Sugar Cube Corner was empty. It was past closing time and the Cakes were away visiting family. The only occupants were two earth ponies sitting in the kitchen, one pink, one orange. The orange one was not happy.
“Durn'it Pinkie! Y'all said you wanted me to lead a discussion on farmin'!” Shouted Applejack.
“I do!” Pinkie Pie said.
“But there ain't nopony else here. How am Ah supposed to talk about the farm if it's jus' the two of us?”
“That's what I've been trying to tell you!” The pink pony explained. “We're not alone, and the people I want you to talk to aren't ponies.”
Pinkie was being more confusing than usual, so Applejack simply asked. “Beg pardon?”
“Yeah! I wanted you to explain some stuff about farming to our fans.”
“Ah'm afraid Ah still don't follow.” AJ should have known better than to rely on Pinkie's ability to clarify things.
“Our fans silly!” The party mare just rolled her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I just need you to sit here, look straight at our fans, and answer the questions I give you.”
Pinkie adjusted the farmer to face one of the kitchen's walls. Each answer just brought up more questions. “Yer tellin' me that this here wall is our 'fans?'”
“Yup!” At least that answer only left one more question to ask.
“Are you still seein' that new psychiatrist the court sent out here sugar cube?”
“No.” Pinkie's smile faded for a moment. “He's been committed to the mental ward in Ponyville hospital. I tried to bring him some get-well balloons and cake, but the doctors wouldn't let me in.”
“Oh, uh, sorry sugar cube.”
Pinkie's grin returned almost immediately however. “That's okay! Everypony at the hospital is super nice, I'm sure he'll make lots of new friends!”
“So anyway, are you ready to answer some farming questions for our fans?”
Applejack sighed. This was just another case of 'Pinkie being Pinkie.' The hyper mare was probably just curious about some of the work the farmer did, and wanted to make a game out of finding out. “Sure Pinks, shoot.”
“Okie Dokie Loki!” Pinkie pulled an index card from somewhere comical and read. “Cows produce milk, chickens produce eggs, and sheep produce wool, all of which ponies use. The question is: why do ponies keep pigs along with all these other creatures?”
“That's a good question Pinkie, the reason we-”
“Look at the audience.” The pink mare interrupted.
“Oh, right.” Applejack turned towards the wall. “The pigs at our farm will eat just about any waste we make. Then they, uh, produce manure which we use as fertilizer. Basically the pigs act as a fast paced composter.”
Satisfied with her answer AJ gave a nod, to which Pinkie replied. “But I'm confused. All the sheep I know love to eat trash, and cows are great at making manure. I remember one time Daisy Jo came in and asked to use the bathroom, I must have gone through five plungers that day it-”
Pinkie was interrupted by an orange hoof in her mouth. Applejack said. “Ah think Ah get the picture. Might not be too appropriate for our 'fans' don't'ya think?”
The party pony nodded and tried to agree around the hoof, once it was removed she said. “I just think it's weird that ponies keep pigs when other farm animals do their job, and give something extra too.”
“When ya put it that way, it does seem a bit odd.” The orange pony pushed her hat back. “All's Ah can tell ya is that farm ponies have always kept pigs. It's just one of those things that's done.
Pigs have been part of a farm for as long as ponies've been farmin'. Twilight could probably show ya a book of old pantin's and artifacts goin' back thousands and thousands of years, and on any one of them showin' a farm there'll be a pig on it.”
“So you don't think it's weird?” Pinkie asked. “You haven't wondered why ponies started keeping pigs in the first place?”
“Not 'till now Ah haven't. Like Ah said, it's just one of those things that's done. It's like wearin' a saddle, or usin' a shovel or axe. They're designed kinda silly, but that's the way they were always made so ponies don't bother to change 'em.”
“Well thank you Applejack, that was very informative.” Pinkie put out her hoof to shake AJ's.
“Uh, any time Pinkie.”
“Unfortunately that's all the time we have for today, so we'll have to say goodbye to our audience.”
“Yeah, right, uh, bye wall non-ponies.”
Applejack walked out of the Corner wondering what that was all about. That night she couldn't sleep, she kept thinking of different areas of pony life that just didn't make sense. What was worse was that there were so many things that could be improved on that it was a wonder that nopony had done it before. It was almost as if their technology and way of life was designed by someone else, someone who wasn't a pony. The farmer chuckled to herself. She was starting to sound like Rainbow Dash after she'd read the last Daring Do novel. Ancient space ponies constructing equine civilization my hoof.