Luna versus Ponyville
Part 2: Romance Novels
By Andrew J. Talon
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Applejack trotted up to a tree absolutely laden with apples. With a confident smile, she turned around, lifted her rear up, and snapped her legs into the trunk as hard as she could. She then set herself down on all four hooves to catch the resulting rain of fruit.
Applejack groaned and looked over her shoulder. She blinked in disbelief.
“Uh... Princess Luna?”
Luna groaned and rubbed the back of her head. She looked over at Applejack with a flush to her cheeks.
“Ah... Hello Miss Applejack,” she said. Applejack narrowed her eyes.
“Princess... What are ya’ll doin’ in my apple tree?”
“Sorry... I wasn’t aware it was yours,” Luna said. “I was just... Ah...” She coughed. “Resting.”
“I can see why... You look exhausted!” Applejack said. “Ah, ya mind gettin’ off me?”
“Oh! Oh yes, sorry,” Luna said as she got off Applejack and onto her hooves. Applejack got back up as well and blew some mussed hair out of her eyes.
“Well, come on now, I’ll take you to the farmhouse,” Applejack said. Luna looked at the scattered apples around them and smiled.
“Ah... Why don’t I help you with all these?”
“Now Your Majesty, there ain’t no need for that,” Applejack said as she began to pick apples up and toss them into her baskets. “Ah’m perfectly capable of handling this little job on my own.”
“Er, but I knocked you down,” Luna said. “So it’s my responsibility.”
Applejack sighed. “Oh... All right Your Majesty. Two sets of hooves are better than...” Applejack blinked and looked down at her sides. All the apples were now securely in her baskets. She looked over at Luna, who was floating the ones that didn’t fit on either side of her flanks with telekinesis. She smiled and gave an equine shrug.
“When in Rome?”
“Right,” Applejack said. She gave her a little smile and turned to head for the silo. Luna followed.
Luna found herself enjoying the smell of the apple grove and the vast fields. She imagined what it would look like at night with swarms of fireflies dancing through the branches, and smiled as this thought further restored her sense of peace.
On the bright side, she hadn’t hidden under a desk... Pretty much only because the only desk she’d seen in Pinkie Pie’s home was probably on it’s way to Low Earth Orbit by now. Along with large portions of the wall and the TV. Pinkie Pie was all right though, she could sense it.
I will have to apologize and make things right... Luna thought. She started at a flash of something pink, but found her heart rate lowering when it oinked.
As soon as I stop feeling terrified of anything pink...
- - - - - - - -
After depositing their burdens into the storehouse, they trotted off to the barn where Applejack began to hitch herself up to a wagon.
“Ah’ve got a few more trees to take care of,” Applejack said. “The wagon’ll make it go faster. You can have some apple juice in the kitchen in the house.”
“Are you sure you don’t require any help?” Luna asked. Applejack rose her head to say something, but stopped when she saw Luna’s sincere expression. She looked to the side.
“Well... Ah suppose you can help me a little... If ah really need it.” She turned to her and smiled. “Just have a drink ready for me when ah get back, all right?”
“Not a problem!” Luna said with a smile. Applejack smiled back, and trotted off back to the orchard. Luna was about to head off to the farmhouse, when she saw a splash of color out of the corner of her eye. She turned to look at it, and noticed it seemed to be the corner of a book stashed underneath a chest of tools.
That’s odd, Luna thought to herself. What is a book doing in a barn? She used her telekinesis to gently lift the chest up. She then summoned the book to her and caught it with her hoof. She lowered the chest back down and looked at the cover.
“Twinkle?’” She read the title aloud. The novel cover seemed to indicate it involved a romance of some sort, with a mare and a colt together in a dramatic pose with an apple held between them. Curiosity fully awakened, Luna opened the novel and began to read.
“Oh my beloved Sunny Muffins, our love can never be!” Shining Sparkle Mane said as the golden sun made his perfectly perfect skin shine in the warm loving sun. A warmth I felt just as strong in my hooves and between my flanks, though as I was the virginal filly I couldn’t bear to let him know.
“But Shining Sparkle Mane, I love you! You are so beautiful!” I gushed over his long flowing locks, his piercing gorgeous and fantastic eyes, his sinewy muscles, his perfectly carved flanks... I forced my eyes upward.
“What you see before you... What you call beautiful... is the skin of a monster!” Shining Sparkle Mane sobbed, manly teared rushing down his shining cheeks in rivulets I desperately wanted to lick up. My plain legs covered in their plain, ordinary skin fidgeted under the gaze of my ordinary green-brown eyes. The wind began to blow and make my regular brown hair wave in the breeze. Shining Sparkle Mane’s beautiful ebon locks waved, far more beautifully than mine ever could.
In that moment I realized three things.
One, Shining Sparkle Mane was a vampire.
Two, he wanted to kill me.
And three, I was hopelessly, madly, completely, unbelievably in love with him.
… Four, I wanted him to mount me and ride me like a long, hard trail of marshmallows.
And there was one thing with an apple I’d always wanted to try...
- - - - - - - -
Applejack sighed and wiped her brow with her hoof after dumping the large load of apples into her cellar. She smiled and stretched.
“Mmhmm! Time for a break...” She took one apple off the cart and trotted towards the farmhouse. When she passed the barn, however, she caught sight of Luna.
“Ah!” Luna spun around, her cheeks bright red. “H-Hello Applejack.”
Applejack frowned. “Somethin’ wrong?”
“Uh... No! No, nothing’s wrong, nothing’s amiss... How are you?” Luna asked. Applejack narrowed her eyes.
“Fine... What are ya doin’ in the barn?” Applejack asked.
“Nothing... Just... Admiring your... Toolbox,” she said. Applejack stared. Luna stared back. Applejack sighed and shrugged.
“Ah well... I’m just going to have a little snack,” she said. “You want one?”
“Ah, n-no! No, not right now, I’m fine! Just fine!” Luna said quickly. Applejack shrugged.
Applejack licked her lips and raised her apple to her mouth. She rubbed it against her chest and brought it up to her mouth. She noticed there was a significant amount of moisture clinging to this apple, and smiled as she licked the water off.
“Mmm...” She then bit into it, the explosion of flavor rushing over her tongue in the most exquisite fashion imaginable. She chewed it, once, twice, three times, before slowly swallowing it. The simple joy of eating something she had grown with her own hooves went down her throat to warm her insides, and she licked up the apple juice that had dribbled onto her chin.
“Oh... My...” There was a thud. Applejack looked up to see Luna crumpled on the floor of the barn in a dead faint. Applejack gaped.
“Landsake! Princess Luna! PRINCESS LUNA! You all right?!” She held Luna’s head up and fanned her hoof in her face. She then noticed something underneath the unconscious moon goddess.
“Huh?” Applejack picked up the object... And paled when she saw the title of the book.
“Applejack? What’s wrong, ah heard--Princess Luna?” Big Mac’s voice boomed behind her. Applejack’s freckled cheeks turned bright red as Big Mac cantered over. “What happened?”
“Ah... Ah don’t rightly know,” Applejack said, guiltily hiding the book behind her. “Let’s get her in the house and some water!”
“Right!” Big Mac said. He picked Luna up, slung her over his back, and trotted off. Applejack took the book back out, and cringed.
“Lousy Rarity, pushin’ this stuff on me...” She then scowled. “Ah wondered why those colts were actin’ so funny at lunch yesterday...”
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To be continued...