Hey everypony. I was getting tired of reading sappy love stories and fics based on lousy video games so I wrote this. Speaking of things I’m tired of I’m getting real tired of Chris Matthews because he’s a loudmouthed liberal. If anypony sees him tell him I hate him.
It was Friday afternoon in Ponyville and the Cutie Mark Crusaders had just been released from school. Applebloom and Scootaloo were up in the Crusaders clubhouse in Sweet Apple Acres.
“It’s not fair!” shouted Applebloom.
Scootaloo just loafed around on a beanbag and sipped out of a juice box while her friend paced back and fourth complaining about her cutie mark, or lack there of. Earlier that day Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had been giving them all a hard time again about being black flanks.
Scootaloo drained the rest of the apple juice from her juice box and tossed it on the floor.
“Don’t let them get to you Applebloom, They’re just a couple of brats with nothin’ better to do.”
“I can’t help it Scoots, almost every other filly in our class has one except us! Especially Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon! What kind of special talent is being a spoiled snotnose any way! Ah always get stuck around here doing a bunch of boring chores while they just get everything they want! After all th’ stupid stuff we’ve put ourselves through, we haven’t found any dang thing were good at!”
In her explosive tirade Applebloom grabbed Scootaloo by the shoulders and started to shake the wide-eyed orange filly. Scootaloo pushed her back a little and stood up off the beanbag.
“Calm down already Applebloom! It’s the weekend, let’s just try to have fun and forget about it okay.”
“Ahm sorry Scoots, I just gets me so worked up sometime.”
Scootaloo put a hoof on her friends shoulder.
“I know, It bothers us all but dwelling on it isn’t gonna help you. Where’s Sweetie Belle anyways? She said she’d meet us here.”
Just then Sweetie Belle burst through the door. Excitement was written all over her face and she had a rolled up piece of paper in her mouth. Sweetie Belle tried to speak but all the other fillies heard was muffled gibberish.
“What did ya say? Ah can’t understand ya.”
Sweetie Belle spat out the paper, it rolled open at the feet of Applebloom and Scootaloo.
“I think I found another way for us to try to get our cutie marks!”
Sweetie Belle’s voice cracked with excitement. Her two friends looked down and examined the paper, still soggy from being in her mouth. It was a help wanted flyer for the new “Wal-Mart” superstore that had been built on the outskirts of Ponyville not far from the hospital. It had become a popular shopping destination Ponies from all around the area. This however brought its share of problems. Numerous cases of shoplifting and rowdy behavior were common at the often-crowded supermarket, it wasn’t good for it’s image.
“Security Personal wanted to prevent theft and unwanted behavior on
WAL-MART property. No experience required.
-Starting pay: 3 bit’s/hr.
-10% employee discount! (On certain Item’s)*
-Zebra’s need not apply.
*Damaged/broken items or items in sale rack.”
“This is perfect Sweetie! We can start tomorrow!” Scootaloo jumped up and down.
“Ah can’t wait to see what my cutie mark for security personelling looks like!”
Sweetie Belle stepped up to her friends.
“Then it’s settled.”
They stood up on their hind legs and put their fore hooves together.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSAIDERS MALL SECURITY ARE A GO!” They shouted in unison.
On Saturday morning Sweetie Belle and Applebloom stood at the base of the tree that supported their clubhouse. Bright golden sunlight shown off the dew on the grass as they watched Scaootaloo approach on her scooter, a red wagon trailed behind the scooter; two helmets inside for its occupants. She skidded to a stop in front of them. Sweetie and Applebloom hopped in the wagon and dawned their helmets.
“Let’s get it.” Said Scootaloo and her scooter and wagon flew forward with a gust from her wings. On the way to Wal-Mart they traveled through Ponyville center. They noticed that the usual Saturday morning market was closed, the streets seemed bare.
“Everypony must be at Wal-Mart.” Said Sweetie Belle.
As they passed the hospital a large blue sign on tall steel legs came into view over the trees.
Big white letters read, “Wal-Mart, We sell for less.” The top of the sign had about a hundred pigeons on top of it and white bird dropping seemed to ooze over the top. Scootaloo didn’t care, its reflection shined in her bright eyes as she stared at its bright electric glory. To her it was a promising chance to earn her cutie mark.
They turned a corner in to the packed parking lot. Cars and trucks of all shapes and sizes were stuffed into every parking space available. All sorts of ponies wandered around the parking lot pushing grey shopping carts filled with bags of goods around with their mouths. The Cutie Mark Crusaders pulled up on the sidewalk of the massive building in the center of the parking lot.
The massive grey rectangular building towered out of the ground in front of them. Above several large automatic opening doors was another blue and white Wal-Mart sign on the building. Scootaloo left her scooter outside and the three of them stepped inside through the automatic doors. The sliding doors opened before them, their mouths hung open as they stared in awe at the sight in front of them.
It was the biggest store they had ever seen. A massive shrine to consumerism. As they walked in they were greated by an elderly pony dressed in a blue apron, here mane and coat were both grey, Applebloom figured it was because of her old age. She looked to be about as old as Granny Smith
“Welcome to Wal-Mart little one, here have a sticker.”
The old earth pony stuck a yellow smiley face sticker on Appleblooms fore head.
“We’re looking for a job here, can you tell us where to apply?” Asked Sweetie Belle.
The elderly pony instructed them to walk to the back of the store and see the store manager in his office.
They walked through the isles with their heads on a swivel as they took in the environment around them. Back in Ponyville most stores had a humble and welcoming atmosphere like Sugar Cube Corner. This place however just seemed to be a huge warehouse filled with crap. Shelves packed with crap, lots and lots of crap. It was some of the worse crap Scataloo had ever seen.
“Do ponies buy this crap?” she thought.
Everypony in town and then some seemed to be in Wal-Mart that day; they pushed and squeezed their way to the back of the store. In the back next to the restrooms was a solid door. A sign on it said, “Manager, employees only”. Scootaloo pushed the door open anyway and the three walked in. Inside the small room were a few file cabinets and a big fat white earth pony with a brown mane that was cut close to his head.
He was seated behind a desk with a box of Moon Pies in front of him. At first he was too busy stuffing his face with Moon Pies to notice them. He looked up. He swallowed the Moon Pie that was already in his mouth and brushed a few crumbs off his blue Wal-Mart polo shirt.
“Can’t you kids read? The sign says employees only.”
The Cutie Mark Crusaders stepped up to his desk and put the help wanted flyer in front of him. He looked down at it.
“We want this job.” Said Scootaloo.
“Yeah we want that job.” Said Applebloom.
At first the manager was about to tell the small fillies to get lost but he stopped to think. He had put the flyer out weeks ago and no pony ever applied for the job, 3 bits was all the budget would allow for him to pay for security guards. It was hardly enough to make the job worthwhile to anypony.
The thought of the zoo that was just outside his office door made him grimace, these fillies just might be the brake he needed. They would at least make it look like he was trying to do his job and it would give the store a good safe image, witch meant more time for him to sit around and eat Moon Pies, it was perfect.
He looked back down at the fillies before his desk. They looked back with eyes as big a saucers and wide hopeful grins. Suckers.
“Alright girls your hired!”
“Sure thing, you start today!”
The manager picked up a black duffel bag filled with security equipment off the floor, he ordered it weeks ago and thought it would never get used. He tossed it over his desk and it landed in front of his new security force.
“He’s your uniforms and equipment, put them on and get to work.”
Applebloom opened the bag, In a few minutes the fillies had their new uniforms on. A black patrol cap for each of them with the word Security sewn in the back in white. Around their waist’s were black leather utility belts. Each belt was equipped with a nightstick, stun gun, pepper spray and a two-way radio.
“Now remember you three. It’s your job to make sure this place stays crime free. I don’t want any shoplifting and I don’t want any monkey business, got it.”
All three of them brought their right hooves to the corner of their caps in a salute.
“You can count on us sir!” said Scootaloo with pride.
“Oh wait, one more thing here.”
He picked up a small silver key on his desk and tossed it to Scootaloo. She caught it in her mouth.
“What’s the key for?” asked Sweete Belle.
“That is the key to every security guards greatest asset, now go out there and make Wal-Mart proud.”
With out another word the Crusaders walked back out the office as official Wal-Mart employees. The manager waited for the door to close behind them before he tore the wrapper off another Moon Pie and shoved it in his mouth.
“It’s only a matter of time before we get our cutie marks now girls.” Applebloom had a satisfied smirk on her face as they swaggered through Wal-Mart in their important looking new uniforms.
The three fillies turned around to see a blue unicorn with a silver blue mane was looking at them crossly as she levitated a mop in front of her, a blue Wal-Mart apron tied around her.
“Can’t you little foals see The Great and Powerful Trixie is trying to mop the linins isle!”
Sweetie Belle looked next to her and sure enough there was a “Caution wet floor” sign.
“Gee were sorry Trixie we were just out on the look out for shop lifters. What are you doing working at Wal-Mart anyway? We thought you were a famous magician.”
Trixie looked annoyed as if she was asked the same question everyday.
“ Wal-Mart is the only place that would hire us after The Great and Powerful Trixie was ran ou-err, left Ponyville after we decided the town was not worthy of Trixies help.”
“I see.” Said Applebloom. “Well it’s good you got a job at Wal-Mart, I hear the Wal-Mart community offers great benefits and competitive pay.”
Trixie raised an eyebrow.
“We don’t suppose you foals have any Great and Powerful menthol cigarettes? The Great and Powerful Trixie needs a Great and Powerful smoke break.”
“No sorry Trixie we don’t smoke cigarettes.”
“Then begone from Trixie’s sight!”
Scootaloo shrugged to her friends and they walked off.
“What a skitzoild.” Applebloom whispered.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders first task was to patrol the parking lot for crime. Behind Wal-Mart was an area that contained a loading dock and some dumpsters. Next to the dumpsters they found “Every security guards greatest asset.” A small green golf cart with the words “Security” stenciled on the bottom of the windshield, a simple white roof covered the front bench seat.
Scootaloo put the silver key she was given in the dash and a small LED light shined on the dash as it was powered by only batteries. Sweetie Belle hopped in the back tray while Applebloom took the passenger seat and Scootaloo mashed her hind hoof on the accelerator. The security cart lurched forward with electronic handiness.
“Alright girls, keep your eyes open for anypony trying to pull any thing funny, it’s our job to keep the Wal-Mart Parking lot free of riffraff.”
Scootaloo was about to pull a right through the parking lot when a large silver Lexus SUV cut them off at a whopping 20mph. The green golf cart came to a gimp stop as its simple brakes were depressed.
Sweetie Belle braced herself on the roll bars in the emergency maneuver.
“Hey! That dope almost ran us over, the speed limit is only 10mph in the parking lot! Let’s get them and give them a ticket!”
The little golf carts blue strobe lights began to strobe out as it followed behind the offending SUV. They followed it until it came to a stop in a parking space at the back of the stuffed lot. The golf cart stopped directly behind the larger vehicle. Three fillies hopped out of the cart and approached the driver’s side door on the Lexus.
Scootaloo stood up tall next to the door while Applebloom jumped up on her back and Sweetie Belle on top of her. On top of the small stack of young ponies Sweetie Belle tapped on the window with her hoof. The electronic tinted window rolled down in a matter of seconds revealing an orange female pony with red highlights in her mane. She stared at Sweetie Belle through a mirrored pair of black movie star sunglasses.
“What do you want?” She sounded like a snob.
Sweetie Belle put on her best irritated face.
“Do you know why we pulled you over ma’ma?”
The red pony stared back at the little filly stacked on top of her friends.
“Umm…I was parking.”
Her tinted side window rolled up and she pushed open her door knocking the stack of ponies the ground. They tumbled into a pile.
Scootaloo looked up from under the dog pile and watched the snob pony trot towards the store, She clicked a key fob in her teeth and the SUV next to them beeped twice and it’s lights flashed.
“Hey get back here! Were not done with ya!” Applebloom shouted at her.
She ignored them and continued to trot to the store.
“What’s wrong with these ponies? Don’t the know authority when the see it?”
Scootaloo stood back up.
“We’re just going to have to assert ourselves more.” She said.
“Hello my little ponies.”
The three tuned around to see Twilight Sparkle standing before them with a brand new waffle iron on her back.
“Hi Twilight.” They sighed.
“I see you girls got a job here. That’s grate; it’s a good lesson in responsibility! You’re never too young to learn the value of a bit.”
“Hey Twilight, what was your first job?”
Twilight thought for a few seconds.
“I never had a job. Princess Cellestia paid for everything for me, including this new waffle iron. Bye now girls, I’m sure Wal-Mart will be a better place now that you three are working here.”
She gave them a smile and walked off to her home. When she arrived back to her tree house she set up her new waffle iron and proceeded to cook waffles. She became hopelessly addicted to them. Standing unflinching and unmoving as she waited for the small orange indicator light to turn off so she could eat more waffles. Twilight Sparkle had become slave to the waffle iron.
Back in the parking lot the Cutie Mark Crusaders brushed them selves off from their first failure. All of a sudden all three two-way radios began to cackle with static. The manager’s voice boomed over their transceivers.
“Listen up security! We have bums trying to steal shopping carts by the main entrance. Stop them at all costs!”
“You heard the manager! Let’s stop these bums from stealing Wal-Mart’s shopping carts!”
They took off in a gallop in the direction of the crime that was underway. Sure enough by the main exit they spotted a dirty cream-colored pony trotting towards the parking lot exit pushing a shopping cart in his teeth; an old tattered and crushed top hat sat on his tangled brown mane.
“Halt!” screeched Sweetie Belle.
The hobo pony turned around and saw he had been found out by security and started to gallop away still pushing his shiny stainless steel prize. Security gave chase; Sweetie Belle figured the offending pony must be pretty good at being homeless because his cutie mark was a cardboard box.
In an attempt to lose his pursuers he began to dart in and out of rows of parked cars.
“Stop! Get back here!”
He began to gallop faster. The three fillies dug their hooves into the ground and came to a stop as the scene took place in front of them. As the homeless pony ran through the parking lot he was blindsided by a bright yellow Hummer H3. He was instantly flattened under it’s tires; the shopping cart he was running with bounced off the bumper and flew straight up in the air and landed on a few cars parked nearby causing their anti-theft alarms to go off.
In it’s hasty emergency stop the Hummer was rear ended by a glossy black BMW 6 series convertible. A green unicorn stepped out of the Hummer and looked down at the squashed pony under his tires. He dropped to his knees and threw up his fore hooves.
“What have I done?! Oh Celestia forgive me!”
“I’m Afraid this can not be forgiven.”
Princess Celestia pushed aside the airbags in her BMW and stepped out. She walked passed the front of her new car; it’s hood bent up and steam leaking out of its busted radiator. She approached the green unicorn as he watched her with tears welling in his eyes. He threw himself at her front hooves and began to beg.
“Please princess, I didn’t mean to kill him! It was an accident, I swear. Please don’t send me to the moon.”
She just stared down at him unimpressed and look back at her royal BMW crushed and smoking. By now a crowd of onlookers had gathered around the wreck.
“I’m not going to send you to the moon.”
The green unicorn looked up relived.
“No. I’m going to send you somewhere worse; I’m banishing you to 1992 for 1000 years. Guards seize him.”
Two royal guards appeared and apprehended him by the shoulders and led him away.
“No! Not that! Wait! Noooo!”
Cutie Mark Crusaders looked on from underneath a car. They all bit their lower lips and looked nervously back and fourth at each other. They slunk away before anypony noticed them.
“This job is harder then I thought.” Said Scootaloo.
“We can’t give up yet girls. Twilight is counting on us to do a good job.”
Back inside the store The Cutie Mark Security Guards patrolled the long white isles of crap. Scootaloo turned to her friends.
“Alright girls, keep your eyes open for anything suspicious. I bet there is a shoplifter right under our snouts and we don’t even know it.”
Pinkie Pie paced around the store. When nopony was looking she would stuff a hooffull of DVD’s and CD’s into her saddlebags along with anything else that she could fit. She looked completely innocent as she loaded up on loot. Her smile was the perfect poker face and her eye’s gave nothing away. She was a self-taught expert in this field. She loved the rush of excitement she got when she got away with stealing. Pinkie developed a serious case of kleptomania that kept her coming back to Wal-Mart week after week.
As she passed by the dairy section in the food isle she picked up a can of whipped cream. Her eyes darted back and fourth quickly scouting the area. When she was sure she was alone she sat down and pulled the cap off the bottle in her teeth. She held the can up right and put the nozzle in her mouth and began to suck all the air out of it.
Dropping the can on the floor she stumbled back to her hooves and began to giggle as everything started to spin around her. The sound of her giggles echoed in her head and sounded a lot lower pitched then usual. How Pinkie Pie loved the Wal-Mart.
Pinkie’s head was still throbbing when she approached the front of the store with all the cash registers. The sound of the scanners beeping was continuous as long lines of ponies with shopping carts filled to the brim with crap stood in lines. Just beyond them was the exit. Now came the fun part, how should she do it? Make a run for it?
In the line in front of her Pinkie noticed Derpy standing at the end with her green saddlebags stuffed full of muffins from the bakery.
“She used to buy muffins from Sugar Cube Corner. Now I see where her loyalty lies.” Pinkie mumbled under her breath.
Then something else caught her eye. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, they were strolling down the isle and wearing Wal-Mart security outfit’s.
“I guess Wal-Mart is getting really desperate if they hired those silly fillies.”
Pinkies mind started to work as she thought inside the chimney and came up with a brilliant idea. She picked a small shrink-wrapped box off a DVD display in the center of the floor. She got inline behind Derpy and stealthily slid the box into the bottom of Derpy’s saddlebags.
“Hey Pinkie.” Said Applebloom as they approached Pinkies position.
“Oh hi girls. I see you three got jobs here at Wal-Mart! That sure is swell. I was just doing some shopping.”
“Thanks Pinkie. Have you seen any suspicious looking ponies around? We’re on the look out for shoplifters.” Said Sweetie Belle.
“Pinkie looked around, she waved her hoof gesturing them to lean in closer to her.
“I just saw Derpy put some stuff in her saddelbags, I don’ think she intends to pay for it, just look at her eyes. She has guilt written all over her face.”
Scootaloo turned her head slightly and stole a quick glance at the unsuspecting grey mare in front of her.
“Thanks for the heads up Pinkie. We got this.”
Pinkie gave them a smile and they moved off to the side keeping their eyes glued on Derpy the entire time.
“What are we waiting for? Let’s get her.” Whispered Applebloom.
Scootaloo put a foreleg across Appleblooms chest to keep her from advancing.
“Not yet, we have to wait for her actually commit the crime or we’ll have no evidence.”
“Oh yeah, good idea.”
When Derpy approached the register she pulled out her muffins and only her muffins and placed them on the counter.
“Paper or plastic?” asked the Caramel who was now a cashier at Wal-Mart.
Derpy told him “Paper” and requested he double bag it to witch Caramel raised an eyebrow.
“Why? It’s just a few muffins.”
“I need extra paper bags, they make excellent fashion accessories!”
Caramel decided it was better not to argue with the flaky pony and gave her what she wanted. Derpy dropped her bits on the counter and walked off with the double-bagged muffins in her mouth and a satisfied smile on her face.
As she was walking out of the store the RFID tag in the unpaid for merchandise set the security system off and high pitched beep rang out. Derpy looked up in confusion.
“Now! Get her!”
The Cutie Mark Crusaders ran up to Derpy and tackled her to the ground. Her bag fell to the ground and all her muffins spilled on the floor as she struggled to get back to her hooves.
“Stop resisting!” Scootaloo took out her nightstick in her mouth and wacked Derpy in the head. Derpy started to scream, “All I wanted was muffins! I just don’t know what went wrong!”
“Can it thief!”
Scootaloo bagan to beat her again with her knight stick while Applebloom and Sweetie Belle held her down with all their strength. Sweete Belle pulled out her can of pepper spray and sprayed it in her face for good measure. Ponies stared at the scene as they passed in and out of the store. Pinkie Pie whistled to her as she trotted out unnoticed in the confusion. In the parking lot Pinkie tossed her lifted items in the back of her purple Plymouth Voyager minivan and drove off. She didn’t want most of the crap she stole; she just needed the thrill. Caramel called the police on Derpy to report a shoplifting.
“Keep movin’ ponies, nuthin’ ta see here!” Applebloom shouted at the passersby.
Derpy stopped struggling after both her eyes were swollen shut. Her face was a mess from blood and tears, she just lay on the floor sniffling and crying softly. A few minutes latter a blue police pony with a yellow mane entered the store, a yellow star on his flank. He looked down at Derpy through his aviator sunglasses.
“Is this the perpetrator?”
“Yes sir! We caught her red hoofed!”
Applebloom stuck her head in Derpy’s saddlebags and pulled out the DVD that Pinkie had hidden. She showed it off and dropped it at the officer’s hooves. He simply nodded and shackled Derpy’s legs and wings and lifted the pitiful looking mare to her trembling hooves. She was brought to the Ponyville police department where they beat her with a phonebook until she admitted to a crime she never committed. She was sentenced to a week of public humiliation for her crimes against Wal-Mart. Her head and forelegs were locked in a wooden stock out side the Ponyville Town Hall.
Back in the store Scootaloo gave her friends highooves after their first victory.
“I think were getting better at this girls!”
Sweetie Belle picked up the DVD that Derpy had allegedly tried to steal.
“The second season of Three’s Company?!”
“Why would Derpy try to steal that?”
“Ah don’t know? I don even think you could pay me to take that.”
Sweetie Belle tossed Three’s Company in the trashcan by the door and they walked back in the store and continued patrolling.
Scootaloo nudged the door to the manager’s office open.
“You wanted to see us sir?”
The fat manager waddled over to them, he looked worried and judging by all the empty boxes lying on the floor he was out of Moon Pies.
“Something bad is happening here, we have a pervert pony on the loose.” He said grimly.
“Whoever it is they’ve flashed several ponies in the dressing room and has been spying on ponies in the female restroom. Unfortunately we have no positive ID.
Sweetie Belle made a disgusted face
“That’s gross why would anypony do that to another pony!”
“I don’t know but if the media finds out about this we’ll lose tons of customers. I need you girls to find and apprehend this sick-o before he can strike again.”
“Don’t worry sir, The Cutie Mark Crusaders are on it!”
“Alright get out there and do your job, and be careful.”
They trotted out the door.
“Where should we start?” Asked Applebloom.
Scootaloo thought for a moment.
“Let’s wait by the restrooms, the perpetrator always returns to the scene of the crime.”
They concealed themselves on a bottom shelf behind several economy packs of toilet paper and began to watch the Restrooms for suspicious activity. After an hour or so had passed they began to fall asleep from boredom one by one because nothing out of the ordinary seemed to be happening. Scootaloo yawned widely and curled up next to her friends, the last pony fell asleep.
A couple of ponies stepped inside the female restroom. Not far behind them an older male pony sporting a creepy comb over wearing a black trench coat wrapped around him followed them inside.
Inside the rest room a sea foam green unicorn stood up on her hind legs to wash her hooves in the sink after she finished her business. The door opened behind her and the trench coat clad pony walked in. Lyra saw the strange pony in the mirror and turned around dropping back to her front hooves.
“Mr…Mr. Waddle, Is that you?”
Mr. Waddle just rose up to his hind hooves and pulled his trench coat back exposing his old dangley junk. He stared devilishly through his thick glasses.
Lyra ran passed him and bolted out the door.
“The horror! The horror!” she screamed through the isles of Wal-Mart.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders were awoken by the commotion in the bathroom and looked from their hiding place to see Lyra running from the restroom with tears in her eyes.
They all looked at each other.
They ran up to the restroom with their nightsticks in their mouth.
Back inside the restroom Mr. Waddle tied up his trench coat and was about to leave when he heard a toilet flush from inside a stall. The door opened and BonBon stepped out. She looked outraged and glared at Mr. Waddle.
“I know you didn’t just do what I think you did to my best friend!”
Mr. Waddle swallowed hard as BonBon pinned him up against the wall with her hooves. She raised a hoof and was about to let him have it when three small security guards kicked in the door.
“Stop right there!” shouted Scootaloo.
“Look she’s attacking poor defenseless Mr. Waddle! That must be the pervert pony!”
“Don’t worry Mr. Waddle we’ll save you!” cried Sweetie Belle as she charged forward.
BonBon was shocked to be the accused one in the situation.
“Are these fillies really that daft?” she thought.
Sweetie Belle and Applebloom took out her hind legs while Scootaloo jumped up and grabbed her shoulders and they brought her down prison style. BonBon’s head hit the tile floor and a small dimebag of pot fell out of her mane. Scootaloo picked in up in her teeth.
“Look this pervert has drugs on her too!” She tucked the dimebag of dope in her own mane to use as evidence for later.
“Let’s kick her flank!”
The started to beat BonBon with their nightsticks landing devastating blows allover her body while she screamed for help. Mr. Waddle escaped out the door.
BonBon flailed on the ground lashing out in her pain and frustration. She rolled on top of Applebloom while Scootaloo tried to hold the bigger pony down.
“Help me Sweetie Belle! I can’t over power her!”
Sweetie Belle brandished her stungun. She jumped on BonBon and straddled her around her midsection. She held her stun gun in both hooves and pointed it directly in her assailants face.
“Welcome to Wal-Mart.”
She pulled the trigger and pressed the stun gun into BonBon’s neck. She thrashed about for a few long seconds while 250’000 volts of electricity coursed through her. She finally lay still and Sweetie Belle pulled the stun gun from her smoking neck.
“We did it! We stopped the pervert pony!”
The Manager busted through the door after he heard all the commotion to see his security force piled onto a bloodied unconscious pony.
“My office! Now!” he shouted.
The manager paced back and fourth in his office while The Crusaders held their little heads down as he scolded them. Out side his office BonBon was being treated by paramedics from Ponyville hospital.
“I can’t believe you three! Just since this morning we’ve had a hobo pony killed by a car! You beat up two mares and let the pervert escape! What would make you think BonBon was the pervert instead of that creepy old coot! She'll probably sue!"
“Were sorry sir…I guess in all the excitement we ahhh.”
“Had a momentary lapse of reason.” Sweetie Belle finished Scootaloo’s sentence.
“Celestia damnit! I need a Moon Pie! I have the district manager coming to inspect this store in less then an hour! It needs to be in tiptop condition or I’m going to be fired and I’ll have to move back into my mother’s basement. In the mean time you three go take your afternoon break, just get out of my sight while I decide what to do with you.”
The three fillies walked out with their heads low. Out side the office BonBon was propped up against the wall while one paramedic wrapped a bandage around her bruised head and another one looked into her eyes with a small flashlight in her mouth. Her eyes spat fire at them as they passed and they quickly looked away. In the front of the store The Great and Powerful Trixie mopped up the blood from when Derpy was beaten.
By the dumpsters behind Wal-Mart Applebloom was once again pacing back and fourth while Sweetie Belle sat in the shade looking depressed. Scootaloo lay on her back on a big black trash bag by the dumpster and flipped through a Hit Parader magazine. The little green golf cart was once again parked by the dumpsters.
“This is awful! We’ve been workin’ so hard and now were gonna get fired from Wal-Mart and we wont get our cutie marks!”
“Maybe the manager will give us another chance. We just gotta stop being so “Chris Brown” about everything.” Said Scootaloo; her eyes still on her magazine.
“Now be quiet for a second, I’m trying to read this article on Areosmith.”
“No pony cares about Areosmith Scootaloo! Their just Rollin’ Stones wannabe’s! Steven Tyler even looks like some leather taxidermy disaster, just like Mick Jagger!”
“That’s not true, take it back!”
“It is too true!”
“It is too, you pagan heretic!
“Don’t call me things I don’t know the meaning of!”
“That’s what your mom said last night!”
“My mom’s dead!”
The two ponies were face to face with each other about to start fighting when Sweetie Belle popped up and pushed them both apart.
“Calm down you too, arguing is getting us nowhere. Maybe this job isn’t for us an we should just quit.”
“Quit?! Are you gonna give up on your cutie mark that easily? Is that what you want?”
Sweetie Belle sighed and looked down at her hooves.
“I don’t know what I want.”
She looked up and saw the little green security cart and an idea popped into her head.
“But I know where to get it!”
Sweetie Belle ran off back into Wal-Mart.
“Where is she off too?”
Sweetie Belle returned a few minutes later with a large plastic Wal-Mart bag in her mouth filled with stuff. She tilted it on the ground and spilled out its contents. A silver ghetto blaster, a golf club from sporting goods, several spray paint cans in different colors and a bottle Of Johnny Walker Red Label.
“What’s all this stuff for? How’d you get it?” inquired Applebloom.
“I took it.”
“You took it!?”
“The Cutie Mark Crusaders have been pushed around for two long! It’s time we get what we deserve! If we can’t beat these ponies then we’ll join ‘em! Besides why buzz the flower when we know the honey’s free!”
She picked up the bottle of scotch and unscrewed it; she slugged down a good mouthful before passing to Applebloom.
“What do you have planned?”
Applebloom took a sip from the bottle and made a face at its harsh taste. She passed it to Scootaloo.
“No thanks. We’ve all seen what happens when I drink brown liquor.”
“Come on Scootaloo don’t be a chicken. You’re not a chicken are you? Scoot-Scoot-a-loo!” Applebloom snickered while Sweetie Belle teased her and shook the bottle in Scootaloo’s face; it flashed amber blotches of light on the ground as the evening sun shone through it.
Scootaloo snatched the bottle and chugged it for a few seconds before pulling in away; it dribbled down her chin as she shook her head.
She let her mouth hang open to dissipate the tangy taste.
As they continued to pass the bottle around Sweetie Belle explained her foolproof scheme to not only stick it to the manager of Wal-Mart but also to get rich quick. After she explained the plan to them they had a pretty good buzz going on and they all agreed the plan was awesome. Sweetie Belle Picked up a black spray paint bottle in her hoof and turned to the little green golf cart parked by the dumpsters.
“First we have some redecorating to do.”
Applebloom climbed up on the golf carts roof and ripped off the strobe lights and through them to the ground. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle proceeded to spray paint the body of the golf cart flat black. On the roof Applebloom spray-painted the Stars and Bars.
After they had finished they stood back and looked at their handiwork.
The now completely black golf cart gave off a sinister vibe as the paint dried in the sunshine, the rebel confederate flag on the roof gave it the finishing touch.
“It needs more red paint.” Said Scootaloo.
Sweetie Belle walked up to the front of the golf cart with a can of red spray paint in her mouth. She drew a slightly sloppy canted swastika on the nose of the golf cart.
The stood back to look at it again.
“Now it’s perfect!” said Scootaloo.
She climbed in the drivers seat while Applebloom took up the seat next to her with the golf club in her hooves. Sweetie Belle hopped up in the back tray and stood up steadying her self on the roof with one hoof and holding the ghetto blaster across her shoulder with the other.
They all turned their black security hats backwards and Scootaloo took another swig of Johnny Walker.
“Hey Sweetie Belle, what’s the boombox for?”
“Oh I just thought The Cutie Mark Crusaders could use a new theme song.”
She turned the volume knob up all the way and slapped in her favorite Black Sabbath cassette.
Outside the front a long black limousine pulled up to the Wal-Mart entrance. An important looking blue pony stepped out of the back. His matching blue mane was streaked with grey; he wore a clean pressed blue and white stripped button up shirt. He had an air of business know-how about him. The fat store manager jogged out to greet him, huffing and puffing. He greeted the district manager and led him inside to inspect the store.
Inside the store was clean and everything was in order, no signs of the incidents earlier in the day. The rows of incandescent lights that hung above them reflected off it’s freshly mopped and polished. The fat store manager had scrambled his staff to clean up the best they could before the VIP pony would show up.
“This outlet doesn’t look half bad.” He told the store manager. “It looked more like Kmart when I first saw it.”
The fat manager smiled. “I just hired a new security force, they’ve been doing a bang up job at cleaning this place up and keeping it safe.” He lied.
All around them happy looking ponies trotted about all around them. They were busy filling shopping carts with a bunch of crap they didn’t need. Most of the crap wasn’t even made in Equestria but they were going to buy it anyway because they were all bucking ignorant.
The two managers walked throughout the store while the district manager inspected everything from stock records to the sanitary condition in the restrooms.
Over the PA system James Blunt softly sang, “You’re Beautiful” while the ponies shopped in blissful obedience.
The tranquil atmosphere was shattered when a flat black golf cart occupied by three intoxicated fillies and a bright red swastika painted on the front smashed through the front plate glass doors demolishing them. A white unicorn filly standing in the back held a booming ghetto blaster and the bass beat and guitar riffs of the song Paranoid echoed and reverberated through Wal-Mart.
The golf cart bounced and its electric motor whirred loudly as it drifted across the floor squealing it’s little 15-inch turf tires. A shopping pony jumped out of its way as it sped down an isle; abandoning her cart. The golf cart hit the cart toppling it and sending its contents sprawling.
“Buck the police!” Scootaloo shouted from the drivers seat as she spiked the empty bottle of Johnny Walker on the ground sending its shattered pieces skittering across the freshly mopped floor.
“Praise the Antichrist!” Screeched Sweetie Belle, her voice cracked over her pounding ghetto blaster.
“Boogity Boogity Boogity!” Yelled Applebloom swinging the golf club in the air.
Ponies began to stampede in a panic. Up ahead an employee was busy making a pyramid out of condensed soup cans as a display for a sale. As the Cutie Mark Crusaders black whip blasted by it purposely swerved to hit it sending the employee’s hard work tumbling down on top of him.
The Great and Powerful Trixie had been watching the maniacal rampage.
“This is our big chance! If we can stop this madness The Great and Powerful Trixie will surly get a Mediocre and Befitting pay raise!”
Trixie jumped out of an isle and levitated her mop over her head, in the path of the oncoming insecurity force and their Nazi Low-rider.
“Watch and be amazed as The Great and Powerful Trixie saves the fine customers of Wal-Mart from this ma-“
Trixie didn’t get to finish’s her speech. The golf cart just sped on. First the front tires popped off the ground and the rear ones as it ran over Trixie. She lay defeated in the isle path with small tread marks across her back; she dropped her magical hold on her mop and it fell on her head.
Scootaloo reached out the side of the cart and grabbed a fire extinguisher off one of the many tall white support columns through out the store.
“Well I wasn’t sure about this location at first, but you seem to be doing a good job at keeping it running smoothly.” The district manager said to the store manager as he wrapped up his tour of the Ponyville branch.
“Thank you sir. You know I always give it my best.”
“As long as you promise me there won’t be anymore incidents like before I think I can be on my way.”
“I can assure you sir, everything is A-Ok at this location.”
Behind him the district manager heard screams and a crash. He looked behind him. The stores defaced security cart sped at his direction, three small and very drunk fillies were whooping and hollering in it. One smashed random merchandise with a golf club out the side.
As Scotaloo drove passed the two managers she held up the fire extinguisher and discharged it in their faces. The district manager wiped the yellow dust out of his eyes and glared at the store manager (equally coated in yellow dust) and narrowed his eyes. The store manager felt himself getting hot in the face and started to sweat.
“Get them! Get them now!” he yelled to his stunned employees.
A crowd of blue apron clad Wal-Mart employees galloped after the disturbance determined to bring them to justice and call their parents. Sweetie Belle looked back.
“I’m on it.” Applebloom leaned out as they passed the pharmacy department. She swung her golf club at an end shelf and knocked it over. Numerous bottles of medicine and vitamins fell to the ground. From the top of the shelf several bottles of Astrolube broke open as they hit the ground. A few pursuing ponies slipped in the Astrolube and fell down in a pile.
The cart came to its destination in the back of Wal-Mart, The electronics section. The cart slowed down a little as it drove by the electronics kiosk. Applebloom jumped out of the golf cart and rode her momentum over the counter of the kiosk and delivered a flying karate kick into the clerk’s muzzle. Teeth and bloody spit flew from his mouth as he fell to the ground in a total knock out. She hopped up on the counter to face the crowd of advancing and menacing Wal-Mart employees.
Applebloom leaned back on her hind legs and whipped out her Taser and pepper spray can, she twirled them in her hooves before releasing the painful contents on the crowd.
“Remember the Alamo!”
A pink unicorn employee tried to jump up and grab her but the yellow filly smartly let her stun gun go on her head and she fell back. She waited until she could see the whites of their eyes before unleashing the pepper spray; aiming for face shots.
As Applebloom bravely kept the onslaught of adult authority at bay, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle pulled the cart to a stop and hopped out. They hastily began to pile boxes of plasma TV’s and high-end stereo equipment into the back of the getaway vehicle.
Applebloom was doing her best to battle off the enraged employees, She dropped them one by one thinning them out with pepper spray then stopping them in their tracks them with her stun gun as they got close enough. There were too many however. The employees dropped in a heap in front of the kiosk covering their eyes and wailing some twitching on the ground from the stun gun. More employees began to climb up to the counter on their twitching and crying comrades. Applebloom felt like the last lone survivor of a zombie apocalypse making a desperate last stand.
Just as it seemed like she was about to be overtaken by a sea of blue aprons the The Buzz-Bomb golf cart came out of a screeching U-turn and rammed into the crowd. Some ponies were pinned under the tires but most were knocked back and lay in a daze.
“Get in Applebloom! We don’t have much time!”
Sweetie Belle grabbed Appleblooms hooves in hers as she jumped into the front of the car since the back was now to full of expensive cargo. As the cart sped off in its escape a few employees tried to grab the side of the cart but were just pulled back down to the ground. In front of them an obese yellow pony riding in a handicap store scooter crossed in front of them. Scootaloo and her cohorts smiled wickedly as their eyebrows furrowed.
Scootaloo stepped on the accelerator harder. The golf cart t-boned the hideously fat pony and it’s hadifat scooter. The obese pony made a sound like Chewbacca as it spilled to the floor looking like a pile of Silly Putty; it was so nasty looking the Crusaders couldn’t tell if it was male or female, it’s cutie mark was a chocolate SnakPack.
“Serves you right lardflank!” Applebloom yelled behind her.
Scootaloo drunkenly took a decisive turn down the hot pink toy isle. The cart skidded into the side of the shelves and boxes of “My Little Midlife Crisis” dolls spilled to the floor; their packages chewed up by the golf carts tires. In front of them was their goal. A big grey double door with a “Fire Exit Only” sign on it, an orange exit sign glowed above it.
The loaded golf cart crashed into the doors and they swung open and Applebloom let out a rebel yell. They were almost blinded by the brightness of Celestia’s setting sun as they made a brake for it in the freedom of the open parking lot. Behind them the fire alarm rang out and the sprinkler system came on drenching the store and everypony in it with stagnant water.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders shot through the parking lot with their valuable load. And out to the street they took a turn for the back dirt roads back to Ponyville in an attempt to cover their tracks.
Back inside Wal-Mart the soggy store manager stumbled in his office and slammed his door, silencing the shouts and chaos from the store behind him. He phoned the police from his desk, his last attempt to bring the turncoat security guards to justice.
“I didn’t even get their names. How could I have been so stupid?”
Scootaloo eased up on the throttle a little figuring they would be in the clear by now. They all patted each other on the back for a job well done. They were about to be in for a rude awakening. Behind a thicket of trees and bushes on the side of the road a new model all black Dodge Charger; slung low and wide sat idling. The police pony inside sat in the undercover unit listing to dispatches on his radio. He kept revving his powerful engine loudly, it barked and roared as if it were hungry for action.
The renegade golf cart zoomed by his position. It was the suspects he was looking for and he assumed they would come this way. With a grumble from the engine the cruiser pulled out and raced after the golf cart.
Behind them the Crusaders heard the rumble they looked over all the stolen merchandise. They saw the ominous looking big black car quickly gaining on them. It’s strobe lights flashed and the siren made a sound that shot fear through their spines. They may have just met their match.
“Rat’s it’s the fuzz!” Applebloom started to panic.
“He’s hot on out trail and he ain’t gonna rest ‘till we’re in jail!” Exclaimed Sweetie Belle.
“Go girl, go!” she shouted in Scootaloo’s ear.
“I'm goin' I'm goin! I got the metal to the pedal and the thing to the floor!"
Determination grew inside her as she pushed the dinky golf cart to its limits. She pulled left and right trying to through the cop off. Scootaloo let it all hang out ‘cause she had a run to make. Behind her the screaming sirens and angry engine seemed to preach Raise to Ruin at her, further wracking her nerves.
With a stomp on the throttle the big police interceptor lurched into the back of their golf cart and rammed it with its grille guard. The cart careened to the right but Scootaloo regained control of it before it crashed into a ditch.
“I can’t shake him!”
The hunter and the hunted started to enter the outskirts of Ponyville. They were so close now; they just needed to lose the pig on the wing behind them. They approached the more populated center of the town with the cruiser still hot on their tail. In front of them two railroad crossing gates closed off the roadway and red lights flashed on a RR sign. The 5pm passenger train to Canterlot was quickly approaching the crossing.
“We’re not gonna make it!” screamed Scootaloo.
“We have to try! It worked for Applejack!” Applebloom screamed back.
Scootaloo pressed down on the accelerator as hard as she could and closed her eyes. The black golf cart crashed through the safety gates and caught several inches of air as it bounced over the crossing. She stomped on the brakes and the cart came to a sideways stop on two tires before settling back down on all four.
The angry looking black interceptor attempted the same maneuver. The three filly delinquents watched as the frilly pink locomotive plowed into the side of the car. It was torn into two pieces as it’s lights died and the sirens cut out in a comical sounding whine. The pieces exploded in fire and Somersaulted on the ground next to the train that was now applying it’s brakes. Sparks shot from it’s steel wheels as they locked up and it screeched to a halt.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders could feel the heat from the fire on their faces as they watched the charred remains of the Charger go up in smoke. They had won; they shot their hooves defiantly up in the air. If they had had middle finger’s they would proudly be displayed.
The golf cart was starting to smell like burning plastic by now so they took it easy on the way to their destination. They parked it behind Mr.Breezy’s Fan Shoppe witch also started doubling as a pawnshop under mysterious circumstances. They covered the golf cart with branches to conceal it and unloaded all the expensive, stolen merchandise out and brought it inside.
Mr.Breezy didn’t bother to ask where they had gotten it. He didn’t need credentials because his shop was just a front for a meth lab anyway. He gladly bought all the unopened stereo equipment and televisions. He paid in cash.
After hiding the evidence by ditching their security uniforms in a dumpster and pushing the used up golf cart into the stream that ran through Ponyville; the three ran off under the cover of darkness back to their clubhouse with fat burlap sacks of bits in their mouth’s.
Back in the tree fort the Pyromania album played in the back round as it was accompanied by pops and hissing from the old turntable they kept in their clubhouse. It was also accompanied by the delighted squeals of young fillies. They had dumped the sacks of bits on the floor and were rolling around in a big mound of gold coins and stacks of paper bills.
“This is more bits then Sweet Apple Acres can make in whole month!” Applebloom said as scooped up hoof full’s of golden bits and let them slide through her grip and fall clattering to the ground.
“There must be close to 10000 bit’s here!”
“Yeah, it’s just too bad we didn’t get our cutie marks.”
Scootaloo lay on her belly and stared at a stack of 100 bit bills with loving eyes. The green bills had a picture of Princess Celestia in the center “In Celecstia We Trust” it said. Just then Scootaloo remembered she still had the dime bag of pot she had confiscated from BonBon earlier that day.
She pulled out the pot and crushed it up on the floor with her hooves. She used a 100-bit bill to roll the sticky purple bud into a fat cone joint, showing great skill on her part. She lit it up with a match. She took a few drags and passed it to Sweetie Belle. After playing puff puff pass for a while the clubhouse was good and hazy, just the way they liked it. Applebloom took a last toke and tossed the roach aside.
“What are we gonna do with all these bit’s?” Applebloom wanted to know.
“We should save them.” Said Sweetie Belle
“Or maybe we should invest in war bonds.” Applebloom said back.
Scootaloo looked up at the back wall of the clubhouse. Her stony eyes fell on a poster they had all hung up a while ago; they used it as a source of inspiration. It was mostly plain white; in the middle of the white backdrop was a blood spattered snub-nosed revolver. Above the revolver was a quote that said “As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster…”. Below the revolver in smaller font,
“A Martin Scorsese Picture” and below that “GOODFELLAS”
“I think I have a better idea. We’re gonna do some shopping tomorrow.”
“I’m hungry.” Said Sweetie Belle.
That Monday the school bell rang and all the young fillies and colts ran into the schoolhouse. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were nowhere to be found however.
“Has any one see Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle?” asked Cheerilee.
Her students just shrugged, Diamond Tiara a Silver Spoon rolled their eyes. Cherilee heard a buzzing sound coming from outside; she looked out the window.
Scootaloo and her friends rolled up with Scootaloo perched atop the brown saddle seat of a candy apple red 60’s model Vespa motor scooter, a golden metal flake helmet snug on her head. The scooter popped and farted blue smoke out its tail pipe as it rolled along. It pulled a matching new red wagon with custom corduroyed bucket seats in witch Applebloom and Sweetie Belle sat. The front of the scooter had the Union Jack painted on its fairing and 6 chrome accessory side mirrors, three on either side. They served no purpose except to look freaking awesome.
The scooter and wagon pulled up to the schoolhouse and tuned off. Scootaloo and her friends dismounted with an aura of exhaust around them. The scooters owner hung her new gold metal flake helmet on the handlebars and shook her purple hair back into shape. Sweetie Belle passed her a felt Dobbs dress hat from the back of the wagon.
They walked up the stairs and pushed the door open. The Goodfillies stood in the door way with solemn looks on their face’s the sunlight from the open door behind them threw their tall shadows across the classroom. They slowly entered the classroom. The whole class stared, their new golden horseshoes clicked on the hardwood floor as they walked. The clicking pleased Scootaloo.
“There you are girls, I didn’t think you were going to show today.” Cherilee gave them all a smile. “By the way you girls look real sharp in your new clothing, I like the new look!”
“Thanks Ms.Cherilee.” Said Sweetie Belle slyly. She tossed an end of her velvety brown faux fur scarf around her neck. Even Rarity would have been jealous of it.
Scootaloo peaked out from under a black Dobbs dress hat; a little red feather stuck up from the band. Her hat nicely complimented her black pinstriped three-piece suit and red bowtie (minus pants because ponies don’t were pants). Small holes had been tailored into the back of the suit to accommodate her wings. Scootaloo didn’t say anything because she had an ivory pimp cane with a crystal knob at one end in her mouth.
Applebloom who was wrapped in a purple alligator skin jacket just grinned widely revealing a diamond studded gold grill over her teeth.
“Like whatever! They might have nice clothes but they’re still blank flanks, just talentless blank flanks.” Diamond Tiara turned her nose up.
Scootaloo shot Applebloom a sideways glance and nodded at her. Applebloom strolled up to Diamond Tiaras desk. She grabbed her stuck up classmate by the mane in her teeth and pulled her to the ground. She shrieked and hit the floor. Her Tiara bounced on the floor and Sweetie Belle picked it up and put it on her own head.
“Hey give me that back! I’m telling my daddy on you!”
“Oh my.” Said Cherilee
Scootaloo stepped up to Diamond Tiara and stood over her, she reared up and brought the crystal knob on her pimp cane down on her face. She howled in pain through her blood stained teeth and the whole class gasped at what just happened.
“Girls stop!” yelled Cherilee and stomped her hoof on the ground.
“Stop what Ms.Cherilee? We didn’t do anything, can’t you see that Diamond Tiara just had a terrible accident on the jungle gym at recess?”
Diamond Tiara started crying. Scootaloo brought a hoof down on her face to show that she meant business. She stopped crying. Applebloom walked up to Cherilee and brought out a hoof full of golden bits from her jacket pocket and let them drop to the ground at her teacher’s hooves. Cherilee looked at the bit’s, it was more then she made in a whole month of teaching. She faltered.
“Oh um…you’re right girls, it looks like poor Diamond Tiara had a bad accident at recess.”
Scootaloo was about to whack her in her already fractured jaw again when Silver Spoon ran up and stood in the way.
“If you want to hurt my friend you’ll have to go through me!”
Scootlaoo smirked with the pimp cane still in her mouth. She reared up again and shoved Silver Spoon over with her forelegs. She toppled over Diamond Tiara and fell, she tried to right herself but not before Scootaloo brought her pimp cane down into her kneecaps, shattering them.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders mortal enemies lay weeping and writhing in pain before them. Scootaloo finally spat out the bloody ivory pimp cane and Applebloom dropped another month’s pay in gold bits at Cheerilee’s hooves.
“I looks to me like Silver Spoon just had a nasty fall while playing on the seesaw.” Sweetie Belle had the same mischievous look on her face when they tried to fake Appleblooms illness to get her out of Family Appreciation Day.
“Yes girls, Silver Spoon should really be more careful when she plays on the seesaw.” Said Cherilee as she scrapped up all the bits.
Cherilee sent for an ambulance and told the paramedics about the horrible playground accident the fillies had suffered.
The class stood out side and watched as the weeping and broken fillies were loaded into the big square ambulance and driven away to the hospital. The Cutie Mark Crusaders sarcastically waved goodbye with sly grins on their faces. Cherilee stared off into nothing as she daydreamed about her new pearl necklace she was going to buy with the bits she “acquired”. Twist walked up to the Goodfillies.
“Wow girlths! That wasth thum gangthta’ assth thit!” she said in her special ed lisp.
Scootaloo just flipped her Dobbs dress hat up in the air and caught in at a sideways angle on her head.
“I know right.”
The three of them caught the sight of a bright flash from behind them and felt a strange tingle on their flanks and turned their heads.
“Look! We finally got our cutie marks! They all hopped up and down overjoyed, it was turning out to be the best day of their lives.
“Wait a minute. I don’t get it, what is our special talent exactly?” Sweetie Belle studied her new cutie mark inquisitively. It was the space shuttle Challenger exploding. She looked at her friend’s cutie marks. Appleblooms was a green pineapple hand grenade and Scootaloo’s was an image of black smoke billowing out of two identical looking silver sky scrappers. It finally clicked in Scootaloo’s head.
“I know! Our special talent is violent nonsensical mayhem!”
The three of them reared up and slapped their hooves together
“CUTIE MARK ANARCHISTS ARE A GO!”