1. Member Since 5th Mar, 2012
  2. offline for 29m, 17s

Kwakerjak


A thirtysomething Brony from Pennsylvania with a library degree.


Total Words: 332,618
Estimated Reading: 22 hours, 10 minutes

Blog Posts430

  • 6d, 25m
    Coming soon...

    As of now, I'm about halfway done with my next story. In case you're wondering, it's the follow-up to Courtship Behavior, and the third story in the Chimera trilogy. This time it's the goat's turn.

    I don't have a proper synopsis written up yet, so for now, I'll just give you an excessively cryptic hint.

    9 comments · 118 views
  • 1w, 4d
    Let me do my thing...

    Okay, so earlier today, I tried Googling one of my favorite songs by The Crystal Method, which is how I learned that my fanfiction is the first result you get when you search for "Wild, Sweet & Cool." Non-brony fans of TCM (who are likely the majority) must find this rather confusing.

    Anyway, WSC turned 3 this year, though I'm a little late for the anniversary. In any case, here's the song it's named after:

    6 comments · 128 views
  • 1w, 6d
    For Your Consideration...

    LunasLoyalSubject was one of the multitude of prereaders I had back in the day, until a combination of real life and a weird glitch that's keeping him from logging into his original FIMFiction account caused him to bow out (BTW, LLS, you have an open offer to return to service at any time).

    In any case, though, he's back, and now he's written a story. It's a little on the violent side for my personal tastes, but I think it's fairly well written, and the plot does have some promise, particularly if you like dark comedy.

    Have a look.

    0 comments · 88 views
  • 2w, 6d
    B.R.E.A.M.

    I've been listening to Wu Tang Clan recently, and naturally, that led me to rediscover the best PMV ever.


    Obviously, Pinkie Pie as ODB is inspired, and Flutters as Method is really cute, though I'm not sure how well AJ fits as Raekwon. Then again, her cooking skills are often praised on the show...

    In any case, the natural follow-up question is which ponies correspond to the remaining members of the Clan. After all, between the Mane 6 and the Crusaders, you've got 9 ponies, and there were 9 original members of the Wu Tang Clan. I'm not going to go through the whole exercise here, but I do find myself wondering if Twilight is the RZA or the GZA.

    0 comments · 78 views
  • 3w, 1d
    Once again, I've stumbled into the stranger parts of YouTube.


    While it's nice to know that Weird Al is having a lasting influence on music, the notion of accordion-free polka doesn't seem right.

    4 comments · 95 views
Viewing 1 - 10 of 11 stories
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This story is a sequel to Apex

Finding love is hard enough under normal circumstances, but it's even more complicated when you're the tail of a chimera. As much as Irene may want a fairy-tale romance, her fantasies have so far been stymied by her sisters' rather different opinions on the matter, not to mention the limited choice of species available to chimeras (well, to chimeras who want to have children, that is). However, when the orange pony with the delicious pies gets herself cornered during a delivery, she claims to be the personal friend of a dragon... and apparently, he's single!

Artwork by Page Turner.

First Published
27th Feb 2015
Last Modified
27th Feb 2015
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 53
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It’s never particularly easy being at the top of the food chain, even under normal circumstances, but Eleanor’s circumstances are hardly normal: as one-third of the chimera who prowls the fire geyser swamp south of Ponyville, the tigress must deal with all of the usual stresses that come with being an apex predator, and she has to manage two bickering sisters who simply refuse to shut up and do as they’re told. However, she and her sisters face an unexpected challenge when they come across evidence that a new predator is trying to push into their territory.

(For anyone who's concerned about the gore tag, the violence in this story is of the sort that is typical of a nature documentary. If you can handle the stuff on the Discovery Channel, you shouldn't have too much trouble with this.)

Artwork by Page Turner.

First Published
30th May 2014
Last Modified
30th May 2014
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This story is a sequel to π

After Twilight Sparkle made her biggest secret public much earlier than she'd originally planned, the lives of the Element-Bearers and their closest friends somehow managed to become even more complicated than they already were. Yet despite the flurry of all of the added activity this brings, Princess Celestia decides to undertake a particularly ambitious project: the reformation of Discord. She delegates the task to Penumbra Noctis, who, more than anypony else, can empathize with the draconequus' situation, and who is therefore best suited to showing Discord the magic of friendship. On the surface, it's a very reasonable plan.

Unfortunately, Discord has never had much patience for reason.

This is the fifth and final story in The Petriculture Cycle. Reading the first four stories, which begin here, is highly recommended.

Artwork by Page Turner. TV Tropes page by an unknown number of anonymous persons on the internet.

First Published
22nd May 2013
Last Modified
24th Dec 2013
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 176
 6,448

This story is a sequel to Avocation

Life in Ponyville has been relatively quiet recently, which is somewhat surprising, given that the town's librarian tried to usurp the Equestrian throne only a few months ago. Aside from the appearance of a grumpy pegasus who set up shop as a cloudsmith, the aftermath is so unnoticeable that most ponies aren't even aware that the incident happened at all. Unfortunately, all that's about to change, thanks to the return of a certain revenge-obsessed showmare....

This is the fourth story in The Petriculture Cycle; reading the first three stories, which begin here, is highly recommended.

The artwork was provided by Page Turner, and the TV Tropes entry can be found here.

First Published
2nd Mar 2013
Last Modified
2nd Apr 2013
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It's been twelve years since Applejack's ascent to her current status as the Earth Goddess, Princess Mara of Equestria. In that time, she's gotten quite used to her duties, be they ceremonial, executive, or judicial in nature. But when she's called upon to rule on a particularly contentious lawsuit involving some of the most obnoxious ponies from her past, the results may end up altering the very nature of Equestrian law.

This story is a spin-off of Blue Print's Appleverse, however, it's not necessary to read his stories first (though I do recommend them for a more thorough explanation of the backstory).

Cover image by Page Turner

First Published
7th Jan 2013
Last Modified
16th Feb 2013
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 232
 7,497

This story is a sequel to Inscape

Penumbra seeks gainful employment. Hilarity ensues.

This is the third story in The Petriculture Cycle. The TV Tropes entry can be found here.

Artwork by Page Turner.

First Published
7th Dec 2012
Last Modified
7th Dec 2012
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When Fluttershy received her certification as a fog specialist, she only wanted a plausible excuse to write off the expenses associated with her ground-based house on her taxes. However, when an accident in Cloudsdale sends a blanket of industrial-grade clouds rolling towards Ponyville, Fluttershy suddenly finds herself in charge of coordinating the response, mostly because she's the only fog specialist in the area. Can our heroine step up to the challenge at hoof, or will she risk facing the wrath of the Equestrian Revenue Service?

Artwork by Page Turner. Now with a TVTropes page!

First Published
18th Sep 2012
Last Modified
3rd Nov 2014
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 882
 20,025
Source

This story is a sequel to Petriculture

It's been several months since Pinkie Pie made a stunning admission about her past that permanently changed her relationship with her friends, particularly Twilight Sparkle, but life seems to have settled back to normal (well, normal by Pinkie Pie's standards, at least). However, when an old nemesis returns and ensnares Twilight in her influence, it's up to Pinkie to make things right.

This is the second story in The Petriculture Cycle. There is a TV Tropes Page for the entire Cycle here.

Cover image by Page Turner; "Princess Twilight" vector by Nianara.

First Published
1st Jul 2012
Last Modified
9th Sep 2012
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Today's the day that Applejack is leaving to compete in the Equestria Rodeo, but something's... off. Derpy's been acting strange, even by her usual standards. Eh, it's probably nothing, right? After all, what are the chances that an eccentric mailpony behaving even more oddly than normal could ever be important in the grand scheme of things?

Artwork by ZuTheSkunk.

First Published
16th Jun 2012
Last Modified
16th Jun 2012
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 656
 15,386
Source

After reading a book by Spitfire's personal trainer, Rainbow Dash decides that the best way to get closer to her ultimate goal of joining the Wonderbolts is to add strength training to her practices by having one of her friends ride her. However, when she decides that Twilight Sparkle is just the mare for the job, the pegasus gets a bit more than she bargained for.

Artwork by Piggybank12.  Used with permission.  Thanks to DPV111 for assisting me with story planning.

First Published
15th Mar 2012
Last Modified
3rd Jun 2012