Clouds. I could stare at them all day if I had the kind of time. They flow in whatever direction they wish. They have the one thing I wish I could ultimately have; freedom. Clouds exist in their own world where the sky is their habitat and there are no limits. . . No worries. The blue sky, being lonely itself, fills its void with clouds, being its only friends. They're lucky. They don't have to face the challenges we humans face. They don't need to worry about food, clothes, shelter, or water. That's what's wrong with today's society. We always say those things are needs, but without any money, they're merely wants.
The economy has taken its toll on my father and I. We've had to pawn most of our possessions just to eat. While I am 18, I've only had one job. It seems like the only way most people can get a job these days are through relations. Ironic how my name is Jesse, Hebrew for rich, which I am not.
While lack of funds is my first issue in my life, being lonely is next. I've had many loves in my life, which of all failed miserably. At this point, I've been left hollow on the inside; drained off all my emotions for the opposite sex. Tough I haven't officially given up, I don't try. Of course I have amazing friends in my life who care about me and support me, but I feel they can never give me what I truly want in life.
If I had to compare my mind to anything, it would be like the Earth. From within the atmosphere I'm a complete emotional mess. Rains of depression here and winds of hardship there. But from space, the outside, I seem like a perfectly normal day in life, which is the case. Most people see me as a pretty outgoing guy, but few of them actually know the storms that brew within me.
Lastly, I have no regrets in my life. For me, regretting my past just means that I'm not thankful for the present. And because I have no regrets, I have no fear of death, but I'm not suicidal.
At this moment I snap back into attention after staring into space for a few moments. Nature always soothes my body and makes me forget things. Currently I'm making my down Tropicana to our local Smiths to pick up some things for me and my dad. It's a typical warm day and I usually wear skinny jeans with band shirts. Today was no different.
Dirt and rocks crunch under my high top boots as I make my way up the dirt lot that coexists next to the shopping center. I take in a deep breathe and shove my hands into my pockets, situating them on top of my phone and keys. Cocking my head back, I stare into the sky while warm air breezes run across my face. I'm envious of those clouds, If only I could one day enjoy their experience, or to even fly among them one day. But I would probably just fall and hit the ground we call reality.
Cars whiz by faster and faster every moment I'm stuck within my dazed cloud stupor. When I finally reach where the sidewalk meets dirt, my attention is brought back. and I carefully make my way across the parking lot to the store entrance.
If I didn't live so close to the store, I wouldn't have picked up more than I have, but the details aren't important. I can't wait to get home and nap after the 2 mile walk, especially since I have a few bags to carry. My inspiration usually comes fourth when I'm alone in the dark. The lonely feeling the darkness gives me helps me understand things in my life sometimes. If humans didn't have to sleep, I'd still do it just to think.
As I make my way down Tropicana and turn onto Grand Canyon, I focus my eyes on the mountains in the distance. Mount Charleston seems close, yet when you take a visit, it takes hours to get there. Funny thing is, even though it's warm down here in Vegas, Mount Charleston has snow.
It's only snowed in Vegas 4 times since I've been born. It's easy to say I love snow, but I don't see enough of it, not as much as I'd like to anyway. One time, when me and my father took a drive up there, snow covered every inch up there. I had him stop the car in the middle of nowhere, just so I could take a 20 minute walk within the snow. It was peaceful, and the first time I've ever felt so peaceful and relaxed. Of course it didn't last long since as some point I had to turn back.
I'm almost home. One more block and one long stretch of side walk and I'm there. I rearrange my bags within my hands and wait at the corner. The cross streets don't have any lights, just stop signs, so I have to wait for my turn just like everyone else. I take one last check within my bags to make sure I have everything, I don't wanna go though this intersection 4 times in one day. I shudder in surprise when the car next to me beeps, implying that I should go already. I grasp my bags and walk out into the street.
The screech of rubber on road squeal from my right. I turn my head to glimpse what would be the last possible second of my existence. A loud thud, then bones shattering and cracking, and my breathe escapes my lungs before I could even make a sound. My head slams into the ground and blood oozes from my skull, and darkness set in.
“It's over,” is my last thought at the moment. My whole world is dark, never did I feel as lonely I am now. Shouts are the only thing I can hear. Things like “Are you okay?” and “Someone call 911,” are the only things I can make out. I force my eyes open, even though dizziness is my current state. Somehow everything changes. My whole body is cold and numb, my eyes can only make out darkness, faint faces, and what I can only make out as small, white, dust-like particles; and the shouts of people change.
“Everypony get him inside, Now!” I hear before my eyes close and I slip into darkness again.