Oh, right. Still on my way to the library. If it seems like it's taking forever for me to get to the part where I got to the library, then trust me, it seemed like a lot longer to me!
Okay, I was at Sugarcube Corner, and I kinda-sorta knew which direction to go in to get to the library, since Snips had pointed the way. I started walking, keeping my head down, pretending like I was deep in thought or something. Well, I didn't have to pretend too hard, because I really was deep in thought!
I mean, it occurred to me that it might be harder than I thought to convince people that I was really a human who'd somehow gotten zapped into Pinkie's body, because pretty much any general weirdness I did would have people going, "Oh, she's just being Pinkie Pie."
Maybe you should test that theory out? the little voice in my head suggested.
Well, what the heck. It's not like I had anything better to do, right? It would mean that I got a lot of attention, but what the heck. I was getting desperate. If I couldn't convince anypony, I'd be stuck here...
So I got up on a nearby rain-barrel. Pinkie probably could have just bounced up on top of it, but I had to clamber up onto it awkwardly. When I finally made it up there, I looked around and saw that I was near a market place, and there were ponies all over. Mostly shopping, but there were a few sitting outside of a cafe, eating and talking.
This place was perfect for a little test of my theory. I stood up on my hind legs (wobbling more than a little bit), filled my lungs up, and started shouting:
"Everypony, can I have your attention, please! This is really, really, super-rifically important!"
All the ponies within ear-shot looked at me, some with curiosity and others with an 'oh, great, here we go again' kind of expression. I ignored all that, and continued on.
"Now that I have your attention... I am not Pinkie Pie! I may look like her, but I'm really an alien who got stuck inside her brain!"
Reactions were... mixed. Some ponies rolled their eyes, others laughed, some just shrugged. But every single one of them just went on about their business as if nothing had happened.
Every. Single. One.
Well, except one.
"Well, that explains a lot," a pony that may or may not have been named Bon Bon said, rolling her eyes.
"I really mean it!" I shouted, ignoring her. "I'm not Pinkie Pie! I'm actually an-"
"An embarrassment, is what you are," another voice said, and I looked down to see a frowning Applejack looking up at me. "Now, get down from there an' stop all this foolin' around. Ah got apples t' sell."
I hopped, or rather faceplanted, off of the rain-barrel, and an embarrassed-looking AJ helped me up to my hooves.
"Applejack! You gotta believe me!" I said to her, after spitting out a mouthful of dirt. "I really have been taken over by an alien!"
Wait, why did I put it that way?
"I mean, I really am an alien who's taken over Pinkie Pie!"
Argh, that made it sound like I did it on purpose, and probably for evil reasons!
"I mean, I was a normal alien who all of a sudden got stuck in Pinkie Pie's body for no good reason, and I want to go back!"
Applejack was looking at me dubiously.
"Ah dunno, you seem like the same ol' Pinkie to me," she said. "In any case, yer scarin' off customers, so why don't ya go play at bein' an alien somewhere else?"
I sighed, dejected. If the Element of Honesty herself didn't believe me... Well, it made me pretty sad. I moped my way out of the marketplace, convinced that my theory was correct. There probably wasn't anything that I could do that would be too crazy for ponies to be able to pass off as me 'just being Pinkie Pie'.
Then a couple of realizations hit me all at once.
First, holy cow, I just met Applejack! That's so cool! Of course, she just scolded me, but still! Fanboy squeal time!
Second... why did I say "super-rifically"?
That second one really just scared me. I've never said "super-rifically" ever in my life before! It's not even a word!
I mean, I used to make up words sometimes, but that was when I was a little kid. Little kids don't really know how language works, right? So, they'll make words in ways that kinda-sorta seem to follow the rules, but aren't actually words, and they'll make adverbs up like nobody's business. I remember, this one time I said "bigly", and my mom thought it was the funniest thing, ever. She told everyone about that! So, then it was "bigly" this, and "bigly" that, for, like, a month!
Heck, my one aunt even put that on a birthday card once, years later! She wrote, "I would have gotten you a biglier one, but this was the bigliest they had."
I mean, I had made up the word because of a limited vocabulary, and here they were, making fun of me for it! And she didn't even use it right! "Bigly" was a adverb, not an adjective! As in, "the balloon got blown up bigly", not "it was a bigly balloon"!
Man, that was the worst birthday party, ever! I didn't even get the right Transformers! They got me some weird, cheap knockoffs. I mean, a transforming robot not-quite-Volkswagen bug named "Buddy Bee?" What kind of insanity is that? I mean, I tried to be cool about it, and play with it anyway as if it weren't some kind of a soul-crushing disappointment, but the first time I transformed the stupid thing, it's head fell off!
Maybe I can make up for it by throwing myself another party while I'm here? Wouldn't that be cool? I could... Oh.
Okay, sorry. Went off on another tangent, didn't I?
What was I talking about again? Oh, yeah, the marketplace.
I think that was the first time that it seriously occurred to me that Pinkie's brain might have had some influence on me. Which, great, if I'm not just stuck in Pinkie's body, but I'm actually turning into her, then that means that on top of everything else, I'm also working against the clock!
Which was just... wonderful (sarcastic eye-roll, here).
Anyway, my test proved one thing, for sure. If I wanted to convince Twilight that I really, really wasn't Pinkie Pie, that meant that I had to pull out all the stops. I'd have to do something completely so un-Pinkie that she had no choice but to believe that I wasn't me!
Wait. I mean, "no choice but to believe I wasn't her"!
Argh. You see the kinds of things I'm dealing with, here?
Anyways, it was in that state of mind that I went moping through Ponyville, looking again for that silly tree library that Twilight stayed in. It was hard to even get excited, now, because I was half convinced that she wouldn't believe me no matter what I did!
I was so mopey about it, in fact, that I just completely walked past Rainbow Dash without even noticing her! I would have kept going, but it's totally not in Dashie's nature to let me just blow her off like that.
"Hey!" she said, right next to me. Which startled me pretty good, I think I cleared about three feet of air when I jumped in surprise. "You just gonna ignore me?"
"Oh my gosh, it's Rainbow Dash!" I said excitedly, pointing a hoof at her.
She looked at me blankly for a second, and then rolled her eyes.
"Oh my gosh, it's Pinkie Pie," she said back dryly. "Anyway, I thought we were going pranking today. Don't tell me you forgot! You've been bugging me all week about it!"
"I didn't forget!" I said, which was technically true. "And I'm not Pinkie Pie. I'm an alien creature called a human that got sucked into her head somehow, and I'm trying to figure out how to get home!"
The silence, it was profound.
"O-kay," Dash said eventually, giving me a weird look. "I gotta say, I don't know what your angle is on this one. Are you actually trying to prank me?"
"Nonono, it's really true!" I said. "I'm an alien!"
She just stared at me for a minute, and then grinned.
"Oh, that's brilliant! We'll be alien invaders! Wait right here, I'm going to go get some costumes!"
And, with that, she shot up into the air and vanished. I stood there, choking on the dust she'd kicked up for a little while, and then I stomped my hoof in frustration.
Argh! Why won't anypony listen to me?!
Anyway, I didn't have time for pranking, so I went to go find Twilight, thus disobeying a direct order from Rainbow Dash. That wouldn't have any repercussions later on, would it?
So anyway, I left there and went back to looking for the library, wondering how much further I would have to go, and still deep in thought.
In fact, I was so deep in thought that I walked right past it without noticing! Okay, so I put the Pinkie Caboose into reverse, and went back to the tree-brary door (it's actually called Books and Branches, in case you didn't know). Yay, I was finally here!
I knocked on the door (no, not with my head, I used a hoof). A short while later, the door opened.
"Oh, hey, Pinkie," Spike said, and wow, he was just so adorable in real life! I just wanted to pinch his little cheeks, but I didn't have fingers, so I'd probably have just ended up squooshing his face between my hooves or something.
"Hey, Spikey!" I said, "Is Twilight in? I really need to talk to her, right away!"
"Well, yeah, she's in," Spike said. "But she's in the middle of a big research project for Princess Celestia."
"Well, this is super important. Like, really important."
"Oh, yeah?" Spike asked, looking doubtful and slightly defiant. "How important, exactly?"
Oh, no. I'd gone through too much today to be stopped by a pint-sized draconic doorman, no matter how squishy-wishy is little cheeks were! I leaned down and stared him straight in the eye, focusing all the intensity I could into my gaze.
"It is incredibly super important," I said, trying to put the unstoppable force of a thousand glaciers behind my voice. "It's the most super fantastically important thing I've ever had to say to Twilight, ever, in my entire life."
Technically true, since I'd never said anything to Twilight before.
"Whoah..." the dragon said, obviously impressed. "Okay, you can come in. If it's that important, I know Twilight will want to hear it."
He opened the door for me, and I went inside. Spike asked me to wait in the main area while he went to go pull Twilight Sparkle away from whatever research project she was working on. I wandered over to look at the books, curious to see if they really had that messed-up writing like they had in the show.
It didn't take long to determine that, yup, they sure did! I looked at some of the spines, and they all had that odd, almost-English-looking lettering. At random, I pulled a book out of the shelf to take a peek at the pages inside (I had to use my mouth, and the book tasted like dust and mildew. Blech!)
I flopped the book down and opened it to a random page. Man, it was so weird! It was like I could almost read it. I glanced over it, smirking at the odd letters. That one looked kind of like a letter F. That one over there looked a little like an A. This passage I was looking at almost looked like it said...
"...most powerful magic of the pre-classical era, consisting of a combination of both evocation and conjuration, using a force of almost twenty thaums. This spell causes an effect that..."
Okay. So I could read Equestrian. No need to panic, though, right? It was probably magic or something, and I don't have to explain sh... anything. Right?
That's right, I said "shanything". That's a word now. Deal with it.
My panicky thoughts were interrupted by a grouchy unicorn clomping down the stairs, and Twilight Sparkle herself entered the scene! My inner fanboy was doing somersaults. She was too cute for words!
"Okay, Pinkie." Twilight said, all crabby-like. "This had better be good. What do you need?"
"Twilight, I can read this," I said, the fear making my voice shake a little as I pointed at the book.
She glanced at the book, then frowned up at me. That's when I noticed that Twilight was actually a little bit shorter than I was, which seemed really weird for some reason.
"I don't see why not, Pinkie. It's not that advanced of a book."
"No! I mean..." I shook my head. I knew that now was not the time to go off on a tangent! I was finally there! I could finally get some answers, but only if I convinced the grumpy librarian that I wasn't really Pinkie Pie!
"Okay, Twilight Sparkle, brace yourself. Because this one is a doozy!" I told her.
Twilight's eyes widened, probably remembering the last time her friend had told her about a "doozy" and she'd almost gotten eaten by a hydra. Her annoyance fell away as she realized that I was serious, something really big was up!
"Okay, Pinkie. I'm listening. What's wrong?"
"That's just it, Twilight," I said, and then braced myself and said, "I'm not actually Pinkie Pie!"
Again with the deafening silence? Yup. Twilight just stared at me, completely nonplussed for a few seconds.
"You sure look like Pinkie Pie," she said, finally. "What, are you saying you're a changeling or something?"
Ooh! I had forgotten about the changelings!
"Nope! I'm an alien!"
Another long pause, followed by a flat "What?"
"Whoah, an alien?" Spike said, overawed. "That really is big!"
"Well, technically, I'm an alien in Pinkie Pie's body. I somehow got zapped into her head earlier today, and now I'm really hoping you can get me back home."
Twilight's confusion slowly drained away, revealing the annoyance that was hiding just out of sight this whole time.
"Pinkie, that's ridiculous," she said with obviously strained patience. "I have a lot of work to do, I don't have time for jokes..."
"It's no joke, Twilight!" I said, desperately. "If it were a joke, I'd be laughing! But I'm not, because it's not funny! Help me Twilight Sparkle! You're my only hope!"
Then I realized that I had inadvertently quoted Star Wars, and had to choke back a laugh. Great timing, huh?
"Yeah," Twilight said, eyes narrowing. "Really funny, Pinkie Pie. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work."
"No!" I yelled, frantic. "Listen, I know this sounds like a typical Pinkie Pie thing, but I'm telling you the honest truth! I'm actually a human, from a whole other world! I was out shopping for light bulbs, and then suddenly I was Pinkie Pie! Please, Twilight! At least consider that I might be telling the truth!"
I turned the full power of the soulful baby-blues on the librarian unicorn, and I saw Twilight's reluctance to believe me waver, then start to fade.
"Okay, let's say I believe you," she said, looking doubtful, but willing to give me a chance. "How did you get here in the first place?"
"Well, okay. What happened was-" I started saying.
And that's when we were interrupted in the worst possible way, by a pegasus flying in through the window while wearing a cheesy, shiny grey Lycra costume. She was also wearing a goofy rubber mask with big fake googly-eyes, and a headband sporting a pair of antenna that bobbled around on her head.
"Oh, there you are!" Rainbow Dash said to me. "Are you ready to get started on that alien prank?"
I was, quite literally, at a complete loss for words. I gaped dumbly at the Rainbow Pegasus of Doom, Destroyer of All Hope, while the silly antennae on her head bounced around absurdly. They had stars on the tips, I noticed.
"If you two are quite finished," Twilight said icily, "I have a lot of work to do. You can see yourselves out."
With that, my only hope of returning home turned and trotted up the stairs.
"What's her problem?" Rainbow Dash asked me, turning her head towards me and smacking me in the eye with an antenna.
Okay, the little voice in my head piped up. If you wanted to have a freakout, now would be a good time.
So, that's what I did.
Well, it turns out that's all I have time for right now. It's bed time. I'll have to continue this later. Hopefully I can actually get some sleep tonight! It was pretty noisy here, last night.