This is my first Fanfic
I know I'm not a very good writer, and I know your expectations are very high but I'm a young, new writer. (14 y old girl.)
So, can you just critique my writing instead of hate on it?
Please? Please note, this pony is NOT ME.
I am Fire Star.
Leader of the Shade army.
To free Equestria from Their cruel Queen. Queen Celestia. The Tyrant.
Let's start from the beginning.
I used to love ponies, I really did. But now, I wish I had never wished to come here. I was once human, a pegasister.
I would write Fanfictions, draw fanart, and interact with other fans. I would look at the ponies in the screen and wish I was with them.
One night, I saw a shooting star, I wished I could be in Equestria when I died, just for the hell of it, maybe stars COULD grant wishes.
Little did I know I was in for a living hell of Equestria.
I was in a car. My mother's (I was 13 at the time, quite young for a brony, I know) white ford car.
Suddenly, as if scripted into a movie, we were struck by another car.
My mom lived, I wasn't so lucky.
I was killed at the first impact.
It seems strange, I know.
I, of all people, was sent to Equestria.
But I was.
I wish I could have gone to heaven, or hell, or I wish I wished to go the world of Warriors Cats.
Equestria isn't a safe-haven. It is a living HELL.
Just remember that for the next time you wish to go to Equestria.
You'll be there for a reason.
And this is mine.
It all started when I was killed, the second I closed my eyes for the last time, I opened them in Equestria. By the edge of the Everfree Forest.
Let's just say, I was OVERJOYED.
My wish HAD come true!
I wish it hadn't.
I trotted over the Fluttershy's cottage to say hello. (She used to be one of my favorite ponies.)
I saw her leading her animals towards the forest. She looked terrified, even more than usual.
"Hello? Are you alright?" I greeted in a quiet friendly tone so I wouldn't scare her.
She jumped and stared at me in shock. I smiled warmly. "It's alright, I'm a friend. I wont hurt you. I just need to know where I am." LIES I knew where I was quite well.
"Yo- You're in ponyville." She said. Louder than I would expect, but strangely, her eyes were locked on my back flicking up to my head. "And your an alicorn." I looked at my back and forehead in shock. I need an excuse! I GOT IT.
"You see, I come from a far away land, Alicorns are common. I'm guessing they aren't here?" I had no idea the term Alicorn was cannon but who cares?
Her gaze grew serious. "You can't stay here. The queen will banish you away so you can't threaten her leadership over Equestria. Go run now!" When I didn't move she grabbed a piece of paper that was lying on the ground. I nearly choked on my breath.
It was a poster, you know, the Tyrestia poster meme.
Like this Poster
Then I booked it into the Everfree forest, miserable.
I was in the world of my dreams, but it was ruined.
NO!
I HAD DIED TO GET HERE.
I AM NOT GIVING UP!
If anypony's gonna stop Tyrestia, Its going to be me!
"Can I help you?" I spun around to see a very confused white pegasus.
No it wasn't Celestia, thank god, it was male, and it didn't have a horn.
He was the same height as me (Not as tall as Celestia, maybe about the size of Princess Luna.) and had a spiky golden mane and tail, but his tail was longer than most stallions and looked like a lightning bolt.
He held out a hoof. "I'm Lightning Strike, wait, you're an ALICORN?!"
THIS IS HOW I DIE
He smiled and his head flashed to reveal a... HOLY SHIT! A HORN!
"Follow, Celestia will find you here. Then you'll be fucked." Hmmm, I find it odd that he is swearing...
"What? You should know what "Fuck" means, I can tell you're human, we're two of a kind here."
Before I could say a word he dashed off, and I followed.
Eventually I caught up to him. "Where are we going?"
"CloudShade, Alicorns are more natural there so you'll fit in well."
Eventually (more like after a few hours) we made it across the Equestrian border all we had to do was use an invisibility spell to get past the many guards. We then took off and flew over many barren landscapes. Just to say, flying isn't as fun as you think, it's just like running, or taking a swim, just no ground and no water. (And you can breathe. Thank god)
Suddenly, the rough sandy terrain changed to canyons and jagged peaks. It wasn't long after the change in terrain were we swallowed by dark, stormy clouds. The clouds were so dark, I almost didn't see Lightning dive down towards the ground. Thankfully, I DID see him and I followed him into a large half- underground half- aboveground civilization.
When Lightning landed. He trotted over to a cave entrance.
"This is the Dracony Queen's palace." He stated.
I looked at him in confusion. "Dracony?"
"Alicorns, most have a very weak magic ability and the horns are mostly used as weapons in combat. Also they have Dragon wings instead of feathered ones."
I nodded and followed Lightning into the cave. The cave was actually pretty nice on the inside. The stone floors were polishes to look natural and pretty at the same time. There were many halls but Lightning only went down the middle one, which led to a large room with a heavily battlescarred dracony pony pony at the end.
"Queen Switchblade?" Lightning asked.
The pony turned around. "Yes Commander Lightning Strike?" She said in a more regal tone than her battle worn appearance suggested.
"I have brought the prophesied Alicorn Of Fire. And like fire shall she blaze."