just done".
Applejack looked at Fluttershy, Needless to say he would end up in bad condition if Pinkie got to him first. Muffin was ruunning as fast as he could which unfortunatly for him wasn't that fast. Pinkie was quickly gaining on him whilst shouting various curse words in his name. Just before she was able to ponuce upon him he took the air." MUFFIN YOU BUCKING' ASSHOLE GET DOWN HERE NOW AND ACCEPT YOUR FATE". Pinkie shouted at him in a demonic voice almost screaming her own lungs out.
"I-I-I... how am I flying?"
"well while you where sleeping I couldn't decide what kind of pony to make you, whether you wanted to be a unicorn or earth pony or a pegausus so I made you an alicorn instead".
"An alicorn do you have any idea what that means?"
"Well... no but I don't think it could be anything good."
"Lets just say I got a feeling".
"Your point is?"
"Nothing I just wanted to make sure I was hearing you right because if I hadn't made you a flying pony I am pretty sure that you wouldn't what Pinkie Pie would be doing to right know".
"AND WHY WOULDN'T HE ENJOY WHAT I WOULD BE DOING TO HIM RIGHT NOW DREPY?"
"Oh yeah I forgot you could break the fourth wall to".
"Derpy, how could you forget that Pinkie can break the fourth wall?"
Pinkie Pie was now jumping into the air trying to reach Muffin, but was having no success.
"OH, YOU WANT TO PLAY IT THAT WAY DERPY, WELL TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME".
Derpy then fell out of a portal onto the ground in front of Pinkie Pie. "Oh hi Pinkie Pie how's it going?"
"DERPY GET MUFFIN DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR..."
"Umm girls, if Derpy isn't writting the story then who is?" Pinkie then looked to where I was but I wasn't their because I'm here.
"DERPY HOW DARE YOU".
"well this is the worst story ever". His wing then stopped beating and he then fell into an apple tree and got caught up in the branches.
"Oh yeah well what about all the shipping and gore story, actually I take that back Sorry Bronies".
Muffin breathed in deeply "Well for a start, it's badly written, the grammar is deplaudable, the jokes aren't funny, I have a concusion and I'm about to be killed by Pinkie Pie". With that remark Pinkie Pie pulled him down from the tree and slammed him hard into the ground.
"NOPONY BREAKS A PINKIE PROMISE". She rased her hoof high into the air.
"Well i'm not a pony i'm a human".
"I DON'T GIVE A BUCK". She then connected her hoof to his face and nocked him out and well everything went downhill from there, the guards had to be called and Muffins now In hospital but I will apoligise to him later. I hope you enjoyed reading the story and if you didn't well... NO MUFFINS FOR YOU
P.s." I was looking through Muffin's house because I sure he wouldn't mind if I had something to eat and I found somethings called english muffins, now I don't what an english is but calling it a muffin, What the Buck!
P.p.s "Muffin sent me a note from hospital, it appoligises for his actions and bad nature towards bronies but not to pinkie Pie".