"Oh boy..." I stood outside of the castle, and the guards didn't look at me. Still reminded me of those guards from England. You know, the ones with the funny hats? Erm... Anyways... So I'd spent a few weeks spending time with Dashie and Scoots, then I'd started going around telling everypony I was back. I just had one more stop. Yep, you guessed it.
After I managed to muster up the courage to even face the princesses, I walked into the throne room, and Celestia just looked at me.
"So... You're back." She had a monotone... Tone. I need a better vocabulary.
"Yeah... Listen, I can explain-"
"Oh, there's no need to explain. Couldn't wait to get away from us, could you?" She shot me a glare that could make even the most hardened of people flinch.
"Oh come on... Just gimme a chance at least..." I gave her a pleading look. Then she just started laughing.
"Relax, Kyle. I'm only teasing! It's wonderful to see you again. I already know what happened. I hope you'll be able to stop Torrentican permanently this time."
I smiled evilly. "Oh, don't you worry about that... I'm gonna rip his head off..."
"Now now, calm down..." She closed her eyes, seemingly in very deep thought. Then, I saw a blue flash, and Luna stood there, staring at me with wide eyes. "You're back! I can't believe it! I thought I would never see you again! I-" She looked at Celestia, who was barely stifling a laugh, and Luna blushed deeply. "I-I'm happy to see you again."
"Same here, Luna. Always nice to see the one who saved your life after being impaled. Well, it was nice seeing you two again, laters!" I turned to walk away.
"Wait...!" Luna trotted up to me, and gave me a big hug. "It's nice to have you back..."
I smiled, returning the hug. "Thanks. Now I gotta get going. Bye!"
The princesses waved to me as I walked away, ready to go home.
The next day, I decided to have a huge party with Vinyl, to celebrate DJ 1NS4N1TY's comeback.
"Alright, the next song is something I made in about ten minutes last night, enjoy!" I played the track, and just watched as everypony danced like there was no tomorrow under the laser lights. I saw a few ponies making out in corners, and I couldn't help but smile. I LOVE BEING A DJ.
(Listen to this)
Then, a purple pony with a pinkish mane and some grapes and a strawberry as a Cutie Mark approached me. I recognized her as Berry Punch, the local alcoholic... Before my breakdown.
"Hey there... Your a *Hic* goo' lookin' guy... How about you n' me *Hic* have a lil' fun...?"
"Oh jeez... Berry, it's every time I have a party, you get hammered. Just go and let yourself calm down. Besides, I'm married." I flashed her my ring for emphasis.
"I won't tell *Hic* if you won't..." Facepalm.
"Ugh... Berry, just go away... I don't need this right now."
"Fine... Your *Hic* loss..." She stumbled away after bumping into everypony nearby, and proceeded to hit on a stallion nearby.
"Jeez... The ponies I meet..." Then, Dashie flew up to me.
"How goes it DJ?" She punched my shoulder playfully.
"Hey, babe. How're you enjoying the party?" I smiled at her. I was glad she was back to her old self.
"Great! Hey, did you make this music?"
"No, actually. This was a song I really liked back on Earth. I just found it on my playlist, and decided to play it." I shrugged.
"Well, it's nice." She gave me a peck on the cheek.
"Alright... Hey, you go enjoy the party, love. I'm gonna get a drink." I put my MP3 Player on shuffle.
"OK, cool... Just go easy on it, will ya? I don't feel like dragging you home tonight, we can't have nearly as much fun like that..." She gave me a seductive look, and then hovered off. I laughed. "I love that mare..."
I headed down to the bar, eager to relieve some stress.
"Hey dude." I sat down, and the bartender smiled.
"Well, if it ain't the DJ who's made me all sorts of money." He smiled, and sat a bottle down in front of me. "On the house. It's the least I can do."
I gave him a big smile. "Thanks man... Can I have a glass though? I don't like drinking from the bottle."
"Sure thing." He turned around and grabbed a glass for me, and I poured myself a drink. Then a mint green mare sat down next to me.
"Hey Kyle..." She looked me over, her eyes beaming.
"You checking me out? Sorry, but I'm taken." We both laughed.
"No... It's just... I've always read about humans in old books, but I never knew there were still some around, and I've been studying them for a while now. But to actually know one..."
"Ah, I see. Well... Here I am. I exist."
"Hey, what's that over there?" Lyra pointed behind me. I turned around to see what she was talking about, but I didn't see anything.
"What're you talking about?" I grabbed my glass and drank the entire thing.
"I thought I saw something..."
"Ah, it was probably nothing... Don't think anything of it... Woah, this drink is strong... I think I'll step outside for a minute..."
(Stop the music)
I headed outside, and just leaned on the wall for a second. I felt my vision dimming, and I fell down onto my butt. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was a green hoof coming out of the door.
I woke up, and I felt sore all over. "How much did I have to drink last night...?" I tried to get up, by I couldn't move my arms or legs. I looked at them, and saw that I was chained to a bed.
"Oh you have gotta be SHITTING ME!" It's ALWAYS when I'm trying to enjoy myself that stuff starts happening.
"Ah! I see you're awake. I have a LOT of questions for you." I looked for the source of the voice. It was Lyra, and she was sitting in a chair next to me.
"Lyra! What the hell are you doing? Let me go!" I started squirming.
"Sorry, but I can't. Not until you answer some questions for me. Like, where are you from? And how did you get here?"
"I may as well get this over with..." I sighed, defeated. "Alright... I'm from a place called Earth, in another dimension. I was skydiving one day, and I fell through a rip in space and time. Now I'm here."
"Ohhh... I see... And, how did you get into the sky to skydi- Wait... You know, I've always wondered how humans worked... Maybe I should try and open you up, see how you work."
(Listen to this)
I felt my eyes widen to the size of saucers. "If I get a feel for how you work, I might be able to turn myself into a human!" She clasped her hooves together and smiled, her eyes slowly drifting away from each other.
Knock knock knock "THANK YOU."
"Ugh. You stay put, I'll get that." She got up and walked upstairs. I assumed I was in her basement or something.
"Alright, now I know where I am... AND HOLY SHIT THIS PSYCHO BITCH IS GONNA CUT ME TO PIECES HOW DO I GET OUTTA HERE!?!?" I frantically looked around, and saw a stand next to Lyra's chair, with the key to the locks on the chains. "Great... That really helps..." I started thrashing around and screaming. "HEY! DOWN HERE! HELP ME! SHE'S GONNA KILL ME! HELP!" Sadly, whoever it was upstairs couldn't hear me. "She must've had the place soundproofed... I'm fairly certain she was planning this.
Then, I saw a bright flash of light, and then I heard a THUD.
"What the..." I looked down and saw a young man, probably in his twenties. He was wearing a fancy suit... That was torn up and covered in blood and other fluid that I didn't want to know the origin of.
"Ohhh... Spinny spinny room... Hehehe..."
Oh great, the dude's delusional from blood loss, so it would seem... Wait, he can help me outta here!" I started wriggling around a bit. "Hey! Dude, get up!"
He stirred, then stood up a bit. He looked at me a bit, and gave me a "The hell?" face. "OK... You're into some kinky stuff..."
"Oh why you little..." I shot an angry look at him. "OH HA FUCKING HA! NOW GET ME OUTTA HERE! The key's on that table..."
"Alright, fine! Jeez..." He grabbed the key and unlocked the chains. I sprang up.
"Thank you... Now, how the HELL did you get here? And what's your name?" I put my hands on my hips and raised my eyebrow at him.
"Dr. Owen Vincent Brahms. And I have NO IDEA..." He scratched his head.
"Alright, nice to meet you Owen. Now, we just have to make sure she doesn't see us while we get out of heeeeeeere..." I stretched out my last word as I turned around to see a very excited looking Lyra.
"Two humans!?!? What a-"
"OH MY GOODNESS SO ADORABLE!" Owen threw himself at Lyra and started hugging her.
"DON'T HUG HER! SHE'S THE ONE WHO KIDNAPPED ME!" I yelled at him. Lyra just stood there, dumbfounded by what was going on.
I facepalmed. "Alright... Wait... She's the kidnapper..." I grabbed Owen by the back of the collar and started dragging him. "LYRAITWASNICEHANGINGOUTWITHYOUBUTIGOTTAGOKTHXBAI!"
She didn't even have time to respond, as me and Ownen were already halfway out the door by the time she opened her mouth.