I wake up to a series of trumpets blaring. NOT a good thing if you're hung over. I grab a nearby trashcan and hurl in it. I take my head out feeling relieved, finding myself face to face with Princess Luna. She seemed surprise to see me still here, even more surprise to see the statue of Discord changed.
"What in Equestria is going on here?" 'NEW PLAN! On the spot Brain! WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO?'
'bLAAHHASHHAHahahh Alcohol poisoning'
'DAMMIT! Only one thing we can do...' This is gonna hurt...
"Hey there Sugar Plot." I say leaning on the trashcan. If the next few seconds were caught on tape and aired, it would have gone down in Anime History as the most violent kick, speed lines and all. She sent me careening into the wall of the North castle wing, right into Celestia's bathtub, with her in it.
"Well I'm right fucked aren't I." Next I know I'm falling 400 feet into the castle pavement, again, faceplants hurt a lot more with a muzzle. I stand up and crack my next and try and feel what remnants of bone structure I have left. I walk up to the castle gate and knock. I wait for about half a minute before it opens. As soon as it does:
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" Celestia immediately counterargues.
"Well, who decided to drop into my bathtub and interupt it?"
"YOUR SISTER! When she Chuck Norris'd me into the wall!" She tilted her head with a look of confusion, "I mean 'Round House Buck!'" Luna caught up with her sister and protested.
"Who's Idea was it to..." She whispered what I told her in her ear. Celestia reared onto her back with laughter. "Oh lighten up sis, he complemented your figure." Luna blushed with embarassment, she looked back at me and apologized, "I'm sorry for tossing you out the window like that, I hope you're not hurt." I cracked my neck again and found some form of relief.
"Oh, I'm fine, absolutely smashing," Both of them started to laugh. I think I'm missing a few teeth, "Well, I best get back to Ponyville, otherwise Pinkie just might start an P.I. Team to find me, So I must bid you both adieu, thanks for the party last night." I walk away picking my hat up. 'I wondered where that was', and shoved a quick letter into the mailbox before using a smokebomb to cover my tracks.
"Well he certainly does know how to make an exit." Luna mused.
"As well a 'getting a mare's hoof' *snicker*, wouldn't you agree?" Celestia had to try her hardest not to laugh.
"Oh haha, let's just read the letter he left us." Luna tried to drop the subject. They hurried to get the letter from the mailbox, headed inside, and snuggled up on the couch next to the fireplace.
Dear Princess Luna,
Thanks for the Full Moon last night, I enjoyed it. What was it like to live on the Moon, if you don't mind me asking? For a thousand years, I'd think it would get lonely, looking back to Equestria. At least now, you're home to your friends and family.
From one who gazes at the moon and stars
PS: Do you like bananas?
Luna shed a tear at the heartfelt letter, now she felt kind of bad for kicking me in the face, knowing she kicked an admirer of night time. She pulled out a pen and paper and started writing a reply,
Thank you for the Heartfelt, and somewhat enjoyable letters, Celestia and I enjoyed them. I never tried a banana so I wouldn't know. It's nice to see someone appreciates what I do, and your right, it DID get lonely on the moon. thank you, and I hope you send more.
With warm wishes,
P.S.: I'm sorry about... well... bucking you in the face...
She rolled up the letter and sent it on it's way, turning around to see Princess Celestia with a BIG smile,
"Oh Luna, you wouldn't happen to be falling for him would you?" troll...
"Nonononono... I just... wanted to let him know that... well... it's nice to have letters sent to us... I mean... we rarely get any unofficial mail... and... he seems nice enough..." Celestia was laughing to tears. Luna pouted and sighed. Wait, HOW DO I KNOW ALL THIS!?
I arrive back at my house dry off and change into a new outfit, Rarity went all overboard when she found out my cloak was all I had to wear, So she made my entire wardrobe according to my tastes, surprised she actually did requests. So I decided to slip on a nice hakama and a waraji, feels just like home. I decided to rest for a bit, after all, I did just get thrown out of a castle, faceplanted on gravel, Chuck Norris'd by one of the Princesses and all while hung over.
I woke up to a clamour of highspeed talking outside my house, so I decided to see what was going on.
"- ANDTHENHESTEPPEDONSTAGEANDMADEALONGSPEECHABOUTHISVISITINEQUESTRIAORMAYBEHE'SSTAYINGHEREPERMANENTLYANDTHENPULLEDAROPETHATCAMEOUTOFNOWHERETHATDROPPEDAHUMONGOUSWATERBALLOONTHATGOTEVERYONESOAKINGWETANDWEHADANAMAZINGPARTYAND *GASP* HE DANCED WITH RARITY!!! *SQUEEEEEE*!!!" Pinkie Pie was telling the other 2 of the mane 6 about the ball and 'SHIT! It's Twilight! RUN!'. I turn around slowly and started to walk back into my house.
"Oh hi there, Aoi!" DAMMIT ALL, RARITY! "Listen Aoi... uhm... I wanted to thank you.. for last night... it was wonderful... although You could have dried off... oh nevermind... just... thank you..." She walked away blushing. *GASP* my Aoi sense is tingling, methinks there's a change in how I look! How so?!
"Oh HE's SOOOOOO CUTE!!!" 'FAAAAAAAHK! I'm 4 feet taller than you, Fluttershy, and smell like Jack Daniels, How can you still call me cute?' I sniff at my shoulder, 'Okay so scrath the smell of liquor, but I still don't look THAT cute. I look at a window reflection next to me. I'm a puffball with clothes.
'OH WHAT THE FUCK! DAMN TEH FLUFFEH EFFECT!' Equation: Wet Fur + Dry = Cute and Fluffy.
"Oh Hiiii..... and what's your name..." Ribs compressing, lungs struggling to expand, organs smushed...
"Oh... " she backs away, "I'm Fluttershy, what's yours?" She starts to shy away.
"This is the guy we've been talking about, Aoi!" Fluttershy peeps and hides behind Rainbow Dash.
"Killed a Dragon, *sigh*, sadly yes..." Fluttershy started to peek out again seeing my sad reaction. I let out a whimper for cuteness factor.
"Aww, I'm sorry for bringing up a topic like that, I didn't mean to make you upset." she goes up to hug me, softly this time. 'Oh MAH GAWD, she's friggin soft.' I hug back.
"It's okay, now if you don't mind I need to be somewhere..." Leave now and forever hold your peace.
"Now hold on for just one second!" What I hear: 'FREEZE MUTHAFUCKA!'
"I've got some questions to ask you," Dammit this is what I was afraid of.
"Why do you want to know? *GASP* Are you a SPY?!" Dun DUN DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH...
"No, but I do want to to know what you're doing here." Time to go. I try to make a break for it but stopped mid run.
"Oh fine, I give up... we'll talk over breakfast, sugar cube corner." I winked at Pinkie Pie.
At Sugar Cube Corner me and the mane 6 sit down at a table. I order a vanilla sundae with strawberry syrup. I lean back and prepare for the verbal barrage to begin.
"Before we begin, I propose a deal, if you ask a question and I answer it, then I get to ask the next question, you answering it also. Don't want to leave any loop holes now do we?"
"Fire away..." the first to ask is of course Twilight.
"Who are you exactly?"
"I'm the resident badass of Ponyville, demolitions expert, DJ, heavy weapons guy, singer, actor, prankster, dancer and all around neutral guy." I pull an awesome face, "My turn, What's the story about all of you?"
"Pinkie's the resident party pony, Rainbow Dash is resident 'fast flyer' (Rainbow Dash gave an incredulous look), I'm the resident librarian, AppleJack runs Sweet Apple Acres, and Fluttershy takes care of the wildlife around Ponyville." Rainbow dash asks the Next question.
"How did you kill a dragon?" She seemed really interested in me.
"Shaved all her scales off and accidently killed her climbing up her back." It's best to be Blunt, "My turn, how do you do a sonic rainboom?" I was starting to have fun.
"Well, It's when a pegasus flies so fast that a sonic boom and a rainbow happen at the same time," like breaking the sound barrier.
"My turn, My turn, My turn. Uhm... I forget, wait, I remember now, which do you like better, chimmy cherry, or cherry changa," MIND FACEPAW!
"Try Chimmy Cherry Changa, I find ending alliteration more interesting than beginning alliteration," glad that's settled, "My turn, Is your tail twitching right now?"
"Oh my goodness, TAKE COVER!" I jump out of the chair to avoid a chandelier falling from the ceiling. I'm not even going to ask what a chandelier is doing in a bakery. After we clear the mess away we begin with more questioning.
"What brings you to Ponyville in the first place?" Twilight asked.
"Got shot out of a canon by no other than Princess Celestia Herself." Everyone fell on the floor laughing except Twilight and Fluttershy, "Not joking, she really did shoot me out of a canon," I grin followed by a *squeak* sound effect.
"So Rarity, why are you so bent on going out with a Celebrity?" I make Rarity blush with embaressment.
"Well, umm... Oh it's silly... It's just... I always wanted to have someone special, someone who I can share my life with, the wedding of a lifetime that sort of thing, with a big strong famous stallion." figures...
"Now I'm not saying you're shooting too high, but maybe you should try and find love close to home, someone you know and care about, someone you never had to admire from afar." Giving relationship advice was never my strong suit, the fact that I've never really been in a relationship proves it, or maybe that's just me...
"So, I must ask, why did you ask me for the last dance?" She started to blush a little.
"In all honesty, you looked like you needed a pick me up, think about it, I put myself in your shoes and I see your dress ruined, a viable prince charming turning out to be not what you expected to be, yet you find yourself dancing with him anyway, lo and behold, it worked." Swag...
"How did you manage to keep up with me in that race? I mean, YOU FLEW without WINGS!" Rainbow Dash wondering How I could go head to head with a sonic rainboom.
"I found out a while ago that Wolves like me have magic, not by using magic with horns, but with our words." I got everyone interested now. Rainbow Dash seemed dumbfounded.
"Back on the train, you kind of shied away when you mentioned a visitor from Ponyville who caused trouble, of you don't mind me asking, who were you referring to?"
"Gilda..." she said with a rather resentful tone.
"Hmm, it seems I've overstepped my boundaries," this probably would've ended badly if I'd have continued here, "Come talk about it sometime." I get up to leave, no one stops me. I walk out as it starts raining, I lift my head upward and feel it drip down my face. It feels nice...
Not many people like talking about their pasts, especially if theirs was a bad one.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Have you ever had problems with a close friend of yours? If so who was it, and if you don't mind me asking, what was it about?
One pondering on friendship,