Discord Babysitting
Applejack
Huffing and panting as she crawled for the door, Applejack glared at the three fillies that wouldn't get off her. "Apple Bloom, you and your friends need to get off so I can go!" Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were all clinging to her, begging her not to go. "Consarn it, you three act like you never had a babysitter before! Are you two just going to watch?! Help me!"
Rainbow Dash rolled around laughing and wiped a tear from her eye. "I'm sorry. I'm too busy laughing to help! Besides, it is kind of cute."
Rarity nodded in agreement and said, "I'd rather not get this dress damaged by these ruffians. I am rather shocked they can slow you down though. I thought you were stronger than this."
Applejack huffed in annoyance. "These three are determined right now!" She gave one good buck and sent them all flying. "Finally, now we can go to the ceremony! Big Macintosh and Granny Smith are gonna be worried if I don't get there to help out soon with the cider!"
Rainbow Dash began to drool as she stared off in thought. She shook off her stupor and said, "What are we waiting for? We don't want to be late!" She blinked feeling a familiar filly clinging to her, and lookied down to see Scootaloo giving her puppy eyes. She groaned and said, "Don't look at me like that kid. I'm needed at the ceremony and can't look after you tonight."
With a whine Scootaloo said, "But I don't want some big dumb old geezer babysitting me! I want someone cool, like you Rainbow Dash!"
"He is not dumb! Old yes, but that crafty geezer knows his stuff! He's super cool, give him a chance!"
Sweetie Belle shook her head and said, "But what if he's boring! He's not gonna play with us!"
Rarity put a hoof to her lips and said, "Don't judge a book by its cover. He's plenty fun! He can turn a rock into fun if he wanted to."
Apple Bloom stomped her hooves with a little huff. "But what about the apples! Who's going to take care of them?"
With a light laugh Applejack said, "Nice try, but we're only going to be gone for the night. And besides, if he needed to help out around the orchard he would! He's a swell thing."
All three young fillies chimed, "But he's Discord, the god of chaos!"
Their older sisters counter chimed, "And Equestria's number one babysitter."
The fillies pouted in defeat. A knock came to the door, and Applejack excitedly trotted over. "Ohhh, there he is!" She opened the door to find another her waiting at the door. "What in tarnation? This can't be right!"
"Yeah, that can't possibly be the real Applejack!" She blinked and looked up to see Discord looming over her. He brought his face in close next to her and said, "Who does she think she is?" Applejack looks back at the double, only to find some form of cannon in her place. The cannon fired and a pie went splat in her face. "Oh wait, that's not Applejack, that's an apple pie, being shot from my cannon."
Rarity and Rainbow Dash squealed and rushed over to hug Discord, who turned around with a big grin. Applejack slurped up most of the pie and said, "My favorite! Discord you are such a hoot! Great to see you again! Why don't you ever visit?"
Rainbow Dash nodded with a pout and said, "Yeah! I have so many cool new tricks since we last saw each other!"
Rarity joined saying, "You could at least stop by for a cup of tea to chat and catch up."
Discord chuckled at the attention he was getting. "I'm sorry girls, but I go where I'm needed. Tonight that just happens to be right here. If you really wanted to spend some time together, just ask Pinkie Pie. I'm sure she can help get us some time together. After all she is my girlfriend." He noticed the girls and leaned down to look at them as they quivered worriedly. "So these are your little sisters I've heard so much about? They don't look like too much trouble."
Applejack rolled her eyes and said, "You've never babysat these three at once!"
Rarity nodded vigorously and said, "They are destructive as can be! Don't let your guard down!"
Discord laughed and said, "Who do you think you're talking to here? I'm the lord of chaos! I live for stuff like that on the job. I think I'll be able to handle myself."
Rainbow Dash gave a shrug. "If you say so dude. Now make sure Scootaloo takes a bath!" Scootaloo cringed and stuck out her tongue when she heard this.
Rarity added, "Make sure you play with them and keep them entertained." Sweetie Belle groaned and plopped on the floor with her flank in the air, scooting away across the floor already bored.
Applejack nodded in agreement with the others. "Make sure they have a good dinner. And most importantly, take good care of them sugar cube." Apple Bloom found some furniture to lean against and pouted some more.
Discord donned a scout master hat and saluted them. "Scouts honor! You have nothing to fear with me on the job girls." The three mares smiled and trotted out the front door. "You have fun at the ceremony! Take care, sayonara, hasta la vista, bonne anniversaire, tate kudasai, blah blah blah!" He slammed the door shut and turns around, facing the girls with a maniacal laugh as lightning struck outside. The girls clung to each other quivering like before. "So girls, would you like to play… a GAME?!" He took out a boxed game as lightning struck outside again and thunder roared.
The three girls screamed in unison, and slowly stopped as they stared at the harmless game. Scootaloo smiled and said, "Is that Battleship Cloudsdale edition? I love that one!"
Apple Bloom bopped her on the noggin and said, "Hold it right there Discord! None of us are okay with having a babysitter, especially not you!" Scootaloo blushed at her moment of weakness, and she and Sweetie Belle stood their ground nodding in agreement.
Discord raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Aww, you three are just grumpy because you need to be fed. I mean just listen to those stomachs."
Apple Bloom blinked and stood on her back hooves rubbing her tummy. "But it's not making any noise." Discord snapped his fingers, and a mouth appeared on her stomach saying, "Feed me some apples!" Apple Bloom screamed and rolled around on the floor as if trying to get rid of it the same way you put out a fire.
Sweetie Belle gulps and stood, looking at her stomach. With a snap of Discord's fingers, her stomach grew a mouth as well to say, "Apples sound delightful right about now!" She flailed her hooves in the air and joined Apple Blooms rolling, unsure what to do.
Scootaloo smileed and said, "Awesome! I wonder what my stomach has to say!" Discord grinned and snapped his fingers again, and when Scootaloo stood she blinked seeing sunglasses above her stomach. Her stomach grew a mouth and simply said, "Swag!" She smiled and said, "Swag."
Discord scooped up the girls and said, "Sounds like you three want apples and swag. We're fresh out of swag, but let's go cook you up some apples shall we?" He sat them all in chairs and dawned an apron that said 'Kiss the Draconequus' and a chef's hat. "Why don't we make a salad with some freshly sliced apples, and a pie for dessert?"
Apple Bloom's stomach actually grumbled this time as she said, "Well, that does sound delicious."
With a chuckle Discord said, "I assume it would, if you love apples as much as the rest of your family."
Apple Bloom scowled and said, "And just what do you know about my family?"
While juggling a few apples he responded, "Oh don't get all defensive. I only know because of when I babysat your big sister in the past, and even your grandmother when she was younger."
Sweetie Belle blinked and said, "Wow, you really are a geezer huh? You babysat Apple Bloom's family?"
Discord nodded and said, "Of course! I've even babysat your older sister, Sweetie Belle. Not to mention Rainbow Dash." He shot a smirk to the now gasping and excited Scootaloo. "From Twilight Sparkle to the princess. I've been doing this for a long time you know."
The girls went wide eyed and stare at each other. Sweetie Belle was the first able to speak and said, "You babysat the princess herself?"
He rubbed his chin and said, "Well we were kids back then, but it is a crazy story. I got a story for almost every pony in Equestria! Would you like to hear one?" He tossed the apples over his shoulder into a bowl, and they shattered into apple slices. The girls beamed and nodded enthusiastically. "Okay, which one?"
"Rainbow Dash!"
"Rarity!"
"Applejack!"
Discord stroked his goatee and said, "Well, this is Apple Bloom's home, so I think she deserves first pick." Apple Bloom stuck out her tongue at the others who pouted. "Now let's see. It all started back when you were being born actually….."
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Applejack rushes after her granny and brother whimpering. "Why do you get to go see ma and pa, and I have to stay home! Taint fair!"
Granny Smith turns back to her granddaughter and says, "Now deary, your parents are having a new born filly that's going to be your little sister. I need your big brother to come with me because I'm old and need a strapping young man to escort me. You need to stay home and take care of the farm. Don't worry, you won't be alone. I hired the best babysitter in the business to look after you. In fact, I believe that's him coming up the road now."
They look down the road and see Discord floating their way, a scarf around his neck and goggles on. He looked as if he was riding an invisible bike as he sang, "Daisy, daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy, all for the love of you. Wait a moment, half crazy? That's just silly. Being completely crazy is much more fun." He laughs and puts on the brakes, stepping off his non-existing bike and removing his goggles. "Hello granny smith! Looking as young as you did last week... did you do something with your mane?"
Granny Smith laughs her teeth out, Big Mac helping her get them back in. "Don't you sass me Discord, I'm too old for your sense of humor"
Discord waves a hand at her and says, "Nonsense, you look spry as someone in their three hundreds." She laughs and wheezes, and he pats her back. "I'm sorry Granny Smith, you're just too easy! You always have been with a name like that."
Granny Smith nods and says, "I suppose your right, but you're not here to crack wise about me. You're here to take care of my granddaughter. Say hello to Mr. Discord sweetie."
Applejack tilts her head and says, "You're a funny looking varmint."
Granny Smith goes wide eyed and says, "Applejack!"
"Well he is!" Applejack whines and shrinks to the floor a little.
Discord chuckles and says, "Don't worry granny, no use scolding a pony for being honest? But Applejack, I am not silly looking." He puts on a fish costume and a rainbow afro. "Now I'm funny looking!"
Applejack blinks and begins to laugh. Granny Smith smiles and says, "Take good care of her sweetie! Let's get going Mac."
Macintosh nods and says, "Sure thing granny. You take care till we get back little sister."
Applejack frowns and waves weakly as they walk off. She looks up to Discord and says, "I need to go buck some apples now if you don't mind mister."
As she trots off hanging her head, he rubs his chin and says, "Now what's got her so down? This little filly needs to lighten up. I'm just the draconesquus for the job!" He chuckles and floats after her, watching as she bucks at a tree. She growls as no apples fall, and backs up getting a running kick at it. One apple falls atop her head and makes her wobble around dizzily. "Just what are you trying to accomplish?"
She shakes her head and blushes. "I'm trying to buck us some apples for dinner! I'm too small and weak I guess."
Discord grins and says, "Nonsense! You just have to buck in the right spot!"
Applejack blinks and says, "Really?"
Discord nods and rubs his hand over the tree, putting an ear up against it. He knocks on it a few times, and then draws an X on the tree with his claw. "Right there, just give it a good buck and you'll be surprised." Applejack jumps excitedly and wiggles her flank in the air before sprinting at the tree and giving it a good buck. The trees roots rip from the dirt, and it goes flying into the sky. Her jaw drops and her eyes go wide, going pale as she watches it disappear from sight. Discord shields his eyes from the sun and says, "Wow, you got some distance on that one."
Applejack panics and says, "What am I going to do! I just sent one of the farms trees flying into the great blue yonder! How am I going to explain this missing tree to Granny?"
"Why don't we just replace it with an exact replica?" She looks at him confused. "In fact, what's that behind your ear?" He reaches behind her ear and pulls out a bit coin. "Hmm, that's not right." He tosses the quarter and pulls a bunny from behind her ear. "No." He tosses the screaming bunny and pulls out an apple. "Aha! Here we are!"
Applejack shakes her heads and tries cleaning out her ear. "But mister Discord, that's just one apple! How's that gonna help?"
"Oh ye of little faith watch and learn." He taps the apple on his knee, and it makes a cracking noise. He peels it open like an egg shell, and the lost tree bursts from it and into its original patch of dirt. "And voila, one new tree ala mode!" He reaches up and grabs an apple, rubbing it on his chest and holding it out to the goofy eyed filly. "Apple?"
She shakes her head and says in a soft tone, "Don't wanna… spoil dinner." Discord shrugs and takes a bite, tossing it behind him and kicking it off. As the rabbit from before manages to get to its feet and brush itself off, it gets hit by the apple with a squeak. "You sure are magical mister Discord."
He shrugs and says, "Maybe a little. I'm nothing special." He pulls out a metal plate, and gives the tree a kick with the back of his foot, catching a pyramid of apples. "This should do fine for dinner, right?"
Applejack nods and says, "That's plenty! Come on inside and we can cook up something good." She hurries into the house, holding open the door for him as he struts in dressed as a butler and sets them down on the table.
He picks her up and sits her in a chair, handing her a menu. "And how would you like your apples prepared this evening madam?"
A bib appears around her neck and she looks over the menu. All it says is apples, every page just the word repeated over and over. "Uh... I'd like it prepared… apples?"
"A very fine choice madam," he says with a bow. He then takes out a metal lid and puts it over the pyramid of apples. He lifts it to reveal a large pear with a mouth, which says, "Lol wut?" He slams the lid back over it and says, "Now that's not an apple, that's a pear." He lifts it again to reveal a pile of apple confections, including apple fritters, apple cupcakes, apple tarts, an apple pie, and a big cup of apple juice. "Now what's that term you country ponies use? Yeehaw! Soups on!"
He chuckles, watching her mouth water to the point of over flowing. He pushes the plate closer so she can dig in excitedly. "This is delicious! I don't know how you done it, but I don't care!" She slurps up her own face, and sighs contently. "I don't think there's any room left in my gut."
"Let's take a look under the hood then shall we?" He grabs her stomach and opens it like a door, revealing a small and lanky pony with a shriveled up mane cuddling a gold ring. He cackles and says, "My precious, my precious!" He shuts her stomach and says, "Yes it seems pretty occupied in there."
She stares at him a little horrified and says, "I know I haven't asked till now, but how do you keep doing that? It's messing with my brain."
Discord laughs and says, "Then I'm doing my job right! I'm the master of chaos, and that's always a good thing. Especially when it comes to young fillies, although they are usually more rambunctious than you've been."
Applejack sighs and says, "I'm just feeling a little down about not getting to see my parents after so long sir. They're always so busy. I'm just not feeling rambunctious."
"Then let's make you rambunctious!" He claps his hands, and a spring erupts from beneath her sending her into the air. He catches her on his back, and neighs like a horse, flying off into her house. "Hold on tight!"
A saddle appears beneath her, and a cowboy hat on her head. She squeals with delight, holding on as he flies around her house, bucking about and knocking things over. She hoots and hollers excitedly, holding on with one hoof while waving her new hat around with the other. He comes to a stop in the middle of her living room, letting her roll off laughing as he joined her laughter, lying next to her. "That was a hoot mister Discord! You are gonna clean up this mess right?"
"Maybe when you're older," he replies as if not listening to her.
She blinks confused, and just shrugs it off and gets comfy on the floor. "Mister Discord, can I tell you something?"
She looks over to see a giant ear with his horns where he'd been laying. "I'm listening…"
She blinks and says, "I'm not really down because I don't get to see my parents. I love them and understand why I can't live with them and stuff. What really worries me is this new filly coming into our lives. I'm scared that she's going to get more attention than me! What if everyone forgets about me Discord?"
Discord sighs and stands up, walking over to a nearby window where the sun was visible setting. "Applejack, there's an old saying I live by. If you can't beat em, eat em." He grabs the sun right from the sky as if it had been within grasp all along and takes a bite from it, turning it into a crescent moon. "Mmm, vanilla flavored." He sets it back in the sky, and it abruptly becomes night. He looks back at her and says, "If you can't eat em, join them!"
Applejack sits up and says, "What are you talking about?"
Discord kneels in front of her and says, "Sweetie, you were a baby pony too once, and you needed lots of love care and attention! Now this new baby pony needs it, and you should be there to help take care of her. Help her grow up right, and protect her like a big sister should. Doesn't that sound like the right thing to do?"
Applejack tears up and wipes her eyes smiling with a nod. "You know what, you're right Discord. Here I am being all selfish, when I should be thinking about the little sister I'm going to have soon! I know what I gotta do now, and I owe that to you Discord!" She hugs him, and he chuckles patting her back. She blushes and says, "Can I keep the hat? I've taken a fancy to it."
He laughs and scoops her up, tickling her with his beard and making her laugh and wiggle. "Such a silly filly, of course you can keep the hat! It rather suits you if I say so myself."
Applejack shoos away his beard, and sighs with relief as the tickling stop. She stares outside and says, "Are the princess' going to get mad that you changed the time of day like that?"
Discord snorts and says, "Oh you have no idea. How about we play a game and ignore it for now?"
Applejack gulps and says, "Good idea."
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Discord sets a pie on the center of the table, and gives each girl a bowl of the salad he had made. "After that we played a few games. I babysat her for a few days before Granny and Big Mac came home with a baby you Apple Bloom."
Apple Bloom sniffles and says, "Applejack is always there for me when I need her! Thank you for what you told her Discord."
Discord waves a hand at her and says, "Peeshaw, I only told her the truth. Maybe I just have a heart of gold and I don't even realize it." He reaches into his chest and pulls out what looks like a gold heart. He gives it a knock and says, "Nah, just pyrite." He chuckles and puts it back in his chest.
Sweetie Belle gulps down some of the salad and says, "How did the princess' react when you took a bite of the sun anyways."
Discord rubs the back of his head and says, "Funny you should ask…"
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Celestia sighs peacefully as she gazes out to the setting sun. "Another day nears its end. I do so enjoy the beauty of a sunset though." The sun disappears and she stares for a moment. "W-Where did the sun go?" The moon appears in its place and it suddenly becomes dark outside. Her jaw drops and she cries, "Luna! Luna what did you do?!"
Luna walks into the throne room with a groggy look yawning. "What are you talking abo-" She blinks and notices how dark it is. "Did you raise the moon without my permission? Tia, how could you! That's my job!" She begins to whine and sob, stomping her hooves.
Celestia gulps and begins to sweat. "N-No! I didn't! I…" Celestia growls and shouts to the heavens, "Discord! How many times do I have to tell you? The sun is not a cookie!"
End Part 1
Discord Babysitting
Rainbow Dash
Scootaloo munches away on her slice of apple pie like a wild pig, sighing contently when there was nothing left on her plate. She rubs her stomach and says, "Mister Discord, I have to admit, you're an amazing cook. That apple pie was delicious!"
Discord smirks and says, "Then can we assume you're delicious? Considering now you're covered in it." Scootaloo blushes and looks over herself, covered in patches of pie filling. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle giggle, having eaten their pie without making a mess. "Alright, I think it's time you three took a bath."
Scootaloo cringes and says, "You'll never take me alive! Fly away!" She leaps off the chair flapping her wings, and falls flat on her face.
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom walk over, and Sweetie says, "What was that supposed to accomplish?"
Scootaloo looks up rubbing her nose and says, "I thought if I really wanted to avoid him, I could fly."
Apple Bloom giggles and says, "Scootaloo, you're silly. Chickens can't fly."
"I'm gonna hurt you," Scootaloo quickly responds.
Discord snaps his fingers and Apple Bloom becomes a yellow chicken. She squawks and flails her wings. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle cheer, "Chicken!" and cling to the unfortunate pony. They pet her and chant "Pet the chicken" while Apple Bloom begins to look irritated and pecks at them.
Discord chuckles and says, "It's not nice to call others names Apple Bloom. Let that be a lesson to you." He snaps his finger and she changes back.
Apple Blooms blinks and looks down, seeing she was sitting on an egg. "What in tarnation? Where did this come from?"
Sweetie Belle gasps and says, "Oh my gosh! Apple Bloom you're a mom!"
Scootaloo sticks out her tongue and says, "Bet it hatches into a pegasus." The three of them laugh, and the egg cracks. "Apple Bloom, get your big butt off it, it's cracking!"
Apple Bloom squeaks and leaps off it and they all gather around it. "This is so weird. I wonder what it will hatch into…" The egg explodes with spring loaded fake snakes and confetti, and they all stand there staring confused and shocked where an egg once was.
Discord laughs and says, "That was priceless! You should see the looks on your faces! Hoo hoo hoo!" He wipes away a tear with a sigh. Then he scoops up the three girls and says, "Alright, bath time!" Scootaloo yelps and squirms to get free. He scowls and says, "Oh would you stop your fussing? You're starting to remind me of someone."
He carries them to the bathroom and sets them down on the edge of the tub, turning on the water flow and adding some bubble bath. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle giggle and jump in the tub, but Scootaloo just glares at it. "I'm not getting in that tub! It's cool to be dirty!"
Discord shrugs and says, "But it's fun to be clean! Like when you're so squeaky clean, you actually squeak like rubbing two pickles together." He takes out a pair of pickles and rubs them together, lighting them on fire. "Hmm, maybe it was pickle slices." He blows them out and takes a bite off their tops. He munches and gulps and says, "Well here's the problem. These are bananas. See?" He aims the bitten off tips at Scootaloo, and squeezes, making them fire a pair of bananas at her which splat against her sending her back into the tub.
Scootaloo splashes to the surface of the rising bubbly water and says, "Treachery!"
Discord tosses the peels and says, "You hate baths almost as much as a certain Rainbow mane filly used to when she was your age." Scootaloo's eyes grow to the size of dinner plates and she grins wide. "Yeah that's right, I'm talking about Rainbow Dash. Want to hear the story?" The little fan pony gasps and begins to jump up and down excitedly, clenching her eyes shut as she chanted the word 'yes' repeatedly. He grabs her sides and lifts her up, setting her on his back as she continued excitedly bouncing around. He sighs and says, "A little to the left. Right there, that's the spot." The other girls giggle at this before he sets her back down in the tub. "Now let's see… it all began one late afternoon as Rainbow Dash was playing on a cloud filled with rather dirty rain…"
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The rainbow maned filly flies holes through a rain cloud, cheering to herself as she lands and shakes off, covered in dirt. "I love it when water brings dirt with its evaporation. It's like playing in the mud. What are you just standing around for Surprise? Come join me!"
The white pegasus with a blonde mane shakes her head and says, "No thanks Rainbow Dash. As much as I love playing in mud clouds, I need to stay clean for dinner."
"I do too but you don't see that stopping me." Rainbow blinks as Ditsy Doo hums by, flapping backwards as she drags her head along the cloud. "See, Derpy's got the right idea. Live a little!" Her name can be heard getting called out and she groaned. "Sorry girls, sounds like suppers done. I gotta go home and eat,"
Her friends nod and Surprise tells her, "We'll see you tomorrow." Ditsy waves, spastically, as the two of them fly off.
As she hurries home, Rainbow Dash is greeted by her babysitter in the doorway. Discord picks her up and hugs her tight. "Oh Rainbow Dash, I was so worried you would never come home… clean… and I was right." He makes a face as he holds her away, sticking out his tongue as some of the muddy water on her got on him. "How you manage to get dirty in clouds always impresses me, especially since they are not made of cotton candy." He takes out a pink cloud and takes a bite. "Delicious!" He tips it a bit pouring chocolate milk in his mouth, sighing as he drops it with a splat. "That hit the spot. Thanks for letting me borrow your hair Pinkie Pie."
A small pink filly below and to his side laps at the chocolate milk dripping from her hair onto her face and says, "Oki-doki-loki! I'm gonna go get more chocolate milk for my hair. Bye!" She runs off with a giggle.
"That girl has a lot of potential for chaos one day. And you my dear Rainbow have the potential to get clean before dinner. Now let's get you a bath." He looks only to see he was holding a pie where Rainbow Dash was a moment before. "You're not Rainbow Dash… why is this thing ticking?" The pie explodes and he finds himself covered in a rainbow of colors, dripping from him as he and the area around him was covered in the colorful ooze. "You know, that kid has some potential too." He slurps up all the rainbow ooze on his face and smacks his lips. "Spicy. Alright Dashie, if it's a chase you want I'm game."
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash had rushed off into Cloudsdale, trying desperately to find a place to hide. She blinks and smacks her head, pulling up some cloud and hopping inside of it. Her mane and her tail sticks out, and she giggles mischievously. "He'll never suspect that I'm a cloud." She begins to float along, and gasps when she comes face to face with Discord.
He glared at her and asks, "Have you seen a rainbow maned filly around here? Cyan fur, covered in mud?"
"Nope.... I'm a cloud. Beep beep." She floats past him carefully before dashing off.
"Well, sorry for wasting your… wait a minute, clouds don't go beep." He growls and goes after the cloud, having already lost it as he reaches the rainbow fountain in the center of town. He looks around, trying to find it, but then notices one of the statues of the fountain seemed a little off. He looks at it carefully, realizing it was Rainbow Dash spraying rainbow from her mouth. He crosses his arms with a smirk, and her spitting slowly comes to a stop when she realizes he wasn't buying it. She begins to sweat, and then spits what she's got left in her mouth in his face before rushing off again. He wipes it off and shouts "Get back here and take a bath!"
"You'll never take me alive!" She notices him flying after her fast, and looks for a means to get away, spotting a curved wall and flying for it. Once she reaches it, she lands on the wall and runs up it, curving over head and dropping just in time to land on a rather shocked Discord's head. She furthered his confusion by doing a quick little tap dance, humming to herself. Then she abruptly leapt off his head at high speed, sending it flying forward and slamming into the wall.
As his face dented a hole in the wall, Discord stood there for a moment. "Normally I'd be mad, but I am rather proud of her." He plucks his face from the wall and gives chase again. She looks back and blows him a raspberry, laughing and blissfully unaware of what she was flying towards. Discord goes wide eyed as she makes her way towards the end of the town straight into a giant storm cloud that filled all he could see. "That wasn't on today's forecast. Rainbow Dash, stop, please!"
"You're not the boss of- Huh? What is this?" She looks around confused, and shrieks as she gets swept up in the winds being created around the thundering wall of black. She flaps her wings but can't regain control, beginning to panic as lightning struck wildly and violently around her. She gets pushed around like a paper bag, rain splashing against her and not giving her a moment to even think straight. She begins to cry, and in her terror she shouts, "Mommy! Save me mommy! I'm scared!" She could barely hear herself over the roar of the storm, and sobbed as she flailed in her dismay. Then she was finally able to make something out, a figure coming right towards her. "Mommy?"
As the figure gets closer she can see it's Discord, holding an inside out umbrella with one hand which seems to be gliding him through the storm. He snatches her up in his free hand and says, "Rainbow Dash, hold on tight and don't let go!"
She clings to him as tight as she can and buries her face in him, not wanting to see the storm anymore. "I'm sorry mister Discord! I'm so scared! Please save me!"
"Already on it," he replies as he shoots straight upward, several clouds clearing a path for him as he goes up and over the storm cloud itself. The air chilled and the darkness cleared, everything went silent. "You can open your eyes now, you know."
She slowly does, weary of what she might see. She gasps to see a flat layer of clouds as far as the eye can see, and the sun setting slowly behind them. "It's… beautiful…"
Discord nods in agreement with a smile. "As much as I love chaos like that storm, it can hurt ponies sometimes and break my concentration. It's good to have a little peace to balance things out. That way I can focus my magic a little easier, like this." He closes his eyes, and with a magical poof they were back home.
Before she can marvel at his trick, Rainbow Dash notices they're in the bathroom. She also notices the tub is full of water, and pouts grumbling. "This is a trap."
Rolling his eyes, Discord walks over to the tub and says, "Rainbow Dash, it's not like there's anything in the tub that can hurt you." A set of tentacles rise from the water and a voice echoes, "Cthulhu fhtagn!" He growls and says, "Not now!" and the tentacles recede into the water. "Now just get in the tub." He tries to drop her in, but she clings to his hand. He raises an eyebrow, and shakes his hand. When he finishes she's clinging to the top of his arm, and he shakes it again. This time she clings to the bottom when he stops, and he growls shaking it once more. He smirks as she sits in his hand, wearing fancy clothes like a tuxedo, top hat, and a monocle. He turns his hand upside down and she drops into the tub with a yelp. "See? The water isn't so bad now is it?"
She grumbles and splashes him, giggling. "You tell me!" His brow furrows, and a smirk grows across his lips as he kneels down and gives her a playful splash. She squeals and returns fire, both of them laughing as they splashed each other.
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"After that Rainbow Dash never avoided one more bath, ever again." The three fillies clap their hooves together and he takes a bow. "Oh, you flatter me with your praise, but do go on."
Scootaloo is the first to speak up as she says, "That was an amazing story! Rainbow Dash gave even you a hard time, and then you swooped in and saved the day! I can't believe she wasn't able to handle that storm though."
"She was still a little girl, just like you Scootaloo. Rainbow Dash isn't always brave you know. There are some things even she can't handle and she knows it. Knowing our limits is an important thing." He notices Apple Bloom raising her hoof, and throws on a set of glasses pulling up a podium. He points to her and says, "A question from the audience?"
Apple Bloom nods and responds, "What's the deal with that explosive pie you mentioned? How'd she get that into your mitts?
Discord removes his glasses leaning on the podium and says, "Actually that's an old prank we put together that she caught me by surprise with. She is very fast you know. Of course, I am too since I can just do this." He pulls a pie out from behind the podium, which begins to tick. "Tada!"
The girls stare at it, and Sweetie Belle is the one to speak up and ask, "Is that thing activated? It's ticking."
Discord blinks and puts his ear to it for a moment. "Oh snap crackle pop, you're right! We've got to get rid of this, and I know just how to!" He takes a deep breath, and the upper half of his body presses into the water, the girls just staring for a moment before he comes back up without the pie. "That takes care of that!"
As he wipes off his hands, the girls look at each other worriedly. They all ask carefully, "What did you do with the pie?"
He looks at them as they ask this and chuckles. "Don't worry, I put it to good use…"
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Celestia hums as she uses her magic to lift a brush and scrub herself. "It's nice to have some time to relax. I'm sure Luna is handling everything just fine at the ceremony." She yelps as Discord pops up in her tub. "What are 'you' doing here? Can't I have any privacy from you?"
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" He throws the pie straight into her face, and rushes back beneath the surface.
She growls and uses her magic to lift it from her face. "Discord! How dare you pie me in the… wait, what's this thing filled with? Rainbow? And why is it tick-" At that moment the pie exploded, covering Celestia as well as her entire bathroom in Rainbow. She blinks and goes slack jawed, staring at the mess her lavatory was now in. She growls and splashes the now rainbow water of her tub. "I hate him so much! I hate him so- Oh sweet mercy it burns my eyes! I forgot how spicy this stuff was!"
End Part 2
Author’s Note: IWS stands for improved writing style, as this series will be written in a past tense with improved paragraphing from now on.
Discord Babysitting
Rarity
“Okay girls, let’s play a game!” Discord picked up a wad of bubbles and shaped it in his hands. “Let’s all try shaping the bubbles into something artistic.” The three fillies in the tub started shaping their own bubble wads into different shapes. “Okay, let’s see what you got.”
“I made a beard!” Apple Bloom shouted excitedly before she dawned her bubble beard.
“I made a top hat!” Sweetie Belle placed her hat upon her head gently and tipped it a little. “You jelly?... Yeah, you so jelly.”
Scootaloo rolled her eyes at her friends, and took out her own creation. “I made CLoudsdale!” Her friends marveled at her creation, as the bubbles simulated clouds for a rather authentic replica of the city.
“I made a rock,” Discord said plainly, holding up the same wad of bubbles he started with. All the girls laughed at him, and he joined their uproar. “Now now, don’t make fun. This bubble rock can be easily shaped into any of your creations. At the same time it can be any number of things if you use your-“ He paused as he put his bubbly hands together, and pulled the bubbles apart, a rainbow forming between them as his hands arched away from each other. “Imaginaaatiooon.”
The girls yelped as he snatched them out of the tub, and wrapped them up in towels, using a blow dryer to dry them faster. After they all got dry, and adorably fluffy, Sweetie belle floated a few brushes over and started brushing herself and her friends. When she did this she looked up at Discord and said, “Gee mister Discord, can’t you use your imagination to make anything true for the sake of having fun?”
“Yes you can, it’s a shame your sister wasn’t aware of that until I taught her.” He opened the door for the girls, and all three made their way out of the bathroom. “You see, even as a little filly, Rarity was still a high class drama queen. It was rather amusing to mess with her at times.”
The girls jumped onto the living room couch together, and Discord pulled up Granny Smith’s rocking chair. He dressed up in one of her bonnets and scarves, and squinted his eyes while smacking his lips repeatedly. He rocked back and forth and said in as old a tone he could, “Back in my day we didn’t have all the toys that you fillies do nowadays. All we had to do for fun was push a hoop with a skip down a dirt road… fifteen miles in the snow! Also it was down hill, really hard to keep up. We called it extreme hooping.”
The girls laughed, and Apple bloom asked, “Are you making that up Discord? It sounds crazier than a yeti in a tutu.”
“Well maybe it was only one time,” he admitted going back to his regular voice. “It did lead to the invention of the hula hoop though. It’s a very long story and to sum it up quickly, ‘Don’t mess with honey badger, because honey badger don’t care’.”
Sweetie Belle sat up and said, “As interesting as that sounds, you mentioned having to teach my sister about-“ She imitated him as best she could from earlier with her hooves and said, “Imaginaaatiooon. Can you tell us the story? Pretty please with sugar on top?”
“If you insist.” He took out a bag of sugar and opened it, pouring it on top of her.
She looked annoyed and said, “I really should have seen that coming.”
“Yes you should’ve.” After a quick chuckle Discord said, “It was a time when Rarity’s whining was rather insufferable. It always is, but this day it was particularly bad. You see before your sister’s business, your family was rather poor, which drove the poor thing insane! Heh, she was poor in more ways than one. That’s funny, I’m funny.”
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Whines and cries came from Rarity’s home, sending anyone within a one mile radius running and screaming like it was the apocalypse. The young diva filly buried her face in a pillow, sobbing still loud enough to be heard. Her parents worriedly listened from nearby, while watching a special on the TV in her room. Rarity took a deep breath and said, “I can never show my face at school ever again! The shame, oh the shame of it all! I’m so embarrassed! I never want to leave my room ever again!”
The special on the TV started, “We now return to the special documentary, diary of a boy who’s locked himself in his room for five years. Because of the events of that day, Hubba Bubba has refused to leave his room. His parents are in anguish. What can be done to open the poor boys heart?”
Her mother tilted her head with a rather perplexed look and said, “You think this is what’s going on dear?” Her father nodded, and the two of them walked out the door. “All right, let’s do it then.” Rarity sniffled, wiping her eyes and looked at the door to her room confused as it was shut. Then her parents banged on the door. “Please come out of your room!”
“If you’re having a problem you can talk to us.”
“Honey, you have to say that part with a little more emotion.”
“Stop copying the TV!” Rarity shouted angrily.
Her parents walked back in sulking, and her father said, “We’re sorry Rarity, we were just trying to make you feel like a regular filly.”
Rarity whined in a ear splitting tone only her parents could resist, “But I’m not a regular filly! I’m a high class filly stuck living the life of a peasant! Waaah!”
“But Rarity,” her mother pleaded. “We’ve done everything we could to make you feel rich with what little we have.”
Her father nodded and added, “Like this TV! Only one in the house,” he proudly stated, giving it a tap only to have it go blurry. “Oops. I-I can fix it!”
“There’s no need!” Rarity sat up in her bed with a sigh. “Mother, father, I understand our situation here. It just makes me even sadder. My babysitter will be along shortly, yes? I’ll be fine. You go enjoy your evening and I’ll… sleep.”
“Okay, but you take care dear. And try to relax, please. The neighborhood can’t take many more popped ear drums before they form a mob.” Her parents sulked out of the room.
Rarity shut the door with her magic, and screamed when she saw Discord quietly hanging from a coat hook on the door sipping tea. “You’re making my eardrums bleed why now?”
With a scowl she said, “If you must know, it was show and tell today, and everyone brought amazing toys to show off. I on the other hand had nothing! I’m so embarrassed I could die!”
“I prepared for just such an occasion.” He pulled a tombstone from behind his back that read ‘Rarity – Died of Embarrassment’. He tossed it out the window and sat on the edge of her bed. “Rarity, anything can be your toy if you use your-“ He brought his hands together arching them away from each other, and a rainbow formed between them. “Imaginaaatiooon.”
“And just how is my-“ Rarity brought her hooves together and swiftly moved them apart before she said in a mocking tone, “Imaginaaatiooon, supposed to make anything a toy?”
Discord thought that over and stroked his beard before he grabbed the filly under his arm and carried her out the room and down the stairs. “Rather than try to explain the unexplainable, despite how fun it sounds to hurt your brain, I’ll show you!” When he got downstairs, Rarity was shocked to see a giant diamond shaped rock in her living room. He set her down and said, “Here you go Rarity, your new toy!”
Rarity huffed and said, “A rock?! You got me a rock?!”
“He’s no rock, he’s a diamond! And his name is Tom. I borrowed him from a friend.”
“His name is rock because that’s what he is! A big stupid rock!”
Discord gasped and hugged the rock. “Don’t listen to her Tom, you’re beautiful and smart! She just doesn’t know!”
“Oh great, now he’s comforting it.”
“Apologize to Tom.”
Rarity’s eyes went wide as she exclaimed, “What?! But I didn’t do anything!”
Waggling a finger at her Discord said, “Oh but you did, you hurt Tom’s feelings. Now apologize to him immediately.” Rarity planted her flank on the floor and crossed her arms. “Apologize, or no fancy tea time.”
“But I love fancy tea time!” Discord responded by pointing to Tom, which made Rarity grumble and walk up to the rock. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings ‘Tom’. There, I apologized. Maybe you’d like me to invite him to my tea party too?”
“I’d love some tea.”
Rarity blinked as she heard an unfamiliar voice as she looked around worriedly. “Who said that? Was it you Discord?”
“Nah, it was me, Tom!”
Rarity screamed and ran behind Discord. “It’s alive and it can talk?!” She looked up at Discord who just shrugged and smirked. Rarity crawled back over and said, “Would you… like to join us for our fancy tea time?”
Tom the rock responded, “I’d love some fancy tea. I love all tea! I’m also fond of owls, because everyone is fond of owls… except mice and shrews… and Simon Cowell. Let’s have tea!”
This made Rarity smile before she rushed off to fetch her tea set, using her magic to hold up a tea cup for Tom. “This is just simply marvelous! Discord and I have always had to have tea alone. Now if only we had someone for the fourth tea cup.”
“Got you covered.” Discord took out a pikachu and handed him the last tea set. “That’s right Nintendo, come and get me.”
As the tea party went on Rarity made conversation with the group. After a few minutes she asked, “Discord, how do you like your tea?”
“Warm and in a cup.”
“No no no! I mean how does the tea taste?”
Discord looked at the empty cup of imaginary tea for a moment and said, “It tastes just like oxygen.”
Rarity perked up and said, “My, that does sound rather fancy! What about you Pikachu?”
“…Pikachu?”
“That’s fascinating… and what about you Tom?”
“It tastes like fresh cut spring flowers spewed across a babbling brook with a hint of lemon.”
“That sounds more like a perfume. Are you drinking perfume darling?” She floated his cup over and peeked in.
Tom said, “Even if it is I’m a rock. I don’t mind, it tastes awesome.”
Floating his cup back over, Rarity said, “Now that is simply not true Tom. Look at yourself-“
“I don’t have eyes.”
“No matter! If you could then you’d see what I see. A big, beautiful diamond.” She set aside the tea cups and hugged the rock. “I love you Tom.” Her moment was interrupted by clapping from Discord. She blushed and said, “What? Why are you clapping your hands like that?”
Discord smirked and said, “Because you did it! You used your imagination to talk to Tom, create a fourth guest, and have a tea party with us all! Everything that just happened was in your head.” She took a closer look at the scene to see Pikachu was gone and the tea was non-existent. “You just needed someone to show you how creative you can be. Now how about we do something fun with that creativity?”
“Like burn things?!” she exclaimed excitedly.
“No, that’s just destructive. And what have I told you about bringing that up since the refrigerator incident?”
“Never again…” She pouted and stomped her hoof.
Discord set a piece of paper down on the coffee table in the living room where they had their tea party. “I want you to draw something. Get creative, make it fancy, and just use your imaginaaa-“ He paused as when he arched his hands apart this time a storm cloud formed erupting with rain and lightning. He quickly slapped his hands together and said, “Sorry, had it set to brain storm that time. You get the idea, imagination, go!”
After he handed her a box of crayons, she used her magic to draw with them. She slowly used more and more at the same time, rapidly making a work of art come to life. The crayons floated back into the box and she said, “I’ve finished! I drew a goofy eight legged dragon covered in gems. I call her Crackle. I also drew a pretty princess, ready to battle Crackle the dragon! And in the corner that’s you in a tuxedo, because you’re fancy and stuff.”
Discord looked over the picture with a chuckle. “Not bad.” He snapped his fingers and a tuxedo appeared on him. “I like my chocolate milk shaken, not stirred. By the way Rarity, that princess is wearing a rather lovely dress.”
“Well, just because it’s a simple drawing doesn’t mean I won’t put some effort into it.” She raised her nose in the air confidently.
“No, really, it’s a very nice dress! You drew this with crayons? It looks good enough to be a fashion design!” He picked up the drawing and stared at it for a moment longer. “I knew you were creative, but this is amazing! You could be a fashion prodigy!”
Rarity thought he was joking at first, but as he went on she blushed and said, “You truly think it’s that good? Because I have a few other drawings of clothes I could show you.”
Discord smiled and said, “It would be an honor.” Rarity bounced around happily and ran off to get her sketchbook. “Who would have thought a girl with her upbringing could have enough creativity to design something this lovely? I guess she’ll have the life she always wanted soon enough.”
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“Little to say your sister grew up into the fashionista she is today. She didn’t choose a life of luxury though, as she loves it here in Ponyville with all her friends.” He rocked back and forth in the chair again, the creaks making the girls cringe. “And that’s how I taught your sister that she had, ‘imaginaaatiooon’ all along.” The rainbow he created this time lit on fire and he clapped his hands together to put it out. “That’s too much imagination, it spontaneously combusted!”
The girls rolled around on the couch laughing at his antics. Sweetie Belle took a breath to calm down and said, “Thanks for telling me the story Discord. I’m always so bored, I never thought to use my imagination to have fun.”
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes and said, “I use my imagination all the time around here for fun. Whether it’s at the tree house, or with Winona, there’s not much else to do around here.”
Scootaloo raised her hoof and said, “Question, you said Tom was borrowed? I guess that’s why we never see him at Rarity’s, but who did he belong to?”
Perking her brow, Sweetie Belle added, “Yeah, who keeps a giant diamond shaped rock around?”
“Oh that’s not important,” Discord said waving them off. “The point is he’s still around, just with his original owner. Now how about you girls watch some TV while I go fetch a snack.” He snaps his fingers and a TV appears playing cartoons to distract the girls as he walked off.
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“I had a lot of fun today, but it’s time for me to go raise the moon. I’ll see you tomorrow though! Good night Tom!” Princess Luna nuzzled her large diamond shaped rock before she walked over to her sister and nuzzled her too. “Thanks for having tea with us Tia. It always makes me feel young again.”
Celestia nuzzled her sister back and said, “Anything for my little sister Woona.”
Luna blushed and whined walking out of the room. “I told you not to call me that! I’m a big girl now!”
Celestia had a good giggled at her sister reaction, and then glared a little at Tom. “I love it when Luna acts childish, but I’ll never get over you. Honestly, that rock creeps me out sometimes.” She began to walk towards the door and heard something shoveling across the ground behind her. She stopped to look back, seeing nothing of interest. She continued her walk, and the shoveling continued. She stomped her hoof and looked back as she said, “Who’s there?!” She went wide eyed horrified as in her face was Tom the rock, silently sitting there before her. “T-Tom?”
“I’ll get you while you sleep.” Celestia paused for a moment before she ran from the room with a high pitched scream. When she was gone, Discord peeked from behind the rock with a chuckle and snapped his fingers. A door appeared from thin air, and he quietly stepped through it. “Back to babysitting.”
End Part 3
Discord Babysitting
Fluttershy
The cutie mark crusaders were still sitting on the couch, watching the TV like lazy couch potatoes. Apple Bloom tilted her head to the side and said, "Who knew they had such lovely underground underwater cities on the moon."
"It's the Lunar Republic, pretty cool actually," Scootaloo mentioned as she raised her brow at the show they were watching. "Though, I gotta question their tastes in gameshows."
"We'll be back to extreme underwater basket weaving after these commercials!" The girls groaned when the TV announced this and continued to watch. "There's a new Mare E. Kate and Ash Lee movie coming out, 'Mare E. Kate and Ash Lee go Shopping'!"
Sweetie Belle jumped on all four in shock and shouted, "Olsen Twins?!" Her eyes glowed red as she cried, "KILL!" and leapt at the TV. Her horn slammed into the screen, cracking into it and making it spark a few times before going dead. She hanged there limply, horn stuck, and after a brief moment said, "We are now rid of the evil Mare E. Kate and Ash Lee."
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo's cheeks inflated in anger as they walked over. Looking up at her, Scootaloo said, "Nice going Sweetie Bi-polar! Now we'll never see if Mjolna has what it takes to beat the moon champion!"
"Worst of all, we can't watch TV no more!" Apple Bloom bucked the TV, knocking Sweetie Belle out of it and to the floor. She shook her head and blushed nervously. "Now what are we going to do for entertainment?!"
The group blinked and looked among each other getting the same idea, just as Discord walked through a door that appeared out of thin air. "People should draw fan art of me as Faust." He froze and looked down to see the three fillies clinging to him with watery eyes. "Let me guess, Olsen Twin commercial?" They all nodded together. "So the TV is broken huh? Sounds like story time to me!" He picked them up and juggled the three fillies, sitting in the couch and catching them. He set them down and said, "So who would you girls like to hear about next?"
"Fluttershy used to be our babysitter," Scootaloo began. "She was busy tonight with the ceremony, but it makes me wonder if you ever babysat her."
Discord shook his head and said, "Actually Fluttershy has always been a very mature and responsible mare, taking care of herself despite being a frail filly. I did give her some advice on babysitting when she got older. The only time I really took care of her in her youth was that time she needed a new home."
Sweetie Belle blinked and asked, "Why did Fluttershy need a new home? Did something happen?"
Discord chuckled and patted her on the head. "Silly filly, you heard the story about how she got her cutie mark right? After that she moved out of Cloudsdale and to Ponyville so she could be closer to the ground, and all her new animal friends. She was so young, she couldn't find a home all on her own, so I helped her find one."
"Ah didn't realize Fluttershy was capable of living on her own. That sure is mature for a filly, an' you wouldn't suspect since she's so scared of everything." Apple Bloom giggled thinking about it.
Discord chuckled and said, "Let me tell you the story of how I helped that filly find a home back when I was taking care of her."
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"Thank you ever so much for looking after me while I try to find a home mister Discord." Fluttershy walked around town slowly, looking around with a curious smile. "I hope helping me find one isn't too much of a bother."
Discord walked alongside shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked around too. "Think nothing of it Fluttershy. After you worked up the courage to save me from that army of robotic clowns, it's the least I can do. Maybe we should ask around for some help."
"Oh, I don't want to trouble anypony."
"HI! I'm Pinkie Pie!" Fluttershy squealed as a pink pony seemed to burst from the ground in front of her and fell on her back. "You must be new to town because I've officially met everpony in town and I know I didn't miss one!"
Discord chuckled and said, "Don't worry Fluttershy. This is just Pinkie Pie, a friend of mine. Pinkie, this is Fluttershy, and she's moving in to town all on her own. The problem is she needs a home. Can you help us find one?"
Pinkie's smile grew and she started bouncing in a circle around Fluttershy. She sang, "Fluttershy here needs a home, because she's living on her own! A place to make her safe and warm, by a fire while eating corn! A bed for you to get forty winks, everything plus the kitchen sink! Don't worry Fluttershy, never fear, because your new friend Pinkie is heeere!" Fluttershy giggled and Pinkie helped her back up. "Did you like my song?"
"It was lovely! Thank you Pinkie, you've already made me feel so welcome in this town!" The two fillies hugged, right before Discord scooped them up in his hand.
"Alright you two, now that the introductions are over, can we get back to house hunting?" He pressed a finger against each of their tummies and tickled them, making the fillies flail and giggle. He set them back on the ground and the three of them walked together now. "What we need is something fresh, something new, and something... under construction!" He pointed out a building with its wooden frame up but not built yet. "Maybe when they're done building this house you can live here!"
Fluttershy and Pinkie tilted their heads, Pinkie falling on her side with a cute yelp. Fluttershy shook her head and said, "Oh no, I couldn't possibly live here. It hasn't been built, and what if some other pony intends to live here when it's done? It's probably too big for a little filly like me anyways. Not only that but-"
A finger met her lip cutting her off as Discord said, "Whoa there Fluttershy, You're far too worried about this! When it comes to getting a home, or doing anything for that matter, you can't worry so much about it!"
Fluttershy sulked a little and said, "But that's what I do Discord. I worry and make sure everyone is happy before I think about myself."
Pinkie crawled upright and giggled. "You need to stop worrying if we're gonna find you a house. Be a little more laid back and relaxed, like Discord! Sing her the song Discord!"
"But I don't have a ukulele." He blinked as Pinkie already had one ready in her mouth. "Smarty pants. Well if you insist." He took the ukulele and began to play it was he walked over to the building frame, turning back to the girls with a big smile as he sang, "I'm so happy, haha, happy go lucky me. I just go my way, living every day. I don't worry! Worrying don't agree. Things that bother you-" He gave the frame a kick with his heel and it collapsed instantly. "Never bother me!"
Pinkie took out a trombone, beginning to play as Discord cart wheeled back over, holding up a pair of curtains to his sides. "Things that bother you never bother me, I feel happy and fine!" He dropped the cloaks to reveal a confused Princess Celestia and Luna to his sides. "Living in the sunlight; loving in the moonlight, having a wonderful time!" He slammed a pie in both their faces, and took out a coffee mug. "Haven't got a lot, I don't need a lot, coffee only a dime." He held the mug upside down over Fluttershy and she was buried in a pile of bits, and turned around to start drawing goofy faces on the bottoms of the pie tins. "Living in the sunlight; loving in the moonlight, having a wonderful time!"
The tins fell to reveal a rather annoyed Celestia, while Luna munched away happily on the pie she'd caught in her mouth. Fluttershy emerged from the pile of coins just in time to watch Discord run from Celestia as if he were wearing roller blades, Celestia giving chase angrily. Discord came back from the opposite direction and snatched up Fluttershy, putting her in a basket. He wore a pink dress as he walked along, continuing to sing. "Just take it from me; I'm just as free as any daughter. I do what I like, just how like, and how I love it!"
With a snap of his fingers he was wearing a suit and a bowler cap, as well as Fluttershy, Pinkie, and even Luna. Celestia's voice could be heard in the distance shouting, "Why did my crown become this round hat? Discord! Discooord!"
He set Fluttershy down and the four of them strut down the street together in a line. Discord went on, "I'm right here to stay, when I'm old and grey, I'll be right in my prime! Living in the sunlight; loving in the moonlight, having a wonderful time!" He made a cane appear and began to hum as he walked aiming the cane at a muffin on a table and making it grow so big it smashed the table beneath it, only to be quickly clung to by a filly Derpy. He aimed the cane again at a pair of mares, one sulking next to her fancy dressed friend who was smirking at her. The fancy dress teleported to the sulking pony, making her grin at her friend. Her friend blushed and covered herself at her sudden exposure. Discord then aimed the cane at a filly Lyra, whose hooves became hands and her stature went upright. She arm pumped with a "Booya!" and ran off.
Their outfits vanished, and Discord fell back into a beach chair under a beach umbrella. He put on sunglasses and rested his hands behind his head, Luna reappearing at his side in a hula outfit holding grapes, as well as Celestia to the other side of him fanning him with a giant leaf. "Just take it from me; I'm just as free as any daughter. I do what I like, just how I like, and how I love it!" Celestia broke the leaf in half and screamed as she chased Discord this time, while Luna munched on the grapes happily.
As Discord flew from Celestia he finished, "I'm right here to stay, when I'm old and grey, I'll be right in my prime! Living in the sunlight; loving in the moonlight, having a wonderful time!" Pinkie handed Luna a xylophone, and with her own trombone the two of them played the finishing notes of the tune before stopping. Discord screeched to a halt, Celestia crashing into him with a derp face. "Can I help you?"
"Help me?!" Celestia growled and said, "I have just been pulled away from my royal duties, my sister from her nap, just to be pawns in your gallivanting song down the street, and for what? To be pestered and annoyed by you as I am on a daily basis?"
Pinkie walked up and said, "Aww, don't get mad your majesty. I asked him to sing the song. We were just having a little fun."
Discord handed Fluttershy a stuffed panda doll and held her up. "We just want to help Fluttershy here find her very own home. You don't want her to be a sad panda do you?" Fluttershy's eyes were wide and shimmering as she cuddled the panda plushie.
Celestia bit her lower lip shrinking back from the cuteness. "Alright, fine, nopony's in trouble. While I'm here, is there any way I can help?"
Rubbing her chin in thought, Fluttershy said, "I'd like a place close to lots of animals. Is there anything like that around here?"
"There is one place." With a flash of her horn, Celestia transported the group just outside of, "The Everfree Forest. There are lots of animals in these woods that live wild lives without the influence of ponies."
Fluttershy gasped and said, "Those poor things! But who will protect them from predators?"
"Perhaps you will?" Celestia smiled and giggled. "Why don't we go find you a place nearby?"
"NO!" Fluttershy hovered out of Discord's hands, still clinging to the panda. "My house will be right here on the hillside outside the forest, so all the animals will have a safe place to come to."
Discord scratched his head and said, "Fluttershy, the Everfree forest is a dangerous and spooky place. Do you really think you can handle living so close to-" Fluttershy looked at him with those big sad eyes, while sad violin music played. He gulps and says, "Alright, we'll build your house here. You can stop with the violin music Pinkie."
"I don't own a violin."
Everyone looked to see Celestia playing the violin with her magic. She giggled and said, "I couldn't resist. Come on everypony. If we work together we can get this done in no time!"
Discord and Pinkie leapt into the air and shouted together, "Montage!"
Everyone had dawned hard hats and construction vests. Discord rolled out a blue print and began going over it with everypony, while Pinkie went by holding one end of a long plank of wood. Everyone paused when they noticed the plank was still going by after a few seconds. They tried to ignore it, but as Pinkie went by holding the opposite end waving, they paused for a moment. Another Pinkie ran after them with a bucket of nails in her mouth, and they went back to discussing the blue prints.
Celestia and Luna used their magic to saw the wood and set it into place. Fluttershy hovered backwards up the planks holding nails in place. Pinkie walked up after her with suction cups on her feet, a hammer in her mouth as she slammed the nails into the wood. Discord was nearby waving pom poms as he shouted, "Build that house, build that house, goo team!" He jumped and did the splits, his eye twitching a little.
Pinkie noticed the river and a light bulb appeared above her head, Discord grabbing it with a "Thank you!" and walking off with it. Pinkie built a straw bridge over the river and held her nose in the air proudly, until a wolf walked up and coughed on it, making it fall into the river. Pinkie grumbled and got to work, building a wooden bridge over it this time, but the wolf sat there staring at it. He blew on it, and the bridge collapsed as well, making Pinkie stomp on all four in a circle growling. Pinkie then decided on a stone bridge, panting when it was done. "What do you think of that?!" The wolf walked up, pushing a cannon, and aimed it at the bridge before lighting it. Covering his ears with his paws, Pinkie flipped the cannon to face him, and when it went off he went flying into the horizon howling. "Say, this would be great for parties! Mine!" She pushed it off giggling.
Once they had built the house everypony stared at it, tilting their heads and sticking out their tongues. Fluttershy said, "It's still missing something." Discord snapped his fingers and took out a bag of seeds, flying around the house and sprinkling them all over it. He then dragged a cloud over, and began to moon walk in place on top of it, pumping his arms and laughing. The cloud grew dark, and rained down onto the house. He moved the cloud and Celestia's horn glowed radiantly, the sun quickly matching, until all the seeds grew and covered Fluttershy's house with a leafy green coat. She squealed and said, "It's perfect! Oh thank you everypony, I'll never forget this!" She flew to everypony one by one, giving them hugs. She then grabbed her panda and flew inside.
Celestia turned to Discord and said, "Me and Luna took care of the furnishings. I'm sure Fluttershy will make a lovely addition to Ponyville. I trust you and the other citizens to take care of her Pinkie Pie?"
"You can count on me your royal highness!"
"And Discord," she walked over and her face got close to his. "This isn't over."
Discord smirked and said, "Whatever you say your royal fanny." She held up her hoof to make a "I'm watching you" gesture before flying off.
Luna watched her go and said, "She'll be fine, she's just still upset about the break up."
"It was hundreds of years ago. You'd think she'd be over it." Discord shrugged.
"Yeah, but it doesn't help that you mess with her all the time. Hey, speaking of hundreds of years ago! I wanted to thank you again for helping me with the Nightmare Moon incident. I still haven't paid you back for that! Seriously, anytime!" She flew off after her sister.
Discord watched them go, until he noticed Pinkie had a canon. "Hey, where'd you get that?"
"I stole it from a wolf."
"Oh, it's nice."
"Thanks, I'm gonna use it at parties."
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"And that's how Fluttershy got her house! The end." Discord shut a book he was holding and set it in his lap, removing a set of glasses.
Sweetie Belle looked at the cover and said, "Mister Discord, why were you looking at 'Diary of a Wimpy Filly' while telling us that story?"
Discord shrugged and said, "The same reason I'm wearing these glasses, to look intellectual, of course. You know, re-telling that story reminds me I never cashed in that favor from Luna."
"Whoa. You got a favor from Princess Luna? That would be awesome!" Scootaloo grinned thinking of what she would ask for.
Apple Bloom asked excitedly, "Do you know what you're going to ask for yet?"
Discord got a light bulb above his head and said, "As a matter of fact I do!" He grabbed the light bulb and sprinkled salt on it, tossing it in his mouth and munching it down.
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Princess Celestia lay in her bed, sleeping contently. She felt a shift in her bed, and used her magic to remove her night mask. She blinked and looked in the bed next to her, seeing Tom. She leapt out of bed screaming, and as she did her sister appeared in a puff of smoke. She had vampiric fangs and looked like Nightmare Moon, hissing and cackling. Celestia screamed again, but her screams were interrupted by a voice saying, "Celestia dear, come back to bed." She twisted her head around to see Tom was gone, and Discord was laying under her covers patting the bed welcoming. She screamed at the top of her lungs and ran into her bathroom, the shower quickly heard being turned on.
Luna spat out the fangs she was wearing and changed back to her normal appearance. "Okay, there's your favor you goof. A thousand years just for that?"
"It was worth it!" Discord laughed rolling around on her bed holding his sides.
Luna laughed and said, "I'm glad you're happy. I just hope sister can raise the sun tomorrow. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm still needed at the ceremony."
"And I'm needed babysitting." Discord shook her hoof and vanished, Luna calmly walking out of the room.
Celestia growled from the shower and said, "That does it! Curse you Discord, this little game of yours ends now!"
End Part 4
Discord Babysitting
Pinkie Pie
Discord was sitting on the couch with the cutie mark crusaders around him, all four watching the television Discord repaired. "Coming up next, it's the super ultra scary Dogzilla movie!" Sweetie Belle screamed in terror before the TV went on, "And of course Dogzuki who's adorable comedy relief is there to cheer up the young ones." Sweetie breathed a sigh of relief, which didn't last long before the TV roared again, "But of course Dogzilla is still there to scare the pants off you!" Sweetie screamed yet again. "But don't worry, because Dogzuki is here for you, fillies." Sweetie sighed again making Apple Bloom and Scootaloo giggle. "Except for you 'Cutie Mark Crusaders', because Dogzilla is coming to get you!"
All three girls went wide eyed, clinging to Discord as they screamed. Discord held up the remote and said, "Alright, time to change the channel." He flipped through the stations, which quickly calmed the three girls. He paused on one station and said, "Hey look, it's the award ceremony your big sisters and the rest of the mane six are at." Luna was at the podium, giving a speech, all the girls lined up on either side of her. When the camera panned to Pinkie Pie she smiled and waved. "Oh look, Pinkie is waving at us."
Raising her eyebrow, Apple Bloom said, "Mistah Discord, Pinkie's just waving at the camera. How in Equestria would she know specifically when we started watching?"
"So you guys finally decided to watch the ceremony, huh?" Everyone froze and looked to their right to see Pinkie peeking over the arm of the couch. They looked back to the TV to see she was no longer there with the others, and back to the Pinkie right before them. The Crusaders screamed clinging to Discord, who held out his hands and turned to stone. Pinkie laughed and crawled on to the couch. "Looks like I scared Discord to stone again. And the only cure is true love's first kiss!"
"Don't tease me woman, we've kissed plenty of times before." Discord broke his stone like appearance and glared at Pinkie, who closed her eyes half way and brought her nose to Discord's. They stared at each other for a moment, before Pinkie affectionately rubbed her nose against Discord's. He snatched her up in a snuggle, chuckling while she giggled her head off. Then he set her back down and waggled a paw finger at her. "Love, you mustn't sneak up on us like that!"
Pinkie tilted her head and said, "How do you want me to sneak up on you?" A hoof tapped on his shoulder from behind as she said, "Like this?"
Discord yelped loudly and twisted around to glare at a second Pinkie and say, "Knock it off!" The second Pinkie walked off as he turned back to the one on the couch before him. "Shouldn't you be at the ceremony love?"
"Nah! I'm the last to give a speech, so no one will notice if I'm gone for a little while." The Crusaders pounced her, making her laugh as they piled on top of her. "Hello girls! I hope Discord is being nice to you three!"
They all nodded in agreement. Apple Bloom flailed her front legs in the air and said, "Discord is super fun, and incredibly nice!"
Sweetie Belle bounced around in a circle and continued, "He tells us stories, and always makes sure were entertained!"
Scootaloo sat next to Pinkie and said, "He reminds us of you Pinkie. Or, do you remind us of him… Why can you do some of the things you do anyways?"
"Well, to explain that," Discord began, "I'd have to go back and tell you of the first time I babysat Pinkie Pie."
"Ohhh snap!" Pinkie Pie shouted. "Things are about to get serious up in here! We better put on our serious hats!"
Discord smirked at this and replied, "You're absolutely right Pinkie!" He reached behind the couch, and sat a chicken down on his head. "Serious time!"
The girls laughed and pointed their hooves at him. Apple Bloom wiped a tear from her eye and said, "Mister Discord, why are you wearing a Scootaloo on your head?"
Scootaloo glared at her and bucked her off the couch. Discord answered, "I'm wearing this chicken because it's my serious hat, and things are about to get super serious up in here. Isn't that right Pinkie?"
"Word," she responded with her eyes obscured by a plunger on her head.
"You three should grab some serious hats too, so we can take you seriously." Discord points to the kitchen and says, "Go grab some."
The three girls look between each other and rush off to the kitchen. Many clangs can be heard before they come back one by one. Apple Bloom wore a pot on her head like a helmet, and Sweetie Belle wore a spaghetti drainer in a similar manner. Scootaloo on the other hand came back with a pair of Kamina glasses on and asked, "Does this count as a serious hat?"
Discord replies. "Only if you wear a cape that matches," and pulls one from behind his back. He puts it on the filly and says, "Voila! You are now eighty percent cooler! Now that everyone has a serious hat, we can begin the story of my babysitting Pinkie Pie. You see it all started when a certain cyan pony's sonic rainboom caused a surge of chaotic energy, which of course became my responsibility to handle."
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Discord made his way down a dirt road, leading to a rock farm. He held a banana to his ear and said, "Look Celestia, I know you want me to find and collect that surge of chaotic energy, and I will! It's at this rock farm right? Well I just got a babysitting request for this farm, so while I take care of the fillies I'll keep my eyes peeled. Like this banana." He peeled the banana and takes a bite. "Mmm, can't hear you, my phone is delicious, and high in potassium. I'll call you back." He glanced at the banana peel that was left over and made it vanish with his magic. "Be free banana peel, to make Celestia slip into something inconvenient."
"You must be Discord." A rather old looking brown stallion that reminded him instantly of an Amish trotted up to him with a soft smile. "My name is Clyde. I own this farm with my wife Sue."
He motioned for Discord to follow him, and slowly made his way back to the house. Discord followed and said, "About that. How do you farm rocks exactly?"
"Well I don't much know how to explain it myself, but this patch of land has been passed down in our family for generations. You see the rocks on this land grow minerals within them, and we mine those minerals for profit."
Discord blinked and said, "So you grow minerals like gold and amethyst here? That's delightfully impossible! It seems this place has always had a small taste of chaos in it, so that means that rainboom must've sucked some of the chaos from the earth into a pony."
"What was that?"
"Nothing, but tell me, was there anyone out here in the fields during the rainboom?"
"Ah! Pinkamena told us about how beautiful it was. She was the only one out here to see it though. She's the reason we called. You see normally we could expect our daughters to be responsible while we're away, but Pinkamena… well she's brightened up things around here, she hasn't quite been the same since it happened."
He motioned to a pink filly by the house, who was rolling around in a patch of green grass. She giggled and said, "Yay, grass!" She rolled a little too hard and slammed into the side of the house.
Discord laughed and said, "I could see her excitement of grass growing in this patch of dirt, but I see what you mean. Hmm, she must be who I'm looking for."
Clyde nodded and said, "Just take care of the girls while their mother and I are away. We won't be gone long. We just need to deliver some of our recent harvest to town."
Pinkamena skipped into the house as the mother made her way out, helping the father set up a cart which they had stuffed with rare minerals and metals and began to drag off down the dirt road. Discord stepped into the house to find three little fillies staring up at him. "I know your names, and I've shortened them for my convenience. You will be Inkie, you will be Blinkie, and you my dear will be Pinkie. My name is Discord, lord of chaos, and your babysitter."
"Hello mister Discord," the three girls chimed together. Pinkie looked off to the side and gasped, rushing off.
Discord watched her go towards a cupcake on a table, jumping up to try and get to it. "Okay, you two, I notice your sister's hair looks like cotton candy while both of yours look like they fit this bland setting. Have you noticed anything odd about your sister lately? Something you can't explain."
They both nodded quickly. Inkie said, "She did an entire personality shift! It's really fun, but really weird!"
Blinkie nodded in agreement and added, "Plus, she can do all kinds of things that we can't. Just watch." The three of them looked over at Pinkie, who pouted staring up at the cupcake on the table. She then ran back, away from the cupcake, only to from the opposite direction on the table. She then claimed her prize and ate at the cupcake. "You see!"
"There's no way she could do that without chaos pumping through her right now. Your sister has chaotic energy in her. I'm going to try an extract it, but I may need your help. Can I count on you two?" The two girls saluted him. Pinkie's ear flicked as she listened in, and she got a mischievous grin. Discord made his way over to Pinkie-
Pinkie: And that's when he met the mare of his dreams who he would someday marry!
Discord: Pinkie, I'm the only one who tells these stories. Don't interrupt me you silly filly.
Pinkie: Whoopsie poopsie!
Discord: Where was I? Oh yes!
Discord made his way over to Pinkie and said, "Excuse me, but may I borrow you for a mo-"
"Lemonade!"
Discord paused for a moment, taken back by this outburst. "Um… excuse me?"
Pinkie Pie giggled and said, "You're my babysitter aren't you? I just ate, and it was kind of dry. Can you make me some lemonade?"
The draconequus stared at her for a moment and said, "Suuure, why not. Then we talk. Do you have any lemons?" Pinkie pointed out the window, and a lemon tree had grown from the patch of grass on the side of the house. "That wasn't there before. Are you sure you wouldn't rather drink your own spit?"
"Lemonade!"
"You have an endless supply."
"Le-mon-ade!"
"And it's heated to your body temperature."
"Limonada!"
"Okay, fine! One fresh squeezed lemonade coming up!" Discord stomped out of the house and floated up to the lemons. "Brat wants fresh squeezed lemons. We'll see how bratty she is after I pull all that chaos out of her." He began picking lemons along the branch. "Lemon. Lemon."
He came to Pinkie sitting on the branch, who handed him a large round object and happily stated, "Beehive."
Discord took it with a thankful smile and said, "Beehive… Wait." A swarm of angry bees assaulted him, and he flailed and screamed before falling to the ground groaning from the bee stings.
Pinkie walked up next to him and said, "You'll never get my chaos without a fight stinky head! So try and catch me, stinky head!" She took out a skunk from behind her back, which sprayed Discord in the face.
He screamed and covered his face rolling around on the ground. "Oh god, it stings and stinks at the same time!" Pinkie laughed and scurried into the house. Discord took out a can of tomato juice and used his one fang as a can opener, opening the can and pouring its contents on his face with a relieved sigh.
He then glared at the house and rushed in after her. He looked dumbfounded as in the middle of the living room was a giant jack-in-the-box, which Inkie and Blinkie stared at in awe. Discord stroked his chin and walked over, eying it carefully. "Look mister Discord! It's like a present just appeared! Is it from Santa?"
Discord shook his head and said, "No, this has Pinkie written all over it." In fact it did, in pink marker. "I'll need you two to help me catch her." He stacked the two mares on top of each other, handing the one on top a butterfly net. "I'm going to turn the crank, and you two catch her in the net when she pops out." He grabbed the crank and turned it, pop goes the weasel playing as he did. When he reached the end of the song, the box sprung open, and a spring loaded pie flung out and slammed into his face, exploding and covering him in spicy rainbow before it shut itself. Discord screamed and wiped his eyes clean with a growl, grabbing the butterfly net. "Change of plans. This time, you turn it, and I catch her." The two girls rushed over excitedly and climbed atop each other again to turn it, playing the song again. When it reached the end this time, the walls of the box fell to reveal a large bomb with a lit fuse. It rolled gently over to Discord's feet, and exploded. Discord coughed up some smoke, completely singed, and his net disintegrated.
Pinkie Pie's laughter could be heard, as she rode up on a toy car. "You look like an avocado dipped in berry juice! Oh, and, you'll never catch me! Silly filly!" She gave him a raspberry, turned around, and rode off.
"Two can play at this game missy!" He shook off the soot covering his body and pulled a pair of toy cars from behind his back, setting them down on the ground before sitting the sisters on them. "After her!"
The girls cheered as they drove off into the house. They quickly came across Pinkie wearing fake glasses and a moustache as she held up a sign that said, 'Needs a ride'. The girls pulled up and Blinkie asked, "Where are you heading?"
Pinkie replied, "New Mare-xico."
Inkie clapped her hooves and said, "I always wanted to see the south west! Hop on!"
Pinkie jumped on her back and the three girls drove off. Discord tapped his foot impatiently and said, "What's taking those girls so long?" He noticed a phone ringing and picked it up. "Hello?"
Inkie, Blinkie, and Pinkie all sat on beach chairs wearing sombreros and drinking umbrella drinks. Inkie said, "Discord! We're in Santa Fe'!"
Discord slapped his paw to his face and said, "Get back home right this minute young ladies!" He was immediately flattened by a train, the conductor being Pinkie who happily yanked on the cord to the horn before driving off.
Inkie bounced a potted cactus on her head, while Blinkie sported her new sombrero. They walked up to their flattened and twitching babysitter and Blinkie happily stated, "Discord! We brought you a cactus!"
He responded by groaning angrily. "I lothe that filly." He stuck a talon in his mouth and blew on it, pumping air back into his body before brushing himself off. "Okay, new plan! Instead of us going after her like she expects, we have to do something she won't see coming. And no pony in this somewhat mid-evil cartoon would ever expect… a robot!" He pulled one from behind the couch. The robot looked like a vacuum cleaner with a head and arms. "You, go catch Pinkie!"
The robot said, "You mean that silly pink pony? Oh yeah I caught her a few minutes ago. See?" He pulled open his chest and held out Pinkie, who stuck out her tongue with a giggle before he shoved her back in. "Easy peasy, man."
Discord stared for a moment and then thrust his arms in the air. "Yes! Victory! That was easier than I thought it would be! This calls for a group hug." Inkie and Blinkie leapt into his arms, Pinkie jumping from the robots chest to join the warm hug before quickly jumping back in. "Now I can finally take away her chaotic energy, and send her back to normal."
Inkie and Blinkie gasped and blocked his way to the vacuum bot. Inkie stated, "What do you mean send her back to normal?!"
"You can't change our sister!" Blinkie continued. "We were all miserable before Pinkie got like this! Sure she's a little wild, but she makes us smile and we love her!"
The rushed over and hugged his legs crying. "Please, leave Pinkie alone!"
"We like her like this mister Discord!"
Pinkie popped her head out of the robot with watery eyes and a quivery lip. Discord held his chest with a 'Hnnng!' and said, "Alright, turn off the water works. I gotta admit, you gave me a run for my money Pinkie. I only caught you because you practically handed yourself to me. You could be a lot of fun with the right training. I'll talk to Celestia later about letting you keep your chaotic energy." All the girls cheered and hugged Discord giggling, the robot rolling over and joining the group hug this time as they all laughed together.
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"And that's the story of how I first met, babysat, and discovered Pinkie's powers. The end." Discord rubbed noses with Pinkie affectionately. "Who knew I'd fall in love with her when she got older?"
"Actually, I have a different question." Scootaloo raised her hoof and said, "What happened to that random robot in the backstory?"
Discord said, "It grew up to be Sweetie Bot."
"Sweetie who now?" Sweetie Belle asked with a shocked look.
They were all interrupted however by a knock to the front door. Pinkie rushed over and said, "I'll get it!" She slammed into the door and stood there like that. "Ding dong!" There was another knock on the door. "Ding dong!" Yet another knock came to the door. "Ding dong!" A bright light began to glow from behind the door, and it was suddenly knocked off its hinges by a powerful blast. The door, and Pinkie, slammed into the wall. Pinkie opened the door and said, "Who is it?" before face-planting on the floor.
Princess Celestia marched in and floated into the air, glaring at Discord. Scootaloo waved and said, "Hi mom!"
Celestia smiled and said, "Hello sweetie. Enjoying your slumber party?"
"Yeah! Discord is awesome!"
"I'll respect your opinion and agree to disagree. Now mommy has business to discuss with him."
Discord Blinked and said, "What the… you can't just pass off something like that casually! Don't you think that's a little shocking news for the readers?!"
"Not important!" Celestia screamed. "I can't even sleep at night without you bothering me anymore! How dare you turn another pleasant day into hell for me! I am seriously fed up with this, do you hear me?!"
"If you're so serious where's your serious hat?" Discord crossed his arms looking up at her.
Celestia paused and landed on the ground. "What are you talking about?"
Discord pointed to the chicken on his head and said, "We can't take you seriously unless you wear a serious hat like the rest of us"
Everyone else stated, "Seriously."
"Oh come now," the princess began. "I don't seriously need to-…" She thought for a moment about who she was talking to and sighed in exhaustion before using her magic to teleport a sombrero on her head. "Happy?"
Everyone nodded and Discord said, "Proceed with your fury oh mother of my child." Everyone froze and their jaws dropped, especially Celestia who blushed profusely. "What? Too soon?"
Pinkie plucked the plunger off her head and said, "Discord… is that true? Did you have a child with Celestia?"
Discord grew pale and said, "Oops… um… yes Pinkie. I have a daughter. Well, we have a daughter."
Celestia sighed rather loudly. "Unfortunately he's right. And she takes more after her father than me"
"Is that why you never bothered to help raise her?"
"Don't you dare go there Discord!
"Who is it?" Pinkie interrupted their feud, looking between them. "You two are gods, so she must be too. So who is it?"
Celestia and Discord looked at each other and thought for a moment. Discord rolled his eyes and said, "Oh fine, I'll tell her. Pinkie, my daughter is-"
"DADDY!" Derpy Hooves burst through the ceiling and clung to Discord. "Daddy, I need your help!"
Everyone but Discord and Celestia's jaws dropped collectively again. Pinkie shouted, "Derpy?! You've been my friend since we were fillies! Why didn't you ever tell me you were Discord's daughter?!"
Derpy blinked and said, "I am? Oh yeah, I am! But that can wait. Daddy, I need a harmonica! The fate of time and space depends on it!"
Discord stared at her and said, "How in the world would a harmonica-"
"Too late." The next thing anyone knew, the entire room was surrounded by a swirling purple vortex. Everyone floated into the air as the floor disappeared, and the furniture was tossed about before being flung beyond the walls of the vortex. "You should've given me a harmonica while we had time."
The cutie mark crusaders screamed and flailed as they spun around. Apple Bloom clung to Discord's face and said, "Mister Discord, what's going on?!"
He simply shrugged and said, "Apparently Derpy tore a hole in the fabric of time and space. I don't know how she did it but I will say I'm impressed."
"Impressed!" Celestia flapped her wings trying to get closer to him. "This is why our daughter is so chaotic and awkward! Instead of disciplining and correcting her like a normal parent, you applaud this kind of behavior! How do you expect her to stop her from breaking everything including reality if you don't even tell her it's wrong?"
Discord snarled and said, "At least I love who she is! Maybe if you weren't so preoccupied with your fat royal flank, you could've been a decent mother in the past millennium!"
Derpy flew between them and said, "Mom, dad, this isn't the time or place! I screwed up, I'm sorry! Please stop fighting, I hate it when you two fight!"
Scootaloo had an unamused look on her face as she said, "Yeah, the fighting is really what we should be worried about right now."
"Look everypony!" Sweetie Belle pointed upward. "We're moving towards a light!" The light slowly engulfed everyone, and as it faded, they found themselves on a wooden floor with the smell of salt water in the air. "W-Where are we?"
Discord looked around squinting his eyes. "I think we're in another dimension."
Celestia rubbed her head and said, "What brought you to that conclusion?"
"Them." Discord pointed to what looked like Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Scootaloo, and Derpy Hooves dressed in pirate clothes. There was also what looked like a stitched up version of Rainbow Dash, as well as one with short hair wearing a beanie and a collar with Fluttershy's cutie mark on it. They all growled and aimed cutlasses at them. "Hey look Derpy, and you too Scootaloo. You both now have twin sisters. Be sure to give them lots of love before they make you walk the plank."
Celestia gulped and shouted, "Get us out of here!"
"Oh fine," Discord said with a grunt. "Can't even take a joke." He snapped his finger, and there was a long silent pause between everyone. Discord snapped his finger again and said, "Well would you look at that. I'm not the god of chaos in this dimension, so my powers don't work. Well, where were we then?" Several blade tips pointed to his neck. "Oh right, about there…"
End Part 5