I have been inattentive to my diary as of late. My time with Twilight has been filled with joy and pleasure, leaving me with little opportunity to write due to how busy I have become. With my newfound, and now refined, shapeshifting spell, I am able to spend time with her in the public eye. Free from worry or responsibility, I live with her in Ponyville, acclimating into day-to-day life here.
My sister, despite all that we have been through, has accepted my choice. I have been away from my home in Canterlot for years, leaving Luna to all of my royal duties. Once, I asked her if I am being too selfish, to abandon my reign to fulfill personal desires. However, she said to me that being a princess is a lifetime of experience; the time with a single pony is far less, and I must do what I can to enjoy it. Being a ruler will always be there, but being with one pony will not. She is right, of course, although her acceptance does not alleviate my guilt. I still control the sun for her, at the least.
My identity remains secret, for now. In Ponyville, only Twilight and her closest friends know that I am Princess Celestia. While at first I had worried about Pinkie Pie telling everypony, she agreed to swear not to. I trust in her word, as she is highly devoted to her friends.
Spending time in this small town has put life in perspective for me. These ponies enjoy such simple pleasures, working and talking of day to day life and each other. Gossip, I believe it is called. I have attempted to do so with ponies I did not know personally, but I cannot seem to find a comfortable way to do it. My mannerisms from living as a princess for so many years make socialization in this way difficult for me; I have admitted to Twilight that I try to stay with her while outside, as it is too difficult to mingle on my own.
All of the simplicity, it fills me with liberation. I wish I could stay here forever, but I know it cannot be done. It is only natural that a pony should desire what they cannot have, to strive for the impossible, but when it is finally attained, there is little more to do. In time, I hesitantly admit to myself that I may become less interested, less truly in love with Twilight. I may even grow to detest the life of an average pony. It is a gloomy, but possible outcome. However, I will enjoy it while it lasts.
My time with her is one of great emotional investment. I can feel my mind and heart free themselves as time continues, as if the mountains of worries and cares on my back were being weathered away. The tranquility keeps me sane, keeps me focused on whom is important in my life. My head is clouded with affection and love, filling the void that it once was. With all of these feelings and newfound identity, I have rediscovered the ways of the arts. What once brought simple enjoyment now brings me great satisfaction.
I have wondered for a time about the interests of anypony, why that, in art and performance, there is a disproportionate scale of effort and attention. Simple portraits I make under my new alias, and I spend a great deal of time perfecting them. However, they do less to satisfy the masses; while appreciative, they are far more interested in something such as a pony in pain. Keeled over in the shadows with sadness and regret, I painted a projection of an earlier time in my life. Everypony was stunned, overcome with amazement at the emotion it exuded.
That is just it, emotion in the arts. Nopony truly wants to see a simple portrait of a face or a landscape, nor do they want to read a story or watch a play of everyday life. It bores them, drives them away, the reminder of monotony in their lives. Deep down, they want to see ponies in pain, in anguish, in sorrow. They want to see them in love, with affection, acting on lust. All is the desire of entertainment. These emotions are what bring the masses to one's artistic vision, to show that the ponies within are truly alive.
To stir the passions are what keeps us so. I realize that now, when I am with my love.