DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit work of fan fiction. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic © Hasbro.
"Big Macintosh! Do you understand the responsibilities associated with what you're proposing?!"
"We know nothing about humans! Are you sure you can provide for his needs?"
"Are you perhaps suffering from residual effects of the want-it-need-it spell?"
"Then why are you so determined to keep him?"
Big Macintosh stopped and looked over at Conrad who was crouched behind a water trough. "Cuz he's scared, and he needs a strong hoof to protect him."
"No offense, my friend," Turner said, raising an eyebrow, "but it's your strong hooves he's afraid of."
"But less ponies will see him if he lives in the barn."
Turner opened his mouth and took a breath to protest, but hesitated instead. "Well, I'm afraid you've got me there."
"That and the future you stopped by and told us that--"
"Ap-bap-bap-bap!" Turner shoved his hoof in Mac's mouth, his eyes wide from being startled. "Future me came here, you say?"
"OK, whatever you were going to tell me, don't. I can't hear it, otherwise we'll have a major problem on our hooves."
Mac spat out Turner's hoof. "Like what?"
"Well, if you tell me what I said, then I'd have no reason to come back and say it, which would cause me to not come back and say it which would make us not know it so I would have to come back--"
It was Big Mac's turn to stick his hoof in Turner's mouth. "Ah get the picture. No talking about future Turner."
"Good." Turner smiled. "Well then, I guess we can agree then that Conrad would be better off here. Speaking of which, it's late. Would you mind fetching a pillow and blanket for him while I talk with him real quick?"
"Eeyup." Big Mac turned and trotted towards the house.
Turner went over to where Conrad was hugging his legs again and sat next to the human. "Conrad?"
Conrad turned his head to him.
"Big Mac and I have agreed that it would be safer for you to stay here. I think he still has Twilight's spell on him, but at any rate, he's willing to help."
"You know, you can trust us. We want to help, and we want to be your friends." He put his hoof on Conrad's shoulder, feeling him tense up at his touch. "You at least trust me, don't you?"
"I dunno," Conrad sighed, "I want to, especially since you saved me from those wooden dog things. I just..."
"I understand," Turner said, patting Conrad's shoulder, "Old phobia's die hard. But I've never trampled anyone in my life, and Big Mac is one of the gentlest ponies I know. He's almost as gentle as Fluttershy, and even quieter."
Turner slowly let out a beath. "Oh, she's this little yellow pegasus with a long pink mane who takes care of animals. I'm sure she'd love to meet you."
Conrad promptly stood up and went for the door. "OK, I've heard enough! I'm going back to the woods."
Turner tapped his hoof and appeared in front of the door. "Now hold on here. What's got your knickers all bunched up?"
"Fluttershy, that 'gentle' pony you mentioned?" Conrad raised his voice. "I saw her kill a bear with her own hooves! And you're saying Mac is almost as gentle as her?! Sorry, but I like my neck in one piece, thank you very much!"
Turner stared in disbelief. "W-what? Fluttershy would never hurt an animal!"
"Ooohhhh! I see!" Conrad seemed to not be scared anymore. "So there's just two yellow pegasi with pink hair that hang around with animals! And it just seems that only one of them kills bears. Well, I feel a whole lot better." He held his arms out wide, emphasizing his sarcasm.
"Now calm down," Turner urged, "I'm sure there is a logical explanation for all this."
"Logical?!" Conrad was getting hysterical now. "What's logical about any of this? I'm stuck on a whole other planet with no way home and I'm surrounded by crazy ponies!" Tears were streaming down his cheeks now. "I'm stuck here... no one knows... where I am." He was crouched down now, holding his face in his hands.
Turner wrapped his forelegs around Conrad in a warm embrace. "Calm down. It's alright. I promise you, I will find you a way home."
"H-how?" Conrad sobbed into Turner's mane.
Turner pulled back and looked Conrad in the eyes. "By figuring out how you got here in the first place. And I know somepony who can help."
Conrad gulped. "M-more ponies?"
"Just one," Turner assured, "And don't worry, she's nice, and well-studied. If anypony would know about humans, she would."
Conrad nodded. "OK."
"Good lad." Turner stood up. "I see Big Macintosh coming back. You promise to stay here, this time? Remember the last two times you snuck off."
"Alright then. I'll see you in the morning." Turner proceeded to exit the barn, nodding to Big Mac as he left.
Big Mac went over to the hay pile and set up the makeshift bedroll. He nodded towards it, motioning Conrad to try it out.
Conrad slowly walked over, pausing when he came near Mac, and then laid down on the blanket, folding the other half over himself. He looked up at Mac and forced a smile. "Thanks."
After a pause. "Um, you gonna watch me all night?"
"OK, cuz I think I'll be fine here a--"
Big Macintosh flopped over and rested his head across Conrad's chest.
"Oh, God..." Conrad softly whimpered.
Lyra burst in through the door, bouncing like Pinkie Pie with a hysterical grin on her face. "They're real! They're really, really real!"
"Yes, so you've said," Bonbon lamented, following her room mate into the house, and added under her breath, "for the four hundredth time."
Lyra stopped bouncing and cackled, looking at her friend with a twisted grin. "Oh, yes! Humans exist! And this one's going to be mine! ALL MINE!" She broke into all out maniacal laughter as Derpy loosed a well-timed lightning bolt outside...