1. Member Since 5th Mar, 2012
  2. offline for 16h, 50m

Kwakerjak


A thirtysomething Brony from Pennsylvania with a library degree.


Total Words: 326,331
Estimated Reading: 21 hours, 45 minutes

Blog Posts408

  • 1w, 5h
    Progress Report

    Well, it's been a while since I made a post about my writing, so I think it's high time I bring you guys up to date. As of right now, I'm approximately halfway through my draft of my original story. It took a while to get it off the ground due to the fact that this time, there isn't a TV show to do the basic world-building and character development for me. Once I'm done with the draft, I'll probably start revising and preparing it for publication, but at the same time, I intend to begin work on my next fan fiction, which increasingly looks like it will be a sequel to Apex, which I'd eventually like to expand into a trilogy of slice-of-life stories about the chimera.

    Anyway, I'll be sure to let you all know about any further developments.

    4 comments · 101 views
  • 2w, 1d
    A Flock of Sabbath

    Sometimes I wonder what the internet was like before YouTube. I mean, I was using the internet back, but somehow, I can't quite remember what it was like to not have easy access to stuff like this:


    EDIT: Incidentally, this is the brainchild of the same guy who did that smooth jazz version of Rage Against The Machine from a blog post I made some time ago.

    3 comments · 70 views
  • 3w, 6d
    Update + Unrelated thoughts

    Well, it looks like the worst is over, and the cold/flu/whatever is on its way out. Good riddance, I say. On December 26, The hacking coughs and the absolute worst chills I've ever experienced made for a wonderful night of sleep deprivation. There are only two kinds of people in the world: those who don't deserve to go through something like that, and those who deserve something far, far worse.

    In any case, most of the witty and interesting ideas I had that you may have found amusing during the holidays are but ghosts of their former selves, but I'll try and give you the gist of what I can remember:

    1. "The Little Drummer Boy" is basically a Christmas carol about a drum solo, so why don't they ever play any recordings of the song that feature an actual drum solo?

    2. People occasionally bicker over whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie. The argument against it is usually something along the lines of "It may take place during the holidays, and there may be lots of Christmas decorations, but it doesn't address the timeless themes of classic Christmas movies." But couldn't you say the same thing about Home Alone?

    3. There are apparently some people in the Harry Potter fandom who don't think Ron is worthy of Harry's friendship, because he never demonstrates adequate "specialness" or some such bullcrap. Ron is worthy of Harry's friendship because Ron is Harry's friend. Thinking that there even need to be stricter requirements than that means you understand the concept of friendship about as well as Tom Riddle did.

    4. It's a lot easier to appreciate your relatives' taste in entertainment when you're too exhausted to either get out of your chair or to ask to watch something else. By the way, Doc Martin is a really good show and you show totally check it out if you have the chance.

    12 comments · 163 views
  • 4w, 3d
    This Christmas, I got...

    ...sick.

    I hate being sick. It stifles my creativity, because my symptoms are so distracting that I can't concentrate.

    7 comments · 87 views
  • 4w, 4d
    Holiday traditions.

    Most of us engage in yearly traditions this time of year. You know, the sort of thing that just gives you the warm fuzzies of sentimentality, no matter how many times you've experienced them before. I'd like to share one of my personal holiday traditions with you: watching Chip Cheezum play the shopping mall level of of Condemned: Criminal Origins. Enjoy!


    (Click the link in the paragraph above if the subtitles are too small for you to read, or if you'd like a background that's more suited to the mood of the video.)

    0 comments · 52 views
Viewing 1 - 10 of 10 stories
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It’s never particularly easy being at the top of the food chain, even under normal circumstances, but Eleanor’s circumstances are hardly normal: as one-third of the chimera who prowls the fire geyser swamp south of Ponyville, the tigress must deal with all of the usual stresses that come with being an apex predator, and she has to manage two bickering sisters who simply refuse to shut up and do as they’re told. However, she and her sisters face an unexpected challenge when they come across evidence that a new predator is trying to push into their territory.

(For anyone who's concerned about the gore tag, the violence in this story is of the sort that is typical of a nature documentary. If you can handle the stuff on the Discovery Channel, you shouldn't have too much trouble with this.)

Artwork by Page Turner.

First Published
30th May 2014
Last Modified
30th May 2014
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This story is a sequel to π

After Twilight Sparkle made her biggest secret public much earlier than she'd originally planned, the lives of the Element-Bearers and their closest friends somehow managed to become even more complicated than they already were. Yet despite the flurry of all of the added activity this brings, Princess Celestia decides to undertake a particularly ambitious project: the reformation of Discord. She delegates the task to Penumbra Noctis, who, more than anypony else, can empathize with the draconequus' situation, and who is therefore best suited to showing Discord the magic of friendship. On the surface, it's a very reasonable plan.

Unfortunately, Discord has never had much patience for reason.

This is the fifth and final story in The Petriculture Cycle. Reading the first four stories, which begin here, is highly recommended.

Artwork by Page Turner. TV Tropes page by an unknown number of anonymous persons on the internet.

First Published
22nd May 2013
Last Modified
24th Dec 2013
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This story is a sequel to Avocation

Life in Ponyville has been relatively quiet recently, which is somewhat surprising, given that the town's librarian tried to usurp the Equestrian throne only a few months ago. Aside from the appearance of a grumpy pegasus who set up shop as a cloudsmith, the aftermath is so unnoticeable that most ponies aren't even aware that the incident happened at all. Unfortunately, all that's about to change, thanks to the return of a certain revenge-obsessed showmare....

This is the fourth story in The Petriculture Cycle; reading the first three stories, which begin here, is highly recommended.

The artwork was provided by Page Turner, and the TV Tropes entry can be found here.

First Published
2nd Mar 2013
Last Modified
2nd Apr 2013
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It's been twelve years since Applejack's ascent to her current status as the Earth Goddess, Princess Mara of Equestria. In that time, she's gotten quite used to her duties, be they ceremonial, executive, or judicial in nature. But when she's called upon to rule on a particularly contentious lawsuit involving some of the most obnoxious ponies from her past, the results may end up altering the very nature of Equestrian law.

This story is a spin-off of Blue Print's Appleverse, however, it's not necessary to read his stories first (though I do recommend them for a more thorough explanation of the backstory).

Cover image by Page Turner

First Published
7th Jan 2013
Last Modified
16th Feb 2013
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This story is a sequel to Inscape

Penumbra seeks gainful employment. Hilarity ensues.

This is the third story in The Petriculture Cycle. The TV Tropes entry can be found here.

Artwork by Page Turner.

First Published
7th Dec 2012
Last Modified
7th Dec 2012
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When Fluttershy received her certification as a fog specialist, she only wanted a plausible excuse to write off the expenses associated with her ground-based house on her taxes. However, when an accident in Cloudsdale sends a blanket of industrial-grade clouds rolling towards Ponyville, Fluttershy suddenly finds herself in charge of coordinating the response, mostly because she's the only fog specialist in the area. Can our heroine step up to the challenge at hoof, or will she risk facing the wrath of the Equestrian Revenue Service?

Artwork by Page Turner. Now with a TVTropes page!

First Published
18th Sep 2012
Last Modified
3rd Nov 2014
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This story is a sequel to Petriculture

It's been several months since Pinkie Pie made a stunning admission about her past that permanently changed her relationship with her friends, particularly Twilight Sparkle, but life seems to have settled back to normal (well, normal by Pinkie Pie's standards, at least). However, when an old nemesis returns and ensnares Twilight in her influence, it's up to Pinkie to make things right.

This is the second story in The Petriculture Cycle. There is a TV Tropes Page for the entire Cycle here.

Cover image by Page Turner; "Princess Twilight" vector by Nianara.

First Published
1st Jul 2012
Last Modified
9th Sep 2012
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Today's the day that Applejack is leaving to compete in the Equestria Rodeo, but something's... off. Derpy's been acting strange, even by her usual standards. Eh, it's probably nothing, right? After all, what are the chances that an eccentric mailpony behaving even more oddly than normal could ever be important in the grand scheme of things?

Artwork by ZuTheSkunk.

First Published
16th Jun 2012
Last Modified
16th Jun 2012
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After reading a book by Spitfire's personal trainer, Rainbow Dash decides that the best way to get closer to her ultimate goal of joining the Wonderbolts is to add strength training to her practices by having one of her friends ride her. However, when she decides that Twilight Sparkle is just the mare for the job, the pegasus gets a bit more than she bargained for.

Artwork by Piggybank12.  Used with permission.  Thanks to DPV111 for assisting me with story planning.

First Published
15th Mar 2012
Last Modified
3rd Jun 2012
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In an effort to keep her mind occupied, Twilight Sparkle decides to delve once again into the grand mysteries of Pinkie Pie. This time, Twilight's focus is on her claims of growing up on a rock farm: like so many things related to Pinkie Pie, the idea that somepony could grow rocks as an agricultural product makes absolutely no sense. However, the investigation eventually leads Twilight to a rather... surprising discovery.

This is the first story in The Petriculture Cycle.

Artwork by Page Turner. Now with a TV Tropes page.

First Published
6th Mar 2012
Last Modified
6th Mar 2012