Oh, sweet Celestia, the noise!
The grinding and pounding sounds echoed through the library the entire night, as a sleep-deprived Twilight lay motionless in despair. Thwack! Her hooves lay at her sides and her eyes stared straight at cracks in the ceiling that seemed to grow wider with each blow of hammer to nail. Zurrrr! Each swipe of the saw grinding away a cut in the lumber made her body inadvertently hop as the structure shook. Bizzzzz! With every hole drilled in the wood, Twilight’s pupils shrank another fraction of a millimeter. The rush of blood toward the backs of her eyes swelled thicker and thicker, as if the flow was coming in faster than it was going out. Every nerve in Twilight’s head was crying out in agonizing pain.
The roar of the tools and machines outside came to a halt, and yet Twilight remained still. Her every thought was focused on dulling the pain in preparation for the noise to pick up where it had left off. She waited and readied herself for the coming onslaught of pain, but it never came. After several minutes teetering on the edge of sanity, she dragged her aching form towards the window to confirm her suspicions.
In the commons outside the library, there stood an enormous structure. Easily as tall as it was wide, Twilight stared at the monstrosity trying to determine its purpose and the reason for its rushed construction. She could not even determine the true shape of the structure, as Pinkie Pie was right then securing the last corner of a gigantic canvas that hid the identity of the work that lay beneath it. As she finished tying it to a post in the ground, Pinkie Pie caught a glimpse of the lavender unicorn watching her, and she began feverishly waving in her direction with a silly grin plastered on her face.
Twilight flinched at the knowledge she’d been seen spying on the events outside her window and backed away. She turned around to be greeted by the same pony she was only a moment ago spying on from her bedroom perch. Pinkie stood only inches away from the edge of Twilight’s face with a smile that seemed to grow past the point that her face could contain it.
“Did’ja see it? Did’ja? Did’ja? Did’ja?” Pinkie questioned excitedly, her volume seeming to surpass its maximum level with each utterance of the question.
Her ears already incapacitated from the constant noises through the night, it wasn’t the force of Pinkie’s voice that flung Twilight back against the wall, but the shock of her sudden appearance. Her chest was rising and receding rapidly as her hooves lay outstretched at her sides. The remainder of her pupils faded from visibility as she collapsed to the floor beneath her, leaving behind a deep silhouette of Twilight’s frame deep in the wall of the library.
“Oh geez, not aga... ” was all Twilight heard before she lost consciousness.
Perhaps it was the fright Pinkie had given Twilight, or her sleep-deprived state, but it was several hours before Twilight regained consciousness. Her eyelids twitched a few times before parting ways to return her to the land of the living. She groaned as her eyes tried to focus and gather her surroundings. Multiple fuzzy clouds of pink were moving at a furious pace across the room from her, repeating same motions over and over. Twilight heard two quick thuds and a swishing sound playing in her ears.
The clouds centered together as the room came into focus, and Twilight could see Pinkie going through a stack of forms on a desk. Pinkie was going through the forms in quick succession. With a quick browse of the contents she stomped her hoof into one of two pads of ink, stamped a hoofprint on the form, and grabbed the next one in the stack.
Twilight peered around the room. It quickly became apparent she was no longer in the library. Plaques and pictures hung on the walls. One showed Pinkie and Miss Mayor shaking hooves in front of city hall. Another had Pinkie holding a giant pair of scissors as she split a thick piece of ribbon in two. The largest photo showed Pinkie standing at a podium with one hoof pointed high in the air, while behind her hung several copies of the same banner displaying a picture of her face with the caption of ‘Pinkie’ beneath. In every picture, Pinkie had the same silly grin on her face towards the camera. Either Pinkie had become rather skilled at photo opportunities, or her face had been stuck like that for a long time, and Twilight began to consider both to be valid options.
Pinkie took notice of the awakening mare and made an honest attempt to contain her excitement this time when approaching her. She hopped across the room, leaving a hoofprints on the floor with each hop from the remaining ink that detached itself from her hooves. “Wakey wakey sleepyhead!” she sang as she bounced in place in front of Twilight.
Twilight slowly rose from the floor. Her horn let out a slight glow as her hair attempted to rearrange itself to its regular appearance. “We really have to stop meeting like this.”
Pinkie’s hopping paused briefly as she spoke, “Sorry.” She quickly resumed her enthusiastic bouncing as she continued, “It’s just that I worked real hard on it, and I wanted to know what you thought.”
Twilight recalled the mystery structure outside her house. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t get a good look before you covered it. Why’d you have to keep me up all night anyway?”
Pinkie ignored the question and gasped loudly. “That means,” she paused as she shuddered with excitement, “it’s gonna be a surprise!” Pinkie’s voice became hushed as she spoke, pausing between words, “And I… Love… SURPRISES!”
Twilight became ever more fearful of what Pinkie was planning, and visions ran through her mind of an apocalypse brought about by Pinkie’s over exuberant partying. She shook her head to clear the thoughts of death and destruction at Pinkie’s hand and tried to change the subject. “Pinkie, where are we?”
“Oh, you were in a really deeeeeeep sleep,” Pinkie replied with an exaggerated groan, “and I wanted to wait for you to wake up, but I’m a busy pony now. So I had my goons carry you back to my office so I could get work done.” Pinkie opened the door to the office, and motioned to two ponies that stood at attention with dark sunglasses shielding their vision.
“Madam Mayor, I’ve told you repeatedly we’re not goons, we’re,” the door slammed back in the guard’s face before he could finish his statement.
“Anyway,” Pinkie continued unfazed, “I really wanted to know what you thought about my surprise.” She waved her hooves up and down to punctuate herself and winked. “But I didn’t know it was going to be a surprise, and now it is and I’m super excited about it!” Pinkie continued to bounce in place as she spun around endlessly. “So how have you been enjoying Pinkie Pie’s Ponyville? Have you seen everypony yet?”
Twilight’s shock at Pinkie’s quick tone and actions was slowly fading as she realized there was no way to contain the limitless energy the candy-coated pony possessed. “Well, the town seems to have,” Twilight choose her words carefully, “survived.” She recalled for Pinkie her experiences of the last couple days, including the parts where Pinkie had kept her up all night and then dragged her lifeless body halfway across town. She made sure to put special emphasis on the details Pinkie was already aware of to reassure her of the chaos and stress she had caused.
“That’s great!” Pinkie laughed back at her friend’s story.
Twilight raised an eyebrow and wondered which parts of her story Pinkie was tuned in for. She gave up on lecturing her friend about her randomness and turned her attention to the pictures that hung on the wall. “I almost didn’t believe it when Applejack said you were the mayor, but I guess it must be true. You’ve been one busy pony.”
“Yup yup!” Pinkie chuckled in response. “Ponyville’s been ay-o-k with Pinkie around!” Pinkie grabbed Twilight’s hoof and pulled her away as they fled the office. “C’mon! There’s something I have to show you!”
Twilight found it rather impossible to resist the urging of her friend, since they were already out of the building and down the street. The pace at which Pinkie moved made her dizzy. Through the bouncing and spinning, Twilight could swear she saw the white unicorn from her welcome party, but before she could confirm her suspicions, Pinkie’s tugging had pulled her far from view.
Twilight’s eyes were still spinning in their sockets well after Pinkie had arrived at their destination. Pinkie was bouncing around her friend in circles repeatedly cheering, “We’re here!”
“Um, where is ‘here’?”
Pinkie pointed at the door to the building before them, “Right here, silly! You know Twilight, after all the years we’ve known each other, you still ask lots of obvious questions.”
Twilight would have rolled her eyes in sarcasm, if only they would have stopped spinning and surrender control back to her. “Pinkie, why did you bring me here?”
“Because it’s Party Party Headquarters! And I’m here to give you the grand tour!”
Twilight’s confusion continued to grow, and she was feeling the onset of a migraine forming. She pounded her head against her hoof, which did nothing to ease her headache, but it did return her eyes to their proper place. Her attention returned to Pinkie’s nonsense. “Party Party?”
“Party! You’ve got it!”
“No Pinkie, what in the hay is Party Party?”
Pinkie declined to respond, and instead pushed open the door to the building. A bright ray of light from inside forced Twilight to shield her eyes as she approached. The inner workings of the building slowly came into view. Everywhere Twilight looked she saw different machines churning away at a fast pace. Dozens of ponies were meandering between the machines. They all wore unusual hard hats with colorful cones sitting atop them. Most were either staring at clipboards or pressing various buttons that operated the monstrous machines.
Twilight gazed closer at the machines lining the corridors of the facility. On one end of a machine, large rolls of foil of various colors were being pulled into the body of the contraption. At the other end a river of multicolored dust was rolling out on a conveyor belt. Another machine in the distance was spitting out roll after roll of crimped paper streamers. There were machines making candies, while others made balloons or fireworks. The room was full of color and noise like she had never seen.
Pinkie Pie grabbed two hard hats off a nearby rack and plopped one on her head, and the other on Twilight. Twilight could see now that attached to the top of hard hat was a party hat, complete with a fuzzy ball at the tip. “Um, Pinkie? Why are there party hats attached to these?”
Pinkie stared at her like the answer was obvious. “Because hard hats are booooooring! Duh!” Pinkie led the way down the center of the room past each machine. Several ponies took note that their foreman was in the room, and many were approaching her with questions as they walked.
“Miss Pie, the ponies upstairs want to know what we should do about the wrapping paper shortage?” the first worker inquired.
“Can’t we just sell the foil rolls for the confetti machine as wrapping paper?” Pinkie still had a surprising level of insight despite her quirks.
“Brilliant!” The pony dashed to the confetti machine to stop production.
Another worker approached the spirited leader. “Ma’am, we have the new ‘Birthday B’s’ jelly bean prototypes ready to sample.” The pony began tossing candies into Pinkie’s mouth one by one, never missing despite Pinkie’s erratic bouncing. “Banana.”
“Mmmm,” Pinkie hummed approvingly.
“MMMmmmm,” Pinkie strongly approved.
The worker made quick notes between candies, measuring the length of Pinkie’s moans to determine which would be good sellers. “And this one,” the pony spoke nervously, but before she could decide whether to let Pinkie sample it, the candy had been swiped from her hoof and popped into Pinkie’s mouth.
Pinkie’s face went through a rapid shift of different emotions. Her face was contorting and spinning rapidly. Twilight and the worker pony knew this couldn’t be good, and began to back away in fear of what could happen next. Pinkie spat the candy out and grabbed the worker, shaking her vigorously. “What in the name of sweets and candies was that supposed to be?”
“Blue cheese cake?”
Pinkie began rolling on the floor with laughter, breaking her words apart. “It was,” she snickered, “supposed to be,” giggle, “blue… Hehehehe… BERRY cheesecake!”
The worker looked dumbfounded and rifled through the notes on her clipboard. There in Pinkie’s hoofwriting, it had clearly been written as ‘Blue Cheesecake’, but none of the worker’s had dared to question Pinkie’s genius thus far. The worker penned furiously at the notes and attempted to clear things up. “Oh, yes ma’am. That’s clearly what it says. That’s our mistake.” The worker turned and yelled up to a few unicorns operating the controls, “Okay boys! Change of plans! Shut it down and back to the drawing board!”
As Pinkie and Twilight neared the end of line of monstrous contraptions, another pony approached with a clipboard in hoof. “Madam Mayor,” the worker addressed her, “we have the results from our focus groups for new holidays, and the results are through the roof.”
Pinkie was more than pleased somepony had come to her with good news. “Goody! More holidays means more parties! And what pony doesn’t like to party?” Pinkie busted open the door at the end of the warehouse with great force, and her and Twilight entered into a large conference room. Charts and figures lined the walls, detailing every aspect of production within the factory. Pinkie was excitedly bouncing around Twilight eager to hear her response to everything. “So what d’ya think? Isn’t it the most super duper fantabulous thing ever?” she shouted.
Twilight was amazed by the contents of the building, but still rather confused. “Pinkie,” she said in a shy tone, “I’m not quite sure what I just saw, but it looks rather amazing. How did you do all this?”
“Oh, it was easy peasy,” Pinkie replied. As was usual with Pinkie, the answer came too quickly to catch all the details or figure out what was true and what was just Pinkie’s random imagination. “When I went to run against Filthy Rich in the mayoral election, everypony raised this big stink about parties. And I mean, I love parties, but they were all asking me if I was with a Republiclydessdale or Democanter party. I mean, I kept telling them I think all parties are super duper, but everypony insisted I pick one.”
Pinkie was making erratic hoof motions as she talked and visualized the exhaustion that the citizens of Ponyville had put her through. “I said ‘Can’t I go to both parties?’, and then somepony said I should go to a third party! I was already having enough trouble with everypony telling me about two parties, so I’m like ‘Three parties? Can’t it just be two parties?’ I mean, Party Party Party? It’s just so exhausting! I said ‘Party Party is enough!’ and now we have Party Party!”
Twilight tried to piece through the explanation for which parts made any sense, and found none. She tried to play along, since she knew any further explanations from Pinkie would be a fruitless ordeal. “Ok. So what does the run for mayor have to do with this factory?”
Pinkie giggled and dashed across the room. An instant later she was back with an easel in her hoof containing a stack of large cards. The one in front had a logo of Pinkie’s smiling face encircled with the words ‘Party Party’ written in an odd font comprised of various party goods. Pinkie excitedly smacked a hoof against the card as she spoke, “Because this is what Party Party is all about!” She flung the first card away to reveal a card with a math equation. She pointed to the variables as she explained, “Party Party is based around a simple philosophy: ‘fun’ plus ‘parties’ plus ‘ponies’ equals ‘profits’!”
Twilight’s head turned sideways in confusion as she pondered how anything Pinkie was saying could make any sense. It couldn’t all be crazy rambling. The ponies in the factory were working hard, and they seemed rather happy. Not to mention that Ponyville as a whole was surviving, so something Pinkie was doing must be working. She had so many questions, but couldn’t get a word in edgewise as Pinkie barely paused to breathe during her presentation.
Pinkie pulled away the equation card and tossed it aside. The next card was a cartoon drawing of a muffin divided in sections and labeled. “When all the citizens of Ponyville started asking me about all their problems, I was so upset about how sad everypony was. With all these sad ponies, our economy was collapsing, because everypony was too sad to do anything fun, and everypony just got sadder! And when they got even sadder, the economy just got worse and… ”
“Pinkie, are you going somewhere with this?”
Pinkie realized her point was made, and perhaps her downward spiral of sadness and economic turmoil could be shortened this time. She motioned to the chart as she spoke, “I looked at the spending habits of everypony in town, and found that they spent a lot more when they were having fun, and nothing is more fun than parties! So if we had parties all the time, ponies would spend more, and the local economy would be re-established!”
For once, the things Pinkie was saying weren’t just making sense; it was a stroke of genius. Twilight felt genuinely frightened that such an idea had come from Ponyville’s number one party pony, and that it had actually worked. Her eyes wandered back to the chart Pinkie was pointing at, and realized again that Pinkie still had a bit of crazy in her. “Why did you make your pie chart into a muffin?” she asked.
Pinkie’s head swiveled to look at the chart, and then back to Twilight. “Because this is the muffin chart silly!” She fiddled with the stack of cards and pulled one from the back of the stack. “This is the pie chart!” she said as she held it in front of Twilight’s face. The line graph on the card was nothing like a pie chart, but upon closer inspection, it was a track of the ‘pie : fun’ ratio that Pinkie had developed.
Having always been the scientist of the group, Twilight was curious which of Pinkie’s theories were developed through any form of scientific method. In all the books she had ever read, she hadn’t come across a text of pony economics and the effect from parties thereof. Then again, most of the scientists and economists in Equestrian history didn’t possess Pinkie’s quirks either. The smartest ponies in Equestria would have a difficult time understanding Pinkie logic. She thought to herself that it was silly to question it if it was working so well for Ponyville.
Pinkie spent much of the rest of the afternoon showing Twilight her accomplishments in the world of politics. There were stacks of records of all the parties she had the town throw, and all the local businesses that had open and thrived as a result. There were plenty of photos to go with her records, and Twilight began to notice a pattern as they went through the records. All of Pinkie’s closest friends had shown up to the parties and played a role in helping them succeed, but over time, she noticed how some showed up less and less. She knew Rainbow Dash’s excuse, and as she looked closer, there were little glimpses of her hiding from the other ponies.
However, it wasn’t just Rainbow Dash that wasn’t showing up. Applejack had showed up to every single party for the first few years, but then her appearances became sporadic. The same could be said for Rarity, except there was a noticeable shift in Rarity’s appearance through the records. Her expressions were so happy for several years, but in the last few records, all the pictures of her made her look sad, or sometimes angry. Then, there stopped being appearances of her at all. Twilight couldn’t seem to make heads or tails of this turn of events. She knew she had seen her at her welcoming party. If she didn’t want to be around her friends, why would she have shown up at all?
Pinkie’s boundless amounts of energy reserves were slowly wearing thin, although it was not something most ponies could notice. Twilight and Pinkie were returning to the library, and her bouncing was a little slower than usual. The realms of Luna were hanging high above them, and both ponies let out long yawns of exhaustion. Pinkie was surely drained, as even her yawning was slow. Her exaggerated yawn brought forth a stare from Twilight.
“What?” Pinkie yawned. “I thought you were having a yawning contest.” Her yawning became more and more frequent as she spoke, “Partying is hard work you know. It’s enough to make a pony… ” she tried to finish, but her eyes drifted shut, and she began to snore.
At first, Twilight didn’t believe she was actually asleep, since she somehow continued to bounce as she snored in the street. After a few moments, she decided that the party pony needed to find her way back, so Twilight spun Pinkie in the direction of her home, and gave her a little push. Pinkie continued to bounce off of the horizon, snoring the entire way. There was a slight crash as she disappeared, but before Twilight could rush to find out if her friend was okay, the sounds of snoring and bouncing returned, and the sound gradually faded into the distance.
Twilight was feeling a similar level of grogginess as she approached the library. As she entered and found her way to her bed, she saw a note and an apple sitting on a nearby desk. The apple was bright and shiny, and its brilliant red hue could only have come from one place in all of Equestria. Twilight took a bite as she read the note.
Doing anything tomorrow? There’s a lot more where that came from!
The first bite of the apple was crisp and juicy. There were no sweeter fruits in all of Equestria, and one bite would have any pony craving more. Twilight was no exception. She picked the fruit clean as she climbed into bed and drifted off to sleep.
A solid thud shook the library, followed by another, and another. Twilight had had it with interruptions in her sleep, and approached the window quite heated. As she looked down at the ground, she saw a comatose Pinkie repeatedly bouncing into the same knot in the base of the tree. Twilight did not dare attempt to wake her, and wasn’t about to lose out on a good night’s rest. Her horn glowed slightly and a sticky pool of glue formed beneath Pinkie. Despite being pinned to the ground, her body still made bouncing motions while stuck in place. Twilight sighed as she grabbed the apple core. She flung it at Pinkie’s head. It connected with an uncharacteristic clang against the side of Pinkie’s head, and Pinkie’s body stood at attention for a brief moment. Her body then collapsed into the puddle and resumed snoring.
Twilight returned to her bed, wondering if she knew how to reverse the glue spell, or if there was some sort of solvent that she could release Pinkie with in the morning. She resolved that it was something that could be taken care of when the sun had returned. A good night’s rest would do the hard-working party partier some good.