The Pleasant Commentator and Review Group! 1,287 members · 149 stories
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Cromegas_Flare
Group Admin

Reviewed by: Cromegas_Flare

{Reviewers Tags}: Teen, Dark



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OK, so here is the Description.

Twilight has the same dream every night.

She dies.

And it is all gone.

Now, let me just say that since dreams are involved, I know I'm going to enjoy this. It's one of those side effects of being a sucker for nightmare fics. Especially the ones that break the bounds of reality, and since this is Regidar, I am in fore something ells.

So now I read!



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Cromegas Commentary

Nighttime was always the worst for Princess Twilight Sparkle.

: Its also the worst for me if I go to sleep, so I can relate there.

Oh, she was so tired...

:Nice, touch. Helps bring in the.... oh, what was the word?.... atmosphere of apprehension.

Twilight swallowed hard, and barely heard Spike respond to her. “Goodnight, Twilight! Glad to see you’re finally getting some sleep, I thought you’d never go to bed!”

:This also explains how deprived Twilight is for sleep. Nice touch. Repeating three times, I don't think you need any more clues to how Twilight feels.

he did not know what horrors weighed down his princess.

Indeed, what horrors?:ajsmug:

They didn’t scare her though; nothing scared her much after her dreams started.

:Should I be concerned that I relate to this statement ever so well? No, I think other people lack fear of many things just because of their dreams. I for one, and among those people. (Caused a Text to Self comparison there... well done Regider.)

“Twilight... what’s going on? Is something wrong?”

: You know, with spike not asking another question there... with how innocent he is. It really shows how Twilight's and Spikes friendship is. I would be asking other questions if someone I viewed as my sister asked me to crawl into their bed.

There is no way he could know.

:Know what Twilight? Know what?:trixieshiftright:

This was the sound of dying.

: Yes, it is a sound of dying, I can agree with that.

:OK, well that follows what I said earlier

Especially the ones that break the bounds of reality

This one did that, and if one did not notice, they clearly did not read the story.



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Mr. Flares Review

OK, So... I am going to start with that salt. For those of you who have already read my reviews, most of what I find are personal relations that I find could be fixed. It is up to the Artist or in this case Regider to follow the advice.

One of the things that bothered me was the quick pace of it. Yes true, it is a one shot and meant to be quick paced. But if I wanted to get the full effect of The Next, there needed to be more.

Now when it comes to grammar, I did not find any. That may be because you had Flint Sparks pre-read the story, or might be because I suck at noticing the fine points of grammar. I am going to say its the Former rather then the latter.

Now for the Sugar!

So now to what I really enjoyed about the story and what others will enjoy about the story. It felt awesome to read something close to what I dream every night. Though I don't dream the same thing, no not even in the slightest. I still have night terrors that make the typical scary thing seem only creepy.

Now, another thing that I liked was that though it was fast paced, it did keep your attention. Short stories like these tend to do that. However this one did that so few don't, and that it continued when you thought it was done. There was still more, just like how you desired, and though it could of been expanded a wee bit more... It was still done well.

So, to sum it up.

Mood: It kept to what was shown in the description, she died and then there was nothing. Really not to hard to follow up with that:ajbemused: I also picked up absolutely nothing that distracted from the story, so I have no input other then good job. You go past me, now can you get past a grammar Nazi, the answer is... Its Regidar, he most likely will.

Grammar: So, ya I found none on grammatical errors, but still.

You go past me, now can you get past a grammar Nazi, the answer is... Its Regidar, he most likely will.

Style: If you could put a style to this, I would say simple and fast. To the point and sharp. And you cant run from it. He had it as a Third person point of view, describing what Twilight was experiencing. Well done there too, not distracting. And though this is the most common way to write, it was still done well. Would I say Effective? Well no, its not a master piece, but it is a story one must read.

Rating: Ya, I give this a must read, it earned a Favorite from me. So If you like Dark stories, especially ones dealing with the dream scape. This fic is for you.



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Grammar

5/5

Rating

{You must read this!}



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~Make Life an Adventure~

Mr. Flare

Tidal
Group Admin

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I love dream stories... I will read this :pinkiecrazy:

2626180 hehe, thanks for the review, mate! It was a damn good one, I find personally, and I will say that it is one of the more quick paced ones I have written. But, I wanted to make a horror story in the shortest way I could, and I think that in some regards, I did this.

Thank you!

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