The Pleasant Commentator and Review Group! 1,287 members · 149 stories
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Tidal
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THIS HERE BE TIDAL

and tonight I'm excited. You wanna know why I'm excited? Because I'm doing a review for a sequel! I previously did a review on the prequel, which was called That Which Makes up a Rainbow I suggest reading it first, since it was good! Here's the review. (It was my first review too, I'm much funnier now).

But now its time for the sequel! I've been looking forward to seeing how our dear ol' Rainbow Dash is doing after nearly dying. She faced her inner angels and demons, and when she finally prevailed she lost all her memory. DAMN! What a way to end a story! Or... What a way to begin a new one.

Without further ado Let us begin. The story being reviewed is:

(Damn these pictures come out big!)

What are we? Are we just memories or is who we are something more? When everything is gone who are we in the end?
For one mare, that is a question with only one answer. She has a life with no past, but also with no scars. Follow her through the pain of building anew, when everyone around her clings to the past and to hope. What can be wrought from the turmoil of loss and birth? Could it be... a soul?

So here is the description. It seems we are gonna continue from where the Prequel left off... Which Immediately interests me. Let us begin the Commentary! (I will commentate 2 chapters, but review the entire story)

CHAPTER 1: WHO IS RAINBOW DASH

“Who is Rainbow Dash?” She asked bemused, her thoughts still hazy and dream like. Her gaze drifted from the five worried looking ponies at the foot of her bed to her very sore and tight chest. Her eyes became wide with shock, she had a gash almost half the length of her leg gouged into her chest. It was freshly stitched and hurt every time she breathed.

These first lines begin RIGHT as the first story ends! YES! No need for "What's happened since then" exposition! :yay:

“You had a terrible accident. You had severe tachycardia followed by stress induced cariomyopathy. Your heart stopped, luckily Twilight Sparkle here managed to get to you quickly and, with skill and precision that I have never seen in any pony without advanced medical training, she kept your heart beating telekinetically. However, once she got you to us, the damage from your attack left the walls of your hearts arteries weakened. Your aorta had eroded and, almost as soon as you got to the operating room, you suffered a massive aortic dissection. We nearly lost you, It's a miracle that you're still alive.” His words were less than comforting to her, no matter his intentions. Twilight approached them, standing over her bedside by the doctor, she was fighting to hold herself together.

The author is talking in fancy! :applejackconfused: But it is pretty cool how you didn't just have the doctor say "Well... you fell" Nice job giving us a detailed description! :pinkiehappy:

“I'm sorry Rainbow Dash, I- I didn't mean to..”
“Don't call me that.” She stopped, taken aback.

Whoa. Ok this is the kinda stuff that starts to set my feels to a simmer. When someone you clearly know, doesn't accept who they are. :twilightoops:

“Dashie..”
“Don't call me that!” She huffed angrily. The pink pegasus's expression broke as she staggered back, shacking her head, her lips silently making out one word over and over. 'No.' She shut her eyes tight, squeezing the tears from them before she spun around and ran out the room.

Rainbow snapping at Flutters... makes me sad. Please don't do that. (jk. MAKE ME CRY!)

“I'm sorry but, I think it would be best if...if you didn't come back at all.” She spoke with as much sympathy as she could. The ponies in front of her were clearly hurting... but not for her. Her tone didn't make a difference as they all began to shed tears.

HOOOOOLLLLLLYYYYYYY SHIT. :raritydespair:

She took another deep breath, then lay down. Closing her eyes she quickly fell asleep, her mind and body exhausted from her brief interaction with those ponies.

THOSE PONIES?! Rainbow Dash I know you have no memories but... They are your best friends and... UGH! MUST KEEP GOING.

CHAPTER 2: VISITORS

“Miss, you have a visitor.” A small nurse with a white coat and pink mane said with her characteristically good bedside manner.

Rainbow... Is gonna be pissed. :unsuresweetie:

“Look Twilight Sparkle, I don't think you really understood what I meant yesterday, or you just can't accept it. I don't know, but you don't know me and I don't know you, I'm sorry. Those ponies from yesterday, they were your friends friends right?” She was giving all the sympathy she could, trying to ease the blow as best she could for Twilight

Rainbow KNOWS she's hurting Twilight, but she continues to talk?! Come on now. :facehoof:

“We want her back so badly. She.. she was always there for us and now, we cant be there for her. Please come back to us Rainbow Dash.. Please. We need you.” She broke down, resting her head on her pillow she cried. She wanted so badly to reach out and hug her friend, but she knew she knew that her friend wasn't with her, even though she was looking at her face, even though her mane brushed against the same soft blue fur, it wasn't Rainbow Dash.

God... Moments like these just kill me.

I know your friends are hurting, and I know you are to, more than any of them. I saw the way they looked at you. They need you right now Twilight Sparkle, and you need them. You should be with each other, supporting each other. Not here in the hospital so early in the morning with a pony you don't know who doesn't even want you here

DAMN! :rainbowderp:

“Well, my friends.. none of them are up right now. Listen, I- I know the food here isn't terrible but I thought you might like something hoof made. So, I brought you breakfast.” Twilight smiled hopefully

Friendship is freaking magic. Hell yes!

“Also, you are going to have a couple visitors. They should be here any minute.” She took a bite of the pancakes before responding.

“No, I don't. They aren't here to visit me, they're here for her. I don't want them to..” She was brought to an abrupt stop as the room door opened. They both turned their heads towards it simultaneously. There stood a regal looking alicorn with a flowing, ethereal rainbow mane. She had two guards at her sides.

Rainbow. You best behave in front of the princess. :trollestia:

“No, she isn't and you know it. She knows it to. She isn't worried about me, she doesn't even see me. All she sees is a friend that is gone. I'm sorry Princess, It was nice meeting you and I do hope to meet again.”

Oh. my. goodness.

She opened the door, revealing the two guards and a new pony, a pegasus. She bowed to the princess before she entered the room. She was a yellow pegasus with a flame like orange mane and tail, she was wearing sunglasses even though she was indoors.

When Rainbow nearly dies or is in trouble, is when Spitfire shows up, and ponies think Celestia is a troll?!

“That sounds pretty dangerous, and difficult. I'm glad that you perform more than you fight though. It means things are peaceful. I still don't understand what you're doing here though? I can't fly and I'm not really interested in performing and even less with fighting.” Again Twilight couldn't control the flow of tears, she fought herself, she didn't want to make so much as a whimper. 'Oh Rainbow Dash.. No, you can't be gone. You can't be. Please Rainbow, you can't have lost your passion, it's your dream. You can't lose it. It- its who you are. I can't lose you.

Twilight's Thoughts are making it so much sadder. :pinkiesad2: Twilights last words though... sounds a little... I can't put my hoof on it... I feel like... Ship perhaps?

“But Rain..”

“Get out!” She yelled, Twilight backed away, glancing nervously at the heart monitor. She was pushing dangerously high on her pulse and blood pressure. Oh Rainbow Dash. She closed her eyes in defeat and walked out of the room.

Rainbow Dash is no more... I agree with the ponies who commented on the story saying "Rainbow Dash... please remember" That's like my new slogan for this story. ~Remember~

I will end the commentary here. It's getting very interesting, and I don't want to spoil anything more. Now I will finish reading and conduct my Review after I finish!

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REVIEW.

FEELS METER
DAMNIT! Second story so far to bring flowing tears to eyes. Solid 10 out of 10. Pinkie Pie, my personal favorite pony, said one thing. One thing that just... ugh my heart shattered. INTO LITTLE F****** PIECES
Well done author.

MOOD
The whole mood of the story. I can't pick one. I mean so much happens in the span of 7 chapters. But one thing did stay consistent. The sorrow. The whole time reading, I miss Rainbow. I miss her so much. The author did a good job keeping the scene transitions simple, and easy to follow... I have a feeling sometime soon there will be a TwiRise Ship... I'm not a huge fan of ships like this, but when its written well I enjoy them. Since the story is doing really well so far, I'm not concerned. :twilightsmile::heart::rainbowkiss:

If I may make a suggestion however.
There is a lot of inner dialogue. A lot of moments where Rainb-- I mean Vibrant Sunrise is thinking, and Moments where Twilight is thinking, sometimes the author put their thoughts into the same paragraph and it made it a little hard to understand who is currently the one thinking. If that even makes sense? Lol I just would suggest maybe starting a new paragraph when another character is thinking to herself. Or make it obvious with a couple "Sunrise was lost in her thoughts" or something so we know who is the one currently thinking at the time.

GRAMMAR
There were quite a few grammatical mistakes, but I messaged maxxxxxx before I started reading and he told me that he types from his phone so its harder to correct his errors, but when he gets a computer he will go and fix all of his previous errors. Since typing isn't the easiest thing to do on a cell phone I figured I'd cut him a little slack and give him a 3 out of 5.

STYLE
We can't even talk about Rainbow Dash being "OOC" because there is no Rainbow Dash anymore. There is only Vibrant Sunrise. Who is an amazing character so far. I miss Rainbow with all my being, and seeing everypony try to cope with the fact that she's gone only tears my heart out more. But the fact is, she is nothing like Rainbow Dash... and like Twilight and the others... I have to move on too. I do believe after seeing the turmoil RD went through in the prequel, maybe having a new identity and new memories wont be so bad... But if you do end up bringing our Rainbow Dash back I will be super happy ~Remember~

Twilight Sparkle is written very well and I like how we get an Idea as to what's going on in her mind throughout the course of the story. (But like I said earlier, try and keep the thoughts a little more organized so there isn't the occasional confusion.) I also must praise the author for using real life medical terminology making it seem more "real" (At least... I'm pretty sure its medical terminology :twilightoops:

The other elements of harmony so far are written well also. Pinkie is even pulling s*** out of nothingness making Sunrise all :rainbowhuh: so that's good. One thing I simply love is how Sunrise and Twilight are constantly at war with themselves. Twilight wants Rainbow back, but doesn't want to get rid of her new friend Sunrise... Sunrise doesn't want to see Twilight or anypony else hurt... but she doesn't wanna give up her own life.


All in all it is a painfully sad, yet awesome read! 9 out of 10. I think YOU MUST READ THIS! The story earned a like and favorite.
I highly recommend it if you read and enjoyed its prequel, or if you just want to read a sad sad fic. Its such a heartbreaking fic, but yet at the same time... a new beginning that has potential to be happy.

This has been another review from Tidal

I have cried twice tonight while reading stories... I love my job :raritycry:

Now I patiently await the next chapter.

Well... almost patiently :trollestia:

2671649 wow! thanks so much for the review and im glad my story is having the desired effect. I would like to say, this story is the second story in a three part series! Anyway, thanks for the heads up about how the thoughts can get clustery, i'll try to keep that in mind. Thanks bunches and i'll see you next chapter

Tidal
Group Admin

2671711 3 PARTS??? I don't think my feels can take it!! :raritydespair:

I cant wait! :pinkiehappy:

2671712 also, i just remembered you saying in your review for the prequel that readers should read it "to see rainbow dash as far from her normal personality as possible" i find that to be a bit ironic now, :)

Tidal
Group Admin

2671746 It definitely applies now... In that story I meant since she's so scared, crying and begging for it to end... now... It really is true! She's nowhere near the same!

We'll have to see what Vibrant Sunrise has in store for us!

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