BEEP BEEP BEEP
The merciless buzzing refused to stop, with a groan the man rolled over to try to block out the noise. Too bad machines are heartless jerks who refuse to allow pitiful humans the time for rest. One day, the man vowed, he would murder all technology everywhere. Or at least all clocks... Or at least his clock...
The man awoke with a groan, rubbing the Sandman from his eyes as he rolled over. He smashed his hand upon the devilish contraption. But the evil monster refused to stop. In anger he ripped the cord from the wall, while in the process finding a way to knock over half the furniture in the room. It was at this point he realized his clock ran on batteries and he had destroyed the cord of his lamp.
The universe really had it in for him today.
Deciding he had enough the man threw the clock across the room, creating a large hole in the wall that he had just fixed. Yet the clock continued its attack upon the mans ears.
Such was a regular morning in life of James.
After destroying the clock James headed down the hall to the kitchen. James was the kind of hardworking American who without his coffee, was quite literally a walking nightmare. Creating destruction wherever he went for no other reason then the universe getting a good laugh out of it. The universe is a jerk like that.
James poured himself a nice hot cup of Joe, Somehow finding a way to fall asleep and over pour it. Deciding that he could clean it up after he got his coffee he set to work on it.
As science could explain, hot coffee is hot. As soon as his tongue touched it he reared back in pain and dropped the cup of magma on the floor. Spilling over EVERY part of his lower body. Today was not his day, just like every morning.
Still too tired to notice his face, or more specifically his upper lip, feeling weird, he fixed himself another cup of coffee. This time he was smart about it and put cold milk in it, how he forgot to do that the first time is something only the universe knows. On his way to the bathroom he noticed a strange sort of whimpering, he couldn't find out where it came from because every time he called out it stopped, likely from fear. He was still not fully with it, as he hadn't had his formal shower and mustache trimming session.
Removing his underwear he got ready to get in the shower. He couldn't help admire his wonderful pink... mustache. He was positive his mustache wasn't pink, had big scared eyes, or cried. In fact all of those things are very un-mustache like.
Deciding that he was officially crazy he decided to go along with it. If you're insane there is no reason not to enjoy it.
"Are you ok mustache?" His now pink and yellow mustache epped in reply. Yup he was definitely insane.
"What is your name?" Hey who says mustaches don't have names? Have you ever seen a talking mustache? Then how can you assume they don't have names?
The now called mustache whispered something in reply, so quietly it would have to talk into a megaphone for him to hear.
"Say again?" The mustache repeated its name.
"Slutterhigh?" The small creature tried again.
"Buttersnigh?" Again, the mustache spoke up.
"Fluttershy?" The pony nodded in his mirror. Satisfied that all his problems would disappear, or at least he would wake up and find out this was all a crazy dream, he got into the shower. He didn't care if his now talking mustache saw him naked, it was a mustache, it is not like it mattered anyway. His mustache didn't seem to think so.
"Please stop crying Fluttershy..." The mustache whispered sorry, seems his mustache is a little uncomfortable with seeing him naked. Well his mustache better get over it, he was contemplating shaving it. Although a talking mustache is a once in a lifetime opportunity and should not be taken lightly.
"With great power comes great responsibility"
James couldn't help but wonder if his now talking mustache gave him magical powers. If it did he would be the coolest thing since sliced bread, or at least till Lady Gaga. Although if you think about it that doesn't seem like such an accomplishment.
"Umm... hold your breath mustache I'm going to wash you." After being sure his mustache was holding its breath he covered it in a drop of soap. He quickly finished up since he wasn't sure how long his mustache could hold its breath.
Did he just wonder how long his mustache could hold its breath? Yah, he was officially insane. Least it seems to be the fun kind of insane instead of the 'I'm gonna cut you' insane.
After getting dressed for work he headed out the door, hey if he was insane then no one will see his new mustache. It could be a fun experience. And if not... well He will cross that bridge when he comes to it.
He smiled at the kid across the road playing on his tricycle. The kid seemed to be distracted somehow.
"Is there something on my face?" The child did not respond, instead opting for running inside of his home screaming. Weird. Ahh well today was casual Monday, he wasn't going to let insanity stop him.You can only wear jeans once a week at work. Such a thing was immensely important to the fabric of space and time. The very nature of this day depending upon its jeanyness. At least in James' mind.
This was made to get over my writers block for my other story, if you enjoy this please say so. If enough people like this I MIGHT start updating it regularly. Until then this will not be updated often, by the definition of 'often' means how often I get writers block so... No Idea. Please leave constructive critism. Say whether I should continue this or not, or if I should just "BURN IT WITH FIRE" Because fire kills all monsters. Also I shout out to Troutking (known as Troutface by me) for being awesome.