Your Antagonist here and I don't know why I wrote this,

You know what really cracks me up? Homophobes and anti-gay activists really crack me up. Even though the world is subject and succumbing to change these particular groups of people stand firm on their stance that homosexuality is wrong and gays shouldn't be allowed to do certain things such as get married or... stuff... and things. I wonder if from time to time conservative men still entertain the idea that a gang of rampant gay men will corner them in an alleyway and have their way with them. But all in all, I just find the whole thing funny. People are so busy looking at the corruption of 'morality' and the word of the bible that they fail to see the wealth of positives to homosexuality, just sitting there like a pile of platinum chains. Well, Your Antagonist saw the pile, but he saw it through old-school Red and Blue  3D glasses while  looking at it from a 37 degree angle, so his views might be just a little to the left of this universe.

1) More same-sex couples means what for single straight folks?

Well let's think about it for a second. Without going into specifics, in the world of heterosexual romance, men are competition for men when pursuing the heart a woman, right? Right. So obviously, the more men there are, the larger the market is for the woman. Now stop for a second. Let's turnabout this situation. What if, and this is just a crazy idea here, but what if some of those men started getting together with other men? Oh, I see what's happening but do you? That's right, the aforementioned market is drying up, shriveling like a slug kissed by salt.  So, somewhere along the line, when the amount of men getting together with men reaches a certain point, guess what that means to the men who are still in pursuit of heterosexual romance? That's right, it means they have less competition when on the prowl for a female! ...but they'd still better watch out, that homosexual variable and theoretical situation works both ways for both genders~~

2) When a homosexual man hits on you, it's like your all access pass to narcissism or at the least, higher self-esteem.

Now, certainly it could be a bit off-putting to have another man hit on you especially if all your life you've been raised to see negative connotations surrounding the same-sex attraction, but let's think about this with our brains slightly to the left. Now I'm not a 100% on this one, but I am 95.7% sure gay men have standards for beauty. They may not be the same standard, the standard standards if you will, but damn it all if they aren't standards. And typically if someone, be they man or woman, has decided you meet their standards and offers a compliment or some... companionship;D, that typically means you have met some standard of beauty.  Call me crazy, but typically gay men have pretty good taste in...c'mon, you know this one... men. Now, who else do we know has a taste for men? ... you're really not even going to try and answer this are you? Women... well women who are interested in men anyway. So, if we look at two halves of a single whole we get this: a straight man receiving an attraction-charged compliment from another man means that he fits a standard of beauty that shares a common ground with those of women, therefore he must be attractive or at least marketable to some demographic of women. So if a member of the opposite sex ever hits on you, don't be down. Perk up, you're attractive! Now strut what you got!

3) Same-sex weddings equal economic stimulus! ... to some degree

Really, really think about this. The wedding industry is big. It will never be small. Because as long as Sue and Joe wish to wed, then they shall belt out copious amounts of dollars to do it big, if they so choose to do it big, because sometimes people tend to do it small. Now then let's look at the situation here: if they do it big, they will use the services of several companies for different aspects of the wedding. Catering, the wedding cake, floral arrangements, music, dressmaking, venues for the after party, so on, and so on. Now at the moment, since same sex marriage isn't legalized, in the US anyway, one could make the jump in logic and say that there won't be too many ceremonies for something a portion of the populace can't do. How large is that portion? No one knows for sure. Some theorize it's 3.5 percent of the population, others say it's 1.7% , but one thing is for sure: whatever the percent is, it's sure a lot higher than zero, and by not harvesting that number that isn't zero, we are ignoring a financial resource in a time where we as Americans have no excuse to do so. It's certainly not the thing to get us out of our economic rut, but it's a gateway and I'm sure the aforementioned business would appreciate it.

4) In my mind, gay men are like superheroes, because who's going to rob them?

There is no real purpose or backing for this section as it only applies to a set demographic of same-sex couples, but I really needed an excuse to use the metaphor "Batman and Superman walking down the street holding eachother's dicks" and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Now I like to think of the stereotypical, active male-male couple when I think of same-sex relationships, and since I'm not all there in the head I like to imagine them in everyday situations: grocery shopping while flexing their well-toned biceps, jogging together while beads of sweat roll gently off their rock hard abs, getting mugged, kangaroo wrestl-- did I say getting mugged? Yeah, getting mugged. First of all to even think about robbing the aforementioned couple is like watching Batman and Superman walking down the street holding eachother's dicks-- yessss....-- and thinking to yourself, I can take them, because, no you fucking can't... unless you have a gun and some kryptonite. But even still, a robber wouldn't single them out as targets, because they don't look easy and I don't even know where I'm going with this one because I just wanted to use that metaphor.

Anyhow that concludes this hopefully entertaining peek into my mind. If you were expecting anything story wise, I should have something pretty soon. It's the epitome of all of my writer's block, and I don't expect it to be good, but what it isn't is the story I was working on last time. I'll finish that one on a later date.

Loathe,

Your Antagonist

Your Antagonist here,

Before I start, I have to say something to the person this pertains: you can't delete this comment thread, but I won't be bashing you

Now, writers, our reader-bases are a precious resource, and should be treated as such. See, the thing is, we had to earn their trust, their favor, their preference, so that they might give us their time and attention in any future endeavors that we might seek to pursue such as furthered story ideas, new directions, and whatever we may so choose to do with our blog. They are not just a number under the following box. They are human beings who have decided that what you have to say is valuable in some way shape or form. Some of them are fanatics who would so choose to hang onto every word you say because they love your existence and have dolls with your avatar picture on them resting underneath their pillow so they can cuddle with it when bed time comes around.

What they aren't are toys. What they aren't is garbage. What they shouldn't be is mistreated. The thing you should never take from them is their ability to trust you. Why? Because you have an obligation to understand that and treat it like a doctor's Hippocratic Oath, like a serviceman's Oath of Enlistment, like a customer service representative's unspoken agreement to help their customer no matter how much of a pain in the ass customers are, and you are pains in our asses. Point is, you have to treat them like gold, which is something stress, and multiple arguments have shown me personally on the site. I've mistreated readers time to time because of my usually arrogant and angry nature, and I've lost readers because of just that. Nothing makes me feel shittier.

As writers we should conduct ourselves above and beyond that. We do not belittle the reader base. We do not draw their moral standing into question. We do not manipulate them for our own self-gratification. We keep them entertained. We keep them happy. We keep them wanting more. That's the position we assume the moment popularity rears its ugly headed in our direction. We are not judges of character. We are writers. We are entertainers. Our personal view of their behavior should equate to not a damn thing. The only reason you should have to say anything negative to the reader is when they've gone full-retard. We're here for them, not the other way around. Don't forget that. Don't abuse that. And as a peer I say fuck you anyways for doing that. I can only hope if your readers have also decided that a unanimous "go fuck yourself" is in order that they won't completely forsake your stories, present or future. Get your shit together, get that apology out, shut up and write.

The above rant was borne of something someone did that just made me so angry as a writer that I had to leave this comment on the article in question:

Well, after coming back on to my account after about a weekish and some change, then reading your earlier blog and then this one, this seems... stupid and petty. Quite frankly, you should be ashamed for fucking around with your audience as you did. What you don't seem to understand is how serious a crime plagiarism is be it professional, academic, or recreational, and it's not just a crime in terms of legality. It's stealing the efforts of someone's brain, their passion, their love for their work and passing it off as an original piece. It's the ultimate offense in the world of prose,  translating loosely into theft with just a hint of rape. It's an abhorrent activity and should be looked upon as such regardless of who does it, because hey, you're told that plagiarism is wrong from grade fucking four, and it's reinforced all throughout your academic life as well. So I applaud your followers for reacting as they did. They should be proud that they stood up for a writer they loved, who in turn decided to treat them like sewage. Did it feel good to flex your moral superiority over the plebeian masses, you self aggrandizing jerk? I hope backlash catches you full force and then some, so you can get your shit and perspectives back together. You're here as a writer and an entertainer, not some all powerful judge of human character. So, that being said, why don't you fucking write instead of dicking your life's blood, huh? For fuck's sake, give a person an audience and they lose their fucking minds...

Loathe,

Your Antagoist

If you just don't like personal blogs, and just want any information relevant to which requested story I'm working on, you should stop reading and skip to the last line... or unfollow me, I always promote that option. If you are newly enlisted or thinking of enlisting you can probably take a lesson from this. If you're a veteran already, you can probably squeeze some schadenfreude out of this.

They fucked me. They really and truly fucked me. They pulled the carpet out from under my feet, dangled a carrot in front of my face, mounted me as I reached out for it and then they proceeded to fuck me raw-dog. They took turns and made a show of it. They even had the decency to watch as I cried once the deed was done. Hell, there was even cake and ice-cream for the little ones. 'Who did this?' you might have asked yourself if you cared. It was none other than... the Army! *Dun, dun, dun*,

Now, at first I was dead set on enlisting active duty in order to get a career out of it, and then my girlfriend of a year at the time happened, and just like that my enlistment changed to the Army Reserves so I could help myself out with school so my parents wouldn't have to pay for college anymore, and they don't/ didn't. So I went through my basic and AIT graduated, and wound up at my current unit. By the way, for those of you wondering what happened with that girl, it ended in a way that if I were to explain it to you, would paint me as some selfish, unfeeling, inhuman jerk (which I totally am).

I was content with my enlistment for one year and then found myself unbearably bored. I needed more, so I tried to go active duty. Needless to say it's an arduous process to go from Reserves/ Guard to Active as it is, but when you throw in some inept and negligible higher-ups who don't see the purpose in doing their damn job in the first place, one kink in this great chain if you will, you get one dead request to go active duty, because paper-work has a very fucking finite life-span. Fortunately the person(s) responsible were sacked and replaced with a more competent individual who actually started to get shit done.

Now I could've put in another round of paperwork, but due to the request (pleading) of a platoon leader who has failed his PT test so many times that I'd need an extra hand to count all the attempts, I wound up staying in the unit and continued school. Now that we're all caught up, this year happened.

Mid-winter we got the news that our unit was going to cut our job/ MOS because of the budget issues and the fact that they could essentially 'outsource' our positions with folks from the Guard. And I thought: "Wow, what a dick move." Then they mentioned that since they're cutting our job, we have options, and I thought: "Wow, how cool of you." So those in my job field now had the choice to: pick another job in the reserves, join the National guard, go active duty, or get out, and I continued to think "You all are being so fucking awesome about this." I maintained that attitude up until I realized how many stipulations were attached to the whole deal.

If you got out, you got out, but it would be "Bioshock Infinite 1999 Mode" hard to get back in. Picking another job in the reserves seemed cool until they told us how few MOSs were actually available and the odds of us getting one (slim to slimmer). Fuck the Guard, because if I wanted to stay E-4 for my whole military career... well, fuck it anyway. And then there was Active Duty shining like a gold crown on a pile of shit. Easiest decision I ever made.

Now the deal was originally for me to pick my current job and go active duty. That's what I was told would be happening, so I took the handle and ran that kite towards the sunset. I did the paper work, did the follow ups, the research, all the fives and nines. However only mere moments ago I blinked, and my kite was caught in a lightning storm. I was informed that the deal had changed last minute and now only airborne and language qualified personnel can get that deal. Now, I'm not airborne qualified (not for lack me trying to get sent to the school) and I only speak English and fluent sarcasm, the latter of which apparently doesn't qualify you for shit. So essentially they've sent me up shit creek without a paddle and as I fit the stereotype of a blackman who can't swim to a "T", well, I'm just gonna be drifting till I drown. Now hold on, there's still a fleck of gold in this manure pot. I can go... brace for it.... you aren't bracing... Special Forces! It's literally my only option!

Now some of you are probably thinking "that's so cool" and then there's probably one or two of you out there who realizes what that actually means, and why it's contributing to my ever growing stress level. In short it's either give up my military career or wind-up taking a job that I'm almost certain I don't want.

If you're to take anything out of this it should be if you have the option, go straight for what you want and let nothing hold you back, or you might regret it later on.

If you read this far, thanks for listening, and my next project is... a little more out of left field than you'd expect from me, but at the very least, I guarantee that Magus-Neon will be disappointed with my first foray into Foalcon BDSM. Take a moment. Read that again. Let it sink in... and continue thinking less of me as a human being; your negative thoughts give me power. Now if you'll excuse me I need to hang my head in shame and start making more progress on that.

Loathe,

Your Antagonist

*Shrugs* Tell me if it sucks or not.

Captain Badguy- (CB) A short tempered and easily flustered villain who has captured the Unnamed Hero and is ready to put a bullet into the hero’s smug face to keep him from interfering in his future plans.

The Unnamed Hero (UH)- A hard-boiled do-gooder, who won’t crack under pressure, and is constantly looking for a means to escape his bindings.

Henchman A (HA)- Has qualms with his bosses methods.

Henchman 1 (H1)- Plays Devil’s Advocate to Henchman A

(Scene opens to a dark secluded office space. There’s a single desk in the center of the room. On one side of the desk stands a sneering Captain Badguy who’s indulging in a monologue about his success-pending scheme, and the capture of his arch-nemesis. On the otherside, the hero sits tied up, with his jaw clenched as he struggles against his bindings. Captain Badguys two Henchman stand in the corner of the room watching their boss is amazement.)

UH: You’ll never get away with this, Captain Badguy!

CB: I’d like to plead au contraire my dear Hero; I already have.

UH: (Through grit teeth) What?

CB: You see, beneath our very feet, as we speak, several thousand timers attached to hundreds of detonators which are attached to dozens of bombs are just ticking down past the fifteen minute mark, and—

UH: Wait a minute.

CB: (Smiles snidely) Let me guess, you’re wondering why I’m doing this right? (Turns around, clears throat and prepares to monologue) Well when I was just a young boy I’d always dreamed of—

UH: No, it’s not that.

CB: (Sighs) Then what is it?

UH: It’s just that you have so many timers and detonators and so few bombs.

CB: (Silent for a moment as he stares at Unnamed Hero) What does that have to do with... anything?

UH: (Shrugs) I dunno, it’s just weird.

CB: What’s so weird about it? If one timer or one detonator fails then there’s hundreds more standing ready to take its place!

(Henchman A walks up next to Captain Badguy)

HA: No wait, I see what he’s saying, boss.

CB: Excuse me?

(Henchman 1 walks up as well)

H1: Yeah, I can see where he’s coming from too.

CB: (Throws hands in air briefly) Oh, well, please enlighten me then!

HA: See, you’ve bought all these timers and detonators as precautions to make sure that the bombs go off right?

CB: (Unsure) Yes...

HA: Here’s the thing: you’ve spent most of your resources on preventive measures instead of the bombs themselves, and because of that, you’ll only have a minimum amount of destruction to show for it.

UH: Exactly.

CB: (To unnamed hero) Shut up! The quantity of the bombs doesn’t mean anything!

H1: You know, I think the boss has a point. It’s all about quality, not quantity right.

CB: That’s right!

H1: I mean to justify having so few for a city as big as New York, he obviously bought a bunch of huge bombs, to make up for having such small amount isn’t that right boss?

CB: (Twiddles with his fingers) They’re... um, well, they’re moderate...

HA: And what is exactly is ‘moderate’?

CB: It’s... I mean they’re... they’re bombs! They’re fucking bombs! What else could you want? Things are going to go boom and people are going to fucking die! What more do you want?

UH: To not be tied up anymore.

CB: Shut up! You don’t get to talk!

HA: (Returning to the matter at hand) So… you’re admitting that you bought subpar bombs then?

CB: I didn’t admit to anything!

H1: Well, if anything, I’m almost certain you used your best judgement and placed the bombs strategically, right?

CB: Well, I... uh...

H1:What am I talking about, of course you did. Afterall, it’s not like you would’ve just placed them wherever without taking into account

UH: (Sing-Song) I’ll bet he didn’t.

CB: (Flustered) Will you just... just shut up! (Grabs a pistol, undoes the safety, cocks back the hammer, points it at unnamed hero)

(Henchman A jumps in front of the Unnamed hero)

HA: Whoa, whoa, boss, you can’t just shoot him straight up.

CB: And why the hell not?

HA: Boss, he’s like, the hero. You don’t just shoot the hero.

H1: Yeah, I gotta agree here, that’s just anticlimactic. Very uncool.

CB: Cool? Who gives a damn about being cool? I’m trying to kill my nemesis here!

HA: Yes, and you’re going about it in all the wrong ways.

CB: (In disbelief) There’s a right way to kill someone?

H1: No, killing is wrong all the same.

HA: There are just more stylish ways to do the deed. Shark tank, laser trap, slow descent into a pit of lava, you know, the classics. Gotta show people you mean business and that you’re not above basking in a little schadenfreude as you watch them meet their demise.

H1: (Nods in agreement) Couldn’t have said it better myself.

CB: What the hell does style have to do with anything?

UH: Oh, you’ve got to represent yourself, man. Presentation is everything, especially when you’re trying to be threatening.

CB: No one is talking to you!

UH: Look man, I’m just saying maybe these two are onto something, I mean based on what I’ve heard up till now I’m definitely not afraid of you—

CB: (Trembling out of frustration, raises gun, aiming at Unnamed Hero)Shut Up! Shut your damn mouth, before I blow it off your damn face!

HA & H1 Together: Whoa! (Force Captain Badguy’s hand down together.)

HA: You gotta calm down, boss.

U1: Yeah, seriously. Besides, he’s right. (Gestures to Unnamed Hero)

CB: What?

HA: You can’t go losing your composure in front of the hero like that, it’ll lessen your image.

H1: Yeah, just try to be more like Lex Luthor, or an Evil Sean Connery. You know, be more like a… a supervillain!

CB: (Fed up) Okay! Fine! You want me to be more like a supervillain? How about I shoot one of you to set an example for the other one?

(The two henchman go quiet and look at eachother.)

HA: That could work.

CB: (Baffled) Huh?

H1: (Agreeably) That would definitely set a fire under my bum.

(Cqptain Badguy looks between the two as though they’ve gone insane)

HA: It would strike the fear of whatever god you pray to into me.

H1: I mean, I’m just saying, I would be motivated to go above and beyond if you were to shoot him dead in front of me.

CB: (Massages his temples/ Rubs his eyes out of confusion) I don’t even…

HA: Yeah, I mean we’re undermining your authority, but if you were to shoot me, then you’d see just how loyal and hardworking this guy (nudges Henchman 1) can be.

H1: (Physically waves off the compliment, clearly flattered) Oh, whatever, you’re selling yourself short.

CB: Is this seriously happening?

HA: (Ignoring Captain Badguy and Indignant) I am not! You are definitely the harder-working out of the two of us.

CB: Really? You’re actually doing this? Right now?

H1: (Also ignoring Captain Badguy, Places hands on hips) Now, there is no way in hell that is true. I’ve seen you busting your rump to make sure all of the other little minions are ready and well prepared before each mission. Tucking in their little boot laces, helping them deal with being separated from their families for so long, you’re amazing.

(As the two henchman talk and Captain Badguy watches the argument unfold before him, amazed at how these two could argue about such a trivial matter, Unnamed Hero notices that no one is paying any attention to him, and begins to struggle his way out of his bonds)

HA: (Sighs) I do so love those little scamps.

H1: Right, so if anyone should be shot, it should be me.

HA: Wait a minute now, who’s the one always making sure we have enough bread, pickles and condiments in the staff-fridge?

H1: Okay, guilty.

HA: See, we couldn’t possibly lose someone as thoughtful as you.

CB: If both of you don’t shut up, I’ll shoot you both!

HA: (Scratches his chin in thought) But that wouldn’t be prudent to your plan.

H1: I mean I suppose you could. It would certainly make you look ruthless, after all.

HA: Definitely ruthless, but then who’s going to want to hench for you after that? You’ll have to go solo—

H1: Yetch, solo villainy just does not work.

HA: You won’t be recognized as criminal mastermind, just a homicidal maniac.

H1: The maniacs get no respect, boss.

HA: Oh and—

CB: (Yells out of frustration, fires off a shot in the air) Just shut the hell up!

(Henchman 1 and Henchman A go quiet)

CB: I’m sick of all this pointless crap about style and appearance you’ve both been spewing ! (Gestures to self) I’m the criminal mastermind here, and the two of you are just worthless peons so why don’t you shut the fuck up and let me work? Is that so much to ask?

(The Unnamed Hero, now free from his restraints, picks up the chair he’s been tied to raising it over his head while sneaking up behind Captain Badguy.)

HA: (Raises hand) Uh, boss—

CB: Shut your f— mmmph! Stop fucking talking!

H1: (Points at the Unnamed Hero sneaking up from behind) But, the—

CB: No more words! What’s so hard to understand about shut the face or get shot in it? (Satisfied with the silence) Now, style be damned, I’m going to turn around  and shoot this bastard in the face, and then I’m going to—

(Unnamed Hero brings the chair down on the back of Captain Badguy’s head, causing him to drop the gun and fall unconscious. Unnamed Hero picks up the gun aiming it at both of the henchman.)

HA: (Sighs) We tried to warn him.

H1: (Shaking his head )Poor bastard didn’t even see it coming.

HA: (To Unnamed Hero) Very well done.

H1: Agreed. Silent, efficient, quick. All the makings of a solid protagonist right there.

UH: (Taking a short bow) Thank you, thank you, you’re both too kind.

HA: Oh no, it was a splendid execution.

H1: James Bond couldn’t have done it better himself.

UH: Uh, gentlemen, I don’t mean to cut this short, but I’ve kind of got a city to save… (Pulls out and dangles three pairs of handcuffs)

HA: Of course, of course, how rude of us. (Holds hands in front of himself)  You do have us at a disadvantage after all.

H1: It would boorish of us not to surrender.

UH: Sorry, it’s nothing personal. (Cuffs them both)

HA: No, no, we understand.

UH: Thanks guys, and the police will be here in a bit too. Need me to get you anything? Water? Bread?

HA: We’ll manage, but thanks.

H1: Don’t know if you care, but he’s got the disarm codes for the bombs in his pocket.

UH: (Take the bomb codes from Captain Badguy’s pocket) Once again, thanks so much, saved me a load of effort. (Looks guiltily at the two) You know, I really hate to impose after you’ve done so much already, but can you… (dangles a pair of handcuffs, gesturing to Captain Badguy)

HA: Sure, sure. (takes handcuffs)

H1: Now, you’d best be on your way, don’t want all those bombs to blow up, do you? I know we do! (Chuckles)

(Unnamed Hero gives a slight smirk and waves goodbye as he runs off stage.)

HA: Good kid. Good kid.

H1: He certainly is. (Pauses to sigh) You ready for prison?

(End scene)

Your Antagonist here,

So, I'm in between projects again, and I find myself in need of something to write. I've got plenty of other ideas on the back burner but my brain wants something really fresh and challenging that I haven't put much or any thought into, hence why I haven't just started cracking on any of my other story ideas. I need something new

This is where you people come in! ...err... readers, not the other more racial thing inferred by the phrase 'you people'.  I need something to write and be it sweet or rotten, I'm willing to take a nibble of your thoughts.

Got a one-shot story idea but no writing skill or time or patience to write it? Send it on over. Like a certain series you want to see crossed over with the ponies? I might be your guy if it can be done within the space of a one-shot! Need to inject your heart full of fluff and cuddle-pron? I can kill with cuteness. Got a clop-pairing or a fetish you haven't seen on the site and wish to see in print? I may be able to help you, I'm not exactly the go-to guy for extreme fetish clop, I can try to manage though... as long as it's a one-shot! Gore/ horror story? Let me just break out my Nightmare on Elm Street Movies and let Wes Craven show me how it's supposed to be done!

There's only a few teensy-weensy things to remember though:

>It's gotta be able to be killed in one shot! Cannot stress that enough. I ain't got the time or patience to slave over a multi-parter again just yet.

>I'm not going to be able to take everything suggested (provided anyone suggests anything at all) and I certainly won't take them all at once (Once again provided anyone suggests anything at all). Due to the fact there's only one of me, I'm only taking 3-4 of these. Sorry (provided anyone cares).

>Even I've got morals (shocking right?), so while there are no real genre restrictions, request with sensibility. i.e. no fucking explicit activities involving children. Sure I'll write foalcon, but there's a line between that and something involving Pumpkincake and Poundcake. This rule carries over into gore a bit harder. I might write torture-porn, but nothing involving any of the school kids.

>Artistic liberties. Artistic liberties everywhere. And I'm going to take as many of them as I can.

Aside from that, just leave a comment below if you want to request. The more developed the concept the better the chance of it getting picked.

...you ever get the feeling you're doing these types of things wrong?

Loathe,

Your Antagonist

Yo, Your antagonist here,

For the first time ever I've finished a story and once again, I find myself in between projects. Because of this I need inspiration and have just decided to turn my blog into a giant inspiration wall/ brooding room full of shit from videogames, comicbooks, novels, cartoons and etc.  that really hits home with and drives my imagination. But hey, if you see some series in here that you really, really like, there's no reason we can't turn this into a forumish thing too.

null

Your Antagonist here,

Well, that one crazy story I wrote about Breakfast Cereal and Pro-wrestling now has an audioplay to its name thanks to the generous user group: "TheLivingLibrary"

Here's a link to the audioplay itself and a youtube embedding for those who don't want to move too far from fimfiction. I've also posted a link in the story itself in case anyone wants to go through it as they listen.

Once again, thank you to The Living Library, y'all make me feel somewhat relevant as writer, you flatterers you.

Loathe,

Your Antagonist.

Your Antagonist here,

Well, that one crazy story I wrote about Breakfast Cereal and Pro-wrestling now has an audioplay to its name thanks to the generous user group: "TheLivingLibrary"

Here's a link to the audioplay itself and a youtube embedding for those who don't want to move too far from fimfiction. I've also posted a link in the story itself in case anyone wants to go through it as they listen.

Once again, thank you to The Living Library, y'all make me feel somewhat relevant as writer, you flatterers you.

Loathe,

Your Antagonist.

Your Antagonist here, (This is long)

Okay, so for those of you who've never seen one of these wretched little self-esteem killers in the flesh, I caught me a wild one early this morn' just as I was starting work. Now I'm going to walk you through what the rejection letter looks like in case you happen to be unfortunate or (in my case) untalented enough to receive one.

When you get the letter it will be addressed from Fanfic Box and it will have the heading Re: Fanfic: (Name of your story here). When you click on it, you might fart either out of relief, giddiness or worry. The rejection response may be similar but not the same as mine which I have copy and pasted verbatim.

Response:

Thank you for submitting your story to Equestria Daily. Unfortunately, I am unable to recommend it for posting at this time. Because your story has improved significantly since we last looked at it, this does not count as a strike. You are still at one strike of a possible three.

I am impressed that you got six different editors to look at this story, but I’d still like to see another round of editing and revision of your first chapter or two before seeing it again. Once the issues with your grammar and your beginning have been cleared up, we would be happy to look at this again and provide more detailed feedback, though it may cost you a strike.

Your opening

Your opening did not do much to catch my attention, and I don’t understand why you wrote it from Cheerilee’s point of view when the main characters are Sweetie Belle and Silver Spoon. Also, I had to read about three thousand words before I got to the scene that sets up the main part of the story, the scene where Silver Spoon stops being friends with Diamond Tiara.

I like to see openings that establish the main characters and the main conflict as quickly as possible.

Technical issues

The dialog tags you use seem to vary highly: barked, growled, snorted, sighed, called, and reasoned, for example. These take attention away from the actual dialog itself, when the dialog is the most important part. Generally speaking, it is better to use "said," to use body language instead, or to omit any tag or action when the speaker is clear without one and the dialogue speaks for itself.

You have a lot of editors. That's good to see. However, I think it would look better to list them in the author's notes at the end of the chapter rather than at the start.

    Edited By: Starwind Dood, Aziraphael, TheWattsMan, Brony2893, Cpl. Hooves and (The Great and Powerful) Plyxe

Use em/en dashes in your chapter titles instead of hyphens:

    Chapter 1-  From the Ashes, Something Wonderful Rises (Chapter 1 — From the Ashes, Something Wonderful Rises)

Usually, it's redundant to say "to herself" in the phrase "mumbled to herself." Who else would she be mumbling to?

Avoid excessively long noun phrases:

    whatever fraction and a half of an attention span her students had between them (fraction and a half = fraction)

Avoid cliches

    glaring daggers (just say "glaring")

Viewpoint:

    who had been peppering the back of Sweetie Belle’s head with spitballs and nasty notes whenever Cheerilee wasn’t looking. (If this is Cheerilee's viewpoint, how does she know this?)

Some of your paragraphs have a space before them, which makes the indentation look uneven.

    The rest were simply running on fumes

Use metaphors that are appropriate for the current viewpoint character.

    The rest were simply running on fumes (Would Cheerilee use a car metaphor?)

Awkward sentences:

    The rest were simply running on fumes, or in the case of Snips and Snails, not running at all, as the pair fell, snoring and drooling, out of their seats in tandem.

Start a sentence with a capital letter.

    who had begun to nuzzle against one another. “—so I’ll see you all on Monday. Have a good weekend!”

Writing that draws too much attention to itself.

    Not five seconds after Cheerilee dismissed her class, a parade of pastel-colored ponies burst out of the schoolhouse, racing towards their two days of liberation from tyrannical textbooks and lachrymose lectures. (Also, you aren't using "lachrymose" right.)

Put three asterisks or a horizontal line (or something else) to indicate a scene break.

    Meanwhile, in the school’s playground, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were enveloped in a

Typos

    Apple Bloom said .

Comma splice

    “Apple Bloom, don’t worry about it, it’s not that big of a deal,”

Dialogue punctuation

    “Apple Bloom, don’t worry about it, it’s not that big of a deal,” Sweetie Belle sighed. (sighing is an action, not a speaking verb, so you have to make it a new sentence)

Passive voice:

    After a falling out with Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon is befriended by Sweetie Belle. (in your story description)

Run-on sentence:

    You need to say somethin’ to that filly, let her know that you ain’t gonna take it lyin’ down, otherwise it’s just gonna get worse.

Could be phrased better:

    Sweetie Belle averted her gaze to the ground (is this equivalent to averting her gaze? what's on the ground?)

Possibly out-of-character dialogue

    Scootaloo says, "Seriously you guys," referring to the other crusaders. Does she say "guys" or "girls" when she's talking to her friends?

Missing comma before direct address:

    Thanks girls

    That’s the spirit Sweetie Belle

Use consistent spacing around dashes.

    eventually—most likely after the fact— but

Missing a comma:

    into the cool cleansing stream (if it makes sense to put "and" between two adjectives, you should put a comma between them, e.g. "the cool, cleansing steam")

Extra blank line before "Perhaps she’d get to make a new friend this afternoon after all."

Capitalize “Daddy” when it is used as a proper noun or title.

    I want to see what presents daddy got me from his trip to Manehattan (by itself, “Daddy” should usually be capitalized; in noun phrases like “my daddy,” it usually shouldn't be)

You do not need to say "Chapter 1 End" at the end of chapter one. Just end the chapter.

I haven’t marked every error, so nothing in this review should be taken as a comprehensive list of issues.

You may find it helpful to review some of these articles and writing guides:

    Commas

    Ezn’s Guide to writing pony fanfic

    Equestria Daily’s Editor’s Omnibus

    Improving sentence clarity

    Conciseness

You may also find it useful to run your story through an auto-proofreader app.

Unfortunately, due to time constraints, I had to skim a lot of your story, and I didn’t have time to look beyond the first chapter. Equestria Daily currently has over sixty stories waiting for a decision, and our pre-readers do not have the time to give a full review to each one. Although I always try my best to provide constructive feedback and explain my reasons for rejecting a fic, I am rarely able to give an author all the help they need. If you'd like a full a review, without risking another strike, you can submit your story to review threads such as the Training Grounds on Ponychan or MLPChan.

Please understand that while your story was not accepted now, we would be happy to consider it again after it has undergone sufficient revision.

— Pre-reader Amacita

Now, I'm not 'throw your Xbox controller' upset about this rejection letter. I saw my story getting kicked back from a mile away and I agree with some of the criticisms presented. I am however severely disappointed with a few choice sections from the letter. We can call this segment of the blogpost: 'Bitching.' I find it to be a fitting title.

Viewpoint:

Your opening did not do much to catch my attention, and I don’t understand why you wrote it from Cheerilee’s point of view when the main characters are Sweetie Belle and Silver Spoon.

    who had been peppering the back of Sweetie Belle’s head with spitballs and nasty notes whenever Cheerilee wasn’t looking. (If this is Cheerilee's viewpoint, how does she know this?)

Issue >how does she know this?

'How does she know this?' indeed, Pre-reader Amacita. Well allow me to answer that question for you in the barest Lamen's terms possible: She doesn't.  If this pre-reader had taken the time to read a particular section from a certain one of the many carefully crafted guides they decided to link me, they might be better informed of such things as points-of-view. Let me clarify. The story is written in third person, yes, but there are two types of third person. The most commonly seen is third person limited, which focuses on one character's point of view, while the other is (pause for dramatic effect) third person omniscient which is states that the narrator knows fucking everything about fucking everyone, and can move about there perspectives as he so pleases. I wouldn't be so livid about this in particular if this weren't the second time I've received this complaint from an EQD pre-reader which leads me to believe that they are either grossly misinformed about english or unfit for their positions if they can't distinguish the difference between two points of view that are covered and clarified in their oh-so-glorified Editor's Omnibus.

The rest were simply running on fumes (Would Cheerilee use a car metaphor?)

No, but I would, and if you don't know why that's relevant, refer to the section above, read it thrice, and feel enlightened.

Also, I had to read about three thousand words before I got to the scene that sets up the main part of the story, the scene where Silver Spoon stops being friends with Diamond Tiara.

The christian god forbid I should give some setting and buildup to the introduction of the story's conflict, especially in its first chapter. Shit, with that kind of logic I may as well just kill Andrew Ryan the minute I step out of the Bathysphere that brings you to Rapture in Bioshock.

Unfortunately, due to time constraints, I had to skim a lot of your story, and I didn’t have time to look beyond the first chapter.

>I had to skim a lot of your story, and I didn’t have time to look beyond the first chapter.

Now, if I were said pre-reader, I wouldn't have even mentioned this. That's the equivalent of saying "tl;dr, now GTFO, faggot". I understand that their queue is backed up, and that they have a lot of pre-reading to do, but "skimming then reviewing" and "reading then reviewing" are two completely different animals. Honestly, I feel like cattle right because of that remark. I spend months lovingly crafting this story, waste away countless hours perfecting and improving it, only to bring it to an appraiser who merely glances at it before writing it off as lesser stock. Had they not said this, I'd A-okay with their whole review.

You have a lot of editors. That's good to see. However, I think it would look better to list them in the author's notes at the end of the chapter rather than at the start.

    Edited By: Starwind Dood, Aziraphael, TheWattsMan, Brony2893, Cpl. Hooves and (The Great and Powerful) Plyxe

You do not need to say "Chapter 1 End" at the end of chapter one. Just end the chapter.

This is where I drop the logician facade, and straight out say: fuck you if I don't need to mention my editors at the start. That is the writer's preference, and those motherfuckers deserve to be right after my name for the time they spend tolerating my slow as shit writing output and for the amount of work they do revising incredibly messed up segments. And I'll state the end of the chapter as I see fit, thanks.

All in all, since this for whatever reason technically counts as my first strike I think I'll just finish the story for the time being and consider it a first draft.

Loathe,

Your Antagonist

North Korea has threatened the United States... again. And they've also singled out Hawaii as a target... again. It's honestly just getting on my nerves now, and if you live in the U.S.A, I'm certain it's bothering you too, like a mosquito swarm on your toes.. Now I ask you, as an American citizen, would your faith in mankind be restored if you could just wake up one morning and read an article not unlike the one below?

U.N. Declares Geneva Convention Void For A Full Twenty-Four Hours, North Korea is Fucked

By: Your Antagonist- President God-Princess of Antagonist Industries

During a recent meeting of the United Nations, a unanimous decision to repeal the Geneva Convention was reached with little to no resistance. The initial repeal of the treaty which has been in effect since 1949, was introduced to the floor by President of the United States: Barrack Obama as opposed to Ambassador Susan Rice. President Obama is reported to have stomped into the Security Council chambers with a claymore in one hand and a case of Mountain Dew white-out in the other. After usurping the central podium from the floor speaker with a swift kick to the chest, he made his purpose quite clear for the rest of the United Nations' representatives. "We are, ah, sick of North Korea's bullshit, and we, ah, need that Convention repealed for full 24 hours... right-goddamn-now, would suffice." When asked for a justification to back up his audacious claims, President Obama had only this to say: "Because fuck them that's why." The president's bold words sparked a fifteen minute discussion regarding North Korea's lack of significance in the political and economical affairs of the world in addition to the fulfillment of their role as an evolutionary dead end to the homosapien species, which concluded with a unanimous vote to revoke the treaty for the requested full twenty-four hours. After the temporary revocation was signed, President Obama was promptly asked what he would do with the restrictions lifted, to which he promptly replied: "Tomorrow morning, we're going to show them something they've never seen before: a successful long-range nuclear test." According to a UN stenographer, shortly after that statement, Mr. Obama was then carried off by a flock of bald eagles while serenaded by Eddie Van Halen's rendition of The Star Spangled banner.

I know reading something like that would make my golden-grahams taste better in the morning.

Loathe,

Your Antagonist.