The Pleasant Commentator and Review Group! 1,287 members · 149 stories
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A Foggy Memory

by Treble Tech

Okay, here I go. This review gets a bit on the spoilery side, so I recommend reading the fict first.

This was a solid story. Before going any further on the meaning of that sentence, I want to emphasize that I spent a quarter hour trying to think a better, perhaps a mole eloquent, way to phrase that fundamental thought that I found to characterize this fic. None came. It is solid, and there's not much else I can say about it in one sentence.

In my use, the word "solid" definetly gains a positive meaning. I enjoyed the fic as much as I believe the next pony will, for all the signs of a good story are present: foreshadowing, conflict, resolutions etc, all packed in a neat arch of character development. As a whole, this fic is the very definition of solid in a storytelling context.

However, there are some intricacies, big and small, that I'd like to draw attention on. The major issue, which is relatively mild, is the resolution of the main conflict. The apex here is very shallow, I might say, compared to what the reader might expect. Basically the protagonist and the antagonist talk over their problems and end up reaching an agreement with the minimum amount of magical persuasion used. The lack of violence is not problematical as such (to the contrary, the fact was a pleasent suprise) but rather the lack of excitement is. The antagonist agrees on leaving the ponies alone on pretty slim grounds, it feels, considering how worked-up he was at the scene with Celestia.

So that's the main issue: not the lack of a narrative arch, but the lack of a sharp peak that would make the fic really memorable. I think this derives from the fact that the antagonist has tendencies that one might venture to call contradictory: on the one hoof he has immense powers and is able to manipulate even Celestia by a whim. One the other hoof, his motivation is a very vague urge to get respect, and his defining factor in the personality department is bullying, with bitching coming as a good second. He reminds me strongly of Discord; he might be his annoying little brother or something. But yeah, the plot's intensity suffers from the antagonist's dull nature and lack of proper motives. The whole memory manipulation idea was sweet though, and it gave me a few good chuckles and creeps.

There were some individual lines I thought to say somethign about, but on second thought that'd be pretty much pointless. It's a solid story. Unfortunately that's not an acceptable criteria we use in this group, so my Final Score is: Enjoyable.

Cromegas_Flare
Group Admin

3502862

Nice work! Keep it up.

(Saying this right before I go to work.)

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