In the year three thousand and one point five, there was an evil Princess, Bald-lestia, who ruled the Chrome Dome Empire. Following the loss of her glorious mane due to a tragic shopping error in the beauty isle at her local Target, she vowed to rule the entirety of Equestria with her baldness and to make sure everyone was as maneless as she was to ensure her rule. She terrorized town after town with her Hair Hunters, enshaving her people along the way. But one dragon, a reptile among ponies, wouldn’t stand idly by. A hero amongst heroes, an animal with an afro, a…guy who looked incredibly intimidating and silly at the same time, would stand up to her reigns of terror. This is the tale… of Bo Bo Spike.
The air was stale, the sky was cloudy, and her mane was blowing in the breeze that smelled of cut hair and baby tears. Pinkie Pie hid behind a rock as she watched the Hair Hunters cruelly remove a few fillies’ manes in a manner that was efficient and tactful. The pegasi would gather up the defenseless citizens, the earth ponies would keep them grounded, and the unicorns would dive in with the shears. It was only pure luck and Fluttershy’s sacrifice that kept her mane poofy and disorganized. She swore she’d buy her a wig one day… if they didn’t burn all the wig shops before she had the chance.
“Hello Pinkie,” a voice that was oddly familiar rang into her ears from behind her. It was brash, high pitched, and filled with that sense of enthusiasm only an athlete could have.
“Hello Balder-Dash!” Pinkie greeted her ex-friend. She turned around to see her in her crazed baldness resting next to a motorcycle. “I see you joined the Hair Hunters… I’m disappointed.”
“It was my only way to get into the Wondershears. It’s not like we can’t be friends after this,” she argued rather peacefully. It was almost as if she wanted Pinkie to give up.
“Sorry but I can’t do that. You’re not getting my hair!” Pinkie jumped out of her hiding place and began to gallop away. Immediately, Balder-Dash boarded her vehicle and gave chase. The still-maned pony ducked and weaved around obstacles around Ponyville, futilely hoping to deter her friend who could easily fly over any of it. She looked back for only a second to find her chaser was calling for help on a walkie. Like a well-trained special ops team, cyclers arrived and began to corner her at every turn until she was boxed in at the Town Square. Before she had any time to realize the puns she had unintentionally created, she was trapped.
Twilight Glabrous, the leader of the gang, stepped off and approached Pinkie. “I’m sorry, but this is where we cut your escape, much like your hair, a little short.”
When her most recent opponent was only two feet away, she sat down on her bottom and began to accept that she had finally been caught. She gave the biggest puppy eyes she could muster and the largest upper lip her body could handle. A lone tear dripped from her opponent’s eyes. As the momentary proof of sadness dribbled down her rather mute face, a large black whip struck out from somewhere and sent the librarian careening off into space.
Before the other troops could even hope to begin to understand what had just happened, the same whip struck them too, sending them unconscious and catapulting out of Ponyville. Pinkie located the source in the form of a silhouette when the crowd had been cleared. It was a… thing, standing on two legs and it had two claws. She could see some dragon scales, but there was a giant ball on its head and it had two long tendrils originating somewhere from its face. If only it wasn't standing in the shade, she might be able to see what it was.
“Hello Pinkie,” the unmistakable voice of Spike called out in an air of coolness. Despite him trying to lower his voice to act cooler, she could feel his worry. “Are you ok?”
As he stepped out from behind a building’s shadow and into the light, she saw the young dragon had a blue afro donned on his head and the two tendrils were… nose hairs.
“Eww what!? Those whips from nowhere were your nose hairs!?”
“It’s a secret story that I can’t tell you. But, since you’re here and all, I suppose I can tell you.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Ohhhh kaaaay…”
“See, I can talk to hair now.”
“Spike, put on this wig.”
“Hey, Rarity, I can hear your hair now!”
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“-and that is how I got these nose hairs that can save the entirety of Equestria.” The dragon looked up at his companion. “Pinkie, put down the phone.”
“But I was just going to order some D-“ After an intense glare from Spike, she complied by snapping the Razor phone shut and putting it away in her hair. “So,” she began with a topic change, “why did you save me? It’s because you could hear my hair in distress, right?”
“Not even close.”
“Spike, put on this wig.”
“Hey, Rarity, I can hear your hair now!”
“Spike, could you be a dear and answer the door please?”
The dragon stepped off the posing station and went to the lobby. He was greeted by two bald stallions with twisted grins and furrowed eyebrows. Also, one had a pimple on his face that he was desperately trying to cover up, but it wasn’t working at all and it actually made it more noticeable. Spike would have said something but he looked like the sensitive type.
“Hey Kid, yah seen a poneh by the name of Raritay?”
Spike raised an eyebrow at his undistinguishable accent. Then he threw up in his mouth a bit when he thought the pimple moved.
“You’re my best friend,” the other said menacingly.
“Eh, don’t mind him, Kid. He’s just now learnerizing proper Equestrian and the only words he knows are from kids’ shows.”
“Counting is FUN!” he said in a diabolical voice. His eyes became seethed with rage as he began to recite the alphabet in the most evil way possible.
“Ok then.Uhh, yeah, Rarity is back there.”
“Wait, you told them where she was?” she questioned her companion as they sat down on a Town Square Bench. You couldn’t have known they were going there because you were watching that memory.
“Yeah, and it’s the biggest mistake I’ve made in my life. Now I’m going to destroy the Chrome-Dome empire with my bare hair and avenge Rarity.”
“Oh, I guess that makes sense. Can I come with?”
“No, you can’t. But since you’re here I guess it’d be ok.”