Perception: By DeepShift

Intro:
Perception is tagged Romance, Sad, Slice of Life, and Dark. You don't see that everyday. I want to recommend this story, and if you don't mind some pretty dark and sad scenes; it's well worth it. There are plenty of sad and a few sweet(bittersweet is probably a better word) scenes that are really well written. Okay, lets do this!

Perception's grammar is very good. There were a few mistakes such as

Slowly I turned around to see… Nothing

Nothing shouldn't be capitalized.

Thanks, Sweetie,

Thanks, Sweetie.

I noticed two or three others, but I don't want to make a huge deal out of every little mistake; so I'll stop at two. Honestly, none of the errors are too noticeable, and they don't distract from the story. But getting someone else to look it over before posting will help weed out those tiny mistakes.

The style is pretty great in this story. The mood at the beginning is bleak, and a little depressing. Don't worry though, things soon get worse. And by worse I mean things get more sad and depressing.

Seriously, I will admit to tearing up av bit at the Applebloom scene...only a bit though...*sniff*

At no point in the story are there moments of over description, and there are also no lapses where things become too under described. No, this story is pretty consistent, and that's just one of the things that really helped this story flow.

Overall, the style of this story was very nice. Really made the whole story more of an enjoyable read with the nice description, and consistent flow.

Alright, wow. This whole story has many great and emotional scenes. but before I get into that, lets start with the overview. Perception is about Scootaloo, mostly, and how her life has taken a turn for the worse after running away to Los Pegasus. One dat her bleak life gets worse as she receives a letter calling her back to Ponyville, [REDACTED] is dying.

Possible spoilers ahead!!!

The overall pacing of this story is good, it's fast but doesn't speed up incredibly. It works well in this case. But really, my absolute favorite part of the entire story is, Scootaloo. Her transformation from a cynical, and depressed pony into a hopefully optimistic, and happy one; is amazing. Seriously, by the you want Scootaloo to move on, and start a better life. She's earned it.

Emotion. This story is packed to the brim with emotion. I felt for Scootaloo and her struggle, that she herself created. When she was talking to [REDACTED]'s grave, and when Scoots saw herself, and how easily she could give up and become a monster.

But not everything is sad, she and Sweetie do make a really adorable couple, and they both lean on each other for support during the story, which makes it so that you can't help but smile.

From dark tragedy, to bittersweet optimism, this stories narrative is incredible, and there's very little that I saw out of place.

The main characters of Perception are Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, Firelock, and Alula. There are other characters, but these five are the most important ones to the story, actually so is Eidolon but he doesn't deserve to be next to the good ponies.

Scootaloo is in character, she's definitely different from the show, but it's understandable why she became like that. Sweetie is in character also, she's sweet and is always looking out for other ponies. Applebloom, is as well...but you don't hear too much from the pony herself*sniff*.

Firelock, Alula, and Eidolon are OC's. Now, it's obvious that these characters have already been established, possibly in another story by the author, and normally throwing Oc's into a story where your not sure if everyone has read something about them before isn't good. But, in this case it works out okay.

Scootaloo treats Firelock and Alula as old friends, as she hasn't seen them since she was a kid. Scoots probably made friends outside of the crusader before she left, and these two were those friends. She greets them like you would if you saw an old classmate on the street after you've both graduated.

Eidolon, however, is an assassin that you made me hate. I could feel Scoots rage, again just another scene that was full of emotion. His personality is cold, and you don't see too much of him, but it's enough to see you don't like him. All around he's a pretty good bad guy.

I will admit to it being jarring at first, not knowing the characters, but soon I found myself enjoying them. Especially Firelock, she's awesome. The only reason this seems out of place, is that the characters seem to already have been in previous fics; and that makes things a little hard to follow. Still, great job!

This story is original in the full sense of the word. It's fresh, doesn't follow what most shipfics do, and all around presents a unique idea. When working with the tags Dark, Sad, Slice of Life, and Romance, it might look like a recipe for disaster, after all it would be hard to pull of a story like that, right? Not hard enough for DeepShift, he/she pulls this story of wonderfully and really makes Perception stand out from other fics that I have. Certainly another new favorite of mine.

Overall Score:
Grammar: 7/10
Style: 9/10
Narrative: 8/10
Characters: 7/10
Originality: 9/10

TOTAL SCORE: 40/50

Tips:
You might want to get a proofreader to help fix those minute problems in your fic. There's not much else I have to say except that if your going to use OC's you already made, try not to add anything about them that you won't understand unless you've read the other fic. This isn't a major issue, but something to think about.

Personal note:
DeepShift, you did a wonderful job with Perception. The emotion in this story really makes it, and the characters are good. Specifically, Scootaloo. You may have written Scootaloo the best I've seen while keeping her in character, especially under her circumstances. ScootBelle is also really adorable. You have earned my like and favorite, keep on writing!

3118649
Well Done!, Well done!

3118649
I'm pretty happy with this review, being the editor for it. That said, I could have done a much better job grammar wise, but I did this one way back when I was just starting. I could make it better, iron out the kinks, but a 4/5 is still a great score.
I'll be sure to pass this onto DS if he hasn't seen it .

3119110
I left a comment on the story, so hopefully he'll see it soon. Also, the grammar isn't horrible by any means, you must've done a pretty good job
3118771
Thank you

3118649 Oh, wow. Thanks so much for the review!I must say that while I have written Firelock and Alula a little bit before, I have yet to use them in any stories set previously, something I really should rectify. Maybe a prequel? Hmh...

Either way, thanks for the awesome review. It's given me a lot to work with so that I can look back and figure out how I can make my future writing better I'll make sure to give the story a once-over and correct those little mistakes as soon as possible.

Out of interest, may I ask what you'd say the best scene/chapter was? (And also, because I don't wanna leave you hanging, I'm a 'he' )

~DeepShift

3130734
Picking a favorite scene isn't easy, there are plenty of good ones to choose from. I think it would actually have to pick the part where Sweetie, Scootaloo, Firelock, and Alula were at the club. Scootaloo was starting to move on from everything with her friends, and I do love a happy ending.

I'm glad you like the review