The Pleasant Commentator and Review Group! 1,287 members · 149 stories
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Cromegas_Flare
Group Admin

Um... Ok, so let me start here. I played Left for Dead, and seeing this... I have a slight feeling of what I am getting myself into.
Now lets take a look at the rating, Teen....Gore. OK so it is rated Teen, now that's a shocker. I won't lie, I am slightly expecting to be disappointed with this story.... but I'll will give it a shot anyway.

Story is here, so click and read!

So here is the description.

Four mares are stranded in the middle of a quarantined Ponyville, and must find their way out with little rations, few weapons, and not a clue of what is happening to the rest of Equestria. This combined with constant bickering and the search for a lost sister could spell these four survivor's demise...

Inspired by the popular gaming franchise: Left 4 Dead

This is the first fanfic I've ever written for this site, but feel free to judge it as critically as possible.

There we go, I was right. There is a relation to the Left for Dead series.

So with that said, let me move on. Oh, and its your first fanfic you say? F4D3, welcome to the world of story writers!


This here is my commentary, my reaction as I read through this story.


Chapter 1: Dasher

So ya, this is going to be a multi-chapter review, but I will put it on this one thread. The three chapters that are out at the moment are short enough for me to do that.

:The very first paragraph holds the dark grip the story needs, well done!

:Looks like Cloud Chaser is going to be the smart jerk in this one guys. Hold on tight, this is going to be one hackle of a ride.

:So now we have, Carrot Top, Cloud Chaser, and Colgate.... Who is the fourth pony?

:There is the lost sister guys, Flitter. Not the fourth pony, but information none the less.

:Chaser was trained by Rainbow Dash? now that is pretty cool.

:Derpy?...DERPY?.....DERPY!!!!!!!

:Cloud wants to be a lone wolf, but when it comes to food... That desire no longer matters. It is after all, about survival.

:They yelled at Derpy! :twilightangry2: :flutterrage: Now I'll strangle their stupi..... :twilightblush: Nevermind.

:Rainbow Dash is now there huh.... Ya, probably a zombie...... Reads on a bit more eeyup, a zombie. but one heck of a scary one too.

:And then they are being stormed by a horde of zombie ponies.



Ok, so that was my Commentary of the first chapter.

What did I think? Its better then what I thought it would be. I am still holding my tongue though, I still have yet to read the other chapters.
Starting now.



Chapter 2: Friends... For Now.

:Poor Derpy, I hope she get redeemed for that.

:Air born zombie fight! Now that is a new level of epic.

:By goodness, that is what I call a redemption.

:A bad dream, and was she really screaming in her sleep? wow.

:And now to the third chapter as they run off to find Clouds sister... if that was really her that screamed.


Chapter 3: Twiler

:OK here we go, run little ponies, run!

:Twilight, hung herself? Now that's good.

:wow, Twilight is quite the boss. And Derpy with that ax! who cares about the shot gun! (i love the shot gun:fluttercry:)

:Colgate VS Twilight! nice work there!

:That backstory with Colgate and Twilight nearly put tears in my eyes... nearly.

:Shes gone.... just like that?....wow.

:Twilight's room, I was going to say there had to be something more to what Twilight wanted ponies to know, glad there was a journal or something of the like there. Now I shall read on.

:The rope was cut.... well that puts a damper on the feeling of safety.

:Twilight is running out of ink, sees read writing in the next paragraphs...oh no.

:"Where is thy queen" for some reason, those words sent shivers down my spine.

:And Colgate gets a nickname! cool!



OK so my short review is this.
I enjoyed the story, and my opinion is that the third chapter is by far the best.
I would recommend reading it if you like left for dead, no seriously give it a read if you have not all ready.
I give it a {I enjoyed it} rating.
here is my rating list if you don't know.
{A will never look at it again}
{I enjoyed it}
{I loved it, Favorited}
{Masterpiece}

So I have one question for the guy who wrote it..... Are you going to finish it?

~Make life an Adventure~
Mr. Flare

2595475
First of all, let me apologize to you for not getting back to you sooner.

Secondly, thank you very much for taking the time to read my story and give me your thoughts on it. It means a lot that you would do this for me. And the fact that you'd say you enjoyed it makes it mean even more.

As for finishing this story... Well... That's sorta complicated. I mean, I intend to finish it at some point, but I don't really see that happening anytime soon. I'll most likely try to rewrite the chapters I have out, then attempt to make the rest.

Cromegas_Flare
Group Admin

2603735
Sounds good to me :twilightsmile:
I know what it is like to want to work on things, but time causes you to work out other plans.

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