1. Member Since 5th Mar, 2012
  2. offline for 13h, 38m

Kwakerjak


A thirtysomething Brony from Pennsylvania with a library degree.


Total Words: 341,959
Estimated Reading: 22 hours, 47 minutes

Blog Posts442

  • Monday
    What I've Been Up To

    Okay, it's been a while since I gave you folks any sort of updates, so here we go: At the moment, I've commenced work on a long-term non-pony project, which is an overly fancy way of saying that I'm starting to write a novel. It's going to be quite a while before it gets finished, so I intend to return to fanfiction periodically as progress on the novel continues. As for the plot of the novel, it's basically a continuation of the short story I've plugged here before.

    1 comments · 63 views
  • Thursday
    Radio #1

    2 comments · 49 views
  • 1w, 2d
    Thoughts on "Tanks for the Memories"

    1. Cloudsdale moves around Equestria... I admit it, I had never thought of that possibility, though if I had, it would have killed much of the tension in Flash Fog.

    2. Tank's first winter with Rainbow Dash? Seriously? The last three seasons or so took place in less than a year? That's 63 episodes'* worth of material, mind you, and several episodes take place over a span of more than one day, with only two shown to be happening concurrently. I should also note that one of the episodes between "May the Best Pet Win" and this one is "Hearth's Warming Eve," when it is rather obviously winter already, and Twilight does not yet have her wings.

    Even if the episodes aren't aired in chronological order, the least number of episodes between them would have to be 34, placing "May the Best Pet Win" right before "Just For Sidekicks," and assuming that's the last thing that happens before Twi gets her wings. (Since we see Twi's new castle in this week's episode, and none of the previous episodes with her castle show Ponyville in winter, we know that this is, chronologically, the latest episode aired thus far.) Now, I suppose 34 episodes'* worth of interesting stuff could have happened in less than a year, but as you can probably guess, my suspension of disbelief is rather severely strained.

    3. Tank apparently has had the cloudwalking spell Twilight found cast on him, otherwise he would have fallen through the floor of RD's cloud house.

    4. Grinch-face Rainbow Dash was good enough to get me to stop ranting about continuity. Come to think of it, it's really a rather silly reason to get upset and start fuming about ignoring an episode. No reason to throw out the baby with the bathwater, as they say. After all, there might have been a reason for the lack of seasonal episodes in Season 4.**

    5. Song. As usual, my opinion is decidedly "meh." Ashleigh Bell's real singing voice is way better than RD or AJ's.

    6. Why does the Weather Factory have tortoise-sized coats and hardhats?

    7. If this really is Tank's first winter with Rainbow Dash, does that mean that she basically dumps out all the water she and the other pegasi in Ponyville gathered in Tornado Day?

    8. Rainbow Dash slippers for Tank, and Tank slippers for Rainbow Dash.

    9. AJ cries on the inside, and as of this blog post, there's already a story in the Feature Box that makes the obvious connection.

    *Plus 2 90-minute movies.

    **And yes, I am, in fact, pausing the episode to write these notes, which is why you might see me change my opinions mid-post.

    UPDATE: In case it's unclear, the process of writing out this blog post has more or less helped me get over the whole issue I had with the chronological order of the episodes. It's really not a particularly big deal.

    22 comments · 262 views
  • 1w, 5d
    Push It

    Some phrases are unusually popular as song titles.








    Okay, so technically, that last one is titled "Pushit" as opposed to "Push It," but technically, that's a fan-made video, so I think I'll let it slide.

    6 comments · 251 views
  • 2w, 14h
    I don't get ASMR videos.

    I mean, don't get me wrong, I happen to think ASMR reactions are a real thing, despite the doubts of many in the psychological community, mostly because I get them all the time. No, what I don't get are the many and various ASMR videos on YouTube, because if they're any indication, most people who experience the happy-scalp-tingle do so in response to completely different stimuli than what creates such a response in me. Crinkling papers? Snipping hair? Whispering? Not for me.

    No, what seems to create the ASMR state of mind for me are long, often layered droning noises and repeated, though slightly varied melodies. Volume doesn't even enter into the equation; in fact it's often when I'm listening to relatively loud music that it happens.

    Actually, maybe an example of what I'm talking about would be better than trying to explain something that I'm not entirely sure of myself.

    13 comments · 158 views
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This story is a sequel to On the Courtship Behavior of Swamp-Dwelling Chimeras

Learning to read can be difficult enough under normal circumstances, and it doesn't help when your other two heads would rather be courting or hunting. So far, though, Agatha has risen to the challenge admirably under the tutelage of Twilight Sparkle herself—or at least she did before the day she and her sisters walked into Ponyville to discover the burnt-out husk of the library tree. Worst of all, though, was that even though few of the books survived, the bastard who committed this unspeakable crime is still alive....

For now.

Artwork by Page Turner

First Published
5th Apr 2015
Last Modified
5th Apr 2015
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This story is a sequel to Apex

Finding love is hard enough under normal circumstances, but it's even more complicated when you're the tail of a chimera. As much as Irene may want a fairy-tale romance, her fantasies have so far been stymied by her sisters' rather different opinions on the matter, not to mention the limited choice of species available to chimeras (well, to chimeras who want to have children, that is). However, when the orange pony with the delicious pies gets herself cornered during a delivery, she claims to be the personal friend of a dragon... and apparently, he's single!

Artwork by Page Turner.

First Published
27th Feb 2015
Last Modified
27th Feb 2015
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It’s never particularly easy being at the top of the food chain, even under normal circumstances, but Eleanor’s circumstances are hardly normal: as one-third of the chimera who prowls the fire geyser swamp south of Ponyville, the tigress must deal with all of the usual stresses that come with being an apex predator, and she has to manage two bickering sisters who simply refuse to shut up and do as they’re told. However, she and her sisters face an unexpected challenge when they come across evidence that a new predator is trying to push into their territory.

(For anyone who's concerned about the gore tag, the violence in this story is of the sort that is typical of a nature documentary. If you can handle the stuff on the Discovery Channel, you shouldn't have too much trouble with this.)

Artwork by Page Turner.

First Published
30th May 2014
Last Modified
30th May 2014
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This story is a sequel to π

After Twilight Sparkle made her biggest secret public much earlier than she'd originally planned, the lives of the Element-Bearers and their closest friends somehow managed to become even more complicated than they already were. Yet despite the flurry of all of the added activity this brings, Princess Celestia decides to undertake a particularly ambitious project: the reformation of Discord. She delegates the task to Penumbra Noctis, who, more than anypony else, can empathize with the draconequus' situation, and who is therefore best suited to showing Discord the magic of friendship. On the surface, it's a very reasonable plan.

Unfortunately, Discord has never had much patience for reason.

This is the fifth and final story in The Petriculture Cycle. Reading the first four stories, which begin here, is highly recommended.

Artwork by Page Turner. TV Tropes page by an unknown number of anonymous persons on the internet.

First Published
22nd May 2013
Last Modified
24th Dec 2013
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This story is a sequel to Avocation

Life in Ponyville has been relatively quiet recently, which is somewhat surprising, given that the town's librarian tried to usurp the Equestrian throne only a few months ago. Aside from the appearance of a grumpy pegasus who set up shop as a cloudsmith, the aftermath is so unnoticeable that most ponies aren't even aware that the incident happened at all. Unfortunately, all that's about to change, thanks to the return of a certain revenge-obsessed showmare....

This is the fourth story in The Petriculture Cycle; reading the first three stories, which begin here, is highly recommended.

The artwork was provided by Page Turner, and the TV Tropes entry can be found here.

First Published
2nd Mar 2013
Last Modified
2nd Apr 2013
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It's been twelve years since Applejack's ascent to her current status as the Earth Goddess, Princess Mara of Equestria. In that time, she's gotten quite used to her duties, be they ceremonial, executive, or judicial in nature. But when she's called upon to rule on a particularly contentious lawsuit involving some of the most obnoxious ponies from her past, the results may end up altering the very nature of Equestrian law.

This story is a spin-off of Blue Print's Appleverse, however, it's not necessary to read his stories first (though I do recommend them for a more thorough explanation of the backstory).

Cover image by Page Turner

First Published
7th Jan 2013
Last Modified
16th Feb 2013
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This story is a sequel to Inscape

Penumbra seeks gainful employment. Hilarity ensues.

This is the third story in The Petriculture Cycle. The TV Tropes entry can be found here.

Artwork by Page Turner.

First Published
7th Dec 2012
Last Modified
7th Dec 2012
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When Fluttershy received her certification as a fog specialist, she only wanted a plausible excuse to write off the expenses associated with her ground-based house on her taxes. However, when an accident in Cloudsdale sends a blanket of industrial-grade clouds rolling towards Ponyville, Fluttershy suddenly finds herself in charge of coordinating the response, mostly because she's the only fog specialist in the area. Can our heroine step up to the challenge at hoof, or will she risk facing the wrath of the Equestrian Revenue Service?

Artwork by Page Turner. Now with a TVTropes page!

First Published
18th Sep 2012
Last Modified
3rd Nov 2014
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Source

This story is a sequel to Petriculture

It's been several months since Pinkie Pie made a stunning admission about her past that permanently changed her relationship with her friends, particularly Twilight Sparkle, but life seems to have settled back to normal (well, normal by Pinkie Pie's standards, at least). However, when an old nemesis returns and ensnares Twilight in her influence, it's up to Pinkie to make things right.

This is the second story in The Petriculture Cycle. There is a TV Tropes Page for the entire Cycle here.

Cover image by Page Turner; "Princess Twilight" vector by Nianara.

First Published
1st Jul 2012
Last Modified
9th Sep 2012
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Today's the day that Applejack is leaving to compete in the Equestria Rodeo, but something's... off. Derpy's been acting strange, even by her usual standards. Eh, it's probably nothing, right? After all, what are the chances that an eccentric mailpony behaving even more oddly than normal could ever be important in the grand scheme of things?

Artwork by ZuTheSkunk.

First Published
16th Jun 2012
Last Modified
16th Jun 2012