"Hello, my children." Black Jesus greeted. He was sitting beside a fireplace, smoking on a old fashioned pipe.
"Before you read the chapter, I have a message from MarineMarksman... dear AssRapingHorseCocks, this fic will not be a clopfic. Sorry. Also, love the name. We all do."
"Anyway, enjoy the latest chapter, and may the power of Old Spice be with you." Black Jesus stated, before he waved goodbye.
It was late in the afternoon, as ponies went about their usual business in Las Pegas. Gambling, drinking, partying, that type of stuff. It was Las Pegas, after all, and what happens in Las Pegas, stays in Las Pegas.
And illegitimate children...
And thousands of dollars of debt you rack up while gambling...
Well, looks like we're off topic.
Anyways... everypony in town suddenly stopped what they were doing, as they all sensed something VERY powerful heading there way. It was like if the air suddenly became electrified and began shocking everypony ever so slightly. And then, the ponies of Las Pegas heard it. It sounding like someone was shouting in the distance, barely audible to even those with perfect hearing.
And then it got louder. And it became clear what was being shouted.
Steroids Man screeched in between the high rises and humongous hotels that covered Las Pegas, shouting "POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR" at the top of his lungs. His words were so loud, that it actually caused the glass of nearby windows to shatter.
Then the ground started to tremble, as if something huge was heading their way. The trembles became more powerful, and even more powerful, until Giant Terry Crews stepped into the outskirts of Las Pegas, crushing everything and everypony in his way.
Steroids Man flew in front of Giant Terry Crews and floated before him, making the giant version of himself to pause his destruction and look upon him.
"OLD SPICE ODOR BLOCKER IS TOO POWERFUL TO LET YOU SLAUGHTER THE INNOCENT!" Steroids Man shouted at Giant Terry Crews.
"OLD SPICE ODOR BLOCKER IS TOO POWERFUL TO LET YOU STOP ME!" Giant Terry Crews bellowed.
"Does anypony else think this sounds like something out of a badly written fanfic?" A pony on the ground asked, before being shushed by the others surrounding him.
Giant Terry Crews reached out and grabbed Steroids Man, before throwing him with all his might across the city. Steroids Man went flying through several skyscrapers before he crashed into the ground, creating a massive crater where he landed. He grunted in pain as he rose off the ground, shaken but not beaten.
Steroids Man was no fool. He knew that even with his nearly unlimited power that Old Spice has given him, he was not as powerful as the giant version of himself. But, he would have to hold him off until Black Jesus. So they could complete the prophesy and defeat Giant Terry Crews.
"Black Jesus, we appreciate thy efforts to bring an end to our sisters unjust rule," Luna began, as she and Black Jesus walked through the halls of the amphitheater, "but, we wish to know how we would be able to help thee."
Black Jesus smiled slightly. "Luna, despite the fact you do not use Old Spice, you have vast amounts of power at your disposal. But, you have so much potential as well. If you harness the power of Old Spice, you could become even more powerful than me. Your power might even rival the power of Chuck Norris."
After writing this, Chuck Norris crashed through the wall of the authors home and bitch slapped him for typing such heresy, knocking him out cold. Six hours later, he came back to and continued reading.
"We- you really think so?" Luna stammered.
"I don't think so. I know so." Black Jesus stated. "After Celestia falls, I will need your help managing the country. Unlike your sister, who hogs all the power, you and me will be equals."
"Such a generous offer from the son of God." Luna pointed out.
"I'm not going to lie to you, my child. The power of Old Spice can do many things... but it doesn't make me into a politician." Black Jesus admitted, chuckling awkwardly.
"Our sister has done most of the politics, and we regret to inform you that our prior experience on the subject was lost during our banishment on the moon." Luna said sadly. "We are just as inexperienced as you are."
Both the alicorn and the black man stopped dead in their tracks and turned to face each other. "Perhaps... we could just help each other through this..." Black Jesus began, flashing the Princess a sly smile.
"Yeah..." Luna said dreamily, smiling mischievously at Black Jesus. Slowly, Black Jesus bent down slightly as started leaning towards Luna. She saw what Black Jesus was planning, accepted and embraced it, and starting leaning towards him, her heart fluttering as-
"ARE WE INTERRUPTING SOMETHING?!" Billy Mays inquired as he, 60's era Spiderman, and the most interesting man in the world walked up to them. The loudness of Billy's voice sent Luna flailing and made Black Jesus jump ten feet into the air (I'm serious, dude, this zigga can jump).
"I don't always ruin romantic moments... but when I do... it's always disappointing." Interesting Man commented.
"HI BILLY MAYS HERE WITH THE KEY TO SAVING YOUR BALLS. NOT GETTING MARRIED!" Billy said.
Spiderman facepalmed and walked up to Black Jesus. "Hey Jesus, wanna see a magic trick?" He asked.
"Sure, why not?" Black Jesus asked nonchalantly.
"Alright," Spiderman began as he held out his palm, "I'm going to put my one fuck I give for anything in my palm. Okay? Watch. Now I'm going to close it. Okay? You watching? Alright, now I'm going to open it. Now what do you see?"
"Nothing." Black Jesus answered.
"That's right, because the fucks I give are nonexistent." Spiderman stated.
"That joke gets better everytime you tell it, my friend." Black Jesus said, who was still blushing from embarrassment.