It all started when I was the wrong person in the right place. I've never understood the metaphysics behind it, but apparently if a sentient being is at the exact centre of the umbra of an eclipse and on a ley line, strange things can happen. In my case, I jumped. I had been going from one reality to the next for about sixty years. I didn't seem to get older, but I sure as hell didn't get younger. I also had no control over when or where I jumped.
Things started out fairly tame, with worlds that had relatively minor changes. As I continued jumping my destinations grew increasingly strange and my time in each world was getting longer.
I’ve been jumping for sixty years and I should have been dead of old age by now, if nothing else. I didn’t know it, but there was a reason for all of this. A reason that would mean the lives of countless innocents if I failed. I would build a new life in Equestria and lose more than I could imagine.
My name is Alex Roberts and this is a memoir of my time in Equestria.
I stumbled through the dark snowy woods, the silver moon my only light. With each breath my lungs replied with fire and my body was numb from the cold. The branches scraping at my face and pulling at my clothes were meaningless. I heard the dogs and their handlers getting closer. I just had to keep ahead of them for a few more minutes.
I saw a stream up ahead. A glimmer of hope inspiring me to run just a little faster. My legs burned as I waded upstream into freezing fast running water. I pushed myself as long as I could. About a hundred meters would have to do. I scrambled up the bank. The dogs were getting louder. My soaked canvas leggings dragged against my legs, quickly caking in snow.
In the distance I could hear the barking of the dogs; they suddenly seemed confused. ‘Thank God, those mutts lost me at the stream.’ I took a moment to gulp burning cold air. This respite was cut short when the dogs changed the tone of their bark. They'd found my trail again.
I could feel it in my gut, just a few moments before the jump. It took me many years to learn all the signs, but now I knew them by heart. A vague sense of unease, a curious shifting not quite centred in my chest, and just a general, indescribable increase in discomfort. I'd even learned to estimate how long my stay will be once I had arrived in the new world. ‘Who knows?’ I thought, ‘I might even jump back home this time.’ It goes without saying that sometimes I'm an optimist to the point of idiocy.
I turned my head and for a moment and looked into the eyes of one of the handlers. I realized in that moment they had spotted me as well. I wasted some precious breath to swear as they unleashed their dogs. The sensation I recognized as the preamble to a jump quickly grew stronger. I stumbled and fell, disoriented and unable to run. The world around me became brighter. The jump had to be coming any second now. I felt sick when I could see the dog's foam flecked teeth clearly.
Time slowed as the lead hound leaped at me, the dog moving closer and never quite reaching me. The edge of my vision dissolved into silvery white and slowly covered my field of view. I was unable to tell if this took seconds or days, my sense of self disappearing as the whiteness grew. And as my vision was superseded by that pure light, so the silence deafened me. Before I lost all sense of self, I knew something was different and what was left of me cried out in fear.
I had never blacked out after a jump before. My vision was a wall of white, whether my eyes were open or closed, and the vertigo was nauseating. I felt warmth on my back and icy wet cold on my front. I slowly clenched my hands into the snow, getting life back into them. The world was still indistinct, and I tried to get up, only to fall back down, the dizziness causing me to vomit. My face landed half on the edge of the snow and half on the wet warm grass. I was grateful, ‘At least it didn’t seem to be winter here.’
This was the first time I had been this disabled after a jump. At most it was a few moments, a head shake, and I would start seeing again. After that everything was completely clear after no more than a minute or two. I had learned that the longer I was dazed, the longer I would be staying and it looked like I was in for a long one. ‘This may be the last jump then,’ I thought. ‘This is where I’ll die, in whatever final hell I've been dumped in.’
I slowly crawled on my belly to the edge of the disk, dragging vomit on my chest. Whenever I jumped I brought a sphere of whatever was around me, in this case snow, frozen earth, and a few branches, replacing what ever was there when I landed. Dragging myself slowly, my hand slipped several times on the quickly melting ice and snow, but I continued until I moved off the freezing ground. I simply dropped to the ground from fatigue, glad of the wet warmth underneath me. I could feel the short cropped grass on my cheek and I knew that usually meant a yard or field. 'And that means people,' I worriedly thought.
My eyesight was slowly returning, the world moving from a white wall of haze to one of more defined fields of colour. I heard a very gentle, very feminine voice speaking from a distance, “How strange, a round patch of snow in mid summer?” It then exclaimed, “Oh my, you poor creature. I've never seen anything like you before.” Remembering the hard lessons of the past, I couldn’t be a threat - if I’m not a threat, they’ll leave me alone. That same, sweet voice continued, “Are you hurt? Are you sick? Here, let me see,” and something hard touched my shoulder.
I felt a surge of desperate, manic energy. Terror flooded my veins with adrenaline. My arms strained as I threw myself off the ground and away. I heard a surprised high-pitch squeak, but ignored it. The impact was sharp and sudden. I had hit something far harder than the ground. My breath was cut from me as I tumbled to the ground. ‘So much for an escape.’ I wasn’t going to be going anywhere soon.
My vision was starting to clear, and I saw what I assumed was their mount. I thought it was a tiny thing for a horse, even for a pony. With my blurred vision, I assumed it was decorated with some kind of bright yellow body covering and had its mane and tail dyed pink. A pink like that doesn't happen in nature. I looked around and saw bold, bright colours, with very few gradients. Even my arms were looking like this. I wondered if my vision was failing in some new strange way, colours are never this pure in nature. Between gasps, “Sorry... to... startle... you... ma’am... I just... landed from... a... long trip, and I’ll be off... your property... in a few minutes.”
If it was possible, her voice was even more meek, “Oh my, you can talk.” My vision was getting clearer and I could have sworn the voice was coming from the mount. She must be behind it, keeping the pony between her and me.
My breath was returning, letting me speak a little more normally. “I didn’t mean to scare you, miss. My name is Alex Roberts. You don’t have to hide behind your horse, I don’t mean you any harm.” Things were getting clearer, and all I saw was that ridiculously coloured pony. I was still confused by the bright, unnatural colours.
“Oh, that's alright. I'm Fluttershy. I'm so sorry I touched you. I realize it was rather rude.” Incredibly, her voice was even softer than before. I strained my eyes, trying to see around the mount. She must be quite small. By now I could see the mount quite well, and it was a very odd-looking animal. She had a tone of curiosity in her voice, “Now, what do you mean by hiding behind a horse? I’m not hiding behind anyone,” she continued, “Anyway, I’m a pegasus pony.” I could see something expand a little from the pony’s side, the collapse back in.
“I’m very sorry, miss... Fluttershy? My vision and hearing are both a little out of whack right now. Did you say you’re a pegasus? As in a flying hor... pony?” That name made something tick in my mind, but I decided it could wait.
“Well, of course. What else would I be? Here, let me clean up those cuts and scrapes.”
As she came closer, I could see what looked like a cloth in its mouth and those white patches where stylized eyes should be. I could see that they were far too big for her head to be eyes. Suddenly, what I thought were some kind of decoration blinked, startling me.
“Holy shit!” My exclamation made her scamper back. 'Idiot, don't alienate the one thing trying to help you,' I cursed myself quietly. “Ha ha, sorry about that. My vision is still sort of bad and I didn't expect you so close. How about this, I'll put my hand out, and you put the cloth in my hand. I would really appreciate that.” I heard a high pitched squeak in response. I slowly pushed myself up, leaning against what I assumed was a tree. “Just... just let me get my vision back, and we'll start again.” I saw she had moved away from me, out of sight, and I cursed myself, 'way to push away the one thing who was willing to help.'
The warmth was getting oppressive and I slowly removed my coat and wet leggings. I sat back down and closed my eyes. Every few minutes I would open them, and each time things were clearer. It felt like about fifteen or twenty minutes before my vision was fully cleared. I was still dizzy, but I could stand and look at the surrounding landscape. If my vision was failing in new and exciting ways, it was doing so in a very consistent fashion. In this place, lines were unnaturally smooth and colours were bright and almost free of gradation. Even my hands almost looked stylized, unreal, even though when I touched them together, they felt as they always have, rough, calloused, scarred.
I looked at the circle of quickly melting snow and noticed on the far edge a black, bloody thing. I looked closely and realize it was the tip of a dog’s nose, likely the one attacking me. 'Damn, that was close.' I was thankful the field had caught it there and not higher up. That would have been a real mess.
The hairs on the back of my neck rose, I could feel someone watching me. I turned slowly, and hiding behind a tree was what I assume called itself Fluttershy. I sat back down and called out, “Fluttershy. It’s ok, I won’t hurt you.” I raised my hands, fingers open, palms out, “See, no weapons in my hands. I’m sorry I frightened you,” I chuckled, “I was just a little panicked myself.”
Very timidly, she fully stepped out from behind the tree and for the briefest instant I saw my daughter standing there. ‘Lily’, I thought, and nearly said aloud, but then the vision dissolved and once again I saw a shy alien creature standing before me, its hoof tracing a nervous pattern in the grass.
I got a good hard look at her and found it difficult to understand what I was seeing. Her teal eyes were unnaturally large. If they were spheres they would be half inside each other and outside her head. And her coat was a perfectly smooth yellow, not even the best dyes could make it look that consistent. Her hair was a bright pink with darker pink highlights. The wings on her side were just an outline.
She squeaked something so softly that I couldn't understand what she said. I asked her to repeat herself, but her reply was even quieter and higher pitched. ‘Is there is something wrong with her?’I wondered to myself. ‘I’ve never met anything this shy. How the hell do I interact with her now?’ Not knowing what to do, I recited the mantra that had kept me alive through so many encounters, ‘Apologize, be meek, don’t be a threat.’
“Miss Fluttershy? I want to apologize for my earlier reaction. I’ve never met a talking pony before. You startled me, to be honest.” I thought desperately, ‘Be meek, be humble, do NOT be a god damn threat.’
“Oh, you’ve never met a talking pony?” Her voice was questioning and still timid, but getting stronger.
“No, this is the first time. And, I get scared when I can’t see, but now that I can, we can reintroduce ourselves. Hi, my name is Alex Roberts and you seem to be a lovely person called Fluttershy.” ‘Not too bad, Alex, just don’t over do it and hope she has a kind heart.’
I could see her raise her hoof to mouth and titter, “I can understand being upset when you’re blinded and lost. I’ll be glad to forgive and forget what just happened. Let’s start again. I’m Fluttershy and you seem to be a person trying to make amends.”
I chuckled, “That I am, Miss Fluttershy, that I am.” I thought bitterly, ‘You have no damn idea.’
My clothing was still wet and I needed to warm up, fast. I could get sick if I was like this for too long. Even though it was warm, a summer afternoon, it wasn’t warm enough to dry me off quickly. I needed a fire. “Miss Fluttershy, with your permission, may I please make a fire to dry off. These clothes are wet, and I don’t want to catch a cold. I’ll be happy to chop wood or do some other tasks in exchange.”
She looked confused, “Well then, why not remove them until they’re dry?” I wondered if I read her expression correctly, and her tone of voice. ‘At worst,’ I thought, ‘she’ll think I’m some kind of idiot or simpleton.’
I sighed, deciding to just tell her a simpler version of the truth. “I have some scars I’m self-conscious of,” and added to myself, ‘among other things.’
She seemed to accept that answer, “Well, you’re welcome to use the fire pit. There’s plenty of cut firewood by the back shed. And I would really appreciate some cut wood, it’s so hard for me to do it. Follow me, please.” Her voice was now almost normal, assuming the way she spoke before the misunderstanding was normal.
“Yes Miss Fluttershy. Thank you very much again, Ma’am.” I repeated the mantra that had served me so well, ‘Stay meek. Stay humble. Stay safe.’
I spend the afternoon drying by the fire, then, as agreed, I started getting to work chopping wood. I saw she had a rusty old pull saw and no axe. “Miss Fluttershy, if it’s alright with you, I’ll use my own tool to get the job done.” I slowly pulled my knife out and held it by the blade. ‘Don’t be a threat, Alex, don’t be a threat. Better explain before changing the shape.’ “Miss Fluttershy, can I ask you a silly question?” She nodded. “Do you have, magic in this, country?” A look of curiosity crossed her face, but she slowly nodded. “This is Imperial Pattern One Two Seven Nine C... Knife with Mental Controls and Polymorphic Enhancement.” ‘Best to skip the Combat part.’ “In short, it allows me to give it commands and it will change its shape based on my needs.” I gave her a friendly smile.
I was rewarded by a smile. “My, what a, useful device. It must be very rare.”
I chuckled, “Actually Ma’am, this is a fairly common device where I got it.” ‘She seems to be relaxing, that means I can relax. Seems like a decent person too.’ I was feeling good about this situation and decided to take a chance. ‘CHILD. MODE.’ As much as I want to establish trust, I was not going to risk my life. I flipped the knife, holding it by the blade. “Here, touch your, um, hoof to the handle. Think the word ‘PICKUP’ clearly. It will shape itself to your needs.”
Fluttershy gingerly put her fore hoof out and touched the blade. The brass handle and knuckle guard flowed like water around her hoof producing a very pretty gilding pattern and the blade remained in the centre. What started as a startled flinch grew into a panicked shaking of her foreleg as she desperately tried to shake it off.
I yelled, “Think ‘DROP KNIFE.’.” I snarled at myself, ‘Good going, idiot. And things were going so well. Christ, I hope I can salvage this.’
Her face scrunched up in concentration for a moment and the knife dropped off her hoof. She looked in terror at it as if it were some poisonous insect.
I rubbed my eyes, “Miss Fluttershy, I’m really sorry about that. I should have warned you it gets a little, clingy. Please, let me just chop some wood for you and I’ll get out of your hair.” I bent down to get the knife, and she started to speak.
“It’s alright Alex Roberts. We can’t think of everything, especially if you’ve been using it for a very long time. I was just surprised as how perfectly it fit. And I can be a little silly and skittish sometimes.” As she was talking, her expression became one of angelic kindness and forgiveness. ‘This is crazy. I’ve known her for less than an hour and I trust her completely. I never trust anyone. I must have a concussion or something. What if its some kind of mind control magic or something?’
“Well Miss Fluttershy, you were kind enough to let me use some wood, I’ll split some as promised.” She led me to a felled tree. It was about 5m in length and still had all the branches attached. There was an old rusty, and no doubt dull, wood frame saw. With my knife it only took three hours to clean all the branches off the trunk, cut everything into lengths, and split the larger pieces. The garrote came in handy to cut the wood into lengths.
Once completed, it was getting near dusk and I put a small log on the remains of the fire. “I want to thank you again for your kindness.” I played with the ashes of the fire, “You didn’t have to help me, you know.” I gave her a sidelong glance, “I really mean it. Almost everywhere else I’ve been it’s been every one for himself.”
She had what seemed a reproachful expression, “Don’t be silly. You needed help and I was there to give it.”
We sat quietly together by the fire, while I processed my day. The sky was darkening and I saw the first star. I smiled, glad that the sky was as consistent as ever over all the realities I've been at. I softly said in a sing song voice the same thing I've said almost every night:
Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight
I wished the same wish I have for as long as I remember, ‘I want to go home.’
Fluttershy, in a wondering tone, “That’s a lovely little poem. Is it from where you come from?”
“I know this will seem silly for a full grown man to do but it’s a child’s poem.” I continued looking at the stars coming out, the constellations forming quickly. “You know Fluttershy, they,” I pointed at the stars, “have been one of the few constants in all my travels.” I pointed them out, “Orion, Ursa Minor, Cassiopeia, Scorpius, Leo, there are more, but you get the idea. They tie me back home Fluttershy, and for that I’ve very thankful.”
“Princess Luna has been making the stars and the moon much more vibrant these days. It’s her you should thank.”
I usually don’t pray to the local gods, but, the quiet sincerity with which she believed was hard to dismiss. I smiled as I would to my own daughter, “So, how does one thank Princess Luna?”
“It’s very easy to thank her. All you do is look at the most beautiful part of the sky and give her your letter of thanks."
I grew thoughtful for a moment, “So, Fluttershy, how do I send a letter of thanks to Princess Luna, exactly? I’m afraid I don’t have any paper to write on. And what part of the sky is considered the most beautiful?”
She looked at my with such kindness, such joy at a chance to teach, “Silly, you don’t need paper, you just write the letter in your heart, and speak it with your mouth. And, the most beautiful part is the one that means the most to you.” She smiled wistfully.
I looked at Fluttershy for a long moment and resigned myself, ‘I may as well do it, I have nothing to lose. Anyway, if feels good to believe, even if I really don’t.’ After thinking for a moment to gather my thoughts, I compose my prayer. Once it was ready, I looked at the North Star, the one that has guided me so many times, and cleared my throat:
Dear Princess Luna,
I’m new to your world and I don’t know if you’ll listen to me. However, I ask for nothing. I only want to thank you for your gift of the night sky. You arrange your constellations in the same way as they are back home. A home I lost so many years ago. Please accept this as my deepest thanks to you.
Your supplicant,
Alex Roberts
Fluttershy smiled warmly at me, “That was a... nice letter. I know Princess Luna will be pleased.”
Much to my surprise, even as skeptical as I was, I felt better after that little supplication. I muttered to myself, ‘I hope you’re real, Princess Luna. I really do.’
As the warm summer evening wore on, I started dwelling on a nagging thought, 'Why did my mind tick at her name? How could I have possibly heard that name before?' She must have seen the pensive expression on my face as I absentmindedly stirred the embers.
“What’s wrong Alex?” I flinched as she put her, hoof on my arm. I’ve developed a very strong sense of personal space over the years and I found it hard to ignore any kind of physical contact, even from such a lovely and sweet person.
“Sorry, just... well, it doesn’t matter I guess. I’ve just been noodling why you seem familiar, like I had heard of you before. It’s been bothering me, like a song suck in your head. But, please don’t take this in a bad way, I doubt I’ve heard of you before today. Please understand it’s just some ramblings from an old man.”
“It’s alright, it happens to all of us.” I was struck again by the fierceness of her gentle kindness. I almost felt overwhelmed. She smiled sweetly at me again, and started humming a wordless tune. I started picturing my little Lily singing something to that tune.
“That tune. Are there any words to it?”
“Not really. But it’s called ‘My Little Pony’.”
“Huh.” I pondered this for a moment. “Doesn’t ring a bell.”
A/N: This chapter is a complete rewrite of the original. The next chapter may not sync quite perfectly, but it is also in the process of being rewritten, so stay tuned and thanks for reading.
Also, special thanks to my pre-readers and editors (in random order) : Makkelulu, taz2723, KitsuneNoYomeiri, Poisonkash, earthrise
Without their hard work and help, my writing would still be sub-par. Thanks guys!
This was the first peaceful nights sleep I've had in years, but I still sleep with my trusty knife. A very nice piece. Default shape is a brass knuckle guard, leather wrapped handle, thick stainless steel blade, razor edge, the whole thing is magically enhanced with mental control and polymorphic capabilities. After years of surviving in all kinds of nasty places, keeping my knife handy at all times was second nature. Five years of being a slave in a copper mine because I didn't have it handy taught me that bitter lesson.
I was half awake, savouring the knowledge that I was in a safe place. I had rolled away from under the blanket and had my knife drawn before I knew it. I opened my eyes to see a small white rabbit sitting on his haunches, arms crossed, carrot by his side, and, I think, an angry look to him. He proceeded to put one hand on his hip, and pointed a finger menacingly at me with his other hand.
I sheathed my knife, “You're one of Fluttershy's animal friends, right?” His pointing hand dropped, and he nodded slowly. "Look, I mean Fluttershy, and any other pony, no harm. In fact, I'm grateful to your mistress. I know she's the kind to pickup any old stray, but I promise I'll repay her kindness. Even if it's just manual labour, I will repay her. She's lucky to have a protective friend like you, and I hope we can be friends too."
Angel's eyes narrowed, his expression hard. After a few moments, he snapped his hand to his eyes, pointing two fingers at his eyes, then pointed those two fingers to me, and I assume, my eyes. He dropped his hands and picked up his carrot. His eyes were rounder, as if he grudgingly accepted my words. He pointed one finger at me, cocked an eyebrow, and backed away, keeping eye and finger pointed at me for a few steps, before hopping off, satisfied to have made his point.
Mental note, do not, under any circumstances, ever, cross that rabbit. I like his spirit though, and I can totally respect wanting to protect Fluttershy. I always liked her on the show, but, now that I've actually met her, she has such a radiating warmth and kindness. I can see why he's so fearsomely loyal. How can any sentient not feel that way towards her.
So, now that I was awake, I think I'll get cleaned up properly. I clean up my bed roll and repack it. I get my last set of undamaged (and clean) clothes laid out, and I dig for my toiletries kit. Anyone looking at me while I was digging around in my back pack would see that, while the pack is about 30cm by 30cm by 15cm on the outside, I had my arm almost to the shoulder inside the pack. Once again, almost 59 years since you made this for me Mr. Richards, and it still amazes me.
I finally found what I was looking for. I stripped my shirt off and I found a nice spot by the stream, propped up the mirror, used some soap to lather my face, and using my knife, I shaved. I normally shave every two or three days, but it had been a week and a half since I had, and I was looking a little ragged. By the time I was done, I had only nicked myself three times. A new record, I think. Did I mention I hated shaving with the knife? I would kill for a safety razor and a pack of blades.
It was about this time I heard the gentle voice of Fluttershy calling for me. I called back, "Miss Fluttershy, over here, by the stream. I'm just cleaning up."
She called back the voice getting steadily closer, "Oh, good! I was wondering if you would like to come to the house for some breakfast. I know you l...", her voice trailed off.
I was wiping my knife on my pants and looked around for her. She was standing about 3m behind me, with a look of shock and horror on her face, tears forming in her eyes. "Hey Miss Fluttershy, what's wrong? I'm sorry, is the knife disturbing? I'll put it away." Damn, have I totally freaked her out? Her expression was slowly changing to one of disgust and pity. "Ah. Well, no worries, I'll get out of your way as fast a I can. I'm very sorry I upset you." I was crest fallen. I was hoping I could make friends this jump, rather than temporary allies. I hurriedly starting packing up. I wasn't even bothering to change clothes, I could do that later.
Fluttershy shook her head. "Oh, no. Don't leave. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Those scars. How can one creature have so many scars?" I realized Fluttershy was looking at my back.
"Oh.", I said quietly. "Most of them are gifts I got when I was a slave in a copper mine. A few are from some 'adventuring', or 'running-for-my-life-ering'. I'm very sorry you saw them." I continued before she could speak, "They don't belong in a world like this. I don't belong in a world like this." I quickly continued to pack my things, my back to Fluttershy. Those years in the mine were very hard. I saw a lot of cruelty and death. I didn't want her to see my tears.
I felt what I assumed was her hoof gently touching my back. My body stiffened and I fought the urge to knock her away. "Oh, you poor colt. What happened to you? Some of these are fairly fresh, no more than a few weeks." She gently touched some of the fresher scars. She made little comforting noises "I'm sorry if I gave you the impression I wanted you to leave. Please stay. I think you're a kind person who was put in an impossible situation. Maybe my friends can help you get home? Please, don't go."
I was silent for a few moments. My body relaxed. "I really appreciate that. I really, honestly, do." I turned and smiled at her, looking her in the eyes for a few moments. Those eyes are so big. I gave my head a shake and put on the best smile I could manage.
Fluttershy looked at me almost angrily. “Now, I think you need a decent meal. I want you to march to my cottage right now, mister. I have breakfast ready for us and I will not take a no for an answer. Pick up your things and scoot,” her expression changed to one of motherly concern.
"Well,” I cleared my throat, "I certainly can't refuse a wonderful breakfast from such a lovely lady. How about after breakfast, I'll contact my family, then I can earn that breakfast. I'll be happy to help feed the animals, muck out stalls, whatever you need done."
Getting in the house was an experience and a half. The doors were tall enough, but narrow. I sort of scuttled in sideways and was able to make my way to the table. There were no chairs so I sat on my knees. I was pleased to not damage anything getting there. I chuckled, realizing I was like Gandolf in Lord of the Rings when he was in Frodos house, always bumping into something. This world was built on 2/3 horizontal scale.
I was a little surprised at breakfast. I didn't know what to expect, honestly. There was cereal and, what turned out to be cow milk, I noticed there was no spoon, cold hard boiled eggs, toast, a nice cheddar, and tea. I bowed my head and thanked the universe for its gifts. When I opened my eyes, Fluttershy was looking at me, a little perplexed.
"Heh, I'm not a religious person, but I always like to thank the universe for any gift I receive. In this case, good food and a good person to share with." I thought for a moment. "When I was growing up, the act of breaking bread with a stranger makes them your friend." I took a piece of toast, ceremoniously broke it in two equal pieces, and gave her one. I chuckled, "You would usually do it with your own bread, in your own house, but, I'm a little strapped at this moment." I smiled and looked her in the eye. "I promise to do it again before I leave, with my own bread, in my own house." I shrugged, "it may seem like a silly tradition, but it means something to me."
I noticed her irises were almost pinpoints. Fluttershy looked at the dry piece of toast, up to me, and back down at the toast. I realized she was blushing. Her voice was so soft and meek, I could barely hear her. "We have a similar tradition, but it's between married couples..." her voice trailed off.
"Oh! Hay! Whoa!" I pointed to my left ring finger. "Married man! Holy hanna, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to imply anything at all. If I had known this meant anything like that I never would have... I mean, I would never... well, maybe in different circumstances... but, whoa, hey, oy... ugh..., I've never had this happen before. I'm really sorry. Gah! I'm such an idiot.", I face palmed and left the palm where it was, shutting my eyes tightly.
"Um, Alex? It's ok. It was just a little miscommunication. No harm done, and now we have a joke to share." She was still blushing, but now she was looking at me with a friendly grin.
"Heh, I guess it is." I savoured the quiet for a moment. "Soooo, it basically means, 'Hi sweetheart, want to get busy?'" Fluttershy nodded.
"Good to know. Can you imagine if I had tried to 'make friends' with a stallion? I suspect there would be a me shaped hole in a handy wall and two horseshoe prints in my face." I chuckled at the imagery. "Or even worse, if I would have had all five of your friends around the same table, I shudder to think of the outcome. Especially if my wife found out." We both giggled at the imagery and in relief of an awkward situation resolved. For the first time in a very long time I was hopeful that I could let my guard down.
"Well, no point in letting this naughty toast go to waste!" I made exaggerated 'nom-nom' noises and more giggles ensued. "You know Fluttershy, I'm relieved that you have a wonderful sense of humour. I never got that from the show, and meeting you for real has shown me that I can't assume much. Going forward, I'll double check with you, or an other pony I trust, before making any cultural assumptions. I really don't want to propose anything untoward to some random pony."
I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I ate the toast, but did my best not to bolt my food. Fluttershy kept hovering over me, making sure my cup was always full, and my plate never empty. It was getting a little annoying.
"Fluttershy, as much as I appreciate what you're doing, I really feel like I'm monopolizing your time. Can you at least have breakfast yourself? I don't want you passing out from starvation because I'm too lazy to get my own tea." I cocked an eyebrow and smirked. Seeing her cup was empty, I reached over an filled her cup. "See? Long monkey arms come in handy. Now, sit and eat. Please."
Having finished our meals, I helped clean up, then set up to contact my family. "I think it's time for me to call home. I would be very pleased if you were with me when I do this. It would be nice to show them a friend instead of a dark cave, alleyway, or some crazy situation."
I took out my most prized possession. The most important gadget I had. The one I would do anything to keep safe. It looked like a thick plastic sheet, folded in half then rolled up like a scroll. I carefully unrolled it, then unfolded it to about a 100 degree angle. So, basically a laptop. Have I thanked Mr. Richards enough yet? Nope, not really.
I started it up, and started the sequence to make an inter-reality connection. It usually takes less than a minute, but this time it took almost 15. Still, I wasn't worried. I chalked it up to this being the first animated universe I was in.
I used Skype to make the call, but I put my thumb on the camera. I wanted it to be a big surprise. The other end was ringing, and I got an answer. "Hi sweetheart!" A look of concern crossed her face. "Why is it so dark? Are you in a cave again?", she lowered her voice, "Are you in a bad situation?"
I smiled, "No dear, I'm in a great place. But, I didn't want to surprise you too much. I'm in an animated universe. Everything is like a drawn cartoon. So, I'm pulling my thumb away, be ready to be surprised. Oh, and call the kids. I think they will get a kick out of it."
"Dan is at school, but Lily is here. Wait a sec." Ann left and a few moments later a rambunctious 3 year old was looking at the screen, sitting on Ann's lap.
"Where's daddy, mommy?"
I answered by removing my thumb, "I'm right here sweetie!"
In a fit of giggles only a toddler can produce, "You look silly daddy!"
"Lily, I have an other surprise. I met a very nice lady that has been very kind to me. You may know her. Miss Fluttershy, if you please." I turned the camera toward her.
Lily started hopping up and down with a manic grin, "Pony! Mommy, look! It pony! It Fuddershy! Fuddershy!"
Fluttershy said, "Oh, what a lovely daughter. So full of energy! She's a lot like the Cutie Mark Crusaders. And Mrs. Roberts, it's a pleasure to meet you. Alex has told me all about you. He's a very brave person and I promise to take him to meet Twilight Sparkle and maybe get him home."
"Ok Ann, now that I've checked in, lets do the time test. I'm going to help Miss Fluttershy feed and take care of the animals and I'll be back in about an hour."
The test was fairly simple, I would end the message, Ann would start a timer, I would wait an hour then call back. A little math, and I would know approximately how long until my next jump. Easy peasy.
I explained that if the time was less than an hour, I was in a time expanded reality, that is, the amount of time spent here was longer than "real" time. If it was longer, it was a time contracted reality. Like I said, simple.
So, with an hour to kill, I helped Fluttershy with her morning chores. It felt good to do something physical. I was always nervous when doing this. I didn't want to get stuck anywhere for 20 years again. That was a long time. Too long. Even in a paradise like this.
Anyway, we had to hurry. Fluttershy informed me the weather office had a rain shower planned for late morning, and that was coming up soon.
The rain had started, and it was getting cool. I reconnected, and Anne had her face away from the camera, she turned with a shocked look on her face. "Oh, sweetheart..." Tears were welling up.
I stayed calm, it could mean anything. "How long?"
She just looked and stammered.
I felt desperate, I raised may voice. I never raise my voice to Ann. "How! Long!"
She closed her eyes, "27 seconds.".
I did the math in my head and blanched. 27 seconds for an hour translates to about 60 years. I was in a daze, and mumbled, "Excuse me, I need to step outside for a minute." Fluttershy looked at me, not understanding, but she didn't follow. She was startled by a scream. A gut wrenching, primal scream full of anger, sorrow, and despair.
All I could think was, '60 apple bucking years. 60, years.'
The sound of a steady thumping began, with each thump accompanied with an angry muttering. After a few moments, Fluttershy stepped out of the door.
It was still raining. She found me standing by the tree methodically punching the trunk, my knuckles bruised and bloody. I had stopped saying anything, just silently punching, punching, punching, tears streaming down my face. Finally, I stopped even that, leaning my head on the tree an breathing hard.
Fluttershy tentatively came up to me, "Um, Alex? Is th..."
My head snapped in her direction. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" My face was contorted with anger and grief.
Fluttershy cringed in terror. Realizing what I had just done I could only imagine how she saw me, twice her size, a mad scarred monster.
"Oh, dear Celestia..." I dropped to my knees. "F-Fluttershy, I'm so sorry, I... I..." I dropped my head. I sobbed. I was so tired. I missed my family. I just wanted to go home. I couldn't keep up the mask. Oh Celestia I was tired.
I felt her warm head on my shoulder and her forelimbs hugging me. It was a small but appreciated comfort.
It took me over an hour to regain my composure. My hands were shaking and eyes hurt from all the tears. I had never let myself crash like that before. It was exhausting, but it was also like the massive weight on my soul got just a little lighter.
“Alex, let me look at your hands,” Fluttershy ordered. I numbly lifted my hands so she could examine them. She expertly appraised the damage. After almost a full minute, “They'll need some attention. Disinfectant and bandages, maybe a few stitches.” Fluttershy went back to her cottage and returned with her medical kit. She took out a small bottle and some cotton swabs. I could smell the alcohol and winced despite myself. That stuff stings no matter what you do. “You're lucky, no stitches.” Then, with great care, she helped me put bandages on my hands.
“Could I have a moment alone? I just want to collect my thoughts, and I'll be right there.” She went back to her cottage as I looked into the sky, the pegasi were busy clearing the clouds, and there was a beautiful rainbow to go with the glorious sunshine. I sighed and I went back inside. I had to finish this conversation with Ann.
When I came in, Fluttershy was speaking to Ann, but, all I heard was, "Oh, here he is. I look forward to the next time we can speak Ann."
I sat down at the laptop, the screen was still on. She answered, smiling and wiping away a tear. "That Fluttershy is something else. So, how are you doing?"
"Never mind me, how about you? Look, for you it will only be a few weeks, a month tops, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. It's not the first time we've been in this kind of situation. Anyway, look where I am! I mean, it's not like I'm going to be pressed into a slave gang, and I'm fairly sure I won't be on any pony menu." I put on a good half smile, trying to make it easier for her.
Ann blew her nose. "Yes, I know. And, I want to say this now, so don't you dare forget. If you find someone that's kind and loving, please, make a life for yourself. I don't care if they're an elf, or a dwarf, or a pony, I wan..."
I interrupted her, "Stop. We've had this discussion before, and I don't want to have it again right now. I promise that if I ever do, you will be the second one to know. Anyway, like I said, I don't want to have this discussion right now, I have important fish to fry."
I whispered to Fluttershy once I saw the expression on her face, 'It's just a metaphor my people use'.
I paused for a moment rubbing my eyes. "Now that I know I'm here for the long run, I have to setup house. I'll be away for a few hours, your time, so don't panic. I'll be setting up my house, getting established, looking into citizenship, avoiding mobs with pitchforks, all that jazz. So, this world is about 10 minutes per day plus connected time, I'm guessing about two or three hours for me to get things started. Here's hoping the government bureaucracy works better than back home. Oh, and I'll try to record anything interesting I see. When I get back, I'll leave everything connected so I can see Dan."
We continued for a few minutes more. I noticed that Ann didn't ask about my hands. I think Fluttershy had filled her in. She thanked Fluttershy for her kindness, and we said our goodbyes.
I sat quietly and stared at the blank screen for a few minutes. I took a deep breath and let it out. There was no time like the present. It was late morning, and it was now a beautiful day. Without saying a word, I quickly folded and rolled my laptop, and stuffed it in the bag. I quickly rummaged around my pack for my hiking boots, found them, put them on, shouldered my pack, and started leaving. I stopped, standing at the door.
"My dear, kind, Miss Fluttershy. I'll be going to visit Miss Twilight Sparkle. If I remember correctly you mentioned she is a very intelligent, knowledgeable unicorn. I am eternally grateful to you, and will strive to repay you in any way I can as soon as I can, but I have already taken advantage of your kindness and used too many of your resources. My last request would be for you to point me toward Ponyville, and I shall no longer be a burden to you."
Something totally unexpected happened. I found myself looking into the huge, beautiful, angry eyes of an indignant pony, standing on her hind legs so she can look me straight in the eye. "How dare you! How dare you assume you are an inconvenience to me." She prodded me in the chest, and I was a little surprised at the strength of the impact, but I didn't say anything. "If I found you an inconvenience, I would tell you myself, Alex Roberts. You have been nothing but a proper gentlecolt from the moment I met you. You have done nothing but be thankful, grateful, and helpful. You will not tell me what I can and can't think. I will go with you and introduce you properly to my friend Twilight Sparkle. Do I make myself clear mister?" She stood with her fore hooves on her hips, glaring at me.
I blinked at the unexpected tirade and stammered, "Um... er... ok?"
She dropped to all fours with a bashful smile, hiding behind her mane. "My friend Rainbow Dash has been giving me assertiveness lessons. I think they're working."
"I would say so." I grinned, rubbing my chest where she prodded me. "At the risk of getting a second round of that, you have no idea how much it means to me to have you with me."
I was walking a few steps behind Fluttershy, lost in thought. Staying a few steps behind was not hard. I discovered what they call a walk, humans would call a jog. Still, nice day for a jog.
I was mostly thinking about practical things, like what I could do here for lifetime. How could I contribute? They have magic and they live in a utopia. An honest to goodness utopia, not one of those anti-utopias (the Paranoia-verse was a nasty place for the three long days I was there). I mean, I had programming skills but I was no genius. Anyway, I seriously doubt they had any use for a Java programmer, even if I could get back up to speed. I had some wood working and metal working skill, again, nothing exceptional. The only thing I was good at was surviving by any means. Not exactly a marketable skill. Also, I'm starting to think I'm not as physically tough as a pony, which was a little worrying. I wonder if...
My world exploded. Something ploughed into my upper back, knocking the wind out of me. I was thrown off my feet, hitting the ground hard, face in the dirt, unable to breathe. There was a weight on my back, and when my vision cleared a little and I turned my head, I saw a blue and maybe a dash of other colours. My arms were pinned but I was able to start levering one arm.
Me and whatever was on my back yelled, “Run for it Fluttershy!” at the same time.
Whatever was on my back continued, “I've got the monster pinned! Run and get help! I'll keep it here until you get back!"
I yelled, “Fluttershy, I'll keep it busy, run for it!”
I was able to get my arm free and I elbowed it, hard. We rolled away from each other. My hand reflexively readying my knife in my right hand, arcane energies crackling in response to my mental commands. My knees slightly bent, left leg forward, arms loose and ready. A classic combat stance. Thank you Fiore dei Liberi, where ever you are.
Her, I now realized, was getting back on all four hooves, head low, a snarl on her face, wings erect in excitement, and front right hoof pawing at the ground, ready to charge. For a moment, we locked eyes, assessing each other. Her eye flitted over my knife, but didn't linger, they stayed on my eyes. She knew how to fight.
Before either one of us could act, there was an ear piercing shriek, "STOP!" We both turned to see Fluttershy charging between us, standing on her hind legs, one hoof to each of us. "Rainbow Dash! Stop! He's not a monster. He's a friend."
Still looking at her, I put the knife away. I looked down sheepishly and sighed. The best course of action would be to take the 'it was my fault you punched me' route. I dropped to one knee to be a little less towering. "Miss Rainbow Dash? I'm really sorry about this. I didn't mean to sca..." I stopped, remembering a detail from the show, "I mean I didn't mean to take you by surprise. I guess I can be a little intimidating." I gave her a bashful smile.
Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed, "Well, ya. When I see something huge with bloody knuckles stalking behind one of my best friends... Well, you can see why I did what I did." She looked me up and down again, "So, what are you, anyway? Some kind of pink Diamond Dog with a clothes fetish?"
I snorted, but smiled. "Nope, Alex Roberts, a plain old homo sapien, at your service." I gave her a bow. My expression changed to one of concern. "Are you okay by the way? I hope I didn't hurt you." I had hit her hard enough that, had she been human (or elf, or dwarf) it would have caused a serious bruise, maybe break a rib or two. I know my elbow hurt like the moon, but I tried not to show it. On the other hand, she looked completely unhurt. I filed that away for later consideration.
She then looked at me with a look of confusion and annoyance. "Well, of course I'm ok. It wasn't much of a tap. I'm not some foal you know."
I sighed. "Well Rainbow Dash, since our friend Fluttershy has not been scared off my me, can you take it as a given that I'm not a pony eating monster? An incredibly handsome monster perhaps, but not a pony eater." I smirked. "Tell you what, I'm going to be here a while." Rainbow Dash threw me a puzzled look. "How about we talk about this later. In the mean time, if you don't dive bomb me, I promise not to elbow you." I paused, "Now, how did that go? Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." I finished with a palm to my eye and chuckled, "and I'll even shake on it." I extended my right hand palm out, fingers slightly spread.
Rainbow looked at my hand, then looked at my face suspiciously, cocking an eyebrow. "How do YOU know how to Pinkie Promise?"
Fluttershy intervened, "Dashie, it's ok, I'll explain along the way. Right now, we're going to visit Twilight."
She finally, reluctantly, shook my hand. Well, she touched my fingertips with her hoof. Close enough, under the circumstances. "Miss Rainbow Dash, I hope you and I can be friends. And, again, I'm really sorry about hitting you." I shrugged. "Reflexes." She stared at me for a moment, slowly nodded at me, and murmured an ok.
We continued our trip. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash stayed ahead about 10 paces. I stayed back just to give them some space. I could hear the conversation clearly. Fluttershy was relating my story to Rainbow Dash. While she was listening she occasionally glanced back, her expression a little confused, sometimes sad, sometimes both. She even wiped her nose on occasion, and I think I saw a tear forming once. I just kept a little smile on my face, enjoying the view of the country side. It really was quite beautiful out here. Unsurprisingly, it was far more complex and detailed than what was seen on the show, but everything still looked stylized to me.
I was still walking, when I realized there was a steady stream of air coming from in front of me. Rainbow Dash was hovering, staring at me, with a slightly angry expression. She wiped her nose, then suddenly rushed forward, hugging me hard, her voice cracking, "Don't worry big guy, we'll get you home." She sniffed loudly in my ear.
"Rainbow Dash, I appreciate the sentiment. Having the element of loyalty at my side will help, no matter what happens."
She pulled away. "Hey! My friends call me Dash. And so will you, if you know what's good for you." She grinned, and with a surprising rush of air she flew straight up, did a barrel roll, a loop, and a graceful landing.
I clapped, "That was spectacular! Dash, you're amazing! I hope you let the Wonderbolts join you one day, I hear they're not bad. They would be thrilled."
Rainbow Dash blushed, but answered with bravado and a smile, "You mean if I let them join."
“You know, I'm not quite sure what kind of reaction I'll get in town. I mean, look at how Dash reacted,” Dash flashed a confident smirk that seemed so natural, “Mind you, it was a reasonable reaction under the circumstances, so it doesn't count.”
Fluttershy spoke, “You know Alex, I think it should be ok. Do you remember when Gilda,” Dash flashed a grimace but quickly went back to her normal expression, “that big rotten meanie head... sorry for that outburst. Anyway, no one minded when she came into town.”
I could feel the continues too quiet rush of air as Dash hovered, “That's true, but almost everyone knows what a griffin is, I don't think anyone has seen an Alex before. But remember when Zecora first started coming into town? It was freaky town all over the place! I stayed with you guys to protect you, of course. Didn't want to give away our hiding place.”
I raised my eyebrow slightly, “What's a Zecora? Something I might know? Someone I should know?”
Fluttershy tittered, “Zecora is a zebra pony.”
“As in a pony with stripes?”
“Well, yes. But zebras are skilled with potion and medicine making, the same way pegasi fly, unicorns use magic, and earth ponies are skilled farmers. Twilight had to go door to door explaining she wan't an evil enchantress that puts you in trances.” Fluttershy sang the last part and giggled. “Pinkie Pie is such a good singer.”
Dash snickered, “Ya, Pinkie Pie's always making songs up on the spot. Remember that one song for Rarities party?”
Fluttershy blushed, “Oh my, yes, but I don't think that's appropriate for, you know, the public.”
Dash started to sing, “Stallions with big d...”
I interrupted, only to keep the information flowing, just not the TMI type of information, “So, if I've got this right, the griffin, which I assume is a half lion half eagle creature with sharp claws and is a predator of some kind caused less of a kerfuffle than a zebra, who is basically the same as you. Well, since I represent the only sentient tool using apex predator where I come from, they should welcome me with open arms. I would really hate to have to go from house to house explaining everything.” I chuckled, “Don't get me wrong, I'm a hundred kilos of loudmouth, but even I can get tired of talking about myself.”
Dash fluttered beside me, “Don't worry lunkhead, if you start jabbering too much, I'll put you in your place.” She gave me another one of those friendly punches in the shoulder. Damn, these ponies were strong.
Before getting too close to Ponyville I raised my bandaged hands, “One moment guys, I want to take these off. I'm thinking that walking into town with bloody bandages might be counter productive to a pleasant greeting. I'll just get cleaned up at the stream.” I could clearly hear and smell the running water and made a bee line to it.
Dash was concerned and confused, “Hey! How did you know there was a stream there?”
I looked at her a little confused and shrugged, “I could hear it and smell it.”
She seems to accept that without further comment.
At the stream I carefully took the bandages off my hands after soaking them in water. The bleeding had long ago stopped and I had managed to not pull the scabs off. I thought maybe the sight and smell of blood would be unsettling to most ponies. I pulled some soap out of my pack, cleaning the wounds, removing the dried blood, trying not to get them bleeding again.
With the bandages off and my hands clean, Dash peered closely at my hands. “They look like Spikes hands a little, but softer, without the claws, and an extra finger.” She took my hand in her hoof and it gently stuck there. It was so strange, almost like the bottom of her hoof had a really strong static field, without the static.
I jerked my hand away in surprise, “Whoa!” I grinned sheepishly, “Sorry about that, it's just that I didn't really notice anything when Fluttershy bandaged my hands. To be fair, I was a little out of it.” I put my hand back out. “That, what, magical field, helps you hold and grip things? Almost like hands?”
Dash smirked, her tone as if she was talking to a slow learner, “What? You've never seen that? Every pony has that.”
“Dash, the only ponies I've met, other than you and Fluttershy, have been just animals, beasts of burden.”
Dash looked confused, “What, they didn't have good manners?”
“No, they weren't people. As in, they couldn't talk and they didn't understand much, maybe their name on a good day. Like, I don't know, a dog or a cat.”
Dash looked indignant, “No way!”
Fluttershy looked at me in horror, “Oh, how terrible!”
Okay, now I felt a little embarrassed, “Well, ya. Sorry to tell you. But not here. Here you're obviously people. Different realities, different rules.” I shrugged. “I guess I'm more used to it.”
I offered my hand back to Dash. She 'held' it with one hoof, and slowly ran the inside of her other hoof on my hand. It was soft and warm, almost like a giant fingertip. “I didn't realize how sensitive your hooves were.”
Dash smiled and turned her hoof to me, “See here, the outside is hard, but the inside is sensitive.” I touched the inside of her hoof, her cheeks developed a little shade of purple, and she snickered, pulling her hoof away, “It's also ticklish.”
I become flustered, “Dash, I hope I didn't cross any lines? With my luck, it's the whole bread thing all over again.”
Rainbow Dash looked puzzled, and shot a questioning look to Fluttershy.
Fluttershy giggled, “No Alex. Nothing like that.” Turning to Rainbow Dash, “Dashie, we had a 'cultural misunderstanding'. In his culture, if you want to show someone friendship, you share bread with them.” She blushed.
Rainbow Dash suddenly had a rakish grin plastered on her face. “You mean, he tried to 'share his bread' with you?” She paused for a beat, then started to laugh her head off. In a silly imitation of my voice, “Oh Fluttershy, I'm a reality travelling stallion, and I love sharing bread with every mare I meet!” She was actually on the ground and holding her stomach she was laughing so hard. Fluttershy looked mortified at first, but then started to giggle once she saw I was shaking my head and smiling.
I smirked and snorted. In a similar silly voice, “Oh, that reminds me Dash, I may have something for you. Do you like ... rye bread?”.
Dash blushed, still laughing. She picked herself up, wiped away a tear, and hit me in the shoulder. “You're alright.” I did my best to not let on how much her friendly punch had hurt. I think I'm starting to bruise.
We skirted the main part of Ponyville, sticking to the outside of the town until we got to the library. Best to avoid anypony until I have things figured out.
Fluttershy knocked on the library door. I hear a young male voice call out, “Door's open! Come on in.” We walked in, and there was Twilight Sparkle, quill enveloped in a purple glow, making notes, just quickly glancing up. “Hi Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Diamond Dog...” The quill she was using dropped to the ground. Her expression didn't change. She slowly looked up, got a weird smile on her face and her voice slowly climbed from normal to frantic. “Why is there a Diamond Dog in my library?”
Spike, ever the hero, grabbed a book and broom to defend his friends. “Back you ugly cur! Stay away from them!” Spike rushed forward and smacked me on the arm with the broom.
“Hold up! Stop! Wait! I'm not a Diamond Dog, I'm a human!” Celestia's flank, Equestrians were strong! Darn near broke my arm!
Spike kept flailing blindly with the broom, knocking me down. Dash yelled, “He's not a Diamond Dog Spike!” This had no effect on him as he continued to ineffectually attack, stopped only by Dash grabbing the broom in her mouth and yanking it away from him. I was sore and bruised, but no broken bones.
“Spike! Why did you do that?” Twilight turned to me. “Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Diamond Dog. Are you all right?”
Spike continued to look at me, anger in his eyes. But there was something deeper than that. It was loathing, disgust, rage, all bound together behind those eyes. And I just didn't understand why.
“I'm ok Miss Twilight Sparkle, just embarrassed” I got back up, “Spike, is it? Spike, I'm Alex Roberts. I'm a human, not a diamond dog. I'm here with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. I don't mean anyone any harm.” I put my hand out to shake his.
Dash put the broom down, "It's okay Spike, he's cool."
He glared at me for a long moment, that abominable look not reduced by one iota. “Well, if Dash says you're cool...” He picked up the broom and book. “Anyway, I have... errands to run.” He kept glaring at me as he walked out the front door, slamming it on he way out. I put my hand down.
Twilight, slightly confused, “I'm so sorry for Spike. He's never acted like that before.”
I shrugged, “I don't know what I did to make him so angry, but I'll try to make it up to him. However, for now, I'm here to see you.” I smiled, and continued with a condensed version of my situation, answering a few questions along the way, and asking one or two myself. I was a little amused that she was making notes.
Once I was done with my story Twilight looked at the scroll in front of her. “So, let me get this straight,” she started checking it off, “
One, you're from a different reality.
Two, you spontaneously started jumping from one reality to another, with no control as to when you jump or where you jump to, approximately 60 years ago from your perspective.
Three, time in each reality flows at a different rate from your home time, usually much faster, but you do not age.
Four, you will be in this reality for approximately 60 of your years while approximately two weeks goes by in your home reality.
Five, you have a device that lets you stay in contact with your family and gives you access to something called the 'internet'.
Six, from your perspective, every reality has been a fictional reality of one kind or an other.
Seven, this is the first 'animated' reality you have been in, specifically the 'My Little Pony : Friendship Is Magic' television program, witch is like a weekly serial play. Spike and I used to see those in Canterlot.
Eight, you want to know if I can help you get home, but you are not confident it is possible.
Have I got the basics covered?”
I nodded emphatically, “That's my situation in a nutshell. Now, on the last point I realize this will not be an overnight quick research thing, and I'm clueless as far as magic goes. However, I urge you to not make this your priority. And for goodness sake don't let it interrupt your studies. Many skilled wizards have tried and failed in the past. I really don't want you to be like a cold fusion scientist back home.” Twilight looked puzzled, “Oh um... the cold fusion theory was a discredited scientific theory that still had some support from the edges of legitimate science. So what I'm saying is I don't want you to saddle yourself with oddball corner case magical science.” I gave a little resigned sigh and smile, “I don't want your brilliance waisted on me.” I paused for a second. “Anyway, you're the brains around here, and if I can't trust the friend of the element of loyalty and kindness, who can I?”
Twilight considered this. “That sounds reasonable. More reasonable than some things around here.” She brightened up. “Thank you for giving me a new line of research. It should be fun!”
Dash rolled her eyes, “Only an egghead would be happy with more homework.”
“So, I want to earn my keep. Sponging off of Miss Fluttershy is wrong. I have some resources, specifically some jewels and some precious metals, to pay for what I need. I'm sorry if I'm skipping ahead, but I want to get out of Miss Fluttershy's hair as soon as possible.”
I turned to Fluttershy, stopping her from objecting. “From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate your kindness, but there is no point in delaying. The faster I get some... what do you call your currency? Bits?” Twilight nodded, “The faster I get some bits, the faster I can start contributing.” I nodded my head, ending that argument. “One more thing,” I sheepishly looked at Twilight, “Please give Spike my sincerest apologies for what ever it was that I did to offend him. I want to make it up to him, if I can.”
Twilight looked puzzled, “Why are you apologizing? You were a perfectly polite gentlecolt. He attacked you.”
Sheepishly I replied, “Well, maybe. I just want to make sure it wasn't me, that's all. So, who would be the best ponies to talk to get some of this converted to funds so I can get going?”
Twilight seemed to think for a moment, then brightened up, “The best ponies to help you would be Rarity and Applejack, both smart business ponies.”
Twilight stood a little straighter ready to lecture, “Rarity is a skilled fashion designer and she is also an entrepreneur. She has an encyclopaedic knowledge of jewels and precious metals and she will know current market prices for those. Applejack is a skilled apple farmer and business pony. She runs the family farm. She is a skilled negotiator and will be able to get top bit for your resources.”
“Thank you for the information. I wouldn't have had a clue where to start.” I considered what I knew, what I thought I knew, and what I knew I didn't know. I wearily smiled, “I used to be a fan back in the day, not that I remember much. Just weird little odds and sods, for example you Twilight send a weekly letter to your teacher about what you learned, but do think I can remember who your teacher is? Also, Dash had an incedent of some kind with the Shadowbolts at a bridge? Something about everyone loving 'Mr Smarty Pants'. And there was a whole series of videos around the 'Love Me' incident.” Fluttershy looked shocked, but didn't comment. I looked down and chuckled, “Honestly, I think I've exhausted my memories on the subject.”
Twilight seemed excited, “I'm curious to see this show. Alex, do you think we could watch one?”
I blinked, not expecting to get this request, “Um... sure. Most people who find out they're, from my point of view anyway, fictional characters usually get a little freaked out, but it seems you're made of sterner stuff.”
I pulled out the laptop and fired it up. I was fairly sure there would be something on YouTube, so once the connection was established, I started an episode at random. In this case, it was season one, episode three. “Wait, let me expand the screen.” I pulled the sides out then pulled the top up, doubling the screen size. I stood back and enjoyed the show. The girls were absolutely silent for the whole show. Dead silent. I assumed they were in awe of a picture screen or something. Once it was over, I asked, “Well, you're big stars! As you can see here,” I pointed at the screen, “looks like just over a million views. That means that around one million people have watched this video.”
The girls looked at me, a little stunned. Then, Rainbow Dash hesitatingly said, “So, that was one episode?” Dash looked a little panicked. “Did everyone see what we did all the time?”
I looked at Dash, trying to reassure her, “No, no. Nothing like that. Just the exciting parts appropriate for young children.” I chuckled, “It's not like they followed you in the bathroom. Except I recall one time they followed Pinkie to the bathroom door.” I noticed Fluttershy blushing, her eyes huge, her pupils tiny. I sighed. “Oy, look, it's a kids show. For little girls. It's known for not having bad stuff. It's a sweet, kind, cute show. It made many people very happy. Trust me, they never showed anything untoward. Ever.” I sat, cross legged, the ponies looking down on me. I was sure to neglect to mention some fan art, some fanfics, most shipping, and all of rule-34.
They all relaxed a bit, taking me for my word. I brightened up. “Well, there's no time like the present. With your permission, and help, I would like to get started. Who do you recommend I talk to first? I'm thinking Rarity, because then I will at least get an idea of what I have to work with. Then, Applejack, so she'll have something to work with. Does that sound like a reasonable plan?”
Twilight agreed. She looked a little pensive, but I guessed it was about Spike. I still couldn't figure out what I did, or said, or didn't say to tick him off so much. Well, that's a mystery for an other day. I mean, the little guy seemed so friendly on the show.
It was late morning, and we headed out to Rarity's boutique. I started doing a mental inventory of what goods I had. Although ponies were glancing and some times openly staring, no pony panicked or screamed. I even heard a few snatches of conversation, including 'mutant diamond dog' a few times. I guess walking along with three of the Elements of Harmony was a calming factor.
We walked past a gayly decorated shop, the sign said 'Sugarcube Corners'. Wait a minute, isn't that where...
Pink, lots of pink. And eyes, huge blue eyes. An upside down face with a manic grin. I realized there was something standing on my head, and given its size, it did not weight enough for what I saw. I blinked twice, processing what was happening.
“Gah!” I screamed. Arms flailing in an appropriately comedic fashion.
There was a blur of motion and she jumped off my head. She talked a mile a minute in the squeaky voice, all the while bouncing almost her own height, “Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! You’re new to Ponyville? Where else would we be? This is where everything seems to happen! So, where are you from? Are there more giant pink monkeys with funny clothes on?”
I smiled, realizing who she was. She was known for breaking the fourth wall, so I decided to skip ahead. I did my best to match her rapid fire pace, “Hi Pinkamina Diane Pie, I’m Alex Roberts, I’m from a different reality, and I’ve been bouncing from reality to reality trying to get home. This is my latest reality where your reality is a TV show in my reality, I used your real name to prove to you I come from a different reality where you are adored by millions of fans!” I stopped, both because I had given her the basics, and I was out of breath.
It was her turn to blink. She looked up to the sky, looking at something no one else could see, and at a more normal pace, “So, you're the Gary Stu for the author, huh? That's great! Lets hope there will be no mention of cupc...” She covered her mouth. “Hey! Stop typing that. You know it bothers me! There, now we will never speak of that again.” Speeding up, “Oh! I'll have to get a party organized! And Gummy will be there, because the author loves Gummy, and...” Slowing down, getting crest fallen, “But, I can't right now, I have work to do, so I'll see you guys later. Anyway, the author is having problems filling out my dialog, and I like the way this story is going, so I'll see you later!” Pinkie Pie bounced off, as joyful and happy ash I remember her being. I heard from the distance, “Well written! I like that! Don't forget to change 'ash' to 'as'!”
The girls stared at her, bouncing back to the shop. I scratched my head, “That was, odd...”
Dash, shaking her head and snickering, “Pinkie Pie, you are so random.”
As we continued, there was only one small incident that I kept to myself. While we were walking through the market, I overheard a snobbish voice, with an affected upper crust accent, saying, “The two feather dusters and the purple narwal have a trained diamond dog now. Typical.” The girls didn't seem to hear it, but I made a mental note of the voice. I didn't see who said it, but I would be keeping an ear out for it in the future. I was disappointed that racial slurs seemed to be universal.
We entered the Carousel Boutique. Rarity, being Rarity, didn't bat an eye when seeing me. “Welcome to the Carousel Boutique where everything is... Oh, hello girls. Who is you new friend?” They explained, and I kept quiet, just smiling, admiring the work all around the shop. When they were done, I was going to introduce myself directly. I faltered. Rarity was looking at me, eyes narrowed. Before I could even open my mouth, Rarity pushed me to the back of her shop, “Idea! Darling, you simply must allow me to make you a suit to replace those drab rags.”
While I was being pushed, “Miss Rarity, please. I'm quite comfortable in my 'rags', for the moment. And, once I have attended to a few basic matters, like a home, I will rush back here at full speed.” Amazing, even the 'weak' unicorns were damn strong.
“Nonsense, for a gentlecolt to make their way in the world, they need proper clothes. Now, take those off so I can make a basic pattern from them.”
I'm fairly sure my eyes got huge, my pupils were pinpricks, and my face red. “Er... Well... Um... My culture has a nudity taboo.” This was met by confused looks.
Dash looked at me, “What's a nudity?”
“I would be very uncomfortable in being without clothes in front of such lovely ladies.” I looked around, the girls, except for Rarity, still looking a little confused.
Rarity smiled, and like a true lady, broke the silence and cleared up the situation. “Oh. Well then, I think I understand. A gentlecolt must be modest. Well, we shall continue this conversation later. I look forward to the challenge of designing clothes for a new body shape.”
I blew out, disaster averted. I hoped. “Miss Rarity, I come here because you are a knowledgeable business pony and may be able to help me determine the value of some of the goods I have. I will be here a long time, a lifetime in fact, so I want to build a home here. Ponyville is a beautiful community, and the ponies are kind and friendly.”
I sat on the ground and starting rummaging in my pack. Some jewellery mostly human, some elf and dwarf pieces too, likely worth only the materials they were made of, lots of coinage, and a small bag of gems. In total, about 1.5kg of platinum, 10kg of gold, 22kg of silver, and maybe 72kg of copper, and finally, I still had about 250kg of aluminium coin, basically worthless. I never had a chance to change the aluminium out for 'cheap' gold last jump and I'm still kicking myself.
I started taking items out, including the jewellery, my precious little bag of jewels, and a few samples of each coin. The jewellery, for the most part, was the wrong shape and size for ponies, mostly gold, and large jewels. Well, large by my standards. Rarity seemed unimpressed. The designs tended toward the simple. She informed me there was not much value there.
This is where I discovered the standards for jewels was very different. Many of theirs would individually fill my palm. The little dust crystals I had were not considered usable, they were dross at best. I give it to Twilight for Spike. I knew he ate gems and though he might enjoy a little snack.
I also discovered gold and copper were both considered semiprecious metals, with copper being the more valuable of the two. In fact, gold was used for the coinage because it was the least valuable of the metals. Silver and platinum were the most common precious metals, with silver taking the place of gold in the scale of value. Then, almost as a joke, I asked about aluminium and told her how much I had. Rarity's jaw dropped.
“You have aluminium? As in the complex to make metal made from rare bauxite, aluminium? And, how much did you say you had?”
“About 250kg. Is it worth a lot?”
She blinked. I noticed Fluttershy's and Rainbow Dash's jaws had dropped.
“Um, Miss Rarity?”
She composed herself, and cleared her throat with a little difficulty. “A rough estimate? Let's just say you could buy half of Ponyville at retail and have some bits left over.”
It was my turn to sit in stunned silence.
I heard a long slow whistle from behind me. Rainbow Dash commented, “That's a lot of bits.”
I gave my head a shake. My voice quavered a little. “So, lots of bits, got it.” I sat, still a little stunned. Rarity had sat down, digesting this new information.
I heard Dash whisper, “Hey Fluttershy, I guess this stray's no deadbeat.” I was fairly sure that Rarity didn't hear it. I'm starting to wonder if my senses are sharper then that of ponies. Something else to add to the list.
“Sorry, I'm still a little in shock. So, what you're saying is that I have enough to setup a home here?” I sighed and smiled. “You know, this will be the first home I've had in almost 60 years. I've slept outside for half of that, the other half was in barns, inns, and castles a few times.” My voice broke, “But now... A home. I'll have a real home.”
I found myself in the centre of a pony pile of hugs. Dash whispered, “Welcome home, big guy.”
Rarity and I were the only ones left at the Carousel Boutique. Dash had left to get Applejack and promised to explain the situation to her on the way. Fluttershy had left to get back to take care of her animals, promising to come back later.
The open sign was flipped to close, the workshop floor was covered with piles of coins, and a work table had several pieces of jewellery arranged on it. Rarity and I were slowly making an inventory of the various coins.
“You know Rarity, I was a little worried about meeting you. I'm a little rough around the edges and you were always depicted as the most elegant pony in Ponyville. To be completely honest I was kind of intimidated. I've always been a little socially awkward but you're really forgiving of my lack of eloquence, and I appreciate that.” I smiled sheepishly.
“Don't be ridiculous, darling. You are a stranger in a strange land, so to speak, and we were the only ponies you knew anything about. Now, I'm not completely sure how this 'show' presented me and while I do appreciate fashion, I am not a close minded snob. Besides, you have been nothing but a perfect gentlecolt.” Rarity grew thoughtful, “Since the Gala, I have learned the value of judging others by the quality of their character, not by their appearances or social status.”
We both sat, lost in thought, in my hand a sixty grott coin from the Illithid Empire. I finally spoke, all the while toying with the coin. “Sixty years,” I said sadly. “Sixty years is far longer than anywhere else I've ever been. It's almost as long as I've already been gone from home.”
Rarity looked at me sadly. I smiled, feeling hope coming back. “But,” I took a deep breath, “Miss Rarity, this is a good place with good people. Did you know last night was the first time in years I didn't fall asleep with dread and wake up in a panic? And, with this,” I waved vaguely at the piles of coins, “I can build a life. Heck, maybe even have a family.” I considered the implications and frowned, “No,” I shook my head, “that one's out of the question.” I grew somber, sitting in contemplative silence as we continued to sort the coins.
The door opened with a crash and quickly slammed shut. I could hear Dash call out, “We're here!” her exuberant manner snapped me out of my funk. Rarity and I both made our way to the front where we found Rainbow Dash and Applejack.
I stared a little when I saw Applejack. She was noticeably bigger than the others. A good hand taller, solid muscle, and surprisingly graceful. Not in that ball room dancing sort of way, but in the way a strong person can move with ease and an experienced athlete can move with no wasted effort.
When Applejack spotted me, she scamped back into the closed door, eyes huge, pupils pinpricks. “Ah though you said he looked a little like a diamond dog! That t'aint no diamond dog!”
“Relax, Applejack! He's cool. He's a... what are you again?”
“A human,” I replied helpfully.
“That's it! He's a human Applejack. He's far from home, and for reasons I don't completely understand, Twilight understands that egghead stuff, he'll be here for a very long time. Anyway, he's got a flank load of gold, silver, platinum, and, get this, aluminium, and needs help from you and Rarity to get this converted to bits.”
“Miss Applejack, I'm very sorry I startled you,” Dash snorted, “ and it's a pleasure to finally meet you. As Dash told you,” Applejack raised an eyebrow at my using such a familiar name with Rainbow Dash, “I would humbly like to request your help. As I think you may know, I come from a place where you, all of Ponyville and Equestria actually, is something like,” I had been thinking about this, “a weekly serial play. Anyway, you and Rarity are always presented as successful business ponies. I don't know a bit from a horse-apple, and I could really use your help. My name is Alex Roberts, but my friends call me Alex.” I put out a hand.
Applejack gave me a long appraising look. My hand hung in the air, not moving. This was not going the way I expected. Soon, a slow smiled crossed her face and she shook my hand. “Pleased to make your acquaintance, Alex. If Rarity and Rainbow Dash both trust y'all, ah suppose ah can too.”
Applejack and Rarity got to work determining the best prices and markets. I interrupted them. “My only request is that you lowball your estimates. Rarity, I know your nature is to be generous, but in this case...”
Applejack started to object, but Rarity raised an eyebrow and a hoof to stop us, “I can assure you, darling, that mine is the element of generosity, not stupidity. But, I can appreciate your concern.” She smiled warmly. “Applejack and I will both appraise your trade goods. Now, finding a buyer for this much aluminium may be a problem. We'll likely have to sell it in small lots, two or three pounds at a time. We'll have to go to Canterlot, and...”
“Wait wait wait. Hold on, if you guys are going to do so much work, I expect you to take a cut. Does 20% sound fair?”
Applejack scowled at me. “Now, hold on there sugarcube. 20% isn't a cut, it's a horsefeathering. 5%, split between me an Rarity. Now, that's a pretty standard fee 'round these parts, and that sounds plenty fair.” Rarity nodded and Applejack looked at me with a look that said that was the end of negotiations.
I slowly stood so as to tower over them, scowled, and crossed my arms. “Um, 'sugarcube', that's not going to happen. 5% is ripping you off and is definitely not fair. 5% each.” I smiled, uncrossed my arms, and gave her a pleading look. I knew I had to convince Applejack. Rarity wouldn't say horse-apple if she had a mouthful and I just want to be fair. “Look at it this way,” I explained, “you have to teach me that, I don't know, paying a hundred bits for an apple is not reasonable. If I recall, at the Gala you sold an apple pie for 2 bits, but then sold a little apple pastry for the same price? I need to understand the logic. And, to be frank, I'm an idiot when it comes to economics. I really would like Ponyville's top business ponies to guide me.”
Applejack's expression softened, just a tiny bit. “Ah reckon ah can accept that. Deal.” She spat on her hoof, and held it out. I spat in the palm of my hand and pressed my palm to her hoof.
Her experienced eye started to appraise the piles of coins, “That would go a long way toward grannies' hip, a new barn, some new acreage, and maybe a few other things...”
Once I answered a few questions and helped finish sorting the coins, I was summarily dismissed by Applejack and Rarity. This was business and they wanted to earn their share. So, finding myself with some free time, I asked Dash if she could help me fine an apartment, cottage, or something. Sleeping inside would be a welcome change. Also, breakfast was wearing off, and my stomach was thinking about the next meal.
Dash was hovering beside me as we walked and talked. We were headed to city hall, where the post board with vacancies were. She warned me that pickings were likely slim. Ponies tended to stay in one place for a long time. But, if you don't check, you don't know.
While walking through the market again, I felt my stomach growl. “Okay, I usually don't do this, but could I borrow a few bits until things get going? Breakfast is wearing off, and Mr. Tummy is getting upset. I promise to pay you back! You know I'm good for it.” I slowly realized how pleading my voice was. I guess a combination of fear, hunger, and just being tired was getting the best of me.
Dash stopped, hovering in front of me. She had an annoyed expression on her face, almost angry. “Look,” Dash tapped me on the sternum, “when Applejack said she trusted you, it wasn't because me and Rarity trusted you, it was because she trusted you. She only said that about us because she wanted to be polite. If she didn't trust you, and I mean really trust you, or had any doubts about you, you would have known about it. Trust me,” she rolled her eye.” Anyway, I won't lend you any bits. I will buy a friend lunch though, you knuckle head.” She ended on a confident smirk and a hoof ruffling my hair.
This was a small town, so the choice of eateries was limited. We found one with an open outside table and sat down. Well, Dash sat down. The tables were perfect for ponies when they were sitting, but for me, not so much. When I stood the table was at a little above belt height, and when I sat, it was a little above eye height. The waiter was kind enough to bring me a stool, but I felt like a little kid at the grown up table. Naturally, Dash found it amusing and happily sniggered at my plight.
Once she stopped laughing, she had a wildflower sandwich and I ordered the apple oatmeal soup, basically watered down undercooked oatmeal with bits of apple. A little bland, but I was going for substance and something that wasn't going to poison me. Flavor experiments can come later.
We chatted some more, mostly me asking her more about her work with the weather office and what the Wonderbolts were all about. She was surprised to find out there was basically no weather control where I come from other than some cloud seeding, nothing like the pinpoint accuracy she had available. I also told her a little about the machines we use to fly, and do acrobatics, promising to show her some videos on the subject later.
“Dash, mind if I ask something?” She mumbled an okay through a mouthful of food. “So, why aren't you at work? Don't misunderstand me, I really appreciate this, and I really enjoy your company, but a mare has to make her bread, right?” I face palmed as soon as I realized what i said. Poor Dash almost choked from her mouthful of food. I don't know if she was blushing more from what I said, chocking, laughing, or all of them at the same time. I passed her my unused napkin, chuckling, “Are you okay?”
Once she stopped coughing, she smirked, “Ya, ya, mister bread fixation.” She wiped her mouth, “So, this is my week to be on call, I just need to show up if they need extra help. Anyway, being an element of harmony has perks, like getting more on call weeks than others. Never know when Discord or Nightmare Moon might come back.”
We chatted a while more about her adventures, what I knew compared to what had actually happened. The broad strokes were correct, but there were a lot of little details that the show glossed over. I commented that she was a lot more fun to be around than I thought she would be.
She smiled with confidence, “Of course I am, because I'm awesome!”
We finished our lunches, Dash paid, and we started to leave. Then I heard it just on the edge of my hearing, that voice I heard earlier. It sounded angry and dismissive. “Get out of my way, you worthless feather duster.” I looked over Dash's shoulder. The voice, with that affected accent, was coming form an earth pony stallion. Brown coat, black mane and tail, wearing one of their suits that looked like a cloth necklace, and a pile of coins for a cutie mark. He was looking at something, but I couldn't see what.
Dash could see from my expression that something had happened. She followed my gaze. Her expression changed from concern and curiosity to one of distaste once she saw who I was looking at. “Golden Coins,” she said flatly.
The crowd parted for a moment. On the ground in front of him was a young pegasus with orange cost, purple mane and tail, her little saddle pack of apples scattered. “I'm so sorry, mister. I'm going as fast as I can.” She was trying to collect the apples as quickly as she could, but nervously kept dropping them.
Golden Coins sneered, “Here, let me speed up the process.” He lifted a hoof and crushed an apple, “There, one less to pick up. Now, get out of my way.”
Without a word, I sprinted in their direction, Dash only hesitating a split second. She passed me with a gush of air strong enough to throw gravel. I could hear her yelling, “What's your problem, jerk? She's just a little kid!”
I arrived, finally, yelling, “Hey pal, why don't you pick on someone your own size? Why don't you pick on me?” I really hoped he didn't take me up on that. I was becoming too well aware how much stronger and resilient ponies were.
Golden Coins turned to me and scurried back, startled. He quickly regained his composure. He looked at Dash and me for a moment, before getting a look of disgust on his face. “Oh, wonderful. The feather duster and her pet monster.”
I stepped forward, between the filly and Golden Coins, and snarled, “Since I am a monster, then I guess you'd better get out of here before I get angry.” We locked eyes. He broke first and laughed, turning away. He then trotted off as if nothing had happened. I let the adrenaline drain before taking my eye off him.
I heard some hooves stomping on the ground and saw some approving looks. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Dash looking at me oddly.
I turned to the young filly, smiled softly, and dropped to a knee, “You okay sweetie?”
She was very shy, her head down, looking up at me. Dash said, “It's okay Scootaloo, he's a friend.”
“Yes, I'm okay Rainbow Dash. Thank you sir.” I glanced at Dash, still smiling, thinking 'She knows this filly?'
“My name's Alex Roberts, Scootaloo. But my friends, and that includes you, call me Alex.” We helped her pickup the remaining apples and put the saddlebag on. “Ok, off you go. I'm sure you're late for something, go have a great day.” I smiled at her. Scootaloo zipped off on her scooter happily.
“So, do you know her Dash?” I was racking my memory from the show, but was coming up blank as her flank.
“She's friends with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, Rarity's and Applejack's sisters. I've been giving her flying lessons after school.”
“That's cool!” I gave her an appraising look, “I didn't think it was your style, the whole big sister thing.”
Dash blushed, “Ya, well, that stupid show doesn't see everything.”
We walked, each lost in our own little worlds. I broke the silence, “I hope Scootaloo doesn't mention what happened to her friends. I don't want her to blow it all out of proportion. People will think I'm some kind of thug who picks fights in the market.”
Dash looked at me incredulously, “Are you kidding? You stared him down like Fluttershy stares down dragons! That was so cool!”
I sighed, “Dash, I just saw some idiot bullying a kid and I stepped in. I figured she needed someone to help her. That's all. And, just to let you in on a secret, ponies are way stronger and tougher than me. I was giddy as a school filly he didn't step up to me. If he had, I was screwed. What was I going to do, pull my knife on him? Not only was he unarmed, but it would have just escalated the whole thing way out of proportion. The only result would have been to have horseshoe marks all over me. What I did was stupid.”
Dash got that odd look again, “Wait, so even though you knew he could beat the tar out of you, you still took him on? And you had no plan to use the one thing that would have made you his equal in a fight. And you did it to save a kid you didn't even know?” She smiled, ”That, is cool.”
I threw my hands up in exasperation. “Ugh! Dash, I just did the right thing. Can we drop it? I'm sure no one will remember what happened by tomorrow.” I found myself saying sarcastically, “On the bright side, I made an enemy on my second day. That's a new record.” I found my expression getting sour.
Dash looked at me with her an evil grin, “I have even better news, not only is he the richest pony in Ponyville, but he's a complete bastard and has a long memory. Well done Alex Roberts. You sure know how to pick your fights.”
Dash and I made our way to the town hall. Although I did get a few glances there was no panic, no screams, and, much to my pleasure, a few polite nods.
When we got to the message board I discovered Dash was right about slim pickings, there were only three choices; a single room above the joke shop, a one bedroom apartment with shared bathroom, and a cottage. I quickly made my mind up and took the oldest flyer down. “The cottage. That's the winner. Lets go check it out.” We looked at the address.
Dash was excited, “Hey, that's close to where I have my house, and the rent is good. I winder if it's... nah... it's got to be one of the cottages at the bottom of the hill. Hah, lucky for you, I class up any neighbourhood I'm in.” She flashed me her trademark confident grin, and we headed out.
Dash pointed out her cloud house, it was not far from our destination. It was... ok, how do I describe Dash's house? The best I can do is a Salvador Dali painting of a greco roman temple. In 3D. With rainbows. Don't get me wrong, it was stunningly beautiful, especially in the late afternoon sun, but it made my eyes hurt to look at it.
We made our way to the cottage to check it out. It was not, in fact, one of the lower cottages. It was at the top of the hill and it was... not a great place. The outside walls needed a coat of paint or three, there was a broken door window, the roof needed to be re-shingled before winter, on the bright side the foundation looked solid from the outside, and aside from some junk that had come in from the broken window, it looked clean from the outside. Dash looked in the through the loft window and said it looked okay.
Dash settled down beside me after helping me inspect, “What a flank hole. That place needs to be burned to the ground before it's good enough to be condemned.”
I grinned, “This will be perfect! I see so much potential here.”
She looked at me with concern and put her hoof on my arm, “Are you sure, Alex? It's gonna take a lot of work and bits to get it up to reasonable shape. I mean, I know you're swimming in bits, but still...”
I put my hand on her hoof and looked at her, “Miss Rainbow Dash, I truly appreciate your concern, but this will give me something to do,” I put my hands on my hips and looked at the wreck of a building, “and time to think. I'm going to be here a very long time and I want to spend some time deciding what I'm going to do. No better way than building a home.” I smiled happily at my soon to be new house.
Dash and I entered the Carousel Boutique, me happy with my choice, Dash sure I made a mistake. I was greeted by Rarity and Applejack sitting at the table with cups of tea, just looking at me with knowing smiles, and with, I don't know how else to describe it, but, bedroom eyes.
Rarity broke the silence, “The gallant knight returns.”
I was confused. Dash's expression went from confused to, again that weird appraising look, directed at me.
Applejack added, “That was mighty neighbourly, what you did.”
Dash turned to her friends, “And get this, he knew ponies are way stronger and tougher than him, and he did it anyway. He stood right there between Scoots and Coins. It was awesome.” She giggled, “Old Coins didn't know what was going on! That sour horse-apple took off like a rat!”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, “Please, don't make a big deal out of it. All I did was let my daddy instincts take over before my brains could stop me.” I gestured to Dash, “She's the real hero here, she was there like a flash! By the time I got there it was all over. As far as I'm concerned, she was the Lone Ranger, I was Tonto.” I was greeted with blank stares. “Batman and Robin...” Still nothing. “Cake and Sprinkles...” That worked. I smiled and tapped Dash on the shoulder, “She's the real hero.”
Dash blushed, “Hey, what's cake without sprinkles?”
I then did something I have not done in a very long time. I blushed. I actually blushed. I literally couldn't remember the last time I blushed. It was a release, like years of repressed blushes suddenly all jumping to my cheeks at the same time. It felt good. It felt... cleansing. And it was over as fast as it had happened.
Before they could start stroking our egos again I stood straight, clapped my hands together, smiled and declared, “So, change of subject. Rarity and Applejack, how am I fixed for spending money?”
Applejack tilted her hat back a little, “Well, sugarcube, you might have a few bits to throw around. Now, this here is just an estimate, and it'll take months to turn it all to bits, but we reckon at current market prices, you're looking at north of seventy six million bits, less our share. We'll get a more exact number later on. Just to get ya started, me an Rarity scraped together about two thousand bits. That should keep you for the first two or three weeks. Oh, and expect to spend about half on food this time of year.”
I blinked a few times, “Well, if you can only get that much,” I stopped their protests, “I'm kidding! I'm joking! That's... that's... wow...” I sat heavily on the ground, and said quietly, “Thank you guys. I don't know what to say. But I'm making you guys two promises.” I started counting off on my fingers, “I will not sit around eating grapes and getting fat, I will use this to provide something this community needs, and I will use this to help those who can't help themselves.” I thought for a moment, “Wait, that was three, no worries, just pretend I said three.”
Applejack gave me another appraising look, “That sounds like a mighty fine set of goals.”
Rarity nodded at Applejacks comment, then put her glasses on her nose, and referred to some papers. She smiled, “I have some contacts in Canterlot for the metals who are agreeable to our needs, as for the jewellery and the jewels, well, there was not much we could do. The shape is all wrong, and they would have to be modified, as for the style, I'm afraid the current fashion is more,” she seemed to be looking for a nice way to say something, “complex. Finally, I'm afraid to tell you that the stones are simply too small. At best these would be used to make jewel dusts.”
I thought for a moment. “Would Spike like them? He eats gems, right?” Thinking back to earlier today, “We... didn't hit it off. I'm not sure what I did. Anyway, a friendly peace offering?”
Rarity's smiled warmly, “I'm sure it was a simple misunderstanding. My little Spiky-wyky is such a dear. I know he will appreciate them.”
Dash and I examined the notice, and proceeded to the owner of the cottage. It was the suit tailer, a nice old unicorn stallion, blue coat, with a fancy coat hanger for a cutie mark, who greeted us. Interestingly, he didn't even bat an eye when I walked in. In a friendly voice, “Are you looking for a new suit young fellow? I'm, afraid I only do ponies at the moment, but my son will be back from Canterlot in a few weeks. He's taking a course on interspecies tailoring. He'll fix you right up.”
“Well thank you sir. I'll be sure to come back. But I'm here for the cottage. Am I in the right place?”
“You bet son. Have you seen it yet?” I nodded, “And you still want it?” I nodded again. “Okay, it's in... monstrously bad shape.” He chuckled at his own joke. “So, it's 250 bits per month, plus last month, plus a 100 bit damage deposit.”
I cocked an eyebrow, “What happened to the last damage deposit?”
“That's all a 100 bits would fix.”
Oy. “And, no issues if I spruce the place up a bit? You know, paint, windows, roof, little things.”
“Knock yourself out youngster.”
I started counting out coins.
“All right, when do you and your marefriend want to move in?”
Dash blushed and sputtered. I chuckled, “No, we're just friends, and it's just for me.” I smiled a little sadly.
The old unicorn winked, “It's the year 1005 son, I don't judge.”
We finished changing bits for keys and signing papers. I thanked him for everything, and we left. As Dash and I made our way to the cottage, I walked slowly as Dash hovered beside me. I kept staring at the key in my hand, smiling.
“Alex,” she sounded annoyed, “what's the big deal? So you rented a house. Once Applejack and Rarity get converting you'll be able to buy or build any house you want. I don't get it, what's the big deal?”
I sighed, still looking lovingly at the key, “I haven't had a home for longer than I was alive, back 'home', Dash.” I turned to look at her, “This key and this place is the first bit of hope, and I mean real hope, I've had in a very long time.” I took a deep breath, “and you Dash, you're the first real friend I've had in a very long time. Until now, my 'friends' have just been allies of convenience, always their convenience... “ I stopped, embarrassed. “Sorry, I shouldn't be dumping on you. You just meet me, and I'm sounding like some desperate loser. Forget I said anything.” I angrily shoved the key in my pocket, upset at myself for slipping, and started walking faster. It was just so damn easy around her, I felt so comfortable.
I felt a hoof on my shoulder and I stopped. “Alex, you're right, we are new friends, but we are friends. I know you've had some weird times, and I know this is the first place you can... decompress. I mean, if you're still doing this next year, well then, you're being whiny,” She smiled warmly, “but, for now, you're my friend, and friends listen.”, her smile changed to her confident smirk, “also, it doesn't hurt that you're fairly cool.”
Once again today, I blinked, processing what I had heard, then smiled wearily, “Thanks Dash. I guess I have too much cynicism and not enough faith.” I smirked and pointed a finger at her, “But for the record, you're the coolest and you know it.” We both chuckled at the ego stroking and kept going.
It was getting late in the day when we got to the cottage. A few hours had not improved it. Inside, it was a little musty, and there was some junk inside around the broken window. The main room was big and took up most of the lower floor. There was a small kitchen and bathroom, and the stairs lead to a nice open loft.
Dash helped me open the windows to clear the air. It was getting dark and I was getting hungry. We then went out to grab a bite, on me of course.
Looking at the menu, I asked Dash, “Would you like the steamed vegetable and flower stir fry? That's what I'm having.”
She looked at the menu and choked, “Are you nuts? That's 50 bits!”
I looked at her, shrugged, and smiled, “So? I'm rolling in it and...”, I looked down shyly, “I wanted to thank you. Thank you for taking a whole day out for me. I appreciate everything you've done Dash, so the least I can do is buy you a nice dinner, and I promise,” I put my left hand on my heart, right hand up in the air, “no bread.” We both snickered at that and had a lovely meal.
In the early evening coolness, we walked back to what I now thought of as 'my place'. Amazingly, it had still not magically improved. I commented that I needed a musical montage to speed things up. Dash looked at me weirdly, then smirked, “You're weird Alex.” Seemingly realizing what she said, “But, in a good way.” Relieved that she had caught herself in time, we said our goodbyes.
I called 'home' and gave Ann an update, reassuring her this was the real deal. Everyone her was so nice, and even the one 'villain' I met today was, at worst, a rude twit. Dan would not be home for about 3 weeks my time, so he'll have lots to catchup on. My daughter asked where all the ponies were, and I had to explain they had all gone to bed, but they will be back in a little while. She accepted that, and trundled off to do all the things little girls do. I wished Ann good night and logged out.
I thought about that wonderful gift Reed Richards had given me. While he couldn't get me home, at least he could allow me a fairly standard internet connection back home with what was essentially a self repairing laptop with its own power supply. When I was 'surfing' it connected for fractions of a second. Nice to send emails, read the news, write my 'fanfic' (names changed of course), browse the web, etc. While I was connected with Skype, the two universes temporarily synced, but it was limited to about an hour at a time. Even if I disconnected and reconnected right away the universes would spring back to their normal time ratios while disconnected. You simply couldn't cheat the system. And here, it meant that each day in Equestria equaled about 10 minutes back 'home'. The time difference meant the exchange of information was mostly one way. Not much happens in about 10 minutes. It also meant that Ann and the kids were sleeping for about two months at a time.
I laid out my bedroll and reflected on the events of the day; made good friends, made an enemy, made a home. It's been a good day.
The interesting thing about pony toilets is they're like ceramic saddles with a lip set low to the ground. I could use them, but it makes reading on the throne a lot less comfortable. Turns out they also have a built in bidet and not only is the water ice cold but is pointed in weird directions when compared to the human anatomy.
I would also like to point out that half asleep at 3 A.M. is not the best time to learn to use a toilet designed for an other species. Also, stairs designed for ponies are very narrow. Lets just say that by morning there was a big mess in the bathroom and the wall in the stairwell was damaged with an imprint shaped like me.
In the morning I carefully made my way back down the stairs. I stopped and examined the damage in the stairwell. It wasn't that bad, and it was my ego that was hurt more than my face. Once I cleaned up the mess in the bathroom, I didn't feel like leaving the house that early, so I grabbed a chunk of beef jerky from my pack. I took a bite and placed the rest on the counter. I may as well eat it up, I figured it would be spoiled by the time I left this place.
I reviewed my clothing situation. I had lost most of it last jump, and all I had was a coverall, still smelling slightly of vomit, and what I was wearing yesterday, long pants and a simple long sleeved tunic. I decided to start with my coveralls.
Warm suds. Simple repetition. Washing clothes lets you think, and I was thinking about what happen the last two days. I remembered My Little Pony as a television show, and now it was a reality. I mean, I remembered bits and pieces, but they were fighting with 60 years of memories, bad memories. I remembered the weirdest stuff, like money is bits, but I couldn't remember Scootaloo. It was frustrating, knowing I should know something, but totally blanking. I hung the overalls to dry in the shower stall, then I took my shirt off and started washing it.
Still, this is a wonderful place. The people are so kind here, so accepting. It was strange being in a place where I was not a target. This place seemed to run on love and kindness. Not the usual 'don't look too deep, or else' kind of utopia, but, real honest to goodness kindness and love. Even the worst 'villain' was just rude. I was completely alien, yet most ponies accepted me just like that. I didn't know Rarity and Applejack beyond some vaguely remember fictional cartoon characters, but they were willing to drop everything for me, not only a total stranger, but not even a pony.
The omnipresent love and kindness made being here that much harder. You would think it would be wonderful to be bathed in it from all sides, and it is. But, when my mind wonders back to Ann or Dan or Lily, I feel a heavy weight on my heart. It only reminds me of what I left behind. Oh, sure, I can talk to them, even see them, but it's not the same as hugging them. In all my years of travel, I've been fairly stoic, enjoying the grand adventure, but ever since I arrived here I've found it harder and harder to hold it all together. It's like this place forces you to magically feel your emotions. I'm not sure I want that.
Aside from my emotions I still have the problem of what I will do with my time now that I'm here. I know I have more bits than Celestia, and I made those promises to Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. But, what could I do for Ponyville? What can I do to repay their kindness?
A knock and a familiar confident voice interrupted my train of thought, “Morning Alex! Can I come in?”
With a jauntiness I didn't feel, I replied, “Come on in Dash! Door's not locked.” I was starting on the shirt, so I was stripped to the waist. I still had my back to the kitchen entrance.
Dash spoke, a little muffled, “Hey, Alex! I just thought you might like...” I heard a gasp, and something soft drop to the ground. Dash whispered, “Oh, apple bucking moon, he wasn't kidding...”
I turned, only to see a paper bag lying on the ground with a few muffins spilling out. I looked up to Dash. She had a look that was a cross between horror, disgust, and pity. She rushed out the door, then all I heard was retching sounds.
“Dash, what's wr...”, I stopped as realization set in. I grabbed the wet soapy shirt and threw it on while running out the door. Dash had her face low to the ground and had obviously just vomited.
She wiped her mouth, “Oh, Alex, I'm so sorry.” I'm not sure if the tears in her eyes were from being sick or something else. “Fluttershy told me you had some bad scarring, but I didn't expect...” She turned and was sick again. When she regained her composure a little, she whispered, “Who could do this to you?”
I thought, 'I didn't want to start my day like this. Yes, the scarring is bad, but, it's just a scar. What is wrong with these ponies? Fluttershy wasn't sick, and Dash is a tough cookie. I just don't get it.'
I helped her back inside, “Dash, I'm sorry about this. Fluttershy freaked out when she saw me too. I didn't even think of covering up. Here, let me help you get cleaned up.” I used a clean wash cloth and wiped her face. I figured it was easier for me to do it than she would alone. All she did was look at me with such a sad expression while I did it. When I was done, she gently hugged me for a long moment, avoiding contact with my back. I continued pondering, 'Maybe it's because Fluttershy has taken care of injured animals? Maybe it's because... I don't know...'.
She looked at the dropped paper bag and said flatly, “I brought muffins for breakfast.” She smiled weakly, “Surprise...”
The shirt was getting cold and was dripping on the floor. I smiled kindly, “Thanks Dash.” I saw her coat was wet from the hug. I sighed, “I'll get you a towel.” I grabbed my one remaining dry towel and put it around her shoulders. “So, why were you sick? I mean, I know it's buck ugly back there, but it's just scars. I don't understand...”
“It's just, I've never seen scars like that before, on anyone or anything. It's like... like... every strip of skin was taken off your back, one bit at a time. I'm sorry I puked, I just... I've never...” She looked away embarrassed. Finally she said quietly, “I need to know. I need to know how it happened. I need to know so I don't have to imagine it.”
I wrapped the towel around her, avoiding eye contact. Then I sat with my back against the wall. I stared at the opposite wall, not daring to look at Dash. “About five and a half years ago I landed in a world with humans, elves, and dwarves. There was magic, not as much as here, but enough to have wizards and clerics. It was what I had been calling a vanilla fantasy world. They were boring, with nothing exceptional, nothing that stood out, they were all basically the same. Anyway, they had a law that said anyone new to the land had to work for the crown for five years. If you came in voluntarily, you could choose stuff like eradicate a cult or stop bandits. Stuff that, from a certain point of view, was 'fun adventure' stuff. If you didn't sign up, you were forced to work the mines for ten. Of course, no one told me about the law.”
“Anyway, I was tracking down a rumour about a wizard who claimed could travel between worlds. While I was at an inn, I was asked by the local guardsman for my citizen token. I had figured it was just some local religious custom. Well, I didn't put up any kind of fight, it's usually not worth the effort. They were 'kind' enough to hold my things, until my sentence was complete. As weird as the system was, they were honest about it.”
“So, I was brought to the local magistrate. He said he bought my story, but that the law was the law. There were armed guards, so I didn't fight it. And they said I could get out early with good behaviour. That all my stuff would be returned to me. In fact, all my stuff would be kept at the guard tower, so once I paid my debt to the king, I could just leave.”
I closed my eyes, keeping my voice even, just spitting out the facts. “Punishment was harsh. Lashes. Always lashes. That was the only punishment. Talk out of turn, 10 lashes. Drop your pick, 25 lashes. Strike another slave 100 lashes. Strike a guard, 250 lashes. Break into the guard tower, 500 lashes. Try to escape, 2000 lashes. Actually escape and get caught, 5000 lashes.”
I glanced at Dash. She had this expression of incredulity. “They beat you? They took something and hit you repeatedly? What kind of monster could do that to another?”
I laughed, “You have to remember that by their standards, this was all light punishment. But the best part was the healing potions they would feed us at the end of the beatings. They healed, repaired nerve damage, everything. Everything except the appearance of the scars. They were to be reminders to always follow the rules. Unfortunately, I was a slow learner.” I sighed sadly at the memories, “I tried to escape six times. I think I got some kind of punishment every single day. In the end, I did escape, and I managed to steal back the few items I had when I got here.”
I glanced at Dash. She sat silently, looking at the floor in front of her. I couldn't read her expression.
I continued, “The floggings were given in the open square. They had a production line going, up to ten floggers. Every 25 or so lashes, they gave you a sip of healing potion. It tasted like a sharp lemon, lime, salty, and herbal mixture. Anyway, I was tied to an X shaped stand, at my wrists and ankles. And they would get to work. The worst part, was that the flogger looked bored. It was just a boring job for him.” I smirked, “Just a punch clock villain.”
I closed my eyes, “They would start after the work day and the evening meal, no point in not getting a good days work out of us. They couldn't give me all the lashes I earned, so they would beat me for up to an hour at a time, about 150 hits, every day for weeks. It became such a routine, that I didn't even cry out after a while. I would even try to chat with the flogger. I'm sure that earned me a few extra hits. It also let me tell my story, and in the end get some help.”
I smiled, “Garat son of Sinabi took pity on me. He was one of those punch clock villains, not a bad man, he just believed in the system. Anyway, he saw the system wasn't made for corner cases like mine. So, he helped me escape. At the end of the day, he made sure to run out of healing potion and when he got more, he slipped me my pack, which still had the coins, laptop, my knife, a change of clothes, and some food. He made sure the guards were distracted long enough for me to escape.”. I grew sad, “I regret not finding out what happened to him.”
“I was on the run for the last two months, hiding in the woods, stealing food, avoiding patrols. I finally jumped here, and, this is a glorious place. Dash, you have no idea how wonderful this place is.” I looked at Dash, “I'm sorry I wasn't totally honest with you from the get go, but I think you can understand why. Still, I'm glad I've got that out of the way, nothing left but the gory details. And, please, I really don't want to go back there.”
We sat for along time, each lost in thought. Dash finally broke the silence, “I can't say I understood everything you just said, but I think I got most of it.” She considered everything she had heard, “And, if that wasn't the gory details, I don't need to hear them.”
I grunted, “Ya, lets just skip that part.” I cleared my throat, “So! Change of subject. Do you mind if I have one of those delicious looking muffins? I'm starving!”. I smiled, “After all, it takes a lot of calories to sustain my massive ego.”
Dash chuckled and smiled weakly. I wondered if she was trying to drive the images from her mind. With forced joviality, “I can't see that being a problem monkey boy. And if you do get out of hand I'll put you back in your place.” Dash looked at the muffins and turned a slight shade of green, “I think I'll skip the muffins for now. My stomach is a little, heh... weak. Anyway, I have... er... stuff to do.” She finished quickly, “Oh, and before I forget, Twilight wants to see you this afternoon. I'll see you later at Twilight's, okay?”
“You bet.” I smiled after her, but when she left, I started mentally reviewing her reactions, and the kind of world this was. As I was contemplating recent events, I ate two of the four muffins and I had to admit, they were fantastic. But, as good as the muffins were, I still had the problems of a freaked out Dash, clothing, and what to do with my new life here.
Even though my problems here were simple on the surface, the thought of hurting any of these ponies just tore me up. I never thought I would say this, but having a mad scientist trying to take my brain out to use in their atomic robot sounded so much easier to deal with than making a life here without hurting any feelings.
By late morning the coveralls were dry enough, so I changed into them. The shirt was still damp, but dry enough for what I had in mind. I was going to head to Rarity's first then to Twilight's.
The day was beautiful, just one lone cloud, a perfect day. As I walked along the gravel path, I was happy to have a sense of purpose, even if it was just to get some clothes and talk to Twilight. Those would be great accomplishments.
About half way to the town proper, I heard an angry voice, “Alex Roberts! What did you do to Rainbow Dash? Why is she crying, holding herself, and rocking back and forth?”. The voice belonged to the previously quiet and gentle Fluttershy. I turned around to see her hovering with her arms crossed and a very angry expression on her face.
I looked at her, confused and worried, “Wait! What happened to Dash?”
“You've lost the right to call her Dash! You will call her Rainbow Dash, you big meany!”
“Hold on a sec! What's going on, what wrong with Das...” I saw the expression on Fluttershy's face harden, “Rainbow Dash? The last time I saw her, she took off, said she had stuff to do. Is she... oh... damn...” I looked up at Fluttershy, “I think I know what's wrong. I... I didn't mean to mess her up. It's just that, she saw the scars on my back, then she was sick, and she wanted to know what happened. I didn't get into the gory details, and she seemed a little shook up but basically fine when she left...” Fluttershy's expression softened.
“She wanted to know about your back? Beyond what you told me? Oh, well, that might explain it. That's not the kind of thing we see much of in Equestria. And Dashie has always been a little squeamish under all that bravado.”
“What can I do to help? Dash”, I said with a little defiance, “is my friend and I'll be sent to the moon before I don't do anything to help her, but,” I sighed, “I don't know how this world or it's people works. I thought I had a clue, I thought I knew it all, but a kids show is not a good primer for this. Something as simple as breaking bread with a friend has a whole different meaning here. I'm afraid anything I do will be wrong, that I'll just hurt her or freak her out. If it helps, this is what I told her.” I repeated the story to Fluttershy. She was shocked but surprisingly stoic, and by the end, she was starting to tear up. I ended it with, “Please don't cry, and please don't feel sorry for me. What happened is in the past, let's leave it there. I've forgiven those who hurt me. I want to, as it were, change the subject and carry on.”
Fluttershy sighed and smiled sadly, “Alright, I will never mention it to anyone.” Her expression changed to embarrassment, “I'm sorry for calling you a big meany. I know you're her friend but she's mine too, and I was just upset. Sorry for being so aggressive. It's just that she kept muttering your name, and I thought you had done something. I know Dashie, and I know a story like this would effect her deeply, but, if she's letting you call her Dash, and she asked for the story, she considers you a friend. And once she digests the information in her own way, she will be back. I expect to see her later today, tomorrow morning at the latest.”
I felt relieved, “Good. I'm happy she's able to deal with this.”. I looked up, “Is that her?” I pointed to the single cloud in an otherwise perfect sky. Fluttershy said it was. “So, me asking you to bring her down here to talk it out with me will not work, in fact it may make it worse?” Fluttershy agreed it would be a bad idea. “Well, I feel useless.”
My friend, the sky blue angel, is suffering, and there's nothing I can do. Apple buck me to the moon.
I was in a thoughtful mood. It was only a half hour walk on my way to Rarities' boutique, and I was half way when I was accosted by Fluttershy. She had given me a lot to chew on. Again, no pony seemed too bothered by me, and in fact I was greeted by friendly nods, or at worst, curious stares.
I'm worried about Dash. I didn't even think about how an experience like mine would be perceived in a world like this. This is a place where a failed party is a disaster, where if your friends don't talk to you for a day, you have a nervous breakdown. She's been a far better friend than anyone has the right to expect, and I go and treat her like that. I feel ashamed. I should have sugar coated the story. I should have... I don't know, done something different, protected her from me. I hope I don't lose her as a friend.
I finally arrived at the Carrousel Boutique. I noticed the sign said 'Closed' but I thought I would knock anyway. I heard Rarity call out as she opened the door, “I'm sorry, we're clo... Oh, hello Alex. Please, come in.” I walked in and closed the door behind myself.
I sat heavily on the floor with my back to the door. “Rarity, I accidentally did a terrible thing, I...”, I was interrupted by three fillies rushing into the room. I recognized Scootaloo, but the other two, a yellow filly with red mane and big red hair bow, and the other with an off white coat and pink and purple mane, I had no clue. I smiled despite myself, “Hi Scootaloo, how are you doing?”
Scootaloo answered excitedly, “I'm doing great Alex!”
Rarity cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow.
Scootaloo blushed a little then continued more formally, “Sorry, I mean, I'm doing very well Mr Alex Roberts. Me and my friends, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, would like to extend our thanks for helping me. You and Rainbow Dash that is.” Scootaloo ran off.
Apple Bloom, excitedly added, “Ya! We made a hero award for you and Rainbow Dash! For talking back to old stinky Coins!” Rarity glared, “Um, I mean when Mr. Golden Coins was so uncivil.” Applejack said that was real gutsy of you, seen' as you're not as strong or tough as a pony.”
“My sister said you acted like a real gallant knight. Just like in the fairy tales.” Sweetie Belle said, looking at me in awe.
Rarity smiled, “Now Sweetie Belle, he's a decent pony and saw a decidedly indecent event and intervened. As any gentlecolt would.”
I looked down, genuinely embarrassed. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I shakily got to my feet, and wiped my eye, “Oh, dear. Looks like I got some dust in my eye. May I use your bathroom, Rarity? I'll be right back.” I smiled, and Rarity, with a knowing look, pointed the way for me. I closed the door behind myself. I splashed some cold water on my face and pulled myself together. Why was I so knocked out by such a childish act? I don't know. Well, once I dried myself, I went back to the main room. Scootaloo and her friends were there, brimming with pride.
“Here you go!” they said in unison. The picture was crudely drawn, it showed me kicking the flank of an angry looking pony with a top hat and monocle, and Rainbow Dash by my side. It had the word 'HERO' at the top, traced in jewels, 'Thank You For Saving Scootaloo' and their names at the bottom. Ok, fine, I had a real hard time controlling the water works. I admired it for a very long time, my expression blank.
Apple Bloom whispered, “Do you think he likes it?” I wasn't sure, but I could swear Rarity didn't hear it.
Sweetie Belle answered in the same whisper, “I told you we should have used more glitter.”
Scootaloo looked crest fallen.
Quietly I said, “Girls, this is the best gift I've gotten in a very long time.” I wiped my eyes, “It's perfect, just the way it is.”
The three looked relieved. Scootaloo jumped forward, gave me a little hug, and the three of them ran off with a cry of “Cutie Mark Crusaders Award Makers! Yay!”.
I remained where I was, admiring their gift. I spoke without looking up. “You know Rarity, the last time I got a gift like this, it was made by my daughter. It was about a week before I jumped. I looked at it for moment, then casually tossed it on the pile. I'm not sure I did more than casually thank her.” I continued looking at the gift, lost in thought.
Rarity said softly, “Well darling, you seem to have made an impression on those young fillies,” I looked at her and saw she was smiling, “and they on you.”
“Could you store this for me please.” I reverently held my treasure so Rarity could take it with her magic. “My house needs some work, and I don't want to damage it.”.
“Oh course my dear. I will be happy to store it for you. Now, I assume you've come here for an update on the finances? Well, there's n...”
I waved my hand, “No no, I know it's in good hands. I trust you and Applejack completely. No, I came for two reasons, one trivial, one important. I need some clothes, and I was unsure if you did male non-pony clothes, but, that's not important.” Rarity looked concerned, clothes to her were always important. “No, I did something bad. I... ugh... I assumed ponies, Dash in this case, had the same sort of psychological grounding as humans do.”
“I'm not sure I understand Alex. What do you mean?”
“I believe you know my story and about the scarring on my back?” Rarity nodded. “I was washing my shirt, and Dash saw my back. She threw up, Rarity. She was so sickened by what she saw, she was physically ill.” Rarity looked shocked, “Once Dash pulled herself together, she wanted to know exactly how I got them, so I told her. I didn't go into detail, but I told her enough, too much I think. I feel so bad for hurting her. Fluttershy said she'll be okay, but...” I looked away in shame, “it doesn't make it any better.”
Rarity's expression became stern. “Show me,” she said.
I blinked and looked at her for a moment. “What? You mean my back? Are you sure? It's not the kind of thing ponies seem to deal well with. I only figured Fluttershy didn't completely collapse was because of her experiences taking care of sick and injured animals.”
“Alex my dear, I am a grown mare. I do not need protection, no matter how gallantly it is offered. Please. Your back.”
“Alright.” I slipped my arms out of my coverall, “If this gets to be too much, let me know and I'll cover up,” I slowly exposed my back. I was getting sick of this. It's an ugly scar, but these damn ponies keep making an issue out of it.
I heard a gasp and a muttered, “Oh, good heavens...” then she cleared her throat, “Thank you, that's enough. I think I can understand why Rainbow Dash was, disturbed.” She paused, looking me in the eye, “You are correct in assuming that this sort of, damage, is almost unheard of here. Rainbow Dash is a very loyal pony and when she sees a friend in distress, she internalizes it. If she was physically ill, it was only because she sympathized with what happened to you, or what she imagined happening.”
“Hmm. That would explain what she said, about wanting to know so she didn't have to imagine.” I sighed, “If I would have known...”
Rarity interrupted, “If you would have known you would have done things differently I'm sure.” She sighed, “Alex, although you first became aware of us through children's entertainment, we are not children. Please do not forget that.”
I stammered. “Miss Rarity, I apologize if that was how you perceived my... “ I stopped and grimaced, “Who am I kidding? I have no clue how this world works. I'm trying to behave as dictated by a half remembered cartoon I last saw almost 60 years ago.” I sat back down, “And now I'm alienating the very ponies who were kind enough to help me, not only a total stranger, but not even the same species.” I hung my head down, “I should have followed my first instincts and ran into the woods.” I looked back up to Rarity, “Look, Miss Rarity, once you cash out my coins, I'll...”
“Stop! Stop right there Mr. Alex Roberts.” Rarity was standing right in front of me, close enough that I can smell her perfume. Her expression was one of annoyance. “If you think we will let you off easy by letting you trot off into the woods and living as a hermit, just so you can avoid accidentally hurting one of us, you will be sadly mistaken. Like it or not, we are part of your life now. We are your friends.” She was glaring at me and it was almost physically painful, “And whether you like it or not, Rainbow Dash will be loyal to you until the end. She has seen your pain Alex. As much as you want, you cannot take that away from her. Do you understand?”
I nod, not truly understanding, but it's all I can do. I look up, voice heavy with guilt, “What can I do to help Dash? What can I say to her to make her better?”
The late morning sun was streaming in from behind Rarity. She smiled beatifically down on me, “Simply be the gallant knight that you are.”
I wiped my nose, “You ponies...” I shake my head, “are so different. I come from a place where children are taught from an early age to beware the stranger. Where cynicism is considered the safest attitude to have. Trust has to be earned and is reluctantly given. Here trust and friendship and kindness is the basic assumption. I have lived a lifetime, two lifetimes really, in realities where cynicism is the only position the world around you will allow. It will take a lot of effort on my part to change. I'm glad I have good friends to guide me.” I stood, “Thank you. Thank you for being a good friend. Thank you for... everything.”
And then I did what I always do when I don't want to talk about something, I clear my throat and change the subject. “So, change of subject. My dear Miss Rarity,” I put on my best false smile, “I was wondering if I could purchase an extra set of clothes until the tailor's son gets back from something called 'interspecies tailoring'. I know...” I chuckled to myself, “sorry, I think I know,” Rarity smirked at that, “they you only make dresses for mares, but I was hoping could stitch together a simple copy of these,” I gave her the pants and tunic, “and what I'm wearing right now. These have seen better days, and I just need something a little tidier.” All the clothes has small stains, little rips, and the knees were starting to blow out.
Rarity looked at me a little confused, “I'm sure no one will judge you if you don't have fashionable clothes on for a day or two. Even I don't wear clothes most days.”
This was a subject I wanted to avoid, but I could not. I averted my eyes and blushed a little. “Well, that's one of those wonderful cultural differences that have been cropping up. While your society seems to be, er, clothing optional, mine is generally not.” I gave a half smile, “I don't know if you noticed, but I always try to look a you in the face, and if my eyes are not on your face, I look at the ground, the ceiling, the wall, anywhere but... not at your face.”
I was speaking to the floor now, “It's become worse for me as I've been seeing ponies as people.” Rarity made an expression of incredulity and I interrupted her before she could say anything, “I know, I know. Ponies are fully sentient beings, worthy of all my respect. I truly understand that now. But when I arrived, all I could think was I'm in a cartoon world populated by cartoon characters. I'm not proud of that Rarity. Since my many gifts do not include the ability to undo stupid mistakes, I'll have to live with that sin too. So, if you can forgive the idiot in front of you, can I once again take advantage of your generosity?”
Rarity seemed surprised and puzzled. “My dear Alex, there is nothing to apologize for. We have all made errors in judgment and have had misplaced expectations,” She seemed far away for a moment, “We all, as you say, have our sins. Now, for your clothes,” she lifts the pants and shirt, examining them with a critical eye, “They're simple, and the basic body pattern is similar to Spikes. While I do not normally make clothes for stallions, I will be happy to make something based on this. And, despite appearances I can appreciate the need for simple and serviceable clothes. Could I take those coveralls and pants while you could just wear the shirt while I make a first copy. Surely, that would be acceptable.”
“Heh, well, not really.” She said she was an adult, so I should deal with her as an adult, “You could say the core of the clothes issue is this area, basically the front and back of the pelvis,” I indicated the area with my hands. “In humans that is where our genitals are located, and these are primary sexual characteristics. In the males, that's basically where it ends, in the females, their mammaries are also considered sexual characteristics. They are located here and here,” I again indicated with my hands. “These areas are considered intimate and private.” I smiled sadly. “So, in short, when I look at a pony, my brain recognizes you as human and I guess I mentally map human sexual characteristics on to your body. It feels...” I waved my hands in the air, looking for the right word “, disrespectful.” I was really blushing now, and I couldn't make myself look at Rarity.
The room was quiet and I figured Rarity was in shock of the concept or maybe just disgusted. Then I heard laughter. A very kind and lady like laugh, but laughter none the less. “Oh Alex, you truly are a gallant knight from a fairy tale. I can assure you not a single citizen of Ponyville would be shocked by your walking down the street without any clothes. But, I understand your concerns. How about I just take the pants and shirt and I will make some copies from a sturdy un-dyed cotton material. Just something simple until you can get that fine young unicorn stallion to properly create more clothes.” She seemed lost in thought for a moment, “Elusive is very talented. Judging from his work of course.”
“Thank you Rarity for helping me.” She is a damn good friend, and I hope I can be one too.
I headed to the marketplace to get some lunch then head up to Twilight Sparkle's library. On the way, I was debating whether to start watching episodes of My Little Pony, and whether that would help me at all. By the time I reached Applejacks stall in the market I had decided that they would only cause problems. It was in my best interest to learn who they were, like I would any other friend and not rely on their cartoon caricatures.
I spotted Applejack. Some distance away I waved and called out a greeting. She didn't react at first, I had to repeat myself a few times and I had to get much closer before she heard me. I'm getting really sure my senses are better than those the locals have.
“Well howdy Alex. What brings you out here?”
Time to turn on the old Alex Roberts charm. With a big smile, “Well, a man has to eat and your apples look fantastic! And I want to thank you again for your kindness. But first, business. How much for a bag of apples?”
She gave a smile, “After what you've done for my family, it's on the house.”
I cocked and eyebrow and my smile faded. “Applejack, come on. You work your flank off to get these apples, I will darn well pay you. Now, how much?”
Applejack stood on her hind legs so she could look me in the eye and scowled at me. “Gosh darn it! Are we going to have to do this every time? You have gone and given the Apple family the greatest gift in its history. You will take as many apples as you want. Do I make myself clear?”
I put my hands out, afraid she would fall, “Be careful! Don't hurt yourself! That doesn't look too easy for a pony and I don't want you to fall.” Applejack dropped nimbly back down. “Please, as a friend, let me buy my apples fair and square.”
A smile slowly crept over the mare's face, “Shoot, you're lucky I got a kind heart. That'll be six bits.”
I'm fairly sure Twilight lives here. I wasn't sure of the protocol and I have become painfully aware that I don't understand how this place works. Do I just walk right in? I decided to knock on the Library door and I hear a cheerful Spike's voice, “I've got it Twilight!” I can hear Spike taking a deep sniff just as the door opens and his face goes from a smile to a scowl. “It's you.” He turned and bellowed, “The smelly freak is here for you!”
“Spike! What an awful thing to say. Alex Roberts, I'm so sorry for this. Spike isn't normally this rude.” She shot Spike a withering glare. Spike stomped off to another room, muttering under his breath.
I smiled, “It's ok, Twilight Sparkle. Oh, and my friends call me Alex. That includes you, just in case there was any question.” I called out, “And that includes you too Spike, whether you like it or not. Did Rarity give him that bag of jewels?”
Twilight, looking a little confused, “Yes, Rarity dropped it off last night, soon after you left. He was thrilled to get a gift from Rarity but as soon as she left he threw them away and said something about their smell.” She gave her head a little shake and smiled, “And, please, call me Twilight. The reason I called you here was that I wanted to give you some good news!” She levitated a scroll from the table, “The Princess wants to meet you. Here is the letter I received this morning.” Twilight passed me the scroll. I opened it carefully. The paper with thick and smooth, with a hand made feel to it. The writing on the page was perfect, each letter executed with analytical precision, not a single drop of ink spilled, and a golden seal at the bottom.
My Dear Mr Alex Roberts,
My Most Faithful Student Twilight Sparkle has informed me of your arrival and the unusual circumstances surrounding it. She has suggested that you would make an excellent addition to the Equestrian people and so I would like to personally welcome you to Equestria as our newest citizen. I know you will be a loved and respected member of our community. I'm sure the life you build here will be pleasant and your actions entertaining to all those around you.
Signed,
Princess Celestia, Donec Regia Pax
P.S. I would like to invite you to come and visit me in Canterlot at your earliest convenience.
I read the latter again and again. Well, that's citizenship taken care of. I look at Twilight and I feel immense gratitude. “I don't know what to say Twilight. Thank you.” I looked out the window, the panorama of daily life unfolding, a slow smile crosses my face. I quickly turn my eyes back to Twilight, “At the risk of seeming thankless, why did you do it? Why me? You don't know me. I could be anything.”
Twilight pursed her lips, “An excellent question. Well, according to 'The Equestrian Guide To Citizenship' a good citizen should be always willing to help fellow citizens. After your recent actions stepping up and protecting Scootaloo from,” Twilight got a bit of a sour expression on her face, “Golden Coins, I thought you showed excellent moral fibre. Therefor, I felt you were an excellent candidate for citizenship. I sent the letter to Princess Celestia this morning and she agreed with my recommendation,” she gave a quick nod and smiled at me. “However, I have to tell you, I also had a bit of an ulterior motive for recommending you.”
'Oh boy, here it comes,' I thought to myself.
“I thought it would be fun to have someone from a different universe to talk to. And maybe I can use your... laptop?” I smiled and nodded. She got a dreamy look on her face, contemplating the possibilities, “A multiverse of libraries. So much information, so many books to read...”
“Don't get too excited Twilight. Think of it as a library where anyone who can write, or not write to be honest, can publish whatever they want. Almost nothing is peer reviewed so most of it is garbage.” Twilight looked crest fallen. “But, there is some wheat in the chaff, if you know where to look. When I have some time, I'll be happy to help you out.”
“That sounds like a great opportunity Alex, thanks!”
“Before I visit Princess Celestia, I want to get some more clothes, these are a little thread bare.” I gave Twilight the same little speech I gave Rarity on the subject. Unlike Rarity, Twilight simply accepted it without comment, not even a blush.
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Spike making a gagging motion. “Hey, Twilight, do you mind if we walk and talk? I would really like to get the window fixed up before tonight. That, and Spike doesn't like me. My body oder seems to be very offensive to him.” I started to worry, “I don't smell to you, do I?”
Twilight leaned in closely to me and tentatively sniffed. I couldn't resist sniffing her when she was close. The only pony that had been physically close to me was Rarity, and she wore a lot of perfume. Twilight didn't seem to wear perfume, or if she did it was subtle. It's a little like a very mild very clean short haired dog, with a hint a baby powder. I suspect the baby powder is what she uses for perfume. There was something else, but I couldn't describe it. A sort of something that makes you want to smile. As weird as it sounds it could be described as the smell of friendship.
She said, “No, nothing bad, a little sweaty maybe, but nothing offensive.” She grew thoughtful for a moment, “It could be some hormonal thing. I wonder if some kind of magic trick could fix it.”
I shrugged, “Well, thanks Twilight. I'll fix that sweat problem tonight. Just one more thing to add to the to do list. So! Change of subject.” I smiled. “My dear Miss Twilight Sparkle, as fun as it would be to spend the day sniffing each other,” Twilight giggled at that, “I would like to do the manly thing and go shopping for tools.”
“That sounds like fun, Mr. Alex Roberts.” She trotted to the back of the library, “Spike! We think we know what's going on with you and Alex. I'll fill you in when I come back.”
We left, discussing possible magical and technological solutions for my problem with Spike.
I was glad I was able to find a few basic tools, plus some plastering supplies. I also took the chance to pickup a few basics, like some containers and some soap. The backpack made it easy to carry stuff without much worry. I was surprised the cost of goods was on the low side, especially when compared to food.
As we were leaving the hardware store Twilight was lecturing me on building codes and best practises. She commented that with all the damage to her home she had become familiar with them and was happy to share her vast knowledge. I was grateful for the information because I didn't want to break a building code and have to rip out everything I did.
In the distance, I saw a crowd starting to gather, and the smell of smoke. The smell is different from a plain wood fire, a burning house has a smell that is hard to forget.
“Twilight! Do you smell that?” I unslung my backpack, carrying it in my hand.
She looked a little confused, “No not... wait, that's not a normal smoke smell. Oh my gosh! Look!”
“Apple bucking moon!”, I cursed. “Where is the fire department, Twilight?”
“They should be on their way.” She looked worried, on the edge of panic.
I could see a mare beside herself being held back by a stallion. “My little foal! He's still in there!” The stallion was holding her back, “Honey, no, you can't go in, you'll only get yourself killed!”
Damn it! I hate this. All the ponies seem to be standing around, not knowing what to do. I don't want to be a hero, I just want to get home alive. But, Celestia, it's a kid.
I yelled, “Twilight, cover me!” I quickly take a couple deep breaths and charge into the house, yelling as much because I need the false bravado and because I'm scared stupid. The front door is partially open, and I knock it open with my shoulder. I'm going to feel that in the morning. The fire is in the kitchen and spreading fast. There's smoke everywhere. I head up the stairs, trip and fall a few times. Damn pony stairs. I finally make it to the top, staying low. I look back and see flames licking around the kitchen door. This inspires me to get moving.
“Come on kid, where are you?!” I coughed, trying hard not to breathe in too much.
I heard a weak voice, “Over here mister! My closet door won't open!”
I opened one door, then a second, and finally I found the voice in the third room. The smoke was getting thick, and I could see flames licking up the stairway. I hurried in, bumping my head on the door frame and slamming the door behind me.
“Okay kid, stay calm! I'll open the door, but you need to get to the back and stay low!”
“O-Okay mister.” The child coughed from the smoke, and I hope he followed my instructions. I pulled out my knife, gave it the command 'crowbar', and as it flowed into the proper shape I drove it into the door frame. It cracked and the door came lose. I put my foot on the wall, and pulled the door out. I smiled at the terrified young colt, his eyes the size of saucers, not sure how to react. I looked at the knife, and quickly sheathed it.
Smoke was starting to fill the room. I felt the door and almost burned my hand. Going out the door was out of the question.
“Come on kid! I'll get you out the window, but I need you to come with me!” He looked at me in terror scurrying further back. The smoke was getting thicker. It was getting harder to breathe.
“Sorry about this kid!” I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. He bit me, the little bugger, but I didn't let go. What's a bite for a kids life?
I looked over my shoulder and I saw flames licking under the door. I'll have to admit that I panicked a little. My knife was on the far right side, unfortunately, so was the flailing colt. I smashed the window of the room with my left hand, the glass cutting it up. I used the sleeve to protect my arm while I removed the shards of glass from the window frame. I screamed, “Twilight! Catch!”, and tossed the foal out the window. I hope she catches him. If not, a broken bone or two is better than burning to death.
With my right hand free, and my left hand cut to ribbons, I looked at the window. Celestia's mane it was small. I mean, average sized for a pony, not so much for me. The fire was coming, so I didn't have much choice. I dived through the window, and got hung up at my hips. It hurt like Discord, but I pushed my way through and was falling. For a split second, I saw the foal floating in the air, surrounded by a purple glow, and I was at peace.
My last thought before I hit the ground was, 'It's a fair tra...'
...
...
...
I was flying. Wings on my back, steadily flapping, each flap taking as long as a breath. Thump. Thump. Thump. As natural as breathing. The warm air was playing over my face and body. Smells of hay, and flowers, and green things. Below, rolling hills as far as the eye could see. The sky was a perfect cyan blue, and there was a rainbow in the distance. A perfect spring day.
I could see my house down there. My family was in the yard, waving at me. I only had to swoop down, and I would join them forever. But the flying was so breath taking, so wonderful, I just wanted to fly a little while longer.
...
The world was black, pain in my side and chest and my head. I could hear distant voices and a few words but I didn't understand...
“...n you hear m...”
“...o get a chest tu...”
“...lood ty...”
“...d that fluoroscope N...”
“...e's got no mag...”
“...s Luna damned anatom...”
...
And I was flying again. Spiralling down, closer to my family. I knew I would be paying for my sins, and I was at peace...
...
...
Dry lips. I tried to lick them. My tongue was blocked by... something...
...
Perfect cyan sky and stunning rainbows. I could still see my family, and they were getting further away. The wing beats become more ragged, and I had to work harder to fly...
...
Harsh antiseptic smell.
Mouth, so dry. I can lick my lips now. I feel a straw against my lips. Cool sweet water.
A gentle cracking voice whispers, “Not too much big guy.”
I cough, having drunk too much too fast. It hurts so much I cry...
...
I wake, but don't have the strength to open my eyes. I expect to feel Ann in bed beside me. The sudden pain and the grinding of bone on bone snap me to reality for a few moments. Ribs. I have broken ribs. I now understand why each breath is like a dagger. I taste blood, old blood. How long have I been...
I hear a cracking female voice yelling out, “Oh my gosh! He's waking up!”
I can't place it. I know I should know it. Is it from some... a cartoon... Rainbow Dash?
I finally, slowly, open my eyes. I see the angular animated nature of this world. It's all coming back to me. I mutter, “boy... okay... ?”
I feel Dash's hoof on my hand, gently stroking, “Ya, he's just fine.” I could hear the worry turning to joy in her voice.
I turned my head. Dash was smiling, relief cascading from her. Her hair was even messier than usual and the bags under her eyes were visible. I smiled slightly, “get sleep... you look... terrible...”. I close my eyes and let the darkness embrace me.
I was told I had been slipping in and out of consciousness for almost two days. The nurse told me Dash had been at my side the whole time. In the end I had three broken ribs, a concussion, some lung damage from a puncture and smoke inhalation, and lots of bruising. I found it amusing to be tended by a doctor, a veterinarian, and a potion maker.
As soon as I was able to they were getting me moving, saying it was the best for broken ribs. It hurt like the moon, but I gritted my teeth and did it. I had to be in good health for the next trade opportunity.
I was a little embarrassed at the dressing gown. It was designed for a pony, and when it was on me, the opening was at the front. They also had to pin up the back legs so I didn't trip over them. No one around me seemed to care, but it embarrassed me to no end to have my boys open to public view.
Apparently the usual spells and procedures to promote healing were not as effective on me. The best ones had limited effect. Some of the potions made by Zecora, lovely lady, always talked in rhymes, also have some effect, but the pain killers seemed to work just fine. The consensus of the doctors, vet, and Zecora was that I would be back to my old self in two or three weeks.
Dash was back in my room when I came back from the first physiotherapy session and the kindly poking and prodding of the medical staff. She was yawning, stretching her wings, and looked quite graceful despite her obvious fatigue. Those wings. It amazed me such small wings could lift anything the size of Dash. Magic, I guess.
I was helped to the bed and got back to finding a comfortable position. Pony hospital beds are made for a different body shape, so it had been left flat. Dash and I chatted about the physiotherapy and how pleased the doctors were to be able to get some basic medical information from me directly. One commented on how much more complex my body was compared to ponies, but that they couldn't find my left or right starswirls. I had jokingly asked the doctor if I can still play the piano without them, and his reaction was a little... weird. He blinked then looked at my hands and said, in all seriousness he said that I could as long as my fingers still worked without them. I figured it was just one of those cultural misunderstandings and let it drop.
We both got quiet, one of those natural lulls in a conversation. Dash broke the silence, softly asking, “Why Alex? Why did you do it?”, I was taking a deep slow breath and about to answer and she interrupted me, a bit of anger in her voice, “And don't give me that 'daddy instinct' pile of horsefeathers. You know you can easily get hurt, maybe even killed. I mean, what kind of lunatic would run into a burning house. And Twilight told me the firefighters were in sight by the time you ran in, and with their equipment they could have saved the kid in ten seconds flat.” She sighed and held my hand between her hooves. She continued quietly, “I want to know the real reason.”
I turned my head away and scowled. I was in a good place, just the right amount of self loathing, just enough to remind me of... things. Why did she want to wreck that. It made me angry that she wanted to upset the applecart. I turned to face her, still scowling, and with a hint of anger in my voice, “Fine, you want to know? You want to know why I don't give a damn if I live or die some days?” I glared at her for a few moments, “Fine. Get me my knife and close the door.” I wanted a little privacy for this.
She closed the room door then went to the little cubby and took the knife in her mouth. With a worried expression, she reluctantly passed me the knife, and it formed itself around my hand. Dash was taken aback at the flowing, liquid movement of the metal.
For a fleeting moment, I thought how easy it would be to slash my wrist, or plunge it into my heart. But, I had promised myself it would be a fair trade or until I could hold Ann in my arms, and not a second sooner.
My expression hardened when my mind went back to the day I got my blade. I sure as the moon didn't want to share something this intimate, but if it would get her off my back, and, with luck, drive her away so I don't need to fear hurting her. If it kept her away from me in the long run then she can damn well have it. It would be for the best.
I slowly took a deep, painful breath, just like the therapist had taught me to do. I slowly played with the dull knife as I told my grim tale.
“I got this about 25 jumps ago. It's an Imperial Pattern One Two Seven Nine Combat Knife with Mental Controls and Polymorphic Enhancement. Top of the line, changes shape based on mental commands. I usually leave it in non-combat mode, a dull dowel blade. There were only supposed to be ten made.”
“It was given to me by the wizard Zathrok. He gave it to me so I could get the gem of Balzoon, which he claimed could be used to transport me home.” I gave a little smile, “I was with Shedinath, dragonborn paladin of Bahamut, and Hayi Crystalsmiter, dwarven lock and trap expert. We dodged traps, avoided guards, and risked everything.” I paused for a moment, lost in thought, “In the end we got that thrice damned gem. But, I was an idiot for believing Zathrok had any intentions of sending me home. Heh, I doubt he was even able to do it.” For a moment my eyes flitted on Dash's wings and back, carefully avoiding her face and intimate areas.
I took another deep slow breath. “My greatest sin is that I took a life to get that Celestia damned gem.” I heard a gasp, but didn't look. “Oh, I had smashed skeletons and bashed zombies, but they were already dead. I was just smashing machines made from flesh and bone. This was different.”
Dash was quiet. I couldn't make myself look at her, and as much as I wanted to drive all these good, kind ponies way from the likes of me, I was afraid of actually seeing that look of disgust. Another slow painful breath. I was quiet for a moment, drawing on those black memories. “To avoid a patrol of skeleton warriors, we were sneaking through a small side passage. It was hidden behind a secret door and it had not been used in years. The passage was narrow, so we could only move single file. I was at the front of the group with my knife ready.”
“We got to the end, and there was a small grate set in a small door. I peeked outside, and saw the gem on a pedestal, on top of a small dais. The room was small, maybe 5m by 5m. It was quiet, except for the sound of breathing. I changed my angle of view a little and caught sight of the guard. He was beside the door, on the opposite side of the hinges. That meant I could jump out quickly and knock him out. That was my plan.”
“I readied myself. I quietly unhinged the lock, which was mercifully silent, and readied myself. I kicked the door as hard as I could and it swung out with ease. I jumped, put my hand over the guard's mouth, and I punched him in the head. I wanted to make a clean knock out punch. But things didn't go according to plan. He wasn't knocked out. He struggled, reaching for a leaver.”
“I panicked. I knew if he reached that leaver, we were all dead. I turned the blade and cut his throat. Just like that. The green blood covered my hands. All I could smell was a coppery salty oder of orc blood. He gurgled and went limp.” I took a long, ragged, painful breath. “No one ever tells you about the piss and shit. When you die, you lose control of your body, and you release your bladder and bowels. As he sprawled on top of me, all I could smell was the blood and piss and shit.”
My voice started to crack, emotion pouring through. “They laughed at me, telling me it was only an orc. I had killed it and now I took it's stuff. That's how the game is played they said.” Tears were starting to flow. “I was still in shock, numb, so I emptied the coin purse. I found money of course, just a few gold coins.” I suddenly started to breathe faster, harder. The pain in my side was blinding, “B... But I also f... found a piece of paper. Oh Celestia! There was a drawing... “ I started weeping, tears dripping on my cheeks. “It was a figure, with a smaller figure holding it's hand.” I sobbed. “He was a father!”, I wailed softly. “I killed a father! I took away a child's dad!” Turned my head away from Dash, “All for a few damn coins and a useless rock!”
I felt her nuzzling me. She hoarsely whispered, “You didn't mean to kill. It was an accident. You're not like that.”
I weakly pushed her away, I was getting really tired. “Dash, you don't understand. I went out of my way to do it. He was in my way and I cut his throat. His blood was on my hands. It still stains them. That's why I call myself a monster! That's why I keep trying to make a fair trade! That's why I don't deserve to live in this happy place. That's why I don't deserve friends like you. I'm a stain on all that's good. That's why I keep the damn knife. To remind myself. So I never forget.” I weakly toss it away and it clatters on the floor.
I slowly turned my head away in shame. Shame at the tears , shame at being forgiven so easily, shame at what I had done, shame at being too weak to simply take my own worthless life.
I felt a warm wet muzzle on my neck, her hair tickling my chin. I could feel her crying. She gently put her hoof on my chest.
Between my own sobs, I whispered, “This is the first time I've told anyone. I've kept this inside for so long. I haven't even told Ann.” I put my hand on her hoof, “I'm so sorry to do this to you. You just met me, and here I am sharing my deepest darkest secrets.” I turned my head away. I just want to stop feeling.
She moved away from me, sniffed loudly, then thumped my chest, “You big idiot!” She thumped me again, “Look at me gosh darn it!”
I turned my head, unsure, afraid of what I would see.
She stood beside the bed, one hoof on the edge of the bed. I could see the wet fur on her cheeks, defiance and anger in her narrowed eyes. “Twice you put yourself in danger for people you didn't know. First you look out for Scoots without any idea how Coins would react! And then you pull a bone head stunt like run into a burning building? Now...” She squeezes her eyes tightly, tears leaking through, then resumes her glare, “now you tell me you have some kind of crazy death wish because of something you did fifty years ago? And now you expect me to just walk away because I've only known you for a week? How many times do I have to tell you! I'm the apple bucking Element of Loyalty!” The anger was gone from her eyes, only compassion and... something, was left, “You will never get rid of me.”
I could only look at her with sadness and confusion. I didn't know what to think. I put my hand out and took her hoof. It was warm and soft. I gently rubbed my thumb along the hard front of the toe. I looked her in the eyes, then looked back at her hoof. “I... I don't know what to say.”
She pulled her hoof slightly. I looked up to see her smile, and it felt like a perfect spring day.
Dash had gone home after two and a half days. I selfishly wanted her to stay, but apparently gallant knights insist they go home for some rest. Her presence and caring had brought me some tranquility, and while I was not at peace with myself my burden did feel lighter.
It was hard to break the habits and assumptions of a lifetime, but this place made it so much easier. It made it easier to trust, easier to care for others, and harder to look for that fair trade. The guilt still burned inside me, but that flame of rage and self hate were slowly being extinguished.
I was happy to see nurse Redheart come by with a new medication from Zecora that was supposed to dull the pain more effectively. It was, like most of Zecora's potions, a little sweet and a little thick. I found it easy to take and was told I could expect a second dose in four hours.
I had just drifted off to sleep when I woke with a bit of a start and a wince of pain. Someone was touching my arm. I turned my head and saw Fluttershy was gently touching it and Twilight was sitting beside her, grinning her fool head off.
Fluttershy looked at me with concern all over her face, “Oh Alex, I'm so sorry. We'll go now. Twilight, I told you he...”
I grunted and smiled slightly, “It's ok, you two lovely ladies can visit my bedroom any time.” I giggled a little at my own joke and winced at moving just the wrong way. Fluttershy blushed a deep red and hid behind her bangs and Twilight tittered behind her hoof. Whoa, the meds are really kicking in. “Sorry, I blame the wooooonderful potion Zecora is feeding me. It's making me a little loopy.”
“Alex, we're only allowed to be here two at a time for a short visit, that's the rules. Rarity and Applejack are waiting to come in next, then Pinkie Pie. I informed the Princess of your heroics and she said to postpone your visit for as long as you need.” Twilight grinned from ear to ear, “And, I'm so happy you're feeling better. We were really worried. What you did was so amazing! You should be proud of yourself.”
My smile diminished a little, my voice a little weaker, “I just... followed my daddy instincts, I guess. Let's not make a big deal about it.” I mumbled to myself, “... it was almost a fair trade...”
“Oh Alex,” Fluttershy clucked like a mother hen, “I'm just glad you're alright. I saw Rainbow Dash on the way here and she looked terrible. She usually sleeps about 12 hours a day, staying up for almost three days was hard on her.”
“Is she getting some rest and a good meal or three?” Fluttershy nodded shyly. “Outstanding.”
“I think we've been here long enough Fluttershy. We have that... thing to help with.”
I grew annoyed, “Don't do anything for my sake please. I'm not interested in rewards. Just... please don't.”
I saw them quickly glance at each other before Fluttershy blurted out, “Oh no, it's nothing like that. Some of the girls were coming over to help me with the... um... new bunnies. So many bunnies, so few hooves,” she nervously forced a laugh, making her sound more psychotic than anything else.
Twilight face-hoofed then seemed to realize she may as well go with it, her voice getting slightly manic to go along with a slightly creepy smile, “Oh ya, bunnies! Real big batch of them! Bunnies as far as the eye can see.” She grabbed Fluttershy by the elbow, “Well, look at the time, we had better get going.”
As Twilight was ushering Fluttershy out of the room I said, “Why does Spike hate me? I mean, I know it has something to do with smell. We did spend time sniffing each other and you said I didn't stink, much.” I giggled at my own joke. Ouch. “Maybe some magic will fix it? Or some good old human technology? I'm sorry I'm not likeable.” Giggle. Ouch. Whee!
She paused at the room door, her expression softened into a genuine smile, “Your something else Alex Roberts. We're all glad you're getting better.”
“Oh, and sorry about my comment Fluttershy. I didn't mean to offend you. Since a poor excuse is better than no excuse, I'll blame the potion.” Giggle. Ouch. Poor Fluttershy. She's so cute when she's embarrassed.
I was alone for a few minutes and relaxed. I knew they cared, I knew they were doing... something. And, if I was honest with myself, I wasn't sure I hated the attention. Oh, I didn't really care about others singing my accolades, but... it didn't feel bad. To be honest, I'm feeling real good right now, so I think that this is not the time to get in touch with my feelings or make any choices. Choices. That makes me giggle. Ouch.
Applejack walked into the room, Rarity close behind. Applejacks hat was at a jaunty angle. “Well well well, Mr. Alex Roberts. Laying about eating grapes I see. What will we do with you?” Rarity shot her an annoyed glance.
Giggle. Ouch. “Bake me into a pie!” Giggle. Ouch. “Did you know Zecora makes the best potions? Takes aaaaaall the ouches away. Makes me a little derpy though.” Giggle. Less ouch.
Applejack chuckled that low chuckle of hers. Now that's a cute chuckle. Why did I just think that? “Don't you worry none sugarcube. No business talk until you're feeling better. We just came by to see how you was doin'.” You know, that Applejack sure sounds and acts like Ann. She's pretty too. Giggle. Less ouch.
In her slightly haughty affected accent, Rarity smiled a seductress smile, “You know Alex, I already said you were a gallant knight, you do not need to continue proving it to me.” Ok, that was... what's the sexy version of cute? I don't know. Whatever the sexy version of cute is, she was that by the bucket load. Mr. Brain is free associating. Whee!
“Ladies, thank you so much for cute-ing up my room! Applejack, you make me think of Ann, all pretty and common sense and brains and strength. Rarity, you're just plain old class and eye candy!”, my voice was starting to slur even more, “Why, if I was a pony, I'd be chasing after you like... like... something chasing something.” Whee!
In my happy haze I could see them looking at each other and smirking. Giggle. No ouch? “Zecora does all this really cool rhyming, all the time, did you know that? And the potion she gave me... wow! I have never been this inebriated and I feel great!” I sang, “And I'm starting to sing anything that pops into my head!” Giggle. No ouch. I clear my throat, “I think I may be a little silly right now...”
Rarity came into focus, mainly because she was right beside me, and she gave me a peck on the cheek, “All is forgiven and forgotten, my gallant knight.” She smiled kindly, “Our only concern at the moment is your well being. We shall discuss business matters when you are sober.” She disappeared from focus, things were getting a little blurry.
Applejack came into view and I smiled. “Hello pony Ann.” I made a sad face and reached out to touch Applejack's cheek but couldn't reach it. I looked her in the eyes as best as I could, “I miss Ann.” I smiled again, “But that's okay. I have pony Ann.” Giggle. No pain. Tired.
She took my hand and put it on my chest, then chuckled that cute chuckle and patted me on the shoulder, “Don't you worry lover boy, I think you're going to be just fine.” Yay! Pony Ann is happy! “I love you pony Ann.”
I assume they left, because the next face I saw was pink with big pink hair. Am I hallucinating or is this actually happening? Giggle. No pain. Tired. “Big poofy hair.” I sniffed. “Cotton Candy?”
“Hey there Mr. Monkey Man! Boy oh boy, you really got hurt saving that foal, didn't you? They wouldn't let me bring Gummy in here, something about alligators being unhygienic. I'm so glad to see you feeling better.”
“Oh, hey, Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pinkie Pinkamina poofy Pie. You're cute and smart, you know that? Did the girls tell you about the potion Zecora made for me? Happy giggle juice!” Giggle. No pain. Very Tired. Whee!
She giggled and gave me a warm smile, “It was really brave what you did, and I'm happy you're making a full recovery. I haven't spent much time with you, but everyone else who has says your really nice.” She whispered conspiratorially, “I read ahead so I know you get better.” She continued, “So, when you get out, we're having a big party for you. With balloons, streamers, and Gummy will ... there, and ... I also ... on ...”
...
...
The doctors soon adjusted the dosage of the pain medication. Just enough to dull the pain without turning me into a babbling idiot. Apparently I had a full conversation with Pinkie, but I don't remember a darn thing. She, and all the ladies, were classy enough to not bring anything up I said while... indisposed. I still apologized to them individually. Stoned or not, they were still my actions. Now, I truly thought of them as my friends. Now, I was really seeing the ponies around me as people, not just an extension of a cartoon.
Dash was visiting me every day, even if it was for a short time, and at least one of the others visited me too, usually two or three. I scolded Dash more than once that she was waisting her training time on me. Her response was pure Dash, “Don't worry about it fat head. I've got it all under control. Anyway, I'm not leaving you hanging, got it?”
Later, when I healed enough to get out of bed by myself, I looked out the window. I wondered if Dash knew I might be looking, because I could always see her do her routines from my window. She always did her routines from about 8am to 10am, then again from 1 until 3, and some times for a couple of hours after supper. I had no idea when she did her job but that's the benefit of being friends with the Princess and being an Element of Harmony.
Twilight was the first, after Dash, to visit me on her own. The door glowed purple, and the door opened. “Twilight! It's great to see you with a clear head.”
Twilight tittered, “Yes. As entertaining as you were, a clear head is always better. I thought you would like to know you planted the seed to the solution with Spike. I just had to do some magical enchantments to a medical mask, and I'll have a prototype some time in a few weeks.”
“You know Twilight, I just had a thought. I was going to teach you how to use my laptop, and there is no point in waiting. It's really simple, and frankly, if I was half as smart as you, I'd be twice as smart as I am, so it should be a snap for you.”
I told her where I kept it, and showed her how to open it. Without fingers, she used her magic. I asked her if she was physically able to open it with her hooves and we discovered that, with difficulty, she could. Magic was much more intuitive for her.
We had similar problems with the power button and keyboard, but magic or a stick held in the mouth worked just fine. Oddly enough, the trackpad was not a problem, she could use the front edge of the toe easily enough and the left and right 'mouse' buttons were just below the pad.
That was the easy part.
Poor Twilight had a hard time getting her head around the User Interface. Fairly standard stuff back home. She kept trying to associate parts of the U.I. with, I assume, magical theory and what the equivalent of a U.I. was. She kept asking about morphemic fields, mana flow, ocular frequencies, and stuff that I just didn't understand.
It took almost an hour to teach her how to start it up, click on CONNECT, and open the web browser and/or Skype. I showed her how to do basic searches and suggested she does not search for My Little Pony. I thought it would be best if they didn't see the show.
Rarity visited almost as much as Dash. She's definitely not some empty headed fashionista. We discussed how the business of selling the aluminium was going. Very well it turns out. There was an increased market demand not long before I appeared and the price had gone up. The coins were being greedily bought up.
I was very pleased when she brought me the set of clothes. She also made a robe more appropriate for human use. They may have been simple, but they were expertly made. And, I think she was insulted when I asked her for the bill. I let the matter drop when I realized she can be even more bull headed as Applejack.
I admitted my knowledge of fashion was limited, but I did show her some fashions back home on the laptop. I also taught her how to use it so she could, as she said, “Get inspiration from an entirely new universe.” I thought Twilight was a slow learner, it took almost twice as long for her to understand how to use it. Ponies are just not very adept at using complex technology.
She even had a conversation with Ann on fashion, but Ann was never very fashion conscious. However, she did have good taste. She married me, right? Both lovely ladies agreed I was a big ham, but was a dear none the less.
During a lull in one of our conversations, Rarity said something that really touched me, “My darling Alex, thanks to your generosity, I can now spend more time making the world a more beautiful place and less time just making a living as it were. Thank you.” She gave me another peck on the cheek. I made some glib comment that she was being generous, but I did thank her for that. It never occurred to me what a huge difference I was making in her life.
At the end of my first week, when I could get out of bed on my own, I got a visit from Scootaloo and a mare I didn't know. “Hey, Scootaloo! Nice to see you again.”
Scootaloo started talking at a rapid rate, “Mr Alex Roberts that was totally awesome the way you just ran in the burning building and saved that colt and what's even cooler is you're super brave 'cuz you're not as strong or tough or magic as ponies and the other thing that's cool is...”
I cut her off, “Scootaloo, sometime adults do crazy stupid stuff because they don't think it through. I got hurt real bad and I found out afterwards the firefighters could have saved him. What I did could have turned out way different.” I smiled at her, “Who told you all that stuff anyway?” Realizing I was being rude, “Oh, I'm sorry mam, are you Scootaloo's mom?” Scootaloo and the mare exchanged glances. Scootaloo looked a little embarrassed and the mare blushed a little.
“N... No. This is Miss Sweetheart, my caretaker. I needed an adult to come visit you, so she's here...”
Scootaloo's an orphan? A ward of the crown? “Well, it's nice to meet you Miss Sweetheart. Thank you for bringing Scootaloo to visit. She's a great little filly and she's always welcome.” The tension in the room faded.
Scootaloo excitedly continued, “And it was Sweetie Belle that told me that. She said her sister Rarity told her.”
I motioned for her to get closer, when she was within reach, I mussed up her hair, “and one more thing, Mr. Roberts is my dad, I'm Alex. I expect all my friends, including you Miss Scootaloo,” I look up, “and you too Miss Sweetheart, to call me Alex.”
“Sure thing M... Alex!” She suddenly looked a little embarrassed, “Um, can I use your bathroom?”
“You go right ahead sweetie.” Scootaloo quickly scampered off.
Miss Sweetheart beamed at me, “She puts on a tough front, but she's really such a sensitive child.”
“I know. The tough ones always are.” I mused sadly, “She reminds me of my daughter.”
During the second week, the boy I had rescued and his parents visited. They came into the room quietly and, if I was not mistaken, with some reverence. The father spoke first, “Mister Alex Roberts, sir, my name is Forest Harvest, this is my wife Hedge Trimmer, and my only child Tree Trimmer. I just want to thank you for saving my son's life. Our family is in your debt. Please, as a token of our appreciation, let me at least pay your medical bills.”
I sat on the edge of the bed with a bit of a grunt and smiled, “Sir, while I appreciate the gesture, that will be unnecessary. To be blunt, I have more bits than Celestia. My reward is seeing your boy safe and sound.” I was lost in thought for a moment, “I have a boy too, and even though he's a long way away and we stay in touch by letter, I... well, I know what it's like to have a son.”
The little guy stepped forward, “I'm real th'orry I bit you mith'ter.” The little guy looked genuinely embarrassed.
I smirked, “Don't worry about it Tree Trimmer. I guess if some huge scary looking thing grabbed me from my closet, I would bite it too. No harm done.”
Hedge Trimmer was looking at me, on the verge of tears. She suddenly marched right up to me, stood on her hind legs, and gave me a hug. She said, with her voice full of emotion, “Thank you so much. Thank you for my little foal.”
I gave her a gentle hug back, “My pleasure mam.”
The doctor said I was ready to go today. My injuries had almost fully healed in only a few short weeks. While this was longer than a typical pony, this was, as far as we could research it, much shorter than it would take back home. The magic from the unicorn doctors and the potions from Zecora must have done their collective trick. The doctors said I had been a real medical challenge and the skills they developed while treating me could save lives. After my final checkup, and a big round of thank yous to the medical staff, I was officially discharged mid afternoon.
Dash, Applejack, and Rarity were there to escort me home. Dash, with her confident smirk, chided me, while giving me a noogie, “No heroics dummy. Hospitals are boring, even with a good Daring Do book, and I don't want to go back there, not even for the likes of you.”
Rarity confessed, “As much as it pains me to say this, Dash is correct. Please, let's try to go a full week before any more selfless acts of bravado.”, this was followed by a light hip bump and one of those little flirty smiles that include lightly biting the bottom lip. Applejack made her distinct low chuckle. Dash was right behind me and I thought I heard an angry snort, but I wasn't really paying attention.
Still chuckling, the farm pony's hat was set low over her eyes and she had a little grin. “Fer once, I t'ant the only voice of reason. Stop showen' off like a school filly with new ribbons. That there is a direct order from your Pony Ann.” Rarity tittered warmly, but Dash was a little behind, and out of the corner of my eye could have sworn I saw a flash of... something cross her face for just a split second, and it quickly returned to her trademark ultra confidant smirk.
I smirked, still looking straight ahead, and answered, “Yes dear. Whatever you say dear,” much to the amusement of all.
Okay, I know I'm reading way too much into all of it. I'm going to assume it's all innocent cuteness and Dash is just annoyed by the cuteness. That will make things easier. Less complicated. I mean, from what I can tell, ponies are more... innocent. Not simple, it's just that, as far as I can tell they don't think like humans in that respect. Maybe it's more subtle, maybe it's so overt I don't see it, all I'm saying is that I choose to not see it that way. Kind of like when a guy has a friend who's a girl and she flirts with him, it's just one buddy busting the chops of another buddy. Anyway, I'm not even the same species, so I don't know why I'm thinking about this. I don't want to confuse friendship for something else. So, change of subject. See, I even do that to myself.
We were just past the edge of town, going toward my cottage, near the top of the hill. I squinted a little and could see it was different. I groaned. “I told you guys not to do anything for me. I can see the house is painted beige, the shutters red, and it looks like a shrubbery fence of some kind.” I squinted again, “And somebody fixed the roof.” I scowled, but only a little bit.
Dash zipped in front of me and looked at me incredulously, “What do you mean 'I can see'? I'm a pegasus, and I can barely see it Alex.”
Applejack puts a hoof on my arm to turn me around, a puzzled look on her face, “Sugarcube, are you telling me you can see the house from here? And you see is good enough to make out that the roof's been fixed? That's some good eyesight eagle eye.”
Rarity simply said, “Oh my yes, that is very impressive. Are your other senses as sharp I wonder?”
I shrugged, “I'm not sure. I haven't sat down and done a systematic analysis, but I think so. See that pony over there?” I pointed to a pony in the distance, took a few theatrical sniffs, “he put on a little too much cologne this morning and had,” sniff, “two eggs, over easy, with mint tea.”
The girls were all slack jawed, Rarity snapped out of it first, “You could tell all that from here by sniffing?”
I looked at her for a few moments, then snorted, then laughed. “No, but I had you going, didn't I?” I was grinning like a loon, having just pulled a prank worthy of Dash.
Rarity, laughing, tapped me on the thigh, “You naughty boy.”
Applejack gave that low chuckle of hers, “You've been hanging around Dash 'n Pinkie Pie too much.”
Dash, in her usual confident tone, disagreed, “No way Applejack! He's been hanging around me just enough. Good prank Alex.”
“Heh, ya, I couldn't resist. I can see him just fine and I'm fairly sure I could hear him if he was speaking normally. I know I can hear ponies clearly when they whisper if they're in the same room. But my sense of smell isn't much better, I don't think.” I closed my eyes and sniffed, “I can smell your perfume Rarity, the same stuff you were wearing when you gave me the hermit speech. Very nice by the way. Dash, you don't wear perfume, I personally don't think you need any. Applejack, I smell a hint of baby powder.” I opened my eyes and look around, only to see all three at them gaping at me again. “So, was I close?”
Applejack gave a low whistle, “That's a mighty clever sniffer you got there. Maybe even as good as Winona's.”
Rarity smiled, “Very impressive.”
Dash, blushing, at last gave her head a shake and tentatively sniffed under her arm. “I don't smell anything.”
I smiled, “I promise to only use my powers for evil.. er... I mean good. Good. That's what I meant.” As hoped, the girls chuckled, tittered, or laughed.
“You know, it's funny. When Twilight and I were trying to figure out what the problem with Spike and me was, we took a quick sniff if each other. Long story. Anyway, she said I only smelled a little bit sweaty. Now, and here is the funny part, to my nose, I reeked of sweat, it was an obvious smell. It didn't occur to me until now. I'll make sure to tell Twilight when I see her next.”
As we neared the house I thought I spotted a flash of pink in the front window. I guess Pinkie Pie was throwing a party for me. Well, I do remember her saying something about it. I guess there's no harm in a little fun.
“So, Applejack, just out of curiosity, about how much were the renovations? And, please tell me I did pay for it. My house after all.”
“Well, I can respect your attitude, and I wasn't go'na get lectured by you, so I made sure you paid for every last bit. I practically had to force Tree Trimmer's folks to take a payment, but I explained it was a matter of pride for y'all.” She gave me the amount then chuckled, “Y'all would make a fine Apple.”
Ok, now I know I heard a snort, because we all turned toward Rainbow Dash. She had landed on the ground, and had a look of, annoyance and maybe a little confusion. I became a little worried. While I've only known her for a short time, she almost always had that confident grin, the one that said she had already won, but was letting you try anyway. But, right now, if I didn't know any better, and I din't, I would say she has a worried expression. It must have stayed on her face for a full second, maybe two, but it disappeared as soon as I opened my mouth, “Hey Dash. Are you okay?”
That grin was back in place, “Okay? I'm not ok, I'm the best!” And with that and a blast of wind, she took off, twirled into the air, did a loop, and shot past us at top speed, kicking up dust and gravel as she passed.
I couldn't help myself, I clapped and cheered, “Spectacular!”, I put my fingers to my mouth and whistled. That caused Dash to tumble for a moment, but she recovered.
I hear some tittering behind me and I felt a tap on my thigh, “Darling, do be careful. That was the kind a whistle reserved for use by stallions to get the attentions of mares.”
My face contorts to one of annoyance, “Great, first I 'share bread' with Fluttershy, now I'm firing off wolf whistles at Rainbow Dash. We'd better wait here so I can explain myself.” So, I waited in the field, about half way between town and the cottage, surrounded by friends.
Applejack, with that half smile, “You humans sure are a randy bunch there Romeo.”
I half smiled at her, “Smart ass.”
“You know it, sugarcube.”
Dash finally landed with a smirk. It wasn't her usual over confident smirk, it was a little different, but just a little, “What's with the whistle there big guy? Like what you see?,” She struts towards me, showing a little flank as it were.
Look at the face, look at the face, look at the face. I think my face was as red as the shutters. Rarity and Applejack were barely suppressing their laughter, “Yes... no... what... I... er... Dash, I'm so sorry, I didn't know a wolf whistle meant so much more here. I mean,” this was crazy, “I like what I see, but... wait... no... I...”
Finally, thankfully, Dash laughed, “You're way too easy to fluster Alex Roberts! I'll let you off the hook, this time.” She stood, put her hooves on my shoulders, looked me straight in the eye, nose to nose, and in a sultry voice, “But the next time I hear that whistle, you'd better mean it.” This only made Rarity and Applejack laugh even harder. It just made me glad everyone was laughing about this.
After I regained some semblance of dignity we walked the last bit to the cottage. Just before I opened the door, I whispered to myself, “Show time.”
I was almost physically knocked back from the cheers of “SURPRISE!!!”. I took it all in, my eyes taking a moment to adjust from the bright light of outside to the light of the inside of the cottage. Pinkie Pie was leading the assault with Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle also there. There was also Tree Trimmer and his family, as well as Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Miss Sweetheart, a big red stallion with an apple cutie mark, an old green mare with an apple pie cutie mark, a big white unicorn stallion with a Hawaiian shirt and a moustache of all things, and a smaller pink unicorn with bee hive hairdo a blouse and stretch pants. Quite the crowd.
I grinned, “Thank you all for coming, and thank you Pinkie Pie for doing all this.” There were rounds of reintroduction and hoof shakes, and a few hugs.
The only new names I remembered were Big Macintosh and Granny Smith. The last two I couldn't remember were Rarities parents.
It was a great party. The Apples were very welcoming, even if Big Macintosh was a little distant. Holy apple bucking moon that guy was big. He had to look down to look me in the eye. And his hooves were the size of dinner plates. I noticed he kept looking at Dash, so I figured he was interested. I'm not good at this kind of stuff, but even I could tell there was something. I even tried to manoeuvre Dash into a three way conversation, and then bug out, but she stuck with me. Sorry big guy, I tried.
There were some interesting culinary differences, like the 'kid' drinks were like drinking liquid sugar, and the 'adult' drinks were like somebody took apple cider (about as strong as beer) and added about a teaspoon of salt. Both were basically undrinkable, but as long as everyone else enjoyed it, I was happy with water. I'l have to remember to ask Applejack if I could buy some unsalted apple cider.
I was glad Dash didn't tell anyone what had happened earlier. It gave me the chance, when I was hanging out with the boys, to tell the story. “So, in my short time here, I've discovered some, um, interesting cultural differences. The two best ones were sharing bread and wolf whistles. Oh, and feel free to laugh , I know I will.” I told the two stories. Forest Harvest seemed to enjoy them. Rarities dad had a good laugh to both and slapped me on the back. He was enjoying his apple cider. Big Macintosh chuckled good naturally at the first, but just smiled politely at the second. Uh oh, this was a set of feet I didn't want to step on, and I think I was starting to tread hoof.
As evening started to wind down, only Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and myself were left. I thanked Pinkie again and again. Gummy chomped down on my arm when I was doing dishes and it was like a slightly slimy clamp holding my arm. Not painful. Cute little guy.
When we were done cleaning up, I was admiring the work that was done. The window was fixed, as was the stairwell wall. New paint, and I saw the new roof already. There was a nice couch and a lounge chair in the living room. A table with stools all around. The pantry was full of food, there were what looked like good quality pots and pans, dishes, and cutlery (unicorn I'm guessing).
Once Pinkie Pie had everything packed up, including her 'Party Cannon', she happily bounced off. She was so cute, she didn't walk, she always bounced. Always dripping with energy.
Finally, it was just me and Dash. I sat on one end of the couch, and Dash made herself comfortable on the other end. I wanted to apologize properly for that afternoon. “Hey Dash, look,” I sighed, “I don't want you to think I'm some hormone driven teenager who want to bed every mare he sees. It's just stupid mistakes on my part. I'm really sor...”
Dash cut me off and smiled warmly, “Alex, will you please stop apologizing. It was a funny mistake. No biggie. I know you have more class than that.”
I looked at her seriously, “I'm scared Dash. I'm scared I'll do something that will make me a pariah and I really don't want that. This place is a paradise. The people are kind and loving, and... and I haven't been somewhere I feel safe in such a long time... That's what I'm always saying sorry and second guessing myself. I'm so afraid... you're the best friend I've had since I left home. I don't want to mess that up.”
“You won't. I can't see you doing anything but the right thing.” Dash was now sitting upright on the couch, leaning toward me slightly. Our eyes locked for a fraction of a second, then her eyes flicked away. She leaned back, “Well, I have to go. Got to feed Tank and get up early for weather work tomorrow.” She got up from the couch and stretched. That radiant smile came back, “See you tomorrow you big goof,” and with that she headed home.
It was a wonderful morning. Part of the construction was to divid the loft into two rooms. The main bedroom was big and the bed comfortable. I had slept very well. Once I got out of bed, I looked around the room. Someone had built a stand for the backpack and placed it in the corner as well as stocking the small desk with blank scrolls, quills, and ink. The other small bedroom was empty except for a bed, dresser, and small desk. Both closets were empty.
Sitting on my desk was an envelope, with 'Expenses' written on it in a clean hand. I opened it. Celestia bless Applejack. She must have had this already done before the party. It was a detailed summary of the expenses for the renovation. The damages were not bad, only a little over β21,000 and done so fast. I was happy to see a price associated with the hedge. I will have to write letters of thanks to all the contractors.
Time for breakfast! The fridge was full of eggs, cheese, milk, cream, butter, little baskets of berries, and flowers. The pantry contained flour, oats, hay cakes (dense pucks of hay), wheat cakes (dense pucks of shredded wheat), sugar, spices, and a few assorted baking and cooking supplies.
So, while a Shreddies puck, as I called them, soaked in milk and sugar, I fried up some eggs. No toaster that I could see. No worries. I'll pick one up later.
The Shreddies here were less... processed. Lots of chewing required, but that's okay. I can work out these details later. I'm really not sure what I'll do with the hay pucks, they're about a quarter of the pantry. Not something I can really digest. Well, a problem for another day.
Today's problem is getting a suit so I look presentable for the Princess. While Rarity is an excellent seamstress and designer, she caters to mares, not... 'me's. I had to see Snazzy Suit's son Elusive. According to Rarity he's very talented and I think she has a little something for him. Captain Matchmaker may have struck out once, but I'll keep trying until my ship comes in! These ladies deserve a little pony love.
I decided to jog instead of walk. I've been on my butt for almost a month, and I didn't want to get too out of shape. I grabbed one of the simple top and bottom copies Rarity made for me and started jogging. You know what? I didn't even lock the door or take my knife. I guess old dogs can learn new tricks. That thought made me smile.
On the way I was greeted by friendly faces, nods, and even Golden Coins just sneered at me. That guy really needs a top hat, monocle, and thin moustache. It would make him a more amusing threat. I've seen real threats. He's no threat.
By the time I got to Snazzy Suit's shop, I was a little winded. After catching my breath, I walked, smiling broadly, “Good morning! I heard there was a tailor here who could make beautiful suits for things like me!”
“Hey there youngster! Good to see you back on your feet. I'll get Elusive.” The old unicorn paused for breath and bellowed, “Elusive! Alex Roberts is here!”
In came a unicorn stallion with a light pale blue coat, dark blue mane and tail, vibrant blue eyes, and a thread and needle cutie mark. In a decidedly effeminate voice, “Oh my goodness! The heroic Alex Roberts! Welcome, Welcome! How can I be of service!”
“Mr. Elusive, I have been blessed with an audience with Princess Celestia. I would be honoured if you would make me a suit befitting the occasion. Although my friend Rarity is an amazing designer and seamstress, she designs for mares. Rarity said you're the best designer for stallions and your father said you were knowledgeable in inter-species design. Thus, I place myself in you hooves.”
“Rarity sent you here? Really.” Elusive got a far away look for a moment. He gave his head a little shake, “Well, you made the right choice. Are there any design considerations I should be aware of?”
“Yes, and this is a human design sensibility, I do not want to be covered in jewels. A diamond tie pin, sure, cuff links, no problem, blinding others when I walk past them, not so much. And, I'm being honest here, I'm not a formal, froufrou kind of guy. I prefer a simple cut. Oh, and the budget is unlimited.”
Elusive looked at me for a long moment, his brow furrowed in concentration. His mouth slowly curled up into a smile, his eyes intense, “I have a plan.”
I was finally in Canterlot. The train ride was a little uncomfortable, but made quite bearable with good friends to pass the time. Thanks to the unicorn tailer, Sleek Suit, who was also my land lord, and his son Elusive, I had a wonderful formal suit for the occasion.
We had a few hours to kill, so we went shopping. Well, the others went shopping. Dash and I went looking for less sophisticated entertainment. We finally found our way to 'The Wheat & Turnip', a little on the seedy side, but it had a view of the track, so we could watch the races. I was surprised they had beer without salt. I guess salt is bought by the little bowl full and you add it yourself. Anyway, Dash was doing sarsaparilla shooters with about a teaspoon of salt in each one. She was chatting excitedly about the pegasus racers and I was doing my best to follow. She was starting to get a little tipsy, but it looked like she could handle her liquor, or salt, or both, I'm still not sure.
“What the buck is that fancy suit wearing thing? Looks like a shaved diamond dog!” There was some laughter. The voice belonged to a big rough looking earth pony stallion. Not Big Mac big, but big enough. Oh, and I didn't bring my knife. Didn't think it would be a great idea to wear a knife meeting the local ruler.
Dash stood from her stool so fast she knocked it down and it clattered on the floor. “You get the buck out of my friend's face or I'll make sure you never walk straight again!” I glanced at Dash and saw fierce defiance. The stallion was half a head taller, but he took a step back.
I quickly followed her lead, I sneered and pointed my finger, “Listen pal, I'm a human being.” They looked confused, “that's right, I'm a moon bucking human! Now I don't want to use my flame breath, gives me heart burn, but if you don't get the buck out of my way, I don't know what'll stop me.” I glanced at Dash and our eyes meet. The tough guy and his buddies were starting to back away.
Dash changed her expression to a slightly exaggerated one of fear, “No Alex! You can't! You mustn't! Not again! Think of their foals!”
I snarled, “Hold me back! Hold me back! Luna blast their eyes! I can feel the fire rising!” Dash dramatically put a hoof to her forehead and the other on my chest.
The thugs bolted, with variations on, “Run for your life!” and “There's a human among us!”
Once they were out the door, and hopefully out of sight. I casually strolled to the front door, opened it a crack and looked out. I couldn't see any of the jokers who wanted to pick a fight. “Dash, you were beautiful. I'll get you the highest award for acting I can find!”
Dash was looking up, swaying a little and grinning at me, “You really think so?”
We stepped out into the sunshine and I smiled, “Miss Dash, you've had quite a bit of salt, I think. But, yes, you were fabulous.” I looked around for the clock tower, “Anyway, it's time to go or we'll be late. Don't really want to keep the Princess waiting.”
I told the rest about our little misadventure between chuckles. Rarity admonished us for going to a seedy bar, getting drunk, and possibly getting into a bar fight. I defended Dash by saying we were drinking responsibly, it was some idiots who picked a fight, and anyway, Dash behaved like a perfect lady. Telling the story and arguing over it passed the time while we waited. Dash had been on the quiet side, which was unusual for her. I guess this was what she was like when she was sobering up.
We all stood in the antechamber, waiting for our turn to see Princess Celestia. I had met kings, queens, and self professed gods before. Granted, Celestia and Luna were powerful beings, but, nothing I couldn't handle. I put on my cockiest grin, confident that I could get her to laugh, and she would succumb to the old Alex Roberts charm.
I was totally unprepared for what happened next.
When the doors opened, it was like having every cell in my body gently prodded. It was not painful, just intense. My heart started beating faster and I felt it rising in my throat. As we got closer, my heart beat faster and faster, my throat felt more and more closed off with raw emotion. Each step the feeling of awe, love, and terror increased. I had felt a mild version of this occasionally in some holy places, but this was that feeling cranked up to eleven. It took everything I could muster to keep moving.
I could see a golden nimbus around her head, with rays of golden light coming out. It stabbed my heart with its beauty. I never saw that on the show! Why is this happening? Why can't I breathe?
When I was finally standing before her, before anything could be said, I dropped to both knees and prostrated myself before her. It was like my soul was being hit with a sledge hammer with every breath, every moment, every instance. I was so struck by the sensation that I could not speak, tears forming but I could not weep. I now understood what they meant by fearing God. It wasn't to be afraid, it was the fear, no, the terror of Her not approving of me, of being a disappointment in Her eyes.
The radiance, majesty, and grace just radiated from Princess Celestia. All I wanted to do was confess all my sins, which I knew, I knew for a fact, She already knew in intimate detail. If I could only get my damned worthless mouth working, i could confess, then beg, no, plead for Her mercy, even though i knew i was unworthy of Her forgiveness. It was then i realized how worthless i was in the face of Her grace.
All the girls could see was me prostrated and whimpering at Celestia's hooves. Twilight and Pinkie Pie looked at me in confusion, not understanding what I was doing. Fluttershy moved to comfort me, but Rarity stopped her, having an idea as to what I was experiencing. Dash smirked and started to make a comment, but Applejack, with that knowing half smile, stopped her.
Princess Celestia smiled a knowing, loving smile. “Ladies, I would like a few moments alone with Alex.” They bowed and walked back to the antechamber, exchanging glances and shrugs.
Once we were alone, “Alex,” She touched my shoulder and i cowered away, not wanting to dirty Her pure divinity with my filth. “Please, stand. I know what you've done. I know all about you. Twilight has told me much about you and she has grown quite fond of you. They all have.”
I turned my face up, wincing at her glory centimetres from my face. “But...” I managed in a croaking voice. I lifted myself to my knees. She put her head on my shoulder. Without knowing why, I wrapped my arms around her neck, hugging her, the tears of joy now flowing freely.
“You see Alex, because you come from a non-magical world, you perceive my divinity directly. Natives of this place all having a magical nature, have a natural resistance to it.” She gave me a quick hug. “You, my new subject, have taken the full brunt of my aura. I'm sorry to make you suffer like this.”
I broke away from the hug and looked her in the eye, my face contorted in guilt. “No, y-your M-Majesty. All my s-suffering is just and right for my sins. You a-are glorious! I-I am worthless beside you.”
She rolled her eyes, and I felt despair at disappointing her. “Oh stop that. You are worth much more than you think. As for your 'sins', you never did anything any sane sentient would not have done in your situation. Every time you killed, they were trying to kill you, there was always great reluctance and sorrow, and you always tried to find a peaceful solution. It was self defence. You are a good man placed in a bad situation. However,” my heart dropped, knowing my sins were unforgivable, “in order to make you feel better, I hereby absolve you of all your sins. Go in peace and be a good citizen of Equestria.”
My heart sang. It was like the feeling of getting a lifetimes worth of birthdays, christmases, anniversaries, and the joy of my wedding day all focused into a split second. I wanted to sing hosannas upon the highest, I wanted to sing my joy, I wanted to praise Celestia until my voice was gone. Instead, all I could do was whisper, “Thank you.” I dropped down again and kissed Her hoof, knowing i was unworthy to do so.
Later, when I left the room, I was very quiet, introspective. I didn't even joke around with Dash. It was a long while before anyone said anything. Dash, with concern in her voice, gently asked, “What happened in there Alex?”
Without looking up, I simply tapped my chest and sadly said, “No magic.”
On the train back to Ponyville, I sat quietly, thinking about the events after my mini breakdown. The unicorn guards who helped me out of the throne room were kind and compassionate, exactly what I'm starting to expect from this place. They sat me down, got me a bowl of water and a cool cloth to wipe my face. They were puzzled, but didn't pry. I never got their names. I made a mental note to find out and send them thank you letters.
When we were headed for the train station, Dash dropped to the ground and nuzzled her head against me. I put my hand on her heck and gave a little squeeze. Rarity, then Applejack, then the rest of the girls followed suit. I smiled. I mean, who wouldn't smile being in the middle of a pony pile. These ponies I had only known for a little over a month, these friends who gave me unqualified support, all the time. They didn't pry further than my simple little answer. I'll admit, I had to choke back a few tears, again. I just didn't want to lose it in such a public place.
And now I was back at my cottage, back in my home. I'm laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't sleep well with all the emotions still buzzing in my head. I mean, I had hugged a Goddess. How's that for highlight of your week?
I was tired of trying to sleep and looking at the ceiling, so I got up. It was early and I didn't have an agenda. I spent most of the day just kicking around the house, drinking tea, and thinking. I called Ann to let her know what had happened. I found myself at a loss for words. I tried to describe my experience, but words were not strong enough. I finally summarized it by saying it was that occasional little flash of reverence you get during a touching church service, but multiplied by a thousand. She said she thought she understood. I hope one day I can find the right words.
Mid afternoon, I sat at the laptop at the desk in my bedroom and started downloading every episode of 'My Little Pony : Friendship Is Magic ' I could find. It would take a few hours, so I decided I need a nice run to clear my head. Anyway, I wanted apples.
So, I put on some clean clothes, grabbed some bits, and headed for the Sweet Apple Acres stand in the market. It was a short run, just 20 minutes or so. My feet crunched on the gravel as I ran. I was absorbed in thought, when I heard a loud, “Are you listening to me?”, to my left and above my shoulder. This made me stumble and land face first in the gravel. This caused a fit of laughter from a certain cyan pegasus. Between laughs, she got out “Oh my gosh! Are you okay?”
She always manages to cheer me up. I spit out most of the dirt in my mouth, propped my head up and smirked, “Why yes my darling Dash. I always run on my face. Don't you?” This only caused more laughter.
Her laughter finally wined down, and she asked, with a little concern in her voice, “So, are you ok today? I know the Princess kind of freaked you out yesterday and all. I was just checking up on you.” She quickly added, “Cuz, that's what friends do. They check up on friends and they share. I did my half, now spill, ya goof.”
I sort of half smiled, “It will seem silly from your perspective. Promise not to laugh?”
Dash, with that confident smirk, raised an eyebrow, “Only if it's not funny.”
“Heh, fair enough, I guess. First, a question. From what I gather your don't have much in the way of religion here.”
Dash looked at me strangely, and repeated the unfamiliar word, “Religion? I'm not even sure what that is.”
What is religion? Damn good question. How do you explain a concept to someone who has never even heard of the concept? “Imagine having heard stories about Princess Celestia, all the good things She's done, all her suffering, everything, but never having seen her. And, not just you, but no one has physically seen her, ever. Yet you still want to thank her for raising the sun...”
Dash brightened, “Like the 'Summer Sun Celebration'?”
“That's it. But imagine no one has ever seen Her, ever. All you have is stories. Well, that would be like a religion, I guess. Believing in something and having faith without any hard proof.”
Dash looked a little confused, “Okay, so what does that have to do with the Princess and you?”
I smiled sadly, “Where I come from, we don't have a Princess Celestia. Our sun is just a big ball of burning gas. Everything works because the math works, not because someone moves stuff around. Some people claim God speaks to them, but it's their word against the world. Me, I always hoped there was a Princess Celestia, but I never felt it, not really. That, and I don't have any magic.” I gently touched her chest with my finger tips, “You have magic Rainbow Dash. Applejack, Twilight, all of you,” I waved my arm, “have magic. I think that magic makes you all connected, it makes you closer to the Princess than I could ever be. I just got a face full of all the magic and love the Princess has for you, and me I guess. You must feel like that all the time, to me it was just... overwhelming. The closer I got to the Princess, the harder it got to move, but I got there.”
She smiled tenderly at me, “Alex... I... I didn't know...”, if I didn't know any better, I would say Rainbow Dash is speechless. Finally, “Alex, I think you were really brave. You could have run out of there long before you got close. But, you didn't. I admire that.” Dash paused for a few heart beats, “That,” she gave me a rakish grin, “and you face plant funny. Anyway, I just wanted to check up on you, and you're just fine. Got to get back to work! I'll see you later big guy.” She raised a small cloud of dust and gravel taking off into the clouds.
I finished brushing myself off and continued my little jog to the market. Dash had taken the edge off my slump, and I was looking forward to chat with Applejack. I slowed to a quick walk in town, I didn't want to bump into anyone.
“Good afternoon Miss Applejack and Miss Apple Bloom.”
“Well howdy Alex. Glad to see you're back to your self. I t'ant gonna lie, I was a might worried about you.”
Apple Bloom looked at me, concerned, “Y'all didn't say he wasn't okay, sis.”
Applejack flashed an irritated look at her little sister, “Apple Bloom, you just hush now. This is grownups talken'. Sorry ab...”
I put up my hand to interrupt, then I smiled and used my jaunty voice, “Miss Apple Bloom I am touched by your concern, but I can assure you, it was just silly human stuff. Not to be condescending, but it'll be alright, don't you worry yourself.” Apple Bloom seemed satisfied with my answer and Applejack let her go off to play with her friends.
Most of the apples had already been sold, but there was still one bushel, “And I see it was a good day for the farm. Not much left, but I'll take two bags of the Apple Family's finest. I believe that will be twelve bits.”
Applejack gave that little low chuckle, “You got it. I t'ant gonna try to talk ya down.”
“Thank you kindly for that. I like to keep friendship and business separate, unless business can help a friend, but you know me, Mr. Double Standard. Speaking of double standards, is there any chance I could buy some applejack without salt?”
She looked at me, a little surprised, “A big colt like you can't handle his salt? Shoot, I didn't have you pegged for a lightweight.”
“Different biologies my dear Applejack. I need about a tenth of a teaspoon of salt per day to stay healthy. My giggle juice of choice is ethanol, the kind of alcohol in applejack and apple cider. That's why I was drinking water at the welcome home party, drinks were too salty. I didn't say anything at the time, I didn't think it was important. But now I'm looking to build my life here Applejack, a real life, so stuff like that is becoming important. And, with good friends like you, well, I think I can build that life.”
Applejack gave me an odd look, then smiled softly, “I'm mighty pleased to hear that Alex. Mighty pleased.”
It was early evening, the sun had set, and, feeling a little lazy, had made some tomato and cheese sandwiches for supper. It was warm, so I opened the balcony window and got comfortable. I wanted to watch those videos, but I wanted to do it alone. I just wanted to compare what I saw and felt with what was on the show. I just had to know how much of this world has gone to mine.
I started right from the beginning. When I heard Twilight in the narration I held my breath, and then saw her on the screen, my heart jumped. Seeing my friend in two dimensions, so... flat, so... un-detailed. They were all like that. I kept watching. I think the worst part was when ever Celestia was on the screen, I felt... nothing.
By watching this I thought I would learn... what? I really didn't know what I would learn. Maybe gain some insight? I continued watching, totally engrossed, not only seeing the episodes for the first time in a very long time but seeing them with a completely different eye. These were my friends on the screen, not just cute animated ponies.
I was watching the episode with the griffin Gilda. It was the part where Gilda just arrived when my train of thought was interrupted by something soft resting on my shoulder.
“She was my first... special friend you know.” Dash was speaking softly, head rested on my shoulder, watching the small screen. I carefully turned my head so I would not disturb her and saw she had a sad expression. I put my hand on the back of her head, just below her ears, gently rubbing with my thumb. She shifted a little closer. Suddenly, this episode got a lot sadder.
Dash must have landed on the balcony quietly. Usually, when I'm engrossed in something, the world around me disappears, so I'm not surprised I didn't hear her.
We watched in silence, her reliving old memories and seeing new perspectives, me trying to understand new ones. As the episode neared its climax at the Pinkie Pie party, she asked me to turn it off. In deference to my friend I closed the laptop.
She kept her head on my shoulder. “I've never really cared what others thought about me. I like who I like. I've always tried to look at the pony inside, you know? I don't care about the outside. She was my first special friend. She was totally awesome, fearless, strong, she did what she wanted when she wanted, you know? We had shared so much. And that day was a total buck up. A total complete buck up. It was really hard to tell her to go away. I really miss her.”
Wow, Cast Iron Rainbow Dash was opening up to me. “Well Dash, I would love to meet her one day. I figure everyone deserves a second chance or two. As far as I can tell, she just had some dumb bad luck that day and needs to exercise a little better... prank target selection. Anyway, it would be fun to talk to another predator.” I hope this distracts her.
She pulled her head off my shoulder and in a sceptical tone, “What do you mean? No offence Alex, but you don't look like predator material to me. No claws, no fangs, no pointy spikes, nothing, And you're weak and a bit of a wimp. I'm know I could take you right now.”
I stood, a predatory smile on my face, “Oh, you don't think I could buck you up? As I am now, you're right. Not much of a threat. You wait right here.” I made my way down stairs, grabbed my knife, and came back up.
See, I don't actually have to say 'Change of subject' to change the subject. I was happy to change her thoughts to more fun ones. That's what friends do, right?
Once back up, I stood near the door and dropped to a combat stance, knees and elbows slightly bent, and said, “Knife. Sparring Mode. Ok Dash, now I'm a threat. I don't need claws and beaks and stuff. I use technology, in this case my trusty knife, and my mind. Dash, humans are bastards. We're sneaky, underhanded, dishonourable, sleazy scumbags. Fair fights are for games and suckers. For example, if I was in a situation like this, I would...” I quickly hit the light switch with my left hand. I could still see fairly well in the room, but I knew she was basically blind. I quickly dived to the right and rolled over the bed and had the tip of the now dull and soft blade right between her shoulder blades. I said in her ear, “Not a predator, huh?”
She was stunned for a few second. “Whoa... I mean, I let you do that. But, I'm glad you're on my side. And maybe you're not the marshmallow I thought you were. But, you are on my side, right?”
“I... Dash, if anyone ever hurt a hair on your head, or any of my new friends, they had better hope the royal guard or a manticore finds them first. I take friends and family seriously.” I walked past her and turned the light back on. She gave me that overconfident smirk of her's. I toss the knife on the bed and sit. If Iron Dash can open up, maybe Alex Roberts can spill the beans. “Dash, that experience with Celestia really hit me. Before I was just surviving, just killing time until the next jump. Don't rock the boat, don't stand out, don't be a target. Oh, sure I had made friends, but, and I'm not going to lie to you, it was just more marks on the wall until I get moved to the next cell. But now... I hate to use the word, but meeting Princess Celestia was a religious experience. Now, I want to use all my smarts, all my wealth, everything I have and am to make this world a better place. Just surviving until the next jump isn't enough Dash. I want a life, and with awesome friends like you, I can see it happening.”
Dash's confident smirk came back, “All I heard was 'blah blah blah I finally took my head out from under my tail blah blah blah I smartened up blah blah blah Rainbow Dash is awesome.'” We both laughed, “Good enough for me butt head.”
I chuckled and shook my head, “Yes Dash, that's exactly what I said.”
I wanted to throw a little dinner party for my friends, to thank them and to test my culinary skills. I was throwing it about two weeks before the Running of the Leaves. This it would be the first time since I started this crazy adventure I've had a home to invite friends to. Come to think of it, it was the first time I've had friends I wanted to spend time with. I think I spent most of the day with a half grin on my face after this thought.
I went straight to Sugar Cube Corners. I walked in and smiled warmly, “Mrs Cake, that coffee smells wonderful. I'll take a cup. Oh, how are the twins?”
Mrs Cake looked a little tired, “Oh, they're a handful dear.”
I chuckled, “I know what you mean, I've been there and done that twice.”
“Now that they've started crawling, it's been very exciting.”
“Wait, they're crawling? After a month? That's amazing! Human babies take about 8 months before they crawl.”
Mrs Cake looked a little concerned, “Oh dear. That seems like a long time just to crawl.”
I smiled, “Well, it is. They start walking by about their first birthday. Before you ask, it's 365 day years and 12 months all about the same length. We develop a lot slower than you.” I shrugged, “just the way it evolved.” I brightened up, “I almost forgot, I need to speak to the one and only Pinkie Pie.”
Mrs. Cake nodded, “Of course dear. Here you go.” She handed me a cardboard cup of her wonderful coffee and called into the kitchen, “Pinkie! Your friend is here.”
I took an appreciative sip, “Mmmm.” Pony coffee is naturally sweet and strong, no cream or sugar needed. Perfect.
Pinkie bounced in, “Oh! Hi Alex. What's up?”
“Well, I've come to ask one of the best chefs in Ponyville for some help.”
“You're buttering me up? No need to do that.” She took a sudden deep breath, “You want me to set up a...”
“Pinkie.”
“...party? Oh! You're having a party?”, Pinkie was getting excited.
“Pinkieeeee...”
“That's great! I'll have to start...”, Pinkie was bouncing like a steam powered pogo stick.
“PINKIE!” She looks bashfully at me. “I'm just having a little dinner party, Just the seven of us. I just want to do this as a thank you far all of you. I wanted to ask you for help. Cooking help.” I noticed Mrs. Cakes eyes got huge, her pupils small. She saw me, her eyes returned to normal and she gave a little embarrassed smile, then continued to her tasks. Ponies are weird.
“Sure! I'd be super duper luper happy to help you. This'll give us a chance to get to know each other better.” She glanced up at the ceiling, smiled warmly, then smiled at me. I think this was one of those 'Pinkie being Pinkie' moments.
“So, I see you're busy here, how about your next day off, you come on over, and we'll start a menu plan? Sound good?”
“Next Tuesday?”
“It's a date!”
Pinkie got a slightly worried expression, “Oh... Not sure if Dashie would like that. Well, we'll keep it a secret.” I looked, feeling slightly confused. She brightened up, “Okie Dokie Lokie! I'll see you then!”
She bounced off to do whatever she does all day and I got a second cup of that wonderful coffee to go.
It was the evening after Dash had seen part of the episode, and I heard a knock on the balcony door frame, “Come on in, Dash.”
She walked in, all confidence and swagger. “You watching those stupid shows again? Why do you need that when you have the real deal right here.” She made herself comfortable on the bed.
I closed the laptop and snorted, “Yes yes, you're a goddess, every stallion wants you, every mare wants to be you.” Surprisingly, she blushed a little. “Oh hey, I'm sorry Dash. I didn't mean to... you know... embarrass you. I was just busting your chops.”
“Naw, don't worry about it. I'm just still a little sore about that reminder I saw last night.” She rolled onto her back, examining the ceiling. “What it didn't show was how Gilda had come to Ponyville to make up with me. She was trying to, I don't know, rekindle what we had.”Dash rolled away from me, “We had something real special, ya know. She was the first one that I, now don't laugh,” she took a deep breath, “she was my first crush.” She waited, for what I assume was laughter.
“You know Dash, you never know who it's going to be until it happens. Love's crazy that way. I met Ann working at a canning factory. I only worked there so I could get enough money to go back to my girlfriend across the country.”
“Wait, you mean you already had a marefriend, went off half way across the country to earn enough bits to go back across the country? You're weird.”
“Well, there was a bit more to it than that, but, that's basically it. And, according to my friends, it was crazy, because my girlfriend was prettier. But you know what Dash? Ann was much more beautiful.”
Dash turned her head, looked at me for a long moment, and gave me a little smile, “I can respect that.” She chuckled, “You're full of surprises Alex Roberts.”
“That's me, man of mystery. I had figured out long before I jumped that the outside doesn't mean much. It's not the package, it's the contents. You're lucky, you have both. I'm sure there will be a new person out there for you, and they'll likely pop out of nowhere. Whoever they are, they will be lucky to have found you.”
Dash smiled sadly, “That's a very nice thing to say, but you darn well know I'm not pretty. Not like Rarity or Fluttershy or Applejack.”
I was genuinely confused, “What do you mean? I think you all look equally cute, just different. Am I missing something?”
Dash, now sitting on the bed, said flatly, “Cute. And you think we all look basically the same?” With chagrin in her voice, “Take a closer look, I'm no beauty queen.”
Still confused, “Okay, well, let me put it this way, if you took ten ponies, scrubbed off any makeup, and asked me who the prettiest was, I wouldn't have a clue. Maybe the eyes? Shape of the mouth? The ears? I don't know. But you, your attitude, how you carry yourself, your confidence, to me that's what makes you beautiful. And you know what, if they don't see that, buck'm to the moon.”
Her expression didn't change for a few moments. Oh, horse apples. I hope I haven't stepped over some line have I? She said to me reservedly, “You really think that?”
“Well, ya. You're my best friend, right? I want to see you happy and that's what I think. If you don't like it, too bad,” I shrugged.
She turned her head away, “No one other than my mom ever called me that before.”
I was surprised, “Seriously? Surely Gilda must have said something like that at some point. She was your special friend, right? Among humans, something like that is basically a given.”
“Let's just say Gilda wasn't somepony who used mushy words. She was more likely to... Well, it doesn't matter. All that matters is she's not the pony I thought she was.” Dash sat up and started stretching.
I get off my stool and sit on the bed beside Dash. I carefully put my arm around her. Her feathers were so soft. “Blah blah blah Dash is great blah blah blah don't you dare forget it blah blah blah Alex is your buddy” She snorted and laughed.
“You're a goof ball.” She pushed me away then looked at me, “Thanks Alex. I'll let you get back to your creepy town pony show. I'm tired and, honestly, I don't think I can look at those things right now.”
“Fair enough.” I put my hand on her shoulder and gave her a little smile, “Go get some rest.”
A fresh new day, and I was ready to face the world. I had found a note in my mailbox from Twilight that morning. She said she had a surprise for me and wanted to use my laptop for a few hours. This was good, because I wanted to borrow a book on cooking. My tiny repertoire of recipes was somewhat limited to my own palette. I was cooking for my friends and I wanted to offer only the best dishes I could create.
I knocked on the library door and quickly called out, “Careful Spike, it's me, Alex!”
From inside I heard a muffled, “Got ya! One sec!”
I heard some activity and Twilight say, “There! Let's hope it works.”
The door swung open and Spike was standing there, smiling, with a weird little contraption on his nose held on by straps. It looked like a little steam engine, puffing away, with a gear box with a blueish glow. Spike took a tentative sniff, then he smiled. His voice had a nasal tone, but he was otherwise completely understandable. “Alright! I can't smell you! This is great!”
I went to a knee and put my hand out, “Well Spike, it's great to finally shake your hand.” Spike shook it enthusiastically.
“It's good to finally have another guy in the herd, you know what I mean? I mean Twilight and the rest are great, but some times it gets a little too girly, you know what I mean?”
“Well Spike, when you're about a hundred, like I am, your attitudes may change.” Spike looked at me in shock, and I caught Twilight out of the corner of my eye, looking a little skeptical. “I was forty when I first jumped, and I've been jumping for about sixty years, but back,” I found it difficult to say 'home', weird, “where I came from, it's only been about seven or eight months. As far s I can tell, I haven't aged. If I ever get back there, well, I don't know what will happen. Just one more adventure, I guess. Anyway, good to finally talk to you, face to face.”
Twilight cleared her throat, “Spike, could you get some tea for us, please?”
He shook his little head, “Um, sure. Right away Twilight.” He trundled off, I assume to get tea.
“Hey! Twilight Sparkle, I assume Spike was the surprise?” She nodded with a smile, “Because I'm finally glad to really meet him. Oh, and I've got the laptop right here.” I took it our of the satchel and held it in the air. The purple glow and slippery pressure around my fingers told me she was holding it. I let go, and she placed it on the table.
She had that little self satisfied smile, the one she got what she was clever. “Yes, Alex Roberts, I finally got that little device working properly. It was a wonderful intellectual exercise.”
“Miss Twilight Sparkle, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Alex. We're friends. At least, I hope we are. So, I assume you want to conduct some additional guided research on the topic of humans?”
Twilight smiled and, I think, relaxed just a little. “Yes, that is correct, Alex R..., yes. And please, call me Twilight.”
Now, when I say 'guided research' I mean I make sure she doesn't stumble on stuff that would be too shocking, stuff like porn and gore. Yes, she's an experienced adventurer and a full grown mare, but she's still a pony. Ponies just don't have any experience with that kind of stuff. I mean, for these people, a 'desperate battle' is them throwing apple pies at each other. That one time she insisted on doing the research by herself, she stumbled on a My Little Pony porn site. The main page was featuring her and Princess Celestia. She cried for almost an hour and I think her opinion of humans dropped a few notches. She later agreed that it would be best if I did the searching and generally vetted links.
Spike was back with tea, some cookies, and a small bowl of little gems.
Twilight was researching different governmental systems and I suggested she starts with the system from where I came from, Canada. I knew the system and could maybe fill in any gaps. She happily read the various wiki pages and was soon looking at other systems.
“I can't believe how many kinds of governments you have. We only have Representational Monarchies, Republics, and Dictatorships. Your world is such a chaotic mixture,” she seemed a little confused, and worried.
“Heh, yes. Can't throw a rock without hitting a different form of government. If you get three people in a room, you get four opinions.” I looked out the library window, “I envy you so much. You're born knowing you're part of the world. And when you reach a certain age, pow! You get your cutie mark. And, while I understand it's not the complete answer, it sure beats being a blank flank without a clue.”
Twilight looked up at the childish phrase and smiled. “Well, a stallion... I mean, man of your age would certainly not be accused of being a blank flank. You seem to know what you want and how to get it.”
“Humph, I guess I have you fooled too.” I was still looking out at the beautiful day, “Twilight I don't have a clue what I want. I've been thinking about it ever since I got out of the hospital. I suppose I could be the grim defender of Ponyville, ready to fight the good fight. But, the Elements of Harmony can handle anything that crops up. And if you can't I sure can't. I don't think my little toothpick would do anything other than annoy a Discord or ursa minor. And, as I've discovered, I am in fact quite soft and squishy.”
Twilight blushed, “I'm so sorry about...”
I interrupted, annoyed, “Twilight, we've had this discussion before. Tree Trimmer is safe and that's all that matters. Given the choice, you picked the correct one to save. Now, I'll have no more about that. Promise?”
Her expression wavered between embarrassment and confusion. Finally, with a little smile, “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Thankfully, she closed her eye this time.
We continued to do her research and drink tea. While she's reading, I chat with Spike. I find out what his favourite kind of gem is and how to age them. Rubies and place them in a silk lined oak box, as it turns out.
Once Twilight was done, or to be more specific, she ran out of blank scrolls, I asked her one question before I left, “So, Twilight, what's the policy on donations to the library?”
Tuesday. It was Pinkie Pie day and I was a little worried, not worried Pinkie Pie would do something, worried I would, I don't know, fail her or something. I had gotten up early, scrubbed every surface, making sure everything was as organized as I thought it should be. Now I'm waiting quietly for Pinkie, skimming a book on Equestrian cooking.
I don't know why I'm so nervous, that pony is a real sweetheart and I appreciate her coming to help me. I guess I'm worried since it's the first time I've ever spent any alone time with her. I've talked to her in groups, usually with Dash or Rarity, but never alone. Finally, the focus of my anxiety knocked on the door.
I nearly jumped out of my skin and dropped the book. I rushed to the door, tripping over myself. I opened it, maybe a little too fast. “Hi Pinkie! Welcome, welcome, come in, please come in.”
Pinkie was looking up and me, tittering behind her hoof. “Hi Alex Roberts! Why are you so nervous? Are you planning something?” She glared at the ceiling for a moment, then looked back at me with a grin.
Fighting hard to relax and lighten the mood, “Only sweet and savoury goodies, and fun with a good friend.” I smiled, now feeling guilty for some reason. I offered her a cup of tea, made one for myself, and got two scrolls, one for food, and one for the todo list. I was ready.
“Okie Dokie Lokie! So...” Pinkie seemed to be reviewing a mental check list, “I'm assuming it's casual, clothing optional.” I admit that I kind of snickered at that a little. Pinkie looked at me, a little confused but carried on. “I also assume your budget is basically unlimited.”
I interjected, “Technically, yes. But I want to do it myself. I really don't want to hire anyone to do this for me. I want it to be a gift from me to you.”
“Oh, that's so nice! Will you be giving it to the others too? Because if you gave it only to me, the others would feel really left out, especially Rainbow Dash and Applejack. I mean, even I can tell they're b...” She slammed her hooves to her mouth, but was still talking for a few words. They were muffled and I didn't understand them. Mind you, I didn't try too hard.
I just looked at Pinkie with a little half smile and a slightly confused and surprised expression. “We were talking about what needs to be done.”
“Oh right! So, casual, unlimited budget, no staff, invitations. So, I assume it's going to be us girls plus you, right?”
“Yes and Spike, since we have a work around to our problem.”
I could tell Pinkie was in her element, planing a party. She didn't seem like the spastic party pony I've usually seen, here or on the show, and it made me feel good that I had misjudged her. “So, seven guests, plus you. Ok, we need a shopping list for the pre-meal snacks, the meal itself, dessert, and snacks for later on. We'll also need some salted and unsalted drinks, and something for Spike.”
“The only part I know for sure is gems for Spike, I know he likes rubies. After that...” I shrugged. “Oh, and before I forget, I'm just a so-so cook, but I have time to practice.”
“Mmmm...” Pinkie appraised the kitchen professionally, “The first thing we do is make sure you have some decent kitchen equipment. To the kitchen store!”
Pinkie was like a kid in a candy store, or in this case a Pinkie in a kitchen store. “Oh, I love the kitchen store! Almost as much as the joke shop! Oh! Look at those knives! I imagine that would chop through veggies like... like... a hot knife through warm butter. You need those. And these mixing spoons! And a whisk! I don't know why Applejack didn't let me design your kitchen. I mean you would already have this stuff! And...” we continued shopping.
By the time we were done, I had a cart full of handy dandy kitchen tools. And happily none where hokey specially devices, all were good professional grade kitchen tools. “Pinkie, is there anything here you would like? Anything at all? I owe you that at least.”
Pinkie looked at me bashfully, “Well, I could use some new cake decorating tips.” I looked around the store and strode to the displayed of a one of a kind set, over one hundred tips in a beautifully carved wooden box, plus a storage drawer for the frosting bags. I took it and added it to the pile. It was over three hundred bits, but I didn't care. Pinkie just looked at me, flabbergasted.
I smiled at her bashfully, “Thank you Pinkie. You have no idea how much I appreciate your help. I want to give my friends a real gift and I actually feel embarrassed that I don't know you well enough to give you anything but this. I hope I can get to know you better, so I can thank you properly one day.”
Pinkie nuzzled me, “You silly willy! I don't need gifts to know you're my friend. But I do appreciate this. Thank you very much.”
“Pinkie, if you ever need anything, you come to me and I'll make it happen. Do you promise?”
“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” When the originator of the Pinkie Promise did it, it was extra cute. I don't think I'll ever tell them the human version. A bit too grim for this place.
I paid for everything, had a saddle bag over each shoulder, and carried Pinkie's gift in my hands. That was easier than 'normal' bags. We dropped the tips off at her place and Mr Cake was impressed by the kit, “I haven't seen half of these before and have only seen the half of the other half in magazines. That's a real complete kit there Pinkie.”
We went back to the cottage and started organizing the kitchen. I said, “You know Pinkie, I'm starting to really dislike those cartoons. The ones based off of this place. Just going by the show, you would be some marginally psychotic hyperactive...” I searched for the words, “thing that thinks the only solution for every problem is parties and silliness and has a complete mental breakdown if her friends don't talk to her for five minutes. The mare I've gotten to know really is the Element of Laughter, an intelligent, hard working mare who finds the joy and laughter in anything and brings that to the forefront. The point is, I'm very happy you're my friend.”
Pinkie looked at me for a long moment, then gave an appreciative smile, “Thanks Alex. It feels good to be seen as something other than some silly willy bobble head. I mean, I know I can act that way, but that's not all there is to me, and I'm happy someone recognizes it.”
“No problem, that's what friend do, right? They see the best in their friends.” I put on a silly grin and changed voice and demeanour to that of a formal french chef, with a very bad French accent, “Zo! Let us to be making with the menu planning!” Pinkie laughed at that and, as planned, it lightened the mood.
After some work we came up with a simple but tasty menu, well within the scope of my meagre cooking skills. She also made me a timeline, what to start cooking when, what to prepare in advance, and so on. With all this, I only had the invitations to write, to be send a week in advance, and music to choose.
Music. That's a tough one. I got Pinkie to listen to some of my own music, fairly sure they would not be appropriate. Her reaction? “GAH! What are they doing to that poor cat?!?!?” So, unsurprisingly, heavy metal was out.
I ended up with a nice selection of Michael Bublé, some light jazz, and some nice classical music, all stamped with the Pinkie stamp of approval. A good eight hours of music should be enough. I would put it on loop and random, just to make sure.
The day of the dinner party. I wore a casual outfit, just shorts and short sleeved shirt. I realized I had never felt comfortable enough to wear such revealing clothing until now. I found it difficult to be comfortable in my own skin, so to speak. But, well, what can I say, these were my friends.
Pinkie and Dash were the first ones there. Pinkie was bouncing all over the place, double checking everything, making sure I had followed her instructions. Lucky for me, everything was just so. Dash just sat on the lounge chair and watched me with her smirk. I started the music, low in the background, perfect.
Soon, everyone else arrived and I had the snacks and drinks out. So far so good.
I tried to include something special for everyone. Spike was very surprised I had gone through the trouble to 'age' some jewels for him, and he was very please at the flavor. I had licked one of the extras, just out of curiosity. It was like licking glass, no flavor at all. I shrugged.
I had found out from Pinkie that Dash likes sarsaparilla, so I made sure to have a selection, including a little bowl of salt. Turns out she liked the brands I had provided.
For desert I made some apple pies, and apologized that they weren't as good as Applejacks. She was very kind and said they would have not been out of place at home.
For Twilight I made a batch of fried doughnuts, again for desert, like the ones at Pony Joe's place. Extra sprinkles.
For Rarity, the snacks were those fancy little tidbits you find at society soirées. Plenty for everyone.
For Fluttershy, a rose petal salad. I was a little worried, because giving roses would be a romantic gesture between humans. Anyway, Pinkie assured me there was no such connection for ponies, at least not in this context.
The party itself went very well, with only one little incident. Somehow, 'Love Surgery' by GWAR was in the play list. It started up a few minutes after I had served the main course. Once I heard the distinct heavy base, I stood fast enough to knock the chair back, and scrambled to the laptop. It was in the other room and in a burst of speed that, I think, impressed Dash, I vaulted over the couch. The song had gotten most of the way through the first verse before I managed to flip to another song, 'Beyond the Sea' as it happens.
There was an awkward silence, “Um... Sorry about that. That wasn't supposed to be on the list.” Thinking fast, “It's actually a comedy band. They take things so far to the extreme that it becomes ridiculous.” I added, “It's a human thing?” That seemed to satisfy everyone. Before going back to the party I double checked the play list and didn't find anything else.
Everyone was gone, except for Dash, “Hey Dash, you don't have to help me clean up you know,” she had been a guest and friend, I didn't want her working for her supper.
That smirk just radiated confidence, “Hey, no problem! I don't leave my friends hanging.”
“Alright then, what would you like to chat about? Dealer's choice,” I smiled as I started washing the dishes.
“Tell me about growing up. Tell me about your dad, that kind of stuff.” Dash was picking up the streamers and seeing how many different ways she could pop the remaining balloons.
“Okay, well I grew up as a base brat,” Dash looked confused, “my dad was in the air force, he fixed air craft, and I grew up on military bases.” This grabbed her attention.
“So, he was a doctor?”
I smirked, “No, he repaired aircraft, flying machines.”
Dash gave an exasperated chuckle, “You and your machines. You're worst than Pinkie and Twilight combined.”
I stopped washing dishes for a moment and bowed deeply, “From you, I'll take that as a complement.” I returned to my dish washing. “So, I grew up on bases. My mom and dad were great, made sure I got a good education, supported me, all that good stuff. Boring but safe. Now living on military bases had some cool perks, but in some ways it's a sucky way to grow up. The worst part was moving every three or four years to different parts of the country. I found it hard to make friends.”
“What are you talking about? You made friends with me in, like, less than a day.”
Still facing away from Dash, I didn't want her to see my expression, “Well, unfortunately, humans take longer to make friends between themselves. Remember when I was telling you humans are not as nice as ponies? How we don't have a Princess and magic to bind us? Well, that's why. All you have, as a human, is what you can see and hear. I didn't have friends, I had allies. That's why I like it here. Aside from the fact I'm fairly sure I won't be caught up in a plot by a villain and you will not be trying to make a stew out of me, it's that I have friends, not allies.”
She sounded sad, “Oh, I... I didn't know. I'm sorry for bringing it up.”
I turned and smiled, “Don't you dare apologize! It also had it's perks. I got to see places and things most kids didn't see. It gave me a broader view of the world. Something I know you would have loved was seeing an airshow. Dash, when seven fighter jets fly by at just under the speed of sound, it's loud. You feel the sound in your chest. Have you ever been to a concert or a dance and stand by the speakers? That subsonic rumble that vibrates your bones?” I breathed deeply at the memories, “When I was a kid, that was the best.” I had an idea, “Hey, do you want to see? It won't be the same, but, it will give you a taste.”
I shut down iTunes and fired up Chrome, went to youtube, and a quick search produced what I was looking for, a Blue Angel airshow.
The video showed a pilot climbing into the F18, Dash was fascinated, “If the pilot is about as big as you, it must be huge!”
“Planes tend to be. No magic. We're stuck with physics.”
As we watched the acrobatics, Dash sniffed, “They don't turn very sharp.”
“Well, yes, compared to a pegasus they handle like a brick. But, they're not being compared to pegasus, remember? That thing is considered nimble.”
We finished watching the video, and we watched a few more. Dash was getting a kick out of it, and I thought I would show her something I got a kick out of the other day. I googled 'Rainbow Dash Search and Rescue patch', first hit.
She practically exploded, “OhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGosh! That is so cool! That's what the Wonderbolts do when they're not doing shows. Quick response team for all of Equestria. They deal with any problem.” She nuzzled up to me, “Thanks Alex,” then gave me a peck on the cheek.
I glanced at her and saw she was blushing. “What was that for? Not that I'm complaining.”
“For being a cool friend. And knowing I would appreciate something cool like that.”
I barked a laugh, “Cool is not a word I would use to describe myself my dear Dash. But, I'm glad you think so.”
We sat for a few moments. “Okay Dash, your turn. Tell me about your childhood.”
“Well, I grew up in Cloudsdale. My dad is Thunder Dash and mom is Golden Rainbow. My mom was great, always quiet, in the background. Always there for me. My dad, well, he loved me. Tough love, ya know.” She looked a little sad, “He tried training me, hard. He always expected me to be better than the best. I was never quite good enough.”
“I've never told anyone, but I think my dad always wanted a colt. Actually, I know for sure. He told me once when he had been hitting the salt too hard.” She saw my flash of concern, “Oh, don't worry, he never hit me. Just... I was a disappointment. He never came to my graduation from flight school, top of the class when all the others were losers was nothing to be proud of. Said I would never be a winner, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I practised. But he did it because he wanted to make me strong, not like mom. So, winning became the most important thing. The only thing. But, I still love him Alex. He's my dad.”
“He doesn't sound like much of a dad to...” the next thing I knew, my jaw was sore, I had a split lip, and I was on the floor.
Even through my stunned surprise, I could see Dash was angry and she had tears in her eyes. Her glare was withering. She screamed in rage at me, “He's my daddy! He loves me very much! Don't you ever dare talk about him like that! Ever!”
I was still a little fuzzy, but I could see the tears starting to drip on her cheeks. “Dash, I'm sorry, I...”
Still screaming, voice filled with rage, “My name is Rainbow Dash, Alex Roberts. Don't you dare bucking forget it! Rainbow! Dash!”
She ran out the door, tears flowing freely, and I could feel the gust of wind as she took off even from inside the house.
I stood under her beautiful cloud house, still admiring the cascading rainbows. No matter how often I see them I'm still amazed. I'm still in my short pants and short sleeved shirt from the party but now they're soaked from the late afternoon rain and splattered with mud, and I'm fine with that. My face hurts but I don't mind. My neck is sore from craning up but I don't care. I'm cold and wet from the rain, I'm exhausted, my body aches, my throat is raw but I don't give a damn. All I know is that my best friend is in pain and as far as I was concerned, I was the cause.
It hurt to yell, but I did it anyway, “Rainbow Dash, please come down. I want to apologize to you. I don't care if it takes until dooms day, I'll stay right here and keep apologizing!”
On the edge of my hearing I overheard Rarity and Applejack in the distance, “How long has he been standing there shouting?”
“Ah reckon since the end of the party last night. Hasn't left that spot as far as ah can tell. He hasn't even cleaned up his lip. Ah don't know what happened, he won't tell me. He said he something about failing at being a friend. But, I just can't see it.”
Rarity's voice was so soft I only caught the end, “...care for him?”
Applejack's voice came back strong, “Shoot, I care for all my friends, but...”
I'm not interested in what they're talking about. I shouted again, my voice raw, “Rainbow Dash, I'm sorry for what I said! Please, come talk to me.”
Rarity's voice was full of concern, “Is she actually up there?”
Applejack replied, “Fluttershy said she was. Everyone else is worried about him too, but that dang fool won't let us help. Fluttershy even offered to act as a go between, but he refused.”
“I really don't see why Alex is behaving this way. I think him carrying himself as this gallant knight a little too far. If she doesn't accept his apology, the least he can do is go back home and get cleaned up.”
“Sugurcube, Alex is the real deal. It's not an act or a put on for show, he really thinks that way. I guess that's why I admire him.”
I called out, “I abused your trust. I plan to stay here until I can apologize Rainbow Dash! I hope you can hear me! I want you to know how sorry I am! I was wrong! Totally in the wrong! Please, let me apologize to you face to face!”
I thought I saw a little smear of cyan and colour, just at the edge of the cloud, just for a moment through the rain. “Please Rainbow Dash, I'm sorry for hurting you! I was thoughtless and I never should have said what I said! You're my best friend. I don't want to lose you...”
My voice finally gave out, I just couldn't do it any more. I dropped to my knees, mud splashing on my clothes. I was exhausted and discouraged. Maybe Rarity was right. Maybe I should...
I felt a gust of wind and looked up. Dash was hovering just above me and had a sad little smile, “I heard you all night, you big goof.” Dash landed and looked at me bashfully, “I'm... I'm sorry I hit you. I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that. Especially not a friend who stands out all night yelling apologies at me. Especially when I hit you.” She looked away bashfully, “I've never had a friend do that, who cared enough to do something this crazy.”
My voice was weak from all the yelling, “Rainbow Dash, I was totally wrong about that remark. I never should have said it, especially is such a flippant manner. Applejack asked what it was about, but I didn't tell her. I figured it was private. I'm still going to talk to you about it, when you're ready. Because I'm your friend, and I'm not sorry for caring. I...”
Dash gave me a hug and sniffed. She said quietly, “Shut up you big jerk. We will talk about it later, but not right now. I... I can't right now.” I hugged her back, so happy she was here. She continued, with only a trace of confidence in her voice, “I'm so sorry I hit you, and I know you're sorry you mouthed off. We're both sorry. And thank you for keeping the reason to yourself.” She broke away, concern on her face, “You really should take care of that lip, it's making you uglier than usual.”
I touched my face and winced a little. I hadn't really noticed how swollen it was. “Yes, I think I should.” I noticed Applejack and Rarity were keeping their distance. “Thanks for talking to me, Rainbow Dash.”
I looked at Applejack and Rarity over Dash's shoulder. Rarity seems quite happy, but Applejack's expression is... flat.
She admonished softly, “Hey, I told you already, my friends call me Dash.”
Another perfect day. You know, just for once, I would love to see a slightly cloudy day here. Just a few random clouds. Dash would never let that last. Oh well, I guess I can't complain too much.
Ever since I came out of the hospital, things have, for the most part, become a dull routine. I have breakfast, clean up, workout on the heavy bag for a half hour or so, change into clean clothes, jog into town and I always stop at Applejack's stand. She's always a fun chat, and like Dash, I feel I can let my guard down around her. I'll sometimes stop and talk to Rarity, Pinkie Pie, or Twilight and Spike. Some times I'll go through town and drop by Fluttershy's. I usually catch Dash some time in the afternoon or she'll drop over at my place after work. The only two I seem to see almost every day are Applejack and Dash.
As I jogged up to Applejacks stand, “Hey Romeo, spend more time call'en up to your true love?”
“Applejack, you know you're the only one for me. Well, you know, after Fluttershy. Twilight. The Mayor. Rarity.” We both chuckled at our private joke. “Actually, Dash and I have patched things up. I'm glad we did, I would have hated to lose her as a friend.”
“Sugarcube, ah don't think there was any chance of that. That filly thinks the world of ya. Heck, I do to, truth be known.”
I chuckled, “Darn shame I'm not a stallion, I'd have to beat you all off with a stick.” I saw a pile of flyers beside her stand. I pick one up and read it, “'Sisterhood Social'?” I brightened up, “Hey, I know it's a filly only thing, but my schedule is empty and maybe I can help set things up? I'm feeling kind of useless around here and you would be doing me a big favour. You know what they say, idle hands are Discords playthings.”
“That sure is neighbourly of you, and I hate turning down somepony with gumption. Alright, come on down early friday morning, me and Big Macintosh are setting things up for Saturday. Get ready for a hard day's work.”
“Thanks Applejack, I appreciate it. It'll be good to be doing something with my hands again. The house is all setup and everyone else has something to do during the day, I feel like I'm just, in the way.”
I leaned on the stand facing Applejack, “Applejack, I'm feeling directionless for the first time in a long time. Before it was fairly straight forward; survive, get ready for my next jump, try to get home. That was it. To be honest I gave up on the last goal about twenty years ago, it just didn't seem all that plausible.” I snorted mirthlessly, “Says the reality jumping human in Equestria. And now, I'm in this wonderful place, this almost perfect society, and I don't know what to do.”
“My usual course of action while waiting until I jump is to start off as a story teller in inns, then use the funds to become some kind of merchant. People always enjoy a good story, but merchants, they travel, and you know what, travelling doesn't seem very attractive any more.”
Applejack tilted her hat back and gave a sympathetic grunt, “I hear ya. As much as I love the orchard business, those trips to Canterlot drive me crazy. I guess I'm just a home body.”
Home body. That sparked something in my mind. Why not combine story telling with building a home here? I was always decent at telling stories. Well, they already have a stage by the town hall. Why not a real theatre? Bringing entertainment to Ponyville! Make ponies laugh and cry and think!
I looked at Applejack in the eyes and smirked, I grabbed her by the shoulders and hugged her.
I let her go and stepped back. She had a slight blush on her cheeks, a confused expression, and a half smile. “What in tarnation was that for?”
“For being the inspiration that gave me a direction for the next sixty years of my life.”
I could hear Big Macintosh, “Applejack, you sure about this? He can barely carry what Apple Bloom can. Besides, ain't he some fancy pants, throwen' bits around like water? And then I heard about him improperly hugging you in the market. What's he doing spending his day hugging mares in the market. Has he ever done an honest days work?”
“Big Macintosh! He can hear you from here! He's got real sharp ears. And anyway, he's always eager to help, with bits or his back. And that hug was just a friendly one. Nothing else, understood? And even if it was, it's none of your darn business. I said he could come help and that's that.”
I did my best to hide my smile. I wanted to show Big Mac I could do a good days' work. Applejack called me over and I quickly jogged the rest of the way over as I was pulling on a pair of work gloves. Did I mention Elusive is amazing? That stallion just eyeballs me and makes stuff that fits, made the work gloves in about half an hour.
I clapped my hands together and rubbed them in anticipation, “So, where do I start?”
Big Macintosh looked me up and down disapprovingly, “Well, I guess I can't turn down an extra pair of hooves,” he gave his sister a quick glare. “You can get started with the hay bales. The track's already outlined, you just put hay bales along the edge.”
I nodded, gave a snappy two fingered salute, “Yes sir!” and I trotted off. It was a lot of hard work, but I made a point of not taking a mid morning break. I wanted to prove myself. That, and it felt good to have a purpose, even if it was just for a day or two.
Late morning, as I was feeling jaunty, and had a tune in my head all morning. I started singing it out loud, “Alouette, gentille Alouette. Alouette, je te plumerai! Je te plumerai la tête! Je te plumerai la tête. Et la tête. Et la tête. Alouette. Alouette. O-o-o-oh. Alouette, gentille Alouette. Alouette, je te plu...”
Big Macintosh interrupted my zen like train of thought, “What in tarnation are you singing? Sounds mighty highfalutin.” His eye squinted a little at me.
“Oh, sorry Big Macintosh, just an old work song my grandmother used to sing. She was from a little french farming community where I come from. Heh, that was actually a chicken plucking song, not really for hay bales, but it's the only one I really remember. If it's bothering you, I'll stop. It's just... well this place was a little slice of my childhood and it sort of slipped out...” He glared at me in silence. I shut my yap and continued carrying the hay bales. He snorted and went back to what he was doing. Right. Duly noted, no singing.
The sun was high in the sky. It has been a back breaking morning and had about a third of the track done. I heard Granny Smith call out, “Soups on everypony!”
I started walking toward the farm house, wiping sweat from my face. I saw a table in the distance, piled high with food. As I was walking I was carefully rolling my shoulders so they wouldn't stiffen. Just before I got to the table, I stopped and twisted my upper torso. I felt a satisfying crack and sighed. I felt a silence and looked around, the Apple family was looking at me, looks of surprise on their faces. I looked behind myself, “What?”
Applejack looked worriedly at me, “Should you be bending yourself like that? I mean, doesn't that hurt?”
“Um... no, not really. I was just cracking my back. I was a little stiff from the work and doing that makes me feel better. That's all.” I grew concerned, afraid that I had committed another social faux pas, “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, I guess not. Just, it didn't look natural. Well, not natural for pony folks.”
I smiled, “Trust me, this is quite natural for humans.” Everyone seemed satisfied with my answer, except Big Macintosh, but he kept his mouth shut. “So, now that we have that all cleared up, this spread looks fantastic! I want to thank you very much Granny Smith, this looks really good!” And, no word of a lie, it was. The Apple family sure know how to cook. I may try to get some tips from Applejack later. The food was sweet, like most pony food, but not overly so. I guess this was plain food by their standards.
Once lunch was over, everyone was taking a little break, except for me. I joked, “Well, as much as I would like to while away the afternoon, I'm behind on my bales. Thank you again for lunch.” Applejack cocked an eyebrow at this and kept that little half smile she usually has. Big Macintosh shot a glare at me. I walked back to my pile of bales and got back to work.
“Applejack's got you working her farm, huh?”
I smiled and looked up at Dash, hovering a short distance away. “Well, I'm trying.” I glanced around, then, in my best Big Macintosh imitation, “But this critter's only as strong as Apple Bloom.”
Dash laughed and landed, “That was pretty good. Big Mac can be a little pig headed some times. Once he gets an idea in his head, well, it's hard to change. Did you want some help?”
“Thanks Dash, but no. I want to do this myself. Stupid pride and all the jazz. Mind if I work while we chat?” I continued grabbing bales from the stack and placing them around the track.
“Nope! I'll just get comfy right over here.” Dash laid down on the last bale I had placed. Once she got comfortable, “So, something I was wondering about, and you never talk about it, why did all this jumping around start? You know, from one world to another.”
I paused for a moment, “That's something I don't have an answer to. Maybe one day I'll know.” I dropped the bale and headed back for the next one, “I remember the first jump. I was mowing the lawn. Celestia's sun I hated mowing the lawn.” I grunted as I grabbed a new bale, “Half way through the front lawn the damn mower had broken down and I was trying to fix it, “ I chuckled mirthlessly, “and, of course, I burned my hand on the exhaust. I remember swearing out loud then looking around to make sure there were no,” I dropped the bale, “children around.”
I wiped my brow, “That first time was scary. It started with a vibrating sensation,” I grunted as I picked up a bale, “in my chest and pain in my head. I collapsed. I was sure it was a heart attack or stroke. The next thing I knew this was followed up by a sensation like... like my outside, “I dropped a bale, “was being pulled to a point inside my chest. Then, there was a blinding flash, and aside from a little headache,” I grunted as I picked up the bale, “and a slightly upset stomach, I was feeling normal again. I was pulling myself off the ground. I wanted to go to a doctor and get checked out. I mean, I thought,” I dropped the bale and adjusted it with my foot, “I had a heart attack.”
“I slowly realized something was wrong, not just with my body, but with my front lawn. The tree,” I grunted as I picked up the bale, “that's in the middle of my yard was replaced with a flag pole. I started looking around, and saw that every front yard had a flag pole. I know that will not mean anything to you, but what I saw on every flag pole scared the apple,” I dropped the bale in place, “bucking horse apples out of me. It was the flag of a group called nazis. A red,” a grunt while lifting, “flag with a white circle, and black bent cross. Imagine all the evil of Nightmare Moon and Discord rolled into one, then add industrial level... ” I decided to shield Dash from that horror, “bad stuff.” I dropped the bale and adjusted it.
Dash looked at me with pin prick pupils. She knew from our conversations humans could be ruthless, so when I said something like that, she knew I wasn't exaggerating. After giving her head a shake, she moved a few bales closer.
“I saw all the houses were now painted the same colour, same door, same little garden, same everything. I heard some,” a grunt and a new bale, “yelling from the front door of what should be my house and saw some guy in old fashioned clothes doing the yelling. Anyway, I couldn't understand what he was saying, but I was sure it was directed as me and he was quite upset.” I dropped the bale, just at the right spot this time.
“So, to make a long story short, I got off his lawn, and stated wandering the neighbourhood. I didn't know what to do, I wanted to know what the buck was going on, so I decided to do what I would normally do at home, I started looking for a police officer.” I paused before picking up the bale. “I must have been still a little out of my head because that was a mistake.” I picked up the bale and carried on.
“So, I saw what I assumed was a police car, and started going toward it. Two burly men is suits came out and started speaking, I said I speak english, what I'm speaking now, and french.” I drop the bale and adjust it, “Anyway, they spoke french, asked me for my papers. I asked if my drivers licence would do,” I grabbed a new bale, “and was rewarded with a punch to the gut. They dragged me into the back of their car, and took me to the police station. Once there,” I dropped the bale and sat on it, “they dragged me out of the car. Now, keep in mind I was overweight back then, I'm talking 145kg, and they were tossing me around like a rag doll. I don't really want to get into the details, but they had me handcuffed to a chair and were 'getting my statement' by screaming at me in a language I didn't understand and a badly accented one I could barely understand. I had been in that world for a half a day, it was dark outside. I jumped just as there 'specialist' had arrived. I must have scared the horse apples out of them.”
“With all due respect Alex Roberts, that sounds like quite the load of horse apples,” a voice so deep I felt it my chest. Dash laughed at that and even I chuckled. I turned and saw Big Macintosh standing behind me. “How do, Miss Rainbow Dash.” Even with my poor skills at reading ponies I could tell his tone radically changed when addressing Dash. I don't know if it's because she's a mare, and he would address any mare like that, or if he had something for Dash.
“Sorry boss, just taking a sit down with a pretty lady.” I winked at Dash. I think I saw Dash blush but if she did it didn't last long. In retrospect that was a stupid thing to say.
“Yes you are, and I would thank you if you stopped goofing off. You're only half way done and it's almost mid afternoon.” Big Macintosh towered over me with an unfriendly expression, “You wanted to work, so get to work.”
Dash barked a laugh, “Ha! He told you Alex.” Dash grinned, “Good one Big Mac.”
Big Macintosh blinked at Dash a few times, then, I think, had a hint of a suggestion of a smile.
I smiled, “Point taken boss. Less flirting and more working.” I got up and started walking to the bale pile.
Dash with her confident smirk, “Well boys, as much as I would like to see you fighting for my affections, I think I'd better let Alex get back to work.” With that, and a gust of wind, she took off.
I watched her go, following her path and I noticed Big Mac was too. I felt a hoof on my shoulder. Well, to be precise, I felt a corner of a hoof on my shoulder.
I turned to see Big Macintosh still looking up and, in that rumble in my chest deep voice, “Don't you be thinking of fooling with Miss Rainbow Dash. Understand?”
Who the apple bucking moon did he think he was? I never had any interest in Dash that way. Heck, I never had any interest in any pony that way. But I sure as the moon wasn't going to stand here and let some muscle bound idiot tell me how to live my life.
Unfortunately, my indignation caused my mouth to act before my brain could catch up. “Good thing I was going to court your sister.”
The world was silent except for the buzzing of the flies. I watched Big Macintosh out of the corner of my eye. The only part of him that moved was the wheat stock he always had in his mouth. I figured I had riled him enough. “Look, about Applejack...”
I could feel the anger radiating off of him. He answered through gritted teeth, “Not another word, colt. Don't you move one muscle or I'll tear your head off. Let me tell you what...”
I turned toward him. “No Big Macintosh, you will not tell me. We are about to have a calm conversation where we treat each other as adults, not some hot headed idiots who will take a swing at the first opportunity. Besides, what do you think Applejack would say if she found us fighting like school foals.”
Big Macintosh snorted, but stayed silent. I looked straight ahead, leaning on the fence.
“First off, I was out of line. I never should have said I was courting your sister, because I'm not. I wanted to get your attention and lucky for me you talk first, swing second. Applejack is a wonderful person and a good friend. It doesn't hurt that she's a lot like the wife I lost a long time ago, so she'll always have a special place in my heart, but never in that way. Second, you will not tell me who I can court and who I can't.”
“With that being said, I'm not a pony and I don't feel like that about her. I don't feel like that about any pony, including Rainbow Dash. But even if I did, honestly, what are the odds of Applejack or Dash returning those feelings and jumping into my arms, huh? Zip. Nada. None. The best I could hope for is a pity date. Not exactly the makings of a heart breaking Lothario,” I chuckled at my own whit.
“Who knows, one day you may be my brother-in-law,” Big Macintosh stiffened at that and it made me smirk, “But not today and likely not ever.” I paused, letting what I had said sink in, then continued, “And for Celestia's sake, if you like Rainbow Dash, go talk to her! She won't bite, or maybe she will, I'm not up on pony dating etiquette.” Big Macintosh chuckled, and I could see he physically relaxed. Success! “The point is, you need to get off your flank and start, you know, talking to her. Pining away silently may work in fairy tails, but not where I come from. Saying three words a day will not cut it.”
I turned to him, “Big Macintosh, I know you don't trust me, but I want to be a friend. I'm a bit of a loudmouth and I don't always know when not to joke. But, Applejack was there when I needed help. I will forever be in her debt, and by extension in debt to the Apple family. The point is, I hope you and I can start again.”
I was surprised to see him turn, give that almost smile, raise his hoof, spit in it, and hold it out. I spit on my palm, and pressed it against his hoof. Man, that is one big hoof, even with my fingers spread out I still don't reach the sides. We gave a single shake. In that subsonic rumble of a voice, “Pleased to make your acquaintance Mr Alex Roberts.”
“My friends call me Alex. The mister confuses me and I start looking around for my dad.”
Applejack's twang sounded amused, “I'm sure you hens would love to spend the whole day clucking, but we all have work to do, so get at it!”
My clever reply is to squawk like a startled chicken and jog off to the bale pile.
At about supper time, I was three quarters done. I was fed again and headed back to my bales.
About half an hour later, that bass rumble called out, “Need any help Alex?”
“No thank you. Stubborn pride and all that. But, I appreciate the offer. You and everyone else have worked like crazy today. I just want to pull my weight. Anyway, it won't be much longer, a couple or three hours, tops.”
“Crazy fool. Alright, but if y'all decide to swallow your pride, just give a shout.” He headed to the stands and got comfortable.
Not fifteen minutes later, “Sugarcube, you sure you don't need no help?”
“Go sit with your brother please. I'm Apple family stubborn if I think I'm right. Anyway, just a couple of hours and I'll be done.” Applejack sighed and headed to the stand.
About an hour later, I heard from the stands, “Apple Bloom, you go say goodnight to Mr Alex Roberts, then it's off to bed.”
I smiled, she's a nice kid, good with building things. I paused for a minute while she came trotting along, “Mr Alex Roberts sir? I just wanted to say good night and thank you for helping us set up for the Sisterhood Social.”
“Sweetheart, call me Alex, and you're very welcome. Helping out today gave me a chance to get to know your Granny and big brother better. And I'm always happy to see you too young lady. Have a good night.” I patted her on the head and got back to work.
After Apple Bloom went to bed, I heard Big Macintosh ponder, “You sweet on him, little sister? He said he's got a, what did he say now, a special place in his heart on account that you remind him of the wife he left behind.”
Applejack replied in a flustered tone, “That ain't no mind of yours Big Macintosh. And he didn't leave her behind, he was taken away from his family. Now hush, he can hear us.”
“Hear us? All the way across the track? Shoot.”
I was almost done, no more than half an hour left. I paused for a minute to stretch my back again and heard, “Applejack's still got you working? Or are they holding you prisoner?”
I snorted at that, “Well, almost got in a brawl with Big Macintosh over you, but otherwise there have only been minimal threats of violence.”
Dash blushed a little, “I can't imagine that happening. Anyway, Big Macintosh isn't my type.”
Uh oh.
Dash continued, “Sure, I guess he's good looking, but he never says more than three words. Anyway, I'm not interested in anything right now. I've got my eye on someone, but I'm still figuring things out, know what I mean? So...” she shrugged.
“Rainbow Dash, you stop bothering my working stallion. He owes me the rest of the track,” Applejack's tone was playful.
Dash smirked, “I'll flirt with any stallion I want to Applejack,” she giggled. “Well, I'd better go, I have a race tomorrow. Bye Alex!” With that and a burst of wind Rainbow Dash flew straight up and disappeared into the darkness. I glanced in Big Mac's direction and smiled seeing him follow her flight.
I finally finished at about 9pm. I walked the track twice, once on each side, just to make sure everything was straight. I was tired and looking forward to bed, but wanted to do a good job. After saying my goodbyes, I walked home. It took about half an hour and the cool night air refreshed me a little.
When I got back to my cottage, I was surprised to find a snack on my kitchen table along with a bottle if ice cold sarsaparilla. There was a note beside the plate, it said, “For my hard working stallion.” It was signed “Your Special Friend”.
I looked at the note for a long time. Who could have written this? As I ate the snack, I kept looking at the note. It was not written on the notepaper I had in my desk. They must have been here very recently, the bottle of drink was still ice cold and the food was still cool. They had used my dishes, not that I minded.
I finished the snack and washed the plate. Just in case they come back, I wrote a small note, “My Dearest Special Friend, Thank you for the lovely snack and drink. They hit the spot after a long day. I am curious to know who you are, as you seem to know me. If there is a reason you wish to remain anonymous, I will respect your wishes.” I signed it, “Your Curious Friend, Alex”. I left my note on the table, along with notepaper and a pencil.
Although I was tired, I needed some time to wind down. I took the opportunity to call home. According to my calender, it should be 3:47 on Monday. Dan should be home from school by now and Anne will still be out for about another month. I'll give him a call. He was happy to talk to me. We chatted about school, how he was doing on a project, and how his friends were doing. He talked about the latest episode of My Little Pony where some con artists were trying to out do the Apples at cider making or something like that. I promised I would watch it and call back later.
After a good nights sleep I came down the stairs with a mix of excitement and trepidation. Would there be anything on that notepaper? I doubt it, but you never know. I noted, with a little disappointment, that everything was as I had left it.
I made some breakfast and checked out the episode on youtube. Very interesting and possibly useful in my current endeavours, especially since the antagonists left on an incompetent note, not a bad one. I made sure to carry two coin purses with enough bits to cover anything that comes up. As they say, luck favours the prepared.
On the way to the race, I stopped in town and made a reservation at the cafe. It took a little bribing, but I got us the tables reserved for the whole day. I was going to take my friends out for a celebration. Afterwards I took my time walking to Sweet Apple Acres. I still had the note and pulled it out periodically. What pony in their right mind would crush on me? I didn't recognize the handwriting, but I didn't see much of any pony's, so it's not surprising.
I'm fairly sure it's not Applejack, I doubt she could have gotten past me. However, she does know this town like the back of her hoof, so it's not impossible that she could have. Also, she would have been rested and she's a heck of a lot faster than me. Also, after Dash left, I didn't see Applejack for a while, but I was busy, so that doesn't mean anything.
This doesn't strike me as something Dash would do, it's not really her style. I think she would be more... direct. Grab the bull by the horns and all that. However, she does seem more reluctant when it comes to affairs of the heart, so it's not impossible.
Rarity? Hmmm, maybe. I think she's still got that gallant knight idea about me. But, she's more likely to try to seduce me. I snorted. I can just see her standing in front of me, batting her eyelashes. Now Alex, you know that's not fair, and she is your friend.
Twilight? Conceivable but unlikely. We haven't spent much time together and I really don't see her doing something like that. Anyway, I doubt she will ever date, too wrapped up in her studies.
Pinkie Pie? Again, not her style. She would throw a party for two or something.
Fluttershy? Again maybe. I can't see her building up the courage to do something like this, but I could be wrong.
Some other mare? I don't know, who else do I have regular contact with? Mrs Cake? Nope, not with Mr Cake and the twins. So, no one else, really.
Humph, I'll have to nip this in the bud. Any mare that... wait. What if it's a stallion? Not that I wouldn't be flattered, but Mr Alex Roberts does not swing that way, pony or human. Gutter, thy name is Alex.
So, with my head full of questions I walked through the gates of Sweet Apple Acres. The place was crowded, the stands were full of spectators, ready to cheer on their sisters, daughters, and wives
I wandered over to the staging area of the big race and saw Rarity with Sweetie Belle, Applejack and Apple Bloom, and, to my surprise, Dash standing beside Scootaloo. “Hey guys! All getting ready for the big race I see. And, it's extra nice to see you Miss Scootaloo. Dash, I didn't have you pegged as the big sister type.”
“Ya, well, I have hidden depths, okay. I saw a flyer for the Sisterhood Social and thought Scoots would like to go. I figured her best first time would be to win, with my awesomeness to help.”
Scootaloo's little wings were flapping so fast she was almost hovering, “You bet Rainbow Dash!”
Looking at all six of them, I said “I don't know Scootaloo. It's going to be hard to pick a winner in advance.”
“Well darling, with our grace and elegance, Sweetie Belle and I are bound to come in first place.” Rarity gave a haughty smile, then broke down and gave a warm laugh.
“Well, I reckon you have your right to an opinion, no matter how incorrect.” Applejack had that little half smile she usually has and Apple Bloom hopped around excitedly.
“Darn right! 'Cuz it's me and Scoots here that are gonna win!” Dash ruffled Scootaloo's mane and flashed her confident smirk.
“Ladies, please, no fighting. Save the dirty tricks for the track,” I chuckled. “First and foremost I've come to wish you all good luck. I also want to share the wonderful surprise I had last night.” I carefully watched their faces, “When I got home, someone had left me a snack, a perfectly chilled bottle of sarsaparilla, and this,” I pulled out the note, no noticeable reaction, “does this writing look familiar? I would like to thank whoever did this.”
The fillies 'awwwed' as a group.
Rarity grew thoughtful, “A kind gesture and a mysterious note. How romantic.”
Applejack gave her low chuckle, “Well, looks like you will have to beat mares off with a stick after all. Who ever did it must be mighty sweet on you.”
Dash seemed annoyed, “You know, they probably wouldn't appreciate having that private note flashed around everywhere.”
“Yes, you're right Dash. I just wanted to share something cool with my friend. I haven't had a secret admirer since high school,” I grew thoughtful for a moment,”that's about eighty or eighty-five years ago,” that was a depressing thought, “and I have to admit I'm a little excited by the prospect.” Rarity gave one of her knowing little smiles, “Not that I think it will be anything at the end of the day, but I can't deny it feels good. Anyway, I'll keep it to myself and let you know the day before the wedding.”
I looked at the platform beside the track, “Looks like Granny Smith is setting up for the announcement of the race. I'll head out to the stands. Okay, I promised myself I wouldn't show any bias, and you know I'm rooting for you all, but I'm putting my bets on Dash, only because she has Scootaloo with her.”
Scootaloo looked at me in surprise, charged towards me, and tackled me with a hug, “Thanks Alex! I won't let you or Rainbow Dash down!”
“Don't worry about that, kid. No matter what happens, you've already won.”
I headed to the stands and found the bookies. There are always bookies in these situations, in every reality. It must be some kind of universal law. It was twin unicorns and one had a moustache. “Hurry up pal, I'm stopping bets as soon as the race starts.” It looked like them, sort of. And it sounded like them, sort of.
I pulled out a coin pouch, “Five thousand bits on Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo.” I was going to bet on Applejack and Apple Bloom, but that was before I knew Dash and Scoots were in the race. I felt anything else was a suckers bet.
The bookie and his patrons stopped and gapped at me. The one with the moustache broke the silence, “There's a gambler folks. Most ponies don't take more than a twenty bits bet, but if you want to throw your money away on unknowns, well, I'll be happy to take it.”
I lightly toss him the budging bag. “What are my odds, money pony?”
“Seven to one. Last chance to get out.”
“Nope, it was burning a hole in my pocket.”
“Alright, bet taken, whatever you are. Your money's as good as the next pony's.”
I could hear Granny Smith starting her speech. I could see over the crowd, and made sure to place myself so I could be seen. The bookies, with their trade complete, joined me. Just as Granny Smith said go, I started talking, “Yup, my best friend Rainbow Dash, winner of the young flyer competition, only pony known to have made at least two sonic rainbooms, champion athlete, a real class act, and Scootaloo, her protégé.”
The girls were leading the pack past the mud pit, surprisingly, Rarity and Sweetie Belle were in the lead, with Applejack, Apple Bloom, Dash, and Scootaloo all neck a neck.
The bookies move back to behind the bleachers, but I could hear them talking franticly, “What do you think Flim?”
“Well Flam, if she doesn't come in first, second, or third, we can cover the bets and make tidy profit. If she does, we can only cover it if she's in third.”
“Not only that, but what if the Apples catch us? Did you see the size of the red one? What are we going to do?”
“Don't worry brother of mine, our disguises are fool proof.”
I cheered as Dash and Scootaloo raced by in the lead. Then I stepped back behind the bleachers. “Well gentlemen, you seem to have yourselves a bit of a pickle.” They looked up at me, surprised.
Flam put on a false carnival barkers voice and demeanour. “You've got it all wrong, friend. We're just discussing other business matters. But I like the cut of your jib and I'll forgive you this time.”
I glance at the track, Dash, Scootaloo, Applejack, and Apple Bloom are ahead of the pack, jumping the hurdles. “Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo are in the lead. Looks like Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo are getting first or second place. Tell you what, I may need your entrepreneurial skills in the near future. Do you know what a retainer is?”
Flam answered cautiously, “It depends what you want to retain us for.”
There was a roar from the crowd. I looked out, Dash and Scoots were the winners! “Oh, looks like my friend came in first place. Well, hear's the deal, I'll need some ponies with a flare for showmanship and you two fit the bill. The name's Alex Roberts. You can ask anywhere in Ponyville, people know who I am and where I live. I'll make sure you earn more with good honest work suited to your talents than you make running numbers or pulling scams. So, take the five thousand or pay me my thirty-five thousand, your choice.”
The brothers looked at each other, nodded, “You've got yourself a deal. The Flim-Flam brothers are in your employ.”
I steepled my fingers and smiled, “Excellent... come to my cottage in two days at about 1 pm. We'll discuss details.”
I carried a self satisfied smile all the way to the winners circle. When I finally caught up with the girls, they were all talking excitedly, and it almost looked like Applejack and Dash were arguing. When they noticed me, they stopped talking abruptly. I couldn't hear them over the noise of the crowd, but, it's none of my business anyway.
When I made my way to them, “Hey! Great job Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash!” I gave Dash a quick hug, then saw Scootaloo's expression. Not sadness exactly, just resignation. I glanced at Dash, smiled, and called out, “Hey, we're missing the star of the race.” I gestured for her to come. She looked so surprised and happy, I think she was about to cry. “That's my girl! You did great, you both did.”
For a split second, I had a family again. My world was this pony and this filly, and I was happy. I wanted this. I wanted this so bad I could taste it, but I knew, deep down, that it wasn't mine to have. The moment passed.
Dash said quietly, “So, Alex, are you going to let go or what?”
“Sorry, I got swept up in the moment. So who's up for a celebratory dinner?”
“As generous as that is, I must decline. My parents are here and we were planning on having dinner with them,” Rarity gave me a little grin and shrugged.
“Alex, I'm pleased you asked, but we have, uh, commitments here. Sorry sugarcube.” Applejack seemed a little disappointed.
Dash's confident smirk was like a mask, I just couldn't read through it. “Looks like you're stuck with the winners Alex.”
I smiled, “Well, that's just fine by me.”
In retrospect booking half of the restaurant was a little excessive, so I let the maitre d' know it was just the three of us. He looked much less annoyed when I paid for the unused tables. We took a table out front on the patio. “Why hide inside? I want everyone to see what winners look like.”
I could see Scootaloo was so full of joy and bursting with pride at winning the race with her idol. I encouraged her to tell me everything about the race and she happily complied, bouncing around the whole time. Dash just watched quietly with her confident smirk, enjoying the energy of her little sister for the day.
Scootaloo was talking excitedly, “It was awesome when we jumped the mud pit in one leap, hey Rainbow Dash!?! And how about when we climbed the crates and I was all, 'I can't make it', and you were all 'I believe in you kid, now jump!' and I jumped and you caught my hoof, and we got over it! And then we gobbled down those pies in ten seconds flat! How cool was that?!? And then we got to that hen house and we went all slow motion ninja like they did in that play with all the special effects I saw in Canterlot and we had the egg, nose to nose and carried it out easy peasy! But the best part was when we were jumping the hurtles, and I did the same trick I do when I'm on my scooter to jump low branches!” She sat back, winded from the story telling, “It was totally wicked!”
Dash threw out her best over confident grin and ruffled Scootaloo's mane, “You're the coolest kid.”
Scootaloo got a bit of a surprised look on her face, “Oops, got to go to the can! Be right back.”
Dash followed Scootaloo with her eyes. Her expression softened when Scootaloo was out of sight, “She's a good kid you know. Tough as nails. Was taken away from abusive parents when she was three. That's why her wings are a little small. They half starved her, kept her in a closet. I try to give her the big sister she never had.” She chuckled mirthlessly, “And the big sister I never was. And, I'd appreciate it if you keep that to yourself. I haven't told anyone else and it's not something they need to know.”
“Hey, mum's the word. But, how did you find out?”
“Heh. I was doing some court ordered volunteer work and while I was waiting in Ms Sweetheart's office, I saw Scootaloo's file folder. I was curious and flipped through it.” Dash looked away for a moment, composing herself. “Alex, if I could get my hooves on those monsters...”
I put a comforting hand on Dash, “I hear you. I was a scout leader back in the day and saw some kids from bad situations. I know exactly what you mean.”
Dash wiped a tear away and I saw something new in her face, a fierce, almost defiant loyalty, “But, I never want her to think I feel sorry for her, because I don't. I want her to be strong and feel worthy of herself.”
I nodded and gave her a small smile. We looked at each other in silence then my brain caught up with what I heard. I snickered, “Court ordered volunteer work? My dear friend Rainbow Dash is a master criminal?”
She rolled her eyes and gave me an annoyed smile, “I crashed into the Town Hall while practising my tricks. I couldn't afford to fix it, so I did some community service, a hundred hours in the Big Sister program. Are you happy now?”
I smiled, “That's actually very cool. As hard as it is to believe, my admiration for you has gone up.”
Dash blushed a little, “Really? I mean... naturally! Someone as cool as me only continues to amaze.”
“Oops, short stuff at twelve o'clock.”
Dash looked confused, “Short what when?”
Scootaloo exuberant voice cleared up any confusion, “Sorry about that, there was a lineup.”
“I was just about to say before you came back, your exciting tale of heroism and race winning almost wiped me out.” In a bad french accent, “Now what would the young lady like for her winners feast?”
Scootaloo giggled and pondered for a moment, “Oat burger and hay fries, please!”
I looked at Dash, “Et madam?”
Dash snorted at my french, but didn't even glance at the menu, “Steamed vegetable and daisy stir fry.”
The waiter was just arriving at our table the guy with what sounded like a fake french accent. I spoke with my best Persian french, “Fantastique! La jeune femme aimerait le hamberger d'avoine et des frite de foin, et pour la jolie demoiselle les légumes cuit à la vapeur sautés avec marguerite.” As a joke, I threw in, “Et pour moi, un bifteck, cuit à point.” Who knows, I might get lucky.
I could see the beads of sweat forming on his brow, and in a slightly less french accent, “Beg pardon?”
“I'm sorry, I assumed you spoke french. My bad.” I repeated our order except for the rare steak, I got the same thing as Dash. Much to their credit, the girls didn't start laughing until the waiter was out of ear shot.
Scootaloo was just looking at me slack jawed at first. I'm not sure if she was more shocked that I spoke french or that I had pulled a prank in such a public place. When the waiter was gone, she started tittering, then all out laughing.
Dash was slowly shaking her head, a look of pleasant surprise on her face. Between giggles, “Alex Roberts, that was a good one.”
I smiled, “Well, sometimes I just like to shake things up. Anyway, I was curious if the guy actually spoke french.” Why did I do such a juvenile prank? It's not like me. Now I feel bad about embarrassing the guy at work. But, I feel so damn at ease around Dash. I guess it just seemed to be the natural thing to do.
Once we had finished the meal, and were waiting for dessert, I readied myself to tell them what had been burning in my head, “Okay Dash, and you too Scootaloo, I figured out what I'll be putting my energies into.” I nervously wiped my mouth one last time with the napkin and they both perked up. With a dramatic flare, “I, Alex Roberts, have decided to build... wait for it... a theatre! And not just any stage, I mean a theatre fit for Princesses. Plays for every taste, young and old, action, adventure, drama, comedy, everything! And not just plays, but all kinds of music, lectures, something for your mind and your soul.” Noting they were not excessively excited about my idea, “Think about it, maybe I can get a retired Wonderbolt to give a lecture on what it means to be a Wonderbolt, maybe a documentary on how to become a Wonderbolt.” That got their attention.
“I want to build something that will last a thousand years Dash. Applejack gave me a hint of an idea, but...” I put my hand on her hoof, Dash looked down at my hand, then back up to my face, slightly confused, “Dash, it's you that really inspired me. I wanted to do something bold and brash that will bring joy to others, illuminate their minds, make strong stallions cry, and sad foals laugh. That... that's what I want to do. I want to do to them what you, my best friend, do to me.”
Dash was blushing, looking at me in surprise, “I do all that to you? Really?”
“Yes, really. When you take off and that gust of wind hits my face, my heart jumps into my throat. When you're turning a lazy arc in the sky, your grace makes my heart ache. Before I met you, I've never talked to anyone who could fly, not without an airplane, or magic spells, or super powers, or some other cheat. Well, technically I met Fluttershy first, but you're the first I really talked to. And your self confidence is amazing, even if it does get you into trouble some times. You know who you are, you know what you want, and you know where you're going. Most days I don't know if I'm going left or right.”
This touching moment between two friends was shattered by the awesome and perfect timing of one little filly known as Scootaloo, “Oh, that's soooo gross! Are you guys, like, dating or something?”
Dash started laughing, and I started sputtering, “Whoa, hey there Scootaloo.” She had been so quiet I had totally forgotten about her, “You see, sometimes grownups can say stuff like that without it being anything more than what it is.”
“You're so funny when you're flustered Alex. No Scootaloo, we're just friends. It's just the way Alex talks. All emotions and passion and junk like that.” Dash turned her face to mine, a light smile, her expression otherwise unreadable, “But, that's what makes him cool.” Her smile became a little sultry, “But, I'll tell you what, if we do start dating, I'll get your permission first.”
“Eew! He's not even a pony, why would you go out with him? I mean, he's cool and all, but you wouldn't go out with a diamond dog, or a dragon?”
From the mouths of babes. I smiled, “Dash and I are just good friends. I assume that is an acceptable social pairing?”
Scootaloo looked confused, “A social what?”
Dash chimed in, “He means, is it ok if we're friends?”
Scootaloo grew thoughtful, scrunching her face as if she was doing a complex algebraic calculation. “Ya, I think that's okay.”
I threw my hands in the air, “Woohoo! Scootaloo approves!” This prompted a fit of laughter from Scootaloo, some chuckling from Dash, and some curious looks from other patrons. Maybe I shouldn't have used my Homer voice
After dessert, while paying the bill, I apologized to the waiter and I made sure there were no hard feelings. I also tipped him 100%, just to make sure. I even offered to give him french lessons, and he accepted. He told me he had taken french in school, but that was one semester in Canterlot and there were few ponies who spoke it in Ponyville. Years of not practising had left very little of it.
We all headed off to the park so Scootaloo could burn off some of that energy and Dash and I could talk. “She's a heck of a little filly.”
Dash's voice was soft, thoughtful, “Ya, she is.”
We walked in silence, simply enjoying each others' company. I was happy in this fleeting time as a family. I was enjoying this so much. I didn't realize how much I had missed this. I gasped, suddenly overwhelmed by sadness and a sense of loss, and stumbled.
“Alex? What's wrong?”
“N... Nothing. Just me being stupid. Don't worry about it.”
“Are you new around here? It's me knucklehead.”
I snarled at her, “I said it's nothing.” I cursed myself for snapping, “Sorry Dash. I was just... remembering something I lost a long time ago.”
“Don't worry about it, and that's not nothing.”
“It's fine, see? I mean, why wouldn't I be deliriously happy?” I pirouetted and flashed a smile, “I'm in paradise for Celestia's sake.” I started counting off on my fingers, “I have friends, my own place, more bits than I know what to do with, and now I have something to fill the time until the next jump!” I starting dancing and in a sing song voice, “Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy!”
Dash didn't look very convinced, “You sure?”
I continued walking. I smiled, maybe a little too much, “Dash, I have more than I could reasonably ask for. This is as good as it gets so I'm calling this, happiness.”
She snorted in irritation, “Okay. When you decide to stop lying to me, I'll be here.”
No point in keeping things focused on me, time to redirect. “Speaking of butt heads hiding things... tell me about your dad.”
Dash stopped. “You really know how to make a segue, don't you?”
“Well, you know me. Sneaky, underhanded, all that stuff. Tell you what, if I tell you what was going on in my head, you'll tell me about your dad. Deal?”
Dash looked at me for a long moment, anger and irritation evident, but she rolled her eyes and sighed, “Deal.”
I pursed my lips and sighed, “It was just me being stupid. I haven't had a family moment like this in a very long time. You know, mom, dad, little one in the park, and it felt nice, really nice. And a moment after I had that feeling, it all collapsed when I remembered you're not my wife, Scootaloo is not my daughter, and I'm nothing important to you guys, just a friend. And that lead to me remembering what I lost all those years ago, which lead to getting bucked in the heart, which lead to the gasp and stumble. Et voilà! Now you know my sad sad story. You know, the usual boring whiny one. The one I usually keep under tight control, but today, it got away from me. Sorry about that.”
“For what it's worth Alex, you are a lot more important to me than some casual friend, and I think you would make a great dad, pony or not.” Dash walked silently for a few moments more, “Alright, my end of the bargain. So, my dad. Well, first off I want to say I love him very much and I know he loves me, in his own way. He wasn't one of those lovey dovey dads that gave you praise for every little thing. He was always helping me get better at flying. All the training he gave me was to get faster and stronger. Speed and skill and winning were all that mattered, and he reminded me of that every day. He was always pushing me to try new tricks. He taught me how important the Wonderbolts are. If you can make it to the Wonderbolts, he told me, you have it made.”
“We saw them whenever they were in Cloudsdale.” Dash privately relived old, happy memories, then her face went neutral, “He almost made it into the Wonderbolts, you know. He was in the finalist group of five, they picked three, but not him. He said it was his second biggest disappointment.” I saw her face harden. “He never told me what it was, but I knew. You see, my mom couldn't bare anymore foals after me, and I knew he wanted a colt. Well, I knew for sure after he got drunk that one night. He could never have the colt he always wanted and was stuck with the little mare.”
I carefully put my hand on her shoulder, “I don't care if you slug me Dash, I need to have my say. I know your dad loves you, he would have been a monster not to, but if you're his greatest disappointment, then he was blind to the wonderful daughter he had. And, the truth is, you're so far beyond awesome, I can't even think of a word to describe you. Maybe super-ultra-extreme-awesomazing? No, not cool enough. Anyway, if your dad couldn't see that, well, he's missing out on something amazing. No, not amazing, he was missing out on something even better, he was missing out on you.” I gave her shoulder a little squeeze, and got up. I smiled wearily, “Come on, I don't see Scootaloo and I don't hear emergency vehicles, yet. Let's go find her.” As I started off to look for Scootaloo, I realized Dash had not moved.
She was still sitting, with a little half smile, and that unreadable expression. Her lips moved a little, then she spoke. “But, you're still a big loud mouth, you know that, right?”
I unshouldered my carryall and knocked on the library door, “Sir Spike! It is I, your arch enemy.”
“One sec!” The door opened after a few moments with a smiling Spike and a new, more refined nose filter. “Hey Alex. What's up?”
“I need to talk to Twilight, Spike. Also, I wouldn't mind if you were there too. I think I know what I want to do with my time here and I'll be needing help. Also, I'm kind of hoping to getting Twilight's approval, her blessing if you will.”
“Huh, what are you doing, breeding dragons? Because, if you're doing that, I think it would be cool to be the elder statesman, you know, show them what to do and all that.”
I winced, imagining a pen of living flamethrowers all hating my guts, “No, nothing like that, but I'll keep it in mind as a backup plan.”
I see Twilight coming down the stairs to the main room. “Hi Alex. What brings you here?”
“Ulterior motives and sneakiness,” Twilight gave a little laugh. “Well, not exactly. I think I've come up with an idea of what I'll be doing from here on out.”
Twilight gave me one of her genuine ear to ear smiles, “That's great news! I'm so happy you found a direction for yourself.”
“Me too Twilight, me too.” I sort of stared off into space for a second.
“So? Don't keep me in suspense!”
“Oh, right! Heh. Yo, Spike! I need your expert opinion!” Twilight looked at me with a confused expression. “So, what is Alex going to do with his life? The short answer is I'm building a theatre.”
Spike exclaimed, “Cool! This place needs a place to see plays! Twilight, you remember when we lived in Canterlot we used to go to one or two plays every week. I mean, the Town Hall is okay, but there's maybe, what, one play a month? And half the time it's just some talent competition or amateur production with only a few cheesy special effects. Plus it's a little run down and...”
I interrupted, “So Spike, what you're saying is that you think it's a good idea. Good. How about you, Twilight? I value your opinion.”
Twilight grew thoughtful. She levitated a pencil and slowly tapped it on her lips. Then, she spoke slowly and nodded her head, “I think it would be a great addition to Ponyville. The educational possibilities alone would prove to be a great boon to this town.”
“Great! I'm glad you brought up education, what would you say about creating a musical series about various scientific and magical truths. I actually have a human example of what I have in mind. There was a series of musical compositions called the Symphony of Science.” I pulled out my laptop and went to youtube, and started playing a few of the titles. I had listened to them before, and they still caused a catch in my throat even after all these years.
After listening to a few Twilight said, in a dreamy voice, “'Not a sun rise, but a galaxy rise', you humans sure are ambitious.”
I smiled, “Twilight, I'm tired of stagnating, I want to grow.”
I had visited all the girls and had invited them to come over that evening. I wanted to tell the last four and do it as a group. I also wanted opinions, ideas, and objections.
I had a snack table laid out along with a Gummy free punch. I had moved the couch to the side and placed pillows so we could all sit in a circle. Dash was the first to arrive, she had been really busy with work so had been unable to see me yesterday.
“Alex! How's the planning going? I saw you going around town today, you looked busy.”
“Dash, I was busier than Fluttershy at baby bunny counting time. But I think I have my first set of ducks in a row. I've even hired some employees to find a key employee.”
She looked a little surprised, “Really? Fast mover. So who is it? Someone I know?”
I smiled, looked at the ceiling, “You could say that. I'm just going to, ah, juice this...” I took a sip of coffee.
“Ugh, you know I hate riddles...” then realization crept across her face, “No... way... Applejack's going to flip!”
“No, I don't think so. They won fair and square, remember? They just had stuff that tasted like, urine. Well, maybe not that tasty,” I chuckled.
“I heard it was so gross some pony had to lick up some cider flavoured dirt to get the taste out of their mouth.”
“Yikes. Well, don't worry, I'm not letting those two bozos anywhere near the concession stand. I'll tell you what I have in mind for those two when everyone else gets here.”
Dash taped me on the thigh, “Okay, fine Mr Showmanship, I'll wait with the others.” We sit on the pillows, “You know Alex, I think you can do this and I know the others will believe in you too.” She smirked, then looked up at me. “You know, when I was walking Scoots home yesterday she said it was a good idea too. Just thought you would like to know.”
“Thanks Dash. That means a lot. Scoots seems to be the kind of filly to call it like she sees it.” I looked at her flank, her cutie mark. I had kind of looked at it, in a general way, but never closely. It amazed me how vibrant the colours were, how perfect the lines were. “At the risk of sounding creepy, you have a very beautiful cutie mark. Strong and bold, just like you.”
Dashes voice was quiet, her demeanour almost coquettish, “Careful cowcolt, you're straying into more than friend territory.”
I turned my head and squeezed the bridge of my nose, “Sorry Dash. Just admiring. I never really looked at a cutie mark, I mean really looked closely, and I find it incredible.” I sighed, “I committed a social faux pax, didn't I. I guess I should have asked first.” I chuckled self consciously, “It's like staring at a human mare's chest, you know, her goodies.”
Dash giggled, “No you goof. It's nothing intimate. It's just, I never had anyone comment on it like that before. Here,” she took my hand in her hoof, those telekinetic 'fingers' holding my hand, and placed it on her flank. “See, nothing weird.”
Her coat is uniformly warm but each colour has a slightly different texture. “That is so cool. Thank you.” I kept slowly moving my finger tips, feeling the changes between the colours, feeling how perfectly smooth the lines are. The tiny changes in texture telling their own story.
Dash continued, “No problem, you're, what was that term Rarity used? A stranger in a strange land? You don't know this stuff. No shame in learning.” She smiled, watching my finger tips tracing the outline of the cloud.
To me this feels very intimate. Not in a sexual way, but something shared by two friends, one learning from the other. I'm very thankful that she's letting me touch her like this. As my fingers glided over the lightning bolt. I want to tell her she is the most beautiful mare in Equestria, that I love her, that I want to hold her, that my isolation within this universe ends with her. But I can't. I can't make myself go that extra step beyond friendship. It's not something I'm willing to disrupt her life with. She 's my friend, my best friend, and that will have to be enough.
At that moment, there was a knock at the door. I feel like a teenager about to be caught at something forbidden, my hand in the cookie jar as it were. I jerked my hand away from her, embarrassed, “Um, I'd better get that.”
Dash blushed a little and seemed to be snapped back from a far away place herself, “Ya. You do that.”
It was Rarity, leading the rest. With a mischievous smile, “Oh, I am so sorry darling. Am I interrupting something? You seem flustered.”
“No no no! We were just talking about cutie marks.” I flashed my smile, “Ladies, please come in! Come sit down in the other room, I have pillows laid out, and help yourselves to some drinks and snacks.”
As Applejack walked past me she had a worried expression, “What's this all about Alex? If it's bad news you we've got yer back.”
“All in good time, Applejack. All in good time.”
Once all the girls were gathered and comfy, I stood in front of them, smiled and looked at them, each in turn. Dash was sprawled on the pillow, relaxed and confident, enjoying a bowl of popcorn. Twilight had her sincere grin, knowing she knew what the good news was. Applejack looked worried, always expecting the worst with me I guess. Pinkie Pie was enjoying some lovely rainbow cupcakes, seemingly oblivious, but I knew she was analyzing, sorting, and organizing all this data in her head. Fluttershy and Rarity were quietly sipping tea, waiting for things to develop. Spike was sitting between Twilight and Rarity with a little bowl of gem stones, happy to be between his surrogate mother and the love of his life.
My eyes lingered on Dash a little longer that the rest, as I admired her confident grin. I wonder if anyone noticed? I don't care. It's not like I'm leering at her.
I started suddenly in a loud and nasally voice, causing Fluttershy to 'eep', “Ladies and gentle-dragon, I'm here to reveal who the master criminal is!” I reverted to my normal voice, “Oh, wait, wrong speech.” I was rewarded by groans, titters, and a pelting of popcorn. I chuckled and continued, “I have actually called you here to ask your...” I thought for a moment, “your blessings in my future undertakings. I've already asked some of you in private, and there seems to be support for my idea...”
Applejack frustratedly called out, “For Celestia's sake, will you please get on with it!”
I held my hands out in a grand gesture, “Heh, right! In a nutshell, I'm building a theatre. To be specific, I want to rebuild and expand town hall into a full theatre. I want a theatre that will become a focal point of the Equestrian Entertainment Arts. A place that will cater to the elite and the common pony alike. Not only pure entertainment, but educational plays and music.” I smiled at each of my friends in turn. I have to say their reactions were mixed.
Dash, Twilight, and Spike, just smiled and nodded sagely. I knew they liked the idea and supported my decision.
Pinkie Pie, with frosting on her nose, started hopping excitedly, “Oh my goodness! That's super-duper-luper fun neato! Will you have clowns? And parties? And party clowns? And clown parties? And chery chungas? And party rooms? And treats? And...”
I hated doing it, but I knew of I didn't interrupt her, she would keep going for another hour, “You bet Pinkie! In fact, I want you to be the official party planner. I know you can plan anything from a kids party to a wedding reception, to... to... well, every kind of party!”
Rarity smiled dreamily, “Oh the art and culture of Canterlot in our humble little town. This is simply a delightful idea!”
I turned and answered, “I hope so. I'm glad you see the potential of this type of facility. I don't just want to entertain, I want to uplift and educate too. A rock band one night and a concert by,” I snap my fingers, “that pony who plays the cello, the next night.”
Fluttershy was not as enthused, “I'm very happy for you Alex. But, the thought of a theatre reminds me too much of my modelling career. I can't see myself going in any case.”
“I understand Fluttershy. As my first friend here, your thoughts are very important to me. I may have some ideas to change your mind, but I never want to put you in an uncomfortable position.”
I cleared my throat, “Applejack, you've been really quiet. What's on your mind?”
“Well sugarcube, to tell the truth, I'm not so sure it's a good idea. I mean, being an entertainer? You're funny an all and can tell a story, but I don't know if it's enough to fill a theatre week after week. Besides, wouldn't it be better run some kind of business that involves technology? I mean, you're always mouthing off about how that you people are so good at it, why not do that? I'd be like an Apple not apple farming, or a unicorn not using their magic.”
I stared at Applejack for a few heartbeats. “That's a good point Applejack. A very good point, and I have thought about that. In fact, until you gave me the idea, that was what I was going to do. A mighty technology company, building mighty computers. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't really know how to build a computer, or any of the higher technology that would be a game changer.”
I turned to Twilight, “Correct me if I'm wrong Twilight, but hypothetically, if you were suddenly dumped into a non-magical environment, like where I come from, your ability to cast spells, heck even your ability to do ordinary telekinesis, make your horn glow, even that basic little stickiness trick all ponies can naturally do under your hooves, would be impossible.”
Twilight sat a little more primly, “Although my starswearl glands could normally store five or six blaaneras of magical energy, it would be quickly depleted just keeping me healthy. In fact, I'm fairly sure it would be impossible even for a fit earth pony like Applejack to stay healthy in the long term.”
Applejack looked at me suspiciously, “So what does that have to do with the price of hay?”
I dropped to one knee and looked Applejack square in the eye, “Everything. My magic, if you will, requires a heavily industrialized society. I don't see a lot of integrated circuit manufacturing plants around here. Heck, as far as I can tell, you don't even have vacuum tubes. I can't do much beyond what any other pony could do. My hands don't even give me much of an edge, really. Before I could start producing anything, it would take twenty or thirty years to build the tools to build the tools to build the tools I need to get started.”
I put on hand on Applejack's shoulder. Her eyes flicked to my arm and an unpleasant expression dawned on her face, “Applejack I really do value your opinion. You are a brilliant business mare and under your control Sweet Apple Acres has prospered. You understand this world far better than I do. I have no reason not to scrap my plans based on your advice. If you say the word, I'll come up with something else.” I took my hand off her and went on both knees. I looked her straight in the eye, waiting for an answer. Everyone was looking at her with baited breath.
The expression of irritation grew on Applejack's face. “I think it's a damn fool idea and a waste of bits, but you're an adult and I can't tell you what to do. I refuse to take on the responsibility of deciding for you. If you think it's a good idea and they do too, I won't stand in your way. But, I don't have any interest in taking part. I hope you succeed Alex, I really do, but I just can't see how you will.”
Rarity seemed to lose her patience, “Applejack! What a rude thing to say to Alex. This is his dream, what he wants to perfect over a lifetime, surely you...”
I raised my hands, “Rarity, I wanted Applejack's honest opinion, just like the rest of you. I asked you all here because I assume you respect me enough to tell me your honest opinion, not what you think I want to hear.” I looked around and saw only loving supporting friends. I sat back, “Well, that was an honest opinion Applejack. I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I also thank you for... well... not approving exactly, then not stoping me from trying. I want you to know that.”
A slow smile crept on Applejack's face, “I still think you're a crazy fool for doing it.”
“That's good enough for me. Now, I already hired some agents to find a specific entertainer for me.” I braced myself, fairly sure this would not go over well. “The Flim-Flam brothers are going to be my talent scouts and the first person I want them to find is Trixie.” I winced, waiting for the onslaught of... no reaction whatsoever. “Wait, you mean you have no issues with me hiring the Flim Flam brothers and trying to hire Trixie?”
Dash spoke first, looking at me, eyes half closed, a strange smile on her face, “As much as those two jerks and the loudmouth bug me, if you believe in them, then I do too.” Her face quickly went back to her trademark confident smirk.
I could see the other girls sort of looking at each other, passing perplexed glances around. This didn't seem like a Rainbow Dash response, at all.
Applejack spoke next, “Well, the Flim Flam brothers didn't cheat. They carried through the contest fair and square, and in the end they lost because they made an inferior product.”
Twilight added, “As far as Trixie goes, I think we misunderstood her. Yes, she was arrogant but, in retrospect, I think some of us flew off the handle at her. And the whole Ursa Minor mess, it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for those two, over enthusiastic fans. For all we know, picking fights and boasting was just part of her act, and I suspect it was. She was used to out doing the local hot heads.”
Rarity, with her trademark generosity, “My dear, when I got over the shock, it was all quite funny, my hair I mean. It was illusion that was gone within an hour. I think I may be a little bit of a drama queen at times. In fact, I would find such a spell useful for the work I do. Short lived, but still useful.”
Twilight chipped in, “And even though I could teach Rarity illusion spells all day, I'll admit that Trixie has truly mastered that kind of spell. She is far more skilled in that respect.” Her expression became a little sad, “She ran off so fast we never had the opportunity to help her out before she left. I'm not proud that I never looked for her after the dust settled. Normally insurance doesn't cover that sort of loss but I'm sure if I had asked Princess Celestia something could have been arranged. I even kept her hat and cape, just in case I meet her again one day."
I looked around, surprised at their reactions, “Heh. Just when I had you ponies figured out...”
Today is a fabulous day. I woke up early, ready to face it. I had a plan and I had a direction. For the first time in I don't know how many years, I felt I could achieve something.
I needed to go to the bank for bits. I was running low at home. Heh, home. That word makes me giddy.
But first, I was stopping to see my good friend Applejack. I stopped and got us two coffees, mine black and hers with milk.
Once I got to her stand, I made myself comfortable. We chatted about the price of apples, hay futures, and possibly planting a few fields of oats.
I was craning my neck, looking at Applejack's cutie mark. I saw a perturbed expression on her face. “What do you think your doing?”
“Taking a good long look at your cutie mark.”
“Beg pardon?”
“Sure, getting a closer look at your cutie mark. Last night before you guys got at my place, I was checking out Dash's cutie mark. I was fascinated by how each colour had a different texture, now I could feel then with my fingertips, but I'm sure I could also see it if I looked close enough.”
“Wait, you're saying Dash let you touch her cutie mark? As in your hands in contact with her flank?”
“What? I asked Dash and she told me it wasn't intimate or anything...” I blinked a few times, then put my face in my hands, “Oh my goodness. It is a private place, isn't it?”
Applejack gave that low chuckle, “You bet it is, sugarcube. You touch me there and I'll buck you to next tuesday. I think Dash was playing a prank on you. But, I've got to say, that's kind of... adult, even by her standards.”
I snickered, “Still, you do have a fine cutie mark.”
Applejack smiled, “Why thank you Mr Romeo. You do know how to sweep a girl off her hooves.”
I chuckled, “You bet Pony Ann. If I was going to hit on any pony, it would be you.” I waited while Applejack sold some apples. “Do you know why I call you Pony Ann?”
“You already told me it's because I remind you of your Ann.”
I leaned on the apple cart, not daring to make eye contact with Applejack. “That's only half of it. If I put your mind in a human body, kept those wonderful green eyes, changed your accent, you would be Ann. Heck, you even take your coffee like she does. I mean, if I close my eyes and listen to you speak, I would swear it was Ann talking. Not just the sound of your voice, but your attitude, your thoughts, your way of thinking, your values, everything. I suppose that's why I'm here every day. Talking to you is like talking to Ann. The only thing missing is having Lily run up to me in one of her ballistic hugs, or Dan's little bear hugs.”
With a burst of anger I barely kept under wraps, “I wish Dash hadn't pulled that little stunt of hers. All it does is remind me how alien I am to this place. Well, I hope she had a damn good laugh.”
“Hey there sugarcube. I'm sure Dash was only funning.”
I took a few breaths to calm myself, “You know what Applejack? It sucks being the only one of your species, and having that slammed into your face is not appreciated.” I turned my head away completely from Applejack. I didn't want her to see my face. “Sixty apple bucking years is a damn long time.” I breathed slowly and deliberately. I couldn't speak for a full minute.
I wiped my eyes, then turned to her with a sad smile, “Well, I may be alone, but at least I've got friends.”
I was wandering back towards home, still a little upset from the prank. Lucky for me, I had a very understanding friend. Had I done that with a stranger, I suspect the result would have been... unpleasant. I had to calm down before I met with the Flim Flam brothers, clear mind and all that for the meeting.
I'm sure Dash meant it as a joke and I'll have to take it like that. She couldn't know how much it would bother me and I know she wouldn't have hurt me on purpose, would she? You know what, I'll send her a message and invite her for dinner. We'll have a chat and sort it out. Anyway, I've never had dinner with just Dash before. I'm sure it was just a prank and we'll have a laugh together. That's all it was, just a prank.
I walk into the front door of the little building known as the Ponyville Post Office. Behind the counter is Derpy, sorting mail for the day. I felt uncomfortable addressing her by her name, even though there were no negative connotations with her name here. “Miss Derpy? Is it possible to send a note to a pegasus who is, say, in the weather patrol and working today?”
“No problem. We do that all the time!” I happily hand her the note, paid my bits, and continued home with a clear mind.
I had coffee, tea, and a few baked goods ready for our meeting. No point in not being a good host. I sat quietly, waiting for them to show up, reviewing my notes. The time passed, 1:00, 1:10, 1:20. It would be annoying if they just took off with my cash. Five grand is still five grand.
I could hear some crunching on the gravel and if I strained my hearing a bit I could hear the Flim Flam brothers whispering to each other.
“Are you sure this is the place Flim.”
“As sure as I can be Flam. Not very swanky for a pony with bits.”
There was a knock on the door and I called out, “Come on in gentalcolts, join me in the kitchen.”
They sat nervously on the other side of the table. I made it a point to not say a word and counted to three in my head, then looking at the clock. “One twenty-three. An inauspicious beginning to our business relationship. Still... tea, coffee, baked goods? Help yourselves.”
“Now, you must be wondering why in the wide wide world of Equestria I would hire you? Well, you're not thieves or crooks, but you seem to have real talent in being resourceful and I can respect that. I'm going to assume you know your way around this world. You know people, places, and things. Would that be fair to say?” They nodded in unison. “In the short term, you have one task. I need you to help me find a performer that may have fallen on hard times. Her stage name was The Great and Powerful Trixie. I don't know if that is her real name or not. Just get me the information as to her location and real name, I want to contact her myself.”
“In the long term, you will be my roaming agents, looking for talent all over Equestria. Why do I need this? Simple, I am building a theatre and need entertainments of all kinds.” The brothers looked at each other and seemed relieved, as well as interested.
“So, if this sounds like rewarding work, and you wish to join me in this enterprise, we will figure out the details of your compensation later. If you're not interested, keep the five thousand as a gift and we part company with no hard feelings. Do you need time to discuss?”
“As we said before Mr Alex Roberts, the Flim Flam brothers are in your employ.”
“Outstanding. Oh, and call me Alex. Now, I'm just curious, where did you get that cider making machine? Did you guys build it?”
Flam leaned back with a confident grin, “Well Alex, we were in Fillydelphia, running num... er, providing a valuable wagering service to the community. One fella bet his mobile cider making equipment and lost. Flim and I decided to try our hand at honest work, but old habits are hard to break. So, when we saw what was going on at the Apple farm, we thought we could beat them at their own game. You know the Apple family?”
I sat back, arms behind my head, leaning back on my chair slightly, “Oh yes, very good friends of mine. Applejack, that's the pretty mare with the hat, told me there were no hard feelings. I made sure she was okay with me hiring you guys. She's a good judge of character, and I trust her. That's why you're at my table.”
I was making supper when Dash came in. My heart still skips a beat when I see her, she's so damn graceful. I didn't care what she did, seeing her right in front of me was always breathtaking. Oddly, she had a scrunchy in her hair and maybe it was my imagination, but her mane and tail seemed a little more straight and tidy than usual. Once she came close I detected a scent surrounding her. A nice one.
I smiled and teased her a bit, “Miss Rainbow Dash! Do I detect a scent of lilacs? Because if I do, I must say it is most pleasing. So Dash, who's the lucky stallion?”
Dash finished drinking one of the salted sarsaparilla shooters I had prepared. She smiled, blushed a little and gently hit me in the shoulder, “I just wanted to show you I clean up good,” she laughed.
We soon settled down to the nice dinner and talked about our day. I told her about the meeting with the Flim Flam brothers and how pleased I was with the results. Dash was complaining about one of the weather ponies, Ditzy Doo. It seemed she is always making the same mistakes. It was telling when she mused, “I almost wish Derpy Hooves was on the weather team. She may have random accidents, but at least they're always different accidents.”
By now I wasn't upset about the perceived prank, but I did want to get her back. Juvenile? Maybe, but what's good for the gander is good for the rainbow goose. Anyway, Dash loves a good prank.
My tone was jovial with a genuine smile because this part was true, “Hey Dash, I want to thank you again for letting me examine your cutie mark. I really think we're closer for it. Honestly, I've been thinking about it all day.”
She had a little smile and a hint of blush, “Oh? That's great. I was hoping you would.”
Focusing on my dinner, I continued, “Yes, it was a fantastic piece of advice. I dropped by Twilight's this morning and I asked if I could check out her cutie mark.” I glanced at Dash and she had a growing shocked expression, “It's so complex, I just had to touch it. You know the weird part? She sent Spike out to run errands and locked the doors. Then she turned the lights down low. Well, that was annoying because I wanted to get a closer look at the little stars on the outside of the big ones. Anyway, Twilight fixed that by lighting some candles all around us.”
By now her expression was complete jaw dropping disbelief. “And then, get this, Twilight asks to touch my cutie mark.” With exaggerated frustration, “Well, I had to explain to her, again, that I don't have one and she said, and I quote, 'Oh, a blank flank, how exotic'. I mean, if I didn't know better, I would say she was coming on to me. But, why would she do that?” I did my best to keep an expression of beatific innocence. Dash simply looked at me, unable to speak.
In the silence I found it impossible to suppress my smile, then I snorted, “Okay Dash, okay. I never went to see Twilight. I did see Applejack and she filled me in on your prank. I have to admit, it was a good one.” I turned to face her.
She looked confused, “What prank?” I cocked an eyebrow at her while I played with the food on my plate. Her expression became one of confusion and worry, “No, seriously, what prank.”
“The one where I'm thinking that checking out a mare's cutie mark wasn't intimate. Thank goodness the first flank I checked out was Applejack's. She cut me some slack. Any other mare would have bucked me into next tuesday.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, “I'm usually okay with anything you throw at me, but this one hurt Dash. It just reminded me how alien I am around here. I know you just meant it as a joke, and I know you would never hurt me. Damn it, you're my best friend after all.” I opened my eyes and was taken aback by her look of hurt and anger.
“Okay, fine. What I said wasn't exactly true. What I should have said is it's ok for a special friend to do that.” She snapped, “I'm sorry if you're my special friend.” She thinks of me as her special friend? I sit in disbelief, mouth gaping.
Dash's expression softens. She uses her hoof to gently close my mouth. “I'm sorry I hurt you Alex, but I'm no good at all this emotion stuff. I'm a mare of action, not talking and feelings and stuff.”
“I can honestly say I have never had a beautiful female of any kind come after me. Not even Ann, truth be known.” Dash seemed to relax. I examined the remains of dinner on my plate for a moment. “Lets sit on the couch and talk, ok?” I sat and waited for her to join me. She sat beside me, closer than she usually would.
We sat in silence for a full minute. I examined by socked feet. My thoughts were confused and conflicted. This sort of thing had never happened before. Dash finally broke the silence, “You know I watched you working on Applejack's farm the whole afternoon and most of the night. You put so much effort and care into it and you had nothing to gain. Heck, it might have been faster if Apple Bloom had done it. That was when you became my hard working stallion.” I turned my head and found myself the recipient of a kiss. And then I remembered the note, just before the Sisterhood Social. I can't say I fought the kiss too hard. I tasted salt and sarsaparilla, and I have to admit it was nice. She broke the kiss to get a breath. Her expression changed to one of embarrassment, her cheeks glowing red.
I stammered for a few seconds. “Wow. Um, didn't see that coming.” I smiled, but like the serene duck on a glass calm pond my brain was peddling like mad. “Dash, this is crazy. I'm not even a pony. How in the moon can she be attracted to me if I'm not even the same species?”
“Alex, I was special friends with Gilda, the outside doesn't mean anything to me. I know you, I know what you're like. And I've fallen in love with you, Alex. I want to be part of your life, I want to make a life with you.”
“Dash...” I sighed. How can I shoot her down, but keep her as a friend. I was glad she did this in private; no public humiliation. “Celestia's flank, if I were a pony, I would be all over you. I... I... damn, that's not what I meant to say. I don't know what to say.“ I couldn't look at those perfect eyes without faltering.
Rainbow Dash pulled away, anger crossing her face. “So, what?” she sniffed, “I'm not good enough? I'm not pretty enough? Is that it? You want me to paint myself like Rarity? I'll do it!” Her eyes were getting moist. “Is it Ann? Is that what's bothering you? The last time you left your laptop at Twilight's we had a good long talk. She said she would be happy if I was with you.” She wiped her eyes, “She told you to make a life, Alex! Why not make that life with me?”
I went to touch her face, to comfort her. She swatted my arm away, almost dislocating it at the shoulder. I cried out. I was happy she didn't break anything, but there's going to be one hell of a bruise.
Her hooves were at her mouth, a pained, frightened look in her eyes. “Oh Alex, did... did I hurt you?”
I chuckled, rubbing my shoulder, “Hell hath no fury like a mare scorned. I'm okay. Just a ding, I'll be fine,” I lied. “Anyway, I earned that.” I dropped my head, closed my eyes and sighed. “I would love to be with you. The last time I talked to Ann she even hinted as much, now that I think about it. But... but, what about the community? I mean Ponyville has more or less accepted me. There are still ponies who would dance in the streets if I left tomorrow. And, I'm sure a few who would dance if I was eaten by a dragon. I...”
Her cheeks were streaked, her voice breaking, “I don't care, Alex. I don't care about any of that stuff!”
I continued, wanting to say my peace. “And if we do make a life together, what about foals, huh?Unless some unicorn has some insane kick-flank magic, it's not going to happen. And if it does happen, what will they be? Pony, human, something in between?” I was pleading, begging, trying to dissuade her. I didn't want to saddle her with the likes of me.
She was angry, “We don't need the have foals. We... we can adopt.”
I continued, quietly. “And what about your dream? What would the Wonderbolts say, huh? No matter how talented you are, no matter how good you are, if you have a human for a coltfriend or husband... it's just... being anything other than a friend would doom you to a life of being an outsider.” I felt my vision obscured by tears welling up from the joy at Dash feeling like this, at rage that I can't have her, in sorrow that I can't think of a solution, for despair for Dash's sake, and in terror I may lose my closest friend.
Her voice spent, she whispered, pleaded. “I don't care about the Wonderbolts. As long as I have you.”
I leaned over and hugged her. I whispered in her ear, “It would be so unfair to you. You would give up so much. I don't belong here, you know that, I'm already damned. I just can't hurt you like that. I do love you, and that's why we can only be friends.” I paused a moment, letting the lump in my throat relax a little. I managed a horse whisper. “Please don't hate me.”
She broke the hug and held me at arms length. She leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I could never hate you. Never. You're my friend first, and anything else second. I understand you must be... conflicted. Just... just give me a chance. Think about it.”
“Okay. I'll need some time to really think this through.” My gaze lingered in her eyes, those beautiful confident eyes. “Tell you what, next week we'll meet for dinner again, but we'll meet at the cafe we had lunch at before my accident. No matter what happens, no harm, no foul, ok?”
I snorted, smiled, and started to laugh. “One more argument. I don't think I could compete in the, you know, bedroom department. There's an expression back home, 'hung like a horse'. Let's just say I was never accused of that.”
Dash began to laugh. “You goof!” and she taped me in the sore arm. Ouch! But I would not tell her that.
The trademark confident smirk of Rainbow Dash came back and it slowly changed to a sultry smile. “Here, let me give you a little something else to think about...”.
(7 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)
I sit and watch the embers die in the fireplace, thinking about the past, possible futures, and asking myself some uncomfortable questions. “Do I actually love Dash, or am I just confusing it with a strong feeling of friendship? Have I been just denying it to myself because... why? Because I don't want to hurt her? Because I feel guilty? I still love Ann, don't I? I made a sacred vow all those years ago and even if she released me from that I still haven't released myself.”
My thoughts are harsh, almost brutal, “Anyway, what possible life could we have together, Rainbow Dash the Wonderbolt and her freak husband. What kind of life is that? What happens when Dash wakes up one morning and really sees the creature she’s married? How long will it take for her to have second thoughts? Months? Years? When that day comes, will I be strong enough? Will it have been worth the suffering we’ll both experience?”
After the last cinder crumbled, I crawled upstairs into bed. It was a quiet, cool night. Laying there, examining the ceiling I was looking for answers. Unable to sleep I stepped out onto the balcony, leaning over the railing. Dash's home was always easy to spot, resting in the distance, the only blemish in a perfect sky. “Scratch that”, I mused out loud. It was a lovely mark in the sky, enhancing its perfection.
For one of the few times in my life, and the second time in this perfect world, I felt the need to call upon a higher power for guidance. The moon’s silver glow reminded me of the goddess whom I had called on before. My heart heavy, I composed my letter to Luna.
Dear Princess Luna,
Once again I look at your beautiful starry sky with no idea what to do. Rainbow Dash told
me she that she has feelings for me beyond friendship and I don't know how to respond.
I think I have those feelings as well, but I fear returning them. I don't want to hurt her and
I want her to be happy. I will speak to my friends this week and maybe through them you
can give me guidance.
I thank you for hearing my plea.
Your subject,
Alex Roberts
(6 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)
The Carousel Boutique, the famous home of Rarity and a good friend. I walked in and waited while Rarity helped a customer. To my surprise I saw a familiar character, the mailmare, being fitted for one of Rarity's finest saddles. If I didn’t miss my guess, she was wearing a wedding dress. Admiring Rarity at work, I turned away when the gray mare hugged her and started thanking her. If I had understood correctly, the reason Derpy was so excited was that had to be because Rarity had given gave her the dress. Once we were alone I smirked, “That was awfully nice of you. The last time I saw a price tag on that one it was, what, two thousands bits? Can’t see a mailmare buying that on her salary.”
She made an exaggerated sigh, “Darling, even a philistine like you can see how perfectly the silver cloth accentuates her coat, and the gold accents match her eyes exquisitely. It would be scandalous for her not to wear that dress. One more fitting and the dress will be perfect for her.” A dreamy smile crossed her face while she watched the mailmare happily returning to the post office. Rarity mused, “She will make a beautiful bride.” She looked at me and concern grew on her face, “Alex, I may not be able to read you like Applejack or Rainbow Dash do, but even I can tell something is troubling you.”
Running my hand through my hair I took a deep breath then looked at her sheepishly, “I'm just an open book I guess. I don't even know how to ask this, but I just don't understand the nuances of pony society and I need your insights.”
“What do you mean, dear?”
“Okay. I've recently found out that a mare has...” My hands were waving vaguely, “those kinds of feelings. And, I don't know how to react. I mean, I'm a man, I'm not even a pony. What could I possibly offer? I mean, Dash is,” I stopped, hitting myself in the leg. “Damn it. Sorry, Dash. Look, long story short, I like Dash a lot, but,” thinking how to put my feelings to words I took a small pause. “I don't know what to do. I don't want to screw up her life just for me.” I started thinking, “On the other hand, it would be nice to have a family.” My eyes were avoiding Rarity’s gaze and I caught myself in one of the many mirrors that were all over the shop. I sneered, “Well that was a damn selfish thought.”
I glanced back at Rarity, embarrassed, and she had a sad smile. “Oh Alex, always the gallant knight.” She cleared her throat, “Still, Rainbow Dash is no shrinking violet, nor is she a mare that gives her affections lightly. Truth be known, she came to me for advice. I now know who her mysterious stallion was.”
I looked at her, surprised. “So, Dash came to you for advice? Well, it makes sense, you've always seemed knowledgeable on the subject of romance and such.” My thoughts turned back to my original question, “So, how do ponies, in general, feel about inter-species couples? I mean,” I voiced my greatest fear, “would Dash be ostracized?”
“Pony couples of different types do not even raise an eyelash. My father is an earth pony and my mother is a unicorn. As for completely different species, while rare, it is not unheard of. They do not generally meet with negative reactions, but there are always a few individuals who object. However, I want to assure you they are few and far between,” her smile grew warm, “and I know none of your friends will.”
(5 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)
Despite what was going on in my personal life, organization of the theater still needed to be done, and my next step was to build the building. I had made an appointment yesterday to meet with the mayor. With my confidence and optimistic attitude I strode up the Mayor's office, located in the basement of the town hall. Unlike most of Ponyville, this building had seen better days. Clenching my fist nervously I firmly knocked on the door, only to have it slowly fall forward and land in a cloud of dust. I gave a little embarrassed smile and propped the remains of the door against the wall.
The Mayor looked tired and worried, and I could just imagine all the craziness she has to put up with in this town. And I suppose she was just getting ready for the next round of insanity. I decided to skip the formalities and get right to the point. “Madam Mayor, I would like to offer a gift to Ponyville. I would like to rebuild the town hall and expand it to include a full indoor theatre, and an expanded outdoor stage.”
She rolled her eyes, “Well, that's very kind of you, but we don't have to funds to...”
I smiled, “Ah, but here's the best part, I am both willing and able to fully finance this endeavour. In addition, the town will have full access to all the new facilities at no cost.”
She raised an eyebrow, “Come now, Mr Alex Roberts. Do you expect me to believe you are willing to donate tens of millions of bits to the town with no expectations.”
“Yes. Look, in my mind the money is found money. And I want to use it to give this town something back. It will be self financing both through income from ticket sales, concession stand, hall rentals, and so on. I want this to be a monument of my thanks to this community that will last a thousand years. I want foals to look and wonder what a human was. I want both Princesses to come here each year to be entertained, and who knows,” I shrugged, “maybe shed a tear in my memory.”
The Mayor looked at me for a long moment, “And you need building permits, tax concessions, and so on?”
“What I need is to know what you need to get the ball rolling.”
She had a huge grin, “First, I need these forms filled out and they need to be passed by the town counsel.” In a single quick but controlled movement she opened the dusty bottom drawer in a rusty filing cabinet and pulled out a stack of paper, at least 10cm thick. “Then, all the construction plans have to be approved. Pages 327 to 464 are the instructions.” She beamed at me, “I do so look forward to your plans coming to fruition, Mr. Alex Roberts.”
I thanked her and started making my way out. Focusing so intently on the tsunami of filing looming ahead of me I accidentally bumped into somepony. “Sorry about that, just looking over some paperwork.”
The pony I had bumped into had a grayish amber coast and dark gray mane. “Quite alright, I admire a pony lost in his work. The name is Filthy Rich, but you can call me Mr Rich. If I am correct you are the licentious Alex Roberts? How did Coins describe you? Ah yes, ‘A shaved diamond dog who doesn’t know his place around his betters.’”
He chuckled then glanced around. In a conspiratorial tone, “In my mind you put that close minded fool in his place. Sadly, realpolitik forces me to play nice with him. However, I want you to know you have friends, Mr Alex Roberts. Yes indeed, that you do. Well, I’m off to the council meeting, good day to you sir.”
(4 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)
After working the entire morning with the paperwork, I needed a break. So many questions remained. Adequate hay storage? Silage for corn? Sanitary cleaning troughs? Pest control? ‘Ugh. I need a walk, say hi to Applejack, grab a bite, and come back and get back at it.’ On the bright side, a spreadsheet made the financial stuff easier to figure out. Never though I would be thinking that in Equestria.
I reached the town square at about half past one, and I could hear a commotion and bit of an agitated crowd not far by. As I got closer my ears picked up that sweet, sweet voice that could provide so much aggravation relief, Golden Coins. I was going to enjoy this.
“... duster were late with my very important business mail, worth far more than you will ever be.”
I heard the mailmare’s frightened voice, “I’m sorry Mr. Coins, I was just getting my wedding dress fitted and it ran a little late. I promise it won’t happen again.”
I strode over to Golden Coins. Ponies in the marketplace scamper out of my way, but, as crowds are want to do, they stay close by to see what happens.
I dropped to one knee and looked him straight in the eye, he stared back arrogantly. “Mr. Golden Coins! It's a pleasure to see you again! What do you say about being friends this time.” I extend my hand. He looks at me like I had offered him a dead skunk. “Oh, not friendly?” I put on an exaggerated pout and get a few giggles from the crowd.
“So, as I am still new around here, I heard you use some words that upset this lovely, young mare. I am quite confident this was just simply a misunderstanding. A stallion of your breeding and sophistication could not have possibly uttered the base words. I'm confident it's just my silly monster ears that misheard. Who would possibly bear any ill will toward our hard working mailmare?” The number of giggles in the crowd increased.
“However, you may freely call me a monster.” This caused a murmur and gasps from the crowd. “Because, to you, I suppose I am.” He took a step back as I stood up and towered over him. “Yup, a big scary monster.” The crowd was getting quiet, listening intently. “but, I want to assure you, sir, that I aim to be a friendly monster,” I melodramatically pose, “A handsome monster, and the finest tipper in Equestria.” More giggles moved through the crowd.
My expression became sober, serious. “You know, I'm willing to bet that in a 1000 years, no one will remember Golden Coins or Alex Roberts, but foals will be reading about the,” a look of disgust grew on my face, “‘feather dusters’ who are Elements of Harmony. Ponies who have saved your flank from Nightmare Moon, Discord, and I don’t know what else.”
“I'm sure Celestia will shed a tear on their birthdays long after they’re gone. You and me? We will be dust. We will be unremembered.“ I smiled, “Now, here is your opportunity! You can change, and become a better stallion. I want you to think. Do you want Silver Spoon to be full of hate? Really, honestly think about it. That's all I ask. I bid you an excellent day.” I turned with a self satisfied smirk on my face, confident my words have skewered him.
“One moment, Alex Roberts. The interesting thing about insulting your betters, is that they are your betters. Pencil Pusher, what is the current value of the Apple mortgage, please?”
A green coated, blue maned, short and pot bellied earth pony steps up and answers in a weedy voice, “One hundred and twenty-two thousand and fourteen bits exactly, sir.”
“Pencil Pusher, who, exactly, owns that mortgage?”
The little toad gave the smirk only a true sycophant can give, “The legal owner is Golden Coins. Why sir, that’s you.”
“And, when is the mortgage due?”
“Oh dear, sir. It was due at noon today.”
“One more question, Pencil. If I ask Mr Alex Roberts for, say, sixty five million to buy the Apple mortgage, how much should that leave him?”
“Well, sir, and keep in mind this is just an approximation based on our investigations, it should leave him one million two hundred and forty seven thousand nine hundred and fifty three bits and forty two cents. Approximately, sir.”
An earth pony mare with a little tray of coffees cup’s offers one to Coins. “Thank you Miss Butterscotch. Coffee? No? Ah, well let no pony ever say I took the oats out of their mouths. What do you say, Alex? Tick tock, the offer runs out when I finish my coffee, then I start foreclosure proceedings.”
Coins starts taking a loud slurp, but before he was done slurping, “Done. Let’s go to the bank.” I’ll be damned if someone pays for my mistakes. Anyway, I had a nice Christmas gift for Applejack now.
“That’s, ‘I’ll accept your generous offer, Mr Coins, sir.’ Now, try again.”
“I’ll acc,”
“On your knee.” He added dismissively, “You’re far too tall.” There was a mummer in the crowd.
I drop to one knee, my head low, “I’ll accept your generous offer, Mr Coins, sir.”
“And what do you say when someone extends their hoof with such kindness?”
“Thank you. Sir. Now may we please get this over with? Sir.”
He smiled a predators smile, “But of course. Now follow behind.” I had just been played like a harpsichord, and I knew it. All I could do was follow behind Coins like a beaten dog.
(3 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)
My worries wern’t about the loss of all those bits, they were a lot more selfish than that. I could drum up support from the town. Sell donation bricks, get sponsorships, sink what I had left into it, that kind of thing. No, I was being selfish and worrying about Alex Roberts.
As I walked past the gates of Sweet Apple Acres, the smell of apple trees made me forget my problems for a moment. I had come for solid advice from one of Dash’s best friends. Anyway, I chuckled to myself, she owes me one, not that I’ll ever tell her. Applejack was leaning on the fence and taking a break.
As I neared, “Hey, Applejack! Do you have a few minutes?”
She wiped her brow and slowly smiled, “For you I’ve got all day, sugarcube. “ With that easy smile of hers, “What’s on your mind?”
“I've got a problem. Well, not a problem exactly, just a dilemma. It’s... “
She was leaning closer, putting her hoof on my mouth, “I know what you done. With Coins, I mean. That was the kindest, sweetest and stupidest thing anypony has ever done for us.” She was close enough that her musk filled my nostrils, and my eyes unfocused a little. ”For me.” She suddenly moved forward and gave me quick peck on the lips. Her cheeks were red. “What ya did means a lot to me.” She pulled her hat down and turned away, “Shoot, I’m no good at this kind of stuff. I knows y’all are married, but consarn it, you’ve done everything for mah family and I’ve done nuthin’ for ya.”
“About what happened... wait, how did you find out? You know what, I don’t care how you found out. I just did something very very stupid and you were going to pay the price. The truth is I underestimated Coins and I fell in his trap. It was a setup from the get go. I also realize I’m not as smart as I think I am and I’m very sorry I got you dragged into my mess. Anyway, think of it as an early Christmas, sorry, a Hearth's Warming Eve gift.”
“Sugarcube, you threw away everything you planned for, what you were so excited about.”
I shrugged, “He was going to foreclose, what could I do.”
“Foreclose? The foreclosure date is a month from now.”
“He... he bucking lied to me? He told me it was noon yesterday.” I groaned and hit my head against the fence. Repeatedly. “He played me! He played me so hard I smell of harpsichord wax.”
I felt her hoof on my back, “Don't do that sugarcube. You'll just break the fence with that hard head of yours. Now, you have to talk to a lawyer and...”
“No, that Luna darned jerk made me seal the contract with my hoof print, my thumb print actually, not that it matters. I was told by the bank clerk that it cannot be revoked under any circumstances. Coins said it was the only way he would sell it to me. What choice did I have? The only bright side in this miserable week is I figured out who left the note.”
I looked at Applejack. She was slowly pushing her hat back again, a light breeze was making a few errant hairs in her mane frame her face in the stream of light just behind her. Her eyes were half closed and a warm smile was growing. I was struck by her beauty. I’m sure somewhere there was a choir of angels singing. It was the kind of moment you remember in your old age.
I shook my head, took a breath and revealed my findings, “I know for sure it was Dash.” At that moment I wondered if I had said something wrong. I’m sure it was just my imagination, but I thought I heard the sound of a record needle being dragged across a disk. Applejack’s expression slowly collapsing, her eyes pinpricks, her mouth slightly open in shock.
She shook her head, and quietly asked, “Beg pardon?”
“I know, right. Who knew Dash would be crushing on me. I’m not even a pony for Celestia’s sake. Why would any mare want anything but a friendship with me.” I shook my head sadly, “Anyway, that’s why I’m here Applejack. I want your advice on what to do.”
Applejack didn’t answer, she just leaned quietly on the fence. I was so wrapped up in my own problems, I didn’t realize she was crying. “Whoa, hey there Applejack. What’s wrong?” I put my hand on her shoulder and she shrugged it off. “Okay, no touching. So, what can I do to help?”
“Not much y’all can do about it.” She turned to look at me, tears forming in her eyes, “It wern’t Rainbow Dash that left that note, it was me.” Now, it was my turn to stand in slack jawed surprise. “I raced ahead of y’all after Dash left. I knows more than a few short cuts, and you can be a little slow. Did Rainbow say she left the note?”
“No, I thought I was being clever. She let me know that she had special feelings. Damn it Applejack, I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I never thought I would be in this position. Like, I seriously never thought that in a million years. Ever.” I hung my head low, “And now I have Dash and you both interested in me. You’re both crazy. But, I am flattered. And, spending time with you is like spending time with Ann. Maybe too much.”
She sniffed, “What do you mean?”
“It’s stupid, really, but truth be known, being around you just makes me happy. You’re so much like Ann, well, like I said, you may as well be her. And that’s the problem. Is it you that I like and feel happy with, or is it that you remind me of the wife I lost so long ago. An Ann substitute. And Applejack, I just don’t know. How unfair would it be to you if deep down you were just a substitute.” Looking up at the sky, I saw a stray cloud and wondered if Dash was there. “I need to sort things out in my head. I want to make sure my decision is one I honestly feel, not something I’m confusing. I don't want to... heck, I just don't want to screw things up between all of us. Can I have a few days? Please?”
We leaned quietly for a few minutes. Applejack sighed, “Why do you have to be so darn decent?”
(2 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)
I was down in the dumps. As much as I appreciated the girls, I needed to talk to another guy. I did a very quick, and very short, check list of guys I feel I know well enough to talk with. I had Spike, but crossed it out. He's too young. Big Macintosh? Am I nuts? I could picture it, “Hey Mac, the girl you're crushing on and your sister want to be my special friend. What should I do?” The result would be ugly. Mr. Cake? I've said maybe three words to him. Cranky? We've chatted a few times, but nothing beyond the weather. Elusive? Well, I usually see him once a week for some clothing related issue and we always have a good talk. I needed a new pair of socks anyway.
I entered the tailoring shop of Snazzy Suit and Elusive. Elusive was manning the counter at the moment. He greeted me with a friendly smile, “Alex, how's my favorite human?”
“Not good, Elusive, not good.”
Genuine concern passed over his face, “What's wrong Alex? You look like a dragon ate your pet dog.”
“Ha, I wish that's what happened. That I could deal with.” I leaned on the counter, one elbow propping my head up. “Elusive, you’re the only guy friend I have that doesn’t want to beat the tar out of me or set me on fire. Although Spike doesn’t really count, he’s just a kid. Anyway, I’ve just lost a big chunk of my fortune and I’ve got girl problems, and I just need a buddy to sink a few and shoot the horse apples with. I know this is coming off as want-y, but I could really use a friend right now.”
“Well, that's easy, of course you're my friend. Just because we don't hang out every moment of every day, doesn't mean I don't think of you as a friend.”
I put my head on the counter, “Please tell me it's just as a friend. Nothing else.”
“Okay, now you're getting creepy.”
I laughed, “Once I tell you, you'll understand. Two questions, where's the nearest bar and when can you get off work.”
“There's the Grain Bucket, and I can leave right now.” He opened the curtains to the back of the shop and let his dad know he was leaving.
Elusive lead me to the Grain Bucket, a seedy bar by pony standards. Elusive had a little salty beer, and I was ever so happy to see they had rye whiskey. I gave the bar tender two 100 bit coins to start a tab and told him Elusive was on it too. The bartender kind of knew who I was, and knew I was rolling in it, so was happy to oblige. I started with two shots before I launched into my story. I didn't tell him who they were, just in case.
By the time I was done, I was a third of the way through the bottle. “Tho, in sum... summery, I have two hot mares who love me and,” I wildly gestured and spilled booze in an arc, “I got ripped off by the son of a diamond dog Coins. Those two mares are great! One is so brave and brash and... and in your face. And the other is so sweet and warm, just like the wife I lost.” I downed my glass and refilled it, “So, this is where you come in. You're a guy, right? I mean, I didn't check you out, but you're a guy, right?”
Elusive had a lot of salt in his system. He looked between his legs, snorted, “Yup! I'm all stallion, me. The ladies love that elusive taste.” We both laughed.
“So, what would you do about the mares? There must be four or five mares for every stallion in this town. I'm sure you've encountered that before.”
“Well, the first thing I would do is buck Coins in the head. Wouldn't help, but it would make me feel better. As far as having two mares who want to be your special friend, that's a tough one. The mares seem to know where it would work and not work. But, you're not a pony and that makes things a little more complicated. I'm afraid I just don't have a lot of advice.”
“Heck, that was more advice than I bargained for. Thanks for being honest and all.” I concentrated for a moment, “You've got a thing for Rarity, right? I mean, she's cute and all, but not my type. And, she's not one of the mares I was talking about.”
He leered, “I think I could teach her a thing or two about sewing, if you know what I mean. She's so ele.. hic... elegant, and smooth in all the right places. Like a sexy marshmallow. Rarity and Elusive would be one of a kind.” He giggled at his own joke.
“Well buddy, You know how I said I come from a different world where ponies are all like a weekly play, thing.” He nodded, “Well, I have an insider tip. You've got no chance with her.” I looked around and whispered conspiratorially, “That girl's got dragon fever.”
“Well, horse apples, that sucks.” He took a shooter, put a full tablespoon of salt and topped it off with rye, “Here's to love bucking us over.” He shot the drink back, and kept going until he was on the floor.
I figured the least I could do is help Elusive home. I fireman carried him for most of the distance. However, tripping with a 62kg pony over your shoulders and face planting in the gravel, while drunk, will wake both participants very quickly. After much laughter, he dragged himself home and I did the same thing.
(1 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)
Tomorrow is the day I'm meeting Dash and I'm as conflicted as ever. I realize I have not talked to Twilight yet and I didn't want to make a decision without her insight. Although, at this point, all I have is two mares who are crushing on me and the realization that I am not as clever as I thought I was.
I knocked on the library door and was greeted by Spike sporting two little nose plugs. “Hey Alex, Twi’s just in the main room. She’ll be the unicorn under the pile of books.”
“Cool, thanks Spike.”
I walked to the big pile of books and dropped down on my back beside Twilight. “This has been the craziest week of my life.”
“What’s wrong, Alex?”
“Before I tell you, let me ask you a serious question. Do you harbor any kind of secret crush, love, special friend fantasy, or anything of that nature in regards to me?”
“What? Eww gross.” Twilight looked embarrassed, ”No, sorry, I didn’t mean it quite like that.”
I laughed from the gut for the first time since this all started, “Oh thank Luna. That is exactly what I want to hear. It was getting to the point I was going to ask the mayor to call a town meeting just so I could ask if there was anyone else who had a crush on me. With my luck five mares and a stallion would raise their hooves.”
She laughed, “Wow, sounds like an interesting week.”
“Tell me about it. Lets see, I’ve had two mares tell me they want to be special friends, in no uncertain terms I might add, and if that wasn't enough I was tricked out of most of my fortune by Golden Coins. Now I have to break the heart of a friend and figure out how to fund my theater after promising it to the Mayor. Did I mention I suspect the Mayor thinks I’m an idiot?”
“What?! What happened?” I told Twilight about my stupidity and financial loss. “But, you know what, I'm still ahead of where I usually am. I can raise money, that's not a problem. I've got enough cash to get things started and, more importantly, I have friends. I hope I don't loose any.” I sighed.
Twilight asked, “So, who are the lucky mares?”
“I would rather not say, just to keep everyones dignity intact. If they want to tell you, they can, I just don't want to make that kind of decision for them. I hope you can understand that.”
My self indulgent monologue was interrupted by a mighty burp emanating from Spike. Twilight, familiar with this form of mail delivery, deftly snatched the scroll with her purple glow before it hit the ground. I saw the seal on the letter was different than the golden sun one I received from Princess Celestia. It was a black disk with a dark blue moon.
“Thank you Spike.” She took the scroll and started to open it, and stopped. “Oh, this is addressed to you Alex. I didn't know you were known to Princess Luna.”
I frowned in confusion, “I didn't know either.” I took the scroll, snapped the seal, and opened it. It was made from the same perfect paper but the writing was more ornate, you could say more old fashioned.
My Faithful Adherent Alex Roberts,
We Were Pleased To Receive Your Supplication And Have Chosen This Time To Reply.
As You Know Affairs Of The Heart Are Complex And With Both Applejack And Rainbow
Dash Pleading Us For Yours You Are Seated At A Cross Roads That Few Would Envy.
Two Good Friends Whom You Love, And Now You Must Break One Or Both Hearts. As
The Goddess Of Romantic Love, I Could Give You A True And Simple Answer. But You
Are Not Of This World And That Would Not Give You The True, Deep Satisfaction Your
Kind Needs.
My Counsel To You Is To Ask Yourself A Question Of Each Mare Only You Can Answer.
Do You Love Her Soul?
This Guidance I Give Unto You In Love, My Faithful Adherent.
Princess Luna
I read the letter again, letting the words find meaning. I slowly clutched the letter to my chest and pressed my eyes closed, wetness seeping, devastated at how dead centre this had hit my heart. My shoulders shook as I tried to suppress my emotions. That question, that simple stupid question.
Twilight was at my side, “What's wrong Alex? Are you all right?” I shake my head from side to side in answer.
I didn't want to hurt one of my friends, but if I looked deep, I knew which souls I loved.
The night was clear and cool and I carried the letter written by Luna herself. Her silver moon was bathing the streets in an icy glow. Unsurprisingly, the streets were deserted when I started walking home and I appreciated that. I didn’t feel like interacting with others at the time.
I walked in the shadows so I could stay unseen. As I rounded the corner at the soap shop, I could see Pinkie Pie with an other pony I didn’t recognize, standing on the step of Sugar Cube Corners. They had a brown coat, and a darker brown mane and tail. I couldn’t make out their cutie mark. It looked like they were talking and I soon saw he was a stallion. I walked a little more slowly, stuck to the shadows, and generally tried to not be noticed.
Pinkie lurched forward and gave him a hug, maybe a kiss. I smiled, thinking how pleased I was to see that sweet young mare so happy. They hugged for a few moments more and I was soon close enough to hear them say the sweet good byes new couples say in every universe. He trotted off, all the while glancing back at Pinkie and I could see the hour glass cutie mark.
When he turned the corner, I quietly walk toward Pinkie. Without looking at me, she said, “Hi Alex, that’s Whooves. He’s my special friend and he makes me very happy. He even wants to work on my party cannon designs, said he had some ideas to make it bigger on the inside than the outside. I never thought I would be romantically involved, but I think I like it. It’s not the usual me, but sometimes it’s good to change.” She looked up at the sky with a smile then looked at me.
“Luna works in crazy ways, hey Pinkie?”
“Yup, she sure does. So, do you know who it will be?”
“What do you mean?”
“Dashie, AJ, or Rarity, silly.”
I was getting used to Pinkie’s craziness and simply didn’t question it. “Rarity?”, I groaned. “Don’t tell me she’s got a crush on me too.”
Pinkie snorted, “No, I was just seeing if you were paying attention. Rarity is all about, well, you know.”
I chuckled, “I hope those two get their heads together.”
Pinkie got, reflective, “So, Dashie or AJ?”
“I think I know, and if I’m wrong, I hope I get sent to the moon.”
“I know you’ve made the right choice. You’re a clever cookie. Sometimes.”
“So, Whooves a nice guy?” I laughed, ”Well of course he’s nice. I can’t see you dating a bad boy.”
Her tone, as always, was infectiously sweet and up beat, “You bet he is. We went star gazing, and he told me all about what was out there in the universe. His hobby is astronomy, so he had a lot of stuff to tell me. Even chatted about time and stuff. Timey wimey stuff he called it. It was nice to meet someone who was as smart as me, just as interested in everything, and could be just as silly.”
I patted Pinkie on the shoulder, “Well, it sounds like you have a great match with him, Pinkie. I’m really happy for you. And as much as I would like to chat, this old man is rolling home.” Pinkie giggled then we said our goodbyes and I continued my reflective journey home.
Celestia’s sun burned brightly through my eyelids. As much as my body protested, I knew I should get up and face the day. Today was the day I would gladden one heart, and break another. I thought sadly, ‘I hope the broken heart can forgive me.’
I scratched my chin and realized I had been so wrapped up in this problem I hadn’t shaved all week. Not only that, but my hair was shaggy. Well, Shaver's barbershop was closed, so there was no chance of getting a trim. I chuckled, ‘She’ll have to take me as I am.’
Shaved and showered, I grew more confident in my decision. I knew what was right and what was in my heart. I decided to wear my best suit, the one I wore to the audience with the Princess. ‘I may as well look as good as I can, not that she cares about looks.’
‘All dressed up an nowhere to go,’ I chuckled. Noticing a small rip on the knee, I decided to head to Elusive for a chat and a patch up. I avoided the market, not wanting to bump into AJ until I was ready. I got a few looks. I guess someone dressed to the nines strolling along back allies was not a usual sight.
I walked into the shop, and greeted Elusive in a jaunty voice, “Good morning. I assume you’re fully recovered from our night of debauchery.” I saw he was sporting a black eye.
He smirked, “Only just. Two questions. How much salt did I eat? And who did I get in a fight with?”
“Lots and that harshest of all mistresses, gravity. I remember tossing you over my shoulders in a fireman's carry, tripping, and us laughing our fool heads off.
“Was gravity wearing a sexy saddle?” We both laughed.
I explained my minor wardrobe issue and he offered to fix it right there. As he was working on my pants, he asked, “So, you figure out how to fix your problem? With the girls I mean.”
“I think so, but I want to get all my ducks in a row and in the nest before I start talking about them.”
“Fair enough.” I smiled at that, ‘He’s using human sayings like a pro.’
“Oh ya, before I forget, I’ll need some warmer clothes, Fall just started.’
“Huh, planning ahead are you? Well, it never hurts to be ready and I never begrudge the business.”
We continued to chat about the events of the day while he worked. I shook my head, ‘That guy is a wonder. If I was trusted with thread and needle, someone or something would be eviscerated, likely me.’
Elusive took his time to fix them, and I was in no rush to leave. ‘I suspect I’m stalling. Coward.’
I looked at the clock on the wall and smiled, ‘I’ve still got time to get flowers.’ “Well my friend, I have a date with a beautiful mare. I’ll let you know tomorrow, assuming some one's big brother lets me live.”
We say our goodbyes and I head toward the market to get roses from Rose. There is a good crowd, and Applejack is facing away from me. I see her starting to turn, and I ducked down behind a brussel sprout stall just in time. I though desperately, ‘Okay, I have a plan and AJ not seeing me is basically it for now.’
She finally looked away, and I skulked to Rose, Lily, and Daisy’s flower stand. I got a dozen of their finest roses, including a recipe card, and managed to almost make it out of the market. I was so intent on keeping an eye on AJ, I bumped head first into Derpy.
“Oh, Mr Alex Roberts. I was just headed to Applejack’s stand. That’s where you usually are this time of day. Anyway, Caramel and I want to thank you for standing up to Coins and, as Caramel put it, defending my honour.” She reached into her pack and pulled out a small envelope. “We would be honoured if you came to our wedding next week as one of the special guests.”
Staying crouched low, I looked up at her and smiled, “Well, thank you very much, Miss,” I chuckled, “soon to be Mrs Derpy. I would be most pleased to be your guest. However, at this exact moment, I’m late for an important date, as it were. You can expect me there with bells on.” She had a confused expression, “Sorry, human expression, it means I will be there happily.”
I was late getting to the restaurant. Dash was sitting at a small table beside the big dinning room window, the red rose tucked behind her right ear almost blending with that part of her mane, her long hair in a simple tie. On the table a steaming pot of tea and two cups waiting to be filled. Her expression was pensive as she looked out the window. I was almost at the table before she noticed me. She turned and her face lit up, “Wow, you clean up good.”
“If I'm speaking to a princess, I should dress appropriately.” Dash blushed and turned her head slightly. I lowered myself to one knee, and looked up to her. “Rainbow Dash, you are my princess.” I presented the roses, “It took Luna's guidance to set my head straight.” I took her hoof, “She saw what was in my heart. And it was you Dash, my special friend. You inspire me. You make me laugh. You fuel my optimism. You are my redemption in this world. Will you accept this foolish old man.”
Her expression was affectionate as she leaned forward and kissed me softly. “Alex Roberts, you are something else.” She put a hoof on my cheek. “I heard about what you did for Applejack. You're such an idiot. A wonderful, caring idiot. I'm proud to call you my special friend.” She winced as she pulled a large feather from her wing. “Wear this, to show the world where your heart belongs.”
I took the feather with reverence and looked at it for a few moments. “I'm sorry I don't have anything half as wonderful to give you.” I thought for a moment, “I have an idea. I'll be right back.” I tucked the feather in my breast pocket, the tip sticking out. I ran to the front desk and asked for scissors and some string. The waiter, being grateful for the french lessons, was happy to help me out. I carefully cut a lock of my hair and tied it with the string. I took a moment and made a necklace with the feather. He smiled and wished me good luck.
I returned to Dash’s expression of curiosity. I presented her with my meager gift, “ I know it's not as pretty or as wonderful as yours, but I hope you'll accept it.”
She smiled as she accepted my gift and held it to her heart. “You didn't have to cut your mane.”
I shrugged, “It'll grow back, anyway you have a bald spot on your wing.” I gingerly brushed her wing with my hand, and they involuntarily popped out. “Heh, sorry about that.”
Her cheeks glowed red, “I could never feel embarrassed about that with you.”
Image commissioned by me, drawn and coloured by AphexAngel
Dash and I took a long walk in the park, taking about everything and nothing. I finally broached the subject I had been dreading. “Dash, I have to tell you something. And you have to promise not to be upset.”
She stopped dead in her tracks, a look of repressed anger on her face. “What is it.”
I sighed. It was better to do it then and there rather than later. “I found out this week Applejack has a crush on me. I love her as a friend, maybe a sister, but nothing more. Now, I have to let her know that we're together. I know she's your best friend, and maybe you can help me figure out how to break this to her. I don't want to mess up your friendship. Plus there's...”
Dash was suddenly hovering in front of me, planing a quick kiss to shut me up. “Listen, AJ needs the truth, straight up. Don't candy coat it, it'll just tick her off. And, if you wear my feather, she'll know what it means.” She kissed me quickly again. “And it makes me so happy when you care about others, when you help them. Just don’t screw it up, AJ’s still my friend and yours too.”
“Thank you for the advice. I hope we can all be friends after this.” For the first time, I lean forward and kiss her.
Dash smiles and with throaty chuckle, “Nice to see I'm not the only one who can plant a kiss.”
I reached out to hold her, “Take a load off your wings, Miss Dash?” She hovered up against me. I hoked my arms under her wings and she relaxed. She was lighter than I expected. I wondered if it was hollow bones or magic or both. With her forelegs around my neck, she nuzzled into my cheek.
I noticed a few ponies looking at us. 'Let them stare,' I thought.
After a few moments, “Dash, I promised AJ I would tell her my decision. But, it’s something I would rather do alone, if that’s okay with you. Just, no matter what happens, don’t be mad at AJ, okay? She’s your friend and,” I was once again interrupted by a kiss. ‘Not a bad way to be interrupted’, I thought.
“AJ is my pal, she has been for a long time. How can I begrudge her falling for you?”
I saw him working in the south field and I wanted to talk before I spoke with his sister. I hopped the fence and jogged towards him. “Big Macintosh, there’s something I have to talk to you about.”
He looked up from his plowing, “Applejack said I owe you some thanks for saving the farm. I just see it some darn fool fixing his own mistake.”
I smirked, “Glad someone else sees it my way.”
He squinted a bit, then prodded me with his hoof, “Is that a sky blue feather on your neck? The kind of feather Miss Rainbow Dash has?”
My face hardened, “Yes it is. She declared herself to me and you know what, I’ve got feelings for her too.”
His voice grew loud enough to rattle my bones, “Colt, I told you not to mess with Miss Rainbow Dash.” He drew his hoof back, anger growing.
I threw my arms out and yelled at him, “Fine, you want to beat me up? I won’t defend myself. If you need to crucify me to fix up your damn self esteem, then that’s what I’ll do.” I stepped forward, surprising him and forcing him to stumble back. “And do you know what else? Your sister declared herself to me too. And do you know what? I was this close to taking her up on the offer. Do you know why? Because she reminded me of the wife I lost a long time ago.”
I take an other step, forcing him to stumble further back. “And every time I see her, likely for the rest of my worthless life, my heart will break just a tiny bit. And that was why I could never get involved like that with Applejack. Because I would never know if I was her or Ann. It would have been so damn easy just to be with her. It would also have be so damn unfair. And now, I have to go and talk to one of the sweetest, warmest mares in Equestria and break her heart.”
“But if you need to beat the tar out of me because I stole your Rainbow Dash, I want you to do it now. Turn me to fertilizer, you stupid muscle bound idiot.” I stepped forward again, putting my chest against his. “Do it!” I stood, arms out, glaring at him defiantly.
Anger was replaced by compassion and Mac’s voice was softer, “Whoa there Alex, lets all calm down.”
My arms dropped to my sides and sadness filled my voice, “Luna’s mane I don’t want to hurt her Mac. I love her like a sister and knowing I’ve got to break her heart is killing me. Dash said I should be honest with her, and I can’t imagine doing anything else. I don’t want to do this. I would take the last week back and have it never happen, if it would mean not hurting Applejack.”
Big Mac thought for a moment, wheat stock moving form side to side. “Alright, Applejack is at the barn. Let’s go.”
I tilted my head, a little unsure, “So, just like that?”
Big Mac snorted, “No, you all still have to talk to my little sister. And as for Miss Rainbow Dash, well I guess if I had really wanted to court her, I should have done something about it. It’s not like you didn’t try to help me with that. And I suppose I owe you for the farm, no matter what the cause.”
I nodded, “Fair enough. I hope we can be friends after all this.”
He gave that almost smile, “I ain't making no promises, but I ain’t saying no.” We made our way to the barn. “Go on, colt. I’ll get ya to the hospital when you need it.”
“Gee, thanks.” I let a long slow breath out and walked into the barn. She was facing away from me, and my heart was sinking from the moment I saw her. I tried my best to keep my voice neutral, “Hi, Applejack. I was hoping we could talk.” She turned, her face radiant.
As as she saw the necklace, I knew that she knew. Her face became impassive. It would have been so much easier had she been angry, shouting obscenities at me, something but she was just sad. Her voice was quiet, defeated, “Howdy Alex. I see I’m not special friend material.”
I sighed and smiled sadly, “Luna said to look in my heart and I saw that I loved you like a sister. You know why I could never love you in an intimate way. Ann would always be there. Always. I’m so sorry.” I sat on a hay bale, “Applejack, it would have been so unfair to you. I think if you’re honest with yourself, you know it’s true. And please don’t be upset at Dash. She cares for you very much, and I know she would hate to lose you as a friend.”
Applejack sat beside me and took a slow deep breath, “If I look inside my heart, I guess you just made me think of daddy. Kind, warm, funny, always dreaming. I guess, if I look deep down, I love you like a brother.”
I smiled, “I assume siblings dating is just as creepy here?”
She laughed and bumped her shoulder into mine, “I guess so, mister comedian.”
“I’ve never had a sister, or a brother for that matter, and I’m honored to have such a wonderful friend as you be my sister.”
“Alex, y’all have done so much for us, you are an Apple. You always will be.”
“Speaking of family I had a talk with my newly minted little brother. I figured he might beat the tar out of me and I could do this at the hospital. I’m not going to lie, my gut was in knots. But, he’s okay with the situation, especially after I explained myself. He loves you so much, and I hope we’ll be friends in the future.”
The subsonic voice piped up, “Darn right I love my little sister. And I guess I can tolerate my new big brother, seen’ as you’re older than I am.”
I snorted, and in an old man voice, “Darn right, sonny.”
Dash was waiting me at the edge of the pond, just outside Sweet Apple Acres. She flew over as soon as she saw me, “How did it go?” Her face was painted with worry and concern.
“Well, Big Mac didn’t crush me like a bug and AJ now thinks of me as her brother. I guess I remind her of her dad. Anyway, she’ll be having chat with you tomorrow. So, I guess things are hunky dory.” I had a pensive expression, my brow furrowed in thought.
Dash said quietly, “Are... are you having second,” I interrupted her this time.
“Second thoughts? About you?” I smiled, looking into those eyes, “Never. I just,” I sighed, ”I just hated hurting Applejack.”
Dash just looked at me, with a sad smile and beckoned me closer. I lowered myself to my knee and she held me for a few moments. She whispered, “It’s going to be fine, you big lug. Everything will be okay, trust me.”
We walked until we were at my cottage, “I would walk you home,” gesturing to her cloud house, “but I'm a little too much of a ground pounder. Do you want to come in for a cup of tea?” I thought for a moment, “I'm hoping that doesn't have any double meanings.”
She gave me a sultry smirk, “Why, what does it mean to you?”
I decided to be honest, “It can mean the same thing as shared bread, sort of, but that's not how I'm meaning it. I think we're still far too new as a couple for that and I wouldn't want to abuse your trust, Dash. However, I warn you, there may be pastries.”
She beamed at me, “I guess you really do care. Ya, I would like, very much.”
I turn the lights on in the kitchen and was surprised to see a scroll on the table. I picked it up and saw it had the black and blue seal of Princess Luna and was addressed to me.
“That's weird. Check this out Dash.” I sat, with Dash at my side, then snapped the seal and started reading.
My Loyal Adherent Alex,
From The Moment I Was Aware Of You, I Saw In You Your Need To Find
Redemption. Not Only In Your Self, But In Others. Even When You Have
Redeemed Yourself Time And Time Again In The Eyes Of Those Around
You, You Continue Your Search. Know That I Understand That Hunger. I
Was Saved By The Power Of Redemption, The Sin Of Nightmare Moon
Absolved By The Elements Of Harmony. I Wish To Give This Same Gift
To Others Through You.
I Choose A Title From Your Own World, And Many Of The Worlds You Have Visited.
You Shall Henceforth Be Known As My Paladin Of Redemption, A Knight Protector
Finding The Redemption Others Seek, Whether They Know It Or Not.
You Will Not Be Alone In This Task. There Shall Be Other Paladins Representing The
Different Virtues Of Redemption. I Shall Advise You On Future Candidates And You
Shall Assist Them In Finding Their Own Redemption.
Go Forth, My Little Paladin, And Give Others The Solace I Received In My Hour Of
Need.
I Say This Unto You With Love,
Princess Luna
I felt Dash hugging me tight, “I guess you’re really are my knight in shining armour.”
I woke with a smile. The warmth of knowing I had found someone to share my life with was comforting, but it also presented me with old questions. ‘Why would she love an old man like me? Will she ever regret this, yata yata yata, I’m getting sick and tired of having my mind slip back into the old routines.’ I climbed out of bed with a little more of a spring in my step. ‘And why not feel good? I have a pretty young girlfriend who found herself,’ I chuckled, ‘a not so young and not so pretty me.’
As I stood naked in front of the full length mirror in my room, I sighed. ‘Maybe I should workout more. I mean, I’m in good shape,’ and the cynic in my head added, ‘for a forty year old man.’ I scowled at that. ‘Dash is, what, in her mid twenties? So young, so vibrant.’ As I looked in the mirror, I sucked my gut in. ‘Maybe some sit ups too.’ I stuck my tongue out at myself, ‘You’re just too damn lucky, old man.’ I sighed, lay on my back, and started doing sit ups. ‘I don’t want to humiliate her in public. She’s the Celestia blessed Element of Loyalty after all. She’s basically an archangel.’ I smiled, ‘My sky blue archangel.’
I was in my shorts and tee shirt, my abdomen sore from unaccustomed work. The weather, as always, was perfect. The sky immaculate. The morning sun was rising, it’s warm glow giving me a smile. I had a wonderful cup of pony coffee, and I was watching Dash’s early morning routines. It was Fall and the weather teams were spending more time actively changing the weather but dash still maintained her early morning workout. I could see her in the distance doing a complex series of barrel rolls while doing an inverse loop. I smiled, once again contemplating my luck at having such a young and attractive girlfriend. I corrected myself, ‘marefriend.’
I waited until she was at the top of the loop, her fifth time doing it, then blew the loudest wolf whistle I could. Dash tumbled through the air. As she recovered she turned and headed for the cottage at a staggering speed, straight for me. I could see a smile on her face. When she stopped the burst of air sprayed half of my coffee on my chest and almost knocked me off my feet.
She had a look of amused annoyance, "I thought I told you only to do it if you mean it.”
I smiled and took a sip of coffee, "Who said I didn't mean it.”
She looked at me, a little surprised, then with an expression of genuine joy, she lightly bit her bottom lip, "Not me.”
I smirked, “You’d better not. Hey, before I forget, how would you like to go to a special event with me? I was invited to a wedding and it’s me plus guest. I can’t think of anyone else I would rather be seen with.”
She tapped her chin in an exaggerated manner, “Well, I’ll have to check my schedule, I may not be available.” She looked at me with that confident smirk, “What the hay, I’ll pencil you in. Meet you for supper?” I nodded, then she gave a warm smile, “Now, you should stop checking out my flank and get back to that theater paperwork.” She winked, “You can taste the rainbow later.” After a moment of us both snickering, she suddenly blasted straight up in a spiral and continued her training routine.
I kept watching her for a minute, then relented to that nagging voice in the back of my head and returned to my morning routine of working out with the heavy bag, paperwork, and later, a jog to Ponyville for coffee with Applejack. I mused on that last thought, ‘I wonder when Dash and AJ are going to have their little chat. Meh, I’ll go visit AJ anyway. It’s her and Dash that need to work things out, not me. I’ll keep it light.’
Sitting at the table enjoying a second cup of coffee and buttered toast, I happily thought about my day and my future. When I noticed my cup and plate were empty, I dragged myself away from my wistful daydreams. ‘Carpe diem, Alex, carpe that diem with both hands.’ Without changing my shirt, I slipped on a pair of sweatpants and headed outside to box.
As I warmed up, punching the air, I mused on my fighting ‘style’ before I learned how to do it properly. I would wildly slash with a blade, holding it like a really really sharp butter knife. I could remember my teacher saying, ‘You fat oaf! Not like that!’ He would then take the knife away as if I was holding it in my open palm. He was so exasperated after my first lesson at how easily I could be disarmed, he suggested the polymorphic knife. ‘That knife will hold on to you so you don’t need to hold on to it, you clumsy fool.’ The last thing he said to me before it was time to leave was , ‘I am no longer ashamed to call you my student, just embarrassed.’
I laughed out loud, ‘I hope that old son of a diamond dog is happy, he finally taught me how to fight in the end. Well, I’m warmed up enough now.’ I danced closer to the heavy bag intent on hitting it. My mind was still flooded with thoughts of Dash, ‘Left. Left. Right Cross.’
“Aw! Crap!” Much to my surprise and annoyance I realized with my first right cross that I had put the knife in combat mode rather than sparing more. My reward was a gash across the bag and sand pouring out. ‘Great. Nice job Alex. Well, at least now I’ll have something to talk to AJ about. Anyway, Elusive needs the business. And, I’ll have something to tell Dash. No point in denying her any material.’
I waited until it ran out, shook the rest of the sand out and took the empty bag down and put it on the step. ‘Well, so much for that. May as well do paperwork.’ I spend the next five hours chipping away at that horrible, soul crushing, paperwork. The main conclusion I came up with today is I needed some building and renovation plans made, but I also needed the original plans for the new plans to be made and a plan for where to house the town council, mayor’s office, and so on.
I showered, just as much to clean up as to cool down. With a fresh set of clothes on I headed to town. My first stop was Elusive’s shop.
The first thing he said to me when I walked in, even before our usual greetings, “What the hay is that over your shoulder?” With a smirk and a mock caveman voice, “Did Alex mighty hunter catch bag?”
“Laugh it up, fuzzball. Naw, I was working out this morning and was thinking of Dash instead of what I was doing. Forgot to put the knife in sparring mode. One right cross later...” I shrugged.
He snickered at me, “Let me guess, the love struck teenager wants to get his toy fixed?”
“Hey, it’s important to help me keep in what little shape I have. Anyway, you’re the only one I can trust not to put hearts and flowers on it.” I made a bit of a face. “You would think I would be used to the generally accepted level of cutsie in this world by now.”
Elusive rolled his eyes, “You’re not alone and I was born here.” We both chuckled.
“That’s what you get when the male female ratio is not about half and half.”
“Maybe. So, any word on your sister? Did you talk to her yet?”
“From one love sick teenager to another, give me a chance. Anyway, she’s still on the rebound from me, poor thing. Give it at least a few weeks for emotions to mellow out. Or, you could just come with me on my daily visit to her apple stand.”
“A little busy right now with the wedding next week. Maybe after after. It will give Applejack a chance to mellow and business is a little less booming, I’ll take you up on that offer.”
“Oh ya, before I forget, what’s that holiday at the end of fall where the kids get dressed up, and some grown ups too. With candy and all that stuff?”
“Nightmare Night. That’s coming up in about a month, just before the running of the leaves. Why, did you want a costume?”
“Actually, I did. Maybe a ninja costume, you know mottled dark colours, head to toe. Actually, if you sell me the cloth I can do it myself.”
“Hey, I refuse to be held responsible for you stabbing yourself. Anyway, I can whip that up real quick, I know your measurements. And you know what, I’ve got lots of dark scraps that will be perfect, so it’s on the house.”
I started to protest but found myself shushed, “I never thought of using mottled cloth. Everyone always wants black, and I could always spot them. It’s weird how pure black stands out. Ya, that’ll be so cool.” His eyes unfocused a little, looking at a spot about 10cm to my right, lips curled into a smile, “I have a plan.” This was the same expression he had when we first met, and triggered my memories of our first encounter.
“Elusive, something I have to ask, when I first met you, your voice was, if you’ll pardon the term, very effeminate. Now, you talk, and I hate to use this term, normal. So, have you been taking voice lessons or something?”
He looked at me with no expression on his face for a moment, then he laughed out loud. He continued with that effeminate voice, “Oh my darling Alex. You have to understand that those seeking the talents of the one of a kind Elusive expect certain things. Male fashion designers are simply not allowed to enjoy hoofball or go out with friends for a,” he tsked, “what is that drink you ruffians consume, ah yes, rye.”
I snickered, “You realize you make Rarity sound like an ex-hoofball player contruction worker, you know that, right?” I shook my head, “Well, I for one know that an otherwise ordinary guy can make amazing clothes. Screw the stereotypes.”
Elusive sighed and continued in his normal voice, “You know that, but if I talk like this, they assume I’m just some needle jockey and they don’t take my designs seriously. I’ve even heard that Hoity Toity, when he’s alone, talks and swears like a teamster.”
I gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, “Well, pal all I can say is, that sucks.”
Sugar Cube Corners, home of the finest coffee in Ponyville. I always stopped here for the two cups I take to Applejack’s apple stand. It’s usually Mrs Cake at the front counter, but I was pleasantly surprised to see Pinkie. As soon as she saw me, her expression changed from her usual one of happy manic joy to narrow eyed suspicion.
She somehow moved from behind the counter to directly in front of me with a deerstalker cap without moving between the two points. I long ago learned to ignore it.
“So, Alex Roberts, if that’s your real name, you’re the new love of Dashie’s life. Is this true?” I swear her eye was stretching out of it’s socket and almost touching mine.
“I hope so.”
“I see, I see.” Pinkie was now blowing on a bubble pipe she materialized from wherever she gets these things. “So, what are your plans for Miss Rainbow Dash? Is she just a fling? Do you really, really like her? Do you plan on marrying her? What about babies? How many are you planning on? And what about Applejack?”, each sentence was punctuated by her stabbing the stem of her pipe at me.
I smiled at Pinkie, “Dash is lucky to have a friend like you. They both are. But, to answer your question, my plan is to take things slow and just let things develop. And, no, Dash is not just some fling. She’s someone special, and I care for her very much.” I touched the feather around my neck, “I just hope... well, it doesn’t matter. I know she will. So, to answer the next question, I like her very much, and I can see something special developing, and if it does for me, and I think Dash feels the same way, then I’ll make her my wife. Assuming she’ll take me, of course. As for kids Pinkie, sure, why not?”
“Well, your answers don’t quite match up to the story notes, but close enough.” Her face went back to that manic happy grin. “I know you’ll be good for Dashie, and I’ll let her know you’re Pinkie Approved™ for shipping. Oh, and here are your two coffees, on me. Well, not ‘on’ me because that would upset Dashie and freak you out a little, not to mention a little gross. I mean I’m all sweaty from working all morning, so ew. Now, what about Applejack?” She continued to grin, blinking and smiling at me, the hat and pipe gone.
“Right, Applejack. We came to an understanding and Dash and her are having a chat on the subject today. They’ll work it out. And, thanks for feeding my coffee addiction. Oh, are you going to Derpy’s wedding?”
“I’m organizing the reception, since I’m Ponyville’s number one party planner. I wanted to make sure Applejack’s cousin got the best for his wedding.”
“Huh, I didn’t know they were related. Well, that’s good to know. Anyway Pinkie, I’m glad I ran into you, and thanks again for the pony joe.”
“Pony Joe? He’s in Canterlot and anyway, he’s a person not an object, I can’t give him away.” She paused for a beat, looked at the ceiling, then started to giggle. “Oh, I get it now. You’re funny.”, then she turned to me, “You’re funny too.”
Smiling and enjoying Pinkie’s randomness, I fixed up Applejack’s coffee, just right, and headed off.
“Hey there, little sister. Here is your coffee. So, how’s the apple business?”
Applejack chuckled that low chuckle of hers, “Thank you kindly, big brother. And the apple business is just fine.” Some of the ponies in the adjacent stalls looked at us strangely after that exchange, but we didn’t notice.
“Did you have that talk with Dash?”
“Shoot, not much for small talk, are ya?”
“Nope. I want to make sure my sister and special friend are still friends. I was a little worried.”
“Well, ain’t you sweet. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. We’ve been friends for a long time, and we know each other. We,” she thought for a moment, seemingly searching for the best word, “understand each other,” she trailed off with a sad little smile. “But, it don’t mean it doesn’t sting. Likely will for a while.”
Unsure what to say, I decided to change the subject, “So, cousin Caramel is getting married, huh?”
She looked confused for a moment, then smiled, “That’s right. How did you know?”
I told her about the events that lead to my invitation. She smirked, “Taken care of family before you even knew they was family.”
“Eeeyup.”
After leaving Applejack at her stand I picked up a few items for supper and headed home. Beside the pathway to my door I noticed the little flag on the mailbox was raised. Quickly retrieving the contents, I excitedly opened the thick envelope and smiled broadly. It contained had a single thick stack of pages, stapled together, with a simple letter on the top.
Dear Mr Alex Roberts,
We are pleased to inform you that we have found the mare you’re looking for.
Attached are the addresses of her place of work, apartment, as well as her real
name, work schedule, and some photographs of her [SCRATCHED OUT WORD] .
[DIFFERENT HANDWRITING] You’ll have to forgive my brother.
With this assignment complete, you can send us our next task to the return
address on the envelope.
Yours Sincerely,
Flim & Flam
I didn’t bother to look at the rest of it. I figured it would be standard stuff. As I walked in, I caught a flash of colour out of the corner of my eye. Turning my head, I saw a rainbow mane peeking up from behind the couch, “Hi sweetheart. What are you doing here so early? Not that I mind.
“I strained the muscles between my wing and shoulder, so came to borrow some ice.” She lifted an ice pack to show me. “I hope you don’t mind.”
I put my packages down, “Um, why would I mind if the mare I love borrowed some frozen water to ease her pain? Here, let me get this stuff in the fridge before it spoils then I’ll be right there to help.”
Dash gave me a grateful look, “I could really use a massage to my left threes. Just be gentle, it’s my first time.” She snickered.
I had just finished putting the perishables away and started sneaking to the couch as quietly as I could. I gently rested my hands on her shoulders and she stiffened for a moment, then relaxed. “Now that’s what I’m talking about,” she purred.
Being unsure, “Dash, I’ve only ever done this with a human, and I’m just not sure what to do with your lovely, “ I kiss her ear, “threes. I’m not even sure where or what they are.”
“Those are the,” Dash made a face at the scientifically correct word, pronouncing it slowly, “supraspuriascapular muscles. They pull my wing back up and are around at the forward top of the wings, about a hoof size bulge. I messed it up a little doing a barrel roll.”
“Okay, so right here?” I gingerly place my thumbs on a warm bundle of muscle near to top of the wing.
Dash grunted, “That’s it. I know you’ll be gentle. I totally trust you. But I’ll smack you if you mess up.” My thumbs slowly and carefully moved in small circles, working the muscle. “On the way in I noticed your heavy bag is down, what happened to it?”
“I’m not sure I should tell you. In your weakened condition you may hurt yourself.” As I spoke I continued working the stiff muscle
She started laughing, “Ouch. Oh, this should be good.”
“You know how I do that human martial art, boxing, as part of my morning workout?”
With stifled snickering, “Ya. Go on.”
“Well, I’ve been mixing it up a little, using my knife in my right hand.” My fingers looked for more stiff muscles.
Openly snickering, “I think I see where this is going, but don’t, ouch, stop.”
“I forgot to put the Luna cursed thing in sparring mode.”
Dash was now laughing, wings popped out, tears in her eyes, occasionally ‘ouch’ing. “You’re a monster, making your injured marefriend laugh like this.”
Once I was done I carefully put the ice pack on her sore spot, “Okay, now you relax and I’ll whip up some dinner.” I started washing and slicing the eggplant and preheating the pan and filling the steamer with water for the peas.
“A back rub and a meal? You’re a catch.” I could see her stretch and heard a snap from, something. I was about to ask if she hurt herself, but was answered with a happy sigh.
“I’m just your trophy boyfriend. Every stallion wants to be me, and every mare wants me as arm candy.” I put the eggplant in a large bowl and added spices, a little salt, and oil.
“You’re also the most modest, man around.” I noticed she was stumbling over the new word.
“Ah, yes, very important to point that out.” We both snickered as I added the peas with a few sprigs of rosemary to the steamer.
“And if any mare wants a piece of you, they’ll need to take a piece of me first.”
“And I’ll be there right by your side. Unless it’s that Mrs Cake. She’s got them wide birthing hips. Swanky.” I was rewarded by an icepack to the back and more laughter. I started frying the eggplant after giving her the ice pack back.
“I don’t know what you’re cooking, but it smells good. I think you’re a keeper, as long as you can keep yourself from straying.”
“With you, that will never be a problem.” I smiled but I was also a little concerned at her comment, ‘I know she has that tough outer shell, but I get the feeling she’s always about to collapse, that the toughness is just a show. I would love to know how she ticks, just so I can do right by her. I want to be there for her, like she was there for me. It also makes me wonder what kind of relationships she’s had. I wonder if Gilda-’
“Equestria to Alex. Come in Alex.” Dash was leaning over the back of the couch, a bemused expression gracing her lovely face.
“Sorry Dash. Just thinking about, stuff,” I finished lamely.
Dash squared herself to face me and had a calm look on her face. “What kind of, stuff?”
I gave her a half smile, “I was just wondering if I’ll be there for you. I mean, when it counts. I mean, when you need me. In the way you need me. I just,” I sighed and took the eggplant off the heat, “I don’t want to fail you. I,” I turned to face her, “I want you to know you can depend on me. I trust you, and,” I broke eye contact with her and pursed my lips, “I don’t know, I just, if I knew more about your past, I could be a better friend, and a better lover, in the future.” Her expression hardened. “I’m sorry, it was stupid of me to push. Lets just have dinner.” I turned, checking on the peas.
I berated myself, ‘Okay, this was amazingly stupid Alex. Why did you have to upset her like that. If you were a pony, upsetting Dash would be your cutie mark.’ I was so wrapped up in myself, I didn’t hear her come up behind me and put her hooves around my neck.
“You are my best friend and you make me so happy, no matter what dumb things you say. Tell you what, after supper bring a blanket, we’ll walk to Stargazer Hill, and I’ll tell the most wonderful coltfriend in the world all about my past.”
My jaunty, “Can I come too?” was rewarded with being physically turned around and given a warm kiss.
Dash and I set the table and I served our little meal. She picked up the stapled sheets I had left on the table and started flipping through them. As she flipped, her eyes grew larger her grin grew larger and the flipping faster, dinner completely forgotten. She stopped for a moment and mumbled, “Nice flank.” Then she looked at me with a cocked eyebrow and a crooked smile. “So, the brothers were taking candid pictures I see. Even caught her in the shower. What exactly did you ask them to do?”
I moved to grab the sheets but she pulled them away, “Dash, I just asked them to find her. I had no idea what they would do. I swear, but I want to see where my cash went to.” With a throaty laugh she passed me the papers.
I flipped though the pages, the first few where standard information, address, place of work, etc, but then as I flipped the pages I got to the photo section. They started innocently enough, a snap shot of Trixe entering where she worked, Trixie buying groceries, and so on, each image a little more intimate than the last. My jaw was dropping lower with each page, each picture. By the end, there was a few pictures of her sleeping and one picture, taken from inside her house, of her taking a shower. “What in the hay were those two doing. I said I wanted her found, not some, some, porno portfolio made.” I dropped the papers on the table.
“Well, I’m impressed, especially for the shower picture. And, don’t be too hard on them. Trixie is very nice to look at. Maybe they assumed this is what you wanted?”
“Who in the name of Luna would make that crazy assumption?”
Dash picked up the papers and started flipping through them again. “I don’t know Alex. If I was a bit of a low life and someone dropped five thousand bits to find a girl, I would assume they wanted stuff like this. Anyway, if you don’t want these, I’ll take them with me.” She looked up with a sultry smile and twitched her eyebrow.
“Wait, what? So, Trixie’s a hottie.”
“Oh ya,” Dash replied, stretching out the first word, all while flipping through the latter half of the pictures. “She sure is.”
“Dash? Dash. Dash!” She finally tore her eyes away from the pictures. “Are you, I mean, should I-” I sputtered.
Dash laughed, “Oh Alex. You’re way too easy. Don’t worry,” she stood and leaned forward to put a hoof on my cheek, “you’re the only one for me. I’m just pulling your chain. And, it’s funny how you were appalled at the pictures, not drooling over them.”
“That was only because half of those pictures are kind of private. I think they went too far. Anyway, that’s a letter for tomorrow. Lets finish eating so I can wash up and I can take my hottie to Stargazer Hill.”
Dash smiled, “I assume I can come too?”
It was only a ten minute walk, but Dash was limping a little from her strained muscle. When we got to a quiet, secluded spot, we both lay down, her head on my chest, close to my head.
As we watched Luna’s nightly show, I absentmindedly scratched behind Dash’s ear with my left hand. I was rewarded with a content sigh. After a while, Dash started speaking.
“When I was a filly, living in Cloudsdale, my dad came home one day with Wonderbolt tickets. Box seats. I was really excited, and I knew he had spent a lot of a bits for them. You’ve got to remember that we weren’t rolling in it, my dad was a cloud pusher and my mom was a home maker.”
“So, cloud pusher is slang for weather pony?”
Those beautiful eyes looked at me like I was an idiot, “No, they’re the ponies who push the clouds. Basically where every pony starts and you stay if you don’t have any skills or are a part timer. Anyway, dad was a fast flier, but not much else.”
“My dad had talked about the Wonderbolts for as long as I could remember, he was huge fan. I realize now he spent a lot of what he made on Wonderbolt merchandise and salt. I still don’t know how mom kept us fed. Anyway, I was just a kid, I didn’t know better.”
“I remember walking with my dad to the stadium, the same one the Young Fliers competition is held in every year. Our seats were so high up and close to the centre, we could see Princess Celestia clear as day.” Dash grew quiet for a moment, “I still think she looked at me and smiled. Like she knew who I was and what I was going to be. Maybe I'll ask her one day.” Dash snuggled a little closer.
“So, the show started, and they performed. It was amazing. But, in his excitement, my dad called me 'son'. He stopped cheering for a second, and looked at me, kind of sad, like I had disappointed him. I felt so bad, but I loved him so much, I just said, 'It's okay daddy. I know you love me even if I'm just a filly.' He actually smiled and said, 'That's my Rainbow Dash.'
“But you know what? I wanted to buck him, break his wings, and toss him over the side. But, I kept the shell, I kept the smile, I just put up with it. Mom would be proud.”
“Mom, she was so loving, but she was a real door mat. She made Fluttershy look down right rude. She never stood up to my dad, never. After dad would tell me off or put me down, she would tell me she loved me and to forgive,” she spit the word out, “my dad because he was under stress at work. You know she was the only one who told me I was beautiful, that she loved me. Dad only praised me if I was doing something athletic. I guess that’s why I’m such an overachiever. I just want my daddy’s approval.”
I placed my right arm around her, “Rainbow Dash, you can be who ever you want to be. I will always be your friend, and I will always love you no matter what.”
Dash rolled over, a small smile crept on her face. She leaned forward to kiss me, softly at first, then with growing passion. She then got up and climbed on top of me, kissing my neck. I could feel her hooves sticking to my shirt, trying to pull it off. I put my hands on them to stop her.
“Whoa Dash. What are you doing? I mean, I'm all for fooling around, but I thought we were taking this slow.”
She looked confused, almost frightened, “Alex, I want to show you how much I love you, how much you mean to me. My week is starting and you're the stallion I want to be with. D-Don't you want to be with me? Like that?”
“Well, sure I do, I'm not made of stone. But, come on, we've been dating for less than two days. I don't know about pony culture, but where I come from, well, okay, what I should say is, ugh, I'm old fashioned, I guess. I know it's not cool to bring up past relationships, but Ann and I didn't get past making out for almost a year. I know it must sound stupid.”
Dash sat up, still on me. She moved her hooves slowly down her body and with a sultry smile “So, you really want the rainbow, but you're being all honourable about it?”
I smile, “Yes I do and yes I am. That’s the problem with us nice guys, we’re nice. I hope you don’t think I’m not interested in you in that way, because I am. As Luna as my witness I am. But, it feels, disrespectful. I want you to know, and I mean really know, I’m not in it for a roll in the hay.” I take her right hoof and kiss it gently.
Dash’s expression changes to a beaming smile. “I guess I’m not used to respect in this kind of relationship.” She lays down on my chest, “But if you change your mind, I’m yours, any time of the month.”
I smiled but wondered, ‘What the heck does that mean? Beyond the obvious.’ In “So, change of subject, the wedding next week, you’re coming with me, right?”
“Wouldn’t miss it for all of Equestria.”
“Great. I’ll be giving them two gifts, one from us and one anonymously. Is that okay?”
“That depends, what are you giving them.”
“Well, the anonymous one is a bank account with ten thousand bits. That should get them started. I never know what the give, and it’s a little embarrassing to just give cash. You know, I should see if I can get paper money invented. Or cheques at least. Anyway, that’s not the important gift.”
“Ten thousand bits is not the important one? What are you giving them, a solid aluminium dish set?”
“Nope, a very old human gift. An important one, well, important to me anyway. You could say it has magical significance.”
“So, you're sure this wedding gift for Derpy and Caramel doesn't have some meaning to ponies that would be perceived as rude. It has no meaning in your culture at all. Nothing, “and I used air quotes,”'intimate'? Nothing good or bad? You're positive?”
Rarity sighed, “Yes Alex, I even ran it past the rest of the girls, just in case. Twilight researched it and found nothing. Fluttershy didn't blush, until the bread part, but was not scandalized otherwise. Applejack thought it was sentimental and didn't think you had it in you. Pinkie Pie thought it was fine but suggested switching the salt with sugar.”
I let out a long breath. “Good. I still feel bad about the whole bread thing with Fluttershy. She says she forgives me, but, I assumed some traditions were universal, and I still kick myself for being so rude to such a kind and gentle person.”
Darling, Fluttershy is a dear, but can be quite over sensitive about such things. Do not worry yourself about it. If she said she forgives you, she has, and so should you.” Rarity smiled and nodded, meaning, to her, the topic was closed.
The huge hall was packed with family and friends. There was at least five hundred ponies, maybe more. Pinkie had outdone herself with the decorations. Dash looked around, impressed, “I wonder how Derpy got the town hall. Mind you, she put in a lot of hours fixing it up after The Incident. And anyway, marrying an Apple probably counts for something in this town.” She leaned into me as we walked.
The whole Apple family was in the front row, except Mac, and I greeted each of them as I passed by. Dash and I were seated right beside them. Someone had thoughtfully put a little stool for me. I noticed Applejack’s mane and tail were in a braided ponytail and she just gave us a little nod, but didn’t think anything of it. I spoke to my other seat mate, “Hey, Apple Bloom, where’s Mac?”
“Oh, he’s part of the wedding, seeing as he’s so big an’ all.” Apple Bloom replied in a tone that indicated I should already know this.
“Cool. I’ve never been to a pony wedding before and I’m really excited. It sure looks different from a wedding back where I come from.”
“Well, y’alls in for a real good time!” she responded with childish enthusiasm.
The chatter died down as soon as the band started a rather militaristic piece of music. It almost reminded me of the Star Trek fighting music and made me chuckle. This earned me a tap and a glare from Dash and I quickly whispered, “I’ll explain later.”
Her glare could have frozen a sun, “It had better be a good one.”
First, Derpy galloped up the red carpet, looking behind her in what looked like fear. Trailing behind her was a unicorn filly I didn’t recognise, also in a matching saddle, but just beaming. I started getting up but I noticed no one else seemed panicked. I looked at Dash and she smiled at me, so I relaxed my legs and sat back down to watch what was going on.
Derpy looked positively stunning. ‘I guess Rarity was right, even a philistine can see how perfect that dress is.’ The hovering pegasus photographer snapped a few pictures from different angles while they slowed down. She finally went up to the stage and stood to the left of the stairs going up, with the filly standing behind her. I could see she was smiling and looking to the back of the hall.
I saw two ponies trotting in, one being the unmistakable Big Macintosh. I didn’t recognise the other pegasus pony. I was surprised to see them holding spears. They stopped and stood guard about three quarters of the way. I could tell the tips were paper mache painted silver and the shafts were thin and looked like soft balsa.
I leaned to Dash to ask her a question, but I was shushed. Dash pointed to the back of the hall and smiled.
I heard what I assume was Caramel bellow, “I will save you my princess!” as he charged up the middle. He then wrenched the spears from their mouths and snapped the ends off.
The two guards stood back, letting Caramel past. They said, “We cannot stand against such love.” and bowed. I hadn’t noticed the old earth pony, Mr. Waddle, wearing his minister’s collar, was now standing on centre stage. Caramel picked up the two spear tips, and trotted up to the stage. He tossed the spear tips at her feet, and took his place on the right.
“I have overcome all for you.” Caramel was grinning like a fool and Derpy was smiling too. I could see a she had tears of joy, and, being an old softy, I had to wipe a tear too. Dash snuggled up even closer, resting her head on my shoulder.
They exchanged their vows, familiar sentiments, even if the wording was different. Strangely, the little unicorn filly was included and had her own set of vows. From what I gathered, the filly was called Dinky, and she was Derpy’s daughter. Caramel’s vow to Dinky was to be the best dad he could be. Her vow was to be the best daughter she could be.
‘Damn dusty air,’ I mumbled as I wiped another tear. Dash snickered.
Then, Caramel and Derpy kissed, Caramel and Dinky hugged, and in a surprisingly clear and strong voice Mr. Waddle announced, “Friends, family, neighbours, I would like you all to welcome Mr Caramel and Mrs Derpy Hooves, husband and wife.” The crowd started stomping their hooves, and I joined in with claps.
Pinky, thanks to her Party CannonTM, was able to do the decoration change in about 15 minutes, while everyone was outside. It was actually kind of clever, they had ushered everyone outside to give Pinkie time to redecorate. Once everything was ready inside, we would form a reception line to go back in.
While Dash and I were waiting for the line to get going she taped my leg, “So, mister giggles, what was that when the music started?”
I after explaining as best I could, “So, it found it funny to hear fighting music at a wedding, that's all.”
“Heh, I guess that would be funny. So, what's the wedding music for human weddings.”
“It goes something like this.” I hummed the tune for a wedding march as best I could.
As I was trying to get the tune right, I saw Dash's expressing shifting to one of horror. “You use a funeral march? That's bucking horrifying. What's wrong with you people?”
It was my turn to get a little upset, but I kept my voice low, “Hey, I refuse to be held responsible for traditions I had no part in creating. I for one think it's a very nice little tune. And is that going to be your reaction every time you bump into something about my culture you don't like? 'Oh, Alex, you're a monster. What's wrong with you?' I mean, how the buck can I defend myself? So since we're on the subject of all the horrible things I do, lets get the other big one out of the way, right now. My species is predatory, I eat meat, well not since I got here, but I can and I have. My teeth,” I flick my thumb on my top front teeth, “are made for it.”
“Well, I'm sorry for voicing my opinion. Maybe you would be happier if I was more submissive like my mom.” I could see the rage and betrayal in Dash's face.
The reception line started moving, and we joined it in silence. We ended up walking beside the Apple family with myself between Applejack and Dash. When it was my turn Caramel and Derpy thanked me profusely for what I did. I protested, “I was just protecting family, even though I didn’t know you were.”
They looked confused until Applejack put a hoof on my arm and confirmed this, “He may not be a pony, but he’s an Apple, right to the core.”
Dash shot Applejack a cold glare, then gave me a look of irritation. “Allow me to drag my knight protector away. We're holding up the line, sweetheart.” She said the last word a little louder than necessary while looking at Applejack. Applejack’s expression was neutral, with a small smile, but there was the smallest flash of a scowl.
We made our way to our table in silence. I felt like a monster, 'I haven't lost control like that in a while. Luna, I failed her, and I don't know what to do.' I saw Dash occasionally glancing at me and looking sad. I also noticed Applejack, 'Damn, if I didn't know better, I would say she's looking smug.'
The party was starting and Derpy and Caramel had the first slow dance. It was interesting, it basically involved the two ponies balancing each other and doing something like a waltz. Then, everyone else was invited to join them.
I hoped what I was planning would fix things a little, “Miss Rainbow Dash, would you care to join me in this dance?”
Dash looked a little panicked, “But, I’ve never danced like that. I mean, I’ve party danced, but never slow danced. Anyway, I'm mad at you.” She looked me in the eye and smiled a little, “but, I guess I can forget that for now.” Out of the corner of my eye, I think I saw Applejack frown a little.
“We’ll do the hug and shuffle. It was the only slow dance I really mastered. And I can teach you.”
Dash was wearing that lilac perfume that suited her so well. When she reared on her hind legs, she lost her balance a little and I caught her up. As I held her, the crowd melted away, all my troubles grew distant and trivial. Her scent mingled with the lilacs, her forelegs around me neck, nose to snout.
“I'm sorry for losing my cool,” I whispered. “Not that it's an excuse, but I feel like I've been walking on egg shells for the whole six months I've been here. And, I guess I just lost my temper.”
She gave me a kiss then put her left cheek on mine so she could whisper directly in my ear, “Apology accepted, just don't do it again.” We moved slowly in silence for a few moments, “I saw you flinch when Derpy ran in. You thought there was real trouble, didn’t you.”
“No. I knew what was going on,” I lied.
Dash snickered, “You know, the muscle under your left eye twitches when you lie.”
“Is it that obvious?” I asked with a groan.
Dash giggled, “Not really, Ann told me. Well, warned me, really.”
“Damn it. Why is it I fall for strong smart women?”
“Because we’re the only ones who can handle you.” She followed that with a light nibble on my ear. My knees almost buckled from that intimate action. ‘Ann used to... Stop it Alex. Ann is long gone. It’s Dash now. Only Dash.’ My reaction did not go unnoticed, causing Dash to make a low chuckle and nibble again. I moved one arm to her shoulders and held her a little closer.
My hand absentmindedly moved down from her shoulders to the spot just between her wings. Dash gasped, but didn’t take her cheek off mine. “You’re a bad colt, touching me there. You know it’s still a little tender. Not only that, you know this is my week.” I could hear the smile in her voice and feel her cheek warming up.
Confused and unwilling to do something stupider than usual, I moved my hand back to where it was before. “Sorry for the roving hands, Dash. I didn’t realize.”
She pulled away, looking at me in my worried eyes. “You’re so cute when you’re freaked out.” She put her right cheek on mine, switching sides, whispering into my other ear, “If you’re a good colt, maybe you can do that again. Or maybe if you’re a bad colt. Not sure which would be better.” At that, the slow song ended and DJ-P0N3 started doing her magic.
Dash and I were walking back to the table, laughing about the silliness of the fight. I noticed three empty little drinking bowls in front of Applejack and one on it’s way to her lips. Mac gave me a pleading look, and I hoped I understood the message.
“Whoa, Applejack. Don’t you think you should be slowing down on the salt?”
She carefully put the little bowl down and scowled at me. “Why? Can’t I have a little fun for a change? I work all day, everyday for the farm, and if I ain’t doing that, I’m working for others. You just leave me be Alex Roberts.” The table got very quiet. She took a slurp of the drink and held the shallow bowl up, inspecting it. “You know what they call this? I comes from the bartender at the Grain Bucket. Apparently, you was there with some unicorn, and this is what he was drinking. They call it a ‘Human’. Makes a mighty fine drink. Mighty fine.” She polished it off. “I think I need another one.” She got up, wobbly.
I turned to Dash and saw a weird combination of sadness, anger, and triumph. Her eyes were on Applejack. “I think I’ll see if this ‘Human’ drink is as good as the real deal.” She gave me a quick, but passionate kiss, and followed after her friend. ‘I hope they still are, anyway.’
Mac leaned over, “Colt, you’re in a whole heap of trouble. I knows you have all the right intentions, so I don’t blame you, but AJ and Miss Rainbow Dash are real competitors. And AJ dun got it in her head that she wants you. I can’t rightly say why except maybe it’s because Miss Rainbow Dash has you. Them two fight over everything, but at the end of the day, they work it out. Until then, expect things to be interesting.”
I looked at Mac gratefully, “Thanks for the advice. Mac, as Luna as my witness, I never thought it would escalate to this. Maybe in my dreams when I was a teenager, but that doesn’t count. And of course, now I can't go to the bar for a drink.”
Soon, the girls returned without comment. Dash was carrying four little bowls of ‘Human’, and four shot glasses of what looked like rye. Applejack with a little tray holding six little bowls of what I assumed was ‘Human’.
Dash slerped a little bowl slowly, rolling her eyes in pleasure. “Mmmmm, they taste almost as good as the real thing,’ a little too loudly while looking directly at Applejack.
Applejack glared at her, and shot back a bowl, “I know exactly what you mean, RD. I could enjoy any kind of ‘Human’, drink,” the pause before the last work was just a little too long.
I was about to try to be the voice of reason, bust as soon as I opened my mouth they turned and said in unison, “Not now Alex.”
I decided to make small talk with Mac, mostly about farming. Not that I had much to contribute, but I was always interested in what he had to say. We both, very deliberately, avoided the girls. By now their talk had disintegrated into a drinking contest, with snide comments between drinks.
They went back to the bar a second time, and kept going. Just as they had finished their tenth or fifteenth drink, the music change to a slow dance, again. Applejack took her hat off and gave me a slightly sultry smile. She asked in a slightly slurred voice, “Alex, would y'all like to take this country girl for a spin, if Dash don’t mind.”
“Well, I guess it’s okay,” she answered uncertainly, all the while glaring at me.
We went to the dance floor, and Applejack put her hooves around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder, like Dash had. She started drunkenly rambling, all the while when I could make eye contact with Dash I gave her a pleading expression and mouthed ‘sorry’.
“You know what, when I first meet you I thought you were Discord ugly, but now, I realize you’re not ugly, you’re just different. A different I like.” She sighed wistfully, “I wish you would've picked me. I could have made a stallion out of you. Well, I think so, you would have been my first, but Rarities’ romance novels have some mighty fun sounding ideas.” She raised her head an whispered into my ear, “You’re the first one I even considered given myself to, you know that?”
She put her head back on my shoulder, “Do you know how many stallions come courting for me? Well, the ones who get past Mac? Two or three every season. I get em callin’ on me, all fine looking I suppose, but none can hold a candle to you. You’re always putting family first, even the family you can’t do nothing with. If I could spend an hour alone with you, I know I could make you love me.” She giggled, “Golly, would RD ever be mad. But, naw, I wouldn’t do that to her. She’s my best gal pal. I so wish things had gone differently. But, if wishes were something, then something would happen.“ She chuckled and the song came to an end.
“Well, thank you kindly for letting me pretend for a few minutes. I loves you Alex, and if things ever don’t work out, please think of me.” She pulled away and kissed me.
It was just a little peck, but I knew I was a dead man.
A big thank you to earthrise.ponies for all the hexapod anatomical help.
For a moment our eyes met across the dance floor. Her perfect rose eyes widening in shock and horror as Applejack pulled away. ‘Dash...’ She looked at me, cheeks amaranthine, her face a controlled explosion, wings erect in anger. I mouthed ‘sorry’ again, pushing past Applejack, hoping beyond hope she wouldn’t kill me. It’s telling I wasn’t worried about Big Macintosh, who I noticed looked rather pissed off, but I wasn’t sure at who.
Dash came towards me at a canter and whispered loudly, “Alex Roberts, what do you think you’re doing? Did I just see what I thought I saw?”
Applejack started putting herself between me and Dash, but I shoved her out of the way. She didn’t offer any resistance. “No, it wasn’t, now, lets just sit down and discuss what happened. Let’s sort this out.”
“Ya, we should.” She turned her head and scowled, “Applejack, you’re coming with me. We need to talk. Outside.”
Applejack scowled back, “You bet sugar cube. Lets go talk.”
I called after them, “Guys, you’re loaded. Don’t do anything stupid.”
Dash turned her head and snarled at me, “Stay out of this, it’s not your problem.”
I looked on as they walked out, side by side, fake smiles plastered on their faces. I went back to the table and pleaded with Big Mac, “Mac, I’m at a double disadvantage here. I’ve never been in this situation before, not even back where I come from, and I still don’t understand how ponies tick. What should I do?”
Mac thought for a moment, then gave that almost smile, “I think we should get out there and make sure they don’t kill each other.”
“Agreed. I’ll go first, they won’t kill me. I hope.”
As I walked past our table I grabbed the remaining full shot glass and downed it. ‘Liquid courage, don’t accept any substitute.’ Mac took his position as my wingman, and we headed out into the cool night air.
The girls were beside the well in the town square, for privacy. By the time we got there, they were arguing loudly.
“AJ, you’re my friend, how could you? We already agreed he was mine.”
“RD, I never said I wouldn’t let him know I was still interested! And if this one goes like your past relationships, he’ll leave you in a month. You drive them all away with your temper tantrums, with your clinging to him like glue, and with your petty jealousy. And when he leaves, he’ll come to me because he loves me.”
“Like a sister! You know he can’t feel that way about you. Anyway, he got advice from Luna herself and he loves me. And for the first time in my life, someone who’s kind and decent and not looking for a one night stand loves me. Me.”
They stood, muzzle to muzzle, mouths distorted in almost savage snarls.
“Dash! Applejack! Simmer down the two of you. You’ve both had too much and-”
Dash turned her full rage onto me, “She kissed you, Alex. She. Kissed. You.”
“Dash, it wasn’t a big deal.” I realized how stupid my statement was as it came out of my mouth.
“Wasn’t a big deal? How would you feel if I did this.” Dash strode over to Mac, put a hoof on each side of his face and kissed him, deeply.
I blinked several times, my mind in a state of shock. My first coherent, but stupid, thought was, ‘I’ll kill Big Mac.’
My next thought, realizing my first thought was impractical, was, ‘I’ll kiss Applejack! That’ll show Dash.’
My third thought, kicking the the first two thoughts out of the way, was the one I went with, ‘She’s drunk, Applejack’s drunk, hell, I’m a little drunk too. We should all just forget it.’
Big Mac just stood stiffly, eyes darting from me to Dash, finally resting on me with a faint smile and an apologetic expression.
“Well?” Dash’s expression was both angry and pleading, her eyes had tears forming, “Aren't you going to do anything?”
I fought to keep my face neutral, “No, because you’ve had too much salt. Yes it bothers me, but at least you picked a class act for it. I know he won’t take advantage of a drunken mare. And for the record, Applejack kissed me, I didn’t kiss her. It didn’t mean anything to me. In fact my first thought was of you. I’m sorry I was too slow to stop it.”
Dash turned to Applejack, who was looking sad and a little embarrassed, “You hear that AJ? Alex is mine.” She grabs me and gives me a long sloppy kiss then turns back to Applejack, “He’s all mine. Keep your hooves off him. You can have any stallion you want and you know it. Just,” her voice got quite and her expression pleading, “just, go find your own Alex, please.”
After a moment of silence, I knelt down and hugged Dash. When I broke the hug, I smiled and said, “Okay! Let’s all head back in, smiles and sunshine, and lets all chalk it up to too much salt all around. Applejack, you and Dash come over to my place tomorrow for lunch and we’ll settle this once and for all. Mac, I’m sorry you got caught in the crossfire.”
They all stood there, just looking at me. “Allons-y!” I yelled. When they continued to look at me in slack jawed surprise I pointed to the town hall, “On décolle!” I face palmed, realizing I was speaking in Quebec french slang, “Just, get back in before we make more of a scene.” I realized how upset and tipsy I was, ‘I haven’t spoke french in a while. Tabarnak, it always happens when I’m drinking and under stress.’
We went back in, Mac and I leading the pack and the girls following sheepishly. Once we were all back at the table I brought them all a round of unsalted drinks. That came with another round of uncomfortable silence. The music slowed again, “Dash,” I put my arm around her, “come here. You’re dancing with me.”
She pouted, “Alex, not now.”
“Hey, just because you had too much, isn’t my problem. I want to dance with an angel, and you, my dear, are the only one who fits the bill.” I lead her out to the dance floor and helped her up. She was a little wobbly but I kept her steady.
“Dash, Applejack just gave me a drunk kiss. I’m sure when she sobers up she’ll feel as bad about it as you will about the kiss you gave Mac.”
“I don’t know why I did it.” Dash had a heartbreaking expression of sadness, tears welling up into her eyes.
I sighed, “It was Mr. Salt. I’ve already forgiven you and I’m not worrying about it. Now, in the meantime, I want you to promise to be nice to Applejack, okay?” Dash sniffed and nodded. “She’s your friend and she just did something stupid tonight. I want you to know there is no way she will ever get me. She’s a friend, a sister, but nothing else. You are the one I think about, day and night,” I smiled, “even when boxing.”
Dash snorted and laughed then snuggled into my neck. “I so want to be with you right now.”
“Dash, not only are we too new as a couple, but you’re drunk off your flank. I don’t want to take advantage, it wouldn’t be right.”
Dash held me tight for a few moments then spoke in my ear, “You know, everyone else I’ve been with wanted to buck me as soon as they could.” She pulled away and seemed to be examining my face. “You’re the first who didn’t take me up on the offer, you know that?”
“I just want to treat you right, like you deserve to be treated.” I smiled and pulled her closer. We just held each other keeping ourselves close for the remainder of the song. As song ended and I whispered , “You’re stuck with me, no matter what.” into her ear. Dash pulled away and had a happy and hopeful expression.
As we went back to the table, instead of more music I heard the smooth voice of DJ-P0N3, “Alright all you happy party ponies, now is the time I always have the most fun at every reception, the opening of the gifts.” This was followed by much stomping from the crowd.
I glanced at the table, Applejack had a crestfallen expression and Mac was rubbing her back. They were not even looking in our direction. ‘Thank Luna for small favours.’ I brightened up, “Well, Dash, you up to coming with me?”
“You know it. Just,” Dash wobbled a little, “keep me from falling over please.”
I had to smile, ‘She’s damn cute when she’s drunk. Except for the jealous rages. Those are frightening.’
We waited at the front of the crowd and Derpy picked the gift from Dash and I early in the process.
I took the exquisitely carved box from her hooves and knelt in front of them. “Derpy, Caramel, this gift from Rainbow Dash and I requires a little explanation. It’s a very old tradition where I come from to give this gift to a newlywed couple. Some even say it’s a decidedly human kind of magic, a blessing. The giver is usually an older family member, and since I’m an official Apple, I took the initiative, cousin Caramel.” There was some laughter from the other guests. I opened the box, showing then them the simple bun, candle, and cloth bag.
“First, the bun. It represents our blessing that you have plenty of worldly goods. I think you’ll do just fine.” There was a murmur of agreement, and Dash snickered with the knowledge of one of the humble looking gifts.
“Second, the candle. It represents our blessing that you always have warmth and light in your relationship. I’m not worried, even a blind person can see you two have plenty of that in yours.” Dash put her head on my shoulder, making me smile.
“Third, a bag of salt.” There were some chuckles in the crowd. “This is our blessing that you always have a little spice between yourselves. But not too much.” More chuckles in the crowd, including Dash.
“And finally, the beautiful box that holds these symbols. It represents your beautiful marriage containing the blessings. Please, accept this gift and our blessings that you will have a happy life together.”
Derpy carefully took the box and placed it beside her. “Thank you so much, Alex Roberts and Rainbow Dash. We appreciate the magic used to create and give the gift.”
Dash smiled an added, “Wait till you see the little anonymous one. This big lug didn't want to tell you, he was so shy.” She kissed me on the cheek.
“Anonymous gifts are a human tradition. I see a few of them, so you'll never know which was mine,” I smirked.
The gift opening continued, 'Wow, these two are sure loved. There are so many thoughtful gifts. Everything they needed to start two new homes.' When they opened the anonymous little envelope, it caused a commotion.
“Told ya they would like it. Now, come here, you big ape.” I went to a knee and Dash whispered something in my ear. I blushed.
“Dash, not while you're drunk. But as soon as you're sober.” We snickered like two teenagers.
Soon, there were only a few gifts left. Derpy took an elaborately wrapped box. Everyone ooh-ed and ah-ed and with encouragement from the crowd, Derpy opened it.
When the lid was opened, the sides fell away to reveal the contents. There were gasps, a few angry curses, including my own, then silence. Derpy started to cry. Caramel's expression became hard. In the box, on a little pedestal was a broken feather duster with tag saying, 'To: Caramel the Race Traitor From: Real Earth Ponies - Here's your retarded feather duster.'
How could anyone do this? What would possess someone to ruin this day, especially for two wonderful ponies like them? I didn't realize it was possible for Dash to look even angrier than when AJ kissed me.
I shrugged, 'It's not like they'll ever know for sure about human marriage traditions.' I kneeled in front of the shocked couple and fake my sincerest smile, “Not that I did this, but someone pulled another human tradition. Do you mind if I take this up front? No? Great!”
I started running to the stage with the box under my arm. 'I have to say something, but what? Damn that stage is close.' I reached the stage and whispered a few words to Vinyl Scratch. I still had no idea what I was going to say. The music stopped, I tapped the microphone and heads turned.
In my best theatrical voice, “Ladies and gentlecolts! Tonight, some pony has given us a gift that, while seeming to be an unholy abomination, has actually become a wonderful opportunity for us all!”
The sea of faces looked at me questioningly. ‘Here goes nothing except bull pucky,’ I desperately thought. “There is a marriage tradition in my culture called 'The Cleansing Flame'. In this tradition we take an offending object and we place all of our hate, anger, rage, and negative emotions into the object. Then, you burn that object to symbolize all your negative emotions being cleansed by the fire. If anything, we should be grateful to that anonymous gift giver for that, that abomination of a gift. They have given us the opportunity to love and tolerate them, no matter what."
"So, if the lovely bride, groom, and Dinky will please join me, I'll show you all how to do it!” It only took them a few moments to get to the stage. Once they were on the stage so everyone could see, I grabbed the box, contorted my face in rage, and screamed at the feather duster. Then, I put back down, smiled, and said, “There! Now, all my bad emotions are locked away in that thing. I think the bride, groom, and daughter should be next.”
Derpy, Caramel, and Dinky hoof in hoof, all yelled at the feather duster. Then, when they were done, looked at each other and giggled.
“Alright! Now, everybody, let’s form an orderly line, everybody gets a chance.”
A tipsy Applejack, eyes red from what I guessed were tears, walked up, looked at me for a long moment, then yelled at the feather duster. Right behind her was Dash, who looked at Applejack for a moment, glanced at me, then yelled. Soon everyone was lining up for a chance. Even Big Macintosh roared, vibrating a few nails off the walls.
“Is that everyone? No one else?” I called out. Even the foals got into it, 'This is going better than I thought.' “Everyone, follow me!” I bellowed out while picking up the box. I marched with exaggerated movements and lead everyone to the front of the building. “And now that all our hate, anger and sorrow is in this garbage, let the cleansing begin!” I placed the box on a patch of gravel and looked around. The only unicorn I cared about was Dinky.
I went to my knee and motioned her to come closer. “Dinky, do you think you could put some sparks on that box and make it catch fire?”
She answered hesitantly, “I think so.” Her little face screwed up in concentration and her horn began to glow. Suddenly there was a stream of sparks shooting from her horn on to the offending package. She continued for a few seconds, and stopped, panting. I carefully blew on the smouldering package, and in a few moments a flame started growing. Once I was sure it was good and caught, I stepped back.
At first everyone watched the burning package, lost in their own inner thoughts. Dash leaned beside me, and I saw Applejack walking away, toward Sweet Apple Acres. Dinky cried out, “Good bye bad feelings! See ya never!” Soon enough, everyone joined in.
After the box burned to ashes the crowd returned to the hall. Dash and I lingered behind, just happy being close to each other. I looked around for Applejack or Macintosh, but saw no sign of them. I felt the grip of sadness and guilt enveloping my heart with it's icy fingers. Once again I was the cause of pain for someone else, for someone I cared about. Once we were alone I knelt down and Dash held me. “Why did she have to do it?” I sniffed. “Why couldn’t she understand it’s you I want to be with.” Despite myself, I cried in her shoulder. “I hurt her. And now because of me you guys are fighting.”
Dash put her cheek against mine, “You dope, me and AJ fight over everything, this is no different, and anyway she’s just sore that I won. And, if it makes you feel better what you did with that garbage gift was awesome. My knight in shining armour, redeeming everything in sight.”
I just held her tighter, thankful for her presence. Once I pulled myself together I gave her a final squeeze. “Sorry about that. I just needed to get that out, all the smiles and sunshine was getting to me.”
She put a hoof on my cheek and smiled, “It’s okay. I’m here for you, you big lug.”
I kissed her tenderly. “Now, my lovely angel, if you'll excuse me, I have a little errand to run. I’ll be back in an hour, hour and a half at most.” I saw the distressed expression on her face, “Don’t worry. I’m being a good boy.”
“Define ‘good’.”
I blame the idea on the booze. I had had just enough to be stupid, but not enough to be disabled. In retrospect, if I had had just two more shooters, I would not have followed through.
My normal light jog takes me about twenty or thirty minutes from the house to downtown Ponyville. Running flat out, I made it in 10 minutes. Once home, I opened the package from Elusive, that ninja costume. I was confident it would fit like a glove, and it did.
I grabbed my knife, ‘STEALTH. SPARRING.’. I wasn’t that stupid. It took me about half an hour to get to my destination, all the while staying in the shadows and avoiding random ponies.
One thing I can say about Equestria is that their security is crap. The back fence was only about 180cm high and made of stone. Plenty to stop a pony, but nothing for me. No guards, no security systems as far as I could tell, not even anything sharp at the top of the fence. ‘Pathetic piece of garbage.’
The house was a very large three story mansion. In the back yard I could see lots of bushes and one light on in the lower part of the house. There was what looked like a pony sized shape in that window. I creeped closer. ‘Yes!’ The objective of this little exercise himself was sitting at a desk, his back to the window and very close. The bottom of the window was about one meter from the ground, ‘That will make this easier.’ As I got closer the room seemed empty, except for him.
Skills honed from dire necessity did the work with almost no thought on my part. ‘SPARRING GARROTT.’ The blade thinned out to a ribbon while a second handle formed at the end. In a single swift motion, I slipped the business end over his head and to his throat. The ribbon widened, distributing the pressure and preventing harm. I leaned in and started my soliloquy.
“Golden Coins, what I'm holding against your precious neck is an Imperial Pattern One Two Seven Nine Combat Knife with Mental Controls and Polymorphic Enhancement. You will notice is that your head-” He started to struggle, and through gritted teeth I ordered him, “DON'T MOVE!” I continued in a friendly tone, “Your head is still firmly attached to your neck. That's because it's in a non-lethal mode. The blade is dull, or in this case, a ribbon instead of a wire. One mental command from me-” he started struggling again, and I ordered him again, “I SAID DON'T MOVE! One command and it will be sharper than a razor blade that can cut through steel. You, are much softer than steel.” Coins stopped struggling and based on the smell, had wet himself.
“Is this about the money? I can have it transfered back in-” I interrupted him.
“It’s not about the Luna damned money. You were playing the game, and you won fair and square. This is about you breaking the rules of the game. Just to refresh your feeble mind, here are the rules. One, I am your only opponent. Two, you only attack me. Friends, family, and employees are out of bounds. Three, children are always out of bound under every circumstance. Four, you never cripple your opponent, physically, mentally, or financially. Nod if you understand, you pompous piece of shit.” He nods his head slowly.
“Good. Now, you broke the rules. You attacked my family, twice. The Apples are out of bounds, as are the Elements of Harmony. As is Derpy Hooves. Nod if you understand.” Again, Coins nods.
“Good. Lucky for you I was able to turn things around with that feather duster thing.”
His eyes widened in surprise and he managed, “How did you know?”
“I didn’t until just now. So, if you want to play the game, man to pony, say yes. If you don’t want to play the game, say no. Just remember that I follow the rules of the game, but only if I'm playing.”
Coins was silent for a long time, at least a full two minutes, before finally nodding.
“Excellent! Now, I'm willing to bet that you're thinking that you'll contact the Royal Guard as soon as I'm out of sight. And I would say that's the smart thing to do. However, you will find a reception hall full of people who will swear I was there all night. I wonder how that will pan out.” I leaned forward so I was speaking directly in his ear. “Just remember that I'm not an Element of Harmony, and I will lie, cheat, and steal to protect those around me. However, I was appointed a Paladin of Redemption by Luna herself and I hope this is the first step in your redemption.”
‘SPARRING KNIFE’. Golden Coins coughed, regaining his breath. “Now that we have an understanding Coins, I bid you, goodnight.” I took off and was fairly sure he didn’t see me leave. I made my way back to home to change and rejoin the reception.
Dash greeted me with a look that said, ‘I’m very upset with you, but you’re lucky there are witnesses.’ “Where the hay have you been?”
“I had to go to the bathroom?” I lied.
She cocked an eyebrow. “Eye twitch,” she said flatly.
“I had a cathartic experience?” I grinned innocently.
“I'll buy that, for now.” She smiled. “Now, lets go party!”
I was taking a hard breath with each footfall, running as hard as I could, but it was not tiring. Running through a dark Ponyville, I had a grim purpose. Something horrible was going to happen and I had to stop it.
There, in the darkness before me, stood Golden Coins, laughing.
“Can you save them? I don’t think so. You’re nothing but a two-bit primate.” He looked at me sadly. “I couldn’t save them all. Oh, I tried, but I couldn’t even save the real pony out of their stupid little group. Only her.”
He looked at me and gestured with a bloody knife at a form writhing beside him. I drew closer and realized with dawning horror that the writhing mass was a wingless Scootaloo, her orange coat striped with crimson from two gaping wounds on her sides. In the dark behind her I knew there were two other small forms of Applebloom and Sweetie Belle slumped bonelessly on the ground, just beyond what my eyes could see.
My mind reeled from the horror, rooting my feet and freezing my arms. A second passed, then two. My screaming mind finally took control of my limbs. In the growing rage I had a moment of purest clarity.
He was beyond redemption, he had to be put down.
A wordless scream. A blurry charge, knife slashing back and forth. Fire bubbling up within me as I leapt through the air. I bore down on him relentlessly. Kill. Burn. Rip. Tear. KillBurnRipTear killburnriptearkillkillkillkill-
And suddenly, all the rage, all the emotion, just stopped. I could feel it drifting inside me, brushing through my skin like a ethereal mist. Scootaloo was left frozen mid spasm, hanging in the the air like some macabre floating sculpture. Her little body was greyed out and unclear, like looking at her through a badly scratched lens. My eyes were drawn instinctively to the only colour remaining in the scene. Her wings laid haphazardly on the ground, the orange of the feathers and red of blood and flesh, the white of bone and gristle contrasting sharply with the filly that floated above them.
Coins walked up from behind me. I hadn’t even noticed that he had disappeared.
“She’ll thank me one day, you know. I’ve seen her. Seen her struggle to fly and all the other stupid feather dusters laughing at her.”
He reached down and picked up a tiny orange wing, examining it closely, before offering it up for me to inspect.
“Underdeveloped. Atrophied. Barring a miracle, she would never have been able to fly. She’s better off this way.”
I examined the wing closely. His observations were accurate, and I handed it back to him, nodding. I saw the blood and gore on my hands, but didn’t think it was important.
He threw the wing on the ground and crushed it underhoof, grinding bone, sinew, and feather into a gory mess. I smiled in approval.
“Wings are a lie. Unicorn magic is a lie. I don’t suppose you know why Ponyville has the best produce in all of Equestria?”
I shook my head.
“It’s right over there. The Everfree forest. Ponyville’s a true earth pony town, one of the few left. To my knowledge we’re the only one to still “wrap up” winter in the proper way. And even that’s a bit of a misnomer. The only important thing is clearing the snow out of the way for planting. Birds? Animals? You would know better than most. They’re supposed to take care of themselves.”
He sighed, and rubbed his muzzle with a hoof. “I just wish you would understand, you miserable hairless monkey. All I want to do is save them. And I can’t. I could swindle all the fortunes in Equestria and it wouldn’t do a damn thing.”
“Who, who do you want to save?” He ignored me.
“You’re a predator. And I suppose I am too, in my own way.” He shot me an appraising look. “Now that I think about it, we are far more alike than I ever imagined. I hope you realize how much this disgusts me, abomination. I’ve heard some of your stories- the ones that you haven’t censored for the fragile little fillies and colts. No one could survive a journey like that without a certain mindset. But you, you always thought you were better than that didn’t you? Even in the throes of your deluded misery, you clung like a wretched limpet to that thought. It’s why you hate me so much. It’s why you hate yourself so much. And it’s why we took her wings from her.”
Something shattered, and Scootaloo flopped to the ground like a broken doll, head lolling into the mess that had been one of her wings.
“It’s too late for us, you know. There’s a reason it’s called damnation.”
Golden Coins loomed forward, growing ever larger. I cringed, trying desperately but unsuccessfully to look away from the sight before me. No. No. Nonononononononono!
“I would never do that! No! Never!”
He gave me an empty smile.
“But you already have.”
I was in a dark room. It had taken me ages to get here without alerting anyone, but it had all been worth it. I stood unopposed in front of my prey, who was now trembling in the corner.
“It’s for the greater good,” I told the orange pegasus. I grabbed her, and in two quick, efficient movements sliced off both of her wings. “Let this be the first step in your redemption.”
I could hear the growing laughter, my own mingled with that of Golden Coins. I swung my arm, trying to stop it, trying to make it go away. It made contact with, something. In that instant I fell back into my body and with a gasp I opened my eyes to see Dash sprawled on my living room floor.
I scrambled off the couch to her side, “Are you hurt? Oh, Dash I’m so sorry.” I reached out to hold her, to comfort her, but she moved away, cringing. A moment of blind terror had made me hurt my angel and it broke my heart. She finally looked up, the expression of fear on her face tore my soul. Tears started dripping down my cheeks, “Dash I-”
Her expression changed to one of compassion and a small smile, as she understood what had just happened had been an accident. “It’s okay, you big goof. Anyway, you hit like a filly.”
I did a little coughing laugh and took her in my arms, “Dash I’m so sorry. I’m a monster. I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. It was a nightmare, a horrible, horrible nightmare. I know it’s no excuse. Please forgive me, I’m begging you.”
She held me and softly, slowly cooed, “It’s okay. It’s okay. It was just a dream. It’s gone now. You didn’t hurt me. I’m a lot tougher than that.” She held me tight for a few minutes, “Do you want to talk about it?”
I sniffed, “Coins. I was him and he was me,” I hesitated, reeling from the horrifying imagery still fresh in my mind, “we did terrible things, even by human standards, and he was laughing, and I couldn’t stop us.” I continued after a moment to regain myself, “I hurt Scoots, there was so much blood on my hands. So much blood... But the worst part was that I couldn’t save any of them.”
“What do you mean, 'any of them’?”
I hesitated again, took a deep breath, and answered, “Coins, Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and,” I shut my eyes and stifled a sob then whispered, “oh dear Luna, Scootaloo.”
I felt Dash’s hoof on my chin, lifting my face back up. I opened my eyes only to gaze into the visage of the person I’ve fallen in love with. My voice was full of shame, “I’m sorry I’m weak, that you have to deal with this. It’s not right. I, I should be stronger.”
Dash pushed me away slightly and looked at me for a long time, her expression unreadable. “You’re a strong person, when it counts. You really believe in that redemption stuff, don’t you.”
I didn’t reply right away, but when I did it was with certainty, “As much as I believe in you.” We sat there, looking at each other for the longest time. “Thank you Dash.” I caressed her cheek and she kissed my palm. “For not hating me. For being my redemption.” I noticed the aroma of coffee.
She flashed her confident smirk that made my heart skip a beat, “Hey, I’m your trophy marefriend and don’t you forget it.” We both laughed at our private joke. “Now, lets try this again, without you clobbering me.” She gave me a long, slow kiss. “Good morning Alex. I’m not much of a cook, but I made coffee and oatcakes.” I was surprised at her timid tone, not at all the brave and brash Rainbow Dash I knew.
“Thank you, it smells wonderful. Made by the hands, sorry, hooves of an angel. My angel.” I held her in my arms for a moment, happy she was here. “Heh, before I do anything else, I need to take care of something.” I quickly went to the washroom, splashed some cold water on my face, swallowed some powdered willow bark with water, and gave my teeth a quick brush.
I looked at the tired old man staring back at me in the mirror. I pointed at myself, 'You're lucky. After all these lonely years you finally meet a woman as strong as Ann in many ways, but so different and one of a kind.' I sighed, 'Best put on my best face for my angel.'
When I returned, I saw her pouring two mugs of coffee. “Dash, what did I ever do to deserve you?” I happily took a sip and abruptly stopped. The coffee was... bad. Oh sweet Luna it was bad. I panicked, but had enough presence of mind to hide it, ‘I can’t say I like it, she’ll see right through me.’ I smiled, “Have I told you I love you yet?”
She smiled, “Not yet,” then added with a sensual expression, “But you sure showed me last night.”
I fought with every ounce of strength to not spit the next sip of coffee out in shock. Too late. I did manage to spit most of it back into the cup. “I-I’m sorry?”
Dash grinned, “You’re so cute when you think you’ve been bad.” She took a sip of her coffee, “Mmmm, best brew yet. No, last night you carried me upstairs and I was, you know, thinking you were finally taking me up on my offer,” she rolled her eyes, “and then you tucked me in your bed, gave me a kiss, and went back down stairs. Well, you fell once on the way down.” She looked into her cup, her expression bittersweet “That was the kindest thing anyone has done to me in a long time.”
“What can I say, I want you to know I’m not in it for a roll in the hay.”
The confident smirk that gave me such joy came back, “But you will roll in the hay, right? You don’t have a problem with rolling or hay?”
“Absolutely. Rolling and hay are both part of a balanced love life.” I started taking one of the small cakes.
“Not those, I had this pile just for you and your human gut.”
“Thank you, Dash.” I patted my tummy, “He appreciates your thoughtfulness.” The oatcakes were a little burned on the outside, and a little undercooked on the inside.
Dash eagerly started digging into hers but paused, “Do you like them? My mom made them like this all the time, they’re my favourite.”
I am ashamed to say I took a very tentative first bite, but I was pleased to see she didn’t notice, then I started chewing thoughtfully. They weren’t that bad. “They’re different from what I’ve had in the past, but they’re quite good.”
Dash seemed to have accepted what I said. She seemed relieved and most importantly, she seemed happy. I was determined to not talk about the dream and did what I always do, I changed the subject.
“So, I’m planning a trip to Canterlot. Rarity got me a meeting with Perfect Home, I guess he’s a hotshot architect that she met at some society thing. Anyway, turns out he has connections with Filthy Rich so that plus a nod from Rarity was enough to get a meeting. It basically gives me the chance to impress him enough to maybe get him to design the new theatre. Rarity said it would be a huge mark of prestige. So, I’ll have to class myself up and hope I can impress this person.”
She flashed the overconfident smirk I had grown to love, “I don’t doubt you can do it. I mean, you know how hard I am to impress, and you’re almost there. You’ll knock him off his hooves.”
“I’m also going there to hire Trixie. Because, one hottie is just not enough,” I smiled innocently.
Dash raised one perfect eyebrow. “You know I don’t believe you.”
“That I’ll hire Trixie or that one hottie is not enough?”
She looked at me with a barely suppressed grin, “That you’ll hire Trixie.”
We both looked at each other for a moment, suppressing grins and laughter, until we both finally broke down. “You, my dear, are all the mare I can handle.”
“Good, because I’m the jealous type,” she smirked and threw a little piece of oatcake at me. I caught it with a smile. “Nice catch.”
I glanced above Dash to look at the clock and groaned. Two hours until Applejack is supposed to come.
Dash followed my gaze and looked at the wall clock behind her. “Oh right, AJ.”
“Yes, Applejack. I’m not sure what to say to her, really. I mean, other than the obvious. I’m just afraid we will lose her as a friend.”
She looked at me, “I know what you mean.” Dash has a sad expression and propped her head on the table with her hoof. “She’s my best friend Alex. What, what can I say to her. I mean on one hoof, I’m angry. She was hitting on my stallion. Trying to steal you.” Her expression grew loving, “On the other, any stallion who could grab me the way you do, well, I can’t blame her.” She threw her head back in frustration, “Ugh. I’m just no good at this mushy stuff.”
“Dash, what’s the expression? ‘Blinders off, everypony.’ That’s the one that means we all say what we need to say and show everyone what’s on our minds, right?. No hiding anything from anyone.’
“I’m impressed, your fat head can get pony ideas in there.”
I stood and replied with a forced jauntiness in my voice, “Well, with you around to pound them into me, I'm starting to learn. Tell you what, you have been so kind to me this morning...” I had almost managed to forget, but the imagery came rushing back to me. I suddenly lost my composed face for a moment, exposing the real terror I was hiding, our eyes locked, and I just turned. I fought hard to compose myself again.
When I finally won that battle, I whispered, “Sorry.” I scowled at my renewed weakness. “I thought I was in control, I thought I was stronger.” When I turned back to Dash, her expression of pain, sadness, and compassion made my knees buckle. Even though I knew, intellectually, there was no reason, I felt shame for showing weakness in front of the woman I love. I dropped into my chair, leaning forward, unable to speak. I couldn't even mumble an apology.
I stared blankly at my plate. 'Now Dash has seen me at my worst, physically and emotionally. I can't see her wanting this train wreck. And so soon, too. Well done Alex, well done.'
I was so wrapped up in myself I didn't notice her sidling up beside me. When she put her warm cheek on my own, I took a sharp breath in surprise. She put her hoof on my back and slowly rubbed it. This was the first time she had touched my back, even through a suit coat. These simple, loving actions were very comforting to me, and I was thankful.
After a few moments, I turned my head and I was immediately drawn to her eyes. Her perfect eyes, wonderful in all their intricate detail and delicate beauty. I remembered why she made my heart skip. Without tearing my eyes away, “You remember Dash, when I was in the hospital and how I said I was always looking for a fair trade?” She gave a little nod. “That thought hasn't crossed my mind in the time we've been together. When I told you were my redemption, I wasn't kidding. Before, I was willing to die for others. Now, I'm willing to live for you. I want to give others the gift of redemption you’ve given me.” I caressed her cheek, “You're a strong mare and you deserve a strong man. I was, afraid you would be ashamed of me, of being disappointed, now that you’ve seen me so weak.”
I tried looking down but she held my gaze with a loving expression of incredible fierceness, “Alex, when it comes to others, you're as brave and strong as anypony I know. Braver than me, sometimes. But you're such a whiny little foal when it's about you. You're very special to me, and it hurts when you're so down on yourself. I don't know what to say to you that will make you see that. And, yeah, that nightmare was really scary, and I know what kind of things you've seen, so it must have been really bad to affect you like that, but it was just a nightmare. You're not Celestia or Luna, you have to be afraid of something. I just,” she swallowed, “just don't be afraid of losing me.”
I smiled, finally having that lesson driven home, and I slowly brushed my fingers along her cheek, “Not anymore, my sky blue angel.”
Big thanks to earthrise.ponies for the nightmare scene. His nightmare is now our nightmare.
With my confidence shaky but improving, we finished breakfast and I started cleaning up. With a quick kiss and hug, Dash turned to leave for her daily exercise routine. “I’ll be back in an hour, you big baby, eleven thirty at the latest.”
It always get a thrill watching her take off, so I followed her out to watch her leave. When I reached the door I leaned against the frame. She was in that crouched position she takes before a powerful takeoff but when she saw me she straightened herself and hovered toward me with a sultry smile. Without saying a word she embraced me again, more passionately this time. I held her in my arms, her wings wrapped around me. I couldn’t help but notice she still had the scent of lilacs from the party last night. I took a deep sniff and smiled. Her natural scent and the perfume mingled perfectly. “You still smell great.”
I could hear the smile in Dash’s voice and a bit of a giggle, “Enjoy it now, you won’t want to do that when I’m done my workout.” I held her with my left arm holding her up, the other around her shoulders. I didn’t know how long we stayed like that, but I didn’t want to let her go. She finally spoke, her voice almost purring, “Alex?”
“Yes, Dash?”
“As much as I hate to say this, you need to let me go so I can get working out. You may think I’m a hottie, but that won’t get me into the Wonderbolts.”
“I’m afraid I must agree. One last kiss?”
She kissed me again, as passionately as she ever had before. After a much too short a time, “There. That’ll have to hold you until I get back. Now, move your arm from around my shoulders.” I did as instructed and she launched herself from my arms. The burst of wind almost knocked me down and I could only look up in wonder and admiration as she joyfully spiralled into the sky.
“There, all done.” I mumbled to myself. With the house all clean, I made my way back to the living room to sit. As I was turning the corner, I heard a small popping sound. I turned back and saw a scroll with a black and dark blue seal. ‘I wonder what Princess Luna wants?’ I picked up the scroll, snapped the seal, and started reading.
My Faithful Paladin Alex Roberts,
I Am Disappointed At Your Recent Actions In Regards To Golden Coins. While He Is Flawed We Both Know There Is A Spark Within Him That Can Be Fanned Into The Flame Of Redemption. We Also Know That Your Approach Was Equally Flawed. In The Future, You Will Refrain From Physically Threatening Ponies.
With This In Mind, I Want You To Meditate Upon The Dream I Sent You and Coins. It Is A Glimpse Into A Possible Future, One That Must Be Avoided. I Hope This Will Help You Understand The Dire Need Golden Coins Has For Redemption.
While You Are The First Of My Paladins Of Redemption You Must Still Learn Humility. In the Interest Of Learning This I Would Ask You To Apologize To Golden Coins, As He Will Apologize To Mrs Derpy Hooves. I Have Sent Him A Letter Of Guidance As I Have Sent One To You.
I Give You This Guidance In Love,
Princess Luna
P.S. In The Future, Please Monitor Your Alcohol Consumption As It Seems To Make You Act Foolishly.
'I'm a disappointment.' That was my only thought. I had disappointed a goddess with my stupidity and now had to prostrate myself before that caricature of a pony, Coins. ‘Fair enough, I suppose. I do owe her for her guidance, and she did appoint me a Paladin, so I may as well live up to it. Anyway, I think Coins is hurting as much as me after that dream. I mean, if big bad Alex can get cut that deep, I can only imagine what it would do to a pony. Even a bastard like Coins.’
I sat a while, just waiting for Dash to come back. I was thinking about what I would be saying to Coins. ‘You’d think I was worrying about the girls, but I’m not. Elusive told me mares work this kind of thing out and heaven knows I’m no expert on this kind of thing.’
“Equestria to Alex. Didn’t you hear what I said?”
“What? Sorry Dash, just thinking.”
“I said ‘Would you like to take a shower with me?’ but that’s off the table. You only get the hottest Rainbow if you’re paying attention.”
I was so distracted, my response was, “Oh, well, if that’s the way you feel. it’s okay by me.” I was brought back to reality by a tap to the back of the head. That snapped me out of my funk and made me realize what had been said. “Dash, I’m so sorry. I just got his letter from Princess Luna that’s messing with my head.” I handed her the scroll.
Dash read the scroll and let out a low slow whistle, “So, what exactly did you do when you weren’t under supervision?”
“In a nutshell? Put on my ninja costume, broke into Golden Coins’ house and held a garrott to his neck. I then, in a very drunken act of stupidity, threatened him much bodily harm for almost ruining Derpy and Caramel’s wedding. You know, the usual.”
Dash hugged me from behind, and kissed me on the cheek. “You, Mr Roberts, require constant supervision and no alcohol. What possessed you do do something that stupid?”
I smiled, “Lack of supervision and too much alcohol. You know the worst part? If I had had just a couple more virgin Humans, I would have been too drunk to pull it off.”
“I would say that was totally awesome, if it wasn’t so bucking stupid.” She pulled away and I could hear a sniff, “Wow, ok, I need a shower. Do you mind if I use yours?”
“You go right ahead, angel.” I smiled, wishing I had paid attention.
“I guess it will be a lonely shower, all by myself.” Dash tsked and sighed, “You missed your chance for today.” There was a heart beat and she started giggling. I turned my head in time to receive a kiss and watched her go off to the bathroom.
When she came out, it was quarter to noon. I figure it must take longer to dry off with her coat, mane and tail. I felt bad not offering to help her dry off. Maybe next time. I was still on the couch, waiting for events to transpire. She climbed on the couch beside me, stretching her toned body and resting her head on my lap. I absentmindedly scratched behind her ears and was rewarded with a happy sigh. “Dash, I hope you know how happy you make me.”
Art by Dan Houser (dan.r.houser@gmail.com for commissions)
I paused, carefully thinking about my next words, “In fact, I've been thinking and even if I had a chance to go back to where I come from, I don’t think think I would take it. I would miss you too much. I don't think I could ever bring myself to ask Twilight if she could do it, even hypothetically.”
She turned an look me in the eye, “Really? You would give all that up for me?”
“In a heartbeat. I’m not saying I don’t miss them, but, it’s been so long, they’ve become an abstraction to me. Even with the occasional communications, they’ve become unreal to me, just moving pictures. But you, my beautiful angel, are far more real to me. I hope you don’t think any less of me for abandoning them.”
“Alex, you idiot, you hardly abandoned them. You waited sixty years, a lifetime by any count. You deserve a family. And, I’m happy you want me to be part of that.”
“You bet I do. I mean, who else will keep me in line?" I happily stroked her mane
We spent the last half hour or so simply enjoying the warmth of the other, not saying much, if anything. I would occasionally run my fingers through her soft multi-coloured mane or a fingertip along the edge of her ear, making her giggle and her ear twitch. She would run her hoof along my leg, causing it to twitch, making her giggle even more.
Finally, the event I was dreading, what broke this moment of warmth and comfort, distant voices I recognized as Applejack and Big Mac. They were arguing outside and they were both speaking in stage whispers.
Big Mac's smooth baritone was the first I understood properly, "Now I told you to get in there. Alex is trying to help you and Miss Rainbow Dash patch things up."
"Listen here Big Macintosh, you know full well why I tried to get Alex's attention. Dash will just chew him up and spit him out before the end of the season. Alex is too sensitive to be jerked around by that, that jerk."
"Applejack, just, just go. As your big brother, I'm ordering you."
"You can't order me, you may be older but I'm the head of the household."
"Maybe so, but I am your older brother, and don't you forget it." He punctuated his point with a loud snort.
"Anyway, I don't know why you're so keen on them two getting together. Didn't you have a crush on RD? Didn't he steal your mare? I mean, if Alex is with me, you can sweep in and romancify her."
There was a noticeable pause before he answered, "A month ago I might have taken you up on that and maybe let you give him a try. But now? Alex is a decent person and now that I know him a little I could never do that to him. Do you know he tried to set me up with Miss Rainbow Dash?" there was a pause, "That's right, you didn’t know that, did you? I knows he's not some colt looking for a quick rut. Who knows, if the situation ever changes, I wouldn't be opposed to it. But right now, that's not going to happen, and likely never will. You need to get in there and settle things."
I hear Applejack give a little grunt and stumble. “Alright, alright, no need to push me.”
There was a knock on the door and Dash sat straight up. She looked at the door worriedly, then back at me, "I guess it's time to go."
"Best to do it like a band-aid, rip it off fast." Dash looked at me with pinprick pupils. "Er, sorry, I guess the would be bad for you. Lets do this and get it over with. I'll be the one in the middle." I smiled and gave her a little peck on the nose, "Trust me Dash, I'll fix this." I added to myself, 'I hope I can, anyway.'
"No, Alex. I want to talk to AJ alone. Mare to mare. And I don't want you listening in, even though I know you can. It's something we have to do. Please, do it for me."
"For you, anything. I'll grab some drinks and go chat with Big Mac. Do you want me to make some tea before I go?"
She laughed, "You'll make a great little homemaker. I think we'll be good. If we want anything, we'll raid your fridge."
"That's why it's there."
I reluctantly got up, grabbed a couple of cold bottled drinks and stepped out the back door. "Thanks for coming Applejack. Dash is inside, help yourself to a drink in the fridge. I've been kicked out so I thought me and Mr Macintosh could have a talk. Hope you like this stuff, Mac." Applejack gave me a small apologetic smile and went inside.
Mac gave me that almost smile, "That's just fine. Best let the mares come to some agreement, no need to get involved."
I motioned to the shady spot under the tree where the heavy bag was. I tried, hard, to not listen in. I pulled the top off one of the bottles and passed it to Mac. I opened the other one and sat down. "Eeyup."
Mac answered with his usual verbose commentary, "Eeyup."
After a while, to drown out the conversation Applejack and Dash were having, I started talking, "I tell you Mac, it wasn't this complicated where I come from. Just as many he's as she's. What's the ratio here, three to one, four to one?"
"Four to one in Ponyville." Mac finished off the drink and placed the bottle on the ground.
"Yikes."
“Alex, in my experience, mares usually work this stuff out before hand or just wait for the stallion to choose. This here situation just got more complicated because the mares involved are stubborn.”
I chuckled, “Really? Rainbow Dash and Applejack stubborn? Inconceivable.”
Mac looked a little confused, “Alex, I don’t think that word means what you think it means.”
I snorted, “Sorry Mac, it was just a joke.”
Before Mac could answer, Dash called from the back door, her voice and expression neutral, "Alex, could you come in here please."
Applejack was seated at the far end of the kitchen table, her hat in front of her. She had a look on her face that said embarrassment. Dash motioned me to sit on the stool between them as she sat opposite Applejack.
Dash started speaking, “Alex, me and Applejack have things worked out, but I wanted to ask a question and I wanted you to hear the answer. Like you said, blinders off.”
"AJ," Dash looked at her long time friend with a little sadness, "why did you do it? Why did you, and I never thought I would say this, why did you try to steal my stallion? I mean, you're so pretty Big Mac has a hard time keeping them away from you."
Applejack sighed, a faraway expression on her face, "RD, it's like this. Yes, I suppose I'm pretty, but that's part of the problem. The stallions who try to court me are fine looking, but not much else. Alex liked me," she paused with a bittersweet smile, "loved me for me, not because I'm pretty. Heck, he couldn't tell if, if Twilight or Fluttershy was the prettier mare." Applejack looked at me pleadingly, as if to ask me to confirm this.
I smiled a little, "I'm not proud to say so, but it's true. Physically, ponies all look alike to me. I mean, if I had a black and white image of just your face, it would be hard for me to tell you apart. I rely on your colours, your body shape and language, and your cutie mark to recognize you. Like I said once before, colour coded for my convenience. But, that also means I can focus on the important part of a pony, their heart. At the end of the day, that's what matters."
I turned to Applejack and took her hoof in my hand. I saw the controlled scowl Dash was flashing me, but I ignored it for the moment, "Applejack, you are the sister I've never had and I love you with all my heart. It's the same kind of love I feel for my daughter; absolute, heart bursting, and platonic. That will never change, never. You could break my bones and it would not change that. Oh, I would be annoyed, but I will never stop loving you."
Dash was visibly upset, but I continued. "I am so sorry that I will never be the person you can love in that way. But, there are two very simple reasons, the one you know, that you're too much like Ann, and this one," I turned to face a scowling Dash, "my heart belongs to a mare that makes me smile when she kisses the sky," her expression became neutral, "that makes my heart skip a beat when she speaks," her expression grew to a small smile, "that makes me dream of a future with her," her smile grew as her eyes became moist.
I turned back to Applejack and was greeted by a bittersweet smile and wet cheeks. She slowly pulled her hoof out of my hand and placed it on my cheek. "I, I think I really understand now, sugar cube." She put her hoof down and turned to Dash, "I'm so sorry RD, I wronged you and you're my best friend. If I had only been honest with myself, and I mean really honest with myself, this never would have happened. I guess I was wanting that kind of friendship so badly, I ignored what I knew." She sniffed loudly, "I'm so lucky to have a friend like you," she turned back to me, "and a brother like you."
After a tender moment between us all, "Okay, so I think you girls should go off and spend the rest of the day together. Patch things up, have fun, be friends. Maybe prank somebody.” They both hugged me and turned to leave, “Dash,” I give her a quick peck on the forehead, “ Can I have a word in private with Applejack? Family business.”
Dash looked a little unsure, but finally nodded and went outside to wait. “Applejack, I just want to give you a single piece of advice that I know has helped me in the past. Instead of waiting for your prince charming, maybe you should go out there and find him.”
Applejack seemed to be taken aback by my advice, “I, I never thought of that, really. Around here, stallions take their pick of mares, seeing as there are so many. I’m not sure it’s proper. But, I know you wouldn’t steer me wrong, at least not on purpose.”
I give her a smirk, “Just telling what worked for me once, long ago. Anyway, according to everyone else, you can have your pick of the litter. You just need to find the one. Heck, you might find that tailor, Elusive, to be right up your alley.”
She gave me a questioning look, “Are you trying to set me up with your pal? Because, if you are, he must be a fine stallion to be your friend.”
“Not set you up as such, just letting you know about an option you may not see otherwise. Oh, and if he talks really campy when you meet him, just say you’re friends with me and I told you his secret. He’ll talk normally after that.”
“But, what if he doesn’t like me, you know, the real me?”
“Then you get back on the horse and... wait for me to find a better human saying. It means, if Elusive Isn't the one, keep looking. I know there’s a stallion out there who is decent and hard working and will care for you. The real you. And if he doesn’t, he’ll have two older brothers to look out for.” I got up, lazily stretched, and gave her a big smile, “You’re a good person Applejack, don’t you ever forget that.”
I jerked my thumb toward the door, “Now scram and go spend time with your friend.”
I smiled and watched Dash and Applejack walking into Ponyville, laughing and bumping into each other in friendly one upmanship. Mac was still waiting by the tree, a smile actually noticeable.
“Damn good to see them friends again, Mac. I don’t know what I would have done if they hadn't made up.”
The wheat stock in his mouth moved from side to side, “Eeyup. Best thing for ‘em.” Mac paused for a moment, watching them go, “After all this ruckus, just make sure to treat Miss Rainbow Dash right.”
“You know it, Mac. You know it.” I stood watching them for a few more minutes, admiring Dash then sighed, “Well, I have some very unpleasant business to attend to, sir.” I slapped him on the shoulder, “Wish me luck.”
I was rewarded with an angry Mac, “What in tarnation did you hit me for?”
“Oops. Heh, sorry. It’s a human thing. A slap to the back of the shoulder is a sign of camaraderie. I keep forgetting ponies don’t go for violence as easily as humans do. I didn’t even think how that would be interpreted.”
Mac gave me sideways glare, then his expression softened into a genuine smile, “Here’s how a pony does it.” He then shoulder checked me hard enough to knock me to the ground.
I laughed, both in relief that Mac was not offended and for the silliness of his response. “Mac, does this mean you like me.”
His smile extended to an actual grin, “Nope, but I guess it means I can tolerate ya.”
I snorted, “I’ll take that. I’m headed to town, want to come with me?”
“Nope, too much work on the farm, but I’ll walk with you as far as the gate.”
“Sounds good.” We walked in silence, Mac going a little slower to accommodate me. After a few minutes, “Ya know Mac, I’ve said it before, but this world,” I pursed my lips, shook my head, and looked at the perfect sky, “you have no idea how lucky you are. The people here are so, so good and forgiving. Heh, I really realize now how much, how badly, I over reacted to Coins by your standards. The more I think about it the more I realize it’s something to be ashamed of.”
The wheat stock went from left to right, “So, what did you do that was so bad?”
I couldn’t make myself look at Mac, i just found a very fascinating spot on the ground, “I broke into his house, slapped a garrote around his neck and threatened him for messing up the reception with that thrice damned gift.”
He snorted, “I would agree that’s a mite harsh, considering you managed to fix it before any harm was done.” Mac was silent for a few moments, “Is what you done normal for humans?”
I didn’t answer right away, then chuckled, “No. I guess that wouldn’t be normal where I lived. I just, just, I just saw that ugly thing in this wondrous place and got so angry. Righteous indignation, Mac. The blood in my veins was filled with it. As far as I was concerned, I was on a holy mission. I was stopping evil. Being a little drunk didn’t help, but that’s no excuse. And, damn it, what if I had been wrong?” I enjoyed the beauty of the countryside, and the beautiful rows of apple trees. “Well Mac, thanks for listening to me ramble. I guess I’m off to make things right.”
“Don’t worry none, you’ll be just fine. And if’n it means something, I think you did the right thing. Well, maybe not in fact, but in principle anyway.”
“Thanks Mac, that means a lot. You have a good day, okay?”
As I walk into town, I hum ‘This Is The Life’ by Weird Al to distract myself. I smile despite the feeling of a knife being twisted in my gut with each step closer to the humiliation I was about to experience. ‘I deserve this. I know it’s just. I’m the one who went too far, not him.’
Despite my inner turmoil, I was smiling when I reached the town. There were not that many ponies about, so I could easily hear the little maelstrom of youthful exuberance coming my way. I turned in time to see Scootaloo on her scooter pulling Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle at breakneck speeds in their little wagon.
Seeing Scootaloo brought the bone chilling details of the dream to the forefront on my mind. For a split second I screamed in my mind at the imagery. Then, when I realized Scootaloo was whole and unharmed, full of life and joy, I almost cried. I couldn’t explain it, but it was as if I had just laid eyes on Lily. My heart burst with relief and joy at seeing that little pegasus filly. After a full second with who knows what expression on my face, “Hi girls, up to no good?” I smiled broadly at them. Seeing them made me so happy and relieved.
They screeched to a halt and with toothy smiles said, “Yes, Alex,” all except for Apple Bloom, she just looked at me with all the hostility a little filly could muster. ‘Uh oh.’
With concern in my voice, “What’s wrong Apple Bloom?”
She jumped out of the little wagon, ran up to me, and bucked me, hard, knocking me to the ground. “That’s for making my sister cry, ya big meanie.”
The other two looked at me and Apple Bloom in shock. Scootaloo was the first to come to my defense, “Why did you do such a mean thing, Apple Bloom? Alex would never do something like that, he’s real nice! Rainbow Dash is always saying nice things about him when she gives me her special lessons.”
“An Rarity still calls him a gallant knight, whatever that is. She gets all googly eyed when she does, so I know it’s a good thing.”
Despite the pain in my leg, I pulled myself to a kneeling position with a grunt. “It’s okay Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo. She has, or had, a good reason to be mad at me, but it’s kind of private. Could you girls go ahead to Sugar Cube Corners and tell Pinkie Pie or Mrs Cake I’ll be along to in a few minutes? Order up whatever you want, it’s on me. I want to talk with Apple Bloom.” Sweetie Belle looked skeptical, and Scootaloo seemed really upset, but they did what I asked. I sat on the curb and rubbed my leg.
Once they were out of earshot, “Apple Bloom, I’m sorry I made your sister upset. We had a,” I groped around for the right word, “miscommunication. Do you know what that word means?” she nodded, “Of course you do, you’re a smart filly. Well, your sister thought she was in love with me and I was in love with her, in a marefriend and coltfriend kind of way.”
“You mean like a special somepony?”
“Yes, exactly. The problem is, I don’t like her in as a special somepony. I liked her more like a sister.” I smiled and shrugged, “My heart was somewhere else. It was with Miss Rainbow Dash.”
“So you lead my sister on and stole my brother’s mare?” I could see she was even more upset.
“No no no.” I had never realized how perceptive she was. “It was more like Applejack thought she liked me like a special somepony, but she was just a little confused. You see, I can’t tell pretty pony from an average pony.” Apple Bloom looked at me incredulously, “I really can’t. I’ve been told Applejack is really, really pretty, and Applejack was so happy that someone liked her for her, not because she’s pretty, she got a little confused. But, we have that all worked out now. Now, I want you to know, that I care for your sister very much as a friend, even as a sister, but not in that special way. And I would like to think of you as my little sister too, if you’ll let me.”
Apple Bloom looked at me, unsure. “I suppose that’s alright.” Her eyes narrowed, “But what about Big Macintosh?”
“Well, Mac had a chance to ask Miss Rainbow Dash out, but it never worked out. In fact, I even tried to set them up once. Mac told me he was alright with me and Miss Rainbow Dash. Anyway, do you honestly think Rainbow Dash would let herself be traded around like a ball?” Apple Bloom smirked and shook her head. “So, Miss Rainbow Dash and I like each other very much, and Mac and Applejack are happy for us. We like them very much too, as friends.” I sighed, “Grown up relationships get crazy sometimes.” I patted her on the head, “You know what, nobody needs to know what happened here. I don’t want you getting in trouble for protecting your family.”
Apple Bloom looked gratefully at me, “I appreciate that. Applejack’s always telling me I jump to conclusions.” While I limped, she skipped to Sugar Cube Corners, our little disagreement resolved.
Apple Bloom burst in, “Everything’s alright! Alex is my new big brother.” This drew confused looks the girls and other patrons.
I chuckled and limped to the counter to a confused Mrs Cake. Before I could say anything, Pinkie Pie said, “I’ll handle this, why don’t you take a break.” She turned her uniquely intense joyful smile on me and in a stage whisper said, “She’ll make a super-duper-daughter you know. I think you’ll be an okay dad, too.” The confusion must have been clear, “Scootaloo, you silly willy. Oh, and you owe ten bits.” Still a little confused, I paid her the bits. “And here’s your coffee.” I thanked Pinkie for the coffee and thought, ‘Being a dad again after so long, it would be nice.’
I watched them from the counter, a small smile plastered on my face. The girls were whispering hurriedly between themselves and I could catch Apple Bloom explaining what had happened. I saw the sad little expression on Scootaloo’s face, and it bit into my heart.
I joined them at the table and sat beside Scootaloo, much to her excitement. “So Miss Scootaloo, what cutie mark crusade are the Crusaders crusading for today?”
“We’re trying our zip lining cutie marks again, this time with extra pulleys. I hope we don’t get as covered in sap and pine needles as we did last time.”
Apple Bloom answered in the annoyed tone of a child who has already been caught in the past, “Ya, Applejack was sure sore at me the last time. Ah forgot to scrub my back side enough and my sheets were covered in them. Applejack made me do extra chores for that.”
“I know what you mean,” Sweetie Belle added, “Rarity almost fainted when she saw my mane. She really didn’t like it.”
“Well, you ladies don’t worry about me telling on you. I think what you’re doing is really cool. Oh, Scootaloo, before I forget, when is the next training session with Dash?”
She answered gleefully, “Today at seven, right after supper.”
“Why don’t you come around at five or so, you can have supper with me and Dash. That is if you want.”
“Oh, thank you! That would be super cool!”
“Awesome, but don't forget to tell Miss Sweetheart. Now, I have some boring grown up stuff to deal with. You ladies have fun today, and I’ll see you tonight Scootaloo.” I patted her on the head and headed out, but not before waving bye to Pinkie and keeping a smile on my face I didn’t feel.
As I made my way toward the Golden Coins mansion, I knew I had to stop my cowardly procrastination. I resolved to deflect any such distractions. After all, I was on a mission imparted to me by a goddess. ‘Alex, you wronged him and this is part of your redemption, and if I’m lucky, the beginning of his.’
As I approached the mansion, I noticed a thin plume of smoke rising from the back yard. I had to admit it was a nice building, painted a bright white with golden columns and trim shouldering the main double door. ‘If I didn’t know better, I would say that’s real gold leaf.’ Despite myself, I was impressed.
I stood at the door, raised my fist, and hesitated. For the longest moment I just couldn’t make myself knock. The thought of crawling to Coins to apologize was simply repugnant. The door was suddenly opened by an earth pony I recognized. She apparently recognized me and sneered, “Your kind is not welcomed here. Get off Mr Golden Coins property before I have the Royal Guard called in.” I was taken aback by her very obvious disgust with me.
That smooth, grating voice called from inside, “Miss Butterscotch, it’s alright. He has been invited by Princess Luna herself and we have been commanded to speak to each other. Please, Mr. Roberts, come in.” I was surprised he didn’t use my full name like every other pony and it must have shown. He gave me that superior smile, a smirk really, “Surprised I know your proper mode of address? My investigators were very thorough.”
On the way, just outside the office, I saw he had large, exquisitely crafted paintings of Celestia and Luna. He paused and gave each painting a reverent little bow and the blessing under his breath, “Blessed is Celestia. Blessed is Luna. Blessed is thy kingdom in Canterlot”. When I just looked on in mute curiosity, he gave me an unpleasant look.
He lead me in and I saw the expensive rug was gone. He must have noticed I was looking. “Yes, the cleaning crew were very effective, but unable to save the rug. I refused to have it sullied by magic. Much better to simply burn it.”
He sat on a cushion behind his desk, made a show of getting comfortable, then simply sat there and smiled at me. He finally broke the silence in tone that was much too pleasant, “I believe you have something to say to me.”
There was no delaying or avoiding this. “Mr Golden Coins, it would seem I owe you an apology. Breaking into your home and threatening you with violence was wrong.”
He waved his hoof expansively, “There, was that so bad?”
“No, I guess not. I do feel bad for doing you wrong, I really do. Do you receive the nightmare from Luna la-”
He interrupted me with an angry snarl, “You will refer to Her as Princess Luna. If I am not good enough to refer to her in such a flippant manner, you most certainly are not.”
I was surprised at the vehemence of his attack, ”Oh course, I forgot myself. I feel close to Her, so I forget sometimes. As I was asking, I assume you received Her dream?” He didn’t answer, but just glared at me. “Tell you what, I cut, you choose. Let me tell you my dream, then, if you want, you can tell me yours. That way, we can both learn. Does that sound fair?”
His expression was hard, “Go on then.”
I told him the dream to the best of my ability. His expression became more and more disturbed as I went on. By the end, his face was a mask of fear and regret. When I was done he lowered his head, looking at the large green desk blotter while he mumbled, “Blessed Luna, I thank you for the guidance you have given me in love.”
I knew this would hit him much harder than it did me, so I move toward him, to comfort him. ‘He’s an ass, but god damn it, nobody deserves that kind of pain. Not even him.’ As I reached him, concern and compassion my only expressions, he looked at me in fear, ‘No, not fear, terror.’ He moved away, stumbling over himself, falling and sprawling on the ground.
I backed away, “Sorry to frighten you. I just, I don’t know, I just want to help.”
“That Discord damned dream, it was the same, word for word.” He picked himself up, and I helped him. “I may not like pegasi and unicorns Mr Roberts, but I assure you I do not wish them any harm.”
“I understand.” He looked at me, not understanding. “I feel the same way about orcs. But, sometimes, hate can, if you’ll pardon the turn of phrase, dehumanize. And that can make you do terrible things. I know that far too well.” I couldn’t look at him for fear of breaking down.
We sat in silence for a time. I sat on the edge of his desk, both of us lost in thought. I don’t know what was going on in his mind, but I was thinking about Ann, Lily, Dan, Dash, and Scootaloo. My eyes were downcast, "You know Coins, I envy you."
His voice was incredulous, "You envy me? You have the ears of two blessed goddesses. Not one. Two. You have a powerful group of universally respected friends. You still have more wealth than most ponies could spend in a lifetime." His face was in mine and I could smell salt on his breath. His voice grew louder, "What possible thing could you envy me? My wealth? My power? What?"
I looked up, jealousy filling my heart, my eyes drilling into his soul, and bitterly spit out, "You can hug your daughter."
"S-Silver Spoon? That's all?"
I grew angry and stood, towering over him, "What do you mean, 'That's all'." I ground my palm into my forehead and continued quietly, "What else is there? I have not hugged my daughter in sixty years. Sixty years." I took a deep breath, "I would gladly give up everything to hug my Lily just once. You, you get to do it every day. Even if you were destitute tomorrow, Silver Spoon would know her dad loves her because he gives her a hug. You want wealth and power? They're all yours. Me, I'll take family." Long ago memories, half remembered and desperately clung on to, filled my mind. I even thought of Scootaloo. I sat heavily on the edge of the desk, desperately trying to compose myself. The last thing I wanted was to start bawling like a baby in front of Coins.d
We sat in silence, contemplating our respective fates. Suddenly, Golden Coins spoke, "You know, Alex, I think I'll give Silver Spoon a good long hug when she gets home from school." He gave a mirthless chuckle, "I don't know if we can ever be friends you and I, but, now, I'm not sure we can be enemies." I looked up and wiped my eyes to see Coins with his hoof extended. I slowly reached out and we shook, two men who had come to an understanding.
I left with a genuine smile, this time repeating the little prayers at the paintings of Celestia and Luna. ‘I think I may half believe it. Who knows, I may one day be as much a follower as Coins.’ Miss Butterscotch still scowled at me on the way out, but I didn’t mind.
There was an old weight on my heart, and I felt it lifting. ‘I think, for the first time in I don't know how long, I feel truly clean.’
‘I hate to say it, but Coins isn’t that bad, once you get past the,’ and I chuckled out loud at my own wit, ‘hate.’ I was now walking quickly, with a sense of purpose. ‘And once I talk to Twilight, we can plan next week's trip to Canterlot.’ I felt positively jovial. I did have a stray thought, that surprised me in its pessimism, ‘If I’m here for sixty years, I’ll likely outlive Dash.’ I grunted out loud. ‘I’ll start a fire under that bridge later.’
I arrived at the always impressive and slightly confusing Ponyville Library. I knocked and the door opened a moment later by Twilight herself, she spoke without looking up from her book.
“Thank you for coming to the Ponyville library, how can I, oh,” Twilight gave me a big toothy grin, “Hello Alex. How is my favourite human?”
“Fantastic! I was actually wondering if I could pencil you in for a trip for two, or three if Dash is coming, to Canterlot. I want to hire Trixie, and I kind of needed your help. I’ll pay for everything of course. And separate rooms for you and me or else Dash will kill me is slow and interesting ways.”
“That’s right, you and Rainbow Dash are special friends. I suppose congratulations are in order. I have to say you’re a step up from the usual SFs she's had in the past.” I was tempted to ask, but decided to keep my mouth shut. 'I know Dash has a more chequered romantic past than my own, but I don't care. I just hope I can make her happy.' Twilight closed the door and started leading me inside. “Alex, I owe you a big thank you for the use of the laptop. I did have one question though.”
“Sure thing Twilight. Anything at all.” I started looking around and noticed the windows on the ground floor were having their curtains drawn, the slight purple glow that was Twilight's signature was noticeable.
Her expression was serious and professional, “Could I have a small blood and tissue sample?”
I rolled my eyes, “Ugh, I hate needles,” I stuck my tongue out, then smiled, “but for you, sure.” I sighed and asked, “What do you need them for?”
Her demeanour became perky, “I need to compare them to the samples from six months ago, to see how your system is adapting to the Equestrian diet, among other things.”
I stared into space for a moment, shook my head, and just had to ask, “I don’t remember giving you any samples, where did you get them.”
Twilight smiled bashfully, “When you came in to the hospital after saving Tree Trimmer, you had some extra lying around, so I thought you wouldn’t mind if I took some. You’re not upset, are you?”
While I was put off by the violation, I figured there was a different standard for this kind of stuff here. “A little,” noticing her expression I quickly added, “but no harm done, I guess. So, what do you need?”
“Not much, just hair, blood, urine, stool, and skin scrapings from your foot.”
‘Twilight sure is thorough’, “So, when did you want it?”
From out of nowhere there was movement and a small cloud of medical devices including a syringe, a pair of scissors, a urine and stool collection kit, and what looked like a tiny grater and bowl floated near Twilight. “I can just get it right now, for science.”
Before I could protest, my clothes were teleported off my body. I gasp in surprise and instinctively covered my shame. In a single coordinated motion, the gleaming instruments swooped in. A small tuft of hair was unceremoniously snipped off the back of my head. The needle, designed for ponies, jabbed my arm and forcibly withdrew a few drops of precious bodily fluid. I was jerked by my ankle into the air, where the callous on my heal was sanded at a blinding speed and the cloud of skin dust was deftly caught by the bowl.
I had time to think, 'Oh hell, what is that stool and urine kit doing?', and then I just had time to yell out as I realized what was being done. There was a blinding flash and my clothes were back on, but backwards. A bandage popped into existence and slapped itself onto the small bleeding entry wound the needle had left. Finally, a lemon flavoured lollipop jammed itself into my mouth. This entire ordeal took about ten seconds. Part of me knew Dash would appreciate that.
I stood slack jawed for a moment, then simply said, “Ouch.” It took me a few moments to finally be able to speak, “Twilight, what the heck was that? You, you, you violated me. What's wrong with you?”
She looked at me, not understanding, “But, Alex. I was just trying to be efficient. I thought if I did it all at the same time it would be less of an inconvenience for you.”
Ignoring her, I grasped my arm, “Ouch. How big was the needle? Did you just hollow out a pencil? Bucking hay that hurts.”
“No, should I do that next time?”
I threw my hands up in defence, “No. No no no no no no no. Next time, assuming I have a brain aneurism and there is a next time, next time we use little thin needles and do things gently.”
Twilight looked hurt, her hoof tracing little circles on the floor, “I'm sorry Alex. I didn't realize you were so delicate.”
“Yes, well, I am. Look, I'm not mad, as such, I just felt,” I scratched around for the best turn of phrase, “I felt uncomfortable, especially for the urine and stool samples.”
Twilight was still examining the floor, “I'm really sorry about that.” She looked up, “I see I teleported your clothes on backwards. Here let me fix th-”
“No!” Then I caught myself, remembering who I was speaking to. “No. I'll just use your bathroom, not that I'll actually need to use that for a few days, and get changed.”
Once my clothes were in order and the shock of being violated by Twilights medical equipment wore off, I returned to the main room. Twilight had a look that said she felt horrible about what had happened. She was about to speak but I raised my hand and interrupted her, “I'm going to call this a cultural misunderstanding. Let us never speak of this again. All is good between us. Just, next time, please let me help.”
She hesitated for a moment, then smiled nervously. She finally, simply, said, “Thanks.”
“So, can I borrow you for a couple of days in Canterlot? I'll only actually need you for a few hours, but I would appreciate you there for moral support.”
“Absolutely. Anyway, I think I owe you one.” Twilight grinned, “I can introduce you to my brother Shining Armour and his wife Cadence. He’ll be happy to finally meet you.”
“Finally, meet me? Oh, that’s right. You must have told him about me?” I grinned, “Your strange friend from another world.”
Twilight’s eyes flicked away from mine for a moment before answering, her grin a little too wide, “Y-Yes. That’s exactly correct.” Her response seemed forced, but I figured she just felt bad about the whole incident that had just happened.
I spent most of the remainder of the afternoon making appointments for next week, nursing a stabbed arm, shopping for supper, and being slightly puzzled about Twilight.
I was sitting at the desk in the living room. It was originally in the bedroom, but I had moved it downstairs. I wanted to leave the bedroom, as one of my old human friends would put it, for sleeping and screwing. ‘Ye gods, will this paperwork never end?’
Lost in my work, I was shaken back to reality by a knock on the back door and an enthusiastic “Hey Alex! I’m here!”
I looked up from the paperwork with a smile and called out, “Come on in Scootaloo. I was just about to start cooking and I was hoping you could help.”
That little bundle of orange energy dropped her bag at the door and started washing her hooves, “So what are we going to cook? Oat burger and hay fries? Daisy veggie stirfry? Oh, how about that eggplant thing you made last time?”
“Nope, I was thinking ‘Pizza a la Roberto’. What do you think of that?”
“Awesome! So, lets get started.”
“Okay, I see you’ve already washed your han- hooves. Nice. So, We’re going to make two pizzas, a large one for you and Dash, and a little one for me.” Scootaloo looked at me questioningly, “I don’t want to behave like I ate baked bads, so I’ll be making my crust a little differently.”
She nodded sagely and clapped her hooves together, “So, where do we start?”
“Okie dokie. First we make the crust, then let it rise while we chop the toppings.” I quickly wash my hands, “Alright pumpkin, you ready to rock?”
Scootaloo looked at me with a little smirk, “Pumpkin?”
“Err, yes. Yes, you’re my pumpkin. It’s a term of endearment, like kiddo, or short stack. Why, what does it mean here?”
She looked up at me, a broad smile, “Same thing.”
“Cool.” I took a deep breath. “Okay, we have pizzas to make. One for you and Dash, one for me.”
“Can I make yours?”
“I would be the happiest human in Equestria if you did.” With the assistance of Scootaloo we made a batch of pizza dough, cut a portion off for myself and crumbled a hay puck into the rest. “There. Hay is good for you, and I want to keep my two favourite girls healthy.” Scootaloo giggled at that.
While the dough was rising we chopped up a variety of vegetables and grated lots of cheese. It was then that I unleashed my little girl to make the pizzas. ‘Where did that come from? She’s not your daughter, Alex. Don’t forget that. She’s just a nice kid your girlfriend does stuff with, like a big sister or scout leader. Nothing else. Right?’
She made mine with extra cheese, just the way I like it. ‘Damn shame there’s no pepperoni.’ I think she saw my expression because she instantly asked, “What’s wrong Alex? Didn’t I do a good job on your pizza?”
I laughed, “No no, nothing like that. I was just thinking about a pizza topping you can’t get in Equestria called pepperoni.”
She looked relieved, “Oh. But the pizza looks good?”
“Good enough to eat uncooked, my dear miss pizza chef.”
I made her half with light cheese and extra green peppers, just the way she likes it. For Dash, lots of everything, just the way she likes it. I had two flat stoneware baking sheets and a nice big preheated oven. ‘Thank you Applejack for the stove, and thank you Pinkie for the stoneware.’ The actual baking would be a little lower and slower than I usually do, so we had time to cleanup and set the table.
“And now, my dear Scootaloo, it is time,” she gave me a slightly worried look, “while the pies are cooking let’s tidy the kitchen and set the table. Dash should be here by the time we’re done.”
Just as I predicted I was taking the pizzas out of the oven, “Hey there Alex. What smells so good? Wh- Oh, hi squirt. I didn’t know you would be here.” Dash shot me a questioning look.
“Yeah, I thought we could have dinner together. You’re going to be showing her some flight moves at seven-ish, right? I thought I would save her the time to run back to town then back here. Anyway, she was an excellent sous-chef and table setter. I spent most of the time relaxing and drinking tea.” I winked at Scootaloo and this made her giggle.
“Um, yeah, sure.” She was smiling, but her eyes showed she was a little disappointed. I gave her a little smile and shrug, but her eyes were still a little sad.
‘Damn. Okay, Dash is uncomfortable. I hope it’s just the surprise being sprung on her.’ I straightened up and with a grand gesture, “Excellent. We have prepared a feast fit for two princesses and some very lucky human guy.” I served them each a couple of slices of their pizza with as much flair and showmanship as I could muster.
Dash gave her usual overconfident grin, “Well, I guess if it’s only for a princess, it will have to do, eh Scoots?”
“You bet Rainbow Dash.” Like most pre-teens she dug into her pizza like she had not eaten in a week. She was eating so fast I’m not totally convinced she actually tasted it. As silly as it sounds, seeing her wolfing down the pizza made me smile.
Dash, as is her nature, boldly took a big bite, chewed, and smiled. “I guess I can keep you two around. You two make great pizza.”
I took a bite of the pizza, and despite the lack of pepperoni, it was excellent. “Miss Scootaloo, this is fantastic. I now hereby promote you to head pizza chef.” I chuckled a little when she looked at her flank, I’m sure hoping for a pizza making cutie mark.
We all sat, quietly chewing, savouring our dinner. Scootaloo looked at me with narrowed eyes and tilted head, “Alex, do you mind if I can ask you a question?”
I wiped my mouth and turned my full attention to her, “Sure, fire away Scootaloo.”
She looked away for a moment, took a deep breath, and asked, “Why do you invite me over for supper all the time?”
I faltered, not expecting such a probing question. All I could do for a few heart beats was look at her, mouth slightly open. I finally shook my head slowly and smiled, “I could give you some answer that sounds good and sounds reasonable, but just isn’t true.” She looked at me a little confused, “Instead, here’s the truth, for better or worse. I would rather tell you the truth and,” I averted my eyes, “look like an idiot in front of both of you than lie.” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, “It was for a very selfish reason,” Scootaloo rolled her eyes at this and got a peeved expression.
“You see Scootaloo, I miss my son and daughter very much, and at first you reminded me of them. But, as I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve gotten to see you’re not like them at all. You’re your own wonderful person. I love hearing about your Crusader adventures and misadventures. You’re strong and clever and brave, and if I had another daughter, I would want her to be just like you. As for why dinner? Well, in my culture you share food with friends and family. Especially family. And I can’t think of any two people I would rather share a meal with. I’m sorry, to both of you, for being so selfish and dragging you in the middle of something you may not want to be part of.”
I felt Dash’s hoof on my arm. Turning my head she was smiling at me, a loving smile, a fierce smile, and for the first time a truly confident smile beaming from her core. She finally said, “You’re something else, Alex Roberts.”
I looked back to Scootaloo and saw she had a soft smile, “Thanks for telling me the truth Alex. That means a lot to me.” A mischievous smile grew, “That also explains you calling me ‘pumpkin’.”
I chuckled, “Yeah, you caught me in my big secret. But I stand by it. I’ll always think of you as my little pumpkin.”
Scootaloo grew thoughtful, “I think I can live with that.”
I had shooed them out after dinner so I could clean up. Once I was done, I spent some time watching them. I smiled at Dash’s encouragement and firm but kind guidance. “You’re doing great squirt, those exercises are really paying off.”
Dash and Scootaloo had been at it for almost two hours, finally stopping when it was too dark to continue safely. The night was cool and still. Dash and I made sure Scoots made it safely back to the orphanage. Miss Sweetheart was sitting on the porch, waiting to meet us all at the door, “Alright Scootaloo, go in and get ready for bed.” Once Scootaloo had left she turned to us, “You know she’s always talking about you two. If you’re interested in adoption, I can certainly help make the arrangements.”
Dash spoke up first, “You see, the thing is, I, that is, we, aren't married. To each other I mean. I mean we started dating, but-”
“What I think Dash is trying to say is that while we’ve been very good friends for a while, we only just started dating. And Scoots is a great kid.” I look at Dash, a grin plastered on my face, “And I couldn’t think of a better daughter. But right now, we’re not in a position to do that. But as soon as it changes, we’ll be in your office to start the paperwork.” I turned to Dash, with a smile and cocked eyebrow.
Dash had a look of pleasant surprise, then that truly confident smile she had earlier returned, “Yeah, that would be a good plan.”
At that moment Scootaloo came back out. “Thanks for supper Alex and thanks for the lessons Rainbow Dash. I really had a good time today.” In a flurry of hugs we bid her goodnight and headed for home.
We took the long way, just so we could spend some more time together, and I think Dash wanted to show me off a little. It was early evening, so there were a few passers by. Dash nuzzled against me while we walked, “You didn’t say much about Coins. Now that the squirt is out of the way, you can talk. As your marefriend, I order you to tell me all about it.”
I chuckled, “Pulling rank on me, eh? Fair enough. I can honestly say it was not as bad as I had expected. I think I get what Luna wanted me to learn. Humility isn’t always admitting you’re wrong and thinking everyone else is better than you, it’s knowing that you’re not always right and others are worth as much as you. Except in your case, you’re far better than I deserve.”
Dash laughed, hit my thigh, then said softly, “I’m exactly what you deserve, you big lug.” She jumped a few steps ahead and hovered in front of me and looked in my eyes. Her expression was desperate, almost hungry. She lifted her hoof and put it on my cheek, a small smile crossed her face, “I’m so happy you chose me.”
“You say that like there was ever any other choice. Applejack was never really an option once I got my head straight.”
She gave me a throaty laugh, “And that little speech when we dropped Scoots off. Was that a marriage proposal?”
I gave her a sly smile, “Sort of. It was my warning that I will ask you to be my wife. It’s a little fast, I know, but I know an angel when I date one. When I pop the question, it will catch you totally by surprise. You’ll never see it coming.”
Dash started laughing so hard she dropped to the ground so she could lay on her back. She finally managed, “Well it’s not much of a surprise if you tell me in advance.”
“Maybe, maybe not, but now you’ll always wonder if today’s the day.”
She stopped in mid laugh, with a tilted grin, “Oh, you are good.” She stood and hovered again putting her nose against mine, “You are very good. And such a bad colt.” She put her arms around my neck and kissed me. We were oblivious to the world around us.
Dash and I were sitting under the tree in the backyard, enjoying the cool night air. I was at the base with my back against the trunk and Dash was leaning against my chest. I had my arms wrapped around her and was holding her hoof, running my thumb along her toe. “So, next week. Can you come with me and Twilight?” I moved my arm and slowly stroked her soft mane, I can still catch the scent of lilacs. “I would love to have you there with me. You know, for moral support.”
Dash didn’t answer right away, instead she snuggled closer and sighed. Finally, she simply replied, “Try and stop me.”
We stayed like that for a while longer. I was simply enjoying the warmth of her body against mine, the feel of her silky mane, her own scent mingled with that fragrance of lilacs she wore on that fateful night. “You're wearing that perfume all the time now.” I smiled, teasing her a little, “You're not just wearing it for me, are you?”
Her wings flexed, but quickly relaxed, “No. Well maybe.” She sounded frustrated, “I don’t know. I guess, I guess it’s because it makes me feel like a mare, like you do.” She sniffed, “You must think I’m a dope.”
“Why would I think that? I know you’ve had, issues, on that subject, but I’ve never thought of you as anything but a mare. Anyway, I think it matches your natural scent perfectly and if it makes you feel more like the beautiful mare you are, then that’s much more important than any opinion I have. Dash, you know I love you for you, and that will not change.” I hugged her tighter, “And I hate to break it to you beautiful, but you’re stuck with me.”
It had been a hectic week, getting everything organized and ready. I managed to book three rooms at the Ritz-Canterton, one of Canterlot’s five star hotels. The rooms were side by side and included a suit especially designed for the needs of a pegasus like Dash. I hoped she would be comfortable.
I had been considering what to do about the Flim Flam brothers. What they did to Trixie was uncalled for. I was regretting offering them a job the more I thought about it. I wrote a short note that I wanted to see them while I was in Canterlot. I included the hotel, room number, and a small stipend for travel and room expenses. I made sure only to include enough for an average hotel, not the swanky joint we were staying at. I was not about to reward their actions.
I was also happy the paperwork was almost complete. ‘Hopefully, once I get the plans from the architect, I’ll be able to present to the town council.’ Also, during this crazy week, Dash and I spent more time with Scootaloo. In fact, we had supper together every night. We were going to be out of town all next week, so I decided to catch up a little in advance as it were.
We had walked Scootaloo back to the orphanage and were just saying good bye. “Scootaloo, remember when I told you earlier this were Dash and I are going to Canterlot for the week? Well, tomorrow’s the day pumpkin. We won't be back until the weekend, but don't you worry, we won't forget you.” I dropped to a knee and put my arms out, and that little ball of orange energy almost knocked me on my back side.
She hugged me tight, “I'm going to miss you Alex.”
“We'll miss you too pumpkin,” and for the first time I dared kiss her forehead. I didn't give a damn about the appropriateness. “I’ll miss you.” I glanced up at Miss Sweetheart and she was smiling.
Dash joined our hug, “I’ll miss you too, squirt,” she mussed up her mane, then hesitatingly, gave her forehead a kiss too.
Scootaloo looked up at us in disbelief, looking back and forth between me and Dash. Her face was the very definition of joy and all she could do was hug us even tighter. Dash and I made eye contact for a moment, then she looked lovingly at Scootaloo and kissed her again. That truly confident expression was in her eyes and I knew, I knew for sure she loved that little filly as much as I did.
Dash and I finally said our goodbyes and we walked toward my cottage in silence, just enjoying each other’s company. Out of the blue, she tapped my thigh, “I'm upset with you Alex Roberts.” I looked at her in hurt innocence. “Before I met you, if any pony would have told me I would be thinking about being a mom, I would have told them they were bucking nuts. Now, being a mom and a wife is looking really good.” She nuzzled against me and I stroked her mane.
“You know, even being a Wonderbolt would only be a bonus now. Heck, I'm not even sure I want to be one anymore. I mean all my friends are in Ponyville and all the stuff I do as an element is just as exciting as any stunt show. And being a Wonderbolt would mean being away from you and Scoots.”
“Anyway, the more I think about it, the more I realize the important things to me are you and Scoots and my friends. I want to give her what I never had, a loving dad and, I hope, a strong mom. So, Alex, you can see why I'm so upset with you.”
Before leaving to pack, Dash and I kissed, and she ran her hooves on my back. I was glad she had gotten past my back, I hated the idea of being disgusting to her. I had already been packing all week, so I only had a little left to do. Once everything was done, I stood in the spare room for almost an hour, just looking around and imagining it decorated for a little pegasus girl. I promised myself I would pick up a few Wonderbolt posters and some stuffed toys, maybe a set of goggles if I can find them.
My thoughts drifted to Dash, ‘I want make her an honest woman, don’t I?’ I was hesitant to actually pop the question until I could have a conversation with Ann. But, I was beginning to wonder why I was waiting. What was really holding me back? ‘Hell, what isn’t holding me back? I’m still married and that would feel like blackest betrayal. I’ve been through hell, literally, and anyone else would jump at a chance for a loving marriage. I know I’m being foolish, but those eighty year old vows still mean something to me.’
<Day 1 – Travel and office setup>
The train station was like every other train station, crowded with fellow business travellers and noisy. I was carrying my luggage on a cart, including all the rolled plans and paperwork I needed. I was surprised to see Dash carrying a suitcase in her mouth. I didn’t think she needed much for a week, ‘But what do I know.’ I smiled at her, “Hey pretty lady, need a hand?”
Dash smirked around the handle and heaved the suitcase onto the pile, “I’ll take both.” It continued to amaze me how ponies could speak fairly clearly even with something in their mouth.
While I was walking to our departure platform I suddenly had the weirdest feeling, like both feet were stuck to the floor and I was suddenly falling forward. The world went into slow motion and I saw a light aquamarine unicorn beneath me. Their horn was about to slam into the soft spot just below my sternum. As I felt the tip of the horn touching my skin, I realized I was hovering, my outstretched hands brushing against their chest, a few centimetres from the ground, and a razor sharp horn pressing on my valuable skin.
“Alex, are you okay?” Dash's hooves were under my armpits, and her strong wings were easily lifting me back to my feet.
My hand moved to the small hole in my shirt and I saw beneath the hole a little drop of blood, hidden from view by the red tee-shirt. Luckily it was just a little hole and a tiny scratch, no big deal. “I’m just fine, thanks to you sweetheart.” I knelt down to help the young mare up to her hooves. “I’m really sorry about almost falling on to you, Miss...”
“Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings. I’m so sorry I bumped into you.” The whole time she was looking at my hands and had a slightly manic grin. This wasn’t the first time a pony was fascinated by my hands, but never to this extent or with that kind of smile. I started to put my hand out for her to examine, but Dash placed herself between us.
Dash’s voice had a forced friendliness, “Hey, Lyra, watch where you’re going next time. Alex, my special friend, could get hurt. Nobody wants that to happen, right? Nobody wants to get hurt, right?”
Lyra blinked and seemed to snap out of whatever place she was, “Oh. No. I would never want that to happen to him.” The pause was just a little too long, “O-or anyone. Yeah, nobody needs to get hurt.” Her eyes lingered on my hands in an appraising way. “Well, nice to finally meet you Mr Roberts. Very nice.”
The estrogen was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I didn't realize mares were so territorial. I had thought it was just the unique situation between Dash, Applejack, and myself. I realized saying anything at that moment would upset her, so I kept my mouth shut. I gave Lyra a simple little wave, and turned my attention fully to Dash. I dropped to one knee and put my hand on her cheek, “I want to thank you so much for saving my life. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.”
She kissed my palm, “You're lucky you're smooth. And, I know you're not the straying type, but...” Dash looked a little sad for a moment, then smiled and shrugged, looking me in the eye.
I smirked, “It's okay. I understand. You've never had such a stunningly handsome and modest boyfriend and you're worried every mare will try to steal me away. Well, you can stop worrying. When I've got the most awesome mare in all of Equestria, why would any other mare turn my head?”
Dash smiled and gave me a throaty laugh, “You goof, come here.” While Dash was hugging me I noticed Lyra was still hanging out in the background, just watching us, that same weird smile fixed on her face. A single word crossed my mind, 'Creepy.'
I heard Twilight's slightly manic voice, “I hope I'm not interrupting anything.”
Without breaking the hug, “Absolutely not Twilight. Just hugging my best girl.” I kiss Dash on the cheek, and turned to Twilight. She had a forced smile, but I figured she was just uncomfortable with Dash and I showing affection. I told her about the heroic save Dash made. I then gestured to the luggage cart and bowed, “And I would be pleased to carry your luggage, madam.” I noticed Dash was looking at me with some pride.
Twilight relaxed a little and smiled, “Why thank you, sir.”
Dash was laying in the seat opposite me and Twilight, snoring softly. The four hour ride to Canterlot always bored her and she needed her sleep anyway. I’ve since learned that it’s fairly normal for pegasus to sleep more than other ponies.
For the first half hour or so, Twilight just sat beside me, nervously, almost jumping out of her skin every time I shifted. I finally got fed up, “Hey, Twilight, I don’t bite.” She smiled nervously at me, “Look, let’s talk science. I know you’ve done research and you’ve asked me questions formally, but I would like to just, you know, just chat. I was always a science buff, heck I still am, and you’re the smartest person I know.”
Twilight seemed to brighten up and relax a little, “Oh, well alright. That sounds fun. What kind of science do you want to talk about?”
I smirked, “How about something you may know a little about, something I’m clueless about, like magic. It was always just fictional where I grew up.”
Twilight leaned towards me, happy to be able to lecture, “Oh, but you’re wrong. It does seem to exist in a very weak and fragile form, based on what I’ve researched. I found a copy of Authentic Thaumaturgy by Isaac Bonewits. His theories, while they have an element of mumbo jumbo, are basically sound. If I was in a very low magic environment, that’s how I would have to more or less do it. In our world, the mental imagery and constructed emotional states do not have to be as exacting to work. In yours, even the slightest doubt or incorrect thought would cause any spell cast to collapse like a house of cards.”
“In fact,” her eyes narrow and she slowly tapped her chin, “I wonder if you might be able to use magic here.”
I smirked at her, “No way. I can’t see me making with the magic. But, when I have some time later, I would love to give it a try.”
Twilight’s expression fell, her voice sad, “Yeah, later. Heh heh, we’ll try it,” she gulped, “later.”
What the heck is wrong with this mare. Why is she acting so weird? I smiled, “Anyway, magic is for another day. I think I’ll just enjoy the scenery and Dash.” Twilight silently agreed, and sat pensively looking out the window. I spend the rest of the trip admiring my sleeping angel.
Checking into the hotel was quick and easy. ‘I guess it’s a universal constant. Dropping a considerable pile of cash gets you good service.’ I had to give them credit, no one flinched or did a double take when we walked in, even if they weren’t overly friendly. However, once I paid for a full week in advance for the three rooms, it was all smiles and sunshine. To get the rooms I wanted, it cost almost double the usual rates, but it was worth it.
A young gray unicorn with orangish mane in a bellhop outfit started loading up our things to take them to my room, but I stopped him before he picked up the girl’s suitcases. “I’ll take care of those.” Dash and Twilight gave each other a look, then turned as one to me.
Twilight started, “He’s a real gentlecolt Rainbow Dash, I like this one.”
Dash smirked, “I agree.” She gave me an appraising look, “Very nice.”
I bowed low and in my best Parisian French, “Mais certainement, mes jolies demoiselles.”
Dash gave me a sultry smirk, “I like it when you speak like that. It really classes up the joint.”
Twilight tittered and blushed. Then suddenly stopped and had a bittersweet smile, “Yes it does.”
On the elevator ride up, I turned to Dash. “They had a room specifically for pegasus ponies, so I made sure you got it Dash. I’m not sure of the details, but, here you go.” I handed her the key with the cloud handle. “Twilight we’re in the one of the two adjoining rooms and got it setup specially for you.” I handed her a key with a stylized pony head.
As we got to the rooms I turned to the bellhop, “Ok, just pile it neatly, I’ll take care of unpacking.” I reached into my pocket, pulled out a ten bit coin, and slipped it into his pocket, “Here you go, thanks for everything.”
While the bellhop was doing his job, I lead the girls off to the next room, the larger corner pegasus suite. “Allow me, Ms Dash.” I took the key back from Dash, opened the door and stepped in, or at least, I tried to step in. What I thought was white carpet turned out to be cloud. My foot went straight through and I fell to the concrete subfloor about a half meter down. I sort of tossed her suitcase but it landed on the cloud floor. Luckily, I managed to roll so the only thing hurt was my dignity.
Between laughs Dash managed, “Oh my gosh, Alex. Are you okay?”
I popped out of the cloud layer and quipped, “Ah, so this is a pegasus room. I get it now.”
Dash walked in, her approving expression pleasing me. Unlike me her hooves were making a soft yet solid contact with the cloud. “Very nice. Thank you Alex.”
I reached up from under and tried to touch her hoof, but when my hand got close, it was like that slippery field you notice when you bring two magnets together, only it was on my bare skin. “Heh, I guess I can’t tickle you from here.” She snickered and bent down a little and gave my forehead a kiss.
As Twilight walked into the room, treading carefully on the clouds, she smirked and slowly shook her head, “You know, Alex, the next time just ask for a cloud walking spell. It will only last about a day and a half with you, but still better than nothing.”
Anyway, it was a really swanky place, well worth the three hundred and fifty bit per night, and I was sure Dash would be comfortable. Before leaving, I looked around the room. Almost everything except vertical surfaces was made of the same cloud material including the bed and most of the tables. Up close, it looked like cotton candy, not the wispy clouds of water vapour I thought of as clouds.
I heard Dash from the back room, “Oh cool, a mini exercise room. Thanks Alex. I can’t do my usual routines around Canterlot.” I could hear her rolling her eyes, “Restricted airspace.” Twilight and I snickered, knowing Dash was serious.
I hesitated before entering Twilight's room, looking down before stepping in. I saw the walls looked the same, but the floor seemed to be made up of large square panels. ‘I guess they just put a floor in a pegasus room.’
Her room had a similar layout, but had a study room with a direct note sending and receiving device connected to the Royal Libraries at the castle. When Twilight saw this she had the happiest grin and started saying, “Thank you!” repeatedly as she hopped around me. Dash and I both chuckled.
“I thought you would like to do a little studying in comfort, and while this isn’t as comfortable as home, I hope it’s alright.”
Twilight stopped bouncing and gave me a big hug, “Thank you Alex. I’ll be able to spend time with Princess Celestia, visit my brother and his wife, keep in touch with the library, and everything.” She got a little sad expression, “I wish Spike could have come. He really likes Pony Joe's. Joe always made him this little turquoise crusted doughnut.”
“We should remember to stop by and get some made up for him. Not too many, I don't want him to get a tummy ache. Anyway, Scootaloo mentioned something about a big crusader's project this week, something called Cutie Mark Crusaders Changeling Investigators.” When Twilight and Dash looked at each other with slightly panicked expressions, I smiled. “Ladies, don't worry. They’re all good kids, even if they make the occasional mistake. I mean, how much trouble could three little fillies and a stalwart baby dragon get into, anyway?” I reflected on what I just said, 'Is this is where I say that I feel a great disturbance in the force? No, I'm just being paranoid.'
The bellhop popped his head in the doorway, “Sir, your things are all in your room, did you need anything else?”
“No, that's great kid. Here's a little extra for your trouble.” I flipped him a second ten bit coin, and he caught it deftly, “Thank you very much again sir.”
As he walked off I commented, “He looks familiar, is he from Ponyville?”
Twilight piped up, “Actually, yes. He is the older brother of Snails. I teach all the unicorn children magic at the school. Cheerilee is a great teacher, but she's also an Earth Pony. Anyway, teaching the basics only helps me improve. It's only a few hours a week and it's fun.”
I beam with pride, “Dash has been teaching Scootaloo how to fly. I know she's doing an awesome job because I saw Scoots gliding. I mean, I know a little about her past, so in my book, that's amazing.” I smile and put my hand on Dash's cheek, “But, she has an amazing teacher.” She only kissed my palm in response. Twilight shifted uncomfortably but eventually gave us an awkward smile. I straightened up and put my hands on my hips. “So, how does this sound for a plan, you ladies relax while I set up my office, then at five we head down to the main dinning room and have dinner. I'll call ahead to make sure we have a table for three.”
Dash fluttered up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “That sounds good to me,” she turned to Twilight, “good for you?”
Twilight still had the awkward smile, “Sure, sounds great. I think I’m just going to relax and read a book. See you two later.”
Once Twilight closed her door, Dash still hovering, a sultry smirk gracing her lips. “I can’t believe you were so thoughtful, to both of us.” She shook her head a little, “What am I saying, of course you are.”
“Well, I owe you both so much, and you’ve both done so much for me. Especially you, Dash.” By now my hand on her cheek caused her to automatically kiss my palm. “You’re my everything, you’ve given me my life back twice now. How could I not treat you like the princess you are? It’s how you deserve to be treated.”
With my things unpacked and my temporary office setup I got cleaned up and wandered down to the restaurant. Nothing fancy, just a comfortable dress shirt, a pair of dress pants, and red sneakers. I got there and spotted them sitting at a table on the outdoor patio. They were laughing, talking about their past adventures, and bringing up old jokes.
Noticing a small flower stand, I decided to prank Dash. I had a dozen roses sent to their table, with a note, ‘To: Rainbow Dash, From: Your Secret Admirer’. I waited a full ten minutes before joining them. On the way I heard the tail end of their conversation. Dash sounded like she was on the verge of tears, “Oh my gosh, but what if it’s not from him Twilight? He’ll freak out and leave me. Oh Celestia, I don’t want that to happen Twi. I’ve never had someone so kind before. But if he did send them, I don’t want them not to be here.”
‘Ah crud. This didn’t go as planned. Why is she so damn paranoid? Man, she must have dated some real gems in the past.’
Twilight answered hurriedly, “Dash, don’t jump to conclusions. Anyway, Alex is a reasonable stallion, he would never leave you. I, I saw how he looked at you on the train trip, while you were sleeping. We talked for a few minutes, but for most of the trip, he just watched you with this goofy smile on his face.” Dash’s expression became tender, smiling softly for a moment, then as if she remembered why she had been upset, her expression changed to one of fear. “I hope I have someone look at me like that one day, when I sleep. I’m the first to admit I don’t have much experience in romance, but even I can tell he’s crazy about you Rainbow Dash.”
Dash looked in my direction and gasped, then in a stage whisper, “Oh Gosh Bucking Darn It. He can see us, and I think he can hear us.” She started up again, louder than normal, “Hey Twilight. These roses are a great appetizer, right?” She took a flower out of the bouquet, and bit the end off.
I saw Twilight jump a little, as if she had been kicked. “Oh, yeah. Yummy.” Twilight, did the same thing and grimaced a little. I thought I heard her mumble, “I hate roses.”
The waiter lead me to their table, and I was furiously trying to think of what to say to save face for everyone. By the time I was seated, I decided to admit my foolishness and apologize. But, before I could open my mouth, Dash started speaking quickly.
“Alex I’m sorry, I don’t know who sent me these roses, but I would never leave you, Please, please , don’t be mad...”
“Dash, I‘m the one who’s sorry. I sent the flowers as a prank. I should have realized it would cause you to react badly.” I took her hoof and knelt beside her unable to look her in the eye, “Please forgive me. It was stupid and ill conceived. I never should have made fun of your feelings like this. Please, I’m so sorry.”
I heard a snort. I looked up and I could tell Dash was holding back. I looked up in confusion. She kissed my forehead and finally started laughing, “Oh Alex, you’re so easy. The pony who brought the flowers said it was from a shaved diamond dog, and you’re the cutest one I know.”
With a happy grin, big enough to make Pinkie Pie proud, Twilight added,“I suggested to Dash we have a fake conversation for you to ‘accidentally’ overhear. I for one enjoyed playing the part of a pranker instead of a prankie.”
Dash kissed my forehead again, “That’s right big guy, you’ve just been pranked by the best.”
I looked up at the two smiling mares and smirked. “Well, it’s good to know it took the most loyal and the most intelligent Elements of Harmony to prank me.”
After a wonderful dinner with two people I greatly respected, we all agreed to call it a night. We walked Twilight to her room first, bidding her good night. Dash and I walked slowly to her room and we spent a few minutes holding each other on her doorstep. She gave me a warm kiss then leaned forward to whisper in my ear, “I’ll miss you until morning.” She pulled away, looking into my eyes as if she was memorizing every detail of my face. She smiled sadly, “Good night.” She stayed at her door, watching me go, and I was walking backward so I didn’t miss a moment of her. I finally turned the corner and returned to my room, a little melancholy. I carefully put my clothes away and slipped my red tee-shirt on.
I needed some fresh air, so I went to the balcony, leaning on the rail, enjoying the cool evening air. No socks or shoes, wearing only my t-shirt and boxer shorts I was a little chilly, but I had begun to appreciate small discomforts in this perfect world.
Even this high up I could tell Canterlot was a bustling city. Many of the sounds drowned each other out making a sort of low level white noise, but there was a sound that stood out in the city’s din, the sound of sadness. I stood and cupped my ears to figure out where it was coming from. It was hard to pin down because although it sounded close it was very faint. I finally pinpointed the sound, it was coming from the open balcony adjacent to mine. It was coming from Dash’s room.
I realized I was a little under dressed but really didn't care. There was a pony who walked past me but didn’t blink an eye. ‘I guess when you walk around naked all the time, some guy in their underwear isn’t a big deal.’ I knocked and called out to her, "Dash, what's wrong." there was no response. I knocked again and spoke a little louder, "Dash, let me in. "
She finally opened the door a crack, her voice weak, her eyes a little red, her cheeks tear stained. Her voice was rough, “I thought I used enough pillows.” She sniffed, “Good hearing.”
I smiled sadly, “The best. Now let me in.” Dash hesitated for a moment, then finally opened the door. I carefully stepped down to the solid floor below the cloud floor, “So what's wrong sweetheart?”
Dash sniffed again, “It's, it's stupid. You shouldn't have to worry about it. It’s just me being retarded.”
I put my hand on her cheek, “What do you mean don't worry about it. You’re crying and you’re the person I love. There is nothing more important to me than your happiness. Nothing. Now I'm going to hold you and comfort you until you spill the beans.”
Dash laughed and cried at the same time. She held me tight. “You're awesome, you know that? I guess the problem is, I feel so stupid to say this but, I guess I'm just lonely. I have a handsome one of a kind special friend just next door and he's not with me. But, now that you’re here, I guess it's all better now.” She kissed me slowly, tenderly then looked deeply into my eyes, “I don’t want to be alone tonight. Could,” She looked at me with sadness and hope, “could we spend the night together? I promise no funny stuff, nothing you’re not comfortable with. Just cuddling.” She looked at the floor and gave a short laugh, “We’ll be better off in your room though.”
I hesitated before answering, a little unsure, then finally knew what I had to say. “Sure, that sounds wonderful.” I climbed out of Dash’s room, much to her amusement, and we entered my room.
I fell asleep with Dash’s head on my chest and the rest of her snuggled against me. The last thing I remember is her stretching out her wings and thinking how soft and perfect they were.
<Day 2 – Trixie>
When I woke up in the morning she was gone, but she left a simple little note on the pillow case:
Thank you for making me feel loved and respected, see you at dinner tonight.
Love, Dash
I smiled at the sweetness of the note, a little surprised maybe, but still touched. Once dressed I went to my office to gather my papers for the day, and saw there was a familiar scroll with black and blue seal.
My Faithful Paladin,
I Am Pleased With Your Progress In Learning The Qualities Of Redemption. I Now Have A New Task That Coincides With Your Activities Today. Miss Beatrix Is An Excellent Candidate For Paladinhood, And I Will Help You Gain Her Trust. Together, We Shall Guide Her To Take Her First Step To Becoming A Paladin. Attached To This Scroll Is A Very Short Script That Will Strike Her Heart And Begin The Process.
I Wish You Well In This Task, And I Have Complete Confidence In You.
I Write This To You In Love,
Princess Luna
After getting dressed I was hoping to have breakfast with Dash, but she didn’t answer her door. I saw Twilight as she left her room, “Hey Twilight, have you seen Dash? We were together, sort of, last night and she was gone this morning.”
Twilight had an expression of slack jawed shock. “You were together? Last night?”
“Wait, what? No, we just slept together.” I face palmed. “What I mean is we were sleeping, only sleeping. And why am I try to justify myself here? Oh right, trusted and respected friend of both parties. Sorry. I’m never sure how much is too much or too little information.”
Twilight gave me an unsure look, “That was likely just right. I, I’m just so used to seeing her in bad relationships,” she quickly added, “but you’re not that kind. I, I hope you can appreciate how much you’ve affected her. Just, please don’t take advantage of her.”
I gave her an appraising look, “I won’t. I promise. She’s far too important to me.” I look down, “She has made me change some fundamental things I thought I believed, things I never imagined would change.” I sniffed, stood straighter, then smiled. “So, Miss Element of Magic who could likely turn me into a newt if I messed with her friend, join me for breakfast and some strategizing for our task today?”
Twilight relaxed and chuckled, “Yes. But for the record, a frog would be easier.”
I snickered, “True, I am francophone after all.” Twilight just smiled politely.
After fighting the crowds we finally made it to the ground floor. We stood outside the restaurant, waiting to be seated. I started, “So Twilight, let’s recap. The Flim Flam brothers told me Trixie worked in Canterlot at the Hot Bun coffee shop as a barista. It was a small out of the way coffee joint, but I have the address and it shouldn’t be that hard to find. Once I have a cup of coffee in my system, we’ll go over the details.” Twilight seemed unsettled. “So, Twilight, are you ready for this? I mean, if you’re not up to it, I can do it alone.”
She seemed a little surprised at my offer, “No, I’m fine Alex, just a little nervous.”
I smiled, “Good, I’ve always thought being a little nervous keeps you sharp. I’m terrified, myself. This could go so bad so fast. Let’s hope we can come to some agreement.”
We were seated with the usual flair I had come to expect from this place. Once seated and after our drinks arrived, black coffee for me, and herbal tea for her, we were quietly looking over the menus when she suddenly blurted out, “Are you going to tell her about the pictures?”
‘Damn’, I looked at the tip of her horn to avoid eye contact for a moment. “Dash told you?” Twilight nodded slowly and I thought for a moment, “I know I can trust you to be discreet, so I won’t even ask.” I let out a breath, “To answer your question, yes, I will tell her, but in private. I know the brothers thought they were doing what I wanted, but I want to assure you, I had only asked them to find her, not stalk her. I will be having a very serious predator to pony talk with them.” My cup of coffee suddenly became very interesting, “I’m sorry I’m not the one who told you sooner. I guess I was afraid of how you would react. Dash told me some of them were really racy, but I honestly had a hard time seeing them that way, at least until the last few pages. Even a dumb monkey like me could see it at that point.”
There was a long moment of silence and I was actually a little surprised by the answer. “I believe you Alex. Knowing you as I do, and knowing that Dash trusts you, I know you did not intend for that to happen. I also know that you would never do that kind of thing on purpose. But mostly, it’s that Dash trusts you.”
Twilight and I were standing outside the Hot Bun, waiting. According to the notes, Trixie always took her break at exactly 10:31. The clock was at 10:32 when I made my move. I cracked my neck and knuckles, smiled at Twilight and quietly murmured, “Show time.”
I walked into the coffee shop pushing the door open ahead of me. I held the door open for Twilight, and felt all eyes were on me. This was precisely the point, to get everyone to pay attention. And get everyone’s attention was exactly what I did.
The noisy main room went quiet. The citizens of Canterlot, unlike the denizens of Ponyville, were not used to seeing me. To them I was a tall cross between a diamond dog and an ape, both shaved.
I surveyed the room with a friendly smile and strode to the counter. A light blueish purple mare with dark blue mane and bright green eyes wearing a purple bow tie stood in shocked silence. I could see she was young and I felt sorry for her, but before I could say anything, she started speaking.
“C-Can I help you, sir?” I had to admire her professionalism. Most ponies would have bolted.
Twilight stood beside me with a warm, comforting smile, “Yes, we're looking for someone.”
I dropped to one knee, smiled kindly, making sure to not show teeth, and said, “Yes, miss...” I looked at her employee tag, “Blueberry Fritter. I'm looking for a unicorn mare named Trixie. Blue coat, silver mane and tail?” If the information was wrong, I would be even more upset with those two.
Blueberry looked a lot less scared and a lot more puzzled, “Do you mean Beatrix? Um, yeah, she's on her break. I'll get her for you.” She trotted to the back and called out, “Hey, Beatrix! There's a monster and bookish looking purple unicorn here to see you! Celestia knows why...”
A tired voice sighed meekly, “On my way.” The voice was familiar, from the show, but it wasn't the same smug self centred performer.
What came out of the back was a sad sight. Her mane in a simple ponytail, with few errant strands, her tail a little unkempt, and what I’m assuming is the uniform here, a purple bow tie. She came out, looking at the floor, looking beaten, broken. When she looked up, her eyes widened for a moment when she saw me, then she saw Twilight, and her eyes narrowed. “So, you've come to humiliate me again? Fine. Just make it quick, so I can finish my break in peace. Oh, and next time, leave your pet at home.”
I cleared my throat, “Miss Beatrix, I come to offer you a job.”
Beatrix sneered, “Oh, the abomination speaks. Well done Twilight Sparkle. You've bested me again.” she turns and starts to leave.
I raise my voice, “Damn it Trixie!” I caught myself and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Alex Roberts, or just Alex to my friends. I'm opening a theatre in Ponyville, and you are the best damn show pony I know of. I haven't travelled a very long way for you throw this opportunity away. I have here five thousand bits as a signing bonus and a yearly salary of thirty thousand bits. Is the Great and Powerful Trixie not up to this task? Or do you now find your love of theatrics satisfied in the coffee serving industry?”
I pulled the bag of coins out and held it in the palm of my hand. “Before you answer, one more thing. I hate the idea of a signing bonus. Here,” I lightly tossed the bag to her, “take it as a goodwill gift. No strings attached. I just want to show you I’m serious.”
She looked at the coin purse and I could see she was trying to find the catch in the deal, “So, what does this position entail? What will I be expected to do.”
I smiled and straightened up, “I’m glad you asked. Please allow me to lay all my cards on the table, or blinders off as a pony would say. I will be rebuilding the town hall in Ponyville into a world class theatre. You’re job is to provide artistic genius and insight, to help me select the best entertainers and maybe not so best, in short to stop me from making foolish mistakes when it comes to the artistic side of running a theatre. I’m looking for a partner, a friend, someone I can trust. I believe you are that person, and seeing your talent wasted here is, disappointing. In short, I want to offer you the opportunity to regain your dignity. Because I know you’re worthy of that dignity. Please, let me be your redemption.”
The expression on her face was almost angry, “How dare you assume Trixie needs your pity. We have all the self-esteem we, I could ever need.”
“I don’t pity you Trixie.” She winced at the name, “I really don’t. I just see a beautiful soul that yearns to make foals laugh and stallions cry, and has made a few bad decisions. I’m here to offer you a way to do what makes your heart sing. I’m here to help you entertain.”
I could see her thinking, then she gestured with her head at Twilight, “What about her? Why is she involved? Not only is she an Element of Harmony, but she is Princess Celestia's personal student. She single handedly defeated an Ursa Minor. Why me?”
Twilight stepped forward, “Because, you have a natural gift for showmanship. I don't have that. I may have raw power, but you know how to captivate and mesmerize a crowd.” There was a murmur of agreement among the patrons. Twilight’s head dropped a little more, “But, I've also come to apologize for not making sure you were alright after the Ursa attacked. And, I'm sorry for not making sure you got compensated for your livelihood being destroyed. And, what I'm most sorry for, is that I didn't recognize your showmanship and because of that didn't offer my hoof in friendship. Please accept my sincerest apology.”
For a long moment, Trixie stared at Twilight and I. She simply stared, her expression becoming neutral. Then, slowly, she raised her head up high, in as proud a stance as any queen could manage. I couldn’t help but notice the tear beginning to form in her eye. In a regal manner, with only the slightest quaver in her voice, “It would seem the talents of The Great and Powerful Trixie are wasted here. It would also seem that we, I have misjudged you, Twilight Sparkle. It would please us to consider you a friend. Therefore, I accept the position and the apology.”
It started with one pony, then another, and another, soon every pony, in the room was stomping their hooves. Blueberry Fritter went to Trixie and hugged her. “Oh, you go filly friend! I'll miss you! Don't you dare forget me!” She sniffed and smiled.
Beatrix replied in her show voice, “The Great and Powerful Trixie does not forget her friends.”, then dropping to a normal voice, “Especially a good friend like you Blueberry.”
I cleared my throat to get Beatrix's attention, “Before I go one step further, do you prefer Trixie or Beatrix? I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot with my new friend.”
She turned and I could see the dignity in her eyes that wasn’t there before. I had to admit it made me a little teary eyed. You would have to be a heartless monster not to, if you had seen the change I saw. “You may call me Beatrix, as all my true friends do.”
I bowed a little, “I’m honoured to be given the privilege, Beatrix. You can call me Alex.” I hold out a simple business card, “This is where I am this week, otherwise I’m in Ponyville. If you could meet me there at my temporary office in two days at 11am, we have things to discuss. Twilight reminded me that it was the right thing to do.” I gave Twilight a little smile. “Oh, one more thing before I go. When you get home tonight, don’t be surprised to find a scroll with Princess Luna’s royal seal.” I clapped my hands, “Now, I must be going. I have a little filly to buy gifts for.”
I turned and started to leave when I heard Beatrix speak, “Thank you Alex. Truly, I thank you for giving me a second chance at my life.” She stood dignified, ready to fulfill her destiny, “I will not fail you.”
I turned and gave her what I hoped was a warm smile. I bowed again, “You are most welcome Beatrix. I hope I’m worthy of you.” Now my smile grew mischievous, “As much as I would love to spend to the day getting to know you better, I have some gifts to buy for my daughter, er, I mean future daughter.” I gave a gallic shrug, “It’s complicated.”
I turned to the crowd in a slightly louder voice, “I’m new to this town and I have a little girl who is just crazy about the Wonderbolts. Does anyone know where I can get Wonderbolt merchandise? Posters, dolls, goggles, that kind of stuff?”
An earth pony stallion called out, “The official store is beside the Canterlot raceway, just a few minutes from here. I’ll take you there.”
I started to turn with a smile, “Thanks, I’ll-”
Beatrix spoke, her voice flat, “He’s lying. He wants to harm you.”
The earth pony snarled, “Don’t listen to that bimbo. She’s just a bitter nag of a failure.” The pony was getting very upset.
I looked between her and the stallion, “Frankly, sir, I trust her much more than I trust you. Nothing personal.”
Beatrix beamed at me, “I remember hearing him and his cronies talking about getting back at a shaved diamond dog called ‘human’. I thought it was just their salt fuelled imaginations. But now I see all the pieces fitting together.”
The shop went quiet, and I locked eyes with the stallion. My expression suddenly went sour, “I’m feeling some heartburn coming on.” His pupils became pinpricks then he suddenly scrambled out of the shop as fast as he could, much to the amusement of the other patrons.
Once the laughter and the congratulations being heaped on Beatrix died down, people were quick to point me in the right direction. I was standing near the door, simply enjoying the sight of a happy Beatrix. It did not go unnoticed by me that Twilight was almost as happy and seemed to be quickly making her a friend. I smiled and called out, “Beatrix, Twilight, I’m heading out now. I promised myself I would spoil my little girl, and I’m off to do that. Beatrix I’ll see you soon and we’ll hash out all the boring details. Oh, and before I forget, thanks for the save.” I waved and went out the door, slowly striding toward the Wonderbolt store.
It was late afternoon and I was planning my evening with Dash. ‘I know she said she doesn't need to be impressed, but I love taking my lady out and showing her off.’ I was half contemplating going to the bar off the racetrack we escaped from the last time we were here when a knock on the door surprised me.
I answered it and was pleasantly surprised by Twilight. “Hi Alex, Dash asked me to ask you to get ready for a fancy dinner. And for me to do this.” She shut her eyes tight in concentration and her horn glowed. I felt lighter for a moment, as if I was being lifted telekinetically, then I was released. “There, all ready for your date. I hope you have a good time Alex. I really do. Dash was really lucky to find you.” Twilight then really surprised me by giving me a hug. She then totally floored me by looking up at me, slightly teary eyed, “P-Please, have a really good time tonight. You have no idea how happy you've made Rainbow Dash. She's very lucky to have you.” She then quickly trotted away down the hall.
I stood at the door of my room, looking down the empty hall. I finally shrugged and started getting changed. 'I hope Twilight doesn't have some crush on me. We just fixed the Applejack problem, a Twilight problem would be a pain in the back side. I'm sure it's just Twi being happy for Dash.'
I put on my remaining clean suit. I wanted to look good for her, so I spent some time making sure all the details were just so. When everything was perfect there was a knock on the door. I smiled and greeted Dash. She was wearing her Gala dress and I caught her perfect lilac scent, “You look absolutely stunning. I'm the luckiest man alive to have you as his special friend.”
She blushed, “Yes you are, but I'm really lucky too.” She looked down, almost shyly, “We were lucky to find each other.”
I dropped to one knee and looked up at her. I placed my hand on her cheek, the smooth and silky coat, just feeling her warmth, my thumb tracing her lips. As I did, she kissed it and smiled. I tisked, “I don't want to smudge your makeup.”
Her laughter made my heart sing, “You know I never put makeup on.”
I smiled, “I keep forgetting you're perfect as you are.” I beamed with pride at her, “So, where are we going on this mystery date and why did Twilight zap me?”
Her eyes flicked up, “We're going to the exclusive pegasus restaurant at the top of this hotel. I made reservations for two. Me and my handsome stallion.”
I got a little worried, “I hope we’re getting up by elevator. I would hate for you to get your dress all dirty lugging my butt up there.”
She rolled her eyes, “Don’t worry, they don’t like ponies flying in without reservations.
We were quickly whisked to the top floor and the doors opened. I had a very slight panic attack, “Dash, it’s all cloud up here. I’ll make a big mess when I hit the ground.”
“You goof, that’s what the zap was for. Cloud walking spell.”
“Oh, right.” I tentatively placed my foot on the cloud, then shifted my weight. It was a little like walking on wet sand, but spongier. It was a little difficult to walk because of my feet were more flexible than hooves, but after a few steps I managed to find my gait.
Before being lead to out table, the waiter asked, “Would sir care for a pony menu or a griffin menu?” When he said that I noticed a griffin couple in the corner. Their empty plates had reddish brown smears on them.
I didn’t answer for a moment and Dash spoke, “He’ll take one of each, he’s an omnivore.”
The waiter smiled a little condescending, “Very good. This way please.”
We were seated at a table for two in the centre of the room, the most exposed and visible spot in the place. Well, when I say room, I mean a large expanse of cloud floor and a cloud lip all around. We only had Luna’s perfect sky above us. “Perfect sky above me. Perfect angel before me.”
Dash blushed at my complements. “You know you’re going to give me a swelled head.” She gave me a sultry smirk, “But you shouldn’t stop.”
I chuckled, “Remember when we first met?”
Dash snickered, “You bet I do.”
My memories of that day were tempered with friendship and love, “You ploughed into my back from behind-”
Dash interrupted, smirking, “I thought you were a monster-”
I excitedly cut in, “And we both shouted,” Dash and I said in unison, “Fluttershy, run!” We both laughed and I leaned over to give her a quick kiss.
“Do you know what my first thought was after that, after I elbowed you off?” Dash smirked and shook her head a little, ”It was ‘She knows how to fight.’” I held her hoof and smiled, "I always admired you even before I really knew you.” I kissed her hoof, “You were always my beautiful Dash, I just didn't know it at the time." She blushed and looked away.
Dash grew quiet and had a shy, hopeful smile. Her eyes gazed into mine and she took a piece of bread from the basket on the table. I saw her wings stiffening, slightly popping out. She then slowly, deliberately, tore the bread in half. With great care and a sultry smile, she extended her hoof with the bread to me. My hand reached out, hesitatingly.
The moment was shattered by a high pitched, nasally voice, “Well that’s disgusting. A pegasus and a dirter sharing bread. I suppose she’s not much to look at, but surely there must be some pegasus pony desperate enough to-”
In a flash, Dash jumped from her seat and tackled the pegasus who was speaking. She pinned her down and started yelling at her, “Don’t you dare say anything about my special friend. He’s more of a stallion than most ponies will ever be.”
It took me a moment to realize what was happening, and I was impeded by the springy softness of the cloud underfoot. “Dash, please, get off her. She's not worth the aggravation. Please Dash, I don't want you to get in trouble. You're better than this, please. For me.”
Dash sneered at her captive, “Only for you Alex,” she jumped off and kept staring. “You're a very lucky mare. Very lucky. "
I could see her husband or colt friend didn't seem very impressed with his dinner companion. He made eye contact and gave me a little apologetic shrug. I returned the gesture.
I guided Dash back to the table. “Sorry Alex, she just, for the first time I have a special friend I’m really proud of, and she,” Dash growled in frustration.
As we sat back down I could hear him berating her angrily. He was so angry he didn’t even bother to whisper, “Don't you know who that is? That's Rainbow Dash. She's saved Equestria at least four times, maybe more. And that is Alex Roberts, Princess Luna’s personal champion. You're just lucky he seems to be the forgiving type.” I could hear the iciness in his voice, “You know what else, he’s one of my clients. I took him on as a favour to both Rarity and Fancypants. Neither of them have ever asked a favour of me, and you know full well they have both done a lot for me. And how do I repay them? By having my ex-special friend insult his special friend.”
“Ex-special friend? But, you can’t, I-”
“Why did you think I invited you here in the first place? You’re snobby and cruel. I thought this would be the kind of place...”
I forced myself to stop listening, it was none of my business. I focused back on Dash, and she was sitting quietly examining her placemat. I reached over the table, to put my hand on her cheek. Before I touched her, she quietly snarled, “I screwed this up,” I pulled my hand away for a moment, “just like with every other special friend. I screwed this up and now you don’t want to be with a psycho who picks fights in fancy restaurants.” She looked up with an expression of sadness and shame. I only looked in her eyes and smiled.
I don’t think I have ever smiled so broadly, “I told you, you’re stuck with me, no matter what.” Her expression became confused, and I put my hand gently on her cheek, her soft lips pressed against my palm automatically, “I know you Dash. You’re kind and gentle and loving. You’re also strong and fierce and passionate. What you did was what I expect of you. You heard a threat, someone insulting us, and you reacted. Sure, you reacted strong-”
“But that’s the problem. I go all out, I knocked that idiot off her seat, I hurt her over-”
“Stop. Stop beating yourself up. The truth is, he was dumping her tonight because she’s a total nag. Because she pulls stuff like this all the time. I overheard them after, and I swear to you that was the gist of the conversation.” I glanced over then nodded my head in their direction, “See? He’s looking mighty pissed at her and she’s looking sad. If I had been less focused on my beautiful, amazing, warm, compassionate, wonderful, Rainbow Dash, I would have been the one to do something.” Dash now wore a happy and hopeful smile. I took my hand off of her cheek and picked up a piece of bread from the basket. I very deliberately tore it in half. “Now, I believe you were interesting in sharing some bread?”
I didn’t remember much about the meal, and I honestly didn’t care. For the first time since I had started my adventures, I felt the desire to be intimate with someone, and that someone was Dash. We waited impatiently for the elevator down, giggling like teenagers, Dash nuzzling me while I stroked her mane. The pony couple waiting with us only smiled, the mare sighing and nuzzling her stallion.
As we hurried down the hall, stopping for the occasional kiss, we turned the corner and saw Twilight sitting beside Dash’s door. As soon as she saw us, she galloped toward us. I groaned, “I get it Twilight, you’re not happy Dash is with a human. I get it. You’ve made that clear all week. But we’re adults, and we love each-”
Twilight interrupted me, shaking her head, “No. It’s not that. I’m happy Dash has found you.” Her expression was one of sadness and pity, she shook her head again “No, the tissue samples from before and the ones I got last week, the reason I was,” she sniffed and wiped her moistening eyes, “acting so strange, is that, that,” tears started to flow freely, “you’re going to die.”
(This takes place in the moment in Dash's mind after Twilight's announcement but before Alex's reaction)
Sparkle, you mangy nag.
I had him. I finally had him into me enough that he had forgotten those damn, honourable, beautiful vows he kept. He was mine and I was going to take him all the way.
And then you had to go and dick buck him like that. Could it not have waited until morning? If he has a day to live, I would have given him the most amazing night of his life. He would have died as happy as anyone could.
Not only that, but knowing someone like him had loved me would have made me complete. No matter what happens now, I’m not getting any action tonight. I can probably get him to snuggle again. Maybe.
Oh, I’m going to get you Sparkle. I’m going to wait until you’re about to have a very intimate moment with some stallion or mare (I have a running bet with Applejack, I’m calling you a filly-fooler all the way) and I’m going to crash in, declaring my love or something. I don't know yet, but it will be like a bucket of ice water between the flanks. I’ll make sure to have an air tight alibi, so it’s plausible deniability all the way baby. You have given me a reason to revenge prank you with everything I’ve got.
Okay Rainbow Dash. Let’s calm down. Alex will probably say something smart to that egghead and it will all just be something stupid she overreacted about.
But, what if it’s not? What if magic is killing him? What if there’s something in the food or water or air? What if it’s something he’s missing?
What if it’s me.
Come on Alex! Say something!
I could only stare at Twilight in disbelief for what seemed to be an eternity. There was ice in my belly, a frozen claw tightening its grip around my heart. I redirected my growing fear into anger.
I looked to my strength, my sky blue angel, but her eyes were pleading. I steadied myself, ‘Stay focused old man.’ I turned my attention to Twilight, my expression colder than I would have liked, “Are you sure, Twilight Sparkle? Because, while I acknowledge that we are all doomed to die eventually, thus is the fate of man and pony alike, I do not feel my health impaired. So, are we talking hours, days, weeks, years, what?”
Twilight, taken aback by my verbal assault, hesitantly opened her mouth to answer, but before she could speak I tersely interrupted her, “Also, are you a physician? Are you an expert in xenobiology? Heck, are you even a biologist? No, to the best of my knowledge you’re a very intelligent physicist who dabbles in other disciplines. In fact, you are the most brilliant person I have ever met, anywhere.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, “Twilight, I trust you, but you have a bit of a track record for not looking at all the facts, jumping to conclusions, taking stuff out of context, and making mountains out of molehills.” Poor Twilight looked so crestfallen. I softened my expression, “But, to be fair, you also have a track record of being right when everyone around you doubted, even the Princesses. But, assuming you’re right, and I’m not saying you are, can you leave me alone just for tonight? One night will not make a difference in this case, will it? If I only have one day left to live, I want it to be with Dash.” Dash nuzzled against me, and I stroked her mane and smiled, “She’s my everything, and if this is true, I want to hold her in my arms one last time.”
Dash looked at Twilight with a peeved expression, “You’ve got awful timing Sparkle. But, I also know you. You probably knew about this for a while, but only built up the guts to say anything now. I could tell there was something bugging you since we left Ponyville. I thought you had some prudish problem with me and Alex. Well, I know for sure you don’t, now.” She looked up at me, a tender smile growing. “But I want to spend some quality time with him. Will one night really make any difference?”
Twilight, her eyes still full of tears, simply nodded. “You still have plenty of time left for that. I’m sorry for interrupting.”
I took a deep breath, I could tell Twilight was suffering. She had been so preoccupied, I don’t think she’s had a shower in a few days. I dropped to my knee and hugged her. “Thank you Twilight Sparkle. Thank you for caring so much about me, about Dash and I, to do this. I know the social sciences are not your strength, but I want you to know you did the right thing by telling us. I appreciate what you’ve done and what I know you will do. But for right now, Dash and I would like some alone time as a couple.”
Her usual baby powder scent was faded and there was a noticeable, to me at any rate, edge of dried sweat. I pulled away and wiped a tear away from under her eye with my thumb. I then gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “Thank you from the both of us. You are a truly wonderful friend.”
Dash beamed at us both, “Aw, when he puts it that way, I guess I can’t stay mad at you egghead.” Dash, with that new glowing smile, hugged her friend.
Twilight, looked at both of us, “Alex, I promise I’ll start researching a solution tonight, I’ll work twice, no, three times as hard. I’ll ask the Princesses for help, I’ll-”
I smiled kindly, because she was such a kind pony, in her own way, and warmly interrupted her, “No, Twilight Sparkle. Tonight, you will pay a surprise visit to your brother, or your parents, or someone you love. And you will hold them tight, and you will remember why you love them. You will then get a good sleep tonight, and you, me and Dash will discuss this over a late breakfast in the morning.”
Twilight seemed to calm down, and smiled at me. “I think I can see what Dash sees in you.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “O-Okay. I’ll, I’ll go and see my parents and bring Miss Smartypants.” She did a sad little chuckle, “After my brother, she was my best friend for so long. I know it’s silly, she’s just a doll, but she is.” She paused, seemingly staring into space, “Thanks Alex, I’ll see you two in the morning.”
I leaned forward and whispered to Twilight, softly enough that Dash couldn't hear, “You may want to take a shower first, you’re a little ripe.”
I gestured to Dash, “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s spend some quality time together.” I opened the door to Dash’s room and entered, Dash following behind me.
Dash spoke softly, “Wow, Alex, I'm impressed. I don't know if I could have kept my calm like that after hearing that kind of news.”
I didn't change that neutral, kindly expression I had kept for Twilight. “Is the door closed?”
A now worried Dash replied, “Ya, it is now.”
I began hyperventilating and dropped to my knees. “Oh god, I don’t want to die. Dash, dear god I don’t want to die.” Tears were flowing, completely beyond my control. Dash was by my side, holding me. “Twilight’s never wrong. She never makes mistakes. I just, I just didn’t want to break down in front of someone I didn’t completely trust. I know you won’t be ashamed of me, I know you won’t pity me.” I sighed, “This isn’t what you had in mind for tonight, is it.”
She gently cooed and stroked my hair, “It doesn’t matter what I wanted for tonight. I’m here for you.”
“Dash, you are the first person since this, this hell, has begun all those years ago that I’ve even considered being,” I gulped, tripping over the word, “intimate with.” I hit my thigh, “It’s just not fair Dash. I’ve been alone for so long and just when I find a perfect angel to share my life with, poof, I’ve got a noose around my neck.”
I buried my face in her shoulder, breathing her in deeply, running my hand between her wings, my fingers stroking the soft feathers. I hear her gasp and her wings expand, then she just holds me tighter. I whispered in her ear, “I need to be close to you, to hold you, to know you're here, to drink you in. You make me feel alive.” I kissed her neck and whispered again, “I need you Dash. I need you.”
...
I revelled in the cool night air brushing against my body as we lay on the cloud bed. We were both exhausted and happy, holding each other, simply being. We had discovered many surprises, some good, some bad, some funny, but all joyous in their own way.
Dash nuzzled my chin as she ran her hoof on my chest. Her cracking voice was soft and calm, “So, what are we going to do now? That was fun and all, but it doesn’t change the facts. Are we going back to Ponyville, spend what time we have left together?”
I sighed happily and gave her a quick kiss, “As much as spending the rest of my life in bed with you is tempting, I’m going to carry on. I’ll do everything I planned on doing here in Canterlot.” I gave a single mirthless chuckle, “Anyway, lots of people are depending on me doing my job. I have promises to keep, even if they’re only to myself.”
Dash propped herself up and looked down on me with only a slight smile, “Make me a promise?”
“Yes, Miss Rainbow Dash?”
“Tell me the truth, when you know it, about what’s happening.”
I put my hand on her cheek, “It never occurred to do anything else. I, I need you, you’re my strength. I can fake it in front of others, but not you. It would feel too much like being deceitful. But I also have one request, that we don’t tell Scootaloo until we know for sure. I don’t want to freak her out. She’s a tough kid with a strong heart, but...”
“But you don’t want to burden our daughter any more than we have to. I get it. You don’t have to explain.”
It took my mind a moment to catch up with what she said. I smiled a slow, broad smile, “Our daughter, our daughter is one of a kind. Just like her mom.”
She lay on my chest, her cheek slowly nuzzling against mine. Her warmth, her weight on my chest, her beating heart, her vibrant mane tickling my nose, the scent of lilacs. They were the things I treasured. These things were what reminded me I had to live, more than ever.
I exhaled slowly, “Dash, I’ve lived far longer than most have the right to. I’ve seen things that would make most people weep with joy or break down in despair. But, of all the things I’ve seen, of all the people I’ve met, you are the only one that has made me want to live, not just survive. You have no idea how much you mean to me, how much I trust you. I mean deeply and with absolutely no doubts. If you told me to jump off the balcony right now, I would do it without hesitation.”
Dash raised her head and looked down on me with that smirk that so defined her. “That much, huh? Okay, jump off the balcony.”
I kissed her tenderly, swung my legs off the bed, stood, and cracked my back.
Dash started nervously snickering, “Okay, that’s enough. I believe you.”
I turned my head with a feeling of complete calm, “I know you do. But I need to show you,” and with that I bolted for the balcony.
I was in mid air and passing over the edge of the railing when I heard a panicked Dash yelling out, “Stop!”
If anyone was looking out their windows they would have seen a naked human, legs together, arms outstretched, falling straight down. My expression was a perfect reflection of what I felt, tranquility and peace. I could see the ground rushing up at me, but I felt completely calm. I had absolutely no doubt Dash would save me.
About twenty meters from the ground, I felt Dash grab me under my arms and gently change the direction of my fall into a parabolic arc, the bottom of which levelled out to a mere three or so meters above the plaza. I could hear her struggling to change our course.
The hundreds of ponies in the plaza were shocked and surprised at seeing a cyan coated and rainbow maned pegasus pony carrying such a large, bulky creature. I even heard one pony comment, “Wow, there really is a shaved diamond dog at the hotel.”
She carried me back up to the room in silence and unceremoniously dumped me on the cloud balcony. She landed in front of me, incredulously looking up at my goofy smile. I started to get up, “I told you I tru-”
Dash slapped me. Not hard enough to spin me around or really hurt me, but just enough to make me fall on my butt again. She was in tears, her bottom lip was quivering, “Alex Roberts, what in the hay was going through your stupid head to pull a retarded stunt like that. I thought it was a, a, hippo-, hyppo-, harpo-, whatever they are question. It’s bad enough it looks like your ticket is getting punched, but there you go trying to speed up the process.” She sniffed loudly, “And now you won’t have anything else to do with me because I clobbered you, again, and even you will run out of patience with me, and you’ll die alone, and I’ll be alone, and I'll die alone too, and-”
I did the only thing I could do, I got up to my knees and put my hands on her cheeks. She trailed off, fear in her eyes. She didn’t resist me aligning her face to mine. I smiled at her, knowing the bruise on my cheek was starting to show. It hurt, but I knew she was hurting more. She kissed my palm, then I drew her close and kissed her as passionately as I could.
When I ended it, I could only look into those perfect eyes, “I would have died happy, knowing you loved me. That you, my beautiful, strong, spirited, passionate, angel, loved a bitter, angry, flawed, weak me.”
We held each other like that for an eternity that passed far too quickly. I pulled away, losing myself in her perfect eyes, “I don't care how short my time is, I want to be with you. I want you to be part of me. I don't know how it's done. I don't have a ring or necklace or bracelet or whatever it is I'm supposed to have, but I do have you.” I took her hoof in my hand, kissed it, then looked up at her. “Rainbow Dash, will you be my wife? Will you take the flawed creature before you as your husband?”
Her expression became serious, “On one condition.”
I kissed her hoof again, “Name it.”
She gently pulled her hoof from my hand and rested it on my cheek, “Stop jumping out of windows.”
I smirked, “I think I can do that.”
…
I woke slowly, my fiance snoring softly in my arms, a blissful expression on her face. It had been a wonderfully tiring night and we had both slept well. I knew I could face anything the universe threw at me, knowing I had my strength.
I simply lay there, enjoying her steady breathing for a while. When my stomach growled I decided it was time to get out of this very happy bed. Anyway, I suspected the cloud walking spell was starting to fade, my butt was beginning to sink. I giggled and blew in her ear. She twitched as an irritated smile grew on her lovely face. Dash protested weakly, her smile growing until finally she fully awoke and assaulted me with kisses.
“Good morning to you too, Miss Rainbow Dash. How about a shower, clothes for me, then breakfast with our good friend.”
“That sounds like a great plan.” She suddenly stood on the bed, pushing me down, “Race you to the bathroom.” I chased after her, laughing my fool head off. I noticed each step was a little bit lower, until I was hip deep in floor and my feet were touching concrete. I called out, still giggling, “We had better go to my room for that. I think we used this one up.” I ducked down feeling around for my hastily discarded clothing. Unlike me, it did not float on the cloud floor.
I popped up for a second and could see Dash’s head at the bathroom door, a sultry grin, softening when she saw me stand, “They have hard floors in the bathroom, remember.”
“Oh yeah,” as I fondly remembered the night before, “Yeah...” I tossed my pants over my shoulder and strode boldly on.
…
Dash and I finally got out of the room and stood together in front of Twilight’s door. I knocked a jaunty shave-and-a-haircut, while calling out, “Breakfast is on me.”
To my surprise, I heard Twilight reply with two knocks and, “I’m starved” in time to the knocks.
She opened the door and looked rested, happy, and I could smell she was freshly showered. She then blushed and looked down, moving her hoof in a little circle, “Did you, did you two, did-”
Dash rolled her eyes a little and smiled, stepping forward and hugged her friend, “Yes. We had a really good time. Thanks.”
If I didn’t know better, I would have sworn I saw a hint of jealousy pass over Twilight’s face. I’ve got to be misreading that. I clapped my hands together, “Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I could eat a h- huge pile of oats. May I escort my lovely fiance and our amazing friend to the dinning room? We have much to discuss.”
Dash, with a smirk like she had just pulled off the greatest prank, and I, just a simple confident smile, walked down the hall as I silently counted to myself, ‘Three, two, one...’
Twilight suddenly processed what I had said, “Fiance?” She galloped in front of us, blocking the path to the elevator, looking at us with a huge toothy grin. She proceeded to grab us both in a huge hug. “When did that happen? Who else knows? Am I the last to know, again.”
“My dear Twilight, you are, in fact, the first to know. I proposed last night and, heh, Dash accepted.” I smirked at Dash, “You still never told me how ponies do it,” Dash snorted, “I mean how they propose, you goof. Anyway, I want to do it again, and do it right this time.”
Dash snickered under her breath and lightly shoulder checked me, “Practise makes perfect.”
“Look, there will be time enough for that. Right now, I may start gnawing my own arm off I’m so hungry.”
Twilight tilted her head and levitated a notebook and quill from somewhere, “Is that what humans do if they don’t have enough food?”
“No, just an expression.” My smile grew, “But, if you don’t get out of our way I’ll be forced to tickle you until you move.” I started wiggling my fingers.
“You don’t want him to do that, Twilight.” Dash nuzzled me, “He’s very good at it.”
Twilight laughed nervously, “Moving.”
Once we were in the elevator, I had to ask, “So, how did it go for you last night, Twilight? Did you visit your parents or your brother or someone special?”
“I dropped in to my parents house. As it happens, Shining Armour and Cadence were there for dinner. By the way, that was good advice Alex, very good advice. When I got there I guess I was still visibly worried. They asked me why I was upset and I kind of told them about you. I hope you don’t mind.”
“No, I don’t mind. Why would I? I trust you, and by extension your family. I mean, I know your brother didn’t become the head of the Royal Guard by not being trustworthy. I also realize that he is absolutely loyal to the Princess. Cadence is a princess too and that’s good enough for me.”
The elevator dinged, and the doors opened. “Besides, the more minds that touch the problem, the more likely we'll get a good solution, right?”
It was late, almost 10:00 AM, so there was no line to get in. I didn’t have anything to do until this evening, so I planned to spend a lot of today with Dash and Twilight, but mostly Dash.
We were lead to a private table at Twilight’s request and the waiter got our drink orders. I welcomed my mug of coffee and the girls had their cups of tea. Twilight suggested I order something from the griffin menu, but she didn’t explain why. I shrugged but was delighted to see bacon and eggs, pork chops, whole chickens, and so on. No beef. Not a problem for me, because when you’ve chatted over coffee with the cow, it kind of kills your appetite for steak.
So, I got bacon and eggs, Dash got oat cakes, and Twilight got oatmeal. Simple filling fare, perfect to fuel us for the day. While we were waiting Dash gives me a sly glance and whispers, “I dare you to ask about, you know, the candy.”
I return her glance with a confident grin, a small nod, and a whispered, “As you wish.” I turn to Twilight, "Hey, Twilight. Is there a candy called ‘Skittles’ here." Dash snorts and almost spills her tea.
Twilight, with furrowed brow, "No, I don't think so, why?" Dash is now holding back her laughter so hard she is forced to put her mug down.
I smirk and innocently reply, "Nothing, just a private joke between me and Dash."
Dash breaks down in laughter and whispers, "You're such a bad boy."
Poor Twilight looks on, so confused, “So, what is the joke, Alex? Can you explain it?”
I smile in the purest of beatific innocence, “I think Dash would be best suited to explaining it.”
Dash narrows her eyes at me for a moment, “I’ll get you Alex Roberts.” She then turns to Twilight, “I’ll explain later, Twi. It’s not a public type of joke.”
Before Twilight could inquire further, our breakfasts arrived. The waiter gave me a bit of a once over with his eyes, but I ignored it. As he placed our food down, I could see the bacon was a very thick cut, almost a centimetre thick, and half raw. I realized this must be how griffins eat their meat, basically just seared on the outside. It kind of makes sense, but I asked the waiter to take it back and finish cooking the meat.
Dash looked at me questioningly, “What was wrong with that meat, Alex?”
“Nothing, but I like it a lot more cooked.”
“Huh, Gilda used to complain how it was always over cooked.”
“Technology users, remember? We humans developed cooking a the same time we started controlling fire. Our teeth are made for cooked food.”
Twilight’s face brightened, “My goodness, it’s all so clear now.” Her notepad and quill appeared and started scribbling furiously. “The front cutting teeth to bite through the hard outer cooked layer, the incisors to tear a piece of food off, the molars to grind the food. Yes, I can see how you evolved to eat cooked food. Very interesting.” She seemed to be peering very intently at my mouth.
“Twilight, we’ll play science later.” To their credit, the bacon was quickly returned. It was like tough ham at this point, too hard to cut and I had to eat it with my hands, but it was quite edible.
The girls didn’t look at me while I ate, likely millions of years of instincts telling them not to get the predator's attention. I had to admit I was really enjoying the greasy, salty, oh so meaty bacon, but I tried very, very hard not to make any nom nom noises. I’m not completely sure I didn’t.
I glanced at Dash, “I’ll try to eat this stuff in private, okay? I don’t want to disturb anyone doing it.”
“Hey, you big goof, it’s for your health, right?”
Once we had finished our breakfasts, I wiped the grease from my hands and chin, and asked the waiter for another cup of coffee. I smiled, “Alright. I have a full stomach Twilight, lets talk about my impending doom.”
Twilight seems to have been taken aback by the flippant tone of my question, but she quickly collected herself. “Alright, Alex. My main concern is the telomeres on the deoxyribonucleic acid chains-” I looked at her, not understanding, “The part of your DNA that protects against mutation when cells divide.” I nodded, “This mechanism also controls the aging process. They break off when the cell splits, and when you no longer have any, the cell stops splitting and they die.”
“Your cells are losing telomeres at four to six times the normal rate, at least as far as I can tell. I think the cause is the high magic environment of Equestria. Your body can metabolize a small amount naturally, but not enough, and the excess is, is burning your cells. I have also confirmed that the trans-dimensional events, or ‘jumps’ as you call them, have the side effect of reconstructing your DNA, including the telomeres, to the same state they were when you first jumped. They effectively reset your age, Alex.”
Dash held her hoof up, “Wait wait wait Twilight. Are you saying Alex is aging faster because he can’t handle his magic?” Dash scurried away from me, a look of horror in her eyes, “Am I killing him? Is my natural magic doing this?”
Twilight smiled hopefully, “No Rainbow Dash, quite the opposite. With your body absorbing the local magic it’s actually saving him. As a matter of fact,” Twilight blushed, “until I can get a proper solution to this, we should both spend time physically close to him.”
Dash scooted beside me with a worried expression on her face. “Even, even at night?”
“I’m afraid so Rainbow Dash. Unicorns are best because we absorb and use magic more readily than the other ponies. Sorry Dash, but you're second best for this.” Dash flashed a very annoyed look at Twilight and she quickly added, “But both of us there would be better for Alex. I apologize if it interferes with your se- um, snuggling, but it's for Alex's health.” For the first time since I've known Twilight, she looked positively defiant.
I maybe had a little too much of a smile, “So, how close are we talking? A few tens of meters, a meter or two, touching? I mean, don’t get me wrong, being close to two such lovely ladies will be a very ego enhancing experience.”
Dash gave me a smirk, “Don’t get too excited Mr Roberts.”
“That’s right casanova, it’s just for medical reasons. To answer your question, it needs to be within a few meters. We will have to figure something out for sleeping. But, that is a problem for tonight.”
I snickered, “As long as Dash can chaperone, I don’t foresee any problems.” We all chuckled and Dash leaned against me.
Twilight continued, “Once we get to Ponyville, you should have two of us by your side at all times, but any two ponies should do. This should reduce the amount of damage over time to a normal level. I would also like you to carry your knife at all times. It will act as an additional magical sink and will protect you when you’re alone.”
“My tests have shown a reduced amount of cobalt-containing vitamer compounds. Ponies usually create our own in our guts, but you need to get them from an external source. Maybe I can synthesize something. But it brings us back to the magic issue. If I use magic to create this compound, it will be infused with magic, and when it’s injected or eaten, the problem will get worse. As a stop-gap, some modifications to your diet, specifically adding some kind of non-plant based proteins, could help. In other words, eat meat. Fish will be easiest to find in Ponyville. Even some ponies eat the stuff.”
“So fish is safe. Even Fluttershy wouldn’t be too upset with fish.”
“There’s one last thing, probably the more alarming in some ways but not the most pressing. I’ve detected a growing amount of chaos magic infused with your cellular structure. The traces may date back sixty years, when you first started jumping. I have to tell you I’m not sure if this has any relation to Discord or if it’s the naturally occurring magic in humans. I would need a few more tests and maybe a second human to confirm.”
“Isn’t that magic bad for me too? What’s the difference?”
Twilight thought for a moment, no doubt dumbing it down for me. “Normal magic is like an outside energy source, generated by the environment. Ponies absorb that energy and use it through our starswirl glands.” I nodded, and maybe rolled my eyes a little, “Sorry. At any rate, chaos magic is an internal source of energy. Ponies might have a tiny trace, but not enough to be useful. You, on the other hand, seem to have a notable amount of chaos magic integrally connected to you, and it seems to be slowly growing. I’ll have to do some more testing to determine exactly how much how quickly.”
“Okay, that’s all good to know. But right now, I was hoping to do a little shopping today. First, I would like to get Dash a little something to commemorate our engagement. Humans usually use rings, but I don’t know what ponies do. Also, I have an outfit for tonight, but unless I miss my guess, society ladies wear hats and clothes. Dash, I’m thinking your Gala dress is a little much and Twilight, I don’t know what you have. Since you’re both going to be with me, we may as well fit in with the local yokels.” This drew some appreciative snickers from the girls. “So, between now and seven, we should be able to do all that, maybe grab an early supper?”
Twilight became serious, “Alex, I really need to start researching this problem.”
“Yes, I know you do, but I already said I needed to continue what I was doing.”
“Alex, she wasn’t in the bedroom with us.”
Twilight got that panicked pony look and her cheeks were bright red.
“What? Oh. Right.” I smiled sheepishly, “Sorry. I had decided, after we, well, you know, that I would carry on doing what I was planning to do here. It’s important to me. And now that things are rolling, there are people depending on me to do what I need to do.”
Still blushing slightly, “Oh, alright. I can respect that. And while we're with you, you will not get any worse.” She took a sip of tea and smiled, “So, what will be doing today?”
In my best Flam impersonation I started a little sing song, “Well you see, my dear Twilight,” the girls started giggling at my antics, “I have found myself recently engaged to marry a very beautiful pegasus and my traditions require the man, that's me, give a ring to the mare, that's you Dash, however I have a problem. You see, I suspect my lovely pegasus bride to be has a different tradition, and I want to honour her. So, why this song and dance? This humble homo sapien needs to know what gift should I give to my beloved Rainbow Dash.”
Twilight, still giggling, clapped her hoofs together, “Oh, that's so sweet.”
Dash rolled her eyes, “I'm not exactly big on traditions, but the normal thing is a necklace, with gems that match the mare.”
In my normal voice, “Heh, can't do that voice any more, or sing. Well then, we're going necklace shopping.”
We left the hotel and strolled to the nearby jewellery district, discussing possible designs. “So, I was already thinking about getting Dash a necklace before, all this. The design I had in mind was an aquamarine gem as the centre, and a rainbow of jewels over the top.”
“Oh. That's so thoughtful.”
Dash smirked, “You're more excited about this than I am, Twilight.”
Twilight sighed, “It's just so nice to see a special friend who really acts special, that's all.”
I bowed, “As a friend and as a special friend, I thank you.”
Dash rolled her eyes, “Twilight, you're giving him a fat head, I mean fatter than usual. I mean, he's puffed up enough being engaged to me.” She nuzzled me, “But, I have to admit, that does sound like a pretty design.”
We spent a few hours shopping at the various boutiques. While we didn't see any designs that were exactly what I had in mind, we did speak with a jeweller who said he would have something we could look at tomorrow. With the necklace taken care of, it was time to get some hats and clothes.
Shopping for the outfits that the girls were going to wear that evening was much faster. I already had a suit, and the girls were just getting stuff off the rack. It was high quality stuff, designer labels, but still off the rack. We simply didn't have time to get custom outfits made.
“Dash, I really want to thank you for coming. I know this isn't your thing. Heck, it's not my thing, but adapt and thrive, eh?”
“I need to stick with you so you can stay healthy, right? Anyway, Fancypants is cool. Don't let the outside fool you, he's a good guy.” I gave her neck a little squeeze.
“I’m happy to be here too, Alex.”
“Thanks Twilight. I thought growing up here, you would be used to high society. Princess's personal student and all that.”
“Not really. She shielded me from a lot of that. Still, I know the basics so I should be okay. Fancypants helped us all with that.”
I felt the white alabaster doors with gold trim looming above us. Despite everything I had been told about Fancypants I was feeling intimidated. I knocked on the door and it was soon answered by a butler, “This way, please.”
We were lead through his impressive mansion, room after room of posh furniture, breath taking paintings, and incredible works of art. We were finally lead to a room with large windows overlooking a lovely garden with a crowd of society ponies.
“Ah, you must be the fascinating Alex Roberts that Rarity has spoken so highly of. And of course who would not know the lovely Rainbow Dash and the brilliant Miss Twilight Sparkle. How wonderful it is to see you both again.”
Much to my surprise Dash leapt forward to give him a quick hug, “Hi ya Fancypants, great to see you again too.”
I smile, “I have heard nothing but good things about you, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you.” I offered him my hand. He looked at it curiously for a moment before shaking it.
“I say, those hands of yours seem quite useful. Much handier than the old hooves, eh.”
“That's what I thought at first, but I've learned that hooves have advantages as well.” I could see he was weighing and measuring my response. “In fact, I would say that for some things, the hoof is far superior to this humble appendage.” He raised an eyebrow, “For example picking up objects, I need to grip them on a protrusion or the edge, however you simply place your hoof on the surface and grab with that telekinetic field.” I chuckled, “At the end of the day,” I give him a gaelic shrug, “both have advantages and disadvantages. Just like anything else.”
This seemed to satisfy him, “Well said old boy. Well said indeed. Come, let's go to the garden and meet the other guests. They are simply dying to meet you.”
As we walked through his mansion, “I have to confess, I’m a little nervous. High society always made me feel horribly inadequate. Exposed and out of my depths as it were. I hope I don’t become a social liability.” I chuckled, “Rarity tried to teach me some social graces, but I still feel kind of hopeless.”
Fancypants politely smiled “Nonsense, my dear boy. Just be yourself, the same self Rarity was so impressed with. I’m sure everything will all be right as rain.”
Fancypants graciously led us to his grand ballroom and opened the double doors himself. “Friends, I would like to introduce my most important guests for the evening, Miss Twilight Sparkle, Miss Rainbow Dash, and of course, Mr. Alex Roberts.”
At his words, the crowd of classy ponies swarmed us. While all three of us were surrounded by ponies, I had the lion’s share. There were all talking at me, and I found it difficult to focus on just one set. We were separated by the weight of the crowd, but I figured that as long as I keep a couple of ponies within two or three meters, it’s all good.
One stallion pushed his way to the front of the crowd, a mare trailing behind him. They worked together to push the others back a little and I was able to understand what he was saying. The stallion had a light gray coat, along with dark gray mane and tail. Not that I check out stallion’s flanks, but I did glance and saw what looked like part of a jet covered by his sweater. A very eighties preppy look. She had a pale yellow coat and a mane that was pale blue violet with white streaks. She was dressed in a similar eighties preppy style.
He spoke with an affected Boston accent, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alex Roberts. My name is Jet Set and this is my wife Upper Crust.”
Her voice was icy and unimpressed and she had that same Boston accent, “Charmed, I’m sure.”
Jet Set cut back in, “Fancypants has told us so much about you.” His expression became sly, “I hear tell your species is meat eating, is that true?”
No point in lying, “Yes, sir. That is correct. Although, I am an omnivore, so I can exist quite happily on a diet of plants. However, due to the slight differences in biology I do have to eat a small quantity of meat,” I shrugged, “for health reasons.” I chuckled, “However, I do want to assure you that I would never eat anything that would require me explaining myself to their family.”
He looked at me in that usual pony shocked way with huge eyes and tiny pupils. “I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t offend you. I was just making a little joke.”
Upper Crust flipped her mane and harrumphed, “Well, I never.”
That distinct voice called out, friendly and cheerful as always, “Jet Set, Upper Crust. May I speak to you, privately?” They both looked at me, smug smiles on their faces, and happily followed Fancypants.
Most of the other guests stopped talking, and started whispering to each other. One stallion, with that Boston accent, “Don’t worry, old boy. Those two are always stepping in the muck, even before Rarity came on the scene. And, as far as we’re concerned, your diet is inconsequential. It’s not like you’re going around eating ponies.” Dash snorted, and I rolled my eyes at her, but smiled.
I put my hand out, “I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name.”
He took my hand with his hoof, “Opera Mask, composer and conductor. I’ve heard you’re planning on building an opera house in Ponyville.” He had a black coat and a stark white mane and tail, and was wearing a simple pony tuxedo. His cutie mark was a pair of opera glasses.
“Yes, sir. More of a multi-use facility actually, but acoustics will be very important. I’ll be seeing Perfect Home tomorrow and would be very interested in what you have to say about the acoustics of facilities.”
“Perfect Home? The waiting list to see him is years long. You’ve been here less than a year, according to the gossip.”
“Hmmm, about seven months, give or take a month. I will confess, I was very lucky to land where I did. Literally in the backyard of one of the Elements of Harmony, Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness. If that’s not luck, I don’t know what is.”
“Ah, yes, I remember that party when Rarity introduced us to them. Charmingly rustic, loam of the earth, and all that. Saved Equestria several times. Anyone who saves the world deserves to be respected.”
“That they do.”
“I saw you had two of them as companions with you. Are they both your, friends?”
“They’re both friends, but Rainbow Dash is very special to me. Let’s just say we saved each other from a fate worse than death.”
He gave me an appraising look, and a smile crept over his face, “I see. Well, good show to you. She’s a vibrant, energetic mare.”
My eyes lingered on Dash for a moment, our eyes met and she smiled sweetly at me. ‘I never thought I would ever see Rainbow Dash smile at anyone like that, let alone me.’
Opera Mask cleared his throat, “Alex, could you tell me about the operas where you come from.”
“My opera experience is somewhat limited, I’m afraid. The only two I saw were Tommy, and The Phantom of the Opera. Both basically plays, told with song and maybe a little dialog.” I continued, describing their basic plots.
“I say, those are very different from the operas we have here. We may have to speak again on this subject.”
“So, what kind of opera do you have here?”
“The form is essentially the same, a play with music to tell the story. But, our operas tend to be historical in nature. And not as violent.”
I shrugged, “I have found that predatory species tend to be more violent, mine included. As one anthropologist from my world put it, when humans are confronted with a problem, the first questions are, ‘can I run away from it’, ‘can I eat it’, and ‘can I mate with it’, not necessarily in that order.” We both chuckled.
The evening wore on and I became more comfortable with the society ponies. It was easier when I could see they were not much different from me. They just enjoyed the pomp of high society. They were also quite forgiving, especially when they found out I come from a different universe.
I noticed Spitfire was there too in her military uniform. Dash was animatedly chatting with her. I found it interesting her dress uniform looked a little like US Airforce uniforms. I'll have to remember to have a hefty discount for service personnel in uniform.
Twilight was having an animated conversation with several older unicorn ponies, all having the air of professors or wizards. In this world, they are usually one in the same.
In the end, almost many of the guests were artists of some kind or a patron of the arts, most very wealthy. Some even suggested investing in the theatre and I promised them I would get in contact with them before it got to that point.
As the evening wound down and guests started excusing themselves, Dash and Twilight made their way to stand beside me. Dash fluttered up and gave me a peck on the cheek, “You did great. I’m proud of you.”
Fancypants smiled and winked at me, “Yes you did. You even handled those two, individuals, admirably. To be perfectly candid, I always invite them for the antics they provide. They rarely disappoint.”
He chuckled lightly, “However I must say, for someone who claims to be socially unskilled, you certainly adapted to tonight's situation. I dare say all the guests that mattered were quite impressed by you. I believe finding investors and artists for the new Ponyville theatre will be a much easier. Why, you may have to come to Canterlot more often, now that you’ve made a name for yourself.”
I felt relieved, “My big worry was causing you grief. I’ve very pleased I didn’t.”
“There is humility Rarity spoke of. Marvellous.”
We stayed a few minutes longer, but finally we started to leave. We chatted excitedly about our evening while walking back to the hotel. Dash called to her friend, “Hey, Twilight, why don’t you just poof us to the hotel? Save some walking.”
I shook my head, “I don’t know Dash. Sound really magicy to me.”
“Alex is correct, Rainbow Dash. Teleporting requires a great deal of magic, and doing that would reverse any benefits he has gained by staying close to us today. It looks like we’re walking.”
Dash groaned. “On the bright side, I get to spend more time with you guys. Anyway, we can take the street that runs in the lower part of town. It’s quicker, and we should be fine with three of us.”
I shrugged, “Lead on, Dash.”
We were walking in this quiet, seedy part of town, when I started recognizing the location. I giggled, “Hey Dash, remember when were last here? Chased all those goons out of the bar? Good times, good times.”
Dash snickered, “Ya, that was hilarious.” Dash proceed to tell Twilight all about that night, including the whole ‘flame breath’ ruse.
We were all chuckling when I heard a shout, “Look, it’s that human and his nag.” I turned and saw a group of nine or ten ponies, all looking very angry. “Yeah, that’s right monkey, we know all about you. We also knows you don’t breath no fire. You owe us a thumping, and we aim to collect. Now, you tell your two nags to get out of the way and we won’t hurt them.”
I face-palmed, “Oy.”
My fists clenched involuntarily, "What did you just call my fiance and our friend?"
The tough guy who seemed to be in charge of the mob sneered, "I called them nags, you ugly shaved monkey." His cronies chuckled at his razor wit. He seemed familiar, then I realized he was the guy that had picked a fight with me and Dash the last time we were in town. The same guy who tried to ambush me when I was looking for the Wonderbolts store. I smirked, dubbing him Fathead for my own amusement.
I turn to see a very, very angry Dash, "How bad is 'nag' compared to other rude names to call a mare?"
"It would earn you at least a month on the couch."
"Wow, that's bad.” I turn back to Fathead and company, “Ok, you know what? I usually look for a peaceful, or at least non-violent solution to problems, but today? Today I really really really really hope you think I’m bluffing and decide to make this physical. That would make me very happy.” I quickly glance back to the girls, “With both of your permissions of course.”
I glanced at Dash again, “Kick his flank, sweetheart.”
I turned to Twilight and I saw an angry smile I hope is never directed at me, "I for one feel this is an excellent idea, Alex. A calisthenic workout on such an unpleasant individual can only increase your mental and physical well being. You may proceed."
Fathead’s barking laugh draws my attention, “You see that? He’s tail whipped by two mares. No wonder he’s such a wimp.” This drew a chorus of laughter from his associates.
While still facing them, I carefully take my suit coat off and lay it carefully on the curb. I could see the cobblestones were very smooth on this street.
“Look at that. The little colt has to take off his Tuesday best.” This drew more laughter from the thugs.
I turned to the girls, my fingers making quick work of the buttons on the shirt, taking special care of Dash’s feather on the simple necklace I keep around my neck. Twilight’s eyes soften for a moment, then returns to the task at hand. I whisper, “Follow my lead, and, um, Twilight, I am really, truly sorry for what you’re about to see.”
As my shirt dropped to the ground, Twilights eyes widened in realization. The sounds of the shocked exclamations by Fathead and his group was sweet. When I turned with a predatory smile to our accosters, the sound of Twilight gasping then her choking back a cry only served to make me angrier. ‘You bastards made me show my scars to a sweet innocent young lady. You’re paying for this Fathead.’
I smiled and deliberately, dramatically gestured with my hands, “Now, in the interest of full disclosure I want to introduce you to your playmates for tonight. To my right is the beautiful Element of Loyalty, Rainbow Dash. This lovely pegasus is also my future wife. To my left is the Element of Magic, Twilight Sparkle. This lovely unicorn is our very good friend.”
I put my arms out in a dramatic pose, “As for myself, I’m a bucking human. Meat eating, tool using, apex predator. We hunt and kill for fun. I’m also one of Princess Luna’s personal champions, The Paladins of Redemption.” I could see Fathead was getting worried, so I may as well crank it up a notch. I pointed at him and smiled, making sure to show teeth, “Do you know what we call people like you where I come from?” I could see the worried looks of Fathead’s crew. I counted to two before continuing and slowly, with all the relish and threat I could muster, said, “Lunch.” I then licked my lips and theatrically wiped my mouth, as if I was drooling at the prospect of a fresh meal.
Fathead’s voice quavered slightly, “He... He’s bluffing. He’s nothing.” Fathead puffed his chest out and exclaimed, “I can take him all on my own, you lily livered cowards.”
In a clear, loud voice, “Ladies, you heard the pony. He wants to take the first dance. Please, do not interfere unless his minions join the fray.”
Dash’s hushed tone was worried, “Are you sure? He’s awfully big.”
I smiled an unpleasant smile, “And I’m a complete bastard.”
I pointed to him and raised my voice, “Here are the rules Fathead. No weapons, no killing. I’m giving up my two advantages, because they would be overwhelming and lethal.” I whispered, “Twilight, I need an illusion of a knife, I’m pulling it out now.” I reached in my pocket and felt that telekinetic slipperiness in the shape of a handle. I pulled out a nasty looking blade, about thirty centimetres long, plus the handle. I tried to not look surprised at the size.
I lifted it up, made a point of kissing the blade, and threw it to the ground. Twilight made it strike the street blade first and had it embed itself half of its length into a cobblestone. ‘For someone who claims they have no talent for showmanship, you’re putting on a fantastic show.’
I started walking slowly forward as Fathead angrily yelled and charged. As he got closer, I sprinted. The moment he turned to buck and had committed himself I threw myself into a slide, passing over the glass smooth cobblestones with little resistance, until I was below him with his legs high in the air. From my position I threw a punch straight up, directly between his hind legs. As he started falling, I held him in the air for a moment then redirected him away from me. When he hit the ground I rolled away and got back to my feet. I knew I needed to make this a definitive end, so I unceremoniously kicked him in the head as hard as I could. I knew a pony could take it, so I didn’t feel any need to hold back.
I looked down on him in disgust. I was a little afraid to look back at the girls, fearful of their expressions. I snarled at the mob, “Who’s next? Anyone else? No? Good.” I relaxed and looked at them with a friendly smile, “Now, let this be a lesson to you. Being part of an angry mob is all fun and games until someone gets the shit kicked out of them. I strongly suggest you disperse, go home, hug your loved ones, and think about what you were part of tonight. I’ll make sure your pal here,” I indicated the groaning Fathead curled in the fetal position, “gets home safe and sound. And the next time I see you, drinks are on me. But not tonight.” When they continued milling about, I shouted, “Beat it, I said.” They quickly left.
Once they were all gone, I started rubbing my hip, limping back to Fathead and the girls. I murmured, “Son of a pup that hurt.”
Dash was by my side in an instant, a look of concern plain on her face, “Are you okay? Do you need to get to the hospital?”
“No, but Fathead here,” I gestured to the groaning pony, “needs some looking after. I just hit the ground a little harder than expected and my foot is a bit sore but a couple of willow bark tablets and I’ll be fine.”
Twilight trotted forward, an angry expression on her face, “He was rude and he attacked us. Why do you care about him?”
“Because that’s what he does, Twilight. Paladin of Redemption, remember?”
Impossibly, my appreciation of Dash grew just a little more, “Everybody deserves a second chance, Twilight. Come on, can you pick him up off the street? Maybe you have a healing spell to fix him up?”
“Cadence taught me a basic one. I can fix his head, but I need to touch the affected body part with my horn, and I’m not putting my head anywhere near his crotch.”
Fathead quavered, “Come on sweetheart, I’m dying here.”
I looked at Twilight, “Do it for me. Speaking as a guy, getting hit in the fork is very unpleasant. Just close your eyes and think of Equestria.” I really hoped she doesn’t ask me to explain the reference.
Twilight rolled her eyes a little but smiled, “Okay, but you owe me one more Alex.”
“That’s the magic of friendship Twilight.”
Twilight’s horn glowed and she touched his forehead, then, with a little blush, she touched her horn in the general area of Fathead's private parts. Relief was clearly apparent on his face moments after. He looked up at me, his relief becoming fear. He pleaded, “Y-You’re not going to eat me, are you?”
Dash snorted, and I answered, “No. I only eat fish and pork once in a while. I’m sorry I hurt you. Look, before we do go any further, what’s your name?”
He replied, his voice getting back to normal, “Wood Frame.”
“Well Wood Frame, I think we need to talk. If there’s something wrong in your life, maybe we can help. But, right now I’m beat and you need to go home and hug your loved ones.” I passed him a business card, “Here, this is my address in Ponyville and I wrote where I’m staying here in Canterlot on the back. When you feel up to it, whenever you want to, get in touch with me. We can have a good talk, man to stallion. No judgments, no horsefeathers, just you and me making things better.”
Wood Frame’s expression was confused. He kept looking between the card and me until he finally muttered, “That sounds good.” He tucked the card away and wandered off, presumably home.
Once he was out of sight, Twilight started into me again, “Alex. Why did you offer to help him. He’s not a nice pony. I can see fixing him up and letting him off the hook, but... Ugh, don’t tell me, it’s what you do.”
I smiled wearily, “Twilight, he had a good reason to be mad at me. I made him look like a fool in public twice, three times now, once at the racetrack bar, once at the doughnut shop, and now tonight in front of his friends. I really don’t blame him for being upset. Not only that, but if I can help him be a better person, I’m doing my job as a Paladin.” I smiled sadly at her, “I don’t need to be their friend, I just need to point their way to hope.”
We were back in Twilight’s room with her research materials spread all over her temporary office. She was looking bashfully at Dash, having just explained her conclusions. Dash gave her friend a hard stare, “So let me get this straight Twilight. You want Alex, my fiancé, to sleep with you?” Her head snapped in my direction, “And what are you snickering for Alex Roberts?”
I couldn’t help but smile, “Hey, don't get mad at me. Is it my fault Twilight is a better magic sink? Anyway, I want you there to be my chaperone lest I be tempted to wander.”
Twilight started sputtering and protesting, "Dash I promise I never even considered him a potential suitor. I mean, ew. No offence Alex.”
I snickered, “None taken.”
Dash snorted and smirked, "I know I can trust you guys. And what do you mean, ew? Are you putting my stallion down?” She lovingly laughed, “I know he’s not much to look at but...”
I snorted, “But what?”
Dash started laughing while fluttering over to me, “But, you’re butt ugly. And you’re all mine.” A sweet, slow kiss told me how she really felt.
Without taking my eye off of Dash, “Ladies, I think I have a solution. It will preserve Twilight’s dignity, and Dash’s piece of mind.”
Dash grinned at me, “Oh, this should be good.”
Twilight just smiled and raised an eyebrow.
“Okay, so, Twilight casts a cloud walking spell,” Twilight opened her mouth to object, “but, only on herself. I know extra magic is no good for me. You two share the cloud bed and I sleep beneath you, on the subfloor. It's a little cold and damp, but I can grab a few extra blankets. Thus, dignity is preserved by Twilight, Dash has a clear conscious, and I get to spend the night with my angel and our friend, thus preserving my health.”
The girls, with surprised looks, glanced at each other. Finally, Dash started slowly nodding, “Hey, Twilight, you may have a run for your bits as top egghead.”
“Maybe so. That’s actually a very simple solution. But, won't you be uncomfortable, sleeping on a concrete floor?”
I dismissed her concerns, “Twilight, I slept in the branches of a tree in the middle of an ice swamp for four months. This is not a problem.” I stretched and yawned, “You know what, I’m beat. Let's do this.” I quickly went to my room, stripped the blankets and sheets off of my bed and grabbed a few extra blankets. I also grabbed the extra pillow from my room.
When I got back with my load of bedding, Twilight was casting the cloud walking spell on herself. I carefully stepped off the ledge of the entrance and walked to the bed. There, I blindly arranged the pillows and blankets on the sub-floor. Once done, Dash gave me a very passionate good night kiss and I lay down on my makeshift bed. I didn’t realize how cold and damp it was in the cloud layer until I had been laying down for a few minutes. I guess the cloud walking spell gives immunity to cold and damp.
I was soon dozing, not quite asleep, but perked up when Twilight whispered hesitantly, “So, how was he?”
Dash, half asleep, whispered back, “What do you mean?”
Twilight clicked her tongue in irritation, “Don’t make me say it. You know, was, it, any good?”
There was a pause, as if Dash was collecting her thoughts, “It was, different. I mean, I love him Twilight, but he just didn’t know what to do half the time, and some of the stuff he tried was just, weird. Mind you, he thought some pony stuff was weird too, so I guess it goes both ways. Anyway, I've found it’s not that great until the second or third time, so I wasn't totally surprised. The poor guy was at a double disadvantage, you know. I mean, it isn't my week, so it’s a little harder to get excited about it. Anyway, it's not like he's had a lifetime of knowing what a mare likes. The most surprising part was, well, human guys only, you know, once, and it can take awhile for them to go again. I feel bad for human mares.”
“Oh, he didn’t feel too bad, did he?” There was a pause, “But, it does make sense. I mean, he’s only been in our world for less than a year. I’m sure if a stallion was with a human female, she would feel the same way. Intimacy always seemed to make him a little uncomfortable and I know it’s not something he ever got a book on. It would be crazy to expect him to know what to do with so little experience and, at best, second hand stories.”
“Yeah, I know. Anyway, I did enjoy the effort. He was so cute, trying so hard to make me happy. I know he has to learn how it works here and some of what he did was really interesting. To be fair, I don’t think it was that great for him either. Anyway,” Dash giggled, “plenty of time for us to learn the skills.”
Twilight’s voice became so sad, it hurt my heart, “Well, I’m envious. I’ve never had a stallion look at me the way he looks at you. I don’t think I’ll ever have that, Rainbow, I...”
I coughed, “Excuse me... damn it.”
Dash asked hesitatingly, “How... how much did you hear, Alex?”
I raised my hand through the clouds and touched a feather. I then lovingly stroked her wing, “Enough to know that time and some learning will fix things. And as for you, Miss Sparkle,” I pushed my hand a little higher and pointed at her, to both of their amusements, “you never know when that special someone will drop into your lap. Have hope, Twilight. I know you will find what you seek.”
I felt a hoof grab my hand and tug it a little, then soft, warm lips kiss my palm. “I love you Alex.”
“I love you too Dash.” My fingers played along her cheek, “With all my heart.” I heard a sad little sigh that I guessed was Twilight and my heart broke just a little.
Ugh. There was nothing worse than waking up cold and damp. My joints ached, my back ached, my nose was running, and I felt sticky. I needed a good hot shower. I started standing, completely forgetting about the two ladies above me. I smacked into Twilight, knocking her off the bed with a surprised cry. I then stumbled forward, tripping over my pillow, my face landing on Dash’s chest and my arms grabbing her from beneath, startling her awake, making her wings pop, and making her fall off the bed. Finally, this caused me to stumble sideways and smack the back of my head into the wall.
I groaned, “Is everybody okay? Sorry about that. I forgot I had two lovely ladies sleeping just above me.”
Dash was laughing, “I’m just fine, you big oaf. You okay, Twilight?”
She was giggling too, “I’ll survive.”
I smirked, “I would say it was not exactly the romantic wake up you were expecting Dash, but your wings are telling a different story.”
Dash realized her wings were fully extended and she blushed. Slowly, deliberately, and with some obvious effort, she closed them. “Sorry you had to see that Twilight. He tends to do this to me in the morning.”
Twilight was blushing as she tittered, “That’s quite alright Rainbow Dash.”
Still facing Dash, I snorted, “I just realized I can tell Elusive I slept with Dash and Twilight, at the same time. He’ll be so jeal-” I was hit from behind by a pillow.
A laughing voice chided me, “Don’t you dare. Rainbow Dash, you tell your fiance not to tell anyone about this.”
“I don’t know Twilight. He has so few good stories like this. I’m not sure I can take this from him.”
I turn to Twilight, “Okay, okay, I promise that if it ever comes up, I will make sure to describe exactly what happened here in cold clinical terms. How I bravely slept on the cold, hard, damp floor so my beautiful fiance and our wonderful friend could share a comfortable cloud bed. Any conclusions will be drawn by the listener.”
Twilight gave me an incredulous smirk, “I suppose that will be the best I can hope for. Just promise you’ll avoid the subject?”
“Yes. I promise to never bring it up and only ever describe it if it somehow slips.” I put my hand over my heart, “You have my word as a friend and I also,” I raised my hands to perform the required gestures, “cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
There was the snap-crack sound of a small item being teleported. On the dresser was a scroll with the black and blue seal used by Luna. I confirmed it was addressed to me, and snapped the seal. I smiled as I read it, getting some useful information from Princess Luna about her decision to ask Beatrix to join our little crusade. The girls asked what was in the scroll, but I simply answered, “Paladin business. Sorry.”
After an early breakfast we headed to downtown Canterlot to the jewelry store where Dash’s engagement necklace was ready. “Girls, why don’t you have a cup of tea at that cafe over there. I don’t want Dash to see it unless it’s perfect.”
Dash rolled her eyes, but smiled, “Come on Twilight, he’ll pout if it’s not just so.”
I waved them off and hurried to the jewelry store. Walking in, I saw the unicorn jeweller at his workstation, polishing the necklace. He turned his head at the jingle of the door bell and came out to greet me.
“Welcome back sir, welcome back.” He sneered at the mare behind the counter, “I told you he would be back, Gem Set.” He turned back to me, “I knew you would be back. And sir, if you don’t mind my saying so, this will be a real mark of prestige, making a piece for one of Luna’s Paladins and the Element of Loyalty. After the party last night, you probably didn’t see me, you are the talk of the town. I must say it is an honor and a privilege to provide my humble services to you.”
I was taken aback by the gushing, “Well, thank you very much. You’re Stone Facet, right?” He nods. “Between you and me, I was very intimidated at first, but I was made to feel so welcomed that I completely forgot about being intimidated. I was afraid it would be a string of awkward silences, but it turned out to be a fantastic evening. And, for the record, I’m the one who is honored. You were the only jeweler who actually took the time to listen to me.” I peered at the necklace on his workbench, “And I can see you read my mind as well.” He levitated the necklace and it was beautiful. It was, in fact, perfect.
“Just a little more polishing and it will be ready. Say, fifteen minutes?”
“Make it so, but take your time. I realize rushing art does no one any good. Also, if you can place it in a nice flip top box, that would be perfect. I’ll just wait here and admire your other wares.” I walked around, looking at the amazing work presented in the shop.
I stopped in front a display case with unicorn jewelry in front of the mare. “Pardon me, miss. I’m looking for a gift for a unicorn friend of mine. She’s feeling down and I want to give her something that says, she’s my friend, I'm there for her, but it can’t have any romantic connotation at all. And I mean none. Just one buddy to another to cheer her up. I have a history of cultural misunderstandings and I really want to avoid it here.”
“I’m afraid, sir, that jewelry almost always has a romantic component to it. Have you considered something related to her cutie mark? That’s a very friendly gift and unlikely to imply anything intimate.”
I thought for a moment and smiled, “Do you know where the nearest rare book store is?”
She smiled, “As a matter of fact I do. It’s just one block from here.”
“Thank you very much for that, and I’ll be right back.”
I strode out the store, waved at the girls and yelled, “I’ll be right back.” With that, I headed down the block in search of a little pick me up gift for Twilight.
From the outside the book shop looked like every other used book shop in every other reality. The storefront featured slightly dirty windows, piles of slightly dusty books, and signs pointing out a few featured books. I entered and found an old unicorn mare, also slightly dusty, at the counter with thick glasses. She peered suspiciously at me, “We don’t have picture books, diamond dog. You would be best to scoot before I call the royal guard.”
“Actually ma’am, I’m not a diamond dog.”
She peered intently at me again, “You may look like one, but, oh my, you certainly don’t sound like one, far more articulate. Come closer.” She lifted her glasses up and squinted at me, a little confused, “Huh. You look like... no, that can’t be right. You’re not a hominis, are you?”
It was my turn to be a confused, “No, I’m a human.”
She smiled and took her glasses off, lost in thought, “In my youth, I had the privilege of working in the Canterlot archives. One day, while cataloguing an ancient shelf of volumes hoof written by Starswirl the Bearded himself, I found a thin volume, no more than sixteen pages, titled ‘On The Dangers Of Piercing The Veil To Other Worlds’.”
“I was young and had a curious mind. I was so fascinated by the title I dared to gaze upon the pages and found a description of a bloodthirsty race called Romanorum hominum in their language. Starswirl described such... horrors they inflicted on their own people, how they murdered for entertainment, how they butchered animals, even ponies, simply to amuse the crowds. I even made a copy of the image in the book.” She points to an old frame on the wall behind her.
“Wait a second, why is there ‘LIFE’ in the corner?”
She smiled and got the same look Twilight gets when lecturing, “Oh, Starswirl himself was a terrible artist. His faithful assistant, Life Drawing, always did the art and sometimes signed his work.” Realization dawned on her face, but not fear, “So, you are one of these creatures, eh? Come for more entertainments?”
I took a step back and put my hands up defensively, “No no no. That was two thousand years ago, just a little before my time.” I put my hands in my pockets and smiled, “Me? I’m harmless. What I'm here for is to buy a gift for my friend, Twilight Sparkle.”
The old mare squinted at me for a long moment, “You’re downright decent for a blood thirsty monster. Well, I guess you can’t judge a book by its cover.” She trotted over to a back room with a locked door. Her horn glowed, the door opened, and she went in. She soon came back with a small, thick brown book and placed it on the counter. There was no title on the cover or spine. “This is only one of three copies of ‘Advanced Transdimensional Mathematics’. If this is the same Twilight Sparkle that practically grew up in the library in Canterlot, I know she never read this one.”
“Unless there are two violet unicorn mares with a six pointed star cutie mark, then we're talking about the same person. I may not know anything about magic, but I know a little something about old books. A rare book like that must be worth a fortune.”
“Oh, it is, but this is for Twilight Sparkle. She was always such a dear child. I’ll let you have it for a thousand bits. What I originally paid for it.”
‘Yikes, that’s more than I'll pay for Dash’s necklace. But, I have the rest of my life to make it up to her.’ “That is very kind of you, but I insist you make a little profit. Let’s say one and a half?”
She had a very slight smile, “Very well. I’m not used to dickering up the price, but I’ll accept.”
I was happy I bought that pouch with a direct link to the bank. 'Best hundred bits I ever spent.' I paid her the money I owed for the book and she wrapped it in a plain brown wrapper. As I was leaving, the old mare called out, “Tell Twilight, Indexed Book says hello. And tell her to come visit me when she can.”
“Yes ma'am. And thank you for looking past my species.”
“Books and covers my boy, books and covers.”
I jogged through the crowds back to the jeweller. As I walked in, Gem Set said with a smug expression, “I told you he would be back. Welcome back sir. Do you have a gift for your friend?”
“Yes, a dense and complex book on transdimensional mathematics. That will tickle her math bone. I want to thank you for that advice. She's a sweetheart, and I know she will love it. And I think my fiancé will just flip for the necklace. She's not the kind of girl that wears jewellery, but I wanted to do it right, you know.”
Stone Facet nodded and winked, “Sounds like you will have two happy mares in your near future.”
“I hope so.” I examined the sky blue box and opened it, “This is perfect, the box opens with a single smooth flick of my thumb, showing to the mare I love your masterpiece.” I felt a catch in my throat, “This is truly stunning. Thank you.” I started walking out the store when Gem Set and Stone Facet both cleared their throats. I stopped and sheepishly walked back in. “Sorry about that. I was just... anyway.” I pulled out my coin purse, “How much do I owe you?” They gave me a price and I paid. I chuckled on my way out at my inadvertent shoplifting attempt.
I returned to the girls, Dash smirking and busting my chops, “Hey Alex, we're getting bored here. You all settled up, or what?”
“Yes I am. I actually have a little something for each of you. First, my awesome magic user friend. I wanted to give you a little something to cheer you up.” I hand her the small package, “This is one of three copies of a rare book from the personal collection of Indexed Book. She says 'Hi' and asked that you visit her at her book shop some time.”
Twilight's eyes widened as she unwrapped the book and started flipping through it, “Oh my goodness. I was never allowed to get this book out. The Princess said it was beyond me. Thank you Alex.” She gave me a hug and went back to flipping through the book.
“And now for the main event, if you will.” Dash rolled her eyes, but smiled. I pulled the box out of my pocket and went to my knee. “Miss Rainbow Dash, will you do me the honour,” I flipped the box open, “of being my beloved wife? I'm just double checking.”
She smirked, then tapped her chin, “I don't know. You're coming off as a little... wanty.” She beamed at me and laughed, we both did, “Yes, you crazy goof. I would be honoured to be your wife.”
I took the necklace out of the box and put it around her neck. I then took the feather she had given me, the one I had mounted on a simple cord, the one I wore every day, and pulled it out from under my shirt and proudly displayed it for all the world to see.
Dash snickered, “You know I'm probably never going to wear this thing again after tonight, right.”
“I know, but I'll wear this,” touching the feather reverently, “for both of us. If you don't mind.”
“It would make me very happy. And...”, she gave me a quick kiss, “Thanks Alex. Thanks for being a stubborn flank head and wanting to 'do it right'. I was happy that you asked me, but I'm even happier you care enough to do it a second time.” We hugged and there were appreciative stomps from around the cafe.
Twilight looked up from her book, “Did I just miss something?”
I was drumming my fingers on my desk in irritation. I finally heard a knock on the door and called out for them to enter. They were late. Again. Just fifteen minutes this time, but it was still... annoying. I had everything off the desk except the offending document.
Flim walked in first, leading with that distinct nasally voice, “Never fear, your star employees are here. I’m sure you just wanted to thank us for the fantastic job we did with the lovely Trixie.” He looks around, ignoring me, “Say, these are some mighty swanky digs you have here Mr. Roberts. Isn’t that so Flam?”
“You speak the truth dear brother. Sending us after Miss Trixie was a stroke of genius, pure genius. And if I may say so, I look forward to your next mission.”
I’m sure my expression became sour, because I saw their expressions grow worried. “Are you two done kissing my ass? Because, it’s starting to wrinkle.”
In a much more restrained and humble tone, Flim stated, “Yes, sir.”
Quickly followed by Flam, “All done, sir.”
“Good. Now, what do I have in front of me?”
Flim ventured hesitatingly, “That’s the report you requested.”
“Close. It’s the report you gave me.” I idly flipped through it. “I know my appreciation of the pony physique is not as developed as the native...” I could see confused looks on their faces. I sighed, “I can’t tell how pretty a pony is physically.” They nodded in unison. “So, let me stop dancing around the issue.” I casually tossed the report on the desk, leaned back in the chair and steepled my fingers. “Why, in the name of all things pony, did you two take such candid pictures of this person?”
They started sputtering, “Well... I... we... he... they...”
I raised my voice, “You know what, you don’t have to explain anything to me. You really don't. You have until she gets here to explain to her why you did it. You will sit down in that corner and get ready for her to be here in about half an hour. I’m going to step out and be back in twenty minutes.”
I didn’t make eye contact and stomped out, slamming the door behind me. I then made diminishing stomping sounds. I looked back, making sure the door was still closed, and quietly opened Twilight’s door. I was greeted by a smiling Dash and Twilight. A smug looking Beatrix asked, “Did they buy it, boss?”
“Hook, line and sinker, and don’t call me boss. It implies I own you or something. Alex is fine.”
Dash smirked at her new friend and hit her in the shoulder, “You call him whatever you want Bea. You've got my permission. Anyway, Alex can be a little too humble for his own good sometimes.”
“Me? Humble? Whatever. My ego knows no bounds. Anyway, Beatrix, I’ve got to say this was a brilliant idea. And thank you for not holding a grudge.”
“Alex, this is merely the first step in their redemption. They must learn that the dignity of others is as important as their own.” She looked away from me, then looked back with kindness in her eyes, “I have to know, why did Luna choose me? I mean, I don’t exactly have a background in heroics.”
I glared at her, a little confused, “Didn’t you help Blueberry Fritter after that messy breakup? You stopped her from making a fatal mistake, Beatrix. You’re as much a hero as anyone else in this room, except me. I’m just faking it.”
Dash hovered over and pecked me on the cheek, “Hey, what did I tell you about knocking yourself. That's my job.”
“I know, I know. Old habits die hard.” I knelt down and Dash landed beside me. I put my arm around her and turned my head to Beatrix, “So, we let them stew for about twenty minutes? Then I head in, all cold and angry, or did you want to go first, in full Trixie mode?”
She touched her chin with her hoof, “Hmmm,” and started speaking in her Trixie voice, “As tempting as it would be for us to confront our two enthusiastic admirers with the full wrath that Trixie can bestow upon them,” she reverted to her normal voice and a chuckle, “it would be best to follow the plan.”
I sneered, my face a visage of anger, “Who do you think you are, telling me what to do? I’m an apex predator, pony. I’m the one in charge here.”
The girls all looked at me, gentle smiles, then almost as one burst into laughter. I quickly joined them. Beatrix placed a hoof on my shoulder, “Oh Alex, you should have been an actor.”
“Nope, not talented enough for that. Hey, Twilight. Could you check on them, please?”
Still tittering, her horn glowed and a small whirlpool appeared in the air. An image formed showing the Flim Flam brothers, hurriedly talking to each other in my makeshift office. They looked really panicked. I smiled at Beatrix, “Should we let them simmer for a little while longer?”
“Not much longer. I think Flim is going to cry.” I chuckled while reflecting on the events earlier today.
Twilight grinned at us, “I can't believe I missed the proposal. I'm so sorry.”
I waved my hand dismissively, “Don't worry about it, Twilight. You were distracted. Anyway,” I put my hand on Dash's cheek, “I only needed an audience of one.”
A proud feminine voice said, “I hate to admit it boss, but that was very sweet.”
I looked around and saw Beatrix walking toward us a few tables away levitating a latte cup in front of her. “Beatrix, my goodness. I'm sorry I didn't see you. Please, join us. You already know Twilight Sparkle.”
Twilight grinned, “Hi Beatrix. I was looking forward to talking to you again. That advice you gave me about illusion spells already came in handy.” Beatrix smiled, but looked a little confused.
I beamed at Dash, “And this is my fiancé, Rainbow Dash. We were soon headed back to the hotel, but there's plenty of time to finish your coffee.”
Beatrix quietly said, “Don't stay on my account. I'll be at the hotel soon.”
Dash spoke up, “Hey Bea, you're our friend and we don't leave friends hanging. Besides, if we leave now, it only means less time to hang out with you.”
A surprised, hopeful smile crossed her face, “Um, wow. Okay. Luna said... but I thought she was... wow. Thank you. You really do make friends fast. And, no hard feelings?”
“Nope. Too much work to carry a grudge. Anyway, this big lug and the egghead see good in you and I trust them, so I trust you too. Easy.” Dash gave that easy smirk I found so endearing.
While Beatrix enjoyed her latte, her and Twilight discussed the book she had received. She also took some time to admire the necklace gracing Dash's neck. Once we started leaving, Beatrix asked, “So, my illusion advice came in handy, did it? What happened?”
Twilight and Dash looked at each other and started laughing. I told her all about the altercation and the role the illusion of a knife played. “Come on, Twilight. Show her your evil human blade.” I put my hand out as if it was holding it.
Twilight smirked, “Okay, here goes.”
The simple, practical blade reappeared in my hand. Beatrix examined it with a professional eye, “Very good. But, if I may,” the slight, almost imperceptible purple glow changed to a silvery glow. “It needs to be a little more frightening.” the blade suddenly grew curved with protrusions and useless decorations that would be a liability in a real fight, “There.” She had a look of satisfaction. “Now, let's put that away. Please eat it, Alex.”
It was an illusion, so I knew it would not hurt me. I shrugged, tilted my head back, and proceeded to swallow it. I think I shocked onlookers, especially when I commented on the flavor in a thick, gravelly voice, “Yummy, tastes like cheese.” The girls and I continued without further comment on the subject.
We finally made it to the hotel and all relaxed in Twilight's room. At my insistence, we explained my current medical condition to Beatrix. I wanted her to know what was going on. Then, came the part I was dreading.
“Beatrix, there's no easy way to say it, so I'll be blunt. I had hired the Flim Flam brothers to find you, and find you they did. They also went further than I had asked. Now, to be fair, I didn't tell them where to stop, so I take full responsibility for their actions. I insist any repercussions fall on my shoulders.”
She looked at me, not understanding. “Here,” I hold out the report, “this is what they sent me. While I personally don't get too excited about this kind of stuff, I actually have trouble telling ponies apart without the colors, I've been told this is very risque. I want to humbly apologize for this disrespectful act and want to assure you it will never happen again to any pony if I have any say in the matter.”
Beatrix grabbed the report and started flipping through it, her expression neutral, business like. “Some of these are not half bad.” She flipped some more, “This shower one is very good. Shows me with that very sexy wet mane look.” She gave a coquettish laugh, “It brings all the colts to my yard, as they say.” She finishes flipping through it and looks up, seeing us all staring at her in slack jawed disbelief. “What? I'm more upset that they didn't simply ask me to pose for these properly. Do you know how expensive glamour shots are?”
“So, you're not going to throw me out the window?” I was sure I saw Twilight slip Dash something out of the corner of my eye.
“My dear friend, why would I. It's not like you personally stalked me. At any rate, when Princess Luna asked me to become a Paladin, she told me about you.” Her expression softened, “She said you were kind and honorable, but a little too trusting at times. She felt I would be a good complement.”
“Now that we have this all sorted out between us, Alex, we must help redeem those two. My first act as a Paladin must be to teach them that the dignity of another is as important as your own.”
“What do you have in mind?”
Beatrix slowly broke into an evil grin, “I may have something up my sleeve.”
I stood outside my room with Beatrix, making myself ready to redeem the Flim Flam brothers. With a wink to my new friend, employee, and fellow Paladin, I slammed the door open, “Guess who I met in the lobby, boys.”
I stood in the open door with a manic grin. Behind me stood meek, demure, shy Beatrix. I suppose I was starting to appreciate the pony form, at least intellectually, because I could notice she had that same aura of femininity Rarity had. Even though I could only appreciate it intellectually, I knew the brothers had essentially stalked her because of it. Dash had told me she was something to look at and Beatrix was well aware of her charms.
The brothers huddled in the same corner I had left them in. At the sound of the door banging open, they had turned and looked up at us in surprise and perhaps a little terror. Their eyes darted from me to the increasingly insulting pile of putrid papers to their new co-worker, Beatrix.
“Well boys, I was in the lobby and I met our good friend Beatrix here and you have some explaining to do.” They both gulped as I smiled broadly at them, “So, who wants to go first?”
Beatrix ignored the brothers, taking the report in her horn’s glow and slowly flipping through it. Her carefully constructed visage of shock, horror, and grief slowly grew as she turned page after page. With what looked like genuine tears in her eyes, she sobbed, “A-Alex... you said it was bad, but this... this is... is... demeaning.”
A tearful Beatrix, with the report in her horn's glow, turned an expression so full of righteous indignation that I took a step back, even though I knew it was just an act. "How could you do this to me?” her mouth remained open for a moment, a silent snarl, only the sound of escaping air. “How could you humiliate me like this?” she sniffed back a tear, “Have I, have I wronged you in the past?” her eyes pleaded, begged for an explanation, “Did I ever hurt you?” her expression became one of rage, of pain, of hate. With an angry snarl, “Well, I think you deserve to be hurt!" Beatrix’s horn glowed and she effortlessly lifted up the desk, scattering the items on the floor.
In a mock panic, I threw myself bodily between the desk and the brothers. I yelled out, “Whoa, that is enough. If anyone’s sorry, it’s me. This is completely my fault. I asked them to find you and I wasn't specific as to why I wanted to find you, nor was I specific as to how much information to find. They must have assumed, because you’re such a lovely mare, that I had carnal needs and interests in you.” For a moment, Beatrix flashed an angry smirk at me. That bit had made her and Dash laugh like mad mares and she knew I knew it. “If anyone deserves to be punished, it's me." Dropping to my knees before her, I lowered my head and raised my arms, wrists exposed and vulnerable. I was the very image of supplication.
There was a long silence. ‘Come on Bea, my arms are killing me.’ And then I realized this was just a little payback for almost making her laugh. Finally, with a voice that betrayed her barely controlled anger, "How dare you offer yourself. You, having given me the dignity I was seeking. You who have been nothing but kind, offering me a hoof in friendship. No, Alex,” she carefully places the desk back on the ground, dropping the report on it. “I would rather these two walk off than hurt you."
Twilight and Beatrix had taught me there was an informal scale among unicorns, roughly from 0, a foal with little to no power, all the way to 5 for Celestia, Luna, and, one day, Cadance. Most unicorns are 1’s or 2’s, Twilight was a 4, Beatrix was a 3, and the brothers were 2’s at best. The scale is logarithmic, so the difference between each value was huge. The brothers, having just witnessed a full level 3 were obviously shaken by the display of raw power. Flim spoke up first. “N-now see here, my little terif... sweet, I mean sweet, rose, we’ve done you wrong. Alex is a fine lad for offering to take the rap for us, but,” and then realization filled his eyes, “but... it’s... not... right.”
The brothers gave each other a sideways glance that spoke volumes. Flim quietly spoke, “Miss Beatrix, it would seem we owe you our most sincere apology.” Flam only looked at her and nodded sadly. Their expressions had completely changed. Gone were the two con ponies, the two tricksters looking for an edge. Now, there stood two ponies who knew they had done wrong. They sought repentance. They sought redemption.
I smiled softly, “Well, lady and gentlecolts, if I am no longer needed here, I’ll let you finish sorting things out. I...” I verbally stumbled, surprised at the strong emotions welling up and at finding myself speechless.
Beatrix smiled thankfully at me, “It’s okay, Alex. I’ll see you and the others later. You go see Dash.”
As I was walking back to Twilight’s room, I reflected upon seeing redemption in action right before my eyes. ‘This feeling, this experience, is surprisingly satisfying. This time, it was just me and Bea, without the direct help of a goddess.’ I chuckled out loud, ‘I hope Dash isn’t jealous.’
Beatrix and I had agreed that if everything went well, we would meet up with the brothers in two weeks at my house. That would give Beatrix time to work her magic and have people for the brothers to look for. In the meantime, no matter what happened, she would be joining me, and the girls, on the return trip. I really hoped her new place was ready by the time we got back.
I knocked on Twilight’s door, “Just me,” and let myself in. I could see Dash sprawled on the bed with a smirk and Twilight sitting up at the head of the bed, suddenly turning in my direction and blushing a bright purple.
With her smirk growing into a grin, “Hey, Alex. We were just talking about-”
Twilight’s hoof slammed into Dash’s mouth, cutting her off. “What a great time we’ve had here.” She glared at Dash, “Right, Rainbow Dash?”
Dash snickered, and pushed Twilight’s hoof away, “Right. We were talking about gooood times. We had here.”
I smiled innocently, “You know, girls, I’ve found, in my short time here that subtlety is a very rare trait among ponies.” Dash gave a throaty laugh and leaped from the bed to give me warm, spinning embrace. She whispered something naughty in my ear that even made me blush. I had to ask, “Um, is it your week again?”
She shook her head, “Just feeling like I want to be close to you.”
I blinked and smiled, “Okay. That works for me.”
Twilight and Dash flanked me as we stepped out of the elevator in the downtown office building. They both looked like a million bits, and I looked as good as possible. I was impressed that it opened up directly in the architectural firm’s lobby. This told me it was big enough to have an entire floor of a building, or at least afford to fake it.
As we entered the lobby, I recognize the rude mare from the restaurant that was with Perfect Home. Unfortunately she recognised us. She greeted us coldly, with a bit of a scowl and a blush. “You’re Mr. Home’s two o’clock appointment I presume.”
Dash only gave her a confident smirk, which only seemed to irritate her more. I gave her my most charming smile, and said, “Yes miss, we are. I think we’re on time.”
The mare coldly smiles, “Of course you are.”
Before that little love fest could continue, a pegasi hovered in so he was at eye level with me, “Welcome, welcome, Mr. Roberts. It’s such a pleasure to finally meet you properly. And it is also a pleasure to meet you ladies as well, Miss Twilight Sparkle and Miss Rainbow Dash, soon to be Mrs. Rainbow Dash. At least that’s what the gossip says. ” Dash blushed as he continued gushing, “I can’t tell you what an honour and a privilege it is to have not only the leader of the Paladins of Redemption, but two of the Equestria famed Elements of Harmony. But, I have to ask, not that I mind, but why are you here? Are you involved in building the theatre?”
Twilight smiled up at him, knowing she was in her element, “It’s complicated, but in an apple bushel, he doesn’t have Starswirl glands. We act like two Type Five Medical B.T. Sinks to absorb extra magic.”
Homes seemed a little confused. “Well, why not just get him a pair of Blue Tulip fives and free yourselves up? Surely you could get them assigned to him.”
“Maybe. Not a problem for us to have a pair in saddle bags, but for him, his musculature attachment is much less efficient. He might be able to carry one, and that wouldn't be enough. Anyway, I have a few ideas as to what to do, and that could come in handy for other applications.”
I smirked at the two academics, “If you're both satisfied evaluating my current medical conditions, I would really like to talk to Mister Home about a little shack he might like to help me put together. Sort of a weekend thing, bunch of my friends, a two four of beer to drink, some music on the old record player.”
Perfect Home looked a little panicked, “Mister Roberts, I'm so sorry, this was very unprofessional of me.”
Dash laughed a punched me in the shoulder, “Don't mind this big lug, Perfect. He's just fooling around.”
Twilight had a bemused expression, “Yes. Alex has an unusual sense of humour, but don't let that fool you. He can be serious when he needs to be.” She looked at Dash, “He can be, right?”
I gave her my best gallic shrug, “I suppose if it's really needed.”
Perfect Home chuckled along with us and relaxed. We stepped into his office, sat on the large plump pillows in front of his desk and got to work.
“Now, Mister Roberts, how may I be of service?”
“Let me give you the big picture, some specific characteristics, and a few off the wall ideas that would set this place apart. So, my goal for this building is fourfold,” I counted off on my fingers, “it will serve as a theatre, one of very high quality, suitable for everything from a play, to music, and for use as a reception hall.” I turned to Dash, “Do the Wonderbolts have an indoor routine?”
“I think so, but the only place that's big enough is the Royal Canterlot Theatre.”
“Thanks sweetheart. Yes, it needs to be big enough to handle this. Anyway, I'll get back to the specifics in a minute. So, the four things it needs to be are a theatre, a town hall, an emergency shelter, and easily and cheaply maintained. The last two are very important because Ponyville is the centre of a lot of disasters. I want a safe, centralized building for residents to bug out to, and I want it cheap and easy to fix after the fact.”
“So, should I go on, or is what I'm asking for unreasonable. I mean, if it's out in left field, er, if my expectations are unreasonable, please let me know. Oh, and please call me Alex.”
“Well Alex, I've heard you think big, and this proves it. Anyway, there's nothing crazy here, just nothing that has ever combined before. I've got few ideas percolating, but lets hear what you have to say.”
“So, the theatre itself should be big. At least as big as the Royal Canterlot Theatre. However, the distance from the front of the stage to the location where Princess Celestia would sit must be a little further than her throne and the anti-chamber door. I have some, um, issues, being too physically close to any Princess. I envision the Princesses and special guests,” I smiled at Dash and Twilight, “like the Elements of Harmony and Paladins of Redemption will be in a place of honour in the balcony. Otherwise, I leave the design entirely in your hooves. Oh and it should include an outdoor stage, like the current city hall does, but that's a nice to have, not a need to have.”
“Like the original building, the city hall facilities will be part of the theatre with a separate entrance. I have the current plans and layout with me.” I pass him the battered rolled up plans. He unrolls the dusty drawings and begins to examine them. “Ideally, I would like this expanded, maybe half again as much, and a nice office for the mayor. She puts up with so much crap in Ponyville, so much random crazyness, I want her to have some nice facilities to work from.”
“The emergency shelter should have enough storage for at least ninety-six hours of emergency food and water for as many ponies that can sleep in the theatre. Make sure any attached kitchen can double as a community kitchen. There should be some kind of small medical room. I'm not sure what the standards are for pony emergency shelters, and I'm not sure what is already there, but this should be a nice supplement to any disaster. Also, feel free to change the details based off of any governmental requirements. Finally, an independent source of clean water would mean more room for stored food and less pressure on undamaged water supplies around town.”
“Finally, it should be built with easily obtained materials and be maintainable with local, to Ponyville, skill sets. Since I have no idea what that means here, I’ll trust you to do the right thing.”
The room was quiet and Perfect Home’s gaze and smirk were directed at me. “That, sounds like a fun building to design. Lets get to work...”
We were all quite pleased at how well things had gone with Perfect Home. He even said he would have the initial designs for the Princess Theatre by next week, enough for me to present them to the town council. In the meantime, Twilight had received a note inviting us to the home of Shining Armour and his wife, Princess Cadance.
On the way we talked about further ways to make the theatre more unique. “So, here is one of my crazier, human style solutions to the problem of getting patrons to the theatre quickly. For this, I’m going to need an expert in unicorn magic.” I lightly tap Twilight on the shoulder, “That's you, babe.” She chuckled. “So, unicorns, with the right spells, experience and practise, can teleport, correct?” Dash and Twilight nodded, both with curious expressions. “Is it safe for me to assume that the usual spell used by unicorns is a general purpose spell, like a computer program, one that has to take a huge breadth and depth of factors into account, even for the simplest jump?” Twilight nodded. “So, would a spell that teleports an object or living person from a specific location to another specific location be simpler?”
Twilight answered, not following where I was going with this, “Yes, but that would not be a very useful spell.”
“Normally, I would agree with you, my brilliant friend. Now, picture this. In Ponyville, we construct a teleport pad, a simple closed off enclosure of a certain size, a protected and sheltered spot that would minimize the number of variables. A fixed point. Then, in the surrounding cities, we build matching teleport pads. We would then simply need a source of magic to power the spell and associated machinery. Tada, you have a way of moving patrons from Canterlot, Manehattan, Phillydelphia, Cloudsdale, anywhere to humble Ponyville in a single step. Hmm,” I grew thoughtful for a moment, “it also opens up fast travel, package delivery, and so on.” I looked up a little sheepishly, “Sorry, just the businessman in me talking. It would be a great way to help fund the theatre.”
Twilight glared at me with admiration, she then hit me in the shoulder, “I'm mad at you only because I never thought of it first.” She got a look of concentration on her face, “Yes, I can see the modifications to the spell already, bind it to single purpose mana load machinery and amplifiers, replace a lot of the cognitive thought trains with fixed values... yes, it would only require 1.5 or 2 blaaneras of power, for even a few tons of mass. Three or four average unicorns could do that all day, maybe have six or eight for redundancy. You could get a teleport as fast as it takes to load the send pad and clear the arrival pad.”
I smiled broadly, “Just seems to be the logical next step. You have technology, you just call it magic. This is exactly what humans would do with it.” I thought to myself, ‘Right after they weaponized it.’ I grew thoughtful for a moment, “Hey, and we could even have some kind of traveling pad to all the small Ponyville sized towns.”
As we continued toward our destination, I started to notice bulky ponies trying to look inconspicuous, just walking around, even a few hiding in bushes. The girls seemed unaware of them, so I didn’t comment. When we walked up to the mansion I glanced up and couldn't help but see a helmeted head peeking over the edge of the peak of the roof. I doubt any pony could have seen them, but I could, until they dipped back down. ‘I guess we’ll not be as alone as we think. I’m not surprised, but I’ll keep it under my hat for now.’
Twilight was especially excited to present me to her brother. “Shining sent me a note saying he and Cadance gave the whole staff the night off. She wanted to practise her cooking skills, and Shining wanted to just have some private time with us. Alex, I just know you and Shining will hit it off. You’re always thinking of others, just like him.”
I interrupted her with a snort. “Please, I’m an abject coward. I’m just good at hiding it.” I was rewarded with a hoof to the shoulder from my fiance.
“Hey, knucklehead, cut it out. Do you think I‘d marry some lily livered dork?”
I could only laugh, “I don’t know. I mean, I am your Adonis.” Dash gave me that slightly exasperated smirk she gave me when I used a human expression she didn’t quite get. I tried again and started guessing, “Hoof candy?” She grinned, telling me I had got the right one, based on context. “Right. I’m just your swanky hoof candy.”
We all chuckled at this and soon arrived to the front door of Shining Armour, the Captain of the Guard, and his wife, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, better known as Princess Cadance.
As we were walking up the steps, I sighed. “Dash, I’m a little worried. I hope I don’t start babbling like an idiot and embarrass you. I mean, she’s a princess, right? With a horn and wings? Like,” my throat caught, remembering the onslaught of emotions, “Princess Celestia.”
She rolled her eyes at me, “You couldn’t embarrass me. I know you wouldn't do it on purpose.”
“I... I’m just scared of that moment when Cadance will take your place in my heart. What if she replaces you? What if I love you less? I don’t want to forget why you’re the most important mare in my life.”
I felt that telltale burst of air that told me Dash was hovering. I could hear the smile in her voice as she whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry. I’ll just do this to remind you.” She nibbled on my ear and my knees buckled a little, while I made a goofy, throaty chortle. Dash backed off, still hovering, “See, totally effective.”
Still chortling, “That is so totally unfair. Come on, cut that out, we’re at the door.” When she landed beside me and I placed my hand on her neck and touched the base of her ear with my thumb.
Twilight rolled her eyes and smirked at us. She raised her hoof to knock, but the door opened to reveal a unicorn stallion, white coat with blue mane and tail. Twilight exclaimed, “BBBFF. It’s so great to see you again.”
“Hey little sis, why so excited? You just saw us a few days ago.” He gave his sister a warm hug, then turned to Dash with a friendly smile, “Hey Rainbow Dash, good to see you too.” He then turned to me, his expression became sober, weary. “Hello, Alex. Twilight’s told me all about you.” After eyeing me for a heartbeat, he put his hoof out, “Nice to meet you.” I was taken aback by a pony who was almost human in his ability to be suspicious. I can’t say I was pleased.
He lead us through to the main room, “I hope you don’t mind if we just relax here for now, Cadance will be with us in a few minutes.” Once we were all seated and comfortable, he said, “So, Mr Roberts, I hear your father was in the military during your, ‘Cold War’ was it?” I’m sure my look of surprise was quite noticeable, because it caused him to smile just a little. “He also spent some time doing espionage. So I hear.” But this made me smile, snort derisively, and shake my head. The girls looked at me questioningly.
Out of the starting gate he had used my correct mode of address and was referencing stuff I had no idea where he found out. I decided to play it cool and explain it. “You are correct, sort of. My dad was in the Canadian Air Force, but he was a sheet metal technician. He was trained in repairing the aluminium structure of fixed wing aircraft. As for his,” I used air quotes, “‘spy’ work, my understanding was that he was just one of the many technicians who helped take a MiG fighter apart. That was one of the Soviet fighter aircraft. The pilot had defected to the West on Canadian soil, so we had the rights to take his machine apart.”
Shining Armour narrowed his eyes. “You mean you had enough aluminium to waste building machines with them? Large enough to carry a, man? Not only that that, but fleets of them?”
“Sure. Aluminium was common as dirt where I come from. Global production was about fifty million tons annually.” I held up a hand, “And before you ask, I had helped my son do a project on aluminium for school, not long before I... um...” I turned my head away for a moment. Dash put her hoof on my thigh. I gave her an appreciative look. At that moment I decided to take a page from Dash’s playbook and go on the offensive. “Anyway, what’s with the questioning? If you don’t trust me, throw me in a dungeon. Man up and keep your world safe. I would do anything to keep this place safe from something like me. Anything. If you have any doubts, stop me right now. If you don’t, if you’re just seeing how I’ll react, well, now you know.”
I knew the look on his face. He was used to being the toughest guy in the room. In fact, he could wipe the floor with me, and we both knew it, but he also knew I had much more experience than him and could still put up a tough fight. He just wasn’t used to having someone not intimidated by him, and maybe even be his equal.
From the kitchen I hear her voice call out, “I’m coming out now. Will... will Alex be okay?”. While I didn't feel much yet, I braced myself for the emotional onslaught to come. Her voice was so kind, the voice of an angel, and I could feel myself becoming tense in preparation for what was to come. I knew, intellectually, the staggering, crippling love I will feel for her was just what alicorns did to me, but I still felt a horrible knot of guilt for the coming loving for Cadance.
I look at Dash, a pleading expression of near panic . She sat up and put her hoof on my hand. “I’m right here for you. You’ll be fine.” No bravado, no ‘you big lug’, just loving, comforting words. I gave her a weak smile in thanks for reminding me who was the most important mare in this room.
The door to the adjacent room, a mere ten meters away, opened a crack and a pale pink pony princess peeked pensively out.
Nothing.
I blinked. I should be crying like a baby right now, or at least, I don’t know, be speechless or something. But, while I was perhaps a little more aware of her presence, it was nothing like being before Her. I noticed Shining Armour just sitting off to the side, an interested expression and simply observing.
When she finally opened the door and walked in, I could see she was supposed to be drop dead gorgeous by pony standards. I could also see she was wearing an apron. Much to my surprise my brain only registered her as 'leggy and cute', and not much else. It took me a moment to remember my manners. I stood and bowed, "Good evening, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. As you no doubt know, I am Alex Roberts, but you can call me Alex. And, for the record, I think I’m as surprised as you that I'm not on my knees and drooling on the floor."
She stepped closer and I braced myself. Once again there was no adverse reaction, except, maybe, a very slight tingle, much weaker than the one I experienced when I stepped into Her throne room.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Alex. You may call me Cadance. I was just getting supper ready, including something special, just for you. I've seen the chefs prepare this dish for the griffin ambassadors and I've heard you like it more cooked than our eastern friends. I hope you like it." As she got closer, I could feel my emotions subtly changing, but I didn’t care. She went from a nice pony that was pleasant to be around to the perfect wife and mother. Elegant, kind, caring, fun, down to earth, simply perfect.
By the time she got to within a meter I stiffened, slipped off the couch and went to my knees in front of her. I couldn't see her anymore, really. I could only see the perfect wife and mother of my children before me. I had a sense that Dash was beside me, and this allowed me to catch myself before I started fawning over her. I felt a hoof on my arm. It was a physical reminder of the mind effecting abilities of an alicorn. There was no way I could love the perfect creature before me more than Dash. I murmured, "Help…"
I was blindly trying to put my hand on Dash’s shoulder. When my hand finally made contact, it was like my mind exploded with love. In the moment I made contact, my heart will filled with certainty. ‘Dash and Ann are simple little flings compared to what I can have with Cadance. All I have to do is get rid of that ass Shining Armour. I’ll show him why I’m a fucking apex predator. I’ll-’
I heard Dash yelling, “Get away from him!”, a sharp grunt, a loss of balance, and a sudden loss of those crazy thoughts, like a bucket of burning ice water was thrown into my head. ‘What the hell was I thinking? What... why would I...’
As she increased the distance, the cascade of emotions faded into a static of background emotion and shame. I was finally able to fully regain my self control. I wiped my eyes and looked around, the world out of focus. I could hear the terse, teacher’s voice Twilight used when she was really annoyed, “Dash, you didn’t have to push her so hard.”
“But-”
Shining Armour spoke, angry, “How dare you hit my wife, under my roof, as my guest. I should throw you both in the dungeon.”
“It was-”
Twilight spoke again, “I’m disappointed in you Dash. Surely there was-”
This time, it was Dash’s turn to bark an angry snarl, “I’m not going to lose him, Twilight, no matter what.”
Twilight, with an uncharacteristic snarl, “That doesn’t give you the right to hurt somepony.”
Dash’s voice was angry, “I’ll hurt whoever I need to to keep him safe. He’s the only one who’s ever taken me seriously. Can’t you see that Twilight? I don’t have to pretend to be anything around him. I can tell a dirty joke and not be afraid I’ll be judged and I can talk about my fears knowing he’ll be there for me. He cares for me, he really cares, and no one will take that away. Not a princess, not some royal guard pony, not even my best friend.”
The silence was deafening. I looked up, my vision clearing, and could see Twilight’s expression had softened, her eyes a little red, tears forming. I could only hold my sky blue angel, comforting her, my cheek on hers. I smiled a little sadly, “That was quite the speech.”
She sniffed, “It’s true, you know. Every word.”
I held her closer and whispered, “I know.” I could feel her tears on my cheek.
That voice I now feared, so soft and caring, finally broke the silence, “Shining, don’t be upset with her. I know exactly how she feels, to have the one you love enthralled by another. It’s very frightening. Dash only did what she felt she needed to do, Shining. Wouldn’t you do the same?” There was another uncomfortable silence, “Let’s just forget what happened and have dinner.” She gave Sharing Armour a ‘we will talk about this later’ look, then smiled brightly, “Now that we know what happens when Alex is too close, we can simply avoid it. Lets not let a simple misunderstanding ruin our evening.”
I smiled, “Well said Cadance, well said. So, Shining Armour, what do you say. No harm, no foul?”
He stared at Dash for a long moment, “Cadance is very forgiving and Dash is the Element of Loyalty, so I guess I can see her point of view. Alex, just make sure it never happens again.”
The seating was rearranged in silence to accommodate the agreed upon three meter safe zone between Cadance and myself. We all sat without saying a word, the occasional false start not yielding any sustained conversation. Mercifully, there was a small ding from the kitchen. Cadance looked up from the uncomfortable silences, smiled brightly and cleared her throat, “Dinner is now served, everypony.” As the lidded plates floated in, surrounded by her blueish silver glow, the smells wafting from the kitchen made my mouth water. The covers were lifted with a flourish, and I was presented with a perfectly arranged chicken breast with two lemon slices and a sprig of dill, along with perfectly prepared fresh vegetables. I glanced at Dash’s plate and saw she had a nest of hay in place of the chicken breast.
I hesitated when I realized Cadance was watching me expectantly. I held the knife and fork above the food, then sheepishly smiled at her, "Sorry, I'm a little self conscious about eating meat. I get the feeling that millions of years of herbivore pony evolution is telling you to bolt from the predator."
She replied sweetly, “Oh, don’t be silly,” she looks at Shining Armour, “we all know you won’t eat us in our beds, right Shining?”
There was a brief icy stare between Dash and Shining, “Oh course not, sweetie. I don’t have any problems with Alex.”
Interestingly, Twilight seemed to be totally oblivious to the looks Shining Armour and Dash were exchanging. It was surprising because even I had no problem reading their not-so-subtle expressions and body language.
So, I cut a piece of chicken, and could see right away it had been cooked through. When I took that bite, it was like the very essences of the ingredients had been fused into a new perfect whole. I wondered if Cadance was still influencing me subconsciously, because of what I said next. "I have been to many different realities, many different places, and I can say without a word of a lie, this is the best chicken I have ever eaten." Cadance graciously accepted the compliment and seemed to relax a little.
The meal continued in silence, but I still felt the overall mood had improved somewhat. Before the desert, I decided to try to have a friendly conversation with Shining, “You know Shining Armour, I’m a bit of an armchair general, and I have to say the troops you have surrounding the house are pretty good.”
Shining looked a little flustered, “I’m not sure what you mean.”
I smiled, “Sure you do. Look, my species developed camouflage a week after we had fire and the pointy stick. We’re good at it. Let me give you some advice, because I want to help your guys get better. The three patrolling on hoof looked like soldiers who lost their uniforms. In the future, tell them to walk around more slowly, relaxed, maybe have a female soldier with them to act as their marefriend. Never their real special friend, even if they’re both Royal Guard, it could slow them down in a situation. They should talk, laugh, tell dirty stories, whatever they would normally do on a date. And, have more than three, maybe five or six would be better. That reduces the chance of the target, me in this case, of seeing the same three faces always popping up. Also, have them walking in different directions. It looks more natural.” Shining was just looking at me in slack jawed incomprehension while Dash just gave me an admiring smirk.
I gleefully continued, “As for your troops hidden around the building, they should really put some more effort into camouflage, maybe some ghillie suits would help.” I saw Shining was confused but ploughed forward anyway, “I mean, holding a few branches and ducking down behind a bush isn’t exactly inconspicuous. As for the guy on the roof, he shouldn’t have been wearing his helmet. Not only that, but he should have been on another roof top, not the one I was looking at directly. And, if he was a pegasus, why not scatter a few clouds around, make it look like a lazy weather patrol, then hide in one of them. Ideally, set that up days or weeks in advance, so it’s not too out of the expected.”
“So, assuming that was my best infiltration team, which I’m not saying it was, you’re saying someone with a military upbringing like yourself can spot them easily?”
I laughed, thinking about my dad, “I didn’t have a military upbringing. My dad may have worked for the military, but he wasn’t a soldier. I can still remember him complaining about ‘playing cowboys and indians’.” I paused for a moment, looking for an Equestrian equivalent and looked at Dash for guidance, “‘Settlers and buffalo’?” and Dash gave me a subtle nod, “Anyway, he didn’t like ‘playing army’, as he put it. He was there to fix aircraft, nothing else. Bottom line, I didn’t have any military training to spot hidden troops. I just had my normal senses and some basic observations. Now, to be fair, and you no doubt already know this, my senses are almost an order of magnitude more accurate than yours, so what they were doing may have been perfectly fine for ponies. I’ll be happy to help in any way, by the way. Because if I can’t spot them, I’m confident a pony will not.”
He smirked, “I may ask you, as an honourable Paladin, to advise us on the best way to be sneaky.”
I inclined my head in his direction with a smile, “I would be honoured to place my humble skills as an untrustworthy, dishonourable, cheating, scumbag in your service for our beloved Equestria.” This caused him to chuckle good naturedly, Dash to look at me with a smirk and an eye roll, and the others to smile at me uncomfortably. ‘I like this Shining Armour. Under all that pomp and ceremony, there’s a good, honest soldier.’
The rest of the evening went well, with Shining being polite but distant towards me, warm and loving towards his sister, and being cold but polite with Dash. Cadance was the perfect hostess who couldn't get close of me, but that was okay as she could do everything with her magic. When we left, she even gave me a telekinetic hug. It was interesting, having my torso gently squeezed with an even pressure all around.
On our way out, I noticed the ‘crack’ infiltration team was still amusingly skulking about. I singled out the poor guy in the bushes, trying so hard to be ‘one with the bushes’. I smiled at him and made eye contact, “Shining Armour says hi.” I did this with anyone I suspect was on the infiltration team. I’m fairly sure there will be a meeting tomorrow, discussing some new ideas Shining has for camouflage.
As we walked back we chatted about the events of the day, how Cadance made me feel, and many other things. In a natural lull in the conversation, I had to ask about something that I noticed, but never spoke up against. Frankly, I was feeling a little embarrassed about going along with casual speciesism. “So, I’ve got to know. Why are ponies so down against Diamond Dogs, anyway? While I now know how useless those cartoons were in showing me how this world worked, were they right about Diamond Dogs?”
Dash spoke up first, “Ugh, really? Do we really have to explain why Diamond Dogs are totally evil?”
I blinked at her, “Actually, yes.”
She rolled her eyes, “Fine, Diamond Dogs used to capture ponies and make them slaves to pull their carts and do other work in their mines. They used to do it all the time. They still do. End of story, Diamond Dogs are evil, there’s no changing them. Now, can we talk about something different?”
“Huh. Twilight? You’re usually the first to jump in with the academics of whatever topic we’re on.” I placed my hand on Dash’s head and scratched behind her ear, “Not that I doubt you in the least dear, it just that, my buddy Twilight loves to lecture and she’s been mute on the subject.”
“Yeah, monkey colt’s right. Why aren't you boring us to death with facts and figures, and, and logic and stuff?”
We all took a few more steps before Twilight spoke with a sigh, dropping her head slightly, ears down, “My academic neutrality”, another big sigh, “has been compromised.”
I half joked, “Let me guess, you fell in love with a Diamond Dog and now you only see the good in them, making it impossible to follow the official ‘We Hate Diamond Dogs’ party line.”
While Twilight continued walking in silence, Dash and I stopped in our tracts. I spoke up, “So, is it an ongoing relationship?”
She looked back sadly at us, “No, it didn’t last, but Rover and I are still friends. He’s really sweet and intelligent, once you understand the species speech patterns.” She smiled a little sadly, “Quite handsome too, in his own way.” She gave a little laugh while looking at Dash, “Like a furry Alex Roberts.”
Dash, with a look of shocked confusion, went beside her friend, “Were you nuts? When did it happen? Why? How? And, tell me you’re not crushing on Alex.”
Twilight “It all happened right after we rescued Rarity. Before we left I asked them why they needed the gems. Rover told me it was for buying winter supplies for the pack. And, no Dash, I’m not trying to make time with Alex. He’s a great guy, but he’s also totally devoted to you.”
I interrupted, “So, when you said ‘ew’ the other day, that wasn’t ‘ew a human’ it was ‘ew he’s not my type’, right?”
Dash smiled and glared at me, “Alex, stop encouraging her.”
I snickered, “Dash, you have nothing to worry about. Anyway, this very important to me. It’s a guy ego thing.”
Twilight chuckled, then lifted her head, not in pride exactly, but not in shame. “Exactly, you’re a good friend, but any sort of long term romantic relationship would be impossible. Anyway, Rarity was going to get half the gems collected and she was likely aware of this, not that she would admit to it. She was just being a drama queen, as always, and we overreacted, as always.”
“The fundamental problem was that they didn’t know how to approach her. And when we showed up, assuming she had been kidnapped, they were afraid we wanted all the gems to ourselves. Alex, I believe the term you’ve used for such situations is ‘and hilarity ensued’. What I’m trying to say is that they’re not evil, they just have different communication skills than ponies, leading to miscommunication.”
We continued walking to the hotel, my hand on Dash’s neck, all of us musing on the events and revelations of the evening. I had suggested Dash and I would like to be alone tonight, and Twilight didn’t argue.
Once we parted ways with Twilight, Dash said softly, “I really love you, you know.”
I chuckled warmly, “I know. You decked a princess for me. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”
She only giggled and nuzzled closer.
I lay on the bed, lost in thought, playing quietly with Dash’s wild mane as she stretched luxuriously, draping one beautiful, soft wing over my chest. Her hoof touched my scarred belly. “Penny for your thoughts, Alex? You’ve been really quiet tonight, and that’s never a good thing.”
I chuckled, “I was thinking about a bunch of stuff. Like the way I asked you to marry me.”
I could hear her gasp a little. Her body stiffened, her voice soft and sad, “You... you don’t regret...”
I held her tight, “Regret asking you? No, I would never regret that. What I regret is not making it about you in the first place, about doing it in a way that was worthy of you. I... I’m sorry what I did wasn’t good enough for an angel. You deserve better.”
“Oh my gosh. Is that what you’re worried about?” she laughed, her voice full of relief. “You jerk. I don’t need all that fancy stuff. I just need us to be together. I want to spend my life with you. I don’t care if you give me jewels and junk. We could be living in a shack in the Everfree forest for all I care.” She caressed my cheek with her wing, her voice grew soft, “I mean, you’re a good person and for some crazy reason, you love me, and I’m going to hold on to you forever.”
I breathed her scent in deeply, “Man, what good deed did I do to deserve you, my soon to be wife?”
She snorted, “Let’s see.” She takes a deep breath, “You save Scoots from Coins. Tree Trimmer from a burning house. Derpy from Coins. AJ’s farm from Coins. Derpy’s wedding from an ugly gift from Coins. You did something stupid on that last one, but I’ll let it slide for now. You saved Bea from herself. She’s way cooler than Trixie by the way. You saved those Flim Flam brothers and gave them a chance at an honest life. Finally, and most importantly, you helped me to believe I’m a mare who deserves to be loved and respected.” Her voice became soft and loving, “Like I do every single moment I’m with you.”
I held her a little tighter, “That means a lot to me. Thank you.” I kiss her head again and sigh.
I could hear the concern in her voice, “I know that sigh Alex. You can go ahead and spill the beans. Tell your loyal marefriend what else there is in that brain of yours.”
“You’re amazing, you know that?”
“Yes, I’m totally awesome. Now, quit trying to change the subject, monkey colt.”
“Heh, I suppose it would happen eventually that you could read me like a book. A rip roaring Daring Doo, I hope.” She answered with a warm chuckle. ”Okay, well, I was feeling guilty for feeling so... so... I don’t know, in love, I guess, with Cadance. I mean, I know it’s alicorn voodoo messing with me, and you were totally there to remind me who was the real angel.” I kissed her, letting my lips linger for a moment.
“Anyway, that got me thinking about how lucky I’ve been. I mean, I landed in a world that, by my standards anyway, is a paradise,” I kiss Dash on the head tenderly, “I’ve found the true love of my life, my soul mate, not once, but twice. Most people don’t even get that privilege once.” Dash stretches her neck a little and kisses my jaw line. “I have the opportunity to adopt a beautiful vibrant daughter. I have more good friends than I deserve. Heck, I even have a terminal illness that’s become a minor inconvenience.” I sighed happily, “I guess,” I kissed her again, “I guess I was just thankful for Cadance reminding me of all the wonderful people I have in my life.”
Dash nuzzled me, “Well, maybe you should let all three of them know you’re thankful. I know they would appreciate it. Twilight told me once that most ponies only talk to them when they want something.” She turned my head with her hoof, “I tell you what, let’s do it together. I think I may have something to be thankful for too.” Her voice trailed off as her lips softly brushed mine and I drew her into a deep kiss. We held each other like that for a very long time.
After some discussion, we composed out letter in our hearts. We went to the balcony and Dash hovered beside me. I held her hoof and we started speaking our letter together.
Our dearest Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Cadance,
We wish to give you all our thanks for the blessings we have both had. We have never taken the chance to thank you, as a couple, until now, and we hope you will forgive our tardiness. (Dash rolled her eyes, but smiled warmly at me)
(I spoke this part) Princess Celestia, I wish to thank you for accepting me, an alien, alone and afraid in your beautiful world. For allowing your kindest Element to find me and comfort me. And for the first meeting with my Rainbow Dash. (Dash gave me a sly smile, lightly biting her bottom lip)
Princess Luna, my patron. I wish to thank you for giving me a chance to repay your society for its kindness. For giving me a second chance at life, with a wonderful mare, who is kind, and brave and bold and a wonderful friend. My second soul mate. For the daughter I will adopt. For all the gifts I have been given. (I realized tears were streaming down my cheeks.)
Princess Cadance, sister-in-law of my good friend Twilight Sparkle. I would like to thank you for the time we spent together. Although our initial meeting may have been less than ideal, I appreciate how thoughtful you were, doing so much to make us feel comfortable. I would also like you to know that when you affected me, you helped me realize afterwards how lucky I was in every other facet of my life. I thank you for that gift.
(Dash smiled at me, then spoke) Yeah, well, I’m not for all the fancy words Alex uses, so I’ll do this my way. I guess, all I want to say is, thanks for bringing this big lug into my life. He’s a good person, kind, and he always sees the best in others, even me. Thanks. (She sniffs back a little tear. Taking her hoof out of my hand she flutters closer and wraps her hooves around my neck, putting her cheek on mine.)
(We finished together) Princesses, we thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.
We stayed on the balcony, enjoying the cold, fresh air. “I feel better for getting all that off my chest.” I closed my eyes, breathed deeply and found her scent. Even without the lilac, it could only make me smile.
DJPon-3 suggested the whole scene where Dash bitch slaps Cadance. This delayed the chapter three to five days, but it was so worth it.
Also, special thanks to blawrg and taz2723 for more of their generous help! Rarity has nothing on those two.
Our thankful little prayer offered, we returned to our warm, soft bed. We lay, snuggled together, just enjoying being close. Eventually, I sighed, “You know Dash, I feel so... stupid sometimes.”
Dash lifted her head, looking me in the eye, “What for? And where does this come from all of a sudden? I thought you already told me everything.”
I looked up to the ceiling, “I did. I just...” I sighed, “you know, when you start to free associate?”
“‘Free associate’? What’s that?”
“You know, when you start just randomly thinking of stuff and it reminds you of other stuff. Say you see a cloud, it reminds you of rain, you think of someone named Raindrops, who you know likes strawberry ice cream, which make you think of roses because they’re both red, and then you remember that Twilight hates roses and not to make a rose bud salad as the appetizer for dinner next week. Or something like that.”
“Wait, wait, wait. You mean when you think, you think like that? Jumping all over the place? That is so random. You must think like Pinkie Pie. Maybe it has something to do with all the chaos magic inside you? I don’t know, but Twilight would likely want to know that.”
“Huh, I always thought of that as normal. I’ll have to let her know in the morning.” I pondered for a moment, “So, ponies usually can’t think like that?”
“No, we can, but it’s very unusual. I mean, we could get to the same answer, but it would be something we would, you know, work at doing. It sounds like you can come up with a train of thought like that really easily.”
“Heh, I guess. I’m sure it will earn me some extra prodding and probing from our dear Miss Twilight Sparkle. I just hope it doesn’t involve needles. The ones she uses are huge. Anyway, and this is weird to hear me say this, back on topic.” This earned me a little chuckle and a nuzzle. “It’s those... damn, Flim Flam brothers, and what Luna said about me to Beatrix.”
“What, that you’re too trusting?” She smiled and gave me a nuzzle, “Well, maybe sometimes.”
I turned away, groaning, "I feel so stupid. Here I thought I was a positive force and now I find out I'm just a laughing stock. I know you love me, but your opinion is skewed. I mean, how many others must think I’m a complete fool?”
I felt her hoof on my cheek and my head turned toward her. She leaned in and gave my nose a little kiss. “I know it bothers you, but you have to believe me when I say it's one of the things ponies like about you.” Her expression became sweet, “I know it’s one of the things I admire about you.”
I chuckled, “So, you like guys who are oblivious?”
She chuckled warmly and rubbed her nose against mine, “No you goof. I like how you see the best in others, sometimes to the point of not seeing the worst.” She shifted herself to lay on my chest, her cheek on my neck, “Especially, how you see the best in me. For all my big talk, well, you know,” she finished shyly.
I spoke softly, “Yes, I do know. You’re an amazing person and I...” I faltered, took a deep breath, and continued, “I know I say this a lot, and I know it can sound so trite, but I need you to know I mean every single syllable of it. I am truly blessed to have you in my life. You... you are so special to me.” I chuckled sadly, “I wish I could show you.” I let my hand slowly glide along her back before kissing her. “Now, it’s going to be a long trip to Ponyville tomorrow. I think we both need our sleep.”
“Hey, before you konk out for the night, when did you want to actually tie the knot?”
“I don’t know, what’s the usual time between proposal and marriage?”
“About a month.”
I exclaimed, “A month? That’s fast. Ok, so I guess we had better get on that.”
“What do you mean, fast? How long did you and Ann take.”
“Four years. I asked her after dating her for a year.”
“Wow, you humans sure do take your time.”
“Well, to be fair, we took a long time even by human standards. A more ‘normal’ lead time is six months to a year.” Dash nodded, tilting her head slightly. “So, how about six weeks from now? I’ll need a little extra time because of the theatre.”
“Sounds okay to me.” She paused, thinking for a moment, “But, you don’t want to talk to Ann first? You know, to make sure she’s okay with us being together?”
“I thought you said you already talked to Ann about this and she approved. Didn’t she suggest we get together? I know she gave me those vibes, but she never explicitly said anything.”
“Well, I suggested it, and Ann never said no...” Her voice became very hesitant, “she was a little upset, but very-”
I interrupted, raising my voice a little more than I wanted to, “Hold it. What do you mean, Ann never said no and she was upset? I thought you said she suggested,” I gestured with my index finger, “us.”
Dash sighed, “It’s just that, she knows you’ve been alone for so long, and she likes me, and I like her, she is a lot like AJ after all, and even though it’s been less than a year for her, she, she didn’t say no.” Dash was smiling a little too broadly and her eyes shifted from side to side. Ponies have such an easy tell when they lie. Well, most do. So, she was hiding something, but I decided to ignore it. She wasn’t a deceptive person and while she must think it’s a big deal, it’s likely something trivial by my standards.
I thought for a long moment, “Well, she did tell me to build a life, and I can’t think of anyone else I would rather do it with.” I brushed her cheek with my fingertips, “So, let’s push the wedding back a few months, until we can get this all cleared up.” I smiled with confidence, “I’m sure Ann will be happy for us and it will be nothing to fret over. You don’t mind waiting a little longer than normal, do you?”
“Not much, I guess. I mean, I would rather just go to Los Pegasus, just you, me and Scoots, elope and be a family, you know. I don’t care about a fancy wedding.” She suddenly covered her face with both hooves and groaned. “Oh, Celestia. When Rarity finds out, she’ll be even more freaked out than when Cadance got married.” Dash groaned again, “She’ll want me to go for a million dress fittings.” She gasped, and turned to me, “She’ll want to give me a makeover.” She buried her head in my chest, and her voice was muffled, “She’ll want me to have a hooficure, Alex. A hooficure. I don’t love you enough to get a hooficure.” I laughed out loud, making her laugh too, “I am not kidding!” We both laughed harder, “Well, maybe, but I definitely won’t enjoy it. And I’ll only do it once. And only if Rarity begs. Maybe.”
“Come on. Rarity is just being Rarity. I don’t think you need makeup to look amazing, you pull that off by just being you. Think of it as a favor to Rarity. Speaking of the wedding, do I need a best man, best stallion, best person? How many? I mean, what’s my role in all this? Are we having a wedding like I know?
“I don’t know. I want to send a note to my mom before we leave in the morning, tell her about us and the wedding. She might be a little put out that it’s about four months away, but...” Dash looked worried.
“I’ll take the blame. Just tell her it’s a human ideosyncy.”
“No, it’s not that. I just, I just hope you’re not upset with me?”
“You mean about bending the truth about what Ann said? Maybe a little. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’ll always love you, no matter what. I just...” I sighed, “You have to understand, Dash. I was married to Ann for almost twenty years before I jumped, and she kept me sane for the last sixty. In my mind, I’ve been married to her for almost eighty years. I still love her, like I love you, and I will love both of you until the day I die.” I looked away for a moment, “I just need the peace of mind. I guess... I guess I just need her blessing. I need to know she approves of this.” I laughed angely at myself for dumping my problems on her shoulders, “I know it’s just me being stupid, but I hope you can understand...”
She make a happy little sigh and I turned my head to face her again, “You’re loyal. You’re loyal to her and me and the only way to stay loyal to both is to get her blessing to marry me, I get that. I guess I thought I needed an extra edge to get you interested in me.” She snuggled up closer, “I’m so sorry I lied to you. I know you said you’re not upset, but... I am. I never should have told you that and I feel ashamed. I hope I can make it up to you one day.”
I smile, “What did I do to deserve a woman as loving as you? Tell you what, let’s shelve it for now. There’s nothing we can do about it, and frankly I would have been much more upset if you had told me after we were married. I’m just happy we’ve cleared the air. If I know Ann as well as I think I do, there should be no problem. So, you were sending a note to your mom?”
“Right, I was going to tell my folks about us. I mean, I’ve told mom a little about you, but nothing about us. I think my mom will be really excited when she finds out. Anyway, it’s usually the mother of the bride who arranges for all this stuff, with the help of the couple of course.”
“Well, make sure they know it’s on my dime.”
Dash looked at me questioningly, “‘On my dime’?”
“It means I’m paying for it. I don’t want to put your parents in any kind of financial trouble, not when I can afford it. Anyway, if they object, just tell them it’s a crazy human tradition.” I snorted then started laughing, “And I breathe fire when I get mad, or turn into a big green monster, I keep forgetting which one is the lie.” Dash snuggled into my chest, laughing.
Still snickering, “Oh, Dash, AJ would be so disappointed in us.“ I noticed Dash suddenly became very quiet, not making eye contact, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I guess. I know things are settled between me and AJ, but we haven’t spent much time together since. I just hope things are okay with us. I mean really okay. I’ve just never had that kind of fight with any friend over any partner, never mind a friend like AJ over someone as loyal and honest as you.”
“Why wouldn't she be? Look, there’s no point in worrying about it. If she’s over this, we both get a friend back. If not, then pushing her will not help her get over it. Anyway, Elusive said he might ask her out.”
Dash snorted then laughed, “Your buddy Elusive? The same guy half the town thinks is a coltcuddler? The stallion who’s a little skinny, no muscle tone? Unlike every single stallion,” she runs a hoof on my decidedly non muscled chest, “and human, that has had any kind of romantic involvement with Applejack.” I nod. “He is very cute, you know.”
I chuckle, “You wound me madam.” I dramatically put my hand to my forehead. “You cut me to the quick. Well, as long as you think I’m of adequate quality to be your colt-toy.” We both chuckled and held each other, soon falling into a happy slumber.
---
In the morning, all three of us met Beatrix at the train station. Her suitcase was thin and a little battered, but I made sure to take it, and put it with Twilight’s and Dash’s. Beatrix gave me a sad and hopeful smile, like she couldn’t believe her luck, or she was experiencing some wonderful crazy dream. I couldn’t help but give her an encouraging smile. Before our luggage could be taken to the cargo car, I grabbed the little sky blue box out of Dash’s case. She rolled her eyes at me a little, but smiled warmly.
We had a private berth for the trip back home. Dash and I shared a bench and Twilight and Beatrix sat across from us. At first, Twilight and Beatrix chatted about magic, spells, and all kinds of stuff I honestly didn’t understand. Dash, in her usual style, stretched, put her head in my lap, and promptly started napping.
The trip back was a repeat of the trip there, with the addition of Beatrix, and like every trip back home felt a little faster. Dash spent most of the trip with her head in my lap and a content smile. I lightly stroked the leading edge of her left wing with my thumb, with the occasional sigh from Dash as a reward. I didn’t chat much with either of my unicorn friends this time. Twilight spent most of the trip looking out the window, and when she thought I wasn’t looking, she would look at us wistfully.
In the darkness of a tunnel I mused, ‘I hope she finds someone special soon, and I mean real soon. But, that is not something I can help her with. I mean, she’s envious of two lost broken souls clinging to each other in a desperate bid to not die alone. How sad is that? I mean, without asking anyone and based on what I have learned of the pony form, she is quite attractive, and I imagine she would clean up really nice. There’s no reason why she can’t find some brainy hunk, somewhere. Better keep this little bit of insight to myself though. Taken out of context, it could be quite hurtful.’
I was woken from my thoughts as we arrived at the Ponyville station. Dash lazily stretched and gave me a warm smile. Beatrix stood and Twilight sighed, both of them started making their way to the platform. I stopped them before they could leave, “Can I ask one favor, guys? Can we keep the whole ‘magic is killing Alex’ thing under your hats for now. I want to control who knows that and how they find out,” I looked down sadly, “especially Scootaloo. That kid’s had a tough life, and we’re part of a better one for her.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, “Anyway, the last thing I want is everyone fussing over poor sick Alex. You understand, right?”
Dash made my heart sing with her confident smirk, “Sure Alex. No point in worrying anyone, right Twilight?”
Twilight looked at me with a determined expression, “Absolutely.”
We all looked at Beatrix. She looked at me a little sadly, “You’ve got it, boss. The show must go on, right?”
I smile broadly, “Eloquently put Miss Beatrix, thank you. The show must go on, and for that to happen, we have to keep this on the ‘Q.T.’.” All three ladies looked at me, not understanding, “It means keep quiet about something.” They nodded as one, looked at each other and chuckled warmly. I smiled sadly and continued, “Thanks guys. But, if you feel the need to share with someone, I trust you to use your discretion.” Dash came forward and threw a hug at me, quickly followed by Twilight. Beatrix looked at us, unsure what to do.
Dash gestured, “Come on Bea, you’re our friend.” Beatrix came forward hesitantly and joined our little group hug. I glanced down at her, a happy smile was on her face.
I gave them all a final squeeze then I spoke with a rough, gravelly voice, partially to hide my emotions and partially to amuse, “Okay, enough of this emotional stuff. Lets go face the world.” As Dash started to head out, “Dash, wait. Your necklace. Here, let me put it on.” I quickly placed that perfect accessory around her neck, and was rewarded with a sweet smile and a peck on the cheek.
We stepped out onto the platform and I was surprised to see a banner, “Welcome Back Alex”. Standing below the banner was a crowd of ponies who cheered as they saw me. At the front of the group, the Mayor was beaming at me. She strode forward and put out a hoof, which I happily took, “Alex Roberts, how did your business trip go? Did you meet with Perfect Home? Did you secure funding?” She paused, her eyes flitting from my feather necklace to Dash’s intricate jewel necklace, and her smile grew wider, “Are you two getting married?”
I tried being as business like as possible, “Madam Mayor, everything went very well, better than I expected. I got a lot of very interested investors to follow up with and Mr Perfect Home will have the initial plans by the end of next week. And yes, Miss Rainbow Dash and I are engaged to be married.”
“Oh, that is absolutely wonderful on all accounts. I look forward to your presentation before the council. And congratulations on your engagement.”
The rest of the ponies rush forward with a cacophony of congratulations, hugs, and pats on the back. Pinkie, as always a happy smile gracing her face, was the first I could understand, “Our little Dashie is getting married!” She looked back at the banner, “Wait!” she reaches into a nearby nook and pulls out a new sign, “I always have a few of these stashed away for engagement emergencies.” She quickly slapped the new sign over the old one, it said, ‘Welcome back and congratulations on your engagement!’”
Her colt friend was standing off to the side with a Fez at a jaunty angle. His expression went from annoyed to delighted, as he said to no one in particular, “I never expected to see them here. Cool.”
Looking around I could see the whole Apple family had come. Granny, Big Macintosh, and Applejack, with Elusive standing beside her. I also saw Applebloom was with the other Crusaders. I was surprised to see Elusive with them and did a little bit of a double take. I couldn’t help but notice he was standing very close to AJ. Very, very close. This allowed me to notice that AJ was actually a little taller and more heavily built than Elusive. I wondered if it was simply the difference between earth ponies and unicorns. While Big Macintosh was giving me a little wave, AJ quickly made sure he was not looking and stole a quick kiss from Elusive. Unfortunately, Mac must have caught them out of the corner of his eye because he flashed a scowl in their direction. ‘I think I’ll have to have a little chat with my little brother about them.’
In the center, charging in our general direction were four fillies. Scootaloo was leading the charge, flanked by Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and a little gray unicorn I didn’t recognise. The new Crusader had the most brilliant sapphire blue eyes,
Beatrix was to my left and I caught two colts, Snips and Snails I think were their names, sidling up closer to her with goofy grins on their faces. Beatrix saw them and flashed them her best Trixie smile, “Ah, my two enthusiastic admirers. I hope you’re not bringing anything to town this time.” She responded to their nervous chuckles with a warm laugh. “And, I hear you two have a magic act. I look forward to seeing it.” The two colts grinned like any star struck kid would. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, boys.”
Rarity was also waiting, as ladylike as always, with Spike in attendance. It always made me a little sad to see him there, waiting on her and for her. I idly wonder if she feels the same way about him. None of my business, but still, Luna knows redemption comes in many forms. When she saw Dash and her necklace, her eyes grew and her usual decorum was completely forgotten. She squee’d and lunged at Dash, hugging her friend in pure joy, “Oh, Rainbow Dash! You’re getting married! How wonderful!” Realization dawned, “A marriage between the Element of Loyalty and the Paladin of Redemption!” Once again, she squee’d like only she can squee. I couldn’t help but laugh.
Dash looked at me and smirked, “I told you she would go nuts.”
I thought Dash would appreciate having Rarity’s attention deflected away from her, at least for a little while. “Rarity, I have some even better news, I’m not the only Paladin anymore.” Rarity looked a little confused as I gesture to Bea, “Our good friend Beatrix, you may remember her by her stage name of Trixie, is a Paladin too. She saved the life of a distraught young mare and gave her, her life back.”
Rarity paused for the slightest of moments, but smiled brightly and with all the genuine charm and class she could muster, “Darling, what a pleasure it is to see you again.” She gave Bea that upperclass kiss on both cheeks without quite touching. “You absolutely must teach me the spell you used to affect my hair when we first met.” Rarity leans back, tilting her head slightly, “Of course, we can discuss all that while I make you a new ensemble. I dare say Fluttershy may have a rival as my top model. Now, as I was saying, once I was past the shock I found the effect to be wonderfully amusing. There are so many uses for it in the charity work I do.” She grew thoughtful, “Sometimes a pony will regain her health faster if they look their best, you know. Sometimes, just feeling better is all that matters.” With that, Beatrix and Rarity began chatting in earnest.
As Pinkie started herding the well wishers to my house for the party, I spotted Miss Butterscotch. She stood at the edge of the platform, near the closed ticket window, her sevier demeanor and mane in a hair bun perfectly matching her scowl. She was obviously unhappy, but suddenly seemed to reach a decision with a little nod, stepped forward, “Mr Roberts, my employer, Mr Golden Coins, would like to send his congratulations on a successful business trip and,” I could see the distaste in having to say this, “on your forthcoming nuptials. He would also like to offer you a friendly meeting next Wednesday at noon for lunch at his mansion for negotiations in regards to his future investments in the theatre.” She glared at me, “Don’t be late for this undeserved privilege.”
As the crowd moved, I recognised Lyra off in a corner, looking very upset. She was being comforted by a cream earth pony with pink and blue mane. I heard her moaning, “It’s not fair, Bons. He was going to be mine to study. Now that Rainbow mule,” she spat, “has taken him away from me.”
The other mare responded with a long suffering sigh, “I know, sweetie. I know. But you have to remember that Alex is a person, just like you or me.” Bons continued with much more annoyance in her voice, “He’s not a science experiment, please remember that. For us, Lyra, for our sake” Lyra gasps and turns to Bons. Bons sighs again and continues, her voice kind, loving, “Maybe one day another human will pop up, but for now, be thankful you’ve been able to study him as much as you have. Lets leave him alone to be happy. Can you do that? For me?” Lyra nodded and they went off together.
I felt compassion for both of them and wondered if actually sitting down with Lyra would help. ‘That’s something for later.’
Our little menagerie makes it’s way to my house, now the center of a Pinkie Party. On the noisy walk, I could see Twilight casting a spell. While I wondered what she was doing, I suddenly heard her voice very clearly in my head, “Alex, I’ve been thinking about some additional magic reduction measures, and I think your knife will provide a small but consistent protection. I suggest you take a chance to slip it on as soon as you can.”
I imagine the sound of a finger tapping a microphone, “Is this thing on?” Twilight smirks and rolls her eyes a little without looking at me, “Sorry, couldn’t resist. So, the knife. Will do. Hey, random thought, would a magical device designed as inefficient as possible be a practical protective item? I mean, all technologies have efficiencies, and I imagine magic does too. So, how about an old fashioned, magic sucking something, maybe a pendent, combined with some task that burns lots of magic, like, I don’t know, maintaining a large mass both small and light. Does that give you any ideas?”
“Maybe. Well, it will give me another avenue of research anyway.” As I see Twilight pursing her lips in thought I start ‘hearing’ her quite complex thoughts on possible devices. I really don’t want to be in her head at an inopportune time and decide to interrupt her, “Cool. So, how do you hang up this line?”
I see her momentarily confused, quickly followed by a smirk. She glances in my direction, “You’re funny.”
I smile kindly at her, “I’m a scream. I know how you get distracted by new problems. I just didn’t want to be in there if there was something you didn’t want me to see or hear or whatever this is.”
She nods and gives me an awkward half smile. “I appreciate that.” She pauses, then looks back at me as if she remembered something, “You’re a good friend, Alex Roberts.” Her eyes glaze over in concentration for a moment, her horn gives a slight glow, and at that instant her thoughts disappear.
As we reach my humble cottage, I can see the party cannon parked outside my back door, a lone thin ribbon dangling comically from the end. The streamers, balloons, and other decorations are visible in my front window. I make my way closer to Pinkie, smiling broadly, “Wow! Look at this place, Pinkie. You, my positively popping party pony pal, have done it again! You are such an amazing organizer and decorator, Pinkie.” I give her a big hug, knowing Dash won’t mind, “Thank you, so much for such a wonderful welcome.” I gesture to Dash, and she joins us for a quick squeeze.
Pinkie pulls away from us and grins, “Aww thanks, but I don't deserve all the credit, Gummy helped too.” Feeling a pressure on my leg, I looked down to find him gnawing on my calf. I bent down to pick him up, and he changed his focus to my hand. It didn’t hurt, he just happily chewed with enough pressure to hold on. ‘Cute little bugger.’ With that I transferred him to Pinkie to continue my trek through the guests.
As I step in the door of the house and the party beyond, I immediately excused myself and rushed upstairs. I opened my bedroom door and to the right is my dresser, with the single item that has saved my life and treasure many times. It was proudly mounted on a simple wood stand, unpretentious in it’s battered leather sheath. It was more than an item, it was a friend, one that even helped me remember, from time to time. I had stopped wearing it soon after saving the child, fearful it would encourage me to violence in this innocent place. Still, it held a place of reverence, deserving of this simple little altar.
And now, it was going to save my life again. I picked up my trusty old knife in its worn and battered leather sheath and harness. I was proudly displayed, mounted on the stand on top of the dresser. I quickly strap it on my waist and right leg. It’s slung low for several reasons, but the two main ones were it made it easier to draw, the handle being where my hand is when my arm is relaxed, and the second and most important reason, it made me look bad-ass. In the few rare situations where I needed it, this setup had saved my life. Again, my trusty blade will be saving me, albeit indirectly.
Armed with my lifesaving weapon, I returned to the happy party. As I walked down the stairs, Dash called out, “There’s my anti-social hubby to be. Come on and join the party and have a drink with your amazing future wife and awesome future daughter.”
I laughed and called out, “Anything for my two angels.” I hurried the rest of the way, and stopped at the drink table. I grabbed a bottle of hard apple cider from Sweet Apple Acres for myself, a box of apple juice for Scootaloo, and a salted sarsaparilla shooter for Dash. We only managed to spend a few minutes together before being whisked away in different directions.
Everyone wanted to chat with me, and being too polite to say no, I was moving from one group to the next. I barely had the chance to get into a conversation, when I would be whisked away to the next group. I stopped for a moment to see Scoots and her friends. I was told their new friend, Sapphire, was mute but she always made herself understood. When I made eye contact with her, she was very expressive, and it was like I knew she was asking me if I was Scootaloo's daddy. I simply nodded and said out loud, “Yes I am, Sapphire.” This produced some excitement on her part, like no one has ever understood her this clearly. Before I could react further, I was whisked away again to Forest Harvest and Hedge Trimmer.
While I was chatting with Tree Trimmers folks, Dash hovers up and whispers in my ear, “Come on. You, me, and the kid are getting some fresh air.” She glances down my side, “Good, you’ve got your knife. Twilight said it should act as a good sink, and me and Scoots will be there too.”
I whisper back, “You and Scootaloo head for the back door. I’ll get a distraction going and we’ll head out.”
I excused myself and made my way to Beatrix. I gently touched her shoulder to get her attention and whispered, “I’m really sorry to bug you, but can I ask a huge favor? I know it’s a little unfair asking you this, and if you say no that’s totally-”
She interrupted me by putting her hoof on my mouth. I felt a little twang of guilt at noticing how soft and smooth it was compared to Dash’s hoof. With a bit of a smile she spoke quietly, “Twilight and Rainbow Dash both said you apologize way too much. They weren't kidding.” She looked down and chuckled sweetly then, looked me in the eye, all business, “So, what do you need, boss?”
I chuckled, “So, I would like to humbly request, as a personal favor, the Great and Powerful Trixie come out and both entertain and distract while me, Dash, and our daughter escape for some fresh air alone.”
She laughed and whispered, “It will be my pleasure.”
She made her way to in front of the fireplace and started in her bombastic Trixie voice, “Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!” Her trademark fanfare blared out. With that the guests oohed and aahed. Beartix’s gaze met mine and she sent a wink my way, “Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!” With that, she created an illusion over the ceiling of the living room. We all saw an open sky with a dazzling fireworks display, right down to the slight thump you would feel in your chest after a large burst.
Rarity seemed absolutely delighted, clapping her hooves in a most unladylike way while exclaiming, “How simply delightful.” Meanwhile, Twilight and Fluttershy titter at the fun spectacle provided by their new friend. I could see a poof of frizzy pink mane bopping up and down across the room and I assumed that was the brilliant and sweet Pinkie Pie. Applejack, with Elusive by her side, simply looks on with that half smile of hers. Big Mac’s reaction was the most amusing of all, a combination of dumbfounded fascination and a maybe a little hint of lustful ogling.
With everyones attention on Trixie, I joined Dash and Scootaloo in our escape. They were both thankful that we were taking a walk together, although Scootaloo was a little disappointed at missing the Trixie show. Dash reassured her, “Don’t worry sweetie. Bea will be staying in Ponyville, so I’m sure you’ll have plenty of chances to see her.” Scootaloo seems to accept this and happily started sneaking away with us.
Once outside, and with the act in full swing, no one saw us sneaking away. I peeked back in the living room and saw Beatrix had a radiant smile on her face, drinking in the adulations and obviously enjoying every moment in front of the crowd, even a modest one like this.
Sure that everything was going as planned, I bent down to my soon to be daughter. “Okay Scoots, we have to be quiet until we’re away from the house. Here’s a trick I picked up. When you’re walking, place your first hoof forward on the ground, but don’t stomp, then shift your weight to it as smoothly as you can. Do that with every step. I’ve only got two legs, but it should still apply to you and mom. Here, let me show you.” I carefully stepped as I had instructed her, crouching and moving slowly, but with almost no sound. “It’s slower, but even if you’re walking on sticks, you’ll make a lot less noise. I know you can do this, because I’ve seen how graceful you are,” Scootaloo blushed, “and it should be easy for you.”
I looked behind and above me. There I saw Dash with a loving smile, looking down on us, like an approving angel. With that, we all moved in silence to the path between Sweet Apple Acres and Fluttershy’s cottage.
Once we were far enough away that we were out of sight, we started walking together at a brisk pace. I figured we could all use a stretch like this. I gave my back a little crack and started speaking. “So, Scootaloo, as you can see, Dash and I are getting married. I want you to know that tomorrow, no matter what, we’ll go see Miss Sweetheart to start the adoption process. We want you to be our daughter. I hope that’s okay.”
Scoots looked up at us questioningly with a hint of fear, “So, I can call you ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ now?”
I chuckled, “Only if I can call you ‘pumpkin’.”
“And only if I can call you ‘squirt’,” Dash added with that glorious, truly confident smirk.
Scootaloo grinned and tapped her chin in mock thinking, “Well, I guess that’s ok, mom and dad. But,” a sly smirk grew on her face, “you know, everypony already calls me ‘squirt’, mom,” she suddenly threw a hug around Dash, “but yours is the only one that matters.” Dash’s expression softened, her eyes moistened, and she looked down on her new daughter lovingly.
I cheerfully call out, “Group hug.” and both girls run into me, wings and arms and forelegs all wrapped together. I spoke, my voice thick with emotion,“I am so lucky to have you both in my life.” This only promoted stronger hugs and a choked chuckling on my part. We were a family in every way that mattered. We just needed the paperwork to back it up. We soon continued, the girls at a leisurely pace, for them, and a brisk walk for me.
“So, as soon as we can, we’ll get permission for you to move in. I have a few surprises for you, but you’ll have to wait until then.”
She started buzzing excitedly, “What is it? What is it?”
I chuckled, “Good things come to those who wait, pumpkin.”
Dash ruffled Scootaloo’s mane, “He went through a lot of trouble for it, squirt,” Dash chuckled, “and when you’re older we’ll tell you all about it.”
The young filly rolled her eyes with a smirk, “Aww. Okay, I guess I should obey the authority figures.” We all laughed. I couldn’t help but think, ‘She has the same smirk as Dash, her mom now. Brave, bold, and strong.’
Scootaloo looked up at us, “So, I’ve got to know. How did you guys meet? Fighting dragons? Tricking Diamond Dogs? Shopping for carrots? I bet itwas bad-flank...” she suddenly looked embarrassed and became very meek, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to use bad language.”
Dash snorted, “Don’t worry about it squirt. We know you’re a good kid.” Dash looks up at me with a sweet smile, and a bit of a smirk, “And as a matter of fact, it was bad-flank.”
“Your mom’s right.” Scoots brightened at that, “That language was appropriate to the situation, it was totally bad-ass.” Scoots looked a little confused, “That’s the human version of bad-flank. Smaller but more concentrated awesome.” This elicited a round of snickers.
Dash continued, her voice growing excited, “We met along this road actually, right back there. Your dad was walking along with Fluttershy and I’d never seen a human before, so I thought he was some kind of cute Diamond Dog.” Dash bumps me with her shoulder while Scootaloo rolls her eyes and makes a gagging face. “Anyway, I knew Diamond Dogs were bad news, so I charged at him to give Fluttershy a chance to escape.”
I interrupted, “Hey, your mom did the smart thing in that situation, she clobbered me from behind.”
Our little orange audience was buzzing with excitement, “Oh wow, I’ll bet that hurt.”
I cracked my back, “Yup, my back still hurts. Sorry to interrupt.”
Dash chuckled warmly, “Anyway, I slammed him to the ground and pinned him there, or so I thought. We were both worried about Fluttershy, so we both yelled at her to run away, at the same time. That’s when he elbowed me in the side and knocked the wind out of me, not that anyone except you two will ever know that, and he rolled away.”
“That’s when we stood there, like two old west gunfighters,” The girls looked confused, “Um,” I looked at Dash, “Help me out Dash. Any time in your history where ponies regularly settled differences like they did...” I stopped in mid sentence, and quickly held my hand up and open, a symbol I hoped they would understand. I was sure I heard the characteristic subsonic growl of a large animal. I thanked Luna for my enhanced senses and peered around the tree line.
Looking over my left shoulder I saw the outline of massive creature that made my blood run cold. The exact dimensions were hard to judge, but the body looked to be three meters long. The shadows and shrubbery obscured most of the details. As I slowly drew my knife as I issued a command, NON.LETHAL.COMBAT.MODE. I then glanced at my two loved ones and designated them as friends, just to be safe. The blade sank into the knuckle guard and several short spikes grew all around the edge. Small arcs of electrical discharge played over the tips of the little spikes. I wanted to be able to stop this thing without killing it. ‘Anyway, killing things means they need to be remembered, and I really don’t want to start that again. Not here. Not now.’
In a sudden, and totally unexpected action, there was dark purple flash, almost like the after image of a lightning strike, blinding us all for a split second. I felt the telltale burst of air a teleporting body creates from displacing the air in the location it is materializing in. My body reacted before I had time to understand and I instinctively threw myself over Dash and Scoots, unceremoniously knocking them to the ground. As we hit the ground and I had the wind knocked out of me, I felt something fly past my head and back again. Just as suddenly, there was another flash and the dull pop of air filling a vacuum. The creature had teleported again. This frightened me far more that the thought of a three meter animal simply attacking us.
Dash and Scoots were both shaking their heads, their vision obviously impaired and still stunned at being knocked to the ground. I smiled a little at Scootaloo. I was so proud of how she was handling herself. I could see the fear in her expression and body language, but she kept quiet.
I whispered, “Dash, you take Scoots straight up, as fast and as hard as you can. Take Scoots somewhere safe and get Twilight or Fluttershy. I’ll keep this thing busy and away from Ponyville. When I say the word, you get her out of here.”
Dash, also following the creature with her eyes spoke angrily at me, “Alex Roberts I will not leave you alone with a popping cat.”
The creature snarled and skulked out of the shadows, coming closer to us. In the dim light of the evening twilight I could see the monstrosity in more detail. The huge panther like creature with six legs was frightening enough, but it also had a very unusual feature, two long tentacles sprouting from the front shoulders, tipped by a cluster of vicious looking barbs. I muttered a small thankful prayer to Luna for my enhanced senses and for the limitations of this creatures teleportation abilities.
I begged, “Dash there is no way you can take off fast enough with both of us.”
Scootaloo whimpered, “Dad?”
I touched Scootaloo’s cheek, “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. Your old man has everything under control.” With growing fear for the safety of my loved ones, “Please Dash. I’m begging you, do as I say. I’ll be fine. Just... go.”
She glanced at me for a moment, fear and determination in her eyes. She carefully picked up Scoots , “I love you, you stupid ape. Stay safe.”
My eyes flicked to her and my lips curled into a small smile. “I love you both, now get out of here.” I took a deep breath, “On three. One... two... THREE!” I burst forward with a primal scream, letting all my ape ancestors voice their fears and angers. The beast’s head snapped between from looking up at Dash and down on me, until deciding I was the easier meal.
I shifted my direction, running away from Ponyville, away from Dash and Scoots, and toward the Everfree Forest. I glanced up and saw Dash carrying Scootaloo already high in the sky, heading toward Ponyville. With my loved ones safe, I gritted my teeth and yelled out, “Hey you ugly son of a bitch! Come and get me!”
I could hear the odd asymmetrical thumping a six legged creature makes when it’s running. ‘Okay, the more legs, the slower they are because it’s harder to coordinate all those legs. Now, what did that old bastard say when fighting teleporting creatures? Shit shit shit, gah! Oh, yeah, right! Stick to areas with lots of undergrowth or obstructions. They usually can’t teleport safely, and it’s easier to find cover.’ I looked around desperately, ‘Toward the forest. It has trees, maybe tree stumps and fallen logs. That will have to do.’ I pressed myself even harder to get to the relative safety of the forest.
I suddenly caught a reflection of the afterimage flash from behind and immediately dived to the ground. This was followed by the rush of air and dull thud, right behind my my head, I quickly turned and saw the one of the huge clawed paws. I could smell its breath. I rolled and threw a punch straight up, as I sent the command HALF.DISCHARGE. My blow landed squarely on it’s sternum and I was almost blinded by the electrical discharge. There was another afterimage flash and I took the opportunity to scramble the last twenty meters or so to the tree line.
‘Holy shit! That was enough juice to stun a bull elephant. I think I just pissed it off.’ A beautiful angelic voice, elven to be specific, spoke in my mind, “Half discharged. Fifteen heartbeats until two thirds charge available. Sixty heartbeats until fully charged.” So, about forty five seconds until it has what might be an effective charged, and about three minutes for a full charge. I hope they get here before then, I could use the help.
Breathing heavily, I peered around, looking for any telltale signs of that nightmare. My heart was pounding in my ears, making hearing difficult. I used my breathing exercises to calm myself, but it was no use. I knew it only took it about thirty seconds to recharge, based on it’s pattern so far, and that was any second now. I knew hitting it with a half charge was a waste of time, I needed that full charge. ‘Three minutes is a very long time.’
The other rule when fighting this kind of creature is to keep moving. Sitting still means it can plan its next move. As I start running in a random direction, I hear that subsonic sight of something to my left, I immediately turn right, diving between two pine trees. ‘I can’t afford to give it anything but a hard time.’ As I ran I started doing sharp turns at random, always trying to pick my next path with at least one or two spots to rabbit in or hide behind.
I had enough time to register that afterimage flash, then there was an impact to my left arm, slamming it against my chest, knocking the wind out of me. I could feel my body being lifted up. This was followed by a moment of weightlessness, a sudden impact, and blackness.
My eyes snapped open from the pain of my arm being crushed and gouged. I looked to my left to see the thing's middle paw crushing and its claws digging into my bicep. In a moment of dispassionate and lucid thought, “Huh. That feels like about five hundred kilos.” That didn't last long and it only took a moment to fully assess my perilous situation. I was pinned to the ground by my left arm, my legs and belly exposed to the creature's dripping maw, and my head between its middle and hind legs.
I desperately tried to remember the lessons about fighting larger animals. The only thing I could remember was, 'slit the belly'. The beast reared back to rip me to shreds and I panicked. My mind screamed FULL.COMBAT.MODE. The blade shot out to its full length; razor sharp, continually adapting and adjusting to produce the deepest, most grievous cut. In a single desperate slash, I slit its belly open. A torrent of blood and gore poured out. It roared in pain and took a few staggering steps, grinding my arm further in the process, until it finally collapsed in a boneless heap.
I dragged myself to my feet and stumbled to my fallen foe. I stood over the body, my heart pounding in my ears, my left arm screaming in pain. I could see its eyes fluttering, the blood and ichor still dripping from its open belly. I crouched beside its head and stroked its rough fur.
“Please forgive me for taking your life. If I had been a little smarter, a little faster, a little better, I could have done otherwise. I promise you, I will do the decent thing and treat your body with dignity.” With a heavy heart, I take a moment to put it out of its misery. I then stagger a few steps and drop onto a fallen tree log in exhaustion. I was tired and sore; all I wanted was a hot shower, a warm bed, and a soft wing around me to forget this horrible evening.
Still breathing hard, I hear some rustling behind me, followed by rushed steps and a warm embrace. I could hear the fear and relief in Dash's voice.
“I was so worried.” She kissed my dirty face, not caring about the filth, “Thank Celestia you're still alive. What-”
I snapped back to reality, realizing I only had one thing on my mind. In a panicked voice I asked Dash, “Scoots! Is she alright? Did... did you get her to safety?” I gently pushed Dash away and started examining her sky blue coat and feathers. It was hard to tell if she had been injured because she was covered in the same gore I was. I spoke softly, shakely, “My god... were you hurt?”
“She's fine. I'm fine. Both thanks to you. What...” she trailed off as she looked around and seemed to see the carnage for the first time. She continued softly, “What happened?”
Before I could answer, I heard weeping. I looked around and saw it was Fluttershy. My heart sank. She moved forward, her eyes on the popping cat.
“You killed her Alex. Why?” She hovers past me, tears streaming down her face as she gently closes the beast's eyes, and suddenly gasps. “Look,” Fluttershy pointed to the teats, and for the first time I saw some kind of milky fluid seeping, “she was lactating. She has cubs, Alex. Somewhere out there, not too far.”
I spit out some of the gore that had made its way into my mouth. I was still buzzing from the adrenaline rush of the fight and wanted to snarl at her, but this was Fluttershy. I knew I had to keep a soft, even tone or it would upset her.
I spoke softly, my voice filled with grief, “I'm so very sorry Fluttershy. It... it had me pinned. It was going to rip me apart. My instincts forced my hand and it was the only thing I could do. I... I wanted to see my family and friends again, Fluttershy. Please understand I-”
“I saw her wounds, Alex Roberts.” Her voice was harsh and I think she was on the edge of a full blown 'Flutterage'. Dash had told me about them, and they were not a harmless bit of bad attitude as presented on the show. She was prone to violence and considering the strength difference, that could be deadly for me. “You weren't happy to simply hurt her very badly. No, you had to end her life. You had to go out of your way and,” she spat out the last few words through gritted teeth, “Kill. Her.”
Dash spoke up in my defense, desperately trying to reason with her friend, “Fluttershy, that's not fair. Look at that belly.” Fluttershy's eyes flicked from Dash to the cooling corpse, “Look at it. Unless we could have flown a vet here with us with surgical equipment, you know darn well it would have-”
“He should have known better, Rainbow Dash. You always said he's a high and mighty adventurer, over a hundered years old, and he's oh so wise. Surely the mighty Alex Roberts should know how to handle a dangerous animal without killing it.” Fluttershy turned her glare at me again, “Unless he wanted to kill it, to feed his bloodlust. I'll bet he planned the whole thing. I'll bet he-”
I was getting sick of Fluttershy's ‘holier than thou’ attitude. I looked at the ground, spitting out more of the gore and composing myself.
Looking up at Fluttershy, I involuntarily raised my voice, “I'm very sorry I had to kill it, I really am, but if killing this animal means Dash or Scootaloo, or any pony for that matter, stays safe, then I'll do it again and not lose a single solitary second of sleep.”
I tried to stand but I stumbled and fell. I grimaced, gripping my injured arm, and stood back up. Dash came to my side, but I brushed her away before she could do anything. I realized she was just standing there, looking at me, her face a picture of pained confusion.
In that moment of silence, I glanced to the pink maned pegasus only to find her glaring at me, anger the clear emotion she was projecting. She charged up to me, actually shoving Dash out of the way, getting nose to snout with me, almost pushing me back to the ground.
“How can you say something like that?” She turned to Dash, despair in her voice, “How can you be in love with something like him. He's worse than Gilda!” She turned back to me, pushing her hoof on my chest, shoving me to the ground, “You meenie, you brute, you... you... you monster.”
I finally lost my temper. With all that adrenaline still in my system I simply lost control. I easily slapped her hoof off my chest, “First, take your fucking hoof off me before I remove it permanently. Second, what the hell do you know about monsters? Real monsters! Huh?” I sneered at her damn naivete, at the increasingly sickening innocence of this whole damn world.
“Well, let me tell you a little story about some real monsters called the Illithid. They're slavers, not in the simple way Diamond Dogs are. These monsters enslave your mind. But not in the nice tidy way like a Need-It-Want-It spell. Do you know what they do?” I looked at her, holding her glare, “Of course you don't. Well they bite into your skull, right about here,“ I indicated the top back of my head, “and they remove a little piece of your brain and replace it with one of their larvae. Do you know how I know this? Well, let me tell you about the last five minutes in the life of Essak the candlestick maker.”
“He was a friend, an ally really, but that's just semantics. He was my friend and he had promised to find a quiet, out of way spot for me to jump. I said I would give him all the grots I had. Hell, I didn't need them anymore, and he was my pal and he could use them for his family. So, when we get to the spot, we hear a patrol coming our way. Essak was as surprised as I was, so he got me to hide in a small outcropping. It wasn't much, but it was enough to hide me. He stood out there and started talking.”
“Do you want to know when you know you're dealing with monsters? It's while you're hiding in terror, soiling yourself hoping they don't look in your hiding spot, thinking how happy you are they're killing him instead of you. You watch as it takes your friend and gnaws through their skull.” I moaned in grief at the memory and it took a moment for me to compose myself enough to continue, tears streaming down my cheeks. “And for a split second, before the larva takes over, Essak made eye contact with me, his eye begging me to do something, anything. And there's not a goddamn thing I could do to save him. But, there was one thing I could do to end the horror.”
My expression hardened, “A few moments before I jumped, I lept out to what was left of my friend and I stabbed him through the heart.” Fluttershy and Dash both looked at me in slack jawed horror, “It was all I could do for him. He died knowing he wouldn't be serving those abominations.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, collecting myself for a moment. “Those are monsters, Fluttershy. Those... are monsters.”
I stood unsteadily, but I was still full of rage. I thumped my chest, “Me? I'm just an ordinary guy, and I wanted to see my family again. I'm sorry, but there was no choice to make. Feed her cubs or see Dash and Scootaloo again? What would you have me do? If you were in my position, with my limitations, what the fuck would you have done?”
Fluttershy just glared at me for a moment. A small part of my mind was shocked at the rage I was directing at Fluttershy, but my voice of reason was silent and I was in the haze of surviving a fight.
I knew it was wrong, but I continued, venting myself at that innocent creature, “Do you have any idea what kind of responsibility it is to take a life? Do you?”
In that moment of rage, I realized she was no longer fluttering in front of me, trying to intimidate me. I was standing over her, unsteady, spittle dripping from my mouth; my face contorted in fury. I looked down and saw my knife was still in full combat mode, the blade razor sharp, glowing from the dancing electrical discharge and hungrily twisting and turning, eager to cut and maim.
Dash spoke quietly but firmly, “Back off, Alex. You're scaring her.”
I dropped the knife and took a few steps away from Fluttershy, realizing she was cringing, her fearful expression mixed with indignation. I wiped a blood covered arm across my mouth, and spit out some of the gore that had made its way into it.
“Oh, god, Fluttershy, I...” I turned my head to Dash, pleading forgiveness, “Dash I... I... I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I...” I dropped to my knees and wordlessly stared at the palm of my right hand. Just on the edge of my vision I could make out that old stain of green blood over the blood and gore from the popping cat. I quickly look away from it. I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned to Fluttershy, our eyes locking, “I'm sorry I scared you, but I'm not sorry for killing this animal. If one more scar is the price to pay to keep my family, or anypony, safe, then I'll gladly pay it. God help me, but that's what I'll do.”
I could see the expression on Dash's face. She was caught between her oldest friend and her lover, loyal to both, unsure what to do. My heart went out to her, but there was nothing I could do.
Fluttershy's tears were flowing freely now, her voice full of sadness, “But, how can you justify your actions? How?”
I took a deep breath to calm myself, but it was only marginally effective. My voice faltered, as though I was trying to convince myself as much as her. “Easy. When she,” I pointed to the cooling corpse, “kills in the forest, do you chase her down and give her a stern talking to?” Fluttershy's expression was changing to an incredulous scowl.
“No. She was just as ready to kill and eat me, Dash, Scootaloo, or you. She would have done so happily, knowing she was feeding her cubs. I, however, will have to live with regret and shame that I killed her. There will always be a little doubt that I could have done better, that I could have distracted her just a little longer. The point is, she was a predator and predators eat meat. That means she needs to kill, because unless I have been grievously misled, meat does not grow on trees.”
She started staring at me, her expressive eyes seemingly looking for a way to get into my soul. I think she was trying to use her famed 'stare' on me, but under the circumstances, it just looked silly. After a few moments, she realized it wasn't working, and she began crying in earnest. Her bottom lip was now quivering, her now impotent glare was full of anger, and maybe it now contained just a hint of disdain. I know Fluttershy was never comfortable around me, but now, she was outright disgusted by me. She finally turned, sobbing, flying back to her cottage.
Dash helped me stand, “I need to get this arm looked after. I'll be back tomorrow to bury her, then I'll go looking for her cubs.”
Dash objected, “Listen Alex, you need rest and time-”
“I'm not a monster, Dash. No matter what she may think, I'm not.” I sighed, “I took no pleasure in killing this animal, and I will do the decent thing and take care of it, and the pups.” I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose, “God, tonight has been an absoulute cluster-fuck.”
“Alex I... I can't... I'm sorry...” Dash sat close, but not too close.
“I understand, Dash. I said I would love you no matter what, but I won't hold you to returning that. I know what I did was barbaric in your eyes, and I don't expect you to demean yourself by staying with me. I won't blame you if you... I think I...” I wept quietly. Dash was so close yet so completely beyond my reach.
Applejack was the first to arrive, fear and defiance in her voice, “Rainbow Dash! Is he alright? I saw Fluttershy leaven', bawling her head off. Don't tell me he's hurt or...”
I mumbled, “I'm fine little sister, just some bumps and bruises, maybe a broken arm.”
I heard Elusive exclaim, “Bucking moon, what happened to you, buddy?”
“I'll tell you later, and you're buying the drinks.”
There was a moment of silence and I recognised Applejack by her unique scent, holding me, not too tight. “Oh, sugar cube, I was powerful worried about you.”
I felt another body and Elusive's voice, “Man, I was worried about losing my drinking buddy. Cuz, you know, that's the only reason I let you hang around me.”
I chuckled a little, despite myself and he patted me on the back.
I could hear Beatrix's frantic, somewhat winded voice getting closer, “Please don't be hurt. Please don't be hurt. Oh dear Luna, please let him not be hurt. I never should have let him go for that walk. Luna said I needed to keep an eye on him. I knew I should have gone with him. This is all my fault-”
I was surprised to hear a familiar baritone rumble interrupt her, “Now don't fret yourself, Miss Beatrix. Alex is a cagey rascal and he was fighting' for kin. He'll be fine.”
I could hear the worry in Beatrix's voice and I was honestly touched, “Do you really think so?”
Big Mac's voice was confident and steady, “I knows it.”
I heard a sudden increase speed of hoofbeats, and I was fairly sure they were not from Big Macintosh. I suddenly felt another warm body wrap its forehooves around me, “Oh, thank Luna you're alive. Princess Luna, I promise to start using my second name all the time from now on.” I felt a kiss on the back on my head, “Thank goodness you're alright.”
I felt a large, rough hoof on my shoulder, “I told you, Miss Beatrix. He'll be just fine.”
Finally I heard the slightly out of breath voices of Twilight and Rarity.
Rarity's affected accent was almost forgotten, “Oh, that brave gallant knight risking his life to keep his loved ones safe. Rainbow Dash is such a lucky mare, to have such a-”
“Fool. He was a fool Rarity. I'm sure Rainbow Dash could have carried him and Scootaloo high enough and quickly enough to escape from that popping cat. He risked his life on a selfish act of bravado. He should be treasuring every moment, not- not living out some heroic fantasy.”
“Twilight, Alex is many things, but he is certainly not a fool. I don't think you-”
“Rarity, stop. You need to know something about Alex.” There was some whispering, a loud gasp, and a few more exchanged whisperings.
In a softer, more tender tone, “Twilight, in view of this new information, I feel what he did was even more noble. However, in deference to his wishes, I shall endeavor to treat him as I always have. Now, he does not seem to be seriously injured, let us present ourselves in as ladylike a manner as possible.”
I sort of faded out at this point, answering questions in simple monotones. Mac had insisted on carrying me, and seeing as I could barely stand, I gratefully accepted. I mumbled thanks as I tried to get on. I remember Beatrix and Rarity arguing who would lift me up and who would hold me in place on Mac's back. Beatrix won, saying Princess Luna had given me to her as her charge. I had three large gashes on my arm that would need a few stitches and various bruises and scrapes, as well as my possibly broken left arm. Someone had brought some first aid supplies and crudely bandaged my arm. Twilight, I think.
I don't recall the trip back to the hospital. I remember telling the doctor in the emergency room I was fairly sure it was a hairline fracture about halfway down the left humerus. The location and type of break was confirmed and the rest of the procedure went as smoothly as any such thing could. They cleaned me up enough to get the sling on, and told me I could remove it for short times. This meant I could have that hot shower once I get home, then go see my little girl. All told, it was less than two hours before I could leave.
During the whole thing, Dash didn't say much, but she did stay by my side and held my hand, especially during the stitching as there were no painkillers available. I took a few willowbark tablets and bit on some tongue depressors. I thought I should visit Zecora and see if I can stock the hospital with a few basic medications.
All things considered, they were fast and efficient. The doctor said I could leave at any time, and we thanked him. When we were alone, I was quiet, processing everything that had happened, trying not to dwell on the growing self hatred I felt, partially just from my painfully obvious limitations that showed themselves this evening, but mostly from angering and disgusting the Element of Kindness.
'I really am just a monster in this place. Maybe I've just been fooling myself the last six months.' And then it hit me. I whispered to Dash, “Fluttershy was right, a monster like me doesn't deserve your loyalty, let alone your love.”
Dash seemed confused, worried and, surprisingly, she shifted slightly away from me. She's never shifted away from me. Never. I was sure she would say some comforting words, like she always does. I could only look into her eyes in silence.
Finally, with a guarded tone, she spoke, “I... I love you Alex, as Celestia is my witness I love you with all my heart, but right now I don't know if I can be with you...” It was impossible not to hear the sadness in her voice, “I... I'm so sorry, Alex. This is just too much and I need some time to think.” Dash turned and quickly left the room.
In the echoing silence I sat and stared at the door for I don't know how long. My trance was broken when there was a tentative knock and the door opened a crack.
Beatrix poked her head in, her voice soft and maybe a little fearful, “Hey, boss. How are you doing? I see they have your foreleg in a sling.” She walked in and chuckled, “Not a big deal for a biped like you, I guess, but a royal pain for us though.” I gave a little chuckle at her joke, causing her to smile too.
“So, the doctor said you were ready to go half an hour ago, and we saw Rainbow Dash leave without saying a word. We were wondering what was up.” She came up and put that soft, smooth hoof on my arm, a twang of shame for enjoying her touch made me blush. “Are you okay? Do you need to talk? I know you don't really know me, but I'm happy to lend an ear.”
Still in shock, my voice was neutral, “I think Dash just left me.”
Beatrix sputtered, “Leave you? Why? I've never seen such a happy couple as you two. What happened?”
I collected my thoughts for a moment, looking at the floor. With my thoughts in order I explained myself, “From the moment Fluttershy arrived, she started hammering at me. Asking me why I killed it; demanding explanations. I stayed calm, Bea. I was hurt, I was full of adrenaline, I wanted to lash out, but I stayed calm. And then what does Fluttershy do? She knocks me to the ground.”
“I lost it. I told her to keep her hooves off me and threatened to take them off if she didn't.” I shook my head at the recollection, “It went downhill from there. She called me a monster, and I told them what real monsters are like. They do things to your friends and the only way to save them is to kill them. I...” faltering I continued after clearing my throat, “Anyway, that's what I think did it. I know, to anypony, I must be as monstrous as any Illithid.”
I looked up at Beatrix, expecting to see disgust. Instead, I saw compassion. She moved closer and placed her cheek against mine, holding me in a hug. She whispered sadly, “I don't know what happened to you, or what you had to do, but I know you're a good person. Luna herself can see the good in you. If she's left you, then she's a fool.” She held me for a moment in silence and I felt so grateful for a friend at that moment, I put my arm around her.
My moment of comfort was broken by my sister's voice, “Woah nelly, I guess I should have knocked.”
Beatrix pulled away from me and seemed a little panicked, “What? Trixie has done nothing wrong here.” I wondered if she used her Trixie persona as a crutch when she was scared.
“Well while you were holding him your tail was higher than a feely* on nickel night.”
I sighed, “Am I missing something here?”
“Well, I don't blame you, sugar cube. It was Trixie here that was hugging you with her tail held high.”
Beatrix looked away, obviously embarrassed.
“So, what's the big deal, she lifted her tail...” I had a sudden realization, “Oh my god.” A lifted tail would be a sexual tell to a species with a tail. A really big, screaming to the heavens 'You're going to love me!' kind of tell. I pointed to Applejack, “You, and all those times we were alone, and Dash, and,” I did a quick mental inventory, “Rarity. Okay, that's everybody.” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, “Seriously, what's wrong with all you mares. Okay, look, what just happened does not leave this room, understand? Applejack, I just found out Dash may have left me, but keep that under your hat, please. And, Beatrix was just comforting me. One friend to another. If she got a little excited, it was just an accident.”
I looked kindly at both of these warm mares, “This has been the worst night since I landed here, and the worse part is that I may have lost the person I love. I could really use a hug from my sister and my friend.”
Excerpt from Applejack's Diary
In some ways, it was worse than we imagined. Alex was sitting on an old stump, covered in blood, crying. Dash wasn't holding him, or comforting him at all. She was just sitting close by, her back to him.
I was so mad at the so called Element of Loyalty for abandoning her stallion that I walked right up to him and held him. Elusive followed suit, then that hussy Beatrix, even Big Mac put a hoof on his shoulder. We didn't hold on to him too tight, seeing as he had a hurt arm and all, but we did help him up and get him to the hospital.
Everyone except me, Elusive, Big Mac, and Beatrix left. While we was waiting, Dash came out and gave me a sign that she wanted to talk in private. Bea and Mac was talking in the corner, so I sent my Elusive to get some coffee. He's real sweet and I think he knew we needed some private time, because he said it may take a while, maybe half an hour. Then he quickly added, "Or, it can be faster if you want it to be." He made me chuckle at his consideration and I said a half hour would be fine.
Me and Dash found a quiet spot and as soon as the door was closed; before it had even stopped swinging, Dash started to cry.
"It was terrible, he killed it without a second thought. I told him, right there, AJ. I told him I didn't want to stay with him. I couldn't even make myself hold him and comfort him, AJ. I told him I didn't want to be with him tonight, and I didn't know when I would be ready."
Then, R.D. did something I have never seen her do, she cried and sobbed like a foal. "I don't want it to be Gilda all over again. He's not like her, AJ. He's warm and kind, and... and good, but he's got that same wild, dangerous animal inside of him. He can be so cold blooded, just like when he cut the cat's throat, then yelled at Flutters for being upset with him. I just don't want to deal with that kind of stuff again. Not again."
R.D. carried on a while more, but all I could think about was that she may not love him anymore. In fact, I couldn't even bring myself say anything in his defence, like... like I wanted their relationship to fail.
The only thing I could say was that she should follow her heart. She took off, right then and there.
After we got word from the doc that he was patched up and could leave any time, he didn't come out of the treatment room. Beatrix had said Princess Luna told her to keep an eye on him, so after about half an hour, she went in to check on him.
She didn't come out for a few minutes, so I went to see what in tarnation was going on. I got in there and for a split second I thought I was in the wrong room and had walked into a couple make'n hay. The Beatrix hussy was holding her tail high enough that I got an eyeful of her privates.
Well, Alex being Alex, he smoothed everything over, and we both held him for a few minutes. The Beatrix isn't all that bad.
I'll finish this up tomorrow.
Signed,
Tired from a long night.
P.S.
On the way home, after Alex did what he wanted to do, I had a thought catch me completely by surprise. 'If Dash don't want him, I'll take him.' I wanted to track her down and tell her to forget about him and find somepony else, anypony else, go back to Gilda, anything for me to try him again. I shouldn't be thinking this, I have a wonderful special friend, Elusive. I love him, don't I? Alex is just a brother, nothing more, right? Am I lying to myself about one or the other? I'm not, am I? I'm the Element of Honesty, I should know when I'm lying. I am truly ashamed and hating myself for thinking such thoughts.
* A feely is slang for a kind of pony prostitute who lets stallions touch her cutie mark for cash. A place where they ply their trade is called a touchy house. A stallion might say "I'm going to the touchy-feely tonight".
As Bea and AJ finished the group hug I announce my plans, “Alright guys, now I just want to get cleaned up and see my daughter.”
Applejack looked at me with motherly concern, “You sure about that, hon’? Scootaloo can wait until morning.”
Bea shared an expression of worry and concern, “I agree. Rainbow told me about that child and she sounds like a strong little filly, she will survive until morning. You really need to get some rest.”
I had a small smile and looked at them in turn, “Thank you for your advice, I will take it all into consideration.” I touched my lips with my fingertips, turned my eyes to the ceiling then looked at my friends again, “I’m afraid I have to see her. I’m just not strong enough to wait. I... I need to see my daughter.” They both sighed, rolled their eyes, and gave each other knowing looks.
Big Mac carried me to my house, again with no argument from me. Twilight and Beatrix took turns supporting me and Applejack walked beside us. I could see worry painted on Twilight’s face, more so than I thought the situation warranted.
“Hey Twilight, penny for your thoughts?”
She looked up as if startled then gave me a tired smile, “Oh, no big deal. It's probably just me worrying about nothing, as usual.”
“Come on Twilight, tell your old uncle Alex.”
Twilight laughed, “Until I can run some blood tests to confirm, I would rather not say.” Her voice became a little manic and ended in a sing-song, “I don’t want to drive anybody crazy.”
I chuckled, hoping she was just joking, but I did notice Applejack gave Twilight a worried glance. I tried to lighten the mood a little, “I just want to confirm that we’re using little tiny baby needles next time, right?”
Twilight chuckled a tiny bit more maniacally than I would have liked, “Yes, wittle Alex-y W-alex-y will have his itty bitty baby needles.”
I wanted to defuse this bit of madness I accidentally started before it got out of hand. “Twilight, I have complete faith in you. I know you didn’t know how weak my cowardly skin-”
Applejack scowled at me. “Now you hush about that. You’re braver than anypony should ever have to be.” She muttered under her breath, “Braver than that traitor Rainbow Dash deserves. Why that disloyal featherbrain would run away when her stallion needs her the most is beyond me.”
I knew no one else heard her, but I needed to defend my Dash, even if what Applejack said was likely true. “The reason Dash isn’t here is because she needs time to internalize what happened tonight, Applejack. It happened before when she saw the scars on my back. What she saw tonight was horrible by human standards, I can only guess what it would be like by pony standards.”
Applejack gave me friendly glare, “Rarity said you sometimes forget we’re adults, on account of that silly show.”
I dropped my head slightly, “That is true, my dear Applejack. Thank you for kindly reminding your foolish older brother. The monkey one to be specific.” I could feel a subsonic chuckle from Mac.
We finally got to my cottage, most of us in quiet cheer. I was hopeful Dash was only reacting like she did with my scars. No point in fretting over something I have no control over. As I limped my way up the back steps, Beatrix was right behind me.
I stopped cold and she almost bumped into me, “Whoa there Miss Beatrix. Where do you think you’re going?”
Beatrix tilted her head slightly, and spoke to me as if I was a young, dull child, “I was coming in to help you with that shower.”
“Like hell you...” I stopped, closed my eyes for a moment to center myself, then smiled a little and started again, “I mean, while I truly appreciate all the help you’ve given me so far and will be giving me after this, I don’t feel comfortable with getting help from a beautiful mare while I’m buck naked. So, if Applejack can spare Elusive for a few minutes...”
“Is it the scars, boss? They can’t be all that bad and anyway, I’m a big filly. I can handle anything.”
“That’s part of it, but it’s mostly the nudity taboo.” I sighed, “Applejack, can you explain it to her while Elusive gives me a hand... hoof... horn... whatever.”
Applejack chuckles, “You see, sugar cube, Alex’s people wear clothes all the time.” She continued her explanation to a curious Beatrix while Elusive helped me in.
Before the door closed, I turned and said, “Mac, when I’m done you should come have a quick shower to clean the mess off your back. Sorry about that.”
Mac answered in his usual verbose manner, “Thank you kindly.”
As Elusive helped me to the bathroom, he voiced his opinion, “I don’t know buddy, that Beatrix is a hottie and if Dash is out of the picture...” I glared at him for a moment. “Hey, I’m not saying you guys are splitsville, but, and I say this only to be informative not to be a jerk, but Rainbow Dash has a bit of a reputation, you know. She doesn’t stay with any one stallion, or mare, or grifin, for very long. Hey, I hope I’m wrong and you guys gallop into the sunset together, know what I mean? But under the current circumstances, well, if I was in your hooves, I wouldn’t be opposed to have Beatrix lather me up. Not me mind you. I’ve got Applejack. She’s all the mare I can handle.”
“While I appreciate your candor I have no doubts Dash will be back. I know her past has been very different than mine, in almost every way, but I really don’t care. I’m still not sure what she finds so special about me, but I do know I love her with everything I’ve got. I know you’re trying to be helpful, you wouldn’t be a pony if you didn’t. But please understand, that’s the past. I understand her, Elusive. Well, enough to know she cares about me. Deep down. Most folks get that once in their life. I got it twice.” I stared into space for a moment and chuckled as we got to the bathroom door. “Anyway, lets get me showered up. Oh, and a heads up. The scars on the back are bad, really bad. You should brace yourself.”
“I’ve seen some of the scars on the sides of your barrel and your shoulders. Are those them?”
“That’s the edge of them, yes. Ever notice that, whenever I had my shirt off I would always face you? I never turned my back to you? Well, you’ll see why.”
In the washroom, I managed to take my dirty, damaged clothes off with a minimum of embarrassment and placed in the garbage. I thought wearily, ‘I’ll burn them in the fireplace later. Damn, I liked that shirt. Guess that means more business for you, Elusive.’
Elusive spoke cheerfully, “Alright Alex, let’s get you cleaned up.”
Still facing him, I saw the blue glow surrounding his horn and a look of concentration on his face. Feeling lighter and supported, I made my way to the tub and started the shower. The bandages were water resistant, so I was able to removed the sling and wash all around it. When my left arm straightened and had to support it’s own weight I grunted in pain. The stitches pulled and my upper arm ached. Once the water was nice and warm, I gingerly turned and stepped into the tub.
At the moment I had one foot in the tub and one foot out of the tub, Elusive, I assume shocked by what he saw, dropped his telekinetic hold on me. With the sudden loss of support I dropped like a stone, hitting myself on the ice cold porcelain.
Elusive called out, grabbed me again, and lifted me back up. “Alex, I don’t know what happened. Are you okay?”
I grunted out an answer, “Yes, I’m fine. I really didn’t need my balls anyway.”
“I just got surprised, that’s all. I’m okay now. Won’t happen again.” As the hot water flowed over my body, relaxing my muscles, Elusive makes a comment, “So, those scars. Nasty. Where did you get them?”
“One day I’ll tell you about Garat son of Sinabi, but not tonight and not without a lot more alcohol in my system.”
“Subject dropped, oh mighty Paladin of Luna.”
We continue without much further comment. While I wash my hair, one handed, Elusive just worried about holding me up, deftly catching me when I slipped. He helped me get dried off with a minimum of embarrassment.
As I resigned myself to climb the stairs, Elusive spoke, “Where are you going?”
“Up stairs to get clothes. That,” I gestured at the ruined clothes in the trash, “is way too dirty and damaged to wear again.”
Elusive rolled his eyes and spoke in his designer voice, “Nonsense, my fine human friend. Let the master do his magic.” So, I sat on a stool, and let my tailor friend do what he did best.
He closed his eyes and the clothes lifted out of the trash basket. They swirled around in a tiny contained whirlwind, the blood, gore, and dirt forming a vile flying shell. This disgusting crust separated itself from the spinning mass and gently dropped into the toilet. I glanced at Elusive and I could see beads of sweat on his brow, his eyes shut tightly in concentration. My attention returned to the mass of now clean whirling clothes. They slowed, hanging in the air and forming themselves into the shape of my body. All the rips and tears began to glow brightly and knit themselves shut, seemingly on their own. Once all the damage was repaired the clothes folded themselves neatly and landed on the side of the vanity.
Elusive let out a long breath, “And that, ladies and gentlecolts, is why Elusive washes by hoof. Slower, but a lot less effort. Anyway, I still feel bad about dropping you on your colts.”
Now clean and dressed we returned outside. I sat on the step with a grunt. “Big Mac, the shower’s free. Get that crap off your back. I imagine the smell must be driving you all a little buggy.”
Big Macintosh rumbled, “Thank ya kindly. The stink was getting to be a bit much.”
Once he was inside, I decided to be a good host. “If anybody wants a drink or a snack, you’re welcome to raid my fridge. I’m afraid I’m not much of a host right now, so you’re on your own.”
“Shoot, hon’, don’t you fret about us. I know where everything is.” Applejack gave Elusive a bit of a ‘come hither’ smile, “Come on Elusive, after all that hard work you deserve a treat.” Elusive happily cantered behind Applejack, smiling from ear to ear.
After a few long minutes Applejack and Elusive came back out, with Elusive hovering a tray of drinks and sporting a huge smile and Applejack with a bit of a blush. In short order my little brother came back out, clean as a whistle, the stench of blood completely gone.
With Bea and Twilight’s help I slowly climbed back on Mac. It was only a twenty minute or so walk, at Mac’s speed, to the orphanage. Just before we got into sight of the building, I spoke up. “Hold up Mac. I don’t want Scootaloo to see me like some invalid. I want to walk the last bit. I want her to see her dad walk up to her on his own two feet.”
There was a chorus of disagreements, but I spoke firmly, “This wasn’t a request. I was just telling you what I was doing.” I grunted, pushing against the telekinetic fields that Beatrix was using to hold me in place. She relented, carefully lifting and guiding my limbs.
Beatrix sighed, “Applejack, is he always this stubborn?”
Applejack chuckled warmly, “Shoot, I’ve never known him any other way.”
Beatrix snorted, “Fine then. At least let me provide some discreet support. I promise you, no pony will see anything.” She smiled and her voice changed slightly, “The Great and Powerful Trixie is, after all, the greatest illusionist in all of Equestria.”
I gave her a half smile, “How can I possibly say no to the Great and Powerful Trixie?” She gave me a self satisfied smirk and her horn glowed. I gradually felt like I was wearing a snug body stocking on my legs and torso. I felt lighter and more stable. I simply said, “Thank you.”
I noticed Applejack was giving Beatrix an appraising look. Her expression went from probing to a slight smile and a small nod. I was happy to see Beatrix had passed whatever test Applejack had set before her. I was growing quite fond of Beatrix and her Trixie persona.
Prepared with invisible support, and with my entourage close by, I turned the corner. I could see Scootaloo on the porch, her little ears pressed down, abject sadness and worry on her face. Miss Sweetheart was sitting by her side, comforting her.
I gave a sharp whistle, careful not to make it a wolf whistle. Just a nice high pitched sound that would get her attention.
Scootaloo's head snapped up, a wide grin plastered on her face. She bolted towards me at full speed all the while calling out, “Daddy! Daddy!”
I carefully lowered myself to my knee and held my good arm out. Beatrix thoughtfully made some padding for the knee on the ground. When she got to me, all she did was snuggle into my chest. All I could do in response was to hold her tightly, the tears of joy seeping through my eyelids. My body shuddered in relief with each wave of joy. I could only speak the comforting words my parents had used with me and that I had used with my human children, “Tout ira bien, ma petite, ton papa est là.”
She looked up at me with curious eyes, “What does that mean, dad?”
“It means everything will be alright, pumpkin.”
She looked behind me, looked up, then back at me, “Where’s R... mom?” I could hear panic and fear rising in her voice, “She’s not hurt or d-”
I interrupted her before she could work herself up, “She had some stuff to take care of, that’s all. All you need to know is that she’s just fine.” I turned my head and was taken aback by the look of disappointment in Applejack’s eyes. When I turned back to Scootaloo, I think she suspected there was more to it, but she was so happy to know we were both alright she didn’t pursue it.
She scanned me up and down and asked, “So, what happened to your foreleg?”
I shrugged, “The popping cat kind of stepped on it, hurt me a little, but not too bad. I’ll need the sling for a few weeks, and the stitches will come out next week.
“What... what happened to the popping cat?”
I had already lied about Dash and I just couldn’t do it again. Anyway, I knew this would get out sooner or later so I decided to simply tell her the truth. I licked my lips before answering, “I tried to keep it busy until Miss Fluttershy or Miss Twilight could get there to take care of it properly, but I messed up. It had me pinned and I had no choice but to kill it. I’m not proud of that and I hope you don’t think less of me because of it.”
Then, that amazing little girl said the most incredible thing. Quietly, almost in a whisper, “I know you tried your best and that’s all anyone can do. I also know you feel bad about it, but you shouldn’t. You were in a bad situation and there was nothing different you could have done. I’m just happy you’re not badly hurt.”
I looked at my daughter, love filling my heart, my eyes wet, and then all I could do was hold her tightly. I whispered, “Thank you.”
After a few moments, I sniffed and pulled away, “Alright young lady, I think it’s way past your bedtime. Miss Sweetheart is waiting for you and I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
She smiled brightly, breaking my heart again, “You bet daddy!” She lept up and kissed my cheek, then ran off, back to Miss Sweetheart.
I returned to the group, waving to Scootaloo one last time before I turn the corner, I then promptly collapsed against the wall and was immediately helped by Elusive and Beatrix.
“Applejack, I know you think I should have told Scootaloo everything, but right now all she needs to know is that we’re both fine.”
Applejack cocked her hat back, “That may be so, but I still think you should have told that filly the truth.”
I grunted as I stood, “Well, what did you want me to do Applejack?”
She pointed a hoof at me accusingly, “I wanted my adopted brother to tell the truth to his adopted daughter”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, “You wanted me to tell her that her new mom went crazy? That she pissed off as soon as things got complicated? What happened tonight is tearing me up inside Applejack.” I put my head against the cool wall of the building, “I’m still wondering if it might have been better for me not to survive, if only to give that filly a chance with Dash, and not disgust Fluttershy.” I punched the wall and spat out, “Damn it.”
I heard a few steps and a distinct voice, “Boss, look at me.” I didn’t budge. “Alex, I said look at me.” I reluctantly turned and saw Beatrix was almost snout to nose with me. “Get your head out from between your flanks and think about what you have, what you would have lost. You have friends and family who love you and you would have missed out on watching that fabulous little filly grow up. And worst of all, you never would have had a chance to make up with Rainbow Dash. I’ve seen a lot of couples who say they’re in love, but you two... you two just radiate it. You fought for their flanks, now fight for their hearts.”
I looked into her eyes and could only see fierce determination. I slowly put my hand on her cheek, then hugged her. “Thank you Beatrix. I’ll be forever in your debt for what you did for me tonight.”
I straightened and turned to face the worried crowd, “Okay, I had my moment of weakness. I want to thank you all for helping me. I owe you all a great debt for your actions tonight. Now, I need to get home so I can rest and do the right thing.”
Mac was the first to respond, “Climb on, big brother. We’ll be back in the morning to sort things out.”
We finally made it back to the cottage. I thanked everyone for their kindness and was escorted up the stairs by Applejack and Elusive. Elusive supported me as I lay in bed.
Once I was settled in, Applejack came beside my bed and gave me a kiss on my forehead. “I opened your balcony doors, sugar cube. Fresh air and a good night’s sleep helps a body heal.”
Finally, once they were satisfied I was as comfortable as I could be, they wished me goodnight and left. As I watched them step out the room, I desperately thought, ‘Please don’t leave’. I wanted to ask, beg them to stay, but they obviously wanted to enjoy some time alone together. I resigned myself, ‘Who am I to mess up their plans more than I already have.’ The sounds of their hoof steps got quieter, the sound of the downstairs door opening and closing, and finally, the murmured sound of conversation faded. I was now left in the dark, quiet bedroom. I felt so very alone.
After about an hour of effort I still couldn’t sleep despite the physical exhaustion. The events of the evening were dancing in my mind, always putting themselves on the forefront of my thoughts when I relaxed my guard. Unable to take any more, I sat on the edge of my bed, my back to the open balcony doors, and I enjoyed the cold night breeze. With the warmth of Scootaloo’s hugs still fresh in my mind I smiled, though perhaps a little bitterly because of the lie I told her.
I reached a decision and slowly reached for my knife on the bed stand. I drew it out of the sheath and spoke in a weak and shaky, voice, “SAFETY.OFF”. My hand trembled as I moved the tip to my left forearm, about half way between my wrist and elbow. There, a small neat row of twelve little scars. They were inconspicuous among the other little scars, but I knew what these ones meant. Each had a name and a story. Each was something that was important to remember; a person, a life, a death, an event. Now, I would add another failure I needed to remember.
I prepared myself for the ritual of remembrance, a ritual I’ve already done twelve times, and now,I thought with a bitter chuckle, ‘Lucky thirteen.’ As I meditated on the breeze, on the smells, on the soft smooth handle of my old friend, even on the pain of my injuries. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the soft sound of a pegasus landing on the balcony.
I didn’t turn or open my eyes. I lifted the blade away from my skin ever so slightly and smiled with joy that the marking of my shame was interrupted. With a catch in my throat, I spoke quietly, “Rainbow Dash. I’m so glad you’re back. Thank you.”
A very meek, quiet voice answered, “I’m sorry Alex, it’s Fluttershy.”
I lost my smile, but stayed calm and kept my back to her. I put the knife back on the table and I answered more tersely than I had wanted, “What can I help you with, Miss Fluttershy?”
She didn’t speak for a moment, so I spoke again a little louder, “So? What do you want?”
Her soft voice was difficult to hear, even with my senses. “I... I don’t know why I was so cruel. I was very upset at the death, but I understood why you did what you did. Even a bunny will fight to protect its family, and for you, Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo are your family. I don’t know why I didn’t see it. It was like I lost control, just like when that meanie Discord... hurt me.”
I turned to see her sitting in the double doors, her forehoof tracing a small circle. She seemed quite sad and sincere. ‘This universe runs off friendship and kindness. I would be the monster she accused me of being if I refused this olive branch.’
I lied a little, just to smooth things over, “Same goes for me. I guess it was a combination of the adrenaline and high emotions for everyone. I haven’t been in that kind of situation since I got here. I mean a real, life threatening emergency, fighting for my life. Believe me, I’m ashamed of what I did. I wonder if Scoots would be better off with a pony fa-”
“Oh, goodness no. No, please don’t blame yourself. Things just spiraled out of control. I... I don’t blame you for what you did.” I could hear the delicate clopping of Fluttershy moving closer. I felt the bed shifting, and I think Fluttershy was sitting on the edge.
When she spoke, she was much closer, “You’re scary, you know. I mean, it’s not nice to say, and I don’t think you do it on purpose, but you’re scary. You looked so vulnerable, laying on that field of snow. But, when you stood, you were so tall, so wild looking. And then you spoke. Your voice can be so harsh, so angry, and yet so full of fear. You’ve always frightened me.”
I thought for a few moments, “Yet, despite that fear, you were always so kind to me. I will always find that humbling.” I sniffed, my eyes getting moist. “Fluttershy, I’m thankful for your reminders to be kind. I’m always so worried about protecting, about helping others, I forget to be kind. And because of that, Dash left me.” I felt the tears running down my cheeks, “She left because I’m a monster. All you did was point out the facts, and I thank you for that. As much as I love her, I don’t think I can get rid of that monstrous part of me.”
I heard a high pitched gasp that was Fluttershy’s vocal signature. This was followed by the unmistakable voice of the coolest mare in Equestria, “You’re no monster, you big lug. I’m the jerk who bolted from my stallion at the first sign of trouble.”
To see what happened between Applejack and Beatrix take a look at Applejack’s Diary.
I turned a little less carefully than I intended, straining some of the pulled muscles and. There, in the doorway, was the person I was convinced had left me, and rightly so. Her athletic body was outlined in Luna’s moon, yet I could only see her eyes. They were so sad, and I knew I was the cause. I was convinced of this fact. I tried to get up, to go to her, to be with her.
The tone of Dash’s voice held just a hint of anger, “Fluttershy? Are you here to yell at Alex some more?”
Fluttershy started protesting in her meek, gentle voice. The sound of her voice almost imperceptible.
Dash cut her off, her voice with a tone of forced control. “Alex, you stay where you are, don’t hurt yourself, please. Fluttershy, I... I just need to talk to my fiance in private.” Her voice became quiet and frightened, “Assuming he still is.”
Fluttershy spoke a little more loudly, “Yes, but Rainbow, I have to tell you something.”
Dash dismissed her, “Fluttershy... just leave, alright?”
By this time I had repositioned myself on the bed so I could see both pegasi. “Dash, sweetheart, Fluttershy and I had a little talk and it’s okay. Fluttershy, can you come back in the morning, please? Can you help me do the right thing?”
She gave me a little beatific smile, “Of course.” She turned and walked to the balcony to make her way home, but before she left she turned back with that damned apologetic expression that made every fiber of my being want to protect her, “You know Alex, on calm reflection, I just can’t understand why I was so angry at you.” She turned again, preparing to take flight. Unlike my Dash, Fluttershy took her time to position herself for takeoff.
My attention placed itself fully on my angel. I didn’t speak for a moment, staring at her, lost in her eyes. “Dash...” I blurted out the rest, knowing if I stopped I wouldn’t be able to say anything, “I was the one who caused this all to happen. I know it. I’m just so thankful you’re giving me another chance to-”
Dash shouted at me, tears in her eyes, “Shut up Alex! For Celestia’s sake, just... shut up. It’s not always your fault!” As I cringed like a frightened child, I noticed Fluttershy had stopped and turned back to face us, her face painted with concern. Dash’s voice became pleading, begging, “Can you let me take the blame? Please? Because from where I’m standing, I ran away from you.”
I simply couldn’t understand why she was begging anything of me.
In that moment of stunned silence, the forgotten and delicate voice of Fluttershy sounded like a deafening roar, “Rainbow Dash? Um, did you feel a little like you did when Discord broke you? Because I did.”
Dash’s head snapped toward her friend, “What? I don’t know, maybe, a little. But, why wouldn’t I? I was disloyal to my special somepony. I abandoned him when he needed me most, Fluttershy.” She stopped, obviously thinking hard about recent events. “Yeah, I guess I did feel like I did when... Discord... oh...” A look of horror crossed her face. She looked at Fluttershy, then looked at me. Suddenly she rushed forward, embracing me, tears in her eyes, “Oh Celestia, no! No! Discord is back, and he’ll mess with us, and I’ll lose you forever.” She was sobbing, begging forgiveness.
I stroked her mane and the soft fur of her neck. I forced myself to lift my injured arm to stroke her wing. I kissed the top of her snout and whispered, “Dash, no. I... no, please don’t, Dash. Please, you did nothing wrong. I’m just so happy you’re here.”
She turned her face to me and kissed me with a desperation, a hunger, that surprised me. She pulled away and looked into my eyes with all of the fierceness she was known for, “I don’t know why I took off. I don’t know why I left you. But I swear to Celestia I will never leave you again. Nothing will take me away from you. Nothing.”
I could only examine her face, her perfect eyes, and answer with a kiss. “You know, when you belted a princess to save me, any doubts I might have had about us were gone. That,” I wiped a tear from her eye, “and it was totally badass.”
I had a sudden thought, “I wonder if... shit. Twilight wanted more blood tests, and she mentioned something about chaos magic. I wonder if the three of us were affected by that. It sure as hell was chaotic; me getting angry and savage, Fluttershy acting like a heartless fiend...” I raised my hand and looked away, “sorry, I didn’t mean that.”
Fluttershy’s voice was so forgiving, “It’s alright Alex, that is exactly what I was.”
“And you,” I stroked Dash’s cheek, “my loyal angel, running away from me, from all of us.” I turned to our quiet friend, “Fluttershy, when this... this mess dropped on us, were you trying to use The Stare on me?”
“I... I think so, my memory is a little fuzzy, but I recall the frustration I felt when I just couldn’t find that place in my heart. I only use it to protect, to defend, never to hurt or punish, so that’s why it didn’t work.”
I let out a small, mirthless chuckle, “I thought I was so hard, so tough, that it didn’t work on me. Good to know never to get you mad when we’re not all crazy.”
Dash smiled at me, a look of pride beaming, “Sparkle’s got nothing on you for smarts.” She leans in, kissing me tenderly again.
Fluttershy’s meek little voice interrupted us, “I... think I’ll leave now. You look busy.”
Dash turned her gaze to her old friend, “Hey Fluttershy, are we, you know, okay?”
Fluttershy smiled at us angelically, “Yes, Rainbow, we’re good. I know what happened wasn’t anypony’s fault.”
We watched her leave, holding each other, smiling at our friend. Once she had left, we turned our attention to each other. I placed my hand on her cheek, “I was so afraid of losing you.”
Dash shuffled a little closer, put her head against my chest and started to cry. “I’m so sorry for... for being such a flank head. I never wanted to lose you or Scoots.”
“We’re still a family, angel. I made sure our little girl knew we were both okay. She doesn’t have to know about this. And, if my suspicions are right, it was that god damn chaos magic that messed us up.” I stroked her mane then lifted her chin so I could look into her eyes, “As far as I’m concerned, it was something beyond our control, and it only proves how loyal you are.”
Dash tilted her head and looked at me questioningly.
I lovingly ran my fingers along her cheek, “If you were truly disloyal, you would have bolted as soon as you saw me. And, in retrospect, I can see how hard it was for you stay. I can only imagine what it was like for you when the doctor was stitching my arm. You only left once you were sure I was okay, Dash, and not a second sooner. Even with a face full of chaos magic, you were so loyal. I’m so proud of you, humbled by you, and I love you with everything I’ve got.”
Dash sniffed and smiled sadly, “Rarity’s got some competition as the Element of Generosity.” She placed her head on my chest. “Mind if I stay with you tonight?”
“Nothing would make me happier.”
I started stirring at the smell of warm food, but was fully awaken by the sound of my sister’s voice.
“Whoa nelly, what is that hussy traitor doing snuggled up to my brother?”
As I woke, trying to get myself focused on what was happening, Dash was awake in a flash. She leaped over me, throwing herself between me and Applejack.
“Back off, AJ! He’s hurt and doesn’t need any kind of excitement. He needs his rest.”
“Lollygagging in bed all day ain't gonna help him heal. And anyway, what rights do you have here? You dropped him like a hot potato as soon as he was patched up. Not exactly what I would call ‘loyal’, Rainbow.”
“Look, Alex thinks it had something to do with that chaos magic inside of him Twilight was talking about.” Dash paused for a moment, then her tone became suspicious, “You didn’t feel anything weird yesterday, did you? Around the time you got close to Alex.”
“Well, um... er...”
Dash’s voice was pleading, “Come on AJ, if you did...”
Applejack’s voice was low and a little angry, “I did, alright. I was thinking that if you didn’t want him, that I would take him. I know it’s wrong for a lot of reasons, but... I guess that would explain why I thought that.”
“Little sister, Dash did nothing wrong. I’m sure there was something... external going on. Twilight already has some suspicions, and we do too. So, are we all good for now?”
AJ gave Dash that critical look, the one that made me want to cringe a little. I noticed Dash didn’t even flinch. After a long second of this, AJ finally went and gave Dash a hug. “I’m powerful sorry I called you a hussy traitor.”
Dash sniffed, “You were just looking out for that big lug. I wouldn’t expect anything less from his sister and my best gal pal.”
I smirked, “Now that my two mare protectors have made up, how about we go downstairs and enjoy the good food I can smell.”
AJ gave that low chuckle, “Y’all can thank Bea for that. She made a mess of mighty fine vittles for breakfast. That girl cooks like an Apple.”
I smiled, “Looks like our new friend has hidden talents.”
“She sure does.” Applejack pulled her hat down a little, “Now, I think I'll be leaving you two lovebirds alone. Rainbow Dash, you take care of him, you hear.”
Dash gave her friend a subtle nod, “You can count on it, cowgirl.”
Applejack paused for the briefest moment; it was almost imperceptible if you didn’t know her, and in a soft tone I had never heard before, “I know I can Rainbow.”
She turned, and with that half smile headed down the stairs.
As I started getting out of bed, Dash was by my side. I waved her away, “No Dash, I have to do this myself.”
She clicked her tongue, “Come on, stop being a tough stallion. You don’t have to impress me.”
I chuckled, “No, I just want to make sure I’m not hurt as bad as I’m afraid of.”
Dash grunted in frustration, “Fine, but I’m right beside you.”
I smiled at her lovingly, “I know you are.” I slowly swung my legs over the edge and found the experience to be less painful than I expected. All those bruises and pulled muscles didn’t feel as bad this morning. “Hey Dash, I guess sleeping with a beautiful pegasus cures a lot of aches and pains.”
Dash snickered, “Yeah, well, make sure you never test that with any other pegasus pony.”
“Huh, now why would I look at anyone else if I already have perfection at hand?”
Her laughter was music to my ears, “Darn right you do, you big lug. And, I’ve got a pretty awesome guy. Now that you’ve sat up and you’re the toughest guy in town, let me help you stand, you butt head.”
I smirked, “Hooves off the merchandise, woman. I can do this. I had better be able to do this...” My expression became sober, my voice a little less jaunty, “I have a full day of work ahead of me.” I cheered up again, “Anyway, you heard your future sister-in-law, lollygagging all day in bed won’t help me heal.” I winked, “Well, not alone, anyway.”
I stood slowly and deliberately. “So far, so good. On the bright side, I can’t even feel my threes.” This earned me a snort from Dash. I usually did my stretches on the balcony, but I wanted to to keep this private today. I slowly stretched, bending my good arm a little. The ceiling was just under 230cm, so stretching to my fullest extent was impossible.
While my body ached and every muscle group protested, there was nothing some willow bark wouldn’t fix. I got dressed slowly so as not to hurt myself. Once dressed, I walked past Dash and ran my hand along her back, ending with a quick goose.
I looked back, and she seemed totally surprised. She simply looked at me with a slack-jawed half smile.
I stopped in mid step, worried, “Did I do something wrong?”
She shook her head a little, maintaining that goofy smile, “Heh. No, it’s just that you’ve never done that before.” Her eyes flicked away from me for a moment, “No one’s ever done that before.”
“Really? No one?” I thought for a moment, “Well, I guess without fingers it would be tough. But, I guess a slap on the rump would be the same thing.”
“No, I mean you’re the first to do... anything like that.”
“Well, why wouldn’t I?” I couldn’t help but smirk, “I love everything about you,” I snickered, “including your rump.”
Dash gave a little laugh, “So, you really do love the whole package?”
'Why can’t she see I love her?' I knelt down in front of her so I could be face to face with her, “Inside and out. I want to be with you for the rest of my time on this world, and showing you how much I love you in every way I can think of is very important to me.” I give her a quick kiss, “Besides, I just couldn’t resist copping a feel. You’re soft and firm, just plain old gropable as a matter of fact. It’s not something I would do in public, or at least not in an obvious way. But if I thought I could get away with it...”
Dash leaned forward with those half closed bedroom eyes and a little grin. “You can go ahead and do that anytime you want.” She finished off with a kiss on the nose and started laughing.
I joined in her laughter and stood with a cracking of joints. This was quickly followed by a growling of my stomach. “Well, my beautiful angel, I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.”
“Yeah, whatever they brought smells pretty good.” Still chuckling, she warned me, “Now, take your time going down the stairs.”
“Yes, dear. I think I’ll take them three steps at a time, backwards, while juggling flaming chainsaws.”
“That sounds cool. I’ll just get some popcorn and watch. By the way, what’s a chainsaw?”
“Heh. On second thought, I think I’ll go with your plan.”
Dash gave me one of her smirks that melted my heart, “That’s a little disappointing, but I’ll let you off the hook this time.”
I made it down the steps without any incidents. A quick stop to the medicine cabinet gave me four willow bark tablets swallowed with some tepid tap water. I put the bottle in my pocket, knowing I would need some again by mid day. When I finally stepped into the kitchen with Dash by my side, we were greeted by Applejack, Big Mac, and Bea.
I chuckled, “Well look at this, the whole family's here.”
Applejack pushed her hat up and flashed that easy smile, “There’s my lazy brother. Finally decided to come down to join your hard working kin?”
I yawned, and did my best Elvis impression, “Well, I don’t know little sis, I was thinking of spending the day with my little filly here,” I put an arm around Dash, much to her amusement.
Beatrix giggled, “Elvis Parsley, Alex? Really? That old hay-puck?”
I answered with a hurt tone, “That’s Elvis Presley, madam. The king of rock and roll. Well, about twenty years before I was born, anyway.”
Beatrix started snickering, “You mean, Elvis Parsley, the prince of rock and roll.”
As we laughed, there was a knock at the back door. Applejack answered and exclaimed, “Why howdy, Twilight. Were you coming to give us a helping hoof?”
Twilight responded with a slightly manic voice, “No! I mean, no. I’m here to get a blood sample from Alex, see?” There was a pause where I assume Twilight was showing something to Applejack.
“Ain't that what they use for foals? Oh, wait, that’s right, normal needles hurt for him. That should do just fine.”
The door closed and Twilight joined us. I notice right away her disheveled hair and the bags under her eyes.
“You alright, Twilight? You’re looking a little worse for wear, pal.”
She giggled a little off key then spoke at a slightly higher pitch than normal, “Oh, I’m fine, Alex. Just fine. Can’t you see I’m just fine? Now, give me your foreleg so I can drain some blood.” I noticed she had a slight tremble in the hoof and wondered how that translated to her telekinetic control.
“Have you had breakfast? Maybe a nice cup of coffee?”
“Spike made me a mug of espresso shots. I feel great! Now, let’s get that rich rich hemoglobin juice you’ve got in that body of yours. Foreleg please.”
I reluctantly pulled my sleeve up and presented my arm, thinking it best not to look. I felt the cold of the alcohol swab, then the smallest of pricks, a sensation of pressure, then the needle being removed. “Wow Twilight, that was great! I’m very impressed.”
“I practiced on Spike all night.” She stared into space for a moment, “I think I need more coffee after all. Maybe more Espresso? Spike makes a great Espresso!” Twilight spoke faster, “Oh, or I could have iced coffee, a nice, cool drink. Maybe Café au lait, like the cows make. I’ve heard of Zebra Mocha. I wonder if Zecora knows how to brew it? Or I could be naughty and have Irish Coffee with extra salt. Hmm... decaf? Now that’s just silly, who would want that?”
“Err... right. Remind me to get Spike a few rubies from Rarity,” I spoke softly, afraid to upset the powerful unicorn, “Twilight, how about we get that blood sample on ice and you skip the coffee and get some sleep instead?”
“Maybe...” She wavered slightly, “maybe I should.”
I looked at her kindly, “Yes, I think so too. Anyway, you’ll think better if you’re well rested. Twilight, I appreciate everything you’ve done so far but, as a good friend, I want you to rest and sleep until tomorrow.”
“Sweetie, he’s right you know. In fact, I’ll make sure you get back home.” Bea started to leave, “Twilight, please don’t make me pick you up and carry you to your bed, because you know I can.”
Twilight blinked at Beatrix, then started giggling in a more normal tone. “Thanks Beatrix, you’re a good friend. But I can assure you that will not be necessary. If only to keep the two Paladins of Redemption happy, I’ll put a cooling spell on this sample and go hit the hay.” She seemed to think for a moment and got a sheepish expression, “And apologize to Spike.”
With Twilight safely heading home and everyone fed, we began to organize ourselves for the trip to the edge of the Everfree Forest. Of course, no one wanted me to carry or do anything, so I got little frustrated. “Darn it all, I’m not disabled, I just have one arm in a sling.”
Applejack and Dash were about to argue when we were interrupted by a happy squeal. “Mom! Dad!”
I immediately turned with a happy smile. Dash, forgetting her argument, rushed forward to meet Scootaloo, “Hey squirt. I hear dad,” Dash glanced at me with a grateful look, “made sure you were ok last night.” She gave her daughter a tight hug.
“So, where were you last night mom?”
Dash’s expression became worried and a little panicked, “I... um...”
Applejack put a hoof on Scootaloo’s shoulder, “Sugar cube, your mom had to take care of some important personal stuff. What matters is that she’s here now and she loves you a whole bunch.” I saw the exchanged glances, Dash’s gratitude and Applejack’s modesty. It only lasted a split second, and I would have missed it had I not been looking right at them, but I did see it, and it gladdened my heart to see such love between friends.
“We’re both really happy to see you, Scoots, but we have to get cracking. We have a lot of work to do today. Why don’t you hang out with Applebloom and Sweetie Belle? Do some crusading, have a fun day.” I smiled at her, hopefully communicating that this was a command from dad, not a suggestion.
The little filly glared at me, “Do you think I’m going to leave you two to do something dangerous, again? You might need my help today.”
“Sweetheart, where we're going is something really... unpleasant. I...” I suddenly realized something, I don’t know what the pony standards are for kids here. “Can you excuse me for a sec?”
I took Applejack, Dash, and Bea aside. “Ladies, I’m in serious need of some advice here. I know if she was a human child... well, I might consider asking her to come, so she can see death in a safe way. That way she’s not as afraid of it in life. But Scoots isn’t human. I don’t want to hurt her, you know?”
Dash caught my attention, “No offense to those two, but I’m her mom. Why are you bringing Applejack and Bea into this?”
“Oh... yeah... okay... fairly straightforward reason. Applejack’s been raising Applebloom for a while and Bea’s seen a lot in the world.” I suddenly realized I had just acted unilaterally in raising our daughter, “I didn’t mean to overstep, Dash, I just...”
Dash put her hoof on my arm, “I know you don’t, big guy. I’m cool with it. Anyway, I don’t think she should go. That was... really nasty, Alex. I think it might mess her up.”
Applejack pushed her hat back, “Sugar cube, Applebloom grew up on the farm. She knows why we have pigs and besides, them griffin folks have to eat too. I say you bring her, maybe keep her back from the mess, but let her help out.”
Dash grew a little annoyed, “Look AJ, I know you’re trying to help, but Scootaloo is my daughter. I say, we leave her here.”
Applejack pushed her hat forward, “Dash, I’ve been raising Applebloom since...” Applejack takes a deep breath. “Since Ma and Pa passed on. I know a thing or two about raisen young ‘uns. You don’t even have any brothers or sisters.”
I could see Dash was getting upset, “Now look, I may not be the most motherly type, but I’ll do anything I can to keep that filly safe.”
Applejack snorted in frustration, “I understand that, Rainbow, but what I’m saying is-”
Beatrix cleared her throat, a noise obviously amplified enough to interrupt the two bickering mares. “Applejack? Rainbow? Alex? You all know I consider you dear friends.” We all agreed. “And, while I’m not a mother, I helped take care of enough foals in the circus to know what a child needs. And, you’re both right. That little filly can’t be exposed to that gore, but she shouldn’t be sheltered either.”
Bea seemed to steel herself. “Here’s what I propose. When we get close to the site, I’ll skip ahead, say I’m scanning for more popping cats. Then, I’ll cast an illusion, hide the worst of it. It will be kind of complex, but I’m a big girl. Besides, if I can’t stretch myself a little for my friends...” Bea shrugged and grew a well-earned smirk.
Dash’s smirked too, “I think I can live with that.”
I exclaimed, not very loudly, “Hot damn. Miss Beatrix, you are brilliant.”
Applejack gave Beatrix that half smile, “Shoot, sugar cube, that’s a mighty fine compromise. Well, I’d better finish getting things sorted out. Let’s leave the new parents with their little filly, Bea.”
Bea gave us a knowing, but kindly, smirk, “Alright, you two take care of that fabulous little filly, we’ll nail the shoes and pop the clouds.” When we hesitated, she gestured with her hoof, “Shoo. Both of of you, off you go.”
Grateful to our friend, Dash and I returned to Scoots. We were presented with a look of annoyance, by a little, orange coated and purple-maned filly. "So, mom and dad, have you guys worked it out?"
I dropped to a knee and put my good arm around Dash. With a little smirk, I started lecturing my new daughter. "Hey, cut us a little slack. I've parented before, but that was a long time ago, and it was human kids. This is mom’s first time. We were both a little unsure and we both want to do the best job we can. We love ya a lot, pumpkin. We just don't want to hurt you."
Exasperated, the little filly rolled her eyes and made a gag expression, "You're not going to be those smothering parents, are you?"
Dash laughed and mused Scoots mane a little, "No way, squirt. But I do want to keep my little filly safe. You getting hurt or messed up would be totally uncool."
The young pegasus seemed to consider this for a moment, then she got a bashful look and in a reverent tone, “I guess it shows you guys care.”
My answer was jaunty, “Yes it does, my dear little daughter. We will bring you if, and only if, you agree to listen to and do everything we ask you to do.”
Scootaloo hopped up in excitement, almost hovering, and exclaimed, “Yes! I promise I’ll listen to you for the whole day.”
Applejack joined us, “Alright you lollygaggers, we’re all packed. Scootaloo? Applebloom will be coming too, so you two stick together, you hear?”
“Yes Miss Applejack. Come on Applebloom! Maybe we can get our cutie marks for something.”
The red-bowed filly objected, “What about Sweetie Belle?”
Scootaloo, ever loyal to her friends, “Yeah, we can’t crusade without Sweetie Belle. She’s our pal. And what about Sapphire?”
I piped up, “Girls? How about you go get your friends and meet us along the way. We’ll walk slowly, and you can catch up before we get to the place we need to be.” The two hyperactive fillies cheered as one and charged enthusiastically to get their friends.
I worriedly thought to myself, ‘I hope Rarity doesn’t mind we dragged Sweetie Belle into this mess. For that matter, Sapphire’s parents. I hope they’re the understanding types.’
With that settled, we all started walking to the edge of the Everfree Forest. Despite high spirits, it was a somber, quiet walk. I steeled myself for the upcoming grim but important task.
I found myself a bit behind the others, deep in thought, and Dash must have noticed the expression on my face because she hovered up to me, put her hoof on my shoulder and quietly spoke to me, “You okay?”
I put my hand on her hoof and smiled sadly at her. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine. Just... not looking forward to the scene of the crime, know what I mean?”
Dash rubbed my back, “Yeah, I do. But this time, we’re together, right?”
I stopped and gave her a quick peck. “Yeah, we can do this together, angel.”
Dash and I laughed when we were interrupted by a certain pegasus filly’s exasperated voice, “Mom, dad, do you have to do that in front of my friends?”
Applebloom and Sweetie Belle were both snickering behind their hooves. This did not go unnoticed by my pony daughter. I replied first, “Yes we do. Just like I have to give my little pumpkin-doo a hug.” I went to a knee and Scoots reluctantly accepted a little hug. “Anyway, I think mom has a cloth she can use to wipe your face.”
Dash snickered, “Don’t worry squirt, I’ll keep dad in check. And I don’t do spit baths... unless you really need it.” I did an exaggerated pout, which drew laughs from the young ones.
After this little exchange, I felt much more hopeful about the coming task as we joined the others. The kids chatted excitedly, speculating on what super important job they would be given. They were very... creative.
We were almost to the scene of the fight, when we meet up with Fluttershy. She was sitting patiently, with an angelic expression and a sad little smile. The one that says she’s sorry, even if you’re the one who wronged her.
I called out to her, “Fluttershy, thank you so much for helping us out. I really appreciate it. I really do.”
“Alex Roberts, I’m happy to help. I was going to search for the popping cat’s nest, and hopefully find its kitten.” She seemed to notice the three fillies for the first time and smiled kindly. “And there are my three little angels to help me in this task.”
The three fillies lined up before her and chorused, “Yes, Fluttershy. Whatever you say, Fluttershy.”
With a slight attitude of superiority, Fluttershy spoke to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, “Come along, girls. Let’s help Scootaloo’s father do the right thing.” Then, without another word, the four departed.
I muttered to Dash, “That... is fricken amazing.”
Dash leans into me, her tail rubbing against my lower back, “I don’t know how she does it. Ever since she saved them and Twilight from a cockatrice, they always listen to her. It’s freaky.”
I sighed, “I’ll be happy as long as she listens when it counts.”
Dash snorted, still looking at Fluttershy and the fillies, “That’s a little... bleak.”
I gently touched the back of her head and her attention became focused on me, “Nope, just being practical. She’s a high energy kid with a mind of her own, Dash. She’s like sand, the tighter you hold on to her, the more she’ll slip through your fingers.” I chuckled, realizing what I said, “Heh... you know what I mean.”
Dash smiled at me and replied softly, “Yeah, I do.”
I left my happy mental place and came back to the task at hand, “Okay! The Element of Kindness is off on a quest to find kittens and has taken the kids with her. So, if I remember correctly, the location is about half a klick that way.”
Dash took off calling back to us, “I’ll scout ahead, save us some time.” We all continued walking in the general direction where the incident happened. Soon, I saw Dash coming back with a sad expression. She landed and hugged me, whispering, “I need a hug.” I simply gave her what she needed without question, as she had done for me. After a few moments, she pulled away, sniffed, and confirmed the direction and location of the site.
When we got to about two hundred meters, Bea moved ahead of us, as planned. She thought it best even if the kids were not with us.
As we reached the scene, we could see Bea was standing off to the side, a look of calm boredom on her face. I first looked tentatively at the popping cat itself. The belly had a nondescript cut, the ground was free of blood and gore, as well as any sign of a struggle. In fact, the ground about five or six meters around the dead beast had been roughly cleared. That would make our task much easier.
I strode over to Bea, “Hey, Bea, I just want to-”
“Shut up. Focusing.” She developed the slightest of smiles and added, “Boss.”
I snorted, shook my head, “Okay, nobody bother the pretty blue unicorn.” I was rewarded by a little shoulder check from Dash. I smiled at Dash and shrugged apologetically.
“Okay, first we need to dig a grave. Looks like it should be about two by three meters, maybe four meters deep. So that’s twenty four cubic meters. Should take about seventy two man hours...” My voice trailed off when I noticed everyone around me was chuckling. “What’s so funny?”
Big Mac actually smirked at me, “Human folk don’t work too fast, do they? Shouldn’t take more than three hours, four if we lollygag.”
I chuckled along with the rest, “Alright then, lets get to work. Give me shovel, please.”
Applejack scoffed, “Alex, you’re outmatched even when both your forelegs are working. How are you going to help with only one?”
I smiled at Applejack, “My dear, doubting sister, I will help because, as a very wise pegasus once said, every little bit helps.” Dash and I made eye contact for a moment. She gave me such a loving look, I felt my heart ache. I snapped my attention back to Applejack, “So, let me help, please.”
Applejack sighed, “You’re an Apple to the core. Grab a shovel then, and break the ground.” With a smile I took the tool from Big Macintosh, then awkwardly planted the blade. It was much more difficult to do the task than I expected, but after some fumbling, I managed to move half a spade of soil.
While I helped along the edge of the pit at first, it was Mac and Applejack who did most of the digging. The amount of soil they moved was astounding, but considering their physical strength, it wasn’t completely surprising.
The smell of of the soil was strong, but comforting, in a way. I spoke softly to my friends, my family, “Could I have a moment alone, please?” I knelt down and placed my hand reverently on the popping cat’s head. I gently stroked the rough, cold fur. ‘I’m so sorry I had to kill you, but I can’t change what happened.’ I felt a sadness overwhelm me, ‘I was going to remember you with my flesh, but I just can’t do that anymore, thanks to you. I was interrupted by a kind friend, and her presence made me realize I just don’t have to mark myself, not anymore. For the chain of events you kicked off, I thank you. While I can’t remember you that way.’, I felt my cheeks getting wet, ’ I do promise to remember you with my heart.’
I continued slowly, softly stroking its head. For a few moments, my vision was obscured by emotion. I wiped my eyes and started to drag the remains to their final resting place. My vision was still blurry, so I didn’t see the others helping me in my sad task. I assume Beatrix helped lower the beast into its grave. All I knew was that it was done slowly, reverently, and with kindness.
I took the shovel awkwardly in one hand and placed the first clod of dirt on the body. Dash simply used her hoof to scoop up a small amount of soil and dropped it on the corpse. She stood beside me, comforting me. Applejack dropped some earth in the pit, and I noticed there was a little bit of green, of new life on the dirt she had sent. She simply stood by my side, close to me. Finally, Big Macintosh placed his own clod of dirt in that hallowed place. He then placed a hoof on my shoulder and spoke, “You dun the right thing.”
I glanced at Beatrix, and I could see she was getting tired. We made eye contact for a moment, and I nodded. There was a movement of some kind of distortion toward the pit. I presume it was the entrails and other mess being moved. Then, the pile of dirt glowed a blueish silver and went back where it come from.
I heard a small grunt, turned my head toward that disquieting sound only to see Bea starting to slowly fall over. Big Macintosh was beside her in a flash, holding her up.
Her voice was weak, but I could hear her clearly, “Keeping up that illusion for so long was a bit tiring, even for Trixie.” I could see her smile, “However, it is nice to wake up in a good stallion’s hooves.”
What was a heavy and somber mood a moment ago became lightened by all of our chuckles. Everyone was except Big Macintosh, he just blushed brightly.
We were interrupted by Fluttershy landing beside our group, “Congratulations Alex, we found a kitten.”
I turned my head to see my oldest friend smiling kindly at me. I felt such joy knowing Fluttershy had forgiven my actions, chaos magic be damned. I welcomed her good news, “You found the pup, Fluttershy? That’s great!”
The timid pegasus shyly hid behind her long mane, “Oh Alex, the poor little thing was half starved. It’s so young, it needs constant care, and with your injuries I’m just not sure you’re able to do that right now.”
I scowled a little at her, despite myself, “Fluttershy, I made a promise. I have something very important to take care of with Dash, but I’ll get to your place as soon-”
Applejack put a hoof on my mouth to stop me from talking, “Alex, sugar cube, I think y’all had better take Fluttershy up on her offer. You can barely take care of yourself, never mind a newborn. Look, no one here will think any less of you for taking her up on her offer, at least until you’re better. Then you’ll make your sister proud, or else.”
Bea spoke weakly, still being held up by Big Macintosh, “Alex, sweetie, Applejack is right.” She smiled weakly at Fluttershy, “She’s the expert here, she knows what’s best. Dash, talk to your fiance.”
Dash taps me in the shoulder, “Listen, you big lug. I know you want to do the right thing.” Her expression softened, “You wouldn’t be the person you are if you didn’t.” She put her foreleg around my waist and gave me a little squeeze, “But sometimes you’ve got to swallow that pride of yours and accept help.” Dash smirked at Applejack, “Your sister learned that the hard way.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head, “Just when I thought I had everything under control, you guys show up.” I chuckled, despite being oh so annoyed at these wonderful ponies, “I suppose you’re all correct. However, Fluttershy, as soon as I feel I can fulfill my promises, I’ll be at your doorstep to learn from the best.”
Fluttershy’s expression and speech became stiff and formal, “And I, Mr Alex Roberts,” but then it changed to a warm, mischievous little smile, “will be happy to teach a friend.”
We arrived at the adoption office about an hour ago. The air was a little dusty, the furnishings were well-worn and utilitarian. Like most pony public rooms, the outer walls had a low shelf with a wide cushion that served as a common seating area. Nothing fancy, but comfortable.
We spent the first few minutes quickly filling out the adoption forms. Like any of the pony paperwork I’ve encountered, it was simple but extensive. We managed to get it all done in fifteen minutes, my hands being a great advantage for writing quickly. Once we gave the sheets to Miss Sweetheart, she gave us a polite smile and said she would be back with us momentarily.
Momentarily turned out to mean almost three quarters of an hour. We sat without saying a word, my arm around her shoulders, her sitting upright and leaning against me. Dash sitting upright, rather than in her usual sprawled position, was worrying. It spoke to how upset she was. I did the only think I could, I kissed her muzzle and whispered encouraging words.
If I was honest with myself, my heart was in my throat, and I was probably as freaked out as her, but I’ve had a lot of experience in delaying my freakout to a better time. The only telltale of my worry was my foot tapping the ground.
Dash stated in a deadpan tone, “Alex, if you don’t stop that I’ll glue your foot to the floor.”
Ignoring her little joke, “If we screw this up, we may lose Scootaloo. We may never see our daughter again.”
Dash turned to face me, “You...” she placed her hoof on my cheek, “are going to be a great dad for her.” She smiled warmly, her voice uncharacteristically soft, “Don’t worry about yourself, it’s me you should be worried about. I mean, my past isn’t exactly squeaky clean.”
“And you...” I placed my hand on her cheek, “are going to be a great mom. You’re the Element of Loyalty for goodness sake. How much of a better mom could Scoots have? Dash, sweetheart, it ain’t you I’m worried about, it’s me. I mean, I’m not exactly a local.”
She gave me a short chuckle, “I’m from Cloudsdale, you goof. I’m not local either. Anyway, we’re both Equestrian citizens, and we both live in Ponyville. That’s all that matters.”
I chuckled nervously, “You know what I mean, Dash. I’m not exactly a known quantity. I’ve been here about, what, eight months, and as far as I can tell, the only humans any pony has ever seen before me was two thousand years ago, and it was the freaking Romans at their worst. I just... I hope I-”
Dash and I were so engrossed in our conversation, we didn’t notice Miss Sweetheart open the office door. We nearly jumped out of our skins when she spoke, “I’m ready to see you now.”
She smiled kindly, trying not to smile behind her hoof, “I hope I didn’t startle you.”
‘Time to be large and in charge.’ I stood and smiled, “No no, we’re just excited to see you. The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can all be a family. I just...” I weakened as the gravitas of the situation weighed on me, “I just don’t want to lose my little girl.”
Miss Sweetheart smiled kindly, “Mr Alex Roberts, Ms Rainbow Dash, I want to thank you for coming-”
Dash interrupted her, “Sweetheart, you’ve known me for a while, just call me Rainbow, and you can call this big lug Alex. He doesn’t like being called mister.”
She chuckled softly, “Of course. Rainbow, Alex, thank you for coming here today. Scootaloo has said so much about you both, how kind you’ve been, how loving. She’s never been this excited about any potential parents, and truth be known, neither have I. But, I must still conduct an official investigation, no matter what my personal feelings are.”
We nodded, showing her we understood.
“Good. Rainbow, let’s start with you.” Dash gulped and nodded, worry obviously painted on her face.
Miss Sweetheart brings out a fairly thick file, two or three centimeters thick. It lands with a slightly dusty thump. It looks old, twenty years at least. She opens it with a little smile. “Now, Rainbow, let’s review your file, all taken from the public archive. Your full name is Rainbow Marigold Dash.” Dash gets a slightly sour expression and nods, while I smile ever of so slightly. “You were born on the 46th day of Winter, in the year 978 A.N.M. You grew up in Cloudsdale, at 1717 Skyway Towers, apartment 137, your father is Thunder Dash, currently working at the Cloudsdale weather factory, and your mother is Golden Rainbow, currently a homemaker. Your academic marks at school were average, but you excelled in flight classes. You achieved top marks in your flight class every trimester, even your first season in Junior Speedsters.” Dash got a bit of a smirk at that.
“Your youth was not without... issues. You and a Miss Gilda,” she flips a few pages, “a griffin, would get up to no good on a regular basis. You spent a lot of time in detention. You were arrested six times during your high school years for various misdemeanors, but nothing criminal. You two were well known by the school staff and Cloudsdale authorities, for your... hijinx.”
Dash rose in protest, “I... I was just a dumb kid. I didn’t know better. Please, don’t let this-”
She smiled kindly, “Please Rainbow, let me finish.” Dash sat back down meekly. “You left school two months before the end of your final year, never completing high school. You stayed with your parents for three months before moving to Ponyville. You took a position as a cloud pusher here in Ponyville. Thanks to a remarkable work ethic, you managed to become the Weather Captain in charge of all the weather in Ponyville, as well being in charge of the stray weather from the Everfree Forest in the Ponyville region, in only three short years.”
Dash relaxed a little, “Yeah, I guess that’s all true.”
Miss Sweetheart continued, “Your activities here, as an adult, speak highly of the quality of your character. You are responsible for saving this town and Equestria as a whole multiple times, you are the bearer of the Element of Loyalty, and you have also been given letters of recommendation by all three princesses.”
The social worker gave Dash a warm, genuine smile, “Rainbow, while you had a rough start, and you still behave a little mischievously at times, you are a good mare, who has done good things for Ponyville and Equestria. Your positive influence on Scootaloo has been profound, inspiring her to become a better flyer despite the physical abuse she’s suffered.” Sweetheart inclined her head toward Dash and had the most hopeful of expressions, “That little filly glows when she speaks about you, Rainbow.”
Miss Sweetheart makes a few notes at the end of Dash’s folder. She then opens a drawer, takes a stamp and green ink pad out, and stamps a green smiley face on Dash’s adoption form. “Rainbow Dash, it is with great joy that I approve of your part of the adoption petition.” Dash threw her hooves around me in a warm hug and a passionate kiss. I could tell she was thrilled. “However...”
Dash looked at her in confusion and fear, “‘However’ what? I thought you said you approved the adoption.”
“I did. I approved your part of the adoption Rainbow. Alex, however, is a unique case. Since we don’t have as much information about Alex, we’ve had to modify our usual research procedure.”
I nodded, and Miss sweetheart smiled, “Excellent. Alex, let’s look at your file.” She produced a folder, with maybe dozen sheets of paper. “As you can see, your available information is a little thin. So, let’s start with the basics. You already filled out the form, but I want to confirm. What is your full legal name from your home reality?”
“Alexander Jean-Paul Roberts.” I used the french pronunciation of my middle name. I never liked it, but if this is for an official investigation then I wasn’t going to let vanity get in the way.
“And, what is your date of birth and current age?”
“Let’s see, I was born May 30, 1969. I first jumped in late August of 2011, and I’ve been jumping for about 60 years. Let’s call my chronological age 102, but my physical is 42, so...” I counted on my knuckles and did a little math, “about 91st day of Spring, 965th year after Nightmare Moon.”
“Last question. Have you ever fathered children? What were their names, ages, and genders? And why are you no longer parenting them?”
“Yes. I’m the biological father of two human children. My son is Daniel Synclair Roberts, thirteen years of age. My daughter is Lillian Rose Roberts, four years of age. I no longer parent them because I am no longer in the same reality as them. But, thanks to some communication equipment I have, I can speak to them on occasion.” I smiled sadly, “I miss them very much, but I would still adopt Scootaloo even if I could go back.” I smirked, “Of course, the first five minutes back there with Ann and Dash would kind of awkward, but they would both be worth it.” Dash chuckled nervously.
Miss Sweetheart flipped through the scant notes in my file, then looked up and tilted her head in the same way Twilight does when she encounters an interesting datapoint. “Who is this ‘Ann’ person?”
‘I knew this would crop up at some point.’ I cleared my throat and explained, “She’s my human wife. In the past, she has told me to build a life where I could. I want to make it perfectly clear that I still love her and my kids, as much as I love Dash and Scootaloo. But with her permission, we will no longer be husband and wife. When I next speak to her, in about four months, I will ask her to release me from my vows, and I will marry Dash within a month. It’s not traditional, it’s not normal, but neither is my situation.” Despite my nervousness and knowledge that with a simple stamp, she could stop the adoption process cold, I gave her a defiant look.
Sweetheart considered what she just heard, and I could see her weighing the pros and cons, filtered through my unique situation. Her expression was almost cold, as if she were reciting the results of a calculation.“If you were from Equestria, this would be an automatic denial of your request.” Dash took in a sharp breath. “But, since coming to our world was beyond your control and there is no way for you to return to the world of your birth and to your family,” her expression softened and held an edge of sadness, “and you are making attempts that are culturally significant to you to do the right thing, I simply cannot hold this against you.”
Dash and I both could breath again. We thanked her and asked her to continue.
“Thank you. I would like to start with the positive things we have for you on file. Within the first week of your arrival, you protected Scootaloo in a public place from a known disciple of Nightmare Moon.”
I was taken aback by this, ‘I wonder... He seems to be changing, but...’ I was drawn back to the matter at hand by Dash’s light tap on my leg.
“You then risked your life to save Tree Trimmer from a burning building, resulting in serious injuries to yourself. In both cases you had nothing to gain and placed yourself in physical danger, protecting two children you did not know. You have been a continuing positive influence on Scootaloo, always encouraging her to do her best. You have begun a major construction project that will contribute in the long term to the local artistic community as well as the economic growth of Ponyville. You have been given letters of recommendation by Princess Luna and Princess Celestia. Overall, very impressive achievements in a very short time.”
“Finally, as of last night, rumour has it that you stopped a dangerous recurring threat to Ponyville. I am referring to the popping cat. Can you please tell me what you did to remove this threat to our beloved town.”
I shifted uncomfortably on the stool and said simply, “I had to put it down”
Miss Sweetheart tilted her head, slightly confused, “You insulted it?”
I didn’t know if she was playing stupid or if she genuinely didn’t know the expression,”No,” I draw my thumb across my throat, “I put it down...”
Her eyes became huge and her pupils pinpricks, “Oh... well, as unfortunate as that is, it was a dangerous animal. I’m sure you did everything you could to avoid that solution.”
I looked at my feet and spoke my reply quietly, “Yes, ma’am. I did my best, but...” I shrugged.
“I understand, Alex. Please rest assured that this incident will not be held against you. As a citizen of Ponyville, I thank you for your act of bravery.”
I managed to look up with a weary smile, “Thank you ma’am.”
“Now, in your own words, please describe the whole incident and what lead up to it.”
I took a deep breath, “Simply put, we, that is Rainbow, Scootaloo and myself were taking a walk together as a family. We weren’t paying close attention to where we were and wandered too close to the Everfree Forest. We were almost ambushed. I managed to spot it before it attacked. Dash was the real hero, she got our little girl out of harm’s way. To tell the truth, I blame myself for the whole thing.”
Dash’s tone was warning, “Alex...”
Miss Sweetheart gave me that little ‘Twilight tilt’ and her voice changed from warm and friendly to calm and neutral. “Why do you say that, Alex? Are you saying you lead Rainbow and Scootaloo into that dangerous situation so you would have an excuse to exercise your more predatory instincts?”
I went blank for a moment, “I... I would never expose my daughter to that kind of horror, not on purpose.” I grew angry and started to stand, with Dash trying to hold me down, I snarled at her, “What kind of sick monster do you take me for? How dare you suggest I would risk the lives of my wife and child for some cheap thrill?”
Dash pulled me back down with a little difficulty and harshly whispered, “Calm. Down. She’s trying to get you upset.”
We both stopped in mid movement, a single warm chuckle drawing our attention to Miss Sweetheart. She only beamed at us, “Alex, that is the reaction of a loving father. Thank you.” We all sat back down.
I muttered an apology, “Sorry I overreacted.”
“Actually Alex, you didn’t. Not by griffin standards. Since you’ve mentioned multiple times yours is an apex predator species, and the closest species in Equestria that has extensive psychological profiles available are griffins, we decided to use the WISGER scale. That stands for Wade and Ironclaw Scale of Griffin Emotional Reactions. Evidence has shown your reactions lie somewhere between pony and griffin norms. So as long as the remaining evidence falls somewhere between the two, it will be acceptable. It may not be perfect, but we feel it is a workable compromise, given your... unique status.”
I relaxed a little, “You know, it’s actually reassuring that you’re working from objective standards and not from gut feelings. Thank you for telling us this.”
“Alex, if it were up to me, I would approve you right now. You’ve shown yourself to be, without a doubt, a good pony, and I know you would make a good father.” She seemed lost in thought for a moment, “The day Scootaloo and I visited you in the hospital, when you were is such obvious pain, physical and, I think, emotional, you welcomed us so warmly. I could see your eyes light up when you saw Scootaloo, a little filly you barely knew. I prayed to Princess Celestia for her to find loving parents, and I know you and Rainbow are just that.
But, the law requires I investigate. Rainbow was fairly easy, I could find plenty of information on her. In fact, every pony I’ve had in this room has been fairly easy to investigate. By now, I would have approved of both of you and sent you off to be a happy family. But, a unique situation requires a unique solution.”
“While your record is generally good, it only accounts for the last eight or so months. There have also been several incidents in that time that cause concern. You have been overheard to say on several occasions that your species is the apex predator in the world you come from.There have also been reports that your behaviour is quite aggressive, even in situations that would not warrant such aggressive behaviour. However, your obvious efforts to blend into our culture far outweigh your aggressive tendencies. Our biggest concern, however, is the overwhelming lack of information we have, or don’t have, about you. Of any kind.”
“While you did many positive things and there are many good things to be said about you, there are some concerns. Simply put, you are a predatory species we know nothing about. I want to assure you that we are not judging your species, just you.
Now, to help us get a better picture of who you are, we would like three testimonials.”
I brightened up. I knew AJ, Twilight, and Elusive would write me glowing recommendations. We were going to be a family, and it was clear sailing.
“We have a list of the three ponies who will venture their opinion on your character and your ability to parent. Your task is to go to each of these ponies and get a written statement on your ability to be a parent. We have chosen one individual known to be friendly, but not a close friend, one for their objective neutrality, and one pony who is publicly known to not be your friend. This is to ensure a truly balanced and complete view of your character.” She took a single sheet of paper out of my file and slid it across her desk. It was not lost on me that the sheet was face down.
I closed my eyes and I reached for the frightening sheet. I grasped it and snapped my eyes open as I read the three names, written in a neat hand.
Mr Carrot Cake
I was relieved ‘Makes sense, he’s a good guy and a dad. I’m sure he thinks well of me.’
Ms Lyra Heartstrings
I was confused. ‘Why would they want that nice lady I bumped into at the train station involved?’
Mr Golden Coins
I muttered out loud, “Fuck me.”
As the last name on the list sunk in, I began to protest, “Miss Sweetheart, I can understand Mr. Cake and I suppose I can understand Miss Heartstrings, but Coins? You said yourself he’s a disciple of Nightmare Moon. How could his-”
She pursed her lips in annoyance, “Mr. Alex Roberts, are you questioning my decision?” She continued before I could answer, “Because you’re welcome to take this to the appeals court.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, “No, sorry, that’s not what I mean. I guess I was just... surprised Coins was an option. We may have buried the hatchet, but he still... Anyway, if that’s your decision, I’ll respect it.”
She seemed to relax a tiny bit, then quietly sighed, “I know my choices seem arbitrary, but they are all for very good reasons.”
Dash glared daggers at Miss Sweetheart, her voice was low and menacing, “I’ll just bet...”
I turned to Dash and placed my hand on her cheek, she turned to face me, her eyes glued to Sweetheart for a heartbeat longer before she fully turned to face me. “Dash, please. I know you’re as upset as I am, but she’s just doing what’s best for Scootaloo. Honestly, I’m thankful to even have this opportunity. I mean, I’m as alien as you can get, yet your society said it would give me the chance... no, the privilege, to try to prove my worthiness to be that little filly’s dad. I’m thankful, Dash. Truly grateful.”
Scootaloo’s caregiver cleared her throat. We both turned to her, myself expectant, Dash annoyed but she was hiding it like a champ. “Now, Alex, Rainbow, there is one more thing. At this point in the adoption process you will not be allowed to have any contact until you are approved. This would normally be for the duration of the meeting, but, again, the law didn’t foresee this sort of situation.”
It was my turn to lose my cool, “Well, what about Dash? I mean, she’s been approved, right? I don’t want my little girl to think we’ve abandoned her.”
There was a pause as Sweetheart looked at the floor behind us, “I assure you, Scootaloo is well aware of the adoption process and of your current standing.” She raised her voice, “Aren't you, Scootaloo?”
I turned to the door and I noticed the light giving away a familiar young filly’s shadow, followed by scampering noises. I couldn’t help but smile.
Miss Sweetheart smiled warmly, then glanced around the room and leaned forward. She spoke kindly in a whisper, “She’s never done that before, you know. She loves you two so very much, and I hope and pray to Celestia I can approve you, Alex.”
Sweetheart suddenly got this strangely determined look in her eye. I had seen that look before in the eyes of Garat son of Sinabi, the look of a principled person about to betray the system they believe in. “In fact, I think that no matter what, your approval is a certainty. But the faster you get me those testimonials, the faster you can all be together as the loving, happy family you are.”
I glanced at Dash and felt the warm glow of her strength in my heart. “Miss Sweetheart, we’ll get you those testimonials as quickly as we can, and we appreciate everything you’ve done so far. I always knew Dash would be a great mom. I hope I can be just as good a dad.”
I held out my hand out to Scootaloo’s guardian. Her gaze flicked between my eyes and my hand, seemingly not understanding.
Dash explained, “It’s like a hoof bump, but you hold on lightly and shake. It’s a human thing.”
Sweetheart cocked an eyebrow. “Rainbow, I know what a hoof shake is. You’ll have to forgive me, but ponies in Alex’s position are usually very upset and not friendly at all. I was just... surprised.” She seemed to come to some kind of decision. As her hoof pressed against my palm she spoke in a low voice, “For the first time, in a very long time,” I felt her telekinetic grip pull my palm more tightly, “I can see where the system might be failing.” Her expression was fierce, “It’s a good system, Alex. Even with its flaws. I will make sure, no matter the cost, that it works for you.”
Dash and I were both taken aback. We made eye contact for a moment, just to confirm that we had understood the same thing. ‘Did she just say she would fudge the results if they didn’t come out our way? I’m glad Applejack’s not here. We would never hear the end of it.’
Dash and I walked slowly, quietly, in the Ponyville park. My hand was on her neck and I could feel the athletic muscles flow easily under my fingers. Something had been weighing on my mind since we left Miss Sweetheart’s office. “So... Dash. Do you know if Sweetheart has any connections to Scootaloo? I mean, personal connections? I get it that she likes us, and anybody could tell she thinks the world of that little filly. Who wouldn’t, right? But I can’t understand why she would risk her job and Scootaloo’s adoption just to make sure we get to adopt her.”
We stopped, and she placed a hoof on my arm, “You know, Alex, you really shouldn’t look for the chaos in harmony.”
It took me a moment to understand, “You’re right, I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Sometimes, it’s not worth it to dig too deeply into another person’s reasoning.”
It was her turn to look at me, both perplexed and slightly insulted, “I hate it when Twilight uses that expression. Don’t you start using it too.”
I half smiled sheepishly, “I wasn’t thinking. It’s a very old human expression. Anyway, I’ll be grateful to her for the rest of my life, and if I can help her in any way, I will.”
We find a bench by the playground and watch the children playing, squealing and laughing. A few of Dash’s young fans gawked, and one timidly approached us.
The light green unicorn with the blond mane spoke hesitantly, “Miss Rainbow Dash? What... what are you doing here in the park? N-Not that we mind.”
The rainbow speedster smiled kindly, “Actually kid, me and my special friend here are a little bummed out because we’re trying to adopt a very special filly and we ran into a snag. No biggie, but,” she shrugged and turned to me, “Mind if I give them a little show?”
I smiled at her, then looked at the earth pony colt. “What’s your name, son?”
“Clockwork, sir.”
“Well, Clockwork,” I turned my eyes again to Dash for a moment, and her eyes came to life, “you and your friends are about to help the one and only Rainbow Dash cheer up by watching her show off some of her best tricks. Does that sound good?”
“Keen gears, does it ever!” He turned back to the crowd of colts and fillies that had gathered, “Guys! She said yes! She’s gonna show us her best tricks!”
Dash’s young fans cheered excitedly. I knew she needed this and I could see a faint blush across her face. She loved the adulation, and sometimes, even my dedicated attention was not enough. I felt joyful at seeing her bask in their cheers.
We must have spent an hour entertaining the kids, Dash flying and performing her daring tricks while I acted as a colour commentator. At the top of a loop, I could see her turn her head; then she quickly came to a hover, just looking beyond the playground. I saw her smile so sadly, yet so lovingly, that I could feel it in my chest. She suddenly put on one of those bursts of speed I would never get used to then grabbed a cloud and shaped it into a heart.
The kids were confused, but as I followed Dash’s gaze, and I saw why she was behaving the way she was. Scootaloo and Miss Sweetheart, who I suspect were watching the show, stood a short distance away. Scootaloo and I locked eyes for a moment. She started to move towards me. I could see her move towards me, but I shook my head, imploring her to stop. Not because I didn’t want to hold her and comfort her, but because I couldn’t be close to her. At that moment, had this been any other situation, I would have held her, consequences be damned. But not today. Today, I couldn’t comfort my daugher.
She stopped, as if understanding. She yelled out, “Dad.” My little orange filly looked up and softly said, “Mom.” Again, my heart broke. For her sake, I kept a smile on my face, raised my hand, and waved to let her know she was not forgotten. I was thankful she was too far away to see my tears.
Miss Sweetheart smiled sadly at us and ushered Scootaloo toward Sugar Cube Corner. I made a mental note to set up an unlimited tab for her, then thought about the consequences. ‘Ok, so maybe not unlimited.’
I was taken away from my numb state by that brave Clockwork kid, “Mister? Is Scootaloo the pony you and Rainbow Dash are adopting?”
I wiped my eyes and smiled down on him, “Yes, she is.”
“No way! Scootaloo is way cooler than we thought! She said she was getting private lessons from Rainbow Dash, but we thought she was, you know, making it up.”
Dash landed with grace beside me, sniffed as she flicked a few errant hairs out of her eyes, and laughed a little. “No way, dude. She’s my awesome little filly, and she’s the coolest kid I know.”
As we left the park, I realized we were being followed. The little mob of kids was trying to be discreet, but with their constant whispering and giggling, it proved impossible. We gave them a little wave and decided to ignore them.
Dash bumped her shoulder into my side. “That was fun, Alex. I... I needed that. It’s been a crazy few days, with the popping cat and the chaos magic and the adoption.” There were more whispers and giggles from the gaggle of fillies and colts trailing behind us, and I couldn’t help by snicker. Dash, however, was still serious. “I know you do your best, but...”
“Shush.” Dash gave me an incredulous half-smile. “You love being at the center of attention, and I’m cool with that. It’s part of who you are, and like I said this morning, I love the whole package.” I leaned in for a kiss, but Dash stopped me with a hoof on my lips.
She motioned with her eyes and whispered, “Alex... kids.”
I matched her whisper, knowing she was the only one who would hear me. “Let’s give them something to talk about at school.”
Dash smirked. “Alex... no... let’s go grab some lunch. We can spend some quiet time tonight. Anyway, do you really want to embarrass your daughter before she even becomes your daughter?”
I batted my eyelashes in innocence. “Of course. Isn’t that what a dad is supposed to do?”
She smiled a little sadly at me. “Not today.”
I was struck by her reaction and decided to stop joking around. “You’re right, not today. I’ll even hold back for a full week when this is all over.” I moved my hand to the back of her head, my thumb lightly touching her ear. “I just wanted to distract you, take your mind off things. That’s all.”
She blinked slowly, that sad little smile still on her lips, “I know. And tonight, we’ll comfort each other, because I need some time with you. Just you.”
She turned back to the kids and raised her voice so they could hear, “Alright, me and my special friend are heading off to lunch. If you’re good, I might give you another show tomorrow. Just... er... have a great afternoon.” Her eyes grew a little sadder and I could see they were getting moist., “And tell Scootaloo—” Dash faltered. “Tell her—” She faltered again, “tell her— her mom says to hang in there.”
We always seemed to end up at Chez Bouffe. Not too surprising, considering the size of Ponyville. Anyway, they practically had a custom menu for me. The waiter, Classy Serveur, knew us, and we were friends. I greeted him in what had become our usual routine. “Allo mon vieux! Comment ca va?”
'Pas pire, Alex. Toi et Rainbow Dash vous voulez vous asseoir dedans ou dehors?
It made me smile when he spoke french, especially now that he had an obvious Quebecois accent. I suppose that would be considered quite exotic here.
“I think we’ll sit outside today, Classy. Watch the world go by.”
“Where’s the little filly that usually hangs out with you two? Scootaloo, right?”
“That’s right. We’re in the process of adopting her.”
“Hey that’s great! So, where is she?”
“Well, we ran into a snag.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “My fault, really. Not local enough, I suppose. I just need a few written affidavits. They want to be sure I’m not some crazed predator that will eat you all in your beds, I guess. Dash got green stamped in about five minutes.”
“Well, I hope everything turns out okay. I hear you got your foreleg busted up taking care of that popping cat. I’m not much of one for violence, but this thing was dangerous. Tell you what, lunch is on me. Least I can do to thank you.”
I protested. “Hey, look. I was just saving my own skin.”
But he insisted. “Saving your own skin, nothing. I heard you saved your missus and little filly. You also did a great service to this town, and you should be proud of both. What you did changed some opinions about you, all for the better. Now, you’ll take a free lunch and you’ll be grateful for it.”
I raised my hand in surrender, “Alright, you win.”
We placed our orders and sat, each in our own little worlds. Looking off into the distance, I admired the towering spires of the Coins mansion.
I spoke quietly, and Dash only smiled sadly at me, “You know, Dash, normally I would save Coins for last, but this is important, and I want to strike while the iron’s hot. I think he’s the kind of guy who would be impressed if I go to him first. The last time we talked, we left on good terms, so I hope I can use that to our advantage.”
I reached over the table and gave her neck a loving squeeze. “No point in wasting this advantage on anything less important.”
I chuckled. “Who knows, maybe one day we’ll be having a barbeque with Coins and his family, laughing about the old days and celebrating the new.”
Dash chuckled. “You’re so cute when you try to redeem the unredeemable.”
“How does the song from that stupid show go?” I cleared my throat and started singing. Badly.
”My Little Pony,
I used to wonder what friendship could be,
Da da da da, da da,
mummum..shared its magic with me”
Dash snickered at my impromptu lyrics.
“Big adventure”
She snorted, knowing it was her part in the song.
“Tons of fun,
A beautiful heart,
Faithful and strong,
Sharing kindness,
It's an easy feat,
And magic makes it all complete,
You have my- mmmph”
It’s hard to sing when receiving a kiss from Rainbow Dash. Still laughing, she pulled away. “Okay, okay! I get it, mister creepy town pony show fan. And that’s totally cool. You know I believe in you, you big lug. It’s that jerk I have doubts about. And...” she smiled sweetly, “thanks for making me laugh.”
I fell into her eyes and could only smile. “That means a lot to me.”
She flashed me that little mischievous smirk. “That I don’t trust Coins?”
I chuckled. “Yes, my heart is all aflutter because you’re a little unsure about a sociopath. Unlike you, I want to invite him to the family barbeque and give him piggyback rides.”
Dash chortled. “You are a goof and a good person, and I,” her cheeky grin grew, “am a good influence on you.’
I walked up, alone, to the increasingly familiar front steps of the Coins estate, the gold leaf columns still as impressive as ever. Dash and I decided it would be best it I went alone. I tentatively knocked on the front door and waited.
I could hear a child’s voice calling out, “Door.” She repeated herself, in a slightly higher, peevish tone, “Door!” She finally called out in a shrill voice, “DOOR!” still more peevishly, if that was possible. This was followed by a pained sigh and the clip-clop sounds of a filly walking on marble floors.
The door opened, and I was greeted by a little silver-gray filly, with a braided silver mane, a pair of glasses, and a string of pearls. We both stood, blinking at each other. I smiled. She let loose with the most startling, blood-curdling scream I think I have ever heard in my life. We both stumbled away from each other, my hand raised in defense. Based on the volume and terror, you would think I was trying to serve her up as cold cuts. The poor little thing seemed absolutely terrified.
Before I could say anything, I heard a thunder of hooves on marble. Turning a corner and galloping down the hall came a very angry Ms Butterscotch, soaking wet, mane and tail dripping with suds and soap. As she charged, she yelled, “Silver, get away from that thing before it hurts you!”
She came skidding to a halt. I was stunned at this very sudden and unexpected turn of events. But, I managed to regain my cool in time to calmly speak out, “I’m here to see Mr Coins.”
She stood quite close to me, dripping on the marble floors. I could smell the scented soaps she used, “You’re not welcome here, Alex Roberts.”
I repeated calmly, “I need to speak to Golden Coins. It’s a personal matter.”
I looked up at the sound of angry stomping and cursing from down the hall. A snarling Golden Coins bellowed, “What in the name of Night- oh,” his expression became neutral, “Alex, so good to see you again so soon. Miss Butterscotch, please dry yourself off, and Silver, dear, do refrain from screaming at daddy’s... friends.”
Miss Butterscotch mumbled, “I apologize for my rudeness, Mr Coins, but I heard Silver screaming. In the future, I will greet Mr Alex Roberts...” she seemed to choke on the last word, “warmly.” With that, she trotted quickly back to what I assumed was the bathroom.
Silver Spoon looked back and forth between myself and Coins for a few moments before speaking very timidly, “Y-Yes, daddy. Welcome to our home, Mr Alex Roberts.” I was a little shocked; that kid looked just as afraid of her dad as she was of me.
“Come along, Mr Roberts, let us go to my new office and speak with some privacy.” He trotted quickly down the hall, turning into the room he had charged out of.
As I entered the familiar den, I observed the window had been partially boarded over and wallpapered. The desk was a chaotic mess of ledger sheets, various stamps, and coloured pencils. To his side, within easy reach, was an ornate golden cup, and it included the ubiquitous bendy straw used by every pony. To his left sat an overstuffed victorian style chair.
He gestured toward the chair, “Please, sit. Mr Davenport is truly gifted in the furniture-making arts. Do you know he built this based only on his own observations of you about town?”
“Thank you, sir.”
He waved a hoof dismissively, “You shall call me Golden, and I shall call you Alex. Now sit.” He added under his breath, “So we can get on with out lives.”
I sat and it was like putting my backside in heaven. I have literally never sat in a more comfortable chair. He must have read my expression, “I can see you approve of Mr Davenport’s hoofwork.”
I wiggled my backside a little, reveling in the comfort. “Very much so. I’ll have to commission one just like it for my home.”
Coins gave me a bored look, then sipped from his cup and mused, “An excellent red wine with imported rose sea salt. A perfect blend. Would you care for some?”
“No thank you, s— Golden.”
“Are you sure you don’t want some? I always add the salt separately, and I can have an extra bottle brought up. Besides, I find it better to match the salt with the wine.” He took another sip and with a very slight smile, “Yes, quite delightful. Now, I’m sure you’re not here for a friendly visit. Our business meeting is not for two days. What is it that I can do for you, Alex?”
I was surprised at his cool yet friendly behaviour. “It is a rather personal matter, Golden. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but Rainbow Dash and I are in the process of adopting a pegasus filly named Scootaloo. Since I am, as they say, not a local, I was asked to secure affidavits as to my fitness to be a father. Your name was on the list and I wanted to seek your help first, seeing are you’re such a respected member of this community.” I did my best to keep my demeanor humble and subservient, and my tone not sarcastic. It hurt, but what was a little self respect for her?
His expression remained neutral, and I was sure he was evaluating my words, weighing them. His eyes flicked to some photos on the mantelpiece. One was a young mare with glasses and a string of pearls. I recognized her as Silver Spoon. The other, older one looked like a wedding photo, Coins being the happy groom, and the bride the spitting image of the other photo, right down to the glasses, pearls, and braided mane.
Coins looked back at me with a genuine, sad smile. “We both know that’s a lie. My reputation is for hating feath—” He frowned, catching himself, and I pretended not to notice. “...non-earth ponies is common knowledge.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know about that. I find rumours and ‘what everyone knows’ to be an inaccurate source of information.”
He considered me for a moment, then gave a short chuckle. “Well said. Now, back to the matter at hand. I suppose I owe you a great personal debit. Thanks to you, Princess Luna herself has seen fit to impart Her wisdom on my blessed home. She has not only acknowledged me personally, but She has also sent me several letters with guidance to make me a better pony. One of those letters,” He motions with his forehoof to the back wall displaying three scrolls, “asked that I tell you about a certain incident that may have lead to my,” he pursed his lips for a moment, “reputation.”
He took a long sip from his wine, sighed, and spoke in an unemotional tone, “My wife’s name was Platinum Ladle. She was breathtakingly beautiful, a brilliant chef, kind, warm, and she had a wonderfully mischievous sense of humor. She was everything a stallion could want in a wife, and a friend.”
Coins seemed lost in thought for a moment, so took the opportunity to comment, “She sounds like a wonderful person. I’m sorry I never had a chance to meet her.”
He smiled sadly, “It had been a very good year, both personally and financially. It was our first wedding anniversary and my dear Platinum was ten months pregnant. We decided to live like the nouveau rich that we were.”
He took another sip of wine before continuing, “The travel agent promised us, assured us, the cloudwalking spell would last for two weeks, plenty of time to enjoy Cloudsdale, see the sights, wine and dine, no salt for Platinum of course.”
“In retrospect, the unicorn who cast the spell seemed to be out of sorts. I had met so very few unicorns at the time. I thought it was normal for them to look so bedraggled, having to wield all that magical power. He did me first, then... Platinum.”
“The first day we arrived by chariot to the Grand Hotel in Cloudsdale. It was wondrous and my sweet Platinum was awestruck, as was I. We had a tour of the weather factory, the colosseum, even the ancient temples. oh I know how touristy it is, but we were inexperienced and both from humble backgrounds. We thought that’s what rich ponies did, so,” he takes a long sip, “we did as the rich did.”
I was curious, “But, if your wife was that far along in her pregnancy, why would you take a risky vacation like that?”
He took a sip, “We were young, in love, and my precious Silver Spoon was soon arriving. We knew we would not be able to take another such a trip again for years, so we wanted a last fling, a last hurrah.”
This time Coins picked up the goblet and drained it, spilling some on his coat, but he didn’t seem to notice. He then carried the empty goblet to a small table with various bottles of wine and several shallow bowls with salt.
I had seen it done before, ponies walking on three legs and carrying something in the fourth. Dash told me the trick was to grip the ground with their rear hooves and not take the third leg off the ground for too long. It would seem earth ponies have more opportunity to practise than others.
Coins put two spoonfuls of salt in his goblet, quite a bit as I understand it, then topped it off with red wine. Before returning he took another spoonful of salt and poured it in his mouth. Even Dash, when she’s partying, wouldn’t do that.
I was a little worried and spoke gently, “Hey, Golden. Are you sure that much salt is a good idea? Based on what I’ve seen, that’s a lot of it. Are you okay?”
Wavering slightly, he just looked at me, as if he had never seen me before. “That is very kind, Alex. Few show me kindness. Not to ‘Stinky Old Coins’, as the children say.” He turned his head away, sadly, then looked back at me with a curious smile, “I have done nothing but be cruel and mean spirited to you, yet you show me compassion. Even when you attacked me, you made sure not to harm me. For this, I thank you, Alex.”
Coins returned to his seat, put a straw back in, and took a sip. “Now, where was I? Ah, yes. The last day of my dearest Platinum.”
“It was our second night, and we had gone to bed early. Well, you know how a pregnant,” he seemed to be racking his memories for a moment, then brightened, “woman?” I nodded, “likes to have her hooves rubbed. We were in bed, she was resting her head on a cloud pillow and I was there, at her hooves, easing the pain and discomfort our little Silver Spoon inadvertently brought with her. She started complaining that the pillow was getting soft. I... I laughed. I thought she was joking. She was always making silly little jokes like that. Then she started screaming and...” Coins drank deeply, ignoring the straw. He dropped the goblet, spilling wine and salt on the floor.
Coins then did something I didn’t expect, he wept. Not just a few controlled tears, but an anguished wail, an expression of profound grief. After a moment he spoke with obviously difficulty, gasping as he continued his story, “...her hoof slipped out from mine. I was a bank clerk, not some muscle bound field hand. I didn’t have the strength to hold her. I simply didn’t have the strength. In a panic I called the front desk, and they called the City Guard.”
He composed himself, that calm facade back in place, “Did you know it takes approximately 60 seconds to fall from Cloudsdale to the ground. An average pegasis, at full flight, can make that distance in about 20 seconds. The City Guard left after exactly 42 seconds. By the time they reached her, she had already hit the edge of the lake.”
Coins stared into space for a few moments and I didn’t dare interrupt him. He continued without looking at me. “Do you know who was the first to get to her? Miss Butterscotch. At the time she was a nursing student. She had been enjoying an evening walk by the lake. She saw Platinum hit the shallow water. She was able to keep Platnum alive long enough for the paramedics to cut my little one from her mother’s womb. By the time I got there, Miss Butterscotch was holding my perfect, healthy daughter. My perfect little filly, who looked exactly like her mother. Her perfect, beautiful mother. And now, my trusted employee, then my best friend in this world, Miss butterscotch, takes care of my perfect little filly.”
There was a long silence while Coins quietly looked at the photos on the mantelpiece. I was at a loss as to what to say, so I said the only think I could think of, “I’m so sorry, Golden.”
“Well, I suppose the best thing I could do in way of thanks would be to provide you with an honest assessment of your parenting skills.” He went to the door and yelled out, “Pencil Pusher! I need to dictate a letter.”
I returned to the restaurant where Dash was nervously waiting. The moment she spotted me she lept into the air and flew at me in a blur, “So, how did it go? Did he go for it?”
I smirked, “Does this answer your question?” With a confident smirk and a flourish only agile hands could provide I produced a scroll, sealed with the Coins family crest. “I was escorted to the garden to wait.” I chuckled, “I’m sure Coins whispered the whole thing to Pencil Pusher so I couldn’t hear it. Anyway, it must be impressive, it took an hour to write it. Lucky for me, Miss Butterscotch brought out snacks and a drink. I think she only spit in my cup once.” Dash snickered and I continued with a shrug. “I didn’t mind. Ponies have good oral hygiene.” Dash laughed and eww’ed, all while nuzzling my cheek. “I was really nice to her no matter what she did. Drove her nuts.” Dash snickered in earnest.
After a full minute Dash’s snickering trailed off and her expression became sober. She held the scroll in her hoof, balancing it in it’s end. “I wonder what he said. I mean, it could say anything. Isn’t it driving you crazy?”
“Nope. I did everything I could to get him on my side, and now there’s nothing to do but wait.” I held her in my arms, “I saw a side of him that I never expected. It was... sad.” I gave her a peck on the nose, “I think I can help him heal, stop the hate.”
“Don’t put your hopes up, Alex. He’s been that way for as long as I can remember.” She pushed me back a little and flashed her trademark confident smirk at me, “But if anyone can do it, you can, you big lug.”
I smiled, then remembering my promise and facepalmed. “Shoot, I was so excited about getting the letter from Coins, I almost forgot going to see Fluttershy. Come on, lets go before it’s dark. The last thing I want is to be walking near the woods at night.” I chuckled, “Again.”
Dash and I approached Fluttershy’s cottage. It always left me slightly confused, a strange fusion of the wild and perfectly manicured flora and fauna. We passed a clearing I was familiar with. At the far end was a circle of earth at a slight angle. This was the spot I landed in almost nine months ago. It was impressive how much it stood out from the surrounding landscape. Seems what I brought with me was a darker green and more coarse than the local stuff. Fluttershy said it tasted bitter, but might make a nice accent in a salad.
I felt a little sad and happy at the same time. So much had happened since I landed here, so many wonderful surprises. Compared to my other experiences, this has been a just a fun ride. Unlike everywhere else, here I have friends, wealth, a lover, a child, a family. I envied no man, or stallion for that matter. But, there was a little voice in the back of my head that asked if this was too much of a coincidence. Well, something to brood on another day.
As we approach the back yard, I spot a bear waddling out of what appears to be an outhouse. He was also trailing some toilet paper under his paw. The absurdity sight combined with the tension of the day caused me to begin laughing out loud.
Dash started snickering with me and asked, “What’s so funny?”
“Now, my dear Dash, the eternal question asked by man, and possibly pony, since the dawn of time. No, bears do not, in fact, shit in the woods.”
Dash moaned, chuckled, shook her head, and then hovered ahead to find Fluttershy. I think she wanted to make sure there were not going to be any issues between me and her.
Before I reached the clearing I heard a bit of a commotion. Fluttershy’s voice was a little louder than I expected, a tiny pause between each word, “Oh, goodness. Look at this wonderful,” she gagged a little, “yummy half raw ch-chicken, just for you.”
A moment later I heard a hiss and a tiny pop, quickly followed by Dash’s derisive snort, and the most delicate little frustrated sigh. I had to assume that was from Fluttershy.
I carefully approach the clearing, using all of my experience to keep as silent as possible. The little black creature quickly shifted its gaze from Fluttershy to Dash. It had not noticed me, yet.
Dash whispered to her friend, “Let me try, Flutters.” She takes the meat from her hoof. “Here, kitty, kitty.” When Dash tried to flutter closer, the little thing hissed and popped again. Dash groaned, “Alright big guy, you’re up.”
I spotted the small cardboard bucket with a label that said ‘Garbo Griffin’s Grubb House Chicken - Home of the Equestria Famous - Seared Spiced Chicken’. I slowly bent down and picked it up.
I had never seen that restaurant in town before. I’ll have to remember to ask Fluttershy about it. I mused, ‘It would be nice to have access to a source of meat that’s not pet food.’
Anyway, I guess it’s my turn. I crouch quietly and move slowly toward the girls. I make sure to turn my eyes away from the frightened little thing. I figured if domestic cats didn’t like to be stared at, why would a wild cat?
Calm. This animal needs calm. I change from a crouch to a cross legged sit. I whisper, “Dash, Fluttershy? Can you back away, please?”
Dash gave me a little nod and slowly, and without wasting any time, moved away. Fluttershy only stared at me in curiosity until Dash gently pulled her away, too.
For a full ten minutes, all I did was sit, without a sound, holding a strip of meat loosely in my hand, low to the ground. I made sure to look away from the kitten, never to look at it directly, but also making sure I could see it out of the corner of my eye. I soon felt the lightest touch on the meat. I risked taking a good look, minimizing my movements.
It was sniffing the strip of meat, feeling it with its whiskers. I move my hand a tiny bit, bringing it lower, so it could eat, and it popped away in fear. Obviously, the kitten popping cats could teleport more often than adults. My guess would be less mass in relation to the size of whatever organ they used to teleport.
After another five minutes, it was, once again sniffing at the food. I dared look again more closely. There, just centimeters from my fingertips was a tiny, fragile little creature. It was obviously torn between fear and hunger. It slowly, carefully, moved it’s tentacles, inching closer to the meat, until finally, the little clawed pads snatched the food out of my hand and it started to tear into it. It didn’t teleport away, but looked at me for a long moment. Once it had devoured the strip, it then slowly, cautiously, moved forward and sniffed my fingers.
I took a chance, and started to quietly sing a lullaby I had sung to my children. Well, not the exact song, but something like it. I realized the lines didn’t rhyme anymore, but it wasn’t like anyone would understand. Anyway, it made me smile to sing such a silly song.
“Fais do do, Dino mon petit frere. Fais do do, t'auras du poulet. ”
At first, the kitten looked like it was about to jump again, but then it slowly became curious.
“Maman est en haut, Elle fait d’la tourtiere. Papa est en bas, Il fait du rôti.”
It started to approach me and I heard purring.
I continued, softly, “Fais do do, Dino mon petit frere. Fais do do, t'auras du poulet.”
As I ended he rubbed his head against my hand while eating the meat using his tentacles. I gingerly scratched to top of it’s head, and it didn’t seem to mind. I continued to rub the top of it’s head with my index finger. “I think, my little friend, that I shall call you Dino.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a smiling Fluttershy, glancing shyly at me. I heard Fluttershy whispered a few words to my rainbowed love, “...that way he could bond with the darling little thing.”
Dash’s voice followed, filled with admiration, “... a set up?” My dearest’s eyes lingered on me, and on the edge of my hearing I heard her say, “...really cool. Thanks Fluttershy...”
Dino curled up into my lap, wrapping his tentacles around himself, purring away. He seemed satiated for now and was perfectly content to be stroked.
Fluttershy's soft voice was so hard to hear, only the last few words were audible, “... for friends like you.”
While I kept being affectionate with Dino, the two friends hugged. Dash then looked and smiled sweetly at me.
I waved them over. I kept my voice soft, “Fluttershy, thank you for doing whatever it is you did to make Dino... calm, I guess. I appreciate it.”
Again, the little pause between each word. “Oh, dear, Alex. I do not know what you mean?” I smirked, Fluttershy is such a bad liar.
Dash touched my arm and gave me an annoyed look while gesturing at Fluttershy with her eyes. “It was all you, big guy.”
Realizing it would be rude to call Fluttershy on her little ruse, I sighed happily. “I’m sorry Fluttershy. I guess it was just lucky that I caught him in a good mood. Well, since Dino seems to have accepted me, I want to engage you in a little pet sitting work, if that’s okay. Your usual fees?”
Fluttershy seemed positively frantic, like she had been caught with her hoof in the cookie jar, “But, I can’t possibly ask-”
I pleaded, “Fluttershy, please. You should be compensated for all your hard work. And that take-out chicken can’t be cheap. Anyway, I’m an Apple, so know how stubborn we are.” I smirked warmly at her. “I’ll have the bits transferred to your account in the morning, unless you want me to pay you for the first week in full right now?”
Dash fluttered up to me, “Pay her, already. You know Dino’s gonna be in good hooves.”
“You’re right. Quicker than the bank, anyway.” I took out the coin pouch and withdraw the required coins. Angel seemingly appeared out of nowhere wearing a little visor like an old fashioned bank teller and carefully counted the coins. When he was satisfied the amount was correct, he placed the coins in a pouch he wore as a backpack, and handed me a receipt. I examined it, noting the header said, ‘Fluttershy’s Animal Care Services - Care For All Creatures Great And Small’.
I gave Dino a final scratch behind the ears and l left him in Fluttershy’s tender care. I smiled when Dino tried to follow me, and Fluttershy gently held him back. A little sad, really. But, he was obedient and didn’t teleport.
I walked and Dash hovered, in silence. Once we reached the main path, Dash spoke, “You know, Fluttershy thinks you’ll be a great pet owner. That’s her way of saying she thinks you’re a good guy. So, why Dino? Does that name mean something special? You know, like yours means ‘bright defender’. Was that the name of a pet you had before?”
“Honest truth? Dino is short for dinosaur.” I shifted my injured arm uncomfortably. It had been in the sling for far too long today. “There was a guy called Fred who named his pet that, and I thought it would make a good name.”
Dash seemed to accept that, “So, this Fred guy, was he a friend of yours back where you came from?”
I shrugged and shook my head, “Nah, just some stupid cartoon char-” I looked away from her, disappointed with myself. I spoke softly, voice filled with shame, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean... I wasn’t thinking. I...”
“No, you weren't were you?” I felt warm forelegs wrapping around me, “It’s okay.” I could hear the laughter in her voice, “As long as I’m your favourite creepy town pony show character.”
I turned my body so I could hold on to her. “God. What did I do to deserve a wife as awesome as you?”
“Hey, pal. I’m not your wife yet.” She snickered, “I still have my options open, ya know.”
“Oh, I know. I’m not totally convinced Bea and Mac are for real. There’s your chance to get that big strong stallion of your dreams, or maybe there’s some mare you’ve had an eye on, or-”
“Shut up, you goof. You are the stallion of my dreams.” She held me tight, “I just didn’t realize I was looking for you until I beat you up.”
I chuckled at her wit. “Yes, dear.”
Having finally come home from Fluttershy’s, Dash and I snuggled in front of the fireplace for a little while, lost in thought. Naturally, the adoption process loomed over us and made our minds uneasy, but I was happy to have such a wonderful person at my side for this.
I leaned into Dash, her intoxicating scent giving me hope. “Dash, lets do something positive. She will be our daughter, and even Coins will give me a glowing review.”
She turned her head and smirked at me, “What have you got in mind, big guy?”
“You know all that stuff I got in Canterlot? I think now is the best time for us to put it to good use.”
Dash drawled slowly as she seemed to mull the idea in her mind, “Yeah, I don’t know-” then she suddenly kissed me and lept up, “RaceYouToHerBedroom!” Dash took off, giggling like a fiend.
Dash is fast, tough, and easy on the eyes. Me? I’m slow, weak, and ugly as sin. She also has at least fifteen years on me physically, in addition to being a pegasus. My humble self? I’m just a tricky human.
I quickly craned my neck to look behind Dash, which happened to be the very empty living room, and faked my most sincere expression of shock and surprise, “Princess Celestia! What are you doing here?”
Dash came to a sudden stop, looking around for her monarch,“Princess?”
I bolted past her, “Oops! Saw her in Canterlot!”
She chuckled warmly, “I’ll get you, Alex.”
While Dash may be faster and stronger than me, I was bigger. I blocked the stairwell and had my back to her all while I taunted, “Oh, darn. What now, oh most beautiful of pegasi?”
She smirked. “I might just have to do...”
“Yikes!” The sudden strong and focused telekinetic pull on my butt almost made me lose my balance, but I felt a hoof firmly hold me in place and her second hoof gently push me to the side and out of the way. I had felt something like it countless times, just not there or quite as focused. It was almost like she was trying to goose me.
I stood on the steps for a moment, stunned. A good stunned. A happy stunned. But before my laughing angel could flutter past me, I ran my hand along her tail, not grabbing too hard, but just enough to get her attention.
She looked down at me, over her shoulder. Our eyes meet, and she turned around. Her smile was sad and hopeful and happy all at the same time. “I know you’re worried, I am too. But never forget that I will always-”
Her hoof rested on my lips. She sighed happily and spoke softly, ”You will always be here for me. Just like I’ll always be here for you. Forever.”
She closed the space between us, put her forelegs around my neck, and simply held me. Then, before she let me go, she whispered in my ear, “I can’t wait to be a mom, I can’t wait to hug my daughter, and I can’t wait to be a wife to a good husband.”
We kissed and wordlessly entered Scootaloo’s room together.
I had put the shopping bags in Scootaloo’s room, the one across the hall from us. As I started organizing the contents, Dash looked impressed, “You’ve got good taste. Then again, you are marrying me.” Her smile looked a little fake, and I knew she was worried about the adoption.
“First things first. I’m taking my arm out of this damn sling for a bit. I need to stretch it out. Last thing I want is for it to scar up and reduce flexibility...”
“Good idea. Be a shame if you were less... flexible.”
“Yes, Miss Rainbow Dash, it would be a crying shame.”
Dash and I worked together to quickly decorate her room. We put Wonderbolt posters on the walls. I made her bed with a Wonderbolt bedding set. Wonderbolt books were put on the little bookshelf. A Wonderbolt lamp and night light. And finally, the pièce de résistance, the authentic, one of a kind goggles, autographed by Spitfire herself, mounted and covered in glass. There was a second pair of matching and equally authentic goggles for everyday use, without the autograph. It was a Wonderbolt lovers’ paradise, and we couldn’t wait to present this to Scootaloo.
When we were done, I stood in the doorway of my little girl’s room. I wiped my face with my hand, not looking at Dash. Then she said, "Wow, my room looks great. Where is Scoots room going to be?" Once again, her silly sense of humor made me laugh. Another thing you never really got from that stupid show.
Dash’s voice was strong, and kind, and hopeful, “The adoption will go perfectly and...” she faltered, but only for a moment, “and... everything will go off without a hitch.”
Dash leaned against me. I wrapped my good arm around her shoulder and spoke softly, “We,” I pulled her a little tighter, “are going to have a wonderful daughter.”
We had gone to bed soon after decorating Scootaloo’s room. Dash sprawled and quickly went to sleep. I, however, simply lay in bed, getting a good look at my ceiling. The alarm clock on my dresser had a simple enchantment that made the clock face glow. I saw the hours crawl slowly by.
At three in the morning I felt Dash shifting. In a groggy voice she spoke to me, “Hey Alex. What are you still doing up this late? Are you okay?”
I smiled at her concern. “Just thinking about stuff that’s been rattling around my head since I got here, since I realized where I was. Stupid stuff, really. It’s nothing to worry about, sweetheart. Why don’t you go back to sleep.”
“I’m not going to sleep while you’re sitting here worried. That’s not what I do. You,” she placed her hoof on my cheek, “are going to get it out. And make it snappy, I’m,” she yawned, “tired.”
“Then you should go to sleep, beautiful.” I give her a quick peck and she looked at me with one raised eyebrow and that little smirk. I knew I was beaten. “Okay, fine, but it’s not that interesting. Anyway, I know that look, so I’ll get this off my chest as fast as I can.”
“So, the big one. Why me? Not in that complaining, ‘Oh universe, why doth thou strike at me.’ kind of way. I mean, what’s so damn special about me? I mean, why would a wonderful, beautiful angel like you want anything to do with, well, me? I mean, the best I should have expected is a friendship, not a love affair. Heck, I even had the thought pass through my mind that you were originally sent to spy on me, and you’re still putting up with me, just to keep closer tabs on me.”
Dash looked shocked. I waved my hand dismissively. “I know you’re no spy. And if you are, you have me totally fooled.” She reacted by placing her head on my chest and placing her hoof in my left hand, gripping me tightly.
“And that leads to an other question, why do problems seem to melt away so easily? I drop out of the sky, land in Fluttershy’s back yard. Just like that, I have a friend. On my way to Ponyville, I get beat up by the coolest mare in Equestria. How’s that for lucky?” Dash snickered and snuggled closer.
I continued, “Then, I walk into town, folks are, for a very good reason, kind of scared of me. Bang! Coins shows up just in time for me to save Scoots and win the respect of the town folk. Not just any filly mind you, but the little filly I would fall in love with. My little girl. It could have been, I don’t know, Sweetie Belle or, or, what’s Derpy’s daughter’s name? God I cringe at that name.”
Dash helped me out, “Dinky. And what’s wrong with Derpy’s name?”
“The word ‘derpy’ has negative connotations where I come from, it basically means stupid, and I know Derpy isn’t that. Anyway, Dinky. So, it could have been any other pegasus or unicorn kid, but it was Scoots. What are the odds?”
“And, just in case that wasn’t enough, ladies and gentlemen, I save Tree Trimmer from a burning building, in full view of the rest of the town. You know, just in case everyone doesn’t know the new guy in town is on their side, despite being an apex predator. Something that should make every pony run away like maniacs.”
“And as an added bonus, before I got here I was really messed up. I would...” I lifted my arm, the multitude of scars visible in the moonlight, “...cut myself every time I killed something, I was deep in PTSD,” Dash gave me that little look that said she didn’t quite get it, “same thing as Induced Trauma Syndrome. I was damaged goods, Dash. I was a broken man. I slept with my knife, ready to attack. Heck, I almost stabbed Angel on my first morning. Part of me regrets that...” Dash snickers. “The point is, I should have needed years of therapy, maybe a lifetime, and I was basically fine after a few short months. What fixed me so fast?”
Dash hummed then spoke in silken tones, “A home you can feel safe in? Good friends?” She kissed my jaw, “The love of a good mare?”
I sighed happily, “Definitely, the last one.” I paused my diatribe to enjoy her warmth. After that moment, I continued, “Speaking of good luck, isn’t it just peachy that I happen to have over two hundred kilos of the most valuable metal in this world? That I happen to have been carrying for,” I had to think about it for a moment, “five jumps, because it was totally worthless everywhere else.”
“And what about the Princesses? If I was in their shoes, the moment I knew an unknown alien popped into my turf, I would sic the Elements of Harmony on them, or at the very least the Royal Guard. Why didn’t the Princesses throw me in a lab and study me?” Dash started laughing, and I couldn’t help but chuckle along with her. “Seriously, for all you know I could be a spy or a scout for an invasion.”
Dash snuggled closer, “Yeah, well, if you are, you’ve got me fooled.”
With a terribly fake french accent, “Well, I am a very good spy.” Dash snickered and I spoke normally, “Anyway, what’s so special about humans?”
“Alex, I don’t know what’s special about humans, but I do know what’s special about you. You’re special enough to get me to realize I could never be a Wonderbolt.”
“You see? You see! That’s what I mean. They were everything to you. I know you didn’t like the show, but you can’t tell me it was that far off, can you?”
“Ugh, always with that stupid show. Look, it’s simple. You've been bucked in the flank for so long that now that you have a little good luck, you just don’t see it. Let me make it easy for you. I love you, Scoots loves you, your friends all love you, the Princesses trust you, you caught a lucky break with the aluminium, and you made me realize why I could never really join the Wonderbolts anyway.”
“What? Why not? You've got the talent, the dedication, the work ethic, the-”
She put a primary feather over my mouth, “I’m an Element of Harmony, Alex. It didn't matter how good I was, I could never be a Wonderbolt.”
I tried to speak through her feather, "But-”.
“Think about it. If there’s another Nightmare Moon or Discord, you need the Elements to stop them, right?” I nodded. “And the Elements only work if I’m with my friends, right?” I nodded again. “So, if I’m out on tour I’m leaving my friends behind, right?” Once again, I nodded at what she said. “So, if there's trouble, I need to be close by, I need to be loyal to my friends.” She gave me a bittersweet smile, “And that’s why I can’t be a Wonderbolt.” She seemed thoughtful for a moment, then gave me a throaty chuckle, “Anyway, with all my friends and my new family here, why would I ever want to leave Ponyville?”
She repositioned herself above me, one foreleg on either side of my head, “One more thing, Mr Alex Roberts. If you ever, ever, question my feelings for you again, I will buck you into next Tuesday.” Dash kissed me passionately, pulled back, and smiled angelically down at me, her messy mane cascading down over her shoulders and around her head, tickling my cheeks, “Do I make myself perfectly clear, you big lug?”
I placed my hand on her cheek and lost myself in those perfect eyes, “Yes, dear. Perfectly.”
With my beloved in my arms, I soon settled down to a troubled sleep.
I was aware of the darkness. Not the inability to see, that’s different. This was the visual awareness of darkness. I was fairly sure this was a dream, the only question was, is it just a weird dream or the start of another damn nightmare.
But, this feels so much more real, what if it’s not a nightmare? The pulling in my gut put ice in my soul. That same sensation of... oh god no! No no no no no! Not now! Not now! Oh god, Dash. I have to wake up, I have to warn her. I have to get you away! I’ll never hold Scootaloo again. I... wait. Hold on. This... this is different. Its the symptoms of a jump, without the substance.
The world around me changed from black to an undulating gray to a great ever shifting expanse of colours and hues and an intricate patterns. Images faded in and out. Chaos and confusion. Nothing made any sense.
Yet, I found if I stilled myself and looked, I saw what looked like...a unicorn? Or the shape of one in all that chaos...chaos...then I heard a voice in my head. It was not Luna, or the princesses, but a deep male voice. Calm, subtle, yet clear. "Good. You took a step back to view the big picture. But it is not their sincerity you should be questioning. And is it the individual parts or the united whole that are important?" It finished with an inquiring tone, like that question was testing me.
Why is Morgan Freeman a voice in my head?
I awoke with a start to find Celestia’s sun peeking over the mountains. I was relieved to find I had not jumped and I was left puzzled as to the nature of the dream. Still tired, I cuddled with my angel and once again fell asleep.
I was woken up by the sound of a pony knocking on the balcony door. I quickly put on a shirt and pair of shorts, then carefully stepped onto the balcony, quietly closing the door behind me. There, a blushing Derpy looked away and sputtered, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to... I mean I didn’t realize... I mean, I knew you and Rainbow Dash were... I mean...”
With a chuckle and a warm smile, “It’s alright,” I did my best to hide my discomfort in saying her name, “Derpy. Dash is still sleeping. Is there anything I can help you with?”
“Not really. I don’t think you can fly, can you? Of course not, you’re like an earth pony, you don’t have wings. What was I going to say?” I grew a little confused, “Oh, right. We got a report early this morning of a giant freak thunderstorm. Every pegasus on the weather patrol in Ponyville is being called in to help. I was sent to find Rainbow, and when she wasn’t at home, I thought she might be here. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” Derpy looked away shyly again.
“It’s alright Derpy. Anyway, you’re family. How could I possibly get mad?” I smiled broadly again. “So, let me wake Dash up and get her breakfast.” I thought for a moment, “Did you have breakfast? You’re welcome to join us.”
She looked down shyly, “No, that’s alright. I had some of the wonderful muffins Caramel made last night. But thank you for the offer.”
“At least have a cup of coffee while you’re waiting. Just come in the back door and make yourself at home. I’ll get Dash going and be right down to make coffee and breakfast. Once she’s fed you guys can go and save us all from a terrifying storm.”
She suddenly got a very serious expression, sat up straight, and snapped off her best military salute. “Yes, sir!” She flew off with a burst of wind that was noticeably less powerful than the one Dash makes.
I quietly opened the door and crawled on the bed. Dash lay there, her mouth was slightly open, her legs and wings all sprawled out. She looked positively adorable, and I almost felt guilty for doing this. Almost.
Moving carefully, I whispered in her ear, “Good morning Rainbow Dash. Time to get up.” Her mouth closed, a light smile grew on her lips. “Wakie, wakie.” She started squirming, her smile growing. “Time to go take care of that big bad rogue thunderstorm.” Dash’s eyes snapped awake and she sat up very quickly. Fast enough for her head to impact mine. “Ouch!”
She was laughing, rubbing her forehead, “You goof! Are you okay?”
I also chuckled, rubbing my forehead as well, “I’m fine. No thanks to my own actions.” I heard the door downstairs opening, telling me Derpy had come in.
Dash started stretching, “So, what was that about a thunderstorm?”
“Derpy was looking for you. Something about a rogue thunderstorm. So, you go take a quick shower and I’ll make some breakfast for you. Oh, and don’t be surprised-” She was already gone.
As I hurried carefully down the stairs I heard a ‘Hey!’, followed by an ‘Eep!’ then a crash, ending with ‘Derpy! What are you doing here?’
When I arrived in the kitchen, Dash was in an aggressive stance, wings erect, and Derpy was trying to pick up my coffee pot, a look of embarrassment and panic on her face.
“Hey, sweetie, it’s alright. Like I was about to say before you took off, I invited Derpy inside for coffee while you were getting ready.”
A bashful Derpy drew a little pattern on the floor with her front hoof, “Sorry Rainbow Dash. You scared me.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t expect you here. So, I guess, make yourself comfortable. I'll go have a shower and be back in a few.”
I bend down to give her a kiss, but her eyes flicked worriedly towards Derpy, and she turns away at the last moment and it lands on her cheek. “Something quick and high energy? Eggs, oatcakes, and a few hay pucks?”
She looks uncomfortably at Derpy, “Sure, whatever. Just make sure there’s some strong coffee and I’ll be happy.”
I watched her go off to the bathroom, then went about the task of making breakfast. In an effort to maintain Dash’s happiness levels, I started by making a full pot of strong coffee.
As I was filling the coffee pot with cold water, Derpy spoke, “Alex, can I help? Is there anything you would like me to do? I was going to make coffee, but Dash said, ‘Hey’, and I got startled, and I dropped the coffee pot, and I tried to pick it up but Dash said, ‘Derpy! What are you doing here?’, and...”
I interrupted the increasingly flustered blond maned pegasus, “My dear Mrs Derpy Hooves, you are a guest in my home. Your job is to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea. I’ve got this all under control.”
Putting the coffee on to boil, I could hear the shower starting. I grabbed a carrot and some lettuce, broke them up by hand, and put them in Tank’s bowl, along with a clean bowl of water.
Derpy’s voice was a mixture of awe and maybe fear, “How did you do that?”
As I started mixing some oat cake batter, “Do what? Make the coffee?” I hear the sound of hooves on the porcelain bathtub, telling me Dash is in the shower.
I smirk as she rolls her eyes, “Not that, silly. I mean cutting the carrot without a knife. Do you have cat claws? The kind that goes in and out like a cats?”
I chuckled kindly, “No, I guess it looks like that though. It’s just the difference in the way I grab stuff, more lateral strength, I suppose.”
It was just a simple mixture of oats, flour, milk, some sugar and a pinch of salt. I also started prepping a second frying pan for some eggs. I would wait until after Derpy left before cooking up the bacon. “So, how are things with Caramel and how is Dinky adjusting to life with a new dad?”
“Just wonderful. There were some rough spots, especially around parenting issues, but we worked them out. And, um, cousin Alex? Since I’m here, I wanted to share the news with family. I think I’m pregnant.” She giggled, a bright smile on her face. “I’m seeing the doctor this afternoon to make sure, but,” she rubbed her belly, “in about eleven months there’s going to be some more love in our family.”
I smiled broadly, “Congratulations!” I also felt something surprising, a burst of hard edged envy. I prayed it didn’t show. “So, eleven months you say?” She nodded happily. “I never realized ponies were in the oven that long.” I regretted the words as they come out. Derpy looked horrified and started moving away from me, tripping once or twice.
“Oh my goodness! Derpy, that’s just a saying where I come from. ‘Bun in the oven.’ Waiting for a baby is like baking a bun in the oven, get it?” I smiled, hopefully in a calming and amusing way.
Derpy came back to the table. “That’s a really scary way of saying ‘The seed’s in the soil’.” She once again looked sheepishly at me, “I’m sorry I was so silly. It’s just... I know you’re nice, I know you would never hurt me or any pony, but you’re so tall, and you have all those scars, and I know you won’t try to eat me, but, I saw your teeth and...” If it was possible, she looked even more sheepish.
I smiled, dropping to a knee, rubbing the back of my neck, “Yeah, I’m sorry I look the way I do.” She gave me the most sympathetic, heartbreaking look, the look of a mother stumbling onto a sad child.
Before I could say anything else, Derpy shushed me, “Now Alex. Don’t be silly. No one can help the way they look. It’s not like you cut yourself up to look scary.” I winced at this. “ You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” She looked down sadly, “I’m the silly one who panicked and upset everyone.”
“Now, Mrs Derpy, being super critical of oneself is my job. On that subject, I’m sorry. For being scary, I mean. And as far as the baby goes, I hope you’ll keep me up to date. I’m very, very happy for you and Caramel. I wish your baby well. So,” I chuckled, “silly question. When will you start showing?” Before she could answer, I smelled something burning, “Oops, I need to take care of breakfast.”
A much calmer Derpy, talking about her upcoming bundle of joy, happily answered. “With Dinky, I started showing at six months. How... how long do mares take to show from where you come from?”
I flipped the oatcakes, and thought for a moment. “Ann, that’s my human wife, started showing after about four and a half months. Mind you, humans are only pregnant for nine months.” I had my back turned to Derpy, working on breakfast. I was expecting a barrage of questions, but only heard silence for the longest time.
When she spoke there was ice and anger in her voice. “Does Rainbow Dash know you’re a two timing cheater? Does, Ann, know you’ve abandoned her and your foal for some unicorn that’s prettier and smarter than her?”
I choked down my sudden urge to raise my voice. She didn’t know, after all. "I was unwillingly taken from my home, Derpy. And we have no idea how to get me back. I’ve accepted I will never return, which is why I am making a new life here. Do you understand?"
She looked suspiciously at me, “I guess. I’m still not happy with you. I heard you have a magic scroll that lets you talk back home.” Her eyes narrowed and her voice lowered, “And why Rainbow Dash? She’s not very pretty.”
I smelled burning and muttered under my breath, “Damnit.” I turned and quickly took the oatcakes off the heat then scraped them onto a plate. “Derpy...” I let a long sigh escape, “I love Ann and my two kids, Dan and Lily, but I’ve lost them forever. Not even the Princesses can send me home. Ann knows this. And because of this, she told me to build a life. That life includes Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo. I did not abandon Ann, and I will not abandon Dash.” I raised my voice a little, despite my attempt to control it, “And for the record, Dash is very beautiful.”
In the moment of silence that followed, my thoughts turned to Derpy’s accusation. I was surprised. She was always so chipper, so meek. Yet here she attacked me pretty vehemently. I wonder if...
Before either of us could speak further, my beloved came in the room. She smiled a little sadly at me, “It smells good, Alex. Sorry if I was a little snappy.” She paused for a moment, “And for the record, I think you’re really handsome.”
I dropped to one knee. “Thank you. I didn’t mind, you’re not a morning person.” I made to kiss her cheek, she repositioned herself for a proper kiss. I pulled away and smiled. I stood with a theatrical clap of my hands, “And, so, madam, with the great help of good conversation from our dear friend Mrs Derpy, who I am happy to anounce, is expecting a little bundle of joy.”
Dash smiles at her friend and hugged her, “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! That’s awesome. I’m so happy for you.
“I, your humble servant, have prepared breakfast for the hardest working mare in Equestria.” As I started plating the food I called over my shoulder, “Are you sure you don’t want any? I made lots.” As was normal with ponies, any signs of distress or negative emotions quickly vanished.
Derpy titered, “You keep offering and I keep saying no.”
Dash chuckled, “You get used to that with him and food. It’s a human thing. It means he thinks of you as a friend. And if he ever offers to share bread, don’t worry. He’s not trying any funny business.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle, “Only with you, dear. Lucky for me the first time I tried sharing bread was with an understanding friend. Where I come from, sharing bread, or any food, really, is an act of friendship. It’s like saying, ‘I trust you, I am or want to be your friend, and I’m even willing to share my food with you.’ Ponies are lucky, you don’t really seem to need that.”
Derpy got a sweet smile, “Oh, that’s so nice, thank you. I... I guess I could have an oatcake.”
“Good, you’re eating for two now.” I serve her a plate of three nice oat cakes and have all the trimmings, pony and human, on the table.
Dash slathers some jam on her oatcakes as I fill her mug. I pause before filling Derpy’s cup. “Um, can pregnant mares have coffee? I don’t want to hurt you or the baby. I can make tea.”
She got that look that told me she thought what I said was adorable. “Of course I can, silly. Why?”
I shrugged, “Well, human moms shouldn’t drink it when pregnant. But, I don’t know anything about mares.”
Between bites, Dash commented, “I wouldn’t say that.”
I snorted, trying not to draw attention to her comment. “Anyway, big ‘ol cup of coffee then?”
Derpy smiled kindly, “Yes. A cup would be wonderful.” She then locked eyes with Dash for a moment and in the universal language of wives everywhere. In that split second they spoke volumes to each other. Derpy smiled shyly.
With that, I quickly finished serving the meal, then busied myself packing a lunch for Dash. I made sure the two pegasus had a good breakfast then we said our goodbyes. I made quick work out of the dirty dishes and got ready for my own day.
Had this been almost any other day, I would have gone straight from home to Sugar Cube Corners for coffee then straight to visit Applejack, but today I was going to linger at the Cube for a very important conversation. I had to ask Carrot for his official opinion.
The familiar merry jingle of the bell that’s sounded by the door opening made me smile. Behind the counter, the always busy Mrs Cake greeted me with her usually motherly cheer. “Hello, dearie. Your usual?”
“Not quite yet, Cup. Right now, I need to talk to Carrot. Is he in?” I looked away shyly, “It’s a... personal favor.”
Mrs Cake seemed to be taken aback at my request, “Oh, my, I hope it’s nothing bad. Is it?”
“No no. Me and Rainbow are adopting Scootaloo.”
“Oh my, that’s just wonderful news, dear. That little Scootaloo is real firecracker, such a nice little filly. I’d heard some gossip about that, but it’s nice to hear good news from the source.”
“Yes, ma’am, it is. As you likely know, I’m not from around here,” we both chuckled, “so they need some affidavits about my fitness to be a dad. Specifically, they wanted one from Carrot. So,” I shrugged, “here I am.”
“Alex, dear, I’ll get Carrot. Those muffins can wait.”
I had a sudden, inexplicable feeling that I had to apologize to Derpy. “Thanks Cup. I really, really appreciate this.” Cup Cake paused at the kitchen door, looking back at me with that motherly smile, before heading into the kitchen.
I was a little startled when I realized Pinkie had been standing right beside me. I caught a whiff of her cotton candy scent and the corners of my mouth rose involuntarily. That girl can just put a smile on your face just by being in the same room. I spoke quietly, “Hi Pinkie. How are you?”
While I was surprised by her sudden hug, I was shocked by the sadness in her voice. “I’m really sorry, Alex. Really, really super duper sorry. I don’t know about the others, but...” She sniffed loudly. “Some days I wish I didn’t have my Pinkie Sense.”
“Woah, hey, Pinkie. What’s wrong?”
“I’m just sad that I can’t change what’s going to happen next.”
“What do you mean?”
“Tail twitch, shudders, cramp in my left back leg, tail droop, and tickley teeth, means a bad review.”
I had heard of her infamous Pinkie Sense, but had never encountered it directly like this. “Oh, well, okay. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I totally do, but let’s just see what happens.”
She stepped back, wiped her eyes, and while her eyes were still sad, she favoured me with a huge grin, “Okie-dokie-loki! It’s only one out of three, right? I’m sure everything will turn out just fine.”
“Yes ma’am. I’m sure-”
Carrot stepped out of the kitchen, “Hello, Alex. My special Cup Cake says you need to speak to me?”
“You bet Carrot. As you are no doubt aware Rainbow Dash and I are adopting Scootaloo. Due to my... alien nature, for the adoption to be approved, I need to get some affidavits as to my fitness as a father. You were one of the people they wanted an opinion from. Carrot, can I ask this favour of you? Not that I thought you would put things in my favour, but, there we go.”
He looked at me uneasily, “Are you sure you want me to give you an honest review?”
I paused before answering. I think I see where Pinkie was headed. “Yes, Carrot, I do. Even if I could have chosen my three reviewers in Ponyville, you were the top choice.
He tilted his head a little, “Why me? I’m not a hero or anything special.”
I smiled sadly, “In another life, I was you. Worked at a job I liked, did my best to be a good dad and good husband.” I was lost in thought for a moment, “Lost it all, of course.” I looked up with a smile, feeling hope, “Still, a new life here, right? So, will you do this for me? Will you give me your opinion? Good, bad, or indifferent?”
Carrot considered me for a long moment, “Well, alrighty then.” He went back into the kitchen.
Cup looked at me worriedly, “Don’t worry dear. My Carrot speaks highly of you. I’m sure he’ll write a glowing report. Here, have a cup of coffee while you’re waiting.”
“Thanks Cup. Hey, while I’m waiting, I’d like to set up a tab for Miss Sweetheart. Unlimited, payable directly by me.”
“That nice social worker that takes care of foals in need? That’s very generous.” She hoofed me my cup.
“Well Cup, she does good work with those kids.” I took a sip, and as always, the coffee was perfect. “I’ve gotten a close look at what she does, and I think it will help her treat those kids special. A lot of them have had it rough, and Sugar Cube Corners is a real ray of sunshine for them. Just, um, don’t tell her it was me.”
Cup looked a little confused, “So, if she asks, who should I tell her did his.”
I thought for a moment, then snickered, “Tell her it was Golden Coins, but he wants to remain anonymous.”
She chuckled, “Oh Alex. That’s so mean.”
I continued, smiling broadly, “How so? I do a good deed, no one knows except us, which is how I like it, and Coins gets the public credit. Maybe it makes him think about following up with his own acts. Even if he denies it, his is the only name associated with the deed. And the bonus? You get a little extra business.” I thought for a moment, then chuckled, “As a further bonus, it annoys the hell out of Coins.”
Cup smiled in irritation at me, “Alright. But I’ll tell them it was you, you big mean softy.”
I laughed out loud, “Tell you what, leave it at anonymous, and I’ll be happy.”
Cup simply chuckled and nodded.
At that moment Carrot came out of the kitchen with a scroll, sealed in what looked like a blob of cake frosting. With rainbow sprinkles. He placed it on the counter. “Well, Alex, here is my honest opinion.” Strangely, he didn’t make eye contact with me. “Cup, give him the two coffees he usually buys on the house. And some pastries.”
Cup’s eyes narrowed, “Why the sudden generosity, dear.” I knew the inflection Cup was using. She thought he was up to something or trying to hide something from her. Every husband knew that tone. Part of me was pleased it was directed at someone else.
Carrot’s shifted from side to side. “Oh, ha ha. No reason. No reason. Can’t I thank a... a loyal customer?”
I suspected I knew why. I’m not that stupid. Still, not point in punishing the guy for doing what I asked. “Carrot, thank you very much for the coffee and treats, and I want to sincerely thank you for your honest opinion. No matter what it is.” I put my hand out and maintained a friendly smile.
He gulped. He actually gulped in fear. I’m sure I saw his hoof tremble a little. I made sure to very gently shake his hoof and speak only in the softest tones. “Thank you Carrot. When I said I wanted your opinion, I was serious. I hope it’s positive, but even if it’s not, I’ll always be in your debt.”
The morning crowds flowed around me, like water around a stone, giving me a slightly wider berth than anyone, or anything, else. Earth ponies shouted from behind their stands, pegasi swooped low overhead with carts, and unicorns carried their wares glowing with a rainbow of colours from store to store. The locals would give me a friendly good morning or would completely ignore me, like any other person. I wasn’t anything that special anymore. Just like any other denizen of Ponyville. I found that I rather liked it that way.
With the scroll presented to me by Carrot in my pack along with some suspiciously free pastries, and two caffeinated treasures in my hands, I made my way to the Apple family apple stand. I arrived just as another satisfied customer was leaving. I smiled, “Hey, Applejack. How’s my favorite sister?”
Applejack squinted at me, “What in tarnation are you doing without yer sling? Doc Pulse said you needed to wear it.”
Before I could respond, we turned at the loud crunch of an apple. Apple Bloom piped up from behind the apple cart, “I thought I was your favorite sister.” She followed this with a cute burp and a big toothy grin. Sweetie Belle and Sapphire skipped behind her.
I dropped to my knee with a huge smile and my arms out, “You’re my favorite filly sister, AJ’s my favorite grown up sister.” The little red bowed filly jumped into my arms and I gave her a loving hug. I did my best to hide my wince from the pain of getting my injured arm struck by that little high energy filly.
Sweetie Belle looked on with a squeaky, “Aww.” While Saphire just sat there grinning at me.
I spotted Scootaloo in the distance. She had stayed away, just like she was supposed to and I felt my chest swelling with pride. I smiled, maybe a little sadly, and waved at her. She waved back nervously. I could tell she wanted to run over, her little legs moved and she was almost dancing in place. Her eyes meet mine and she stopped, one foreleg still raised, staying loyal to my words. On the edge of my hearing I hear her yell out, “I miss you dad.”
I smiled at her and waved then said to out loud, to no one in particular, “I have got to take care of those affidavits.”
Apple Bloom stepped back with a concerned look on her face. “Aphids? Aren't those them pesky bugs we have to keep away from the trees?”
AJ gently corrected her sister, “Affidavits. Those are letters ponies write that are the truth about something.”
Apple Bloom pressed on, “Right, affidavits. Come on big brother, you’re as smart as Twilight. Scootaloo’s getting worried.” She turned away from me a little, as if she was afraid I would get mad at her. As she continued, I was sure her voice cracked a little bit. “She thinks you might be changing your mind seeing as how much work it is to adopt her.”
Hearing my daughter was losing hope hurt. I turned my head to get a good look at my daughter, and gave her another smile. As I spoke to my youngest sister, my expression became serious, “Apple Bloom, I have very important task for you.” She sat up straight and nodded. “I want you to tell your niece that her dad is getting this done as quickly as he can.” I closed my eyes for a moment, “Can you tell her that for me? Can you tell her we haven’t forgotten, that we think about her every minute of every day? And that her mom is going crazy about this too?”
I have never seen such grim determination in a face so young. “You bet, Alex.” Then, a thought seemed to have struck her. “Niece? You mean, I’ll be her aunt?”
I smirked, “Eeyup. You’re my sister and I’ll be her dad, right? That makes you auntie Apple Bloom.”
She got a sly look, “Does that mean I can boss her around?”
I chuckled, “Nope.”
Apple Bloom shrugged, “That’s good, she wouldn’t listen to me anyhow.”
I gestured toward Scoots, “Alright, off you go. I need to have some grownup talk with Applejack.”
“But, I’m an aunt, isn’t that grown up enough?”
“‘Fraid not. Anyway, you’ll be late for school and I’m really particular about my sister, daughter, and their best friends getting a good education.”
Apple Bloom harrumphed. “Alright, we’re going. I’ve got to go tell my niece your important message on the way to school.”
I stood and watched them skip off and absentmindedly patted Applejack on the shoulder. “She’s a good kid.” A melancholy overtook me for a moment, “I hope I’m doing... right by them. Scotaloo and Dash I mean.”
She softly shoulder checked me, “Shoot. I don’t doubt that. They’re lucky to have you, you know that? Thank you kindly for the coffee, by the way.”
I rubbed the back of my neck, “...welcome. And, I sure hope so.” I sighed, “Good old self doubt.” I chuckled mirthlessly, “I know, right? Alex Roberts with self doubts. Who would have thunk it.”
She smiled up at me, a little sadly, “S’all right sugar cube, happens to the best of us, even Pinkie.” She reached up and rubbed my back a little. She spoke softly, with a tone of concern, “So, you sent the kids away for a reason, Alex?”
I chuckled, “Many and varied. They need to hit the books, I need to talk to someone, and Dash isn’t here.” I realized what I said sounded awful. I waved my hand, dismissing my words. “Not like that. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
She took a sip and chuckled. “I know what you mean. When your marefriend ain’t here, your sister will have to do. So, worried about the reports?”
“Yes, ma’am. I think the one I got from Golden was positive. We had a good talk and I think we have an understanding.” I glanced at the clouds in the sky being taken apart by the weather team, hoping for a glimpse of Dash. “Anyway, I got a good vibe.” I chuckled, “Maybe I’ve got Pinkie Sense? Besides, it’s Carrot’s report I’m worried about. I... I think he doesn’t think I can be a good dad. It got me thinking, maybe he’s right. Maybe-”
Applejack started sputtering under her breath, “Y’all are gonna be a fine pa. You already are. Your Daniel and Lily are two fine youngsters. Why that no good hypocrite. I’m not even sure he even fathered his own kids. ‘Second cousin twice removed was a pegasus’ my flank. Why that rotten-”
I knew no one else could have heard that, but I was shocked. I had never heard such vicious spite coming from her mouth. I whispered, “Wow. Are you sure that’s the truth? Because I don’t think so. Anyway, I asked him for it.” I rubbed my forehead. “No AJ, I practically begged him to give his honest opinion.”
She looked up at me, her mouth opened and closed silently, then she looked to the ground, embarrassed. “Shoot.”
I smiled kindly at her and spoke softly, “It’s alright. You saw family under attack and you shot back. Anyway, I don’t think Mrs Cake has eyes for anyone other than Mr Cake.”
She looked
