Hello? Can anyone hear me?
Okay, this is so stupid. I don't even know if this is working. Ah, well... it's worth a try, at least.
I'm going to just go ahead and assume someone is able to pick this up. These fourth-wall breaking powers have to be good for something, right? Assuming they're real and that I can even use them, that is.
Okay, I should probably start at the beginning.
Hi. I'm a perfectly normal human person. And, for some reason, I'm also Pinkie Pie. Let me explain...
Okay, no, I can't explain. I have no idea how this happened. I was just out shopping one day at a local Target store, getting some light bulbs and garbage bags... that kind of thing. I was walking past the home furnishing section, idly thinking about visiting the "pink" aisle to see if they had any new pony stuff. I glanced at a mirror that was on display and I froze with shock, because I saw a very startled-looking and familiar pink pony staring back at me.
I blinked, and then there was this weird shifting feeling. When I opened my eyes again, I saw my own face staring back at me, but I sure as heck wasn't in Target anymore. I blinked again, and when I opened my eyes, my face was gone, and the mirror once again showed the face of a very confused-looking Pinkie Pie.
So, okay. That's incredibly weird, and I'm obviously hallucinating, right? I had ponies on the brain, and now I had some sort of mental breakdown. I've gone loco in the coco, and I'm really lying on the floor in the aisle at Target, probably foaming at the mouth and gurgling the My Little Pony theme.
But it sure didn't feel that way. Too many sensations. I could smell the room, kind of a dusty smell, with just a hint of girly perfumes and such, but also I could smell bakery wafting up from below. Cookies, cupcakes, cakes, that kind of thing. I could hear muffled voices coming from outside. There was no dream-like shifting of items that I could see, and I could feel the hard wooden floor underneath my rump.
What really freaked me out was the faint taste of frosting in my mouth. I wouldn't have imagined that, I knew. That was something that never would have occurred to me to make up, if I'd been hallucinating or having a stroke or whatever. So, unable to process what was happening, I just sat there. I don't know how long, but I sat there on my unfamiliar pink and fuzzy butt, just staring into the mirror with wide blue eyes, trying to deny that this was happening at all.
And then a drop of sweat rolled into one of those eyes, and stung like the dickens. I finally started blinking again, and it started sinking in that this was real. But it couldn't be real. But it was real. But it couldn't be...
Have you ever seen those old sci-fi shows where they trick the evil androids/robots/killer computers with logic puzzles and that eventually causes their poor electronic brains to explode? That's kind of how I felt, staring at this strange but familiar face in the mirror.
Luckily, my brain didn't explode. I didn't faint, either, which is what normally happens when really weird things happen to characters in stories that I read. Instead, I just went kind of numb and tried to stand up. I had to see if I was actually in Ponyville, because I was definitely in Pinkie's room. I remember it from the show, and this was definitely it. There was even a little toothless alligator staring at me enigmatically.
Walking on four legs is hard, and I stumbled a little on my way to the window. Not too badly, and I managed to not fall down, but I wouldn't be winning any races soon. I can't begin to tell you how freaky it was, feeling unfamiliar muscles and bones shifting under my coat. Completely surreal.
And walking on hooves? Forget it! I've never felt anything like that. No, it's not like walking on tiptoes, or not exactly. Also, I figured hooves were hard, clunky things, and would feel a little like wearing really thick boots. But no, I could actually feel the wood floor under me. It turns out that the soft part of the hoof, which I found out is called the frog, is pretty sensitive. At least on Pinkie's hooves. Oh, and when you put your weight on them, the hooves spread out a little. That was... really weird, feeling that.
I got to the window, pushed it open, and propped myself awkwardly up on the sill. Yup, I was in Ponyville, all right. You wanna know how I knew? There were multicolored pastel ponies every-fricken-where I looked, talking, laughing, playing...
If you've seen the show, you know what I'm talking about. The buildings all looked like something out of an olde-timey village, mostly white on the outsides of the buildings, most of them with thatched roofs. The trim was in all sorts of pastels, pinks being prevalent, but also greens, blues, and purples. It was gorgeous, it was nostalgic, and it scared the living daylights out of me!
I slid back down on my rump with my back to the wall, panting for breath. Dangit, I only wanted to do some shopping, and now I'm in Ponyville, and I'm Pinkie Pie! And I don't even have my light bulbs, which was the whole reason I went shopping in the first place!
And then a small voice in my head said, At least you're not Twilight Sparkle.
Why is that? I asked the voice in my head, I really like Twilight Sparkle!
That's right, voice in my head! Don't you mess with Twilightlicious! But that inner voice wasn't phased in the least.
Because Twilight is probably the only one who can figure out what happened and how to get you home, it said reasonably. And darn it if it wasn't right.
I sat there for a few minutes, back against the wall and hind legs splayed out in front of me, thinking about what I was going to do, what I could say, how many things would probably go wrong when I told Twilight that I was an alien being inside of her friend's body. A weird sucking noise interrupted my concentration, and I glanced down to see some weird green thing glomped onto one of my hooves!
"Gah!" I said, which was not the most eloquent thing in the world, but it got my point across. I kicked my leg by reflex, and the weird green thing (which, obviously, was Gummy the toothless alligator) went flying. I gasped, not wanting to hurt the little guy, but he arced gently through the air and landed on Pinkie's bed. I stared at him, concerned, and he stared back, blinking one eye and then the other.
I was pretty sure he was fine.
Anyway, my new voice had caught my attention. So, I said it again. "Gah." Hmm. Weird.
"Gah. Gah! Gah gah gah. Gaaaaah! Gaaaagaaaahhhhhahahahaaaa!"
"Everything okay, dearie?" a voice asked suddenly.
"GAH!" I replied.
I jumped and looked towards the stairs coming up to the room. Mrs. Cake had her head poked up just high enough to look into the room, and was looking at me with a mixture of concern and amusement.
"Oh! Ah! Um..." I said. Magnificent, aren't I? "I'm just... um. Practicing making noises!"
I threw a panicked grin at her, she smiled back, and then she went back downstairs. I'm 110% sure she was thinking something along the lines of 'oh, that Pinkie is so random!'
Anyway, my voice sounded like you'd think it would. All Andrea Libman-like and high-pitched. A girly voice. Which meant, by the way, hip-hip-hooray, that I am now a girl. Or a mare. A mare pony. A pink girl mare pony thing and oh my god I'm freaking out and...
Okay, okay, sorry about that. That still happens sometimes. Anyway, as upsetting as it was, the loss of my regular genitalia really comes in a distant second when compared to the loss of humanity in general. Trust me on that.
I'm pretty sure I don't have to describe what I look like. Or, I don't know. Maybe I do. I'm under the assumption that, if I'm breaking the fourth wall at all, I'm reaching fellow bronies, but maybe that's not the case? Maybe I'm reaching some little girl somewhere who's a fan of the show, in which case... er... sorry about mentioning genitalia, my bad. Forget I said anything, okay?
Mental note: stop mentioning genitals, in case of kids.
Or, maybe the people I'm reaching aren't bronies or fans at all. Hopefully, you're at least humans. If you're aliens, then I really really hope you're not the abducting/probing kind of aliens, because, honestly, this has been upsetting enough already. Actually, the face-hugging kind would be a lot worse. If you're creepy face-hugging probe aliens, please don't bother trying to help me, I'll be just fine.
Ah. A tangent. Sorry about that. I don't know if it's my Pinkie brain or what, but I seem to go off onto weird tangents all the time, now.
Where was I? Oh. Descriptions. Okay, I'm a pony. Specifically, I'm a pink one, as bright a pink as you can imagine all over my body. My darker pink mane and tail are a tangled mess, thick and poofy, the hair seeming to have a life of its own.
I think I mentioned earlier that my eyes are blue, but they're also huge. Big baby blue eyes. They look so innocent, but that's just so wrong. No way am I innocent enough to deserve those eyes! I'm an adult male human, for goodness sake! I've done naughty stuff with ladies, and everything!
Man, I already forgot that I might be reaching kids. Okay, brain, stop thinking about naughty stuff!
Oh, whoops. Heheh, sorry about that. I really hope none of that came across the fourth wall. It's a little like trying to not think about elephants, and then all you can think about are elephants, you know?
Okay, moving on, and hopefully putting that embarrassing incident behind me...
I had seen Pinkie Pie in cartoons, and in the cartoon her body is a uniform color, but that's not really the case in... well, for lack of a better term, let's call this "real life", okay? Let's not get bogged down in details. Her coat... my coat... whatever, it was only a uniform pink when looked at from a distance. The individual hairs were mostly bright pink, but there were also some different shades of it mixed in, from light to dark pink. There were even some hairs that were almost pure white in there, though not many.
The exception was the cutie mark, which was three balloons on each of my hips. Each mark had two blue and one yellow balloon, and the actual hairs are tinted those colors. It's... kind of cool, actually.
Also, my... her... hooves are a slightly darker shade than the coat. The outer wall of them was hard, like I expected, but the bottom of the hooves were... weird. Okay, first of all, as a pony, I shouldn't be able to look at the bottom of my hooves, right? Forget about that, okay? Ponies around here can do all sorts of ridiculous things, and being able to look at the bottoms of their hooves are amongst the least crazy things I've seen since I got here.
I went off on a tangent again, sorry.
Anyway, there's a part behind that outer wall that's kind of spongy and weird, and then there's the frog, which is kind of a triangle of of soft, pink (of course) tissue. I don't know if that's a magical pony thing or not, because I can't imagine horses from my world having soft tissue like that on their hooves. But that's what Pinkie's are like.
Enough with the descriptions. If you've never seen the show, then it's enough to know I'm a magical pink pony in an enchanted land full of other magical ponies.
The funny thing (ha, ha, I'm laughing) is that I always wanted to come here. I just wanted to come here, you know, in my own actual body. Not in Pinkie Pie's body. So, deciding to listen to that one voice in my head, I thought it was high time I went to find Twilight Sparkle.
Like I needed a reason for that. She's my fave pony, after all.
Still, if anyone (or anypony, as they say it here) could figure out what's going on with me, I figured that it would be the super-brainy nerdalicious magical prodigy who... who...
Who lives in a library inside a tree? Twi~light Spar~kle!
Sorry, I had the Spongebob Squarepants theme in my head, there. Oh, god, I think Pinkie's brain is infecting me with the crazies!
Okay, I'm going to have to lie down for a while. I'll get back to telling you my story soon, once the crazies have died down a little bit.