I don't even. I'm just odd.

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All the old farts gather down on Broadway

Their silent poppers fading

Their clandestine clappers announcing

A death of salesmen

One with talons

Sharp claws

And a power quite fine

Kept in place

By a powder quite fine

Castles curse beneath the sea

I am the one, and you are the me

I am the hippogriff, and you are the stone

Please fart, my friend, and become your own

Got shoes of stone

And guts of pig

Got sick of scurvy

And pent up porpoise

But now I have a purpose

That purpose is mud

Gotta release it from the skies above

Gotta release it from the telephone

But can't release it when it's my own

Wait till it's public domain!

Is it 74 or 128 years after my death?

Or is it all a big waste of breath?

Hey that rhymes, and we're out of time

I've got a big octopus that can close this out for me, anyway

Never the wind will blow the steam

Until the cucumber becomes the dream

A castle of satin

A book of foam

And a man with a white lace and a brown telephone

Dialing 647-922-1111

And then four 2s

He can't accomplish anything

All he wants to accomplish is the death of a king; and a salesman

Oh, the death of salesman

Oh the frosty wind blows, in the dead of night

The Grim Reaper screams at old Barney's fright

With legs like lechers and blood like steel

Who knows what's faevision and what is real?

Cause I've got a sty

It's full of mud

And I've got some pigs

Flying high above

And I've got an apocalypse

On a string

And if you don't shoot it

Then I'll be king

At least of Newark

Creaking backbones

And fine grisel

A man with some basil and a chisel

A man with an esophagus under his wing

A man that also wants to be king

His name? Ron Strasmouth!

A man from New York

A man from Manhattan

A man made of pork

Adam was his brother, and Eve his friend

But he never read the bible in the end

And with that brave chisel, he sculpted David

And with that great basil, he ate Lenny Kravitz

And Bill Hicks ate a sandwich with Mama Cass

And then he took it, shoved it up Ron's ass

Cause life

Is steam

And life

Is a dream

And life is a frog

And life is a knife

Life's what you get when you kill M. Night

Life's what you get when you see Kalamazoo from the moon

When you see all the black people from your black moon

And you look out to the stars and think to yourself

"Why did the orange turn green?"

So says the cross-eyed lamb

The one that bursts into the dam

The one that raises

The one who falls

The one who takes seven, then Spinerock Knolls

I am Cruella, I am the king

I am Emanuel, I am Bruce Spring

Steen!

Never will I marry Nala cause she is a whiffer

She's got a face the size of my sniffer

I make George Papadakias Strombol it up, but when I see a dog, I call a bluff

Cause he's got a hand full of cards

And one on his wing

One that reeks of Elvis, the king

Sing into your mic, Elly

Sing very well

Sing and put me under spell

Swivel your hips

And sliver the dips

And make everyone kiss themselves with their own lips

Put your head up your ass, give a great show

But at the end, they'll all go

Cause in the end

You're just a man with a life filled with asparagus and giraffes!

Casual seaweed

Muckriders' bow

A casual dropbox

Another good show

A karazy Mexican

From Down-Under Armpit

And lots of people

Think he's a varmint

They knew him well

Thought he was great

Thought he had an enlarged prostate

Died at the age of 73

With a prostate that just wanted to pee

But it couldn't!

Bob the Castle

Was made of wood

So was his dick

Though it never could

Rise to the occassion

Or rise at all

It could never go up

It could only fall

Even in winter, summer, or spring

It wouldn't even go up by the order of the king!

It just sapped there, swinging

His scrotum below it

And that fine specimen

Was never emoted

And castles were in the air

Along with pegasi and cats

Pigs flew by with Babe Ruth baseball bats

Chewing his chew

But his penis, it did not flew

Jenkins and Jeckyll

Leroy and Hyde

Slaying the demon

And keeping his hide

Man is Cinderella

I am a black cat

I am the alien

Worse than Dave's flat

He was high one day

Went out on a wing

And he witnessed a very strange thing

Something fragile, and frosting

And life underneath

Something that made his...um...queef

Nasgul and accents

And casual conversation

I am not, nor never, will be a Freemason

Got a dolla in my pocket and a nigga in my hand

And this rap, I don't even understand

I'm orange, I'm green

I'm a fighting machine

I go on and on

I don't wear a thong

I'm George Kevin

I am Jorge Shrinks

And I should really see one, a shrink

I'm so weird

Movements so fluid

And I have lots of those

You old druid

Can't rhyme

I run out of time

Longest yet

Am I sub-dated yet

I am a masochist

With yellow socks

Cross-garted dandelion

Mary Lake locks

Got nefarious plans up my sleeve

Now if only everyone would just leave...

Druid, truant, mox

I mean that title literally, as you might've noticed that I never published "Time". In fact, it's been almost two months since I finished the first rough draft of it, and since then, I've only bothered to look at the pre-readers notes once or twice, and have never gotten past the first few notes.

Frankly, I've given up on it. First, there was a period of two weeks or so where the rough draft was finished, but the editing wasn't yet, and I had to wait until that was done, which greatly decreased my interest in the story. But, if that was the only problem, I still would've eventually come around to doing it and we'd probably at least be on Chapter 3 by now. The better reason why it hasn't been published is because I simply think it was a bad idea. The entire premise of the story was far-fetched, and gradually began to make no sense to me as I wondered how this all got to there. I also forced the story in a direction it didn't want to go, and I don't want to take it in the direction it does want to, since I fear that'd make for a boring story. Also, since the story takes place a few decades in the future, I found myself questioning my depiction of where the Mane 6 had ended up, and didn't like the characters either, because of that. Furthermore, I had no idea where to take it after the first chapter. It will not be published in the foreseeable future for all these reasons.

Also, I'm sorry for going incognito on you guys. My interests had drifted in a different direction in August, as they sometimes do. The pendulum of them is only now starting to swing back around.

But, you guys do certainly have something to look forward to now. I just wrote a one-shot, and it should be on the site soon. I'll do another blog post on that when it shows up.

I don't like bait-and-switch stories. They always have the same tired and old storyline...thing that could be interpreted wrongly, thing that could be interpreted wrongly, thing that could be interpreted wrongly, y'know I'm not doing this accidentally, right?, maybe it is the wrong thing, oh wait, no, you were wrong, haha, lets all have a good laugh about how awkward that all was!

Of course, a better writer can make them better, but it seems like once you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. One of my favourite stories that just didn't make the Top 5 on my user page is Twilight's Molestation Celebration, an utterly hilarious parody of this sub-genre, but that's really the only one that I actually like. So, I came up with a short, simple, and to-the-point parody that I decided to write for shits and giggles. It's not my best work, I didn't have anyone look over it before I sent it, and I'm not even sure if the punchline-that-isn't-really-a-punchline will register for everyone. I wrote it in under two hours at 11'o-clock at night, so it's to be expected. But whatever, it accomplises what I set out to do.

*WARNING* This blog post contains spoilers and what FiMFiction has decided classify as mature-rated subjects. *WARNING*

If you're just here for the preview, check the bottom of this post.

So, I was happily making myself dinner after I finished reading the latest chapter of Lyra and Bon-Bon's Odd Jobs when I realized that hey, Triple X has adult humour. And I'm the author of Triple X...I should probably be worried about whether or not its rating will get changed...hey, that'd make a good blog post!

So, after spilling my dinner all over the floor (luckily it was just a microwave one) and making myself a new one, here I am. Now, this whole thing started probably around the time Friendly Uncle started posting his old stories here, eg Fluffershy and Estrus, each one being rated Teen. A story about Lyra and Bon-Bon working in a sperm bank also popped up at around the same time, also rated Teen. Understandably, some people took offense to these stories being rated Teen, and presumably bombarded knighty to do something about it, which he did. Though, then again, this is all assumptions, considering the blog post he made was excruciatingly vague. I personally think this topic deserves more mention than 11 words (unless you count that picture as a 1000, but only you trolls do that).

Now, deciding what's mature and what isn't is definitely a hard thing to do. It's a very fine line to tread, and you'll get a group of people mad no matter where you set the boundary. That said, I think knighty's decision was actually pretty justified. Chugging sperm and talking about doing it with a cloud cause you don't need lube is, in my opinion, probably crossing that imaginary line. Fluffershy also got changed to mature, though, and that's what makes me worry. No single moment in that story really stood out to me like the other two stories did as something that crosses the line, and there were a lot of times in the story where the humour is about on the same level as Triple X. In Chapter 2 and 3 of my story specifically, multiple types of porn are mentioned, and in Chapter 3, clopping is a discussed subject. Oh yeah, and Chapter 1 has a stripper in it...yeah, my story would probably be rated mature if it was still being read as much as Estrus is now. Seriously, everyone and their grandmother has probably read that thing by now!...Um, guess I should apologize for that mental image.

But I don't know, maybe knighty did consider my story for a rating change, but decided against it. You could certainly make an argument for it, too. For one, Fluffershy's entire plot (heh, plot) is based only around adult humour, while Triple X has a bit more depth than that. (Mind you, I'm not insulting Friendly Uncle or his stories here; I loved his stories, and I recommend that you guys read them if you haven't already.) Maybe that made it evade knighty's ratinghammer? Or he could've just decided it didn't matter, once again I don't know, due to the brevity of his blog post.

TL;DR, I'm not mad at knighty, his decisions were justified, and I fear for Triple X and am hoping he doesn't care about it.

Okay, so now that that's out of the way, I bet a few of you are wondering what the hell happened to the story I talked about when I wrote that blog post. Well, the first chapter's rough draft done now, and in fact, it's been done for a week, but my pre-reader has been lazy in getting around to reading it, so it's not ready to be released yet. So, here's an UNEDITED snippet of the first chapter for your wait. Hopefully, the chapter will be finished ASAP.

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A single candle illuminated the parchment, newly wet with ink. A quill levitated in front of it, deftly writing a flurry of words, each one perfectly written despite the speed. As it neared the end of the page, it stopped momentarily, allowing its holder to adjust her glasses.

Satisfied with their new location, Twilight magicked her paper onto what seemed like an evergrowing stack. When the night was young, it had only been a few pages deep, but it had at least quadrupled in size since then. Yawning, Twilight glanced back up at the tome she was copying, its ancient runes, ineligible to most ponies, looking back at her.

Twilight reached out with her magic and turned the page, being careful not to damage the fraying papyrus. She squinted at the page number in the top right corner. 483. Twilight had read through this book many times before accepting Celestia’s request for it to be translated, and she knew exactly how much more she’d have to write.

“Only 127,603 words to go...” she said with a sigh.

Twilight magicked a new page onto the desk and dipped the quill in her rapidly depleting inkwell. She was about to begin writing again when it dawned on her that a new light source had entered the room. She looked up to her window, and saw Celestia’s sun peaking over the newly-explored eastern reaches of the Everfree, heralding the arrival of a new day.

Twilight smirked at the sun. “Another all-nighter, huh?”

Last night, I was listening to Pink Floyd's Time, like I've done so many times before. But this time, I actually read the lyrics, and was inspired to right a story. Now I've written 1921 words of it already. I have to go now, though, so I'll leave you with the song.

<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/MYiahoYfPGk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Writer's block. The bane of us all. And it's rearing its ugly head.

It's been about a month since the last chapter of Triple X, now, and all I have to show for my next story is 1208 words. It was only going to be a one-shot, but I think it might just turn out to be a no-shot. Unlike most times when someone has writer's block, I know where this story'll end up, but I'm just having trouble writing how the story'll get there in the first place. I also don't think that small number of words I have written is my best work. Not as bad as pre-Chapter 6 Triple X, but nowhere near the rough drafts I had of the last few chapters.

Now I'm going back and forth on whether to just throw this stupid story out the window and start with another one of the eight or so ideas I have written down, or press on and try to complete it. I think I'll try to start writing out another one of my ideas tomorrow, and see if that goes any better. I'd try the first story again, but I just tried to do that today, and I got through only a single paragraph before I realized I had no idea what to say next.

So, yeah, I'm sorry that I've produced nothing new recently. I did do an act for my school's talent show this year, but I haven't been able to get the video footage to show you guys it, though when I do get it, I'll put it on here ASAP. It's at least something.

When I first became a brony back in late April of 2011, I had no idea that I would ever write pony fanfiction. I probably would've never gotten the idea to, as well, if it weren't for my friend (known as sirderpalot here) deciding that he would write a fanfic back in early January. This got me thinking of fanfiction ideas, and after thinking of a first idea that turned out had been done before (a Hangover crossover--that's a good fic, though), I happened to just randomly stumble upon inspiration one night. What about a pony who ran a porn shop? For some reason this idea just latched onto me, and a few nights later, I found myself in front of my computer typing the first chapter of "Triple X". At that point, the name was only something I called it cause I had thought of nothing better yet, but it just stuck. (The only other idea I had was "The Underbelly" -- yeah, terrible name, certainly.)

Let's put this in perspective that up until that night, I hadn't written anything that could be called a "story" since Grade 6. I was basically just praying that my grasp of the English language was good enough for me to write something good. And lo and behold, a few people liked it, encouraging me to write and publish Chapter 2 a few days later. Now, my goal when I set out to write this always was to get on EqD--it's easy enough to "hit the bigtime" in this community that there was no reason not to try. And I had before gotten a taste of fame--my YouTube channel was the first one to upload gameplay videos of Spore Galactic Adventures in HD, my custom adventures being the subject of these videos (here's the best one of the bunch). I was hungering for it again that January, and with one simple submission email, it was sent off to EqD with love.

If I was one of the prereaders back then, I'm not sure if I would've accepted the story onto the site. It definitely lacked polish, and I had taken no formal writing lessons for a long time. Nevertheless, after a few minor edits, it made its way there. And it just exploded. In popularity, I mean, not literally. Turns out sex and controversy sell. I had stumbled upon a formula for publicity basically by accident, and now I was right up there. Over time, the I wrote more chapters, and they got a little better each time. I acquired prereaders, who made the story many times better than it was before (Props to NorsePony for also going above and beyond the call of duty, teaching me little tricks of the trade; I wouldn't be half the writer I am today if it wasn't for him. He really was amazing at helping me write that odyssey.)

After the story got on EqD, my goal was to make a fic that many people would remember as one of their favourites for a long time to come. A lot of people would say I succeeded in this. But now that this fic is over, I realize that that was really only my first fic. I have a lot of ideas I want to get out there, and I have something that most authors who are only writing their second fic don't: a lot of watching eyes waiting to see what you will come up with next. I'm not one to feel pressure, but right now it's best for me to explore my boundaries as a writer. I might fail with my next story, and I might succeed, but at the moment I am writing to push myself with new challenges. So if what I poop out is not what you expected, you'll know why. :P

For all the people asking whether there'll be a sequel to Triple X: Not anytime soon, if ever. I love the characters as much as you guys do, but I ended it specifically before it started to drag on, and the sequel would only really be that. It's also true that FlutterDash is a very hard pair to write, and now that I've written it, I realize that its certainly true that they don't complement each other at all. That's one big hurdle of writing a sequel. Though, I might do a oneshot or two about the lives of those other oddballs, but I'm not sure. I might make a prequel to the story about Sly Clop as a young colt, but right now "Sly Clop is a friendless loser with a crazy dad" doesn't sound like a great story to me. I was also thinking of an alternate ending, but I'm not sure if that'll come true, either.

I don't really think I need to add on to this story, though; it's a very streamlined piece of literature at the moment. As I've said before, you can still look forward to other stories I plan to write. I hope that they'll satiate your insatiable brain for a time, though I think they'll be shorter than this story was. I don't feel up for writing another novel at this point. What will the story be like? Well, I've hidden a hint in this blog post. Lets see if anyone can find it.

SPOILER ALERT

I was going to start this off with a song quote, but I discovered that both of the sources I counted on actually didn't really have very good lyrics for this time. So, I'll just have to jump right into things.

I really like the ending I did, but if you think it was too soon, I explained my reasoning in the two paragraphs below. If you liked the ending already, feel free to skim them.

I admit to something that most people don't like having writers do, and most writers don't like having to do: only really having the basic premise for a chapter when I sit down to write, and then winging the rest of it. This was my premise for Chapter 11: Whooves and Sly get mad at each other, causing Whooves to move out, Lyra and Sly make out. That was it. I usually come up with my best ideas while I'm writing, which is why I started with such a basic premise, but this was vague even for me. If you haven't noticed yet, this summary excludes a lot of the major points of this chapter + epilogue, from Whooves' attempted suicide to the chapter ending the story in the first place. But as I began to write somepony coming up to Sly (originally, it was Lyra, and they would've frenched behind Sugarcube Corner), I came to a realization that I really felt like I didn't need to add much more onto what had already been said. I just needed to end the story on a hopeful note for the relationship, and for Whooves to move out of the store, and then the story really was done, since I'd already resolved FlutterDash in Chapter 10.

I could definitely have made the story gone on longer; I had a whole cast of oddballs who ran the other shops on Soresaddle Street that I never used, and I could've expanded the end scene in the epilogue to be an entire chapter, but I really felt like that'd just be me writing Triple X to be writing Triple X, something which I never want to do with any story I write. I really hate fics that go on for too long, and fics that suddenly turn into an adventure story with a Gary Stu villain. It just makes the story worse in the end. So, I just chose to end here. I still am planning to rewrite chapters 2, 3, and possibly 4 and 5, so my job here is not completely done, definitely. And I have many other story ideas bouncing around in my head, so if you're craving more, you'll at least get more from me, I guess.

Funny how a story that only covers a bit more than half a month (August 17 to September 2) took me five months to write. I've learned a lot during this time, and I want to acknowledge everyone who helped me and this fic get where they are today. Thanks to Smash King24 and NorsePony for prereading Chapters 6-8, NorsePony again for prereading 9 and 10, and I_Post_Ponies for prereading 11 and the epilogue, and to everyone who offered their services as a prereader. Thanks to DeusExKane for the cover art, thanks to Toniozim and Defender for the fanart, thanks to Yoktes and sirderpalot for offering me opinions on my fic IRL, and of course, thanks to all of you who've read this thing the entire way through. You make me proud.

I just realized that if you don't care about the ending or acknowledgements, this was a whole lot of nothing. I apologize for that. I really hoped you enjoyed Triple X, and I encourage you to watch me for the next story that comes out. /shameless.self-promotion

Sayonara.

Yay, alliteration! Anyways, a prereader has been chosen for Triple X. A lot of people asked for it (15 or so at last count), and a lot of them had good credentials, but in the end, I'm proud to announce I_Post_Ponies as the new prereader/editor. He (Wait, you are a he, right?) prereads stories over on Ponychan weekly by livestream, and his experience just made him the most logical choice. I'm sorry to all of you who were not chosen, but I work best when there's only one prereader. Allows me to be more focused in my editing.

And, more poems that I wrote. I don't really like these as much as the last batch, but they're cool. Or something.

The Zeppelin

My mind was awash with coloured thoughts

The zeppelin had just gone out of the breach

The dock

Its lines tied steady, its rafters held still

A man gave me the yellow flag

And I took off

Stark horizon, glistening

Sharp contrast, to the moon that had been greeted last night

As I rose above the cumulus

I looked for any speck

Any sound

But nothing

Nothing

But I

Slick Jumpers

Slick jumpers, they are

Slack-jawed, ruby-eyed

Fine fish for frying

Got out the nets

Got out the bait

But they aren’t coming

Wanna shoot my dog?

Decree of Vlad Dracul

Castle-prodded denizens

Democracy is a figment

Embrace me, and I will not hold your mind against you

Shout-Creation

Love of mitochondria

And miosis

How the molecules form the primordial soup

I hope its miso

My Junebug

Cradle my junebug

Delectable is he

Watch as I throw him across the water

And into that tree

Now you can’t get him

But neither can I

I repeal my last decision

Oh junebug, why can’t you fly?

It Might be Racist

Shat the manticore, I did

It was a boggart, it was

With its varicose veins

Blimey, what a thatcher

It almost tore me a new one

Good thing my basement was empty

No, I’m not high

I was almost six feet under

Naw, laddy, I’m not making fun of you

I’m just stating the truth

Hop into my Van

Timeshares--

No.

Just no.

Ugh, it's already been half a month since Chapter 9? How time flies. Chapter 10 is now 5977 words, so it's coming along nicely, but at this rate, it might be another two weeks before you guys get hold of it (Though don't get me wrong, I'm very happy I have a prereader.). I really wish my moods weren't so fickle, and that I could write faster.

In these two weeks though, our school's been preparing to put on a play this Tuesday, an anthology of scenes centred around the theme of "illegal activities", and I wrote a scene for it. I don't think it's my best work, but it's cute. null

So yeah, I'll try to get the chapter out on the double now. See ya guys later.