Story is here!!!!
Read it first to enjoy the commentary, for there are light spoilers in the commentary and review.

Hello, Cromegas_Flare here today, and I am going to be reading the story... The Tell Tale Talker: by, Metal-Quill.

Now, I have in fact read this story before, and enjoyed it quite a bit!, however I also wrote something like this, but on a different scale. By different you will find out latter as I will ask for your own opinion on it.

Now to the story.

Cromegas, commentary

:No, of course your not mad, you don't even know madness until you met me in the dark ally way. So yes you are right, you are not mad!

:

Let me assure you here and now that after today, all of your doubts will have completely vanished. Now, you know that my story has ended here, so let us go back to the beginning.

OK, so I am going back in time now? Sweet! let me get the pistachios and eat the shells!

:Ponyville after all is a great place to live! I would move there too, there is of course that one little problem that all people find. I have to be stuck here! So my question is what is your point?

:

Carrot Cake, as I recall his name being, was a very stressed and tried looking Earth pony,

.... Ya I tried to look like an earth pony too, it did not go so well....

:So now, yes he made it to get a job at Sugar Cube Corner! Ya! or is it a she? I'll call him a he, it only fits unless said otherwise.

:

I think it was her constant talking. Yes, it was this.

:Tolerance, yes I see. I also hear

:{leaving the mocking bit of my commentary from here on out, time to get serious!}

: What are you going to do now? that is the one question that keeps rallying up in my head!

: what! no! no,no,no,no, NO!.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

:oh, that's right, give them that tour you monster!

:Yet, randomness is still her thing. What is it this time, talking about the dozy?

:Yes, they can hear it, don't you dare deny it, for they hear it!

:Yes, I believe you..... You are insane to the roaches! and they must feed

So that is my slightly sketched commentary, so now to my thoughts.

It started of great, it had that classic feeling. Then it lost it, I could not really find out where it was lost....

There was also that one part about being patient, I feel that you could of dragged out a few more sentences there.

It was well written for the most part, and I did not find very many parts with incorrect grammar. Then again, that is not my strong suit.

I liked the sense of prolonged righteousness, the feeling that he was always in the right! You got that part down, so good job!

Now, I wrote my own thing like this a long time ago, in relative terms, so I'll let you compare and contrast!
so pull up his story, then this one right here!

Now, to all reviewers of this sight, this is only an example of how you can do this! You can also make your own style. I do in fact believe in diversity, so find your style and let it shine! I'll make another thread sometime soon about how we do reviews. Also let the person who owns the story know, and link him the thread in the comment section of his story.

~Make life an Adventure~
Mr. Flare

2590884 A fair and very respectful critique. Thank you.