Paul Asaran – The Gentle Nights: Audience of One
Romantic Drama

That cover art sure is gorgeous.

Long time no see folks! This one took me a while, thanks to IRL circumstances, and how hard it was for me to write about this particular fic. Because, really, this is a doozy of a fic, a powerful novel about two lonely souls finding an escape from their self-imposed isolation through the power of love and art.

First things first, I should note that I am not one for shipfics. Sure, there are a handful of romances I have enjoyed in the fandom, but more often than not, it is a genre that drives me nuts. Be it the forced pairings, the all too common "Alien Shipping Syndrome", or horribly saccharine prose, pony romances tend to leave a sour taste in my mouth.

I say all that to reinforce something: Even if I am harsh on this fic, I aim to be fair, and I will recognize when my standards for this type of stuff is probably too high – and considering I wrote this before reading the story, it should be interesting to eventually look back to this (Spoiler alert: it was!). Anyway, look below to see how Paul Asaran fares in the arena of love.

After the events of the Gala, Octavia bumps into Luna in the gardens, and ends up treating her to a private musical performance. She pushes that to the back of her mind, but not Luna, who months later still obsesses over that night. With a little help from Celestia, she ends up meeting Octavia for another concert – which, given the genre, should leave to some pretty obvious results. However, more than anything else, the two will have to overcome their own personalities before allowing themselves to open their hearts to another pony.

Normally I would comment about general grammatical issues here, but really, Paul Asaran clearly has a solid grasp on how to present a highly polished fic. There aren't any pervasive issues, minor mistakes are few and far between (as in, a couple per chapter), and the whole text has a good sense of flow, which made the reading very pleasurable and compelling. In fact, most of the fic is dominated by some really great writing, starting with the opening paragraph.

Octavia tilted her head back to gaze upon the vaulted ceiling of Canterlot Castle’s Grand Hall. Her heart was beating like a drum at the sights: pearly marble columns, brilliant historical tapestries, massive windows and shimmering crystal chandeliers. She lowered her eyes to take in the bustling activity of hundreds of servants roaming, working and shouting, all preparing for the night’s big event. There, far across the hall beneath the widest window in the room, was the stage.

This left a great first impression, quickly establishing the basics of the story: Character, setting, tone, and theme. We know right away that this takes place in Canterlot's elite circles, where Octavia doesn't quite sees herself as an equal. Also, that this starts at the Gala, which she sees as a great opportunity, meaning that she isn't a household name just yet. Finally, the tone conveys well that this is a fic which will focus on characters that don't quite know their place in a society in which, despite their high status, they see themselves as outsiders.

As you can see, the writing is sufficiently dense, constantly works in multiple fronts, and gripping enough that, after the first paragraph, it never let me go. Descriptions work towards establishing mood and place, conversations expose while advancing character, and actions convey motion and theme. However, it never becomes too complex, constantly engaging and compact, and taking care to reiterate important points in a non-repetitive manner. Consider how I only had to review 10k words, but wound up doing the whole thing! However, there are some aspects to improve, which the author should take care on future endeavors.

For one, I found that Frederick's accent was extremely overdone, like in:

callen sie me Frederick.

I noticed zat you did not play vith your cheet music. Most impressive. It is a true chame zat a pony of your talent chould remain unknown.

And I have seen your conviction zrough our correspondence.

Writing accents phonetically is something that rarely pays off, making the text harder to read without significant gains in characterization. Not only that, but it goes in directions that don't make much sense for a germanic speaker. More than that, it must be said that wWhat is really important when writing a character that speaks in a particular manner is to capture other important aspects of his speech, like the structure of the sentences, or the usage of certain expressions. Even just adding the stray "Ja", "Bitte", or "Fraülein" would probably be more interesting than replacing the odd "th" for a "z", or "sh" for "ch" like in the above passage.

The usage of musical terminology also bothered me. I am not a musician, but I do know a handful of classical trained ones, and I have never heard them say things like in the following quotes, or remember reading stuff like the following:

The tempo was so delightfully larghetto, seeming to stretch the introduction in a velvety caress. As she picked up to a gentle adagietto, briefly reverting to a spiccato playing style, Luna’s crying began to fade.

It isn't that the terminology is wrong, but the way the paragraph is constructed, it feels way too much like throwing lingo around.

There is also the occasional awkward phrasing or overly expository passage, like in:

Suddenly, the stone that was his face cracked and he was smiling.

I swear, Vinyl, if I hadn’t known you for half a decade I’d probably hate you right now."

Luckily, such instances are few and far between, and most of the fic is just a delight to read. Even the romantic prose, which normally does nothing to me, was very well written and touching.

That was when Octavia saw Luna. Not just ‘saw’ her, but saw her. She sat aside from Octavia, her gaze lifted to the bedazzling sky and her glorious cyan eyes sparkling as if they were stars themselves. Her dark blue coat was outlined by the shimmering jewels, her long legs and pristine body made all the more perfect. And her mane – that impossible, incredible mane – merged with the world. Once again, she appeared as a beautiful night goddess, from whom all the darkness and stars were birthed in a faultless act of creation. The stars had stolen Octavia’s breath. Luna threatened to keep it forever.

Most of the character work is really strong, with very well developed supporting characters, two realistic romantic leads, and a constant care that character actions are informed by the characterization, not the opposite.

In particular, I love the little character touches. For instance, whenever Octavia is nervous or trying to stall, she starts fiddling with her Cello strings. This is a nice, subtle character trait, feeling natural while also adding an interesting dimension to the character. There are various other instances of this, from small gestures to verbal tics, and they were always welcome .

Another thing that surprised me were Vinyl and Octavia's interactions. Despite having read all manners of fics with those two, the way they are portrayed here is still interesting and fresh, having them be bickering, yet friendly neighbors. For those looking for non-romantic interactions between the two, it certainly is a treat. In particular, the scene where Vinyl shows off her more "personal" music was amazing.

In fact, I could say great things of all the rest of Octavia's friends, be it Frederick, Beautie Brass, Parish, or any of the other characters introduced later. Coupled with some great OC naming standards, they really helped to liven up the world.

Sadly, Celestia got the short end of the stick here, which is a shame, since she is so crucial in Luna's life. She was terribly bland, with little in the way of distinctive characterization, never acting like a fully fledged character or having a unique voice. In fact, at times she felt like just a mouthpiece meant to advance the plot, a character with no agency.

As for the main characters, I decided to split them into their own sections. However, as most of my issues with the fic are related to how some of their traits are treated on the story, I can't really talk about them without first touching on the plot.

While in the other sections I had what were essentially nitpicks, here the issues are a bit more relevant. It is a story with plenty of interesting twists and turns, as well as a multitude of side plots set to advance the characters, always in a way that ties back to the main story. Most importantly, it is paced and presented in such a way that the portrayal of their relationship is believable and compelling — in fact, it is one of the best paced romances I can remember reading. All of that builds to a climax that is absolutely fantastic, and redeems many of my issues with the story.

However, while the overarching plot works very well, the fic has one very annoying tendency: show the readers one thing, while telling them another, particularly when dealing with the main romantic pairing. I will leave the specifics to their sections, but this is something that rears its ugly head just often enough to erode the emotional foundation of the story, which did make some aspects of their relationship hard to buy. That happens in a very consistent manner, which makes me believe that the implications of certain assertions weren't actually considered. Nowhere is this more visible than when dealing with Luna – but more on that during her section.

There is also the issue of some plot threads being introduced in a fairly impressive manner, only to go ignored for most of the fic. Then, when they are reintroduced, they seem to pick off from where they started, almost as if the intervening time didn't exist. It feels very unnatural, like these situations only are mentioned because, at this point of the main plot, some revelation/lesson/conflict from this particular story is needed. As such, rather than injecting depth into the story, they just serve as convenient clutches. And indeed, this impacts significantly the subject of the next section: Octavia.

Octavia was the most interesting aspect of this fic by far, a really complex character which can be compelling and despicable in a way that feels natural. Her fears and uncertainties are interesting and believable, and in particular I like how unreliable her inner narration is. It is clear that throughout the fic she constantly lies to herself, be it about her feelings, her wishes, or her motivations. The way this ties into some of her personality issues really make her shine, and be instantly relatable.

In fact, many of her characteristics are tied to other traits, and even her worst aspects have some justification. In particular, the idea that her special talent is actually singing, but that she doesn't actually use it due to her past issues and insecurities was great, and probably my favourite aspect of the fic. It is a simple thing, but one that explains much about who she is as an individual.

However, while she is empathetic, I can't say she is actually likeable. In fact, Octavia is a very toxic individual, capricious in her response to others and a huge hypocrite in many of her actions. Worst of all, she often assumes the worst in others, and then criticizes them for that, rather than their actions. This leads to some truly awful situations, like how she deals with her sister, or the whole situation with Parish, and while I think that the fic is way too quick to absolve her of guilt, it didn't stretch believability all that much – even if it made her actions vaguely sociopathic.

And indeed, I can forgive much about her because, at the end of the day, she grows immensely as a character on the course of the story. Sure, she is still pretty immature by the end of the story, but she is much better as a person, and I think that is because, after all is said and done, she has managed to be honest with herself. She is essentially at the point where it is believable that she would be able to maintain a relationship, rocky as it may be.

I only wish that her personal life was better explored. After a while all other aspects of Octy's life disappear from the fic, even stuff that it is said to be really important to Octavia, like her concerts, or all functions that don't directly involve Luna – and not even in a way that makes you feel that Luna became the whole of her life. In fact, it happens way before you could say they are in love. For something so prevalent on the earlier chapters it feels really weird.

More than that, it leads to a strange disconnect. Octy often complains that she is desperate for work, to the point that she has no free time, and this is used as a way to show her living situation at the start. However, she has plenty of time to see Luna on a regular basis, and on occasion goes for whole days ignoring the rest of the world. In fact, she is never shown as doing anything that might qualify as working, save for a couple of gigs in very important places which advance her career, and a single scene near the beginning. And then she complains about "not being accepted" in Canterlot, and being so poor.

It should be one way or the other. You can't have a poor underdog character that is well respected, has enough financial leeway to not constantly work, and that takes part in all big events of High Society. And this isn't even me reading too much into her situation. At one point a character states:

Your performances are earning rave reviews, your name is on the lips of ponies all over Canterlot. You’ve built a reputation, Octavia

It is hard not to conclude that Octavia has some kind of underdog complex, the poor child of a family of intellectuals having a hard time between her rave reviews and immense fame to juggle her relationship to a member royalty. And that would be something really interesting to explore… except that the fic always points in precisely the opposite direction, that she is actually pretty poor and unacclaimed. It is hard to read this as anything but an inconsistency, and seeing as how important being recognized for her music is for Octavia, this whole aspect of her character falls flat.

But really, Luna is where the fic kind derails itself. Luna here acts pretty much like the typical Sad Luna from S1 fanfics, angsting about everything and feeling all kinds of rejected by the world. It makes her seem whiny rather than tortured. I am talking about stuff like:

It didn’t matter. Not a single pony here cared about her.

Luna shook her head with force and grimaced. This defeatist attitude didn’t suit her at all, yet it was so hard to think positive when everything around her was so negative.

And then the princess’s face scrunched up, her entire body shaking. She bowed her head and wept, tears making tiny rivers on her cheeks.

There is some attempts to justify this as Luna not being able to read ponies, but this never goes anywhere. Even worse, nothing in the fic really makes you think that Luna is actually uncomprehended, hated, or even vaguely unlikely. At worst, ponies simply don't know her, often because she distrusts the world so much. In fact, it seems like Luna is simply used to think the worst of all ponies around her:

Luna’s lips trembled at the thought. “They fear me, Celestia. All of them. She won’t welcome me.”

Luna gave them a weak smile. “I have been having… difficulties. Most ponies do not appreciate me entering their dreams. Dinky is actually the first pony to not fear my presence in the dream world, and I gather it is because you taught her not to be afraid of me. And for that—”

The thing is, this stuff really had to be shown. As it stands, it is either some delusion from Luna that goes unexplored (despite being present so often), or something that the fic expects the reader to just accept as true. The following is from a passage where the two go to a restaurant on a date.

Yet the moment Luna stepped down, those muzzles rushed to touch the ground. She waited for them to rise and offered them all a pleasant smile. Octavia stood beside her and basked in the princess’s presence. The murmurs and curious looks didn’t faze her in the least as they walked side-by-side for the host. The ponies in line wasted no time standing aside.

Contrast that with the citizens reaction to Luna during Luna Eclipsed.

Sure, this scene is supposed to take place after that episode, but she is still distrustful of everyone else both before and after these situations.

There is also Celestia, who is nothing but kind to Luna, but then seems to get a constant stream of abuse and mistrust thrown her way. In fact, she reacts like someone suffering from an abusive relationship, which makes it hard to sympathise with Luna's plight… or to even see one in the first place.

Celestia needed a moment to formulate a response. “Please, Luna. I know I made a mistake and… and I’d like to right it.”

“That’s not what I—” Celestia clamped her jaw shut and averted her gaze. “Are you still upset with me, Luna?”

Those are reactions to completely normal situations and small issues, over which Luna is pretty aggressive. And I could see that as part of the plot: Celestia feels too guilty to properly confront her sister, Luna has issues trusting ponies in general, but that gets addressed somehow, preferably through her romance, and something happens. Instead, after having to go through various scenes of her saying stuff like:

With a snarl, Luna dropped the letter and jerked away from the table. Go to Celestia? Be the ignorant, helpless little sister expected of her? She didn’t need Celestia.

“That’s right!” Luna thrust her head back with a snarl. “Luna’s too stupid to understand, too immature to grasp what the all-knowing, wise Celestia does!”

We get the following interaction near the end.

“She figured out the truth,” Luna said with a beaming smile. “She realized that not all my words were a case of defeatism.”

Celestia looked between the two of them. “I don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to.”

After all that I can't help but nod my head and say that, yes, Luna is immature and seems to be unable to grasp the concept of adult emotions. All the while, Celestia is forced to drag her emotionally stunted sister kicking and screaming into adulthood. Only one of them cares to do any work on their relationship, even after knowing each other for so long. It reads like the prelude to a disaster, where their relationship will get another terrible fallout, because while both wish to have the other's affection, only one of them is willing to do anything to get it.

And, considering all her issues, the fic then wants to portray the Nightmare influence as some kind of secondary personality, vindictive and cruel, something that Luna can't really control and must learn to accept. But really, its actions aren't all that distinctive. In fact, there are points where something particularly cruel seems to be used as an indicative of the Nightmare's influence, but they are often stuff that Luna herself could have said. And if she is just some part of her personality she tried to repress, I can't really see how accepting that is in anyway positive (even if it is healthy).

And indeed here is the catch, the thing that almost ruins the fic for me in a fridge-logic, sour aftertaste kind of way: Luna doesn't grow, only gets accepted in her immaturity. And while I appreciate the sentiment, it is hard for me to believe that their relationship will be anything but terrible, as if I just saw a friend get hitched to an unrepenting drug addict: However cute together they are right now, you know that it will end in tears. Quite frankly, I don't think that is the effect a romance should have.

It is hard for me to actually judge a fic like this. In one hand, I know that many readers won't actually care about any of the stuff I pointed out – and indeed, I say much of that as an encouragement for the writer to delve deeper into some of his characters on his future efforts. Indeed, if I don't infer anything about the story, if I just take the character motivations as stated, it is a lovely romance, and one that should be read by everyone. It is for that reason that I am giving this a must-read, even if I don't feel too good about the fic after finishing it.

If you take one thing from this review, let it be this: The Gentle Nights is a fantastic fic, with one of the best paced romances you can find on this site, great prose, and one of the best characterized Octavia's I could point out – on par with some of my favourites using the character, like Exit Through Canterlot or Octavia Takes the Bus. It isn't perfect, it has some weird issues, and it often makes me hate the characters in a way that I am sure was unintended, but I can't really fault a fic for making me feel so strongly about it. So, for all its qualities it is truly a...

5058325
Just thought I'd let you know that your spoiler tags got a little messed up in the last segment you used the quote tag for...

5058325
So glad to finally see this review! I'd been looking forward to it forever, and I'm glad that the review quality was worth it. I must admit, you look at the situation in ways I never even remotely considered, especially regarding the character of Luna and her relationship with Celestia. But even if I had seen those issues, I almost certainly would have written and published most of the story by that time due to my tendency towards minimal fic planning.

I guess my greatest issue right now – at least as far as I can tell via this review – is a better comprehension of how my presentation can be interpreted. These interpretations are far deeper than I ever bothered to look for. I've always had difficulty connecting the details with the big picture in a smooth and appropriate way, and it shows in this review.

Even so, I am thrilled to know that the positives weighed strongly enough to outdo the negatives. My thanks for the review, and good luck with the real life stuff!

5058413 Thanks! It seemed to work when I previewed the post as a blog post, but the tagging logic on fimfiction is a bit inconsistent.

5058504
5060215
I was working on reading this for review. Glad to see that you pulled it through anyway. I'll add my comments when I finish the story to this thread.

5058504 I am glad that you enjoyed it!

As for how your stuff might be interpreted, try to walk backwards through your characters actions, and think about how those can be motivated. It is really easy to develop some blind spots while writing, particularly when you have a clear vision of what their actions are supposed to represent.

5060359
I'll try to keep that in mind. I always feel that I have a strong grasp of the characters' personalities and motivations, and write with those in mind – I'm a very 'let the characters take control' kind of writer. Then something like this comes along and tells me that everything I know about the characters is wrong, and it throws me for a loop. With roughly 80% of what is said and done going completely unplanned, I suppose it's safe to say I have a significantly large blind spot.