A My Little Pony fanfic and “Cupcakes Pinkie” rebuttal by Lord Xaos.
*-Omake are non-canon extras to a story. Basically, this is a joke chapter.
Pinkie Pie had no idea where she was. Or why these little critters where so glad to have a pony dead because Sugarcube corner had fallen on it. They burst into a happy little song about the gruesome event.
Actually, she'd like to know just where she got this blue dress and white apron.
“Ding dong, the Witch is dead! Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!”
Seriously, this was…okay this was catchy, but it was just morbid. Suddenly the singing stopped and was replaced by an awed cry.
“It’s Glinda! The Good Witch!” one of the munckin-ponies spoke up. And they all bowed. “Huh?” Pinkie turned around and saw….Zecora!
“Greetings to you, young filly of the pink hue.” The Zebra was standing there, wearing the frilliest costume ever. Applejack would’ve died just from gazing at something so frou-frou-ie.
“You are the one who destroyed the wicked Witch of the East?” Zecora inquired
“I didn’t mean to!” Pinkie protested. “I mean, its not like I planned to get swept away by a torna-“
“You did no harm, but rather service. The Witch was a most fearsome beast.” Zecora consoled her.
Before Pinkie could ask some much needed follow up questions, a mighty explosions accompanied by a red smoke cloud erupted in the middle of the crowd of Munchkin-ponies. And there stood, in a pointy black hat and a dress made of ponyskin-HERSELF!
Once the other Pinkie Pie was done sneering at the Munchkins, she trotted over to the legs of the pony Pinkie’s home had crushed. Pinkie turned to Zecora, recognizing this pony was quite obviously a Witch.
“Zecora, I thought you said she was dead…and also at least implied somewhere in there that she wasn’t me.”
“Glinda, dear. There is no Zecora who is near. That was her sister, Elista, the Wicked Witch of the East. This is Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West. She’s worse than the other one and not merciful in the least.” Zecora, I mean GLINDA Rhymed.
Elphie-Pie turned to Glindora and Pinkie and spoke in a menacing tone that was still undoubtedly Pinkie’s own voice. She read a story to the Cutie Mark Crusaders using that voice. “Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East!?” She turned to face Pinkie. “Was it you!?”
“No! It was an accident, I didn’t mean to kill anypony!” Pinkie pleaded helplessly while Zecora unhelpfully smiled behind her. Help me out here, you crazy bitch! Tell me, what in the world makes you a good witch?
…ARG! YOU HAVE ME THINKING IN RHYMES NOW! ...which isn’t really new, its how I come up with lyrics for my songs but whenever I talk to you, I feel like its eating what little is left of my brain!
“Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents, too!” Elphie-Pie menaced Pinkie. “I see you crushed poor Elista with a bakery. Well, my pretty, how’d you like to be the secret ingredient in a little cupcake recipe I’ve been working on?”
“Aren’t you forgetting the ruby slippers? Now that they pass to you, I would’ve thought you’d be quite chipper.” Glindora offered.
“The slippers.” Elphie-Pie whispered. “YES! The slippers” She returned to the dead body, and crouched down do retrieve the red shoes off the Elista’s hooves.
But then they disappeared. And Elista’s body withered under Sugarcube Corner inexplicably. Elphie-Pie immediately turned back to Glindora. “The Slippers! What have you done with them? Give them back to me or I’ll…”
“It’s too late for that. There they are and there they’ll stay.” Pinkie suddenly realized that her hooves were covered in the Ruby slippers. “You’ll never have them for all the rest of your days.”
“You give them to me, now!” Elphie-Pie demanded.
Pinkie immediately tried desperately to take the slippers off, but to no avail. Pinkie’s eyes went wide and she turned to Glindora. “WHAT?! OH MY LUNA, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? NOW SHE’S NEVER GOING TO LEAVE ME BE!”
“Don’t look so sadly. Their magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn’t want them so badly.” Zecora whispered conspiratorially into Pinkie’s ear. “I don’t care about tha-“ Pinkie tried to get a word in edgewise, but she was interrupted by her Witch-clone.
“You stay out of this, Glinda! Or I’ll fix you as well!” Elphie-Pie threatened.
Pinkie kept talking. Her mind was racing with complaints and clearly interrupting ponies was the only way to get any attention here. “And why would you just glue these shoes on my hooves? What if my feet get tired? What if I want to wash them or I clip a hoof? I mean DUH! I have a life outside your McGuff-hey!”
Glindora patted Pinkie on the head and giggled at Elphie-Pie. “Rubbish! You have no power here! Begone! I think I foresee another falling house landing on you in the near!”
Elphie-Pie flinched and looked to the sky.
“You should know, nothing’s going to fall. I would’ve gotten a twitchy tail…” Pinkie offered. Everypony ignored her, as usual.
“Very well!” Elphie-Pie stated. “I’ll bide my time.” She pointed a hoof at Pinkie “AND AS FOR YOU, my fine pretty….its true I can’t attend to you here and now as I’d like, but just try to stay out of my way. Just try!”
She smiled an evil smile. “I’ll get you get yet my pretty, and your little dog, too!” She cackled before disappearing in red smoke again.
Pinkie blinked. “Dog? Is she talking about Gum-“ She just noticed that by her side was Rainbow Dash! ….in a puppy suit.
“Arf. Arf. Arf.” Rainbow barked. I swear, I will MURDER whoever’s idea this was.
“Ah yes, you’re loyal dog Toto. But she’ll be just one of the compainions that you will know.” Glindora explained to the hopelessly confused pink filly.
“There will be the Scarecrow, who is in search of a brain. Be careful her stuffing doesn’t get torn out, for fixing her is quite a pain.” She motioned to a gray coated Pegasus with a blond mane and crossed eyes. Pinkie recognized her as Ditzy Doo, although she was wearing strange clothes with straw poking out of her.
“Life would be a ding a derry, if I only had a MUFFIN!” Ditzy sang merrily.
Zecora continued. “And next is this Tin Mare, who is a master of the magical art. She is in desperate need of a heart”
“Hey!” The Tin Mare complained. “The Great and Powerful Trixie resents what you’re implying there!”
Zecora ignored Trixie. “And finally, there is a Lion. It is for a source of courage she would be eyein’.”
“rar.” Fluttershy in a lion costume quietly stated.
Zecora finished up with. “And to return home, you must see the Wizard of Oz, of lives in the Emerald city at the end of the yellow brick road. As for me, I leave you now and return to my abode.”
And Zecora went away in a little pink bubble.
Pinkie just stood there. The munchkins had started another song, and her “companions” were cheering her one, calling her “Dorothy”, but she wasn’t listening.
Everypony....everypony here….was totally insane. She was thrust into a big scary, alien world where a witch (that looked like her) wanted to kill her to avenge her sister, and also where she, SHE, Pinkie Pie, was the only sane pony.
No amount of color and song in the universe could get her to ignore the forebodingly hopeless task in front of her. Her entire world went crumbling around her.
She could hardly breathe. She wanted to scream, wanted to berate, wanted to break down and cry. But she just couldn’t manage to do much of anything.
Then Lionshy tentatively asked her “Dorothy? A-are you alright?’
Pinkie looked at Lionshy, with horror etched onto her face. Her lips moved, but not even Pinkie herself could be certain what it was she wanted to say until she just went and said it.
“Oatmeal? Are you crazy?” And then Pinkie ran away into the wilderness, laughing like a maniac. Her last sane thought was her wondering who it was that was “playing” Elista.
Everypony just stared after her. All was quiet. Until a cough was heard under the house.
Elista-Dash’s voice came from under Sugarcube Corner. “Oh sure. Crush me under a house! You’ve already made me mess up not one, but two perfectly good offensives versus Pinkie Pie! One of which involved being choked by my own trophy! I swear, I get no respect around here!! No respect at all!”
IN ALL OF OZ!
NO WIZARD THAT
THERE IS OR WAS
IS EVER GONNA
BRING. ME. DOWWWWWWWN!
What would Fluttershy’s Dark side be like?
Flutterlight: H-hello? Is anypony in there?
Flutterdark: *points obvious toy water gun at Flutterlight* "S-s-stop! Don't move or I w-w-will shoot!"
Flutterlight: AAAAHHHHH!! *Shakes*
Flutterdark: WAAAHH!!!! *drops gun to start trembling in place*
Applejack: *Rolling on the floor laughing.*
Rarity: *Has died from the absurd levels of Moe.*
Flutterdark *armed with same Water gun*: FREEZE! GIVE ME YOUR LUNCH MONEY OR I WILL SHOOT!
Flutterlight: AAH! O-okay...h-here’s five bits...its all I have on me! Just promise me you won't shoot!
Rarity: Ah! No!
Applejack: Sugar cube...you DO know that's just a water gun, right?
Rarity: I know! But I can’t let her ruin my mane!
Applejack: *rolls eyes* I'm not afraid of that!
Flutterdark: How brave of you to step forward! *points the gun at Applejack*
Flutterlight: NOOOO! APPLEJACK, DON'T BE A HERO! PLEASE, FORGIVE HER!
Flutterdark: The five bits I got from you are hardly enough to spare your life as well as that of your friends! But I shall show mercy this day! You better have even more next time!
*Flutterdark turns to leave. Fluttershy still trembling and Applejack just standing there, raising an eyebrow. Rarity gives a sigh of relief.*
Suddenly Flutterdark turns around and pumps the gun!
Flutterdark: Two FOR FLINCHING! *Squirt! Squirt!*
Applejack: WHAT THE HA-ACK! *Is squirted*
Rarity: AAAIIIIIEEEEEE! *Is also squirted*
Flutterlight: APPLEJACK! RARITY! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! YOU PROMISED YOU LEAVE THEM ALONE!
Flutterdark: AND LOTS AND LOTS FOR YOU! *Flies over Flutterlight, squirting her "lots and lots" ....which is technically only three squirts*
Flutterlight: AAAAAAHHH!!! *is soaked...lightly*
Flutterdark: *flies off, laughing manically...* "Oh Celestia...I was so *giggles a little as she speaks* ....naughty! I'm the greatest Evil Twin ever!"
Fluttershy just sits there, dripping wet and crying. Applejack, who has already shaken the water out of her coat, is trying hard to suppress a giggle. Rarity isn’t speaking, but staring daggers into the direction Flutterdark retreated.
Applejack: "Ah..ah..pss…um! Fluttershy? Darlin'? Are you all right?"
Fluttershy: "I....I...." *Still sobs, but she starts to break into the cutest frown ever* "I'LL NEVER FORGIVE HER! SHE IS PURE EVIL!” *looks sad again* "I don't know if I can ever look at myself in the mirror again..." *frowns again, and stands up proud to make a declaration to the heavens* "BUT I CAN NEVER REST UNTIL EQUESTRIA IS RID OF THAT..THAT...DEMON!"
Flutterdark: *small voice* grr.
Flutterlight: *eyes widen*
Flutterlight: …..*chuckles* oh my. How scary!
Flutterlight: oh! I-I’m sorry. You’re very scary. Please don’t cry.
Flutterdark: Leave me alone! *runs off crying*
Flutterlight: Oh Fluttershy…why’d you have to be such a bully?
Pinkie Pie: You should be ashamed!
Darkie Pie: *is baking cupcakes* Lalalalala lala!
Flutterlight: *Crashes through the door, gasping for breath*
Darkie Pie: Oh! ….you came back! ….Of your own free will.
Flutterlight: SHH! g-g…get the….
Darkie Pie: WHAT WAS THAT? I DIDN’T QUITE HEAR YOU! *Is tackled by Fluttershy, a hoof placed over her mouth*
Flutterlight: Get. The. Lights. Lock the door. QUICKLY! Before she gets here! Hurry! *flies around, turning off the lights faster than she’s ever done a task like this before*
Darkie Pie: *has already locked the door when nopony was looking* What’s gotten into you?
Flutterlight: HIDE! *ducks behind a chair*
Darkie Pie: wha? *look at the window*
Flutterlight: NOOOO! MORON! GET BACK BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!
Darkie Pie: AAAAHH! *is now totally horrified*
Door: BANG! …..BANG! …..
Darkie Pie: *Grabs Flutterlight* What IS THAT? WHAT IS THAT?
Flutterlight: I-I told you to hide! *cries* There’s no place to run now!
Door: BANG! *hinges start to break*
Darkie Pie: …...*looks a Flutterlight*
Flutterlight: ……*looks at Darkie Pie*
Both: *Embrace each other, crying*
Door: *IS KNOCKED DOWN*
Dark Presence: *Enters house. Emits strange sparkly aura that lulls you to sleep*
Darkie Pie and Flutterlight: *Want to scream, but can’t find their voice*
Dark Presence: *in echo-y voice* Hush now, quiet now, its time to lay your sleepy head…
Darkie Pie and Flutterlight: *Just stare, transfixed*
Dark Presence: Hush now, quiet now its TIME TO GO TO BEEEEEEED
Whoever discovers the bodies: *Will NOT have a strong enough fortitude to avoid vomiting up their own lungs*
How this story COULD have gone.
Rainbow Dash: *sits up in bed, covered in cold sweat* AAAAHHHH!!! Huff….puff….*feels overself* Oh Celestia…my wings…my cutie marks…I’m whole. Its just a dream. Just a dream. *cries*
Bon-bon: So, what IS different about these cupcakes?
Pinkie: Oh, you silly filly! If I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret ingredient!
Rainbow Dash: *shudders* Calm down, Rainbow. You KNOW Pinkie isn’t like that….right?
Rainbow: I have find out what’s in that basement! *goes into basement* There’s nothing here, but a map of Twilight’s treehouse! ….wait. *hears somepony coming*
Pinkie Pie: *enters room* Hmm..I could’ve sworn I heard somepony down here.
Rainbow Dash: *Hiding on ceiling, holding her breath, thinking to herself: I’m a ninjapony, I’m a ninjapony, I’m a ninjapony.*
Pinkie Pie: Oh well…I’m probably just getting paranoid. *looks at map* Tonight’s the night. Rarity and Applejack will be at Twilight’s for another one of their…sleepovers.
Rainbow: *thinking* Why is Pinkie so angry when she says sleepover? Is she jealous she wasn’t invited?
Pinkie: Maybe I should put this off for another…no. It has to be tonight. I’ll take care of all three of them at once! *leaves basement*
Rainbow: *looks horrified* Oh no…Twilight. Rarity. Applejack! ….I’ll be waiting for you there, Pinkie. And all four of us will put an end to your reign of terror!
Rarity: Rainbow? Darling? Why are you hear? I didn’t think you liked Sleepovers.
Rainbow: um…We need to talk. Mind if I come in?
Applejack: Thar are plenty of Smores here!
Twilight: Oh yes, Rainbow, you simply must try some!
Rainbow: Oh, thanks! *eats Smore*
Rainbow: So, you see girls, I believe that Pinkie is coming here, sneaking through a secret door in Twilight’s basement, and is planning to kill you and then she’ll feed you to other ponies as Cupcakes!
Twilight: I can’t believe this…but…alright. We’ll stay up and wait for her. You are SURE she didn’t see you?
Rainbow: I don’t think I’d be alive if she did. I still can’t believe it…but I don’t think this can be a coincidence!
Rainbow: I’ve got you now, Pinkie! Help me hold her down, everypony!
Pinkie: D-dashie? No, Dashie…not you, too! I was heartbroken when I learned about Twilight and the others but…but…you….WHY DASHIE, WHY?
Rainbow: WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT, YOU PSYCHOPATH? HOW DARE YOU TRY TO COOK YOUR FRIENDS INTO CUPCAKES?! OF COURSE I’M GOING TO STOP YOU!
Pinkie: *forelegs are grabbed by Twilight and Rarity* C-Cupcakes? Dashie, what ARE you talking about!? Twilight and the others have been grinding up ponies into-DASHIE WATCH OUT!
AJ: *Bonks Rainbow Dash on the head* “Ah reckon we should thank her when she comes too. She’s such a brave filly. Spying on you for us when she thought you would murder her and warning us all about you.”
Pinkie: No…No, Dashie, I’m sorry. I didn’t know who I could trust…but…now too late, I realize…I should’ve told you…I should’ve just had anypony there to watch my back. *looks up* But you…how can you do this? To your neighbors? To your friends? To…to…TO FLUTTERSHY? I just…don’t understand you at all!
Twilight: Fluttershy? Oh! That reminds me, we still have some strawberry flavoring left over!
Rarity: Oh…wonderful, darling! I can hardly wait! *cuddles against Pinkie Pie*
Applejack: I’ll get the machine warmed up as soon as I’m done with Rainbow….
Pinkie: *gasps* RAINBOW!
Coming this fall, a horror film that will chill you to the very bones they will grind into marshmallows.
From the maker of the movie adaptation of “Cupcakes” and “Slendershy”, comes…
Rainbow: *is tied up, crying, looking at a smore made with a melted pink Marshmallow.* W-what is that?
Twilight: Aw, Rainbow…you helped us get some more ingredients for more treats, so we thought that you should be the first to sample these. We made them Strawberry flavored.
Rainbow: Wha...? When did I help you get Marshmallow ingredients?
Rarity: Darling….don’t you know what goes into a marshmallow? Well….REAL marshmallows? Not that chemical rubbish you find in the stores?
Rainbow: “Real?” I don’t understand! And I don’t care! Tell me what you did to Pinkie Pie!
AJ, Rarity, and Twilight: *exchange knowing smiles and giggles*
Applejack: You really shouldn’t let her go to waste, Rainbow…It’d be downright disrespectful of you.
Rainbow: Wha….. *looks down at the Smore…and begins sobbing* No….no…..PINKIE! I’M SO SORRY! I’M SO SORRY I INTERFEMPH! *has Smore shoved into her face*
Rainbow Dash: *still crying*
Rainbow's Belly: *in Pinkie's voice* Um....actually...Rarity
All poines: GASP!
Rainbow's Belly: "Real Marshmallows" are made from the Marshmallow plant, AKA "Althaea officinalis". Gelatin made from bones was implemented in the creation of marshmallow in omnivorous societies that got a taste for the treats but had a surplus of bones and a lack of Marshmallow root, or were using it for uses like halva extract, medicine, mouthwash, root beer, and even just eating the root raw.
AJ: *looks agape at Rainbow's Belly*
Rarity: *gaze wonders from Rainbow to Twilight*
Twilight: *Doesn't take her eyes off Rainbow, but feels Rarity's gaze and Nods.*
Rainbow Dash: *has already fainted*
Rainbow's Belly: Um guys...? You need to get Rainbow to throw me up. Quickly. And you too.
AJ: W-why is that?
AJ's Belly: Because We....
Rarity's Belly: are combining....
Twilight's Belly: back together!
All ponies' tummies rumble violently......
Rainbow Dash: Gaaaargllee.....
Fluttershy's ghost: Um....has this ruined the Dark tone of the omake segment, or just replaced it with something else?