"The little colt with the weak throat trotted away yonder here.
To leave this world of dread and mope and away from all his fears."
"No. Not dreary enough," Blueblood muttered to himself as he magically crumpled up his parchment, tossing it into a bin full of crumpled papers. He then got another parchment from his desk and continued to write once again at his desk. "Now let us try this again, but with more feeling."
This little colt...
"Prince Blueblood! I have a message for you!"
The prince let out a groan of annoyance and turned towards his personal guard/messenger. He was a young grey unicorn stallion that wore the standard royal armor minus the helmet. This was in order to show off his sleeked back, silver mane. His tail was quite long and flat for a stallion, easily mistaken for a curved blade of sorts. When his mane and tail were in bright light, it reflected just like steel would. Blueblood remembered that when he hired the young pony, he personally paid for his grooming. This was not a sign of endearment to the young guard, but just for Blueblood to make it look like he had a better guard than everypony else.
"And he still cannot get himself a girlfriend". Blueblood mentally amused himself. "At least I don't even bother trying. Just like what father said. 'Another Grand Galloping Gala, another grand greedy girl who's after gold'. Or something of that sort.
His guard went into the room magically lifting the letter, placing it on the desk. He then made a low bow and when he spoke, he did not sound like an ordinary guard, but like any average young adult stallion; almost like a surfer dude. "It came here five minutes ago, addressed from Ponyville, directed towards you." The silver haired unicorn paused a moment, as if unsure of what to say next.
Blueblood anticipated such a thing. "What else do you have to say Silver Steel?"
The young guard quickly got back up, his golden eyes looking away. "Uh? Well….It's…"
Blueblood was losing patience. "It's what? It's late at night and I'm ready to go to sleep. What do you have to say?"
Silver Steel almost jumped into the air when his superior raised his voice. So he quickly spat it out. "IT'S SOME KIND OF FANMAIL SIR!"
This actually surprised Blueblood. Whenever he got mail it was usually from either family or business. Any other mail was usually from scorned mares or their supports. The prince let out an angry snort at the thought of it.
"Why do ponies always support the mare? And why is it always like 'Why did you reject so-and-so, why did you have to be so mean, nopony likes you because blah-blah-blah'. BAH! Like I care! Exactly what father said about them. They did not deserve to live their measly fantasy lives with a handsome prince. They need to prove their worth to this world in order to even allow me to open a door for them."
He shook these thoughts out of his head and passed the envelope to Silver Steel without even looking at him. "Go on. Read it to me."
The unicorn guard frantically saluted and opened the letter with his yellow aura magic. He then began to attempt to read it like a true gentlecolt his employer expected him to be.
"Dear Prince Blueblood. I find you as an okay guy. A little snooty, but I've heard of worse."
Blueblood chuckled to himself. "Well that's a good start. This seems to be my lucky day." The prince then braced himself for some kind of hollow hate filled message of some sorts. He heard them all from those suitors and their friends, so why be offended?
"I just have one tiny question though. You probably haven't really heard this one too much."
Blueblood just rolled his eyes, waiting for some stupid prince bashing for no conceivable reason than to try to act tough. He began to laugh harder at such a possible pathetic attempt.
"What is your purpose as a prince?"
Blueblood went wide eyed and stopped laughing. When Silver heard his boss gasp, he stopped reading. "Are you alright or should I stop sir?"
"No, no. Go on Silver."
Silver shrugged as he let his stoic voice slip. "Kay dude! Alright where was I?"
"'What is your purpose as a prince?' you twit."
"Alright thanks." The guard cleared his throat to get back to his tough voice back. "If your aunts represent the sun and moon respectively and your sister is pretty much the physical embodiment of love…"
Blueblood rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Trying to speak fancy are we?"
"…Then what is your purpose? I'm not being mean or anything, but I just want to know? From, Sweetie Belle," Silver nodded his head in admiration when he read the writer's age to himself. "Smart kid. Child must be like one of them prodigies you always talk…" Silver cringed when he saw the prince spacing out.
Blueblood was at a loss of words now. He had a cutie mark but never really considered or cared how he got it. He just cared that it looked good. But now this random pony, donkey, cow etc. was questioning him about his position in life. If it was a hater, he could just ignore it or make a witty comeback, possibly even forgive them (he knew his "enemies" hated that the most). But in this case, this was merely a child and he had nothing to prove. He just stared straight into space trying to find his true purpose. Sure his cutie mark was a compass, but he never really explored at all beyond the riches of Canterlot or was particularly good with directions. So what did it mean?
"Uh? Sir? Are you okay? You're not lookin' too happy."
Blueblood got back to his senses, moved away from his desk, and looked down at the much smaller stallion. "Of course I am. It's just another pathetic attempt to fracture my self esteem," Blueblood felt that his words weren't strong enough, so he snatched the floating letter with his teeth and spat it into his trash bin. "Besides, who wrote
Silver looked at his benefactor, then at the trash bin, then at his benefactor again. "A-are you sure sir?"
Blueblood just facehoofed and spoke up in deadpan annoyance. "Yes I am okay. I…I just have to think for a while. Just…go home Silver. Your duties are over for the day."
The young guard slowly nodded but unsurely nodded. "Alright," He then began to walk out the door. "Night boss." A magical yellow aura then closed the door after him.
Blueblood scoffed at the thought of taking a mere letter so personally. He then brushed his teeth, got into bed, and turn off the light. But even then, he just couldn't sleep.
What is your purpose? What is your purpose? What is your purpose? What is your purpose? What is your purpose? What is your purpose? What is your purpose? What is your purpose?
"OH COME ON!" Blueblood turned the lights back on, took the crumpled letter out of the trash bag and looked it over again. And again.
Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Shining armor were all standing by a wooden coffin. An organ was playing and many candles were lit. Despite the sad scene, nopony was crying. Instead, they looked bored.
Princess Celestia finally spoke up. "So does anypony have anything to say about Prince Blueblood before we bury him?"
The others looked at one another, unsure of what to really say. After some disagreeing, Cadence finally spoke up for her deceased brother.
"Well to be honest, he never really did anything worthwhile in his life. So…I can't really say anything."
Luna added her two cents in a disgustingly good mood. "Nopony can! He was a loser that never did anything! I sure won't miss him!"
Shining Armor let out a boisterous and uncharacteristically deep laugh as he put a hoof around his wife. "You can say that again! That Blueblood's a massive square! He's a disgrace to all royalty and I hope he can hear us right now!"
All four of them began to laugh out loud. Celestia then lifted the dull coffin with her magic. "Well I guess we can all agree that he was a NOPONY!"
All four of them began to chant "nopony" over and over again as their laughs became more distorted. Their eyes became red and their teeth became razor sharp. Celestia then made a mundane ditch in the ground and placed the coffin inside it. Cadence, Luna, and Shining then summoned shovels and began to bury the coffin as they still chanted the same word over and over again.
"Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony!"
Luna then made a coffin erect from the ground. On it was Blueblood's screaming and terrified face. Under it read "May you never rest in peace worthless nopony."
Blueblood screamed and his eyes shot open. He frantically checked if he was in one piece and to his relief, actually was. He then let out a breath of relief.
"Ahhhhh. It was all just a bad dream." He got up but then felt his horn hit something hard. He used a light spell and to his horror…found himself in the same wooden coffin. As he struggled to free himself, he heard the same distinct, otherworldly chant.
"Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony!"
Blueblood tried to pound the casket with his hooves as hard as he could, but the more he pounded, the smaller the coffin felt. He eventually found that he couldn't even move his arms. All he could do now was scream as he heard the chanting grow darker and more twisted.
"Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony! Nopony!"
Blueblood sprang up from his bed with a high pitched scream. He was gasping for air and could feel that he was sweating profusely. He looked up to find that he was safe in his bed, in his room. As he calmed down, he placed a forehoof on his chest as he to a breath of relief.
"Oh how I hate dreams within dreams. Such a cruel trick for the mind to play."
Blueblood then almost skipped a heartbeat when the door quickly barged open. But to his relief, it was just Silver Steel. He was quickly warily looking about the room for any sign of danger as he carried a sword with his magic. When he found that his protectorate was safe, he let out a sigh of relief.
"Whoah sir! You had me going. I just got here, and I hear this high pitched scream. Something wrong or something, or is it something that's about something that I shouldn't really know about or something?" He then made a wide smile of excitement. "Or is it like a dual donkey destroyers of democracy duo or something?" He was hoping to finally be able to beat somepony up. When Blueblood just shook his head, Silver just sheathed his sword in disappointment.
Blueblood just rolled his eyes, loathing his subordinate's lack of sense. "No I'm fine. Just had a malignant dream that's all. Happens to the best of us," He then got out of bed and put on a robe and slippers. "Now did you get this morning's paper from the doorstep?" He was never particularly interested in current events. But as a prince, he felt like he had to be with the times.
But as he was speaking to his guard, he noticed that he was looking at something else. Blueblood just groaned and strictly addressed Silver. Blueblood knew about the guard's "tendency" to lose focus, but it was much too early in the morning for this.
"Silver Steel! What in Equestria are you staring at?"
Silver quickly refocused back to his boss with a sheepish grin. "Oh sorry dude… sir." He gave the paper to the prince. "Yes, I meant sir. I was just looking at that spider over there." The young stallion pointed towards a large, purple spider that was hanging over the desk. "Such wicked awesome creatures those things."
Blueblood looked at the spider for a second and rolled up his newspaper. But rather than just squish it, he let the spider crawl onto the newspaper. He then opened a window and let the spider crawl onto the side of his manor. He then turned back to Silver as with a face of indifference.
"Arachnids are such majestic creatures and are precious to our environment Silver," Blueblood stated as he walked out of his bedroom. "Besides, I didn't want to make a mess."
Silver Steel loyally followed his charge. "Prince Blueblood. You're brother-in-law Shining Armor is on his way to see you."
"For what exactly?"
"For your weekly sparring session sir," Silver then perked up. "What styles are you going to beat him up with this time?"
Blueblood thought for a moment, then shrugged. "I thought nothing of it. But no matter, I deal with that that when the time comes."
Shining Armor was sent flying out of the training ring, landing on his back with a thud. The Captain of the Guard was sparring with his brother-in-law for over an hour and still had yet to land a hit on him. Blueblood even appeared as if he wasn't even trying. He was just merely reading today's paper as he sparred in his gi.
"You weren't boasting about that Dragon Style of yours," Shining Armor remarked to Blueblood, rubbing his own head. "Or the Packration style."
Blueblood continued to read his paper as he magically tightened his black belt. "Brother-in-law. I never boast, I only state facts."
Silver Steel blew the whistle and called out. "And another win for Blueblood with his amazingly bodacious Flying Dragon Kick of Destiny!"
The grey stallion was walking around the sparring ring in a black and white referee outfit, revealing his golden five-pronged star cutie mark. He scurried towards Shining Armor and helped him up.
"That's two losses for you sir," Silver stated towards the beaten unicorn. "Would you like to try again?"
Shining just stretched, trying to ignore the pain. He was determined to at least hit his in-law at least once this month. "Of course Silver," Shining got back onto the ring, ready to confront Blueblood once again. "Quitters never succeed."
Blueblood nonchalantly passed his morning paper towards Silver, cricked his neck, got his legs moving, and got ready for round three. "Alright Shining, I've already beaten you with Packration and the Dragon Style. What do you what me to use next?"
Shining armor had no idea what to choose, but wanted a hopefully easier one. "I don't know. Just go for one your newest one," He then rubbed his aching skull again. "With these skills of yours, why didn't you try to be Captain of the Guard?
Blueblood let out a loud yawn and answered. "I'm to lethargic for such duties. Besides, what position would you be then if not captain?"
Shining Armor thought for a second then shrugged." I don't know."
The prince merely smirked. "Still below me that is where dear brother-in-law."
"Good one sir!" Silver called out to his master laughing. "Man! Shining totally got burned!"
When Shining merely glared in annoyance, Blueblood hit his forehooves together and gestured Shining to attack him. "Approach me if you dare. I have been learning this new art known as Krav Mane-Ga."
This made Shining armor back off immediately. He heard of that fighting style and was completely unwilling to fight against it. If Cadence saw him after such a fight, she would be absolutely furious. So instead he stepped out of the ring.
"I'm good Blue. I'd like to still walk out of here on four legs."
Blueblood used his magic to jump right next to Shining, somersaulting on the way there. "Very well Shining, I have had things to speak to you about anyways."
Shining couldn't remember the last time Blueblood wanted to actually have a legitimate conversation with him that wasn't about Cadence. "Seriously? What's this about?"
Blueblood stepped away as he got a towel around his neck. "I will tell you soon enough," He then turned towards his personal guard. "Time to find the rubber mouse again Silver Steel."
Silver perked up with excitement. "Oh boy! What's today's riddle sir?"
Blueblood spoke slowly and clearly for the stallion. "What keeps fresh that is old, whose outside is warm but core is cold?"
Silver Steel saluted both his superiors and trotted off, saying the riddle to himself over and over again. Shining armor just watched as he left the training room dumbstruck that a guard would consider looking for a rubber mouse worth their time. But then he felt a towel hit him in the face.
"Go clean yourself up Shining and meet me in the study room when you are ready." Blueblood then patted his in-law's back and walked out.
Shining Armor snorted in annoyance as the prince left. He then took the towel off of his face and placed it around his shoulders. He then headed towards the locker room. "Sometimes that guy is just too tough to deal with."