Sean and I just wandered a bit, waiting for Pinkie's partyocalypse to come raining down upon us. He told me a few stories about his time in the Phoenix Wright universe.
"... And then it turns out Torrie messed with Edgeworth's mind, to convince him he was the murderer in DL-6, not Von Karma."
I felt my eyebrow pop up. "Oh really... One more reason to want Torrie dead then..." My face contorted into a scowl, and then, I smiled broadly. "I think I have the perfect story for you..."
He looked at me, curiosity in his expression, so I started. "This is a tale that I like to call... The Chicken Story... Actually, no... That's another story, for another day." He raised his eyebrow.
"Er... OK then... Sure." I guess I sorta freaked him out. WHATEVER! We kept walking for a good fifteen minutes, and I decided to make small talk.
"So... Sean... How exactly DID you become The Traveler?" I slid my left hand into my pocket, shifting my jacket out of the way, and tipped my hat slightly. I never really thought about it, but I have horrible posture.
"Well... As you know, there are Gods. There are Gods of Good, Gods of Evil, and Gods of Neutrality, a set of three for every reality and universe, etcetera etcetera... Well, The Gods of Evil chose Torrie, for obvious reasons." I nodded, frowning a bit. "Then, there's the Neutral one, and she just sorta... Tips the scales, so to speak. Anyways, the Gods of Good decided to choose someone a little different than the others. They chose a seventeen year old boy, not too smart, not too strong... But he loved to learn. He'd just spend HOURS listening to music, reading all sorts of stories... And he was just a totally good person. He'd been created just for the purpose of being the Traveler of Good. And as you probably guessed, I'm that boy. My full name is Sean Nathaniel Brandenburg, but you know I prefer Sean, Nathan, Omnius... You know."
I stood there, absorbing the information. I gotta say, that was a pretty cool story. And I decided that I REALLY owed him a lengthy one. So I decided on the longest story I knew: The story of my life.
"Well... I've got a story for you. For real this time. There once was a boy, who never got along with anyone. He'd just shuffle into the corner with a good book, and read. He was fascinated by all these stories of mystical worlds, of crime, of punishment, of love, of romance... Of hate, and of sorrow. The last two especially piqued his interests, because they were the two things he felt most towards the world. He hated everyone, and they hated him. All he felt every day was pain and suffering. His childhood consisted of a few things. Pain, hate, false hope, and anything else horrible you can think of. You know how I walk with most of my weight on one of my sides?" He nodded and looked at the leg I never stood on. "It's because one day, a kid kicked me right in the knee. My kneecap was snapped out of place, and my leg collapsed. They fixed it, but my mom got pissed at me for costing her so much money... She took all of my books and sent me to the playground every day... And she gave me a sick, sadistic smile every time she dropped me off, knowing what would happen. I got sand thrown in my eyes, I had rocks thrown at me... Some older kids even held me down and tried to filter mud into my ears with a straw one day..." By this time, tears were streaming down my face, and Sean put his hand on my shoulder. "As I got older, I just kept shutting myself away... By the time I got to high school, I was good at just sneaking out of class and hiding in the library. There was this girl, her name was Rose Jameson, and she would always try to be really nice to me. I always felt sorry for her, because she only has one hand, the left one. I think she lost it in an accident or something, I dunno. She never let that get to her though... But every time she tried to speak to me, my self-developed instincts told me to hide myself... And after about two months, she actually tried to touch me. She put her hand on my shoulder..." Sean jerked away. "And I just threw the book I was reading and bolted out of there. She never spoke to me since... I guess I really messed up there, huh? Well... That's how my entire life went... Shit just kept going wrong, and nothing went my way... I suffered hardship after hardship, up until I ended up in Equestria. I know it seems like I would have freaked out, but I actually adjusted in a matter of minutes. As soon as I realized these were ponies, not humans, I thought I could start anew here, and as you can tell, I have... That's my story. I still wish I could apologize to Rose. That happened just a week before I came here. I guess some things are just supposed to be left the way they are." I wiped my eyes, and stopped crying. "Sorry, I guess that was a little depressing... Shouldn't've told that before we go to a party..." I put on my best fake smile, hoping Sean would think remembering all of that didn't get to me, even though it did. We didn't talk to each other for the rest of our walk.
I asked Sean if I could see his house, and he decided it would be fine. When we arrived, I saw something... Unexpected. A normal house. I know Sean can be pretty normal, but he can also be... Nuts, at times. Heh, look who's talking... Anyways, I honestly expected an underground bunker or something, not a regular house. But whatever. It was still nice. The bottom was made of a big chunk of stone, and the top was a huge glass dome that looked like it could survive almost anything.
"Nice place." I stood by the door and waited for him to open it up.
"Thanks..." He looked through one of his windows. "Why are all the lights off?" He opened the door, and we both walked in...
"SURPRISE!" The lights flicked on, and I jumped back. I held onto my chest and regulated my breathing. Sean looked at me with concern.
"You OK, Kyle?" I didn't answer him for a few seconds, and made sure my heart was beating normally. Eventually, I stood back up and stopped leaning on the end table near the door I didn't know I was using to support myself.
"Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine. Just a condition that rears it's ugly head every once in a while... I don't wanna talk about it." I waved my hand dismissively.
"OK..." Then, I saw a familiar pink blur come to a halt in between us.
"HI YOU TWO!" Pinkie bounced around us, giggling and smiling like a maniac. "So, do you like it? Huh? Huh, huh, huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu-" I held her muzzle shut.
"We get it, Pinkie. And yes, we love it." I let her go, and she gave us a huge, toothy grin. Seconds later, Vince came walking in, and Sean's jaw hit the floor.
"... Really?" I chuckled.
"Yes, really. Sean, meet Dr. Owen Vincent Brahms. He prefers to be called Vince, I call him Vinnie just to make him mad." Smug face, activate. Vince gave me an angry look, but extended his hand, and they shook hands.
"Nice to meet you, Sean. And Kyle, stop calling me that."
I gave him an evil smile. "But it's so fun to make you mad!" He just shot me a dirty look.
"So... Vince, how did you get here?" Sean cocked an eyebrow at him.
"Oh, it's a long story. Well, you see-" I turned on my heels and started off in another direction. I liked the story, but it is SO LONG... I went to the tables with all the food, hoping to find some alcohol, but sadly, only punch... And speaking of punch, Berry Punch was there, and she wasn't drunk. Crazy, I know.
"Oh, hello there, Kyle."
"Ah. Hi... Are you gonna flirt with me again? I really don't feel like dealing with it today." I turned my back to her, but she didn't go away.
"Actually, I wanted to say I was sorry for that. As you know, I can get a bit-"
"Completely wasted? Hammered? Smashed? Drunk off your plot?" I started counting off all of the sayings on my fingers, and she grimaced.
"You don't need to be so frank about it, but yes. I was just hoping we could still be friends after that incident." She extended her hoof, and I shook it.
"Sure, no problem, Berry. I'll just stay away from you when you're drinking." We both laughed a little bit. She saw one of her friends in the crowed, and waved when she trotted away, leaving me alone again... Until Dashie landed in front of me after zooming out of the crowd.
"Hey, Dashie. What's up?"
"I found something you might like..." She waggled her eyebrows and pulled a bottle out of her pocket. It was... ALCOHOL!
"Where'd you get that?" I was resisting the urge to just grab it and chug the whole thing.
"I found Nathan's secret hiding place. Wanna see?"
"Do I ever! Lead the way, Dashie!"
(One Hour Later...)
"This. Is. AWESOME." I'd already downed five bottles, and I wasn't even able to see straight anymore. That was some seriously strong booze. Pinkie had joined us, and I was having a LOT of fun.
"Pinkie... Have I ever told you that you're my super bestest friend in the whole world?"
"Aww... Thanks!" She gave me a big hug, and I just started laughing. "You're my bestest best friend too!"
"Yeah... Man, I wonder where Sean even GOT this from? It's insane! Almost as insane as you, you crazy pink ball of energy!" I squeezed her into the hug a bit, and she just lost it, as did I. We were rolling around among the empty bottles, laughing and kicking our legs, trying to get breaths in our lungs. After we finally managed to stop laughing, I saw that my bottle was empty, and remembered what Sean did the other day.
"FOR AZGARD!" I smashed the bottle over my head. Having my hat on helped, but not much. "Ow. That hurt... Alright, that was a little stupid... But now I wanna do it again!"
"I married a nutjob..." Dashie tried to facehoof, but instead poked herself in the eye.
"And you say I'm crazy!"
"Pinkie, you and I are officially drinking buddies."
"What about me? I'm your wife! And plus, if you don't take me drinking with you, I'll tell everypony about that thing you do with your tongue-" I shoved my hand over her mouth.
"AHAHAHA... Right... You win!" I let go, and she just gave me an evil smile. I went to grab another bottle, but the cabinet was empty.
"Oh. It's all gone. OK girls, our fun is over."
"Awww... Well! It was still fun!" And then, she was off like a rocket. I didn't know where she was going, and I really wasn't worried. "What's the worse that could happen?"
"Let's hang out a little bit. We are married." Dashie gave me a little nudge.
"Sure. I'd love to."
We stumbled around a bit, and talked to a few ponies. Not much. I ended up walking right into Sean, though.
"Oh, hey Kyle. A little clumsy tonight, are we?"
"Er... Yeah... *Hic*" He raised his eyebrow.
"What's the matter... Wait, are you two drunk?" His eyes widened a bit.
Dashie decided now would be a good time to start joking. "What gave it away, the fact that he walked into you and hiccuped, or the fact that we can barely stand?"
"Well... You guys got it from Berry, right? Wait... Kyle's completely messed up. Berry's stuff isn't THAT strong!"
Dashie took a clumsy step backwards. "We might have *Hic* found your bootlegged stuff..." His jaw hit the floor.
"MY HOOCH! DAMMIT! I need that stuff so I can out-gangster Al Capone!"
I almost fell over. "You know Al Capone?"
"He's my business rival! I provide good, non criminalized alcohol, and he kills people and makes booze. Did you guys drink all of it?"
I shook my head. "No, I think there's some le-" He was off like a bullet. I just stood there, dazed... And for some reason, Dashie was laughing her head off. A few seconds later, Sean was back, and he was NOT HAPPY.
"Okay, you touched my hooch. Only one thing to do now! Let's see...hair of the dog that bit me, some pepper, a raw egg, aaaaaannnd," He spit in the jumble of things he had in his hands, "some roughage. Now drink up."
I just stared at him for a few seconds. "There is NO WAY I'm-" I couldn't finish. He shoved the concoction in my mouth.
"Shut up and take your medicine! Karma, you've done it again!" After I took the "Medicine" I felt... Less drunk.
"What the hell was- Why am I sober now?!" I was just a little upset. I was having fun, after all.
"Hangover Cure: Monkey Island edition. I learned that it cures hangovers. Convenient, isn't it?"
"Yeah, but don't you know any ways that are a LITTLE less disgusting?" I glared at him.
"Yeah. But you touched my hooch. Kar-ma."
"You son of a-" Just before I went off on him, I felt a hoof tapping me on the side. It was Bon-Bon, and she had Lyra with her.
"Oh, hey you two. What's up?" Bon-Bon sighed, and looked like she was ready to tell a long story.
"Well... There's been a problem at my bakery. Somepony wrecked the place, stole the food, and left behind some less than kind graffiti. And I think I know who." I felt like I was going to go off right there.
Lyra looked as mad as I did. "It was that jerk, Hoops! The one you put in the hospital! Great going there, by the way. He must've figured out we're friends, and decided to take it out on us! He's over there, yelling at the other human." I marched on over, and I started clench my fists and pick up my speed. Sean grabbed me by the collar.
"Easy there, bud. I know Love is a passionate thing, but you need to calm down." I decided to just listen in on the argument going on.
"... You're just another freak, and you're a nerd, eh? You remind me of that loser that Rainbow Crash hangs out with. Maybe you'd like to get into a sick relationship with her, just like your friend?" You have NO IDEA how badly I wanted to kill him right there. Vince just shrugged, and said nothing.
"Hey, Kyle, just be cool. I've got this. Follow my lead." We approached Hoops, and as soon as he saw me, his eyes shrank and he almost passed out.
(Listen to this.)
Sean just smiled like a maniac, and a desk appeared out of nowhere in front of us. "What the-"
"The one who ACTUALLY committed the crime," He slammed his hands on the desk. "IS YOU!" He pointed at Hoops, who flinched, thinking he'd somehow get hurt. "Wait, I think I know this line from- NO WAY. Oh I HAVE TO DO THIS."
I grabbed a stack of papers from the desk, and started tapping them with the back of my hand. "No alibi, no justice, no dreams," I slammed my hands on the desk. "NO HOPE!"
Then, Sean and I started yelling at the same time. "IT'S TIME TO PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES!" We slammed our hands on the desk. "TAKE THIS!" We both pointed at him, and out of NOWHERE, there were loud explosion sounds, and Hoops just collapsed onto the floor.
(Stop the music.)
I couldn't even pick up my jaw, nor could I believe I'd just DONE THAT. "That. Was. FREAKING. AWESOME! WE JUST DID THE HYPER ATTACK COMBO FOR PHOENIX WRIGHT FROM MARVEL VERSUS CAPCOM 3!" I almost fainted from the amount of AWESOME.
"Well, like I say, it's good to be The Traveler." He gave me a smile that I HAD to return.
"And it's good to be your friend, Sean."