Twilight Sparkle stepped out of the autumn rain and into her home, stopping only to wipe her hooves and shake her coat. She heard Spike talking to someone and the clinking of cups as she stopped to step out of her rubber galoshes and remove her rainhat.
”Spike!” she called. ”Spike, do we have guests?” The little dragon came out in the hall holding a steaming teapot.
”Hiya Twilight! Yeah, Luna is here! Come in and sit down and have a cup of tea.” He darted back into the room.
”Luna? Princess Luna? Yeah, sure! You're such a kidder, Spike.” She laughed at the thought of the Moon Princess turning up in the rain unannounced. Celestia (oh yes, to a degree that unnerved her young student greatly) loved to appear incognito and out of nowhere and cause heart attacks. Princess Luna, however, liked responsibility, thrived on attention, and breathed formality just as much as Twilight herself did, traits that had only grown stronger as she recuperated from her horrible exile.
So Twilight almost swallowed her tongue when she followed Spike and found that the Ruler of The Night Court was indeed there, lying on the couch, sipping tea, covered with a blanket with hearts on it and – Twilight's heart stopped – reading one of Spike's comic books, a box of more comics at her feet.
”Welcome back, Lady Sparkle!” said Luna and smiled as she put down her reading material. ”I trust you didn't get too wet!”
Twilight trembled as she bowed, and then stepped up to the Princess of the Night, blubbering.
”Your Highness, I didn’t – I wasn't – I – I couldn't...”
Luna made shushing motions with her hooves. ”You didn't know I was coming, so you couldn't hurry your errands. You didn't know I was coming because I didn't tell you, Lady Sparkle. So you have committed no error.”
”Should I bring you a paper bag?" Spike said as he placed a cup and saucer on the table and poured her tea. "It always helps me when I am hyperventilating.”
Twilight caught her breath and bowed again. ”It's a pleasure to see you, Your Highness. And thanks, Spike.”
”The same – it has been too long!" said Luna. "Please be seated!”
Twilight hesitated. Spike sighed. ”It's your table, Twilight. You are allowed to sit at it!”
She bowed again and did. Spike picked up the teacup he had filled and held it in the air. ”Now please grab it with your magic, Twilight, or I will drop it and destroy yet more of your mom's china.” Twilight was going to protest but thought better of it, grabbed the cup telekinetically and sipped the warm tea. She sighed again, deeply.
”Better now?” Princess Luna asked. Twilight nodded. ”Good. How did your errands go? Fine?” Twilight nodded again.
“We’ve started bringing books to the homes of ponies that can’t make it to the library, but still want to borrow them,” she said. “It’s handled by mail, but there are a couple of elderly ponies who live nearby so I walk to them instead.”
”Is this is a much-asked for service?” said Luna.
Twilight grinned sheepishly. ”Not many use the public library at all, and most of those are a bit older – or little kids!" she said. "Why do you think they put a graduate student here as a librarian, Your Highness, if not because they didn't think there was much library work to be done?”
Spiked drank from his own cup (he was having cocoa) and said:”Maybe because they figured her assistant would do all the work?”
Twilight glared at him and Luna chuckled very gracefully.
“Anyway, Your Highness, there aren’t that many who need it, so I can hardly say no to those who do," Twilight said. "But tell me, are you really here to investigate Ponyville’s public library?” Luna smiled enigmatically and sipped her tea daintily.
“Because if you are, I h-have statistics for its use and a report on the economy, and you can compare with last year, Your Highness…” Twilight said anxiously and started to rise to fetch the papers mentioned. Luna shook her royal head.
“No, Lady Sparkle, that’s an issue for the Mayor. I am here on a different business.” She set down her teacup and rose. Twilight tried to get to her feet as well, but the princess pushed her down. “Oh, remain seated!” She placed her front legs on Twilight’s shoulders as she leaned on her and held her muzzle just above Twilight’s increasingly nervous eyes.
“I owe you, you and the other Elements of Harmony," Luna said. "Not just for saving me from exile and damnation, but also for helping me after I came back. Of all ponies alive, I can count only on you as friends, not servants or subjects. You showed me the way back to equinity before depression could claim me. For this I am ever grateful – and because of this I trust you deeply.”
Twilight blushed and started to feel sweaty under the steady gaze of the Ruler of the Night Court. She knew that during the last couple of years since the Elements of Harmony had defeated Nightmare Moon, they had indeed probably been the only ponies the princess had associated with in any normal fashion. That couldn’t be all, though.
“I'm glad to hear it, but I I've heard it before, Your Highness, and while I don’t mind praise, or actually I do, because it makes me nervous, so I start babbling and, and don’t say anything useful, and I start to sweat a lot, and…” Twilight tried to steady her mind and her mane.
“I am merely explaining my reasoning, why I once again need to ask you a favor that only you can perform, Lady Sparkle,” Luna retreated a bit, yet remained standing while Twilight sat. “I am going on a diplomatic mission and need assistance. I want a friend to accompany me, not just some retainer, and out of the Elements of Harmony I think you would be most suitable.”
“But I'm no diplomat, Your Highness," said Twilight. I'm a scholar, and haven’t even graduated yet! “ Luna shook her head.
“I have diplomats aplenty assigned to this mission – and guards and servants, oh yes," she said. "And a whole gaggle of courtiers Celestia insists follow us – I am not sure whether she hopes they will be lost on the way so she gets rid of them, or she just wants them away from court to do less damage there…” It was Twilight’s turn to smile at the moon princess, who had started to pace the room with a frown. “I need a confidante I can trust, someone to talk to while making decisions, while digesting impressions.”
“But why me of all the Elements?" said Twilight. "Why not all of us? We are all your trustworthy friends.”
“Because the journey will take a couple of months. You all have lives and careers to take care of, but yours is the most mobile," said Luna. "You can still study, and even see this journey as a project. Diplomacy is about nations remaining friends, after all. Furthermore, I cannot bring too many as my private entourage, or important nobles will throw hissy fits.” She grinned. “And you said yourself the library you manage isn’t much used.”
“I suppose it would be bad for the winter apple harvest if Applejack just up and disappeared right now… and Rarity said Sweetie Belle was supposed to live with her for the whole school year because of their parents' business travel…” Twilight rubbed her chin with her hoof then suddenly glared at Luna. "You had us investigated to find out our plans?”
“Guilty as charged. I wanted to know before I made my decision. And my decision is that you are most suited to follow me,” Luna said and looked somberly at Twilight at first, then pouted, widened her eyes and tilted her head to the right. “Pleaaaaaaaaase come with me! Pleaaaaaaaaase!” Twilight cringed.
”Urgh, you have taken lessons from Rarity, Your Highness!" she said. "Oh, whatever, I’ll follow you! Just please, don’t look that cute!”
Luna laughed and stomped her hooves on the floor to show her approval. “Oh, thanks so much!”
“It will probably be fun, anyway,” mused Twilight. ”To travel as Your Highness’… what am I, technically? Friend? Pal? Companion?”
”Companion,” snorted Spike, ”sounds like you were her coltfriend or something.” Twilight and Luna both blushed.
“Formally, you will be my hoofmaiden… that will suit us best when it comes to protocol and such, I think,” said Luna.
“What does a hoofmaiden do?” said Spike.
“Uhm, I guess I will be, well, dressing Princess Luna and, well, comb her hair and mane, run errands…” Twilight waved her hoof vaguely in the air.
“Giggle demurely with her behind fans?” suggested Spike, mimicked what he meant, and had to dodge a telekinetically thrown couch pillow. Luna did giggle demurely, but lacked a fan.
“Look,” said Spike “we're all missing the most important issue.” The two ponies turned to him. “Where are we going on this mission anyway? Because I assume I get to go with you, alright?”
“You can go if it's okay with Princess Luna,” said Twilight more or less exactly at the same time as Luna said “You can go if it is alright with Lady Sparkle.” They looked at each other and laughed.
“Of course you can come!” said Twilight and nuzzled him. “I'll need an assistant to be able to giggle demurely behind my fan! But where are we going?” Luna suddenly grew far more serious and started pacing the room again.
“We are going to Tarandroland," she said. "I am sure you have heard about the recent pirate raids in the news?” Twilight shook her head and looked embarrassed.
”I often miss the news, unless they're local – and I get the local ones through Pinkie Pie, not the media…” she said.
“Pirates! That sounds cool. But where’s Tarandroland?” asked Spike.
Luna sighed and made an almost imperceptible gesture. In the air appeared a floating map of Equestria, made of shimmering aether.
“During the last months, more and more pirate ships from Tarandroland have struck northwestern Equestria, mostly against small coastal villages and single farms,” Luna said. The map showed miniature longships, moving over the sea and touching the coast in dozens of places. “The reindeer that live in and rule Tarandroland were once fierce raiders, but that was long ago – back before my exile. In modern times, it is just that the northwestern sea has a little more piracy than other places – up until now, when there has been a huge increase.” The map zoomed out, and the ships were clearly shown coming from a large island to the furthest north, which seem to be covered in dark forests, snow and ice. It then zoomed in on one of the longships. It was filled with grim reindeer.
“In those bad old days, they would have carried the villagers away into thralldom, but thankfully that has changed. The raiders simply stole what wares they could find and sailed off again,” said Luna. The picture changed to burning villages, with reindeer running with saddlebags full of goods back to their ships.
“I thought pirates carried off gold and gems” said Spike and frowned. Luna smiled grimly.
“I am sure they took that if they found any, but after the first raids ponies saw that if they didn’t resist they weren’t hurt, so when the ships were coming they simply ran off inland and took their bits and jewelry with them," Luna explained. "The pirates had to settle for refined foods and drink, clothes, machines and electronics. And if no one resisted them the only thing they burnt was the boats – so no one could follow them.”
“Wait,” said Spike “isn’t there a navy? Not here in Ponyville, I mean, but Equestria has one, right?”
“It is very small,” Luna sighed. “Its ships are big and decrepit, and the pirates are much more mobile.”
“So is Tarandroland… going to war with us?!” Twilight was astonished. Equestria hadn’t been at war for a very long time, and if she remembered correctly Tarandroland was a small, poor country which had nothing whatsoever against Equestria – not who you think would start a war.
“No – unlike the raids of yore, these are not the housedeer, the sworn bucks of the King of Tarandroland," Luna said.. "They are simple thieves who happen to have their bases on reindeer lands. It’s easy to hide in the many fjords of the coast.” Luna’s magical map illustrated the process. “The King, Ukko, refuses to do anything about them, though. That’s the problem.” The map disappeared.
“My sister and I don’t know whether King Ukko doesn’t want to help, cannot help, is forced not to help, or what else is going on," Luna said. "We decided to send this delegation to talk with him and his herd personally.” Luna looked down. “I had long begged my sister to be allowed to do work outside Equestria, like I used to, before… but while she agreed for me to go this time, I am pretty sure I am only there as a threat, and she expects the diplomats to do the real work.”
“Why is that?” said Twilight. “Doesn’t Celestia trust you?” Luna sighed.
“Maybe," said Luna. "Or maybe it is just that it has been more than a millennium since I last visited Tarandroland. I have tried these last years to catch up with pony history. I haven’t been doing that for other peoples.” She summoned up the map again, its magical animations illustrating her words. “Last time I was active in international politics, the donkeys were just about to establish a sea empire. Both they, us and the camels were still keeping slaves, can you imagine that? The griffons still ate pony meat! The qi-rin didn’t let anyone inside their kingdom at all, because they thought other beings were literally poisonous, and a unified hippocampus nation still existed.” The magical images which had entranced Twilight and Spike disappeared. “All that is gone now. All changed. Changed forever.”
”With ’threat’ Celestia means you are an immortal super-pony, right? She wouldn’t be so rude as to mean... Nightmare Moon?” Spike almost whispered the last words and looked very worried.
”I hope it is not so, but there more to it than being ‘an immortal super-pony’ like in your comic books, Spike," said Luna. "In Equestria, anyone who can travel to Canterlot can meet me and my sister, in person – well, after some red tape. We are revered, sometimes loved, sometimes feared, and people can guess the extent of our powers, our divinity… but we are not worshipped as such,” Luna said. “It is different in other lands, where our work is visible but rarely we ourselves. There people either think we are a myth – or they worship us. In Tarandroland there are literal temples to my sister and me… more of the former, I suspect, but anyway.”
“So Celestia intends for those courtier-guys to say to King Reindeer: ‘Look, we have the goddess Luna and we aren’t afraid to use her, give us back our stuff?’” said Spike.
Luna smiled again. “Something like that. But the reindeer call me Hrimfaxi.”
If you read a tourist brochure for a place like Sarvvik, it will claim that “time has stood still.” This is, of course, a lie. When writers use that phrase, it means that they have run out of something to write, at the same time as the pictures they have been given to work with remind them of the foggy memories they have of history from sleeping through class and watching Foalywood costume dramas. What is true is that Sarvvik has more traces of its history than, say, downtown Fillydelfia, mostly because rebuilding stuff costs money. The temple was one such trace.
Originally it had been painted blue and black on rune-covered fir logs that rose above their surroundings, but the paint had been worn away and repainted many times, and then there was no money for repainting it, and sickly-looking lichen and moss crept all over it. The high birch-bark roof had had its beams of wood replaced more times than the birch-bark (any reindeer carpenter will tell you, birch-bark lasts forever) but now all of it was rotten and warped. It’s most striking feature, however, were the antlers.
The walls of the temple had an immense amount of reindeer antlers heaped upon them. The oldest ones were still connected to reindeer skulls, such as those hanging from the pillars at the gate. The newer ones, thousands of them, were simply antlers cast-off when the season comes. They were so many that a daring reindeer could have clambered over them up on the roof. Somedeer had probably tried, since they seemed to have collapsed several times. The heap on the back of the temple, facing the river, had fallen down into it, and water ran over it at the end. The old, withering antlers added their own essence to the already rather polluted river, which gave Sarvvik harbor its special color, fragrance and charm.
The temple was not alone on the street, at what had once been the furthest of city limits, but its company was not very pleasant. This quarter only held those business held to be unsanitary (like lichenbrew distilleries, undertakers, and garbage collectors), immoral (like shady bars, gambling halls, and fences), or both (like telemarketers). It wasn’t that the temple had been forced to this place for being considered uncouth – it was the temple’s presence that had made the place what it was, slowly, slowly, as reindeer feared and avoided this quarter of the city.
The decoration inside, if not the temple doctrine, could make such fear and avoidance understandable. The pillars were carved with not just runes of praise and protection, but with images of various beings – of carrion-eaters like the wolf and the crow, of nocturnal beings like the owl and the bat, of venomous creatures like the toad and the viper. The roof had once been painted gaily to show the heavenly bodies, but the paint had flaked away. Once, great silver and crystal orbs had hung from it together with bones and horn, but the silver and crystal had long been pawned off for direly needed money, and only yellow bone and withering horn now dangled in the draft. The draft came from the temple doors being so warped, that they could not be closed properly.
On the old granite blocks that formed the temple stairs sat a young vaja, a female reindeer, so young she was almost still a calf. She had her first antlers, however, and hence considered herself a “grown-up”. Her dress could have made the writers for the theoretical tourist brochure begin babbling about “time standing still” again. While most normal reindeer these days used shawls and scarves in a modern, clearly Equestrian-influenced fashion, this vaja wore a traditional cotton-grass shawl, and she had old-fashioned silver jewelry hanging from her slim antlers and in her ears. Said ears were cut in the old fashion, to show her herd, sire and dam.
The exact design of her outfit was more primal than traditional, however. Her shawl was a deep purple and dotted with stars. In her silver jewelry hung lemming bones and snow bunting skulls. She had painted her face like coquettish vaja did, but not with the common eye-shadow and rouge – no, she had a wide black band across her eyes like an easy-to-carry bandit mask, and black moon-sickles on her haunches (which tended to rub off on the sheets, so she always showered before bed). To further confuse what time period she represented, causing the theoretical writer to toss his quill and parchment and go out for a drink, she was chewing gum and playing a Gamecolt.
Inside the temple, in the Sanctum Sanctorum, the holy of holies, sat a very old vaja in near-darkness, only illuminated by a flickering pale light, and drummed. It was not an energetic drumming, and it did not make music – it was more like her version of the temple-fawn chewing gum. Her rheumy, filmed-over eyes stared as her front hooves tapped on the old rune-covered drum, and from her slightly drooling muzzle came a mumbled chant, like a low drone from a narcoleptic bumblebee. She stopped as it struck her and breathed in deeply and sharply to gain air for a shout of joy. The young vaja looked up from her game at the wild hollering and cantered into the temple, full of worry.
“Gramma? Gramma? Are you okay? What happened?” she said.
“She is coming! She is coming! Nights be praised! Our Lady is coming!” the old vaja shouted and did something very close to bouncing with joy, if you account for her legs.
“Did you have a vision, Gramma? Did you really have a vision again?” The almost-calf was visibly impressed.
The older reindeer stopped and pointed to the flickering screen of the old black-and-white TV in her holy of holies.
“No, no, I saw it on the telly! She hasn’t forgotten us! She is coming!” she said.
The temple-fawn tried to catch what her grandmother was talking about, but was too late, on the TV was just a bored buck in a tie that told the viewers: “And now, the weather!” She groaned.
This story is based on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, which is owned by Hasbro, not me. The Sami, Scandinavian and Finnish cultures which I shamelessly ripped off to create Tarandroland don't belong to me either, and despite sharing a town with reindeer herders I own no reindeer whatsoever.
This is a revised and properly proofread version of the first chapter. Thanks to LadyMoondancer for all her invaluable help! I intend to revise all chapters like this, but is of course limited by the time my proofreaders have, if any. My primary goal is to continue with new chapters, as correct as possible from the start.
Twilight Sparkle had trouble packing. She knew she needn't limit herself to her saddlebags - she could pack two big chests. They would go by ship and she would receive the space due to a hoofmaiden of Princess Luna. That actually made things harder.
If she had only been able to take a few of the books she wanted to bring, it would have been painful but easy to decide which ones were most important. Now she had to decide which of the books left was, say, the twentieth most important book when on a journey to Tarandroland. Currently she was rearranging them in little heaps, to try to find the best solution.
Spike, meanwhile, had nothing more to pack, and turned to Twilight for advice.
"I have taken both my jackets because they say it is already winter there, and that pair of winter boots, and one funny cap and one stylish cap, and the tux Rarity gave me for any important dinners," he said. "And that’s all the clothes I will need. Also, I have my toothbrush and scalebrush and my towel and my rubber ducky. And some gems I have saved for snacks, if they don't have gems I can afford in Tarandroland. And... I still have space! Am I forgetting something, Twilight?" Twilight gave him a predatory glare.
"No! I am not taking any of your books you cannot fit!" said Spike sternly. Twilight looked embarrassed.
"Sorry, Spike," she said. "But why don't you pack a book of your own? Especially the sail journey might be boring; you might want something to do."
Spike frowned. "I read enough at work..."
"Pack a board game then," Twilight said. "Or a pack of cards."
Spike shook his head and frowned. "Naaaaah - wait! I can pack something else to read! I'll bring some comics to read if I am bored!" He disappeared to the big, dented, old cardboard box which contained his collection. Twilight shrugged and went back to making little heaps of books.
After a while Spike returned with a bunch of thumbed, garish four-color comics.
"I'll bring my collection of Sampo The Warrior Prince comics, 'cause he is a reindeer, so it fits with where we are going!" He held up the clawful of comics to Twilight.
"There's a pony on the cover," she said mystified.
"Oh, that's his secret identity!" Spike said. "Everyone would know who the hero was if he didn’t pretend to be a pony when he is not heroing. Like 'There is only one reindeer in Manehatten. I wonder if he could be Sampo.' Duh!"
"I doubt that comic has much to do with any real reindeer, Spike," Twilight said.
"Better than nothing," Spike said. "Other than Sampo, the only thing I know is that Saddle Claus has reindeer who makes his toys, and that your tea table comes from Tarandroland." He went to pack his comics.
Twilight sighed. Despite studying history, geography and politics the last week, she felt like she knew about as much as Spike about her mission.
Twilight Sparkle and Spike had boarded the Royal chariot bound not for Canterlot, as was usually the case, but Canterlot Harbor. Their bags were heaped up and the pegasi pulling it were ready. Their friends had gathered to say goodbye and the rest of Ponyville to watch.
"Oh, please keep warm!" Fluttershy hugged both of them. "Especially you, Spike. And, uhm, if it is not too much trouble, tell me about the animals in Tarandroland when you come back"
"If we see any" said Twilight and hugged her back. "And I will be certain to see that Spike wears a jacket." Spike frowned. "And I am sure Spike will remind me!" she added and the little dragon nodded.
"You should have brought me along!" said Rainbow Dash as she gave Twilight a more brotherly hug than Fluttershy’s. "You need someone awesome to show those reindeer who's boss!"
"If we had brought you, we would have provoked a war," said Twilight and smirked. "You are too awesome." She put up a hoof for Rainbow Dash to make a brohoof, and Dash looked a little too moved for her own comfort.
"Make Ponyville proud!" said Applejack and nuzzled them both. "And Ah'm like Fluttershy - if ya can get to see a reindeer farm, please do!"
"As I said, we'll try. It'll probably be pretty hectic," Twilight said while nuzzled the farmer back.
"And they are probably covered in snow anyway!" Spike added as Applejack gave him a noogie.
Rarity was sobbing in a ladylike fashion and telekinetically dabbing at her eyes with her handkerchief. "Oh, I can't believe you are doing something like this, Twilight!" she wailed. "It is so wonderful! Oh, I should have made you another outfit!"
"You made me two outfits already!" Twilight patted her. "You were great as usual Rarity." She leaned close. "And all this court business - I'd rather left it to you if it wasn't for your duties to Sweetie Belle," she whispered to Rarity, and the seamstress smiled. Then she spontaneously hugged Spike, who was literally paralyzed by the affection.
Hence, he was stiff and lifeless as a doll when Pinkie Pie followed up with a general hug that somehow encompassed the charioteer as well.
"Just remember guys, have fun!" she said. "And come back whole!" They hugged back (including the charioteer) and returned the sentiment.
When she let go, Pinkie suddenly gasped. "Oh, I almost forgot!" She brought out a small package wrapped in silver paper with a big red ribbon. "Take this, it might be useful on your quest!"
Twilight looked at it with confusion."Thanks Pinkie, but what is this?"
"Oh, it’s a Pinkie Pie Party Special!" said the pink pony happily. "Instant party surprise!"
"I'll keep it in mind," said Twilight and laughed. "Time to go - bye everyone!" Everyone waved again and cheered.
"Say goodbye, Spike!" prompted Twilight.
"Glorp? Astfgl!" said Spike, who still suffered from general love paralysis.
HMS Blizzard trudged onward through the icy Northern Sea, and thanks to its primarily pegasus crew it had avoided its namesake which lay in wait at the horizon. Twilight had tried to make conversation with the rest of the delegation, but found them stand-offish and smug in an irritatingly polite manner. She had instead settled for learning her official duties from her "mistress" Princess Luna, and had started to get the hang of hair care and putting on accessories. Twilight was, as usual, somewhat of a klutz, but any discomfort she or Luna felt had been disarmed by them goofing off whenever that happened, the Princess acting in an exaggerated regal and tyrant fashion and Twilight pretending to be a supremely vapid and empty-headed lady in waiting.
"If nothing else, you will have learnt to put on a good cover," Luna joked while Twilight removed spilled hoof polish from her coat. "No one will suspect you of being my secret agent." Twilight laughed.
"I'm the world's worst liar, Your Highness, but maybe that will work," she said, letting her mouth hang open as she fluttered her eyelashes and fanned herself with an imaginary fan in a pose that would have sent Rarity into nervous fit with its tastelessness. "The Royal Treasury? Oh my gosh, Mr Guard Sir, is this not, like, the linen closet?" She and Luna both giggled.
Spike, meanwhile, had got along fairly well with the ship's crew, but they were very busy, and when he had nopony to talk to the lack of pirate attacks and sea monsters soon made him bored. (Spike was smart enough to know such things were no laughing matter, but they did have Princess Luna on board, after all.) Hence, he had settled into a routine of rereading his comics and sleeping even more than usual, except for a trip to the deck once a day when the cook threw leftovers to a happy cloud of screaming seagulls.
It was after one such gull-feeding trip that he, Twilight and Luna was standing in the aft of the ship and looking at the sea. Spike had put on his stylish cap and Twilight had a scarf on - Princess Luna ignored the cold, however, and was her usual regal self.
"This journey sucks!" Spike growled. "Why couldn't we just have teleported to... what was that city called again?"
"Sarvvik," said Twilight. "The reindeer capital. Biggest city in the country. And you know long-distance mass teleport is very dangerous, Spike!"
"Don't take this wrong, Twilight, but I was actually thinking of Luna here," said Spike. "I know you and Celestia can move like that. So why not now?"
Luna merely raised an eyebrow.
"My sister and I could indeed travel all over the world, but it is not ours to command and we have our limitations," she said. "We need a - a mark, let’s say, to travel such distances without risk. There is only one such mark in Tarandroland I could travel to, and it is far away from Sarvvik. It is no place to take an entourage, either."
"Where is that?" Spike wondered.
"The Everfrost Glacier," said Luna. Her companions looked surprised.
"Why in Equestria would you have a - a `mark' in such an inhospitable place, Princess?" said Twilight.
Luna let out a long, longing sigh.
"My dear sister and I have family there, Lady Sparkle," she said in such a tone as to suggest they wouldn't learn more about this anytime soon. Twilight changed the subject.
"Speaking of entourage, Your Highness, I have made no progress with yours," she said. "I wonder if they are not still afraid of... Nightmare Moon."
"I can hardly blame them, Lady Sparkle, though I suppose their apprehension might also have something to do with you being new in my employ, a competitor for favors," Luna said and sighed.
"None of these assumptions are correct, Your Highness," said a pony that suddenly had appeared in between Twilight and Princess Luna (and hence above Spike). He was an elderly gray unicorn stallion with a swirling piece of cloth for a cutie mark.
"Aaah!" shouted Spike. Twilight jumped two steps to the right.
"Lord Eminence," said Luna with another of her raised eyebrows. "What an unexpected pleasure." The stallion bowed, and Twilight tried to answer with a curtsey while Spike stared with open mouth.
"Your Highness. Milady. Master Spike," he said.
They all knew Lord Eminence being with the delegation as... they were not sure what exactly, but they hadn't really done more than greeted him before. The stallion tossed his red woolen cape over his right shoulder and pointed his head backwards towards some other delegation members milling around on the deck.
"These ponies are bureaucrats," he said. "They thrive on structure and order, but hate change. I hasten to add that this is not out of stupidity or malice, but because doing their duty correctly hangs on things being predictable." He turned to Princess Luna. "When Your Highness returned from... your unfortunate absence, you and your sister agreed to share the duties of rulership as soon as you felt healthy again, which you did recently. Then, Your Highnesses started to rearrange the structure of government to something similar to what it was the last time you co-ruled. Which was. A. Thousand. Years. Ago." Lord Eminence's enunciation of the last words couldn't have been clearer. Luna blushed and avoided his stern gaze by looking at the sea.
"Basically, you have caused massive reforms which take all their time and energy and put a great amount of stress on ponies who like order, peace and quiet," he said. "No wonder they show their dislike." He indicated himself with his right front hoof. "As for us - the nobleponies - we don't really worry about the reforms, because our court intrigues are always in flux anyway. However, the manner in which Your Highnesses have cleft the organization in twain actually means fewer higher posts in government - which means fewer leftovers to fight for." He picked a squashed sandwich from his embroidered saddlebags and levitated it teasingly among the few remaining seagulls. "The increased infighting makes us less than grateful. A good day to you, ladies and gentlebeing." With this, he exploded the sandwich into a hundred fragments for the screaming seagulls and left the princess, her hoofmaiden and her hoofmaiden's assistant to consider his words.
Passing through the archipelago outside Sarvvik took several hours and required slower speed than the journey across the Northern Sea, since the waters were shallow. Luckily they had acquired some reindeer pilots sent by King Ukko, who knew the dangers well and spoke excellent Equestrian. One of them also took her time to point out the landmarks on the way – including the forts which guarded it and the longships anchored nearby.
“Those are positively pitiful,” said Luna so the pilots couldn’t hear. “Normally I would have welcomed a nation abandoning warlike ways, but it will be hard to convince the King to stop the piracy if it is physically impossible. I doubt those derelicts could catch a criminal toy boat!”
“Maybe the good ships are actually out patrolling,” Twilight suggested.
“Or maybe he is hiding his forces,” said Lord Eminence, who seemed to just then appear between them. Twilight jumped two steps to the right again, and Spike dove behind Luna with a girlish scream.
“And why do you think he would do that, milord?” said Luna.
“Because he wants Equestrian help in stopping the piracy, and pacifying restless elements in his country," said Lord Eminence calmly, and adjusted his cloak. "That way he saves the bits to pay for it, and deflects any anger his subjects feel to Equestria.”
“Who would anyone be angry with their King for stopping crime?” said Twilight. “I’d thought reindeer would be as law-abiding as ponies?” Lord Eminence smiled at her in a slightly condescending way.
“As far as I can tell, the pirates have committed no crime against any reindeer, and presumably have families and friends," he said. "On the other hand, they probably sold their loot to someone, and I am sure many reindeer were happy to find cheap Equestrian merchandise on the black market – especially since the regular market, according to my sources, is distinctly lacking in it. Tarandroland is a poor country, Lady Sparkle, and has seen better days. Ponies would do the same.”
“The fact that he rules a poor country could also explain why King Ukko cannot afford a fleet, Lord Eminence,” said Luna. “Do you always assume the worst of people?”
“Oh yes,“ The grey old unicorn smiled. “I am a diplomat, after all. If you excuse me, I must prepare for landing.” He left looking rather smug.
“Well, he sure was Mr Positive,” said Spike.
Luna sighed. “He might be right, which makes things worse,” she said.
They pondered this in silence as the ship closed in on Sarvvik harbor. Spike borrowed Twilight’s binoculars and watched it.
The city wasn’t big, nothing like Canterlot or Manehatten. It was also built low, with few houses over a couple of floors in height and only a few towers. What was most remarkable was that despite being an actual city, after all, most of it was made of wood – actual logs, even if carved and painted, in many cases.
“The reindeer have kept their building style,” said Luna and smiled. “It looks similar to when I saw it so long ago – it is mostly just bigger, and didn’t put up as much smoke.” She pointed towards the city. “Celestia was there when they founded it, you know. I wasn’t, but I visited soon after.”
Twilight knew that “soon” could mean “a century” to the royal sisters, but didn’t ask for clarification. Spike didn’t either, but pointed to the piers and ships now visible.
“There are ponies there!” he said. “Pegasi and earth ponies and I think I see donkeys as well. Where did they come from? I thought this was the land of the reindeer.” Luna smiled wider.
“The city was practically founded by earth ponies – from the Russ Islands, between here and Equestria," she said. "You see how small most are, just like other Russers. They wanted to trade with the reindeer so a city was built. They still come here and I am sure some families have lived here since then, though I’d guess you’ll found more of them down Trotholm. The pegasi are probably sailors from Equestrian vessels, you can see several in the harbor. And donkeys – donkeys live where they can find jobs, it doesn’t matter if it is here or in the lands of the zebra.”
“Look at that big tower with the golden roof!” said Spike and pointed. “What’s that?” Luna’s smile faded a bit and she looked embarrassed.
“That is probably the Skinfaxi Temple” she said. “That is, that’s what the reindeer call my sister.” Twilight and Spike let it sink in. “The whole idea of – of worship makes me nervous. Well, Celestia dislikes it even more than me, but she is better at handling it. I sure hope there still isn’t a temple dedicated to – to me.”
“Why shouldn’t there be?” said Twilight. “I mean, you are co-rulers, and both have great powers, and… oh.” It dawned on her. “Nightmare Moon.” Luna sighed.
“My sister turned my exile into a fairy tale for a reason," said Luna. "I don’t want to know what reasons reindeer might have had for worshiping my loneliness and jealousy made manifest.”
Thanks to krdragon for help with proofreading!
Their arrival at Sarvvik and journey to the castle somehow managed to be both boring and stressful. It was the former because it took an abysmally long time with not much happening, and the latter because you had no control over what happened to you – not even Luna. Everything had to happen here and now, and they were pulled along quickly by their hosts. It didn’t matter whether they had to disembark, or turn over their luggage to porters, or were forced into a semi-circle for an official welcome. Luna coped best but fumed the most inwards, constantly holding back barked contra-orders. Spike just wished that they would have done it in a way that would have let him nap. It was really cold here, and he always got sleepier in cold weather. Twilight, meanwhile, spent all her worry on not having a clue where her luggage was and on not speaking Poatsi, the reindeer tongue.
A lot of the deer meeting them spoke perfectly understandable Equestrian, it was just that Twilight somehow felt lost when one of them would say something to her and then turn around and say something incomprehensible to their colleague. Twilight had brought a phrase-book, but it wasn't much help (”I will not eat this lichen, it is moldy”), though she had tried at first. She knew some Ancient Cervine from school but suspected that unless she needed to converse with old tomb inscriptions it would be pretty useless. She did have a solution, a perfect solution involving her beloved magic, but it simply wasn't possible here at this moment and she deeply regretted not using the ritual on the ship. She was itching to get it taken care of.
She especially regretted it when they were actually welcomed by the representatives of the King. The King wasn't even there himself, just a small herd of Very Important Reindeer, jarls and lords and courtiers and such. That was when Twilight feared Luna would bring some heavenly body down on Sarvvik right then and there. For a second she could see before her inner eye a raging Luna quickly checking with her sister whether there was some planet they didn't need, and when Celestia suggested Saturn (”Those rings are so hard to keep clean”), down it went on Tarandroland with a whistling howl and a huge fireball. Twilight was so scared she didn't really perceive what happened until Spike kicked her because the Princess wanted to greet her.
Not Princess Luna (who had kept her temper) but Princess Ljufa, the only daughter of the reindeer king. Her family was one of the things Twilight had read up on before she left. At least officially Ljufa didn't care much for politics, and had happily let her father name one of her many kids heir instead. The political reports and gossip magazines maintained she spent her time managing the royal castle and raising a family. She seemed pleasant enough and got a smile from Luna when she talked about the city and an annoyed frown from Spike when she petted him assuming he was a pet. She didn't say why King Ukko wasn't there, but apologized profusely on his behalf. Twilight tried to catch sight of Lord Eminence and see what the irritating statesmane thought of this, but he was nowhere to be found.
Not soon after they were actually escorted to the castle, but not soon enough – they first had to wait for the Equestrian consul, a Russ merchant named Pine-cones who wanted Princess Luna to listen to a long line of litanies of limited interest and relevance. The miniscule Earth Pony would probably have kept them longer, if not Luna had given Twilight the secret sign they had agreed on (which she would have missed had not Spike kicked her again) and they had played their little skit about the tyrannical, easily angered princess and the foolish, unlucky handmaiden. Pine-cones reached Rainbow Dash levels of speed – backwards at that – as he excused himself and left. They could finally follow the servant taking them to the castle and their room in it.
Unlike Canterlot castle, which reached for the sky, Castle Muorra stretched out in several directions with broad, long fir-log houses within a large wall actually made out of stone, boulders fitted together so well no mortar was needed. Some of the houses were a couple of floors high, but most were not. The highest was a squat tower, which was also made of logs with a tall stone base. All the buildings had birch-bark roofs, except for the long, tall central house that was the King's own, which was roofed with silver plates.
”All the roofs are sloping and like, very pointed,” Spike observed after looking at the silver roof for while and wondering how that tarnished silver would taste. Not that he usually went for noble metals; that was more for grown-up dragons.
”Yes, sire, it is the snowfall. Impossible for roofs not break unless pointy,” said the sarv (a sarv being a reindeer buck, Twilight explained) guiding them to their rooms.
”Isn't this very flammable?” Twilight mused. ”All this wood and bark.” The reindeer laughed.
”Oh, cannot burn," he said. "Is sorcery in walls, see? Good runes.” He pointed a cloven hoof at the wall right behind him.
At that, Twilight noted that every single log and plank had been carved with angular letters, stylized symbols and long rows of what looked like insect gnaws under bark, but were clearly deer-made patterns. Her horn glowed as she probed the wall for magic, curiously. The reindeer, in turn, watched her probing.
”Ooh, not all of them are magic, though many!" Twilight said. "Are the others just decorations, or what?”
The reindeer was dissatisfied with the first unicorn magic he had ever seen being so lame, but kept being amiable. ”Verses, names... sometimes stories," he said. "You can read the walls, if you bored guests!”
”Great, now Twi' will spend her time reading the castle and you won't get any work out of her!” Spike whispered to Luna.
”No! I won't. Not at all,” said Twilight who found that while angular and odd, there were phrases in Ancient Cervine here. ”I didn't know reindeer had magic...” she mumbled.
”Some do,” the porter said, ”but most of us just see stuff.”
”See stuff?” said Spike. ”What stuff?”
”...stuff...” said the porter, suddenly a little wary.
”Anyway,” he said, trying to change subject, ”good thing Castle Muorra cannot burn, because name means 'firewood', sort of.” He laughed at his own joke and picked up Twilight's saddlebags, which he had insisted on carrying.
”I remember how it got that name,” said Luna. ”The first king of the reindeer – the first reindeer to say he was a king – wanted a castle built. A king should have a castle. However, back then, almost all reindeer just wandered and grazed, so they didn't see the point. 'It will be gone soon' they said, 'but at least you'll have wood to burn'.”
”Many reindeer still wanders. Grazes. Gathers lichen and sedge. Up in forest and tundra,” the porter informed them as they reached their rooms. ”Backwoods deer. Hard life.”
”Is there anything left of that old castle?” said Spike.
Luna shook her head. ”I don't recognize much. Most looks new. The reindeer got very, very good at making things out of wood, and I am sure they have rebuilt everything when they had to or thought it was needed.”
”Here is your room, Your Highness,” said the porter. The room was suitably huge, and their big trunks were sitting in the middle of it. ”And your lady goes in here,” he said and showed a smaller room connected to it.
”Heh, Your Highness, I won't have to sleep just outside the door or at the foot of your bed!” Twilight joked.
”I might order you to anyway, filly!” Luna joked back, but the porter didn't get the joke, paled, and excused himself.
”Should we have tipped him?” Spike worried.
Twilight smiled. ”It is a castle, Spike, not a hotel. Just think of it as being as when we lived in Canterlot, just we don't recognize the ponies who work here.”
There was a knock at the door.
”That would be them,” said Luna, who had stretched out on the big bed. ”They were probably just waiting for the porter to be done with his work.”
Twilight opened the door and found two young vajas outside, curtseying, one white-coated, one black-coated, both with shawls and caps and aprons in front of the forelegs.
”We were sent to serve you, Your Highness,” said the white one. ”I am Saiva and this is Lif.”
”I did bring my own handmaiden, little reindeer,” said Luna. ”Though I appreciate the gesture.”
”We are to help you with anything you might need in addition,” said Lif. Spike jumped up from his trunk.
”Hey, I – we – are really hungry," he said eagerly. "There was to be that banquet but that will take like aeons. Get us something to eat and drink, will you?” The reindeer gasped and Saiva blurted out something in Poatsi. Luna laughed and Twilight looked confused.
”Yes, he can talk," Luna said. "Spike is no pet but the assistant to my handmaiden lady Sparkle. As such, he is part of my entourage and should be treated like any other of my ponies. Understood?”
”What – what is he?” Saiva asked boldly.
Spiked preened himself. ”I am a dragon!” When he saw their incredulous gazes, he added: ”A young dragon, OK?”
”How does one have... a dragon for an... assistant?” Saiva asked further, while Lif made furious gestures for her to shut up.
”Oh, Twilight brought me up – she hatched me with magic!” Spike said casually. ”She is the greatest sorceress in Equestria!”
”I will go get that food!” said Lif and headed for the door then hesitated. ”Uhm, pardon me, sir, what do dragons... eat?” She and her fellow maid looked worried.
”Gems!” he said happily, but suddenly amended it to, ”But anything is OK, really, I am just really hungry.” Relieved that he hadn't asked for a virgin or something similar, Lif disappeared.
”Anything... I can do?” Saiva asked nervously.
Twilight and Luna looked at their trunks. They both thought they would rather have Twilight do the unpacking or they wouldn't find their things next time they were to dress. And if the rooms were cleaned and ready... Then Twilight facehoofed and said some words not covered in Saiva's school Equestrian.
”Of course! How could I miss it!” She went up to Saiva and pointed at her. ”She is a reindeer!” Luna looked confused, Spike incredulous.
”Yeah, and the world is a flat disc, Celestia is an alicorn, and manticores poop in the Everfree Forest” he said. ”So?”
”That means I can do my ritual!" said Twilight, her eyes gleaming with frenzy. "Oh, I have waited so long for this!” . She dove into her trunks and started throwing out magical paraphernalia and scrolls telekinetically. ”Oooh, I know just what I am going to do with you!” Saiva looked less than happy.
”What is this you are doing, mylady...?” Luna watched frowning. ”Twilight... lady Sparkle... if this is the ritual I am thinking of, this might not be the time...”
”It's the perfect time!” shouted Twilight as her telekinesis formed a circle of talismans on the floor.
”Now, come with me in here,” she ordered Saiva is she herded the vaja into said circle. ”Stand here, in 90 degrees to me... like that!” She failed to notice the girl trembling as she built up magic in her horn. Twilight started chanting.
”Now,” she said, "put your muzzle next to my face. Left side."
The reindeer complied, but continued to tremble, and had to twist her head so her antlers didn't bump into Twilight's face or her sparkling horn.
”Now – shut your eyes...” Saiva obeyed, less than pleased. The magic had reached a build-up and Twilight's horn was oscillating. ”And now... lick my left ear!”
Saiva had no idea why she did as she was told then, but she did. The magic was discharged into Twilight – the only visible effect being that her mane became slightly frizzled.
”Yes! I can feel it, it worked!” Twilight said and reared in happiness. Saiva had disappeared from the room in a panic. ”Uh... where did she go, I didn't have time to thank her?”
”You scared her, lady Sparkle!” said Luna with a deep frown. ”Reindeer aren't as used to casual magic as ponies, and there was no hurry to do that spell, even if I can understand why you did it.”
”What did you just do? I don't think I have seen it before?” said Spike.
”Oh, just a perfection of meta-lingual manipulation rituals and cognitive transfer!" said Twilight. "I have only used it once, I was doing a project with Zecora and her constant rhyming kept getting in the way of me attaining full understanding of the underlying principles of magia naturalis. Then I remembered she had said she only rhymes in Equestrian!”
”Yeah, that will be the language you use to explain this to me, again,” said Spike. “Equestrian, you silly filly! Do you speak it?!”
”It is a language transfer spell, Spike,” said Luna. ”Twilight copied miss Saiva's knowledge of Poatsi, just as she apparently copied Zecora's native Nuuban so they could avoid her geas to always rhyme in Equestrian. Twilight, this is all very clever, but there is no need to be that rude, understand? You must adapt to local culture for us to succeed at this mission.” Twilight blushed.
”I – I am sorry," she said. "I have been so frustrated with this all day, not having full understanding... When I had the chance to perform that ritual... I got ahead of myself...” She looked unhappy.
”As soon as I can I must get a hold of that poor girl and apologize!” There was a knock at the door again. “Oh, I hope it is her!”
Luna opened the door with her magic and it swung wide. Outside was Lif with a tray balanced on her antlers, it rattling with her visible trembling a little so the glasses and china clinked.
”Uh... here is the food you asked for, Your Highness, mylady, sir...” She shakily put it down on a little table next to the door. ”And if... is there... anything, I mean...” She started to back out the door.
”Oh, I am so sorry! I need to speak some more with your friend, Miss Saiva!” Twilight blurted out, trying to smiled widely but only managing a rictus grin, since she was fighting back tears.
Lif stiffened, swallowed deeply, and then dive out into the corridor, shouting: ”Idon'tthinkIknowwheresheisnowImustreallygoIthinkIhearmyQueencallingme!”
”Awww...” said Twilight and started to actually cry. ”I didn't mean to...”
Luna had purely technically been furious, but she didn't like to scold anyone crying, so she and Spike hugged Twilight until she starting hiccuping instead of crying. Then, they ate that food, at Luna's insistence.
”It would be a shame to waste it considering the problem it brought the serving maid,” she said. And when it looked like Twilight would start crying again, she added quickly: ”Besides, believe me, the last thing you get at banquets is a full stomach!”
Thanks to krdragon for help with proofreading!
The feasting hall of the Reindeer Kings was, according to Twilight's pre-journey researches, apparently also the throne room, the assembly hall, and occasionally the place where the castle servants dried the laundry. It dried well here, because the hall was perpetually heated with huge bonfires, in a way that was probably meant to be impressive, but mostly caused Twilight to wonder if the king was wasting firewood.
Now, however, it was meant for a big welcome party, and a series of long, broad tables had been placed along its length. White tablecloths embroidered in deep red and blue covered it, and the tables had been set for a hundred with silver cutlery and carved wooden (there it was again) bowls and jugs. There was, at first, no illumination beyond the huge fires, but at the same time as Twilight seated herself at her assigned place, a pillar of light shot up from somewhere in the shadows, struck the roof and spread out to a shimmering cloud of light hard blue, eerie green and dead white. Just like the fabled Northern Lights, which Twilight had hoped get a chance to observe on her journey – the reason she brought her telescope. It made Twilight wonder about reindeer magics again.
As Twilight and the rest of Luna's entourage seated themselves, she couldn't help but notice that the seating arrangements were a bit different. Instead of mixing guests and hosts side by side, all the reindeer court were seated on one side with their backs to the throne. The visiting pony embassy was seated on the other, barely able to see the throne just behind the King's back. Princess Luna was placed right across King Ukko, and then the rest of the hosts and guests were seated down the table in both directions in decreasing order of importance. This was the reason Twilight was far away from her Princess, but she couldn't really fathom why Spike wasn't with her.
As she observed the seating order, she realized that ”the visiting pony embassy” had been the wrong way to describe it. It was more like ”any important pony in Tarandroland right now,” since Twilight had a Russ judge from Trotholm on her right. Or maybe ”equine,” because she saw a donkey jenny further up the table from her, and her ceremonial harness showed she was the mistress of the Longshoremane Guild. And to her left was...
”A zebra?!” Twilight blurted out.
The zebra stallion smiled sadly. ”It's the stripes, am I right?" he said. "They always give me away!”
Twilight blushed, and tried to use her fan to hide her embarrassment, as she had been taught. However, as usual when she was stressed, Twilight's magic flunked, and her telekinetic waving struck the zebra on the muzzle. Twilight wondered whether she should creep under the table or teleport away, but he just laughed.
”That was actually pretty funny,” he said amiably. ”Please put your weapon down, Miss, before you hurt me for real.”
Twilight lowered her fan. ”Sorry,” she said sheepishly. ”I mean, it is just that I only know one zebra, and I'd never thought I'd find one of you here – you are kind of rare up north.”
”Apology accepted. I'm here in Poatsula because of business,” he said, using the reindeer name for their country. “My family's trading house sells coffee, and Poatsula has the highest rate of consumption per capita in the world.”
”I see,” said Twilight. Then she steadied herself, probed her aura, and found that the spell she had used on Zecora still worked.
She switched to Nuuban, the zebra tongue, and said: ”I am Lady Twilight Sparkle, daughter of Star Sparkle and Nightlight, personal hoofmaiden to Her Royal Highness Princess Luna. Pleased to meet you!” It was the zebra's turn to be stunned. His mouth hung open.
”You speak my language!" he said. "I have never met an Equestrian who didn't speak Equestrian with everyone! And so well – how is this possible if you only know one zebra?” He leaned his head to the right. ”Did you have a sleeping dictionary – that is, is that zebra your husband?”
Twilight grinned sheepishly. ”I am afraid it is unicorn magic trickery," she said. "And she is just a colleague.”
The zebra stallion absorbed this but didn't stop smiling.
”Where are my manners?" he said. "Paki Saada, son of Dalila and Mandisa, Consul to Tarandroland by the grace of His Royal Highness Mansa Eze Aidoo.”
They both bowed, then Twilight switched to a curtsey and almost fell off her chair.
”Two names, that's a lot," she said. "'Observer Guide'?”
Paki looked uncomfortable and Twilight suddenly remembered you don't ask about names and cutie marks among zebra.
”Oh, I am sorry!" she said. "Forgive me for asking!”
He smiled again. ”It is no big thing in this case... I have always been watching things closely, that is why my destiny brand is an eye," he said. "Pretty banal, really. So it is good for my family to have me keeping an eye at things here... And the second name is more like it came with the title. A consul is supposed to guide other zebra, after all.”
”How did you get that position, anyway?” said Twilight. Paki laughed.
”By being the only zebra to actually live in Tarandroland. I got a small package with a letter that said it was my duty and this thing,” - and he pointed to one of the necklaces he wore, - ”as my badge of office. And that's it.” At this, he and Twilight had to move around a bit as the first course was served.
”Soup,” Twilight said, stating the obvious. The zebra looked dismayed.
”Yeah. Lichen soup,” he said.
Twilight tasted the broth, which succeeded in being bitter, bland, runny and crunchy in a distinctly un-soupy way, all at the same time. She avoided grimacing by force of will.
”Um, what kind of lichen?” she said.
”The one called 'reindeer moss' in most languages," said Paki. "It's what nomadic reindeer graze, at least when there is nothing else. It is like a pony or zebra eating grass. It is one single step off the ground.” Paki was sort of stirring the soup with his tongue.
”It's... interesting,” Twilight managed to say. She look up worriedly to the people next to her, both the ponies and their reindeer hosts. Most ponies ate like her, out of courtesy but with no great show of joy. The reindeer on the other side of the table, however, just sloshed it around and looked rather blase. They certainly didn't relish it.
For the first time her borrowed knowledge of Poatsi kicked in as she heard an angry vaja telling a sarv that presumably was her husband that ”he” was having a childish tantrum again, and that next time he should get them out of this chore that was courtly duties. Then Paki spoke again and removed her attention from the reindeer couple.
”So speaking of cutie marks, as you ponies say, what does your mean?" he said. "'Service to the Night' or something, given your position? Or why does an astronomer work as a hoofmaiden?”
Twilight hesitated, but she was an awful liar. Better tell the truth. ”It stands for magic," she said. "I am very good at learning it, understanding it. Not always at actually using it, I'm afraid, I am just a student yet.”
Paki looked at her a long time instead of at his horrible soup. Then suddenly his eyes widened very much and he stared down his soup instead. He quickly collected himself in a way Twilight instantly envied, and said ”I see.”
But she saw him throwing a quick glance at the bundle of beautiful necklaces and anklets he wore – Tarandrian silver and amber, unlike the typical brass and crystal of a zebra – and she realized that they all were magic charms – gri-gris – and if Zecora had taught her right, they all protected against magic.
”Why the hay would a coffee trader, that sometimes have to help drunk sailors getting home, need that much anti-magic gear?” Twilight mused to herself.
Spike was very, very angry. They had put him at the foals' table! Or table end, rather. OK, he was a kid, but not that much of a kid. It didn't make it better that the kids next to him were all the colts and fillies of various Russ dignitaries (none in Luna's entourage had brought their foals) and they were very small kids. Russ are dwarf ponies after all. The fillies next to him made Dinky Doo, the smallest unicorn filly in Ponyville, look like a Clydesdale wrestler on steroids. In other words, to Spike he was sitting at a table full of babies. That they shyly avoided him didn't help. He tried to say something across the table to some fawns on the other side (he only saw one who had antlers yet) but either they ignored him or the rather wide table made him inaudible.
The first course did nothing to cheer him up. Spike could eat the strangest things, but it didn't mean he liked all of it. Unlike Twilight, he didn't even get the chance to know what the offending soup was. He had no chance to hear the reindeer complain, but it was clear they didn't like it. Only the young sarv with antlers – Spike reckoned that was somewhat like actually having your cutie mark, or being able to control your fire – was eating.
”Do you really like that?” Spike asked him. The sarv noticed him and held a cloven hoof to his ear.
”Do you like that? 'Cause, um, you can have mine?” Spiked tried louder.
The reindeer shook his head and waved his hoof as if saying ”Come closer.”
Spike only hesitated a little. Then, with a gasp and a yelp from the Russ fillies, he dived under the table and came up on the reindeer side.
”Won't they get angry?” he asked the Soup-Eating Reindeer.
“Who are 'they?'” he answered Spike.
“Them,” Spike gestured to the older reindeer up the table, not really wanting to say “grownups” and indicate he and the sarv weren't. The reindeer shrugged.
“They don't care what we do anyway," he said. "They are too busy with themselves.” He looked at Spike. “So, are you really...”
“A dragon," said Spike. "Yeah.”
“I was going to say Equestrian, but I guess it is pretty cool to meet a real dragon as well,” he said and smiled.
Spike frowned. “You can't tell me being Equestrian is more special than being a dragon,” he said.
“Well, to me it might. I mean, Equestria...” he moved his right front hoof in the air. “It's going to sound silly, but Equestria, it's not really real to me, OK? Dragons are more real.”
“What?" said Spike. "Is this... I mean I know you're from a different country, but sure you know its a real place, right? I mean geography in school and... sometimes Equestria must be in the news.”
“Of course it's in the news, stupid!" said the reindeer. "Its the biggest and most important country in the world, maybe, so of course it is in the news. But... a lot of... made-up things are from Equestria as well, and I see much more of those. Like, comics and books and movies.” He lapped more soup.
“You get Equestrian comics in Tarandroland?” Spike asked, somehow made happier by this possibility.
“Of course," said the reindeer. "It's not like there are many good comics made here, is it? One of my teacher says it's like the biggest export of Equestria, media that is. But listen to me: I see something in a paper, because Mom wants me to read it, and there is this big picture of Canterlot. But me, I just see Supercolt flying over it. Or my geography teacher asks me how big Manehatten is, and the only thing I can remember is the last detective story from there on the telly. It's everywhere, and its all made up to me. So its good to meet someone who is real from Equestria, and its not like one of these boring foreign nobles wants to talk to me.”
Spike still looked skeptical but shrugged.
“This real person is called Spike, anyway,” Spike held out his claw. “What do they call you?”
“They usually call me Vigg, because that's my name,” said the reindeer and answered with his fore-hoof “Brohoof?”
“Brohoof!” said Spike and the reindeer laughed as claw and cloven hoof smacked together.
“So they do that for real and no only in stories!" said Vigg. "Ponies came up with that, you know?”
Spike nodded. “So Equestrian comics...” Spike said. “Have you read Sampo?”
Vigg snickered. “Yeah, but you can totally see a reindeer didn't write it.”
“Hey, what's wrong with Sampo?” Spike felt a little defensive in a vaguely patriotic way.
“Well, first, this Sampo guy, he was real, he was like a king long ago," Vigg said. "You have to read about him in school if you're a reindeer. So it feels silly when he is an Equestrian superhero. In some way he feels less real than Supercolt who is totally made-up.” Spike acknowledge this but didn't seem to agree.
“Then, if they base a hero on some foreign dude, they should have read up on him first," said Vigg. "There are like a ton of mistakes in the hero's powers and background and all, and he becomes totally different.”
“So what's wrong?” said Spike.
“OK, I so wish my history teacher was here, the whining old bore, because I am going to show I should really had a better grade! I'll tell you the real story of Sampo...”
Thanks to krdragon for help with proofreading!
”See, like a thousand years ago or something, Aslak was king of Poatsula, that's what we call this country," Vigg said. "It was so long ago that when Sarvvik grew to a hundred huts, it made it enormous. Everyone liked Aslak because he was totally awesome, but there was two problems. First, none of his vajas could give him a kid. That wasn't big, because the next king here isn't automatically there oldest kid like in some countries. Countries where rulers die, I mean, unlike yours.”
Vigg took a swig of the horrible brown thing that was served to drink. Spike guessed it was made from lichen. All food at the party seemed to be made from lichen. And the succession laws of Equestria were extremely theoretical and sketchy, on the level with the plans the army was rumored to have if the Filly Scouts ever planned a hostile takeover.
”So who becomes king then?” he asked.
The reindeer wiped his muzzle. ”The king names someone his heir,” he said.
”Who?” said Spike.
”Anydeer he wants," said Vigg. "Its almost always one of their kids, and if not some family member. They don't even have to be reindeer. And they might not become king anyway.”
Spike looked curious, being used to more autocratic rulers.
”See, if enough bigwigs says no when its time for the heir to be king, they can suggest someone else," Vigg said. "Its all politics and it usually happens when no one likes the king – or the heir – or when no one knows who it is. Its kinda complex, it doesn't matter for the story other than the heir of the king has to be someone other reindeer likes or it will all go south”
”The second fault of Aslak was that he had a brother called Wiglek," Vigg continued. "He was a really bad reindeer, an oath-breaker and a secret murderer, and since everyone who was against him had hideous luck they said he had cursed them, and that he has made a pact with Äitsi or something.”
”Wait a bit," said Spike. "What's a 'secret' murderer? Don't you try to keep a murder secret anyway? And who's Äitsi? Am I supposed to know who it is?”
”OK, it's like this: when this happened, killing someone wasn't wrong," Vigg said. "Well, it was wrong, but not in the same way as today. Your herd should protect you even if you had killed someone from another herd – but only if you admitted it. Like, he grazed on my grounds or looked at my sister or said nasty things about me, so I killed him, what're you going to do about it?”
”That's... awful,” said a stunned Spike.
”Yeah, my ancestors weren't always nice, OK?" said Vigg. "But secret murder, it is if you kill someone and don't tell anyone. Or lie and say it wasn't me, or even worse, it wasn't me, it was him over there. Wiglek had done that, and that meant his herd shouldn't protect him, they should help getting him get punished, like any crime today. But Aslak liked him anyway so he stopped them.”
”OK. I can see why doing that wasn't popular," said Spike. "But who's Äitsi?”
”Uhm...” Vigg leaned closer to Spike and actually looked a little scared. ”You Equestrians met him last year. I believe you call him Discord.”
Spike was frozen a moment.
”Oh, you must have felt that too!” Spike said with concern.
Vigg grinned sadly. ”Why shouldn't we? Although the news said it was worse for you, it hard to miss when the sun starts to rise and set every minute or so!”
”It rained chocolate milk...” said Spike.
”It rained peaches here,” Vigg said anxiously.
”Peaches?” said Spike.
”Canned peaches," Vigg clarified. "Lot of reindeer I know got concussions.”
”Oh,” said Spike.
”And then the peaches turned out to be poisonous – except the singing ones – but you could eat the cans,” Vigg said.
”Yeah, that was Discord's takeover," said Spike. "But, he cannot have taught Wugluk -”
”Wiglek!” Vigg corrected him.
”- Wiglek evil stuff," said Spike. "I mean how long ago was this?”
”A thousand years, maybe?” said Vigg.
”Discord was turned to stone at the dawn of time or something,” Spike said.
”This is mythology, OK?" said Vigg. "It doesn't come with a time line like modern stuff. Can I continue?”
”Sure...” said Spike.
”Well, Wiglek had a kid, and he was called Sampo," said Vigg. "Later, that is – he had another name first that the deer who wrote my history books fight over what it was, but just say he's Sampo from the start.”
”Wait, in the comics Wiglek is his uncle and Aslak his father!" said Spike. "And they changed their names!”
”Yeah, I can see why they changed that," said Vigg. "You always have the evil uncle in stories but not here.”
”OK, sure," said a dismayed Spike.
”Now Wiglek tried to make Aslak name Sampo as heir, but Aslak said no, because they would never accept Wiglek's son as heir because he was such a piece of manure," said Vigg. "Then something horrible happened which changed that.” Vigg got more of the brown swill-thing.
”There was this great famine," Vigg continued. "The winter got worse and raids from winter monsters got worse and there was, like, no food, not even lichen. You know about winter monsters from that comic, right?”
Spike nodded.
”So Wiglek turns up and says to Aslak: 'Look, I can save everyone, I know just the thing. But if we succeed you must make Sampo your heir and prince of Poatsula.' And it was not like he could said no, deer had nothing to eat and there was fighting everywhere and all was terrible,” Vigg said.
”So what did they do?” said Spike.
”Well, according to my history teacher, nodeer knows," said Vigg. "Really. There are like a million bazillion folktales of what Wiglek and Sampo did, but no one can say which of them are true, only which are made up because they obviously mentions modern things that weren't around then. But they came back with something called the Sampo. That's why reindeer called him Sampo, he brought them Sampo.”
”And what was it?” said Spike.
”Well, the usual story was that it was a magical artifact – artifact is a word meaning magic thingamajig –” said Vigg.
”I know, I'm assistant to a sorceress!” said Spike.
”Sorry," said Vigg. "A magical artifact that could stop the famine; by creating food, say, or maybe remove the winter. But some says it was an idea, or a spell, or a person. Or a non-magical thing, like the first mill ever.”
”Mill? Like a windmill?” said Spike.
”No, like a hoof-mill," said Vigg. "It's like a wheel with a handle and you turn it with your hoof. It looks like a spiral, and there are a lots of spiral pics with old carvings of Sampo. So, the usual story is that it was a mill, and when you turn it you got meal even if you didn't put any grain in it.”
Spike frowned. ”Well, Twilight says you cannot make something out of nothing. That lasts, anyway.”
Vigg shrugged. ”Don't ask me, I'm not a magician. Not even reindeer sorcerers know. It's lost. Because while it stopped the famine it turned out to be a bad thing.”
”Well, I was sorta expecting that. That story was going too well” said Spike.
”See, everyone wanted the Sampo," said Vigg. "Like everyone who know it existed. Other reindeer tribes, the Russ ponies, urox and skolls and stalus...”
”Whoa, back the tape. Urox?” said Spike.
”They're like cattle, they are almost gone," said Vigg. "Most of 'em emigrated to Equestria centuries ago.”
”Skolls?” said Spike.
”Those are the Ice-Wargs of your comic there. Wolf-people,” said Vigg.
”Ah, OK," said Spike. "Stalus? There is a giant in the Sampo comic called Stallo.”
”Yeah, but in real life they are... or were... more like ogres," said Vigg. "Or what do you call that myth, Bighoof? Anyway, newer versions of the story which probably aren't true says the whole world attacked the kingdom, including 'seven sorcerer-princes from Hestaland' – and that's Equestria.”
”So they swapped famine for war. Nice. Magical artifacts are just trouble, it seems,” said Spike.
”In stories, at least," said Vigg. "Anyway, Sampo took Sampo, and he used it and him as bait. He traveled up to Joukulvakt – that's the Everfrost Glacier – and the foreign armies followed him. And they... all got lost or killed or something up there. They just disappeared, and their people got so dismayed that they stopped bothering us. Wiglek got lost on the way somehow. The herds chose someone else as a king. And that's it.”
Spike looked clearly disappointed. ”What about his magic spear?”
”That's made up," said Vigg dismissively. "Oh, there is a spear in the story too, but that's made up. That spear is a spear-staff, which you use with skis, not just as a weapon, by the way. All reindeer have one. Well, we who are still doing the reindeer thing ”
Vigg vaguely waved his hoof in a way indicating forest and tundra and snow and lichen and continued: ”And since he was a king he could probably have gotten a magical one, but no one knows and if he had it is lost on top of Joukulvakt.”
”What about the king's spear, I saw that?” said Spike.
”Well that is a magic spear, and they say it was Sampo's, but it isn't," said Vigg. "It's a modern magic spear. It's like those Neighponese swords you can buy on postal order, they aren't real original katanas. Some king just had one made to show off.”
Vigg looked like he deeply disagreed with showing off with fake cutlery, and Spike decided to not mention the things he had bought on postal order with his allowance.
”I wrote about that in this long paper, and it was awesome," said Vigg. "And I only got a B-! Stupid teachers! Why should you work hard when you aren't rewarded! You know how it is, right?”
Spike tactfully avoided mentioning he was, in a way, home schooled, and made sympathetic noises. He could at least honestly sympathize with people not recognizing your talents.
”So what do you do when you're not in school?” Spike changed the subject.
”It seems like it's all I do... but, well, sport," said Vigg. "And hiking. Daddy was from the grazers so he wanted me to know stuff. I get out as often as I can.”
He turned to Spike. ”I can show you some stuff if you have time later.” Spike nodded and ensured that it would be nice, if he didn't have too much work to do. Vigg seemed impressed and jealous that someone younger than him did ”actual work” as he phrased it.
”It would be awesome to be grownup and get to actually do a real job instead of all this studying!” he groaned.
”So... what are you going to do when you grow up?” Spike asked. Vigg cleared his throat.
Thanks to krdragon for post-publishing proofreading!
”...and unlike the common southern hydra, the turso spouts plague and poison,” said Paki as he pointed to one of the grotesque skulls hanging on the opposite wall. If he was as disturbed as Twilight, he didn't show it.
”Sorry, am I being too graphical?” he said, turning a worried glance to Twilight. She laughed uneasily.
”Probably not. It is just that... well, we ponies are unused to killing even beasts," she said. "And king Ukko even has the skulls and skins of his sentient enemies on his wall... even if it was his ancestors who killed them.” She looked at the huge, misshapen canine skulls clustered on one part of the wall and shivered. The skolls had sounded mostly like arctic diamond dogs... of course those caused conflicts, but it wasn't like they were slain over it...
”This is a rough country, Lady Sparkle,” said Paki solemnly. ”Tell me, is it true that the whole of Equestria is one big park, where all animals are domesticated, the trees and flowers planted by ponies?”
Twilight hesitated. ”No, that's not true, I mean, the animals are still wild, though... of course... I mean...” And we have even weaned the predators off eating meat, and Fluttershy cries when she has to give her meat-eating animal friends fish, and is afraid bugs will be hurt when Applejack plows her fields...
”So it is true?” said Paki, his face sympathetic but very serious.
”I guess it is,” said Twilight. ”Though there are a few places like Everfree Forest, where the plants grow free and the animals still eat each other, where the weather comes as it like... oh my!” She turned to Paki.
”That's how your country is, isn't it?” she said.
Paki nodded and his face brightened. ”Well, it is a civilized place, unlike Tarandroland," he said. "We have tried to quell the hungry beasts and the plague bearing bugs, at least on the savannah where zebra live. And the Mansa will stamp His hooves with the power of the God Who Rides Him, and keep the jungle and the desert back from our beloved sea of grass, but it is not as if His Majesty cares for each blade of grass or each butterfly,” he spoke with happy reverence.
It was Twilight's turn to nod and smile. ”I think I understand my friend the zebra better now... why she lives where she does...” Twilight said.
”You clean away winter each year in Equestria, do you not?” asked Paki. ”Sweep away the snow, bring the birds by pegasus, coach the buds to burst into leaves?”
”Yes, we do,” said Twilight. ”I guess you don't?”
Paki laughed. ”Well, to me snow is something that belong on high remote mountaintops, and the dry and rainy seasons come and go as they want," he said. "But I was talking about the reindeer. Do you know what they do to bring about spring, Lady Sparkle?”
”I read something about some ritual, about 'Fighting the Winter'...” Twilight tried to remember.
”That's no ritual. They mean it literally. Every year, the reindeer have to fight Winter and its creatures – you can see the trophies up there on the wall,” Paki said as he pointed with his hoof to the skulls and skins.
Twilight gasped. ”But... what if they lose?” she wondered.
”Then spring, and hence summer, doesn't come that year. But I don't think they have ever truly lost in recent memory, though it happens that the grazing reindeer of the tundra cannot hold, and the fight spills down onto the coastal reindeer,” Paki explained.
”This country is close to the edge of the world, Lady Sparkle, and the cold void of space. It seems the recent years have been especially bad, with nidhoggs everywhere – at least there is less money to spend on coffee!” he added and smiled wryly.
”Nidhoggs?” Twilight mumbled, still stunned by the new-found understanding of her hosts.
”I was coming to them... See those dragon-like skulls to the back of the king's throne?” Paki stretched over the table and pointed with his hoof again. Twilight nodded.
”Those are not of dragons, but huge serpent-beings maybe kin to dragons, but dumb beasts," he said matter-of-factually. "They have an enchanted breath like a dragon; not fire, but the void-cold of empty space. It flash-freezes a reindeer in a blink, as if their huge jaws were not enough. And they are known as nidhoggs.”
”They eat reindeer?” Twilight wondered.
”Only by accident,” Paki said. ”The common nidhogg eats nothing but frozen wood, but seems to like the taste of the prepared wood of houses, huts and ships, and views the reindeer inside as the cream-filled center, as it may be.”
”And they have grown common?” Twilight said.
”It seems like it," he said. "It is one of those things they don't talk much about, and much of this winter-fighting is done by the grazing reindeer, which I rarely see." They pondered this in silence for a short while, until interrupted by more servants with yet another course.
”I don't know if I can take any more ways to serve lichen in an unappetizing manner!” Twilight moaned.
”You keep actually eating, it is your loss,” teased Paki. ”But this is not lichen, I think we are on to dessert.”
It seemed he was right – in their wooden bowls were golden-colored berries that seemed to be jellied and some kind of curdled milk.
”Cloud-berries – this might actually be edible!” chuckled Paki and dug in. ”Oh yes, this is very good!”
Twilight tested and found he was actually right.
”It is! What about this milky thing... I didn't think many cattle lived here in Tarandroland?” she said as she licked juice from her muzzle. Paki laughed.
”It's reindeer milk, of course!" he explained "If I am correctly informed, Princess Ljufa herself helps provide for the palace supply." Twilight froze.
”What, you cannot eat reindeer milk?” he said and looked at her.
”No no, it's just that... in Equestria, giving milk is a low-paying menial job!" Twilight tried to explain. "It's done by cattle before they get a decent education or if they cannot have one at all... I mean, being a milk cow after 20 and ponies look down on you! Yet Princess Ljufa is, well, royalty...”
”You ponies are seriously weird!” said Paki, shook his head, and dug into the more than generous serving of dessert.
Twilight was determined to enjoy the dessert too, since Paki was no longer very conversant, and she hadn't gotten much out of the other courses. The lichen ale had also been almost undrinkable – the lichen vodka had actually been quite good, but you cannot spend a dinner subsisting on hard liquor, even if the reindeer seemed to try. However, when she stopped talking to Paki her Poatsi kicked in and she started to hear what those reindeer on the opposite end of the table was actually saying...
”Well,” said a fat sarv, ”it is now official: the King is an idiot and a jerk!”
Twilight quickly looked around to see the reaction to these words of treachery, but nodeer seemed to care.
”Come on!” said the vaja next to him, of a similar girth. ”It is not like these Hestalanders give him much to work on, is it? I mean, just look at their arrogance!”
”The nerve!” huffed the vaja on the fat sarv's other side. ”Imagine bringing her here!” All but one of the other reindeer solemnly nodded.
Poor Princess Luna! Twilight thought. It probably was a bad idea for us to come anyway...
”Who?” asked the reindeer who hadn't partaken in the solemn group-nod. ”What are you talking about?” He was leaner than the others and looked like he had been constructed out of dry wood, smeared with glue and then very hastily dipped in reindeer fur. His clothes were more high-class than his table neighbor, but very ill-fitting.
”You grazers are impossible, Jarl Vidar! Don't you get the news?” The smaller vaja pointed in what she presumably thought was a surreptitious way straight at Twilight. ”Twilight Sparkle! Skinfaxi's Shadow!” Twilight's mouth hung open.
”The purple unicorn? What's so special about her? Isn't she one of their stupid servants or something?” the rough-looking reindeer asked.
”She is only the greatest sorceress in Hestaland!” hissed the fat sarv.
”And the most evil!” hissed the fat vaja. Twilight's jaw actively dislocated and her heart froze. She was actually going to defend herself but the thinner vaja started again.
”Why, she had barely entered the palace before she ordered the palace maids into an obscene orgy!” she said in a heated whisper. ”I heard it from the major domo herself, the maids are inconsolable!”
Twilight wondered if it was possibly to merge with the chair or the table, possibly the floor.
”But it wasn't like that at all...” she whimpered to herself.
”And Princess Skinfaxi tolerates this?” said Jarl Vidar somewhat incredulously. The other reindeer nodded.
”When she cannot act without losing that Hestaland holiness or the purity of the Sun Goddess, she sends 'Lady' Sparkle and her cabal. She freed Hrimfaxi from her prison and summoned and bound Äitsi, do you think white magic could do that?” the well-informed vaja explained.
That almost dragged Twilight out of her trance and into an academic lecture on the non-existence of such things as 'black' and 'white' magic, but she was too slow.
”Say there is a conflict with one of the border herds; Sparkle goes there, and one plague of mouth and hoof later, no buffalo, no conflict," the fat sarv began. "Say a pest of Devourers descends upon a city favored by Skinfaxi; Sparkle turns up, and the next day they are eating less-favored Fillydelfia instead. And Skinfaxi keeps her white coat ritually clean and the country, I must say, working well. I mean, I understand the needs for dire measures in running a country – a superpower – but the nerve! In sending her here!” The fat sarv was very angry, and Twilight was speechless.
The reindeer with the mangy fur nodded and emptied another vodka glass which would have killed Big Macintosh Apple, yet did not seem scared.
”I say we should accept," he said. "We should hunt down those damnable fools going a-Viking, and in return that unicorn neighcromancer can help us with our problems."
The others looked aghast at Jarl Vidar.
”What? Oh, I know it is Hestaland's fault to begin with, but now is not the time to be proud. You don't know how bad it is; now is the time to be practical! And the king's idiocy in not using this pirate business to get help from a virtual superpower when, I impress upon you coastal fools, the tundra is dying, it is absolutely monumental,” he snarled.
Luna was swinging between cold, cold fury and the deepest, most embarrassing pity, the one where you feel so sorry for another pony that you want to just go away and die to end the shame. At least now she understood the conspicuous absence of King Ukko. He had probably been either really hungover or, in his current state, really stinking drunk.
She, like the haughty unicorn courtiers closest to her, Lady Thisandthat and Lord Soandso or whatever their names were, she didn't remember and didn't particularly care, had tried to make conversation, but not even the most innocent or inane subjects got more than a grunt from the King.
If the strange menu – which was not only traditionally reindeer, but traditionally reindeer in the worst possible way, like it was composed of all the meals you are forced to put on the table at big holidays just because it is 'tradition' and your oldest and most irritating aunt will throw a fit if it isn't there – had been the King's idea, he didn't seem to relish it himself, since he was only drinking vodka from a private jar. The jar was kept re-filled, not by any of the servants, but by one of the five nobledeer placed close to him, a different one every time. They were warriors, judging from their uniform-bardings, and seemed dismayed at this duty but put up with it. Finally, the strange brew of shame and anger, seasoned with curiosity, had filled Luna completely and she couldn't be the courteous modern Princess anymore.
”King of the Reindeer,” she said in Poatsi – a rather ancient Poatsi close to Ancient Cervine, but we will translate the gist here - ”why do you treat your housebucks, your sworn warriors, as serving maids? Is that not unbecoming of a reindeer warrior?”
Ukko glared at her, his eyes red and sickeningly moist, mirthless despite the smile that spread on his foam-flecked lips.
”Because that is all they are good for, Moon-Raiser!” he said. Luna frowned.
”Is that really true?" Luna said. "Then why do you not throw them out your hall, find yourself new warriors? Or are you, the Drunkard King, a fit leader for a herd of warrior-maids?”
If any of the Equestrian entourage understood what they were talking about, they didn't show it. In fact, the unicorns frowned most deeply at the distinct lack of Equestrian at this part of the table right now. Some of the reindeer got the conversation, among them Princess Ljufa, who paled as much as a furry creature with milk-white fur can do and silently mouthed 'no no please no' as she shook her head.
Ukko sent a gaze of pure undiluted hate at Luna, then he suddenly laughed uproariously, and about three seconds too late his housebucks followed suite, and laughed awkwardly with him.
”Because, Star-Spreader, there are none!" he said. "Besides me, there are no true warriors to be had in Poatsula! All I get in my court these days are wood-carvers and shop-keepers, and all my warriors are good for is fetching me more liquor to drown my misery at the state of the world – and Poatsula!” He rose up, unsteadily, and grabbed his rune-carved spear from under the table, where he apparently had kept it like an old stallion might have his crutch.
”This used to be a great country, a century ago, a thousand years ago!" he shouted, his voice heard all along the table. "We were like the calving glacier, the northern storm, the waves coming from the edge of the world! We were real deer and the world respected us, admired us, feared us! And now we are NOTHING!” He slammed the spear into the table, its runes spitting acid and embers and lightning.
His daughter desperately tried to grab his tail, to touch him, to calm him down, but he shoved her aside roughly. Luna looked even grimmer, and her mane started to move of its own accord.
”A thousand years ago, your kind were NOTHING!” she said with her own snarl. ”You were thieves and murderers, superstitious animals who cowered at the sight of a building or real magic, who wiped your asses with written wisdom and died screaming in your own vomit since you knew nothing of physick! NOW, you are a real people, strong and wise!”
The king swung to meet her, his spear now in his teeth, which meant he lost valid shouting time as he moved it, giving Luna the opportunity for a second attack as her eyes became galaxies and her voice boomed like falling meteors.
”Foolish young mortal, cervine child carved from dry pine, I WAS THERE!" she thundered. "The good old times were filled with still-birthed fawns and stupidity, rotting harvests and selfishness, damp darkness and mindless tyranny. Young king who fancies himself old, you know not of what you speak, so BE SILENT!” Luna's wrath was now obviously palpable enough for everyone to understand the basics of what was going on, but of the ponies, only Twilight caught what she said, her anger at the words about herself momentarily forgotten in fear and sadness.
”It is easy for you to talk, Night-Haunt, when your own throne stands upon a country that now rules the world!” snarled King Ukko. ”Not even the parts of the world that are not part of Hestaland are free from your reigns, your and your Sun-Steering sister's!”
”Are you blind as well as stupid and vain, little cervine?” Luna rumbled. ”Do you dare call modern Equestria an empire? I have CO-RULED an empire! I have ORDERED my country to spread! I have ORDERED legions to march, and fly, and witch-leap! I have ORDERED non-ponies enslaved or slaughtered! I have LAUGHED on battlefields and DRUNK to massacres! Thanks to the infinite wisdom gained through ages by my sister Celestia, Equestria is no longer an empire! We are also no longer as stupid and cruel and vain as we were in your beloved good old times, King Ukko!”
”Not an empire of hoof and bite and barding, Nightmare Goddess, but an empire nonetheless! What is everyone speaking here this evening?!” the King said. Luna glowered at him.
”As far as I can tell, King Ukko, we are speaking Poatsi, one of many children of Ancient Cervine, the language of all deer-kind, which I had part in shaping one night when another Goddess was sick or in mourning, I have forgotten which.”
”Oh, the immortal moon-witch speaks my language – but everyone else has to speak the language of ponies!” said the King and waved the spear kept under his front leg, causing a lot of ducking at the table in case a rune went off. ”In fact, if I called here the Mansa of the zebras, the Grand Sachem of the buffalo or the qi-rin Mi-ka-do, we would have to speak your language – because it has spread all over the world! Cold ice coat my antlers, if we all gathered here to conspire the defeat of Hestaland, we would have to speak your tongue to do it! Everything you do is all over the world, everyone wants to be you!”
”So what, you want me to be feeling guilty because my little ponies have actually been successful at what they do, that their ideas are worth copying?" Luna snarled. "Is that your meaning!?”
Luna had now stood up with her front hooves on the table, and so had the King, both glaring at each other and foaming at the mouth. The nervousness got the better of the people present, pony and deer alike, and bad things started to happen at once.
At the King's side, his hitherto vodka-fetching cronies had somehow found wicked spears and double-bitted axes and jagged knives under their seats, and weapons in teeth they sprung up on the table as well. One be-robed reindeer showed himself to be the sorcerer responsible for the shimmering light display in the roof, as he started to chant and a small fireball started to take shape within his antler-cage.
On the Princess' side, the members of the Lunar Guard who until now had sat content among the other nobleponies, distinguished only by ceremonial court uniforms, were now up and at the ready, hidden weapons magicked out of their coats. Here, a black unicorn mare concentrated as a score of darts and throwing stars rotated telekinetically in the air around her, ready to be thrown. There, a pegasus in gray bat-wings fluttered over the table, long knives sprung from his front hooves.
To their credit, both monarchs reacted about at the same time, though of course afterward their respective supporters would claim otherwise.
”Are you all INSANE? You IDIOTIC COWARDS!” shouted King Ukko and actually kicked the housebuck closest to him. ”Would you break the sacred laws of hospitality and commit actual violence against a guest! DOWN AND BEGONE OR I'LL SLAY YOU ALL, PERSONALLY!”
”STOP THIS AT ONCE!” thundered Luna. ”I didn't even ask for you to be armed and ready! Why are you even here?! Who needs you?! BACK OFF OR I'LL FLAY YOU ALL AND USE YOUR HIDES AS NAPKINS!”
Unlike screaming at each other, the screaming at their underlings had the designed effect. Everything grew quiet at the table except for the heavy breathing of the two monarchs. Ukko stood up and trotted away. Luna did the same in the opposite direction, screaming for her hoofmaiden. A crying Princess Ljufa stammered apologies to no one in particular.
Lord Eminence seemed to appear just now, and if anyone who knew him had looked at him and expected him to be his usual smug self, they would have been mistaken. The gray unicorn looked merely sad and grim as he demonstrated the use of the common Equestrian face-hoof.
Luna strode, still full of fury, down one of the corridors leading away from the feast-hall and hopefully towards her quarters. She was surrounded by a gaggle of courtiers trying to sycophantically show their support, lambast her for her behavior, or merely figure out what was going to happen now, especially since none of them had actually understood what the cervine monarch and the alicorn was quarreling about. Twilight Sparkle was there next to her, but not being very hoofmaidenly; while she had caught some of Luna's anger, it was tainted with her own experiences.
”It is obvious now why the King doesn't want to stop the piracy!” Luna fumed. ”He is supporting them because they act as his beloved old barbarian murderers!”
”You should just use me to stop them,” mumbled Twilight. ”After all, I am an evil sorceress who bathes in the blood of virgins when I am not committing genocide or poisoning princes...”
Luna was too angry to understand or care what Twilight was talking about, but some of the other unicorns heard and was even more confused. Her vague explanation didn't exactly help, and soon it was known that official reindeer propaganda had painted a heroine of Equestria as an evil witch, and even unicorns who one minute ago would have sneered at Twilight's name were suddenly incredibly angry and defensive.
”King Ukko is barely worthy of his rank!” Luna raved. ”Why, his beloved ancestors would at least have admitted his treachery!”
”Your Highness,” Lord Soandso (or another unicorn, surprisingly similar) entreated the Princess, ”please, don't talk like that! He is still the King of Tarandroland!”
”No, he is not!” said a small angry voice in front of them. Everyone stopped and looked where they were actually going.
In front of them stood a very young sarv on his first set of antlers. His voice was hoarse and his eyes red from angry tears. He glared at them.
”Spike?” said Twilight who just saw her little assistant behind the reindeer.
”He used to be the real king,” the reindeer said ”but he isn't any longer! He is just a useless, selfish coward, who cannot do anything but drink all night and sleep all day and moan about how everydeer should pity him because life has been sooooooooo mean to him!”
He sniffed loudly, drawing back snot into his nostrils.
”He doesn't deserve to be king anymore," the sarv continued. "He only cares about himself! He doesn't CARE about Poatsula anymore. He doesn't CARE about my mother! He doesn't CARE about me!”
The Equestrian delegation stared uneasily at him as he sniffed again. Spike cleared his throat.
”Hi Twilight," he said. "Hi Luna. This is my new buddy, Prince Vigg. The heir to Tarandroland.”
Thanks to krdragon for proofreading!
An alicorn's mind is in many ways different from a regular pony's, and in some ways superior. One way in which it shows its superiority is the acuteness of short-term memory. Of course, sometimes this can be a curse. Such as when you have acted like an immature foal the evening before, and don't want to repeat the conversation in your head over and over again. Luna couldn't stand it any longer. She went out the corridor and found a large window, stepped through the glass (without breaking it, of course - the trick is to make it think you are moonlight) and rose up into the sky.
First, she flew over the forests of Tarandroland, made much less dark than the season mandated by a thin powder-cover of snow, glittering like diamonds in the light of the moon (raised by her sister, of course). While she had flown high over the world and hence the land of the reindeer since she gained her freedom, she had never been this close, this able to truly see. She called out to her many pages and maids in the forest below. Of course many of them - the bat, the shrew, the night-moth and the spider - were now sleeping, hibernating, or dead, but others weren't. The wolves howled, the crows and ravens woke on their roosts and cawed groggily, and the owls hooted their praises. Some of the latter, big ones and small ones, singles and couples, rose on silent wings and swirled around their mistress; they didn't judge or question.
Then, she left the owls behind despite their whistled protests and rose higher and higher above the flat disc of the world, so high in the atmosphere that the bats and birds and pegasi would pass out, and rose into the Northern Lights. She went flying through the many-colored aurora, breathing the light and power, her energy renewed by the glittering veils of power, her ancient memories refreshed. Her good memories. She danced in the light and darkness and forgot the woes of earthly existence. Then, first then, she landed back on Earth, back in Castle Muorra, and almost straight on Twilight Sparkle.
Her hoofmaiden lay not across the threshold like servants of old, but right inside the window, and the Queen of Night actually stumbled, fell and woke her. At least I didn't step on her, she thought as she lay in a pool of her own embarrassment. Twilight rose up, failed to stifle a yawn, and rubbed her eyes with her hoof.
"I woke up and you were gone, Your Highness... I... didn't know where, but I thought I'd wait..." she said, blinking with sad eyes that filled Luna with guilt. She didn't know whether she was looking at a devoted servant worried about her mistress, or at a foal terrified it had lost its mother.
"Oh, Lady Sparkle, a thousand apologies!" Luna shouted and nuzzled the young unicorn. "I just needed the sky... I needed the sky and should have told you."
"S'Okay. Didn't sleep much," mumbled Twilight and hugged her mistress.
"There is breakfast, if it will wake you too," said Spike, who poked out his head from the bedroom. "It is yummy, actually. No lichen in sight."
"Good!" mumbled Twilight as she rose from the blankets she had dragged out to sleep on. "I am such a grouchy evil sorceress if I don't get my black lotus tea and spider-legs and still-beating virgin hearts in the morning!" she said angrily.
"Food sounds good! Thanks, Spike!" said Luna and actually supported Twilight as they both shuffled into their room.
"This," said Spike as he demonstrated, "is both a bread and a cereal. It is, strangely enough, not made from lichen but from sedge."
He crushed the thin bread and spread it into his bowl, which, having been used, showed this was his second helping.
"Reindeer use their mouths to crack it; you are free to use your fancy magic, as I use my paws. And this thing that looks like phlegm," he showed them a silver pitcher, "is actually some kind of yogurt and perfectly tasty."
He poured it over the cracked bread.
"I am sure you already know what jam is," and he pointed to a series of silver jars, "but just so you know: blueberry, cloudberry, lingonberry, crowberry, and something called 'nagoonberry', which according to the Prince is sort of the alicorn of berries, which is so awesome it heals wounds, frees the slaves, and causes deer to murder for it - and I tasted it and Vigg was right; you don't get any, it's all mine!"
He slathered on some of the purplish jam on his cereal.
"You know, the kind of food you would think would be served at a king's table, instead of boiled lichen with lichen sauce and lichen salad?" he said.
He picked up a porcelain jug and another silver pitcher.
"There is a really bad tea I don't recommend, but this coffee is brewed the reindeer way, which is apparently the same as the Appleloosan way: if your shoe doesn't float, you need more coffee," he continued.
He poured himself some.
"It is excellent, but you won't sleep until next year," he said as he tasted it. "Oh, and the average reindeer drinks about fifteen gallons of this a day, and our dreaded host mixes his with vodka, half-and-half. No wonder he's a prat!"
The others looked at him.
"Now, can you serve yourselves or should I?" he said. "You need to eat and drink, girls!"
Slowly, they began helping themselves to the food.
"This is more than edible!" sighed Luna. "And your new friend the prince were right about the jam. It is divine, and I should know."
"Didn't I tell you it was all mine?" Spike mock-growled. "Speaking of Vigg, he sent me a letter. If it's OK I'll join him at the ski slope today."
"You don't ski," said Twilight matter-of-factually.
"Who said I would? Vigg is the sportsbuck," Spike countered. "Though I might slide down it anyway - we can borrow a sled from the castle. Sledding is fun!"
"Go, Spike," said Luna. "You're the only one who made any friends so far. I say you should cultivate them."
"What are we doing today, then, Your Highness?" wondered Twilight. Luna sighed deeply.
"I had hoped I would be having talks with the reindeer, but now I have to resist just flying home and admitting defeat" she said and sniffed her coffee. "This is strong! The whole country must be drugged!"
"Paki told me yesterday that they cannot afford to buy it anymore" said Twilight who had opted for the admittedly bad tea instead. The others looked at her.
"The zebra consul," she explained. "He is a coffee trader, and has some odd phobia about magic. It doesn't make sense, it's not like that reindeer magic is really... present." She looked around the room. "If we do nothing else, I'd like to, erh, read our room and figure out more about those reindeer runes, Your Highness. And I think I made a friend as well in him. Maybe he knows more about why the reindeer are in so bad straits as it seems."
There was a knock at the door. Spike got up and opened the door with a huge segdebread jam sandwich in his mouth.
"Muuuumfh!" he said, swallowed it all in one go and then: "Luna! There are some dudes here to see you!"
The dudes turned out to be a gaggle of aristocrats, of both genders but all unicorns – the usual suspects. Their eyes and faces had a rather peculiar expression, where anger and resentment seethed but as soon as Luna's eyes met theirs the expression changed to deepest fear. They hemmed, hahed and introduced themselves politely, and then percolated back and forth until they spit out the smallest diplomat and nudged him to actually say something. Luna looked at him quizzically.
”What do you want, Lord Soandso? Spit it out!” she said, though less unkindly than the words indicated.
”Lord What?” he said confused.
”Never mind," she said. "You came here for a reason, I suppose.”
He swallowed, shut his eyes, opened them, and started to speak.
”Your Highness, we feel, nay, I feel, after the unlucky occurrences – I mean, after the fiasco yesterday, the complete fiasco, that it would be best for the dialogue – I mean, essential for the dialogue – I mean, it would make the dialogue, the dialogue with the reindeer completely impossible if Your Highness was present. I mean, after yesterday's horrible fiasco... how could Your Highness?!” He has actually worked himself up into anger. ”How could Your Highness be so foalish and stupid as to do that, to completely wreck an already bad situation, endangering our work and the security of Equestria, it's – it’s unforgivable!” At the end, he shouted. Then, realizing what he just had said to who, he shut his eyes, cowered and whined ”Please spare my family!”
Luna looked at him, then at the shivering, teeth-chattering committee and sighed.
”You are absolutely right," she said. "It was immensely stupid of me, and I am sorry for the trouble I caused you. I swear I will bother the king and his courtiers no more. But please, keep me informed of everything that happens. If possible, I would like to be present at your meetings before actual diplomacy,” Luna said, doing her best to look the cowering little unicorn in the eyes. He slowly inflated back to normal size.
”O-of course, Your Highness!" he said. "We will do what we can! Thank you for understanding our situation!”
They bowed and curtseyed and murmured thanks and made to leave, when Luna called out for them.
”You there, small but brave: what is your name, really?” she said. The little unicorn stopped, confused.
”I am Oak Wreath, Your Highness,” he said.
Luna nodded. ”I must remember your names, Oak Wreath. I must remember your names,” she said, and with that the diplomats left.
Twilight looked sympathetically at Luna, and the Princess of the Moon suddenly felt her hoof rubbed magically – as when you want to show affection and nudge hoof to hoof. She smiled back to Twilight.
A second knock at the door, and a reindeer lackey delivered a letter to Her Highness, who instructed her hoofmaiden to collect it. He looked nervously at Twilight, who noticed the look and sighed. He left rather quickly after that. Twilight opened it.
”Your Highness, it is an invitation from the Temple of Skinfaxi," she said. "They want you to come, 'when you are able', to see their temple and pass on a gift to Skinfaxi – I mean Princess Celestia.”
Twilight looked at Luna.
”While the concept weirds me out, I am sure they mean well. And we have nothing else to do today. I will honor them with my presence,” Luna declared. ”Get a hold of that lackey and send them a letter in return.”
Twilight left.
”I hope Celestia's gift is a big big jar of that jam!” Spike said and showed the wished-for girth of said theoretical jar with his hands.
”If I know the cults right, it is probably some horrible piece of art. Though there is a llama nation which sends Tia excellent cocoa beans each year,” Luna mused.
Spike bit his tongue and stopped himself asking what they sent Luna.
Spike was in the bathroom when Twilight came back. She had found the reindeer without much ado, though she was now assured everyone stared at her, everyone feared her, everyone judged her for things she had never done. She was about to share her worries with Luna (who ought to know something about how to deal with that problem) when there was a third knock on the door. It was Prince Vigg.
”Hi!” he said, and then he stared a bit at Twilight. ”Hi!” he said again. ”I, uh, was to meet Spike. The dragonling. We are going skiing.” Then he caught himself and added ”Oh sorry, I'm, uh, Vigg. Prince Vigg. We did meet... but it wasn't a good time. You know,” and he waved a big, broad ski he had strapped to his back around a bit and smacked into the door.
”Welcome, Your Highness,” said Twilight and bowed close to the floor. Then she stood up. ”Should I announce his presence or something, Your Highness?”
Luna sighed and shook her head. ”I can see him quite clearly, Lady Sparkle. I don't think this calls for court protocol,” she said, and walked up to the young reindeer and laid her neck against his. ”Welcome, young prince. You are wiser than many else in this kingdom.” A little awkwardly, Vigg greeted her back.
”Thanks, Our Lady of the Night. Uh. Can I skip the Your Highness thing, Your Highness? Because if use titles to each other it becomes so awkward after a while?” he said, and gestured with the lone ski again. Luna chuckled.
”We are of equal rank, according to international protocol, so why not? You are a Prince, I am a Princess,” she said.
He looked unamused. ”You are a ruling Princess of the world's greatest nation, I am like this completely theoretical heir of a small podunk island. Also, I don't raise the Moon. I have trouble enough raising myself in the morning. Cosmic powers gotta count in the title-game,” he explained.
”Just call me Luna,” she said and smiled. ”This is my hoofmaiden, Lady Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight bowed deeply. ”If you cannot get a hold of me, young Vigg, you can confer with her – we share everything!”
”Pleased to meet you, Your Highness,” Twilight said and bowed again. Vigg looked at her, a little too long at that, and cleared his throat.
”That Twilight Sparkle?” he wondered. Twilight's face darkened.
”Yeah, I assume you heard it too – Skinfaxi's Shadow, evil sorceress, yadda yadda...” she muttered.
”Oh? That? Well,” - and he scratched himself awkwardly, - ”first, you look different” he said.
”Different?” Twilight said, confused.
”Well... Younger, I mean. Also, it is the press, you know. They are like your natural enemy when you're royalty, because no matter whether they say bad or good things about you, they always lie. So, I mean, I wouldn't trust them that much,” he finished and smiled.
”Well, thanks,” Twilight said. ”So you're not afraid of me?”
He shrugged and looked at her – again, a little too long, but then he turned to look at Luna instead.
”No. I'm not,” he said.
There was another pause.
”Spike is cleaning himself up,” said Twilight to change the subject. ”He should be ready soon.”
”Great! I brought sandwiches and cocoa, and he can borrow a sleigh here at the castle. The weather should be perfect,” said Vigg smiling.
”My skiing experienced is limited, and much has happened in the centuries since I visited your country, Vigg, but I am sure you usually have two skis,” said Luna and pointed to the tool of his trade.
”Oh?" he said. "Yeah, but see, since you were here – oh frost on my tail, you were here thousand years ago?! Never mind, since you were, you know old-fashioned reindeer skis, unlike modern ones, had one broad and one slim, right?”
Luna nodded. Twilight showed her usual mood by actually looking for one of her notebooks.
”One you travel on, one to kick with to gain speed," he explained. "Now, you still use them for cross-travel up on the tundra, but you use more normal ones for modern competitions – including downhill, see?” His audience nodded.
”Well, some of us – us skiers – used old-fashioned skis downhill, like for a joke, to make it harder see?" he said. "So we came up with just using the big broad one, and not just trying to go as fast as possible, but to pass obstacles and make tricks and try to jump as far as we can. It's not like a real sport yet, but it is fun. I am trying to get better, and while it is even more fun up in the mountains, there is this ski hill outside Sarvis – Sarvvik – that is really good!” He realized he was gushing and blushed, sending Twilight a worried gaze.
”And also, at that place they usually don't recognize me, they just think I am this fawn, you know? So, as I said, press, but no problem,” he finished. ”Some of my friends might be there, but they are cool – otherwise they wouldn't be like my friends, y'know?”
”What friends do you have?” asked Luna. ”I know myself a high position sometimes makes it hard making real friends.”
”Well, they are just these guys, you know?" he said. "Mostly, mostly they are grazers whose parents moved down here, and they like skiing, and hiking, and sometimes living like it was up north out in the forest, instead of in town.”
And getting away from that hated press, and the politicians, and your troubled family, Luna thought. I guess those journalists you hate would get lost in the forests...
Twilight started asking questions about the manufacturing of skis, for reasons Luna couldn't comprehend at first, and Vigg answered amiably – though he had made his himself, and expressed disgust with factory-made skis. It was then that Luna realized Twilight was fishing for information about reindeer magic, wondering whether it could be a passive talent like earth ponies and their ties to the Land – if reindeer were simply better at working wood than they should be. Luna smiled. Twilight's hunger was sometimes very intense, though at least the kid didn't mind talking varnish with a foreign adult.
Spike came out about then, and since his patience for varnish was limited, he suggested they leave.
”Oh Spike, you make me a little worried with this trip!” said Twilight. ”Please don't break your legs or something!” Spike tried to communicate telepathically with the older kid to not say the words, but failed; Vigg insisted that he'd look after Spike, who groaned.
”You don't want to come?” Vigg asked the Princess and her hoofmaiden. Twilight looked a little eager, but Luna shook her head.
”We have an appointment with the Temple of Skinfaxi,” she said. ”But I thank you for your offer, young Vigg.”
”Well... that's actually in our direction. Say, we can follow you on the way, and I can show you where,”, said Vigg.
”Isn't the temple the big golden building?” Spike asked grouchily. ”Isn't that easy to find?”
”Well, it's not like you can fly there... except when you can,” Vigg said at Luna's chuckle and fluttering her wings.
”Well, it sounds like a good idea,” said Luna. ”Let me just become presentable. Hoofmaiden – attend to me!”
Spike groaned as Twilight got busy with Luna's mane and hooves.
”Why did you suggest that?” he whispered to Vigg. ”Now we have to wait for them for hours and hours.”
”I don't really mind,” said Vigg happily.
The Temple of Skinfaxi was really beautiful, though they could only see the greenhouse, not the large outdoor flower garden, on account of it being early winter. The collection of reindeer in outfits in white and gold that served it were polite. The gift to Celestia was an absolutely awful glass sculpture. It ended up in Twilight's magic, levitating over her, since it obviously didn't fit in her saddlebags and Luna shouldn't carry it for princessy reasons. The Princess and her hoofmaiden were walking down the long path through the garden towards the gates, talking quietly among themselves.
“It's hideous!” chuckled Luna. “I know I don't get modern art, but this has to be bad for modern ponies as well!”
“Please don't tell me you are happy with it being this awful because it is Princess Celestia's present and not yours...” Twilight was straining a little with the glass formation.
“Oh, it might turn out well,” mused Luna. “Like with the mountain Canterlot is on. It was an unwanted gift too, you see?”
“What?” said Twilight confused. “Who gives away mountains?”
“Oh, it was long ago at the dawn of time," Luna said. "Someone... we can describe him as an uncle to Tia and me, he gave us that mountain. He was the one who made the mountains of the world, see, so he was of course a bit obsessed with mountains. And Tia said it didn't fit any landscape we had, and I suggested that we put it in the Underworld and just bring it out when he was visiting, and then...”
The anecdote was interrupted by a commotion at the gates they were fast approaching.
“I DEMAND to see Our Lady of the Moon!” shouted an old, shrill voice.
“Lady, the temple is off-limits to laydeer today because Hrimfaxi herself is visiting. It is not very pious, running around bothering deities like that,” said what must be one of the traditionally bored temple guards.
“But I am no laydeer! I am the Chief Priestess at the Temple of Hrimfaxi!” shouted the old voice again, and Luna's ancient ears suddenly perked up.
“Lady, I mean, Your Grace, you know that means you cannot enter at all, ever,” said another guard.
“Why can't we get into the Temple of Skinfaxi?!” shouted a smaller, higher-pitched, angrier voice. “That is discriminatory!”
“Young lady, we can't get into your Temple either! Those are the rules, and we didn't make them,” groaned the first guard. “Now please calm down, both of you!”
Luna and Twilight weren't automatically noted by the guards when they stepped through the gates, but they were noticed by the source of the angry voices: an old vaja swaying on arthritic legs and a second, very young one, like Vigg on her first set of antlers. The young one saw them first, made a little squeak of joy and then prostrated herself on the ground. Her older colleague followed suit. The temple guards caught on about then and bowed before the Princess and her hoofmaiden with more dignity.
“All Hail Our Lady of the Moon!” the prostrated vajas chanted in unison. “All Glory to the Goddess of Dusk, the Ruler of the Night Court...” Twilight looked at the two reindeer with a certain apprehension. Luna groaned and shut her eyes...
“All Hail the Nightmare Moon!”
Luna's eyes opened. They were full of green fire, and her mane shifted like a cold wind from outer space. She steadied herself. She shut her eyes, opened them to a normal pony gaze, and her mane returned to normal.
“Come, Lady Sparkle. Let's return to the Palace,” And she began to move away.
The older reindeer gasped and stumbled up, following Luna, plucking at her tail.
“Mistress! Goddess! We merely wish that you grace our humble temple with your divine being...” she babbled, her voice quivering. Her younger colleague also rose and gaped as she started at Luna.
Luna turned abruptly and hissed at the old priestess.
“Listen!" she said. "I don't want your temple, I don't want your worship, and I don't want you! Go before I cause you harm!”
The old vaja slumped to the ground and babbled excuses, but the younger reindeer stood straight up, her eyes gleaming like stars of anger, an effect enhanced by her garish eye makeup, which was a broad black band painted across her face like a bandit's mask.
She held the sobbing old priestess to her.
“But she was supposed to understand...” the old reindeer cried.
“Don't worry Grammy. We can do without her. She is just like all the other ones: she only cares about herself. She doesn't care about her followers. She doesn't care about you. She doesn't care about me!” Hot tears dribbled through her black makeup and made river down her cheeks, but her gaze met Luna's straight on and didn't waiver.
Luna, looking back at her, remembering things useful to remember, turned to Twilight.
“Change of plans, Lady Sparkle," she said. "We will visit my temple, a duty I have neglected. I want to thank you for reminding me, my faithful priestess. What is your name?”
The young vaja just gaped, and her until now so steady, angry voice was changed into a stammer.
“Me? Uhm, oh, my Goddess, I am just a temple-fawn, not a priestess yet. And my name is Saga, Oh Goddess.”
Art by the talented Adalbertus - thanks ever so much! Thanks also to krdragon for proofreading help!
It turned out to be quite a walk. About halfway between the two temples Twilight started to show strain, and Luna unceremoniously picked up the statue with her mind and let it bob after them, despite Twilight’s protests.
The two reindeer babbled a lot on their way but didn't really say much, being a bit too nervous. For Luna the most interesting part was actually when the older one (who periodically needed support from the temple-fawn to walk) started trying to make the walk a sight-seeing trip. Her speech invariably turned from the usual historical and patriotic facts into personal notes like 'this is were I bought my hat, and at a quite nice price too I might say,' 'my daughter was conceived in this dancing hall, back when it wasn't a hairdresser's' or 'don't buy your bread here, Oh My Goddess, the baker is a terrible cheat and no loaf weighs what it should.' Luna smiled.
Her younger colleague, when not supporting the older one, who seemed to literally be her grandmother (paternal), commented on their path in her own way, and incidentally gave Twilight a pretty good picture of Life Of The Reindeer Teen In The Big(ger) City. It was strange the way that despite obviously being an uptown doe, Saga became happier about the whole city the closer they came to Hrimfaxi's temple – strange because the closer they got, the more the city started to resemble slum, something Twilight never had seen before. Well, she was aware it existed in some big cities that weren't Canterlot, but...
The temple stood dark and looming, befitting its patron. The old, bleached pillars of carved fir did most of the looming, while the shadows from the jutting roof and the enormous pile of antlers and skulls took care of the darking. Twilight shivered as she lifted her head and saw the reindeer skulls looking down at her.
”Good grief! It looks like a haunted stable on Nightmare Night!” she burst out.
Saga nodded enthusiastically. ”It does, doesn't it?" she beamed happily. "Isn't it totally awesome, Mistress Sparkle?!”
”Excuse me, but what's with the antler hill?” Twilight asked the older priestess as she poked them with her hoof.
”Oh, it is tradition to give your last cast-off antlers to Hrimfaxi when you die!” she explained. ”As a sort of thank-you gift for Hrimfaxi guiding you to the Summer Lands.”
”Or, I mean, your family gives us – I mean, you, Oh Goddess, the antlers,” Saga added. ”Seeing how you are dead and all. Though it would be neat if some dead reindeer took his antler here himself, but it never happened.”
”You save your cast-off antlers?” said Twilight. The reindeer – and princess Luna – nodded.
”They are a valuable part of you, after all. Back when I was here last time, you would carve them into beautiful or useful things and give your beloved ones,” the alicorn explained. ”Or rather, the ones from last year, because you never knew when you needed your last ones for the passing gift. Is that still done?”
The reindeer looked at each other.
”Not much, Oh My Goddess. Deer still give gifts, but they are more likely to just give the set of antlers,” said the old priestess.
”See, they are really valuable and can be sold,” said Saga. ”But you can also sell them yourselves and buy other gifts for the money.”
”Why are they valuable? Oh – I see! The horn – there is always magic in horns!” said Twilight and carefully lifted a set of greening antlers with her magic.
”Yeah, but they are useful in other ways as well. I mean, before there was plastic it was like very useful for making things,” said Saga.
Luna had to drag Twilight away from the antler-hill, but they did get inside after that. They placed the horrid statue outside, Luna and Twilight hoping somedeer would steal it.
Luna found it strange that while she had recoiled at the very idea of worship, the temple being in such a sorry state made her sad, ashamed, and somehow offended.
”I am sorry, Oh My Goddess,” said the priestess ”but there isn't much demand for our ceremonies any more, except for the neighboring reindeer and some traveling grazers who still perform the antler ceremony – and they have no money.”
Her old rheumy eyes gleamed. ”But when I was a very young fawn, there was still singing here, and reindeer gathering to give thanks for the moon and the stars and the northern lights, and praying for the darkness to cover them...”
”Why? The darkness, I mean?” said Twilight as she was studying an astronomical mobile trying to figure out the missing pieces.
The old reindeer shrank a little. ”I am afraid most of them were thieves, Mistress Sparkle. Darkness makes their profession somewhat easier, don't you see?” she said cautiously. Luna stiffened a bit at that.
”But nowadays, no one comes – and the roof is leaking, the doors are stuck ajar, the decorations pawned off...” the old vaja continued. ”The priestly sanctum sanctorum drafty and cold, we really could use a working toilet, the moon well is cracked and dried of all except slime -”
”MOON WELL?!” shouted Luna. ”You have a moon well in this place?!”
There was a dangerous tone to her voice which made Twilight drop the mobile. Their hostesses cringed at the shout.
”I'm sorry but it hasn't been used in like hundreds and hundreds of years... but we can change that if it pleases you My Goddess...” Saga quickly said.
This did not pacify Luna, quite the opposite.
”What's a moon well?” asked Twilight. And why does it make you so angry, my Princess..?
”Young Saga, my temple-fawn, let's go there, and tell lady Sparkle what a moon well is, since you are sorry it hasn't been in use,” said Luna, her voice full of mirth, her lips smiling, her eyes blazing.
The young doe cringed some more but showed them out the backyard. The older one followed hesitantly at a distance.
In the yard was a very wide and very old well. The stones were hardly visible under moss and lichen, and cracked with age. Twilight peered down into it as Saga pointed down. The bottom was covered with white snow, a deeper layer than that on the ground. It was dark and mucky down there. Jagged stones and what looked like blackened old branches poked up from the bottom.
”This... this is the moon well. It used to be full of water... so the moon could be mirrored in it, see?” Saga started to explain. ”And... it used to be... there was... long ago, we... I mean those priestesses back then... sacrificed reindeer to the moon in it.”
Twilight, aghast, turned to a Luna, her eyes still blazing, her lips falsely content.
”Because they would fall in... and land in the mirror image of the moon... and the walls are so steep and so slimy... you cannot climb up...” Saga continued.
”And it was hundreds of years ago, you say?” said Luna smoothly.
”Yes,” said Saga with a very small voice, ”it was hundreds of years ago.”
Luna nodded.
”Know one thing, cervine child carved of old pine,” Luna said as she started to shimmer with her magic, ”I never demanded this. Not even when wrapped in madness and hate and jealousy. Not even when I was Nightmare Moon.”
Her magic dug into the earth like a giant claw scooping up the whole well, the earth and stones and ice and old old bones, and she rose with it above the temple, her great wings flapping as she ascended into the sky, surveyed the sea outside, and slingshotted the whole mass into the sea. Then, she landed.
”If you didn't demand it, who came up with it?” Saga actually asked when her divine patron again trod the rather upset ground of the temple.
”Reindeer did," Luna said, her gaze turned inwards. "Oh, and all kinds of beings. Ponies. Cattle. The diamond dogs, always sophisticates, just tore the sacrifice apart and the congregation devoured it.”
Everyone stared.
”But why?” Twilight asked.
”Some were afraid of Nightmare Moon and thought she could harm them unless they bribed her," Luna explained. "Others thought... if this happened often enough, she would be free, and deliver them from their enemies with terror. As I once said, there is a reason my sister warped our battle into a fairy tale. So that no one would take it seriously and do horrible things like this.”
”Oh my... ” said Twilight. ”At Nightmare Night, when you sacrifice your candy to Nightmare Moon...”
”Yes,” said Luna. ”There is more than one way to warp the sinister to the innocent.”
”My Goddess,” said the old doe, ”what do we do with, erh, the hole?”
Everyone looked at it.
”I think you might actually have dislocated the structure of the temple, My Goddess,” Eira said as she peered curiously at it.
Luna looked embarrassed.
”Well, I suppose it will have to be renovated as well...” Luna mused. ”But I see water down the hole...”
”I don't think the actual spring was gone, after all we are close to a river,” Twilight said. ”Maybe it will be a well again – or a little lake.”
”We can make a new moon well,” Saga suddenly said, ”except not, y'know, killing reindeer in it.”
”No living, breathing, bleeding sacrifices!” said Luna and scowled.
The reindeer nodded hastily.
”Would flowers be OK?” Saga wondered. ”We could send them to the moon?”
”Flowers would be lovely!” said Luna and smiled.
The old doe cleared her throat. ”We could make libations... I mean, I have a very nice batch of nagoonberry liqueur in my sanctum sanctorum...” she said as she mimicked pouring something into the hole.
Luna's eyes perked up.
”Nagoonberry, you say? The only libations made will be down my throat! Show the way, oh My Priestess!” said Luna and marched into the temple. ”I wish... I wish I could use this, in some way. Some real way to help deer...” she started to explain to the priestess following her.
Saga sighed deeply and looked at Twilight.
”I thought she was gonna throw me down there, y'know? I was so afraid, though it would have been kinda awesome,” she said and looked at the hole, where more water was seeping forth.
”You have a rather strange definition of awesome,” said Twilight.
”Well, are you really that Twilight Sparkle?” said the doe.
”Yeah, unfortunately,” said Twilight and sighed. ”Don't tell me you think that is awesome as well!”
”Of course it is!” Saga gushed. ”Oh my goddess I have heard so much about you!” She bounced a little. Twilight looked on with disbelief.
”Twilight Sparkle, Skinfaxi's Shadow. The sadistic sorceress and sex-fiend. Awesome?” Saga nodded enthusiastically.
”Oh yes!” she said as she bounced some more.
”I summon demons and slay ponies with sorcery and enchant ponies' minds?” Twilight said.
”My friends will be so totally jelly when I tell them I met you!” Saga said happily.
”I seduce youths and maidens and take them to my castle dungeon where I have them devoured by giant venomous carnivorous demon-snails for fun. Awesome?” Twilight said.
Saga thought for a second or two, then nodded again.
”That is really awesome. My friends would be even more jelly if I was devoured by giant venomous carnivorous demon-snails for fun,” she said with a wistful smile.
”I highly doubt that,” said Twilight and face-hoofed.
Saga was silent for a while, then she said: ”Do you slowly dip them or keep the snails in a pit?”
”What,” said Twilight flatly.
”I meant do you keep them hanging in chains and slowly dip them down among the snails so they will be slowly eaten while they scream for their mommies – aagh – eeep- boohoo?” said Saga as she demonstrated the flailing of a theoretical victim.
”No. No I don't,” said Twilight.
”Then do you keep the snails in a pit and the victims chained to a wall so the snails crawl towards them?” Saga tried to imitate a giant venomous carnivorous demon-snail slowly creeping towards a victim. ”Splortch... splortch...”
”How old are you, miss Saga?” said Twilight. And are you on some medication I should know about? Oh what the hay, she isn't worse than most of my neighbors..
”Seventeen!” said Saga happily. ”But how do you do it?”
”I don't," said Twilight. "Do it at all, I mean. Especially since that last thing with the giant venomous carnivorous demon-snails wasn't even one of your stupid rumors, it was something I made up on the spot right now!”
”...oh” said Saga sadly. ”Sorry, I didn't mean to...”
”It's okey," said Twilight. "It wasn't you who made up the rumors. I am just curious why you find things awesome that others find awful. I mean, you are obviously not mean or bad in any way...”
Saga looked thoroughly disappointed.
”...but your appearance, your tastes, your calling in life, it is all like what many ponies – deer, I mean – would avoid. I am just trying to figure you out,” said Twilight Sparkle, then added: ”I'm not very good at figuring anyone out. I have a hard time understanding my friends...”
Very carefully, Saga leaned against her and nudged a hoof.
”Well, so do I. Not that I have that many...” said the little doe, then she sat straight up.
”My appearance, what do you think? How do I look?” she said a little expectantly.
Don't tell her what you think, don't tell her that... ”You remind me of a buffalo on the warpath” said Twilight bluntly. ”I m-mean, with the face paint, and the jewelry...”
”Wow! That's actually awesome!” said Saga.
”It is? I mean, I don't think that was what you were aiming for...” said Twilight and looked down.
”No, but I like buffalo. Real buffalo, I mean, not the ones in stupid movies...” Saga mused. ”I mean, I read about them instead...”
”You like to read?” Twilight perked up.
Saga shrugged. ”Not in school, they only want you to read stupid things you never need... I read all the stories about Hrimfaxi and Skinfaxi here in the temple instead... I sort of dropped out of school...”
Twilight shuddered.
”I could never imagined not having gone to school... school was the only fun I ever had as a kid...” she mumbled.
Saga looked at her.
”Can I ask you something?” she said.
Twilight nodded.
”Is it true that you were Skinfaxi's own student?” Twilight nodded.
”That's true," she said. "I still am. My specialty is the magic of friendship.”
”Then why are you the servant of Hrimfaxi as well?” Saga asked.
”Well, first the Princesses are sisters and friends, so... serving both is no problem. Second... I am not just the servant of Princess Luna,” Twilight said with pride.
”How do you mean?” Saga said.
”Well, we're close... because of things that happened... I mean we share a bedroom now and things like that...” Twilight began, wondering how to explain her personal experiences of the Nightmare Moon affair to someone who considered Princess Luna literally divine...
A Twilight Sparkle wearing considerable more eyeshadow than usual was standing at the top of a windswept tower, looking out over a dramatic landscape as a thunderstorm raged at the same time as the ground was covered in deep mists.
Around her was a huge magic circle drawn with fluorescent red and blue fluids, and at its cardinal corners stood horse skulls bearing fat, drippy black candles. In front of her was a huge flaming brazier into which she kept throwing strange dust as she chanted a dirge that was strangely enough accompanied by wailing electric guitars.
As her chant ended blue lightning struck the ground in front of her and Luna, also wearing considerable more eyeshadow than usual, materialized. Twilight prostrated herself on the ground and shouted:
”My Mistress of the Dark! You have come to me!”
Luna shot her a smoldering gaze and dragged her right front hoof down Twilight's back.
”Rise, my little apprentice! Rise, and bear sacrifice to the Goddess of Passion!”
Twilight rose, shot a smoldering gaze back, and embraced Luna as she shouted:
”OH MY MISTRESS OF NIGHT, DRAG ME INTO THE SEPULCHRE OF LOVE!”
Luna covered her with her wings, and...
”...and then it turned out that when we used the Magic of Friendship, we didn't send Nightmare Moon back to the moon, but we exorcised her from Luna, and... are you listening?” Twilight frowned at the young reindeer who, while staring at Twilight, seemed rather vacant.
”Oh, sure! Listening! Definitely!” Saga said, blushing deeply.
”You must understand, Eira,” said Luna who had by then actually learned the name of her chief and only priestess, ”that while I have the resources to simply send a huge load of gold here to just renovate the temple, it wouldn't be a good idea. It wouldn't solve the fundamental problems you are facing.”
Eira nodded and sipped some more liqueur from the cracked coffee cup she was using, Luna having gained the uncracked one.
”It would be a false thing," she said. "The temple isn't abandoned because it is dilapidated, it is dilapidated because it is abandoned. The temple of Skinfaxi – even they have been abandoned, and it has been even worse the last few years. It is just that pretty because a few wealthy worshipers, like Princess Ljufa, keeps plying them with silver.”
”Why have reindeer abandoned my sister?” said Luna. ”I can actually understand me, seeing how I hardly been active, but...”
Eira chuckled.
”About as active as the creator of reindeer, which I am sure you know!” joked the priestess.
Luna frowned but nodded.
”Well, yes. I count her as an aunt, if it helps... But why my sister?” Luna said
”The ways of the Sun are literally not mine,” said Eira, ”but there is something with the last years bad winters that have made deer less fond of the sun. You'll have to ask another deer.”
She looked at what was literally her deity, so small but so amiable in the flesh and pondered.
”Maybe, if you appeared as you do to me, to a public ritual, next time one is due, so that reindeer could see you. See you smile,” she said and smiled herself.
Luna looked down her cup, then looked up, and smiling.
”I know a better way, and quicker," she said. "I know just the way, and we might as well do it when I am in Tarandroland and have literally nothing else useful to do right now. I must just speak to my sister.”
”Twilight?” said Saga as they sat on the roof of the temple, Twilight having made a demonstration of her telekinesis.
”Yes?” said Twilight who was starting to feel cold.
”I still think you are awesome even if you are a good sorceress!” said the reindeer and leaned against Twilight.
”Oh. Thanks,” said Twilight.
The reindeer hesitated a while, then spoke up again. ”Do you think you could teach me some things? I mean, like magic?”
Twilight paused and tried to conceal her mirth.
”Sure – though I don't know enough about reindeer magic, I don't know if I could...” she said, testing the waters.
”Oh, I can totally show you all Gramma showed me. Which, erh, isn't much,” Saga pouted.
”I am sure we can arrange something then,” said Twilight, ”for what little time I am here.”
”Oh that's so great! I mean, I'll totally be your apprentice. I'll do anything!” Saga gushed.
Twilight turned to her. An idea – rather selfish, but tempting – had struck her.
”Anything?” she said.
”Anything!” said Saga, with determination.
”Even if it is difficult and troublesome?” said Twilight.
”It doesn't matter!” said Saga, and pounded her hoof for emphasis, causing Saturn in bone to fall from the roof inside.
”Even if it is against... your personal moral... code?” asked Twilight.
”I said anything and I mean anything! I swear by my antlers!” Saga said haughtily.
Twilight smiled a nasty little smile. ”Then we have a deal. See, there is this task that has been bothering me, and with today's excitement I have forgotten it, and I really need someone to do it for me...”
An alicorn can connect with the Wheels that turn the heavens anywhere. (Well, almost anywhere. Not beyond the stars, or in the Underworld, or in a certain strange hamlet outside Hoofington, but almost.) Luna had no problems once she had made a hurried telepathic call to her sister to stop the raising of the moon and night from Canterlot.
She danced her primordial dance of the heavens from the cracked and leaking roof of her temple, and those of her pages and maids not asleep – which in the city included hordes of rats – attended from the grounds around the temple. While the moon of course didn't literally rise from the slums of Sarvvik, everyone in it could see Our Lady of the Moon raising it.
Indeed, all over the city reindeer saw Luna and awed, or wondered, or poured out their vodka and swore off it forever, but it was in the old quarters of industry and low-quality housing and crime and squalor of the kind ponies are most unused to, that it had the greatest effect. All over that part of the city, the oldest part of the city, reindeer prostrated themselves towards Luna, the factory workers and their forebucks, the thieves and their fences, the whores and their pimps, the beggars and the drunks and the telemarketers. And Luna smiled towards them and did her dance.
When they were to return to the palace, they found to their dismay that the horrible statue was unstolen. Eira claimed it was out of reverence for their Goddess; Saga instead claimed that the thieves of Sarvvik had taste.
”Are you sure you can do this?” Vigg wondered.
”I'm cool,” said Spike, his voice somewhat muffled.
”Because it's somewhat dangerous and I don't think you have done it before,” said Vigg.
”Hey, I'm not a baby! At least let me try!” said Spike angrily.
Vigg sighed. ”OK, it's your funeral!” he said and winced.
He shook his head at Spike's attempt, then he couldn't restrain himself any longer. He grabbed Spike's tail with his teeth and pulled him out of the snowdrift he had been stuck in.
”Hey, I was getting there!” said Spike. Vigg smiled sheepishly.
”I thought you were gonna suffocate, buck! Digging yourself out can be hazardous after a crash like yours!” He dusted off Spike, without reason, since he wasn't that snowy. Dragons are fairly warm, and the snow hadn't really stuck to his warm jacket. In fact, Spike had become warmer down there, and said so.
”Yeah, snow isolates. Snow can be your best friend in winter,” the reindeer prince explained.
”I got the sleigh!” shouted another young sarv, one of Vigg's friends, from the foot of the skiing hill. ”Icicles on my antlers, that dragon is one crazy driver!” Vigg chuckled.
”You certainly have made an impression on my buddies!” he said as he and Spike waited for the other reindeer to drag the sled up to them.
”I did? Yes I did!” said Spike, happy that he hadn't made a complete fool of himself.
It was rather refreshing to not only be with other guys, but other guys older and thus slightly cooler than him. It was even better because they seemed genuinely pleased to meet him. He was a little intimidated by the talk being mostly about winter sports and hiking, but it was eased by the fact that they liked explaining the value of broader skis or the right way to build a campfire. And he found himself explaining as much about dragons or about Equestria. Not all of them were as clear about the difference between Foalywood and reality as Vigg (”No, not all unicorns are noble mage-knights. That's just in techno-thrillers”) but they were reasonable about it.
Vigg's questions were a bit more personal – some were about Luna or Celestia or the Elements of Harmony, most about Twilight and living with her. His friends listened a bit uninterested to Spike's answers about that as well, but everyone became strangely impressed and gushing and jealous about living inside a living tree. It didn't sound very reindeer to Spike, but perhaps that was why.
After the other sarv had given Spike the reins to the sled, he pointed to the distant clock tower of Sarvvik City Hall.
”Me and the other guys are going home now. Not that it hasn't been fun, but some of us have work to do tomorrow,” he said.
Vigg groaned. ”You know how much I wish I had work to do tomorrow! But I don't even get to take a weekend job!” he said.
The other reindeer chuckled. ”See you later! Pleased to meet you, Spike! Brohoof?” he said and lifted one of his front hooves.
”Brohoof,” said Spike and met it with his paw.
He had noticed that the young bucks – with the notable exception of Vigg – tended to mix a little Equestrian with their Poatsi. It seemed 'brohoof' was a loanword, used even when they didn't speak their accented school Equestrian with Spike. It was kinda eerie.
As they waved farewell to the rest of the little herd, Vigg pointed to to the another hill, a little higher, lying next to the actual ski slope but on the way home.
”What do you say we get up to the top there – there's a fireplace up there – makes a coffee-fire, eat the rest of the sandwiches, and then we go home as well?” he said enthusiastically.
”Sounds neat. But we still have cocoa in the thermos, why the coffee-fire?” said Spike.
”Because it's not a real break without a coffee-fire, even if you don't make coffee!” he laughed.
”Can we sled down afterward?” asked Spike.
”I am counting on it!” said Vigg. ”That hill isn't used for skiing and so on, so it isn't packed or plowed or used in any way. It's much more fun to go down fresh snow like that, and I haven't done it this year yet! Come on now!”
They slowly and methodically went up the hill – Vigg with his odd single ski on his back, Spike pulling the sled he had borrowed – and when there they used some gathered dry twigs and some firewood from a big heap of it to make a small campfire. Vigg explained that he had helped to chop the firewood here; it was for everydeer, but somedeer had to chop it.
As they chewed on their soggy sandwiches in silence Spike felt that Vigg actually relished being with a friend and not saying anything. He himself had no such proclivities however, and after a while he had to bring up a subject that had been burning him in a different way than the fire he always kept in his belly.
”Vigg, why is it that reindeer think Twilight's an evil sorceress?” he said.
Vigg remained silent for a while.
”I think it's something one of my teacher called 'values dissonance',” he said finally.
”What does that mean? I live in a library and I don't know!” said Spike grouchily.
”It means – I think it means – that when cultures have different values, and they meet, they get dissonant – they conflict. See, we reindeer don't really like magic,” he explained.
”Why not? It's pretty useful,” said Spike. ”And I mean, your grandpa's supposed to be this big traditionalist reindeer, and he has a court sorcerer.”
”Well, we think it's useful too... just that it's iffy. And the more powerful it is, the iffier,” Vigg said.
”But why is that?” said Spike. ”I can understand if it's bad to, say, magic a rock to the head of someone. But what if you magic someone up from a deep deep hole?”
”Well,” said Vigg, ”to reindeer – not to all of us, all the time, mind you – it's like this: you make magic by... convincing the world to do something.”
Spike frowned. ”That doesn't seem like the magic Twilight does” he said. ”That's all like baking a cake. Well, except Twilight tends to mess up the recipe because she gets stressed the cake's for Celestia's birthday, so she makes a bomb instead...”
Vigg chuckled.
”Think of it as a metaphor, OK?" he said. "Anyway, magic is like convincing the world to do something for you, except the world isn't supposed to change much. It is like it is for a reason. Every time you change one thing, you change something else. So magic is like changing everything because you want to, without caring what happens to anyone else, which is selfish. And being selfish is bad and being bad is evil, OK?"
”So throwing a rock on someone with magic is bad not because you're beaning someone with a rock, but because rocks shouldn't fly?” Spike said. Vigg nodded.
”Yeah, sort of. But ponies... many ponies are unicorns, and they use magic like I use my hooves. I mean it would be really weird if you said it was evil to use your hooves. So ponies can't really think magic is evil in itself, but reindeer can,” he said and ate the last of his sandwich.
“Then, there 's this thing about Equestria,” he continued. “Reindeer are sort of... of two minds about it.”
“Why's that?” said Spike. “It's a big country, but it's not like it goes around and invades other countries and so on?”
“Well, there're reindeer like my grandpa who thinks Equestria does that in another way, merely because others want to be Equestrian so much. I don't really agree, and there aren't that many I think. It's something else. Equestria seems... too good!” Vigg said.
“Why, you reindeer are never satisfied!” Spike said.
Vigg chuckled again and shook his head. “Spike... no one else in the world has it as good as the ponies of Equestria. Maybe the zebras or ki-rin are close, maybe some of the camel sultanates, but the ponies have us all beat. Relative to the size, there's no other place which has so little crime, so little poverty, so much... love and tolerance. And the inhabitants are all pastel-colored and friendly and obsessed with cuteness, and they have made the whole country into a park where even the animals don't hurt each other. They haven't been to war for centuries, and they're ruled by a benevolent immortal god-queen who even seems to call herself 'princess' because everydeer who has read a fairy tale knows that princesses are good and queens are wicked,” Vigg said with a certain emotion. “It all seems too good to be true. Remember what I said about how magic works – we reindeer tend to think like that about everything. Where's the catch, many of us say.”
“Is pessimism like a national sport here in Tarandroland?” said Spike.
Vigg laughed. “Try living in a country where four fifths of the year are blizzards and the remaining fifth mosquito, where everydeer uses vodka as interior heating, where – in the worst parts – there can be weeks without sunrise, and you would get pessimistic too!” he said, and then he continued. “So, Princess Skinf... Princess Celestia has an agent who is perhaps the world's greatest sorceress. She must be evil, right? So, obviously Celestia has this cabal of magic ponies who keeps Equestria perfect by making all the problems go away.”
“That's... really silly!” protested Spike. “Besides, only two of the Elements of Harmony even have real magic!”
“Reindeer don't know that, because our magic works differently. And because so many reindeer have all knowledge of Equestria from Foalywood, they haven't learned any better. There're even reindeer who think that alicorns are just a different kind of pony, or like the crossbreed between a pegasus and a unicorn...” Vigg said.
”But there are reindeer magicians?” Spike said.
”Yeah, but they avoid using magic unless it's really necessary, and their favorite magics are passive,” Vigg explained.
”What do you mean passive?” said Spike and ate the crumbs of his sandwich
”Well, seeing and knowing things others don't know, mostly. That's a very reindeer thing to do. All reindeer can do that, a little,” he said and looked a little awkward. ”See, I'm not sure of this 'magic is bad' thing, and I still have a hard time talking about magic.”
”You don't have to if you don't want to,” said Spike. ”I think you have explained why reindeer think Twilight is an evil sorceress: it's because she's an awesome sorceress. And you cannot be awesome without being evil if you're a sorceress.”
Vigg laughed again. ”That's the thing, yeah!” he said, and then fell silent.
”She really is awesome, though. Can I ask you something about Twilight, Spike?” Vigg said after a while.
”You don't think she's an evil sorceress, do you?” Spike said. Vigg shook his head with emphasis.
”I'm positive. I would have seen it otherwise!” he said.
Spike nodded. ”OK, shoot away! We have talked about her earlier today, what did we miss?” he said.
”Well... how do you fit together, you and Twilight? I mean, what are you to her? You're obviously not her pet, because you're a person, and not her familiar, because you're willing,” Vigg said.
”I'm her assistant!” Spike said. ”Already told you, remember?”
”Well, yes and no. Because you're a minor, Spike. You're even younger than me. And ponies usually don't hire kids as assistants – and I remember you complaining about not getting paid earlier,” Vigg said.
”Well, Twilight... we grew up together, alright? So we're family. And kids... kids help with the family business, right? And... the grazer herds you told me about, all the kids help right?” Spike said, feeling a little uncomfortable about the subject.
Vigg was silent a bit, contemplating it.
”I realize you don't mean biologically related, but what kind of family do you mean. Like, are you her little brother?” Vigg asked. Spike sighed.
”Yeah, it's a lot like that... honestly, most kids I know my age are fillies, but they relate to their big sisters a lot like I do to Twilight...” he said.
”Oh, good! Sorry I am going on like this, it's a reindeer thing to want to know how things... how deer... how people relate to each other. It's like... sniffing their fur and checking the marks in their ears,” he said and rubbed his own ear to show the herd-marks cut into it.
Spike frowned again. ”Except... it's not all that easy. Because, see... I never had a mom or dad,” Spike said. Vigg looked sympathetic. ”I mean, it was no trouble, really... See, Twilight's mom and dad were there, but mostly... it was Twilight,” he continued.
”She hatched my egg. With her magic, I mean, she didn't have to sit on it or anything. And she took care of me all the time despite her just being a little filly back then. So... when I was really small I called Twilight mommy. I mean when I was so small I still sucked my tail,” he said embarrassed Vigg, out of courtesy, didn't laugh or smile.
”So,” said the reindeer prince, ”Twilight is your mother?” Spike slowly nodded.
“Let's settle for my mother. Twilight is my mom,” he said.
They sat silent for a while in the way reindeer actually seemed to like, if they knew the other being well enough, and Spike saw the sun setting (but missed Luna raising the moon from Sarvvik, as it happens) and the stars starting to come out.
Then Vigg said the words that were like a red-hot namesake to himself into Spikes brain:
”Spike, your mom is really hot!”
Thanks to krdragon for help with proofreading!
Spike didn't really know what to say. Vigg apparently recognized his faux pas when he actually looked at Spike, quickly stammered an apology and changed the subject. Spike remained distant, stunned, even though the way home was nice enough, he made an excellent slide down the hill in a trance, and the subject Vigg had changed to was a pleasant one. It seems what Vigg had promised - perhaps bragged about - during the banquet, to go on an actual hiking trip into the local woods, was very possible, because one of his friends had mentioned a kota hut was free for the weekend, about a day's trot from city limits. Spike had been rather thrilled by the prospects, but now he had a hard time thinking about it, and wasn't in the most pleasant mood towards the reindeer either.
When Spike reached the castle, they were already there. They were both in very pleasant moods - Luna joyous, Twilight positively bubbling. Spike didn't question some sort of glass abomination in one corner. He needed to talk to someone about Things, but Twilight was of course not an option. At home he would, after some apprehension, have searched out one of Twilight's friends and asked them, but here... When Twilight was distracted by the arrival of dinner, he turned to Luna. She was a nice pony and their friend, and she was very old and hence experienced. She would perhaps know what to do. He approached her with some hesitation, though he needn't have worried.
"What is your worry, young Spike?" she said gently before he could say anything. He looked up. "You have looked distant and pained since you came home. What happened today? Wasn't it fun?"
"It was, it was just... something Vigg did. Said. I don't know if he meant it... I mean he did, but..." Spike scratched his spikes.
"Was he rude or mean?!" said Luna, angrily. "Royalty is no excuse for such behavior!"
"I... I don't know, really. He said something... weird and icky, but I don't know how to act, I mean," Spike tried to explain, "I mean... perhaps he thought saying it was nice, perhaps he was, you know, challenging me or something..."
"Well, what did he say?" said Luna.
"He... he likes Twilight" said Spike finally.
Luna smiled. "But there is nothing wrong with that! Twilight will probably be glad to have a more... normal fan than the one we met earlier today!"
She chuckled and looked towards Twilight, who was making a servant uncomfortable by being very very polite and kind to him.
"No! Not just like like, he fancies her!" Spike said.
"What?" said Luna.
Spike sighed. "He said he thinks she is... 'hot'..." Spike mumbled, the whole concept of someone looking like that at who had been established as his mother earlier today disgusting and confusing him.
Luna gaped, then started to laugh but stifled it into a snort admirably fast.
The barbarian chieftain slouched on a divan of rough wood and bones, surrounded by his harem. On his seat he brooded with a dark gaze under lowered antlers, while does of every herd, rein and roe and red and fallow, tried to gain his attention. He shoved them away, brooding some more, very heavily. Brooding brooding. Their equine sisters then tried to show their carnal arts - broad flanked exotic zebra mares, donkey jennies, their eyes heavy with kohl, ponies of all the colors of the spectrum. He ignored them as well, and rose and shouted: "Away, wenches! Bring my latest wife! The purple witch! She will DANCE for me!"
And a Twilight Sparkle dressed in pink diaphanous veils and silver bell adorned jewelry was pushed through the door. She grinned sheepishly and levitated a book in front of her that bore the title ALLURING DANCES FOR EGGHEADS.
"My love and leman," she said "just wait a bit and I'll get the hang of this..."
"Luna, are you OK? You are... giggling?" Spike said, afraid that he was being made a fool of.
"No, it isn't like that today..." Luna mumbled to herself. "The reindeer are woodworkers and kelp fishers who worry about cultural imperialism, and that prince is a winter sportsbuck, not a raider..."
Out loud, she tried to reassure Spike who eyed her with confusion.
"Spike, it is a rude thing to say but also a compliment. In some places and times you ought to have killed him, in others told him you would confer his compliments to Twilight, but here is just being foolish. Ignore him - this is nothing important!" Spike frowned anxiously.
"Spike, nothing bad will happen because of this! The only thing I can think of is if he is silly enough to tell Twilight and her refusal makes him angry or sad - he could let that go out over you, and the Wheels know we need friends in this country, so if he has his grandfather's temperament it could be awkward," said Luna.
"But what if she says YES!" wailed Spike. Luna was taken aback.
"What?" she said.
"But what if she likes him back! That would be really scary! I don't want a daddy, especially not one who is a prince and my friend and is almost my age!" said Spike and looked down.
"Dear Spike, that is just silly! Twilight barely notices stallions and certainly not other ungulates. Why, I have sometimes thought her a tribad..." Luna laughed and shook her head.
"What's a tribad?" said Spike.
Luna caught herself. "A... mare that does not notice stallions much" she explained sheepishly.
"Ah," said Spike not reassured. "But what do I do?"
"If you are really worried, just keep him disinterested. He is bound to forget this infatuation of a foreign celebrity quickly and turn to the does of his homeland, if he worries about the gentler sex at all, him being so young," Luna said.
"Disinterested?" said Spike.
"Distracted," said Luna. "Why, weren't you about to go on an adventure? About that, I think Twilight had something she wanted to talk about..."
"Yeah?" said Spike and looked at Twilight. "She seemed worried when I brought the idea up..."
"Oh, I am sure she has seen things in a different light... I think there is someone she wanted you to meet," said Luna.
It had been yesterday evening, on the roof of the temple...
“I can't believe you want me to be your freezing babysitter!” whined Saga. “You said... you said you wanted me to do something difficult and troublesome!”
“Well, my books on child psychology have clearly told me a girl in her upper teens would find it troublesome and difficult to look after a young kid. And Spike isn't a baby, really, unless you try to view whole thing from a dragon chronology...” said Twilight.
“You said it would go against my personal moral code! I thought you wanted me to do something cool!” Saga protested.
“I ask you to tell me if the boys do anything stupid. Those same books have equally clearly told me that tattling on another kid to an adult is against most kids' moral code, isn't it?” said Twilight.
Saga pouted and crossed her forelegs.
“And it's not that I am afraid for any small mundane things – even if Spike is in an environment he isn't used to, he can take care of himself. No, but I am afraid he might be in danger,” Twilight continued.
“Danger?” said Saga. Twilight nodded.
“After starting to understand the situation here, and... what reindeer thought about me, I have started to worry that something nasty might happen, even if it is only a misunderstanding,” Twilight said.
“But... you and your friends go on all these amazing adventures all the time?” said Saga. “Isn't danger common, really?”
“Despite what those stories told you, I never go abroad, basically. And if I can, I try to stick Spike back outside the danger zone if possible. But I can't here, and he – he is so happy that he can go out and play, with an older kid...” Twilight sighed. “Any non-dangerous thing I'm likely to do is boring diplomacy with horrible snooty unicorns and morose reindeer – sorry!”
“Oh, no problem,” said Saga cheerily. “So you want me to be like a bodyguard to him?”
“Oh, you must be careful, don't romanticize it!” said Twilight, but Saga seemed to gaze into empty air with a happy smile.
“Oh, sorry, no, of course...” the doe said.
“I will give you a one-use way to send a letter to Luna like Spike can do. If there is really any real trouble, send one and we will be there stat!” Twilight explained.
“Why can't I have Spike send the letter himself?” said Saga. Twilight shook her head and smiled.
“Oh, he is very likely to be too brave, especially if he has an older buck who is brave and strong to prove himself to! Why, he so often seems to think he is a knight in shining armor when he has something to prove, and not just a kid!” Twilight explained.
“I think I can do that,” said Saga. Twilight looked happy.
“Good! I am sure this will work well with Spike, he is a very good little dragon,” she said.
In the present, in Luna's suite...
“I can't believe you want me to have a freaking babysitter!” whined Spike. “I am already in the company of a kid that's much older than me and knows what he's doing!”
“Why,” said Twilight “I don't think we can ask Prince Vigg to keep an eye on you. First, it is not proper work for him, second, he looks like he is fond of derring-do and like he could forget important things if they are not exciting enough. Especially if you are to have a sleepover - “
“It's not a sleepover! Fillies have sleepovers! We're supposed to go camping! It's a manly thing!” said Spike angrily. “And you wouldn't believe Vigg is not adult if you spent some time with him!”
It then struck him that this was not the best thing to say to keep Vigg's weird wishes from coming true, and that he was supposedly angry at Vigg and shouldn't be defending him.
“I mean, he can be pretty childish, sometimes, yeah, of course,” Spike hastily added.
“Besides, I am sure you would like her!” said Twilight, not being that sure herself. “She has great... imagination. And she is cute!” she added lamely.
Spike groaned, then perked up.
“Did you say... cute?” he asked in a way that made Twilight look strangely at him.
Oh dear, has he been away from his crush too long or what? I didn't think he was about to reach puberty in a decade at least... she thought.
“Yes... for a reindeer, I mean,” Twilight said.
“And how old is she?” asked Spike.
“Seventeen,” said Twilight.
Spike suddenly smiled in a somewhat unnerving way.
“And she is cute. Y'know, if there was a... reindeer buck who liked... older does... do you think he could fall in love with her?” Spike asked.
Twilight was a bit confused.
“Possibly. Probably. Sure!” she said, glad that Spike wasn't angry with her and waking her guilt for abandoning him like this.
Spike grinned so widely he had to turn away and rub his paws together.
“But that's excellent... Sorry for being angry about it, Twilight!” he said. “I think this will work very well. Vigg won't have any trouble with this, I'm sure!”
The next day, however...
“I can't believe she wants you to have a freezing babysitter!” whined Vigg. “I mean, I am there, and I know how to do this!”
Spike nodded solemnly.
“I agree, but I am afraid Twilight thinks of you as a kid, and she really prefers mature, adult... people,” he said.
Vigg bit on a hoof angrily.
“Always! They always pull that, 'you are just a kid!'” the reindeer said with some despair. “And then she sends another kid with you... and a vaja!”
“Well, sure, but she is an older kid. Mind you, she is seventeen! And besides, does mature faster than bucks... I am sure she will be very grown-up!” he said and tried to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively at Vigg, who was too busy eating his own hoof to notice.
“And further, she barely knows you, and Twilight hangs around with royalty all the time, so she is unlikely to be impressed with someone just because they are a Prince – no offense, buddy!” Spike continued. “So you have no chance, really,” he finished.
Vigg was quiet and looked out the balcony they were standing. Then he smiled at Spike.
“You're right; I have no chance!” Spike nodded. “As your... caretaker,” he continued, and unfortunately looked away at the marvelous view from the balcony, missing Spike's shaking his head. “And I must of course show that I am dependable before she trusts me. I should have understood that – damn, by not understanding it, I directly showed I was just a little kid.”
He slammed his hoof down the balcony parapet. “Let her send that priestess; I'll show my best side! I'll get on her good graces yet!” He looked at Spike, and then away. “As your older, responsible friend, of course, I mean...” he said sheepishly.
Thanks to krdragon for extra proofreading!
At the old temple, Luna and Eira were making plans – or, more accurately, preparing for making plans. Luna listened patiently to Eira until the old priestess hit her deity's anecdote button, in which case Eira would listen and, with little success, try to write down what Luna said. The reindeer kept cursing her muzzlewriting; right now, the Revelations of the Moon Princess (the back of her wall almanack) were rather more filled with “I SAY TO THEE STFGLB AND THEN IT HAPPENED THAT PLRT PLRT BLOB SPLOTCH” than proper sacred writings should.
The talks were amiably practical, though. Eira had always suspected that Luna couldn't hear prayer or anything like that, and knowing it was actually the case was wonderfully refreshing. Even better; she had gotten the proper address to send any letters instead.
The talks sooner or later came back to her old temple and its fate.
“It is the biggest in Poatsula,” Eira said proudly. “But that is merely because it is in the capital” she added more sadly. “Long ago, kings and their jarls donated their silver to us. See, reindeer could never think Skinfaxi would endorse war, except against the forces of Winter, so they made you its patron. Then they stopped their warfare, and the only ones in the city who turned to Night was the ones without anything to give. So the temple got like it is today. I am sure the grazers venerate you for the even older reasons, but they don't worship here, but at various sites where they live,” she said.
“I assume those who 'turned to Night' are the dwellers of the slum around us, who has to be out at night,” Luna said uncomfortably. “But what about the grazers; why would they even care for me?”
Eira smiled.
“My Goddess, you have never been small and mortal and lived on the ground," she said. "When night comes to this land – and it lasts long – you cannot fear it, you have to come to terms with it, live with it, especially in those places where the day never comes in winter. Furthermore, the moon makes everything better in winter – it is the only light, even. Your stars and your northern lights – who I have always heard is your jewels and your shawl, even if I understand it is not to be taken literally – also make the night brighter” she explained. “You have to take the bad with the good, and the good with the bad. Summer, when your sister is hottest, brings plagues and the bugs that can eat a fawn alive, along with all the food for a year. Winter, which we fight each year as a war – you and I know, it comes from the same forces who created us reindeer. You cannot deny one part and take another. Whenever you do something, it has a side effect. That makes you careful, but you cannot carry on and do nothing. You have to accept it all,” she said in a long harangue that was meant for fawns, not for the one supposedly teaching it.
“I am glad you take it that way,” said Luna. “Now, how do you go about to get more of the city-dwellers to think so?”
“Once this place had other things to attract them – great mages, relics of old. But I can hardly do any magic, and as my eyes get worse my visions are getting so lousy I have to watch the news and guess. And as for relics...” Eira shrugged. “Well, there are Wiglek the Wicked's antlers, but they are more Artifacts of Doom than relics. And manure ones at that!”
“Wiglek the Wicked?” Luna said. “I think I know who he was... it is an old name...”
“He was a selfish, dishonest sorcerer who lived long ago,” said Eira. “He wasn't very good at it, except he made pacts and deals with various spirits, demons and gods to gain knowledge or services.”
Luna looked thoughtful. “Yeah, now I remember. I was one of those. He was a sneaky little snit, if I remembered him correctly,” she said. “I was one of those he made a pact with” she clarified when Eira looked mystified. “Why do you keep his antlers?”
“Well, as so many others, he gave his last shed antlers to Your temple before he died – or rather, before he and his son went on a journey they reckoned they'd never come back from, and they didn't, so I guess it was a good choice," Eira explained. We had them here for years, but long ago some King came and took Wiglek's son Sampo's antlers away to place at some national monument – that burned down over a century ago. The then head priestess placed Wiglek's antlers in a box that is still around somewhere, instead of in that old heap in the basement. I think it's the only magical thing we have left, but they don't do much.”
“What of the antlers in general,” said Luna. “You think I could do what I wanted with them?” She indicated the huge heap outside.
“They were a sacrifice to you, Oh My Goddess. I guess you can do whatever you want” Eira said and sighed. “Saga once said they should have been placed on stakes with the former owner's name or something, so deer could come and pay respects. It's probably too late for that... and besides, I guess the dear fawn only hoped for a field of death, with rune-carved stakes topped by antlers.”
Luna smiled enigmatically.
“I think I have an idea, but it will need some deliberation. But that is probably only because I remember Wiglek, so he and his antlers have done some good in any case” she said.
Eira nodded.
At Luna's suite in the palace Twilight had summoned Saga, who had been triumphant in coming there but now was a little bit awkward when she finally was to start working with Twilight. Twilight wasn't any less nervous, but had cleared a table and brought out some books and training materials.
“So...” she said.
“So...” said Saga.
They both looked at each other. Silence reigned.
“Oh, let's start with something easy,” said Twilight. “This quill... try to levitate it for me. Just lift it off the table.”
Saga looked unhappy, then she raised up on her hind legs, placed her front hoofs on the table and stared intensely at the quill, getting more and more cross-eyed. The quill didn't move. Then the quill didn't move. Then the quill was immobile.
And then it burst into flame.
“Sorry...” said Saga meekly, blushing. “I – I don't know that spell. But I thought if I just...”
Twilight put out the burning quill.
“Levitation is not a spell, it is merely the direct application of a unicorn's magical talent, and... Celestia's socks, you are not a unicorn!” It was Twilight's turn to blush.
Saga shook her head.
“Unicorn magic – unicorn magic is of two kinds,” Twilight started to lecture as she got up and paced. “First, there is application of pure telekinesis, though not all unicorns are equally talented at it. All unicorns are born with it. Second, there are actual spells, using analytical thought patterns to change reality using the same basic talent – but they must be learned by rote, and that is very hard.”
Twilight had stopped by Saga, who looked a little bewildered.
“Uhm, should I like write this down, will there be a test later or...?” she said, but Twilight shook her head and started to pace again.
“However, each unicorn, like every other pony and some other equine beings, has a cutie mark which shows their talent, their destiny. If the action tried is encompassed by the meaning of their cutie mark, a unicorn’s telekinesis is both stronger and more precise. Likewise, spells are far easier to both learn and use,” she said.
“I sort of... knew this already!” Saga protested.
Twilight shook her head again.
“Sometimes it is important to summarize what you already know, to understand something else. Now... can you describe what you know about reindeer magic in a similar manner, Saga? So that I don't make anymore... silly mistakes,” Twilight said.
Saga cleared her throat.
“Reindeer magic... it has the spells, see, just like you said with unicorns. But we don't have any cutie marks, so it is like all spells are equally hard...” she began. “And we can't... levitate things.”
“So there is no common reindeer magic?” Twilight asked.
“There is, but it is... harder to describe. We... see things. All reindeer see things. Sometimes,” Saga said.
“See what?” Twilight asked.
“Well... things that are hidden, or invisible, or what is it called, ethereal. Y'know, like magic and spirits and stuff,” Saga said, waving her hoof for vague emphasis.
“Now most grazers... it is mostly that they see beneath the snow. Not like when you make an X-ray of a broken leg, but I mean they see where the snow wouldn't hold their weight. Or cause an avalanche. Or, or, when there's lot of lichen to eat... 'coz you scratch it up when you graze in winter, see?” she explained to a somewhat perplexed Twilight. “But you could also see a place where there's a spirit, or if someone cast a spell on the lake, and so on...”
“Is this... on... all the time? Like when you have earphones and hear music that's only there for you?” Twilight asked.
“No, not really... it's not like you see through the snow with some super-vision all the time – bzzz, bzzzz, bzzzzzt!” Saga said as she showed her eyes shooting rays with her hooves. “It's more like sometimes when you need it, but not always, you can see it.”
“That was grazers... are you a grazer, Saga?” said Twilight.
Saga shook her head and actually looked a little ashamed, and Twilight made a mental note to ask about it later.
“No... my parents were stupid city reindeer...” she said sadly.
“What do they see?” asked Twilight.
Saga sighed. “Not much, I think. Like, the best woodworkers, I know they can see the wood and know where to cut. I mean really see it. And the traders, they can see, say, if something is bad. Or if someone selling to them is lying...” said Saga and then perked up. “Oh! And they say great warriors can see a bite or buck before it happens, and where an enemy is weak! And some reindeer see special things, like they say Princess Ljufa can see if you are a good or bad person, or Gramma who can see things happen far away...”
“It's like a cutiemark!” said Twilight. “It adjusts... to what you are looking for with your normal senses in your everyday life!”
“Except I think only really, uh, sighty reindeer get that. That's how you learn spells too; if you're sighty enough you can if you work hard,” said Saga. “I'm pretty sighty, but I don't see anything important... and Gramma taught me three small spells...”
“What do you see, then?” asked Twilight gently.
Saga looked at the wall. “Things that could be,” she mumbled.
“You mean, like the future?” Twilight said skeptically.
Saga shook her head. “No, things that could be but aren't – that could happen but hasn't yet, or never will happen but could, or never happened but could have happen,” she said. “It's – it's like daydreaming, only more magical. And more stupid. It was fun when I was a fawn but it's not like you can use it when you are supposed to be a wise priestess, like Gramma's farsight.”
“I don't think it is stupid,” said Twilight gently. “What spells can you do, then?”
“Well, I can make a small fire – you saw that, it came like on accident when I should lift the quill,” Saga began. “And I can chase away bugs and make them go somewhere else. That's supposed to be a curse from Hrimf... – from Luna, you know, but don't tell her that. And then...” she looked at Twilight with a bit of pride and bit of fear.
“Then what?” said Twilight, duly fascinated.
“I can, uh, talk to the shadows of dead reindeer,” said Saga and looked closely at Twilight for signs of disapproval. She found some pretty quickly. “Well Gramma said you should be really careful in using it because you should be careful with all magic, and because it is not proper to bother dead deer who have worked all life and now deserve a bit peace and quiet in the Summer Lands,” Saga hastily added. “And it's not I have used it much so I'm not very good at it!”
Twilight nodded.
“Unicorn magic cannot pierce the veil to the Summer Lands, so forbidding neighcromancy have always seem weird to me,” Twilight explained. “It's like having a law against setting fire to water. But I must admit I find the very idea spooky.”
“You can pour oil on it,” Saga said.
“What?” said Twilight.
“If you pour oil on water you can set fire to it,” Saga explained. “And then you could set fire to boats and ducks and swimmers, so you probably should have a law against setting fire to water!”
Twilight chose to change the subject.
“Thanks for all this useful information!” she said. “Now, I was going to use some spells on the walls of this room, to investigate the runes in it. They are perceptive spells, so I imagine they should be easy for reindeer to use. So, we will try to cast them together and see what happens, OK?”
Saga nodded. Then, looking at the wall, she pointed to one glyph on it.
“I think I know what that one does. Can we start with that, so I can do something easy first?” she asked.
“Sure” said Twilight “That sounds great. So, what kind of magic is it then?”
“It's an eye-rune, for looking through,” Saga said. “There is one in the temple but it is old and all wonky and stuff.”
“Eye-rune?” said Twilight taking notes.
“Yeah, you can look in one and see what is happening near another one. Like, you know, when you have a peephole in the door?” Saga explained.
Twilight was very still for a while.
“Saga, do you think you can figure out in which direction that eye-rune goes?” she said, rather seriously.
“Direction?” said the doe.
“I mean, is it for looking into so you see another place, or is if for looking out from when you are looking into another place,” Twilight said.
Comprehension lit upon Saga's face.
“It's a spy-hole!” she said and started looking around the room. “The one in the temple just let you watch the front door from the altar... There's another one – and a third...”
“I am sure there is one in my room as well,” Twilight said grimly. “Somepony can see – can they hear?” she looked at Saga who nodded. “Somepony can see and hear everything that happens in here,” she said gravely. “It could be... these runes are old... they could be in any number of rooms. I hope they have as many rooms spied upon as possible!”
“Why is that?” said Saga.
“Because the more things a peeper has to watch, the greater chance they miss something,” said Twilight, watching the ceiling.
“Are you sure some runecarver wasn't just a big old pervert?” Saga said.
Twilight laughed. “Then I would want to stop this even more... Hm. Change of plans. You will help me with the wall as I said, but first I will teach you a spell that I never thought would be useful again. I am sorry you will learn something you only will use once a decade...” Twilight said and smiled towards the doe.
“What... spell is that?” said Saga.
“It is very odd. It is called Cheater's Conundrum,” Twilight said. “It makes anyone trying to eavesdrop on you or the like having a really hard time focusing on you, and no one accidentally overhears you. I and another student made it back in school to stop other snooping on us when we had to take tests. You will help me put a really heavy version on this room and the nearby one.”
Saga nodded.
“So it doesn't make you invisible?” she said. Twilight nodded.
“Given the magic of all reindeer, trying to be actually invisible would probably only attract attention. I think this thing, that works in a roundabout way, will make it harder if someone is sitting there at another eye-rune spying at us,” she said. “Now let's get to work!”
The expedition had gathered where the city ended and the path started. Two reindeer, one dragon and one boat-like sleigh ("Ackja" had Vigg reinforced - "It's a vehicle, like a chariot, not a toy like a sled, OK?") were ready to leave. One alicorn, one unicorn and a gaggle of reindeer (sub-description: one priest of a goddess of night, three guards dragged up too early for their own tastes, two court servants and an unexpected grazer jarl) were ready to say goodbye. In theory, in any way. Twilight had suddenly become a little too close to the description Spike had recently given her, and Spike was rather embarrassed.
"And you have enough food? And clothes? Cold can be dangerous to little dragons, you know?" she said anxiously.
"Yes I do!" said Spike. "We went through this in the evening, Twilight!"
"Don't worry, Lady Sparkle!" said Vigg. "I have made a checklist - I know everything is packed in order."
"He has a checklist?!" Spike moaned. "Not good!"
"He has a checklist? What a dork!" Saga snickered, but under her breath. Vigg was a prince after all, and while languishing in a dungeon was among the things Saga considered awesome and planned doing before she turned twenty, she'd rather do it for a better reason than taunting him childishly.
“He has a checklist!?” said Twilight to Spike. “How thoughtful! You surprise me, Your Highness!” she said to Vigg, smiling.
Vigg resisted bouncing.
“Of course! One can never be too sure!” he said.
“Does that mean we can leave now?” said Spike, looking mournful.
“Young Spike is right, Lady Sparkle,” said Luna. “The youngsters had better be on their way, and we have things to do ourselves.”
Everyone but Twilight nodded quickly, though for the the guards “things to do” was “go back to the barracks and our warm beds”. Eventually she nodded as well.
“Alright Spike, I suppose I am being silly! Have fun, be careful and obey miss Saga - and His Highness!” Twilight said as she raised her head and smiled at the Prince at the same time as she hugged Spike, who promised he would indeed do all that.
Saga smiled nervously and tried to look serious.
Vigg was as paralyzed and didn't really react when the courtiers bowed, but when Jarl Vidar butted him in the side with his antlers he woke up.
“Yes I will – oh wow, sorry Uncle Vidar! Didn't... didn't see you there!” he said.
The old sarv chuckled. “Now, stay alert, and don't let your manly parts do all the thinking, eh? Especially for such a lady!” he said and butted the Prince some more.
“What – whatever are you talking about?” he tried to excuse himself.
“Oh, it is clear to see! But be careful! Those witches can be death to a buck!” said the older sarv.
Vigg was going to protest when he realized Jarl Vidar was pointing to Saga with his antlers, not Twilight. He mumbled something about remembering his duty, then hitched himself to the ackja.
Eira gave Saga an grandmotherly hug – that is she didn't rise very high on her hind legs for fear of falling over. She tugged at Saga's jacket with her teeth and admonished her to be careful with it, since it was the only really wilderness-proof jacket they both had, and it was technically Eira's and a little too small.
“It really shows your flanks quite well,” the old vaja added. “Good for attracting the bucks!”
“Gramma!” said Saga who had her standards, including that your grandmother should not talk about your sexual assets.
“Which is why you should keep an eye on that Prince fellow! If he tries anything, curse him!” Eira whispered in her ear, looking fierce.
“Gramma.. how can you say something like that?” Saga said exasperated. “How?! You taught me one curse and it requires vermin, where am I to get that this time of year?” Saga growled.
“What, don't you have any fleas? Good grief, no fleas, is your blood healthy?” said Eira worriedly.
“Gramma, please!” Saga detached herself and hitched herself to the ackja as well, with somewhat less expertise than Vigg.
I know his father was a grazer, and he's some kind of health fanatic, she thought. I can't let him push me around. Can't be a helpless city doe.
Saga tried to relax and work slowly as she slipped into the gear, thinking of it as spell-casting. It didn't help much, but she did get into place.
“Come on deer, let's get moving!” Vigg shouted. Spike tried to jump up on the ackja, but was stopped by Saga.
“Oh no, only little kids, old ladies and the sick rides on it!” she admonished him. “That's why it's covered, it's for our stuff!”
“We're not going that fast, Spike” said Vigg. “Let's go!” The two of them started pulling the sleigh away.
“See you tomorrow evening!” said Spike and made a little rush so he could be walking in front of them.
There was generic waving and well-wishes. One courtier tooted in a horn.
“If there is any trouble, send a message!” said Twilight.
“I will!” said both Spike and Saga in a chorus, then looked at each other, stopping the sleigh, prompting Vigg to growl at them, before they shifted their gazes and Saga started walking again.
Now how to do it? Spike thought to himself. Saga is behind Vigg... who is it that is supposed to like to look at flanks? Is it males or females? He wished he had reached puberty before he was called on being a matchmaker.
“Your Highness?” said Twilight Sparkle as they were walking back to the castle, right behind the gossiping courtiers and yawning guards (“Can't the Squirt start going out dancing instead, like normal teenagers?” one of them moaned. “Maybe then we can start to get up at a sensible hour?”).
“Yes, lady Sparkle?” said Luna, looking more at the beginning forest around them, as if she was looking for something.
“Exactly what is it we have to do? Because I have an idea what I'd like to do, but I don't know what you will do and need me for – what I have to do,” she tried to explain.
Luna smiled. “You don't have to do anything, lady Sparkle” said the Princess. “I won't need your assistance today, other than the actual hoofmaidenly duties you have already performed” she continued as she shook her shining hair.
“So, what are you doing?” said Twilight.
“Her Highness is having a meeting to be briefed on the situation on the negotiations,” said Lord Eminence.
Twilight dived under Luna and almost tripped her.
“Where did you come from?” she shouted.
Luna straightened herself and frowned. “A reasonable question, Lord Eminence,” she said sternly. “Explain yourself.”
“I beg your pardon, Your Highness – I didn't mean to startle your... hoofmaiden,” he said and looked at Twilight with something that could be taken for sympathy in bad lighting. “I just had to reach you before you reached your meeting, and I hadn't the possibility to talk to you before you left the castle this morning.”
“And why is that, Lord Eminence?” Luna said.
“Because there are things you won't know unless you listen to me, I would be shouted down if I was at the meeting, and you absolutely need to know this before the others present their excuses,” he said and looked rather sad. “Will you hear me out?”
Luna sighed. “I guess I will. But make it quick,” she said.
“The people of Tarandroland is not your enemy," he began. "There is the usual grumbling based on jealousy, and some superstitious nonsense regarding the sun, but nothing serious. Their betters follow suit. The nobledeer of Tarandroland bear no ill will against Equestria or against Your Highnesses. I have talked to important deer and this seems clear.”
“Then why is there even a conflict?” said Luna.
“King Ukko,” said Lord Eminence. “The King has always had strange, reactionary ideas that originally appealed to the populace, but nowadays don't. That, and the reindeer race's natural disposition for depression and drunkenness, have rendered him a wreck of a buck and his administration wholly inefficient. He is the only hindrance to reach an accord.”
Luna looked out into the forest again and sighed.
“Your Highness should know that this situation originated long before your... intermezzo at the banquet. The whole mess is old,” Lord Eminence said, again with something remotely similar to sympathy, in the way seals and hedgehogs are both mammals. “When the King realized that other reindeer didn't want his 'old ways' back, they just wanted more folk music festivals and restrictions on Nightmare Night-themed merchandise in schools, he became like this,” he added and smiled smugly.
“Why Nightmare Night?” said Luna confused.
Twilight cleared her throat.
“It is not a traditional Tarandroland holiday, Your Highness, not even among the Russ. It was imported from Equestria by merchants less than a decade ago,” she explained.
“Your Highness, Ukko wasn't born a royal. He wasn't the heir named by the last king,” Lord Eminence said with some contempt. “He was chosen as the king when no one wanted the heir on the throne, because of his ideas. Such strangeness is common in reindeer politics, which lack a stable succession.”
“So you say everything would be solved, were he but gone, Mylord?” said Luna.
“Yes – that's the gist of it. The big problem is we can't give any big appeasement or aid to the reindeer, because it sets the precedent of 'attack Equestria, get foreign aid from them'. But they wouldn't ask for much. Maybe some changes in tolls regarding timber vs worked wooden goods, or some other such nonsense,” he said. “Such compensation removes any loss of face for basically obeying Equestrian orders, it doesn't seem as we can order them around as if they were a mere colony. For King Ukko, your crown wouldn't be enough compensation, Your Highness. That's the whole problem.”
“But King Ukko won't just up and disappear!” said Twilight with frustration. “Unless cirrhosis of the liver works much faster in reindeer than in ponies!”
“Yes, I realize this is all hypothetical,” said Lord Eminence and smiled. “The point here, which I will emphasize, and my colleagues at that meeting won't, is where the problem isn't – not with the admittedly less than dependable nature of cervines, nor with any actual conspiracy with the pirates, nor with Equestria having 'gone soft' since the Dismantling of the Empire. Don't let them lead the debates on wild goose chases because of their pet theories! That is all I ask for!”
Luna took a long look at him. “Instead I should listen to your pet theories, Lord Eminence?” she said.
He smiled broadly and smugly.
“Of course! My theories are correct, because they are based on empirical research, not idle speculations,” he said.
“Keep talking like that and I'll have you married off to my hoofmaiden!” said Luna.
Both Lord Eminence and Twilight looked slightly squicked at the idea.
“It was his choice of words, Lady Sparkle,” Luna finally had to say. “I must go now; I have gathered my entourage,” she added and took flight, flapping her big wings. To Twilight's great satisfaction Lord Eminence was genuinely surprised while Twilight knew where to look.
A huge swarm of birds rose from the forest – owls, crows, ravens and some small brown magpie-like things Twilight didn't recognize. The swarm followed Luna as she flew towards the palace. Lord Eminence remained shocked just a moment, then he started to gallop in a similar direction.
“Farewell, Lady Sparkle!” he shouted as his red cape behind him.
Twilight looked after them both, shook her head and sighed.
“I never figured folks like him ran,” said a voice behind her. Twilight sighed again. “I thought they only trotted slowly, all lord-like.”
“Jarl Vidar” she said without turning around. “You have been here all the time, I assume?”
The sarv stepped up aside her and nodded.
“That thing you ponies have on your butts... what does his mean?” he said and pointed in the general direction of Lord Eminence's red cape.
“I haven't the faintest” said Twilight Sparkle. “I haven't asked him about his cutiemark and it isn't an obvious one. You heard all we said?” she asked. He nodded again.
“Much as I wish, being the father of eight, I cannot shut my ears,” he said. “But it is none of my business and I agree with most of it, except for certain slurs against deerkind.”
Twilight cringed.
“I should apologize for...” she began.
“Don't. I don't apologize for the things said by Ukko,” he snapped. “He is a damned fool, he is. And so are many other reindeer who should know better. And I know him at least a little.”
Twilight turned to him.
“You do, don't you? Let me guess: when Prince Vigg calls you 'Uncle', it is just not an honorific for an older friend of the family,” she said.
He nodded. “I am the younger brother of Vigg's father, Peivas. He was Jarl before me; I gained the title when he married a Princess and became royalty, and obviously couldn't lead a herd anymore,” the reindeer explained. “The first months after they had married, he and Ljufa spent hiding in my hut.”
“Why?” Twilight asked. Vidar laughed.
“Because they didn't ask no frozen permission of Ukko, of course! She ran away from home and married him! Publicly, Ukko raved and ranted; privately, he apparently became Peivas' greatest fan,” he said. His eyes darkened. “Before he became a pathetic drunk, Ukko had the good characteristic, for a king, of being very commanding and forceful, but instantly respecting anyone who gainsaid him.”
Then he smiled again. “That is why he named Vigg his heir. The fawn always said what he thought about his grandfather, and was never afraid of him. You have seen how he bullies his housebucks, his sworn warriors, and these are deer who could face a nidhogg and stand fast,” he continued.
“How did Peivas die?” Twilight asked. Vidar looked up. “It is rather obvious he isn't around, and he didn't sound like someone who would abandon his wife and children” she explained.
“He was fighting Winter. It wasn't a monster; he and his deer simply froze to death in a blizzard. They were found when spring came, and the Winter was over,” Vidar said.
“I am sorry, Jarl Vidar,” said Twilight, but he merely shook his head.
“It was many years since my big brother died, Lady Sparkle, and he died doing something necessary. You ponies – always so sentimental,” he said.
“I wanted to talk to you... about something important,” Vidar said.
“Talk on, but do it as we walk towards the Palace,” said Twilight.
“As you wish,” he said as they started to trot there.
“I have got the impression that you are a powerful sorceress,” he began and Twilight nodded.
“I know. I was there when they told you” she said.
He stopped, then he laughed. “Oh, you speak Poatsi! Of course!” he said as he continued to walk.
“Only because of my diabolical cunning and evil witchcraft, I assure you,” Twilight said deadpan. “Horrible orgies with the servants might have been involved.”
“I don't care,” said Vidar. “If Äitsi himself – ptui! – had came here and offered me a hoof, I would have took it!”
They trotted in silence for a while, as Vidar built up for what words he was going to say and Twilight pondered his already said words. Twilight was thankful for that silence apparently wasn't automatically awkward for reindeer.
“We are dying. We are losing. Last year was horrible, and the offensive that doesn't begin until February is already here. The war – I know you ponies find the word strange in the context, but it fits – has began a season in advance. Winter has never been this strong, and we don't know what to do any longer” he said.
“And what do you want me to do about it?” said Twilight.
“Whatever you can,” he said. “Whatever you can.”
“I cannot do anything without knowledge” said Twilight. “Tell me all about the Winter, Jarl Vidar.”
The first, and as it seemed, the longest part of the trot was one long, slow, murderous slope. Spike grew tired fast. He didn't have a burden, but he had shorter legs and less stamina. Than Vigg, at least.
Saga soon sweated so much her jacket was drenched. She panted hard and breathed heavily, and not in the way considered good by writers of saucy fiction. She strained against the weight of the sleigh, and after a while her hooves started to slip on the snow. It was questionable whether the fact that the path had been used made walking easier - it was easier to step on flat ground than in deep snow, but the trod path was also much more slippy.
Vigg certainly noticed a few tugs in the harness but didn't say anything until Saga actually slipped, fell and almost made him fall as well.
"Hey!" he shouted angrily. "Watch your step!"
Saga wheezed as she tried to get up.
"Well sorry for falling!" she snapped back. "We can't all be as perfect as you, Your Highness!" She struggled to get up and gasped for air.
Vigg turned his head towards her and was going to make an angry comment of his own, but somehow stopped and stared at her as she struggled. Then he turned to Spike.
"Spike! Block the ackja so it doesn't decide to go back to Sarvvik without us," he said. Spike started to comply, a little anxious whether he did it right.
"What are you doing?" asked Saga angrily.
"Getting out of the harness so I can help you" he said, about to do just that.
"I don't need help, I am fine," she said.
He remained half-strapped in as she struggled.
"You know, I think..." he started to say but her glare shut him up. He looked at Spike. Spike slowly nodded.
"Saga?" he asked.
"Yes?!" she snapped, now half-upright.
"Can we make a break now?" Spike pleaded.
"I don't need a break" she murmured.
"But I do!" said Spike, happy it was in no way a lie. "My feet are tired and there is snow in my boots and I am hungry!"
"Oh," said Saga. "Sorry!" she added sheepishly. She wriggled out of the harness, then she and Vigg stepped over to Spike and they turned the sleigh ninety degrees so it would stay put.
As Saga trampled up a place to lie on the snow - Spike the weak Southron had brought a blanket, but even city deer like Saga lay on the ground on a picnic - Vigg dug out a packet of sandwiches and a thermos from the ackja, tugging its covering open with his teeth.
"So many huge boulders spread in the middle of the forest" said Spike and gestured with his paw.
"They say they were thrown by stalus," said Saga. "At Sarvvik, I mean."
"Stalu?" said Spike. "I have heard that..."
"Probably in your comic," said Vigg and poured coffee for himself and Saga and cocoa for Spike. "A stalu is an troll. Or a giant, in this case. Because real stalus couldn't throw rocks like that, they're much smaller."
"Oh yeah," said Spike "Stallo the Frost Giant! He's in Sampo's origin story, Wolker the Wizard sends him to attack Canterlot!"
"What are you talking about?" said Saga. "And where do the rocks come from, then?"
"Sampo is a comic about a reindeer hero," said Spike.
"Well, the ice elementals of Joukulvakt, erh, poop out rocks after they have eaten the landscape, and there must have been lots of them down here in ancient times. I mean, all the rocks have moss on them, and that takes centuries to grow..." said Vigg.
"Comics!" said Saga a bit dismissively. "And you don't know how big stalu used to be. Maybe all the really big ones got killed!"
"Not as big as in fairy tales anyway," protested Vigg. "Or comic books. The one Spike talks about is as big as a skyscraper."
"Why not?" asked Spike and Saga in chorus.
"My ancestors fought stalus," said Vigg. "They would have been paste had they been literal giants, and they were big boasters so they would have not hesitated to say they had fought something as big as a skyscraper who threw boulders as pebbles. They are just big hulking savages."
"Who eat reindeer!" added Saga. "Like this! Omnomnomnom!" and she masticated on her sandwich. The others shook their heads.
Saga giggled, then she cleaned her muzzle and started digging in her jacket's pockets. Just as she found what she was looking for, she swore to herself, stopped and sighed.
"...what?" asked Spike.
"Oh nothing," she said with some irritation.
Spike looked at her quizzically, Vigg followed suit. She sighed.
"I was gonna light a cigarette, but realized it was stupid," she said.
"That's a very weird time to quit smoking," said Vigg.
"Well, you can if you want," said Spike. "I mean, I think it's kinda icky, but dragons are immune to tobacco anyway."
Saga laughed. "I should have said it was because of that, shouldn't I?" she said and laughed again. "But I am being selfish. A cig would be nice, but I am panting badly enough as it is, and I know it gets worse after a smoke," she explained.
She then took a second cup of coffee as "replacement poison" as she called it, while the others finished their food.
As they strapped themselves into the sleigh's harness, Vigg leaned a little closer to Saga.
“Please, miss Saga... tell me when you get tired. It does not make it easier for us others if you keep trotting until you fall over” he said.
Saga glared at him.
“You don't think I can make this journey, is it?” she said.
Vigg sighed.
“No, but I can't see you when I take the lead, so I won't notice when it gets hard for you, and you are a heavy smoker who doesn't spend most of their free time on the track or the slope, so it's no shame if you don't have my stamina and have to stop earlier,” he said.
Saga muttered a bit and fumed.
“Look, you can't impress me this way, and you don't need to impress Spike, since you already know more than the dragonling,” he said.
Saga muttered again.
“What did you say?” said Vigg.
Saga sighed.
“I said I'm not trying to impress you. Or Spike – although I like the little guy already,” she said and smiled. “I guess I am trying to impress myself.”
“What... how?” Vigg said, confused.
“I was always ashamed to be a city deer, OK?” she said. “Look, Your Highness, I'll tell you when my lungs give out, OK?”
Vigg nodded.
“OK,” he said.
“Are we leaving soon or what?” shouted Spike from up ahead. “It looks like we're almost up there!”
“Don't be too sure, Spike!” Vigg shouted. “Distances can play trick on your eyes up here!”
“We have mountains in Equestria too!” Spike shouted down to him.
“Let's get going!” Vigg told Saga.
Up a mountain.
Down a mountain, a-half-a-way.
Sharp turning south,
In between hills.
In through a forest,
across a lake...
“It's the forest part that troubles me,” said Vigg.
“This looks like a forest to me,” said Spike.
“Yeah, but there is no way this forest stretches down to a lake. Just look at how the trees grow!” Vigg said with irritation. “Not to mention how the ground slopes!”
“It's the snowing part that troubles me,” said Saga. “As in, there is more and more of it.”
“That should be no trouble,” mumbled Vigg. “We should be by the hut before it becomes too much. It can't be far...”
“Twilight and I did check the weather report at the palace, and it said it would be clear,” said Spike. “She said she was jealous that I would see the northern lights.”
“Spike, you know the weather report fails sometimes, right?” said Vigg with some irritation. “This is nothing strange!”
Spike frowned.
“Calm down, Your Highness,” said Saga. “He's Equestrian, they magick up their weather by pegasus!”
“Yeah,” said Spike “if the weather report is wrong at home it's because Rainbow Dash overslept or something...”
“Who?” said Saga and Vigg.
“Just a friend of Twilight's that's a weathermare,” said Spike and pulled his jacket closer. “And an Element of Harmony.”
“Is she the girl who flies faster than light and rides a grand air elemental?” asked Saga with some interest.
“Not really, but yeah, that's her,” said Spike. And she must never know what reindeer think of her, or we will never hear the end of it, he thought.
“She's just a weathermare?” said Saga. “Isn't that a job like road sweeper or something?”
“Well, the current Elements of Harmony are a village librarian, a weathermare, a veterinarian, a farmer, a seamstress and a Pinkie Pie,” said Spike. “It's not like it's really that glamorous a gig. Mostly.”
“Pinkiepie?” said Saga, puzzled. “What's a pinkiepie?”
“Lots of ponies would like an answer, but Twilight has said it falls under Things Ponies Were Not Meant To Know. If you want something more thinkable, she seems to be a baker's apprentice,” said Spike nonchalantly.
“I think it is this way,” said Vigg. “This must be the way to the lake, we have been walking to far in the other direction,” he explained as he pointed in a direction 90 degrees from the one they were going.
“Well, you're the expert,” said Saga and looked at the sky worriedly. What worried her was that she couldn't see it at all, the snowfall had started to be that heavy.
Spike was reminded of a painting he had seen once when he was little. Twilight's parents had taken them to a museum, and Spike had been riding on the shoulders of Twilight's father. The painting had been of some ponies in a snowstorm. It had been very well made, and Spike had tried to figure out if it was really a TV screen, since the snowflakes seemed to move of their own accord. Twilight had stopped him.
“About this painting,” said Twilight's father, “there is a story. You see how real it looks?”
Both little Twilight and even smaller Spike had nodded.
“Well, the painter who made it said it wasn't. She said she had been in real snowstorms like this, and if you stand as close as the viewer – that's us – do to those ponies, you will not see them. Because there is that snow. But she painted them like this anyway so you should see what happens,” he explained.
Spike had then bopped the painting with his little paw anyway, and got a scolding. Perhaps that was why he remembered the painting.
Right now reality was unrealistic, because it hadn't quite reached the stage where you couldn't see the guy in front you. It probably would, however.
“Vigg!” Saga shouted. “Your Highness!”
Vigg plowed on.
“Vigg!” shouted Spike who trod besides the ackja now, being too slow to run up front any longer.
Vigg finally turned his head.
“Yes?” he shouted.
“Vigg, we have to stop!” shouted Saga.
Vigg shook his head, but it wasn't visible in the snowstorm, so he shouted again. “No! We have to carry on! We have to reach the hut!”
“Vigg, we have to stop and make camp!” shouted Saga. “We can't carry on like this!”
“I know where we are!” he answered. “Look, I know orientation and you don't, sorry, OK?”
“I am lost so often I know when I'm lost! Besides, this is what you do in a snowstorm! You take cover!” Saga shouted back.
“We need to get to the hut!” Vigg shouted back.
“I'm cold! And tired!” shouted Spike.
“You have to stay cold and tired until we get to the hut!” shouted Vigg angrily.
“But we have stuff to make camp in a snowstorm!” said Spike. “You told me so when we packed!”
“The kid is right, Your Highness!” said an exasperated Saga. “Make a bivouac now is less dangerous than walking aimlessly in the storm! It's not dangerous at all, in fact! And you all but ordered me to say when I needed to stop! If we go on now, we die, so we really need to stop!” She was now quite hoarse, her voice tarred enough to crack easily.
“Look, we have to go to the hut AND THAT IS FINAL!” Vigg shouted.
Spike was shocked. Saga just looked at him, frowned and sighed.
“Fine. We will follow you and die gloriously for the honor of the great Snow Prince, Vigg the Ice-breaker! When Spring comes, we will be wondrous ice sculptures!” she shouted back. “Citizens of the great Snow Prince – strike a pose!”
And she reared up and, through a wonderful feat of balance, kept standing in a “woe is me!” pose, her left front hoof against her forehead.
Spike and Vigg stared. Then Spike leaned over dramatically and covered his face with his pawns, his visage contorted into horror. And stood still as the snow howled around them.
Vigg continued to stare at his companions, full of anger, breathing heavily, and felt it pump out of him until he fell over laughing.
Neither Spike nor Saga could keep their balance and followed their leader in falling over they as well, giggling, Saga at the same time crying.
“I'm so sorry,” said Vigg when he rose up. “I'm so sorry for being a complete jerk.”
Saga suddenly jumped up and hugged him.
“It's OK,” she said. “Just find us shelter!”
They held like that just long enough to let Spike join in the hug, then they untangled themselves from the harness and each other. Vigg cleared his throat.
“OK. There is too little snow, actually, to make a pure snow shelter. But I have a tarpaulin in the ackja and the ackja itself gives shelter. We'd still be better off with some boulders or something... I guess there would be some if we walked up here...” he said and pointed to the right off their former path.
The others looked at him.
“Just a small bit, if we don't find anything, we just rig up the ackja and the tarpaulin, cover it with snow for warmth, fix a breathing tube, and settle down, OK? There's three of us, including someone who breathes fire, if we just take shelter from the storm it will be OK,” he said.
The others nodded, and everyone started pulling the sleigh in the direction Vigg pointed. They got the wind in the face now, which made it a bit harder.
Suddenly Vigg started to sniff in the air.
“Do you smell it?!” he shouted.
Saga and Spike shook their heads.
“Smoker!” shouted Saga.
“Different kind of smoker!” shouted Spike.
“That's what it is – it smells like smoke!” Vigg shouted. “There might be deer here! Somedeer who can help us, maybe inside a tent or hut!”
The others brightened at that and they wandered a while longer than planned, when Vigg stopped.
“Tracks!” he shouted and bent down to examine them.
He remained down for a bit, trying to shelter his face with his hoof, then he gave up a shriek and shied back.
“What's going on?” shouted Saga.
“We have to go back!” he shouted. “Or carry on, anything but stay!”
“What?!” shouted Spike.
“Have you gone completely mental!” Saga shouted. “I don't care whether that is wolf or bear, we must find shelter!”
“They aren't – look at them!” Vigg moved aside and let Saga and Spike see them. “Look at the size of them!”
Saga shrieked as well.
“Those... that can't be! It's too close to... to Sarvvik! They shouldn't be like anywhere close to civilisation” she stammered and pointed to one big footprint.
Really big. A cloven-hoofed print, as from a giant reindeer.
“What are you talking about?” shouted Spike. “What on earth is that track from? Bighoof?”
Saga and Vigg shook their heads, their faces fearful.
“They have to be stalu tracks,” said Vigg. “Nothing else leaves that kind of track.”
“This is really dangerous, Spike,” said Saga and actually pulled Spike close to her, peering into the snowstorm around them. “This must be troll country!”
Luna had arrived fashionably late to her meeting, despite actually being there before any anyone else. There are, after all, standards for princessy behavior. The onslaught of attendant birds had unnerved and impressed the meeting suitably. The extra touch of the rats swarming through the walls and forming a living carpet had been exactly what was needed. (She hadn't stepped on them, of course, and she was very impressed by how brave they were with all of those owls about.) She had considered bringing some wolves, but reindeer really didn't like them, so she had restrained herself. On the other hand, she had a swarm of brown Tarandrian jays, cheeky and cute birds on the whole, lovely little tricksters. She hadn't much experience of them before, but they had come when she called, and Eira had said reindeer held them for Hrimfaxi's servants (and an ill omen, but if she was going to bring some wrath down on this meeting it would happen with or without jays). She wondered if there were any in the northern parts of Equestria, which had similar pine forests.
The place for the meeting was a long hall with large windows, letting in lots of the little sunlight there was. A reindeer lackey had shown a pony lackey how to operate the big lamps that hung from the roof. None were electrical, but Luna thought it rather in character of Ukko to not have the room he was lending to those dreadful foreigners runed for thaumaturgy. Two long and two short tables had been placed in a rectangle so anyone who wanted to speak could step in there and be seen by all. Luna was at the south end, surrounded by those of her beastly entourage who stayed. The chairpony, who to Luna's delight turned out to be Oak Wreath, sat at the north end. Inside the tables stood a blue unicorn mare with a strange sunray cutie mark, who had placed herself in the corner nearest Luna and looked at the jays a little nervously over her shoulder. The other courtiers – all unicorns – were still settling down.
How did I end up with only unicorns? she thought. It's not like magic helps you with dealing with others. Maybe Tia thought I would be more comfortable with this lot. It's not working, though maybe they aren't the only ones to blame. Or maybe no one wanted this mission, and this is a herd of inbreds who only got their position because they are aristocrats, and aren't qualified for more attractive jobs? Luna was looking over the crowd, doing her best to remember their names, what their cutie marks meant, if she knew their sires and dams... Who is the mare with the sunray? Is she the first speaker, maybe? Luna poked her with her magic.
“What?” said the mare. “Oh, Your Highness, sorry!” She curtseyed.
“No worries,” said Luna. “It's just that I don't recognize you. What is your name and position?”
“Oh, I'm just a... sort of servant, Your Highness. My name is Powerpoint” she said.
“Servant?” said Luna confused. “Are you supposed to bring those gathered refreshment, or take the minutes, or what?”
“I'm an illusionist, Your Highness,” said Powerpoint. “My job is illustrating the things hard to present by pure rhetoric. That's my talent, illuminating what others say!” she said proudly and showed what she meant by manifesting a shimmering pie diagram in the air, illustrating the age distribution in Lower Manehattan.
“Aha,” said Luna and nodded in some disbelief. They have invented the strangest jobs for ponies...
The meeting got underway. Everypony reported on what they had learned and did, which was a bit repetitive, since many had been to the same negotiations. Any variety depended on them remembering them differently. (There were minutes from the meeting, off course, but as usual much had been said off record.) Luna kept silent for an hour, then she started to ask pointed questions, making the diplomats nervous.
It was after she had rephrased the question about exactly how much Interchangeable Aristocrat knew about the economics of piracy for the third time that she realized that she agreed with Lord Eminence. The most frightening thing was that she genuinely thought he had been right in his assessment after hearing the others present the situation. This was frightening because she couldn't say whether she really would have thought the same if Lord Eminence hadn't been able to present his short spiel this morning.
Luna was an emotional pony, but she could usually tell, when she was as collected as she was now, when and how she had changed her opinion of something.
It can't be a spell, because there is no way he could affect me, she mused. But nothing stops a normal pony from convincing an alicorn that they are right, and if is one's talent to be persuasive – befitting a diplomat, even a low-ranking one – it would be easier. Or he is simply right, and I am just being rational faster because he pointed it out...
“We have a timetable, you know?” said a cerise unicorn with some sort of celery cutie mark.
Luna wondered what celery had to do with his job. It can't be celery. Is it a flower with some symbolic meaning? Why don't ponies have sensible cutie marks these days?
“Things must happen during the winter,” he continued. “There will surely be no more raids during winter, not when they cannot control the weather. And land campaigns are easier in Tarandroland during winter.”
“What about renegade pegasuses?!” shouted one dissenter.
“Pegasi!” shouted several others.
“There doesn't seem to be that many,” said Implausible Celery. “It's a mostly reindeer affair, not like the usual multinational pirates where you have peg-legged pigs and perytons on the same ship. But as I said: we must reach an accord with the reindeer to strike at the pirate bases before spring.”
“Why do we need an accord? Really?” said a younger unicorn with orange mane and coat. Luna couldn't see her cutie mark, but assumed it would be a dunce cap from that comment. To her disdain several of the diplomats murmured their support.
“Well, if we ignore the lack of ethics and breaking of international law with such an approach, there is still the matter of military logistics,” said an elderly stallion which Luna in her mind had dubbed Eponymous Moniker, because you instantly remembered his name when you saw his cutie mark, except you didn't because of the gold-embroidered cape he wore which covered it.
“What do you mean, mylord?” said one of the murmuring supporters.
“Equestria has been at peace for give or take three hundred years," he said. "For various reasons, the only troops we can send outside the country are the yeomanry and the knightly orders. The yeomanry are earth ponies and pegasi in funny helmets who likes to play cowponies and buffaloes two weekends a year. The knightly orders are social clubs to further the career of young aristos and regulate their access to dancing fillies. In other words, they cannot actually fight anything, which is sort of a hindrance in a war, even a small bush war like this one.”
“What about the Royal Guards?” said another murmurer.
Eponymous Moniker smiled. “The Guards are all well and dandy, but they are a small force. Very small. Unless they have local support, they cannot comb through every damn fjord from Sarvvik to the polar circle,” he said.
“But why are we worrying about conventional forces when we have MMD?” asked Dunce Cap.
Luna saw most of the older diplomats wincing, before she even asked.
“Excuse me, mylady, but that's a new term for a pony like me? What's ememdee?” she asked.
“Magic of Mass Destruction, Your Highness,” said Eponymous Moniker.
“We have that? Are we talking weather control, or...? Because I know one unicorn, at most, who can destroy anything en masse with her magic,” said a confused Luna. “I thought I was on the ball with modern magic...”
There was some clearing of throats, but Dunce Cap went where eagles dare.
“Well, Your Highness, we are talking about the powers of you and your sister, of course,” she said, almost cheerful.
As Luna took the floor – by stepping right through the table, snapping it in half – she saw most of the elder unicorns cower.
They have made this mistake themselves once,she thought. Tia was the one to tell them. Guess it is my turn with the new ones.
“There seems to be some misconceptions on the limits on the powers of me and my dear sister,” Luna said.
“They are vast and beyond mortal mages, but they have the same limitations which you mentioned, mylord – in order of importance, ethics, logistics and what you might call international law,” she continued as she nodded towards Eponymous Moniker, who bowed back.
“Can I ask for your assistance, miss Powerpoint?” she said. The illusionist curtseyed somewhat terrified and summoned aether, colored lights to shape after Luna's words.
“The question of ethics is the easiest to explain: ever since my sister dismantled the Empire during my... absence, she has avoided military intervention beyond Equestria's borders, limited it inside, and made Equestria a byword for pacifism," Luna continued. "I do, of course, stick to my sister here, and for those who want to question the wisdom of that decision, I only need to show you the Donkey Empire.” Luna was amazed when the smallest of cues from her had caused Powerpoint to summon a series of maps showing the changing of borders of Equestria.
“Erh, Your Highness... there is no Donkey Empire,” said one nervous younger diplomat.
“Exactly,” said Luna. “They tried to keep it – and nowadays there is no donkey nation at all, no donkey language, and donkeys are spread all over the world. But even if there was reason to change that policy – a dire need for self-defense, say – there is still a question of logistics.”
“Say that I used my power over the tides to smash the pirate fleet - “ and the illusions illustrated her words “ - that would be possible. Yet you must understand that for every action I take there is a reaction, and what I and my sister gain in power we always lose in control,” Luna said and pointed to the changing picture. The view zoomed out, and the watchers saw with increasing horror how the same tidal wave smashed all over Tarandroland's southern coast and as they zoomed out further, they saw how the northwestern coast of Equestria was torn apart by more tidal waves.
“Or say that I used my right as the ruler of dreams to plague them with nightmares. Sounds like a more clean way to make war, doesn't it? Except the Dreamlands might not be material, but they still have a landscape, an ecology. Not even I can be certain of the side effects,” Luna said darkly, and the illusions showed ponies all over the country waking in horror or being unable to sleep, pegasus chariots crashing mid-flights, factory accidents which claimed countless lives when workers fell asleep, scores of ponies being rolled into psychiatric hospitals...
“Even if I did something small – say sent my animal servants to attack them – it would have limits. I could not make them tell one reindeer from another, most of them are asleep during the winter, and their absence could cause major changes in animal and plant life, all down in Equestria,” Luna continued and the diplomats were shown how wolves struck against every deer in the country, while the clouds of bugs she summoned from Equestria, where they still wore awake, affected the birds and small animals of the country, disrupting the carefully controlled park-like ecology of the ponies and causing major havoc.
“But all this might still be justified, unlike the problem with what I called 'international law'. Tell me, child...” Luna bowed closed to a now terrified Dunce Cap “...do you think I and my sister are somehow supreme? That we are the only beings like us?” The sweating unicorn mare actually nodded as she avoided Luna's burning gaze.
“You are wrong. There are those who actually worship us as goddesses, and while we might seem omnipotent to mortals, that is wrong,” Luna said. The illusions now showed beings of all kinds, ungulates of all nations and climates bowing down before strange images that could only be Luna and Celestia. Then the image seemed to zoom out and showed... other images. Other beings.
“What separates me and my beloved sister from most of what we call our 'relatives' – but do not take the term literally, because we were not born like mortal ponies – is that we take an interest in and care for mortal ponies. To make a joking description that should again not be taken literally – mortals might just be like toys to us immortals, but to us... “ Luna smiled “...it is like a filly that plays with her dollies every day and sleeps with them in her bed. For our... lets call them uncles and aunts, it is more like a collection piece you keep on a shelf and polishes now and then. But hear me on THIS!”
The room became very still and silent at Luna's sudden shout.
“If two little fillies should pull that collection piece down from the shelf and break it, don't think our aunt wouldn't be angry with us. Very angry. And hope and pray... though not to me, because I cannot help you... that not one of our other aunts or uncles decides to defend us!” she hissed grimly.
In the swirling illusions, the horrified aristocrats saw strange beings, like shaped from the combinations of animals, as big as cities, as mountains, move across the Earth. Across Equestria.
Up from the sea rose a huge being – was it a whale? A bear? A huge cow? It was half water, half ice, and as it bellowed – was that octopus tentacles or new rivers springing up? - it caused the sea to flood the land. As animals and ponies fled screaming to the mountains, some of the mountains moved and gathered together, forming into bones... into something like the corpse of a pony built out of rocks... or maybe a zebra, the stripes being layers of minerals. It started stamping into the land, shaking it with earthquakes that at the same time caused new mountains to raise up, providing a temporary relief from the worldly flood.
The image shifted, and millions of miles below the earthly disc – or perhaps on its other, dark side – stood a huge, strange being. It was a monkey – a pig – no, it was upright like a stork, with paws like a dragon, a face like a pony. With its paws it was wielding a hammer, beating something on an anvil. Moved by the ruckus, it grimaced, it's horrid face bigger than the sky, gripped what it was smithing – a huge sword – and stepped backwards – upwards through the earth. Once striding the surface, it screamed wordlessly, and swung the sword in wide arcs, which seemed to cut holes in reality itself...
“Are you terrified?” asked Luna. “This is nothing. My aunts and uncles, they created the World. Earth and all around it.”
The horrible images shifted, and now the assembled diplomats saw those beings, those and others like them, raising mountains, growing forests, spewing out the oceans and breathing out the atmosphere, carving animals from wood and forming them from clay...
“But my grandparents' generation... they formed the laws that the World is built on...” Luna continued. The image shifted... to lights... sounds... patterns of magic in a black sphere that itched the brain and made the soul cry.
“My grandfather decided that the number of digits in pi is infinite,” she said happily. “My grandmother, she came up with cause preceding effect! The laws of nature, physics, logic, morality only exist because they... and their friends, colleagues, rivals, enemies... agree that they do.”
“Think what would happen if they start to disagree?” she whispered so low that everyone in the room could hear her over the silence. “Let me tell you about the only one of my grandparents' generation that cared for ponies... in his own way...”
In the middle of the image appeared a grotesque statue of a being made of the parts of countless different creatures... a being which shied away in terror.
“Let me assure you: when my family feuds, only Grand Uncle Discord wins!” Luna whispered even lower as the statue's expression changed from fear to a smug grin. “So be very careful when you wave around the threat of me and my sister's divine powers, because you might just cause the end of all reality!”
When Luna came back to her suite – she was, in retrospect, glad that Powerpoint had fainted from what seemed to be ecstasy, not from terror – Twilight was drinking coffee. That was not in itself frightening or exceptional. What was both was that judging from the serving cart next to her, it must be her sixteenth cup or so. It was hardly evening.
“Welcome back, Your Highness,” said Twilight. Her voice sounded stressed, but she had a genuine smile on her lips. She was sitting very close to the wall and staring into it, a notepad covered with arcane sigils next to her. It was apparently her third today.
“What are you doing, Lady Sparkle?” said Luna curiously and started to leaf through one of the notepads. A dictionary in Ancient Cervine lay beside it on the table.
“Well, it seems our room is 'bugged' as I think the term is. But instead of using an electronic device, it is a much more efficient and much older scrying spell,” Twilight explained cheerfully.
“What?!” said Luna. “This is an outrage!”
Twilight shook her head and smiled broader – a little too broad.
“It's just counterintelligence. It covers all the rooms in the palace. Some of the outlying buildings as well, but I haven't got a good connection. The runes are worn, the whole thing a bit wonky. It has been used recently, that's for sure, but it isn't right now!” Twilight looked up. “Oh, and don't be worried! Saga helped me with a spell that stops anyone from using it on us, without looking suspicious. I forgot to tell you, all that business with Spike got in the way.”
Luna tried to digest it all.
“So you are saying the King can see and hear whatever happens in the palace?” she said. Twilight shrugged.
“Or his court sorcerer, rather. Reindeer magic seems to be second sight or clairvoyance, so it is possible the King could see what happens if someone shows him, but scrying takes some training. I don't have reindeer magic, of course, but I have constantly upheld a spell that mimics it, just like reindeer sorcerers can mimic telekinesis, and...” Twilight was interrupted.
“All day?” said Luna. “You upheld such a spell all day?”
Twilight giggled. “Yeah. Hence the coffee. I was close to passing out a couple of hours ago, but I have a second wind now, I think.” She looked happily at a worried Luna who rubbed her forehead.
“Let's make the best of this... You can look out of this one, not just in? I mean, wasn't the purpose to observe this room?” Luna said.
Twilight nodded. “The reindeer are amazing at clairvoyance magic and their runes aren't shabby. I mean just look at this matrix!” Her horn glowed.
Luna used her own magic, peered at the wall... “This is extraordinary! You are right!” she said. “And this... it stretches out...” She caught it. She set her inner eye to the eye rune and saw...
Maids gossiping. The Princess scolding one of her children. King Ukko asleep in spilled beer. Maids doing something other than gossiping - Luna quickly looked away. Guards smoking. Her own courtiers, babbling, writing, standing on the loo, calling her names... She could see and hear everything, everyone... this was, in small scale, what ponies assumed alicorns did all the time, while it was a rare occurrence. She averted her gaze.
It must have been harder for Twilight, and she understood Luna's sentiments.
“I think it takes a very special reindeer to deer this thing,” she said. “I don't think we have been that much watched, simply because Ukko's sorcerer – I have watched him – doesn't want to use it. I feel – traces of shame when he used it.”
“Reindeer are suspicious of all magic, none more than their own,” said Luna. “But... how did you reverse this thing? The rune haven't been changed?”
Twilight giggled again and worried Luna.
“It looked hard first, but then I realized – it is just like turning a sock inside out. See!?” she said and pointed to a heap of inside-out socks on the table. Luna realized it must not only be all Twilight's socks, but all of her and Spike's socks as well.
“Socks are... really special!” said Twilight happily. “Just like soap bubbles, they contain the keys to unlocking immense potentials!” She giggled and drank some more coffee.
“Coffee?” she said and offered Luna some.
“No thanks... and I don't think you should have any more either,” said Luna and put down the cup. “Twilight Sparkle... “ she sniffed her hoofmaiden's breath “...have you been drinking alcohol?”
“Just one glass, to test a theory... I kept asking for different sorts of coffee... for variety see... so now the maid gave me this!” said Twilight and pointed to the pot. Luna sniffed it.
“What in the world is this foul thing?” she said and sneered.
“Kask,” said Twilight happily. “Half coffee, half vodka. Two different substances with opposite effects. The alcohol fights the caffeine in your brain.” She turned to Luna.
“But I just had a sniff, so I'm not drunk if you think that, Your Highness. I couldn't work magic drunk, I shouldn't drink,” she said and turned back to the eye-rune.
Luna sighed. “Next time you ask for a local drink, check with the locals whether it will make you drunk, hoofmaiden!” she scolded her.
“Yes, Your Highness,” mumbled Twilight.
Luna looked at her.
“Something is wrong. Your great discovery is indeed frightening, but you seem to already have disarmed it. What is it, Twilight Sparkle?” said Luna.
Twilight looked at the floor and sighed.
“Do you know what Lord Eminence cutie mark is, Your Highness?” she said.
“The gray unicorn? No, I don't actually. It is one of those subtle ones, I assume,” said Luna.
Twilight giggled again.
“Subtle is right! That's a good joke, Your Highness!” she said. “Lord Eminence cutie mark is a veil, Your Highness. It is a swirling piece of cloth, a veil. Veils hide things. Lord Eminence special talent is hiding things. His natural unicorn magic is an invisibility spell, of course. And he isn't with us as a diplomat!” Twilight looked up to Luna.
“Lord Eminence is a spy. And I want to know whether you or Celestia knows that he is here and what he is doing” she said, and smiled at Luna. A very, very wide smile.
“We have to get away!” shouted Saga. “We'll get killed and eaten! Or maybe eaten and killed!”
“Even trolls can't be out hunting in this weather!” shouted Vigg. “Let's go as far as we can in the directions the tracks don't and take shelter!”
“But won't they follow our tracks?” shouted Spike, who had started panicking a bit and actually gripped Saga's leg.
“Not after this snowfall. Not if we leave the ackja!” shouted Vigg. “Just grab the tarpaulin and some food, then we can move faster as well!”
Hurriedly, they dragged out the rolled-up tarp and a packet of bread and cheese, then they hightailed it as fast as they could in the blizzard in, as Vigg had said, the direction the tracks came from.
Except after a while the tracks disappeared. Vigg actually dug in the snow to find them – snowed over tracks look different when dug up than just packed snow – but there were no traces of the tracks.
“It looks like hills over there!” shouted Saga. Vigg looked.
“We'll take shelter behind them, roll up in the tarpaulin!” he shouted. “Come on, just a little bit left!”
They trudged through the snow and the snowfall actually let up some, the winds whirling around the hills ahead. It was then they saw it.
A huge, black shape loomed ahead of them, and trudged towards them. Spike saw it first and pulled on Saga to stop her, and she looked up, saw it, and squeaked. Vigg stopped in his tracks and at exactly this moment remembered that his spear was back at the ackja.
The shape lumbered closer. Now you could hear its heavy footsteps, it's huge hooves stomping the snow with a mighty thud, followed a microsecond later by a high-pitched clinking rattle. They all stood still, paralyzed. It stopped momentarily and its head, huge, elongated, swirled about and they could hear a snort. Then it advanced again until they could almost see it in the whirling snow and the advancing night.
Its form was basically cervine, but huge and freakish, its long muscular limbs ending in hooves that looked comically big until you imagined them smashing into your body. Its head had a huge snout of a muzzle and an enormous set of antlers, making it male – since reindeer are the only deerfolk where everydeer has antlers. It was obviously a person and not a beast, since it wore clothes – a cape and a cap – and jewelry that Spike would later describe as “tacky zebra”, with lots of gold anklets on every foot and its ears and nose pierced by huge golden rings – and since it carried a tool in its mouth.
“A ladle!” whimpered Saga. “That's just typical, we happen upon him about to make dinner!”
The stalu put down the ladle, which was the size of a shovel, and roared at them, then snorted. He lowered his head and pawed the snow in front of them.
“Hey you!” shouted Vigg. “Stand back!”
“No no no...” Saga suddenly moaned... “This can't be happening... I am Seeing... it could happen... please no oh my goddess...” She swayed unsteadily as if she wasn't quite there.
Spike leaned his head to the left, then to the right, and mumbled to himself. He took a few step towards the stalu, trying to get a closer look.
“Spike! Stay here!” shouted Vigg and Saga at once.
Spike got closer, right under the troll. He looked up at him, and the monster bent down and sniffled him.
“No!” shouted Vigg.
“Don't!” shouted Saga.
Spike turned around.
“Guys, this is just a moose, not some supernatural monster!” he shouted.
“A what?” said Vigg.
“Who?” said Saga.
“Look, there's a tribe in northern Equestria," said Spike. "They are big deer called moose. They are peaceful, they don't eat people, they eat the same stuff as you!”
“But it looks like a stalu!” Saga whined. “And I Saw what could happen...”
“I don't trust him!” said Vigg. “I've never heard anything good about stalus!”
Spike shook his head and turned to the big deer-thing.
“We're lost in the snow! Can you help us?” he said, indicating himself and his rather worried companions.
The stalu snarled and snorted. It certainly sounded like words to Spike, but certainly not any language he knew.
“Come on!” he said as he turned to Vigg and Saga. “Ask him in your language! He sure didn't take Equestrian in school!”
“We should get away while we can...” stammered Saga. Vigg looked like he was about to charge the stalu. Spike sighed and facepawed.
“Look guys, this is no troll! It's just some dude that's larger than you! We are freezing to death and he has got to have shelter nearby, because even 'savages' don't take random jogging rounds in the middle of a blizzard carrying kitchen tools! He hasn't done nothing bad yet!” he shouted.
Vigg swallowed, then walked up to the stalu and looked him straight into the eyes. The huge deer-thing stared back, a most hostile stare. Vigg looked very long and then he looked away.
“Spike is right. We should take our chances with him” he said with a tired voice, then turned to the stalu and spoke Poatsi.
“Can you help us? We're lost in the blizzard! We can pay you, or help you in return!”
The stalu showed no great sign of understanding, but he did turn his head and pointed behind him with a hoof, growling.
“I think he wants us to follow,” said Vigg.
“You're mental again!” shouted Saga. “That's a monster, Vigg! You can't take Spike with you to him!”
Spike sighed. “It'll be OK, Saga. I read about dudes just like him at work, I helped some schoolfoals with their homework. Unless they are really different in Tarandroland he won't be dangerous,” he said, pleadingly.
“Saga, I've... looked at him. He is just really afraid of reindeer, is all,” said Vigg. “I can see stuff like that. I mean, See.”
Saga looked from Spike to Vigg and to the stalu, then stepped up to join them.
“Fine! But I can also See things, and if we all end up on a platter it's not my fault!” she snapped.
They didn't have to walk far, just up to one of the hills ahead. Outside it were some perfectly ordinary wooden buckets filled with snow. The stalu kicked at the hill and thereby opened a door that seemed a bit small for him. He shooed the kids in, heaved in the buckets of snow, got himself in somehow, and close the door behind them. Then he locked and barred it, which seemed to make him relax.
“Now we are locked inside the troll's cave,” said Saga. “This just gets better.”
“Why the snow?” said Spike and looked at the stalu, as if he could understand what Spike was saying.
“To melt for water, I assume,” said Vigg. “For cooking and stuff.”
“Exactly,” said Saga. “Cooking.Us.”
Spike sighed. “Don't carry on like that,” he said and looked around the very small room, presumably the hall, which was very very warm and lit up by a single big candle. It held a bench, a shovel, some sort of wicker rug, a coat-hanger made of reindeer antlers (“I think he'll have two more hangers soon, Vigg” said Saga), something which looked like four enormous boots (“When would he need them, if he doesn't use them in this weather?” said Spike and pointed to them), an enormous pair of skis (“When skiing – they are ski boots” said Vigg) and a giant mace.
Spike went up to it and touched it. The stalu jerked his head in Spike's direction and made a protesting snort.
“Yeah, he is totally going to pick it up and bean you with it,” said Saga and eyed the stalu.
“This place really smells of smoke,” said Vigg and wrinkled his muzzle.
“It looks like it's a whole tree!” marveled Spike. “And the rocks in the head, it is like the roots are holding them there!”
The stalu shrugged, hung his cap and cloak on the coat-hanger and pulled out a crude little chest from under the bench.
He started to remove – slowly and clumsily – his copious amounts of jewelry, putting it in the chest. Then he stopped, pointed at the kids, at the hanger, and at the chest, while he spoke very slowly and carefully in his own tongue, as people often do in the hope that strangers magically will understand them that way.
The magic worked on Vigg, who eyed the door to next room.
“I think he says we should take off our clothes and so on,” he said, and took off his jacket. Spike happily did the same, because while he had been really cold outside now it started to be really hot, and he didn't wear clothes at all normally.
“That can't be good!” said Saga. “You must realize this can't be good. OK for taking off the warm clothes, but taking off my jewelry – that can only be because he doesn't wanna choke on my piercings!”
Vigg gave Saga a tired look.
“He would have to flay you anyway if he was actually gonna eat you! Come on Saga, it's not a cartoon!” he said, and removed his thin silver necklace and put it in the box.
The stalu eyed it curiously and then stared at Vigg for a short while, then he turned to Saga and gestured for her to follow suit. She sighed and started to remove what she had on – she obviously hadn't hung chains in her antlers for a forest trip.
“We're going in” said Vigg and nodded to Spike who nodded back. As he moved for the door the stalu bellowed and pointed to the buckets. A mystified Spike picked up two while Vigg hooked two others on his antlers and laughed.
“OK, now I know where we are and what he's doing!” he said and opened the door. A massive wave of heat struck him and Spike, who suddenly had second thoughts.
“Wow, what's this? Is it an oven?” he said. Vigg shook his head.
“No no, it's just a sauna,” said Vigg. “The troll was gonna take a bath when he spotted us, and when he decided to be friendly I guessed he didn't want the heat to go to waste, so he took us with him. It would also be dreadfully impolite to not invite guests into your sauna – like eating and not offering them to join you. Guess trolls have the same etiquette as reindeer.”
The stalu bellowed.
“Yeah, sorry, we'll close the door!” Vigg said and dragged Spike with him into the healthy inferno.
Saga looked at the stalu, smiled embarrassed and put her fourth set of earrings into the box.
“Of course, you try to take off your bling before you take a sauna...” she murmured. “Your gold stuff would roast your legs, I assume... Nice nosering, by the way. I'm done, no more stuff!”
The stalu was scrutinizing one of her necklaces, an Equestrian jubilee coin that celebrated the return of Princess Luna which she had put on a silver chain together with full and new moons cut from tin.
“You like it?” said Saga. “You can have it, I mean you're saving us. Even if it is of my Goddess, I mean. And... if I was right and you're really going to... eat us or just kill us, I guess you get it anyway.”
The stalu snorted and closed the box, then looked at her.
“You... whatever your name is... if the guys are wrong... I want you to know... you see, I'm really thin. I was anorectic for a while, actually," Saga said. "No meat on me at all. And I smoke like a chimney, so I'm probably poisonous. But despite that... Please, if you really eat people, eat me before the little dragonling. I think the world can better stand to lose me than him, actually. OK?” Saga looked like she was close to crying.
The stalu looked at her with incomprehension. She sighed.
“Whatever, let's get a bath, whatever your name is. What is it, anyway? What. Is. Your. Name?” she said.
He shook his head sadly.
“OK, this works in stupid movies, let's see if it works in reality,” Saga said angrily. She pointed to herself.
“Saga! Saga!” she said. Then she poked him with her little hoof and tried to look as if she wondered something.
It must have worked despite the flickering candlelight, because he pointed to himself and bellowed.
“What did you say?” said Saga. He tried again, slower.
“'Kvalhissir'?” asked Saga. He nodded.
“Kvalhissir!” she said and pointed at him.
He nodded again.
“Oh, great!" she said. "Come on, let's tell you what the others' names are!” She pushed him towards the door to the actual sauna.
Spike had had steam baths before, of course – Ponyville had an excellent spa and it was open to children – but the reindeer way – and, it seemed, the moose way – was a bit different.
“Normally, you just heat rocks and pour water on them, but in a sauna like this – a smoke sauna – you use a hearth that fills the room with hot smoke beforehand for hours, then let it out. It's a really laborious way to do it, and you still have to throw water on the hearth to get the steam, the good steam, but it is assumed to be the best heat – at least by old fogies like both my grandfathers,” Vigg explained. “If you think it is too hot, sit on the lower benches. And leave and splash yourself with water or rub yourself with snow if you get too hot.”
“No problem!” said Spike, grinned, and sat on what was basically the hearth itself.
Vigg stared.
“I'm a dragon, remember?," he said. "We're not literally immune to fire but can take a lot. Having it in your belly sort of makes you used to it. And we like heat!”
“Hey guys, this is Kvalhissir, who rescued us!” said Saga when she came in, stalu in tow.
“You asked him? How?” said Spike.
“The primitive way” said Saga and pointed to her companions. “Spike – Vigg. Vigg – Spike.” The stalu nodded amiably, saw Spike on the hearth and jumped as high as was possible.
“Well, Miss Babysitter, while you were away, the child climbed on top of the stove and got burnt!” said Vigg.
Saga calmed down the stalu and then waggled her hoof at Spike.
“Well, don't do that! Burnt fawns smell bad!” she said in mock-stern voice.
“Luckily I'm not a fawn” said Spike.
“What?” said Vigg. “That's a horrible thing to say!”
“That's how my Gramma warned me not to touch the stove,” said Saga. “And 'If you drown I will give you a whupping when you come home' when I was playing in the harbor.” She smiled like an angel. “I love my Gramma so much!”
Kvalhissir apparently thought there was too much talk and too little heat, because he produced an actual barrel with melted water (“One prepared in advance!” said Saga) and started slowly and methodically pouring water on the top layer of hot rocks, using the giant ladle he had been carrying when they met him.
“I guess he grabbed the closest weapon he could find when he realized there were strangers about,” said Vigg.
“Weapon?” said Spike incredulously. “It's a ladle!”
“But look at the size of it!” Vigg protested. “It could crush your head! Anyway, I am sure he would have picked up a knife had he been peeling carrots or an ax if he had been chopping wood, but he was putting a sauna in order so the first thing he got in his mouth was the water-ladle.”
“Y'know, he could have actually picked up his actual weapon, the big mace outside,” said Spike.
“You don't think well when you get scared,” said Vigg. “I forgot my spear by the ackja.”
“It's a good thing you did,” said Saga, who suddenly looked very solemn. “It was the thing I Saw.”
The others looked at her.
“My Sight – I have one besides the normal one everydeer has – it is kinda sucky – but sometimes – I see things that could be. And sometimes they are things that are going to happen, because unless things could happen they won't happen, OK?” she stammered.
The others looked confused.
“It is sort of like predicting the future except it is not,” she said with some irritation. “Anyway, when we met him, I saw what could happen – what could have happened. Except Kvalhissir was too afraid to go and get his mace before he went off to see who we were, and Vigg was too scared to remember to take his spear from the ackja. But what I saw, was what could have happened if you both had been braver. Then you were both armed. When Spike went closer to him, you charged him with your spear, Vigg. He defended himself with his mace and crushed your head. That made Spike spout fire at him, so he... he killed Spike as well. And when I... when I tried to run away, he ran me down and killed me.” Saga sniffed. “It was so close that we really died... And because I Saw that, I couldn't trust him... I didn't really understand the details until now...”
The others had fallen silent.
“And after he had killed us, he would have looked closer, and see that it wasn't the reindeer warriors he was fearing... it was just three lost children...” she added, downcast.
“So... because I'm a coward and he is a wuss, we didn't die and he didn't destroy his life?” said Vigg.
Saga nodded and sniffed again.
“It... you don't talk about your Sight, really,” Vigg said, obviously directed to Spike. “It is... both unsafe and a bit private. But since Saga has told about hers...”
“You don't need to say anything!” protested Saga, stood up from her bench and walked up to Vigg. “I'm a holy doe! I can talk about my magic!”
“I was going to say I will say what mine is, despite I find it be very embarrassing,” said Vigg. “Because it is important for what I did tonight. I... have the same Sight as my mother.”
Saga gasped.
“You can see into deers' hearts?! Oooh, that's so romantic and cool!” she said and put her hooves to her mouth.
“But it is so... girly!” Vigg protested. “It's like I'd start shooting rainbows that make everyone happy and pick dandelions and give each other candy canes...”
“And why is that important here?” said Spike. Kvalhissir was watching with interest, even if he couldn't understand what was said. It was unclear whether he was hoping Vigg and Saga would start to fight or start to make out.
“Because I looked into Kvalhissir's heart, and saw that he wasn't malicious or even hungry, he was just scared and surprised” said Vigg.
“Why didn't you do that right away?” Spike protested.
“It's... it's not like you can do it all the time. Hearts change, you know? It's not always it works... And sometimes you don't want to know... So... you really only take a look if you really wonder...” he said with some embarrassment.
“So you mean you were already so sure of him so you didn't look?” said Spike and frowned.
“Yeah,” said Vigg.
“Have you looked at me?” said Saga with interest.
“Yeah. When we had that problem with the ackja... you were so stubborn. I didn't know whether you were making trouble or why... so I took a peek,” he said, even more embarrassed.
“It's OK,” said Saga perkily. “I think it is awesome! I mean, a real Sight, like in fairy tales! Not like mine!”
“Have you looked at me?” said Spike with curiosity.
“No,” said Vigg and smiled. “I never had reason to doubt you.” He looked at his feet. “I did look at Twilight Sparkle, to see whether those stories were true... and they weren't... someone with her heart can't be that bad.”
“Why did you check her?” said Saga with some suspicion.
“Oh,” said Vigg with more of the embarrassment “I just think she is... really awesome. Yeah. She is totally awesome” he said with an guilty look at Spike. "That was what I meant. Awesome."
Saga gasped and squeezed herself down next to Vigg.
“She is, isn't she! She's the greatest!” Saga said. She puffed out her chest. “I happen to be her new apprentice!” Then she sunk down again and smiled awkwardly. “Well, just for a short while... at least until she leaves again... but I am totally learning new spells!”
It was Vigg's turn to gasp. “She is teaching you? Wow, I'm so jealous! That makes you awesome, do you know that?”
The both giggled a bit.
Spike facepawed. I really hope this brings them together, he thought.. After all, the situation have already gotten them pretty close. I am just not happy with what brings them together.
Kvalhissir got off the bench to cool himself with some snow. Spike followed their host; the heat was starting to be a bit too much even for him.
Author's notes: First, I hope there is so much Original Flavour in this fic that no one ever expected poor Kvalhissir to be an actual deer-eating monster. I mean, it's a standard cliché in this kind of cartoon that something is said to be evil and dangerous and then turn out to be innocent.
Second, I actually have a lot to say about trolls, moose and the Scandinavian perception of such, as well as something about my favorite MLP:FIM fanfic ever and how it inspired me a bit - but I am not doing it here. That will be in a blog here on the site. I know no one reads those things, but please keep an eye open for it. I will write my piece when it is not two in the morning and I have to get up at seven.
Thanks for reading!
Twilight kept smiling as she ruffled her mane with her hooves, and first she giggled, then she sniffled.
"A spy," said Luna. "A spy for whom?"
Twilight sniffled again.
"For Equestria, of course! Silly filly!" She turned her sniffle to a giggle and punched Luna with her hoof.
The Princess of the Moon stiffened and her face became stiff and red with anger, but checked her temper when she saw her hoofmaiden's expression.
She is truly not herself... she thought. What did she see?
"Anyway, I am sorry I couldn't record anything or something like that, the eye-runes doesn't work like that," Twilight said and giggled again. "But I have made notes from observing him. I actually started out for such a childish reason. Would you know, I only did it to figure out how he can appear out of nowhere. He has an invisibility spell. I saw him use it, several times. He does it casually. That was the clue to his cutie mark, his talent, his role. But... that didn't really upset me. That there's a spy here, I mean."
She shook her head. "No, the first thing that upset me was the invisibility! That he used it! Here! In a place where it is useless!" Twilight was breathing heavily, her face red with anger. "Every guard and servant and courtier in this place can easily see through it! He's so arrogant he never thought to check whether it would work! He is completely dependent on one single spell and hasn't researched its parameters! No wizard does that unless he is an idiot!"
"Well," said the princess carefully "maybe he hasn't done anything too compromising yet..."
"Did you know about him?" said Twilight suddenly, her anger not abated. "Did Princess Celestia know about him?"
"No. I didn't know Lord Eminence was a spy. In hindsight, I should have guessed, and if you asked me, I would have expected there to be agents of the thrones assigned to this," said Luna.
Twilight looked at her, pleading.
"And I don't know whether my sister knows, Lady Sparkle," she continued, somewhat cautiously, as Twilight was still close to apoplexy. "On one hoof, she does take an active interest in many things quite low down in the hierarchy of the realm. On the other hoof, it is sometimes useful that a ruler does not know what a secret agent does, since their deeds are rarely honorable and sometimes disgusting, and it is better to be able to say that you truly were ignorant."
"He has done something yet," Twilight said. "Something I can't believe my Princess would approve of..."
So that's it. She is still that innocent... And yet... Luna mused.
"What has he done?" she said gently.
"Well, he went to and fro, talking to some servants, some guards, some local pony merchants. He looked into a storage for chariots, unused this season, several times, and I assumed he was setting up the place for a clandestine meeting with some bribed informer, so I kept an eye on it. I was right," said Twilight. "He went there about two hours ago and waited... under his silly cloak of invisibility. Three reindeer entered. They were wearing the uniforms of a nobledeer's servant but it was clear they weren't servants."
"How could you tell?" asked Luna.
"The uniforms were clean and new. All we have seen here have been old and worn. There is a financial crisis, the king is uncaring, and his daughter who manages things puts snappy uniforms far lower on the list than food for everyone and clean bedclothes. And I spend enough time with Rarity these days to notice such things," said Twilight tunelessly. "Anyway, he made one of his dramatic appearances out of nowhere, except the three deer he was meeting saw through it, and only played along to please him - they didn't even act surprised, they just didn't point out that they could see him. I even heard one of them say in Poatsi that 'ponies are crazy'."
"And he didn't react to that?" said Luna. "He seems a proud stallion to me."
"I don't think he registers when somepony says something bad about him, because he is so sure of himself," said Twilight. "Besides, his Poatsi is atrocious. It doesn't matter anyway. What's matter is who they were."
"And who were they?" asked Luna.
"Pirates," said Twilight.
Luna's mouth fell open.
"I know, I know..." said Twilight and buried her face in her hooves. "It was like this..."
The three reindeer eyed the Hestalander with suspicion.
“Have your master made up your mind?” he said with a casual smile.
“My captain has made up his mind, yes,” said the middle of the three, an old sarv. “If you ponies and your Sun-Queen support him, he will convince the other captains to stop the raiding.”
“And will they listen to him?” said the unicorn and produced a coin from his robe.
He tries to bribe me with that? Is he addled? the reindeer thought.
Nevertheless he grabbed the gold coin out of the air with his mouth and spit it into his pouch.
“Jarl Ahto's name is great. Until he became outlaw he was a vaunted admiral of the fleet,” said the reindeer. “They will listen.”
“He has a golden tongue alright,” said the reindeer to the right, a worn-looking vaja. “The other captains even believe he has a shot at becoming King.”
“And you don't, miss?” said Lord Eminence.
“I'm just the bosun. I don't worry about the captain having fancies,” she said, and added “But don't you 'miss' me! I'm a married doe, is just this here job keeps me away from things.”
“Believe me, I won't miss you at all,” said Lord Eminence and grinned. “So: if Equestria helps Earl Ahto...”
“Jarl,” said their leader. “We don't have Earls in Poatsula. We didn't have no other nobledeer than jarls until the kings started apin' you ponies,” he added.
“Jarl Ahto. Helps Jarl Ahto with his bid for kingship, given the help against Winter that he wishes for, so that he can be a hero and swing the other herds to his side, he will convince the other pirate captains to hold off raiding Equestria – what you do at home I don't care about. Have I got this right?” Lord Eminence continued.
“That's it,” said their leader. “But Ahto wants to see some proof that this here help is actually coming before he commits himself.”
¨”Ain't manure worth stealing in Poatsula these days anyhow,” said the third reindeer who had been silent up til now.
“Certainly. I can certainly provide some proof, but then I want to see some from your side as well,” said Lord Eminence.
“Jarl Ahto says that he wants to know how fast the Sun-Queen can put the sun right. Since he would find it awfully convenient if that went with him making his first bid for the throne, see,” said the leader.
“And no one is gonna sail the sea now anyhow, seeing how bad and fast winter's coming. The pirate fleet is all beached like a whale,” the vaja added.
“I... am not privy to the mechanics of the Wheels. You really have to let me check that out for you,” said Lord Eminence cautiously.
The reindeer nodded.
“So I take it we have an... accord?” he said and grinned.
“You have an accord with Jarl Ahto,” said the leader of the pirates “and with him you hope the other captains. But you don't have an accord with us.”
“Beg your pardon?” said Lord Eminence. “Who?”
“Us!” said the vaja. “Us who actually crew the ships!”
“Now see here, Mr Fancyvest” said the leader “Jarl Ahto has his fantasies and we allow him them because he is a good leader. His father was not chosen as king when the moot did not recognize the heir of the last king. His herd has been mighty sore about that for a long time. And some of us might share such fancies, and have a mind full of dreams.”
He leaned uncomfortably close to the unicorn lord and breathed foully on him.
“Then, we might be murderers and thieves, but we have practical minds. There might be some of us who take a love in blood-letting,“ and he looked at his second companion, who scratched his chin absentmindedly, “but most of us went on to feed seagulls because there was no honest job to be had. The mills and workshops can't get timber, so they get no goods to send abroad, so no sailor can find a job – except, of course, going a-Viking.”
“We need food and clothes and other stuff,” said the vaja and leaned in equally closely “and for that we don't need Jarl's dreams but cold hard silver.”
“All of us,” said the leader. “See, we share aboard the ships, so every sailor will expect some.”
“I... see,” said Lord Eminence. “And... how much are we talking about?”
“For a starting sum... as a goodwill gesture... say five of your bits a sailor,” said the leader and grinned. “With extra shares for the officers.”
“And how much would that be?” said Lord Eminence.
“Lets' say... give or take... “ The reindeer waved his hoof, shut one eye, and grinned. “Four thousand bits to start with. Metal, no paper.”
“Paper gets wet at sea,” grinned the vaja.
Lord Eminence was momentarily taken aback, but adjusted himself.
“I think that will be a small price to pay. But since you won't take my checks, you will have to wait a bit,” he said.
“Fine. We'll stay... around for a week. But if I don't see the silver by then, I go back to my captain and present your offer in such a way that he won't take it,” said the leader.
“I'll see what I can do,” said Lord Eminence. “I can see now what your interests lay in this whole affair.”
“Well,” said the third reindeer “it's not like the old drunkard's going to die just like that, so Ahto's dream is just a pipe dream. I mean, Ahto ain't the deer to just assassinate a king – he's a nobledeer so he has standards. And he can forget us actually marching an army on Sarvvik and like dethrone him!”
All the reindeer chuckled at the folly of war without profit and with actual risks.
“Oh,” said Lord Eminence with a smug grin “I am sure we can arrange things to Jarl Ahto's satisfaction.”
“He... he implied the assassination of a foreign monarch by Equestrian agents?!” said Luna. It was her turn to be apoplectic.
Twilight nodded.
“And, for all intents and purposes, financing insurgency,” said Twilight. “I have no idea if he actually means it or is just trying to bluff or manipulate this pirate captain, but... he is doing it very badly. It takes almost nothing for a servant or guard to report this to someone who cares... and paying off someone like those pirates never works unless you are stalling for time! They will try to milk you for more. Don't they teach any statesmanship to nobleponies? Or spies? I had to study it and I'm a sorceress!”
“And if he is reported all chances we have of coming out head up and first from this mess are gone! I should have him sent back home at once, either to jail or to spy school!” Luna fumed.
“If they already know, they will think we are covering our flanks,” Twilight sighed. “We must know if they know first. Or...” She perked up. “Maybe we can simply admit what he has done and say he acted on his own?”
“I don't want to make you more afraid than you are, Twilight Sparkle, but it is possible he didn't act on his own,” Luna said sadly.
When she saw the despair in Twilight's eyes, she hastily added: “That doesn't need to mean my sister ordered it. She does have a spymaster, and there are sure to be ponies between him and Lord Eminence as well. Likewise, he could quite possibly have been given vague orders what to do, and while it should not be his superiors' fault that he choose a very risky and idiotic way to implement them, it will be seen that way.”
“We don't even know what he plans to do with the King. Or when,” said Twilight. “Or even if he is really planning anything and not just lying to impress the pirates!”
“I'll have to confront him!” said Luna.
“What's to say he'll tell the truth? What more: there is one thing he didn't seem to know but he could find out that would be very useful...” said Twilight.
“I can be very persuasive,” said Luna grimly. “And what would that be?”
“He talked to three of the pirates, right? I don't think he knows where they stay when in Sarvvik. But if he knew – if we knew – we could figure out where they usually stay. Where the pirate ships are beached, I mean, and the pirates stay over winter. It's not like we have an army who could go there, but anyway...” Twilight explained. “My best case is that this is what he is trying to do, and he is just lying to get on Jarl Ahto's good side.”
“We'll have to get to that in the morning,” said Luna.
“No, in the morning” she repeated when Twilight looked at her. “You are in no form for intrigue and confrontation, Lady Sparkle, and I might actually need someone with me to balance my temper. Nodeer saw him meet the pirates today?”
“Nodeer using the eye-runes. I can't be certain about just plain normal witnesses,” Twilight said.
“Let's hope for the best – and get you to bed!” Luna said. “But first clean yourself up!”
She got Twilight up and pushed her towards the shower. After she had go her in and was about to leave she turned back.
“Wait! What was it about my sister 'setting the Sun right'?” she asked Twilight.
Twilight shrugged.
“I don't know. Jarl Vidar gave me some facts about the increasing strength of Winter that might have something to do with the Sun, but I choose to check the eye-runes out first, before I sat down with the astronomical and thaumaturgical calculations. Then I got caught up in the business with Lord Eminence...” Twilight rubbed her face.
“Clean yourself, then try to sleep. I will study your notes for both matters, since I don't need sleep,” said Luna. “I will need your services, Lady Sparkle, and for that I need you healthy and alert.”
“As you wish, Your Highness,” said Twilight and smiled. “Looks like a dreadful weather out. I sure hope Spike is well in that cottage or whatever it was.”
“If he was in trouble, he would have sent me a message,” Luna said as she levitated a thick bunch of magic diagrams. "Shower, Lady Sparkle!”
Author's note: Check out my blog here on this site for some thoughts about last chapter that doesn't fit here. Thanks for reading!
Saga and Vigg kept chatting as Spike and Kvalhissir went out into the hall. The big lug sighed and looked forlorn as he cooled himself down with snow by rubbing himself with it. Spike had the idea of rolling in the snow outside as he had heard reindeer did after sauna, but Kvalhissir stopped him from walking out the door, growling and shaking his head - not angry, more scared - and topping it off with checking whether the door was locked and barred. Spike shrugged and cooled himself down with snow from the buckets.
"I wonder why you are scared of going out. Or someone coming in. Wolves? Robbers? Monsters? You are not small, you know," Spike mused loudly.
It then struck him that this was why the mace was there: he had stashed a weapon in his hall for safety while bathing. This was not something you'd do in Ponyville - the closest thing would be Zecora's staff, but that was not a weapon really, and Zecora lived in Everfree Forest! Maybe it was reindeer he was afraid of? If they did think all moose were evil trolls it would probably be dangerous meeting armed reindeer - and Vigg had said any reindeer on skis had a spear. But could they still be dangerous to someone Kvalhissir's size?
Kvalhissir dug out some bags as crude as his jewelry-chest and half-filled a huge dented pot with pure snow from another bucket. He poured out a mix of greens, roots and mushrooms on a big platter and started mincing them crudely with a huge piece of flint he held in his mouth.
“Hey, I can help with that!” Spike said, and more or less forcibly took the knife from the moose and started chopping instead of him.
Kvalhissir was about to protest, but then shrugged and instead started to fill a clay pan with pine-cones.
“I hardly know half of these...” Spike mumbled. “This must be bulrush bulbs... Waterlily stalks, I guess... You really eat willow bark? That's as bad as lichen... Sedge, that I know what it is... Gee, all watery plants. You like seafood?” he turned to Kvalhissir. “Or is this just stuff that goes well with reindeer?” he joked.
The moose didn't understand, but did seem a bit impatient.
“You think I am chopping this into too small pieces? I have paws and I intend to use them, 'Hissir,” Spike said, but then he poured the chopped greens in the pot of snow and handed it to the moose, who strode into the actual sauna and hurried in the little dragon so as to not loose the heat.
It was less hot now, the long period of steam-making had cooled down the hearth, but it was still hot enough for Spike when he came from the cool hall. He liked it. When they came back home he must insist Twilight take them to the spa more often.
The reindeer teens were still chatting, Spike noted with joy. Joy that was short-lived as Saga said:
“But she is still so dreamy!” with big eyes and Vigg said “Oh yes!” his eyes equally big.
You're not supposed to both want to marry her! he thought.
Their reverie was interrupted by Kvalhissir, who after putting the stew and the roast on the hearth slapped Vigg with an hoof and pointed to the door, bellowing.
“Oh, he is right... we should cool down!” Vigg said and stepped down from the benches.
When Saga followed him he gave Spike hope again by assisting her as they trotted out to the snow. Kvalhissir hovered over them nervously, and a roar told Spike – who had taken upon himself to watch the food – that they, like him, had planned to roll in the snow before he stopped them opening the door.
“Sorry, sorry!” shouted Saga hoarsely.
As the snow started to melt and the pine-cones started to fry up – or rather dry-roast, since Kvalhissir seemed to not have any butter or grease – Spike watched Kvalhissir, satisfied no one would open the door, stuff an enormous pipe and light it with splinter he lit on the coals. Spike sniffed the plume of smoke.
That sure isn't tobacco. Of course, it's not like he could walk into Sarvvik and buy some shag... Spike mused.
Few ponies at home smoked, but they had back in Canterlot, especially among the many older unicorn academics at Twilight's school. That had been thin cigarettes or polished briar-wood pipes, not the thing Kvalhissir puffed on, which seemed made of a root and the size of his mace.
Vigg and Saga came back in and Vigg was about to close the door when Saga saw the plume of smoke.
“Ooh, that reminds me!” she said and quickly dashed outside. She returned as quickly with a tobacco pouch and sat down opposite Vigg, where she started to roll a cigarette, mostly with her muzzle.
“You... didn't need to move, y'know,” said Vigg. “I wouldn't have minded.”
YES! thought Spike and started to dance a little at the edge of the hearth, causing Kvalhissir to look worried.
“That's like really nice, but it's bad enough I'm cremating my own lungs, I shouldn't do that to yours as well,” Saga said, bit down on her cigarette and started at it cross-eyed for a second, which caused it to catch fire.
“Wow, is that a spell?” said Spike, fascinated against his will. Vigg seemed interested as well.
“Yeah, isn't it cool?” Saga said and grinned happily. Then her heart seemed to sink. “Though Gramma said it was a waste of time to learn, when matches are that cheap.”
She inhaled the tobacco smoke deeply with eyes shut.
“I needed that!," she sighed happily. "Well, the spell can set anything afire, though not much at once. And I trained on cigs – or Gramma's pipe – so when I cast it nowadays I always end up cross-eyed when I do it.”
She giggled, which evoked an equal giggle from Vigg as he looked her deep in the eye. Spike made little gestures with the ladle – a smaller one – as if conducting an invisible orchestra.
We are the champions, Spike is the champion, no time for losers... he sang silently.
Kvalhissir's pointed hoof and a moo-like command redirected his attention to the cooking; he instantly saw that the pine-cones needed some shuffling. Spike momentarily wondered whether moose ate roasted pine-cones like he did – gnawed up and swallowed – or like most ponies – finicky tearing off the scales to eat the seeds under them. The pine-cones were much bigger than at home. His questions were answered when Kvalhissir asked for one with his gestures, popped it into his mouth, spit it our, blew on it to cool it, popped it in again and chewed it up whole while looking thoughtful. Then he shook his head and went back to his pipe.
“I could’ve told'ya,” Spike muttered.
Vigg and Saga were talking about how Saga had become a temple-fawn (in a temple with no worshipers dedicated to a goddess mostly absent) and Saga had went back to Vigg's bench. Hope did not just blossom in Spike's heart: it was producing a nice crop of apples, melons and rutabagas.
Saga liked to gesture, and as she did so she bumped into the cave wall. It was not as hot any longer, but Vigg still cried out sharply when she did, which only caused her to draw her flank across it.
“Hey, no – aw, too late!” he said.
“What? What did I do?” she wondered and looked back at her sooty flank. “Oh.”
“Yeah, you have to be careful with the walls in a smoke sauna, otherwise you end up all sooty,” he said and chuckled.
“So what?” she said and laughed. “We are bathing, aren't we?” And she rubbed soot from her flank and then from the wall over her belly and chest and shoulders. “I'm gonna get more soot!”
“What the...?” said Vigg and stared at her in disbelief as she rubbed her muzzle and face with soot as well – mostly in stripes in patches, because she was rather casual in dirtying herself.
“I am a troll now, OK!” she shouted, leaped down on the floor, reared up and shouted: “After bathing and dining with trolls, I am hereby a troll! The troll Saga!”
“We haven't dined yet,” said Spike and shook his head. Kvalhissir barked in a way that suggested merriment. Vigg was mostly confused.
Then Saga jumped up on the bench opposite him and rubbed her front hooves and legs on the sooty wall. She wheeled around and looked at Vigg with a fiendish grin.
“You should be a troll too!” she said to him and then jumped him and started trying to rub him with soot as well.
Vigg fought back using the fact that he was more well-trained and fit, but against him was the fact the body pressed against his – not an entirely unpleasant feeling, he would later recall – was already full of soot, as well as the wall behind him. They rolled down on the floor and Vigg got on top of his troll assailant. He was by then more grimy than sooty, but anyway. Saga lay under him and panted, but was clearly not hurt since she was close to laughing. Spike looked worried. Kvalhissir found the whole thing fairly amusing. Maybe troll calves roughhoused like that all the time.
“Do you yield?!” Vigg shouted. Saga squeaked, the laughed, then had a coughing fit.
“'Yield'” she laughed. “Who speaks like that anymore?”
Then she lay back melodramatically. “Oh yes, I yield, oh my strong Prince!” she exclaimed before she had another laughing, then a coughing fit.
Vigg eased off and was about to step off when Saga, half-freed, rose up, put her forelegs around his neck, pulled him down and rubbed her muzzle against his, finishing off with an actual if pretty chaste kiss, her hooves pressed to his face. The action paralyzed Vigg.
“Hey!” he said when he could speak again. “What did you – you had given up! Foul! And – what did you do?”
“Smear your face with soot!” she said and giggled. “What did you think I have on my hooves and muzzle?”
“You had given up!” he shouted.
“Servant of darkness! It's a sacrament to cheat!” she said and stuck her tongue out at him.
“You – you kissed me!” he stammered.
“I just used my feminine wiles on your weak male heart! Now you are a troll too!” She rose up besides the confuzzled Vigg, laid a leg on his neck and shouted: “Now we are ALL trolls! Let the festivities begin!”
It didn't have the intended effect, because the smooch had caused Spike to have some sort of fit, apparently, so he had fallen off the place he was standing on the side of the hearth. Since their host became worried and was picking him up and dusting him off, only Vigg heard her declaration. He was blushing deeply, but despite his white fur, his black, let's call it “ritual body paint” to be nice to Saga, was hiding it pretty well.
When Kvalhissir had got Spike on his feet and made sure the little scaly fellow was alright, he turned his attention to the dinner. The pine-cones were close to burning so he lifted the clay pan off the hearth; the soup was merrily boiling, so he just tasted it, frowned and added something looking like brown ash to it.
“Was that mud, or what?” Saga wondered.
Vigg, who was regaining his senses, found himself with something in his throat and had to clear it before he spoke.
“Dried seaweed. Used for salting,” he said.
“Where did he get seaweed, he lives in a forest?” Saga asked.
“I guess trolls trade too,” Vigg said and shrugged. “A more relevant question: why is Spike dancing a jig?”
“I am?” Spike said and stopped. “Sorry, it just comes over me sometimes!”
Saga suddenly looked worried.
“Oh, I'm so sorry I haven't paid you any attention! Are you OK?” she said and sniffed Spike.
“I'm fine! Just... happy there will be food soon! Yeah!” Spike said and grinned weakly.
“Should have had some music,” said Saga and nuzzled Spike quickly. “Should have brought a 'player. Or at least an instrument.”
“If we could actually talk to Kvalhissir, I'm sure he could scrounge one up,” said Spike and smiled crookedly. “He seems to have everything.”
“In his sauna?” said Vigg. “Spike, maybe you're don't understand, but this is like a pony whose house consist of his bathroom. He must be actually living somewhere else...”
They were interrupted by Kvalhissir turning up with two wooden bowls, of different size, shape and age, full of soup. He looked from guest to guest...
“Yeah, you only have two bowls. It's OK, me and Vigg can share the big one, and Spike takes the other one,” said Saga, who smiled and lifted the bowl over to the bench. “Come on and eat, fellow troll!”
Vigg just looked at Spike, smiled nervously, shrugged and sat down beside her. Without saying anything more, Kvalhissir sat down in his corner and started eating the rest of the soup out of the pot. Seeing the two reindeer eating soup muzzle to muzzle, Spike grinned so widely the corners of his mouth met on the back of his neck.
This can not fail! Soon he'll stop asking questions about Twilight in... in that way! he thought.
He sat down to eat, and didn't particularly mind the lack of a spoon, though the soup needed more quartz...
After soup there were roasted pine-cones, and as expected the two reindeer ate slower and more finicky than Spike and the moose.
“Be careful, Spike!” admonished Saga. “You're totally eating too quickly.”
“Babysitter comes out?” said Vigg. “Maybe he doesn't need to pull off the scales of the cone, thought of that?”
Saga was just about to argue when Kvalhissir hissed in a way that clearly said: silence!
He stood up and tried to listen, and the others followed suit.
“What can he hear through the walls!” whispered Spike. “We're within a hill!”
Kvalhissir growled angrily and Spike shut up. The moose laid his head to the wall and looked, as far as the two reindeer fawns and the dragonling could interpret his moosial expressions, first worried, then terrified.
Suddenly Saga stood up and shrieked.
“Oh no.... oh goddess nooo....!” she wailed and wavered on unsteady feet.
“Saga!” said Spike frightened. Vigg had more presence of mind and got up to her.
“Saga, listen, are you Seeing or fainting? You're slipping out, do you hear me?!” he shouted in her ear.
“It's all coming down it's all coming down it's all coming down... HELP HIM SUPPORT THE ROOF!” she shouted, pushed Vigg away and started to, in vain, trying to lift one of the benches, which were made of massive timbers.
Vigg hurried over and started to help her. Spike looked skeptical.
“She was wrong last time!” he shouted. “We're underground!”
Vigg strained with the bench and was going to say something about better safe than sorry when Spike saw their host starting to do exactly the same with another bench, so he jumped down to the floor and starting helping the reindeer.
Two of three possible benches had been turned into support beams when it struck. A gale force wind so strong it was heard through sod and rocks howled over the hill, and then something slammed into it. Then something else, and something else, as if an avalanche of rocks or logs were rolling of it. Then there was a hissing howl, again so loud it was heard through the thick walls. Then the roof above them, illuminated by the glowing hearth, started to frost over. It spread like rings on the water from the smokehole, as the moisture gathered on the roof, inside the hot sauna, started to turn into hoarfrost. It stopped before the whole roof was frosted over, but then there was more howling, more slams into the roof, and some rocks fell from it. A second time, frost started to grow on the inside of the formerly hot roof, and icicles formed where the ice has started last time.
“What is happening!?” shouted Spike.
Saga has stopped frantically raising the beams but their host was still furiously trying to get one more up.
“Nidhogg!” Vigg shouted back as he slid around the earthen floor struggling to help the moose, who seemed as terrified as them. “An ice serpent!”
Saga had thrown herself close to the hearth, so close her fur was being singed, and was whimpering. When Spike stepped back momentarily as Kvalhissir slammed the bench in place and Vigg mostly was in the way, she grabbed him with her mouth and pulled him in between her and the hearth.
“Saga, it's too hot!” he gasped.
“It'll be colder soon!” she whimpered.
Having finished getting the beam up, Kvalhissir dove down as the doe had done and dragged Vigg with him, and slammed both him and Saga in between himself and the hearth, as if making sure they were closer than him. Vigg felt his fur singe at the same time as the air started to grow very cold. Spike whined something from within the heap of deer, but it was lost in the repeated thumps, the howls and the hisses from outside, and that wind blowing constantly.
It took minutes before it receded but it could still be heard in the distance. It felt like hours for the deer and the dragonling. After a while Saga moved and Spike actually could breathe – the air was cool, and he could feel the hearth actually cooling, though still hot. They all shuffled around, but Kvalhissir seemed determined to have the outermost place.
I've heard of somebody shielding somebody else with their body. He is isolating somebody else with his body, Spike thought. And Saga is trying to do the same. If... if we survive this, she gets top marks as a bodyguard from me to Twilight, even if she might not be much of a babysitter.
He lay still, and what warmth there was made him a bit sleepy – it had been a tough day, and sauna tires you out even if you are a fire-breathing dragon. Besides, there was not much that could be done when awake. Spike soon fell asleep. He wasn't the only one.
Kvalhissir was the first of the inhabitants of the room to wake up. This was for several reasons. First, he had been taught from an early age to sleep with one ear awake. Second, he slept in the coldest place. Third, he hadn't been very much asleep to begin with, which made waking up trivial. After making certain that neither he nor the calves he had rescued would perish, his thoughts had immediately gone to the rest of his property. Given the circumstances, however, he had known that there was nothing he could do until the sun rose, the storm blew over, and the horrid beings of the storm were gone with it. Like most sentients who knew there is nothing they can do and that it's not their fault, he felt horribly guilty over not doing anything, and hence had trouble sleeping.
He rose, carefully, silently, as soon as he woke. He stopped for a while, watching the calves sleeping, and smiled against his will and instinct. He could at least save someone. It was a small, small comfort, but he needed any now. He went to the coat hanger and got their jackets, vests and shawls, then clumsily covered them with the clothes against the creeping cold. There were frost all over the room – only their warmth and the dying hearth had held the ice away from them. He then went to the door, unlocked and unbarred it, and stepped outside. He carefully closed the door behind him and surveyed what he counted as his domain. He could hold back his tears for a second or two.
When Saga woke up there was a strange weight upon her brow and the world was dark in a strange layered way. She lay still for a while and felt her tail pressing against cloth. After a while she figured out she were covered in clothes. She had less problem with identifying the scaly, warm lump by her side as Spike, and the leg that touched her forelegs as Vigg's. It didn't take her long to remember yesterday's adventure.
As she lay in darkness and pondered what to do she was struck with one of her fancies – not one of her visions, because it was obviously impossible, but one of her fancies, just as real and a bit scary. She imagined that the whole world was gone now. Outside the cave – because that was what the sauna was, really – the whole world was ice. The only ones left alive were the ones she could feel next to her and herself. She and Vigg would have to thaw and repopulate the world. About when she figured Spike would still be alive the day when the sun had returned enough that there were some few plants growing, and that the horribly inbred descendants of her and Vigg would be scared of an unfrozen sea, Spike called her back to the world of the possible by moving, mumbling, then sitting up and asking for Twilight.
“She is not here,” whispered Saga.
“She's back in the city. We'll see her later today,” she said to Spike, who yawned and nodded.
“Why are we whispering?” he whispered.
“Because Vigg is still asleep,” Saga whispered.
“No I'm not,” said Vigg. “I'm awake. Where's Kvalhissir?”
“He went out,” said Saga.
“Yeah, I can see that” said Vigg a bit irritated, as he stood up, stretched, and tried to orient himself hung with clothes in the dark room. “I just wondered if he said where he went.”
“No,” said Saga caustically. “My telepathy is a bit rusty this early in the morning.”
“Lets just go and look for him, OK?” said Spike and stood up. “I'll get some light” he added, and blew a thin ray of fire from his mouth, like if he was holding a little flame in it.
Vigg found the door to the hall and then the outer door and opened them, and they fumbled with their clothes and stumbled outside. The view made them stop and stare and their skins – furry or scaly – feel colder than they already were.
They hadn't paid much attention to the landscape when they struggled up to the hollowed-out hill yesterday evening, but there had been a forest, and the hill had been covered in trees. Now, the forest was gone. Not chopped down with axes or torn down by a tornado or burned up with fire. It had been frozen, crushed and chewed, not always in that order. Most trees seemed to have been flash-frozen, and then either slammed, which had made them burst into frozen splinters, or they had huge chomps bitten out of them. In some cases the bites were almost comical marks like a pony eating a banana, but in most pieces had been torn off, chewed up and swallowed, the ripping action tearing the rest of the tree into more splinters. The ground was covered with pieces of frozen wood, from half stumps to what might as well have been sawdust.
The snow had been whipped up by roiling bodies that had left long trails like worms in the sand. In some places the ground itself had been gnawed, chewed, or ripped up. In most places it had been struck with sudden permafrost levels of freezing, bending, cracking and bursting open, the thin layer of dirt reduced to frozen dust, like dirty snowflakes. There were no sign of any animal – any ones still about in winter had obviously fled long before the landscape was killed, and anything that might have hid in the ground during winter was frozen to death.
Vigg was the first one who spoke.
“This... can't have been one nidhogg. I... I have never met one myself, but this is too much. This must have been... several nidhoggs. Their tracks... are crossing each other. A gang – pack – pride...” he said.
“A blizzard of nidhoggs,” Saga suggested mumbling. “I... I was born in the city. I've only heard of them. From grazers. And... read in books.”
She stared at the landscape. Hundreds of yards away, there were actual trees.
The world is still alive! she thought. It is only here that... it isn't.
Spike looked at them, then at the landscape. He hadn't learned that much yet about Tarandroland's fauna, but from Vigg's stories, he had gotten the clear impression that nidhoggs were solitary animals. Normally.
“What is that sound?” Saga whispered.
Kvalhissir's sobs lead them to the lake, or what had been a lake. He lay at the beach in a soggy heap of frosted fur, his body wracked with long wheezing sobs. The lake had been frozen just as the landscape around it... and big chunks had been ripped out of the sod around it, probably the only deeper layer of earth around here. “Frozen” didn't mean “a layer of ice”. It had been frozen all the way to the bottom, like a solid block of ice.
The reason was plain to see: a nidhogg had plunged its head down into the lake, void-cold breath at full power, and flash-frozen the water around its own head. Panicking, it had flopped and floundered and, smashing its body against the ground, succeeding in getting up and tossing ice blocks around the area, but not freeing itself. It had died from concussion and suffocation, strangely fast for such a huge and uncanny beast, and was lying on the ground next to the wrecked tarn.
Saga laid down next the moose and pressed against him and, in a rather incoherent way, tried to say something comforting. Vigg knelt on the opposite side and pressed against him, but couldn't really come up with something to say; he feebly ransacked his mind for something to do about it.
What's the point with magical powers or royal blood when you cannot comfort someone who saved your life when they are crying their eyes out? he thought.
Spike hugged what he could reach of the poor stalu (the rump), then patted it as he got up and went to take a look at the icy carnage. He walked down to the exposed bottom of the lake. He imagined he could see the little bugs and things you can see wriggle about in the bottom mud in the summer, when you sit by a lake like this and wriggle your toes in the water. He definitely did see roots like those he himself chopped for dinner last night, frozen solid then ripped up from the lake bottom. The water would come back, of course, as soon as it melted. Some of the little bugs too, if there was another lake nearby. Spike was no botanist but assumed it would take a far bit longer for the plants.
He went up to the nidhogg corpse with apprehension. He couldn't shake the feeling it was playing dead, it was all a trick... Then, after poking it with a stick, he became convinced it wasn't. He was instead filled with a very special kind of horror, deeply related to being a dragon, even if he was a small one. It is possible only another draconic being could have felt like him, though similar concepts exist for all beings, and all thinking beings certainly could have understood him.
The being was too draconic without being a dragon. The ice-encased head, a maw that could have been a dragon's with a flat head and just rudimentary eyes. The long serpentine body, void of claws or wings or any limb at all, like one fat tail. The rubbery hide that looked like it had scales but didn't. It's different white patterns – white like snow on the back, for lying in the snow and waiting – mottled gray and white on the belly for moving through a snowstorm. It slithered straight through the uncanny valley for Spike, in between being like a dragon and definitely not being one, just like a plastic doll with its lifeless muzzle and fake coat trots between a comforting rag doll and a real, living pony. He felt disgusted and sad and wondered if the nidhoggs had to be or just were. He turned back to the others.
Saga rose up from her place next to their inconsolable host and looked sadly but serenely at the hole where the lake once was, as her legs swayed. Spike hurried and came up beside her, thinking she was as sick as he felt.
“I am Seeing again,” she said with a clear sad voice. “I am seeing the lake as it could have been this summer... probably as he wished it would have been... I am glad he cannot hear me, he is already sooo down... There would have been waterlilies and bulrushes... grass and sedge and reeds... thick moss around it and when you walked upon it water would have seeped up around your hooves... mosquitoes and gnats dancing above it and dragonflies and flycatchers hunting them... mergansers and golden eyes swimming in it...” Saga sighed “And Kvalhissir swimming... cooling himself in the waters... and digging up the bulbs and stalks...”
“It's his garden,” said Vigg. “Figures. Stories say stalus grow the plants in lakes – that's why you shouldn't harm them.”
“Then there is the summer sun for a month reflected in it... and the big august moon... and he would have...” Saga stopped babbling but not seeing. “He would have... dropped flowers and berries into the water... for the sun and moon...”
“It's his temple as well,” said Vigg morosely.
“He knew my amulet was of Hrimfaxi,” Saga mumbled. “He recognized me.”
She stumbled a bit, knelt and gave the moose another hug. Spike followed suit. After a while, however, he rose up.
“Guys, I'm sad for 'Hissir too... but we have to think of things. Like food. And a fire. And are we going back ourselves or should I... call a ride?” he said.
Before Vigg could protest, Saga nodded.
“Send a message. Tell them we are OK but would really want some company home, OK? That the storm was really bad?” she said.
“What do we say about Kvalhissir?” said Spike.
“Nothing,” said Saga. “Let's deal with that when they get here.”
She rose up.
“Vigg, I am going to make a fire. Can you see if you can find something to eat? Preferably for Kvalhissir as well?” she said.
Vigg rose as well, patting their devastated host.
“He must have more food in his home. He cannot live in his sauna. But, well, it is hard enough to talk to him when he isn't like this and I am not going to dig in all the hills until I find his house. Sooo... I'll backtrack to the ackja, I'm sure I can find it now, and dig out our provisions. They should be OK if the nidhoggs haven't eaten the ackja because it is part wood. We're going home sooner so we can give the extra rations to Kvalhissir if he can get anything down being like this,” Vigg said, looking in the distance.
“Can you send the message, Spike?” said Saga. “Twilight gave me some kind of dragonfire jar, but I'm not sure it will work.”
“Sure” said Spike. Then he laughed. “I have nothing to write on or with, though. I hope Luna doesn't freak out when she gets a birch bark letter written with charcoal!”
Luna arrived shortly afterward, by flight. She must have assessed the situation from the air, because she made an extra few circles before she landed. When Spike and the others came to meet her she was less than pleased.
“You tell me you had a hard night because of the weather? And I come here and find you next to an ice-wyrm? Is this a joke, Spike?” she said to the young dragon.
“Well... no one was harmed. The nidhogg sort of killed itself in the lake, we were hidden underground the whole time. That moose saved us,” said Spike. “We thought that if we talked about monsters and stuff in the letter you would think it was worse than it was.”
Luna still looked a bit angry, but when she was greeted by the relieved reindeer (one of whom wanted to give her a cup of coffee and a bun) she mellowed. And when she saw Kvalhissir lying by the remnants of the lake...
“A moose? They are not extinct in Tarandroland?” she said and walked up to him.
The big deer hadn't seen the alicorn yet, but turned his head when she approached. His eyes went wide and he scrambled to his feet, babbling something in his loud tongue. When he bowed in front of Luna she bowed down and kissed him on the forehead, and said something in a language none of them knew.
Well, not fluently.
“I think that was Ancient Cervine,” said Vigg. “We had classes in it in school...”
“You know it?” asked Spike.
“I can conjugate the verbs,” said Vigg sheepishly.
“School dropout,” said Saga. “I only know a few old chants and prayers.”
“Luna, is that his language?” Spike said as he walked up to the Princess.
“Sort of,” Luna smiled. “He mostly has a very heavy... brogue. It is the proto-language of all deer-kind, and the moose in Tarandroland must have kept it somehow.”
She returned to talking soothingly to him. After a while he started talking back, now and then gesturing with his muzzle or hooves, and taking her inside the sauna (from which she emerged a bit sootier than usual), apparently to show her what happened.
Just outside the sauna, she seemed to remember something, excused herself to Kvalhissir who bowed deeply, reared toward the sky and shot off a flash of magic from her horn. Vigg and Saga cried out and shielded their eyes a bit too late. Spike was less affected but still stunned.
“Wow! What was that about?” he asked Luna.
“I told Lady Sparkle I would set up a beacon for her teleportation. She would be bringing company... but not too many,” Luna said with a crooked smile. “I completely forgot when I saw the corpse of the ice-wyrm.”
“Company?” said everyone with a certain amount of trepidation in their voices.
Luna chuckled.
“Young ones, I hardly think you will be scolded for surviving a disaster,” she said.
“Are you sure you ever had parents, Your Highness?” said Vigg.
Luna laughed.
“In most of the meanings of the word, I did, yes. Maybe you should be afraid,” she said.
Then she looked at Kvalhissir and spoke to him. He answered in a downcast way.
“I asked him if he wanted to run and hide. He said he didn't have time to hide his tracks to any moose he could ask for help, and doesn't want any reindeer warriors to find them,” she said. “He says he'd rather stay and face their wrath like a bull.”
“Wrath?!” sputtered Vigg. “What wrath? He saved my life, and my family rules this realm! If anyone touches one of his hairs I'll see to that...” He sputtered some more.
“And he saved mine, and Twilight will never let them harm him. It's all just a misunderstanding,” said Spike.
“And I... shoo, I'm... not anyone. But I can come up with some really terrible punishments for Mistress Sparkle!” said Saga indignantly.
“You are my servant” said Luna and smiled towards her, the moon shining. “As is, I'd guess from his stories, the 'stalu' as well. At least they got the whole moon well concept better than reindeer.”
“It is a bit fitting to have trolls together with bats and wolves, Oh My Goddess,” said Saga.
“I think Kvalhissir will be rather pleased if you stop thinking of him as a troll,” said Luna.
“But trolls are totally cool!” said Saga. “I became a troll last night! Vigg too!”
Luna looked confused.
“Don't ask,” said Spike. “It's Saga. She is basically the goth version of Pinkie Pie sometimes.”
“Goths are posers!” said Saga with her nose in the air, but any further discussion of subcultures was interrupted by the arrival of Twilight and two smoking reindeer.
To her credit, Princess Ljufa didn't dry heave as long as Jarl Vidar. The grazer noble looked absolutely terrified when he finally looked anything at all.
“There were... things there!” he panted. “They... looked at me!”
Twilight was only embarrassed a very short while for exposing someone with second sight to the space between space, because then she was barreled over by an overjoyed Spike.
“TWILIGHT!” he shouted and hugged her. “I was so scared! Not when it was dangerous... but this morning... I...”
He looked up and felt very embarrassed.
“Erh, I mean...” he said.
Twilight smiled and hugged him back.
“It's OK. It was only a storm, and...”
Then she looked up and saw the nidhogg corpse.
“Oh Spike!” she said and hugged him harder. “What happened here!”
“Oh Vigg!” Ljufa sighed and hugged her son. “What have you gotten yourself into now?!”
“Mom!” he protested but hugged back. “I haven't done anything!”
“No, he hasn't!” said Saga and trotted up to the reindeer princess. “He found shelter from the storm for us! Well, someone who would hide us anyway... We would just have kept going until we fell over otherwise!” She looked very angry.
Ljufa looked at her with a certain amount of shock. She choked down a reprimand and Looked at Saga.
“You don't need to lie to me for my son's sake,” she said softly. “I am only afraid he will do as his father.”
Saga, not abated, looked at Vigg. The young sarv sighed.
“Dad froze to death in a blizzard. He kept walking when he should have made camp,” said Vigg quietly.
Jarl Vidar coughed.
“Vigg isn't frozen to death, and neither are the others,” he said. “Sister-in-law, I think scolding is sort of irrelevant here, given the circumstances.”
He turned to Saga.
“Lady Sparkle assumed your grandmother's health wasn't strong enough for a witch-jump. I'll assume she was right, given what I Saw – and I barely have the Sight. In any case, she wishes you to know she waits at your home with a warm bath and a dinner,” he said.
Saga nodded.
“I'm kind of used to being like independent. It's OK. Why are you here, by the way?” she said. “I know you're Vigg's... I mean Prince Vigg's uncle, but doesn't he have a ginormous family?”
Vidar laughed.
“I am concerned for Vigg, but I actually followed because I was interested in the effects of the blizzard – it is kind of my duty. And I am lucky I came. I didn't think there would be nidhoggs here... or stalus,” he said.
Saga bristled.
“Don't you dare do anything to Kvalhissir! He saved our lives because we could hide in his sauna and he had fired it up!” she said.
Vidar nodded.
“Which to me indicates he guessed the nidhoggs were coming and tried to defend himself even before you turned up. I'd like to speak with him about it,” he said.
“He kinda sorta speaks no Poatsi...” said Saga.
“I'll have to find an interpreter then,” he said and walked up to Luna, who was standing beside a tired moose.
Spike and Vigg was explaining the whole affair in a rather incoherent and non-chronological order to their respective mother figures, and finally came to a rather gushing description of Kvalhissir. Perhaps wisely, they left out the horrible what-if scenario from Saga's vision.
“And it was Spike who talked us down and made us trust him,” said Vigg. Spike looked down at his feet.
“It was just because I had helped Sweetie Belle with her homework,” he mumbled. “And I only did that to impress someone else.”
“Well, Lady Sparkle, it is pretty rare you have to praise your son for walking home with a mysterious stranger,” said Princess Ljufa.
“Son?” said Twilight. “Yeah, you're right, that's probably the right word here... And you are right. This time it was a very wise thing to do. And thanks for looking out for him, Vigg, and for listening to him. Not many youths would be grown-up enough to listen to a younger kid in a crisis.”
Vigg blushed a little and mumbled something. Spike was temporary dismayed.
“I think some words of thanks are in order,” Ljufa said and walked up to the moose who was having an animated discussion with Vidar through Luna, presumably about nidhoggs.
“I want to thank you, sir, for helping my son and the other youths in the blizzard,” she said in somewhat halting Ancient Cervine.
His answer was bellowing and bleating, but she could make out the words.
“I saw they were children. Only a monster leaves children out in such weather, with ice-wyrms on the prowl. I am no monster!” he said.
“I see that now,” said Ljufa. “Is there anything I can help you with, now that your home is... destroyed?”
“Only the sauna is harmed, but no, my lake is slain and I have to leave my barrow for reindeer warriors will find it otherwise,” he said laconically. “But Our Lady of the Moon has promised me refuge and a task in her temple.” He grinned. “I'll have to grow accustomed to he presence of you small ones everywhere.”
“Temple?” said Ljufa confused to Luna.
“This happens to be our new gardener,” said Luna. “The temple has recently acquired a new ceremonial lake, and I think he should be good at it.” She smiled. “His kind seem bad at accepting charity.”
“But at least let me do something for you...” said Ljufa.
Twilight and the boys were looking at the nidhogg. As her fear for Spike's well-being had dissipated, Twilight was now the ever-curious scholar, and was inspecting the dead thing.
“Where do these come from?” she said. “They do look slightly draconic, but only a little...”
“They are spawned off Joukulvakt when winter comes. Some survive each winter and grow larger,” said Vidar who had joined them. “This one must have been ill or mad. Water is dangerous to them, so they tend to avoid it even when in a feeding frenzy.”
“Why were they looking for the kids if they only eat wood?” said Twilight.
“They weren't, I think... seeing as how the hill is... was covered with small trees they should like. But the lack of instincts on this one means... it could mean anything. This is what I was talking about, Lady Sparkle. Have you had the time to look closer at what I told you?” said Vigg anxiously.
Twilight rubbed her muzzle and looked very tired.
“Things... came up. But Princess Luna herself looked at them, and has talked to her sister... It seems there are good news and... bad news,” she said. “I don't want to say too much yet.”
“At least give me something, Lady Sparkle,” Vidar begged.
Twilight sighed.
“It seems, at this stage, as if the Princesses can help you with your long-term problems, and it should actually be a somewhat trivial task, so it should be done soon,” she said.
“That... that is actually great news!” said Vidar.
“Those were the good news. The bad news is... that the Princesses don't see much they can do about the short-term problems, and they are as bad as you say, what happened to the kids tonight prove it. We will do everything we can but...” Twilight said.
Vidar's features dropped.
“No joy lasts, as the saying goes,” he said.
“Princess Celestia... really Princess Luna should be saying this... was saying that – if necessary, only if necessary – any and all refugees would be welcome in Equestria. The winter would hopefully last no more than five or six years... and then anydeer who wants could go home again,” said Twilight, her last words dropping to a whisper.
As Jarl Vidar looked down at his hooves and murmured sorrowfully, Twilight Sparkle tried to reassure him that this was a worst-case scenario, and that things might come out much better. She was interrupted by Luna.
“If you wish, I can carry you all back to Sarvvik. I am sure the youngsters are tired of snow by now,” said Luna.
“Does that include my ackja?” said Vigg, who had dragged the thing there instead of just fetching the provisions.
“Your sleigh will surely be no trouble,” said Luna. “And you reindeer don't worry, I can shield you against the sights between space. This is something Lady Sparkle should really practice on” she added looking at Twilight, and not getting why Twilight was looking guilty right now.
“Now wait a second!” said Spike. “You said you couldn't mass teleport just willy-nilly! Except to that glacier, and I don't want to go there.”
“That is true – if I don't have a mark. But I placed one at my temple,” Luna said.
Everyone looked relieved.
“Then let's go. If you are ready, Kvalhissir,” Luna added in Ancient Cervine. The moose shrugged in a way that said he could get his belongings later.
“You have to admit, Twilight, she does it better than you,” said Spike.
Twilight brushed him off irritated.
“Well,” said Eira as she offered Princess Ljufa some coffee from a brand new white paper cup, “luckily we have recently gotten some gifts to the temple, so I could offer hospitality to such eminent guests. That is, from the poor slum dwellers.” Eira looked rather pointedly at the princess' rich shawl, cap and jewelry. The princess had the decency to blush.
“What's the matter?” said Spike. “Are you mad at me for some reason?”
Twilight sighed. “I'm sorry, Spike. It's just that I had to give some really bad news to the Jarl, and now I feel bad about it.”
“What news?” asked Vigg. He and Saga were waiting for the bath water to heat up on the stove – for Eira, indoor plumbing was something that happened to other reindeer.
“Things look bleak for Poatsula, Vigg,” said Vidar and sighed. “I had hope for some relief from Equestria, but it seems they couldn't do what I expected most.”
Luna frowned.
“You told him already?” she said to Twilight.
“He asked me, what was I supposed to do, Your Highness?” Twilight protested. “He was the one who asked me in the first place, I couldn't very well stall or lie to him.”
“What is it all about?” asked Saga. “Is it about Winter?”
Luna sighed.
The night before...
The Goddess of Dawn lay in her bed, a heap of paperwork in front of her. For alicorns, sleep is a pleasure, not a necessity. Under the years of her sister's absence, except for her first century of rage-filled grief, Celestia had barely slept at all, remaining awake for most of a millennium Denying herself that pleasure. The last years, she had reacquainted herself with the blessed wonders of sleep, but it still didn't come naturally to her, and with Luna away and duties of the night, it was easier to remain awake.
The Goddess of Dusk stepped through the open windows. The first sound of her dainty ornamented hoof on the polished marble floor made her sister look up.
“Lulu!” she said. “Are you already finished?” Then, seeing her sister's expression, her own came to ape it. “No, bad news. Is it war, then?”
“It is worse than war, dear,” Luna said. She levitated a bunch of papers, plucking them from space between space, and laid them on the palatial bed.
“I haven't had your priceless pupil go through it – she is the only astronomer I would trust with something like this – but I have run the calculations myself, and there is a serious problem with the orbit of the sun,” Luna said tiredly. “I hope you can check them as well, since no one knows more about the Wheels than you, and hopefully I am wrong, but...”
“What problem?” said Celestia curiously when she eyed through the papers, in Luna's neat handwriting, scribbles in the language of the Wheels.
“When I came back and tried to usurp the world a second time...” Luna began.
“Lulu, that wasn't you!” Celestia's voice was sharp and filled with angst. “That was an abomination possessing you!”
“I think I would know the properties of Nightmare Moon, Tia,” said Luna calmly. “Call it what you won't – I tried to bring eternal night again. Stopping the sun from it's normal course. Then, everything resolved happily, you let the sun on its merry way again.”
“Yes...” said Celestia.
“Did you ever think to correct the minor distortion of the Sun's orbit after that? The Sun and the Moon do not only have daily cycles, you know?” Luna said.
Celestia's eyes widened in the rarely seen expression of fear.
“The Sun has wobbled on since then, going further and further astray. Here in Equestria, it is not visible. In Tarandroland, where even in the southernmost parts the Sun never sets on the Summer Solstice, and night lasts for months in winter during the northernmost parts, the effects are already visible. Winter has for three years become worse and worse... and there it is not just a season,” Luna continued.
“I never thought of... there was so much...” Celestia murmured. Luna nodded.
“Neither did I. And considered that the whole eternal night debacle was caused by me, it can hardly be considered your fault only,” she said.
“Lulu...” Celestia said. “I must correct this at once...”
Luna nodded. “You are the one who moves the Sun, but I don't think it will be that hard. Once done, the seasons will adjust back, and Summer and Winter will pass as usual” she said. “In fact, it is lucky the reindeer noticed it this early.”
Celestia smiled.
“Yes... but I truly owe them an apology!” she said.
Luna smiled back, but it was a sad smile.
“We both do. But I afraid I am bringing bad news and worse news – and the worse is yet to come,” she said. “We have done more than one mistake here... if that is the right word.” With her mind, she made the papers turn.
“Here are some observations not astronomical. About two years ago, when our old enemy was freed from his stony prison, it did affect the whole world. One of the things least ludicrous to strike Tarandroland was, as you can see, that the Everfrost Glacier... seemed to roll over. 'Like a sleeping dog' was the witness' description” Luna pointed her hoof to the paper.
“But... that's... she sleeps there?” said Celestia, horrified. Luna nodded.
“She didn't wake up, thank goodness, but she is sure to be sleeping more lightly now. What's more, as far as I can tell, the ice-wyrms – the locals call them 'nidhoggs', 'ill that gnaws' – are spawned from her. Even without this happening, even with you restoring the sun's path, the winter weather, and the strength of the forces of Winter, would have plagued the reindeer for years. Winter is not just a matter of the sun's light, as you know. But now it seems there is a massive overpopulation of them – and one of them can cause deforestation that takes a century to recover without Earth Pony magic,” Luna said while her sister listened silently. “And before you suggest it, having her that close to waking up means we cannot sweep down with sunbolts and meteors and eradicate them, and you know that” she added as Celestia seemed about to start to say something.
The both sisters remained silent, pondering.
“At least this cannot be laid at our feet!” Celestia said, striking the paper. “Discord's action cannot be blamed on us!”
Luna raised an eyebrow.
“It cannot? Who was it that placed his imprisoned form as a statue in our garden, so she could mock and taunt him? Where he could absorb enough of the feelings of selfishness and hatred to escape eventually?” she said, somewhat caustically.
Celestia looked down.
“I know. I was in on that was well. Besides, who could have thought he would be free. However, I might have had something to do with that as well...” Luna said.
Celestia looked up.
“Many years ago, when I was first entering my... rebellious phase, a little reindeer warlock, very weak and puny, tried to summon me as if I was a second-rate aery spirit or elemental. I should have ignored him or struck him down, but I was starved for attention, and he amused me. We played a game... and among other things, I might have given him one of Discord's true names. Since he wanted to talk to him,” Luna explained hesitantly. “You know, something like that can have made it possible for him to slowly burrow out his mind...”
“Why in the world did he want to talk to Discord?” said Celestia.
“Seems he was looking for an artifact Discord had a hand in creating. Wiglek was a petty and power-hungry little buck, and I don't think he considered the consequences. After all, he thought he could summon me in my youth and remain alive and sane,” Luna smiled ruefully, and Celestia laughed.
“We must indeed do all we can to help the deer with this crisis,” said Celestia. “But it doesn't mean we can ignore the old problem that started your journey.”
“As far as I can tell, the worsening climate caused an economic and social crisis which made the piracy viable,” said Luna. “But I'll see what I can do.”
“It is too bad some good old fashioned divine intervention cannot solve this,” Celestia sighed.
“It never could, sister. It never could,” Luna said.
Back in the present...
“So The Sun will soon be back on its correct track again, and we will do anything we can to help Tarandroland, but we cannot just step in and stop this winter directly,” Luna finished to a saddened crowd.
Saddened except one. Prince Vigg wasn't sad, he was furious.
“Why?! YOU caused all this! WE did nothing wrong, yet now you say all you can do is 'help us' with this problem, not remove it!” he said.
“We cannot do it,” said Luna with some irritation. “The medicine could be worse than the cure!”
“WORSE!? HOW!? When the Winter that is coming could kill all life in the country! What could possibly be worse!?” he countered.
“Vigg, calm down...” his mother began.
“NO! I won't 'calm down'! You never let anyone be angry! Not Dad and not me! The only one allowed to shout is Grampa because you are afraid of him! Unlike him, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY! What in the freezing bucking world are you saying? That you are not going to use your godlike powers WHY?!” he said as he shoved her aside and stamped right up to Luna.
“It is things that mortals should not know!” said Luna. “Trust me in this, young...”
“You have given me no reason to trust you! And everyone is young to you, but you are as irresponsible as a fawn!” said Vigg as he thrust his face into Luna's, his antlers almost pressing into her eyes. “HELP MY PEOPLE OR TELL ME WHY YOU CANNOT! NO LIES, NO EXCUSES, NO HALF-TRUTHS!”
His shout echoed all over the empty, dilapidated temple. Luna was beginning to get red with anger, when Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat.
“Actually, I would like to know as well, Your Highness,” she said quietly. “Or I would assume you are in the wrong, Princess Luna.”
Twilight's gaze was very sad, and Luna remembered what she had learned about the spy, and about Celestia's possible involvement. Luna returned it, and felt her blood pressure receding.
“Alright. I will show you what danger can be caused by the direct involvement of me... or even worse, my sister, whose warm light should be the foremost weapon against Winter. But it will require a short journey, not dangerous, but not for the faint of heart either,” she said quietly. “We will visit a place I really shouldn't go to, where I think no one, mortal or immortal, has been for a millennium. Anyone who wishes to remain here... step back.”
The world was white and blue. It was beautiful, and horrible, so that once having seen it it would always be there, in the back of your soul. It struck worse in the unicorn, the moose and the dragon, because all reindeer know deep down that it exists, and have an idea how it looks like. Yet no one who saw it would ever forget it.
They were standing on the top of an immense mass of ice which almost stretched as far as the eye could see. It sloped gently down, but the gentle slope felt like a precipice. Both Spike and Kvalhissir had laid themselves flat, their rather different minds both convinced they would slide off if they remained standing. Maybe they would. Far at the edge of the ice was in one direction gray sea, in another white gray-flecked tundra. Beyond the tundra was a small thing string that must be the vast forests of Tarandroland, and beyond the sea was a small black line.
“The end of the world” said Twilight breathlessly. “Where the world-disc ends and the cold black void begins.”
“The Everfrost Glacier,” said Luna to her guests. “Joukulvakt.” she clarified to the reindeer. “This place... scares me. It is also, in ways, dear to me. This place means family, to somepony who has lost most of it.” She sighed. “We were once very very close, back at the dawn of time...”
“Who?” said Vigg, who was more or less cradling his shivering mother.
“I will tell you a story,” Luna said. “About the creation of ponykind, and the creation of reindeer and moose. You asked for no lies, but I must give you metaphors. It is the only way for mortals to grasp this. It is once reason I sometimes dislike talking about my family – it is so easily misunderstood. This story in particular.” She shut her eyes and began...
Once upon a time, there were two little fillies, two little sisters who loved each other and their parents very much. They came from a large family, and had many aunts and uncles who might, in their own way, have loved the fillies as well and been loved back.
The listeners find themselves watching the aether swirl and form half-shapes and sounds, of two small beings which could have been alicorns playing in a glade, half filtered light coming down through a canopy from a sky without sun or moon, night or day. Vast shapes moved above and beyond them, made up of mountain and sea, forest and fire, volcano and desert and wind.
Then one day the fillies lost heir mom and dad – not to death, because they were Immortals – and they became very very sad. This worried their relatives, but they were not certain what to do, for never before had a child been sad. But one of their uncles, who loved making things with what we might call hooves in lack of a better world, and who had in fact made all mountains in the world, had an idea. He made out of baked clay little toys for his nieces. Dolls that looked a little like both of them, yet like none of them.
First the glade was dark and the green light was weeping. Then a shape like a sandstone mountain hovered it... and then they could see something that might have been two little alicorns playing with toys... dolls that looked like unicorns. Pegasi. Earth ponies. And soon... the little fillies began laughing again, and they started to changed their playground... making let's pretend houses, and gardens, and roads, and ponds... and the dolls started to walk and fly and make things and talk...
And the little fillies love their new toys so much... that they became alive. Not just alive like birds and flowers, but being able to talk and think and create like the immortals. They had souls, given by love. And while they had created a world among themselves, no immortal had ever succeeded in this. They all went to the mountain-raising uncle, thinking he had something to do with it, but he just shook what we can say was a head and shrug what we can say was a pair of shoulders. It was the love and imagination of the fillies that made it, he said, and anyone with love and imagination could apparently beget life like that. And all the immortals visited the girls and saw their playground, and they all went home and imitated them in their own, grown-up way.
They saw the vast shapes moving, and they saw paws and hooves and fins and tentacles form rock and wood and clay. And all over that changed... into griffons and perytons. Cattle and buffaloes. Camels and llamas. Antelope and gazelle. Red deer and fallow. They saw the vast sandstone shape getting an equine one, forming himself after his work, as he created donkey and zebra and gave them a mountain-range and a savannah to live on. They all formed themselves after their work. They all became like their beloved toys. The world became a less wild place, to house their given-life pieces of art.
There was one aunt in particular who was not very good with her paws, who might also have been fins or hooves. Neither was she good at talking, dwelling mostly in the deeps of the world. She wanted no toy-servants of her own, but she did want to gives the little fillies gifts, because she loved them much, especially the younger one with the dark blue coat. So she went to the mountain-raising uncle and asked him to make some more toys for her, and she would pay him in some way, and then she could give them to the fillies. But the uncle said that it would not be a true gift if she wasn't putting part of herself in it – so instead he helped her make some more dolls. Since was of and in and made up the sea, they were like her finned and tailed, and made as if of glass or water, yet similar to the fillies.
The onlookers watched as the huge shades, one fainter than the others, splashed the water, and from it formed toys shaped like sea ponies – hippocampi...
She brought her toys to the fillies and was glad to see them play happily with them by the water. She hadn't intended to stay long, but the little blue filly said: Stay Auntie. Play with us. Help me build a house for my little ponies. She couldn't help but stay and play with the girls. And when she came home she started to make for herself toys, dolls... to make for herself a people carved out of dried pine she picked on a cold, remote island...
They saw the fillies play, they saw their... aunt, a vast thing both cow and bear and whale, play with them. They saw her fumblingly carve dried trees... making reindeer and moose. They saw her playing with them in a rocky, dry landscape that must have been a Tarandroland millennia ago. They saw reindeer and moose walking alone without her help, but reindeer playing in the snow, moose swimming in lakes, as if they longed a little bit for the deep deep sea. They saw a blue alicorn raising a curtain of color and lights above the land, they saw the vast shape watch it and smile. And they saw something like yawning... stretching... laying down... at the same time as the whole world was cooling, calming, becoming ordered and small, with sun and moon and stars rotating and giving light and darkness as ponies think of it, not the diffuse green light.
I made her the Northern Lights as a gift... to thank her for the toys she gave me... But she and the others... they stopped playing. They were adults, after all. They settled down... and she, my favorite Aunt... she took a very long nap...
Luna let her illusions fade out.
“She rests her, the mother of all reindeer. She rests here, and no one wants her to awaken,” she said solemnly.
“The myths say Karhu-Akka, Old Mother Bear, sleeps here,” said Eira reverently. “They said she made reindeer and that she makes Winter.” She smiled serenely.
“Are you saying... we are just the toys of the gods?” said Vigg, still awed, with some despair in his voice.
Luna smiled crookedly.
“Now now, not just toys. Ponies gave meaning to the life of me and my sister. My aunt was no different. Besides, if I have got modern terminology right from young Spike, my aunt would vehemently have insisted that you were 'action figures'. Remember, though, that I am speaking in metaphor. It is the only way to describe how my family thinks. They are not like you. They are barely like me,” she said, barely satisfying Vigg.
“Are you saying,” said Twilight, “that some antediluvian being sleeps under the ice, and that you are afraid of awaking it?”
“No, Lady Sparkle. She who the reindeer call Karhu-Akka isn't under the ice, she is the ice. The Everfrost Glacier is her body, or a significant part of it,” said Luna.
They all looked around them, saw the mountain of ice with no end.
“Wait!” said Spike. “You said she had something to do with the sea – how can she be ice?”
“What is ice but water at rest?” said Luna and smiled. “But that even more shows why you don't want her awake, or Tarandroland would flood with ice water. And not only it – it would severely affect many other lands. Not just her mere presence, but any action she might take when awake and active. Lady Sparkle used the word 'antediluvian', and any deluges in the history and the making of the world was her doing.”
Uncomfortable silence reigned. It was starting to be very very cold up here.
“So you see why I am very wary of disturbing her. If I and my sister used our full powers to fight the winter creatures in general and the ice-wyrms in particular, we would surely do so, especially the warm light of my sister. That is also one of the reasons I denied my courtiers using my full force to fight those pirates – it is a bit away to the coast, but I would have to be really careful. I even think a powerful sorceress – like Lady Sparkle here – could do so if she wasn't careful. Not a reindeer one, but a foreigner, that might be enough,” she continued. Twilight felt an urge to lift her feet, to not stand on the ice. “But don't despair. This is but a setback. There are other ways we can help you, and we will, if I can just sort out this horrible political mess I am in.”
Vidar cleared his throat.
“See, sister-in-law, Ukko must muster the army and help us grazers. We can never do it ourselves, the weather has already harmed the reindeer on the coast, and now the nidhoggs are close to Sarvvik – in October!” he said to Ljufa. She sighed and shook her head, apparently close to tears.
“There is no army!” she said. “I don't see why you warriors cannot realize it! I can, and I have nothing to do with it! Father disbanded most of it!”
There was a stunned silence.
“What?” said Twilight Sparkle. “Old traditionalist Ukko, the guy who wants to be a warrior-king like in the good old days, demilitarized the country? Why?!”
“Because,” said Vigg “in his 'good old days', there was no army. It was like it is among the grazers still, when the king needed an army, he made a call to arms and everyone who could fight and felt responsible followed him. It's still like that with most everything among the grazers. Grandfather has tried to do the same, so he reduced the army and navy a lot. And well, since he didn't spend anything on the army and navy, he could do things like lower taxes...”
“So he expected the nobledeer to raise the army as they used to do instead?” said Luna harshly.
Vigg nodded.
“Anyone who could afford to fund it, really. Like, he meant why do we need a navy when we have so many good ships? And when he became king, it was because he said things like this, and deer cheered him for it. But now... he doesn't dare make a call for arms. Because he thinks no one will respond,” he explained.
“That was actually how it worked back in my day,” said Luna “so I understand how he was thinking. But it still doesn't make it a very good idea.”
“I think it was an excellent idea!” said Vigg. “Why can't coast deer defend their own country? Grazers do! I can't believe I am defending Grampa!”
“So it is not just father you have to talk to, Vidar!” said Ljufa with a tired voice. “It is the coastal jarls, and the shipping owners, and the mill owners. They have money, ships and even their own guards.”
“This changes all diplomacy,” Luna mumbled. “Why couldn't anypony tell me this?”
“Because Lord Eminence was apparently the smartest on staff,” groaned Twilight. “And you know how he is, Your Highness?”
“Lord Eminence? The scary gray dude?” said Spike. “How 'is' he?”
“I'll tell you later, Spike” said Twilight.
“Saga!” Eira suddenly shouted. “Silly doe, have you done?!”
The older doe was cradling the younger, who was shivering and mumbling.
“She is Seeing!” said Vigg. “What... did she look at?”
Luna raised an eyebrow.
“Reindeer magic... they must look at something for their clairvoyance to work,” explained Twilight. “It must be one of us!”
Eira shook her head sadly.
“No no, my poor granddaughter... she must have looked down. At Karhu-Akka,” she said. “That must have been a shock.”
“Is she hurt? Will she be OK?” wondered Spike anxiously.
“I sure hope so, but not here. My Goddess, we need to come back to civilization,” Eira said, her gaze raised to Luna.
“You are right, my priestess. We are finished here. We have things to think and talk about, but that is better done in a warm house with some food and drink,” Luna said.
And in a wink, they were back at the temple of Hrimfaxi, Our Lady of The Moon.
Princess Luna, Our Lady Of The Moon, paced back and forth in her suite, dictating her stream of thoughts to her hoofmaiden-turned-secretary.
“The primary strategic goal is... The primary strategic goal must be... No! This is not like the old days... not like commanding an army. No, don't write this down!” Luna said and waved her hoof at Twilight, who stopped her telekinetic scribbling. “Not yet! It is not the same. Then you marched your army against another army, or against one of their strongholds, and sooner or later you met them in combat. There is nothing to march against. They are just animals. They aren't even social animals normally...”
“So, should I write something like 'Regular strategies are useless' or something. To summarize you thoughts, Your Highness?” Twilight said.
“What? Yes, do that. Or wait – amend it to 'Unless the beasts of winter can somehow be forced to convene at one point, regular strategies are useless in this war. Such a situation is unlikely.'” Luna said.
“Can't you view the situation as a siege, Your Highness?” said Twilight. “If the... 'beasts of winter' don't come to the reindeer, there is no danger, and if they do come, you can defend against them?.”
Luna shook her head.
“Yes and no. If we were only defending places where reindeer live, and that's hard enough," Luna said in frustration. "But the greatest threat – the reason this is an issue at all – is the massive amount of ice-wyrms. And the reason they are dangerous is because they threaten the forests. Without forests, the grazing reindeer have nowhere to spend their winters, and they starve. Without forests, the coast reindeer has no way to keep up neither their forestry nor their agriculture, and they starve. Not to mention the moose who live in the forests and farm its lakes and marshes. And there is no way we can defend the forests like they were a city.”
“Is it impossible to build a wall or something?” said Twilight.
Luna stared at her.
“Yes, Your Highness, I know it is big. But you said to consider everything, the reindeer are master carpenters, and if you drag over as many royal engineers as you can, it won't wake up Karhu-Akka, will it?” Twilight explained, almost whispering the name of the Goddess-Glacier.
Luna paused in her pacing.
“When you say it like that, it remains possible if not probable. Note it down as a possibility,” she said and frowned. “Maybe the wall could be raised from ice and snow?”
“A wall of wood and stone would last for the several years of extra hard winters,” said Twilight as she wrote furiously.
“But a wooden wall would attract the ice-wyrms since they love to eat dead wood. Thus the alternatives must be ice or stone,” mused Luna as she started pacing again.
Spike entered, riding a bemused reindeer porter who just paused and gaped when he saw where he was. Spike jumped off, grabbed his shopping bag from the reindeer and gave him a tip.
“Thanks a lot, buddy! I'm sure the guards will let you out!” he said and smiled. The reindeer barely noticed as he watched the princess and her aide discussing wall-building. He hastily bowed himself out.
Spike shrugged and started unpacking as he listened to Twilight and princess Luna with half an ear.
“You haven't thought about the reindeer doing this every year and knowing more about it?” he said as he popped a huge rock crystal into his mouth. It was the only gem for sale in Sarvvik that fit his pocket money, but they were very cheap.
“I have, young Spike,” said Luna. “But I promised Jarl Vidar I would compose a strategy from my viewpoint first, and then we would try to synthesize a plan from that.”
She sighed.
“But the distressing part is not knowing anything about what resources we have. It is easy to plan a campaign on the map if you can just wish for troops and provisions, but real life doesn't work like that,” she said.
“We must also deal with Lord Eminence, Your Highness,” said Twilight. “He seems to have done nothing today but wait for dispatches from home and stride around the city looking silly – but he will do something soon. It is my humble opinion that we must stop him, reveal him to our allies or both, as soon as possible...”
Luna groaned.
“It does feel strange to conspire with Princess Ljufa when one of my underlings is plotting to murder her father and usurp the throne from her son, doesn't it?” she said. “I have postponed it in the wake of the War on Winter stepping up like this, but his idiotic plotting will undermine everything if we don't stop it and soon...”
Spike, who had been briefed on “the scary gray dude”, had started to make a parcel out of some of the things he had shopped, and snickered to himself.
“What's so funny?” said Luna and frowned.
“Sorry,” said Spike and grinned. “It is just that if Twilight was what rumor says she is, you would have it much easier.”
“What do you mean?” said Twilight.
“If you really were an evil sorceress, you could just have zzzapped him with a spell and killed him or turned him to a frog or something. Problem solved,” said Spike and tied a knot on the string.
“Not that likely. I assume as a spy and assassin he would have been one of my 'minions', why would I kill him then?” Twilight snorted.
“You don't read enough comics!” said Spike. “Bad guys kill their minions all the time. 'Foolish fool! You have failed me for the last time!' ZZZZZAPP! “ He mimicked shooting a ray from his forehead.
Luna looked amused, Twilight less so.
“That almost gives me an idea...” mumbled the Moon Princess.
“You'll have to develop it later,” said Spike who had finished making his parcels. “You'll just fix yourselves up and then we are leaving.”
“What,” said Luna and stared at him.
“As the assistant to your hoofmaiden, I have to remind your hoofmaiden, and through her you, that you this afternoon is visiting the sickbed of a very nice young lady who your glacier-lesson antics sent into a coma,” said Spike and looked stern. “I mean, I am sure Eira would have sent us a message if Saga had became worse, but you still should visit her. She asked for you when I was there yesterday.”
Our Lady of the Moon and her hoofmaiden looked down at their hooves and looked a bit embarrassed.
“Oh,” said Luna. “That's right. Oh well – attend to me, hoofmaiden!”
Twilight put down parchment and quill and lifted manebrush and hoofpolish.
At the temple they found many gawkers. Kvalhissir had started on the muddy puddle that was to become a lake, that was obvious, but he wasn't outside working. Instead they found him holed up sleeping in the main hall, having created some sort of bed from the benches. Some of the gawkers had entered the temple but been roped into cleaning and maintenance by Eira, who was overseeing her “flock”.
After exchanging greetings (and some of the parishioners falling down from their ladders when Luna entered – luckily no legs were broken) Eira directed them to Saga's room, which turned out to be in the former storage in the basement.
“'Cept she maintains it is a crypt, My Goddess,” said Eira as she opened the hatch for them. “She asked for you this morning. She is much better but she has been babbling a lot. I had her stay in so she don't go about and hurt herself. The Prince turned up earlier today with a very nice cake; he is down there now.”
Luna and Twilight looked at each other with worry in their eyes, but Spike scampered down the stairs.
“Hello? Saga?” he called.
The room was rather small and made even smaller because it was still used as a storage, mostly for a series of rather grotesque wood and wicker images of beastly faces. (Luna would later learn that they were something akin to parade floats in a festival that hadn't been celebrated for centuries.) The furniture consisted of a bed made out of one of the images, a wooden bin made into a bookcase (Twilight immediately tried to make out which books were in it), a rather old music player and a bedside table jammed into a huge wooden wolf head. An rather ratty lamp hung from the head of a vast wicker adder.
Saga was lying on her bed with with a blanket on; she was showing Vigg something in an open book. They each had a plate beside them which bore traces of cake, as did Saga's nose. Vigg looked a little distressed. Saga was clearly excited about something, and looked up when she saw Spike.
“Oh, hi Spike!” she said perkily. Then she saw Twilight and Luna (who had to bow and bend herself a little to descend the stairs) and gasped loudly.
“My Goddess! My Mistress!” she said as she rose and prostrated herself in their general directions. Vigg got up and bowed.
“Greetings,” said Luna, and hit her head on the roof.
“Hi,” said Twilight, embarrassed.
Saga leaned backwards, sighed melodramatically, and placed a hoof to her forehead.
“I have had... a vision!” she said and shut her eyes. “I can still see it all before me!” she moaned.
“Was it a... bad vision?” said Twilight carefully.
Vigg mimed Would she overact like this if it was? but Twilight either didn't see him or ignored him.
“On the contrary!” said Saga and swept out her hoof. “I saw the salvation of my country! The salvation from certain doom!”
“Wow!” said Spike.
“That's... good,” said Twilight.
“Hmmm...” said Luna. She had seen Vigg's face. He looked a bit worried now.
“The salvation at the hooves of the heir to the throne!” she half-shouted and pointed both forehooves at Vigg, who squirmed a bit.
Everyone looked at each other.
“You were really out there a bit, Saga,” said Twilight. “What happened, really?”
Saga sat up normally in bed, her antlers touching the roof.
“Well, it was still scary, even if it was a good vision. And it was... so big and strong and vast and old. I... I don't know what happened, I woke up in bed here,” she said. “But I remember it all” she added hastily. “I am certain what I saw.”
“My temple-fawn,” said Luna “I won't doubt your prophetic abilities, but per definition, as I have heard, your gift is to see possibilities, not probabilities. Until now, as I understand it, you have made use of it by seeing that something could happen, and thus knowing you should act to avoid it. This kind of... vision is all new, and I don't know if you should be this certain about it.”
“Oh, My Goddess, I know! But this is the same sort vision – it is just that I feel certain how to act to, uh, get it to be the true future,” Saga said happily.
“Saga,” said Spike “what do you mean about Vigg saving the country? How?”
“Well, first it is only natural for a brave young prince to save a country from a horde of monsters! Happens in all the best of stories!” Saga said and patted Vigg on the head and he snorted.
“Second, I literally saw him doing the things that was saving everything, so it has to be him who does it!” Saga continued as she smiled brightly at the reindeer prince.
“Well, alright, but I meant how is he supposed to do it? How can that be possible?” said Spike.
Vigg sat up and bristled a bit.
“Hey, are you saying I can't be a hero?” he said angrily to Spike.
“Whoah, didn't mean it like that at all,” Spike protested. “I just meant no one could do something like that on their own, unless they are like Luna, and if they are they would cause a worse disaster.”
Vigg was mollified, but not much.
“Saga, are you sure you aren't... interpreting this wrong because you have... feelings for Vigg?” he said.
Saga stared at him.
“What? What kind of feelings?” she said.
Vigg looked at Spike.
“Nothing,” Spike said. “Nothing, forget it...”
“Spike has a point,” said Luna. “Exactly what did you saw that tells you Vigg could save Tarandroland? What did he do in your vision that was important?”
“He used – he will use – he must use – the Sampo!” said Saga.
“The what?” said Twilight.
“The Sampo?” said Spike.
“Yeah,” said Vigg and looked dismayed again.
“Impossible!” said Luna with a scowl.
“What?!” said Saga with a hurt voice.
“Yeah, what do you mean by 'impossible'?” said Vigg with a sudden edge.
“We are talking about the magic grinder, right?” said Spike. “Not the superhero?”
“The who?” said Twilight.
Luna sighed and looked to the side.
“It merely highlights what I just said, my... dearest servant. It might sure be possible for the Sampo to save your country, but it is so unlikely I'll just call it impossible and be done with it,” she said.
“Excuse me, Your Highness, but what is the Sampo?” said Twilight.
“But... why is it impossible, Oh My Goddess?” said Saga, her lower lips quivering.
Luna sighed again.
“The Sampo is an ancient magic artifact,” she said.
“It's a magic thingamajig,” Vigg translated needlessly.
“And there are three reasons why Vigg using it would be an unlikely way of salvation,” Luna continued. “First, the artifact itself is cursed.”
“What is the Sampo, really?” said Vigg. “Nodeer knows any longer. They say it was a magic mill, but nodeer knows.”
“And cursed how?” wondered Saga. “With howling insanity? Killing your firstborn? Weeping wounds?”
“Nothing so melodramatic,” said Luna. “The Sampo is older than me and my sister. It was a tool used to create the world. The being you reindeer call Äitsi pulled a malicious prank on its creators and tainted its powers, to cause... discord. “
“What does it do?” said Twilight, frowning.
“It seems to be a wish machine... letting your get anything you wish for. Like, as in the reindeer fairy tale, flour , salt and gold. Or... almost anything. I have neither seen it in use nor used it myself, but it was said you even could wish for abstract things – like 'strength' or 'success',” Luna said.
“That sounds... awesome, to borrow a phrase,” said Twilight.
“Too awesome. Not even I and my family can create something from nothing. The Sampo merely brings things to you. Discord's prank was that it brings things that tend to belong to someone else,” Luna said. “And that they tend to find out. So, when it was found by... some reindeer...” Luna looked to the side again, “and they used it to end a famine, first others became jealous of their wealth, then yet others became angry with them for 'stealing'. Jealousy and anger bring discord... and discord brought war.”
“But... that should not be a problem,” protested Vigg. “Shouldn't it just be a matter of how and what you wish for? Sampo didn't know it, but we do.”
“You would think so, but the temptation that comes with it is too great. You wish for more and more, and sooner or later you slip up. Sampo brought war to Tarandroland, Vigg,” Luna said sternly.
“Yeah. To end famine. And he ended the war as well!” said the reindeer prince and stepped close enough to Luna to look her in the eye.
“Be it as it may, the second reason is that magical artifacts never solve anything! There is no magical miraculous salvation to life's great problems!” Luna said emphatically.
Everyone fell silent and looked at her. Spike cleared his throat.
“No, it is obvious it doesn't. Magical thingamajigs never cleanse moon princesses of evil or seal away ancient spirits of chaos. Well known fact!” he said.
“I – I didn't mean it like that! Look, all I am saying is that it isn't enough to find some magical artifact to wish away your troubles! It takes more than that!” shouted a flustered Luna.
“And you don't think I am up to that?” said Vigg.
Luna looked at him.
“I am sorry, Your Highness, but you are on your first set of antlers. No one wants you to get yourself killed – or worse! And don't you have duties – up and to including school?” she said.
Vigg snorted.
“And the third reason is that no one knows where the Sampo is. Unless I am misinformed, it disappeared before my exile, and has never been seen since. The last reindeer to see it was the one named after it, and he has been dead a thousand years now,” said Luna.
“And you don't know anything, Oh My Goddess?” said Saga, looking downcast.
Luna shook her head.
“I swear I do not. I had nothing to do with Sampo and the Sampo, and I have been absent too long from the world,” she said.
Then she turned to get upstairs.
“But...” said Saga.
“Are you saying you are forbidding us from seeking the Sampo?” shouted Vigg after her.
Luna stopped and turned half around.
“I can forbid you nothing, reindeer prince. I am neither your mother, your ruler nor your goddess. I am just giving you some advice: don't bother, for the reasons I have already given,” Luna said and ascended the stairs.
“M-mistress Twilight?” said Saga. “You believe me, right? Can you...?”
Twilight looked skeptical but apologetic and opened her mouth to speak when Luna shouted down the stairs.
“Lady Sparkle? Attend to me!” everyone heard.
“I'm sorry,” said Twilight. “I must... upstairs. Go. Bye. Take care! Get better!” as she trotted upstairs with a worried expression.
Saga burst into quiet tears
“But... my vision! Why don't they believe me...?” she sobbed.
Vigg patted her back, but he was more angry than comforting.
“Just a kid! It's the usual! Like it becomes less risky if no so-called adult will help you!” he snorted.
Spike looked up after her as he gave Saga a hug.
“That's... not very much like her, even if she has a terrible temper. I must talk to her... this is really fishy,” he said.
Then he smiled.
“But first, I'll go upstairs and get some cake, OK? Better wait a day or so. And cheer up, I'm sure things will get better!” he said.
“You think so?” Saga sniffled.
Spike nodded.
“Besides, you haven't really talked to Twilight yet, because of the princess tantrum there. And I know exactly how you two will get in Twilight's good books to get her help in finding the magical thingamajig!” he said.
“You do?” said Vigg.
“Oh yeah. It's one of her weakest points. If you ask her the right way, she will be so impressed with you she cannot but help to help you. And hey, she is the world's greatest sorceress and the world's smartest pony! You could have worse help!” he said and patted Saga.
“Come on, tell us!” said an enlivened Saga.
“First,” said Spike, “cake. And what is that book?”
He pointed to the one Saga had showed Vigg when they came in.
“It's a book of fairy tales,” said Vigg dismissively.
“Hey, that is research too!” Saga protested.
“And you think I am ridiculous for reading comics!” said Vigg.
“Look” said Spike “I'll get cake. And then – my babysitter can read me a fairy tale. OK?”
“OK” said Saga. “And comics are way more childish!”
“Well, at least you don't have to deal with... foreigners today, Your Highness,” said Twilight Sparkle as she placed the crown on Princess Luna's brow. “I'm sure the Russ will be easier to deal with.”
“Given the reaction from my own delegation, I don't know how much I can hope for just because I am talking to equines,” said the Princess. “They are supposedly following orders from both me and my sister now, but I could hear they are still doubting our reasoning. Loyal, but not reliable.”
“The Russ live here, and many are wealthy,” said Twilight. “This land is hard to farm, but it is easier for Earth Ponies, and my studies indicate they dominate the trade with Equestria. I am sure they can be persuaded to help with raising an army and, if that idea goes through, the envallation of southern Tarandroland.”
The Moon Princess snorted.
“Tia said in her latest dispatch that their support also was important to 'raise consciousness' about the problem in Equestria,” she said. “Because if it is actual ponies who are about to freeze to death ponies would be more eager to help.”
“Well,” said Twilight, “there are movements who tries to teach everypony that all ponies everywhere are siblings, even if they are Gildedalers or Kiger tribesponies or Russers.”
The Moon Princess snorted again.
“A noble and true sentiment, as long as they don't exclude other ungulates, or develop that into the idea that their lands should be part of Equestria again because of it,” she said and gently rose from her divan. “This looks good, thank you, Lady Sparkle.”
“It's a pleasure, Your Highness. What do you want me to do today?” said Twilight with a smile – a nervous smile. Our Lady of the Moon had been tetchy since yesterday and the whole vision thing.
“There is that blasted Lord Eminence... Tia said she had no idea of what he was up to – she didn't even know who he was. She has given her spymaster strict instructions to send all of his reports on to her, and to support any of his requests, but she has heard nothing more that way,” said Luna.
“I am pretty certain what he is doing is waiting for money, and for some reason he must have tried to get it somewhere else than his boss. His contacts demanded a lot of bits to act. I am sure he has that much money personally but not in cash, and certainly not in coins,” Twilight said.
“Then why doesn't he go to a bank?” said Luna. “They seemed like a useful enough invention when I learned about them – especially in such a situation as this.”
“Banks register things like a foreign noble withdrawing a large sum in coin,” said Twilight. “It is easier if his contact sends the money here. It travels by diplomatic pouch, remember?”
Luna groaned.
“Your Highness, I have a suggestion...” said Twilight carefully.
“Suggest on, suggest on,” said Luna.
“Me scrying on him isn't having much effect, because he acts mostly outside the grounds of Castle Muorra. My idea is that we have him shadowed instead,” said Twilight.
“Shadowed by whom?” said Luna with some irritation in her voice.
“Your guard, Your Highness,” said Twilight. “They have basically done nothing since they arrived, and given what I have heard of the different training they get than the Sun Guard, they should have an idea of how you shadow a suspect.”
“It's true”, said Luna, a thoughtful hoof to her delicate mouth. “I have even started to hope they will start fraternize with Ukko's guards, getting drunk – at least on their horrible coffee – or having a duel or something. Had I understood what happened in that blizzard, I would have brought some when we got the kids but – oh well. It is a good idea. Make it happen, Lady Sparkle.”
“M-me?” said Twilight a bit disturbed by the idea of the Moon Guard and Ukko's surly housebucks duking it out in an alley or something.
“Of course – you carry my orders to them, describe their target, and so on,” said Luna casually. “I have the meeting soon, so I'll be going. I might have to actually go on and visit Trotholm and Glennborg later, to... rally them or something.”
She started to leave the room.
“Well, there is just one thing...” Twilight said as she almost ran after her.
“What is that?” said Luna over her shoulder.
“Well, reindeer are... perceptive, we have established that. I don't know if they will be unseen by the locals, especially if they try any unicorn magic!” Twilight said.
Luna shrugged.
“That's even better. It's that rat that shouldn't see them. It's just as well that the reindeer understand we are keeping track on him,” she said.
And then, she was gone.
“I wish my teleportation was as neat,” Twilight sighed to herself. “But that she jumped away like that... she sure is upset over something. Well, a local-scale apocalypse that she thinks is partially her fault should do that to anyone, I guess...”
She put on her own accessories and went away to find the Moon Guard. She suspected they were playing cards, or had found a TV that showed Equestrian shows.
“Hi Twilight!” said Spike.
There was no answer.
“Twilight, are you spending the day scrying again?” he said as he stepped into the room where Twilight slept – Luna's suite had been dark.
He found Twilight looking at a TV, a rather small black-and-white one. A sniff told him the magic amber in it were almost burnt out – when he was baby Twilight had often given him the innards of electronics to chew on, since they consisted mostly of gems, and the ready-for-the-dump stuff smelled like this.
“Sort of scrying,” said Saga, who appeared behind him, and giggled. “That's a pretty manurey TV to have in a royal guest suite, Vigg.”
“I don't think there is a TV in here normally,” said her partner in crime. “Grandpa hates TV, so there aren't many in the castle. I sneak off to a buddy if I want to watch something.”
“I had to confiscate this to maintain discipline,” Twilight murmured. Then she suddenly sat up and turned around.
“Oh. Hi kids. Sorry,” she said with a crooked grin. “I – I took this TV from Luna's – from some of her servants. Like a kick in the flank. But then I had to see what the program they watched was, and... I got stuck.”
She indicated the TV with her hoof.
“It's a photograph, and someone is talking,” said Spike. “What are they saying?”
“He is talking about the history of the photograph, what is happening in it, and so on. It is more interesting than it looks like” said Twilight.
Spike raised an eyebrow.
“I'll have to take your word for it, Twilight,” he said.
“It's the kind of thing they send during the day. It's really cheap TV, but you see why many reindeer like to watch foreign shows, Lady Sparkle?” said Vigg.
“I guess so,” said Twilight, averted her gaze from the screen and turned off the TV magically. “What do you kids want?”
“Well,” said Saga and cleared her throat, “we...”
She looked at Spike, who smiled and nodded.
“We want to find out more about the Sampo. Oh, I just know it is important! So, please, could you help us?” she said and made big eyes.
“I am sorry, I don't know if I should...” Twilight began.
“There wasn't that much in the temple,” said Vigg, “so we thought we should do some more... bigger research.”
“Like,” said Saga, “in a library.”
“L-library?” said Twilight and stood up. “Which library?”
“Well,” said Vigg, “there is one here in the castle, in another building. Grampa approves of reading as long as he doesn't have to do it, and it has a lot of chronicles and stuff. But a lot of it is really old books in, well, Ancient Cervine or something, and we don't know if we can read it...”
“Old... books?” said Twilight and licked her lips without knowing it.
“Yeah, the oldest are old runestaves which I think are older than the building,” said Vigg dismissively.
Twilight's eyes became a bit glossy.
“Or!” Saga said “We could go to the big public library in Sarvvik instead. It is really big 'cause Vigg's mom donated money to it and everything. So, we're not sure if we can find anything, you know?”
“How big?” said Twilight who rotated her glossy stare to Saga and licked her lips again.
Saga paused and just stood there with open mouth.
“About two hundred thousand volumes, give or take,” said Spike, who had done some research of his own. “Though a lot of it is periodicals, it seems.”
Twilight got a slight blush over her face and neck.
“Oh... that's pretty good for a city of Sarvvik's size...” she said and looked between the two youths with a rather feverish gaze.
“Well, no matter where we go....” said Vigg and pulled out a piece of rumpled paper from his saddlebags...
“Hay, we can go to both places!” said Saga brightly and spread her front hooves.
“...I have this to start with,” Vigg finished and gave Twilight the paper.
She unfurled it with her magic and levitated it in front of her, turning on the lights to see well enough to read.
“It is the bibliography for a paper I once wrote on the Sampo. Or on Sampo, I mean,” said Vigg, who found himself a bit sweaty under Twilight's gaze.
Twilight read it silently and turned a manic, passionate grin towards Vigg.
“Such a... long list. And so... detailed!” she said.
Vigg looked down, flushed.
Twilight smiled towards Saga as well.
“Well... you are my apprentice... temporary apprentice... so I can't see how I can deny helping you two!”
The two reindeer bounced a bit, then smiled towards each other, then towards Spike. Spike smiled back and did what he alone in the room could do and gave them a thumbs-up, but within he was less than happy.
The things I do for my friends. Or to save foreign countries from ice ages, he thought to himself.
The Royal Library was small and overstuffed. While Twilight was delighted in the amount of books, she and Spike found their treatment deplorable.
“I think your Grampa should fire his librarian, or possibly execute him,” said Spike. “Really, if you pack books like this you destroy the spine and then you cannot read the book!”
“I don't think there is a librarian, really. He's more of a janitor who reads a lot,” said Vigg.
“If I am to guess, King Ukko has received a lot of books as gifts during his reign, but he doesn't use them, so he hasn't realized he needs to have the library moved to a bigger room, said Twilight.
“I thought the most important thing for a library was to have lots of books?” said Saga.
“Well, in a library like this, you cannot find the book you want, and the books themselves are falling apart, so no,” said Twilight. “Without books there is no library of course, but you must take care of them for them to be useful – and that includes giving them space.”
“What are we looking for?” said Vigg. “Well, the Sampo, of course, but how? I mean, that's why we asked you for help, Lady Sparkle.”
“History. Arcana. Probably religion,” Twilight said. “And I would guess that while those runestaves would be just delightful to read...” Twilight cast a yearning look at said artifacts, hanging from the ceiling. “...the most important sources will be modern.”
“Why?” said Saga confused. “Aren't the older books better since it is a really old story?”
“It is like this...” Twilight started. “I don't want to be rude, but hasn't reindeer culture been predominantly preserved orally until recently?”
The reindeer stared at her.
“She means you didn't write things down,” said Spike. “You had reindeer who remembered important things and told stories about them instead.”
“Yes, thanks Spike,” said Twilight. “Sorry for being overly academical. So when those things happened, not much if anything was written down, because no one cared overly much about writing anything.”
“That... that's right” said Vigg. “Grazers still don't have many books, and my Grandpa – my other Grandpa, dad's dad – never learned to read.”
“City reindeer have read for... like hundreds of years,” said Saga.
“But I guess they mostly wrote things about business,” said Twilight gently.
“Yeah... probably,” she said and looked bit off-put.
“Meanwhile, King Ukko is an immense historical romantic,” said Twilight. “It seems to be his main guiding policy. I would guess that he would encourage any reindeer going around and collecting folklore and oral history from reindeer skalds and storytellers.”
She gestured around the walls of the cramped room.
“And I would guess any reindeer so 'encouraged', say with a stipend, would give the King a volume of his book or an issue of the magazine where his article was published,” she said. “So, start looking for such collections. Step to it!”
“How do we know what in all these different stories is true?” said Vigg. “That was what my teachers said was so difficult.”
“There are a number of signs, but a good one – though not necessarily true – is if all stories repeat the same fact,” said Twilight. “Like – all the stories agree that it was Wiglek who knew where the Sampo was, not his son. So that it is probably true. But because all stories are so negative about the Sampo, it could also be that deer who told it blamed Wiglek for everything because he was already a villain to them.”
“Well, the guy who wrote this book was nice enough to lump similar stories together,” said Saga “That makes it easier. There's a lot of stories about Hrimfaxi and Wiglek, for instance.” Then she giggled. “Here's one with you in it, Mistress Sparkle!”
“What? Princess Luna? And me? I'm not a thousand years old?” said Twilight.
“No no, but listen to this: It says Wiglek wanted more magical power, so he called upon Hrimfaxi, the goddess of the Moon and Night, with his sorcery,” said Saga “When she arrived, he said that his sister could weave a better fabric than the Northern Lights, which were Hrimfaxi's tapestries.”
“The Northern Lights are made from a perfectly natural form of magical particles,” said Twilight. “They have been scientifically measured with spells even before Princess Luna returned.”
“It's a fairy tale, Twilight, not a lesson in astronomy!” said Spike.
“This made Hrimfaxi very angry,” Saga continued. ”Wiglek then bet that his sister could weave a more beautiful tapestry than the pony who had made the Northern Lights. Hrimfaxi was furious, but thought she could defeat any mortal in anything.”
Saga turned the pages.
“Here's why I meant that it was a fairy tale with you in it, Mistress,” she said. “See, the one who wove the Northern Lights – they look different every time, so they are re-woven all the time – was the hoofmaiden of Hrimfaxi.” Then she giggled again.
“Another version says it was the 'bride of Hrimfaxi'...” Saga said with a wicked smile as Twilight blushed a bit. “Anyway, the unicorn starts to weave, but then she is interrupted by this charming gentlecolt unicorn every night. So, when the time comes to compare the tapestries, her isn't even done, so it loses automatically. Hrimfaxi is furious, but must hold her side of the bet.”
“Let me guess: Wiglek shapechanged into a unicorn and seduced the hoofmaiden,” said Spike.
Saga nodded.
“The cad!” said Vigg with a strange vehemence.
“Her side was what? What did she have to pay?” said Twilight.
“It just said it was secrets of the universe here, but other versions of the story has it be immortality, or a magic spell or... the Sampo,” said Saga.
“Do you think Princess Luna knows where the Sampo is?” said Vigg and frowned. “I mean, she seems to think it is really dangerous, so she could have... lied.” He looked a bit nervous at the ladies beside him, one who was a servant and confidante of the Moon Princess, the other one who directly worshiped her as a goddess. They both shook their heads. Neither smote him, to his relief.
“I just can't believe My Goddess would actually do that,” said Saga and looked down into the table.
“Me neither” said Twilight. “It wouldn't be her thing, really.”
It honestly don't, but there is something strange about this whole thing... Maybe some horrible tragedy happened with the Sampo, but then why doesn't she say that as a deterrent to Vigg and Saga? Twilight thought.
“Anyway, you haven't heard the best part yet: After the predictable pregnancy, the hoofmaiden gives birth... to Sampo!” said Saga.
“That... must have hurt” said Vigg.
Wait... she said she had nothing to do with Sampo. She didn't say she had nothing to do with his father! Twilight continued.
“Not the magic artifact, dummy! The reindeer. Who is said to have 'pretty blue eyes' from his mother!” said Saga with yet another giggle.
“A unicorn and a reindeer?” said Spike. “That isn't possible, right?”
No... but an alicorn and a reindeer is perhaps possible... Celestia has certainly told me that she mated with mortals long ago, and that this is where Equestria's aristocracy comes from... Twilight thought.
“It's magic!” said Saga and put down the book.
“Isn't a story like that blasphemy or something to you?” said Spike. “It sort of makes fun of Luna, you know?”
That would explain why she didn't want to face the issue... and I remember there was some awkwardness about family and Tarandroland... I thought she meant Karhu-Akka, but...
“Maybe I should go to her and beg forgiveness,” said Saga and grinned. “Maybe she will make me atone in some horrible way? What do you think, Mistress Sparkle?”
If Luna was the mother of the reindeer hero, he probably had magical powers stronger than normal reindeer. That would explain a lot. She probably took the shape of a mortal servant to fool Wiglek the Wicked in return.
“Mistress Sparkle?” said Saga. “You look a bit out of it? Are you OK?”
“Who was his wife?” she said.
“Whose wife?” said Vigg.
“Wiglek's. That fairy tale got me thinking... I mean, um, if we knew, I was thinking maybe someone actually related to Sampo would know more about his magical artifact,” Twilight improvised quickly. “And Wiglek and his brother the king didn't have any other fawns, but maybe Wiglek's wife had.”
“Y'know, she is never even mentioned in any stories,” said Vigg. “Haven't seen her mentioned in the stuff you helped us with today either.”
“Typical male chauvinism!” said Saga and snorted. “They probably didn't mention her because she was a vaja!”
They both missed Twilight's worried expression, but Spike noted and got worried himself.
Why does life always have to be this complicated? they thought at the same time, unknowingly.
“I don't know how we can track down Sampo's mom,” said Saga. “It's not like she is mentioned anywhere here...”
“We still haven't read everything” Vigg reminded her. “And then, there's the big public library...”
Meanwhile Twilight shook her head to concentrate on the issues at hand. It was hard.
I must approach the princess delicately and get an answer from her... or maybe Princess Celestia knows? But... how would she feel about me prying...? she thought.
“Twilight, we are kind of losing you again,” said Spike, looking worried, and shook her foreleg.
“I bet she just had another brilliant idea,” said Vigg.
“What are you thinking of, Mistress Sparkle?” said Saga.
“Princess Celestia,” said Twilight.
The others looked at her quizzically.
“I mean... I mean Skinfaxi” she said, making things up as she went. “Skinfaxi's temple. I... we don't really have 'religion' in that manner in Equestria... but temples often collect knowledge, and if the image of Skinfaxi is anything like Princess Celestia really is, then that temple might have a lot of useful records.”
“That was a good idea, actually,” said Vigg. “I don't know what they know, but they might know something, you know.”
Spike gave him a look. Saga pouted.
“Aw, I cannot help with that,” she said.
“Why?” said Twilight.
“Because I am not supposed to enter the temple,” she said.
“Why?” said Twilight again. “It's not like Princess Luna and Princess Celestia are enemies or anything?”
“It's how things are done, that's all,” said Saga and looked down in her book.
Twilight was about to ask again when she was poked by Spike.
“Let it rest, OK?” he pleaded.
“OK, sure...” Twilight said with some confusion in her voice.
“I'm sure my mom can talk to someone in the temple so you can look at what they have,” said Vigg.
Twilight cleared her throat.
“Kids, I love to help you, but I will need to take on my regular job as well, you know,” she said. “You might have to check that out without me.” When she saw a look of disappointment in the eyes of the young reindeer she added: “I – I'll look at anything you find, OK? It is just that I have to do my work as Princess Luna's hoofmaiden, that's why I am here.”
Twilight looked at the ancient wall clock in the library, which was against all sense actually working.
“In fact, I think I need to leave soon. I promised Princess Luna I'd oversee the, the work of some of her, her servants and we were to meet again at our suite in less than an hour....” she said.
Vigg hung his head and Saga pouted again.
“But we haven't checked the oldest books and the runestaves yet... and they are in Ancient Cervine!” Vigg protested.
“Why do you have to order around some servants?” said Saga. “Is that what hoofmaidens do?”
“Well, sometimes,” Twilight said and sweated a bit. “Princess Luna thought they just sat around all day, see, so I was supposed to, uh, activate them...”
Your the world's worst liar, Twilight Sparkle...
The two fawns looked at each other and then they shrugged with disappointment.
Of course, it helps if the ones you lie to trust you implicitly...
“Well, I think there is something I can do to help you...” she said. “Before I leave, I mean. See, there is this magical way to temporarily learn a language really quickly, and...”
“OK, breathe into the paper bag, Vigg. Breathe into the paper bag,” Spike said to the hyperventilating reindeer prince.
“Oh my Celestia!” Twilight shrieked and blinked in and out of existence a few times, the teleportation equivalent of running in circles. “What have I done!? Oh, I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have been so culturally insensitive... Reindeer are afraid of magic! I am so stupid, I am the stupidest ever, the Princess will be so mad! And the Princess! And the Princess!”
“Three Princesses?” said Saga who was holding the shocked Vigg.
“I think she means Vigg's mom,” Spike murmured.
“He seemed so, y'know, collected,” she mused. “Like at the glacier, it was I who went out like a light.”
Spike murmured something else.
“Speak up, I can't hear you,” said Saga a little irritated.
“Everyone will think I have cursed him! Or eaten his soul! Or stolen his life force or something daft like that!” Twilight moaned and blinked in and out again.
“He thinks Twilight is... hot,” Spike half whispered, his voice full of disgust at the very concept. “Being licked in the ear must have been, uh, too much.”
Saga suddenly started giggling hysterically. Spike looked at her less than pleased. Twilight stabilized and did the same.
“What?” she said unhappily. “Why are you laughing, this isn't funny?”
Saga fought to control herself.
“Sorry, Mistress, sorry,” she said. “It's just that I just realized what happened to him. It's not dangerous at all, really. It's something that hits young male reindeer now and then. You couldn't have known.”
Twilight didn't look much relieved.
“Really, I know a... an old cure for it,” Saga said.
“Really?” said Twilight with sudden interest.
“Yeah,” Saga said and nodded furiously. “He just needs some cold water. And to relax for a while.”
“He will be OK?” Twilight asked. Saga nodded some more.
“Oh thank goodness!”Twilight cried out.
“I'll help him, really,” Saga said and smile. “You two can go, it will actually be easier for him to relax then.”
“You sure?” said Spike. Saga's antlers bobbed like a small pine, clustered to a cliff and torn by a storm.
“Really sure!” she said and patted Vigg on the back.
“Oh thank goodness!” Twilight said again. “I guess we'll leave then. I'll check in with you later. Come, Spike.”
Reluctantly, Spike hopped on her back.
“Just one thing!” said Saga as they left.
“Yes?” said Twilight as she turned her head and looked at Saga over her shoulder.
“Can I please learn that spell later?” she said.
“Oh sure!” said Twilight as she left, not really thinking of what she said.
When the four guards she had ordered to report back to her arrived at Princess Luna's suite, Twilight had calmed down somewhat, but was still jittery, nervous and on the edge. She paced back and forth in the room while Spike looked on with worry. He had brought out quill and parchment to take notes, after Twilight babbled about it.
“Who's there?! Come in!” she snapped when there was a knock at the door. Four ponies hesitated a second or two at the angry voice before parading inside and closing the door behind them.
Spike hadn't really met them, just barely observed them. They were two pegasi and two unicorns, as if some absurd equal opportunity principle had been applied to the patrol, or maybe just Twilight's love of the symmetrical. Spike had never got why the Sun Guard – and now, the Moon Guard – had no earth ponies. He had sure seen earth ponies kick flank, and the Princesses weren't that fond of institutionalized discrimination otherwise. He supposed it was one of those older than old things that just were like they were for no useful reason.
The pegasi were pitch black with gray bellies and bat-wings instead of the normal feathery ones. Spike assumed it was magic, since no other ponies had them. Same with their full set of sharp canines, making them look more like wolves than bats. The unicorns had the same set of incisors and glowing red eyes. Their coats were a dark purple. Both guard ponies had cloaks in midnight blue and black, with steel-gray barding for the pegasi and shimmering silver barding for the unicorns. While they all sure looked intimidating from afar, or in the dark, up close in the brightly lit room they reminded him more of ponies invited to a Nightmare Night office party with a very strict theme than warriors of the night and moon. He couldn't see any cutie marks – as any Equestrian, pony or otherwise, it was one of the first thing he checked out when he met someone – because they were all covered by clothing or armor, but he bet his comic collection they were all on a night-stars-creepy stuff theme.
The four saluted Twilight. She didn't salute back but lifted her right front hoof in a way that acknowledged their existence.
“Lady Sparkle” said one of the unicorns, a mare.
“What did you find?” said Twilight and started to pace absentmindedly again. “Milky Way,” she added as she remembered the unicorn's name.
“He finally got the money today,” Milky Way answered. “He went to... a place that served food, left some kind of message with the cashier, and sat down and waited.”
“A restaurant?” said Spike, writing.
“A place that served food” said Milky Way and wrinkled her nose. “After a fairly long time he got a note...”
“From whom?” said Twilight and stopped her pacing.
“From a serving doe,” said the other unicorn – Misty Wisp, Twilight remembered. “She got it from the cashier” he continued.
“And the cashier?” Twilight asked. The stallion shook his head.
“I didn't see. He must have sent a message with any of the guests. There were a score of reindeer eating there and...” he blushed, “...they look sort of the same to me.”
“Yeah,” said one of the pegasi – Dark Clouds, unless Twilight was mistaken. “Grey and brown and white, sometimes a little black. It is hard to tell them apart.”
“So you're too speciest to correctly identify a culprit!” Twilight snapped. “Good to know!”
The guard ponies studied the roof a bit.
“Go on, go on!” Twilight said, a bit embarrassed with herself. “After that?”
“He left, following the instructions of the note, I assume,” Misty Wisp said. “He... used his invisibility spell now. This made him rather difficult to follow.”
Twilight started pacing again.
“ I distinctly remember instructioning you in a second sight spell,” she said sharply.
“With all due respect, Lady Sparkle,” Misty Wisp said “we haven't had time to train, and my – my talent doesn't cover piercing invisibility, it seems.”
“So you lost him?” said Twilight and glared at him.
“No no,” said Misty Wisp “I am just saying it was difficult!”
“I followed from the air and whistled instructions, and together we could follow the reindeer who noticed him, by their reactions,” said Dark Clouds with a certain amount of pride.
“Good thinking!” said Twilight. “Did anyone see you?”
“Well... did that matter? Didn't you say that wasn't a problem, Lady Sparkle?” said Misty Wisp.
“It isn't, but I want to know!” said Twilight.
“I am certain they did” said Milky Way. “I get the impression unicorns are rare here...”
“Most reindeer have only seen unicorns in pictures,” Spike piped up.
“There's a lot of pegasi down the harbor, but they have the standard equipment,” said Dark Clouds and flapped his bat wings to show his version. “But I don't think they saw me anyway. Ponies don't look up that much at home, and deer here look up even less.”
“Was anyone else following him?” said Spike. “Sorry!” he added when Twilight gave him a stern look. Twilight softened.
“Spike is right. Was he being followed by someone else?” she said.
Milky Way nodded.
“We all saw one reindeer all the way, so at least one must have followed him,” she said. “Just that... I don't think he was that good.”
“What makes you think that?” said Twilight.
“Well, we – we noticed that today, and we talked about it when we prepared this report – we aren't that good,” Milky Way said somewhat distressed. “The Guard is relatively new, this is our first mission abroad, and we were chosen for this journey on ceremonial grounds. He should have noticed us and slipped us, but he didn't. He might have been a decoy, someone to make Lord Eminence believe he had spotted who followed him, but then he wouldn't have followed him all the way like he did. At least not according to our training.”
“Do you know who he was?” Twilight asked.
“I think I do” said the other pegasus – Shadows Gather. “In fact, he was one of the King's cronies we almost had an – an... intermezzo with during that... dinner. He was sitting in front of me, see. I don't know his name, but...”
“We can get the seating arrangements and deduce it” said Twilight and interrupted him. “So the King knows – or at least his warriors. I don't know if he listens to them anymore.”
“Yeah, it seems he almost bullies them around” said Spike.
“It seems – at least the servants' gossip says so – that the King and his friends were some sort of adventurers – mercenaries, bounty hunters, monster slayers, you know the drill – before he became king,” said Milky Way. “So he was some kind of romantic hero, he was their leader.”
“How many was in that gang?” said Spike. Everyone looked at him. “I'm just curious” he added.
“Six,” said Milky Way after thinking a short while. “There's a bunch of hangarounds who also live in the castle and serve the king, but including King Ukko, there are six of the real deal left.”
“Thanks” said Spike and gave Twilight an odd look. She only remained puzzled a short while, then she looked back.
“Do you mean... no, never mind,” she said. “One of the King's friends shadowed Lord Eminence. We must assume the King knows something fishy is going on. Go on.”
“Eventually, he came to another tavern, which actually was worth that description,” said Misty Wisp.
“Down in the harbor,” said Twilight absentmindedly.
“How did you know, Lady Sparkle?” said Milky Way.
“He was contacting pirates,” Twilight said. “I guessed they wouldn't be hanging around in the Temple of Skinfaxi.”
“Of who?” said Misty Wisp.
“Never mind, carry on,” said Twilight.
“Well, he tried to set up some circus act and surprise them, but it didn't work very well on accord of him overestimating that spell of his,” said Misty Wisp. “I couldn't go in without him spotting me, but Shadows Gather could see through a window.”
“It was dark in there, but we are trained to see in darkness and I could see him talking to three reindeer,” said Shadows Gather. “I wanted to hear what they said, but it was impossible. He left after half an hour. He gave the reindeer a satchel, and they basically emptied it onto the table in a big heap of money. To count it. It took a long time and irritated him.”
“In the middle of the tavern?” said Twilight incredulously.
“There weren't anyone else there, that's why I couldn't go in,” said Misty Wisp. “The owner probably knows who they were but not what they were doing. Those pirates have to sell their plunder somewhere, and I guess that tavern is a place where such things are done.”
“Strange, but go on,” said Twilight.
“Anyway, he got out and started back towards the palace, so I followed him,” said Misty Wisp. “Shadows Gather was to follow the three pirates, but...”
“I lost them,” said the pegasus apologetically. “There's a lot of reindeer in the harbor, and even if they say trade is going badly several ships left while I watched and went out to sea. I tried to check them out, but I couldn't see any of the three on board.”
“They could be under deck, or be sitting in a house waiting for darkness,” said Twilight. “There is nothing we can do.”
“I'm sorry, Lady Sparkle,” said Milky Way.
“Don't be, you did very well under the circumstances” said Twilight and actually smiled.
“So... should we apprehend the traitor?” said Dark Clouds eagerly.
Everyone looked at him. Everyone but Twilight and including Dark Clouds looked at Twilight.
“No. Not yet” Twilight said and rubbed her horn and head with her hoof. “The Princess must judge how we go about doing this. There must be some consideration of what the reindeer will say. Neither you nor I are qualified to make a decision here. Go back to your quarters, stay alert.”
The guards looked at each other and shrugged. Shadows Gather cleared his throat.
“Yes?” said Twilight, who had become lost in thought.
“Can we have the TV back?” he said.
“Sure,” Twilight said. “But don't stay up all night watching it!”
As they left, Twilight sighed and flopped down on the bed in her room.
“You don't look good,” said Spike and sat down on the bed.
“It's just so much, Spike” she said. ”The Princess is acting weird. I am uncertain what to do with the kids and this quest they have gotten into their heads. While helping them I gave Prince Vigg a fit. And then there is this business with that annoying spy. All together it gives me a headache.”
Spike gave her a reassuring hug.
“You told them you would check in on them later,” he said.
“Shoo! I did, and I should... only I am unsure when the Princess comes back and I should report to her at once when she does...” Twilight bit her lip.
“I can go and get them to come here, and when the Princess comes you can just shoo them out, OK?” Spike said. “And if Vigg isn't OK – I am pretty sure he is – then I can tell you.”
Twilight nodded.
“Thanks Spike!” she said. “My number one assistant as usual!”
Spike smiled back and jumped off the bed.
“Six heroes,” Twilight said. “Like the six Elements of Harmony.”
“Yeah,” said Spike “maybe there's a law, or something. Every country gets six heroes who run around and do hero stuff. Like every country gets to have one flag and one national flower but six heroes.”
“I think it is just a practical number,” said Twilight. Spike shrugged and headed for the door.
“Spike?” she said.
“Yeah?” said Spike.
“If I start bully the others when I get old and cranky will you tell me off?” she said.
“As if I will need to!” he said. “It's not like they are pushovers, you know. I don't get why they don't just left Ukko in his old palace when he stopped being their friend!”
And with that he left.
“Twilight? Are you awake?” Spike said as he stuck his head into Twilight's room.
“Hnn. No, Smartypants, don't do my homework as well!” Twilight mumbled.
“Twilight?” Spike said.
“Uh!” Twilight sat up with a jerk. “Uh, hello Spike. Is it evening already?”
“No, it's barely been half an hour or so since I left you. The guys are here,” Spike said.
Twilight yawned and got off the bed.
“Feels like I was asleep for hours... so why am I not refreshed?” Twilight mumbled as she went out into the suite. “Hi kids. Are you okay, Prince Vigg?”
“Uhm, yeah, it was just a fit,” said Vigg, looked down at the floor and scraped the carpet with his hoof while Saga waved at Twilight.
“We found some more clues!” Saga said. “Tell her, Vigg!” She poked him in the ribs with her hoof.
“Well, OK, I don't know how useful this is, but...” Vigg began.
“We found somedeer who maybe can tell us more about where the Sampo went!” said Saga.
“Somebody” said Vigg. “And why don't you tell her then?”
“Well, you told us that if all books agree on something it's more likely to be true, right?” Saga said.
“Yes, that's correct,” said Twilight.
“Well, and there were all these different peoples trying to hunt down the Sampo, and we thought some of them might have some tradition of what happened!” said Saga. “They might even have succeeded!”
“But I don't think so,” said Vigg, “because then they would have used it and somedeer would have noticed.”
“Well, or somebody,” said Saga. “But we don't know. Anyway, the only peoples that are in every version of the story are the trolls – ”
“Moose” said Spike.
“ – and the skolls,” Saga continued.
“And it is not like we can go and ask the skolls – “ said Vigg.
“ – except I totally think we should!” said Saga.
“ – because she is mental, but we can probably get a hold of some tr... moose if we ask Kvalhissir,” Vigg said.
“I'm not mental! I think we can talk to the skolls as well, trolls turned out to be nice guys!” Saga said.
Vigg sighed.
“Saga, we've been through this!” he said “We only know Kvalhissir is a nice guy, and that just proves not all trolls are monsters, not that some of them can't be dangerous. But reindeer fight skolls every year, and they want to make winter last longer, so even if they aren't... evil or whatever, they wouldn't want to talk to us!”
“We could lie!” Saga said.
“Yeah, could you please not kill us, we want to, yeah, wish for lots of snow so we need the Sampo,” said Vigg. “No thanks.”
Saga pouted.
“We'll at least start with asking Kvalhissir if he knows any history or knows a, uh, scholarly moose,” said Vigg with a painful expression.
Twilight smiled encouragingly.
“That sounds like really good thinking,” she said. “You are making progress!”
Both reindeer beamed towards her.
“But I have a meeting with Princess Luna really soon, so now that I see that you are hale, hearty and studious I really must ask you to leave,” Twilight said. “We'll have to talk again later.”
“Aww...” said Saga. Vigg also looked a bit disappointed, but pulled at her tail with his mouth.
“Come on, you said yourself Kvalhissir gets up at nights and works in the temple yard to avoid the crowds. We can talk to him before we go to bed,” he said.
“Say hi to Kvalhissir for me!” said Spike.
“The crowds bother him?” Twilight asked.
“He's a tro.. a moose, living in the middle of a reindeer city,” said Vigg tersely. “Of course they do.”
“Oh,” said Twilight. “Yeah, I guess so.”
Spike and Twilight waved goodbye to the two fawns as they left.
“I hope they don't get themselves into any trouble,” Twilight murmured. “Oh, I'd better wash up a bit before the Princess arrives.”
“You will have to meet me unwashed,” said Luna as she stepped through the door. She looked relatively content and confident, if you compared to earlier.
“Your Highness!” said Twilight. “I take it the meeting went well?”
“As well as it could during to the circumstances,” the Princess said. “I will have to make the trouble of going to the Russ cities, but otherwise it was a success.”
“Please sit down, Your Highness,” said Twilight. “Do you want some refreshment?”
“No thanks, Twilight” Luna smiled knowingly. “Only the news. What did you learn about Lord Eminence today?”
Twilight took a deep breath.
“Not much new,” she said. “But we know how and where he meets his contacts, that somedeer from the court is keeping track of him, and who that is.”
Luna snorted.
“If they know, we can get in trouble if we just order him home to Equestria,” she said. “That will stop his crime but they will always suspect it was our doing.”
“Our who?” Spike said.
“Mine and Celestia's,” said Luna. Twilight looked at her.
“Back in the day, anything underhanded or duplicitous in the Equestrian Empire would have been my doing, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna said. “That was how we divided our duties. But she had to rule a millennium without me and I cannot imagine she could have completely avoided such things. However, I can very well imagine that she tries to not know what happens, even when it would be wise to do so, because she loathes the subject. Hence, someone like Lord Eminence is most likely to act on his own initiative – to be ordered to do so.”
Twilight sighed with relief. Spike made a small noise.
“I now guess that Master Spike is about to make a wry comment that my sister can be quite manipulative, maybe even more than me, since my passions tend to get the better of me,” Luna said and looked at Spike, who looked at the roof and tried to whistle. “A matchmaker, a negotiator, even a prankster, that she is, yes. Not somepony who orders assassinations and ferments civil wars.”
Luna laid down on her bed.
“However, I don't know if reindeer will believe that – and even those who believe in the shining princess and not the myth of Celestia the Sun Tyrant can always imagine it was me who did this,” she continued. She smiled wryly. “Or our evil vizier, Lady Twilight Sparkle.”
Spike actually giggled at that.
“I – I don't find that joke that funny, Your Highness!” said Twilight.
“But it's so silly and stupid!” said Spike. “I'm sorry, Twilight, but even with Vigg describing to me where the rumor came from, I can't help but think it is funny.”
“Yes, with all bad things that has been happening to Tarandroland lately, I'm a little surprised reindeer media have had time to make you and the other Elements of Harmony into super-villains from one of Spike's comics,” said Luna. “But maybe we can use that...”
“How?” said Twilight.
“Well, there is one way of stopping Lord Eminence's stupidity which can draw suspicion away from Equestria's leaders,” said Luna. “But first we must, of course, confront Lord Eminence with what we know, learn what we don't know and put him in his place. And I must know something: would it be possible to use magic in a way which would be clouded to reindeer?”
Twilight sighed.
“It depends,” Twilight said. “It depends on their Sight. What won't work, as a form of paradox, is any magic directly hiding something. Like, say, Lord Eminence ability to become invisible. Otherwise, any reindeer could probably see that there was magic. Anyone skilled enough or with the right Sight would see what kind.”
Luna rubbed her chin with her hoof.
“It needs consideration and thought,” she said. “We need to talk to Lord Eminence first, though.”
Luna rose from her bed.
“We should go to him now,” she said. “Lady Sparkle, bring some writing material. I want notes taken.”
Twilight and Spike got up.
“No, Spike, stay here please,” Luna said.
“What?” said Spike. “You don't want me to take notes? And I want to see his face when you tell him his game is up!”
“Lady Sparkle will be my scribe, Spike. And I need someone in the suite, if I receive a message I am waiting for,” said Luna.
“Aww” said Spike. “No fun!”
Luna smiled – a bit sadly.
“I'm afraid this is a dead serious and rather nasty business, and fun isn't always possible,” she said. “Lady Sparkle – come now. I have had a long, hard, day and I want this dead serious and nasty business dealt with.”
With that she started to stride out into the corridor. Twilight snatched up ink, quill and notebook and followed her after nuzzling Spike quickly.
“Later, Spike,” she said.
“Later Twi',” said Spike and sighed.
The door snagged on the carpet as the two ponies left. Spike stepped out to fix it... only to pause when he overheard Luna talking to Twilight in a lowered voice as they walked down the corridor.
“I am sorry, Lady Sparkle, but Spike is rather young and there might be things he shouldn't hear or see tonight,” she said.
“You – you really think so, Your Highness?” Twilight said, her voice a little scared.
“I am afraid so,” said Luna. “Speaking of which – if what you said about reindeer and magic is correct, it might also be impossible for magic to soundproof his room, which might be a problem.”
Spike swallowed.
“But Your Highness, it was all in Equestria's best interest!” Lord Eminence protested.
Twilight was impressed. She was Luna's close friend, she wasn't the pony on trial, and yet she was terrified of the “Visage of Royal Wrath” as Luna's sister called it. The princess seemed to have grown twice as tall, the faint shimmer around her body was the only light left in the dark room, and her mouth seemed to have grown venom-dripping fangs – or maybe mandibles. While different from Celestia's “this is my impression of a slow-motion nuclear explosion, and notice how I don't raise my voice but you are losing your hearing from its loudness anyway”, it usually had the same effect. But Lord Eminence had not given in to fear.
“The one thing that stops Equestria and Tarandroland from coming to an accord, to stop Equestrian citizens from losing their lives and property, is that sad drunkard of a deer!” he almost shouted. “I did what to had to do!”
“Don't give me that old speech about knowing what's best for me and how you know better!” Luna growled. “Especially since you plainly cannot handle an operation like this and haven't investigated the situation beforehand!”
“But -” Lord Eminence began.
“Describe to me the nature of reindeer magic. Common reindeer magic possessed by everydeer!” she said.
“Wait... what does that...” said the now confused spy.
“Lady Sparkle, explain the nature of reindeer magic to Lord Eminence,” Luna barked.
Twilight started to stammer.
“Well... uh... you see, unicorns, they are telekinetic, but due to the different nature of their horns, and the general cervine magical disposition...” she began.
“Short version, Lady Sparkle, if you would,” said Luna and turned to her.
“All reindeer are somewhat clairvoyant,” Twilight said and looked at Lord Eminence “Specifically, they have the second sight.”
Lord Eminence didn't seemed to have gotten it yet, so Twilight decided to be clearer.
“If you do something like this,” said Twilight and turned invisible. “They can still see you. Moreover, they understand that you are trying to be invisible, so everywhere you go you are really, really conspicuous instead of the opposite.”
Lord Eminence suddenly slumped.
“But – but – they didn't see me!” he said. “My contacts...”
“At best they were humoring you,” Twilight said gently. “I saw you meeting them, and well...”
“Saw me?” he said. “When? That can't be true...”
“I used the internal scrying system in the castle,” said Twilight.
“Scrying system?” he said.
“Stop being an echo, Lord Eminence!” said Luna. “The whole castle is 'bugged' as the modern term goes, using reindeer scrying magic. Given that the King's court sorcerer Galderhorn operates it, and that others of the King's inner circle have been shadowing you, I hope you realize your machinations have been seen through, and the game is up. In fact, I am surprised they haven't come for you yet.”
Lord Eminence finally did what any sensible pony would have done and collapsed on the floor.
“Mare in the Moon...” he mumbled.
“Please don't take my name in vain when I am standing right here, Lord Eminence,” said Luna. “See, we could have done it the other, classical way. I chastise you for being unethical, and you give a long speech about how I am naive, and how the ends justify the means, et cetera, et cetera. I then give a long counter-speech about things like honor and dignity and the equine condition, and when that doesn't help I point out that as a former omnicidal maniac I am not that naive, really. Meanwhile, we would have lost valuable time and my hoofmaiden would have fallen asleep by boredom, as we act as if we are in a melodrama. But this is all a moot point, because while I have issues with the ethics of your actions, I am far more concerned with the fact that you have acted like an utter nincompoop in a way that endangers international relations for Equestria for decades, and unlike you I will have to deal with them!”
Lord Eminence looked up from the floor.
“They say there are four kinds of ponies: the dumb and lazy, the clever and lazy, the clever and diligent and the dumb and diligent,” Luna said, towering over him. “You, Lord Eminence are dumb and diligent, and hence you must die.”
Lord Eminence jerked to attention and Twilight gasped.
“It is simple,” Luna said. “Calling you home will not persuade them that my sister and I had nothing to do with it. Publicly admitting your crime might work, but we would presumably turn you over to them and who knows what you might tell them, no matter how loyal you are right now. You yourself have described them as barbarians; I am sure they can be barbarous.”
Twilight swallowed and Lord Eminence winced.
“No, the best way to clear this up is to have you killed” Luna continued. “If I have you killed as you are about to actually carry out your plan, by one of my agents, out in the public eye, I am sure it will convince the quite melodramatic public of Tarandroland that Equestria doesn't approve of your schemes.”
“Your Highness!” Twilight shouted. “That – that's really foolhardy! Not only would it be murder, it could easily be misinterpreted!”
“Have no fear, Lady Sparkle,” said Luna and smiled. “I will use an agent who already has a certain reputation among reindeer, and spin that reputation to create rumors they will interpret it as I said – though they will presume that the agent's quite violent and brutal actions were for rather selfish purposes.”
“Who are you talking about?” said Twilight.
“Why, the most powerful and evil sorceress in Equestria, of course!” said Luna, and laughed. “Skinfaxi's Shadow, Twilight Sparkle!”
Merry Hearth's Warming after that message from Our Lady Of The Night. I had a proofreader for this chapter, the excellent, eminent and exemplary LadyMoondancer. A big applause, please!
Mustikka followed the Hestaland sorcerer through the thinning crowd of shoppers. They were approaching the harbor now, and the distance from King's Street reduced the number of reindeer and others to scattered cover for his own movement. If the unicorn made any big attempt at hiding himself it wasn't visible, so he must be trusting foolishly in his magic. Many of the reindeer he passed reacted, but only fawns did so visibly. Mustikka still couldn't understand how his quarry could miss them. This irritated him immensely. How could anyone be that careless?
He hadn't understood the limited reactions himself at first. However, later questioning of the palace servants who obviously had seen the unicorn offered an explanation on why they hid reactions to the diplomat's failed invisibility. Since Lord Eminence was a foreigner and a noble, he had two excuses for doing odd things, so they had averted their gazes so as to not be impolite. It was not until a couple of guards had seen him enter a building they themselves weren't allowed to enter anydeer had reported it. Mustikka also suspected that the servants hadn't wanted to attract either the ire of a noble or the curses of a unicorn, even if they hadn't said anything about that.
Mustikka still kept his distance to the unicorn. He wanted to have complete control over his situation, as was his habit, he must not fail his friend and King. He trusted his tracking skills, even in the city, to let him follow Lord Eminence even if he didn't keep him directly in his sight all the time. Hence, he stepped into an alleyway and peered down into it as if he had lost his way, should anyone else look in his direction. Further uptown such places would have beggars – they were kept off the main streets – but here there were none. The alleyway was empty of all but slush, still with a bit of white snow cover since it wasn't as trampled as in the rest of the city. For a second he contemplated zipping through the alleyway and circling Lord Eminence, but decided against the shortcut - he could loose his quarry.
As he returned to the main street he saw the unicorn enter a large house, an outfitter's shop, down the end of the street. He increased his step and trotted up to the shop. He tried to look through the dirty display windows, but could only see a gray shape he suspected was his quarry, and that for a short while only. He retreated to the side of the house, where a short alleyway led down to the quays. Kelp fishers had hung their full nets and were busy picking their catch out of them. He watched the door carefully.
The minutes passed and Mustikka grew restless. He kept careful watch on the ornate pocketwatch that he alone among the King's Companions still carry – Ukko had given them all beautiful silver pocket watches as a gift, but the others weren't big on schedules and timekeeping. Thirteen minutes. What could he buy in thirteen minutes? The shop sold gear for boats and ships, that was clear. There seemed to be a big warehouse part, probably for keeping ropes and cordage. Could he buy a boat there? The place was big enough to serve as the outlet for a boatwright. Thirteen minutes and 47 seconds. Fourteen minutes. Mustikka snapped his watch shut, slipped it down his pouch and went into the store.
A store clerk lifted his head and greeted him. Mustikka ignored him as his eyes swept across the store. It apparently sold gear for the overland explorer as well, seeing as how the place had ackjas and other sleighs placed along the walls together with skis, tents and the like.
“Was there a foreigner – a pony – a unicorn here a moment ago?” he said sharply, ignoring the friendly greeting.
“Uh – well – yes,” said the confused clerk.
“Where did he go?” asked Mustikka.
“He went out the back entrance,” said the clerk and pointed to the interior of the warehouse, only half visible, where ropes and cables of all kinds and thicknesses hung from the roof like draperies, hints of sunlight shown between them.
“What did he want?” asked Mustikka.
“He bought a spear-staff,” said the clerk. “You know, for skiing.”
“A spear-staff?!” said Mustikka and moved far too quickly for a reindeer of his advanced age and got face to face with the clerk.
“Y-yes,” the clerk stammered, “but not a real one, a souvenir one.” He pointed to a shabby birch bark stand which held several spear-staffs, points in sheaths.
“I figured, a foreigner, he wanted a souvenir, that's why he asked,” he continued to babble while Mustikka pulled out one of the spear-staffs and looked at it. It was rather gaudy, with an overdecorated shaft and a tip of the faux-heirloom kind, far too wide at the base for good skiing, far too blunt for fighting, the kind a fancy city deer has made to show off. On the shaft was written in big letters MEMORY FROM SARVVIK – in Equestrian, of course, the language of tourism. Mustikka replaced the thing carefully, despite the sudden sense of urgency he felt, since he didn't like to throw things around. Even on the hunt, he couldn't abide disorder. Then he galloped through the rope storage and out into the sunlight beyond, leaving the clerk bewildered.
Mustikka was bewildered himself for a moment as he came out into the sunlight. His gaze swept over the quay, the boats and the frames hung with kelp-nets, trying to see Lord Eminence. He failed, and was going to resort to either looking for tracks or questioning the fisher-deer when his eye caught something else – a completely different unicorn from the gray one he was following – a purple mare.
“You!” he said as he walked up to Lady Twilight Sparkle, Hoofmaiden of Princess Luna of Equestria, who was standing between two lines of kelp-filled nets, peering just like he was.
“I believe you have the advantage of me, sir” she said in Poatsi with a heavy, exotic Equestrian accent.
“What?” said Mustikka, stopped and glared suspiciously at the unicorn. She was wearing some kind of dress in almost black purple with blood red trimmings and some vague pattern, worn with age, and a little hat made of bird feathers. The dress had several slits which suspiciously left bare those parts a stallion's eyes might linger on, if stallions worked like bucks, that is.
“Well, you know who I am, but I don't know who you are, sir,” she said and gave a false smile. Mustikka hesitated.
“I'm Mustikka. I'm a companion of the King,” he said.
“Your name is 'Mustikka'? Ohohohohoho!” she laughed in a horrible annoying way, and saw fit to pretend to hide it between a bone white fan.
“What?” he said with irritation.
“I am sorry, but 'Blueberry', that is just like a pony name!” she said, half behind her fan to hide her mocking grin. “I am not used to reindeer having pony names.”
“Oh,” he said. “I thought you would say it was... erh, a vaja name. But that's neither here nor there! What are you doing here? Is this a place for a lady of the court?”
“Oh,” it was her turn to say, and he could see she was looking for a lie. “I am just... sampling the local specialties.” She turned to the fisher-deer, a young vaja, that Mustikka now realized had been watching them as she was picking kelp from the nets.
“Miss, I'll buy this one,” Lady Sparkle said as she magicked one of the boxes of freshly picked kelp over to her feet. “Please, tell me the price.”
The vaja just stared, then stammered an improvised price, and was rewarded with a casual rain of coin.
“But my lady,” the fisher-doe said as she picked up her pay, “do you really want the fish?”
When fishing for kelp with nets, you invariably snared a fair amount of small fish, inedible to reindeer and all other civilized beings. Some fisher-deer sold it as dog food or fertilizer; most fed it to the seagulls. It was always cleaned out before anyone bought kelp.
The unicorn looked at the few fishes poking out from the kelp, some of them still flopping.
“Oh yes!” she said. “I love fish!” She turned and smiled first at the fisher-doe, then at Mustikka.
“You eat fish?” said Mustikka incredulously.
“Of course!” said Lady Sparkle brightly and levitated one to her mouth. She then stopped and looked at it with what Mustikka immediately assumed was hungry glee, before plopping it into her mouth. She masticated noisily and grotesquely, obviously just to freak Mustikka out, because lots of the fish fell out of her mouth.
“Mmm!” she said and dabbed at her mouth with a fine silk handkerchief. “Yummy yummy nam nam!”
Mustikka stared in disbelief, disgust and a small bit of fear.
“You... eat fish often?” he asked cautiously.
“Ohohohoho!” she laughed again behind her fan, which Mustikka now could see was not only bone white but clearly actually made out of bone, with a rather unsettling pattern involving skulls and snakes and spiders.
“Only... when I... Can't. Get. Juicy. Bloody. Red. Meat!” she said, and with each full stop she took one full step until she was face to face with Mustikka, only her bone fan between them. “Care to... join me for dinner sometime, Sir Mustikka?” Her exotic accent could have been used to tar boats.
“Well – uh – I...” Mustikka said as he backed off and hence stepped into a kelp-net. Her face this close, he noticed her makeup, which made a horrid impression of equal parts witch and libertine. Her cheeks were rouged a deeper purple than her natural coat, and a thin line of similarly-colored lipstick marked her mouth. Her eyes were heavily shadowed and were painted far outside her eyelids and up to her brows, and he could see they made out two stylized bat wings. Her eyes shone purple in the middle of this darkness, accentuated by her almost fluorescent bright red mascara, turning her long eyelashes into thin curtains of fire. Her horn – which shimmered as well, with the magic that held her fan aloft, had also been painted – a thin line of green paint following the spiral horn, making up the body of a venomous adder, it's head on the horn's tip.
Mustikka shook his head to clear it when he was hit on the nose by the fan.
“Gah!” he said and put his hoof to it.
She looked at him with was clearly fake surprise, as if she hadn't meant that!
“Oh, I am so sorry!” she cried in mock concern, but Mustikka was sure he saw satisfaction on her face over his humiliation.
“Look, I have no time for this...” he began. She made an exaggerated pout.
“Too bad!” she said and fluttered those curtains of fire. “I love blueberries! Ohohohoho!” More fan fluttering as she turned away from him.
Mustikka fumed but couldn't help but remembering the outrageous rumors about the “appetites” of Skinfaxi's Shadow. One second later he remembered the even more outrageous rumors about her literal appetites, and grew rather cold inside, hardened veteran that he was. Was that lust or hunger in her mesmerizing eyes? Or maybe... both?
“I have no time for this!” he said again.
“Of course!” she said and turned back to him. “You are chasing Lord Eminence, a minor functionary of the Equestrian delegation.”
“What...” Mustikka said.
“Where, you mean, “ she admonished him. “Where did he go?”
Mustikka nodded.
“He took a boat,” she said. “He gave one of the fishing boats some silver to take him to the southern quay. They left a minute or two before you came storming out from the outfitter's.”
“The southern quay!” Mustikka started to visibly make calculations in his head.
“You can't run there in time, but you can probably take another boat,” Lady Sparkle said with a false smile.
Mustikka swore, referencing a long row of disgusting sexual and lavatory practices, and dashed off to get a boat. Twilight Sparkle smiled again at the flabbergasted fisher-doe, levitated the box of kelp (and fish) with her and disappeared in a blink.
As she appeared in Luna's suite, Twilight dumped the kelp and rushed into the bathroom to throw up and wash her mouth before she would report to Luna.
“Fish! Fish blood! Fish... guts!” she babbled. “I will never be clean again! And he must have seen through me! I couldn't even handle the fan, I hit his nose! Those cheesy lines, he cannot have believed they were real! The clothes I borrowed from you, Princess, must look ridiculous on me! And this silly makeup I got Saga to do, I must look like a little kid!”
“Calm down, Lady Sparkle,” said Luna. “I am sure it went well. Do you have the time, Spike?”
“Yep, she arrived at exactly ten forty-one!” said Spike.
“Good! Then you have at least ten minutes to relax and prepare for the next... 'scene',” Luna said. “And cheer up! Lord Eminence has to hurry more than you.”
It looked like this didn't cheer Twilight up much.
Mustikka alternately cursed the rowers or showed them his purse filled with more silver than they had ever seen at once, but you can only row so fast, at least without opposable thumbs. When he finally reached the southern quay, he tossed the rowers their pay and jumped ashore. A thorough scan revealed no gray unicorn, neither by sight nor scent, so he let his gaze shift downwards and started looking for tracks. Despite the hard cobblestones, his long experience as a pathfinder, enhanced by his own peculiar Sight, let him find a set of odd-toed hoofmarks trotting into the city. He didn't have to follow them far to spot a commotion ahead. A small gaggle of reindeer and a few donkeys surrounded a Russ shopkeeper, who was talking and gesturing excitedly. Next to him stood a familiar purple unicorn, a few paces away from the upset citizens, who gave her furtive glances. Mustikka walked up to them.
"What's going on here?" he barked. Everyone turned to look at him.
"I have been robbed!" said the Russ. "Where's the guard!?"
"We have called for them," said one of the donkeys, a longshoremane by the look of it. "We sent a fawn to get them here."
"What was stolen?" said Mustikka and looked at Lady Twilight Sparkle, who fanned herself and curtseyed.
"A two-gallon jar of vermillion oil! That thing is very valuable!" fretted the shopkeeper.
"It is also very dangerous," said Lady Sparkle. "It burns very hot." She looked at Mustikka, who ignored her for now.
"When did you realize it had been stolen?" Mustikka said.
"Just now!" said the shopkeeper. "This... lady here wanted to buy some, and when I went to get it, I saw a whole, unopened jar was missing." Mustikka turned to Lady Sparkle.
"What do you want with vermillion oil?" he said accusingly. The unicorn Jezebel fanned herself and smirked.
"Dearest Sir Mustikka, I do have a dragon familiar, as you know," she said as if talking to a child. "It is very good for their digestion, and the poor dear has been eating all kinds of strange things here in Tarandroland."
"So it wasn't because you think I wouldn't have noticed this theft by myself?" he said, which caused the surrounding people to look at him with confusion.
"Ohohohoho" Lady Sparkle laughed mockingly. "Me? I am just a hoofmaiden, I don't know what you are talking about. I'm just a silly little filly who has no idea what is going on in a foreign city like this! I am immensely innocent and naive when it comes to ghastly things like crime!" She gave him an insincere smile with half-open mouth and fluttered her curtains of fire.
Mustikka swore in a way that caused the tough harbor workers around him to blush.
"Has a gray unicorn entered your store?" he asked the shopkeeper.
"No... I have never even seen a gray unicorn in my whole life!" said the Russ. "Just the usual customers... this is really a paint shop, I just carry some chemicals as well... ship's officials, carpenters... all reindeer."
Mustikka facehoofed.
"Of course! Ponies are freezing Sightless!" he moaned. "He could walk right past you! Show me where you kept the oil!"
"Excuse me, but who are you?" said the Russ.
"I'm Mustikka the Tracker, a Companion of the King!" said Mustikka. "Now answer my questions, and we can find the thief!"
It slowly dawned on the gathered citizens who he was, and some of them made a quick bow.
"You are not known by face, I take it, Sir Mustikka?" the unicorn witch said.
"I hate the press" said Mustikka. "Freezing nuisance."
"You sound like the Crown Prince," said Lady Sparkle.
"You know Vigg like that?" he said with suspicion.
She stopped to fan herself unnecessarily again.
"His Highness seems fond of my dragon," she said.
"You stay away from the kid, you hear?" he said and glared at her.
"Are you keeping watch over him?" she said.
He stopped.
"Should I?" he said.
"When was the last time you spent some time with the heir to realm?" she asked, surprisingly serious.
"Well, he used to hang around his grampa and us all the time, and then... but..." Mustikka trailed off. "Ukko... hasn't been himself."
He noticed the crowd looking at him.
"Never mind this babbling!" he shouted. "Show me your storeroom!"
After being taken there, he could find some faint tracks on the wooden floor - uncloven hoofs.
"This doesn't prove it was him, but I'll cut off my tail and make it a brush if it wasn't," he mumbled.
"I saw a guy like that, sir," said one reindeer. "A bit away, not long ago, down by the harbor, sir."
"Figures," said Mustikka. "If I can just get the others to be a bit efficient for once, and get around to grab him, finally!"
"What?" said the Russ.
"Look, I suspect the thief is a known felon. I'll talk to the guards and I will inform you later. If nothing else happens the King himself will reimburse you for the loss," Mustikka said to him.
"If you say so, sir," said the confused Russ.
"Can I still buy some oil from this gentlecolt, Sir Mustikka?" said Lady Sparkle. "Since he seems to have more than one jar?"
Mustikka hesitated, and noticed that the minx had a look that said "I dare you!"'
"Why not?" he said. She smiled and paid the shopkeeper, while Mustikka had a long talk with the lately arrived city guards.
"I poured the oil down a drain, and then I smashed the jar and threw it in the shop's rubbish bin" said a very tired Lord Eminence. "Which was full of glass already. Then I poured the ocher over me, put on a hood to hide my horn... and didn't use invisibility, so while reindeer saw a red earthpony walk through town openly without any load, they didn't see a gray unicorn trying to be invisible carrying a big jar."
"Good enough," said Luna. "Reindeer clairvoyance normally doesn't work if you aren't even looking mundanely in the first place. And you got your oil, Lady Sparkle?"
Twilight nodded.
“I just feel sorry for the shopkeeper – I hope he doesn't get in trouble because of this,” she said. “At least I tipped him so much it paid for the other jar as well.”
"Nonsense!" Luna said. "He had his merchandise stolen by a criminal, he has done nothing wrong. And Mustikka won't suspect someone who openly asks to get something right in front of him, if the oil becomes an issue."
"Wow, I never thought I'd get to drink a whole bottle," said Spike and licked his mouth.
"It is more a sacrifice than a treat, Master Spike," said Luna. "I suspect you will get somewhat of a belly ache. We need just a little of the oil, but we better use all of it."
"I guess hiding evidence is easy when you have someone eating it," Lord Eminence mumbled.
"Well, it isn't really evidence," said Twilight. "And I'm still wary of this whole business. I can't believe that Sir Mustikka didn't see through my charade."
"It might help," said Lord Eminence, "that our files say Sir Mustikka is excellent at handling information - and, incidentally, logistics - but apparently is rather bad at handling people. He was a herdless wanderer before he joined up with Ukko and his cronies."
"He was herdless – I should have known from the way his ears were cut,” Twilight mumbled.
"You did very well, Lady Sparkle," said Luna. "Your lies will succeed because they will be comfortable lies, that support people's prejudices."
"If you say so, Your Highness," Twilight sighed. "I'm going to remove this horrible makeup before I go down to some alchemical work."
"Don't be like that," said Luna, "I found it very charming!"
"Saga isn't here, who will put it on tomorrow?" Spike asked.
Twilight shrugged.
"I have enough actual hoofmaiden experience to duplicate her designs," she said. "Where is she anyway?"
Spike looked a bit warily at Lord Eminence.
"She... is on a field trip" he said cautiously. "She should be back tomorrow, or maybe the day after tomorrow."
"Oh," Twilight said. "Well, I wish more kids were as interested in studying." And she left for the bathroom.
“How did she get the fawn to help her anyway?” said Lord Eminence. “She won't suspect anything?”
“The kid hero-worships Lady Sparkle and literally worships me,” said Luna. “I told her that it would be advantageous to my cause if certain reindeer at court took the rumors around Lady Sparkle seriously, and requested some fashion advice. That is not even a lie, mind you.” Spike changed warily to uncomfortably.
Lord Eminence shrugged.
"Your Highness, may I be allowed some rest?" he said. "I am getting killed tomorrow, and that is a stressful situation."
"Not until you have written enough incriminating documents," Luna said.
"Do they have to be in code, Your Highness?" he said.
"No one will believe you would leave such things in plain writing, Lord Eminence," Luna said. "But make the code easily crackable. That will ensure they can actually read the documents, and will make the cracker think he is intelligent and you are not. That is one of those comfortable lies I was talking about."
"I'll get to work, Your Highness," said Lord Eminence and sighed.
"You sure they won't have seen anything through that scrying thingamajig?" said Spike.
"Well, I have strengthened Twilight's design for this room," said Luna. "It doesn't hide anything, it disturbs your mind, so Sight cannot penetrate it alone. I'm afraid it wouldn't work like Lord Eminence's spell, because a moving living being has too many parameters, and it won't stop someone who is really dedicated to observe you. However, first of all the King's companions are concentrating on Lord Eminence. Second, Master Galderhorn apparently dislikes scrying, so he will minimize his work. Third, the King drags away his Companions each night for his incessant drinking. One or two can get away each night, but the rest are always hungover. Reindeer sight is dependent on your body and mind being in full condition, and if Galderhorn doesn't want to open his eyes because they hurt, he won't scry either."
"You seem awfully sure," Spike said.
"After tomorrow evening, I am sure they will turn all attention to us - or rather, to Twilight," Luna said. "But for now, they should have a hard time realizing what is up."
"After tomorrow evening, yeah," said Spike.
In this chapter, as in the last, LadyMoondancer helped me with proofreading. I'm eternally grateful!
The only reason the evening's banquet was worthy of that name and not "fancy dinner" was because it took place in the hall of the Kings of Poatsula. While the honored guests from Hestaland had been invited - as any other night - Princess Hrimfaxi was missing, having gone to see the Russ of Trotholm and raise support for her Winter War campaign. Mustikka didn't know what to make of it. Was it the Hestalanders trying to play the Grazers against the coast dwellers, or did they and the Grazers have a point.
Mustikka was a Grazer himself, technically (he certainly had done his share of grazing) and furthermore Jarl Vidar argued for them. Mustikka, who still thought of the middle-aged chieftain as "young Vidar", liked the guy well enough. He didn't like Hestalanders very much, he even held a deep and abiding suspicion of the Russ, but he acknowledged that the stupid business with them would never have occurred if it hadn't been for Ukko's attempts to bring back tribal responsibilities to city reindeer. Mustikka couldn't blame his oldest friend, the one who first had shown him what friendship was, and he was patriot enough to not blame the reindeer people. Hence, he somehow blamed himself, which was an excellent reason to drink.
He was on his fourth jug of vodka and the third course, a lichen soup made edible by generous amount of mushrooms, when it happened. One of the large windows of mountain crystal and carved fir branches splintered into a million parts. A dark shape flew through it and landed on the floor and alongside the guest side of the table. To the Hestalander guests and the local equines, he must surely have looked like a black-furred reindeer. To the hosts, he was clearly a gray-coated unicorn. Of course, those reindeer who had started drinking before the banquet and who were now completely wasted might not notice.
"Death to the tyrant!" he shouted in highly accented and hence unrealistic Poatsi for a native reindeer. Mustikka, whose intellect was desperately trying to dropkick his drunkenness into submission, realized that the illusion he was Seeing through must cover hearing as well, and that if you were equine or drunk enough, it probably was flawless.
Some people screamed, some were stunned into silence, some tried to rise and either get to the intruder or away from him, some sat in their places as if tied to them. The "reindeer" pushed over two shrieking unicorn guests and jumped to the table, facing a stunned crowd of reindeer courtiers. Following tradition, all except the Companions had left their weapons by the door, indeed, the King and his Companions left theirs under their seats these days, but the other did have their hooves and antlers. Of course, using them was a different matter. Then, the assailant plucked a huge, ghastly green-glowing glass object from his saddlebags. It looked like a demented cabbage head from hell. A horrified courtier with his senses intact shouted:
"LOOK OUT! HE'S GOT A BOMB!"
This caused almost everyone, cervine and equine alike, to push away from the table and the shrieking to increase. Mustikka scrambled to get to Ukko and pull the fool out of the way, or at least get between him and the yet unthrown hellcabbage. Then another, more hysterical unicorn voice shouted:
"IT'S A BALEFIRE BOMB! OH MY CELESTIA, A BALEFIRE BOMB!"
The shout increased the hysteria a bit, especially on the Hestalander side. Mustikka, unlike some of his countrydeer, knew what a balefire bomb was and was a very rational deer. He knew that if they had been perfected outside sorcerers' labs, they were supposedly made to take out cities, not kings. His survival instincts, however, told him to hurry even if this obviously couldn’t be one.
He could see his friends acting the same, yet hampered by vodka, shock, the guests, their advanced age or the table. Heikki the Humongous was as usual too drunk to actually move much, but what movement he could muster had placed his huge body between the bomb and the reindeer he had shared his table with. Kol the Singer, on the opposite, was fairly sober, but he was methodically preparing his lariat, and Mustikka knew he wouldn't throw it until he knew the shot was perfect. Galderhorn was obviously trying to magick something up, but if Mustikka knew him right this was just the situation where the sorcerer would freeze up. And Ukko...
Ukko had started to react, by pulling out that stupid rune-carved spear of his, the heirloom of the Kings of Poatsula, the very very fake but perfectly functional heirloom. Mustikka screamed for him to get away instead of attacking the fake reindeer, but Ukko either didn’t hear him or didn’t care. He got the spear out and muttered incantations between his teeth as he bit into it. Mustikka couldn't hear them but knew he was going to call on lightning, the old fool, as if he could aim for manure in his drunken state. Mustikka shut his eyes and scrambled on through the crowd using his other senses, waiting for the lightning flash.
Nothing happened. Mustikka, now close enough to Ukko to reach for his besotted friend, opened his eyes carefully. He found Ukko staring at a tacky spear with a brittle shaft and a blunt blade, without a single spell-rune but with the words MEMORY FROM SARVVIK clearly spelled out in Equestrian.
“What;” said Ukko, his words almost overwehlmed the shouting and screaming.
“Oh, frozen manure up my nose!” Mustikka snarled.
He grappled his King and tried to drag him away from the mad bomber. This was not an easy task since Ukko struggled against him and protested incoherently but vehemently. Then the screams of the crowd changed and he looked up at the assailant again. The “reindeer” had pulled something out from his saddlebags, the bomb now hanging from a big hook on a necklace. It was the genuine spear, and it started to crackle with lightning.
“Oh, frozen manure up a lot of places!” Mustikka babbled.
The guards who had gotten close backed off a bit, since the lightning spear seemed like it didn't need to be aimed. Kol had got his lariat up and swinging, but hesitated and Mustikka knew why – he used a lariat with a metal wire core, necessary for fighting big beasts and gnarlies, and he would electrocute himself if he tried to snare the bomber.
How can he be swinging the spear like that when he is carrying a bomb? Mustikka thought. His rump hit the back wall, which made him realize he and Ukko were still far too close to said bomb. Because he is using a bomb that would not be set off by fire or lightning, he told himself.
“STAND BACK!” a loud, clear voice boomed from further down the table. As the guards and concerned courtiers who had advanced on the attacker did so, Mustikka looked to see who it was although he already guessed.
He wasn't wrong. Bold as brass, up on the table, Twilight Sparkle trotted almost leisurely towards the gray unicorn, her horn shimmering with magic.
“FOOL!” she shouted. “How could you think none of them would see through – this!”
A wave of magic came from her horn and Mustikka felt his eyes water as it washed over him, a wave of pure clarity, of cold doubt. The shabby illusion over the unicorn melted away as sugar in hot coffee and the Hestalander guests gasped and shouted, astonished at the appearance of Lord Eminence.
“No!” the gray unicorn shouted back. “You are ruining everything! It was going so well!” His voice sounded odd, almost stilted, to Mustikka, but his face looked frantic.
“Well?” Twilight Sparkle stopped. “Ohohohoho! You silly old coot, your trickery has no effect on reindeer! They were already on to you!”
“I did what I had to do!” he shouted and lobbed a lightning bolt at Twilight Sparkled, who casually dismissed it.
“Had to?” she said as she started to walk closer to him, keeping a magic shield up against the spear which spit acid and embers as well as lightning, as she kept lobbing cups and plates and bowls at him telekinetically which he smashed aside with his magic. “You had to start a war with some poor barbarians? Surely you had other options? Besides this poorly prepared scheme?”
She angled the magic shield this way and that, and used the barrier to push away and bash aside the people too close to the table – and, incidentally, Mustikka noticed, the missiles thrown by Lord Eminence – as she continued her walk.
“Did you really think this messy, tacky, immoral scheme would raise you in Their favor?” she said angrily. “Do you really think you could replace me?”
Of course! Mustikka mentally hit himself for not realizing it. This attack is the sort of thing they say she is doing all the time... except without her legendary skill and power...
“Don't get closer!” the gray unicorn shouted. “I have a bomb!”
“A bomb? Ohohohoho, just what could be expected!” she laughed and sent a magic tendril which grasped at the hellcabbage hanging at his chest, while same time her shield bent, buckled and inverted so it became like a shimmering bowl with its bottom towards her. “A bomb fits the work of a talentless hack like you, Lord Eminence!”
“No!” he shouted, his own magic grappling the bomb and dropping the spear. “You won't take it! I'll detonate it!”
“I'm not taking it, silly colt, just the fuse!” she said to the much older unicorn, as her magic grappled a short stem-like thing that poked out from the top of the bomb. “And you won't have to.” The stem-like thing was ripped off the glass cabbage and Lord Eminence's face contorted in the most pure horror Mustikka thought he had ever seen.
The next part happened so fast it was almost a blur, but it burned itself into Mustikka’s memory anyway. Twilight Sparkle pushed her shield forward and enveloped Lord Eminence and the bomb in a sphere of magic, containing a cloud of ghastly green fire from the erupting bomb. Before his eyes the gray unicorn had almost time to scream as the fire leaped over him and turned him to fine, fine ash. Mustikka could see the shield shimmering with the intense heat, and then it was over. Twilight Sparkle, her face streaked with sweat that had made her generous makeup run, dissolved the shield. The ash left billowed over the table and the floor. Some of it settled on the noses of Ukko and Mustikka.
Mustikka slowly let his stunned friend go, lowering him to the floor. He noticed half outside his field of vision how Kol threw up noisily and Galderhorn fainted. People were otherwise silent, except for Princess Ljufa, who disentangled herself from where she had been thrown to safety – by Kol, Mustikka realized – and rushed to her father.
Twilight Sparkle trotted up to Ukko, lying on the floor, draped in his weeping and babbling daughter, and tossed a bunch of crumbled-up papers at his feet.
“He was working with a pirate captain called Jarl Ahto to dethrone you, Your Majesty,” she said. “Seems you got the throne instead of Ahto's father. Oh, and Ahto was the deer you fired from his position as admiral.” She looked at Mustikka but continued talking to the king.
“Your companions were on to him, but he acted faster than they could act,” she said. “I get the impression you don't listen to them much, Your Majesty. You probably should. On the other hand, I tried to give some hints, but...”
Kol picked up the papers as he wiped puke from his muzzle. “What is this... They're all in code,” he said.
“Found them where he hid them,” said Twilight Sparkle, who was fanning herself.
Heikko was clumsily patting Galderhorn while a serving fawn was holding a burning taper under his nose. “He burned to cinders!” the old berserk noted. “Looking at that can't have been pretty!”
Mustikka looked at Kol. Kol looked back and sighed.
“Yeah, I saw it too,” he said. “I know you see falsehood everywhere, Musti old chum, but he really burned.” Then he turned to the unicorn witch, who looked curious, and made a courteous bow. “I See what others See. Poor old Galderhorn really cares about every living thing, even scum like that unicorn. Took it hard.”
Ukko mumbled something and patted his daughter. “'S okay” he said. “Father is okay.”
“Could have been a witch-jump,” said Mustikka.
“What do you mean?” said Kol.
“He could have witch-jumped out,” Mustikka said. “This could be a trick.”
“Why would they do that?” said Kol, somewhat exasperated. “That doesn’t make sense!”
“I just don’t trust her,” he said and glared at Twilight.
“It wasn't a witchjump,” said Galderhorn who rose, supported by Heikko. “Trust me. You do trust me, don’t you? Companions trust each other.” His voice sounded pitiful.
Mustikka didn't know whether the stoic old sorcerer was talking to him, Ukko or both. It didn't matter. “Companions trust each other,” he said.
“I am ready to be taken into custody. Which of you gentlebucks are responsible for such things?” Lady Sparkle said, and sort of put her front hooves together as if to make a theoretical shackling easier.
“What?” said Kol, Mustikka and Galderhorn in a chorus. Ljufa just looked at her while her father breathed heavily. Heikko, meanwhile, scratched himself and asked the servant fawn whether there was any unspilled ale in this whole mess.
“I have just committed lethal violence in the hall of the king and made it impossible to properly interrogate a would-be regicide,” she pointed out.
The companions looked among themselves. Mustikka started to speak, turning to one of the guards who had gathered and began ordering him to take Lady Sparkle to the dungeons. That made Ukko explode.
“To the dungeons?! “ the king raged. “Are you complete idiots or allied with Ahto or what? She saved my life and your lives and you want to lock her up in chains?!”
“Sire...” Kol was always one for propriety, “she is obviously an Equestrian agent just like your would-be assassin. And she herself told us what crimes she committed.” He looked at Mustikka who nodded in general agreement.
Suddenly Ljufa spoke up, to the general surprise of the Companions. “They are all Equestrians, and not one of them helped him,” she said and pointed to the huddling diplomats.
“No, they all sort of ducked and cowered and screamed, like this,” said Heikko (who had got his ale) and gave a demonstration, including a high-pitched doeish scream.
“You are not locking up the one who saved me and that's final!” Ukko fumed.
“Hey, I tried to drag you away!” Mustikka protested.
“The King of Poatsula does not flee!” said Ukko.
“It wasn't fleeing, it was a strategic retreat!” said Mustikka.
“A strategic retreat into a wall!” said Ukko.
“Just like old times!” Heikko sighed happily.
Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat. This small sound made the King and his Tracker stop.
“Excuse me, Your Highness, am I to be detained or not?” she said and fluttered her eyelashes, her mascara having melted so she looked like a skull which had cried blood.
“No!” the King said. “Of course not!” Mustikka gave him a beseeching look.. “But don't leave the city,” he added.
“Of course not, Your Majesty,” she said with a curtsey. “May I contact my Mistress?” she added.
“Who? What?” said the King.
“May I contact Princess Luna? After all,” the unicorn said and smiled forlornly as she fanned herself, “I have just been in dreadful danger!”
“Well... sure,” the King said and shrugged.
The unicorn stepped aside and shouted: “To our mistress! FLY, MY PRETTIES!” Her hat – her hat made of feathers, which she had worn as part of her dinner outfit – suddenly dissolved into small brown, cawing birds who fluttered away and flew out the broken window.
“Jays,” Mustikka said. “The birds of ill omen. Figures!”
“Do you feel better, Lord Eminence?” said Princess Celestia as she entered the small, dark chamber.
“So... cold,” Lord Eminence muttered where he lay on his cot.
“Not an unusual sensation given your circumstances,” said the Princess not unsympathetically and sat down beside the cot.
“She set me on fire,” he whispered.
“That was what I meant,” Celestia said. “When one has been burned to ashes, there is a sensation of cold afterward. It passes, trust me.”
“They said... they said they would teleport me away,” he said. “Under the cover of the fire-bomb.”
“Well, they did,” said Celestia and smiled. “They just teleported you using enchanted dragonfire. This method does not send you between space like regular teleportation, but disintegrates you into your component particles and rebuilds you afterward. The bomb provided the cover as well as the transport. Quite ingenious, wouldn’'t you say? Now there are a hundred reliable witnesses that you are dead, including the greatest mages in Tarandroland and all its political leaders.”
“But... they didn't explain that!” said the unicorn weakly.
“It must have slipped my sister's mind,” said Celestia. “Perk up, Lord Eminence: you are not the only one who had to suffer. Poor Spike, he had to first down a massive amount of vermillion oil and then expectorate fire down a retort for half a day to fuel the bomb. That must have been uncomfortable, don't you think?”
Lord Eminence was silent for a while.
“What happens to me now?” he finally said.
“Well, officially, you are dead,” Celestia said. “Have to be. We'll provide you with a new life with all things you need. It will, of course, mean giving up your current job, title, name...”
Lord Eminence groaned.
“...and cutiemark,” Celestia finished.
The gray unicorn sat up.
“Say what?” he said.
“We'll have to remove your cutiemark, Lord Eminence,” Celestia said, her voice taking on a cold, deeply serious tone.
“But... why?” he said desperately.
“First, it is the primary way to identify a pony,” she said. “Most importantly, it determines a pony’s talent and purpose. Your talent and purpose, Lord Eminence, is such that your former position was one of the few things you could do that was of service to other ponies. If you were not a spy, the only profession I can see fit you is sneak thief.”
Lord Eminence stared at the wall, his eyes full of despair.
“But if you can come up, not with a new purpose, but with a new direction for your purpose, one that neither involves my secret service nor petty crime, something can be arranged,” she said. “There is always a new way,” she added and her voice suddenly became warm yet regal again.
“I will consider my options, Your Highness,” Lord Eminence said, his despair lifting somewhat. “I will consider my options.”
When Luna entered her suite, Twilight was lying on her bed - that is, Luna's bed - with Spike giving her a massage. She had a soft bathrobe on and had apparently recently had a shower. Gone were her sweat, her extensive makeup and her seemingly casual determination. Her mane hung around her head, and her head hung over her front hooves.
"Your Highness," she said with a dull voice.
"Lady Sparkle," Luna replied with a smile. "I have been told you made a great impression."
"I couldn't be there, you know, but I understood Twilight was amazing, yes, " said Spike, who looked much more positive than the unicorn although he was subdued as well.
Twilight sighed.
"I feel horrible," she said. "I don't know what was worse, concentrating on making each spell just right while keeping up that silly charade, lying through my teeth about saving them from something I had a hoof in making, or literally burning Lord Eminence to pieces."
"Twilight!" said Spike and stopped his massaging. "If you hadn't found out about that idiot's plan, he would have set a real bomb under Ukko's seat!"
"Yeah, Spike, but..." Twilight was interrupted.
"And I don't give a fig about that old tuft of hair, Eminence was right that everyone is better without him, but there would have been lots of reindeer and ponies sitting close to him!" Spike continued. "Including my new best friend's mom!"
Twilight sighed and looked down.
"As far as I'm concerned he deserved being burned and having Celestia chew him out!" Spike said. "I hope she banishes him to outer space!"
"He is certain to get more than a chewing-out," said Luna, "but I leave any punishments to Tia. I have never been good at punishments."
Twilight looked up.
"I have a very hard time being just, Lady Sparkle," Luna said. "If I am called to sit in judgement, I either pity the poor culprit, or he vexes me. In the first case I am too lenient, in the second case I am to harsh, and in either case he doesn't get what he actually deserves."
"I don't think I would have an easy time being just either," said Twilight Sparkle. " Like with Lord Eminence - first I hated the poor guy but now I feel sorry for him."
Spike started over again massaging her shoulder.
"But in any case, Your Highness, we are treading on thin ice here," she continued. "I don't really see how this will be easier if they think I am this farcical creature who wishes them ill."
Luna smiled sardonically.
"Remember what I said about lies which are easy to believe in, Lady Sparkle," she said. "People in general and reindeer in particular are very cynical. Cynicists pride themselves in not being fooled, but when the lie is worse than reality they are more easily taken in. Furthermore, many seem to think that Evil is stronger than Good, or at least that Evil acts, while Good only reacts. Hence they will trust the fake you to get things done when you say you will, while they wouldn’t trust you. Finally, the Dark Enchantress Twilight Sparkle already has clear nefarious motives for what she is doing, like her status with Celestia, her own power and dignity. If you acted as your true self they would suspect that you act for the 'empire' of Equestria or that you have some other unknown motive which would make them wary."
Luna chuckled. "We should have had all the Elements of Harmony here," she joked and nuzzled the morose Twilight. "Some of them would have had a blast."
Twilight actually smiled, then giggled.
"Well, Pinkie, maybe, she would take it as a prank," she said. "And Rarity if she got to be a stylish villainess. But Applejack would be horrified, since if this isn't lying I don't know what is."
"I dunno, she didn’t have a problem fooling her best friend when you guys did that Mare Do Well stunt, you know," said Spike. "Speaking of which, Rainbow Dash would be really happy to get to actually be in on a prank like that this time. She would think it was 'awesome'."
"Well, I'll have to do without the rest of my supervillain team," Twilight said, then sighed. "I miss them. There is such a strength in friends when you’re in dire straits. I don't know how I ever got along without them."
Luna nuzzled her again.
"Well, no matter what I think of it, now that we are doing it, we have to do it right," Twilight said, raising her head and stretching her neck. "We’ve got to think of the home front now, because this will definitely reach the media at home, and we’ve got to set our priorities accordingly."
"You mean ponies will think less of you, because of this scheme?" said Luna.
"Well, there is that, but I was actually thinking of something else," said Twilight. "We have to keep the fact that Lord Eminence is still alive secret in Equestria as well as here, given that the media will report his death and how it occured. That means that to the public it’ll look like I killed, lets call it a 'lone fanatic assassin', to stop him from murdering a foreign king. I feel bad enough about that, but I actually feel worse about those ponies who would actually agree with Lord Eminence, that would think it is alright to assassinate a ruler and start a civil war in another country to stop the pirates. So... now we have to succeed in our original mission. We have to stop the pirates and do it soon, so that these ponies are proven wrong."
Twilight looked at Luna.
"I know about the Winter War, but I also know it’ll take time to get rolling, and that any work on stopping the piracy will only strengthen the bonds between Equestria and Tarandroland," she said, her eyes meeting those of her Princess and faltering a bit. “From now on I insist on spending all my time - as much time as is possible - what time you seem fit - on this issue." Her face had turned very anxious.
Luna looked down, then up, then into thin air, then at Twilight.
"You have all the time you need, except that needed to report to me on your progress, Lady Sparkle," she finally said. "Pray tell me, do you have any concrete plans in mind?"
Twilight shut her eyes and sighed.
"Using what information we have from Lord Eminence, I plan to contact the pirates,” she said. “Then I will pretend to cut a deal with them and in doing that find out where they have their bases. After that, we gather a joint force of whatever royal guards can be sent from Equestria and whatever reindeer respond to a call to arms from King Ukko. We then use that force to attack and apprehend the pirates. Both getting troops from home and getting Ukko to issue that call are things that must be done anyway because of the Winter War, mind you. Then I guess any pirate who agrees to join against Winter can be offered an amnesty for whatever they did. That way we can as much as double our army, recruiting reindeer who spent the last year doing... violent things."
Luna looked thoughtfully at Twilight and Spike frowned.
"Then, when this Winter business is over, Tarandroland will be less poor, and will hopefully have stronger bonds with Equestria, so that piracy will have a hard time springing up again," Twilight finished.
"Twilight, that sounds like a plan," said Spike. "Except that unless the pirates are really gullible, they won't believe that the pony who killed their last contact wants to be their friend."
"Oh yeah, Spike," Twilight said and slowly a mischievous smile spread over her lips, "but remember that the normal pirates only wanted to milk Lord Eminence for cash. The one who conspired with him was Lord Ahto, and he seems to be, if not gullible, a hopeless romantic. Romantics tend to believe that real life works like a story. If what Luna said earlier is true, it shouldn't be that hard to convince a pirate lord who fancies himself a prince in exile who thinks life works like a story that an evil sorceress wants to work with him for her own, er, nefarious purposes."
And then Twilight cleared her throat and magicked her bone fan over from the bedside table, and, fanning herself, laughed a stilted, forced laugh: "Ohohohoho!"
Argh, I forgot; I had help in editing again, by LadyMoondancer.and Wheelwright! Thanks a lot.
Two days earlier, in the evening, at the temple of Hrimfaxi...
Kvalhissir was using stakes and rocks to stabilize the new moon lake behind the temple. He wasn't certain winter was the best time of the year to do this, and he had never created a lake in this kind of earth before, but he was doing the best of the situation. Really, he'd better do this before he cleared the ground around it for planting in the spring, and he'd better do something about the riverside, and... He sighed.
Normally, moose preferred to work during the times between night and day, dawn and dusk. However, in this case, he wished it would have been possible to work in day when he saw things better and it was warmer. As it was now, curious small ones – reindeer, he reminded himself – had disturbed him so much that he had exchanged night for day, and did much of his work during the night.
He had first rearranged some of the old, cracked and skewed pews in the temple into a bed and slept there, but it became too noisy. Instead, he built a hut outside of some tarpaulins and old planks, put a pew-bed in it and slept there. Eira simply blocked the way out back for curious temple-goers during the day, giving him some peace.
Kvalhissir was thankful to the old cow for helping him, though he suspected she was beating herself up for not being able to profit more from his presence. He knew many of the recent temple-goers mostly only turned up because of curiosity, and Eira wouldn't be able to coax donations and the like from them unless they were satisfied. He sighed again and rested on the stake he was using. He'd probably have to show himself some more tomorrow.
Kvalhissir was interrupted from his musings by a small bright voice calling his name. He turned around and saw the two calves he had saved earlier. He kept calling them Sootface and Silverlink to himself, although he knew their real names. Kvalhissir was surprised when one of them spoke to him in his own language – or rather, in the old-fashioned, high-pitched version of it both the small ones and the goddess Daggmule spoke to moose.
“Good evening, sir,” said Silverlink. “Can we speak to you for a moment?”
Kvalhissir rumbled his agreement. “Surely. But since when can you speak my tongue?”
Silverlink grinned and blushed. “Since today. It's magic – literally. It's a long story.”
“Strange,” Kvalhissir said and shrugged. “But convenient. What do you want, little one?”
Sootface asked something and Silverlink explained to her what Kvalhissir had said.
“We wonder what you and other moose might know about the Sampo,” he said.
Kvalhissir rubbed his nose along his stake to scratch himself and think.
“Not much,” he said. “It's a wonder-mill from an old story. We moose call it the Grotte. Heroes tried to get it from a reindeer king. They all died.”
Sootface poked Silverlink and he translated. She looked and sounded rather disappointed.
“Saga,” Silverlink said and pointed to Sootface, “had a vision – a prophetic vision – that the Sampo can save Poatsula. I believe her, and we are trying to find it.”
Sootface made puppy-eyes to Kvalhissir and said something with a begging tone in her voice.
“She says pretty please if you know anydeer else who can help us,” Silverlink said. “It is really really important.”
Kvalhissir looked at the little calf who in turn looked at him pleadingly.
“I don't know,” he said. “I know several moose who might know something. I do know a wise old cow who might know much. But I don't know if they will consent to speak to you.”
“Why not?” said Silverlink.
Kvalhissir rolled his eyes and snorted.
“Well, moose don't hide our large selves in the forest for fun,” he said. “Reindeer are in the habit of attacking us or running screaming on sight. Once, we didn't need to hide. Then the reindeer became stronger and more numerous. Now, we hide or get killed and made into trophies.”
Silverlink translated for Sootface, who waved her front hooves agitatedly and spoke extensively about something. Silverlink spoke back, but Sootface shook her head. He asked for a qualification, and she spoke a single sentence, with great seriousness.
“She says,” said Silverlink, “that it doesn't have to be that way. She says it soon won't be like that in the future – if we can find the Sampo.”
Kvalhissir looked at them. He rubbed his schnozzle against his stake again.
“It would be dangerous for you,” he said, after a long rub. “They will never come here.”
“We can handle it,” said Silverlink. “Will it be a long journey?”
Kvalhissir shook his big shaggy head.
“No,” he said. “I take it this is an urgent matter?”
Silverlink translated and both the calves nodded.
“Let me think,” he said.
Kvalhissir put down the stake. He trotted over to his hut, got out his pipe, and lit it on an ember from the fireplace in front of the hut. He sat down and puffed. The two calves sat down in front of him, and waited. They stirred, fidgeted and sometimes looked everywhere but at Kvalhissir, but they did not speak up.
“I can leave tomorrow morning,” he said. “I will search out some moose I know. I will let it be known you wish to meet them. I will tell you where to wait. I will meet you there no matter whether they agree to meet you or not. If I am not there, you wait until I arrive.”
“Can't we go with you right away?” Silverlink said.
Kvalhissir shook his head again. “No,” he said. “Where I go is a secret. That I show you the meeting place is bad enough. Start tomorrow evening. We will meet during the day after that. Exactly when I cannot say now.”
He rose up and started to draw in the frozen slush.
“You know this mountain ridge?” he said. “No? Here, the brook meets the road. Here, the willow grows. You know now?”
Silverlink nodded. “I think so.”
“At the end of the mountain ridge,” Kvalhissir said as he continued to draw, “is a small plateau. Here is a gathering place. In a small cave that looks natural. Yes, this close to the reindeer city. That doesn't mean we live there.”
“Long are the legs of the moose,” said Silverlink mockingly. “I think I know now. I think I will remember.”
“You'd better,” said Kvalhissir and bit into his pipe again. “I don't want to have to go looking for you. If you get lost.”
When he came into the temple the next afternoon, Vigg found Saga in the sanctum sanctorum, also known as “the kitchen”, “Eira's bedroom” or “the TV room”. She was cleaning the table and kitchen sink and waved to Vigg, her mouth full of things to be put away.
“Are you packed?” said Vigg, who was.
Saga nodded and pointed to her left. Her saddlebags and her jacket were lying on a chair. Her skis were leaning against the wall. Then she continued putting away things, after which she started to sweep the table and scrub the sink.
“Can you guess who was here?” said Saga, her mouth finally empty. She looked bouncy and full of energy, her eyes bright, and there was something with her face...
“The way you look, it was either Princess Hrimfaxi, Twilight Sparkle, or some idol of yours I don't know about,” Vigg said, a bit amused.
“The first and second!” Saga squeaked happily. “They had an errand here, and can you guess what they asked me to do?”
“Erh... no,” Vigg said. “Something with the temple? I dunno, hold a sermon, travel to Hestaland for further education, be the first sacrifice in the new Moonwell...”
Saga snorted.
“I've given Mistress Sparkle a makeover!” she said proudly.
“You did what with the who?” said Vigg, dumbfounded. “Why?”
“Our Lady of the Moon said that Mistress Sparkle needed it for some work at court,” Saga said. “A new look, I mean. Isn't it awesome they asked me?”
“It's a bit weird,” said Vigg. “My mothers' hoofmaidens... actually I don't know how they do that stuff.”
“I bet they help each other or go to some fancy salon, but now I got to help instead!” said Saga happily.
“I see you made yourself over as well,” said Vigg and indicated her new makeup and accessories.
“I got inspired,” Saga said, “and they came really early in the morning, before Kvalhissir left even, so I had lots of time today! What do you think?”
She turned her head this way and that and then shoved her flanks into Vigg's face, which made him blush a bit. The thick black bar over her eyes was thinner and lower and had a series of crimson dots along its lower edge, crossing another one down her nose ridge. The black moon sickles on her flanks had also been redone in a slimmer more refined version with a series of red stars.
“Are those meant to look like... Twilight Sparkle's cutie mark?” Vigg said with the sickle and stars half an inch from his nose and his blush being a bit too obvious. There could be no doubt of his thoughts of that flank. The shamefulness of his reaction made him blush even more
“Yes,” said Saga happily, “since I'm sort of connected to her right now with the lessons and all.” She replaced her flank with her head again.
Saga had also replaced the bird-skull decorations in her antlers with less gruesome feather bundles. Several small brown feathers were tied around the shaft of a huge downy white one with red threads. Vigg peered closely at the feathers.
“Don't tell me... those are... those are... the big white ones are from a snowy owl,” he said.
Saga nodded enthusiastically.
“We have some sacred birds living in the temple now, and one was nice enough to let me take a few,” she beamed.
“The snowy owl, whose call means death,” Vigg said and sighed. “Then the small brown ones have to be jay feathers.”
Saga nodded again.
“You're such a good outdoorsbuck, Vigg,” she said.
“That was the only other bird of ill omen I could think of that was brown,” he said dryly.
“So, how do you like it?” said Saga.
Vigg sighed.
“You know, I'm not used to makeup at all,” he said, “but your style is certainly unique. It is very Saga.”
“Flatterer!” she said and stuck out her tongue. “But you just don't go to the right clubs. Lot's of cool vajas go in for face-paint rather than 'makeup'! Mistress Sparkles said something about buffalo earlier, so I decided to go in for a more buffalo look!”
Vigg shook his head.
“Did you give Twilight Sparkle a 'buffalo look' as well?” he said.
“No, she got something for those clubs I mentioned, because Princess Hrimfaxi said she should have a 'dark enchantress' look,” Saga said. “Oh, and Mistress Sparkle taught me some new magics!”
“Oh,” said Vigg with more interest. “May I ask... what kind of magic?”
“Some rituals,” said Saga and tried to look mysterious. “You'll see later!”
“Okay,” said Vigg. “You're ready?”
“Yup, now that I've cleaned the holy of holies!” Saga said. “I'll just tell Gramma I'm leaving.”
She went out into the temple and hugged the old vaja who was serving some cold boiled lichen and sedge bread to the volunteers who had worked in the temple all day. Vigg looked around and could see that they had gone pretty far in cleaning the walls so they could be repainted. There was also a new altar cloth.
“Our Lady of the Moon herself gave it to us!” said Saga. “It was cut off when they remade some of her old dresses for Mistress Sparkle.”
“Lady Sparkle is wearing cast-offs?” Vigg said with disbelief.
“Divine cast-offs!” Saga admonished him. “I would kill to wear a dress Our Lady of the Moon had worn! Hay, I would kill to wear any dress Mistress Sparkle had worn!” She sighed dreamily.
“What does your Grandmother think of this?” Vigg said when they were outside the temple. They would have to carry their skis to the bridge before they had good snow to ski on. Within the city was just slush, frozen and unfrozen.
“Of what?” said Saga.
“Visions and quests,” he said. “And running off to meetings with trolls.”
“She just said that if I get eaten, I don't get any dessert when I come home,” Saga said and winked. Vigg groaned.
“Seriously,” he said.
“Well, she takes visions seriously,” Saga said. “It comes with her job. And... you know where we are right now, right?”
Vigg looked around himself, the dilapidated buildings, the narrow streets, the boarded-up windows, the scarily skinny fawns in little groups watching them.
“I've lived here for many years now,” Saga said. “It can be dangerous to walk down the wrong alleyway. Oh, I'm lucky. I've always had something to eat and somewhere warm to sleep. And people know who I'm and if they're not pious they're superstitious, so I'm not as likely to be attacked or worse. But frankly, going out into the woods with you is no more dangerous than running errands for Gramma.”
Vigg looked at her a bit enviously.
“I take it your mother is a bit less willing to let you run free,” she said.
“She's only letting me go because my uncle insists,” he scowled. “I'm supposed to be at school and... and stuff.”
“You couldn't lie?” Saga said casually. Vigg snorted.
“Even if I were such a cad that I'd lie to my own mom, it still wouldn't work,” he said and indicated his eyes.
“She can See when deer lie?” Saga said, a bit scared. “Then... you can detect lies as well, since you've the same Sight, right?”
“Mom learned to do it,” Vigg said. “It's a side effect of the whole see-your-heart thing. I haven't... mastered it yet.”
“Well, then I know what we will do when we ski to the meeting place!” said Saga. “We will train you!”
“What?” said Vigg.
“Easy!” Saga beamed. “As your personal spiritual counselor I will guide you in the use of your Sight: I will say things, you will guess if I lie!”
“Saga...” Vigg groaned.
“That,” Saga said and pointed to a building, “is Castle Muorra!”
“You are lying,” said Vigg.
“You didn't even look at me!” said Saga.
“That's... that's because it's an obvious lie!” Vigg sputtered.
“Prince Silly, that's because we need to set up a baseline for what lying looks like!” Saga said. “Let's try again: I'm a herring!”
Vigg sighed. It would be a very long ski trip.
“Well,” said Vigg, “he isn't here, but he has been here.” His hoof swept over the small, pine-clad plateau.
“Because the snow has been tread on to make a flat surface in front of the cave,” Saga said. “And there is a fireplace in it and it looks newly repaired.”
She dumped her saddlebags in the cave and leaned her skis and spear-staff in the snow drifts to the side of it. She was dripping with sweat.
“That could have been reindeer,” said Vigg, “but if you look close to the tracks it was much bigger hooves that did this.”
“My little pathfinder!” Saga said mockingly. “Can't you tell where Kvalhissir went, in that case?”
“Well, that's the strange part: I can't,” Vigg said. “He hasn't hidden his tracks, because if he did any reindeer could find them. Even somedeer like you who hasn't spent much time in the forest. And the tracks certainly aren't here anymore. If they were, even a pony could see them. He must literally have removed them with some... trick, so that they aren't there anymore.”
“That's just words!” Saga protested. “Hid or removed, what's the difference?”
“Well,” said Vigg, “there's a big difference between me hiding in the cave and not being here at all. I'm sure a reindeer skilled at tracking, or with special Sight, like Grampa's pal Mustikka, could follow him anyway. It is just logical that troll... moose know some tricks like that, or there wouldn't be any of them left.”
“So what do we do now?” said Saga.
“We do as Kvalhissir told us to do – we wait,” Vigg said. “We can sleep in the cave and make a fire for the night.”
“Guess we'll have to find some firewood, then,” said Saga and rubbed herself.
They took a short stroll through the surrounding pine groves. Both of them casually found their eyes sliding until they rested on a dry branch or a fallen tree, despite it having been dark for hours. Their Sight combined with a survival instinct that must have been carved into the first of Karhu-Akka's action figures at the dawn of time to find something to burn for heat. While she found only a few branches, Saga still found firewood where a pony would only have found snow. Meanwhile, Vigg dragged half a tree to the cave. Saga looked cross-eyed at some twigs, and soon they had a crackling fire.
They settled down in front of the fire with one blanket draped over them and one under them. The flames cast long dancing shadows on the walls and revealed that the cave was strangely regular. They both pulled out bread and dry lichen from their saddlebags. Vigg also produced a coffee pan, some coffee and a jar of jam.
“Nice raid on the palace kitchen,” said Saga. “Is there any milk as well?”
“Not unless we milk you,” said Vigg and quickly bit his tongue. No sarv other than little fawns was ever close to a vaja being milked.
Saga gave him a look, but then she started to giggle.
“Oh wow!” she said. “Gramma was right: I should watch out for you so you don't get frisky, if that is how you think of commoner vajas!”
“I'm sorry, I'm really sorry,” said Vigg and buried his blushing muzzle in his hooves.
“Well, we all know you will just ravish me and leave me in the snow... after milking me because you posh nobledeer can't stand black coffee...” she said.
“Please, stop, I beg you...” he moaned.
“Okay, I'm just kidding!” Saga said and rubbed his head. “But it was a bit of a rude thing to say, you have to admit that.”
“I'm sorry,” he said. “I have sisters. Sometimes the jokes get gross.”
Saga chuckled and poked around in the fire so the snow in the coffee pot would heat up faster.
“So you think Mistress Sparkle is hot,” she said after a while.
“Who told you?” he gasped.
“It was rather obvious, but Spike helped,” she said.
Vigg groaned.
“And now you're gonna mock me for it...” he said and reburied his muzzle in his hooves.
“It is tempting, but I'm mostly curious,” she said.
“About what?” said Vigg.
“About what punishment I’ll get if I turn these juicy news over to the newspapers,” she said.
“Hey!” Vigg shouted in despair and tensed up.
“I'm just kidding!” Saga said. “That's for talking about milking me! Gross!”
Vigg relaxed.
“No, what I'm curious over is your epileptic fit when Mistress Sparkle was close to you, the whole collapsing with what must either be the horny or the lovey,” she continued.
“Yes,” said Vigg. “It is so embarrassing...”
“See, I can see two explanations,” Saga said. “Either you're truly, madly, deeply, psychotically attracted to Mistress Sparkle, which is soooo romantic but rather creepy... especially given that she could be, if not your mom, at least your teacher...”
Vigg groaned again.
“Or it's just that you lose your normal cool – you're really cool for being such a dork, Vigg – when you're close to hotness. It is indisputable that Mistress Sparkle is totally super-gorgeous, so that's why you have these problems,” Saga said. “Have you never had a doefriend? Or a stagfriend, for that matter?”
“Well... not really... when you're a Prince... wait!” Vigg said. “What do you mean 'dork'?”
“You are a very prim, orderly, boring, White Prince, Vigg, or should I call you Sir Checklist,” Saga said and giggled. “Having fits when a female touches you makes you sooo much cuter!”
“I'm not a... I just want things to be in good order, your life can depend on it one day!” he protested.
“So anyway, deep mad love or a serious weakness to the hotness,” Saga said. “That's actually an important question.”
Vigg looked at her. She was older and a female, after all. He didn't have any female friends, and this wasn't something you talked about with your sisters.
“Explain, please,” he said.
“Well, in the first case your life will probably be romantic but tragic unless you're really lucky or devote everything you have to winning her love,” Saga said. “And the second case isn't as bad, but you really will have to work on getting rid of that weakness. I mean, aren't you supposed to get kids when you become king or something? Heirs? And how are going to do that when your Queen Whoever sends you into rigor mortis if she looks at you breedingly?”
Vigg returned to groaning.
“How am I supposed to tell that?” he said. “It's not like it's a simple thing...”
“Well, we can perform a scientific experiment,” Saga said and rose and stretched herself. “Relax and I'll do a short ritual investigation. Breathe in, breathe out... and tell me if you feel uncomfortable.”
Somewhat wary, Vigg laid down and tried to relax. Breathe in, breathe out. Then Saga planted a loving kiss on his cheek, and another one, and another one on the lips – less chaste than the one when they were wrestling in Kvalhissir's sauna, but much more friendly.
When he woke up, the coffee was ready and a his mug in front of him, steaming.
“Well, I'm still not sure,” said Saga, standing over him. “You had a less serious attack and were out for a shorter time, but I'm nowhere near as hot as Mistress Sparkle.”
Vigg rose a bit and sipped his coffee. He felt light-headed and jubilant, like when you did the best kind of ski jump. At the same time his face was burning red with shame and he had to clear his throat before speaking. His heartbeat must be audible back in Sarvvik.
“I'm prepared to do more tests, Oh my Spiritual Advisor,” he said as steadily as he could.
“Maybe later, Oh my Dorky Prince,” said Saga with a smirk.
Thanks again to LadyMoondancer and Wheelwright for help with editing!
Saga was slowly awakened by somedeer poking her with something. She opened her eyes and realized somedeer was Vigg and something was his antlers.
"There's breakfast," he said through the ladle he had in his mouth. "Porridge and coffee. Get up."
Saga moaned and rolled over, thereby twisting their blankets around her even more.
"The sun is barely up," she said. "It can't possibly be time to get up yet."
Vigg snorted.
"It’s winter in Poatsula," he said. "In a few weeks the sun will rise at noon."
Saga moaned some more and rolled out of the blankets and into the snow. She stood up and shook off the snow, then she stretched.
"Sweet dreams?" she asked Vigg, who was spooning up porridge and pouring coffee.
He smiled and shrugged, his mouth full of porridge ladle and coffee pot.
"Dreamed about me?" Saga said fluttering her eyelashes in an exaggerated fashion.
Vigg avoided her gaze.
"Dreamed about Mistress Sparkle?" Saga said and grinned.
Vigg looked very interested in his porridge.
"Dreamed about me and Mistress Sparkle... together?" Saga said. Her grin more or less went around her head.
Vigg buried his face in his porridge. Saga laughed, then started with her own porridge. They ate in silence. Well, Saga giggled a little now and then and looked at Vigg.
After licking the bowls clean and beginning a second cup of coffee, Saga rolled a cigarette and lit it.
"Do you think Kvalhissir will come during the day? Before noon? At all?" she said.
Vigg shrugged.
"I’ve no idea," he said. "We'd better get comfortable. We have food until tomorrow morning, I have checked. Even better if we take the time to graze or gather some more."
"I think people worrying about us is more important than running out of food," said Saga.
"I did a short recon before you woke up," Vigg said. "There isn't much to eat on the ground, but the trees should have shoots and moss and so on. And there’s plenty of firewood."
"Ooh, you did a 'recon'," said Saga. "Have I told you how hot you are whenever you are all woodcrafty like that?"
"Erh... yeah," said Vigg and blushed deeply. "You kinda explained that last night. Speaking of which..." He cleared his throat. "I saw a nice slope at the other end of the plateau. There's even a place to jump without breaking your legs. I... kinda want to test that, and thought I'd do some skiing while waiting for Kvalhissir. Would you want to come and... watch?"
Saga blew out a thin stream of smoke, deep in thought, and then shook her head.
"Sorry, but no," she said. "Not my thing, even when you do it."
"Huh?" said Vigg, a bit deflated. "What’s not your thing?"
"Sports," Saga said.
"But..." Vigg began.
"Look, I think... grazer skills, let’s call it that, are amazing, and I'm really impressed that somedeer like you is so good at going cross-country, say," Saga said. "I'm really jealous, though I shouldn't be, because you worked hard for it. But downhill skiing or race skating or ice hockey, that's just sports. And watching them bores me. Sorry."
"But... what are you going to do otherwise?" Vigg said, a bit miffed. "While waiting, I mean?"
"I brought my Gamecolt," said Saga and nodded towards her saddlebags. "I might take a nap. And I think I'll trot around the place myself and check it out. Maybe pick those shoots and firewood you talked about."
"Okay," said Vigg. He drank the last of his coffee. "I'll get down to the slope, then."
"Don't break anything vital," said Saga and smiled. "And don't look like that, I'll do the dishes as well."
Vigg had felt rather down as he walked away from the cave (which was suspiciously convenient for travelers, when he thought about it), but by the third time he fell while skiing down the hill, he had forgotten it. When the body works it sweats out frustration. Vigg had taught himself that long ago. The cliff that made for a natural jump had looked safe enough, but Vigg had poked about the snow below it with his staff to ensure the landing was also safe. Then he had started to tame the thing.
As he was picking himself up and digging snow out of his orifices he heard Saga calling from the top of the slope. He looked up and found her standing there, only in her natural fur. He assumed her shawl and jacket were back at the cave.
"Lunch!" she bellowed.
"Coming!" he bellowed back and trotted up the slope with the single broad ski he had used on his back.
"Having fun?" Saga said as he came up to her.
"Yeah," he said amiably. "And you?"
"Its okay," she said as they started to trot back to the cave. "The freezing bunnies don't want to mate, though."
"What?" he said. Saga giggled.
"It's the game I played," she explained. "It's one of those simulation games. Supposed to teach pony kids how to manage nature like they do. I can't get the bunnies to mate. I think I planted too few flowers."
Vigg shook his head.
"And here I thought you played games about killing zombies or something," he said.
"Killing cute little zombies?" Saga mock-gasped."Never! Anyway - dinner is served. Soup of reindeer moss with fresh pine shoots, willow shoots and hanging lichen."
"Well, you're a regular little housedoe," Vigg said and winked at Saga.
"Not to mention my fawn-bearing hips!" Saga said and spooned up soup for them as she shook said hips. Vigg blushed a bit.
Saga was studying the minuscule screen of her gaming device as they were eating. "Can I ask something?" said Vigg.
"Go ahead," said Saga.
"How can you afford that thing?" he said. "I mean, before we left town yesterday you talked about living in the slums, and its not like your Gramma has any money to spare. And just the gems and runes in it must cost a fortune."
"It was a gift from Daddy," Saga said and shrugged. “Daddy tends to think expensive presents are good presents, no matter what the present is.”
"Didn't you say you moved away from them when you... when you started to See things?" Vigg said. "When you skipped school? You told me, in the sauna..."
"It's not like I stopped talking to them because I live with Gramma," said Saga. "In fact, its more like Gramma started talking to them because I live with her. Like every other month or so. So yeah, I got a gift for my birthday. Not the one I asked for, mind you, but they remembered my birthday. And I remember their birthdays."
Vigg looked distinctly uncomfortable.
"What's the matter?" said Saga and looked up from the Gamecolt. Vigg sighed.
"It's just... it feels so wrong they don't let you stay," he said and his face hardened. "Not let you do... your own thing."
"But they did!" Saga said. "Things turned out okay. Seriously, don't worry about me. I'm fine, really."
Vigg sighed again and looked down.
"Maybe I should worry about you instead," said Saga quietly.
Vigg raised his head.
"Things didn't turn out okay for you," she said. "They didn't, did they? Palace or no palace."
Vigg met her eyes and said nothing, at least verbally.
"I mean, if you had been like now, except somedeer had said 'Okay, let the fawn go away and live with his Uncle in a Grazer camp far away from his jerk of a Grampa and the crazy press and bad memories', it wouldn't have been sugarcubes and saltlicks, but the bad thing would not have been Jarl Vidar and the grazer camp, would it?" she said.
Vigg smiled a little.
"No, it wouldn't," he said.
"Look, if you ever want to talk about it we'll talk, okay? If you ever think I am asking nasty questions just tell me to stuff it, okay?" she said and poked him with her muzzle.
"I will," he said. "And I will."
They ate the last of their cooling soup in silence. As they rose to scrub their bowls in the snow, Vigg said: "Would you like to follow me to the slope?"
Saga looked at him, opened her mouth as if to speak.
"Not to watch me," Vigg said. "To ski. Ski yourself."
"I haven't done downhill before," she said.
"Then you should try," he said.
She smiled a crooked smile.
"Okay," she said. "Okay I'll try something you do if you try something I do, okay?"
"Like what?" said Vigg. Wary, but smiling.
"One day, when we have time off from saving Poatsula and stuff like that, you'll go clubbing with me," she said.
"Sure," said Vigg and laughed. "Whatever. If you want to embarrass me."
"As if I won't spend the rest of the day falling on my rump!" said Saga and went to get her skis.
Saga screamed or perhaps shrieked a lot more than Vigg's usual circle of friends. She also swore a lot more, including things involving Princess Hrimfaxi, her moon and anatomically impossible acts performed on the slope. Vigg was certain that was serious blasphemy even if you didn't work in a temple. She wasn't completely helpless. Going down hills is part of cross-country, after all. Hills happen. It was mostly the one-ski innovation that caused her to fall over. For each time Saga walked uphill, she became out of breath faster. For each time she came screaming downhill, she became more and more hoarse. Other than that, she kept improving.
“Skiing slopes should have a little machine to pull you up after you have come down!” she said as she came up from the latest of many attempts to use the jump and end on her feet.
“That would be the day, when skiers didn't have the strength to walk up a hill,” Vigg said. “But seriously...”
“Seriously what?” said Saga and shook melting snow out of her coat.
“You needn't do this jump for me or anything,” he said. “I mean, to impress me or prove a point or anything. I'm not certain I should use it, really, there could be a rock in the snow below it I have missed...”
“I'm not doing it for you, silly!” Saga said. “Besides I'm getting it right!”
“Well, you have fallen so far, and pretty badly,” Vigg said. “Seriously, it actually hurts to see you. I keep expecting you to break all your four legs.”
“Hey, I'll show you!” Saga said and contradicted herself. “I'll get it this time! Hey, let's make a bet!”
“A bet?” Vigg said. “What do you mean, bet?”
“If I can't make it this time... and make it means landing on all four hooves and not falling over...” Saga began.
“Yes?” said Vigg.
“Then I'll stop trying!” she finished.
“Okay, good,” said Vigg, “just one more try then?”
“But if I can make it this time, then...” she pondered. “Oh! I know!” Saga giggled fiendishly.
“Then what?” said Vigg and couldn't help laughing himself, since she looked so silly right now.
“Then... when we go to that club...” she said and smiled cruelly.
“Yes...” said Vigg.
“I'll get to style you when we go out!” she said. “Style everything!” She mimicked holding a pair of shears and using a comb.
Vigg blinked. “Okay,” he said. “Sure! Now make your last jump, crazy vaja!”
“Ah, I'll... show you!” Saga said and trampled up to the starting spot.
Saga wobbled when she sailed off the jump and swayed as she flew through the air, but when she landed she kept on standing, whooping all the while. Then she sped onwards into the forest below.
Vigg didn't shout. One doesn't have time to shout in such a situation. When Saga failed to duck low enough and her antlers caught a stout fir branch he cried out after the fact. With a shout of "SAGA!" he jumped down the slope himself and followed after her (of course bypassing the jump). Meanwhile she more or less bounced off the branch, miraculously avoided getting stuck, and spun like a top until she came to a stop by slamming into another tree. Shaking, but still standing on all her four hooves.
That was why she was hollering happily when he reached her.
"I did it! I did it! Whooo!" she shouted. "Did you see me! Did you see me!"
"Are you okay?" Vigg shouted back, mortally afraid. "Did you hurt yourself?"
"I'm so great, I love you!" Saga shouted gleefully and incoherently, snapped her hooves off her ski and jumped him.
"How's your head?" Vigg said and tried to grab it with his front hooves and look her into the eyes. "Did you get a concussion?"
"You'll be sooooo pretty!" Saga gushed and interpreted his hooves as an attempt to hug, so she hugged him backed and kissed him, which would have paralyzed him at any other time. "You'll be even prettier than now!"
"Yeah, whatever, please stand still," Vigg said anxiously, "I want to see your face."
Saga giggled and fidgeted but did almost stand still enough for Vigg to look into her eyes. He realized he didn't know much about concussions but her eyes did focus - though she was bleeding at the left side of her mouth.
"You’re bleeding!" he said and tried to get her to open her mouth. She obeyed temporarily, then kissed him again.
"I bit my lip when I slammed into the tree," she said. "Did you see how awesome I was?"
Still wary, he didn't answer but tried to investigate her legs and flanks with his hooves.
"Getting frisky, are we?" she said happily.
"Stop fooling around, Saga. Does this hurt?" he said, anxiously. "Have you broken anything?"
"I won the bet you know," she said and pouted. Vigg sighed.
"I'll do anything you want," he said. "Just please be calm and let me check on you."
Saga calmed down a bit but talked to no one in particular about coat treatment and tribal makeup and accessories for cool yet hot young stags, while Vigg felt very bad for not knowing more about first aid.
"Okay," he said, "you’ve scrubbed yourself on a knee and bit your lip deeply. I don't think you have hurt anything else, but let’s.. let's rest a bit, OK?"
Saga nodded happily.
"You're a healer as well, aren’t you?" she said as Vigg started to half-drag, half-lead her up the slope. "You're such a hero! I'll make you look awesome"
"Yeah, because heroes always let untrained deer do dangerous stuff without proper supervision," Vigg muttered. "You can do anything, please just come carefully to camp and we'll lay down for a bit, OK?"
They walked up the slope slowly, leaving their skis and staff haphazardly at the bottom. Saga alternately talked makeovers and described single-ski downhill skiing as awesome. Vigg alternately admonished Saga anxiously and broke out in nervous giggling fits.
When they were a bit above and beyond the ledge they noticed the moose. Except for one or two stifled giggles from Saga, they fell silent.
There were several dozen of them, spread out in a semi-circle, obviously prepared to meet the skiing reindeer. They stood in silence, breathing clouds of vapor from their huge jaws and nostrils, looking sternly at Vigg and Saga. They were mostly cows, and most wore the same kind of outfits as Kvalhissir: scarfs or cloaks with caps, and tons of clanking metal jewelry on all their legs and pierced into noses and ears and lips.
In the middle sat a very old cow sphinx-like on a kind of toboggan. She had more accessories than all the others combined, and mostly looked like small heap of gold and silver with bits of amber, moose and mountain crystal poking out. On either side of her, with harnesses that showed they had pulled the toboggan, stood a truly enormous bull. Unlike the other moose they wore no jewelry except for a few pieces of horn or bone pierced here and there. They wore what was obviously barding under the harnesses and huge stone axes were slung at their sides.
Regular moose jewelry jingles too much, Vigg thought as he met their calm, uncaring eyes. They must need to move unheard.
To the left of one of the armed attendants stood Kvalhissir. The face of the old farmer was not pleasant: not angry, not sad, but deeply irritated, as if there was no way he was going to put up with this nonsense any longer. To his left side stood two other warrior moose, though not as gargantuan as the two attendants to the old cow.
"Are these the ones you talked about?" one of them said and turned to Kvalhissir.
"Yes," said Kvalhissir's mouth, while his eyes, glittering with angry sarcasm, said No. They are some other reindeer. This remote and unknown place is completely lousey with unsupervised calves.
"I say we kill them," said the warrior moose and scowled at Vigg.
Vigg grew very cold inside. First, he suddenly realized the outer edges of the semicircle had moved as he and Saga moved forward and that they now were technically surrounded. Then, he saw that several of the moose nodded thoughtfully at the suggestion.
"Yes," said the other armed moose. "Let us kill them. Resolve this quickly."
Thanks to LadyMoondancer and Wheelwright for helping me with the proofreading. It feels frustrating some times but the text becomes that much better.
"I didn't bring them here so you could kill them!" growled Kvalhissir.
"Then you should not have brought them!" said the warrior. The surrounding moose snorted steam and looked at each other, some nodding, some scowling.
"Please, we mean no harm!" cried Vigg. "We only wanted to learn -"
"No HARM?!" snarled the warrior. "Since when have you little ones meant anything else than harm to a moose?"
"They're just calves!" said Kvalhissir with narrowed eyes.
"They came from the mountains. They took our forests," said the warrior next to him. "They have killed many moose. Bull, cow and one-year calf."
"You should not know of us," the first warrior said to Vigg. "You should not know of this place. You should die." He looked at the old cow for support but she seemed rather uninterested. Her eyes seemed closed as if in thought.
"We should kill them now, Revered Ancestress," he said to her. Her bodyguards looked at the warrior, at her, and then back at him, but she didn't look up.
"Look, just listen to us - " Vigg began.
"Yeah!" said one of the other moose maybe ten paces away from Kvalhissir. He looked younger than the others though Vigg certainly wasn't an expert on the moose life cycle."Kill them now!"
"Yes," said Saga, "Kill us now!"
Everydeer turned to her, Vigg the fastest.
"If you're not willing to listen to Prince Vigg, kill us now!" She was speaking the moose tongue with a moose dialect, bellowing and moo-ing.
The young moose seemed unnerved, the older warriors annoyed.
"Why do -" the first one began.
"When The Great Winter comes. When The Great Winter kills all. When The Great Winter freezes all," Saga said undaunted and went to him. "Then it is best to be dead."
"Frozen carcasses don't feel the hunger," she said and went to another moose. He trampled on the spot and avoided her gaze. Saga caught him anyway. "Like you will."
"Frozen bones don't feel the chill," she said as she walked over to the moose next to him, a middle-aged cow who shied away completely. "Like your calves will."
"Frozen bones don't feel grief," she said to the next, who stood still and met her gaze, looking at her as if she was crazy. "Like you will for the lakes and tarns."
Saga turned to the moose mob as if to a congregation.
"The Great Winter is here," she said and spread her forelegs as dramatically as is possible for a quadruped. "The Nidhogg already swarm. They will turn the trees to dust and the lakes to ice with their breath. The Tursu will crawl up from the fjords and spew plague and poison. All the beasts will die. Then the Skoll will come. They will feast on the frozen carcasses for a year. Then they too will starve and fall upon each other. Nothing will be left but dust. And ice. And poison. And loneliness."
She went back to the young moose.
"Kill me now," she begged him. "I won't have to suffer. Go on. I am standing right here. I won't move."
"But... I... it... but..." he stammered, sweating.
"Or you can listen to Prince Vigg," she said to him but her gaze turned to the old cow, her eyes half-shut but her ears moving.
"And why would he know about this?" asked the first warrior moose, made of stronger stuff than the almost-calf.
"Because I told him," said Saga calmly and trotted over to him.
"Then why would you know about this?" he snorted, towering over her.
"Because I am Saga. My name means 'seer' in our language and I have seen the futures that could be!" she boasted."Because I am Daggmule's servant. She talks to me. She has shown me Bjorn-Edda who whines and turns in her bed."
The moose snorted again.
"She speaks true," Kvalhissir said. "Daggmule has seen fit to visit the little ones. I have taken refuge in her temple."
"I would like to hear what she has to say," the old cow said, her voice small and quiet yet audible above the bellowing ones. Saga sound very much like a moose despite her size.
"Revered Ancestress..." the warrior began, sounding frustrated.
"I would like to hear what she has to say," said the old cow. Her half-shut eyes turned to him and for a moment became fully open. There was a glimpse of the deep blue of a sky at dusk and points of cold white light.
"Yes, Revered Ancestress," he mumbled.
"Saga..." Vigg gasped. "I can't... you... since when does she speak Ancient Cervine? With a moose... accent?" he said to Kvalhissir.
The farmer gave him a rare smile and licked the ear of the warrior next to him who jumped about six feet into the sky.
"Ah," said Vigg.
The moose had used this place for ages. They quickly set up a camp-fire the moose way, half inside, half outside the cave. (The fawns had, of course, used the wrong place when they made fire.) Vigg and Saga laid by a fire. The Revered Ancestress lay in front of them and Kvalhissir beside them, and the warriors were standing close. The rest of the moose huddled around, not talking, trying to listen. There was some sort of spruce-tea that tasted like resin in their jugs.
"It is said," said the old cow, "that four hundred hooves went to take the Grotte. That was only the warriors. With them were twice as many shield-bearers, bathers, chefs and wood-gatherers.”
“That many? That seems unlikely,” said Vigg.
"Much battle was had, but not with the holders of the Grotte,” she continued, ignoring him. “Only with the others who sought the Grotte. But finally, they closed in on him. He had taken shelter in the deep valley near Bjorn-Edda's resting place."
"Which 'deep valley'?" asked Vigg.
"Hush, prince!" said the old cow. "All parts of a story come at their place or there is no story. The Grottebearer had taken shelter, and his enemies closed in from each direction of the wind. They hurried to reach him first. We hurried to reach him first. The followers were left behind to allow the warriors free march."
She made a pause and made a sign. One of the warriors more or less poured tea down her throat.
"Then snow came, and all warriors were dead," she continued. "The Grottebearer and his artefact were gone."
"Snow?" asked Vigg. "A blizzard? A lavine?"
"Snow," said the cow. She finally moved a hoof and drew in the snow, rolling over to reach.
"Then, there was a deep valley near Joukulvakt." She drew two triangles next to each other, one large and one small.
"Snow came," she explained and drew a straight line from the tip of the smaller triangle to the side of the other. "The deep valley was no more."
"How could...?" Vigg wondered.
"The followers fled home. They met many others who also fled, but all warriors were dead. War was gone, and when they reached their homes, winter was also gone," the cow finished.
"And what about Sampo... I mean, the Grotte?" asked Saga.
The old cow took Vigg's hoof and planted a reindeer footprint in the middle of the "valley".
"The Grottebearer," she said. She dabbed at the snow, making a circle of dots around the hoofprint. "All the warriors who wanted to take the Grotte."
"Wait," said Vigg. "Are you saying, ma'am, that the Sampo is buried under the southern tail of Joukulvakt Glacier?"
"It was the place it was last seen," said the cow. "Only the Grottebearer and his accursed sorcerer of a father knows exactly where, because it must have fallen at their last stand. They can't tell."
"Because they are dead," said the first warrior.
"Thanks," Saga told him with a scowl. "Great is the wisdom of the moose!"
"How can anything even be dug up from that place!?" groaned Vigg and facehoofed. "Even if we knew where to look?"
The gathered moose looked apologetic.
"You could ask the Skoll to dig it out," the warrior moose joked. No one laughed.
There was silence. Saga's face drooped. Vigg looked more angry than sad.
Then suddenly, Saga perked up.
"Thanks, Revered Ancestress!" she said and smiled at the old cow. "I am sure your information can help us on our quest! May Daggmule bless you and reward you!"
The old cow smirked a bit and nodded.
Saga untangled one of her necklaces, made from moon-sickles cut from tin and memorial Equestrian coins to Princess Luna's honor.
"Please take this with her blessing," she said.
Vigg was about to protest, and Kvalhissir showed another rare smirk, but the moose let Saga hang it around her neck (luckily, it was clasped) where it settled among the mass of jewelry.
"Thanks, oh Volva of Daggmule," the old cow said, her strange, dark blue eyes fully open and a merry glint in them.
"Your story might not have convinced me, but it surprised and amused me. Nothing in this world surprises or amuses me anymore,” she complained. “My bones are too old and cold to feel the winter and I am glad to stir and get warm."
With some difficulty she unhooked one of her piercings, a thick and wide gold ring, from her nose and handed it to Saga.
"Take this in return, little Seer," she said.
Saga accepted it solemnly and curtsied. With a different kind of difficulty she hooked it into her own nose before Vigg could protest.
"How...?" he sputtered.
"Old biercing, old 'ole," Saga said. The ring bumped against her muzzle as she talked.
"Now I must go," said the cow, "if I can get these young idiots to pull straight."
The two warriors who cared for her little sled which seemed to be the moose equivalent of a wheelchair made themselves ready. The other two warriors started to round up the herd.
"Onwards! Forwards! We leave! We leave and spread!" one of them shouted.
The moose milled about for a while, then they trotted away into the forest, down the hill.
Walking almost an inch up in the air, above the snow.
"So that's how you do it!" Vigg gasped to Kvalhissir.
"Some can even gallop through the air. During cold midwinter nights," Kvalhissir boasted. "I have never heard of reindeer doing that!"
Vigg looked at him.
"All but our best can only do it for a short time," he confessed.
"Making no tracks is not hiding tracks," said Vigg, then remembered the situation. "Well, this was a disappointment! And we were that close to getting killed!"
"Well, we bin't!" said Saga cheerfully.
"Great is the wisdom of the reindeer," mocked Kvalhissir.
"You didn't tell them that Saga also means 'fairy tale'," said Vigg.
"And Vigg can bean both a lightning bolb and a small 'uck," Saga retorted. "I faved your flank, bister!"
"I didn't know they would be THAT suspicious," Kvalhissir sighed. "I'm deeply sorry!"
"Everybing went fine," said Saga. "Be know where the Fampo is!"
"But not exactly where, or how to get to it," said Vigg.
"Laper 'teps!" she said.
"Remove that ring, Volva of Daggmule, and lets go home," said Vigg.
"Whatever you fay!" said Saga and kissed him on the cheek.
Vigg had no real convulsion, this time, but he had to catch his breath a little before they put on the skis and went back home.
As usual, thanks to Wheelwright and LadyMoondancer for proofreading. And thanks to everyone who have read this and rated this - a hundred people rating and counting, and such nice things you say!
King Ukko wasn't there.
This wasn't for any of the usual reasons i.e. drinking or nursing a hangover. Instead, being almost killed last night had apparently made the old reindeer so angry that he had become very energetic. The claim that the would-be assassin and the pirates were both allied with a pretender to the throne had given him the idea to show his strength. This way, Ukko reasoned, any sympathizers to the Pretender would be discouraged.
Hence he had charged off, called together herd chiefs, journalists and city leaders and was to hold speeches in three places today to three different crowds. He had declared that he had no time to listen to his savior but left her in the care of what he claimed were “my best sarvs”. Ukko was brusque but grateful and even somewhat warm to Twilight when he explained this. Twilight started to doubt the “my best sarvs” part when he was merely brusque to his Companions. Twilight had to admit they looked worse for wear from last night.
“And try to do something right for once!” he finished his orders to them and trotted off with the most alert bodyguards in reindeer history. The five Companions looked after him, their faces varying from angry (Mustikka) through sad (Galderhorn) to... anguished (a Companion Twilight hadn't seen before).
They remained like that, looking at the spot where their King and leader had left. Finally, the unknown reindeer cleared his throat.
“Well, let's get down to this nasty business! Let’s retreat to the Sun room in the Eastern lodge!” he said and half-raised a stiff forehoof and pointed. “Heikko, scare up some refreshments.”
The fat reindeer nodded amiably and trotted off.
“Why Heikko?” said Mustikka. “He'll stop and eat in the kitchen.”
“He would have gone off for his own jug of hot coffee if you had gone,” the strange reindeer said. “Now we save time. Besides, we cannot truly start until Kol comes to.”
The bard moaned theatrically and hung his head.
“I am dying, and might never come to! I am truly dying and I am only accompanying you, my friends, so that I might die doing my duty!” he said.
“Yeah,” said the strange reindeer,“ let’s go and do the dying in the Sun room.”
“Do we even know whether it’s free?” scowled Mustikka.
“It is now,” said the strange reindeer. “I’ll declare a national emergency if anyone is discussing potato quotas or reforesting projects there.”
He trotted off at a surprising speed for somedeer with a pronounced limp. Twilight followed, somewhat faster than his friends.
There actually were reindeer discussing potato quotas (Twilight never learned what that meant), but they were quickly shooed out. The reindeer pushed the tables around in a way that seemed eccentric to Twilight, until she realized they were basically barricading themselves. No one who entered could avoid circling around the barricade (or jumping several heavy fir-log tables).
“Do you suspect an ambush? At your coffee table?” Twilight asked. She felt a bit helpless not knowing whether to help or how.
“You never know,” said the strange companion. He gestured for Twilight to sit down at one side of the table left free in the middle of the room where his companions were already seated (or lying down and moaning, in Kol’s case).
The barricade didn’t last long. Twilight was trying to start the meeting, when Heikko sauntered in with a huge wooden coffee jug in his mouth and an overloaded maid in tow. He bumped the table with his rump and it jumped. The massive piece of furniture crashed into the floorboards with such force Twilight thought it would break. The maid hastily slunk in after him.
“We had just set that up!” Mustikka exclaimed.
“Oh, sorry,” said the huge reindeer and reversed the rump-bump to slam the table back.
Everyone looked at the maid.
“I'll just creep out under it, my lords!” she said and smiled as she unloaded some kind of second breakfast on the table they had gathered around. She threw a fearful glance at Twilight in her regal Stygian finery and skull-like makeup before she did as she had suggested.
“Alright!” said the strange reindeer, seated opposite to Twilight. “Let's get this on with.” He looked at her while his friends helped themselves to coffee and some kind of dry buns with equally dried berries.
“Yes,” she said, and started to at least try to get in character, “let's.”
“How dare you!” he burst out. “How dare you!”
“I beg your pardon?” said Twilight.
“I should have been there!” he said. “But you... you were there!”
“What?” said Twilight. “Wait, are you saying I should have told the mad bomber 'Please come back tomorrow, when the regular hero is present'?”
“YES!” he shouted. That made everyone at the table jump. “No. No, I mean, that would have been ridiculous...” He trailed off and saved himself by trying to drink from his not-yet filled coffee jug. “I should have been there.”
“And why should you have been there?” Twilight said. Then she added, reminding herself she was the fake, evil Twilight: “Your friends didn't do much.”
“Because I'm Skiold the Bold!” he shouted. “That's what I do! I gave my leg for my King!”
He slammed his stiff foreleg down on the table with a sharp 'thud' that made Twilight jump again. It also made her realize something...
“Your leg... it's a prosthetic, is it not?” she said and gazed curiously at the leg. What she had taken for scars must be seams. These days, earth pony life-empathic powers and unicorn magic were so advanced that few hurt ponies needed prosthetics.
“Yes,” he said and turned it so Twilight could see the straps holding it. She had taken them to be part of the minimal barding he wore, which she now realized was made of...
“Leather,” she guessed, “from some draconic creature.”
“Nidhogg,” he said. “Same one that took my leg when I shielded Ukko.”
“He was using that dam fool runic spear of his, that's just a showpiece,” snarled Mustikka. “It is so loaded with harm-runes that it must have cost a fortune, yet not a single rune for fortitude or good luck or anything defensive.”
“He doesn't need fortitude runes,” Skiold said. “He has me!”
“The skin... is that yours?” Twilight said.
“Yeah,” said Skiold and smiled. “The leg is nidhogg bone and teeth, and I told the leeches to flay my leg when they amputated it, so the new leg would at least look right!”
The idea seemed very disgusting to Twilight, which made her next move easy.
“Oooooh...” she said and looked at Skiold admiringly as she leaned forward as uncomfortably close as she could. “May I... touch it?” And before Skiold could react, she did, lifting the false leg with her magic and moving it.
“Mmm...” she said. “Dead hide... and bone...” She shut her eyes and tried to hide her disgust. It worked pretty well, since her shudder and her unwanted sigh came off as ecstatic joy instead of horror at the use of corpses in crafting.
She opened her eyes, smiled at Skiold, fluttered her eyelashes, and let go of his leg. He pulled it back looking distressed more than disgusted.
“Anyway...” he tried to recover his wherewithal. “That's why I should have been there. I have given limb, I would give life as well.”
“Then you probably don't want my help,” Twilight said and helped herself to a bun magically. “Because I aim to prevent you from getting another chance, Lord Skiold.”
“And why is that?” said Mustikka. Everyone turned to him, even the still whimpering Kol.
“What reason can you have to care for king Ukko's well-being?” Mustikka said.
“Because of the goodness of my heart and my love for all fellow beings?” Twilight suggested honestly.
Mustikka snorted.
“Because keeping him on the throne makes it easy for me to stop reindeer piracy,” Twilight said. “Because stopping reindeer piracy keeps Equestria safe. Because keeping Equestria safe keeps me in Princess Celestia's good graces.”
“Because being in the good graces of a physical goddess gives you power!” snarled Mustikka.
“If you know, Sir Mustikka, why do you ask?” said Twilight. “Besides,” she added honestly, “it is knowledge, not power, I seek. The gods do not grant miracles – at least not Our Lady of the Sun. Power I have plenty of my own.”
Just as Princess Luna had suggested earlier, the Companions seemed satisfied with this line of reasoning, leaning back, nodding, and looking at each other. Except Mustikka.
“You could have followed Lord Eminence’s lead and made common cause with the Pretender,” he said. “Why this tactic?”
“Do you suspect everyone?” pouted Twilight and fanned herself.
“Watch out for that fan!” Mustikka whispered to Galderhorn. “It's a deadly weapon!”
“Yeah,” said Heikko. “Pretty much. I used to think his Sight was Seeing danger, since he was our scout and he was so good at it. And you know, when the Sight overtakes you, you See nothing but. Turns out he is just a right suspicious bastard.”
Skiold nodded. Mustikka scowled.
“You See nothing but what?” asked Twilight.
“Nothing but what you See,” Heikko explained without making things clearer for Twilight.
“Do I get an answer?” he said and looked at Twilight.
Twilight felt panic slowly welling up inside her, like when you notice that the Cutie Mark Crusader Plumbers have fixed your sink and your kitchen floor soon will be flooded.
Let's go for honesty.
“I must admit I have an interest in reindeer magic,” she said. “Unicorn mages have too long ignored the magic of other ungulates. I have already studied the lore of the Zebra, the Buffalo and the Red Deer... but there are always other secrets.”
Well, I have studied with Zecora, and talked spirits for five minutes with Chief Thunderhooves, and there was that time the others made that long journey and talked to that Queen of the Deer, whatever her name was... and I remember regretting not getting to talk magic with her...
“The Temple of Hrimfaxi has interesting... chronicles and whatnot, and the priesthood, such as it is, favors King Ukko over the pretender, don't ask me why,” she continued. “And I can't imagine the Temple of Skinfaxi being happy had I sided with the pretender, given the ideals of Princess Ljufa.”
Now all the reindeer nodded, even Mustikka. However, just as Twilight started to relax, Galderhorn spoke for the first time.
“What kind of lore are we speaking about?” he said with quiet but deep voice with a bit of rasp in it, as if it was rarely used, a mighty un-oiled engine full of grit.
What did Eira actually know that...?
“Neighcromancy,” Twilight blurted out.
Everyone stared at her.
“Reindeer magic can pierce the veil to the Summer Lands,” she said. “Unicorn magic... can't.”
She allowed herself some theatrics and actually darkened the light in the room (which came from a big window in the roof).
“Imagine speaking to the great mages of ages past... Star-Swirl the Bearded, Marelin Ambrosius, Tailiesin the Bard...” she said, genuine longing coming into her voice.
Kol started to laugh suddenly.
“And here I imagined something more dramatic and drastic, like amassing armies of draugr and helhestar and all the undead of the underworld! But no, she just wants to discuss sorcery with dead sages!” he said.
“Weren't you dying?” snarked Skiold.
“There's a neighcromancer in the room, that must be it,” said Heikko.
“He's alliterating,” said Mustikka. “He's never dying when he's alliterating.”
“Hush now, there are verses to be written, I don't have time to die!” Kol sat up.
“So what do you want from us to work against the Pretender?” said Mustikka.
“Well, I have a plan, which includes getting into his confidence, “ said Twilight. “That means I must say and act in rather treasonous ways, and it would be troublesome if you actually caught me. At the same time it would be good if somedeer was actually watching me, for three reasons.”
“And they are?” asked Mustikka.
“First, to get witnesses to what has been said, for purposes of entrapment. Second, for physical backup when necessary. Third, because you still don't trust me, and will want to watch me anyway, Sir Mustikka,” Twilight answered.
“Sounds... reasonable,” Mustikka said reluctantly and leaned back.
“So what is this plan of yours?” said Skiold.
“I thought you would never ask!” said Twilight and levitated a score of papers from the small, modest saddlebag she had brought. “Here are the necessary files and maps. Memorize them, because the ink is self-destructing and actually wears out by reading.”
The reindeer looked at the papers with raised eyebrows and leafed through them. Kol fished out a pair of wire-rimmed glasses and placed on his muzzle to read correctly. Skiold just peered nearsightedly at his. Mustikka started to sort his bunch into some fashion that made better sense to him.
“Hey, Mustikka, you are still a bachelor, aren't you?” Heikko quipped as he tried to make heads or tails of a collection of names connected by lines and rows of dots. The old scout gave him a look that rightly ought to have set fire to his antlers, but only made Kol and Skiold laugh at him.
When Twilight finally left the meeting, Spike was waiting outside. The baby dragon was sitting on a table reading a comic. He jumped down when the unicorn walked out the door.
“Hi Twilight!” he said. “How's the supervillainy going?”
Twilight snorted.
“I am at the chapter where I team up with the heroes,” she said. As no one else was around, she added: “I wish I could dispense with all the silliness.”
“Don't be like that,” Spike laughed. “Remember, if this was a cartoon you would get the coolest theme song!”
Twilight repeated her snort.
“It would probably be about me stealing the magical secrets of all the world's cultures and using them to be all-powerful or something,” she said.
“What?” asked Spike.
“Nothing. I already have a cute but irritating little critter for my sidekick, so I would probably make a great cartoon villainess,” she snarked.
“Hey!” Spike laughed.
“You'll probably switch sides in the sequel, that must be why you‘re hanging out with Vigg,” she smiled and nuzzled his spikes.
“Vigg, yeah... He... wanted to see you,” Spike frowned.
“What did he want?” Twilight asked.
“No idea,” said Spike. “Saga was even more peppy than usual, but he was disappointed about something. Oh, and his mom wanted to see you as well!”
“If Princess Ljufa wants to thank me one more time for saving her father's life, I'll turn her into a jay or something!” Twilight groaned.
“But you did!” Spike said. “Just not in the way they think! By the way, the word among the ponies here, the ones from back home I mean, is that the bomb was something called a 'balefire bomb', and that you are even more awesome than before.”
“What?!” Twilight said. “That's... just silly! First, no one has made a real balefire bomb yet. They are completely theoretical and should remain so. Second, they’re supposed to kill whole cities, not just one person. And third, no unicorn could contain the blast from a balefire bomb. I don't even think Princess Celestia could do it!”
“Oh, I forgot!” said Spike and smacked his little fist in his paw. “Celestia sent an answer to that letter you sent this morning!”
“WHAT!” Twilight stopped and glared at Spike. “Why didn't you say so earlier?!”
“It – it must have slipped my mind! Why are you screaming at me, what's so important in it?” Spike said.
“I'm sorry, I am just so anxious about it!” Twilight said. “Do you have it with you?”
“Yeah, sure,” said Spike and pulled out the rolled-up and sealed scroll from wherever baby dragons keep small things.
Twilight unrolled the letter fervently and read the elegant, swirly hornwriting of Princess Celestia.
My favorite student, Twilight Sparkle,
I must admit I have little knowledge of any affairs of the heart my beloved sister might have undertaken during that period of her life. We had begun to slowly glide apart, the first steps to that tragic disaster that would befall us both.
Furthermore, even if I knew, it would not do to tell you if she herself does not wish to do so. It must be my sister's own choice to share such personal details. Have not you yourself in your Friendship reports told me of how and when secrets are to be kept? Each pony's secrets are their own to keep, tell, or share with the whole world.
Yours,
Princess Celestia of Equestria
“Oh!” said Twilight. “I hope she isn't mad at me now! But I want to know... need to know so much!”
“What are you talking about?” said a bewildered Spike. “What did you write and ask about? What did Celestia say?” She hadn't even let him take her dictation when writing the letter.
“Old things, forgotten things that only the Princesses might know about,” Twilight sighed. “Oh, or maybe some other ancient beings... but I don't think there are any real dragons in Tarandroland I could talk to...”
Spike looked at her worried when she pondered.
“I must ask Princess Luna again,” she said and stomped her hoof. “I'll be firm... but polite... and remind her that she owes me a favor. Yeah. She's a reasonable pony. She will listen.” Her grin failed to convey any real conviction in her mission.
“What favor?” said Spike. “For what?”
“For this,” Twilight said and waved her hoof in a way that suggested her face, her hair, her dress. “You know, Spike, set up a meeting in an hour with whoever you get a hold of first, Prince Vigg or his mother. We can probably use the room we had the meeting in. I'll go reason with Princess Luna and try to get this out of my head. OK?”
“Sure,” said Spike. “You don't want me to go with you?”
“No, Spike,” Twilight sighed. “I think it'll be easier for Princess Luna to talk if there is no one else there.”
“OK,” he said. “Be nice, right?” He ran off.
“If I don't get banished to some very small and distant star,” Twilight sighed.
When Twilight entered their suite Luna was again surveying the maps she and Twilight had gotten earlier. They hovered magically in the air while Luna sketched patterns of light on them. Now and then, when she was satisfied with a sketch, a quill would fly up and fill in the lines with an ink of suitable color.
“Oh, welcome, Lady Sparkle,” said Luna when she entered but didn't turn around. “How did the meeting with the King fare?”
“Well... that is... there was no meeting,” Twilight began. Luna turned to look at her. “Not with King Ukko. He delegated. To his Companions. That meeting went well.”
“Good!” said Luna. She smiled warmly and went back to her campaign planning. “Were they sensible?”
“If – if you mean whether they listened to me, yes,” Twilight said and moved a bit closer to the Princess. “But they were very suspicious. Especially that Mustikka guy.”
“And did you lay those suspicions to rest?” Luna asked.
Twilight shook her head.
“Not really,” she confessed. “But... as you said, I think they suspect other things. As you said.” Twilight swallowed, tried to calm down and tried to smile.
“And... about that, Your Highness,” said Twilight cautiously.
“About what?” said Luna.
“This... charade that is part of your plan, Your Highness,” Twilight said. “This... act, and this disguise...”
“Oh, yes?” Luna asked.
“You know they bother me, Princess Luna,” Twilight said. “I... just think that it might be worthy of some small favor as a compensation. It is quite distressful, I must say.”
“Oh,” said Luna and put the maps down and away. “I hadn't realized how much it troubled you, Lady Sparkle. I am truly sorry!”
“Oh, don't be...” Twilight blushed.
“No no, if you have some boon to ask for, do so! By all means! We will be generous!” Luna said.
“Royal we?” said Twilight.
“Me and my sister,” Luna laughed. “Now, what was it you wanted? Spit it out!”
Twilight cleared her throat. Once. Twice. Thrice.
“Well, it’s a question of ancient lore,” she began.
Luna nodded, all ears. Twilight looked down.
“It's... oh hay!” Twilight stamped her hoof, raised her head and looked Luna in the eyes. “What was your relationship to the reindeer warlock Wiglek the Wicked, Your Highness?”
Luna's eyes widened in what truly had to be fear. Then they narrowed in anger.
“How dare you!” she hissed. “The... the impertinence!”
Twilight began to shrink back, then forced herself to stand straight. She had stood up to Luna once, when she was a darkness-infected murderous megalomaniac. She would be able to ask a simple innocent question of her as any other pony. Well, a pony that was co-ruler of the world's largest nation. And was possibly older than time. And who possessed godlike magical powers. She shrank back a bit again and averted her gaze as she entreated Luna.
“Y-your Highness... I don't mean to be rude... but there are mysteries around him I hoped to unravel,” she began. “If you didn't know him just say so, I just hoped that as an immortal being you would have...”
At the word “immortal” (Twilight would later remember that very clearly), it was Luna who shrank back, sighed deeply, then sniffed and sat down.
“Your Highness?” Twilight said and leaned in closer. She saw tears run from the eyes of the Moon Princess.
“I'm sorry, Lady Sparkle,” said Luna. “It is just a painful memory... I dealt with that scoundrel during a time when I and my sister were slowly drifting apart... I was starting to go down that horrible path, and I did some things I regret very much. And... I treated Wiglek... he truly was a wicked deer... I treated him very badly and unfairly even for someone like him.”
Twilight bent in closer and hugged Luna the way ponies do, their necks together.
“I – I am so sorry I even asked, Your Highness!” she said and felt tears welling up her own eyes.
“Don't be, oh don't be,” Luna sighed. “It is my own fault. It is just that... it might have been the first wicked thing I did, of many, when I marched on the road to Nightmare Moon. I... don't like to dwell on it. I like it not at all. It makes me so ashamed...”
Twilight wanted to carry on and just ask so much, to probe deeply in what could make the regal Lady of the Moon weep, but she couldn't. She held Luna some more, and then she said:
“I won't ask more, since it bothers you so, Your Highness. But if you ever feel the need to talk about things like that... and you need someone to talk to, please let me know!”
Luna smiled at her.
“Thank you, Lady Sparkle,” she said, “You are truly worthy of a boon, and I will give you anything else you want.”
Twilight smiled back.
“Your Highness, you look horrible,” she said. “As your hoofmaiden, it’s my duty to freshen you up. Let's talk about boons some other time, perhaps in Canterlot where things can easily be arranged.”
After she had finished cleaning off the Princess, reapplying her makeup and brushed her mane, Twilight stepped out of the suite and into the corridor. She needed some time, somewhere, alone with herself to think. If her head wasn't clear she wouldn't be able to meet with Vigg and Ljufa later. Well, not without making even more a fool of herself.
What did she want? More than ever she wanted to know about Wiglek, not just who the mother of his child was but what he and Luna had done. Luna thought she was a bad pony because of it, but was it true? And how?
Twilight clenched her teeth.
“I want to know, but no one can tell me,” she began as she marched back and forth in the corridor. “Princess Luna won't tell me, and I can't ask again because it would be like kicking a puppy. There seem to be no descendants of Sampo. At least not who are alive.”
“And I certainly can't ask Wiglek,” she said as she rubbed her forehead with her hoof, “because he has been dead a thousand years. And you... cannot... speak... with the dead...”
She slowly raised he gaze as she spoke and stared intensely into empty air. She remembered the meeting that morning, and the half-truths she had told to the King's Companions.
“Except some reindeer can speak with the dead,” she said tunelessly. “Saga can speak with the dead, and if a thousand years is too far back for her to summon a shadow her grandmother is a more powerful sorceress. And she taught Saga the spell, so she knows it.”
She started to walk back and forth again.
“And Saga said you needed their gift-antlers, but Princess Luna mentioned as a curiosity that they have what supposedly is Wiglek's antlers in the temple!” she finished. “It's perfect! I can study a revolutionary magical method, I can sate my curiosity... and Vigg's! I don't need to put the Princess in distress, and I can get the story straight from... well, not the horse's mouth, but the corpse's mouth!”
Twilight giggled, then laughed and started to skip down the corridor in the direction of the Sun Room. The palace staff became distressed enough by that. They became actually frightened when she started to sing a little old commercial Nightmare Night jingle from when she was a filly...
A corpse is a corpse, of course, of course.
And no one can talk to a corpse, of course.
But I, of course
Can speak to a corpse
'cause I can speak with the Dead!
Thanks to LadyMoondancer and Wheelwright for their wonderful help with proofreading. And to answer a question on FF.net: despite that wonderful help, I have not dared submit this to Equestria daily. I don't think I can fit their high standards.
Spike had gotten hold of Vigg first. He, Vigg and Saga were waiting in the Sun Room, which wasn't that sunny anymore. Celestia's Sun had set by now, and the room was illuminated by big oil lamps. The tables were still forming a barricade, though a broken one with the single table in the middle.
When Twilight entered, still skipping and humming, Saga was telling Spike something that required her to stand half on the table and shout. Spike was listening with fascination and saying: “Wow, really?” a lot. Vigg was less chipper. He leaned back and didn't speak. There were crackers and reindeer cheese on the table.
“Here's Lady Sparkle now!” Vigg said and poked Saga, interrupting her. “You look... different,” he added and looked worryingly from Twilight to Saga and back.
“...and then she RIPPED out a golden ring... ooh, hi Mistress Sparkle!” she said. “You are totally rocking that look! Good show!”
“Hi Twilight!” said Spike. “Saga was telling me what they did in the forest!”
“We know where Sampo is!” Saga burst out.
“You do?!” wondered Twilight. “Where? And how?”
“In general,” frowned Vigg.
“The trolls... I mean the moose told us,” Saga said. “They know where Sampo fell – the hero, not the artifact...”
“The magical thingamajig,” Vigg explained unnecessarily.
“...but since he was carrying the Sampo it must be buried with him,” Saga finished. “And I'm a troll prophet now!”
Twilight looked at Vigg for a sane viewpoint.
“Sort of,” he said. “The... problem...” He was staring at Twilight, or more specifically at her outfit. “...the problem is that we don't know exactly where on the glacier...”
“Oh, and Vigg is my boyfriend now!” Saga almost sang and looked at him.
“What?” said Twilight. “Oh. Oh. So that's what you did in the forest!”
“No, not like...” Vigg bleated with a blush. Saga was going to say something when Twilight hastily interrupted.
“You were talking to the moose, I mean. Good for you. And also about the... the... teen love thing, young hearts, finding each other in the wilderness, excellent. And stuff,” she lamely finished.
“Spike?” Vigg suddenly said, having noticed a faint wheeze. “Spike?” He rushed over and patted the little dragon on the back. Spike was choking, and Twilight and Saga joined Vigg in trying to get him to cough up what they assumed was a cracker. Finally Spike spit out his tongue.
“There... should be something to drink with this,” he said and grinned awkwardly. Then the grin became very big, genuine and toothsome.
“Vigg! Buddy! Congratulations! Great catch! Nice, uh, flanks!” he said and slapped Vigg.
“Thanks, I think,” said a worried Vigg. Spike looked rather frantic.
“Spike! That's not how you talk about ladies!” said Twilight sternly.
“Yeah, I'm awesome!” said Saga and nuzzled Vigg, who blushed again. “Aw, isn't he cute! My White Prince!”
Spike was still grinning like a maniac.
Wow! Twilight thought. He is really happy for Vigg's sake. I guess I should be happy on Spike's behalf, he if anybody needs to care for others' happiness or that whole dragon-greed thing could turn up. I think we should get the young lovebirds a gift or something... but...
“Not to be a wet blanket or anything,” Twilight said, “but 'Prince', yes. What's your family saying about this, Vigg? I can imagine they want to decide who you... marry and so on, I mean?”
Vigg looked more miserable. Saga shrugged.
“His mom will come around, and I think his grandpa liked me! Besides,” she said and nuzzled Vigg jokingly, “I can always be his mistress! Or concubine, or something!”
“Do you still have concubines in Poatsula?” said Twilight.
“What's pumpkins got to do with it?” asked Spike.
“She’s blathering,” said Vigg. “Mother... didn't take it well. I don't think Grandpa noticed. He was a little obsessed with almost having been killed and all.”
“Oh,” said Twilight. “That.”
“I... guess I should...” Vigg began.
“If you thank me I will scream!” Twilight blurted out.
“What?” said a confused Vigg.
“Sorry, Prince Vigg,” Twilight groaned. “I have just been so thoroughly thanked that I am starting to develop an allergy to it!”
“Er.. OK,” he said.
“It's just that it seems like something anypony... sorry, anydeer, anyone... would have done,” she explained.
“Well, they told me you had tracked him down before, and all,” said Vigg. “That's not something anyone could have done.”
“And it's not like anypony could hold back a balefire bomb!” Saga gushed.
“It wasn't a balefire bomb!” Twilight almost shouted. Saga shrank back. The unicorn caught herself and spoke without the Royal Canterlot Voice. “It was a regular perfectly normal alchemical explosive!”
“Lady Sparkle, if I might ask...” Vigg began.
“Go on,” Twilight said. “Ask away!”
“If you... knew about Lord Eminence's plan and had, I mean, like, evidence... why didn't you talk to somedeer?” Vigg said while looking Twilight Sparkle in the eyes.
Twilight swallowed. She hadn't thought too much on this. She had sort of avoided the thought. She would have to lie to the youths as well. Had they been anydeer else, but people would talk to Vigg. Important people.
“You... this must be hard to understand and... you might even hate me....” she began, and tried to avert her eyes.
She failed.
“To keep Princess Celestia's good graces and attention, it's not enough to do well,” she said. “Others must also do badly. Lord Eminence's plan had one enormous flaw: his primary tactic doesn't work against you reindeer. By letting him go through and fail, I shamed him and his faction. However, I couldn't let him go through completely, because he could have harmed somedeer and caused Equestria trouble. By stopping him myself when I did, I got rid of his faction at court without great blame falling on my sovereign. Had I just told the Poatsulan authorities, that would have gotten rid of him, but I would have won nothing. I cannot act without... a certain self-interest, you see? I cannot afford not to.”
She fanned herself to hide her face and tried to force that stupid laugh but just got out a cough.
Vigg took a long hard look at her and then he said: “I see.” His voice was quiet and sounded almost frail.
“The thing is, as I started to say, that we know that the Sampo is buried in Joukulvakt Glacier,” he abruptly said. “We don't know where. Just 'to the south'. That's too imprecise.... And we have no way of digging it out either.”
“Unless we ask the Skoll!” said Saga. Vigg scowled at her.
Twilight was taken back with the sudden change of subject.
“I... see,” she said. “What do you plan to do about that?”
“That's... what we were going to ask you, Lady Sparkle,” Vigg said. “We hoped you would have another lead...”
“Not to mention the digging thing!” said Saga. “Could you like levitate away a lot of packed snow and ice like that?”
“I don't know about the latter...” said Twilight Sparkle cautiously. “But about the former...”
Twilight's mouth widened into a crazy grin bigger than the one Spike still held traces of. She turned directly to Saga.
“I have an excellent idea! Saga... you once told me about the three spells your Grandmother taught you...”
After Twilight had outlined her idea (not mentioning exactly what she wanted to ask Wiglek, she wanted to keep the Princess' possible secrets as long as possible) and after the two fawns had given a more coherent description of their meeting with the moose, Twilight left. She had to go to a meeting with Princess Ljufa, even if she'd rather stay and discuss preparations and moose magics with Saga. She bid a hasty farewell and brought Spike with her.
“Take care!” Spike said as he was almost pulled out of the room by a very late Twilight. “You two look fantastic together!”
“Crazy kid!” said Saga and shook her head. Then, she sighed. “I can't believe Mistress Twilight wants to use my magic! That's so great!”
“Yeah, “ said Vigg, “about Lady Twilight...”
Saga saw his darkened brow (quite a feat, when you are a white-furred cervine) and guessed his thoughts.
“She worries you?” she said.
“She’s lying,” Vigg said, still looking at the door where the unicorn sorceress had disappeared.
Saga looked at him.
“You training me must be paying off,” he said. “She is lying... or at least telling half-truths, about the assassin and my grandfather.”
Saga gasped.
“So... is that thing true... about Skinfaxi's Shadow...?” she said.
“The funny thing is, her heart is still pure,” Vigg said. “I have checked. She cannot mean harm to me... or my grandfather... or Poatsula. So... why is she lying? To make herself look worse?”
“That... is odd,” Saga said.
“And the other funny thing... did you heard her accent?” he said and turned to Saga.
“Yeah,” she frowned. “It was kinda sexy!” she added and grinned.
“Yes, but that's not...” he sighed. “Look, when I learned Ancient Cervine with Lady Sparkle's spell, from her, I came to speak it with her accent. Like an equine who learns it at posh academy.”
“Yes?” said Saga.
“When you learned Ancient Cervine with Lady Sparkle's spell, from Kvalhissir, you came to speak it with his accent. Like a moose farmer who has it as his native language.”
“Yes,” said Saga, trying to see where he was going with this.
“But when Lady Sparkle learns Poatsi with her spell from one of my mother's maids, she doesn't speak it like a native Poatsulan with Sarvvik working-class accent. She suddenly speaks like a foreign villainess from a melodrama. Why?”
“I’m so sorry I’m late, Your Highness,” Twilight said and tried fanning herself. She almost overturned her teacup.
Tea. Not coffee. A bowl of amber for Spike. This cake is of Equestrian make. Is this a way of making thanks as well?
Princess Ljufa smiled serenely.
“No worries,” she said softly. “I called you here, first because I wanted to thank you for rescuing my father...”
AAAAHHAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAA!
Twilight almost broke a tooth as she bit down into platter the cake was served upon, having tried to eat like a reindeer. Luckily, the platter was carved wood like so much else reindeer-made.
“Is there a problem, Lady Sparkle?” the Princess said.
“No. No. Not at all! Delicious cake!” said Twilight frantically, licked cream off her nose and tried to check whether that tooth was loose.
“So, you were saying, Your Highness?” she said.
“First, I wanted to thank you for saving my father... “ the reindeer said. Twilight nodded with a stiff grin. Spike looked up from his bowl and looked at her, worried.
“And...” Twilight said.
“Second, I would like to know... why?” Princess Ljufa said with a concerned voice.
“What?” said Twilight.
“Why did you try to save my father?” the Princess said. “It would have been to the benefit of your nation if he had died. And it's not like he is likable.”
Twilight almost choked on her cake.
“Oh, don't think I wish him dead! But as the daughter... and widow... of leaders of deer, you learn to be realistic,” the Princess continued. “You have a certain reputation, Lady Sparkle. Why did you save my father's life?”
“Oh... I'm afraid you're seeing right through me,” Twilight said and tried to smile smugly sidewise. “It was all powerplay. You see, by getting rid of Lord Eminence in such a drastic way, I greatly furthered my own power at court. That is all!”
The reindeer Princess scrutinized Twilight closely.
“No, Lady Sparkle,” she said somberly, “I don't think so.”
“Oh, ohohohoho, there is... well, by keeping closely to Princess Celestia, I can increase my magical knowledge. And power! I'm all about power!” Twilight tried, somewhat worried.
Princess Ljufa shook her head.
“I am sorry, Lady Sparkle,” she said sadly, “but you are lying to me.”
“What?” said Twilight almost frantically. “I... of course, I am a great liar! But this is true! I have only egoistical motives for my actions! I am... you could call me, ohohohoho, a very bad pony, yes?”
Again, Princess Ljufa shook her head and smiled sadly.
Where did I hear... that she can do something like this? Like... telepathy? That her Sight lets her See your heart? Has she found me out now? What is she going to say? What is she going to do? How...
Princess Ljufa stood up and walked around the table. She knelt beside the still seated Twilight and put a hoof in her lap.
“I am sure you tell yourself that, Lady Sparkle,” she said in a soothing, slightly condescending voice. “But it isn't true!”
“What?” said Twilight, confused.
“You are not a bad pony! There is a way out of your horrible life! Anydeer... I mean anypony can change!” Princess Ljufa cooed.
This is... this is the “reform the villain speech”! The one that you always give to the mean pony in stories! Like... well, like in a cartoon for... for little fillies! She is trying to reform me!
“Well... er.. no!” Twilight said. “That's... that's not true! I am a thoroughly rotten and selfish pony! I'm utterly irredeemable!”
“Come, come! No matter what you have done, Lady Sparkle, you can be forgiven!” Princess Ljufa said and patted her.
“Oh... no, not when you have done such horrible, horrible things such as I have done...” Twilight started to say.
“Oh you poor, poor thing!” Princess Ljufa burst out and hugged Twilight.
“That I would do again!” Twilight said and tried to push Ljufa away. “If I could! And I can! And will! Ohohohoho...”
Twilight tried to disentangle herself from Ljufa, but was hindered by three hoofmaidens dog-piling on her, also trying to hug her.
“I can feel your lies!” the Princess said. “What could made you shame yourself like that?”
“I am sure she had a horrible childhood!” said one of the hoofmaidens and started to cry.
“No!” shouted Twilight. “No way!” She struggled under the hug-pile. “It was perfect and idyllic, only wrecked by my evil childish schemes! I was born bad and dangerous!”
“I know that grants you security, Lady Sparkle,” said the Princess, “but it is a false security! Besides, Our Lady of The Sun would not have chosen you as Her servant, had you not been a good pony!”
That unsettled Twilight a bit.
“L-leave my Princess out of this!” she hissed. “She... she choose me so I would do the least harm this way! I'm so evil! I'm a wicked, wanton wild... mare!”
I was sure there was another word with 'w'... I'm losing it here... I need to get out of here!
“Look, OK, uncle, I give!” Twilight protested. “Let me breathe, OK.”
The reindeer let her go a bit.
This is my main subject after all.
“I mean, what would be the purpose of not being wanton, wicked and other things with a w-?” Twilight began. “What's the use of all these things like, say... friendship?”
I'll just have to pretend I am at a lower level of understanding for half an hour!
“Well,” said Princess Ljufa and rose, posing with her hoof at her chin. “That is easy to know but not easy to learn...”
“I'm all ears!” said Twilight and gave an insincere smile.
“Good!” said Princess Ljufa and smiled back far more sincerely and actually rather enthusiastically. “Because it is easiest expressed in song!”
Twilight realized there were instruments for all the hoofmaidens.
No. She can't possibly be...
“When you life feels bleak and dark/ and nothing is a lark...” Princess Ljufa began to sing.
If I keep repeating Henry Hoofton's logarithm tables, maybe I won't go insane.
“I've never felt this ridiculous in my life,” Twilight murmured to Spike and looked at her own body. “My humiliation is complete. As if there hadn't been enough trouble today!”
“Speak for yourself!” said Spike happily. “This'll be my next Nightmare Night costume: reindeer neighcromancer!” The threat to his... mother was neutralized. Nothing could bring him down today, not even having to listen to Ljufa's Friendship Will Chase The Clouds Away five times.
Their bodies had been painted with a skeleton pattern, surprisingly meticulous. Saga knew her anatomy, a thought which chilled Twilight a bit. The bones, in turn, were painted with dripping blood to give the impression of a skeleton that recently had its meat stripped away. In addition to having their faces painted like bleeding skulls, they were wearing helmets that basically consisted of an old reindeer skull, antlers still attached. The skull helmets were decorated with long garlands of feathers from suitably ominous birds and rows of... reindeer teeth, Twilight realized. Just like the umpteen necklaces she was carrying, making each step rattle. The fact that Eira, who had watched Saga's preparations with a good-hearted chuckle, had guaranteed the bones and teeth were donations from pious reindeer of old didn't really make Twilight less squicked.
Of course, their ghastly outfits fit the interior of the Hrimfaxi Temple, which had never looked more dark and foreboding. Huge fat candles in bone white and deep purple dribbled in the corners. The bone and horn mobiles of the celestial bodies were swinging in the draft up below the roof. Their shadows danced over the benches and altar. Eira had chirped happily how good it was that the new rush of volunteers had got so much of the renovation underway before they had to hold a major occult ceremony like this.
“I... I don't want to be a cultural imperialist or anything,” said Twilight in a hushed voice to Eira. “But is all this... paraphernalia really necessary?”
The old priestess looked up at her, puffing her pipe.
“It's... well, we unicorns don't even use props in our magic,” Twilight explained. “It’s just your mind and your horn. I didn't even start using them until I started combining it with zebra magics... It’s just a bit much, you know?”
Eira puffed more.
“Well,” she said with a smoke-raspy voice, “the drum and the pointer are necessary, for sure.” She pointed to a low rune-painted drum that Twilight was chillingly certain was made from ungulate skin. It had a carved knuckle-bone lying on top of it. When you drummed, the bone would dance around and like a divining rod point in the direction the gateway would open. “As for the rest... it's for comfort and courtesy.”
“Beg your pardon?” said Twilight. “What do you mean?”
Eira gave a low, throaty chuckle.
“This is more elaborate than usual,” she confessed, “because my grandchild plays the drum. She likes... drama, always has done. If she weren't comfortable, the spell could fail. Perhaps with disastrous results.”
Twilight nodded. “I see. So it’s just a for show, then?”
Eira looked at her. “Oh no. This is real. When you are talking to spirits, Lady Sparkle, your mind is as real as a mountain and your doubt is a killing blizzard.”
“As for courtesy,” she continued, “Wiglek the Wicked lived long ago. He was of royal blood. He was a sorcerer of no little repute, though reputedly of little talent. You have to be courteous to such reindeer. He would be horribly offended if he wasn't met with pomp and regalia! And you don't want to offend the shadow you are summoning.”
“Saga said,” said Spike, “that the costume was because if she by accident summons a marauding ghost instead of a... what did she say, 'hallowed ancestor'... he would think we were marauding ghosts too, and say 'Oh, my mistake, terribly sorry!' and go off maraud somewhere else.”
“That theory might hold merit,” said Eira merrily and looked at the two young reindeer. “Ghosts are notoriously stupid, after all.”
Twilight looked at her curiously.
“Look, they can't even die properly! Staying around like that! And they always has something terribly important to say or do, but can never say or do it straight. Like, 'Look here, I was murdered, and it was him who done it!' or 'I buried my gold under the outhouse, I want my inheritors to have it!' Noo, they just fumble around and moan about doom and such.” Eira was visibly upset.
Twilight tried to find something to say, being rather skeptical to most claims of hauntings, even if the existence of ghosts in itself had been scientifically proven long ago. Spike had lost track of the half-whispered conversation. He was looking at the young... couple! Couple! COUPLE!
While no stranger to romantic love, the more physical side of the whole thing was yet beyond Spike. Puberty takes some decades for dragons, after all. He was, however, certain that the way the two fawns moved around each other meant some kind of deep attraction. It was most obvious in the way Saga had insisted that she couldn't possible paint herself. She couldn't reach everywhere, so Vigg had to do it! Then she insisted in redoing part of Vigg's body-paint They seemed very happy (though Vigg was also very nervous) to rub paint-daubed hooves all over each other.
Finally, everything was ready. Saga placed herself in the middle of the room, in front of the altar on which the withered old antlers of Wiglek the Wicked were placed. She started to chant as she slowly played the drum. The others stood off, way back, and watched. Saga's drumming grew more fast-paced, her body looking like an actual reindeer skeleton rocking back and forth, up and down, the rattling of her accessories accompanying the drumbeat. Her chant grew louder and louder, the same words repeating over and over. Twilight mumbled the words under her breath, trying to memorize them, while her horn tracked the thaumic energies that started to gather in the room.
They are reminiscent of teleportation energies... Is the Summer Lands an actual physical place? Is Heaven truly a place on Earth? she thought. How can I replicate the antlers for a pony? Would I need something like parts of their corpse... or could I use the general Laws of Sympathy and Contagion? And, say, summon Star-Swirl the Bearded using my old Nightmare Night costume?
My dear grandchild... you have come so far... come into an era when we will be honored again, when no one will forget the Temple of Hrimfaxi... Eira thought, and her eyes teared up. You are doing this perfectly, in your own silly, overblown way...
Her tail... the way her tail bobs... I wish this called for dancing. I wish I could dance with her, even to that old witch drum. I want us to dance together, Vigg thought, slightly tilting his head backwards so he could see under the helmet Saga had made just for him. It looks like a cheesy buffalo chieftain's warbonnet. Silly, silly Saga! That has to be a compliment, right?
This, Spike thought, is starting to be really freaking scary! He moved so he was halfway behind Twilight.
A rift appeared in the air. Spike dove back completely behind Twilight, who gasped. A light seeped through the rift. It was a greenish light, like summer light filtered through young birch leaves. It was a warm light, like when you sun yourself in the grass. Sounds and smells wafted through the rift, of buzzing bees and chirping birds, of dew-wet grass and budding daisies.
Vigg started mumbling and took a few steps towards it.
“No!” said Eira sharply and bit his tail. “Don't!” Vigg tried to get free. “Hewp me, wady Fpackle!”
Twilight grabbed Vigg magically and held him back. He suddenly sobbed.
Now they thought they heard voices, vaguely familiar, like from a party two floors above. Shadows flickered in front of the rift, warm colors seeping through.
Eira let go of Vigg's tail, apparently trusting in Twilight's magic, though Twilight suddenly found an urge to walk forwards.
“Saga! Break off!” she shouted. “Saga! You're attracting a gaggle of random spirits! Saga! They will pull us through!”
Saga suddenly threw her head back and shrieked, pushing the drum violently away from her. The rift fell apart inwards, imploding upon itself.
The temple was suddenly very cold, very dark and very silent. Saga was panting and sobbing on the floor. Twilight let go of Vigg, and to his compliment, he immediately went to her and held her.
“I failed!” she sobbed. “I failed, I couldn't do it! I f-felt him but couldn't get him here, I'm a failure...”
Spike was still terrified. Twilight didn't know what to say. Eira calmly went up to her granddaughter and hugged her.
“No, you didn't fail,” she soothed her. “I felt it. That went without a hitch.”
“But...” Twilight said, afraid to insult Saga, “but he didn't appear!”
“The spell failed, it did,” Eira said, her gaze turned to Twilight. “But not because of my grandchild.”
“What was it then?” said Twilight.
“Can you still feel... the tug, love?” Eira said to Saga.
“Y-yes... I think,” she sobbed. Eira nodded.
“This happens sometimes,” she said. “Often enough that it is a side-effect you can exploit. But I have never seen it in a case like this...”
“Please explain,” Twilight said.
“The spell summons the shadow of the dead from the Summer Lands,” Eira said. “Or, if the shadow hasn't passed into Them, the ghosts of the dead.”
“Yes...?” said Twilight.
“Sometimes, reindeer have asked to have the ritual performed for a relative or partner that is missing, presumed dead,” Eira said. “To know their last will. But if it turns out that presumption is a wrong one...”
“Wait wait wait!” Twilight said. “Are you saying...?”
“The spell only works on the dead. And this tells me Wiglek the Wicked isn't,” Eira said, still hugging Saga.
“That's... nopony can live for a thousand years!” Twilight burst out.
“Whoever said he was alive?” said Eira, very sombre and grim.
Thanks again to my proofreaders! LadyMoondancer pointed out that the few words in Princess Ljufa's song track to 'Always Look At The Bright Side Of Life'; Wheelwright noted that they also track to 'Giggle at the Ghostly'. Oy vey.
“First he’s not dead, then he’s not alive...” said Spike. “Make up your mind!”
“He’s undead!” gasped Saga.
“Yes,” said Eira grimly, “that’s the most likely possibility. The spell wouldn't work on a draugr, one of the walking dead. One of them could exist for centuries. Wiglek was a wicked sorcerer who died a horrible death. He has reasons to walk the Earth.”
“U-undead?” Spike stammered. “L-like he’s a zombie? Or a vampony?”
Twilight Sparkle removed her ritual helmet and massaged her forehead with a hoof.
“Or a lich, since he’s a sorcerer...” she sighed. The others looked at her quizzically, except for Saga.
“There are ancient legends which say a sorcerer can lay a spell so that he can’t die but will raise from the dead as a magical dried-up corpse,” the fawn said with enthusiasm. “Uh, Equestrian legends. But they are, like, legends. There’s never been a real lich. I think.” She drooped somewhat.
“No, there hasn't,” said Twilight. “It’s theoretically possible, but the requirements are... unsettling and unlikely.”
“Are you sure he couldn't just be really, really long-lived?” Spike hoped. “I mean, dragons live that long. And the Princesses have lived even longer.”
“No Spike,” said Twilight. “Someone can be born really, really long-lived, like you are since you’re a dragon. You can’t make somepony... or somedeer... live that long if they were born mortal.”
“How do you know?” said Vigg, with some hostility.
Twilight looked at him, and plopped the helmet back on her head.
“Because as a filly I asked Princess Celestia herself why she didn't make ponies live longer, like her, and she said it was impossible, even for her,” she said. “I doubt she was lying and assume it applies to Luna as well... While you might have other... gods in this kingdom, I doubt Karhu-Akka can grant immortality either.”
Spike looked worried. “Yeah, unless she freeze-dries you, I guess... Does that mean we have to meet some spooky undead monster?”
“If... if he’s really around,” said Twilight and received an angry glare from Eira, “yes, probably. But we don't know how spooky he is, or even what he is.”
“In fact,” she said in an attempt at reconciliation, “Eira's word is probably best, because a draugr just means a corpse still walking around. We don't know what he can do or wants to do.”
“I... I just thought of something...” Spike said. “Y'know, in those comic books...”
Vigg groaned.
“No, listen!” Spike said urgently. “The guy based on Wiglek is all power-hungry, and that seems to be taken from reality. It's his big thing. And, and the Wiglek from history, he did everything so that when he couldn't be king, at least his son could be king, right? Right?”
He looked to Vigg, then to Twilight, then to the others.
“Yeah,” said Vigg, “I guess you're right. And?”
“Then if he isn't dead, why hasn't he tried doing anything again?” Spike asked. “He's had a thousand years. Why isn't there a lich-king reigning from the Frozen Throne of the North? Or at least stories of one who did and was defeated by a hero or something?”
The others exchanged glances.
“Are there any stories like that, I mean it could be him in a false mustache or whatever...?” Spike trailed off.
“No,” said Vigg, “not that I know of.”
“Aren't we forgetting something?” said Saga. “I mean, it feels sad to say it, but...”
“Yes,” said Vigg, “go on”.
“Last time we knew anything about Wiglek, he got, like, a ton of snow on his head,” Saga said.”How... how long would it take somedeer to dig themselves out from that?”
This was pondered in silence.
“Do you still have that 'tug'?” Vigg asked Saga. She shut her eyes and nodded.
“That'll lead us to him,” Vigg turned to Eira. “That's how it’s useful, when you cast the spell to summon somedeer who turns out to be not dead, just lost?”
“Yes,” said Eira, “though the tug disappears after a while.”
“Then we can leave now and search him out, Lady Sparkle,” said Vigg. “Because if he’s not walking around, and Spike’s right in that it seems unlikely, then his living corpse is lying next to the Sampo! We can use that to find it and dig it out!”
“Well, yeah...” said Twilight, who had been quiet for a while. “I guess you're right, Prince Vigg...”
“Then please come with us!” Vigg said, his owl-feather-bonneted painted face thrust close to Twilight's. She stepped back a bit.
“Er...” she said.
“Your magic is the only way we know to dig out the Sampo!” he burst out. “Mundane force cannot do it, and we cannot assemble and transport the huge machinery to do it.”
“Look...” Twilight said.
“Oh please!” said Saga. “Pretty please, Mistress Sparkle! If he’s not buried, we would need your help in dealing with an ancient draugr!”
“Look,” said Twilight, “it isn't that easy.”
She took a deep breath.
“I have promised my Princess... and your Grandfather,” she turned to Vigg, “to root out the pirates... and the Pretender. In addition, we must stop the Winter...”
She pre-empted Vigg's objections.
“And while I know you believe that the Sampo is necessary to do so, I’m not convinced,” she said.
“But my visions...” Saga began.
“I... I’m not fully convinced by your visions, Saga,” Twilight said. When she saw the little doe droop under her blood-dripping skull-helmet, giving a strange blend of the morbid and the vulnerable, she hastily added: “I still think they’re important, just not as important as my other missions!”
“I will help you as soon as I can, but I have more urgent things to do,” she continued. “I might be able to lend a hoof in as soon as a week!”
“But what if I lose my tug!” Saga protested.
“Then I'll whip up a Finders-Keepers spell from the gift-antlers!” Twilight reassured her. “I'll even be able to use it to teleport us partway there!”
Saga shrank back.
“But this is urgent...” Vigg began to protest. “Fine! Then we'll travel there in advance and scout out the place. We can... we could even bring Spike with us! Then we can send instant messages!”
“No, that would be too dangerous!” Twilight protested. “What if you run into Wiglek's draugr alone and he’s hostile? How will you handle a super-strong undead warlock? And I need Spike here for my work!”
“Er, do I get to say anything about this?” Spike wondered.
“No!” Vigg and Twilight said in a chorus.
“To quote Princess Hrimfaxi, you are not my mother, mistress or goddess,” Vigg said angrily. “You cannot stop me!”
Twilight fretted. “But it’s dangerous... and what with Winter coming... Saga!” she suddenly remembered. “I'm your mistress! In the art of magic, I mean! I... I forbid you to go off like that and risk you life, do you hear me?”
Saga gaped. Then she drew herself up to her full height and said with an unsteady voice: “Then maybe I must leave my apprenticeship... Lady Sparkle.”
“No!” said Vigg again. He walked over to the doe and hugged her. “No, don't. Don't mess that dream of yours up just because I am impatient.” He turned to Twilight.
“We’ll wait,” he said, “but not forever!”
“Right,” Twilight said, her voice calming down a bit. “Just give me some time, OK?”
Vigg and Saga nodded.
“Then it’s agreed,” Twilight said. “Look, I need to be up early in the morning, and I need to transcribe everything about this ritual before I go to bed and risk forgetting it. We'll get going now, if you don't mind.”
“We... don't,” said a still tense Vigg.
Eira started to say something, but was interrupted by Twilight.
“Then we're leaving! Come on, Spike!” she said.
“But... OK, Twilight,” said Spike, waved goodbye to the others and left together with Twilight.
“Crazy foreigners and their crazy hurry...” Eira muttered dourly.
“What is it, Grandma?” said Saga.
“They oughta have had a bath before they left!” she said. “Let's get us into the bathtub, at least!”
“You're right, you're right, you were right the first five times,” Twilight mumbled between gritted teeth before going back to her audience.
“Listen... I'm not really in the market for 'minions' right now...” she told them. “And I don't want to... I mean, I'm not hungry... I mean, my unnatural appetites are sated for tonight, ohohohoho!”
The small herd of fawns, about one third stags to two third does, looked up from the ground with disappointment. They had all prostrated themselves with a “ALL HAIL TWILIGHT SPARKLE, SKINFAXI'S SHADOW!” when they had realized who she was. Some held to the same aesthetics as Saga, while others simply went for massive amounts of mascara and eyeshadow.
“But until we meet again.. if we meet again...” Twilight said. Which I hope not... she thought. “Try to stay undercover! I mean, go to school, brush your teeth, don't do drugs, etcetera... To, um, fool the... forces of Light into a false sense of security! Until then, my... prospective minions, fly! Fly away on the night winds!” Twilight reared and made a dramatic gesture. Her admirers cheered and galloped away.
Twilight face-hoofed.
“The citizens fleeing in terror were easier to deal with, I think,” said Spike.
Twilight groaned.
“I don't have a perfect link, but I am going to teleport us back to our suite,” she said. “Now. This instant.”
“Now would be good,” said Spike.
They landed in the bigger sauna in the palace. They scared some late-from work guards bathing, and it didn't made Twilight's night any brighter, but Spike pointed out that it was a place to get clean. No biggie, in other words.
“We hadn't thought about it,” she said and poured herself some coffee. “I hadn't thought about it. It should have been my responsibility. After all, I am studying reindeer magics!”
“Whaff?” said Spike with his mouth full.
“When we met yesterday, Princess Ljufa could... well, not read my mind, but something like it,” Twilight explained. Spike nodded.
“Vigg can do something similar, right,?” she asked. Spike looked a bit unhappy.
“Itf weally impolipe...” he swallowed, “to talk about a reindeer's Sight,” he said.
“Oh,” Twilight said. “Never mind, the point is I have to lie more and more, and not all reindeer will hug me and sing sappy songs about love and peace if they find out I do.”
“Point,” said Spike. “What can you do, though? Something like the spell in the room? Wasn't it impossible to make it move around with you?”
“Maybe something according to the same principles,” said Twilight. “Of course,” she added with raised voice, “the easiest would have been to not lie! But now I’m stuck with it!” She sipped her coffee.
“But I know somepony... well, not literally somepony, who knows how!” she said triumphantly. “I was close before, but I first figured it out last night in the sauna!”
“Oh, that's good!” said Spike. Then he caught himself. “Why did you start to think of that in the sauna of all all places? I mean it is relaxing if you really feel the heat, but...?”
Twilight smiled. “It was when my bodypaint started to flow down my sides,” she said.
Spike raised a quizzical eyebrow.
Paki's office had an elevated part on a slightly higher level than the rest of the room, where he sat and worked and where the old ledges were kept. Down below, Mr Bileam worked and dealt with the less important customers. Today, the maid had brought a card that was intercepted by Mr Bileam. Paki noticed in the corner of his eye that the maid seemed upset and that Bileam admonished her. He then turned his head up to Paki.
“Sir, there is some kind of kerfuffle at the door. I'll go down and deal with it. I'll be back in a minute if you need me,” the old donkey said and straightened his wire-rimmed glasses.
“You're my doormane now?” said Paki amused. “What's with the maid anyway?”
The donkey shrugged. “You know how superstitious these reindeer are,” he just said and left.
After a few minutes he came in looking slightly worried. His tail whipped in a way that usually indicated the gnats of summer.
“Sir, you have a... rather odd customer that wants a word in private,” he said.
“Odd?” said Paki. “How odd?”
“If you wish, sir, I can say you are out,” Mr Bileam said. “I told a slight lie I wasn't certain you were in.”
“Let him in, Mr Bileam” said Paki and shrugged.
“Her,” said Bileam and left.
“Master Paki!” said Twilight Sparkle as she sort of sailed into the room in a black silk dress that billowed out around her. “How nice to see you!” Her Nuuban was as good as before. This time he was certain he could place the province it came from,
“Oh,” said the zebra trader. “It's you, Lady Sparkle. You have been featured in the news lately, even if we haven't seen each other.”
“Unfortunately, yes,” said Twilight Sparkle and fanned her muzzle, looking over her fan with large glittering eyes. “I prefer to stay out of the spotlight, see?”
Paki stared at the... new style of the unicorn mare. There was more paint on her face than on most boats down here in the harbor. Despite it being full daylight, her eyes looked colder than they had at that banquet.
“To what do I owe the honor?” he said and walked down the short stairs to the lower floor. “Can I offer you any refreshments?” He then noticed the little green and purple scaled thing standing beside her. She had brought her dragon familiar. Somehow the cute thing calmed him down a bit.
“Or your little friend there?” he suggested. The dragonling showed his teeth... or smiled, he wasn't sure.
“Oh, wow, thanks!” it squeaked. “Do you have any gems?”
Oh right, Paki thought. Dragons eat gemstones and noble metals.
“Would diamonds be okay?” he said and smiled at the dragon.
“Oh my, don't spoil him!” said Lady Sparkle. “Besides, that must be far too expensive!”
“They are quite common at home,” said Paki. He reached down and unlocked a drawer. “Many sailors use them as emergency savings, and hence I get paid with them a lot.”
He gave the dragon a big one, and it bowed and thanked him before starting to eat.
Weird little critter, Paki thought.
“It is, in a way, because of gemstones I am here,” said Lady Sparkle and smiled, or showed her teeth, Paki wasn't sure.
“Oh? Well, I don't run any gem import from my homeland, but I do send some Poatsulan amber home,” he said, a bit too nonchalantly. “Payment in kind, you see.”
“I was thinking of... worked gemstones,” Lady Sparkle said, taking a couple of steps closer.
“What?” said Paki. His instincts told him something was ahoof and he started to be worried.
“Like jewelry,” said Lady Sparkle and something touched the collection of necklaces he wore, like someone trying to grapple something with greased hooves. “Oh my, that is effective! Spike, close the door please?”
“Yes ma'am!” said the little dragon, shut the door to the office and casually planted a chair in front of it.
“Hey! What's going on?” said Paki.
I still have the hidden door up behind the ledger-shelves!
He backed a few steps.
“Let me tell you, Master Paki, about a few observations I made at the banquet,” Lady Sparkle said and used that damned fan again.
Paki started to sweat a bit.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” he said and backed up a bit more.
“Master Paki, my magic cannot harm you, but dragonfire is more mundane than you think and your archives aren't fireproof,” the unicorn said sternly. “Please stand still and listen. You are a very sympathetic person and I don't want to hurt you or make you upset.”
“If I can avoid it,” she added and smiled.
Paki nodded.
“Now, listen here: when we met at the banquet, it became obvious you knew my reputation,” she said. “You became afraid... no don't deny it... and somewhat reflexively checked your gri-gris there, your zebra amulets who, as we could see just now, don't just look like anti-magic but are anti-magic.”
“It’s not strange that someone should be worried about my magic outside Equestria,” she said as she started to pace the room. “What is strange is that you should be prepared for it. You clearly didn't know that I would be at the banquet, definitely not that I’d sit next to you. Yet you carried magical protection. Why?”
She looked at him curiously.
“Now, I only know one zebra personally, but as far as I can gather you are not a people given to superstition. Less so than ponies, in fact. So, there must be a plausible threat of a magical nature,” she said as she started to pace again.
“But then after talking to reindeer sorcerers and Spike,” she pointed her hoof to the dragon, “telling me what common reindeer think, I learned reindeer are suspicious of magic. They don't like to use it except in emergencies. Their own magic is mostly passive. So there are no big sources of magic in Tarandroland.”
“I idly thought that maybe you'd gone native,” she said and smiled when she saw she'd hit home a bit. “Reindeer can be superstitious. But then I realized reindeer magic... it is like cutie marks. Or destiny brands, as you say. Your Sight becomes what you See a lot. It tends to fit your occupation.”
“So it only stands to reason,” she said, “that a lot of reindeer traders have a Sight that lets them see through falsehoods. Or detect flaws in wares. Or guess accurately when somedeer is about to fold in negotiations. Among each other, it tends to cancel out... but it must be troublesome for a foreigner.”
“But what if a foreigner has a destiny brand that let him keep his eyes open in a similar way?” she suggested. “Now, what if that foreigner could use some of his native magics to negate reindeer clairvoyance? Unicorn magic cannot do that, but neither can unicorn magic pierce the veil to the Summer Lands like reindeer magic can.”
“Zebra magic can, somehow, I haven't formulated a theory yet, block reindeer clairvoyance,” Lady Sparkle said triumphantly. “Am I not right?”
Paki was silent for a while.
“You are right,” he said. “Is that what this is all about?”
“Yeah,” she said and smiled. “I need some gri-gris of my own.”
“And what makes you think I can make you some?” Paki retorted. “I'm no griot!”
“Yes you are,” said Lady Twilight. “Your necklaces there are made from Tarandrian materials, like amber. I saw that the first time we met. They were made here. ”
“Amber also happens to be a material which helps in magic dealing with information, which fits,” she lectured. “After all, modern devices like computers and television sets were originally made with amber. Electron, the Ancient Equine name for amber, is what gave those magic items their name – electron-ics. Am I not right?”
“You are right,” said Paki. “But... why should I do business with you?”
“Well, first I have a nice budget for this... operation, so I can pay you well. Second, I doubt your business associates would be as trusting if they learn of your protection. And third...” Twilight Sparkle stopped smiling and leaned uncomfortably close to the zebra. “Lord Eminence had your address among his contacts.”
“I SWEAR I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT!” the zebra panicked.
“I know,” said Lady Twilight. “His notes vindicate you. You only gave him some addresses to contact some more illegal businesspeople, so he could use them to get in contact with the pirates. As has been pointed out to me, they need to sell their plunder. I assume most Tarandroland businessdeer deal with them, just not directly. You've presumably done business with one of their fences at some time. I guess reindeer pirates are also dead in the morning without imported coffee.”
“But I need these gri-gris very much, and if I get them I might give you papers that get you out of trouble when the king's guards start turning the city upside down looking for people who had any business with the Pirate Pretender,” she said. “They will do it soon – a hot tip from somepony who sits in meetings concerning such matters.”
“So, if you don't want to make me those charming zebra-reindeer necklaces (I have a friend in Equestria who would love to market the concept), you miss out on a lot of money, you earn a bad reputation, and you will have to work harder to stop the law from causing you trouble,” she said. “That means there is only one question...”
“And that is?” Paki said, having calmed down.
“How fast can you make them?” the unicorn said.
As usual, lots of thanks to my proofreaders, LadyMoondancer and Wheelwright!
The urox warmed Luna's heart yet made her want to cry at the same time. Her heart was warmed by the old spokesbull’s formal rhetoric as he gave his speech and the ancient ideals of honor and valor he showed as he introduced his little herd. He reminded Luna of people she had known long ago, before she became jealous and angry and insane, when she and her sister were younger. Modern cattle in Equestria didn't behave like that. It was like a little window to a happier past, even if Luna freely admitted that progress had been made while she was gone.
She wanted to cry because of the recurring theme in his speech: The size of his herd. The last herd of urox. They had been dying as a people since about the time Luna had started her sojourn to the moon, if she had understood him correctly. The reindeer had made war on them since then... until a century or two ago, when the urox had been so hard pressed that most of them had given up. They left their fields and meadows and emigrated to other lands, most often to Equestria. The few that remained were no real nation, no real country. The war ebbed out. Peace was never really made, the reindeer just stopped fighting them.
“They got what they wanted,” said the old bull with his drawling Bovine. “The reindeer had it, mmm?”
“Had what, sir?” said Luna.
“Our lands,” he said. “They had the river valleys, for the urox had died or fled. That was when the reindeer had the whole of Tarandroland, mmm?”
“I see,” said Luna.
“They came from the tundra, and they chased everyone away,” said the bull. “First, the skoll from the lower mountains, with fields of dwarf birch and reindeer moss, up the glaciers with the ice-wargs, serves them right!” He spit for emphasis, not because he needed to. “Then, the stalu from the forests, from green juicy needles and black tarns, deeper into them, made them invisible, poof! Then, us from the river valleys, with meadows with grass and fields of barley, across the ocean, to Equestria, hmmmm?”
He looked at Luna with his big brown eyes.
“And the Russ, the Russ had come and made trading posts, and the reindeer trotted in and said 'these are our cities now',” he said, and made his voice thin and high-pitched to imitated a reindeer. “The Russ sent word for the armies of Equestria, but by then your noble sister had decided it would be wrong to march on other lands. So no armies came.”
He snorted.
“The Russ, they stayed, since no reindeer could handle a city. They are just barbarians, they don't know wealth,” he said. “Not many uroxi stayed, so they couldn't grow much on our lands. Reindeer don't have the hooves, hmmm?”
“On my fields,” and he swept with his horned head to vaguely indicate their location somewhere in southern Tarandroland, “on my fields I grow more barley than on all my neighbours fields, though they are many times bigger, hmmm?”
“You feel the land, then, just like some of our little ponies,” said Luna. Just like I do, she thought but didn't say out loud, because she didn't want to boast.
The bull proudly nodded. “Many of the reindeer chieftains – they took earth pony tenants to work their lands, to make something of it, something like uroxi can make, something like we can make,” he said. “They, like us, don't pay no taxes to the reindeer king. We pay tribute to his vassals, hmmm?”
“And the practical difference is?” said Luna.
“When the king foolishly lowers his taxes, we don't get to keep more money,” the bull said and grinned widely. “That is why we are here.”
“I... don't quite understand, sir,” said the Princess.
“Winter is coming, and we have things to prove,” said the bull. “We have our pride yet we are weak nowadays.” He looked at Luna.
“You want to... join the fight against winter, right?” Luna guessed.
The bull nodded.
“Despite not really being morally bound by it, because according to this semi-feudal accord you have, you have paid for protection from the reindeer chieftains by your vassalage,” she continued.
He nodded again.
“And also, despite being a small people with little resources, you will join anyway,” Luna.
He continued to nod.
“Because by doing this you feel you prove something to the reindeer,” she said. “You feel your act would be more noble and more daring than theirs. It would restore some of the honor lost by your ancestor by... losing.”
“You have, I see, understood our thoughts and goals, Your Highness,” the bull said.
He is from another age alright, she thought. I am certain few would fault him for his ancestors' losses. I am certain few would fault him if he sat this one out.
“Pray tell me, sir,” she said, “have your people oft joined the War On Winter?” she said.
“Not in a long time,” the bull admitted. “Not since they crushed our kingdom.”
“What makes you think it a good time to do it now?” she asked.
“It might be the last war,” said the bull. “You must take your chances, Your Highness, hmmmm?”
It is a foolish thing to do, she thought. He could spell doom to his whole people. To the single herd that remains.
“But also because we heard Equestria might be involved,” the bull said somewhat anxiously. “It is my belief that King Ukko might have turned us down.”
Tia would have said no. She would have reminded him that sometimes it is braver not to fight. That his kin is unproven in combat. She might have reasoned with him, to show that he makes them no favor by killing of the last of his bloodline.
“You are most welcome, sir,” she said and smiled towards him. “And you are right that this might be the last battle, if Winter wins this round.”
He smiled, he relaxed, he was obviously relieved. She could see his entourage also smile, nod, look at each other and stretch with pride.
“That is wonderful!” he said. “We must return to our farms, but I will leave one bullock here as a liason. Just give the word, and we will gather our arms and join you in battle, where you so desire, Our Lady of the Moon!”
I am not Tia, she thought. This will do more good to him and to Tarandroland, even if they cannot do much with their single herd. If nothing else, it will hearten the many cattle living in Equestria. Many of their ancestors came from here. They will remind my little ponies that they live in a bigger world.
She thanked the urox. They wouldn't “return to their farms” right away, of course. They would have lunch together, and then the urox would presumably run a thousand errands here in the capitol before going back home. They would have time to talk a bit during dinner. She would get to talk to the other urox when they were less formal, and hear what the younger ones thought about this. What the cows thought about this.
And what he meant by 'arms', she thought. I have never met a bovine who didn't think his body mass and his horns would suffice. Or maybe he meant 'armaments'. My Bovine is rusty. It doesn't matter in the end how they do it: they are willing to help in our cause. I can only hope those Twilight are talking to are equally amenable.
The bartender at the Ailing Mariner swirled in the air yet again, like he was part of some gyroscope of bolted-together reindeer. He screamed horribly, his scream cut off by vomiting yet again and spattering the walls with reindeer puke. When he stopped and just hung in the air, he alternately sobbed and panted, enveloped in purplish magical energy.
“Spike, please,” said Twilight Sparkle. The little dragon who was by now pretty horrified with the whole thing hurried over and used some paper towels from the bar to wipe her face, careful not to ruin her makeup.
“Thanks, Spike,” said Twilight, her mouth a hard line. “Now, will you listen to me? And not make insinuations to my mother's profession?”
The bartender nodded weakly where he hung. Twilight put him down on a chair in a sitting position.
“I know your employer uses this place as a way to buy and sell stolen goods,” Twilight began. “I don't really care. What I do care about is that he does business with those pirates, including their leader. I'll be generous and give your employer one week. In that time, I will have a date and a place from him regarding when and where I can meet Jarl Ahto. You can simply send a note to me at the palace; I've seen to it that my mail is not read or interrupted.”
The bartender looked up and nodded weakly again. “Within one week,” he mumbled.
“If not, this place will burn down in a mysterious fire which won't hurt the surrounding buildings,” Twilight added. “With every employee and customer inside. Oh – and it won't happen in one week to the day. It will happen when I feel like it. Sleep tight, sir!”
She turned and trotted out of the tavern, her head held high, a nervous Spike in tow. She knew the bartender and his family lived on the upper floor. She also knew how many thousands the owner of the establishment made from it in a week – and that was only the legal money. If Lord Eminence's notes were correct, the whole illegal business would be crippled if the owner had to dismantle his fencing operation here.
“Twilight...” Spike began.
“Yes, Spike?” she said and turned towards him. She tried to smile, but neither the smug fake smile of the Dark Enchantress nor the normal honest smile of Twilight Sparkle wanted to manifest. She looked sadly at the little dragon.
“Was that... really necessary?” Spike said nervously. “To...” He didn't even start the sentence, he just made a spiral in the air with his paw.
“Yes it was, Spike,” said Twilight. “I told you if you followed me, you'd see things you wouldn't like.”
Spike was still clearly ill at ease. Twilight turned back and started to walk away. He could do nothing but follow her.
“Actually, I feel worse about Paki,” Twilight said after a long sad silence.
“Why?” said Spike. “You didn't hurt him.”
Twilight turned back, a bit flustered.
“Paki was guilty of nothing, except possibly some dishonesty in his business,” she said. “That stag in there works at a place where you sell things you get by threatening and hurting and maybe even murdering not only ponies but reindeer as well. Unlike some of the thieves, who can argue that they are poor and unemployed and hungry, he has a regular business as well. He has no reason except for pure greed in doing what he does. And unlike those pirates, who you could view as being bold adventurers, he is just a cowardly creep!”
Her voice was starting to get loud, and Spike had to shush her.
“Sorry. Anyway, I threatened and scared Paki, at most a rogue, even when I could at least have tried to ask him nicely first, all in the name of this ghastly charade...” Twilight said. “That... leech in there, he probably deserves worse than getting shaken a bit.”
“But... it's not like you did it to stop him doing his job, right?” said Spike, relentless.
“No,” said Twilight. “Sadly no. I wish some policedeer would simply walk in there and take him in instead, get rid of that sad place in a just and neat way. Maybe that will happen later, but not now. I simply must speak to Jarl Ahto. This is my only sure lead, and Ahto must believe that I'm not in league with the ruling power in Tarandroland. Who controls the police, even if it's a lousy police.”
“If you say so,” said Spike and sighed. “But doesn't he have this crimeboss figure who gives him orders? It's not like he can just ignore those. And why didn't you whirligig him instead?”
“Believe me, I'd have done that if I only know who he was, but even 'he' is a guess. It could be a vaja for all I know,” Twilight said. “That reindeer keeps their identity well hidden. Besides, 'somepony told me to do it' is one of the worst reasons ever to do something, good or bad.”
“Now you sound like Rainbow Dash,” Spike said and smiled.
“I do? Well, maybe you should obey your parents and teachers...” Twilight said with an added smile. “I don't like this anymore than you, Spike, but somehow I have to do it.”
“If you say so,” said Spike, less dejected this time. “So, what's next?”
“A meeting with some of the Companions to discuss things,” Twilight said. “You can come if you like and be my secretary, but it will probably be even less fun than this... and I cannot promise there won't be any violence.”
“Violence?” said Spike.
“Those five reindeer are crazy,” Twilight sighed, “and not in the friendly Ponyville way.”
“That doesn’t matter, I can come if you need me,” said Spike. “I mean, what else is there to do?”
“You could go hang out with Saga and Vigg,” said Twilight and smiled. “Since I need a message taken to the Hrimfaxi temple anyway, you would even be working.”
“Who's the message for?” said Spike.
“Kvalhissir,” said Twilight.
“What? Is this about moose magic or something like that?” Spike asked.
“I wish! No, the moose comes later in my evil plan for world domination,” Twilight joked. “I simply need him to relay a whole bunch of questions and proposals to that old moose cow Vigg and Saga spoke to, who seems to be some sort of elder.”
“About what?” said Spike.
“Well, one of the many problem we face is getting enough reindeer together to fight Winter, even with the king on our side. So I'm going to recruit every non-reindeer I can get a hold of,” Twilight said.
“He's a good kid,” said Vigg as they watched Spike leaving the temple. Spike was riding on one of the worshipers who was also leaving the temple. The reindeer had jumped at a chance to earn some extra coin carrying Spike back to the palace, and she came with a recommendation from Eira.
Saga giggled. Vigg turned to her. “What?”
“Y-you sound so old!” she said and started to laugh. “Like you were thirty or something!”
Vigg wrinkled his nose. “I wish I was older!”
“You wanted to say something,” Saga stated as she finally stopped laughing. “I could feel it earlier, but you didn't say it. What was it?”
“I thought I was the mind-reader,” Vigg mumbled.
“Your brainpan might as well be glass,” said Saga.
“I’m worried about Lady Sparkle,” he said. “I didn't want to say it while Spike was here, because I didn't want to sound... mean.”
“Why the worry?” she said.
“She was lying the other day. She acts strangely. Just like Princess Hrimfaxi, she tries to stall us from finding the Sampo,” he said.
“You think so?” Saga said.
“What else could it be? She has nothing to gain from it otherwise,” Vigg said. He frowned and wrinkled his nose at the same time.
“You also said earlier she didn't have any ill-will in her heart,” said Saga and nuzzled him.
“Well... it's just that she might want to do something I don't want, but she thinks it's the best for me,” he said and tried to ignore her.
“Have you ever Looked at your mother?” said Saga.
“What?” said Vigg and turned to her. “How do you mean?”
“Well... I guess you'd then have a sample to compare with. If she’is like any typical mom she wants what she thinks is best for you but it’s totally not what you want,” she said.
“I... yeah, you're probably right,” Vigg said and groaned. “Using this... using this and thinking, it’s giving me a headache!”
“Aw, you've used it before!” Saga said.
“Not with my brains on!” Vigg said. “It's different. It feels wrong Looking so much... and it can't be good. Daddy always said grandpa Looked too much.”
“At what?” said Saga.
“That's kinda... private... but...” Vigg sighed. He put his mouth close to Saga's ear, as if somedeer would have been able to overhear them. “They always said... not outright... grandpa can see weakness.”
“Like what?” said Saga. “What weakness?”
“I think they meant literally... he was a warrior, you know? So he could see like an opening or a weak spot. But that it could also be anything... where its weakness is.” Vigg said. “But he has never told me himself, this is just hints and guessing...”
“So that's why he's such a grumpy old fart?” said Saga. “He keeps Looking and Looking and Sees only how everything sucks?”
“It's just a guess,” Vigg said. “And anyway, it's not like it is an excuse. It's just a reason. I mean, your grandma Sees sideways well enough that people pay her for it, and it's not like she's stopped being here because of it.”
“Does he ever look at himself in the mirror?” said Saga.
“Look, let's just change the subject, OK?” Vigg sighed.
“Sure!” said Saga and produced a smile. “So, what do you want to do?”
“Do?” said Vigg.
“We can't leave on our Quest yet, because we promised Mistress Sparkle to wait, and it's not like we can start digging without her,” she explained patiently. “So, what do we do while we wait?”
“I have school and you have a... a job, isn't it, here at the temple,” he said.
“My Goddess, you are boring!” she burst out and butted him. That made him laugh.
“Not the whole day, I suppose... Don't you have anything you want to do?” he said.
Saga suddenly smiled maliciously. “Weeeell, you promised me we would go clubbing if I went skiing.”
Vigg groaned. “Oh no...”
“Hey, you might like it!” Saga protested. “And you promised! And I want to show off my new boyfriend!”
“Yeah, yeah... It's just that I’d like to be a bit incognito, you know?” he said. “Clubs are pretty public places.”
“Oh, I don't need to brag that you are a prince or anything, you're a great guy anyway! It's not like white stags are uncommon or Vigg is an uncommon name.” Saga said and smiled maliciously again. “Besides, when I'm done with you, your own mother won't recognize you!”
“Oh manure!” Vigg moaned. “I forgot that part! Oh... alright! What kind of place are we talking about? Remember, I've never done this.”
Saga thought deeply. “There are several places we could go. It would be fun if it was somewhere wild yet cheap...”
“And why would that be?” said Vigg.
“Well, first because I like them, and second because there's a lesser chance somedeer will recognize you and bother us,” she said. “Of course, in any case we'll have to break some rules...”
“What rules?” said Vigg.
“Well, maybe laws, even,” said Saga cheerily. “I'm not certain how that works. But seriously, I'm two years your senior, and I'm kinda young for that kind of place!”
“Saga, I can't get in trouble normally, and we have sort of special duties right now...” he said.
“Don't worry! I've done this before,” she said, though she didn't reassure him much. “Nodeer will know.”
“I sure hope so,” Vigg sighed. “I'm so much in trouble if anyone at the palace learns about this... It's not like I'm locked up, even if I think Mom considered it when she heard about you, but...”
“Don't worry your pretty little head,” Saga mocked him. “They’ll never hear about our awesome night out!”
“Now that we have settled who is the fastest at vodka chugging, can we go back to business?” Mustikka said with a pained expression.
“I thought we were sort of finished,” said Heikko. “We have the maps, the schedule...”
“We don’t have the current rolls of whatever passes for an army, so we need to talk to some high-level army muckety-mucks before we can enter into that,” said Skiold.
“Skiold, you lead the army,” said Mustikka, hoof placed firmly in face.
“Well, it’s somewhere in my office, then,” said Skiold casually. “Nevertheless, we cannot continue with that thing right now.”
“Your office look likes a burial mound,” said Kol. “Everything is covered with eons of dust, and if you try to remove anything, the wights of ancient office workers rise with a moan and attack you.”
“Really?” Heikko perked up. “Can we go there?”
“Nevermind - the point is we are done here,” Skiold shrugged. “Unless anydeer has any new points to address.” He looked at the meeting as if daring them to have any more business.
Galderhorn cleared his throat. This caught everyone’s attention, since the sorcerer hadn’t spoke yet during the long meeting.
“There is one thing we haven’t thought of,” he said.
“And that is, Master Galderhorn?” said Twilight. She had a migraine. Her horn hurt from the root up.
“Well, one central part of the offense against the pirate stronghold is a common call for arms,” he said. The others nodded.
“A common call for arms means we must tell everydeer in the kingdom that they must gather to fight,” he continued. The others nodded again. “That, after all, is the very point of a common call for arms. But the pirates are just citizens who have gone a-viking. Most of their families didn’t follow them. They live by trading their plunder with other reindeer. Many of them were part of the army or navy and so lived here in the capital.”
“What are you getting at?” said Mustikka.
“All those reindeer won’t give up the bonds of family and herd and friendship,” Galderhorn continued. “If we tell everydeer in the kingdom about the advance against the pirates, somedeer will warn them. And one courier travels faster than an army. Especially if we have to organize things first. While everyone wanders around wondering in what order they march, the pirates can put up defenses or just take to their ships and leave.”
“They wouldn’t get far,” Skiold observed.
“No, but the attack would still be a failure,” Galderhorn said.
Everone fell silent.
“Do we really have to tell them the purpose of the call for arms?” said Twilight.
“Yes, Lady Sparkle,” said Kol. “Anything else would be against the law.”
A king who has to follow the law. Fancy that, Twilight thought.
“Must we tell them the true purpose?” Twilight asked.
“What do you mean?” said Skiold.
Lying and cheating just gets easier and easier, Twilight thought.
“Well, the main reason to gather all those allies is to save Tarandroland from Winter,” Twilight said. “So if we say that the War on Winter begins there, it’s not even a lie. Then, when the first offensive is against the pirates, the King can explain it as part of the bigger war - the easiest part first. We can even continue after that, straight ahead with the War on Winter. The only thing we’ll be lacking anyway is a place to make a stand, but we can try to clear the forests north of the coast of any nidhoggs and the waters of any tursus and then go on inland.”
“That could actually work,” said Mustikka.
“Mustikka agrees with somedeer!” said Skiold.
“I know, I’m scared too,” said the stern scout and grinned. “But she is right. Better one white lie than messing this thing up.”
“Ukko won’t like even a white lie,” Heikko frowned.
“If we cleared the world of all the things Ukko didn’t like, it would be a very very empty place,” said Mustikka.
“He’s also a pretty lousy liar,” said Skiold.
“Keep him in the dark as long as possible, keep Kol and Heikko talking to deer instead of him, and when he has to face it, keep him sober so he has his antlers on straight,” said Mustikka. “That’s the way to do this. Listen to Lady Sparkle, she has handled things like this before.”
The others nodded reluctantly.
I wonder if hurting someone for information also will become easier and easier, Twilight thought unhappily.
As usual, thanks a lot to my proofreaders LadyMoondancer and Wheelwright.
Spike was focusing his flame while at the same time keeping it fairly weak, a difficult task. Too little force and it would sputter and die, too much and he would be setting fire to the tar. The tar was supposed to be just warm enough to be rubbed into the ski Vigg was working on.
"Keep it steady - that's great!" said the reindeer. "You can stop there!"
While Vigg bit into the shaft of a crude brush and started rubbing in the tar, Spike sat down and breathed deeply of the cool winter air tinged with tar. While he was used to keeping a flame going by breathing in through his nostrils, he wasn’t used to do it this long. He looked around the old storage shed they were working in. It was filled with ackjas and sleds, with some skis here and there. While he wasn't Twilight Sparkle, living and working in a library had affected Spike at a fundamental level. He felt a deep urge to get up and start sorting them. Maybe alphabetically, maybe categorically, but in any case they really ought to be properly stacked or leaned against each other. As it was he estimated half was warped by age or mistreatment.
You really ought to do some weeding as well, making firewood of some of the older sleds...
"You really ought to use the heat of the sun, you know?" said Vigg during one of those free breathing pauses you take when you are a sentient ungulate working with your mouth. "But dragonfire seems just as good."
"Sun?" said Spike, dragged out of his musings.
"Yeah, you start spreading the tar, then you let it warm, then you rub it in, then you scrape off the surplus," said Vigg.
Spike nodded. He remained silent for a while as the reindeer rubbed vigorously, then coughed and spoke up.
"Much as I like hanging out a bit, especially since Twilight is getting more skittish every day, what's gotten into you?" he said. "Why are we preparing stuff you won't use?"
Vigg sighed.
"I've been a bit... skittish myself," he confessed. "It's all this waiting. And mom isn't making it easier."
"Your mom?" said Spike. "What's her problem?"
"Well, ever since I... and Saga... you know..." Vigg started.
"Ever since you came home with a doefriend," said Spike. "Go on."
"Well, she tried to admonish me with a little speech the morning after she met Saga," he said. "I... got mad, and then she admonished me again for 'becoming upset'. I wasn't upset, I was freezing furious. And that second lecture made me even angrier, because she sounded as if it would be perfectly OK for me to mess up the succession and the family tradition and the royal duties, as long as I didn't raise my voice while doing it." Vigg snorted.
"Is this because Saga isn't like a princess?" said Spike.
"Well, not at first," said Vigg. "It was more that she looked like a bad girl who would get me in trouble."
"I keep forgetting your mother is psychic," quipped Spike.
"Aw, shut up!" laughed Vigg. "I told her she had not only a job but a sacred job, but working in the temple of Hrimfaxi didn't make Saga look more suitable to mom."
"Look, I'm a friend of Luna's and I can understand why your mom's worried," said Spike.
"Yeah... y'know the worst thing when adults try to order you around is when you feel they might even be right..." Vigg sighed and scraped off superfluous tar from his ski. "And then, this morning, she stops trying to be sensible, y’know, just not in the way you want, and does this stupid thing..."
"What?" said Spike.
"I'll show you," said Vigg, putting down the scraper and going to his saddlebags. He pulled out a flat brown book and gave it to Spike. "She gave me this. Take a look."
Spike opened the book and started to leaf through it. It seemed to be a photo album or maybe a scrapbook. It was filled with mostly formal pictures of mostly very nervous vajas. Now and then there was a newspaper clipping, and it was subdivided by long strips of parchment full of neat angular mouthwriting. Since he knew neither Poatsi nor reindeer runes he had no idea what they said.
"What's this?" Spike said.
"Eligible vajas," Vigg sighed. "Suitable for the crown prince of Tarandroland."
Spike gaped.
"They're mostly the daughters of various herd chiefs. I remember pulling their tails as a kid at big moots," Vigg explained. "But in the back are some Caribou princesses from northern Equestria."
"They look... nice," Spike said lamely. "She wants you to choose one? Are you going to be, what's it called, 'betrothed'?"
Vigg sighed again.
"No, nothing so direct. She just wanted me to look through them and 'think about it'. She never even talked about this before! Never ever!"
A bright flash of violet magic interrupted Spike's answer.
"Good news, Spike!" cried a frazzled but grinning Twilight Sparkle. "I’ve got the letter!"
"Letter?" said Spike. "Oooh, the letter!"
"Hello, Lady Sparkle," said Vigg. "What letter?"
"Jarl Aht.. hello, Your Highness," Twilight corrected herself. "My contact's letter. I meet him the day after tomorrow."
"Oh, that kind of contact!" Vigg brightened. "Does that mean you’ll be done soon?"
"I - I must act upon the information he gives me, Your Highness," Twilight said. "I don't know how long that will take."
"And we cannot help you 'act'?" Vigg said.
"I'm sorry, but no," Twilight said. "I’ve already been given help by your grandfather."
Vigg swore under his breath.
"Adult help," Twilight said. "I am sorry. I can't involve you in this. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you, Prince Vigg."
Vigg's heart chose to interpret it a little differently from how Twilight meant it and how his brain heard it, so he blushed deeply.
Twilight didn't notice, but turned to Spike again.
"I just have to figure out where we are supposed to meet," she said. "Oh, I knew I should have studied Sarvvik better!"
"Twilight, you can just look that up!" said Spike with irritation.
"Prince Vigg, do you know where a 'Klubb Niffelhel' is?" Twilight said.
"No, not really," said Vigg. "I only dance when forced to and I’m too young and smart to drink, so I don't really go to clubs." At least until now... he added mentally.
"What's a 'niffelhel'?" asked Spike.
"That's what reindeer call Tartarus, Spike," said Twilight.
"So, 'Club Tartarus'," said Spike. "Really the kind of name that makes you wanna go there."
"Y'know, if that's a real nightclub it will be in the business directory," said Vigg who had gotten a strange gleam in his eye. "Just look it up."
Twilight looked at him.
"I'm pretty certain your contact wants to meet you at a public place, so the club is probably legal, and if the club is legal it’s in the directory," Vigg continued. "There should be a copy of it in like every building within the Castle walls. The servants couldn't do their chores without one. Just ask any maid and they’ll help you!"
"Thanks, Vigg," Twilight said. "Come on, Spike! We’ve only two days to prepare!" She lifted Spike onto her back. "Bye bye, Your Highness"
"Bye Vigg," said Spike. "Hang out later, OK?"
"Sure," said Vigg and waved a hoof. "Stay safe!"
When they were gone in a flash of magic, Vigg very carefully yet very hurriedly cleaned up in the sleigh-shed and galloped downtown towards the Temple of Hrimfaxi. He was pretty out of breath when he reached it and stood panting a little while on the stairs to become able to speak again before trotting in. He found Saga tying bundles of antlers together.
"Hi," she said. "I thought you would be busy today."
"Something came up," he said and tried to smile nonchalantly. "What - what are you doing?"
"Our Lady of the Moon has ordered her sacrifices to be shipped to her earthly home in Canterlot," said Saga.
"Oh," he said. "Why?"
"Something Gramma told her," Saga said as she finished with her knots. "They’re brewing something up, I can tell. Now, what came up?"
"Well, first, Lady Sparkle has to meet someone the day after tomorrow," he said. "Which means we can get going soon after that."
"Oooh!" she beamed. "That's great. I'm... I'm sometimes afraid I'm losing the tug..." She lost some of her smile.
"Is it disappearing?" Vigg asked anxiously.
"Sometimes it feels like it isn't there when I try to feel it... but then it suddenly appears again," she said. "It's like... like the shadow of a pendulum thing."
"Don't worry, we'll be getting into action soon!" Vigg reassured her. She hugged him. "Oh, and another thing..."
"Yeah?" said Saga.
"Speaking of the day after tomorrow, I heard something really cool was going down at a place called 'Klubb Niffelhel'. Could we go there on that... outing?" he said to her back, since they were still hugging.
"Klubb Niffelhel? Wow! That's the freakiest place in town, sure!" Saga said enthusiastically. "Where did you hear about that?"
"There are people in the castle that go clubbing more often than me," he said. "You think we can get in?"
"I think you have to be twenty to get in by the Rules, or just eighteen if you’re a doe," Saga frowned. "But some of my friends say they’ve been there anyway. I'm sure I can get us in."
"Great," said Vigg. "That’ll be great."
Princess Luna had yet again raised the Moon from the roof of the temple of Hrimfaxi. The process might not take long, but it was precise and demanding and it was vital that it was performed on schedule. It was something that actually made her a little bit exhausted. Hence, she liked to relax for a bit afterwards. Currently, she was relaxing in the dark emptied temple hall by moving motes of multi-coloured light over illusory maps in the air. She turned away from her amusements when she heard Eira cough behind her.
“My Goddess,” said the priestess, “there is a pony here to see you.”
“No doubt somepony from the delegation,” said Luna, a mite irritated to be disturbed but at the same time a bit curious. The ponies of the Equestrian delegation didn’t go out and mix with the reindeer much. It was even rarer that they would dare Sarvvik’s slum for a temple that went against their tender sensibilities, when they were closer to Luna most of every day. “Did they say what their name was? I have no appointments for the rest of the night.”
“Sunny Side Up,” Eira said, reading nearsightedly from a card. “Her cutiewhatsit is an egg...”
Luna froze for a moment. “Her? I didn’t know she was in Tarandroland,” she said. “Show her in, My Priestess, and leave us alone.”
The reindeer curtseyed and left. Shortly after a white unicorn trotted into the temple. She had a light yellow mane and as mentioned a cracked egg on her haunch.
“Unicorn this time, sister?” said Luna.
The unicorn laughed. “Harder to be without magic than to be without wings, Lulu.” She grew and stretched, shining with an eerie light, and Princess Celestia, ruler of the Day Court, took the unicorn’s place.
“And really, ‘Sunny Side Up’? What kind of impenetrable alias is that?” said Luna.
The Sun Princess laughed. “Who would believe I’d use such a name? It would have been more suspicious if I had called myself Shadowdark Nightmurk.”
“Tia, dear, you really should leave the cloak-and-dagger to me,” Luna admonished. “It is hard to be magically incognito in Sarvvik.”
“Oh, don’t underestimate me,” said Celestia and nuzzled her. “I had to pick up some tricks during the years.”
“You are sure nodeer saw you and realized your true nature?” Luna said as she nuzzled her back.
“I can’t guarantee they won’t notice me when I am here, but I am banking on everydeer in Sarvvik knowing there is a ‘divine’ presence in the temple already,” Celestia said. “I am pretty sure they didn’t see me for who I am. I took mortal shape before I teleported here, and doubt they can see through it. I’ve had some experience with clairvoyant species during the years.”
“Reindeer?” said Luna.
“And some other kinds of deer, and other beings. Giraffes, for instance, are great seers,” said Celestia.
“You’ve had to move incognito among giraffes often?” said Luna and raised a delicate eyebrow.
Celestia laughed.
“No, just once, and that was centuries ago, during my wandering period,” she explained. “I was visiting our uncle, and didn’t want to make a fuss. He helped me a bit.”
“Ah,” said Luna. “You told me about that when we were catching up... how you left the empire to your mules and geldings and roamed the world.” She frowned with slight disapproval.
Celestia shrugged. “It seemed a good idea at the time. To not let them start dynasties,” she said.
“I meant the roaming, not choice of stewards,” Luna said.
Celestia smiled ruefully. “I was younger, more foolish and lonely,” she said.
It was Luna’s turn to shrug.
“Not that I mind seeing you, but why did you come here?” Luna asked.
“I had information, I wanted to ask questions, and it felt wrong that it was always you who had to teleport over,” Celestia said. “You gave me the coordinates to your temple. Oh, and I had a bunch of letters for Twilight and Spike from their friends. I had hoped to meet them here.”
“Sorry, but they aren’t here. Twilight Sparkle is staking out a ‘nightclub’,” Luna said and spent some thought and energy to keep her lights and map stable.
“What?” said Celestia.
“It is apparently vital to catch some miscreant partially responsible for this mess,” Luna said. “I don’t question her judgement, just marvel at it sometimes.”
“And here I hoped she was going there for fun,” Celestia said and smiled. “Well, I hope you can give them the letters.”
“Of course. What was the news?” said Luna.
“That if we want, we can now get as many volunteers from the yeomanry and the knightly orders as we can bother to ship over,” Celestia said. “Support for the Tarandroland cause is very high in Equestria, and is unlikely to get better.”
“Excellent,” Luna said. “We can use them if we need to build that wall Twilight Sparkle suggested.”
“You mean as building material or as laborers?” Celestia laughed.
“I was thinking the latter, but why not the former,” Luna said and stuck out her tongue. “As has been pointed out to me, despite some Everfree skirmishes they are woefully unequipped to fight anypony in general or huge monsters in particular, but I am sure they can give civilian help to the reindeer.”
“Any particular ideas?” said Celestia.
“The big, big issue is that the Enemy isn’t gathered in one point,” Luna said. “The grazers have a pretty good idea of where nidhoggs are moving, but the news travels too slow. Pegasus couriers can help with that. Likewise, while it might seem boring to them, earth pony agriculturalists can help the reindeer salvage their forests once we are through with this. Even at the best estimates, the damage to the ecosystem will be immense. It is actually a greater danger than the monsters attacking ungulates.”
“But you don’t think they can fight Winter?” said Celestia.
“Some of them might,” Luna said. “And I will rejoice in each unicorn mage that has a talent for spells of fire or water. Those are the best ways to fight winter beings, and offensive reindeer magics are pitiful at best.”
Celestia nodded. “Then they will do some good.”
“What about the Guard?” said Luna.
“Oh, I’m sending all of mine,” said Celestia and smiled. “They need something more than crowd control to occupy their time.”
“That will be very useful,” said Luna, “but are you sure you want to send them all?”
“Oh, I’m not worried,” Celestia said and waved her hoof. “I will manage in some way!”
Luna looked a bit skeptical. “Sister, I know we don’t literally need them against physical threats, but...”
“Hush now, Lulu!” Celestia said. “I said I’ll manage.”
“They are yours to command,” Luna shrugged.
There was a somewhat awkward pause.
“What is the situation over here?” asked Celestia.
Luna sighed.
“The war has started already,” she said. “I have reports from several grazer herds and logging camps of a frightening amount of nidhogg attacks. The ice-wyrms have already caused irreparable damage to the vulnerable birch forests closest to the tundra. Several reindeer have been killed in the logging camps because the wyrms are attracted to the timber. The only reason the logging industry can get workers anymore is because the recession. Reindeer are desperate for work.”
“It is curious that they are Auntie’s children of sorts,” said Celestia quietly.
Luna frowned. “I’d rather say ‘Auntie’s lice’ or ‘Auntie’s tapeworms’,” she said. “She didn’t create them on purpose, like the reindeer and moose. They are nothing more than animals, neither good nor bad really. It is just that there are so many of them now.”
“Any good news?” said Celestia.
“The Urox and the Russ are fully behind us,” Luna said. “Twilight is making inroads with the moose. I have an interesting plot brewing concerning the reindeer commoners, who I think will be very supportive. The ruling classes is another thing but King Ukko and his cronies are still following my lead. It was no temporary whim, though a lot of his... their trust is directed at Twilight Sparkle, not me nor Equestria.”
“Oh yes,” said Celestia and frowned, “Twilight Sparkle’s ‘heroic deeds’ and less than heroic appearance. And to think some ponies think I am manipulative.”
“Oh hush now Tia, you have nothing on me,” Luna chuckled. “That little game might win us this war. Though I must admit it is less because Twilight Sparkle is a good liar and more because the ones she are trying to fool are rather foolish to begin with.”
“Speaking of games,” said Celestia, “is that some kind of wargame you’re playing up there?”
“Wargame?” said Luna. “Oh, it started as a typical strategical simulation of our situation here, but since we lack so much information, I got tired and just put up something else for my amusement.”
“So it is a wargame,” said Celestia and smiled. “While you were... gone, such simulations became not just used for military planning and education, but also for amusement, just as you do now. Except ponies use paper maps and little figurines to do it.”
“Really?” said Luna. Celestia nodded.
“It is a common pastime among the young cadets of the Guard,” she said. “The griffon wars and the ancient Three Tribes wars are the most popular, for some reason. What is your scenario up there? We are being attacked from four directions? How are we doing?” She peered curiously at the aetheric map of Equestria.
“Well, buffalo infantry with thunderbird support has leveled Manehatten,” Luna said casually. “The zebra landing party is shelling Canterlot with alchemical mortars. We have sunk the reindeer fleet, but that bought time for the ki-rin to land most of their infantry and send airstrikes into Trottingham and further north.”
“What,” said Celestia, “on earth are you talking about?”
Luna grinned.
“During our quarrel the first night, King Ukko made a caustic remark where he mentioned a ludicrous alliance to make a political joke at our expense,” she explained. “I am testing how valid that alliance would be.”
Celestia shook her head.
“I did say it was for my amusement, not for strategic planning,” Luna said and grinned some more. “See, the fact that they come from four different continents gives them a disadvantage, but it also means that we cannot really strike back at their homelands.”
“And what am I doing during this?” Celestia said.
“The same I am doing: not much,” Luna said. “We could make a greater effort and risk awakening greater things and causing an even bigger mess, but I would be wary of that in real life, so I follow suit here as well. For the sake of realism, you know?”
Celestia nodded grimly. “Are you sure we shouldn’t do that in real life - making a greater personal effort, I mean?”
Luna nodded. “Yes I am sure, if you don’t want to wake up Auntie,” she said. “But don’t you worry, Tia. We shall go far even without that as soon as the real fighting starts. Both to harm our foes and help our friends.”
“After all, the two of us are the most powerful unicorn wizards, fastest pegasus flyers and strongest, toughest earth pony warriors in existence,” she said. “We embody all the virtues of our little ponies.” Celestia smiled and nodded.
“And I guess I cannot keep you out of this either,” Luna continued. “That’s why you’re bringing your Guard; you are coming too.”
Celestia smiled and nodded again. “I’ll help our friends and you’ll harm our foes, just as in the old days,” she said.
“Just as in the old days,” said Luna, and they sealed their unspoken promise with a dainty yet cordial hug.
The usual thanks to my proofreaders!
“You have everything, Lady Sparkle?” said Mustikka.
“Everything I need now,” Twilight answered. “If, and only if, Ahto wants me to come with him and his bucks, then I'll get the saddlebags from Spike outside here.”
“He won't be suspicious of that?” said Dark Clouds. The Moon Guard pegasus hung ominously above them in the very narrow alley, and his dark coat made him almost invisible. Above them were dark wooden walls and rickety balconies that almost met in the middle. This was a residential area, but given that Klubb Niffelhel was allowed to blast loud music all night it obviously wasn't a very high-class one. In a high-class area in Sarvvik, laws and bylaws would have applied.
“Why should he? He thinks Spike is my servant, and if he thinks I'm idiot enough to come here without telling anyone, he deserves to be surprised,” said Twilight. “That's why it’s good if the guards outside that place see you and the other Moon Guards. Just a glimpse will be enough.”
“But we’ve been practicing our tailing!” said Shadows Gather, the other Lunafied pegasus.
“If they see you, they think they know who’s guarding me, and won't think of the Companions!” said Twilight through gritted teeth. “Do I have to mete out some punishments for insubordination?”
Her annoyance was only half feigned, though she and the Moon Guards had prepared for this. She and Luna wanted to make sure the Companions got the correct exposition. Both shadow pegasi had taken “pretend you are a bit dumb” to mean more or less look slackjawed and all but drool.
They need training in acting as well as tailing, she thought. The reindeer will end up thinking the batwings came with a lobotomy, and I don't want them to lose respect.
“Oh no, Lady Sparkle!” said the two pegasi in badly feigned horror. Luckily their faces were almost invisible and Mustikka was very, very impatient.
“If everything is set, I suggest we move out!” he said.
Twilight nodded.
“Let's move out!” she said. She straightened her dress, corrected her coiffure and trotted out of the alley.
“Good luck, Twilight – Mistress Sparkle, I mean!” Spike whispered after her.
Twilight's main reason not to facehoof was that she would have ruined her makeup. It wasn't caked on as fully on earlier occasions. She would have called in Saga again if she could. The fawn's tastes were grotesque but she knew the technical details better than Twilight herself. However, Saga had been away on some sort of couple-shopping with Vigg. Twilight had sighed with relief at that. Better for teens to behave like kids than to get involved in business like hers and Luna's.
The result was that the guests in the short queue saw the infamous unicorn celebrity doing a power walk up to the stairs of Sarvvik's most macabre nightclub as the dramatic theme from a rather schlocky horror movie played. As a deer, they stepped aside and let the mephitic cloud of purple smoldering sin pass them in the queue, walking up the stairs to the entrance.
The two doorstags hadn't had time to become bored yet, although they knew that time would come later in the evening. Their eyes weren't tired, they hadn't become hoarse from shouting over music to intoxicated reindeer, and they hadn't broken the regulations out of desperation and had some of their hidden vodka.
“Is that...?” said one of them, the one to the right of the door, the big, beefy one.
“It is!” said the one to the left.
“Hello, gentlestags,” she said as she trotted up to the door. “Is this where I pay?”
“No...” said Mr Left, “that's by the wardrobe, Sir. Ma'am. Milady.”
“Well,” said the unicorn with a predatory, mocking smile, “what is it that you gentlestags want of me then?”
She looked at both of them, one at a time, with eyes of gleaming darkness, hollow voids that would devour souls.
“You're... supposed to show your ears... so we can check your age...” said Mr Left and indicated the identifying herdmarks and the like cut into his ears.
“And just check so you're not drunk or... y'know... better'an drunk,” said Mr Right.
“Better?” she said and looked at Mr Right quizzically.
“Well... high?” he said and smiled sheepishly.
“Well, I am afraid my ears aren't... cut out for that,” said the unicorn. She turned her head sideways and wiggled her left hear in Mr Left’s face for emphasis, giving a good view of her small batwinged silver earrings. “But you can see my passport if you want.” She made as if to reach for a small hoofbag she somehow had inside her dress. “Or my visum, my license to work sorcery, my letters of recommendation from the Princesses of Equestria...”
“No, no, it's OK!” said Mr Left and smiled. “I... uh, if we already know somedeer is an adult we don't have to check those things.”
“Good!” said the unicorn and smiled. “Do you need to smell my breath or something then?”
She thrust her muzzle into the face of Mr Right and puffed at him a few times.
“S-sober as a newt!” he stammered. “Nothing wrong here!”
“Ah, good!” said the unicorn. “Can I enter then?”
The two reindeer nodded wordlessly. Then Mr Left opened then door and bowed. The unicorn marched in, and as the music rose again she found herself moving to its rhythm once more.
As the door shut the two doorstags took a few breaths to catch their breath, then turned to the guests, who had flocked beneath the stairs.
“What’cha lookin' at!?” Mr Right shouted. “Form a real queue, will ya! No shuffling!”
There was a wardrobe just inside where guests were supposed to leave their outer garments and pay a wardrobe fee. Since the outrageously high fee was also the entrance ticket to the club, you had to pay even if you hadn’t left anything there. Twilight gave them her cloak, however. It was obvious the attendant knew who she was, but she was less starstruck-cum-scared than the doorguards.
“And here’s your token, Lady Sparkle,” said the attendant. “Please show it when you wish to retrieve your cloak.” She was wearing the same sort of bandit-mask makeup as Saga, but it was a bit more effective since she was white-coated. She had also dyed the hair on top of her headjet black.
“Thank you, Miss,” said Twilight. She realised the music she had heard when she entered came from somewhere around here, but couldn’t see the loudspeakers. They must be hidden. There was a small gaggle of guests who had stopped just inside and weren’t going further. From their murmurs Twilight guessed they wanted to see what she did.
She passed the small crowd and descended down a steep stairway. The crimson walls were lit by thaumic lanterns and decorated with cheap reproductions of famous paintings on the themes of death, doom and the Underworld. As she neared the end she heard other, louder music. It met the recorded tune from above in a strange zone of overlapping noise and Twilight hurried through it.
The end of the stair opened onto a huge octagonal hall. In the center was a dance floor, which currently held no dancers. Around the dance floor was a broad shelf where there were tables and chairs. The actual ceiling was far above her. Twilight could see at least two levels of balconies over her, also filled with tables and chairs if the maps of the building had been correct. Two eighths of the octagonal shelf were not taken by places to sit, drink and talk. One of them was occupied by a long bar desk, currently manned by one bored reindeer. The other one held a space for a band to play. There was a piano but it was shuffled to the back. Instead, right now three reindeer played clarinet, drums and a zither-like instrument she had heard called a kantele. Twilight could again recognize the tune, but not name it. Some kind of Equestrian pop music, played in a bit tinny and off-key fashion.
The wood was visible everywhere in the pillars and rafters, and it was uniformly painted black, the same with the tables and chairs. The walls were hung with crimson wallpapers with grimy spots. Affixed to the walls and hanging from the ceiling on chains were idols and images of the monsters of Tartarus. They were mostly Equestrian-made in the cheapest plaster, more scary because of the low quality of their casting than of their subjects. Yet they did cast dramatic shadows over the dance floor as lights in red and yellow flashed back and forth.
To reinforce that Tartarus was a prison, rusty iron shackles hung from the rafters here and there, and Twilight watched a waiter almost getting his antlers stuck in one. In addition, among the squirming antediluvian plaster monsters hung a cage in which two go-go-does undulated in what was presumably a sensual fashion. Spotlights focused on the cage to give the interested a chance to get a crick in the neck. Their attire caused Twilight to break into laughter. Her normal one, not her sneering noblemare’s laugh. They were wearing black wooden masks. Zebra fetish masks. While such did look fearsome, Twilight had been schooled by an expert in what they actually meant, hence her joy. One of the does was now protected against vermin eating her root vegetables. The other one was protected against her suitors being poor. Twilight laughed so hard that she actually had tears in her eyes when she reached the bar disk.
“Hi,” said the bartender to the grinning and chuckling unicorn. “What can I help you with?”
She met his eyes with her glittering lavender ones and chuckled again.
“What can’t you do?” she said. “I have to say - I have to say this is a lovely establishment. Classy. Very classy.”
“Erh, thanks,” he said nervously.
“I especially like the entertainment,” she said and nodded towards the dancers.
“Erh, thanks,” he repeated himself. “Anything specific I can help you with, Lady Sparkle?”
“I have an appointment,” she said, “and was instructed to come to the bar and announce myself.”
“Oh, sure,” he said. “Yeah. Uhm.”
There was an awkward silence.
“And... then I assumed I would be shown where the appointment was,” she said, waving her hoof to hurry him on.
“Uhm. Yeah,” the bartender said, sweating. “See, L-Lady Sparkle, your appointment was for nine o’ clock. It’s barely half past seven. The... deer you’re supposed to meet hasn’t arrived yet.”
“Oh,” said Twilight, deflated. “Darn.”
“But... I can show you to the table... where you’re to meet him,” he said hurriedly. “It is booked for all night. And you can wait there, Lady Sparkle, or... just relax and enjoy the... entertainment.” He swept with his hoof over the general interiors of the club.
Twilight cursed silently. Why, oh why do I have to be so punctual?! I was far too early!
“I’ll take my ‘entertainment’ at our table,” she said.
“Great!” said the relieved bartender. “I’ll get one of the waiters to show you up and unlock for you!”
Unlock? she thought. Of course - the maps said the uppermost balcony has small, private rooms for guests who pay extra. They have to be locked or guests would sneak in without paying.
“Excellent!” Twilight said.
“Do you want anything to drink when I get the waiter?” he said.
“A sarsaparilla,” said Twilight.
“What?” said the bartender.
“I have an important job and it’s a working night, sir,” she said with a raised eyebrow. “Will that be a problem?”
“No, no... I’m not sure we have much to choose from...” he said.
“Give me whatever,” Twilight said, “as long as it doesn’t have alcohol in it.”
“Lingonberry sarsaparilla,” Twilight muttered to herself as she looked at the empty bottle. “How on Earth did reindeer come up with this abomination.”
She had nursed her bottle slowly but it still only lasted for about half an hour. There wasn’t much to see through the wooden trellis that covered the window out to the dance floor, except that some more guests had arrived and now there were actually people dancing. She had gone through the possible escape routes in case things went south twice, adjusted for actually having seen the interior of the club. She started to do it once more, just to have something to occupy her mind.
“Those horrible decorations could probably be dropped magically to cause chaos, but I don’t want to harm any random clubgoers,” she muttered. “Bad taste is no crime. But they ought to be possible to use in some way...”
Someone knocked at the door. Twilight tensed up. Who could it be? Hopefully Ahto was early.
“Come in!” she shouted to be heard over the noise passing for music.
The door opened carefully and two does slunk in. They were wearing a little too much makeup (in the regular fashion, not in the Saga way) and thin silver anklets around all four legs. Their coats were streaked with sweat and flecked with cheap glitter. Most importantly, blackened wood masks hung around their necks. Twilight looked curiously at the two dancers. They looked rather reluctant. One of them cleared her throat.
“We were sent here to... entertain you, since you wanted the entertainment at your table,” she said with a thin voice.
Twilight gaped. Then she started to laugh. The does looked at each other.
“Look,” Twilight said when she had stopped laughing, “you can entertain me all right, but there isn’t much room for dancing in here. Come here. Sit down.”
They obeyed even more reluctantly. Twilight fished out a notebook and a pen from her hoofbag.
“Hangmane,” she said. “Tournament?”
It was almost, but not quite nine o’clock when someone knocked at the door. One of the does sprang up and opened it, giggling.
“Sorry, but this is a private booth, sir,” she said to a reindeer whose face was covered with a dark hood.
“My lord is here to meet the unicorn, wench,” he said grouchily and tried to look over her shoulder. The doe shied back.
“Ask him the password,” said Twilight, looking up from her notebook.
“Password?” said the doe.
“P-password?” he flustered. “Uh, Lord Ahto,” he turned back, “I mean, password?”
A reindeer similarly attired but considerably bigger (or perhaps he just stood taller) dopeslapped his underling.
“Idiot! Keep your voice down!” he snarled. “I didn’t say there would be a password!”
“Let them in,” said Twilight. “Lord Ahto is right - he didn’t set a password. As he should have, but I guess that’s what happens when you deal with amateurs.”
Be a bit rude, at least as long as you can stay ahead of them. That’s what princess Luna said. Just a little bit rude. They needn’t like you, but they must respect you. Twilight tried to look a bit condescending. She didn’t know whether she succeeded, so she fell back on using her fan to cover her muzzle.
The reindeer in the hood entered, as did the other reindeer in a hood that must be Lord Ahto, as did a third reindeer in yet another hood... and a crimson-coated pegasus mare, who stopped to ogle the does and grin.
“They did a good job?” she said and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
“Oh, I am satisfied,” said Twilight and started to fish out some tips from her hoofbag, but gave up and just took out one of her purses with emergency bits.
“Take this, keep the change, and please leave us,” she said magnanimously as she levitated the purse over to one of the does whose eyes widened.
“Thanks, milady!” she shouted as she removed herself from the premises.
“Please come again!” the other one said as she followed, and they were heard to gasp and babble out in the corridor as they opened the purse and counted the money.
“Close the door, please,” Twilight told the pegasus. “Equestrian renegade, I assume?”
“I just had this little disagreement over the proper handling of the cargo with a superior officer, is all,” the pegasus sniffed haughtily.
The three reindeer sat down.
“Was that sufficient reason to knife him and throw him overboard?” Twilight said, genuine ice in her voice.
“Yeah, I mean - how did you know that?!” She turned and stared directly at Twilight.
“Sudden Gale, first mate on the Equestrian naval vessel Camaraderie, light mauve pegasus mare with brown mane and tail, cutiemark a face blowing a wind, dishonorably discharged for embezzlement, theft and striking an officer, wanted for attempted murder, goes by the name Crimson Coat, dyes her coat red and paints over her cutiemark, presumed to be the commander of the pirate vessel The Crimson Kraken. Did I miss anything?” Twilight said as she consulted her notes.
“Impressive,” said Jarl Ahto.
“Not really,” said Twilight. “There were reports of some non-reindeer vessels cooperating with the more traditional Vikings, and we tried to learn which they were.”
And I am just incredibly lucky that Sudden Gale chooses such an enormously conspicuous disguise. A grown-up blank-flank with that coat colour? Twilight thought.
“If I might be allowed to introduce my other followers,” Jarl Ahto said as he gave the pegasus an evil glare, “as well as myself.”
“This,” and he pointed to the reindeer which had entered first, “is Hakon, a faithful - if not always wise - housebuck. My other companion is known for her wisdom. This is Guthrun, who is my own kin.”
The reindeer removed their hoods. Hakon smiled sheepishly, while Guthrun scrutinized Twilight closely.
Obviously a seer - probably an empath, Twilight thought. Let’s just hope Paki did a good job.
Ahto himself not just pulled back his hood but removed it, as he obviously was rather sweaty. He had a rich coat, magnificent antlers and an impressive physique.
No wonder he dreams of being King - he has the sort of build Kings have, Twilight thought. In fairy tales. But there is something else about that attempt at a disguise.
“I see now that there are four reasons for us to meet here and nowhere else,” Twilight started. “That’s quite impressive.”
And now and then, don’t be rude. Flatter them. Make them suddenly appreciate you by telling them what they want to hear.
“What?” said Jarl Ahto. “Four reasons for what?”
“Well, first, this place is one used by the business partners of your current allies to launder money. They are having the poor owner under their hoof, as I have heard it. That means you can arrange certain security measures for the meeting,” Twilight said. “Like you know where all the exits are, and when and how they are guarded.”
“I won’t comment on that,” said the Jarl.
“Out of respect for your allies, of course,” said Twilight. “Then, if your enemies, or any allies I might have, have this place under surveillance, they won’t catch much. Reindeer Sight is limited by normal senses. Among other things that means that using farsight to look into a place which is pitch dark except for flashing lights is very hard.”
“That is correct,” said Guthrun.
But I bet not one of you thought about this before now, Twilight thought. At least not from the look of your faces.
“The third reason is that you heard about my reputation and assumed I would like the... ambience,” she said and smiled wickedly. “You get an ‘A’ for effort, at least.”
“That might be... true,” said Ahto and studied the roof. “It is not really my kind of establishment...”
“And the fourth reason is that there are few places in Sarvvik where you could have gotten away with that ridiculous outfit,” Twilight said.
“I make an effort to stay anonymous!” Ahto huffed.
“Yeah?” Twilight said. “You really think the common citizen recognizes your face immediately?”
He gave her a death glare.
He really does. He really thinks he is a household name. Poor, poor foal... But that... that is important! Is there anything to his fantasies?
“Those of your... followers?” she said. “Are they famous? Famous enough to draw attention to the whole group by dressing like that? Who uses hoods like that outside a snowstorm?”
Jarl Ahto looked a bit nervous this time. Hakon looked even more nervous.
So now I know whose idea that was. So you have soaring thoughts about yourself, but they are shaped by your followers, because you don’t have much of an imagination, do you?
“And finally, Miss Blood Red Murder here,” she said and pointed to the pegasus. “An obvious foreigner, with a very special appearance, following you? At least tell me she flew here herself, separately?”
Jarl Ahto looked even more worried, while Sudden Gale started to protest.
“Hey, are you saying it is my fault that...”
“Seriously if... if my... colleagues and I had carried out a mission in Canterlot wearing clown costumes accompanied by a buffalo herd in full regalia, we would have been less visible!” Twilight exaggerated in feigned anger.
“It is not as if you are inconspicuous, Lady Sparkle,” said Guthrun.
Twilight smiled amiably.
“Oh, but I am just visiting a decadent nightclub that fits my infamous and eclectic tastes,” she said and waved her fan. “Whose staff are all threatened or bribed by your compatriots in Sarvvik to lie about what I did. Really, it will be easy for them to come up with horrible stories, and the clientele will willingly lie to corroborate them just to make themselves seem daring and ‘cool’. Why, I am sure the bartender already has a tale of how I wanted dancers sent to my table to perform lurid sexual acts and disgusting services.”
“You mean you didn’t?” said Sudden Gale. Twilight ignored her.
“But I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you brought Captain Gale for a reason,” Twilight said. “I just mean to say that while you might be a daring warleader and skilled sailor, Jarl Ahto, you know little of intrigue. Your experience with the sail and sword didn’t really prepare you for the cloak and the dagger, did it?”
Jarl Ahto stretched himself. “It certainly didn’t!”
Criticize by flattery... yeah, that’s the way... and lead the conversation the right way...
“It is perfectly excusable that you fell for the machinations of the amateur Lord Eminence,” she cooed.
“Well, if you stopped him, why are you helping us now?” said Hakon a bit miffed.
“He was trying to kill the King with a balefire bomb, you genius!” said Sudden Gale. “There would have been nothing left of Sarvvik but a smoking crater, and that wasn’t in the deal!”
“THAT WAS NO BALEFIRE BOMB!” Twilight shouted, perfectly sincere in her anger.
The table grew silent.
“Why can’t people keep their incendiaries straight!?” she growled. “That was a straight alchemical incinerator bomb!”
Everyone stared at her.
“I mean, terrorists these days, cannot keep their bombs apart!” she huffed nervously.
“I’m no terrorist!” Sudden Gale pouted. Twilight ignored her.
“Well, his plot was idiotic, depending on his ability to magically conceal himself which doesn’t work in a city primarily populated by reindeer,” she said, calmer now. “That’s why it failed and would have failed even if I didn’t step in to stop it.”
“So why did you step in?” said Jarl Ahto.
“Because I benefited from stopping it,” she said and shrugged. “His plot, had it succeeded, would have meant no end of trouble for Equestria and wouldn’t have stopped the acts of piracy. Reindeer would have associated your attempt to rule by violent acts from a foreign superpower and resented it, meaning you would have had no ability to rule efficiently. The economic crises and lawless turmoil would have continued, and you couldn’t have stopped the attacks on Equestria. We would have had to make a military intervention which would have just ended in an inefficient mess. My faction at court would have been massively damaged.”
At least nothing of this is a lie... she thought.
“I... see,” said Jarl Ahto. “But now you want to ally with me?”
“Yes, because if we play this right the plot can work,” Twilight said.
“And what do you mean by ‘play it right’?” Jarl Ahto said cautiously.
“Well, first there is what I just told you,” she said and fanned herself. “Equestria doesn’t care who rules Tarandroland. We only care that you stop the massive crimewave that comes from here.”
“I... think I can do that,” Jarl Ahto said. “I am certain I can do that.”
“See, that requires not just your goodwill, Jarl Ahto, but also that Tarandroland is a stable country,” Twilight said. “It isn’t now because of a climate crisis and Ukko’s politics. The Winter war is one thing, politics is another. To make it clear: if you try to get into power through a coup, this won’t be a stable country. We need a stable succession. If your plan for becoming King of Tarandroland includes marching on the capital with your forces, please tell me now. I’ll be downstairs dancing, because we have nothing more to talk about.”
“No! I mean... no,” Jarl Ahto said. “Only in an... emergency! I am certain the people of Poatsula will choose me as the new king if they get the chance. It was just a... fluke, an accident that they didn’t choose my father instead of that accursed Ukko The Piercer! My father should have been the next king! They will know that, and recognize me if I get the chance!”
“King Ukko has chosen a successor, though,” said Twilight.
“Who is just a little kid!” Jarl Ahto laughed. “He would need a guardian to rule in his stead, and who would that be? Ukko’s old drinking cronies, who he put in high places when he was chosen as king? We are in the greatest crisis in recent history, on all fronts! They will need a stronger, younger, charismatic leader with the blood of old kings! Who has proven himself a ruler of deer! Who can in one stroke solve our foreign problems! Who can give the kingdom its needed army!”
Twilight smiled.
He has an ego the size of the Everfree Forest. I believe this is where I laugh.
“Ohohohoho!” she chortled and waved her fan. “I see. So all we need to do is remove Ukko from the stage, and you think all the pieces will fall into place?”
Jarl Ahto nodded.
“I don’t like... the underhanded ways... you seem to suggest, Lady Sparkle... But...” he said.
“Well, that shan’t be difficult,” said Twilight. “My sources tell me that the King is marshaling his forces against Winter soon. He is sure to make a personal appearance in the field. There are a lot of ways he could happen to die there. An old sarv fighting giant monsters under horrible weather conditions. Think about it. No one will suspect a thing. There is a succession crisis. You step in.”
The reindeer looked at each other. Sudden Gale grinned wickedly.
“Fancy lady, you are my kind of scum!” she said. Twilight ignored her.
“If it soothes your conscience, he can even die heroically,” Twilight suggested. “I don’t know, saving an orphanage from a tursu or something.”
“Where would you get an orphanage?” said Hakon.
“You just get the tursu near it,” said Twilight and tried to look nonchalant. “It involves dark magic and things, nothing you would understand.”
Jarl Ahto cleared his throat. “I... I would still need to see what resources you have... gain assurances of support, and so on...”
Twilight smiled.
“I am glad you brought that up, Jarl Ahto,” she said, “because I have similar concerns. I don’t doubt that you mean what you say, and I don’t doubt your personal qualities as a leader, per se. But I still know very little of your deer, and what they really think. I don’t know what forces you actually have. Are you controlling the pirate fleet, or just a few ships of deer loyal to you since your time as an Admiral? Are you spread all over the coast, or do you have useful bases? Can you actually make that effort against Winter the population craves, or not?”
“You realise revealing such things put my deer into jeopardy?” said Jarl Ahto.
“Yes,” said Twilight and smiled. “Which also means that if you do so, you show that you trust me. And trust, I believe, is essential when you are working with traitors!”
And as usual, thanks to my pre-readers LadyMoondancer and Wheelwright!
Spike was that ancient, unbeatable combination, both cold and miserable. It had started snowing and wouldn’t let up and there was a strong wind blowing the snow right into his eyes and snout. The wind shrieked through the windling alleys like an angry Windigo. A dragonfire in his belly and a warm cap on his head weren’t enough to keep the cold out, since he wasn’t allowed to move from his spot. They were on a stakeout, and there were rules.
It wouldn’t have been that bad if he had decent company, but the Companions didn’t have the benefit of Vigg and Saga’s modern education. They had barely gone to school at all (Vigg had said that Mustikka saw his first house when he was a teenager, and had been very suspicious of this weird tent you couldn’t move). They weren’t fond of things like imported pop music or TV shows which might help you learn a foreign language. Because of this, their Equestrian was much worse than the fawns’, and they felt uncomfortable speaking it. Having tried to make conversation and failed, Spike fumed a bit over their insensitivity before he guiltily reminded himself it wasn’t like he had even tried to learn Poatsi.
There wasn’t much to see out there in the square in front of Klubb Niffelhel either. Oh, there were guests arriving and some were turned away from the door. Reindeer on their way to other amusements plodded over the square now and then. The Companions themselves would occasionally make a circuit and move from one alley to the next with long shifts between who walked where. This gave the impression of elderly revelers just drunkenly stumbling past the square, but not necessarily the same five old guys. Not much of this was worth watching. Spike settled down to watching the outfits of the reindeer going to the club, since some were rather silly. He really needed a laugh right now, or a nice, juicy piece of ruby...
There were four who stopped to talk now, not far from the alleyway where Spike was standing. He could almost hear what they said... in Poatsi, unfortunately. It didn’t really help that they had the same habit of sprinkling badly pronounced Equestrian into their conversations as Vigg’s friends, mostly swearwords. To Spike, it sounded something like this :
“Blahblahblah blah blahblahblah oh mai Ce-les-tja! Blah-blah-blahblah blah bukking hei! Blah blah blahahah-blah Ce-les-tja’s bukking sox!”
Spike sighed and looked at the revelers, trying to make out what was going on. Two does had been leaving the club, either being denied entrance or setting some record in being kicked out very early. They were wearing matching outfits , black veils and shawls of some black silk gossamer material that was blown about by the wind. They also wore high boots made of black leather and had black moon sickles painted on their flanks like Saga usually did, so they presumably were Luna fans.
Or worshippers, Spike corrected himself.
Another pair of reindeer, a stag and a doe were obviously going to the club. They met the other two on the way, and struck up a conversation. Or to be more correct, the doe had. The stag mostly seemed eager to get out of the cold wind and into the club. He didn’t say much and cast glances towards it as he trampled impatiently.
The second pair’s outfits could hardly be said to be matching, though. The stag was wearing actual barding and helmet made of clattering bone, though he must have left the spear and battle axe at home. His white coat had a massive amount of body paint in some zig-zag lightning pattern in red and black. Spike had to admit it looked pretty cool, except that no sane person would show themselves like that in public. The doe, on the other claw, had dyed her presumably brown coat several shades of bright pink and had painted a heart on her flanks. She seemed to be wearing even pinker little bows in her tail and antlers and a silver crown on her head. One of those silver crowns that are actually made of tinfoil like little fillies use when playing at princesses.
Spike didn’t really have much taste per se, in no meaning of the word, but helping his beloved Rarity in her boutique now and then had caused some of her refinement to rub off on him. As he watched the dreadful outfit with some form of morbid fascination, he was reminded of one of those times he helped Rarity. She had been helping a couple of non-pony customers, some cows who were going to a ball. Rarity had made a comment that could be construed as cattle being harder to make beautiful than ponies. The cows had of course been hurt and offended, and Rarity had to clarify what she meant.
“All the tools of the beautician’s trade are made with the common pony coat and mane in mind. Make-up, powders, dyes and whatnot are all designed to fit various bright pastels. Using them on someone - somecattle - who has the more muted colours of brown, black and beige is very difficult and usually counterproductive. Young heifers and ewes see these fashion magazines with only pink ponies in them, and try to duplicate their makeup and coiffures end up looking only grotesque, destroying their natural beauty. Ponies in the same colours have the same problems, I assure you! Why, even being simple white as moi is a disadvantage! That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with my coat, or yours. It is just that the toolset is limited. One has to work harder, you see?”
That doe out there would have needed that speech. It was almost as if she was mocking the pony shape. Or she was so stupid she really thought that would make her look like a pony. Spike still couldn’t figure out how she fit with her partner. Was there a most absurd outfit contest at the club tonight? Spike could now see that the helmet on his head must be made out of a reindeer skull. One of Saga’s old friends, she liked this stuff?
That skull. He recognized it, or part of it. It had been a part of Vigg’s headgear during the seance, except it now lacked all the feathers.
The reindeer was white. It was a young stag. He recognized the antlers, he had started to notice they varied from reindeer to reindeer.
That stag was Vigg.
That could only mean... yes. Brown coat. Older vaja, older than her sarv, that is. Ridiculous outfit that must have taken a ton of time. And again, the antlers, though he had seen them less.
That doe was Saga.
About then the couple said their goodbyes and trotted off towards the club. Spike’s first thought was that they couldn’t do that, that was a club for grown-ups. Very grown-up grown-ups. They’d be caught. They’d get the chewing-out of a lifetime. His second thought was of more serious dangers.
Wait! Twilight is there to meet this Ahto guy. Who wants to be king instead of the king. And he has to get rid of the king to do that, and the heir apparit... apparatus... guy who will become king after the king! And that’s Vigg! And that means if Ahto or any of his guys recognizes Vigg despite that stupid costume, they’ll kill him!
Maybe they wouldn’t recognize him. Yeah. Vigg didn’t really like journalists so he stayed out of the media. But Ahto had worked for king Ukko, hadn’t he? Back when the king wasn’t a mean old fart and, well, sane. When Vigg actually hung around his grampa all the time. Ahto must know what Vigg looked like, and know it well, and you never knew how many of his deer did too...
I gotta stop them! They aren’t there yet! I’ll just tell Mustikka and they’ll charge out and pull them back and...
Then they are both grounded for a century. And that.. that quest, Saga says if Vigg doesn’t do it the whole country is doomed. And the grownups will never listen to them about that, not even Luna listens and Twilight... Twilight would listen but not take them seriously.
I gotta get them out of there, and I can’t tell the Companions or their soldiers!
He started to dart out into the square when Mustikka bit into the hood of his jacket.
“Fwew oh yo’ fink yo’ go’ng!?” the reindeer said.
“My mistress needs me!” Spike blurted out.
“Fhe nehf yo’ to fay pup!” Mustikka answered angrily.
It is often claimed that being the bouncer at a popular club gives a certain petty power over others and hence attracts those who want that kind of power. The two stags at the door of Klubb Niffelhem would heartily agree. However, they would argue that they had paid for their petty power in full with blood, sweat and very stagly tears. That’s what happen when you don’t share the aesthetics of your customers and are only in it for the cash.
As the night had finally begun in earnest a long queue had formed at the stairs up to the doors. The bigger of the two stags scowled and sometimes pushed so that the queue would end at the bottom of the stairs and only the first deer in line would go up to the door. If those waiting could eavesdrop on the conversation, it would make their work harder and embarrass the customers for no good reason.
The righthoof reindeer scanned the crowd and sighed. The clubgoers were easily divided into certain groups based on their style of dress. He wouldn’t dress that way if he was paid to do it and here were deer who paid to dress like that, hence the sigh.
The biggest group used simple yet macabre makeup, hiding their eyes in black holes of eyeshadow and darkening the shadows in their coats, giving them a skull-like appearance. They wore macabre jewelry of skulls and bones, runes of death and beasts of ill omen. They seemed divided into those affecting morose ennui and those being genuinely cheerful to a painful, pony-ish degree. He didn’t know which was more annoying.
Then there was a sizable minority which based their outfits on traditional grazer gear... only a rather idealized and exaggerated version, with cotton grass shawls and mantles in outrageous colours and belts and harnesses of fake nidhogg leather. He was pretty certain none of them were grazers. A lot of them also combined this with somewhat exaggerated versions of the ethnic costumes of other peoples who were considered spiritual kin to grazers. Hence, many of them affected jewelry, body paint and accessories based on buffalo, antelope and tapir mixed with their faux-grazer outfits. Body paint was most common. He assumed it was cheaper.
Then, there was a group of curious gawkers, who looked just like any normal reindeer.. His boss had told them to be very hard with these people and often find reasons to deny them entrance. That would make them even more curious, even more eager to get in and even more willing to pay the outrageous prices for watered drinks. He mostly thought it got him and his colleague into more quarrels with the customers.
Finally, there was a very small group of just plain crazy reindeer. Deer who had amputated their current set of antlers and replaced it with a candelabra. Deer wearing outrageous dresses incorporating live seagulls. Deer in silver and gold body paint all over their coat perfumed with wolf musk. Here his boss had ordered them to be lenient. Knowing that these eccentrics could be seen here attracted more people who wouldn’t have come for the music and ambience. This didn’t stop him and his colleague from putting their hooves down sometimes. After all, these deer were nuts. Nodeer knew what they could do.
He had a couple that were a clear example coming up the stairs next. As the stag nervously walked up to speak with his colleague, he looked sternly at him and eyed his outfit critically. Probably started as one of those faux-ethnic lunatics, he guessed. The guy was wearing barding and a helmet made out of pitted iron, bone and horn, genuine as far as he could tell. It was decorated with an impressive set of runes he hadn’t seen much before, carved and inked. The helmet, made from a reindeer cranium, was hung with small feathers and the noseguard left his eyes deep in shadow. He had one of those natural white coats that’s hell to keep clean, and had painted himself all over with an intricate pattern of black and crimson lightning bolts. They started at his face and leapt toward his tail, and hence his face and tail were all red and black instead of white.
He had to admit it actually looked rather cool, although he couldn’t fathom why anydeer sane would wear it in public. Also, it had probably helped if the guy in armor had tried to look fierce and savage, instead of looking horribly nervous. The guys tried to swallow and steady himself as he started to speak to his colleague.
“Me and my... my wench want to enter this place,” he said, almost succeeding in not stammering. He gave the smaller, leaner doorguard an embarrassed look.
“Your ‘wench’, eh?” said the smaller guard and cracked a smile. “Would that be..?” he started to say, indicating the doe coming up close behind him. He was interrupted by said doe throwing herself at him.
“Oooh, you must saaaave me from this dreadful savage!” she moaned in what was the worst fake Equestrian accent he had ever heard. “He has abducted me from my faaaather’s caaaastle!” Her hooves were for a moment almost around his neck. Then she suddenly bounced back and snuggled up against her “captor” in a way that suggested if she really had been “abducted”, she had the worst case of Trotholm Syndrome in history.
She had painted herself (or perhaps rouged, he was no expert on doe’s makeup) bright pink all over, with various deeper shades or lighter sheens here and there. She must be brown somewhere under all the pink, but even her antlers and hooves had been painted with some kind of deep pink hoof polish and dusted with silver glitter. She wore little pink bows in her antlers and tail and clattering plastic jewelry in pink (again!), red and silver. Jingling anklets and several necklaces with hearts and stars and little kittens and bigger red plastic hearts in her ears. On her head she was wearing a cheap crown of plastic or tin foil or both, and within it was a...
A horn? he thought. She... she is supposed to be a freezing unicorn princess! This is the funniest thing this week!
She jumped down the stairs and addressed her audience of curious clubgoers.
“It was hoooooorrible! He dragged me away from my bedchaaaambers...”
He didn’t have time to hear the rest as her “captor” thrust his head up close to him and whispered hoarsely:
“Listen! You have to... you have to deny us entrance to your club!”
The brutal, savage warrior had a clear tenor voice with an academic’s tone to it.
“What?” he said.
“I have... friends in there! I had to talk her out of wearing shackles and being on a leash! Please, I... I’ll pay you!” said the barbarian gentlestag. His embarrassment oozed out of him and he sweated and swallowed.
The doorguard wasn’t a cruel deer, but he sorely lacked amusement and his boss had ordered him to get crazy people like this couple into the club. Besides, it wasn’t like they could’ve had trouble with their ID or something if they wanted to pay not to get in!
“Now now, first you abduct unicorn princesses and then you don’t want to take her to our decadent establishment,” he laughed with a low voice. “But please come in! Don’t ravish any of the staff too much, don’t drink too much blood from that helmet and keep your... wench leashed next time!” he said louder, loud enough for the gaping crowd to hear. He opened the door and ushered the crazy couple in, the stag with some difficulty.
His eyes met his colleague’s and they shared a hearty laugh.
“Y’know, some deer are henpecked but that’s just too much,” he snorted, as the next couple of eager guests came up the stairs. “Alright! Who’s next?”
“I can’t believe we got in!” Vigg mumbled as they paid for their tokens in the wardrobe. They had no clothes to hang there, but rules are rules.
“Never doubt me!” Saga boasted, then sighed theatrically and leaned against him as curious clubgoers gawked.
“We got in!” Vigg beamed as he started to bound down the stairs. “Come on, fair prisoner! I’ll never doubt you again!”
As they entered the central dancefloor they stopped momentarily to stare at the furnishings. Vigg shook his head in disbelief.
“Isn’t it just awesome?!” Saga squealed and gestured to the plaster decorations. “Look, there are the four Diomedian sisters! Did you know they were alicorns, and they breathed fire, and they ate people?”
“So... they are making that guy into sausage?” Vigg squinted. “Then the relief makes sense...”
“And there is the Atterkappa, the Great Arachnid. She used to capture the young Ursas in her void-web, until My Goddess struck her down and locked her in Tartarus!” Saga continued.
“So... many... legs...” Vigg mumbled. They seemed to be made of wire or cable hanging from the plaster statue.
“Over there hanging from six chains is the evil theophage Hubbodamaster, Lord of the Yahus...”
“Okay,” said Vigg, “now I know they are just kidding. That guy is just made up, put together from various other beings... I mean, he’s like minotaur except he has some monkey’s head and...”
Saga sniffed. “Do you question my occult skills?”
“Of course not!” Vigg said he snuggled her. “That’s why I abducted a unicorn princess, after all...”
“Oh, I’m a great dancer as well!” said Saga and wiggled her flank. “Let’s dance!”
To her surprise Vigg didn’t follow her when she started to move out on the floor, but hesitated and looked around.
“What is it?” she shouted.
“It’s... I... I mean, don’t you want to check this place out?” he said and forced a smile.
“Okay. Sure,” Saga said, a bit nonplussed. She followed him to the ledge around the floor and they trotted around it while Vigg looked up and down as if scrutinizing the place, or the crowds, or both. Past the ledge further away from the dancing floor was a space for tables and benches and drinking reindeer.
Her disappointment at the lack of boogie was tempered by the looks she got. Everydeer was watching them, many in clear awe, and when Vigg stopped in front of two long tables dragged out to give a good view of the dance floor she put on a show.
“Saaave me!” she pledged as she kneeled in front of a necrotic-clad couple. “Saaave me from this dreadful fate...”
Vigg was unfortunately a bit too embarrassed to act along until she had played it for all it was worth. About then he stopped to drag her back with an angry “Come now!” The anger first seemed genuine, but he quickly caught himself and shouted a purely theatrical “You are mine now! Only mine!” This actually earned them an applause, laughter and an vaja about twice their age who prodded her partner and stage-whispered “And why do you never do that to me?!”
Placated, Saga moved along as Vigg did a full circuit, although she was a bit confused when he stayed right in front of the band. It wasn’t like they were that special or much to look at. When Vigg turned to the crowd right in front of the musicians and were on a stage as it were, Saga took the chance to drape herself across him and silently lament that she let herself be talked out of the shackles. That would have been fun, and she used to wear a chain as a necklace that would have been great. Too bad Vigg was a bit stiff about the whole thing.
They passed the bar, where they both curiously gazed at the patrons, though Saga found it very silly that Vigg had apparently never seen one before, as long time as he spent staring at it.
I mean, people in the castle do drink, don’t they? she thought. Don’t they ever have cocktail parties or something when they pick up drinks from a servant?
“Should we go upstairs?” Vigg asked when they reached the stairs.
“I dunno,” said Saga who felt the music in her bones, “what’s up there?”
“You liked the decorations, don’t you want to see how all this looks from high up above?” he said.
“Oh yeah!” she beamed and they trotted upstairs.
On the second floor they found more tables overlooking the floor from a balcony. This was a more luxurious place, where you could have drinks and snacks sent up and better chairs. The crowd had more elaborate and hence expensive outfits as well. Despite this they still made an impression. One doe in a clearly buffalo-inspired outfit stopped Vigg and tried to ask over the din how he made his barding. He explained his girlfriend had made both their outfits, so she turned her questions to Saga. Her partner, another doe, turned to Vigg.
“I wish I was white-coated as well!” she half-shouted. “Your warpaint looks way more awesome than mine!”
“Thanks,” he said.
“I mean, you look awesome, but I would never dare do that in public, it looks crazy!” she continued.
“...thanks,” he said.
A waiter passed them, and the second buffalo-doe took the opportunity to order more beer from him. He was a very slim stag with a slightly doeish build and no signs of he club subculture except for eyes that were black holes of eyeshadow.
“And do you want something, sir?” he said as he turned to Vigg.
“Not right now, thanks,” Vigg said. He should be used to servants from home but the waiter seemed different. More subservient, strangely enough. The maids and porters of the castle seemed to have come with it, while the waiter was only loosely attached to his apron and not at all to the club.
“Alright then,” said the waiter and started to leave.
“Wait!” said Vigg. The waiter waited. “I was looking for somedeer...”
He didn’t have time to finish before Saga popped up next to him.
“What are you doing?” Saga said. “I got the vaja’s address, we’ll meet up and talk stuff.”
“Nothing,” Vigg said and waved off the waiter, “we can take that later. Should we look at the third floor?”
“The third floor is just private lodges, sir,” said the waiter.
“What?” said Vigg.
“It’s private rooms you can hire. Other than that there is only a corridor and we really don’t want customers runing around it unless they’ve hired a private table,” the waiter said. “Sorry sir.”
“Can you see the dance floor from up there?” said Saga.
“Only if you hire a room,” said the waiter. “Sorry ma’am.”
“Bummer!” said Saga. “Ah well - let’s dance then, my savage!”
She dragged a frustrated Vigg down to the dance floor.
Spike fidgeted in the alley. He knew he needed to go, now, or all would be lost.
“Now, why can yo’ not stand fast?” Mustikka asked with irritation.
Spike fidgeted some more, then hit on the obvious.
“I, uh, gotta go,” he said and started to jump from one foot to another.
“Go, where?” Mustikka asked.
“Just, y’know go!” Spike said.
“Go and what?,” Mustikka said. “Where?”
“He means he needs to piss,” said Heikko in Poatsi. “Poor sod. I needed to go something fierce just a while ago.”
“Run away, little thing!” he said amiably to Spike in Equestrian. “Go take a piss out of the wall! I goed just fore now!”
“Oh, thanks!” said Spike and ran off.
“What?! You...” sputtered Mustikka.
“Oh, calm down!” Heikko shrugged. “Do you want him to take a leak in here? Who knows what dragon piss stinks like? It might even be poisonous. And it isn’t nice not letting somedeer take a piss when they need it.”
Mustikka groaned.
Galderhorn coughed. “Maybe he will be unseen,” he said softly. “He is, after all, very small.”
Now I just need to get into the club! Spike thought as he ran for the club entrance, in a roundabout way so as to not be obvious from the hideout. I have no idea how, but I have to!
Saga thought she was good at dancing, at least the kind of dancing that mattered. Indeed, she had proof, as she felt jealous gazes of the other dancers on her. However, she was beginning to have her doubts.
Vigg wasn’t looking at her.
Sure, he was no trained dancer, but he wasn’t paying too much attention to his feet or the dancefloor either. Instead he seemed to constantly check out the crowd around them, his eyes periodically scanning the other dancers and the watchers from the gallery. Now and then he would focus and peer intently at somedeer in the crowd. Saga began to try following his gazes but couldn’t really get what he was looking at. Except perhaps people. Interesting people. People more interesting than her. Other does? Likely. Stags? Not likely... but possible. She was growing worried.
“What’s up, why aren’t you dancing?” she shouted at him.
“Oh, I am!” he shouted back.
“You’re not into it!” she said as she stepped close to him so she didn’t have to shout that much. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Nothing,” he said, looked embarrassed into her eyes and then away. “Maybe something. Look, I’ll get us something to drink. What do you want?”
“Something grownup!” she said and looked sternly at him.
“Okay, Princess!” he said and galloped away.
She tried to get back to enjoying her dancing but couldn’t really feel the beat any longer. Was there in fact a pattern? Who had he been looking at? Hadn’t it been does... and at least one stag... in dresses? Dark dresses, in fact, blue, purple or black.
Isn’t being a unicorn enough? she snorted to herself. Do I really have to look like Mistress Sparkle as well?
Vigg shouldered himself up to the bar. He found his outfit actually brought with it a strange kind of mocking respect, which helped get reindeer out of the way.
“What do you want, big chief?” said the bartender.
“Well...” Vigg said and looked around him. “What’s in right now?”
The bartender guffawed.
“I know deer try to be cool but it’s rarely they are honest, big chief,” he said. “So I’ll recommend the lingonberry sarsaparilla. I’m almost out.”
“Lingonb... what?” Vigg said dumbfounded.
“Lingonberry sarsaparilla,” the bartender repeated. “You won’t believe it, but the most infamous sorceress in the world is here this evening, and that’s her special order.”
Vigg’s heart started to raise.
“Lady Sparkle? Twilight Sparkle of Equestria is here tonight? Halvdager Gnistra av Hestaland?” he said. The bartender nodded.
“Yep,” he said. “If you don’t believe me ask Honung and Blida over there.” He pointed to two does standing at the end of the bar drinking mineral water. Their coats were foamy with sweat and coated with cheap glitter. Cheap bangles were around their ankles, and around their neck hung scary, garish equine masks made of wood. “Come up here, does! This warrior chieftain here doesn’t believe you served Lady Sparkle the Wicked earlier this evening.”
The two does looked to each other, laughed, said something inaudible and then strode up to Vigg.
“Well hello Chief,” said the first of them and placed herself close to Vigg on his right side. “I’m Honung. I’m sweet.”
“And I’m Blida,” said the other one. “I’m warm.” She placed herself on Vigg’s left side.
“Uhm... Hello,” he said. “I’m Bolt. Because I’m, I’m fast.” He tried to indicate his lightning bolt warpaint.
They giggled.
“Not always a virtue in a stag,” said Blida. “So, you don’t think Holger here served the black sorceress?”
“Well...” Vigg tried to clear his throat. “It’s more like I can’t believe she drinks lingonberry sarsaparilla, is all. After all, how do I know that Waters-Down-Drinks here isn’t just trying to get rid of an unsellable stock?”
“My, what an eloquent barbarian!” Honung purred and came a bit uncomfortably close to Vigg, who had fight his old problem to keep his focus.
“I eat a lot of scholars,” said Vigg. “Now tell me about Twilight Sparkle!”
“Well, I’m awfully thirsty,” Honung lamented. “As an exotic dancer, I have to work so hard in this hot environment...”
“And the ventilation is useless!” Blida said. “The air is so bad...”
“Well... what do you want to drink?” Vigg said with some exasperation, since Blida was awfully close now as well. They were warm...
“Oh, if you are buying, Big Chief... I’d like a Double Gjöll,” the doe said and pointed to the pricelist written in chalk above the bar.
To his credit Vigg didn’t wince that much at the pricetag. On the other had, he had a literally princely allowance. He fished out one pouch of silver from under his barding and tossed to the bartender.
“Keep them coming,” he said grimly.
“Oooh,” said Honung and held up her mask before her eyes, “maybe you’d want to dance with us later, Chief?”
“A wardance, perhaps?” Blida purred and raised her mask as well.
“I just want to hear your story of Skinfaxi’s Shadow,” Vigg said and avoided looking at them, as the bartender started mixing drinks (coloured water and ice, as always when the dancers got guests to buy them overpriced drinks).
“Oooh... she is really really beautiful,” said Honung and looked genuinely wistful.
“And she has a really wicked mind,” said Blida. “I mean, I live in sin, but the things that mare has seen... and done...”
“Maybe something you cannot learn from gossip mags?” Vigg said.
Honung swallowed her first sip of coloured water.
“Well, she is really dedicated, you know? Reliable,” she said.
“How do you mean?” Vigg asked.
“Well, she was drinking sarsaparilla because she was working, you see, Chief?” Honung said.
“She needed a clear mind!” Blida whispered. “Big things are afoot tonight!”
“What things?” Vigg asked.
“If we told you she’d kill us!” Honung said solemnly.
“They say she killed a tavernkeeper and his family and staff and burned down the tavern when he didn’t answer her questions!” Blida whispered.
“But at the same time as she is wicked - oh the things she had us do to each other...” It looked like Honung was either swooning, being sick or both.
“She’s like a little fawn,” said Blida. “All playful and smiling. Her eyes, they are so cruel, but beyond that there is... innocence.”
“I don’t think she ever got to be a fawn - a foal, I mean,” Honung said sadly. “She probably had a terrible childhood!”
“Yeah, they say Queen Skinfaxi found her in a horrible orphanage... and raised her... and when she couldn’t get the evil out of her, she remade the mare so she would only hurt Equestria’s enemies...” Blida whispered, a form of communication that caused Vigg’s legs to lock up since her warm muzzle was in his ear.
“Now, Chief, I bet you want to know what she made us do...” Honung whispered in his other ear.
“Well, um, sh-sure...” he stammered, his blush hidden by black and crimson paint.
“Well, you know how unicorns have this horn, and...” she began.
“Hey! What the freezing hay are you doing?” shouted somedeer right behind them.
Vigg, of course, knew who it was already before he turned around. The dancers didn’t.
“Who’s the pink squirt?” said Blida and looked at Saga, who wasn’t actually steaming, but that was mostly from lack of moisture.
“His doefriend,” said Saga, “and a professional witch who can curse you from here to next autumn!”
The does laughed mockingly.
“Look, Saga,” said Vigg desperately, “I can totally explain this!”
“Yeah, please explain!” she fumed.
Honung left Vigg and trotted up to Saga.
“Lighten up, Little Pink Witch! Look, you have a very cute and hot stagfriend, and he has a totally awesome outfit - but he is crazy to wear it in public...” She looked at Vigg and he blushed. “We... came on to him, and he was a gentlestag and offered to buy us something to drink. We didn’t even give him a chance to explain he was taken. I should have guessed he was.” She turned to Vigg again and blew him a kiss. Blida joined her.
“Yeah, we’re just fooling around. Couldn’t resist that manly flank, y’know? C’mon Honung, we’ve got to get back to work,” she said and they started to walk away. Saga looked at her intently and seemed to be mumbling under her breath.
“Bye, gorgeous!” she said to Vigg. “Come back if you ditch the witch!” Then she turned to Honung, who had joined her. “What was that?! Okay, the kid was kinda cute, but not like that...?”
“I haven’t seen a tip like that ever before,” Honung whispered. “That’s gotta be like two month’s salary for both of us! The poor sod didn’t even get to hear the thing you made up about unicorn horns, he doesn’t deserve to have Miss Ball-and-chain angry with him.”
“Sure,” Blida laughed. Then she stopped to scratch herself. “Damn, I must be getting lice again!”
“You do?” Honung stopped as well. “Well... maybe... now you say it, so do I!”
Having finished the second spell, Saga went up to a cowering Vigg. She slapped him upside the head.
“You dork!” she said, not unkindly. “Don’t ever do that again! Those kind of does work by getting people to pay for them. You needn’t be polite to them like that. That’s like buying everything a pedlar offers to you!”
“I’m sorry,” Vigg said and looked miserable.
“Come on, lets go back and dance for real this time,” she said and looked at him pleadingly.
“Yeah, okay, lets,” he said and smiled faintly, and then they did just that.
As usual, thanks to LadyMoondancer and Wheelwright for proofreading this story, and special thanks this time to Wheelwright for help with plotting when I was stuck!
Spike ran up to the club entrance from the left side, instead of the front where the queue was. There was a low railing. He fell over when he tried to duck under it, hindered by his thick clothing, so he crawled the last bit. He then tried to scurry up the stairs from the side but was stopped by one of the doorstags.
“Whoah!” he said and pushed Spike back with a cloven hoof. “Where do you think you’re going, buster?”
“I have to get inside!” Spike yelled.
“Well, so does everydeer else!” the guard snarled. “Get in line!”
“It’s an emergency!” Spike said with a quieter voice.
“Suuuuuure!” said the guard. “You getting into this club is a matter of life or death?”
“But it is!” Spike yelled. “You see I have to...”
Do this without telling him the crown prince is in there, Spike realized.
“...well it’s a secret! But I have to do it now!” he continued.
“Look, I don’t care what your issue is, get back in line!” the guard said.
The other guard, the bigger and quieter one, had approached them and now spoke up.
“Nah, he shouldn’t get back in line,” he said.
Oh thank goodness, Spike thought.
“You shouldn’t be here at all! You’re obviously underage, squirt!” he said menacingly. “This place is for grownups! Go home to mommy and daddy and stay there!”
“But you don’t understand!” Spike wailed. “I’m the assistant to Lady Twilight Sparkle! She’s here tonight and I have a very important message so you have to let me in!”
The guards looked at each other, then shook their heads.
“Prove it!” said the smaller of them.
“I’m a freezing baby dragon! How many of your customers are baby dragons?! How many baby dragons are there in Tarandroland?!” Spike yelled angrily.
“You’re the fourth one this evening,” said the bigger guard and pointed with his hoof to a group of huddled reindeer in the street Spike hadn’t noticed either. They were all wearing very bad dragon costumes. He had seen some bad dragon costumes, but these took the cake.
“Look, kid,” said the smaller guard, “your costume is the best so far, even if it needs work. I mean it’s obvious you’re really a reindeer. But you don’t get in, so go home and stop bothering us. This is no place for fawns, and you’re holding up the paying customers! Now scram!”
Dejectedly, Spike walked back into the shadows.
How in Equestria am I supposed to get in now? he thought. This will all go south...
In desperation, he started to sneak around the building, looking for any other way in. A back door, a cellar door... a fire ladder?
There were fire ladders... or at least a ladder. Except this was a ladder that didn’t go all the way to the ground. Maybe it was mobile, and you were supposed to lower it in case of a fire... A rearing pony would have had trouble reaching it, and Spike’s jumping and grabbing attempts were hence useless. He nearly screamed in frustration. Then he started to look around for something to climb on to reach up.
There were a set of trashcans across the street. He walked over and tried to drag it to the ladder, but it was far too heavy for him. He only succeeded in toppling it. While he avoided breaking anything major when it fell on him, he did get covered in stinky trash. He just lay there a while, screaming inside and hating this alley, this city and this country with the burning fury of a thousand suns.
Finally he got up and rolled around in the snow for a while to get the trash off and ended up very wet and cold. He grabbed the loose lid from the trashcan and carried it over the street, then tried to prop it up against the wall and use it as a makeshift stepladder to reach the ladder. No success.
When he jumped (or rather, sort of stumbled upwards) trying to grab it, he landed on his side. It hurt a lot. This time, he wasn’t certain whether he had broken something or not. He had rarely felt this useless. His eyes teared up.
“Hey there, little buddy, are you hurt? Do you need help?” a voice said above him. He looked up and saw a demonic shadow above him. For a second, he was terrified, but then...
“Dark Clouds?” he said to the lunar pegasus.
“Yup!” said the Night Guard. “I was guarding as ordered when I saw you. What are you doing?”
Spike sniffed and sat up.
“I need to get a message inside,” he said. “There is! There’s a threat to the whole operation and I need to get inside to tell somepony to get out and I can’t tell the reindeer!”
“Wow!” said Dark Clouds. “Well, why don’t I give you a lift! You can get in through the roof, I think. This is exactly the thing we trained for in forced entry, if you can get past the pirates on the roof...”
“The pirates on the roof?” said Spike
There were three of them. Dark Clouds explained that they hadn’t been relieved, which should make things easier.
“That’s brutal, having to stand guard like this hours on end in this weather with no real shelter. They’re probably also really undisciplined since they’re not unemployed reindeer soldiers but their foreign allies, just pirates. They’ve been here since before we came to the club!” he said as they hid behind a big chimney.
Spike didn’t listen much, he was marveling at the... diversity of the three guards.
“Noticed they all have wings?” Dark Clouds misread him. “Of course, they’re not pegasi, but that’s a still an advantage given the situation. I mean, as we are on a roof and all.”
“I... noticed the wings,” said Spike, “but I was thinking of something else.”
The closest pirate, with the back to them, was simply a griffon. She was rubbing her hind legs together and trying to keep her tail out of the snow. She was presumably regretting not wearing more than a colourful vest, from which hung an impressive assortment of blades and hooks. Griffin coats and feathers weren’t really coldproof. Griffons weren’t common in Equestria but there was a sizable minority especially in pegasus cities, so she was no big surprise.
The next one, however, who had his left side to them, was a different matter. He was some sort of deer-bird hybrid, with the front parts of a stag and the hind parts of a colorful bird. The plumage didn’t shimmer but looked dull and lustreless, however.
“I’m dying here,” said the being in a heavily accented Equestrian. Spike couldn’t place the accent. “I’m dying of cold and thirst and hunger, and down there is heat and booze and food.”
“And hot flanks!” the griffon snarled. “Why are we doing this crappy duty when everyone else gets to party down there?”
“He’s a peryton,” said Dark Clouds quietly. “They’re from an island chain far down south, beyond llama lands. Pirates are like that - crews are from all over the world!”
“We know why, Gerda,” said the peryton. “We’re doing this because we have the blessing of flight, but we aren’t any of Captain Crimson’s precious pampered pegasi pirates!” He looked accusingly at the third of them. “Would she send any of them up here... without booze and heat...”
“And flanks!” Gerda added.
“...do you think?” the peryton finished.
“Guys, I be th' first mate,” said their accomplice. “Would he send me aloft wit’ ye if that was th’ case?”
The accomplice took the cake.
“A pig with wings?” Spike said. Dark Clouds hushed him.
“‘tis a tough job, n’ somebody has t’ do it. Th’ Cap’n decided ‘twas ye,” the winged pig explained. He had dressed more sensibly, in a thick jacket, but he still looked very piratical with a colorful bandanna tied around his head, a cutlass-hung bandolier belt across his tubby chest, and gold rings in his ears. He lacked an eyepatch, but he did have a wooden trotter, the right front one.
“So is he a... pigasus or what?” whispered Spike.
“I’ve heard they call themselves ‘megasi’, for some reason,” said Dark Cloud. “Don’t look that big to me. But they are really good fliers and fighters, for non-pegasi that is.”
“Why are we even in this freezing sun-forsaken place anyway?” said the peryton.
“Ye’re truly daft, Jorge,” said the megasus. “If th' Captain can help this here barbarian chieftain t' become th' King, we can hide here whenever we want. Across th' sea lies Ponyland, 'n 'tis fat 'n peaceful 'n easy prey. We can sell any prize here without any hassle, 'n then spend th' doubloons down south wit' nobody knowin' we be pirates.”
“Barbarians, yeah,” said Jorge the peryton. “Can we even trust these savages here? Reindeer are just a small step up from some cannibal headhunters or something!”
“Yeah,” said Gerda the griffin, “and if those ponies on Tropical Island throw you into their volcano or onto the barbecue, you at least get to see some hula-hula first. Here it’s just gloom and doom. I’ve never met a more dour people!”
“Jorge, Jorge, me fawn, if thar be one thin' t' be said fer these northdeer, 'tis they keep thar word,“ said the first mate. “ 'n Gerda, we’ll 'ave t' put ye in a sauna wit' some vodka 'n some local does. Tarandrians get crazy wit’ some booze inside’em! I’m sure that can be arranged!” He grinned with yellow tusks and spit out some tobacco.
The other flying pirates looked barely convinced but didn’t protest anymore. They lightened up when the first mate shared some of said vodka.
“We just have to get you past them and down the lid,” said Dark Clouds. “It’s not like we can fight them, but I think we can fool them...”
“I have an idea,” said Spike. “Just cover me!” He started to sway back and forth before the curious eyes of Dark Cloud, then he stepped out from behind the chimney and directly up to the pirates.
I just hope I can imitate Berry Punch’s step... he thought as he tried to look unfocused and hiccoughed loudly.
“Heeeeeeeeeeeey!” he shouted in what he hoped was a Tarandroland accent. “Foooooreigners!”
They stared at him with surprise, claws and trotters and hooves on weapons.
“Nice costumes, eh?” he said and poked the griffin, then hiccoughed.
“Who are ye, 'n wha' are ye doin' here?” said the first mate.
“I’m... Speikko,” Spike said and struck his chest with his claw. “And this is just the best nightclub in Sarvvik!”
“No, I mean... why are ye on th' roof?” said the baffled megasus.
“Oh! To take a piss, of course!” said Spike and swayed as he looked at nobody in particular.
“You... went up to the roof to take a piss?” said Jorge with disgust.
“You should have seen the line to the toilet!” said Spike. “Also, if you get to the edge of the roof, you spell your name in the snow in really big letters! Ancient Poatsulan custom!” He laughed heartily.
“But... we have been here for hours!” said Gerda. “You must have come before us!”
“I don’t know when I came up here,” said Spike and shrugged. “I really needed to go! All that vodka, you know! Oh - and the coffee!”
“And it’s not like we watched the hatch in the roof,” said Jorge to his friends. “We were watching the surroundings...”
“Are ye supposed t' be a dragon?” said the first mate.
Spike nodded proudly. “Do you like my costume?”
The pirates looked a bit uncomfortable.
“Sorry, but it’s really obvious you’re a reindeer,” said Gerda.
“Nice try, though,” said the first mate.
“Ooooh...” said Spike, looking dejected.
“Well, I suppose ye needs t' get back t' th' party!” said the first mate hastily. “This way, down th' hatch here!”
They more or less pushed Spike down the stairs below under his fervent, hiccough-interrupted thanks. When they had gotten him down there they went back to their post and relaxed.
“Do you think he heard anything?” said Gerda. The first mate laughed.
“Naaah, he was drunk out o' his skull 'n one o' th' silly buggers who goes t' places like this,” he said. “He will reckon anythin' he remembers was jus' fancies!”
“I’m supposed you’re right... Wasn’t he very small, like just a fawn?” said Gerda.
“What did I tell you?” said Jorge, took a swig of vodka and grimaced. “Savages!?
The dance floor was the middle of a thundercloud. Darkness cut through by flashes of light. Loud bellowing noises echoing through your bones. Your coat matted with sweat. Even Saga had to admit she was starting to get drained, and her barbarian beau was clearly getting weak in his knees.
That’s why she didn’t protest when he dragged her close and shouted in her ear: “I’m sorry, but I really have to take a leak.” His leg remained loped around her neck, which was not unpleasant, and panted pitifully as he awaited her permission.
“Sure!” she shouted back. “I need to go as well! We’ll meet by the bar!”
He nodded and left the dance floor at a trot, the dancing crowd (which were still nicely impressed by them) dividing to give him room.
Well, they were certainly unique in the crowd. The current trend seemed to be to imitate her Mistress in the Craft (Saga loved saying that to herself - “Mistress in the Craft”). Saga had first been a bit jealous of the idea, but then she realized that since everydeer had tried to turn up in a dark dress cut for ponies and the same basic makeup, she wouldn’t have stood out the same way.
Oh, how I wish I could tell everydeer I designed that makeup! she thought. Not that it fit reindeer very well, given our non-purple coats...
She swayed her hips to the music as she trotted off to the little vaja’s room to catch up on some gossip. She needed to know more about the recent Twilight Sparkle craze. She thought she knew all about the necro-nerdy trends in town, but apparently having a stagfriend got you out of touch.
Small price to pay! she smiled as she placed herself in line for the loo.
Vigg suppressed his bladder and stalked off upstairs. He was getting more and more desperate to learn about Twilight’s doings, and he felt he only had one lead.
I just hope he hasn’t stopped working for the evening, he thought as he entered the second floor balcony.
Scanning the crowd for a certain waiter, he missed both the many murmured compliments he got for his outfit and appearance and a smaller number of pick-up lines which generally revolved around him coming over and pillaging their apartment. It was probably for the best that he found the waiter after a short while and went up to him.
“Hi!” he said, a bit out of breath, his muzzle a little too close to the waiter’s.
“Uh... hello,” said the waiter and shied back. “What can I help you with, sir?”
Vigg stayed close and lowered his voice.
“I have heard Lady Twilight Sparkle is here tonight,” he said.
“I can’t really say, sir,” said the waiter. “Uh, I can’t talk about guests like that.”
“I am already certain she is,” Vigg said. “I am also certain she has a private room, or I would have seen her, or somedeer else would’ve seen her and made a scene.”
“Erm...” said the waiter.
Vigg dragged out a bag of silver and placed on the waiter’s tray. He couldn’t see it, carrying the tray on his antlers as deer waiters do, but he felt its weight.
“That’s just a little gift. Tell me where she is and you’ll get another one,” Vigg said.
The waiter swallowed.
“I - I’m carrying up some refreshments to her room in a minute,” he said. “Pay me that twice again and I’ll let you see where I’m going.”
Vigg stood still a second or two, as thoughts ran through his head.
“No,” he said. “I pay you thrice that again and you give me your tray and apron.”
The waiter hesitated. Vigg opened another pouch and showed him the real, freshly minted silver.
“Okay,” said the waiter hoarsely. “Okay.”
Twilight was getting more and more frustrated. She wasn’t getting what she had come for. She needed clear numbers and descriptions of Jarl Ahto’s forces. She needed the location of their base. Neither was forthcoming. Twilight decided Ahto had one advantageous trait in a ruler: he was able to talk a lot without saying anything, and it was obvious he was avoiding the more juicy facts. Meanwhile, she felt she had already said everything she was prepared to divulge regarding her own plans. If she continued she would start to promise things she couldn’t keep. Not that she intended to keep any promises here in the long run, but she assumed it wouldn’t be detected so early.
And here you sit, Twilight Sparkle, deliberately making promises you never intend to keep, she thought, so you can ruin the life and plans of this poor fool.
She couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for Ahto. Even if Twilight failed miserably, she had the strong suspicion his coup wouldn’t work. The only reason reindeer had to support him would be that he wasn’t Ukko, and by that logic they might as well vote for Wiglek the Wicked returned from the Summer Lands as the next king.
She sighed. At the moment she wished she could have dealt with the reindeer kids’ strange ideas of ancient artefacts and undead sorcerers instead of this mess. It would have felt cleaner, somehow. More pure.
There was a knock at the door. Hakon leapt up and answered it. The poor guy was probably happy to have something to do. He had tried to take part in the negotiations early on but had been shut down by a withering glare from Ahto, which had been followed by cruel mocking from Captain Crimson Coat. Since then he had mostly just stared sullenly at the floor.
A young waiter was let in balancing several trays and holding a bucket of ice and vodka bottles in his muzzle. Discussions were interrupted a bit as he laid the table. He was dressed in a grotesque outfit that must have taken some time to make, and between his helmet and extensive bodypaint his face remained unseen.
Sometimes ‘noble savages’ will be dressed like that in Rarity’s historical romances, she snorted to herself. The kind that the heroine ‘tames’ in chapter sixteen.
“For you especially, Lady Sparkle,” he said, “with compliments from your host,” and showed a covered plate.
As the young sarv, a bit nervous, put the special plate in front of Twilight he had to press past Captain Coat. She took the opportunity to leer and rub his flank with her hoof.
“Are you also just for Lady Sparkle, fawn, or do we get to share you?” she said and grinned.
The poor reindeer flinched and the pegasus pirate laughed as he pulled out flask and glasses and placed them on the table.
Twilight looked at her with disgust and thought that she didn’t feel sorry in the least for Crimson Coat. She noted the three reindeer shared her disgust with the pegasus.
Well, they’re good people with the wrong goals, she thought. Crimson Coat is just an all-around bad pony.
Then she realise their gazes fell on her as well, and she suddenly not just loathed but hated Crimson Coat.
They think we’re the same, she thought. We both come here from another country to just grab what we can, ravish the youth and steal the resources and exploit the land. They have no reason to believe I’m any different, with this ghastly charade we’re playing. Jarl Ahto has no scruples allying with the Shadow of Skinfaxi because he’s already bloodied his hooves with somepony like Captain Crimson Coat.
“Y’know, that’s what I thought reindeer looked like before I got here,” said Captain Coat conversationally, as the young waiter trembled and filled her glass with vodka. “That’s how a northern barbarian should look like.”
But of course... we’re the same, in a way, Twilight thought. If I took a picture of that stag in that Nightmare Night getup and sent it home saying ‘oh, this is how reindeer look like’ I bet my friends would believe me.
“My lady,” said the waiter, “may I serve you?”
“Thank you,” she said, trying to sound as sincere as possible when she smiled towards him. She couldn’t make out his reaction under his skull helmet and heavy warpaint. She turned to Crimson Coat and smiled in a different way.
“Harm or even touch the young deer here in any way, and I’ll kill you in ways that will redefine pain for this century,” she told the pirate.
Now they’ll just believe I’m saving him for myself, but at least she won’t get any ideas, she thought.
The pirate laughed, but a bit uneasily, and Twilight actually got an admiring nod from Guthrun the seer.
The waiter mumbled something that could have been a thanks and lifted the lid off her plate. The he flinched backwards.
The smell of blood and offal now reached the noses of every ungulate in the room. Three small flayed corpses lay on the plate, their eyes glaring out from skinless faces.
“I’d... heard of your... eating habits, Lady Sparkle, so I’d arranged some lemming for you,” Jarl Ahto said, a bit uneasily. The other two reindeer looked like they were about to throw up. Captain Coat stared at the plate in morbid fascination.
“Actually,” the waiter spoke up, and then stopped, as all looked towards him. His voice was high-pitched, almost doeish, and Twilight wondered for a second if he was a doe, or merely a very young stag.
“Actually, grazers sometimes eat pieces of lemming meat,” he continued. “For their health. To get needed minerals and such.”
Crimson Coat’s gaze actually sought out Twilight’s and she read it as Those crazy barbarians, huh? as if the pirate tried to unite in some sort of Equestrian camaraderie.
I’m nothing like you, thought Twilight.
With great determination she formed the spell Luna had taught her in her mind and cast it. The spell that turned off you gag reflex and your olfactory senses.
“A most sensible custom,” Twilight said, “in a harsh country without the natural bounty of my homeland.”
She levitated the first lemming to her mouth and bit off its head with a mighty crunch.
“So, Jarl Ahto,” she said between chewing, “where were we?”
“Where. Is. That. Dragon?!” Mustikka snarled.
Heikko shrugged helplessly.
“I couldn’t see him either when I rounded the square... a round square...” he mumbled as he lost track of his thought. “Anyway, he can’t be in any of the alleys. Neither alive nor a corpse. I swear I have checked!”
Mustikka swore soundly and made as if to leave.
“But check yourself by all means,” said Heikko. “I’ll try to hail one of the pegasuses and see what they’ve seen...”
“I don’t trust ‘em!” snarled Mustikka. “And I’m not making another freezing scouting round, I’m going in!”
“In?” said Heikko.
“I know my tracks. The only one I see went up to the club, swiveled around the entrance, came back, and then just up and disappeared,” Mustika explained. “It is impossible for me to lose a track unless by air or sea, so he must have entered somehow. He is in there”
“How?” said Heikko.
“He climbed, jumped, magicked himself in or flew in,” Mustikka shrugged. “He is a freezing dragon and the familiar of a powerful sorceress. Anything is possible.”
“Mustikka, you will make a scene,” said the hithereto silent Galderhorn.
“I don’t care much about manners right now,” said Mustikka.
“You could jeopardize everything,” said Galderhorn. “Let me use a sending first.”
“Gald is right,” said Heikko. “One of his spirits can fly and walk through walls and hide within them and all kinds of stuff. You must admit it will be less noticeable than you barging in.”
Mustikka hesitated.
“I guess you’re right,” he muttered. “What have you got?”
Small glowing eerie shapes started to climb out of Galderhorn’s cloak and coat and settled on his antlers and back, one or two hanging from his tail.
“Oh, a dozen ratatosks,” said Galderhorn and smiled as the eerie shapes densified into squirrel-like eight-limbed beings covered in mouths and ears.
“Gossip-spirits?” Mustika mumbled. “Can you really rely on those pests?”
“What better way to track a celebrity?” said Galderhorn and smiled as he petted the squeaking spirits which babbled rumours and hearsay. “Besides, if they are detected, people might be upset but they won’t suspect anything. Ratatosks are attracted to places where reindeer who want to be seen gather, like moths to a flame.”
“Alright,” said Mustikka. “But if the little vermin dawdle and start looking for autographs, I’m going in!”
Galderhorn nodded and whispered in the ears of his charges (and those ears were many) before sending them flitting through the air towards the club. A vague chatter could be heard, if you had Seen them with your eyes first. If any of the reindeer in the line Saw them, they didn’t show it.
Saga stared at herself in the restroom mirror. She was supposedly fixing her makeup (which takes some effort using cloven hooves, let that be taken to the record), but she was reduced to staring.
Could she really be here? Could they really be right? Lady Twilight Sparkle was visiting this place this night?
"Oh, she is here! I heard the rumor before and when I got here the garderobier told me!"
"I saw her! I saw her, she was drinking a... a soda, like normal reindeer!"
"Didn't you say you knew her, Saga? Didn't you say... (mocking chuckle) you were her apprentice?"
She is here! That two-timing... that's why he went here... to see her... to meet her...
Saga fumbled with her powder puff.
She was standing in the doorway of one of the club's private rooms, which was remarkably opulent for the circumstances, with plush pillows and silk divans, the smell of oils and incense and the light of red lanterns. Mistress Sparkle was reclining on one of the divans, while a small pegasus filly fanning her with her wings. Vigg rested his head in her lap.
"Surprised, little fawn?" Mistress Sparkle purred like a big kitten. "After all, he is a stag now, with a stag's needs..." She patted the head of the reindeer prince.
"Yes, you little fool," said Vigg with a much deeper voice than usual, "of course I wanted somepony that was a real grownup! Not just a little kid."
"And with a position fit for royalty, not living in the slums," Twilight Sparkle said.
"Exotic and sexy and not a common brown ugly vaja," Vigg said and kissed her.
"A powerful sorceress and not just a talentless dabbler," said Twilight Sparkle and kissed him back.
"Leave, and don't come back," said Vigg.
"It's not like anydeer needs you or wants you anyway," said Twilight Sparkle and magically slammed the door in Saga's face.
Saga woke up from her fantasy and her gnawing thought that it could be an actual vision as the actual door slammed open and then shut. At first Saga thought that a very small fawn in a bad dragon costume had violated the sanctity of the ladies’ room. Then, she realized...
"Spike?" she said.
The dragon, who was panting heavily, nodded weakly and held the door shut. Somedeer was knocking on it.
"Hi, Saga," he said and grinned as weakly as his nod.
"What... are you here with Mistress Sparkle?" she said. Spike shook his head, but her relief at the implications of this was short-lived.
"No, she's here, but I'm not with her... oh my sweet flame, I had sneak in and warn you..." he moaned.
"Warn... us?" she said.
"You and Vigg!" he said. "We’ve gotta find him! There are reindeer here who want to kill him!"
A disjointed explanation later, Spike and Saga galloped towards the bar. Saga barged past angry customers and, ignoring their swearing, faced the bartender.
"Look, Miss," he said, "you can't just..."
"I need to know Lady Sparkle's room and I need to know it now!" she interrupted.
He sighed deeply and massaged his temple with his hoof, deeply regretting he wasn't allowed to drink on duty.
"Look," he said, "I have told you guys again and again that I cannot tell..."
Spike jumped up on the counter.
"I'm the number one assistant of Twilight Sparkle and I have a super-duper important message for her!" he said, waving a small and angry fist in the bartender's general direction.
The bartender hesitated a bit.
"Look," he began a third time, "I have seen many dragon costumes tonight..."
"Spike," barked Saga, "fire!"
A green flame singed the bartender's face.
He fell as silent as the rest of the bar as he studied the green smoke coming from the fur on his muzzle.
"Room 6A," he said. "It's the next furthest to the north in the eastern corridor. If you excuse me, I need to go stick my face under a faucet."
Twilight hope that taking a bite or two out of the flayed rodents, as if tasting the most delicious parts, would be sufficiently polite. She knew she had killed her physical gag reflex, but her mind didn't know that, and it kept telling her to throw up. Neither did she want to think of what would happen with her digestion.
"If we all are satisfied, maybe we can continue," she said and dabbed blood and slime from her mouth with a black silk handkerchief (embroidered with silver bats - yet another loan from Luna).
"Yes, let’s continue," said Jarl Ahto. He had barely touched the cheese, jam and biscuits on his platter, but was on his second glass of spiced vodka. Twilight had only sipped at her glass. She was certain the liquor would not have removed only paint but also the furniture the paint was on. The other reindeer had also only nervously picked at their food but drunk heavily. The pegasus pirate had cheerfully stuffed her face and drunk as much, and she was clearly affected by it, unlike the reindeer.
"Yeah, let’s!" she said. "Ahto, dude, it's clear she's not gon’ show you hers unless you show yours! Show the Lady some leg, will ya?"
Ahto flinched, Hakon scowled and Guthrun coughed loudly and pointed to the waiter.
"We don't need anything more for now," Twilight said and smiled - grinned, she corrected herself, stay in character, grin - grinned towards him. "Please leave us!"
The young stag just stared at her and made no sign of moving. He seemed to want to say something, started to mouth word but nothing came out, and almost started to gesture but didn’t. Twilight stared back.
“Did you want something?” she said harshly, as she started to be nervous.
“Get out!” Ahto barked, and the youth backed out, slamming his rump into the door in process.
“D’you think he was high on sh’omething?” said Captain Coat with a grin, cheeks flushed.
“He was obviously enraptured by my beauty,” said Twilight and grinned back. “Now, back to business...
Vigg hung outside the door, flabbergasted.
I can’t believe it... he thought. Lady Sparkle is in there, making some sort of horrid deal with Jarl Ahto! With the Pretender! How can she betray my country... when I know how she thinks? How she looks inside?
How beautiful her soul is...
Yet when I look at her now... I see nothing strange... no betrayal... but not that beauty either... She must be selling out my family...
He found himself breathing heavily.
...but she protected me from that pegasus...
Vigg admittedly had a problem with being touched by females, but this wasn’t that kind of touch. It had felt like an adder crawling over him, and not just because he had taken a quick peek into the strange pegasus mare’s inner workings. He had quickly looked away again.
He was interrupted in his reverie by a pink torpedo ramming into him and catching his neck in between her antlers.
“YOU TWO-TIMING CREEP! YOU LYING LIAR! YOU... WOLF AMONG FAWNS!” Saga screamed, her face contorted by anger.
“I can expl...” he began, half-strangled.
“I can’t freezing believe you! You agree with me to go out with me, JUST SO YOU CAN CHECK OUT LADY SPARKLE?!” she interrupted.
“No, it was..” he tried.
“LIAR! LIAR! ADMIT IT!” she screamed. Then she started to cry, but didn’t break down in tender tears, as romantic heroines are wont to. The streams of makeup-dissolving tears almost turned to steam by her cheeks, hot with rage.
“It - it - it’s... all true...” he said. He could barely see her contorted face because of the angle he was pressed down by her antlers.
“I figured,” she sniffling. “Because I’m not good enough for you?”
“It’s not like that!” he started to babble. “I only wanted to see what she was doing! With her mysterious affairs!”
“Even if I believed you,” Saga sobbed, “it changes nothing. Nothing. Because why didn’t you tell me?”
Vigg opened his mouth but found nothing to say.
“Because either you are a liar and came here to see some purple flank, or you don’t trust me enough to go on an adventure with you, or you’d think I’d be too sensible to bring along!” she said bitterly.
“But - Spike?” he said, suddenly seeing the little dragon standing behind Saga. Spike’s face was also distorted, but by fear and shame. The kind of shame you feel when you find your friends locked in an horrible quarrel.
“She’s right, y’know,” said Spike quietly. “You really shouldn’t have come here! There are people here who will kill you!”
“YOU LYING STUPID WORTHLESS SACK OF UNFAITHFUL...” Saga started to scream again and pulled Vigg up by his throat, while he frantically tried to get out of the grip. A small, strangely calm part of him noticed that this here actual streetfighting Saga had mentioned as part of her upbringing apparently was much more useful than his combat training.
“WHAT’S GOING ON... here?” said a voice behind them as the door sprang open (and incidentally, slammed Spike behind it in a rather unfunny fashion).
The people from the meeting stuck out their heads in a rather uncoordinated mess, everyone suddenly interested in seeing who was screaming outside.
“Oh - oh - Mistress Twilight!” Saga blurted out.
“Saga?” said Twilight, against her better judgment, even if she tried to bite her tongue.
“‘Mistress’?” said Guthrun.
“You know her name?” said Jarl Ahto.
“One of my ‘fans’,” Twilight said quickly. “Death-worshippers from the temple of Hrimfaxi!”
“Wait, did you tell them you were here?” said Ahto.
“Of course not!” Twilight snapped. “One of the staff must have spread the word...”
“The doorguards!” Saga squeaked, improvising on the spot.
“Well, there is no big deal what a bunch of decadent youth know...” Hakon began, but Ahto interrupted him and kicked him.
“Don’t be an idiot! They are sure to have bragged and told others! Who knows who else in the city know, and what they might have done...” he said.
“And of course you had to tell these witnesses that we were doing something we didn’t want them to know,” Twilight said, her voice dripping with poison. “It is obvious that the vaja only chased her sarv who wanted to... look at me. But now you and your idiot retainers force my horn, Jarl Ahto!”
She turned to the youths sprawled on the floor and they were enveloped in a purple glow.
“I’m sorry, kids,” she said and they disappeared in a flash.
“What did you do?!” Ahto shouted.
“A witchjump,” Guthrun said and rubbed her eyes. “But I cannot sense where...”
“That’s because I have a somewhat longer range than you’re used to,” said Twilight with forced smugness.
“So... where did they go?” said Hakon.
“About five miles out in Sarvvik Bay,” Twilight said. “I doubt they can swim all the way to shore.”
The three reindeer looked horrified, the pegasus grinned evilly.
Spike came out from the door.
“Spike!” Twilight said. “What are you doing here?”
I hope you weren’t in on those two and whatever they were up to, she thought.
“I’m... I’m here to warn you!” he said, sad and confused. “About... the spies in here! Yeah!”
“Spies?” said Twilight pulling him close. “What do you mean, uh, faithful servant?”
“Guthrun,” Ahto barked, “do a spirit check!”
He and Hakon watched nervously as the seer looked cross-eyed and gazed around as if trying to see far away beyond the walls.
“Wh-what did you do to them?” Spike whispered, horrified.
“I teleported them to Mustikka’s watch position,” she whispered back, as Guthrun started to chant loudly.
“This place is infested with gossip-spirits...” she started.
“That’s not that strange, or bad,” Hakon said. “I have seen them peek out from the walls myself, but that’s only natural in a place like this, right?”
“I recognize the breed of ratatosk,” she said grimly. “I know Galderhorn’s habits, brother. He always hunts for them in the same marches of the spirit plane.”
“Ukko’s freezing spirit-talker!” Ahto swore. “We’re being observed!”
“Yeah!” said the dragon, “that’s what I’m trying to tell you! There are reindeer in here as well!”
NO! Twilight Sparkle shouted within herself. I haven’t learned everything I needed to know yet!
“Then we must flee, my Jarl!” said Hakon.
“Wait!” Twilight shouted. “I have been seen here with you and your people!”
“So what?” said Crimson Coat. “You’ll just have to flee as well and claim diplomatic immunity or something.”
“Ignore the idiot, my lord,” said Twilight. “I can easily save myself, but this threatens my chance to help you.”
Ahto stopped.
“There is no way you and I can cooperate like this now when we have been seen together,” she said. “For me that is just one little intrigue gone awry, but for you... goodbye plans. Goodbye crown of Poatsula. Goodbye destiny of your ancestors!”
“Unless...” said Ahto.
“Unless?” said Hakon.
“She wouldn’t have said it unless there was an unless,” said Ahto. “Go on, Lady Sparkle.”
“Unless we cover this up,” she said.
“By killing the whole club?” Crimson Coat suggested, swaying a bit unsteadily.
“You pretend to abduct me! Either your compatriots saw the opportunity when they visited the same club as me,” Twilight said and nodded towards Crimson Coat, “or you heard about it on the grapevine and planned it in advance. I will, of course, ‘escape’... when you can slow down, and nodeer need to know we were in cahoots. I can even go around telling everydeer about the horrid experience! Then they will suspect a plot with me even less!”
“That was the dumbest, most panicky thing I’ve ever heard!” said Crimson Coat. “Come on, Ahto, we need to get out of here!”
“That’s a brilliant plan!” said Ahto after a short deliberation, to the surprise of everyone including Twilight Sparkle. “Hakon, tie her up!”
“What?” said Hakon and Spike.
“To fake my abduction, Spike,” said Twilight and held out her front hooves.
“But you can just magick free!” said Spike.
“Yeah!” said Hakon. “Nodeer will believe...”
Twilight ripped off a couple of belts from Hakon’s apparel and wrapped in a knot around her forelegs.
“This here is ‘rune-enchanted leather’ that’s ‘impervious to magic’,” she said. “Now somedeer please gag me with that ‘anti-magic tablecloth’ and carry me away ‘against my will’ before we’re discovered!”
“What about me?” said Spike.
“You can ‘hide in her saddlebags’ and ‘sneak out and free her’ later,” said Ahto. “Come on folks! Get on with the kidnapping! Look alive!”
When they reached the stairs they were discovered by a waiter who screamed even before Crimson Coat with a happy grin threw him down the stairs.
“I really think she should struggle,” said the pirate critically, getting into the spirit.
Twilight wriggled a bit and hmmfed through the inexpertedly applied tablecloth gag.
“I mean like, cast some spells or something, something flashy!” the pirate said hurriedly as they carried their “victim” downstairs.
“Don’t we need to free her for that?” Hakon said.
Twilight shook her head.
This fake abduction is the dumbest idea I’ve had since I thought I had no friendship report to send and started a magic riot to get one, she thought. Oh what the hay! Let’s do a simple Look Alive Folks! animation spell!
A purple flash sputtered from her horn and hit the giant plaster statue of Dread Hubbodamaster. Purple light spread over the plaster and split into all the colors of the Theophage’s standard description, with his pink-tan face and paws, black mane and beard, and red and yellow robes and boots. With a mighty wrenching sound he pulled the chains out of his plaster flesh and dropped down to the floor below.
“I HUNGER! I KILL! I DEVOUR” he bellowed and started to move against some of the guests on the floor.
“Those are my deer!” Jarl Ahto gasped.
“Neat magics!” Crimson Cloaked yelped happily.
Twilight was satisfied. The construct would attack Ahto’s deer, attracted by their auras, and cause minor havoc since it would soon fall apart into plaster bits...
Her quiet reverie being carried downstairs was interrupted as sparkles flew from the “wounds” in the fake God-eater and flew to the other plaster statues.
“WE ALSO HUNGER!” shouted the Diomedian sisters as they manifested as ethereal illusions and flew out from their relief.
“I HUNT! I HUNT!” shrieked Arachna as she scuttled down from the ceiling.
“WE LIVE! WE RISE!” shouted all the other statues of the monsters trapped in Tartarus, animated and ran amok, Tirek and Grogar and Krastos and all their ilk.
Twilight’s “Oh noooo...” was only partially muffled through the tablecloth.
They might have singled out Ahto’s deer, and their attacks might have been mightily ineffective, but the panic they spread was total anyway Screaming clubgoers trampled each other as they tried to escape. The main reason the plaster monsters didn’t create more chaos in the city was that they broke as they tried to escape through the door, and their animated parts rolled around on the floor until the magic went out. The reindeer guards storming the club destroyed some of them earlier than that, but did little to calm down the panicking crowds.
Mercifully, Twilight missed most of the riot as she and her abductors escaped through a secret tunnel.
“It looks like Lady Sparkle and, it seems, her servant the dragon, were abducted by Jarl Ahto and his followers,” said the reindeer reporting to the Companions.
“I have spirits following them, but Guthrun and I had the same master,” said Galderhorn sadly. “She is awfully good with counter-spirits, hrasvalgs to scare away my ratatosks.”
“We have to assume she is being carried away by boat,” said one of Luna’s pegasi. The princess herself wasn’ there, not even having been informed yet.
“This has to be the most stupid thing I have ever seen anydeer do, and I have been the companion of some very stupid reindeer,” said Mustikka to Vigg, who was crying noisily into his hooves. “You utterly destroyed an operation vital to national security, caused a riot which has harmed dozens of deer, caused an international incident by Lady Sparkle’s kidnapping...”
“Worst of all, you could have gotten yourself killed!” Heikko said sadly. Vigg could count on his hooves the times he had seen Heikko when the fat berserker had not been happy and laughing... “Yourself and your doefriend!”
“I’m not his doefriend anymore!” said Saga angrily. “I cannot believe I trusted you, you stupid spoiled brat. To... to save this country! I can’t believe I mistook one of my stupid fantasies for a genuine vision. Crown prince! More like clown prince!”
And she walked out of the alley and of his life and disappeared, while Vigg cried his heart out and the reindeer around him were too angry or too busy to comfort him.
As usual, thanks to my proofreaders LadyMoondancer and Wheelwright!
When they reached the harbor both the reindeer who carried her wanted her to be released and put back on her own hooves. Twilight wanted the same, but Jarl Ahto was adamant.
"That old fogey Mustikka isn't known as The Tracker for nothing! I want him to believe she went the whole way against her will!" he said.
Having trudged through a freezing blizzard (according to Crimson Coat) or a heavy snowfall (according to the reindeer) for almost an hour while dragging Twilight Sparkle along, the reindeer guards were rather grouchy. Twilight was not much better, her body aching. Neither was her grand attire made to be worn in a freezing blizzard (an area where she agreed with Captain Coat).
Earlier, Spike had climbed out of his saddlebag and onto Hakon's back, at his own insistence. Suddenly, he gave up a surprised cry.
"Look out!"
"What?" said Hakon whose ears were unpleasantly near the shout.
"Th- that mast is moving!" he shouted and pointed to one of the ships by the quay (they were now very close to them, though her 'captors' had given no indications to Twilight which they were to board).
The mast really was moving, a strange tapering yellow mast covered with large brown spots, and decorated with a row of thin colorful flags tied directly around it. Then Twilight, who had lifted her sore neck, and Spike both saw that the mast ended in a large body, ambling along on long, spindly legs. The legs were clad in rolled-up cloth of some kind, just like the neck (because that was obviously what the ‘mast’ was). The hose were of the same color as the scarves around the neck, muted by the darkness and the snow.
"What - what is that?" Spike stammered as the huge shape lumbered close.
"A giant," said Hakonen, sounding a bit nervous. "From zebra lands. Giant sorcerer!" he said and spat.
As the giant came closer, Crimson Coat flew up to it.
"All clear, Mr Motelele?" she shouted.
"All cleah, Cabtain," said Mr Motelele with what was either a heavier Nuuban accent than most zebras or evidence of a very bad cold.
"May I introduce Mr Motelele, our lookout and navigator!" she shouted to the reindeer.
"Is Mr Moccus here yet?" she said to the giant.
"The first mate is heah. All accounted foh excebt you, Cabtain," Mr Motelele said dourly and sneezed. Spike and Twilight observed that the giant wore a rather fetching purple fez on his head, held in place with yet another colorful scarf. He had a mangy, dirty yellow coat with large splotches of brown paint - or maybe his fur was coloured like that, it was hard to tell.
"Allright!" Captain Crimson shouted. "All aboard!"
As the reindeer, about a dozen of them, milled aboard, Mr Motelele put his head close to his Captain and said with a lower voice:
"I see we caught a unicorn, Cabtain. That was not in the plan."
"That, oh, that's just an idiotic idea of Ahto's!" Crimson Coat scowled.
"Foh what?" said the giant, clearly annoyed with the whole concept. "Hostage? His sleeping hut? Some barbarian reindeeh rite?"
"I don't know what it is supposed to look like," said Crimson Coat, "but she is here of her own free will. It is some plot or another against his enemy, to pretend she was kidnapped."
"Is that so?" said Mr Motelele. "I hope you see the risk, my Cabtain. At least have the mahe blindfolded during the journey so she cannot easily tell the way, or something like that."
"Do you think I'm stupid, Motelele?" said Crimson Coat. "Of course I was going to do that, I just haven't had time yet, gimme a break!" With that she fluttered down to the deck, as the sailors started to make ready for takeoff. Mr Motelele glared at her, and then turned his gaze to Twilight, who was rubbing her wrists and talking to her dragon familiar. There was an eerie sheen from his small horns within the fez, illuminating it with a crackling blue light. The same light shone in his eyes.
"I don't think you are stupid, Cabtain," he said to himself. "I know for a fact you are stupid. That’s why I am the one who have to think on this ship!"
The journey took several days. Despite the pegasi sailors' best effort, the weather didn’t allow any better, and it was obvious the pirate camp wasn't that close to Sarvvik. A very nervous Crimson Coat had insisted on keeping Twilight Sparkle blindfolded as long as she was on deck. At first she had protested, and tried to tell Jarl Ahto that her escaping was part of the plan, so she would need to know the way back to Sarvvik. This caused some panic and quarrel among the conspirators.
Ahto had a long discussion with Twilight. While he seemed quite determined to let her go as soon as they were back ashore, it also seemed he did so mostly to spite Captain Coat. She tried to bring up the things she had promised him, like Ukko’s demise, but he didn’t seem interested. More than anything else, he seemed tired.
After consulting her crew, the Captain suggested to Ahto to let her go back blindfolded as well, with a guide, "or something". That settled it, and Twilight stayed mostly under deck where she didn't have to wear the blindfold. She had figured out it didn't matter as long she just got one good look at the night sky to get her coordinates. Ahto had also let her send a message to Luna through Spike, since he figured she would need to be into the plot anyhow. To give the alicorns the wrong impression would just make his work that much harder. The Captain protested, but to no avail. They had received a letter that had been concise, to the point and with nothing incriminating in it. Twilight felt she could smell Luna’s anger from it, but any reprimands were written behind the lines.
Twilight gained a special kind of pleasure from telling the Captain that they'd better blindfold Spike as well, then, when they started to do it to her. The pegasus had entirely forgotten about him, and had some sort of panic attack. Spike was less pleased when he wasn’t given free reign of the ship, even if he already preferred to stay down below. He could tell Twilight about the crew and the ship, though, since no one had stopped him when he explored it.
"They weren't friendly or anything, but they weren't mean or rude either," said Spike. "They just stared at me."
"Well, few people have seen a baby dragon," said Twilight Sparkle.
"I wouldn't know about these people, Twilight!" said the dragon. "The crew is like a mix from all over! Maybe some of them grew up where they have more dragons!"
"Well, I’ve read that pirate crews are most diverse," Twilight mused. "They only require you to be ruthless and a good sailor."
"Like one third of them are pegasi," said Spike. "Another third are donkeys and mules, and the third third are zebras. Then there are like an extra third of other people from all over the world!"
"You cannot have four thirds, Spike" Twilight chided gently. "You mean fourths."
"Yeah, but the fourth third is much smaller than the other thirds!" Spike said.
"Nevermind, what do you mean with people from all over the world?" Twilight said and rubbed her forehead.
"Well, there are sheep and cattle and goats, but then there are strange people, like that guy who is like a deer-griffon! A persimmon, or whatever he was called!" said Spike.
"A peryton!" Twilight exclaimed. "Oh, I almost thought those were a legend! Did he do anything with his shadow? My books said that perytons have mysterious shadow magics..."
"I dunno, I didn't see anything," said Spike and shrugged. "Though he complained several times about it being such bad weather he cannot see his shadow... Then there's another griffon-thing, like a pony-griffon..."
"That's a hippogriff!" said Twilight. "Those are rare, but I have seen some..."
"A what?" said Spike.
"A hybrid between griffon and pegasus," Twilight explained. Or at least thought she did. When Spike looked confused, she continued: "If a daddy griffon and a mommy pegasus manage to get a baby, it's a hippogriff."
"Oh!" said Spike. "Well, that's weird, right? And then there’s the giant..."
"The giraffe," said Twilight. "Though old books call them camelopards. Zecora calls them giraffes. She told me about them, and she didn't like them..."
"She did?" Spike said. "She didn’t, I mean? Was it because he's so big?"
"There are many giants living in zebra lands, beings like elephants and monoceri and mokolekombes," said Twilight, "and Zecora didn’t seem to fear or dislike them. I'm certain it wasn't just that they’re big. She spoke in hushed words, as if the giraffes could see and hear her. She then said that they might, and tried to explain their special magic as something of both me and her. I guess she meant unicorn mind-magic and zebra artificiery. I’ve never known Zecora to be cowardly or superstitious, so there must be something to it."
"I-If they could really see and hear you, they must have reindeer Sight as well," said Spike nervously and looked around him. "What if he can see us now...?"
"No need to be paranoid, Spike," said Twilight, though she was a little bit uncertain herself. "Not all unicorns are sorcerers, and few are as good as say me or Shining Armor, even if they all have a little magic. We don't know what this particular giraffe can do. Now, tell me more about the other crewmembers... Are those pegasi all Equestrian?"
"Are there any others?" said Spike.
"Oh yes, there are many small groups of ponies outside of Equestria!" said Twilight and smiled. "And I believe anywhere that has a coast and pegasi will produce pegasi sailors, with their talent for flight and weather control!"
"Well, they all speak Equestrian, but so do everyone else," said Spike and scratched himself. "Well, sometimes the zebra talk with each other in their own language. The donkeys don't."
"There is no donkey language," said Twilight, going into lecture mode. "Well, except Ancient Asinine, but that's only used on things like tombstones..."
“Well that explains it,” said Spike hurriedly, since he could sense that a lecture was coming on. “Also, the reindeer speak only Poatsi among themselves, and they spend almost all their time huddled in a herd...”
“Well, they’re just passengers, of course,” mused Twilight.
“But sometimes the rest of the crew forgets that the reindeer speak Equestrian, and they say mean things about them behind their backs, but of course they understand, so...” Spike said uneasily.
“Yes, Spike?” said Twilight. The tone of his voice gave her reason for concern.
“There has been two fights,” said Spike. “I haven’t seen the brawlers after that...”
“Justice can be very hard on board a ship, Spike,” said Twilight. “Even among pirates. It is always wrong to start quarrels and fights, but on a ship when you need everypony to work together, it can be even more dangerous.”
Spike looked worried.
“I mean either the Captain or an assembly might have had the brawlers thrown overboard for it,” she added in a quieter voice. “Or maybe just clapped in irons, if they’re lucky.”
“Assembly?” said Spike.
“Both normal pirates and old-fashioned reindeer Vikings are more democratic than normal ships,” Twilight explained. “Unless there’s a battle or storm or something, the Captain cannot do just everything he wants.”
Lifting her gaze from Spike, she continued: “I wonder if Ahto insists on doing it differently. He was an admiral of an actual fleet, with stricter discipline and all-powerful captains.”
“It sounds like him and the Captains aren’t that great friends,” said Spike.
“No,” said Twilight. “They must just have allied when the reindeer plundered the Equestrian coast, and he needed somepony who knew the lay of the land. Besides, this ship can take the weather better than a dragonship, and control the weather as well. And as for the Captain, she can attack bigger targets than she could by herself.”
“Can we use that?” said Spike.
“Turn them against each other?” said Twilight. Really. It was simply her friendship training, backwards, and it wasn’t like she hadn’t already started. “Yeah, maybe. If it is useful. Right now, it could probably get us thrown overboard. If there is a conflict, it would get violent. The Captain’s crew would win, even if we helped them, and the Captain has no reason to keep us around.”
“Just give me one reason not to cut theih throats right now and throw them overboard,” said Mr Motelele to the Captain. She was flying in a slow circle around him, as was Mr Moccus, the flying pig first mate.
“Ahoy there, ye can’t do that!” Mr Moccus protested.
“Lissen to him, he’s an old trotter at this,” said the Captain.
“I mean, 'ave ye seen a reindeer warrior go berserk?!” the megasus said with concern. “Look, I knew this donkey who started a brawl in a bar in Trotholm. One reindeer started frothin' at th' mouth. They had t' send his corpse home by post -”
“Well, that wasn’t what I meant - ” the Captain started.
“In ten packages!” said the megasus. “Really, attackin' a score o' reindeer openly be suicide!”
“Look, the thing is if we can set up this deal with the Jarl, we have a great time after that,” said the Captain, giving the flying pig an evil eye.
“I don’t trust the deal, Cabtain,” said the giraffe.
“Is this about your visions, Mr Motelele?” said the irritated Captain.
The giraffe nodded. “My visions always come true!” he said haughtily.
“Yeah? So why were you confused by the appearance of the unicorn wench?” said the Captain and glared at him. “Explain that to me!”
“Well, eh...” said the giraffe but trailed off.
“So you’re not omniscient, huh?” said the Captain triumphantly. “Then I’ll give you the reason why you shouldn’t slit the throats of the northern barbarians - in their beds,” she added with a glare at her first mate who whistled innocently as he flapped in the cold wind.
“It’s because if they die we miss a great opportunity for which we’ve worked a long time, just because you can’t stand a sore throat and cold ears!” she said. “Take this to assembly if you want, but I’ll win, and you’ll lose, lose even more of that popularity you don’t have. Remember it takes you some time to rise when you have been asleep, Mr Motelele, and that your magicked juju-coffee can’t keep you awake forever!”
With those words she flew down to the deck. Mr Moccus shrugged apologetically and followed her.
“Who needs popularity when you have feah?” Mr Motelele snarled, but he did look worried. He would need to brew some more coffee...
Twilight and Spike had their berths in one of the few, small, separate cabins under deck. Most of the crew slept in one large room, the pegasi and other fliers on tethered clouds, the others in hammocks. There was one room for the captain, another for the first mate and one other privileged crewman (it so happened to be the carpenter, a zebra), and a third one where right now Ahto and his closest retainers slept. The other reindeer and the lookout slept on deck. Mr Motelele couldn’t have gotten down below even if he wanted to, and there was no room below for the reindeer. They seemed to take that in stride, raising tarpaulins over themselves, reminding Twilight that reindeer warships didn’t have a roof to sleep under.
The cabin Twilight and Spike slept in (and spent most of their time in) was some sort of minor meeting room. (Any gathering of the whole crew happened on deck, of course.) It had a very minor library, mostly magazines, some technical volumes and a few trashy paperbacks. It was still a library, and Twilight organized the books out of boredom.
It also had a TV-set.Of course it could not receive any transmissions, since wireless thaumaturgy was impossible. It was for watching movies, though it could conceivably play music as well. There was a couple of paper boxes full of silver movie discs, mostly pornography of Equestrian origin. Twilight blushed and put all those movies in one box. The others were a strange mix of just about everything from all over the world. Twilight realized the pirates must have got them as plunder, but not bothered to sell them, since they weren’t worth much.
Hence, when Mr Moccus came down with their dinner (he had turned out to be rather gossipy, and had simply tired of pressing the cabin colt for news) he found the most dreaded sorceress in Equestria and her unique dragon familiar watching zebra cartoons. The unicorn was trying to translate for the dragon, who looked a bit bewildered.
“Okay, why does the crocodile fail to catch the zebra?” said Spike.
“It’s because when the zebra and his spider friend does the special chant, the crocodile cannot bite anyone, and he has to bite the zebra to catch him,” said Twilight.
“‘Biter, no biting!’” she sang.
“Why can’t he catch the zebra in some other way?” said Spike.
“Because apparently he’s supposed to be very stupid,” said Twilight. “I mean, he is a talking animal in a cartoon, but he is still just a crocodile. It’s a bit more obvious if you know Nuuban and can hear how he speaks...”
“Exactly how old are the foals supposed to watch this?” Spike asked.
“Preschool,” said Twilight.
“Then why are we watching it?” said Spike.
“Because I’m bored,” said Twilight. “You can otherwise choose between a camel soap opera without Equestrian subtitles, a Neighponese historical drama (I think) without Equestrian subtitles, and a nice collection of flying training movies for the Equestrian navy with Equestrian subtitles for the hearing impaired.”
“Thar’€™s also three copies o' a video o' th' inauguration rites fer th' recent Mansa o' th' Zebras,” said Mr Moccus as he chose to make his presence known. “Some o' th' court beauties 'ave nice hocks. Or beautiful dresses, if ye’€™re more into that.”
Twilight quickly collected herself and paused the TV.
“Hello, Mr Moccus,” she said. “Are you a connoisseur of hocks or of dresses, hmm?”
“Mostly hocks,” he said amiably. “'n yourself, Lady Sparkle?”
Twilight swallowed and fluttered her eyelashes.
“I prefer my hocks clad in dresses,” she said. She didn’t bother with her forced laughter. For sure, Mr Moccus had seen real villainy.
“Why do you speak so funny?” said Spike, who didn’t find the... he was a flying pig, for Celestia’s sake! He wasn’t very scary for a violent criminal.
“I’€™m ole, sprog,” said the megasus and grinned. “Much older than ye reckon. When I began t' sail under th' skull 'n crossbones, 'twas on a ship wit' mostly Ponyland pegasi, 'n they spoke like this. That’€™s how I learnt Equestrian.”
“How does... somehog become old in your profession, Mr Moccus?” said Twilight Sparkle.
“Ne'er lead a charge. Ne'er insult somehog’s sire or dam or god. Ne'er steal somehog’s rum or bedmate or silver,” said Mr Moccus and made as if to leave. “Oh - 'n one more thin'!”
“Yes?” said Twilight.
“Ne'er play at politickin',” he grinned. “Everyhog wants t' be cap'n. Nohog wants t' be th' first mate. I’€™m th' oldest part o' this ship, me beauty.”
Then he left, the lukewarm food made from canned goods he had brought sitting on the table.
“He forgot ‘ne'er look threatenin'’,” Twilight murmured. “We’d better keep an eye on him.”
They would be reaching their goal tomorrow. A donkey sailor turned up and offered to do their laundry with the rest of the crew’s. For some silver, of course. This caused Twilight to repack, and of course Spike had to help.
“I didn’t think pirates washed their clothes,” he murmured.
Twilight laughed. “It’s a ship like any other, and on good-kept ships you have to keep things clean. Though I doubt the clothes will be as well treated as when Rarity does it.”
She had piled up the content of her saddlebags, mostly clothes, books and scientific instruments. Of course, there were no things packed for Spike. His warm jacket and cap had begun to stink. She had made a list and Spike had packed them before the fateful night. Spike hadn’t missed anything, but there were a few additions.
“Matches?” she said.
“If you couldn’t use magic to light a fire,” said Spike. “And I wouldn’t be there with you.”
She frowned. “Unlikely, but OK.” She lifted an odd package from the heap.
“What’s this?” she said.
“Don’t you remember?” Spike said. “It’s Pinkie Pie’s gift! The party grenade!”
“The what?” said Twilight.
“Look, she’s let me help loading the party cannon several times,” Spike explained. “That looks exactly like a charge, except that here you’re supposed to pull this string and throw it. So it’s a party grenade. Pinkie said it would be an instant party.”
“Why would I need an instant party?” said Twilight, more amused than upset.
“Well, you’re here to negotiate with a bunch of pirates and a bunch of ex-soldiers,” Spike said. “Everypony knows pirates like a party, and we know from Shiny’s friends that soldiers like a party. So I thought you’d need it to butter them up, like. Besides, it’s a neat trick, it fits a sorceress.”
Twilight laughed and shook her head.
“Pinkie manages to be random even when she’s not here,” she said and put the package back in the saddlebag.
Then she suddenly sniffled.
“I miss them so much,” she said. She hadn’t known she did until now, seeing Pinkie’s handiwork. “I wish I didn’t have to do this... this manure! I wish we were home!”
“Me too,” said Spike and they shared a hug.
“I told Luna to tell everypony we were OK,” she murmured into Spike’s back. “I hope they’ve been told by now.”
“I’ve told her family and her friends in Ponyville,” said Celestia as they watched the grey skies and the constantly forming blizzards from a mountain outside Sarvvik.
“Thanks, sister,” said Luna.
“I think you should have done it,” said Celestia.
“Were they upset?” said Luna.
“Upset and relieved at the same time,” said Celestia. “Upset with us, relieved they are safe - safer - for now.”
“You think this is my fault?” said Luna.
“No, it is your responsibility,” said Celestia. “I don’t know who to actually fault for causing this mess and I don’t really care. I just meant you should have been the one to explain it. For one, I am not as knowledgable about this as you are, since you planned it, so I might have misrepresented your actions.”
Luna sighed.
“I think Twilight Sparkle too a horrible, unnecessary risk, and that childish prince didn’t help matters, in any case,” she said.
“How is he?” said Celestia.
“Grounded and scolded, as far as I can tell,” said Luna. “He shouldn’t cause any more trouble.”
“That was not really what I meant,” said Celestia.
They were silent.
“I ache to clear these clouds away,” said Luna.
“What about the quest?” said Celestia.
“What quest?” said Luna, her eyes fixed on the mocking storm, which in their country would have been a horrifying abomination in its independence.
“The quest for the Sampo,” said Celestia.
Luna snorted.
“A mere fancy of the temple-fawn, I’m sure,” she said, but there was a small nervousness to her voice.
“You seem very sure of that,” said Celestia. “Twilight wasn’t so sure.”
“You know how enthusiastic she is about arcane arts,” said Luna. “Shouldn’t we clean the sky?”
“And now you’re avoiding the subject,” said Celestia.
Luna didn’t say anything.
“What did Wiglek the Wicked do for you?” said Celestia. “What payment did you receive? You never told me that, just how you betrayed him.”
Luna shuddered.
“Did you tell Twilight?” she said anxiously.
“Of course not, it was a secret between us,” said Celestia and nuzzled her sister. “But you shouldn’t keep this pent up, and I swear it is only a bad thing because it hinders you from doing what’s right for some reason - shame, I think.”
Luna swallowed.
“He... founded the temple of Hrimfaxi,” she said quietly.
“What?” said Celestia and laughed, then caught herself. “Sorry, it was just silly! Why would you want that?”
“I was jealous of your temples,” said Luna mournfully.
“I didn’t want them!” said Celestia. “You could have had mine! Look, they still keep giving me... junk like that horrid statue!”
Luna cracked a faint smile.
“And they send all those prayers I can’t hear and can’t fulfill and don’t want,” Celestia continued. “They make all these claims about me and my history and my powers and my life and don’t let me tell my story myself! They are like the tabloids, only actually literate! There’s a reason I outlawed such things in Equestria centuries ago!”
“Anyway,” said Luna, “that wasn’t really the reason. I just wanted to... put him in his place, for the laughs, like I was Discord. I would probably have agreed to some other price, had he offered it. The important part was the triumph. That rotten, rotten feeling of being superior, of having hurt somepony and making them weaker and smaller, so you were stronger and bigger...”
“That’s past now, Luna,” said Celestia and nuzzled her again. “Don’t let a bad deed in the past stop you from doing a good deed in the present!”
“It just feels so... painful...” Luna said mournfully.
“Will you let me deal with it?” said Celestia.
“Why?” said Luna.
“The reindeer insist I am the actual Goddess of Summer,” Celestia shrugged. “I’m just going to protect my interests in having one again. And let’s just say I have more faith in mortals than I think they should have in me.”
“May I ask how?” said Luna.
“Oh, I’m just going to move in mysterious ways, as usual,” said Celestia and smiled enigmatically. “Should we perform some more divine intervention and smite those clouds righteously?”
“Verily, we shall,” said Luna and smiled as the two sisters took flight and started to form the wind and clouds.
“If Twilight doesn’t come back soon, what do we do?” Celestia shouted.
“Then we march in the general direction of the camp - North,” Luna shouted back. “That’s were I assume the first battles against Winter will be anyway. We will lack the information Twilight was looking for, but honestly, I think we can manage that. The pirates are the least of our problems. How large could their forces be?”
“It’s a whole city!” said Twilight as the ship slowly sailed into the harbour. “This... this is a whole army!”
The gently sloping cliffs around the harbour had only a score of actual houses, but must have hundreds of small tent-like huts.
“Those are kota huts,” said Spike. “Vigg showed me! Grazers use them when they move around, they are like tents but sturdier. There must be lots of Grazers here... “
“I’ll bet the Poatsulan Army uses them on maneuver as well,” said Twilight and gritted her teeth. “They know how to set up camps, of course.”
“Where did they get all the stuff?” said Spike.
“They stole food and clothes and such in Equestria and sold it here where there is a great lack of goods,” said Twilight, “and since the bad weather conditions made a lot of workers unemployed it was probably easy to find reindeer to build for them. We should have trawled more through Sarvvik for informers who for money could have told us where this place was, instead of this stupid stunt...”
“Look, they’ve cut down almost all the trees...” said Spike and pointed.
“A good defense, and they needed the wood,´” said Twilight, mentally mapping and memorizing the temporary city.
“Except those, which they made towers out of,” said Spike and pointed elsewhere. “Towers with cannons in them!”
“Those look like ballistas and flame cannons,” said Twilight. “This doesn’t look nice...”
“I bet they took the weapons off the ships when they laid ‘em up for winter,” said Spike, “and just hoisted them up the tree-towers.”
He pointed to the harbour where scores of dragonships and a dozen broad-bottomed merchant vessels laid on the beach, in a way Equestrian ships wouldn’t have been. Some were being worked on by reindeer crews. Their ship wouldn’t be able to land like that, so it was being steered towards a jetty.
“It is lucky Jarl Ahto is a stag who thinks much of himself and is very foolish,” Twilight mumbled.
“Why?” said Spike.
“Because I’m afraid that’s the reason he has the very odd plan of wanting to make a coup d’etat but absolutely not wanting to make civil war,” she said. “That’s the only reason he hasn’t marched on Sarvvik already.”
“You think he really, like, rules this place then?” said Spike.
“Yes,” said Twilight. “It is far from impossible that the various outcasts who live here and use the place as a base could have formed it anyway, but look how organized everything is! Pirates would do this on their ship, just because they are still sailors and need to make the ship run, but this city is ruled and planned and controlled. They wouldn’t do that, and it would fit with a competent if a bit foolish military stag like Ahto.”
“So, do we know everything we need then?” said Spike.
“Almost,” said Twilight. “I still need a location, and for that I need either a map of the place or a look at a clear sky. We really need that to escape, because I am teleporting back! Aaand... there are some details. Like if there are any other minor leaders in camp who opposes Ahto. If there are walls or other defences. Or what other resources they have, like magic. This is an international crew and you don’t know what they can come up with. Like what Mr Motelele can really do.”
“You can probably not just ask him,” said Spike and looked warily at the giant who was busy helping piloting the ship into harbour. “He doesn’t look friendly.”
“I’ll start with that anyway,” Twilight said and followed his gaze.
“Twilight, we’re kind of in trouble here,” said Spike worriedly. “I hope you don’t get caught up in researching giraffe lore when we need to get out of here as soon as possible!”
“I’ll try,” said Twilight and patted his head.
“But I can’t promise anything!” she said and stuck out her tongue at Spike.
The usual thanks to my great proofreaders!
The Crimson Kraken had docked so Twilight and Spike had went ashore. It might have been more proper to say that they were taken ashore. Twilight hadn't been carried off the ship bound and gagged, but she was "escorted" by two rather burly reindeer. They seemed to be as happy to get off the ship as Twilight and Spike. A small herd of reindeer had gathered to meet Jarl Ahto and receive the news of his mission. He held a little speech to them and any others who happened to be present.
Twilight listened to the speech, but Spike didn't understand what they were saying. He wasn't terribly interested anyway. Mostly he was happy to be on solid ground and hoped to soon be in a warm house. To idle the time away, he watched the pirates unload their ship's cargo.
While they were fairly efficient, they were very noisy about it. They shouted, cursed and laughed and stopped to discuss how to get one crate down from the deck. Finally, someone called for Mr Motelele, and the giraffe stomped over looking annoyed. He projected crackling magical energy the colour of a gray mist from the horns that must be hidden within his battered fez, and the crate levitated off the ship and down on the ground. Mr Motelele then stomped ashore and busied himself with something else. Spike could see his tall neck in the distance.
Mr Moccus led the unloading, shouting and cursing as if he was on some sort of more enlightened level of disorder, and slowly the crates and barrels and bags came ashore. One half of the cargo was carried off to a cluster of buildings to the south of the Crimson Kraken.
Another half was turned over to some waiting reindeer who were using their usual ackjas to pull their cargo. This started a heated discussion between their leader and Mr Moccus. The subject was whether there were enough ice for the ackjas to work with their load, which meant to Spike that those small crates must be heavier than he thought.
Wonder if there are gold and gems in the crates? Spike thought.
One of the crates was too big to be loaded on an ackja. It wouldn’t stay on, no matter how they loaded it. A pegasus of the crew flew off, presumably to get help. To Mr Moccus undisguised disappointment, the reindeer foredoe knew her ice, and the rest of the ackjas were pulled away without getting stuck in the gravel. Spike noticed at the place had roads, if crude ones. Somepony, or rather somedeer, had gathered sand and gravel and spread it to make roads. Spike felt a bit proud over his deduction skills when he realised the sand and gravel must have been taken from the beach. He could see where they had dug it up. There was even one of those newfangled little steam-driven digging machines sitting by the hole, covered by a tarpaulin.
It looks just like the one they used in the great building project in Ponyville the other year, Spike thought. The one with all the accidents... Maybe it was stolen or bought in Equestria... I wonder if pirates let baby dragons operate digging machines?
The pegasus returned with Mr Motelele. Spike had never seen the giraffe walking at full stride while on the ship, and it was a strange sight to see him do it on land. His whole body swayed up and down, especially his neck, and his strange tufted tail, more like a zebra’s than a pony’s, twirled and undulated. Mr Motelele scowled and listened to the crew and the reindeer. Then he reached with his magic down into the mess of necklaces, baldrics and pouches he carried around his neck. He pulled out two pouches and barked to the workers to stand back.
As they moved off (the reindeer further than others, presumably out of superstitious fear of the giraffe) Mr Motelele threw powders at the crate, in a way that reminded Spike of seasoning a stew with salt and pepper. The seasoned crate reacted by starting to shrink. The process was slow and created a nasty sound as if something was torn. It looked as strange as you could assume, but apparently it looked worse if you had the Sight. The reindeer all grimaced and looked away as if the shrinking crate had been a really bad chariot crash.
The pegasus pirate who had fetched Mr Motelele was more morbidly curious, and got a bit closer to the shrieking crate. This was not the right thing to do. Some of the light dusts from the pouches must still have been dancing in the air, because the pegasus gave up a shriek and pulled back from the crate, flailing his wings. As the others looked on in horror he landed and rolled on the ground screaming. His left wing had begun to shrink, and the process was painful. Now the crewmembers looked away in horror as well. A couple of the pegasi tried to get close to help their colleague but they were still scared, and he was moving around violently, and it was not like they knew how to help him.
Mr Motelele just scowled at the pegasus and turned to the reindeer who was in charge of the ackja.
“These,” he said as he handed her a small jar into which he poured some dust from a pouch,”will restore the crate. Don’t be stupid when using it!”
Then he strode off again, ignoring the commotion.
Twilight didn’t. The noise and shouts had finally made her turn her attention from the speech and towards the unloading.
“What’s happening?” she asked Spike.
“He’s just walking away!” Spike said.
“What?” said Twilight.
“The giraffe!” Spike fumed and pointed at the disappearing Mr Motelele. “He caused an accident and he just walked away from it!”
“Accident...?” said Twilight and looked at the sobbing pegasus and his colleagues trying to help him up.
Spike quickly explained what happened, very upset. Meanwhile, the reindeer shrugged and left with their ackja. The crate had shrunk to one fourth the size, but it still weighed as much, which gave them some trouble.
“Perhaps I can help him,” Twilight mumbled. “Zecora has described something similar... but it’s not like I can just whip up an antidote. I have nowhere near her skill, no materials, and I seem to remember the process was... immoral.”
“I think the reindeer got some antidote or something...” Spike mumbled.
“Then we’ll try to talk to her as soon as possible,” said Twilight. “I just have to talk to Ahto as soon as possible... erh, make that even sooner as possible.”
“Can’t you just demand the giraffe helps him?” said Spike. “He caused it, and shouldn’t he be responsible?”
“It is not like I have any influence over him,” Twilight said. “But I might have to talk to him about it, if only to know what to do.”
“It’s nice of you to help the poor guy,” said Spike. “He is kinda the enemy...”
“Well, he won’t become more of a violent criminal by me helping him,” said Twilight. “Besides, we need all the friends we can get here!”
Twilight Sparkle had thought Jarl Ahto would sleep in one of the houses. He didn’t. Sure, his kota hut was bigger than the average one, and he only shared it with Hakon and Guthrun, but you could say he was roughing it with his deer.
Ahto must have seen her eyes wander around the sparsely furnished hut.
“When I was relieved of my post, I spoke out harshly against the king’s folly,” he said. “I realised no good could come from it, so I quickly signed over my property to my family, gathered some personal gear and went into exile. I didn’t have much with me, and I don’t take trophies in the raids.”
Strange, Twilight thought. I distinctly remember Jarl Einar saying that before he became an alcoholic Ukko would have loved a deer who dared tell him he was wrong. Did he succumb to vodka earlier than I thought, or is Jarl Ahto a spectacularly bad judge of character?
“When was this, Jarl?” she said as a soldier stuck a wooden jug with coffee in her hooves.
“The King had dismissed four fifths of the fleet! That meant he only needed one of five admirals,” Ahto scowled. “We others were dismissed as our sailors. Only that old fool Heikko remained, though I had the most victories under my belt. It’s clear the king feared my influence, since I am of royal blood myself!”
Or maybe he just wanted to favour an old friend, Twilight thought. You do have an ego the size of Cloudsdale Stadium, Jarl Ahto.
Twilight drank her coffee and said nothing. Spike slurped from his cup. One of the soldiers cautiously sniffed him.
“While I’m sure these accommodations are lovely,” said Twilight, “I must know when I can leave this place. You promised me guides back to safety, Jarl Ahto.”
Ahto fidgeted a bit.
“I’ve... talked to my advisors, and it seems now is not a good time to do so,” he said, looking down into his coffee jug.
“Why not?” said Twilight and forced a mocking smile. “Are you and your pirates holding me hostage?” Inside her, Twilight felt an icicle stabbing her heart.
What if that is the truth... how do I get Spike out of this?
Jarl Ahto drank some coffee and looked desperately at Guthrun the Seer. The vaja coughed.
“There are simply too many report of the beasts of Winter around, Lady Sparkle,” she said. “We don’t want to risk either you or any of our deer.”
“What kind of beasts?” said Spike suspiciously. He had been eating a brooch by carefully sucking out the amber like raisins from a bun, and now he was gnawing on the bare silver.
The jarl and his seer looked at each other again, but one of the soldiers acting as servants quickly found his voice.
“Oh, permission to speak, Sir...” he said. His Tarandrian accent was much heavier than that of his superiors.
“Granted!” Ahto barked.
“A turso attacked the harbor a little more than a week ago,” he said. “Many deer and some of the southron pirates fell ill, and several of them died, but the beast was killed. The Strimmaland giant burned the corpse, but the bones remain on the beach.”
“It was probably drawn here by fish, which in turn was drawn here by offal,” Guthrun said.
“We have changed the routines for handling garbage,” said Ahto. “We were lucky the victims’ poxes didn’t spread to other people.”
Twilight fell silent. Spike looked a bit pale.
“I’m sorry for the loss of your comrades,” she told the soldier who looked at her with astonishment, her voice tinged with genuine concern. Jarl Ahto snorted and Guthrun sneered, looking at each other.
“Is there anything I can do to help the survivors?” she continued.
“The giraffe has already done his work,” Ahto said. At this Guthrun snorted even more.
“How much did you have to pay Mr Motelele?” Twilight said. The eyes of all the reindeer widened a little, Guthrun’s the slightest.
“Too much for what should have been his duty,” Ahto grunted. “Though he used his magic for free to help kill the beast and burn the body to stop its plagues.” Again, he and Guthrun shared a glance, and the soldier looked a bit uneasy.
“Of course, since he himself was threatened by it. Did he suggest floating that carcase into Sarvvik?” said Twilight.
Jarl Ahto’s nostrils flared.
“No, but that vinghest wench did!” he barked. “How did you know?”
Lucky guess, said Twilight. Either him or Captain Cloak would have suggested it...
“They have a history,” said Twilight, trying to be smooth, so she had to involve her fan to hide her face. “Ask the good Captain about... oh, the dock fires in Las Pegasus some time, and what she was doing in the city.”
Ahto and Guthrun looked at each other, and the soldiers looked like they had some fresh gossip.
Cloak was from Las Pegasus, Twilight thought. She has to have been there some time since she went renegade, but when she tries to tell him that... And I am sure there has been at least one dock fire in Las Pegasus in recent history. Statistics tell me so.
Ahto and Guthrun switched their looks back to Twilight. They both looked angry in different ways - Ahto fuming with righteous indignation,Guthrun’s eyes narrowing while remaining stoic - but they were clearly not angry with Twilight.
It is easy to lie to people who want to believe your lies, Twilight thought. Luna was right.
“Anyway, might I have a look at the corpse of the turso?” she said.
“Only bones remain, my lady,” said the soldier.
“They would still interest me as a naturalist,” said Twilight, “and since the good Jarl seems determined to keep me here...”
“That... should be no problem,” said Ahto, a bit distracted. “You are my guests here in my kota. I have other business to attend to, but I am sure one of my deer can show you the way. I’ll send for somedeer who is free to guide you. They will be with you soon.”
Twilight thanked him and he and Guthrun left the hut, soon followed by the two soldiers.
“Twilight,” Spike said, “why do we have to check out some scary bones that can make you so sick you die?”
“Because I want a chance to be alone and check for things that can help as coordinates,” said Twilight. “If I wave around instruments, they will hopefully think it is unicorn magic, and I don’t think they will get too close. They will still be afraid of disease.”
“Yeah, disease,” said Spike, dismayed.
“I’m sure the things are sterilized now,” Twilight said.
Spike didn’t look convinced.
“At least we have a cozy place to sleep,” he sighed and looked around the kota, with fluffy blankets and actual linen.
Equestrian linen, Spike realized. I wash stuff like this every week!
“Yep,” said Twilight, “right under the nose of Ahto and his closest retainers. Of course, if I were really who he thinks I am, it would be very stupid, but now it is actually very smart. Too smart.”
“Why would it be stupid... oh,” said Spike.
“Yeah,” said Twilight. “It’s even odds I would curse, poison or enchant him if I really was a villainess and slept this close to him.”
Spike snickered. “Sometimes it sucks being a nice pony. Besides, looking at the bedrolls, Hakon sleeps next to him, almost cuddled up like a foal. You’d have a hard time reaching Ahto without waking his attendant dude.” Spike turned toward the Jarl’s bed.
Seriously, is he using the Jarl as a teddy bear? he thought.
Twilight stuck out her tongue at Spike, but quickly retracted it when one of the soldiers returned with a guide.
“We’re here to show you the way to the turso, my lady,” said their leader.
“Delightful,” said Twilight. “We will come at once. Spike, will you get my instruments out of my luggage?”
“Okey Twi - I mean, yes Mistress!” said Spike.
Twilight rolled her eyes.
Twilight scowled and said some foul words to herself as she carefully walked among the rocks on the beach.
First, her guides had been more wary of her than of the charred bones. She could understand why when she saw how the corpse must have been thoroughly and very quickly burnt to ash. The flames had not only left only the sooted bones of the pox-hydra, they also had left their mark on the boulders on the beach and the sand beneath them. In some places it had been glazed.
Hence, the deer remained close to her and gave her suspicious looks. During these circumstances it would be hard to surreptuously determine her coordinates with enough precision for a planned teleport.
Second, her guides weren’t soldiers properly, but sailors. Two came from the navy, another one had been a merchantstag. They would recognize a sextant if they saw one.
Twilight consoled herself with doing what she had claimed she wanted to do. She studied the bones and took measurements, had Spike make a couple of sketches and take samples of the bones. There wasn’t any ash to take, which was a pity. It would have been interesting to see what method Mr Motelele used to burn them, but the waves had swept all ashes away.
The sea was still unfrozen, even if ice formed near land and floes could be seen in the water. Snow slowly turned into ice close to the beach, like in this place, and the edge of the ice was lapped by the waves. Burning the huge carcass had formed a hollow in the snow and ice, down to the frozen ground, and ice-cold seawater rolled in over it, beneath her booted hooves.
“How do you fight a turso, anyway?” she asked the closest sailor as she poked with her magic at what looked like a reindeer bone buried in the half-frozen sand. He was standing on a rock, like his two colleagues.
“With missile weapons, then with back-mounted lances, then with antlers,” he said. “Not that it helps much.”
“You need artillery,” said another sailor, the former civilian. “Couldn’t bring any of the pieces to bear, really.”
“The giant... used his magic to strike it,” said the first sailor again. “Then the vinghestar - the pegasuses, I mean - threw rocks at it, and then oil and pitch. Then the giant cast a powder at the turso, and it caught fire.”
Twilight turned towards him and looked in his eyes.
“You hurt because your friends died, and you needed the foreigners to avenge them,” she said.
“Who wouldn’t?” he snarled.
“I’m not accusing you of anything,” she said. “I just try to understand things. Always have.”
“You’d think we knew how to fight a turso...” he sighed.
“It was our job,” said the third sailor and spit. “Before the old drunk fired us.”
“He thought the nobles would hire us again,” said the first. “That they would pay for the ship and deer to defend the land, since he had lowered their taxes.” He joined in the spitting.
“And then they didn’t,” said Twilight, matter-of-factually.
“Just a few of us,” said the sailor.
Twilight fell silent. She pulled out the bone, levitated it up to her and looked at it.
“They tossed the dead on the burning turso,” said the former civilian uneasily. “To burn away the plague.”
“Then you plundered my homeland,” said Twilight.
“What else should we do?” said the first sailor, his gaze avoiding Twilight. “We had lost our jobs!”
Twilight looked with him with actual sympathy.
“The crisis had hit,” he said. “There was no honest job to be had!”
“Those ponies could afford it!” said the second sailor. “Yours is a wealthy land!”
Twilight looked less sympathetic.
“In the slums of Sarvvik,” she said and studied the bone, “lives poor reindeer who never had it as good as you. If you go there, say to visit a house of ill repute, you mean the harlot would be fully justified to steal your purse? Since, after all, you have more than she ever will have? The thieves on the street, you would not dispute it if they emptied your saddlebags? If one of the factory workers, who surely makes less than you do in a year and has a family to support, gore you and take your money?”
“That’s different!” said the second sailor.
“How?” said Twilight. “Because you get robbed this time? Because your need is greater than their need?”
“No, but... they’re reindeer!” he said.
“What crime’s all right to commit if you are of a different species than the victim?” said Twilight. “Is it right and proper if I kill you?” Her magic aura crackled close to his throat.
“It’s not a matter of right or wrong!” he said urgently. “It’s what you have to do!”
Twilight let the magic recede.
“Have to do? Really? I can think of at least three alternatives. Alternative one,” she said. “Join the grazers. Go back to eating lichen and sedge. Make your own clothes. Raise your huts.”
“They wouldn’t have taken us in,” said the sailor.
“At this point, Winter had already grown worse and they might have needed guards,” Twilight said. “Did any of you even try? Never mind. Alternative two.”
She handed the bone to a worried Spike.
“You could do as the urox. You know, the cattle your ancestors killed or drove out of the country because you wanted their lands? Simply travel to Equestria as guest workers. We don’t have a crisis. We have lots of both forests and sawmills who could need reindeer. Did you try?”
“That’s... that’s work beneath a deer of war!” said the sailor.
“So, is that the case? Equestria lacks much of an army these days, and the navy is useless,” Twilight said. “Oh you know, you have attacked us! You know our weakness. Gather under one of the sacked admirals or generals, sail to Equestria, offer your service as mercenaries to protect our borders. Tried that?”
The deer looked at each other.
“Alternative three,” said Twilight. “The money that should have ended in your pockets ended in the vaults of the nobles and rich merchants, correct? And there is no army or navy which defends the cities anymore? Because Ukko sacked you? So why didn’t you march on the deer who wronged you, took your wealth back and put another king on the throne? Took the money and lives from those who actually harmed you, instead of innocent foreigners? The Urox, workers and slum dwellers would have cheered you on. Probably the Russ as well.”
“I... Jarl Ahto wouldn’t have liked that...” one of the sailors said.
“We had once... we were the king’s deer,” said another.
“I’m just saying you didn’t have to do what you did,” said Twilight. “I know you aren’t bad deer. Few ponies were killed. None were carried away. But you still did what you did and ‘I had to’ isn’t a good enough excuse for me. I just wanted to understand why.”
“You’re a strange one to talk, my lady,” said one deer sullenly.
“When the most evil sorceress in the world questions your ethics, perhaps you should think them over,” said Twilight and smiled sardonically. She turned to Spike.
“I think we should go now,” she said. “I’m done here, and the weather doesn’t get better.”
Spike nodded, uneasy about the conversation.
“Wait,” said one of the sailors, the former merchant mariner. “About this... there wasn’t any big raids first. Just some small ones, because we were seriously stumped for provisions and money. Then more of these guys turned up,” and he gestured at the former marine soldiers, “and we got more ships. We started talking again, about what you said, about rising up against Ukko, against the fat wolverines in Sarvvik. But... it is our land, it was like wrong in our bones... Then the Admiral came along, and he organized this place, he organized the raids... to keep us going. He wanted no war inside Poatsula. We listened to him... he is the kind of reindeer you listen to. Trust me, I was never in the navy, and I listened to him. It’s... it’s not easy doing the right thing. But I chose to do this.”
“Thanks,” said Twilight and smiled towards him. “Knowing that helps a lot.”
“You want to leave now?” said the first sailor. “My lady,” he added.
“Yes please,” said Twilight.
She followed her guards, and Spike jumped up on her back and followed as well.
In his own way Jarl Ahto is a good deer, I suppose, she thought. In some way that uprising would have been just... but it would have been a civil war, and all my studies tell me what they do to a kingdom. But this means that if this ever comes out... if anyone ever digs in this... we can never switch sides and support Jarl Ahto. He is primarily responsible for the raids against Equestria. We can’t put him on the throne, even if he is better for both us and the reindeer than Ukko. There would be an outrage... unless every trace of this story is wiped out.
Thanks again to my proofreaders!
Oak Wreath knocked a second time on the door to the royal guest suite.
“I said enter!” came the voice of his sovereign, or rather one of his sovereigns. The scarier one. He obeyed the order and bowed down deeply as he did so.
Princess Luna was donning her barding. It wasn’t as easy as she remembered and she swore under her breath while attempting to telekinetically strap on the croupiere to her behind she was swearing under her breath. She had the peytral hanging down her breast and the criniere around her neck already. She had tried to put on the champron but found it uncomfortable to have it on her head while she was struggling with the straps. Now it hovered within her magical aura.
“It was so long ago...” she thought, and then: “I had Twilight Sparkle practice this, and now she isn’t here...” She felt a harsh sting of longing and shame.
“You there!” she said harshly to Oak Wreath, then she softened her voice. “Oak Wreath, isn’t it?”
“Yes, your highness,” said the prostrated unicorn.
“Ha! I remembered!” said a triumphant Luna. “Attend to me, sir, and help me with these Wheel-forsaken straps!”
“Me?” said Oak Wreath and stood up in shock.
“Well, my hoofmaiden is missing and gone, and the castle’s maidens aren’t here,” she said. “I haven’t done this myself in over a millennium and the creator of this was known for overly complex designs!”
“Is it... really proper?” said Oak Wreath carefully.
“In my time, it was,” said Luna. “It was even an honor. Do you wish for honor, Sir Oak Wreath?”
He stepped up and started to fiddle with the straps, first tentatively, then methodically. He understood the point the Princess had made about overcomplicating things, but Oak Wreath was a pony with a mind for detail, and he thought he had the hang of it. The barding looked like nothing worn today, being bulkier and with strange protrusions. It was made out of incredibly rare moonsilver and hence much lighter than it looked like, but it was still too thick for modern aesthetics. Large pieces of obsidian were set into it, and Oak Wreath almost cut himself on their sharp edges. The fabric of the straps and padding was soft yet fibrous and shimmered like the Princess’ own hair.
“It is my own hair,” said Luna, somehow reading his thoughts. He shied back a bit.
“I take it that Your Highness thinks donning armor is a good way to show support for the troops,” he said.
“Yes,” said Luna. “It always leaves a good impression. I won’t spend all day inspecting troops, but when I’m not I can still present an image of courageous action, and hope the press notices it.”
“As you say, Your Highness,” Oak Wreath said as he started to put on the flanchards and the caparison. The latter was a wondrous, thick fabric that seemed luminous and transparent. “Beg your pardon, Your Highness, what is this woven from?”
“It is not woven at all - that is from the hide of a star-bear,” said Luna.
“Ah,” he said and continued with his work.
“You’re not bothered by the use of animal products in crafting, Sir Oak Wreath?” Luna said, mildly amused.
“It was another time, Your Highness, and here in Tarandroland it is another place,” he said.
“So, you strive to find the best in ponies - people,” Luna said, this time mildly mocking.
“I’m a diplomat, that’s what we do,” said Oak Wreath and finished with the flanchards, just checking to see whether they lay flat against Luna’s sides and whether the caparison hung the right way around her body.
“Aye, that’s also a way you can see it,” said Luna and looked as if she was suddenly lost in memory.
“Your... caparison, isn’t it, Your Highness?” said Oak Wreath and held up it to her.
“Very good sir,” she said. “Most would just have said helmet. Put it on!”
As he carefully did so, Oak Wreath mumbled: “One picks things up.”
“What did you say?” said Luna watching in her mirror as her face was covered with cold hard lunargentum. Obsidian lenses turned her view of the world into a shadowed battlefield, and her hearing became somewhat impaired. “Speak up!”
“I’m sorry, Your Highness,” said Oak Wreath. “Things. Facts. One picks them up. Such as what you call an ancient mask-helmet like that.”
He turned to look at his sovereign in the mirror.
“I... am no handmaiden, Your Highness, but if I might make a suggestion regarding fashion...” he said cautiously.
“You have our leave to speak your mind, sir,” said Luna, turning to and fro in the mirror.
“Don’t wear the helmet while addressing and inspecting any troops,” he said. “Carry it with you, openly, as officers do for comfort in hot weather or the like on protected ground. Levitating it by your side, I mean.”
She lifted off her helmet and did so.
“Yes, like that, Your Highness,” he said. “See, it is more than a mite intimidating, and you needn’t intimidate either the Equestrian citizens or the Tarandrolanders. You need to make them trust you. But... not removing the helmet until you speak to them might be a good idea. That will show them you trust them, by not being fully protected when approaching them.”
Luna looked at him curiously.
“You’ve given this a great deal of thought aforehand?” she said.
“Not really, Your Highness,” he said and shrugged. “I just deal... deal with ponies, it’s what a diplomat does, and it seems reasonable.”
“I’ll follow your advice, Oak Wreath,” she said smiling into the mirror as she put on her caparison herself. “Let’s get going. I am always fashionably late, but to do so correctly requires us to be on time. Bring my notes.”
Oak Wreath nodded and followed his Princess, the notes she had referred to hanging in his magic field. He found he had to walk pretty quickly to keep up with her as she kept talking. This was not very like the Princess he had, admittedly, mostly glimpsed.
Is she nervous? Eager? he thought.
"Now, this first Equestrian regiment I'm about to inspect: what can I expect of them?" she said.
“Uhm, Your Highness, I assume it was all in the dossier you received, and...” he began.
“The Third Newborn Franklin Regiment, yes,” she said as she was dodged by reindeer servants. “Six hundred and twenty hooves strong, so a regiment is much smaller than when I was... younger.”
“No, no, they don’t have to be four thousand hooves anymore...” said Oak Wreath dodging reindder who were too busy gaping and the armored alicorn to notice him.
“The point is, I have no idea who they are. The dossier assumed knowledge of their history and modern terminology. I hoped you could explain,” she said. “A franklin means a pony who is not a serf, but there aren’t any serfs anymore.”
“I... look, this isn’t my subject, but...” Oak Wreath began as they descended a set of stairs. “Seven centuries ago, or so, your revered sister abolished slavery of non-equines. She distributed land amongst the freed slaves.”
“And that has what to do with this regiment?” Luna said.
“Well, since they were now free landowners, they were technically yeomanry, and had to defend the realm when called upon,” Oak Wreath said. “They wanted nothing more but... old habits died hard, and the old regiments of earth ponies and pegasi refused to have them. So they formed their own.”
“You mean they’re not ponies?” said Luna as she stopped.
“Mostly cattle, I guess, but some swine, sheep, goats...” Oak Wreath. “During the years other breeds joined... mostly donkeys and mules but also some of the tribal herds... deer, antelope, buffalo... Though they still call themselves ‘The Barnyarders’ if I’m correctly informed. Of course, nowadays there is no problem with a non-pony seeking admission to a normal yeoman regiment, but...”
“So the first Equestrians to help here aren’t ponies?” said Luna.
“Your Highness, the soldiers you’re about to meet would be horribly offended if you suggested they were less Equestrian for not being ponies,” Oak Wreath said sternly.
“My apologies, sir, that came out wrong,” said Luna and sighed. “I mostly meant it reflects badly upon the majority back home in Equestria.”
“Well, I suspect there are... more selfish reasons,” said Oak Wreath as they started to walk again. “The plight of the urox among the cattle at home, as well as sympathy for the reindeer among the northern tribal protectorates, have surely affected them more than others. I’m sure support for the Tarandrian cause has spread among the equine majority as well, only slower.”
Luna said nothing, but grimaced with disappointment within her helmet.
“Later this day, I’m reconvening with the urox for some sort of demonstration. I should let them meet each other as soon as possible,” she said. “Yes. See to it that the... Barnyarders stay on the exercise field, and the urox representatives can come there. Yes. Make it so.”
“Well, as soon as I can find a courier, Your Highness,” said Oak Wreath.
They were outside the main building now. The field where they were going was outside the castle walls, so they turned onto the.main path towards the castle gates.
“Can you tell me anything more about the Barnyarders?” said Luna. “I mean, what am I supposed to use them for, besides a meatshield?”
“Your Highness!” Oak Wreath burst out.
Luna chuckled.
“Oh, that’s less grim than it sounds,” she said. “Large groups of people scare monsters like the nidhogg which means they can be herded to their death in some trap, and if those wretched pirates see whole regiments of soldiers they’ll probably surrender or flee since there aren’t many of them. But we will need actual soldiers who have seen actual war as well, and the one drawback of my sister’s blessed long peace is that those are rare. So: why should I use the Barnyarders as other than cannon fodder?”
“Erh, well... it even says here in the dossier you were given, Your Highness,” said Oak Wreath and tried to read as he walked, “that they specialize in the removal of mines and in combat engineering, like demolitions, for example. Probably because of their civilian jobs, and so on. Seems to be a lot of farming and construction. Pioneers.”
“Theoretical training, I suppose?” said Luna.
“They have done some work in disaster areas, Your Highness,” said Oak Wreath almost protectively.
“Together with their civilian jobs, it seems they could have done a lot to help the reindeers after the war,” Luna grumbled. “Meanwhile, it is not like the forces of Winter will put up barbed wire and mines. Why are the people who volunteer first the people I need last?”
“Your Highness, if I might make a suggestion...” Oak Wreath said. They were getting closer to the castle gates.
“Yes, go on,” said Luna, grinning wickedly. “You seem to have a strange insight into military matters, sir.”
“Their resume suggests they could do well in the creation of defensive obstacles and the laying of mines and similar explosive devices,” said Oak Wreath. “If you only know where to utilize them, I imagine such things could be very useful fighting huge, mindless beasts.”
Luna stopped and looked at him.
“And, well, before that, they could presumably create defenses for, say, Sarvvik,” he said. “I know the purpose of the campaign is to save the forests, Your Highness, but you have to admit it can’t be wrong to keep the capital safe, if nothing else for the inevitable refugees.”
“You... you are onto something, Oak Wreath,” said Luna.
“This only makes it better that they arrived so early, that they can get on with the work at once, especially as they need to meet with local experts of the terrain and the enemy,” he said. “Which makes you look really good for... erh, arranging it, in an incredibly subtle way, so that they were that early. Their importance will also be excellent for their pride and hence, morale.”
“You are right,” said Luna. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
“Your Highness, you are unused to modern warfare,” he said.
“And you are well used to it, then?” she said and raised an eyebrow.
“I just played wargames at the university and own a set of war documentaries,” he said modestly. “The rest is mostly common sense.”
Luna raised her eyebrow even further.
“We diplomats are often sent as third parts to all kind of conflict, ostensibly to spread the Equestrian brand of friendship, but mostly to protect Equestrians who get involved, such as traders, colonists and tourists,” he said with a sigh. “I have learnt a lot from both Guards assigned to peacekeeping missions and the local military leaders, but this is still only a... hobby I have.”
“No, you have a real talent for warcraft, Oak Wreath,” Luna said seriously. “Fitting, since an oak wreath was how ancient pegasi rewarded a victorious general. Why are you in the civil service?”
He snorted.
“Because the military of a pacifist nation isn’t the place for a noble unicorn to make a career,” he said.
“I see,” said Luna crassly, “that’s why you are the defacto leader of a uncertain mission to an unimportant nation, pushed into your position by colleagues because you had the misfortune to be so responsible as to actually act.”
Oak Wreath snorted again, this time with more mirth.
“I’ve really bucked this one up, haven’t I. If you’ll pardon my language, Your Highness?” he said but he didn’t look at Luna.
“I’m sure your career points straight upwards, sir,” said the Princess. “Let’s get ready for the inspection.”
“Yes, ma’am!” said Oak Wreath with a grin and made a sharp salute.
Vigg lay with his head on his desk, chin resting on the textbooks, paper untouched, quill dry. His heart was beating slowly, the heartbeats echoing inside his head as if it was an empty stone cell, as if no sound could pass through his ears into his brain. He couldn’t concentrate on the textbook. Every word either somehow reminded him of his complete lack of worth or it didn’t, which meant it was meaningless and not worth reading. Everything but his current state of hopelessness seemed completely unimportant.
There was a rapping on the door.
“Go away!” he shouted. “I’m studying!”
“Dear...” his mother said. “You have visitors.”
“I don’t want to see them!” said Vigg. “I don’t want to see anydeer!” He sniffed, suddenly overcome with an urge to cry again, but he resisted it. “Besides, I’m not allowed visitors! You said so yourself!”
“I... this is a special visitor...” said his mother nervously.
“I forced my way in,” said a voice he has never heard before. It was matronly and melodious, and while not loud, in some way it nevertheless managed to penetrate his skull and drowned out his echoing heartbeats.
“Who?” he said and actually sat up.
“It’s -” his mother began before she was interrupted.
“Let me come in and you’ll know, Prince Vigg,” said the visitor. “If you don’t want to talk to me I’ll leave you to your homework at once!”
“...okay,” he said, his voice worried.
The door opened and his mother entered. She was very jittery, her eyes darting about his room as if looking for imperfections, then back to their visitor biting her lip while trying to smile. The reason was obvious, for in her footsteps trotted Princess Celestia of Equestria, Maiden of Dawn, Ruler of the Day Court, etc etc. She cast a casual gaze around the room with genuine curiosity. She had to bend her neck low when entering through the door, but raised herself high once she was in.
“Vigg, this is -” his mother began.
“I know who she is, mom!” Vigg snapped.
“Are you sure?” said Celestia gently. Vigg stared at her.
“Your Highness, this is my son, Prince Vigg...” said Princess Ljufa.
“I think I have seen him before, but not in the flesh,” said Princess Celestia and offered a hoof. “Hi, Vigg. Nice to meet you. Do you have time to talk for a moment?”
Vigg stared again in confusion, and didn’t take the offered hoof..
“Is this about... what I did, Your Highness?” he said. His voice was tinged with despair.
“Not really,” said Celestia, “but I guess it will come up, given how I suspect you feel right now. And please say Celestia, if we carry on yourhighnessing each other I’ll go quite mad. Anyway, please let me talk a while, and whenever you don’t want to carry on the conversation, I’ll stop, walk out that door and never come back.”
“Okay,” he said, a bit sullenly. “Sure.”
“Wonderful!” said Celestia. “Please leave us, Ljufa,” she added and turned to Vigg’s mother. “This is between Vigg and me. Remember what I told you?”
“Oh... yes,” Ljufa said nervously. “Of course, Your High - Celestia! Bye, dear. Please, behave and...”
“Vigg will do fine,” said Celestia, lifted her unceremoniously with her magic and deposited her outside the door. She closed the door and turned to Vigg.
“Now,” she said, “lets begin. Vigg, I need you to do something for me and for your country. It is something only can do and -”
“Stop!” said Vigg. “Don’t. If that’s what you come to talk about you can just leave.”
“Why? You don’t even know what I want you to do?” Celestia said.
“It doesn’t matter what it is, because I can’t do it and won’t do it because I’ll just buck everything up and destroy everything because I can’t do anything right and nothing ever works out and...” he stopped to catch his breath.
“So this is about what you did at that club,” said Celestia. It was a statement, not a question.
“Of course it is, stupid!” he said. “You said it yourself it was about that!”
“Actually I didn’t,” Celestia began.
I think you are the first who have called my stupid in centuries, besides Lulu, she thought.
“I’m a complete idiot!”he shouted. “I’m a selfish, worthless moron! Everything I do hurts people and no one will ever love me because I treat them like manure, and I can never do what everydeer expects of me because I can never, ever become a King because a King doesn’t do stupid manure like that! I ruined my life!”
“Well,” Celestia began carefully, “that’s how you see it, but...”
“No,” said Vigg and showed that he shared a talent with Celestia and her sister, that of seeming to be speaking louder without actually raising his voice. “Never. Ever. Say. That!”
“Sorry, say what?” said Celestia, the only sign of anger a slightly raised eyebrow.
“‘That’s how you see it’,” he said with a high-pitched silly voice. “Or ‘Well, that’s your opinion!’ The only time ever ever ever a grownup says that, is when they mean that they are not going to listen to you, but it would be bad form to ever say that somedeer else is wrong, because that’s conflict and that means discussion and maybe even a quarrel and we cannot have that, so let’s pretend we are tolerant and understanding and admit somedeer can have another opinion, oh yes, an opinion I’m going to completely ignore because it is not my opinion.”
Let’s guess, Princess Ljufa is very passive-aggressive as the modern psychiatrists call it, Celestia thought.
Vigg had to come back for breath again. His eyes glistened and he was burning red under his white coat.
“And remember,” he said, “I can see your soul and know when you lie!”
You do, don’t you? she thought, pity tinged with wonder.
“Alright,” said Celestia with a calm voice, “you’re wrong, Vigg.”
“Thanks,” he said bitterly. “Except it’s you who’re wrong!”
Celestia allowed herself a smile.
“You haven’t ruined your life,” she continued. “You have merely... messed it up beyond all belief.”
“What’s the difference?!” he said bitterly.
“Well, in the first case, you’re done for,” she said. “Over. You might as well kill yourself, except you will feel bad about that too, feel that you are running away, that you are a failure.”
Celestia looked solemnly at Vigg, who stared in shock.
Better be negative than whitewash it, she thought. Sight or no, he won’t listen otherwise.
“In the other case, though, which is what we have here, you can try to repair your mistakes, try to make it up to those you’ve hurt, and try to make your messed-up life less messy,” she said. “Who knows, you might even succeed.”
“I can’t... it’s impossible!” Vigg said, his gaze on the floor. “I can never undo what I did!”
“Of course not!” Celestia said. “I never said you could. I said you could try to clear up the mess.”
“How?” he grumbled.
“My experiences have taught me that there are three ways,” she said. “First, to try to repair the damage you caused. You can never undo the damage, but you can try repair it. Second, you avoid the same mistake, not increasing your burden. Third, you can search out success, and do good.”
“What do you mean, search out success?” Vigg said and looked up.
“Quite beside the damage you caused to others, you harmed yourself, inside yourself, inside your heart,” she said. “You lost your faith in yourself, your determination, your courage.”
She noticed he was about to speak up and stopped him with a gesture.
“I’m not saying this is trivial, Vigg,” she said, “Your faith in yourself might be an immaterial thing, yet losing it can mean losing it all. Self-loathing is as much a disease as the pony pox. However, if you try to do other things, try to be a success and to do what you think is right, you can rebuild your faith in yourself just like somedeer who has been long sick can rebuild his lost strength with good food and exercise.”
“It’s not that easy,” he grumbled.
“No it isn’t,” Celestia said. “But it is possible, and I think you can do it.”
I’m certain he can, but he will just hear that as me trying to be overly nice out of pity, she thought.
He looked at her with disdain.
“I have messed up my own life beyond all belief and, well, I have done my best to rebuild it,” she said.
He looked at her in the same way. She looked away, then back.
This, I expected, she thought and grimaced inwards.
“Vigg, I know that any sane teenager immediately dismisses any anecdote a grownup tells them about their own hardships,” she said, “but please listen! After all, as you said, you can see my soul. Please try to see how what I’m telling you affected me. Please try to understand how we are similar, and how you can learn from it.”
“Okay,” said Vigg. He blinked a couple of times, and then he Looked at Celestia. He shut his eyes, then he squinted a bit.
“What?” said Celestia.
“Don’t take this... literally, or something, but Looking straight at you probably requires a sooted glass,” he said. “Like... when looking at a solar eclipse. But I’ll do my best.”
“Okay,” said Celestia and smiled. “It’s been a long time since I talked about this, in this way, with anypony - or anydeer. Long long ago, my sister and I demeaned ourselves to descend to the earth, to be flesh and walk among mortal ponies. We did so to fight a dreadful threat to not just our little ponies but all the world...”
She looked at the posters of sportstars and sleigh brands on the walls of the young prince’s room, as she made a pause. They were placed between the beams holding up the roofs, carved into reindeer heads and decorated with runes.
“When we had won, we stayed with them as their rulers,” she said. “Historians will tell you we were princesses because our absent mother was the Queen, but truth is it was because we thought there could only be one Queen of a country. It wouldn’t have been fair for one of us to be Queen and the other not. We wanted it to be fair, like a playground game... we were so much like children, back then.”
Vigg blinked, and for a second imagined he saw a courtyard with flowers and butterflies, courtiers in bright clothes and knights in shining armor.
“We divided our duties very carefully, so we both would get to do all the things we enjoyed, and so that any chores of rulership were equally distributed,” Celestia said. “Just as with our cosmic duties. Luna handled the moon and the black silk of night and the myriad stars and the dreams of ponies. I handled the sun and the bright blue sky and the warmth of day and the wakefulness that begins at dawn.”
Celestia looked at Vigg with wistfulness in her eyes, as if remembering a happier time, yet one she was ashamed of.
“In the same way, I held power of the workings of justice, and the wealth of the realm, and the diplomats and couriers, of scholarship and healing,” she continued. “Luna’s sphere included the keeping of the peace and the waging of war, spies and agents, sorcery and secrets of state.”
Vigg thought he saw it again, how soldiers flew and marched, and traders and diplomats travelled, and how laws and bylaws were like literal cogs in a machine, spitting out rewards and punishments.
“I was so certain we had made it fair, that we both had tasks we loved, and that we shared equal power,” Celestia said. “Alas, I was wrong. Because when I walked among our little ponies, they bowed with respect and in their hearts was love. But when Luna walked among them, they bowed with respect and in their hearts was only fear.”
Celestia sighed sadly.
“I didn’t notice it,” she said quietly. “I was too obsessed with my own tasks, with my own power. Luna tried to tell me, but I only noticed her nagging about how nopony truly appreciated the beauty of her night. I didn’t register it... I found it a silly complaint. That was... that was not the problem.”
“They... did like the night?” said Vigg, interested in the story despite himself.
“Most ponies never looked at the night sky with their brains turned on,” Celestia said. “Luna’s complaint was correct. Had it been only that, there would been no problem but Luna never received any love from any sane pony for any of her work. I just never noticed it, I just brushed her off and thought it was just her complaint about the sky. Because honestly, most ponies never looked at a sunrise with their brains turned on either.”
“What do you mean, ‘sane pony’?” said Vigg.
Celestia chuckled mirthlessly.
There you go again Celestia, always thinking of evil as some kind of condition, as if ponies couldn’t make a malicious decision with their minds in order, she thought. Wheels should know you have done so yourself.
“Pegasi knights who relished the smell of blood and of enemies soiling themselves on the battlefield,” she said. “Unicorn wizards pursuing studies in the dark voids of magic. Earth pony slave traders who associated the clinking of fetters with the jingling of bits .”
Vigg grimaced.
“Our realm was a most happy one for most citizens... if you were a pony,” said Celestia. “We had extended out borders as far as we could, until our elder relatives interfered, and protected their clients with the full force of the elements. The Equestria of today is a mere vestige of our Empire. Gaining that kind of power requires ruthlessness, and that allowed the sort of ponies I spoke of to grow in power. Though while both of us relished extending our temporal power, we did not relish the weeds we had sown while doing so. With few exceptions, the only ponies who loved Luna loved her for those sides she didn’t like and even was ashamed of. That happened to me as well, but I had so many other loving followers that it didn’t affect me in the same way.”
Vigg again thought he Saw a bright white and gold princess standing in sunshine, surrounded by laughing courtiers, and a shadowed black and blue princess standing in the darkness, alone but for giant vermin crawling around her.
“I think I’ve heard this story before,” he said quietly.
“Then you know that my sister’s jealousy and loneliness grew, until she became determined to overthrow me,” Celestia said. “Oh, and create everlasting night, but that wasn’t her main goal, no matter what the fairy tales tell you. She wanted to have everything that was mine, and what she couldn’t have she would destroy. For when nothing was left but her, then everypony would have to love her. Night... was just a side-effect of no day.”
“Then you banished her to the moon with the Elements of Harmony,” Vigg said.
“That’s an oversimplification of how the process works, but yes, in essence, I did,” Celestia said. “Luna had found, deep in dreams beyond where you dare to go in your sleep, a power, the power of Nightmare, which she used to make herself strong enough to defeat me. Against that power, I was helpless, and it had corrupted her so that she was impossible to bargain or reason with. It was too late for that. So I had to use the Elements... to preserve the world.”
They were both silent, Vigg as he Watched a desperate battle between a crying white filly and dark, shadowy mockery of her sister.
“That’s when you... messed up your life beyond all belief?” Vigg said.
“It would be wrong to say that I have never regretted banishing Nightmare Moon, even if the banishment was a half-measure because I lacked the necessary purity to handle the Elements of Harmony,” said Celestia. “Yet I have very rarely done so. I did what I have to do, even if it pained me horribly.”
“Then how did you mess up?” said Vigg, doubt in his voice.
“By creating Nightmare Moon in the first place,” said Celestia, her voice raised without actually being louder. “I ignored my own sister’s loneliness, pain and sorrow. I only thought of myself and didn’t listen to her. I just stood idly by while she got lost in the Nightmare, like a drunkard is lost to his drink. I just told you I was impure and still am. That’s why I couldn’t and cannot use the Elements of Harmony correctly. If I hadn’t been such a selfish, horrible, egocentric brat, my sister wouldn’t have become a monster who threatened the world. Oh, how I wished I could have solved our conflict by banishing me, but as she had been corrupted by the Nightmare I couldn’t just abdicate. The whole affair was my fault and only my fault.Not only did I doom my only sibling to a punishment she didn’t deserve, but the disaster struck the whole world with pain and sorrow.”
“How do you mean?” said Vigg.
“I am, for instance, pretty certain the winter told about in your stories about Sampo was caused by the disastrous years after our battle,” Celestia said. “I barricaded myself in our castle and tried to get drunk in vain, for such potent wine is hard to find. I wailed and screamed and destroyed most of the interior of the castle. The Sun hardly rose at all.”
Vigg’s eyes widened, then he looked around him.
“See, you are taking your big mistakes better than I did,” Celestia said and winked. “The furniture is still here, and you are at least trying to do your homework.”
“How did you snap out of it?” said Vigg.
“One of my ministers dared to go in and talk to me, about my duties,” Celestia said. “He... ended up just holding me...”
Vigg Looked at her and continued her sentence as he watched the memory unfold.
“You burned... like the sun,” he said his eyes glazed over. “He held you without talking while you called for your mother and your father and sister. You cried fire and singed off his coat, and you heard his left eye broil in its socket.”
That Sight... is getting stronger, she thought. If I had tried to block him or put up a facade, I would get trouble now.
She nodded. Vigg was sweating heavily and looked like he was about to throw up.
“Then he went out from the castle,” Celestia continued, “out into the courtyard where the other ministers were gathered, from all the three tribes. He told them my first clear order as the sole princess of Equestria: that the Empire was to be dissolved.”
“Why did you...?” Vigg began.
“My reasons were mostly selfish.I couldn’t hope to hold on to it anyway” Celestia said, “and I had realised that the power of Empire had infected me and was one of the reasons Luna had grown jealous and corrupted. I didn’t want it anymore.”
“And the minister... guy?” said Vigg.
“He ruled until I had calmed down enough to get back into action,” Celestia said. “From his bed, due to his wounds which never healed.”
“Why did they listen...?” Vigg said.
“Well, Luna... I mean Nightmare Moon had followers, taken from among the ponies who did love her,” said Celestia. “The citizens had taken their revenge on those they could find, and it wasn’t... pretty. The minister knew that among his colleagues were such followers, and that they and their families would suffer horribly if anypony ever got to know. He just told them he knew. That, and the impression he made, was enough for them to obey him. The troops were withdrawn. The forts were abandoned. Hostages were released. Colonists... some of them, returned home.”
She was silent.
“Despite what he means to me, I have forgotten his name,” she whispered and tears appeared in her eyes. “I just know he was the fourth Duke Blueblood. He was... my great great grandson. We still freely mated with mortals in these days...”
Vigg suddenly felt an urge to hug the old, so old equine but didn’t.
“After that I decided to do the things I told you,” Celestia said. “It was of course hard to repeat that specific mistake, but I at least tried to listen to others, to dedicate myself to Equestria and not the other way around. I still fail. I recently almost got myself killed and the capital destroyed by not listening to Twilight Sparkle. I try, though. I strived to better myself and seek success. I tried to remove want and injustice from Equestria and make it to an utopia not just for ponies, but for other sapients and even... well, you know how we ponies handle plants and animals these days?”
“Yeah,” said Vigg. “You’re insane, do you know that?”
Celestia stared at him.
“Thanks,” she said, and then she chuckled. “Anyway, I most of all tried to repair my mistake... to bring back Luna from her banishment and free her from the Nightmare. I read prophecies, and planted prophecies, and pushed ponies in the prophecies’ direction. Sometimes I made mistakes, sometimes I advanced my goal... sometimes I fell into despair that I would never succeed. Succeeding in making the stars free her, in such a manner at she could be truly treated by the Elements of Harmony.”
“You freed Nightmare Moon?” Vigg said incredulously.
“My little deer, I and only I commanded the stars for a thousand years,” Celestia smiled. “I only did so when it would be possible for somepony more worthy than me to wield the Elements and exorcise the Nightmare. It was a matter of thaumic currents and ebbs, of waiting for the right changes in the way. Mostly, however, as the day of her escape became clear and drew nearer, it was a matter of seeing to that the Bearers of the Elements turned up and met each other.”
She made a pause to let her speech sink in.
“Like... how?” Vigg said.
“Like I know certain things would happen in the flying city of Cloudsdale at a certain date, and I knew it had to be visible from four other places,” said Celestia. “I didn’t know exactly what, but I started a century before to plan so that Cloudsdale would be in that position. Or that our old palace would be important, so I didn’t want it interfered with by ponies. So when we went along and ‘tamed’ the whole land, I didn’t let them touch the ruins, and ignored all claims of chaotic spiritual energies emanating there. Hence, all such energies in the country gathered there and made it into a deathtrap, protecting the castle ruins. It made life harder for the nearby farmers and wildtenders, but...”
“You succeeded,” said Vigg.
“Yes,” said Celestia. “I did. I still haven’t undone my faults, but I have tried to repair them. Luna being here is part of the repair, of making her my equal co-ruler, not my...”
“Mental sibling who lives with you and hides in the attic?” said Vigg.
“Yes, there are too many ponies who view her like that,” said Celestia. “But do you now understand what I mean? That you can get out of a mess, but you have to try to get out?”
Vigg didn’t look down, he looked right at Celestia.
“Yeah,” he said, “I suppose I look really childish now thinking my mistakes meant anything...”
“Oh, they do for you and those near to you!” said Celestia. “Remember, my big mistake was not paying attentions to people’s feelings? No, I only mean that you have a chance to come out of despair if you act to do so. I wanted to give you a personal example.”
“Alright,” said Vigg, “sure. But why should I do what you tell me, try to find the Sampo? How do you know I could manage that?”
“Because I know prophets when I see one, and I have seen them before among deer-kind,” said Celestia. “And you should do it because it could possibly the only way to save Tarandroland. I call that working towards success. You should also do it because it will entail repairing your mistakes.”
“How does that fix anything?” Vigg said, his mouth back to a sneer.
“Well, it would restore the faith in you that your family and their retainers lost, because you accomplish a great deed to help the land,” Celestia said. “Also, it would prove to Saga that she is right about an important thing, that she is a true prophetess like her ancestors, and that her Sight is no laughing matter. I have talked enough to the deer in my sister’s temple to know how important this is to her. Thus, you make up for letting your... ex down.”
“I... Twilight Sparkle.. “ he said.
“Vigg, I have to tell you something that is a state secret,” said Celestia. “You must swear to me to never reveal this to anydeer.”
Vigg hesitated.
“I... swear,” he said. “I swear by my herd and my hide and my antlers.”
“Good, no cupcakes for once,” said Celestia and smiled.
“What?” said Vigg.
“Nevermind, Equestrian joke,” said Celestia. “Vigg, Twilight was abducted willingly.”
“Why would she do that?” he said.
“What do you think she was doing there?” said Celestia. “Despite of the mess you caused, you seem really smart, so I think you know.”
“She was talking with the Pretender, Jarl Ahto,” he said, head down. “But that doesn’t make sense since she isn’t an enemy of us reindeer... Mustikka told me she was on a secret mission...”
He looked up.
“She was pretending that Equestria supported Ahto, or wanted to support Ahto!” he said. “So she could spy on them! That must be why she’s been so weird! She was pretending to be a bad pony, that’s why my Sight was all bollixed up! Deer normally only lie about being good!”
Celestia nodded.
“Her main goal, according to my sister, was to find out where the pirate camp is and how many there are of them,” she said. “When your little stunt stopped her before she got her answer, she somehow got the pirates to make a show of abducting her. We have had messages through Spike. She is fine, is treated well, and will return soon. She cannot send any vital information because they know what’s in the letter, but... She isn’t safe, but it isn’t as bad as the public thought.”
“Why... why d-didn’t you tell me?” Vigg said with trembling voice, tears about to flow. “I thought... I thought she was dead and...”
“My sister and Sir Mustikka denied you this information because the last time you had vital information like this, the meeting at Klub Niffelhel, you didn’t treat that information responsibly,” said Celestia sternly, but the look she gave him was warm. “I think you can handle this better this time, can’t you?”
He sniffed.
“Yeah, yes I could,” said Vigg and wiped his face. “I promise, I promise I will never mess up again!”
He swallowed.
“When do you want me to start finding the Sampo?” he said.
“As soon as you feel up to it,” said Celestia. “Your mother will let you leave, though I know she will worry, so treat her well.”
“You sure?” said Vigg.
“Little deer, your mother worships me as a goddess,” said Celestia. “That’s a great foolishness that I have to put up with, so I might as well use it. Besides, I think she was very proud of you when I declared you my champion.”
“What?!” Vigg said.
“I had to say something,” Celestia shrugged, “and it is basically true. Your father’s name happens to mean ‘sun-born’ so I came up with a little illogical prophecy she can tell her friends.”
Vigg groaned.
“I’ll count that as part of my punishment,” he said. “Will you be coming with me?”
“After Sampo? Unfortunately not,” Celestia said. “My court barely allows me to follow my sister into this war, I cannot go on adventures as well. In addition, we don’t want to wake Auntie.”
Vigg nodded sadly.
“You won’t be going alone,” Celestia said. “ I expect Saga to follow you, or rather to lead you,” said Celestia. “After all, she knows where you should go and what you need to do. Oh, don’t look at that. You will need to talk to each other, but if she is resistant I’ll have Luna talk to her first.”
“I just hope she doesn’t hate me,” mumbled Vigg. “She... doesn’t have to love me, if I only can make her not hate me.”
“She’d better not, because you will need to cooperate. Anyway, not only the reindeer want the summer back,” said Celestia, “and when I tried to make enquiries at Luna’s temple I had to promise the moose caretaker to go with you. He seems to have an axe to grind against Winter, and I think you can need some adult supervision and twelve hundred pounds of levitating muscle.”
“Oh,” said Vigg. “Oh! Kvalhissir.”
“Also, I expect Twilight Sparkle and dear Spike back soon,” said Celestia. “Her poor brother, who is all spit-and-polish military, was furious with us for having the gall to let his little sister do something as dishonorable as intelligence work. Shining Armour exaggerates because of his background, but he has a point. She deserves a vacation from such, and she should have gathered all the facts we need by then, so I can borrow her back for your quest. I’m sure Luna sees my point.”
“Are you really sure?” said Vigg. “Hrimf... I mean Princess Luna didn’t like the idea of searching for Sampo. At all.”
Celestia sighed.
I can tell him my secrets, but not my sister’s, she thought.
“The whole story is connected to very painful memories, so she might have dismissed it too quickly because of that,” she said.
“What kind of memories?” said Vigg, suspicious.
“Little deer, do you remember how I told you about bad ponies who willingly followed my sister when she fell to darkness?” Celestia said.
“Yes,” said Vigg. “And?”
“Those were not only ponies,” said Celestia. “I’m positive one of them was the reindeer Wiglek the Wicked, the one who really found the Sampo and father of Sampo the hero.”
“What does that mean,” said Vigg, “for us? Will it be more dangerous?”
Celestia was silent.
“This is really only speculation, but when Twilight reported on your little... seance, she said you had talked about the ‘lich’, but how that wasn’t possible and Twilight was trying to figure out what it could be otherwise,” said Celestia.
“Yeah, I remember that,” said Vigg. “Saga talked a lot about liches afterwards... she liked, I mean likes that sort of thing...”
“Did she say what was needed for a sorcerer to make himself a lich?” said Celestia.
“Yeah, but I didn’t pay much attention, it was something about an infusion of... nightmares...” Vigg looked at Celestia.
“An infusion of the Nightmare,” said Celestia. “The only one who could possibly make somepony - or somedeer - a lich would be Nightmare Moon.”
Thanks, as always, to my proofreaders, LadyMoondancer and Wheelwright!
“We need to find the pegasus who was struck with the shrinking powder,” said Twilight, her eyes scanning their surroundings. Their guards had said they were free to move within the camp, but she wasn’t sure they weren’t being followed.
“Wouldn’t he be by the ship?” said Spike, riding on Twilight’s back. “I only see reindeer around here...”
Since she couldn’t see anydeer watching them, Twilight quickly trotted over the camp towards the Crimson Kraken.
“Hello there, young jack,” she said to a donkey crewmember who stood by the gangway deeply engaged in the important chore of chewing tobacco.
“Not that young,” said the jack and spit. “Whadda ya want, miss?”
“Well, when you unloaded earlier, somebody was hurt in a magical accident,” Twilight said. “Do you know where I can find him?”
“Whydya wanna know that?” said the jack, scowling. “He ain’t no freakshow exhibit!”
“I...” Twilight hesitated. “I admit I’m interested in his condition, but that also means I might be able to cure it.”
“Huh,” spit the jack. “Fancy that. Well, he’s got nothing to lose. Lad’s at Tunnan. His friends thought he needed to drown his sorrows.”
“‘Tunnan’?” Twilight asked.
“The Barrel,” the jack explained. “A tavern. The tavern.”
“I know Poatsi,” said Twilight, irritated. “And I guessed he wasn’t drowning his sorrows in a hardware store. But where is it?”
“Oh. Well, see the largest house up the hill?” said the jack and pointed a hoof.
“Yes?” said Twilight and turned around.
“Well, that ain’t it,” said the jack. “But there’s a house behind it ya can’t see from here, and that’s the spot.”
“Okey, thanks a lot,” said Twilight. “Spike, give the gentlejack some coin.”
Spike leaned forward to dig out a purse from the saddlebags.
“No money!” said the jack and actually took a step backwards. “I don’t want any!”
“Why not?” said Twilight.
“If ya can help my friend Hailstone, that’s plenty o’ payment,” he said. “An’ if you’re up to some bad manure, I don’t want your money on me.”
“Okay,” said Twilight. “Fair enough.”
Then, after a pause: “What’s your name?”
“Seeing as how I’m dealin’ with ya, I’m Chancellor Puddin’head,” the donkey said and spit out the last of his tobacco.
“Goodbye then, Chancellor Puddinghead,” said Twilight with a wry smile.
“Bye,” he said, taking out his tobacco pouch for a new wad and pointedly refusing to look at Twilight.
She began to walk away, towards the big house that wasn’t Tunnan.
“Um, Twilight,” Spike whispered, “I don’t think that’s really his name. I think he meant he’s crazy to talk to you...”
“I know, Spike,” said Twilight. “I’m just humoring him. The important thing’s that we know where that pegasus is and that his name’s Hailstone.”
It was getting dark now, and the weather didn’t make it any lighter.
“Too bad about the clouds,” said Spike. “Otherwise, you could’ve taken your measurements from the stars now.”
Twilight snorted with frustration.
“Don’t remind me!” she sighed. “Though there might be another way, but it’s a last resort.”
“And what’s that?” said Spike.
“Luna and Celestia can find you after you have sent a letter with your fire,” she said. “You know, like when you were out hiking?”
“Yeah?” said Spike.
“Well, I don’t want them to land in the middle of the camp, but if I teleported the two of us as far as I could a couple of times, travelling only sort of blind, then you can send a letter and call for Luna’s help,” Twilight explained. “I wouldn’t want to be waiting for her close to the camp. Unless she brings a sizable part of the army it would be a good idea for them to get in a fight. Even Luna can be harmed by one of the cannons or Mr. Motelele’s magic. We won’t get the exact coordinates for the camp, but they will be close enough.”
“You mean every time I send a letter, they can tell where I am?” said Spike.
“Yes,” said Twilight.
“Ahto let me send one for you, remember?” said Spike. “As long as Luna can remember where it came from, she can already tell where the camp is on the map. We just need to remind her of that.”
“Why... you’re right!” said Twilight.
“Can we leave now?” said Spike.
“We can leave whenever we want,” said Twilight with a smug grin. “We might as well get a clear picture of the camp and the army and its defenses and so on. If Ahto doesn’t give us those guides soon, we’ll just use the trick I described and run for it.”
Then she became solemn.
“This won’t be an easy fight, like we imagined,” she mused. “We have nowhere near this many hooves. They are almost all actual soldiers, but we mostly have militia forces.”
Spike didn’t say anything. He just shuddered a bit.
Tunnan was built in two levels, one above and one below ground. The lower floor was a beer cellar, but also had tables, chairs and a bartender. The ground floor held a kitchen built around an iron stove and a second, smaller bar set in the middle of the room. It was surrounded with tables, none of which looked the same except a few made out of the same gigantic logs as the house itself. There were four small rooms in the back. Twilight saw a pegasus enter one of them with a giggling vaja at her side, and noted they were probably being used for more than sleeping off hangovers.
The tavern was full of people drinking, eating, talking, drinking, smoking, playing knucklebones, drinking, working on getting somedeer to the rooms in the back and drinking. Most were reindeer, but there were some other breeds that must be from the pirate ship. In a pony inn, even a rough house of ill repute like this, there would have been music and dancing and probably song, but the reindeer seemed to replace that with more drinking instead. One of the pirates, another pegasus, was trying to get an old jukebox in a corner to work, with no results. He was wearing a poofy pink winter jacket and red bandana, clashing wildly with his green coat, but pirates probably didn’t care much about fashion. Rarity would have to be strapped to her fainting coach if she was here.
Many glasses of liquor were halted halfway to lips when Twilight passed the drinkers. Eyes followed her as she walked up to the pegasus struggling with the jukebox and swearing loudly. She reached into the machine, feeling its many mechanical parts and few thaumaturgic circuits with her magic, pulling a few pistons, shaking the rows of old-fashioned vinyl records. The machine sputtered and started playing a rock tune that Twilight recognized as usually blaring from the huge kitschy stereo set owned by Rarity’s parents.
The pegasus jumped back, bumped into Twilight, and swirled around to face a grinning unicorn.
“Whoah!” he said. “What the hay do you want?!”
“You’re welcome, fixing the machine for you was no problem,” said Twilight. “Besides, this place was a bit gloomy without music, dont’cha think?”
He stood a while to catch his breath, looking Twilight up and down.
“You’re that sorceress,” he said, “the royal agent. What do ya want from me?”
Twilight sighed theatrically.
“What I want to do they won’t let me, since Princess Celestia has abolished hanging pirates without judgement and examination,” she said and grinned very widely at him.
He shrank back a bit, his eyes widening, and Spike noted with some worry that he was very interested in his cutlass which hang at his side.
“So I’ve to settle for curing magical ailments,” she said. “Do you know where I can find a pegasus named Hailstone?”
“Hailstone’s my bro’,” said the pegasus. “What do ya want with him?”
“I believe I can help him with his wing,” said Twilight. “I saw the accident, and I got the impression your ship’s mage wasn’t interested in helping.”
The pegasus’ face first flashed red with anger and then turned pale with fear, until he collected himself.
“No, he wasn’t,” he said. “Why’re you interested?”
Twilight sighed.
“Y’know I can get the reindeer not understanding it, but how come you can’t realise how a mare can just help somepony out of the kindness of her heart?” said Twilight. “Y’know, good old Equestrian values? Like Celestia, frosted cupcakes and the right to burst into song spontaneously?”
The pegasus laughed.
“Yeah, sure,” he said. Then, deadly serious: “What do ya want?”
It was worth a try, Twilight thought.
“If I can undo the damage, I’ll know how to cause it,” she said, shrugging. “Where’s Hailstone?”
The pegasus pirate sighed and rubbed his nose.
“We, er, bought him some does and a bottle of hooch, and the tavernkeeper gave us a room for free out of pity,” he said. “It’s the one in the north corner. I don’t know if it’s working, but he hasn’t come out for several hours. I hope that is good.”
Twilight hesitated. If the pony was trying to ease his pain with... companionship, maybe walking in on him would be awkward.
On the other hoof, it had been hours, the other pirate said. He had to be... done by now.
On the third hoof...
“Spike, get me a cup of coffee from the bar,” said Twilight, checking that there was no coffee pot on or thermos visible in the bar. “And something sweet, if they have it. Get something for yourself as well. No milk or vodka in the coffee.”
“Sure,” said Spike nervously as he hopped off and went over to the bar.
Good, she thought. Maybe I can get any working vajas out of the way before the minor sees them working.
Twilight knocked at the door.
“Who there?” said a distinctly cervine voice.
“Help for his wing,” said Twilight.
The door opened a little. A doe with makeup that would have fit a pony better looked out, her lips clenching an unlit cigarette. When she saw Twilight she first stared at the unicorn uncomprehending. Then understanding dawned and her face contorted with fear.
“Please... please no harm me,” she whined, stepping back.
Twilight groaned and facehoofed.
“Harm?” she said in Poatsi. “I’m just here to help your... customer with his ailment, if possible. I wish you no harm.”
“Oh,” said the doe. “He’s pretty bad. He’s been drinking and... well, crying like a foal.”
Her face showed a mix of disgust and pity.
“He hasn’t touched any of us,” she explained as she let Twilight enter the room, which held a bed and a barrel used as a table. “Except well, hugging. He needed hugging. And puking up vodka.”
A rusty metal bucket that stunk to high heaven was on the floor together with three empty liquor bottles and a couple of brown, squat bottles that must have contained beer. A dirty towel and a wooden pitcher sat on the barrel. The room stunk not only of vomit but also of alcohol, tobacco and sweat, and had a faint tinge of something else.
Tears? Twilight wondered. No, you cannot smell tears.
“Has he taken some medication?” said Twilight and went up to the blue pegasus lying on the unkempt bed. Another doe was lying hugging him from behind, her left front leg avoiding the grotesquely shrunken wing. He was breathing raggedly, his eyes shut.
“He claimed he’s in pain... so the boss brewed up some willow bark mush...” said the doe who had let Twilight in.
“Did it work?” said Twilight and bent down over the pegasus.
That’s what smells, she thought.
“...no,” said the doe.
“Don’t... don’t hurt him,” said the other doe. Her face looked horrid, and not because of her cheap makeup. Sorrow and fear had ate at it.
Twilight wondered what could make her care that much about a... customer.
Twilight’s feelings must have shown, for the doe said: “He’s... he’s so pitiful.”
Twilight focused her magic on the wing. The pegasus cried out, and the doe tried to calm him, attempting to talk soothing in broken Equestrian, then resorting to singing a lullaby in Poatsi with her hoarse voice.
“Spatial dimensions are broken, that’s why it’s warped,” Twilight thought out loud. “It is constantly striving to regain normal size, stretching and moving. That’s why he’s in pain.”
“What can you do, miss?” said the other doe anxiously.
Twilight grimaced as she tried to dissolve the magic.
“No use,” she muttered. “Its effects are maintained by persistent traces of the powder used. Unless they are all clean away, which would need some kind of miniature industrial vacuum cleaner, the only cures are a long wait or the counteragent.”
She rose.
“Hailstone!” she said. “Hailstone, can you hear me?”
The pegasus looked up and barely noticed her presence through a mist of pain and drunkenness, but he nodded.
“I’m going to get the antidote to cure your wing,” she said. “Don’t fret, we’ll end your pain soon.”
She nodded to the does who gave weak fake smiles as they looked at Hailstone.
“Puh-please kill me!” he whimpered.
“Don’t listen to him,” said Twilight and made as to leave the room. “Not if he says that.”
“Here’s your coffee, Twilight!” said Spike who had just entered. “Phew, this place stinks!”
“Seriously, don’t,” Twilight said and took the coffee mug, which said WORLD’S BEST SIRE! in Equestrian. “Please clean him up and the room as well. Spike, give the ladies some money for working overtime with the poor guy.”
“It’s okay, miss, we do cleaning here as well,” said one of the does and smiled. “I mean, and waitressing...”
As Twilight hastily drank her coffee, Spike gave the waitresses (among other things) some bits. Then Twilight let Spike mount up and they headed out the door.
“Where’re we going?” said Spike.
“To talk with Mr Motelele,” said Twilight. “It’s either him or collecting that counteragent from the reindeer, and I assume they need it for their work. He has to have a dose handy among his other powders and potions.”
“It didn’t seem like he wanted to help before,” said Spike.
“I hope I can reason with him, bribe him, pay him or threaten him to help,” Twilight said. “I need to talk to him anyway and learn more about him.”
“How’re we gonna find him?” said Spike.
“He’s a giant Spike,” said Twilight and rolled her eyes. “He can’t even get inside any of the buildings here. I’m sure we can find him.”
It turned out Motelele was up at the border of the camp where the forest began. It was on a small sod shelf above the beach beneath it, between large firs. He had made a large fire and set up a brazier. He was boiling something in a pot on the first, and mixing something in a crucible on the other. Tendrils of his gray mist-like magic moved from his head far above the blazing fires down to the vessels below. Only his eyes were visible as glowing spots on a shadowy shape that rose like a misshapen tree above them.
“Mr Motelele,” said Twilight, “am I glad to see you! We have some much to talk about!”
She smiled up at him, even if she wasn’t sure if he could even see her.
“Why would I want to talk to you, unicorn?” he said, his head bending a small bit downwards, acknowledging her presence.
“Well, as a fellow mage, I assumed you would be curious in general, willing to learn and experience new things, especially magic,” said Twilight.
“I know all I evah need,” he grunted. “Why should I let you steal my secrets?”
“I beg your pardon, I see no need for this... aggression,” said Twilight. “I merely thought a disputation would be mutually beneficial, and you can hardly know all magic there is in the world...”
“Well, you were wrong!” he barked and bent down even further. “I’ve got great powah, the greatest in the world!”
“Surely you must realize cooperation gives you greater results in the end?” Twilight said. “The sum is greater than its parts, after all.”
“‘Tis weakness to depend on others,” he said. “And only a fool shares his powah, and I’m no fool!”
Twilight’s eyes narrowed, an action wasted on the irate giraffe.
“Is that so?” she said. “Not only does that hardly fit with my personal experiences in the field, you are clearly cooperating with others now, in an alliance with the rest of the crew on the Crimson Kraken.”
“Hah!” he said. “They cannot tell me what to do!”
“Oh,” said Twilight and pointed to the boiling, smoking pot. “Your work, Mr Motelele, says otherwise.”
She moved closer to it and the giraffe shifted his feet as if nervous.
“You are making a dye here out of rhobe roots, cheap wine and... is that ...butter?” she said sniffing the pot. “Nevermind, a red dye that keeps for a long time, usually used for wool and, incidentally, is very flammable, you’d better be careful about that. What could that be for, you’re not a clothier?”
She stepped around the pot and closer to the giraffe and he turned a bit to keep his eyes on her.
“Well, of course it is for the captain’s dye job, an unnecessary affectation since everyone knows she is Sudden Gale anyway,” said Twilight. “That can’t be for your sake, or even for the sake of the ship. The captain made you do that. In any case, the mere fact that you aren’t the captain shows that you’re not commanding the ship, you are part of the crew. Cooperating.”
“I... got well paid for that,” the giraffe growled.
“I doubt that,” said Twilight Sparkle. “Anyway, since you’re selling the results of your art even while refusing to speak about it, I came here with business for you.”
“And what would that be?” the giraffe said.
“I want to buy a dose of the counteragent for your shrinking powder,” she said. “How much?”
“I’m not selling,” he said.
“Why?” said Twilight.
“First, the ingredients to the shrinking powdeh ah raeh, so I cannot get new ones heh,” he said, “and the without the counter agent it’s much less useful. Second, because I don’t like you!”
“One of your fellow crewmembers are suffering the torments of Tartarus because of your powder,” said Twilight. “Have you now mercy on the poor pegasus?”
“Mercy is foh the weak,” said the giraffe.
“He sails the ship with you!” said Twilight. “He’s your companion!”
“He’s only himself to blame,” said the giraffe. “I owe him nothing!”
Twilight sighed.
“There is no reasoning with you, is there?” she said.
“No, theh isn’t,” said the giraffe. “I’m right, is all.”
Twilight looked a long time at the giant sorcerer and scowled at him.
“You are weak, don’t you know that, Mr Motelele?” she finally said.
“Weak?” he roared. “I can END you!”
“No, you can’t,” said Twilight. “And yes, you are weak, and in danger. Do you want help with that?”
“I’m mighty in both flesh and spirit!” he roared again. “I need no one! You least of all!”
“Yet you have made yourself weak!” said Twilight. “Look at you! Why would I need your paltry secrets, they are easily discerned from observing you.”
She walked a bit again in a semi-circle and again the giraffe turned slowly following her.
“Like your name,” said Twilight. “‘Motelele’ means something like ‘long and gangly’ in Nuuban. No giraffe names their child something like that. It would be like naming a pegasus ‘Wings’. Now, pirates often give up their names since they are wanted criminals, but I don’t think that’s it, since you are such a proud giraffe. I think you’re afraid of telling people your name because of that old superstition that it gives them power over you!”
Motelele backed off a bit.
“Now, modern zebra magic dismisses that notion for most form of magics not involving spirits,” Twilight said. “It won’t affect most spells I know, for instance, neither those powders you carry around. So, needless superstition.”
Twilight’s horn lit up and a ray of light shone upon his pouch-covered chest.
“However, what you have there’s not mere superstition,” she said as the ray played over a poppet in the form of a giraffe attached to his chest with thin iron chains. “That’s a special fetish to attract malicious magic away from the target. Any hostile magic will affect that poppet instead. I’m pretty certain it will stop most forms of magic, including the effects of something like zebra artificiery. I can feel its power. Real clever! Requires hard work.”
She smiled up at him and let the ray sweep over his face.
“Too bad it’s used wrong,” she said. “Don’t you understand you’re not supposed to keep those on your body? And why do you need it on board ship? There are no other mages there to murder you.”
She continued to circle him.
“And oh yes, you’re afraid of murder,” she said. “Since you’re such a massive jerk who’re unable to cooperate with your crewmates, who just, oh, happen to be violent criminals, you’re constantly afraid, which makes you jumpy, uncertain and weak!”
She pointed at him.
“Look at him, Spike!” she said. “It’s clearly visible in the way he walks and on his face that he’s stopped sleeping. How long has it been, Mr Tall And Gangly? Four months, five? Wonder how I know it? You stink of it!”
She sniffed the air theatrically.
“Not even your breath, ‘cause that’s too far away, but you’re sweating stimulants,” she said. “Do you know how much this lack of real sleep and those hyper-caffeine potions you’re swilling slows down your reasoning, your reaction speed... your magical power? I bet you’re operating at sixty to seventy percent, tops. At hundred you might’ve beaten me. Now, you’ve no chance.”
“I’ve got my talisman!” the giraffe mumbled.
“Puh-lease!” said Twilight. “I’ve just learned about it and have already devised three ways to counteract it. You know how? Because I’m adapting and learning. You know how? By cooperating with other mages. That, among other things, taught me to avoid superstition for proven magics, how to actually utilize talismans, and the harmful side effects of constant potion use.”
She completed the circle and he followed, back where he began.
“And would you look at that trampling around?” she said. “Why do you have to face me all the time? Can’t you defend yourself otherwise? I don’t need to look at my target, and you don’t win much by sidestepping anyway, you’re just making yourself uncoordinated.”
Motelele stopped and stood still, but was still nervous as Twilight completed a full circle once more walking slowly. He twisted his head backwards.
“You’ve got all this potential and you’re wasting it when you need it the most,” said Twilight, “since the Captain obviously has it in for you. I could help you with this... in return for very little. Such as a certain counteragent. You still not interested?”
“No!” said the giraffe, but his already sniffly voice had become a bit hoarser. He bent even lower down, spreading his legs, staring at her, sweat pouring down his face despite the cold wind.
“Fine!” said Twilight. “I’ll solve this myself. But the offer still stands. You’re not lost... yet. Give me a call when you’re ready to talk business. Goodbye, Mr Motelele!”
She more or less galloped away.
“Whoah, Twilight!” said Spike, holding on for dear life. “Where’re we going? And did you really need to make that guy angry?”
“We’re going to find that reindeer responsible for the crate that was also shrunk,” she said, grinding her teeth. “As for Mr. Motelele, he’s getting me angry, so he started it! He’s not just evil, worse, he’s stupid!”
They wandered a bit among the kota huts, Twilight asking sharp questions in Poatsi. It was now very late, and reindeer were going to bed. Still, she was shown to the vaja who had taken care of it. She kept it in the hut she slept with other valuables, instead of in the large house up the hill which turned out to be the main warehouse.
“These things are for sale to our... contacts down south,” she said. “I need the powder to restore it for selling, and I need the crate small so it can be transported on an ackja.”
“I need the powder to stop a pony from suffering,” said Twilight. “While not of your kin, he’s an ally in a war you take seriously. Surely you must realise taking care of the wounded supercedes selling your plunder? This place is not poor.”
“He deals with sorcerers, he has only himself to blame,” said the vaja and shrugged with a face that added, And he’s not of the same species or nationality as me, so I’m going to ignore that he is a thinking being.
Twilight sighed very deeply. She pressed her hoof to her face and breathed even deeper.
“Lady, I’m a representative of the Equestrian crown,” she began. “This - everything here, in this hut - was stolen from my countryponies. It’s not yours to sell.”
She levitated the shrunk crate from the ground and the vaja gasped.
“What...” she said.
“In fact, you make me so sick I can’t stand to see this ill-gotten goods anymore!” Twilight said, and with a mere flick of her neck, the crate shot away as from a catapult and disappeared in the darkness far over the choppy frozen waters of the bay.
“NO!” the vaja shouted, her eyes like dinner plates.
“Now, give me the powder!” Twilight said. “A stallion is suffering, and you don’t need it anymore.”
The other craters and sacks in the hut started to levitate.
“But...” said the vaja.
“I’m tired of selfishness and foolishness and excuses!” Twilight said, her eyes glowing purple. One of the sacks shot away and disappeared into the darkness.
“Here it is! Here it is!” the vaja babbled and dug out the pouch from under another box, as if she had hid it so she wouldn’t have to see it.
“Good!” said Twilight and dropped the merchandise down. “And if you have a complaint, take it up with the good Captain Coat. It’s her crewmember which got damaged because her ship’s mage is a cruel fool! She can repay you! Goodbye!”
Twilight stomped out of the hut and galloped up to the tavern, a very worried Spike hanging onto her back.
As Twilight distributed the counteragent widely spread using her telekinesis, the shrinking powder started to dissolve. Hailstone’s wing stretched and bent and grew and he screamed hoarsely in short horror before it took his normal shape. He collapsed into a faint, but his breath soon grew normal and steady and his face relaxed. Slowly, the tavern guests, reindeer and others, started to stomp in approval.
“Just check on him so he doesn’t have some strange relapse,” Twilight said to the pegasus who had identified himself as Hailstone’s ‘bro’ and the does who had helped him.
“We will,” said the pegasus. “Thanks, I guess.”
“No big deal,” said Twilight. “I just had to shout inefficiently at rude people.”
“What?” said the pegasus.
“Nevermind,” said Twilight, “just reflecting.”
“Can I get you something, ma’am?” said the tavernkeeper.
“A sarsaparilla,” said Twilight. Then, after the requisite stares: “I just don’t feel decadent tonight, okay?”
It would be wrong to call them festivities, but after some more amiable drinking of sodas and some late-night snacks, while tunes liked by Twilight’s parents generation played on the jukebox, Twilight and Spike returned to their assigned sleeping place.
“If we’ve been followed, we gave them quite a workout,” Twilight mumbled as she approached Jarl Ahto’s hut.
They were almost there when they met the jack from earlier in the evening.
“Hello, Chancellor,” Twilight said, yawning. “What’re you doing here?”
“Chewing ‘baccy,” he said, demonstrating.
“Do you have to do that here?” said Twilight.
“Well, I also have something for ya,” the jack said and fished out a kind of small clay pot with a glass stopper.
“A powder grenade,” said Twilight critically. “Aw, you shouldn’t have.”
“Well, you helped Hailstone, an’ I like him and owe him,” the jack said, chewing. “An’ he’s enough of a wuss that he doesn’t want to make the Captain angry. So he ain’t gonna give any substantial thanks, hence I’m doing it.”
He fished out another grenade from his bags.
“This is his, that’s mine,” he said and gave it to Twilight. “We were issued them if things go south with the barbarians.”
“What do they do?” said Spike.
“Muck up reindeer something fierce, but just make other people sneeze,” the jack said, shrugging. “At least that’s what the giraffe said. “ He spat.
“I see,” said Twilight.
“Keep ‘em close,” said the jack and made to leave. “Things might go south with the reindeer for you too, and I’m not planning on fighting berserk northern barbarians anyway.”
“Thanks, Chancellor,” Twilight said.
“You’re welcome,” said the jack and slunk off.
“Well, ain’t this a daisy, to quote Applejack,” said Twilight. “I wonder if that old charlatan tells the truth when he claims he has a weapon that only works on one species. Given that the crew is that diverse... he’d need something that affects none of them, yet all reindeer.”
“Maybe it makes your antlers fall off or something?” said Spike.
“Whatever,” said Twilight. “I’m going to sleep.”
The Jarl had already retired, his adjutant sleeping close as their beds suggested.
Are they that close kin? Twilight thought. Maybe lovers, ancient pegasus style, fighting together? Or is Hakon just a very cuddly bodyguard?
She sighed and crept down into her bed. It was unearthly comfortable given the circumstances. Well, reindeer had slept on the ground for centuries, and she was really tired...
“About time,” Crimson Coat said and inspected the pot of thick blood-red dye. “I was starting to lose my hue.”
The giraffe didn’t comment, just watched her settle with the pot.
“Was there anything else?” she said and looked up to the giraffe.
“I met the unicorn today,” said Mr Motelele.
“So?” said Crimson Coat and dabbed some dye on her wing to check the result.
“The barbarian hasn’t sent heh away yet, noh has he killed heh, noh has he used her otherwise,” said Motelele.
“She’s just been here a short time!” said Crimson Coat. “Give’im time. His witch has given her a clean record. Though the bastard asked a lot of stupid questions today, all holier-than-thou up to his antlers and all over me about it.”
The giraffe laughed, a loud, eerie, hollow sound, interrupted by a mighty sneeze.
“Bless you,” said the Captain.
“I’ve found why I cannot note anything with my Sight, despite her magic powah,” he said. “I should see it, but I don’t.”
“Because you’re losing your touch?” said the Captain, sneering.
“She’s using a zebra grigri to rend her unnoticable to Sight,” he said. “Invisible. Undetectable. Those things were made to protect zebra from us giraffe.”
The Captain looked up at the giraffe with open mouth.
“They will make a reindeeh witch’s little powah useless,” he said. “The unicorn is hiding something, maybe hiding much.”
The Captain grinned widely.
The giraffe grinned back.
“I think this knowledge should be shared with ouah ally,” he said.
“Sometimes, Mr Motelele, you surprise me,” the Captian said. “First this,” and she prodded the pot of dye, “and now this,” and she gestured in general. “You’re almost worth your share of the loot.”
“I endeavah to do my best, Cabtain,” the giraffe said, grinning wickedly.
The usual thanks to my proofreaders, Wheelwright and LadyMoondancer
When Spike woke up Twilight the next morning, the Jarl and his small entourage was gone. A small fire was burning in the middle of the kota hut and three soldiers were lying around it having their umpteenth jug of coffee.
"What time is it?" Twilight asked, yawning.
"Almost nine o'clock," said Spike with his mouth full. "There’s breakfast left. Porridge, jam and that smelly tar they call coffee."
When Twilight pulled herself out of her blankets and up to the fire, the soldiers straightened up and gave her a jug of coffee and a bowl of porridge with a generous dollop of jam. The porridge was semolina, and it took Twilight a couple of spoons to realise that this probably wasn’t made in Tarandroland.
So it has to be plunder.The thought made the porridge taste even worse, even if she should have been used to it now. She ate it anyway and licked the spoon.
"So, you’re my guards?" she said casually to the soldiers, speaking Poatsi.
"Yes ma'am," said one of them.
"Your escort, ma'am," another corrected.
"Could you escort me to a place where I can wash up?" she said.
They looked at each other.
"With warm water, please," she added.
"I don't think there is a place like that," one of them said.
"Yet," another added. "There’s a bathhouse, but the sauna isn't fired up until the afternoon."
"But we could boil a pot of water for you, and you could use it to wash yourself in the rinsing-room of the bathhouse," the third added. "That’ll be more fitting for a lady than to wash here and roll in the snow."
Luckily, I'm not Rarity, Twilight thought.
"Or we could start the sauna right now, but that’ll take longer, at least an hour," the reindeer continued.
"Very well, that will do! It's not like I have much planned for the morning anyway," she said with affected haughtiness. "Spike, bring my toilet bags, some new clothes and my towel!"
"Um, yes Twilight - I mean, mistress," said Spike, licking jam from his claws and raking together the requested gear as best as he could. That is, he took the whole set of saddlebags.
The bathhouse, despite being meant to hold steam and fire, was made of the same coarse logs as the other fixed buildings in the camp.
"And this is not a fire hazard?" Twilight asked.
"No, ma’am" said one of the reindeer. "We’ve built saunas out of wood since time began. It's just a matter of taking care of the fire."
"Besides," said another, "wood and water together are sacred." They all nodded piously.
Twilight didn't protest much, it was just a reflection. But the soldier's words made her think.
"Because reindeer were carved of old pine by the sea and snow herself," she mumbled, thinking of the vast shape that was Karhu-Akka.
"Beg your pardon, ma'am?" said the soldier.
"Nothing, carry on," Twilight said.
The bathhouse was big. Not only did it hold two large sauna rooms, but there was also a washroom with basins and a big washtub. There was apparently a tank on the roof, the water being pumped up from a stream by whoever had irritated the officers most, "but we use snow if possible." There was a huge pile of firewood in the back covered by a small roof jutting out from the bathhouse.
While the soldiers busied themselves with the fire, Twilight and Spike sat on a log behind the building.
"So what we do today is wash up?" said Spike.
"Yeah," said Twilight, keeping her voice down. "I want to leave soon. We'd better be in good shape in case something happens on the way."
"Soon like today?" said Spike.
"Maybe," said Twilight. "Probably. There are still some things I'd like to know..."
One of the soldiers came out and picked some more wood.
"Enjoying the view, ma'am?" he said, pointing to the forest behind the house, which stretched away towards the distant mountains.
"Oh yes," Twilight said. "I bet you could walk... or ski... all the way to the Everfrost Glacier."
"Not really, no, ma'am," said the soldier. "There's a steep cliff, higher than most trees, half a mile inland. You have to follow that a far bit north or south before you can get up the mountains."
"Isn't that good for a military base?" said Twilight. "I mean, that's a pretty good defense, right?"
"Yes, ma’am, but it also means you cannot escape in that direction," said the soldier. "It's not like I’m revealing a military secret if I tell you any smart attack is gonna come from the sea or the south. Any enemy would know that."
I didn't know that, Twilight thought, but I guess Ukko's deer do have maps over their own country. The secret was that the base is here, not what “here” looks like.
"Are you waiting for an attack?" she asked.
"We're prepared if one comes," said the soldier proudly. "But no, the Jarl hasn't said he expects one, and neither have the other officers."
He hesitated a while, then turned to Twilight Sparkle.
"Is one coming?" he said.
"And how would I know that?" Twilight said, ice in her stomach.
"You're a sorceress," said the soldier as if it was obvious.
Twilight frowned, then it dawned on her.
To him, a user of magic is a seer.
"I have no idea," she said, honestly. "I have no idea."
Once I would have known, but not now, she thought. There are surely ways to win this, but we'd have to change tactics, and even then many more reindeer and ponies would die. And there would be almost no chance to recruit any surrenders to the important fight, the one against Winter. I’m no longer sure attacking this camp as the first act of the war against winter is a good idea.
“What were you talking about?” said Spike as the soldier left.
“About how the land looks in that direction,” Twilight said. “He said you can’t leave that way.”
“Good thing we don’t have to,” said Spike.
Twilight hadn’t had the chance to test a real sauna yet, though like her assistant she was used to steam baths. It was pleasant under the circumstances. Unlike the one Spike had talked about, this one hadn’t been warmed up with smoke, but just with hot air and steam. It was enough to sweat out and cleanse yourself, body, mind and soul. She rinsed herself afterwards, first with boiled water, then with cold, pure snow. She felt relaxed and calm.
The only downside was that the soldiers had turned down her offer to have a bath as well. While fairly calm and polite, she guessed they wanted to be on their guard because they were guarding her. She wasn’t sure whether she was offended because they didn’t trust her, or if she was worried because this meant her guards were more alert. In any case it made her uneasy.
Spike, who could bathe in lava, thought the heat was pleasant but not much to care about. It mostly energized him, and he brushed his scales very carefully, shedding several old ones. He had complained about itches for a while and this seemed to help. Thus refreshed he became very talkative: about the trip to the forest with Vigg and Saga, about trips they had made home in Equestria, about how you could cook on a sauna hearth and how it was a shame they didn’t have any pinecones.
He was still talking when they exited the bathhouse and met a delegation of reindeer with a few of the pirate crew. Twilight stopped. Spike fell quiet. The soldiers saluted Jarl Ahto, who led the delegation, his face an unmoving mask. He had Guthrun by his side, looking worried. Crimson Coat - Sudden Gale, Twilight reminded herself - was there as well, and had a smug grin on her face. Her second mate was also there, but unlike his boss he was not happy, and kept looking from side to side nervously.
“Lady Sparkle,” Jarl Ahto said in Equestrian, “it pains me to disturb you like this, but serious things have come up.”
“Like what, sir?” said Twilight Sparkle. She didn’t like this at all, but tried to look nonchalant and cheerful.
“My ally here, Captain Coat, claims you’re using black magic to enhance your ability lie,” Ahto said, his eyes shifting to the freshly red-dyed pegasus.
“Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho!” Twilight laughed, still somewhat forced but these days more practiced. “Preposterous! You do know that Sudden Gale - excuse me, ‘Crimson Coat’ - is a traitor and an oath-breaker, and not to be trusted?”
“I do,” said the Jarl, “and I must confess I find her mostly despicable.”
“Hey!” said a suddenly angered pegasus.
“But I depend on my trusted kins-vaja here, whose Sight helps her to ferret out lies,” he said and patted Guthrun, “and after a few first... misunderstandings, Captain Coat has learnt to keep her split tongue in check. That’s why I also saw no problem with allying with Skinfaxi’s Shadow. But if you have that Strimmaland amulet Captain Coat talks about, I might be less interested. And remember, when it comes to serious matters we’re pretty certain on whether she lies or not, so she at least thinks you have it.”
“Please take off any amulets or talismans, Lady Sparkle,” said Guthrun, her voice full of regret.
“It’s the one in silver with the huge amber stones!” Crimson Coat interjected.
“What?” said Guthrun astonished. “That must be made here in Poatsula!”
“It’s... a local production,” said Twilight and handed Guthrun the gri-gri. “Here. Now what?”
“I’ll just ask you a few questions, vital questions,” Jarl Ahto said. “If I’m satisfied, all I’m asking is that the necklace remains in my custody until you leave.”
“And if you’re not satisfied?” Twilight said, her voice cracking a bit.
“That depends on the degree of my dissatisfaction,” Jarl Ahto said.
“Alright then,” Twilight said, shut her eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, “ask ahead!”
“Well,” said Ahto, “first I wonder...”
“WAIT!” shouted Spike. Everyone fell silent. “You say it’s somehow wrong for Twi... for my mistress to use magic like, like a negotiation tool. How is it then OK for you to use magic on her? Don’t you reindeer know that all magic is flawed, that stones were not meant to fly?”
Jarl Ahto was almost losing his composure, but confusion had grappled anger and he just stuttered. Guthrun answered Spike, however.
“I understand what you mean, fylgja,” she said. “But my Sight does nothing more than let me see emotions far more better than anydeer else can do while watching somedeer speak. That lets me see when somedeer lies, much better than a normal person. It’s no charm or galder directed against your mistress’ psyche.”
“Fylgja?” said Spike. “Galder?”
“She means to say that you are my familiar,” Twilight said, “though the concepts aren’t exactly the same. Galder means spell, sort of. Go on Jarl, sorry for the interruption.”
“I thought we were speaking Equestrian,” Spike mumbled.
“Are you really here to negotiate an alliance between me and Equestria?” Ahto said.
Better answer quickly before she Sees something...
“Yes, of course,” she said. “Didn’t I tell you so? Why don’t you trust me on this?”
“It is rather clever to try to shift the guilt over to my kinsman,” Guthrun said drily, “but I’d guess you’re lying, Lady Sparkle. You’re not angry, which honest deer... which honest people are when they are accused of lying. You’re scared.”
“Well, who wouldn’t be afraid, you’re coming here, accusing me, threatening me with soldiers...” Twilight said.
“You’re not the slightest bit afraid of the soldiers, Lady Sparkle,” said Guthrun. “You’re afraid of me... and of the Jarl. Social fear, like the fear of shame. You don’t fear his skill in arms or my battle spirits, though you should. I sense some residual anger and... pity towards towards the soldiers we brought, but no fear. Your feelings for our allies are decidedly mixed, but there isn’t much fear there either... I can see that you despise and disdain Captain Cloak and have a small amount of hatred as well. No fear, you clearly think she’s not terribly competent. I approve of those feelings. Oh, and you feel my lord here is at least a bit ridiculous, and you love your fylgja like a son or brother and do fear for his wellbeing. Am I getting it all?”
“I, well...” said Twilight.
“How could you lie to me?!” Jarl Ahto said, more surprised than Twilight had expected.
“The same way you sent armed deer to a country that had done you no wrong, to steal and murder.” Twilight said. “Because you thought it was the best alternative for serving your country, and you were wrong.”
Jarl Ahto bristled.
“How would you have had me provision them?” he barked.
“Oh, there are several ways!” Twilight said. “I talked to your soldiers and sailors and they had tried none of them - your first plan was to plunder Equestria. Don’t be all holier-than-thou with me, Jarl Ahto! You’ve taken desperate measures for what you care about. You didn’t want to lead your men to civil war, even if you lust after the throne of Tarandroland like a foal after candy. So you committed serious crimes against innocent citizens of the nearest superpower instead. Because that’s such a brilliant idea, both morally and strategically!”
She sighed deeply. Ahto sputtered a bit.
“And, your lies...” Guthrun said, sad and wary but much calmer than her kinsdeer.
“A bad decision, even if it was for a grand cause,” said Twilight glumly. “This whole... charade, it was never a good idea.”
She gestured with her hoof to her black winter dress.
“Y’know, I don’t dress like this,” she almost shouted, “or act like this, or laugh like this: Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho!”
The laugh was even sillier this time. The gathered ungulates and etcetera looked thoroughly confused.
“And I think the only reason anydeer believed me is because they were stupid!” she hissed. “Celestia’s mane, I’m an awful actor and useless liar! Yet you guys needed an empath to see I was lying! ARGH!”
“What... is this some cunning distraction, or...?” said Ahto.
“Beats me,” said his seer. “There is anger and relief and something that is just... crazy. It’s all so unclear, you’ll have to ask me later!”
“Let’s talk about serious things here, serious things,” Twilight said. “We all know Winter is bad but you don’t know how bad. I’m sure you have your stupid spies in the capital so you know there are ponies coming in from Equestria to help you reindeer, even, and Ukko is scrambling to gather forces together, and we’re turning the country upside down to find allies. So our solution was to threaten your stupid camp and get you soldiers cold feet about the whole revolution thing and then we all kiss and make up and fight Winter together. Hehe, cold feet, Winter....”
Ahto and his crew and allies were trying to listen, but Twilight was babbling rather fast. Spike pulled her mane, but she didn’t notice.
“But then you go and cheat, by being much much numerous than us!” she continued. “So that stupid plan is even more stupid now but listen, listen! You have to believe me! You have to realize I’m serious about this! Winter is coming! So, what say you march on the capital! But not to attack it, you join up with our armies! Then we fix the whole Winter thing, eradicate all those superfluous nidhoggs, shovel away the snow and bring back whatever birds are smart enough to fly south in this country! Right? And if you absolutely have to get rid of Ukko and his folks, you can do that come summer, right? When the country isn’t dying?”
She looked at the bewildered reindeer and their even more bewildered allies, most of whom had no idea what Winter was beyond the crappiest season of the year.
“Let’s at least talk about it!” she pleaded. “You will be safe from the forces of Ukko. I’ll argue for this new way of recruiting you to the war, and you’re so many the hotheads won’t dare attack you. And it’s - it’s your country too! Well, not yours,” she said and pointed to a zebra pirate, “but I don’t care about you, you can all leave!”
“This sounds... interesting,” said Ahto and eyed his seer.
“She... sure is desperate, and still afraid but not of you... I’d say that was some kind of truth, at least,” Guthrun said, looking rather bewildered.
“This sounds interesting, Lady Sparkle,” the Jarl said. “But what would be my role in all this?”
Twilight looked at him and tried to find something to say...
People have been absolved of worse crimes... but it would both be a political scandal and an injustice if nothing happened to him or his deer. And Ukko would sure be after his head... I don’t know what I should do...
“I... I’ll try to negotiate... something...” she began, looking at the Jarl. “You see, the mistakes I described before... maybe an international court of law could absolve you of any... greater crimes and we can all go home as friends...”
Jarl Ahto looked warily at his seer. Guthrun looked sadly at her lord.
“I won’t say that’s a lie, my lord,” she said. “But I sense much remorse and pity for you, as well as much resentment, and she feels great guilt and nervosity. I would guess that she thinks that no good can come to you out of this, and that somewhere in her soul she feels that you would deserve it.”
The Jarl considered it deeply, looking to the sky.
“Maybe I should give myself up,” he said, “for the plight of my deer, and surely a neutral court would...”
“NO!” one of the soldiers shouted. “Never, my lord!”
“Yes, we’d never give you up,” said another. “Freeze the Hestalanders, freeze Ukko’s tail!”
“Yes, if you go, we go with you, wherever it is!” a third said.
The others started to shout their approval and either waving their arms or pointing them menacingly at Twilight. Sudden Gale’s pirates seemed to approve. Twilight suddenly remembered that her three-deer escort were right behind her.
“Thank you,” said Ahto, and suddenly his voice broke. “Thank you for your loyalty! I will never let you down!”
The soldiers cheered.
“And something strikes me, my usual genius, I guess,” the Jarl said with much more confidence. “You tell me that your plan was to force my soldiers to surrender with your superior forces and then recruit them, but now the situation is reversed. I can do the same to the loyalist army. I needn’t even enter Sarvvik. When I then turn my new forces towards Winter, all support for Ukko will wither away.”
“I doubt the Equestrian forces would let you,” said Twilight Sparkle, who couldn’t hide the worry in her voice.
“Oh, but you forget one thing,” Ahto said and smiled. “You might be the world’s mightiest country, but you don’t have many real soldiers to send abroad and they are almost all volunteers. Even the soldiers which defend your country are weaker than others. You won’t risk your ponies when you cannot force a surrender by numbers, which I assume Princess Hrimfaxi intends. And if you do, just a small number of casualties will stop more volunteer soldiers to come and create a massive protest in your country against you even being here. You don’t fight a war every year, Lady Sparkle, like we reindeer do. You’re not used to war meaning that ponies actually die.”
Twilight swallowed. He was scarily close to being right.
“But you’ll need help to fight Winter!” she protested.
“Ukko couldn’t do it because he didn’t have the stags. He lost those stags to me, and I’m bringing them back! Besides, I think you, my lady, have a lot of insider information, and I’m sure you will soon realize it will be in your best interests to give all of it to me,” the Jarl said and came closer, his eyes now burning.
Since the Jarl was who he was, Twilight Sparkle was sure he meant what he said literally. He didn’t intend to torture her or anything like that... probably. But she couldn’t be sure, and fooling Jarl Ahto would mean fooling Guthrun, which would be very hard indeed...
“Deer, put Lady Sparkle in chains, but don’t harm her!” he barked. “And put that dragonling in a cage or something!”
Spike squeaked and dived under Twilight. Twilight, meanwhile, did what she had hoped she wouldn’t have to, but now she saw no alternative. She removed the strange powder grenades from an outside pocket of her saddlebags and detonated them telekinetically, spreading the half-invisible powder in a low, circular cloud around them.
She was shocked at the effect of the grenades, and would for a long time wonder how they worked. It was only months afterwards, in a discussion on the subject with Zecora, that the zebra griot would explain it. The powder disturbed Sight but not sight, in a rather horrid fashion. Just as reindeer lose their Sight when they lose their mundane sight, so that a blind reindeer cannot be a seer, they lose their sight when they lose their Sight. The powder blinded your Sight and hence your mundane eyes. It would do it the same way that rubbing mustard into your eyes would blind you: with horrible pain. The sharper your Sight, the worse the pain.
So that was why Guthrun was rolling around screaming at the top of her lungs, trying to rub her eyes with her hooves in a manner likely to actually put an eye out. The other reindeer screamed or moaned, rubbed their eyes with their hooves or tried to ram their heads into snowdrifts. Several of them rolled on the ground in panic, weapons dropped or forgotten. Twilight did not know why, though. She was just terrified, but at the same time she knew she had to act.
There were as many as seven pirates with Crimson Coat and Mr Moccus, and three of them jumped Twilight moments after she incapacitated the reindeer. Crimson Coat herself didn’t however. Instead she hit Twilight in the face with a powder grenade of her own. Twilight tried to shut her mouth and her eyes, but it was too late and she was stalled teary-eyed and choking when she was attacked. In addition, it wouldn’t have helped much if she had succeeded, because the powder was designed to affect a unicorn’s horn.
Twilight got a shallow cut on her right front leg, a club blow to the muzzle and another deeper slash on her left side. She felt her magic curdle up, like mucus in your nose, as she desperately tried to execute a teleport or strike out with her telekinesis. The unicorn stumbled to the ground without even defending herself. She would have soon been hurt much worse in her panic if it wasn’t for Spike.
The little dragon scrambled out from between Twilight’s leg screaming angrily. He grabbed her assailant from the front, a zebra with an ironshod club in his mouth. Spike’s claws, which could cut metal, raked his belly and side. His teeth, made to chew stone, bit the zebra’s shoulder. While baby dragons aren’t very strong, their jaws are. At the same time he by dragon instinct released acids in his saliva, the same acid that let dragons melt gems slowly in their mouths. This made the bite much more painful.
Spike was so furious and scared that he bit off a piece of hide from the screaming zebra and spit in the face of another pirate, a donkey. Temporarily blinded, the frightened donkey stumbled back, dropping his cutlass just as the zebra had lost his club. Spike jumped straight oto the donkey’s back and grabbed his ears with his claws, almost shredding them. Then he opened his jaws wide sunk his teeth into the donkey’s scalp. He couldn’t hurt him as bad as the zebra because he was thrown clear off, but the donkey galloped off howling in pain. Spike was stunned but not harmed by being thrown, one of the benefits of a dragon constitution.
The third assailant, a ram, should really have used this opportunity to cut Twilight deeper with his blade, or even better batted her with his horns However, the sudden dragon attack surprised him and made him back off a few steps. This gave Twilight enough time to stop panicking, and realize what was happening.
It is uncertain whether it was her brother coaching her, general physical training foisted upon her by Applejack and Rainbow Dash, or those self-defense lessons for lone mares that Rarity had insisted on dragging her to. In any case, Twilight did possess basic training in hitting people. Something she had learnt caused her to rear, plunge, and hit the head of the ram with both her hooves just as he went in for a headbutt. He would have bit his tongue badly, but right now he was holding a dagger in his mouth. Thus, he instead lost some teeth in a painful way. That took the momentum out of his headbutt and he stumbled to the ground coughing up teeth, blood and dagger. Twilight took that opportunity to kick him in the head again. He wasn’t that concussed, but decided to retreat and give room for somesheep who wanted to die.
As Twilight tried to catch her breath and Spike rose groggily from the undergrowth of screaming cervines, a red flash swept down from the sky and knocked Twilight over. At the same time, cold white metal flashed and opened a serious gash on the side of Twilight’s neck. It was only luck and the lack of a good attack angle that stopped her from having her throat cut. Twilight screamed and Spike ran to her.
The blood-red shape of the pirate captain hovered above what was now a battlefield and screamed insults and curses at her henchbeings. None of the rest of the pirates seemed really eager to step forward.
“WEAKLINGS! IDIOTS! COWARDS! I’LL DO THIS MYSELF!” Then she dove down towards Twilight again, who had managed to stagger to her feet. “DIE! YOU...” and the rest was lost in a scream of rage.
The pirate’s cutlass, strapped to one of her front hooves, would have missed this time, but Twilight made the mistake of trying to summon up a forcefield while she was still unable to use magic. Instead, it was as if she felt a blowtorch to her horn when she tried. Thus, she didn’t duck in time, and she was nicked on the back with the cutlass and Crimson Coat’s left back hoof hit her in the head, stunning her.
Crimson Coat was again hovering, this time screaming at Twilight, who was moaning on the ground, her mane getting coated with blood.
“YOU SELF-RIGHTEOUS MULE! I’M GONNA KILL YOU SLOWLY! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!” she howled gleefully.
“HEY!” Spike shouted, standing up next to Twilight. “You! Mean, stupid, ugly traitor! The one who MADE herself a BLANK FLANK to prove she's good for NOTHING? ! You don’t talk like that to my MO